All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S07E08.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, Thanksgiving meant football,

the Macy's Day Parade,
and my dad's
favorite movie...

Planes, Trains
and Automobiles.

Those aren't pillows!

Ooh!

Ooh-hoo!
He thought his buns
were his pillows,

but they were his buns!

I liked when he was going
the wrong way on the highway.

I've done that.

It's like John Hughes
made this just for me.

Well, he didn't,
Gene Shalit.

So, why don't you pipe down

and go help your mom
with the giblets?

I will. But only
'cause I don't know
what giblets are,

and I like to learn.

ADULT ADAM: My mom was
determined to butter up

more than just
the turkey this year.

Tell me. How's your dad?
Is the movie working?

Does he seem joyful
and full of
Thanksgiving cheer?

He did chuckle twice,

but those also might
have been small burps.

I really need your dad
to be in a great mood.

Pop-Pop is coming.

Pop-Pop?
Shh! Your dad can't know!

Yeah, the cursing old guy
at the end of the dinner table
will be our little secret.

Family takes care of family,

but, yes, he's terrible
in every way that
counts in society.

ADULT ADAM: Yep,
my dad's father could be
a tad unpleasant.

Whatever this is,
I don't want it or need it.

It's me,
your grandson.

What the is this?
I don't drink lady soda.

How you doing, Ben?
You think you're
better than me?

And that is why
you never trust
a Polynesian.

Plus, he makes Dad
absolutely miserable.

It's gonna be
another Angst-giving.

Angst-giving?
It's clever wordplay.

I'm super proud of it,
even though it's gonna be

a living nightmare
for everyone.

Not this year.

I'm gonna give your dad
the best day ever

so that when he finally
does see Pop-Pop,

he won't even mind.

Sure, 'cause people
rarely hold onto
the memory

of the person
who hurt them
most as a child.

First, I'll let Steve Martin
and John Candy

work their
thin guy/fat guy chemistry,

then I'll invite
his dingbat friends over.

Don't Bill and Vic
have to be

with their own miserable
families on Thanksgiving?

Lucky for us,
Bill is totally alone.

He has no one.
That is lucky.

And Vic is Canadian.

And those moose kissers
celebrate Thanksgiving

in October for hockey
or maple syrup reasons.

Yeah, I guess Vic and Bill
do calm Dad down,

like that blanket you throw
on Lucky when it thunders.

And then comes
my masterstroke...

Your dad is gonna watch
his beloved Eagles
beat the Cowboys.

How are you gonna guarantee
the Eagles win?

Easy. I told him the game
starts at 2:00.

They already played,

and those bumbling green
doofuses somehow won.

So, you recorded it
and you're gonna
play it back for him.

I admit, it's brilliant.

Except for one small snag.

Ugh.

Ben?
I know you told me
to come over at 4:00,

but I have no heat,

and you people like
to burn money,
so here I am.

You brought
a little something?
Thank you.

It's empty.
It's for leftovers.

I'm on a fixed income.
Oh, where's your can?

I took a hit
off the garden hose

and my bladder
is the size of a cashew.

There's one upstairs.
Ooh-la-la.

Second floor.

Oh, look at this one
with the fancy
head glasses.

They're for seeing.
Also, hello, Granddad.

Dad! The hell
are you doing here?

Came through the back
because I got lost

wandering through this landed
estate which is Murray Acres.

It's just
a simple suburban home.

Whatever helps you sleep
at night, sellout.

Eh. Wait, but come here.

Ooh. Look at this.

I thought you had to be dead
to have skin that gray,

but turns out
you just look like crap.

Anyway, so, kid, here.
Hang this up for me,
will ya?

Oh!

♪ I'm twisted up inside

♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

♪ I don't know the future

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day

ADULT ADAM:
It was Thanksgiving Day,
1980-something,

and Barry and Erica were
ready to be picked up
for the short ride home.

I'm dying.

I haven't eaten
in 17 hours.

I'm gonna regret asking.
Why?

Just like the Pilgrims,
I'm starving myself

to maximize stomach space

for the turkey bounty
that lies ahead.

Crack a history book.

If you were
in Pilgrim times,
you'd die immediately.

Probably of some
shoe-buckle mishap.

Or I'd win over the Indians
by introducing them

to the ultimate weapon...
Nunchucks.

Boom. Big Tasty's face
on every totem pole.

That honestly might
be the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.

What's got four wheels
and is your uncle?
This guy.

Well, I spoke too soon.

Wait,
why are you here?

I thought Geoff
was supposed
to pick us up.

New plan.
You guys were on the way,

so I told your parents
I'd pick you up.

Now, get in the 'Vette
and let's ride.

But this isn't a Corvette.
It's a Chev-ette.

Yeah.
It's a Chevy 'Vette.

We're talking the same
language here, nephew.

Now, get in.
Whoa, Uncle Marvin,

you've lost
a lot of weight.

Thanks for noticing.

You ever heard
of an Egyptian tapeworm?

God, no.
Well, consider yourself lucky.

Well, you look good,
and I dig that outfit.

Kind of look like Sly Stallone
in that movie Cobra.

You mean hero cop
Marion "Cobra" Cobretti?

'Cause I have no idea
what you're talking about.

All right.
Everybody, strap in.

Come on.

Come on.

Stupid piece
of American steel!

He's already pulling
a Marvin.

I'm not pulling a Marvin.

ADULT ADAM:
But of course he was.Ooh!

See, Uncle Marvin always
found a way

to screw up
the simplest tasks.

Oh, I hate
Thanksgiving!

I hate it so much!
I'm a healer!

Let me heal you!

I! Am! Not!
Irresponsible!

Oh. Nice.

Hey, guys.

I'm supposed to scoop you.

That's who I was supposed
to call.

Man, that's on me.

Sorry, smiley haircut.

Not a worry.
You just pulled a Marvin.

I didn't pull anything.

Maybe we should just
ride with Geoff.

No, I can handle
a simple drive home,

just like I handled
my hungry,
hungry tapeworm.

Oh, that explains
your dramatic and concerning
face and body change.

Your face is concerning.

We'll just see you
and your parents
back at the house.

Your parents are coming?

You're all so screwed.

I'm zonked.

You guys must be bushed
from however school works.

Why don't you just sit back
and relax and close your eyes,

and let the purr of my 'Vette
sing you to sleep.

Sounds good.

I love to wake up
in a new location.

ADULT ADAM: Unfortunately, things went south from there.

And also west.

Man... I feel
so refreshed,

like I slept forever.

Oh, please. I slept
ten times better than you.

Uncle Marvin,
who's a better sleeper?

Wait, where are we?
This doesn't look familiar.

BARRY: Pittsburgh?

What the hell, man?
It's all good.

I just took a teeny, tiny stop
to get a farm fresh turkey.

I musta gotten
turned around on 76.

For hundreds of miles?

I got too much pride to stop
and ask for directions.

That big Pittsburgh sign
back there was my first clue.

Dude, this isn't
even a turkey.
It's a ham.

That's a turkey, all right.

It's a beautiful,
boneless, spiral-cut,
honey-glazed turkey.

I don't care what it is!

Tear me off a pig wing
so I can stuff it
in my mouth!

Hey! Hey!

Whoa!
Not a chance, mister.

That bad pink bird
is for dinner.

From now on,
"pulling a Marvin"

is gonna be
about farm fresh turkey

and getting children home
safely.

We're in
Western Pennsylvania
with a ham.

You're oh-for-two.

Don't sweat, Boba Fett.

Sign says we're right
by the airport.

We'll just ditch the 'Vette,
we'll get a flight,

everyone will be home
safe and sound.

ADULT ADAM:
As my brother and sister
prepared to fly home,

Pop-Pop was already
flying off the handle.

Football. Come on,
let's watch the parade.

That leggy Mary Hart's
doing the play-by-play.

Never.
It's my Eagles.

Come on.
Sometimes there's
a gust of wind

and that schmuck
holding Snoopy's ropes,

he goes airborne,
and he lands on some kids.

This is my house.

If it was your house,
there'd be no father,

and we'd have
to raise ourselves.

That's still a thing
with you? Huh?

Move on. I have.

It's a real treat
when the Goldberg men
get together.

It's not okay in there.

You could cut that tension
with the knife in Ben's boot.

Which he showed to me.

He said he needs it
for when he rides on the bus.

I know, but the perfect
Thanksgiving plan
is still intact,

and it all starts
with a slice
of delicious...

Oh, spiced ass!

Oh!
Murray won't even blink.

It's okay. The day can
still be salvaged.

Bill and Vic will be here
any minute.

Bill and Vic aren't coming.
The hell you say to me?

Ooh! Did you just
chuck a yam at me?

Oh, butch it up.
It was cooked.

It's not my fault
Bill's appendix exploded
three days ago.

They just found him.
His side
is super infected.

Oh, that selfish bastard.

He sends his love.

And as for Vic,

he's serving turkey dinners
at a homeless shelter.

Of all the days
to do that.

Yeah, I'm not sure your
perfect Thanksgiving plan
is working out.

It's okay.
We still have the Eagles.

MURRAY: Beverly!

You recorded
my Eagles game!

Oh, I can explain.

Uh, Adam did it.
Me?

He's our common enemy
that we can all rally against.

Just go with it.
It's fun.

Forget this.
I'm going to the basement

to play with my real friends,
Mario and Luigi.

Uch. They sound like
they have accents.

Anyway, sorry
about your stupid game.

I was just trying
to get the parade,

and I pressed, uh,
one of your fancy
VCR buttons.

But why would you
turn on the parade
during Murray's game?

What? Are you
another parade hater?

You ruined my game.

But the Eagles won!

They won?
Back to the parade.

Oh!

Did it again.
They won in overtime
on a Hail Mary pass!

This is literally
the worst day
of my life!

Hey, hey, hey.

Murray,
you see the game?

Holy crap!
What a doozy!

I hate football, and even
I thought it was thrilling,

like watching a movie
about football.

Such a doozy!

Oh, I could really feel
the city around us come alive
in those last few moments.

A doozy!

We get it.
You saw the game, okay?

And for some reason,
you keep saying "doozy."

Erica said this night would
make us question everything.

By the way, where is
my little Turkey Day buffer?

Excuse me... Panam.

Such an exotic name.

Are you from the Orient?

Pan Am is the airline.

I'm Elaine from here.

Please don't correct me,
Elaine from here.

It's an ugly color
on you.

Now, when can I expect
meal service, huh?

I'm sorry,
it's a 40-minute flight,

so we won't even be coming by
with the beverage cart.

What about peanuts?
This gentleman right here
took the last bag.

If you don't want me
taking them,

don't leave them in the
back of the bottom drawer
in the galley.

Damn it, we should
be home right now.

Geoff isn't equipped to handle
our family's holiday bullcrap.

Listen, I got your back.

Why don't we use
this handy-dandy air phone

and we'll inform them
that we're running
a little bit behind.

Great idea.
I'm starving.

Let's order
a pizza first.

These phones cost like
$11 a minute.

Money's no object.
Give me your credit card.

Me? Use yours.

Mine were all cut up
in nine unrelated
misunderstandings.

Dad did give me a credit card
to use during an emergency.

What? Why would he
give you one and not me?

At the airport,
we could've bought food

and important Pittsburgh
trinkets and baubles.

Shh. It's ringing.

Hi, Mom, it's Erica.

We're gonna be late
because Marvin pulled
a Marvin,

and we're in the skies
over Pittsburgh.
Okay, see you soon, bye.

You see?
No problem.

Uncle Marvelous will have
you guys home lickety-split.

PILOT: Bad news, folks.

Due to some unforeseen
weather in Philadelphia,

we are being diverted
to Nashville.

That announcement could
have been for any flight.

ADULT ADAM: While Marvin
and my siblings
were going off-course,

my mom's plans were heading
the same way.

So, Mr. Goldberg Senior,
are you retired?

You know, 14 years ago,
these sons of bitches

gave me a Timex watch
and shoved me out the door.

They got the best years
of my life.

So, screw them.

What are you up to
these days?

Well, most recently, uh,

I'm being grilled
by this, uh, grinning schnook
who thinks he's Donahue.

I'm sorry.
For what?

Engaging you.
When are we eating,
Murray?

I don't like these people.

These people
can hear you.

They know how they are.

Okay, well, I just got off
the phone with Erica.

Everything's fine,
but they're a...
A bit delayed

somewhere over Pittsburgh.

Oh, no, the Steel City!
They have so many rivers!

Let me guess.
That other moron
son of mine

pulled a Marvin?
He did, in fact,
pull his namesake.

But, uh, let me
pull a Beverly

and drop
another veggie platter.

Oh, screw this.
There's only, uh,

so much jicama
a man can eat.

Dad, don't go.

Hmm?

Now you can.
Wait, Ben, Ben.

You can go
watch the parade
in the basement

un... Until
dinner's ready.

Is that okay
with everyone?

I guess.
It's not in here.

He's got his coat.

Great, just go downstairs
and make yourself comfortable.

Don't mind if I do.

Oh, my.

That's not okay!

The human body changes
over time!

ADULT ADAM:
Yes, Pop-Pop ruined
a lot of Thanksgivings,

but nothing compared
to what came next.

Ooh! Son of a...

Pop-Pop!

My crotchety grandfather took a tumble down the stairs!

I knew I had to act fast,
so I did this.

Now, that's a doozy.

ADULT ADAM: Uncle Marvin's
15-minute drive

had turned into a 12-hour
layover in Nashville.

Man!
Music City's got it all.

I mean, I know
it's Thanksgiving

and we're stuck
in an airport hotel,

but who wants
to go honky-tonkin'?

I want you to shut up.

I'm calling home.
Oh, God.

They're probably eating
already.

Tell Mom to pour gravy
into the phone

so I can taste it
with my ears.

Good thing I nabbed
a little something

from the maid's cart
in the hallway
to tide you over.

Oh!

Oh, sweet, minty
sustenance!

Where the hell are you?

A motel in Nashville.

Ho...

That's a "ho-tel."

Hotel,
with an "H" there, Bevy.

And Uncle Marvin
has got this, okay?

What you've got
are my children
in Tennessee.

Yeah, well,
you're the only
"Ten I see."

Is that helping?

No. Get them home, now.

MARVIN: Okay,
Uncle Marvin's
on the case.

Don't worry, you're gonna see
your kids tomorrow

or sometime next week. Ta!

Okay, here's
the headline...

That "Ten I see" line
doesn't work over the phone.

ADULT ADAM:
Despite my Mom's hopes
for a perfect Thanksgiving,

it had all come
crashing down.

Specifically,
my grandfather's old body.

Let me look at you.
I'm a doctor.

You? A doctor?
Eh, eh, no way.

He's a very well-regarded
ophthalmologist.

Great. If I need a pair
of glasses for my knee,
I'll let him know.

This man is a pill!

Which is something
you can't prescribe

from your LensCrafters
in the mall.

Dad! He's just trying
to be helpful.

Him?
What about me?

Pop-Pop cartwheeling down
the stairs messed me up bad.

Give me one of those.

Oh, no.
Did he crash into you

with his
stumbly-crumbly body?

I might be sharing
too much,

but I briefly lost
consciousness.

Did one of his beige
orthopedic sneakers
clock you in the noggin?

No, he fainted,
like a lady.

Nice work with
this one, Mur.

Oh, so now you're giving me
parenting advice?

Hey, remember Thanksgiving
in our house?

I don't,
because we never had one!

Yeah, well,
you had something else.

It was called dinner,
and it was almost every night.

Great news, everyone.
Thanksgiving dinner is...

Please say served.

...tomorrow.

How is a Friday Thanksgiving
great news?

Someone pulled a Marvin,
and the kids are stuck
in Nashville.

Music City? Oh, no!

So much hot chicken
and angry fiddlin'!

But you guys are
welcome to stay here
and enjoy each other's...

Lou, we forgot our coats.
We have more at home.

Keep it moving.

Thanks, Mrs. G.

I-I'm thankful
for those delicious smells

and the vague sense
that my girlfriend is alive
somewhere out there.

POP-POP:
Well, I'm out of here.

I would like to say
it was fun,

but it was literally a pain
in my ass, teeth, and bones.

Ben,
you're going nowhere.

You're injured,
and we have plenty of room.

Are the rest
of the Kennedys

okay with a guest
in their compound?
Mm?

ADULT ADAM:
As Pop-Pop was ready
to call it a night,

Uncle Marvin was taking
the new day by storm.

Wakey-wakey.

Guess which cool uncle
solved all your problems.

Thank God.
You got us on
another flight?

Better.
I scored us a ride

with a stranger
I met at the ice machine.

What?
Crazy story...

I was filling up the bathtub
for my road turkey...Ham.

...and then,
on the tenth trip,

I met this guy
who was so displeased

with the fact
that I was taking
all the ice,

so I blamed it
on the folks
in room 702.

What's their story?

Anyway,
now we're best friends,

and I scored us a ride
to Philly.

This seems like the start
of a horror movie.

Or a great friendship.

I like the sound of
this mysterious ice fella.

I'm glad you dig it
because we leave in 20.

Trust me, the rest of the way
is gonna be sweet and easy.

Well, I've never been
robbed before.

I'm sorry
I screamed so much.

I can't believe
he even took

the Cobramatchstick
from my lips.

Now I just look
like a fool.

Yeah, that's what did it.

Hey,
look on the bright side...

He didn't want
our turkey, okay?

He only wanted our money
and our watches and our IDs.

A warm ham
is not gonna replace
my go-kart license!

We were five freaking minutes
from home,

and now we're on
some deserted Southern road

with only a ham
to our name.

This is the finest turkey
in all the land!

It's a ham!

And the only turkey
around here is you.

Listen,
I made mistakes, okay?

But you're still
on my team, right, Bar?

I used to think you pulling
a Marvin was hilarious,

but, honestly,
now it's kind of sad.

We're gonna find
our own way home.

Damn it.

I think this is a ham.

ADULT ADAM: While Erica
and Barry quit my
Uncle Marvin cold turkey,

my mom was excited to have
a Thanksgiving Day redo.

Morning, Ben.
Oh, I'm so glad to see you
up and feeling better,

and I promise,

we are gonna have
a great...

The
are you eating?

Gobble gobble.

It's cold,
but it's tasty.

Did you carve my bird?

No, I just yanked
the leg off.

It fought me, but I won.

Damn it, Ben, I worked
my ass off preparing this.

I'm enjoying it.
What more do you want?

To eat it together
as a family.

There's plenty more.

Besides, eh, the big guy
hasn't even been at it.

The big guy?
You mean your son?
Your child?

Like he needs
anything more
from me, huh?

What?
He's got the big house,

got the tables full of food,
the fancy doodads.

Not to mention you,
Blondie,

and those annoying rugrats
of yours.

Mm-hmm.
Okay, you know what?

I think
it's time you left.

What? What are you
talking about?

I have tried to be
on your side,

but you know what?
Murray was right.

You are just awful.

Whatever happened to
all that "family takes
care of family" baloney?

Yeah, I don't think you really
want to be part of this family

'cause family
doesn't treat
people like that.

Please don't make me go.

Did you say something?

I want to...stay.

Ben, just say
whatever awful thing
it is you're gonna say.

Well, what if...

I want to be
part of the family?

I, uh, want to get along
with my son,

but I don't know how.

If that's really
what you want,
I can help you.

Oh, I knew I could get
my perfect Thanksgiving.

Well, I wouldn't go
that far.

I mean, it's Friday,
and I ate all the corn.

ADULT ADAM: After being
Planes, Trains and
Automobile- ed by Uncle Marvin,

Barry and Erica
found themselves

further from home
than ever.

Look. There's a bus leaving
for Philly in ten minutes.

Perfect. If only that guy
hadn't stolen our wallets
and your dignity.

Those were the tears
of a warrior
preparing to strike.

We're never getting home.
Oh, yes, you are.

Marvin, please don't
make things
any worse...

I know that
I blew it before,

and the time before that,
and like a million times
before that,

but all that's
gonna change now.

Did you steal
another Chevette?

'Vette. And, no.

But I do have a great idea
to get you guys home.

Because what's even worse
than making you
miss Thanksgiving

is knowing that
I'm the dumbass responsible.

What are you saying?

Just trust me one last time,

and I promise
that "pulling a Marvin,"

it's gonna mean
something good.

Okay.

Let's see what you got.

ADULT ADAM: With that, Barry and Erica had no choice but to trust our uncle,

and that's when he pulled
his most epic Marvin yet.

Tickets, please.
No time!

Me and my compadres here
work for the medical FBI!

And we are mandated to get
this very real human heart
to Philly, STAT.

Thanksgiving and Uncle
Marvin's reputation
hung in the balance.

We just needed
one little "yes"
to make it home.

Whatever.

Eh, close enough.

I can't believe
that worked.

You actually did it,
Uncle Marvin.

Yeah. I kinda did.

As Barry and Erica
were finally headed home,

my dad and Pop-Pop were
having a hard time
finding the right words...

Or any words.

Okay, so, let me get
the ball rolling.

Murray, maybe you could say
something like,

"Dad, I'm upset about..."

Meh.

Maybe Ben can start.

Ben, maybe you could say
to Murray, uh,

"Murray, what you need
to understand..."

All right,
this is not gonna work

unless everybody
uses words.

Fine!

You were a crap dad then,
and you're a crap dad now.

How's that?
BEVERLY: Really bad.

Not constructive or helpful
in any way.

He's right.
I wasn't a great dad...

'Cause he was
a crappy kid.

Exactly.

We were kids,
you jackass!

Okay, this was a mistake.

Let's just go back
to angry silence.

After your mother left,

I was stuck
with two dumb boys

and didn't know how to be
a parent, bonehead.

How is that my fault,
you jerk?

It isn't.
I was just scared
and lonely

and overwhelmed...

And I got angry and
took it out on the
wrong people, dumbass.

Well, I didn't
know that, moron.

I know you're yelling
and it all sounds hateful,

but this is really good.

I had to raise myself
and my brother

because you wouldn't,
you piece of crap.

And that is
my greatest regret,
you fathead idiot.

That is the nicest thing

that you have ever said to me,
you old sack of bones!

It's working.

It sounds so terrible,
but it's beautiful.

That's why I crap
on everything you have,
because I'm jealous.

I mean,
look at your life.

Look at this big, dumb house

and your beautiful
moron family.

It is nice!

And I'm proud of myself.

You should be, you ass.

I'm glad I could share it
with you,

you son of a bitch.
Me, too!

I'd like to make up
for lost time, putz.

I'd very much like that,
you broken old bastard!

This is
what I'm talking about!

It's finally
Thanks--giving!

ADULT ADAM: Yep,
thanks to my mom,

Pop-Pop and my dad
finally broke through,

and Barry and Erica decided
that "pulling a Marvin"

wasn't a bad thing
after all.

It meant showing up
when it mattered most.

And even though it was Friday and there wasn't any corn,

Thanksgiving
finally came together.

To all of us.

ALL: Salud.

You did it, Mom.

You pulled off
the perfect Thanksgiving.

ADULT ADAM: That's the
awesome thing about family.

Just when you think
hope is lost,

people who care surprise you
in ways you never expected.

We still talk about
that legendary Thanksgiving

to this very day,
'cause in the end,

no matter how crazy
the journey home is,

the best part
is being together.

♪ Every time you go away ♪

Thanksgiving.

How did you like
this Thanksgiving?

Pretty good.
How about you?

ADAM: Hi.

ADAM: I can't believe
I've never seen
the movie Cobra.

Ah, you're gonna
love it, kid.

Besides Sly, it's got Danish
bombshell Brigitte Nielsen.

Red Sonja herself.

I'll get us the tickets.

No need.
This one's on
Uncle Marvin.

Please tell me
your wallet's in there.

Wallets are for people
who play by the rules.

Code blue!

We got an emergency
liver transplant
in...theater four.

I'm gonna need
a bucket of ice

and a large popcorn,
STAT!

Yeah, that'll be
nine dollars.Here's ten.