All language subtitles for taskmaster.s21e05.720p.web.h264-skyfire[EZTVx.to]

This programme contains
strong language and adult humour

Don't look away.
JOANNA CHORTLES

Don't put that on telly!

Oo-ar!

I might just do this all day.

Argh!

This is weird!

So tight.

ALL EXCLAIM

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Taskmaster.
I'm Greg Davies.

Butter me up, put me in the oven
for three hours at 200 degrees,

and you've got yourself
a succulent roast

that's ready to make judgments.

And the side dishes,

five comedians that
have been boiled,

blanched, and steamed.

It's time to cover them in gravy
and gobble them down with your eyes.

Please welcome

Amy Gledhill...

...Armando Iannucci,

Joanna Page,

Joel Dommett,

Kumail Nanjiani.

And next to me, 13st of meat
that has been shaped into

the rough approximation of a man

by an easily-distracted toddler.

♪ It's little Alex Horne! ♪

Hello. Thank you.

Thank you, everybody.

14st. Hello.

What's this week's prize category?

Well, this time, they've brought
in the most surprising,

quite big thing
to conceal on your person.

I know, it's tricky.
Ooh!

We all know it's easier
to conceal things IN a person,

but these guys know what
they're doing.

Look at them.
Five points for the most surprising,

quite big thing to conceal
on your person,

and all five quite big things will
go home covertly

with the episode winner.

Armando, have you concealed a big
thing about your person?

Yes -
Einstein's theory of relativity.

You cannot get bigger than that.

Wow.

It's clever. It's clever. Yeah.

I've also got a standard
reading lamp.

Oh, my God, wow!

Oh, lovely. That's amazing.
So if I go like that, right?

Lovely.

And... "And"?

I think you've got
to read it in one sitting, so...

You mustn't break
for something to eat,

so my lower half is a
ham and cheese baguette.

Oh. Oh!

Oh!

He's clingfilmed meat to his legs!

And what's incredible is,
think of all Armando's achievements

and look how pleased he is! Yeah!

It's an incredibly strong start.
It is.

I suspect it's all going
to really rapidly go downhill.

Joanna.

I've brought in my amethyst crystal.
And this is the crystal.

It's concealed somewhere on my body.

Well, it looks like it's
just sort of... Mm?

...probably tucked
in the top of your jogging bottoms.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

Can we see if you're right?
Well, you were.

He was right. Wow. It's massive.

It's my crystal.

We keep it in the hallway,

and it brings good fortune
and love and kindness and peace,

but once... It does not.

I can tell you this,

and this may cause you
to re-evaluate the crystal,

for sticking it in your trousers,

it's about to get you one point.

Kumail. We have a video.
This is what Kumail has brought in.

Surprising!

Good. It's a balloon.

Good. Well done, Kumail.

Sharks predate trees, that is true.

It is...
By, like, hundreds of years.

It's 150. Yeah.
It was very close at the beginning.

150 years. Is it really 150?
No! It's...

It's millions.
Millions and millions.

Good. A big thing
and a big concept on it.

When it was big, though...

It wasn't hidden when it was big,
though, was it?

I'll tell you, your big thing wasn't
concealed either.

Oh, my God. Hello, Amy. Hello.

Let's see whether you can
take on Einstein's baguette legs.

Ten-man life raft.
GASPING

Where is the life raft now?

It's... No. Can I show...?

Can I show you a picture?

Earlier, Amy did this.

This is me. Uh-huh. And then...

Ooh! ..oh-ay!

It's a life raft!

But then...

Ooh! ..oh-ay!

JOANNA GASPS

What size...? Don't you...
Don't dig into this!

You said ten. Ten men! Ten tiny men.

Hi, Joel. I got a tattoo in my hair.

Here's a video of me
getting it done.

Listen to this.
Oh, this is incredible.

-Oh, no.
- No!
AUDIENCE GASP

Here's a photo of it.

We weren't condoning it,
but he did that.

Oh, my God.

Is it...? Is it in there? Yeah.

It's in there? Where is it?
Have a look. Oh, my God!

AMY SCREAMS
It's there!

Oh, my God, it's really freaky.
It's weird when you see it.

Let me see.

Oh, my...! It's incredible!

There's no doubt, the funniest
thing to happen here

would be for Joel to come last.

I think we can all agree with that.

But I shan't be doing that.

Obviously, I shall be giving one
point to Joanna's stupid crystal,

that has no magical powers
and can be seen from the moon.

So one point's easy.
Well done.

Two points for Amy,
three points for Kumail,

simple as that.

All right, now it's the big guys.

Do we think that Einstein's work
should be dismissed as "quite big"?

It's relative.

Wow!

Oh, God, can I do it?

Can a man physically
scarring himself for life

be beaten by baguette legs?

It's there forever.
That's there forever. I know.

But I am. I'm going to let him win.

Oh, my God.

It's what the people want.

It's OK.
I'm so sorry.

It's OK. It's OK.

Five points for Armando Iannucci!

Let's have a proper task.

Yes, and I think I know
exactly which one this is.

I think Amy's coming in. Hello?

Hello, Amy. Coming in.

I thought it might be you. Hello.

Alexander Horner.
I thought it was going to be you.

I like it in here. Me too.

What do you do in here?
I do everything in here.

Everything. Everything?

Everything.

Fall in love? Ah, not yet. Mm.

Is it happening now?

"Write down a prediction."

"Write down a prediction

"for an unlikely situation to occur
in exactly 15 minutes' time..."

"..then make
that unlikely situation occur."

"Most unlikely situation to occur
in exactly 15 minutes' time wins."

"Those 15 minutes start now and
you must write down your prediction

"within the next five minutes."

OK, well, I'll go for it.

I don't know how I'll
make it happen.

Wow. Doesn't seem very likely.

Very unlikely.

Well, I'm pretty certain
Armando fell asleep during that.

Do you want to see some predictions?
You know I do.

It's Amy and Joel. Ah. Here we go.

Do you want me to read it?
Yes, please.

"Make a hole in one in golf.

"The golf ball will also have
a picture of me on it -

"a Joel in one." A Joel in one.

I was going to call someone,
but they're working.

I know,
get someone in the countryside.

Countryside is weird, isn't it?

All sorts of mad stuff
happens there.

OK, you need to get a hole in one
in exactly ten minutes' time.

This kind of makes the game
of golf more fun, you know?

What if they had to
make their own holes?

PHONE RINGS
Please answer.

Hello. Hello.

What are you doing
in the next sort of 12 minutes?

I'm doing bugger all today.

OK, well... I'm unwell, but I'm OK.

Oh, you're unwell?

It's just, I was unwell last week,

and then what I did was go
on a comedy festival

for 10am in the morning till
1am in the morning

for three days.

I was just about getting better
and then I did that, so...

Three minutes. OK.

Anyway...

I need to ask you to do something
unexpected in the countryside.

You know that bus stop that's across

the road from your house with
the mosaic? Yeah.

You could go to that bus stop,
couldn't you?

My prediction is,

"A man goes to
a bus stop in rural England

"and sings a song about antelopes
with dried pasta in his pockets."

OK.

Nine minutes, 15.

Perfect.

Chris, you're there.
It's the filming bit I need to...

I need to get a... Seven minutes.
Seven minutes.

Film it landscape.

All right, fucking hell! OK, yeah.

All right, bye. Bye-bye.

Oh, nice.
That feels good, doesn't it?

Whoa! With my iron.

Whoa, that went over the fence! Ooh!

You're getting closer, but then
you are also getting closer.

I'm also getting closer.

2 minutes 20. No. OK.

Go, go, go.

You've got a minute.

50 seconds. Shut up!

It's near the donkey.

20 seconds.

Five, four...

...three, two, one.
WHISTLE BLOWS

That, my friend, is a Joel in one.

That's it. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. So there's the bus stop
with the mosaic. Yeah.

You can see the pasta.
I can see the pasta, yeah.

Please can I take this away
and analyse it?

What, my phone? Yeah. Yeah.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Mm.

Don't scroll.

I think there's a lot
of people in this room went,

"Ooh, no, don't scroll."
"Don't scroll!"

No-one's ever done this before,

just get someone else to do the
task.

And as far as I can work out,
you're just getting some stranger

to create a scene from
Last Of The Summer wine.

But how unlikely is that?
Oh, it's a work of genius. Oh, good.

Joel, I enjoyed the pun. Thank you.

I feel like, during this series,
I'm getting you on the pun vibe.

I think you are dragging me over
to the pun side of life.

I've just got a question -

when you do a hole in one,
in this instance,

were you not in control of the
starting point for the hole in one?

Yeah. Yeah, I was,
and I started to get closer,

but then it didn't feel as exciting.

It's not very sportsmanlike.
That's what I was thinking.

I admire that.

Sure, but he did violate rules
4.2A and 4.1A of golf.

You're also not allowed
leather trousers.

No, that's fine nowadays. Oh, OK.

They're cool with that.

What about Last Of The Summer Wine?

Well, she was very keen
that he filmed it landscape. Yep.

Chris. Chris. Yeah. Aw.
Ill Chris. Is he better now?

I haven't heard from him much
since then.

He's dead now.
He's dead.

So, Chris did something at exactly
15 minutes after the task started,

he sent the video.

It's not perfect. This is the video.

He filmed it in time-lapse mode.

We are unable to retrieve it.

We have no idea if he sang the song.
Presumably he did.

No, but it did happen.
Well, we don't know it happened.

But it would be crazy to be, like,

"Yes, I'll go to a bus stop,
yes, I'll put pasta in my pockets.

"I'm not going to sing
about antelopes."

Of course he sang about antelopes!
That's the easiest bit.

No, the easiest bit would have been
recording a video with sound.

Let's see another one.

OK, well, it is Kumail's
time to shine.

You know what?
I could make time go backwards.

That would be unlikely, wouldn't it?

Yes. Yeah.

Like, if you saw that and they're
all going up,

wouldn't that be weird?
That'd be really weird. Yeah.

I mean, you can write it down,

you've just got to make it happen
in ten minutes.

Great.
OK, well, this seems very unlikely,

but you've got ten minutes
to make it happen.

I have not thought this through.
No.

I hate to say it, but hurry up.

I have made
time move backwards.

I have made time move backwards.

KUMAIL SPEAKS BACKWARDS

Was it OK?

It's not an especially
sophisticated response from me,

but what I've written down is,
"What the fuck's going on?"

I made time move backwards.

I saw you'd reversed the film
so that the sand was going up.

I did not reverse it!
That was happening in real time.

We filmed upside...

He filmed it upside down
to give the illusion that...

So the sand WAS going up.
But he was upside down in the video.

No, but you thought he was
the right way up

because you were fooled
by the illusion, remember? Oh.

I think I'm the stupid one here.

I think he
has made time go backwards.

OK, another prediction from me.

During these adverts,

one of your family is about to make
the toilet a no-go zone again.

Make them go in the garden.
Bye for now.

Hello. Yes, hello.

You join us
for the second part of the show.

What was happening before the break,
Alex?

Well, my little Greggs Benedict,

they're predicting unlikely
situations

to occur within 15 minutes
of them opening up the task.

Next, it's Joanna.

That's my prediction.
Would you mind reading it out to me?

"A donkey comes into the garden
wearing a wig and costume

"on a skateboard.

"I'm doing tumble tosses
on the lawn..."

BELL DINGS

I just heard a bell!

Hey! How are you?

How are you doing?

I haven't seen you for so long.
GRUNTING

What?
Oh, my gosh, I can sense something.

I can mind-read him and he's asking
if I want to go dancing.

You want to dance with me?

Come to me, donkey.
Come to me. Woo!

Oh, this is amazing.

"And we both dance together.

"And then we sit and eat chocolate."

There we go.

You have that, there.
WHISTLE BLOWS

What...? That is your time up,
unfortunately, Joanna.

Sorry, donkey. Thank you.

It's just fascinating to me,
there was so much detail.

My feeling is that you just had that
story ready in your brain.

Yes!

When I saw the donkey, I had
to work with him. He was beautiful.

The fact that I could put a
wig on him as well and dress him up.

Then I saw, I think
it was a policewoman's hat.

Bup-bup-bup. Quite... I don't need
to hear the story again.

Well, it was fascinating,

in the context of this show
and medically.

Who's next? Well, finally,
predictably, it is Armando.

Here we go.

Hello. Welcome to a Yorkshire vet.

I'm Scottish. Vets are Scottish.

James Herriot.

And I'm going to deal
with this poor little chappie here.

Mackenzie Crook is his name.

And he's got a thing
called Shepperton,

which is,
he's gone solid on the outside,

but his insides are very liquefied,

and I think it's because
there's a blockage.

He ate a little wee
egg two days ago,

and we're going to see if we can
just try and dislodge the egg.

So, I've got some pellets
that are full of roughage.

So, one little pellet goes in.
ARMANDO GRUNTS

TOOTING
Yeah, I think we're loosening up.

Second pellet.

TRUMPING
Yeah, here we go.

I'll just give him another, a wee
third pellet, see if that does it.

Ooh!

Jesus! Oh, my word!

You've gone and farted out
a fucking ostrich!

My God!

Mackenzie, you're saved.

We were going to have you on Sunday,

but I think we're going to be
having that one.

Would you mind reading
me your prediction? Yeah.

"I predict a sheep
will fart out an ostrich."

Wo-o-ow!

Yep. An emotional situation.
I have no notes on this.

This is an excellent piece of work.

You're doing well today,
aren't you, baguette boy?

Before you do the points,
can I just...?

I've asked Chris if he'd send me
a voice note of a song.

It's going to mess with
the scoring system, but as you wish.

Please answer.
Hiya. I just sent you a voice note.

Can you just confirm for Greg
that you did...?

This is... Cos I could lose
points here, mate.

Can I just say?
I'm just thrilled you're alive.

This is it.

♪ Uh, uh

♪ Can you believe that
it's an antelope?

♪ It's not a cantaloupe

♪ Oh, cos it's an antelope. ♪

Then it was, like, a rap solo
for 20 minutes. Yeah.

OK, thank you so much!

I loved all of them, I genuinely
did,

so I'm not giving anyone one point.

I loved them so much,
I'm not giving anyone two points.

Ooh!

I am, however, going to clump
together Amy, Joel and Joanna

and give them three points.

Oh. Amy, Joel and Joanna,
three points. OK.

There must be a jump up

for the sheer creativity involved
in making time go backwards.

And you know what got Armando
the five points? No.

It was the fact
that he took some time

to put moisture
over the ostrich's face.

So, four to Kumail, five to Armando!

It's in the details sometimes.
Details. Thank you.

Scoreboard, please, scoreboard boy.

Yes, you won't believe it -
Armando's got maximum points.

He's in the lead with ten!

GREG GASPS

Wow.

May we have another task, please?
Of course.

And it's team time.

Oh, what's our favourite fish?

Sardines!

Apres toi, mon frere.

Ooh, thank you.
Thank you, thank you.

Ooh. Oh, no, that's sad. Oh.

After you. Thank you.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, great. Wow.

Aw! That's quite...

Shall we get it out
from underneath?

...traumatic. Yeah, yeah.
ARMANDO CHUCKLES

AMY GIGGLES

There you go. He's fine now.

You know what? I think that's
really going to help him.

Yeah, great.

Oh, no!

No, I think he's fine
because he doesn't need to shake

because he's, like,
in the water now, so...

He's not having trouble
breathing, he's...

If I open this...
And it says, "Do not wet..."

...and it says,
"Keep the fish alive..."

Or, "Keep the fish dry."

"Win sardines."

"Split up and search for Alex."

Ah, right, yes. Ah, yes!

"You must not be within sight
of each other while searching..."

"..except for two of you,
who must hold hands at all times."

"Also, you must only whisper,
and when you find Alex,

"you must stay with him
and remain silent."

"Fastest team to all find Alex,

"get three sardines in the tin
and shut the lid wins."

"Your time started
when you opened the task."

Right, we can't... Hang on.

We've got to
whisper from now on. Whisper.

OK, so what do we do?
Who wants to hold hands?

I'd like to go with someone.
I don't want to go on my own.

OK. OK.

Oh, no! Oh, that felt bad.

I feel really bad! No, all good.

Go for it. Go away, American boy!

I'm Pakistani!

So sorry!

You go... You go away.

Let's look for Alex.
And we'll look for Alex...

Shall we...? We'll go inside.

Shall we go inside?
It feels so weird

to hold the hand of another woman.

I know. I'm so sorry to your
beautiful, beautiful wife.

Ah.

We've got to whisper.

It feels like now
I'm inviting you home.

Holding your hand,
this feels so weird.

I'm sorry, wife.

Pretty straightforward
with the team of two, but my God,

the other team had all sorts of
stuff going on, didn't they?

International bullying,
adultery, death of animals.

We'd better get stuck in
and see how this plays out.

It's sardines. You love sardines,
we play it together quite often.

You make me hide...

That's the end of the game. Ready?

It's sardines time.

Alex?

Alex? Alex?

Alex? Alex?

Alex? Are you behind the jukebox?

I feel like we're searching for
somewhere to have sex.

Nope. OK. OK.

He's got to be outside.
He's got to be outside.

Kumail hasn't come in.

Alex?

Well, he's found him
and is somewhere.

Alex?

Caravan?

Shall we have sex in the caravan?
Shall we have sex in the caravan?

THEY LAUGH

Alex?

Alex?

This is so... It feels so...
Why do I feel naughty?

AMY GASPS

We need one more.

I've stopped the clock.

We did it. Yeah! Woo!

Delightful, and it didn't turn
as messy as I feared at one point.

I particularly feared it was
going to turn messy when you said,

"It's like we're searching for
somewhere to have sex,"

and the next thing you did was open
a pretty small spice cupboard.

Do you want to talk about
the friendship that was ruined

the last time you played this?

If our friends watch it,

they will know exactly
what we're talking about.

My wife is right there,
she can corroborate.

I corroborate! Thank you.

They genuinely... What a great
system you guys have got.

Kumail found me in five minutes,
and I think, ironically,

our friendship started
at that point.

We had a lovely chat in there,
didn't we?

Yeah, it was actually very nice.
Yeah.

I think I'm better at talking to
people in the dark,

not making eye contact.

It's kind of ideal for me.

The others took a further
ten minutes to find me,

so it was a total of 15 minutes
and ten seconds. Oh, wow.

Hey, that's it,
we're halfway through.

We can't stop now,
he's got nothing else in his life!

We'll see you in a minute.

Hello, there.

Welcome back. It's part three -

you know what that means, Alex.

It means we need to complete
the sardines task.

Here's the team of two's attempt.

It's Armando and Joanna. Oh, God.

"To all find Alex,

"get three sardines in the tin
and shut the lid wins." Ah.

So basically, our first
thing is find Alex. And the tin.

You go there, I'll go and look
in here. I'll go here.

Where is Alex?
Alex, are you in here?

Are you in there? Are you in there?

Ooh.

AUDIENCE GASP

Where are you?

HONKS HORN
Right, sorry.

He's not going to be
in a bloody cupboard, is he?

Where is he?

I hope she's found him,

and I'm now just spending the rest
of my days wandering around.

Sardine?

HONKS HORN

Alex?

I've been here for seven days now.

Please, someone come and find me.

HONKS HORN
I don't know why that helps.

MUFFLED HONKING

Oh, hang on. Oh, what's this?

Ah! Quick, get in,
cos all of us have to get in.

Oh, do we? But we have to find...
And shut the door.

We have to find...

Is that classed as shut? Is it shut?
Is it shut?

Yes. Everyone, breathe in.
Let me pull it.

That's it. It's closed.
I've stopped the clock.

We can leave the tin.
Thanks, team. You found me.

You personally neuter guinea pigs
in your home?

I don't personally do it,
but I did...

I mean, my God, in the
space of filming, I had about...

I had four of them neutered. OK.

Why can't your dad be in
the same room as the guinea pigs?

Because of the hay.

And I think he's allergic to them
and we've only just discovered it.

Ah. He had to go home.

He had to go back to Swansea,
he had to leave.

He got... But that's not the reason
why the guinea pigs were neutered?

No, they were neutered because
they were getting all aggressive

and there was a whole,
big testosterone thing going on,

and it was like,
"Oh, my God, who's the alpha?"

Yeah. Do the crystals not help with
any of this?

Why did you keep squeaking
that little horn?

I thought the horn might be funny,

and then make wherever you are,
laugh spontaneously...

Ah. ..to kind of smoke you out
in a way. Yeah.

Oh, there WAS some logic.
I do find horns funny.

I do find them funny, yeah.

But I also did become unaware
of the passage of time.

Tell me some times
and then I'll hand out some points,

then we'll move on. OK.

Team of three took 15 minutes.

Joanna took three minutes,
15 to find me. Yeah.

Armando took a further nine
minutes. Oh. Oh. Ooh!

So their total was
12 minutes 15 seconds.

Yay! They win the task. My God!

So, it's five points to
Joanna and Armando,

but how many for the team of three?

Well, they were still pretty quick,
weren't they?

Yeah, 3.5 minutes behind.
Three points? Yeah. Yeah. OK.

Three points for the team of three.

Very good.

One more task, please. Yes.

And, without giving too much away,

boink, boink, plop.

Hello.

Ooh, wow. Mm.

Oh, my gosh. It's a knight.

It's Ollie. Ollie? Mm-hm.

Shall I? Yes. Dare I?

This is so warm.

That's lovely.

"Get a ball in the glass."

"You may not move the pipe

"or the glass."

"The ball must travel
through the pipe,

"and you must not do anything
to influence the ball's movement

"after you release the ball."

"Fastest wins.
Your time starts now."

I can move this, though.
Can I move this?

Well, I think if you do that,
the pipe might move. Yeah.

Why is that there?

So I can't physically do anything
to do the ball,

but hitting pots and pans
to make it in the thing is fine?

I suppose so.
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

OK, I get it. Yeah.

We're going to bounce some
balls off some pans. Exactly.

They couldn't affect the ball after
it was moving with their own bodies,

but if they set something else up,

the ball could be
affected by that thing.

Right, let's chat no longer.
Let's crack on.

OK. First up, it's bouncy boy,
Mr Joel Dommett. Aw.

Interesting.

Mm. Let's lay the pots out like
that.

Let's just see how it goes.

This is fun.

Trial and error. Right?

It's inconsistent though, isn't it?

No, it's exactly the
same every time.

JOEL LAUGHS

Oh!

It's funny that
I'm finding this so fun,

but I could just do this
in my spare time.

This is so exciting.

Oh, ha-ha!

Like, my heart is beating faster
than it would usually. Right.

I mean, obviously it's...
JOEL GASPS

Ooh!

I hit the rim.

I hit the rim.

Oy!

Oh, I can't get any more rimmys!

Oh, man.

My life is full of rims.

JOEL GASPS

Ah! Seems to be bouncing
out quite a lot. Mm.

Oh!

The knight's done a little wee-wee.

He does that. Mate.

This is the one.

Oh, baby.

Argh!

AUDIENCE GASP
This needs to stop.

Ah.

Come on. Sh.

Oh! Ha-ha! Oh!

Oi-oi!

Well done, Joel.

I sort of think I should start
giving Joel half points every time

he does a task that I think
he'd be doing at home anyway.

Yeah!

This is your area of expertise,
no doubt about it.

It's one of the most
fun days I've had.

Wow. Yeah. I don't get out much.

You did it in 14 minutes,
55 seconds. Wow. That's good!

That's the standard so far. Oh, OK.

Next to bounce, two people
with great hair and lovely smiles -

it's Amy and Kumail.

OK.

I'm not allowed to move the pipe...
Mm-hm.

...and I'm not allowed to
move the glass. No.

So what are they for?

Well, people do pasta,
rice, all sorts.

OK.

Yeah.
That's never happened to me before.

New strategy.

That's never happened to me before.

Woo.

Right.

Is there a poltergeist in here?

I mean, you guys see that
this is crazy, right?

That's insane, isn't it?

Yeah. OK.

Oh, my God!

It's not straight, you know?

No, I know. It's, like, off.

Is that on purpose or was
that a mistake

when you guys were setting up?

You don't make mistakes.
We don't make mistakes.

What the fuck?

No.

Oh. Well, can I have a thing?

So I can leave...?

What do I want? I want...

What's this?

A thing...

Like a long sock or a tu...

A long sock?

As long as I don't move it once it's
out of my hands, it's fine. Mm-hm.

Like, I can hold it like this. OK.

Now we're cooking.

Just need to prop that up.

Oh, my God! Mm.

Tapey, tapey, tapey.

Whew.

AMY SQUEALS

AUDIENCE GASP

Please.

There has to be another way
to do this.

Other than using an enormous
measuring stick?

I'll be back.

Fuck. Oh, if I just keep going,
they're going to go in.

It's in!

Oh, my God!

Come on, baby.

No, same again.

I didn't know what
I thought was going to happen.

I think the problem is when it hits
the glass, it bounces out.

Yeah, I think that is the problem.

Yeah. Very good.
You're very good at this.

I've stopped the clock.

Watch this.

What if I'd gotten it in?

Wouldn't that have been triumphant?

Good. I imagine, in Hollywood,

that last ball would have gone
in beautifully.

Not here in London, my friend,
we don't have the budget.

That's pretty good. Very good.

Once you remembered the word "tube".

But the system you created,
beautiful. Worked a treat.

Yes, and it looked great too.

Oh, it was really well designed.
Thank you.

She took 22 minutes and 57 seconds.

Oh, longer than I thought.

Less impressive than I thought.

A nice rage starting
to bubble up in you, I think.

I fully came undone during
that task. Mm.

It felt like different parts of me

were disconnecting
and driving home separately.

So, a lot longer than Amy's
Heath Robinson creation?

Yes. Can I guess?

Yes, it won't make any difference.

13 hours?

It was 33 minutes and
four seconds. Oh.

I mean, it's a hefty chunk of a day.

Not that bad.
If only you could reverse time.

OK, we're pausing once again.

In the final part of the show,

someone will head home with
a life raft,

meaning that Taskmaster,
a futile show on the surface,

might save the life of a comedian
when the ice caps melt.

Think!

Hello again.

It's part four of the show
and we're nearly there.

Now it's time for the final two
to try to get the ball in the glass.

It's Joanna and Armana.

So, I can pick out a ball... Mm-hm.

...but, like, how do I get it

into the glass?

Yeah, that will help,
knowing the answer to that.

I'm quite useless at ones like this.

I am, right, I'm useless
at anything sort of spatial.

Yeah, I think you're influencing
that ball's movement.

I think so.

I thought it would be useful, but...

I'm going to try... Ah.

Right, what happens if I do that?

I'm just going to lay several. Yeah.

Oh!

I mean, forget the task,

I just want to do this now.

Why is there water?

Right, I'm filling this,

because I may as well just
start doing something. Sure.

So, I've got this.

It's a slightly jollier thing from
The Handmaid's Tale.

Right. Ah. Whoa.

I'm so not good at anything
sort of like this.

Well, you never know.

Anything kind of spatial. Mm.

Nothing can stop you now.

BALLS AND PANS RATTLE

Well, THAT could.

Get you in there.

You know that phrase,
"an infinite number of monkeys"?

I think we're hitting that point.

OK, I'm going to go for it.

Right, I'm going to take a pink one.

Come on. Go for it.

Did it go in?

I'm going to hold that there.

OK, I've got it.
I'm holding it down.

I'm holding the glass down.

Please. Go on.

Yes! Congratulations, Jo.

You got the ball in the glass.

I've got a ball in the glass!

The power stance was incredible. Mm.

Show a picture
of her power stance, please.

Of course. Yeah. Here it is.

Bang! Yes!

So good. So good.

Why did you fill
that pan full of water?

You know, before I went in, right,
they said to me,

"You're going to love this one,"

and I went in and I thought,
"Oh, my God,

"I have no idea how you
can put these things together."

And so I saw there was a jug,
so I thought

"Water's involved somewhere,
I'm bringing more water in."

And then I thought, "Sod this for
a laugh, I'm getting a tube."

Yeah, that's what happened.
That's what happened.

That's what happened, yeah.
And the tube was brilliant.

Armando, I wrote down,

"This is the most fun I've seen
Armando have so far." Yeah.

I mean, I've had fun
in all the tasks.

I know, but I thought you were,
like, inventing games within games.

Again, lack of awareness of time.

OK. Well, we know
that Kumail took 33 minutes.

He gets one point for that.

Amy, 22 minutes, is in fourth,
two points.

Now, then, Joel, you took
14 minutes and 55 seconds.

Joanna, 13 minutes
and 14 seconds... Ooh. Ooh.

...so you're either first or second,
Joanna.

Are you first or are you second?

Armando took
50 seconds and 12 minutes.

He wins the task!

OK, everyone,
please make your way to the stage

for the final task of the show!

Well, it's a very big T. Mm.

Who will read the task out?

Joel Dommett.

"Swing your ring onto your thing
to win a ring.

"If you win a ring, you swing again.
First to win five rings wins."

So it's going
to be individual battles.

First up, Amy versus Kumail,

because they're doing the worst
in the episode.

I blow my whistle and you both
release your ring at the same time.

Wait, what do you m...?

What do you mean?

Say Amy wins,
she gets a ring on her... Thing.

...thing. On my thing.

Is it based on time
or number of attempts?

Time. Time. Time. Time.

And what if you make time
go backwards? Yeah.

Round one.

Oh! Oh!

One ring to Kumail.

Ready for round two, Greg?

Oh, my God, yes.

Ooh!

Oh!

Ooh! Oh!

Ooh!

It's another ring for Kumail.

You're one more ring from me
starting to chant, "USA."

It still sounds threatening to me
when people chant that.

Next.

GASPS
Hey!

Oh, my God. Oh! Yeah!

Yay!

Joanna has her first ring.
Armando's first go.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Ooh!

Ah!

Yep. Ooh.

Ah! Yay!

OK.

Ooh!

Ooh, Armando!

Ah! I'm having such a good time.

Yes! Oh!

Armando strikes again. Yes, Armando.

He's doubled his total to two.
WHISTLE BLOWS

ALL GASP

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Joel wins. Ah!

Whoa! That was exciting!

Ah!

Oh!

Oh! It happened to you!

Oh.

USA. USA.

The old foe is back.

Wales versus USA.

Oh!

Oh! Oh.

Ah!

It stayed on. It stayed on.

He's one away from victory.

"Oh, I don't understand. You do
the ring on the thing, I can't..."

Yeah, I've been playing this
since I was a kid.

Huge in Pakistan.

Oh, should I be chanting,
"Pakistan"? Yeah. OK.

Right. This could be it.

One more for Kumail
and just five more for Amy.

Here we go.
WHISTLE BLOWS

Ah!

Your power stance.

Pakistan, Pakistan, Pakistan.

It's over,

and I guess they should come
and join me

and we'll add
that to the final score.

We should. Well done.

Unlucky, Amy.

Please.

Did you enjoy watching them swing
the ring on the thing?

Rings got swung onto things,
I liked it.

Right. So, Amy... Mm-hm.
...you didn't get any on,

but you get one point
for coming last.

Joel and Joanna,
joint third with one,

you get three points each.

Armando, you get four points
for coming second,

but the winner of the task
was Kumail, of course.

Five points, five rings.

Which makes the scoreboard
very interesting.

Wow. I can't imagine what that's
done to the final scoreboard.

Is there one person in second place?
No.

Is there two? No. Ah!
Are there four? No. Agh!

No, it's three. There are three.

Joanna, Joel and Kumail
in joint second on 16 points,

but the winner,
eight points above them,

it's Armando Iannucci!

Armando Iannucci wins!

Please go up and wield
your big things to conceal!

So, what have we learned today?

Well, we've learned...

Welcome to Taskmaster.
I'm Greg Davies.

Butter me up, put me in the oven
for three hours at 200 degrees

and you've got yourself a succulent
roast that's ready to make judgm...

Ah, I know what just happened.

I just made time go backwards!

And Joel Dommett has a
tattoo on his head!

And, of course,
Armando Iannucci wins!

Subtitles by
Red Bee Media