All language subtitles for Viva Blackpool 2006 DVDRip H264 BONE

[NESSUN DORMA
PLAYING ON ORGAN]

♪ This thing called love

♪ I just can't handle it

♪ This thing called love

♪ I must get 'round to it

♪ I ain't ready

♪ Crazy little thing called love

♪ This thing
(This thing)

♪ Called love
(Called love)

♪ It cries
(Like a baby)

♪ In a cradle all night

♪ It swings
(Woo woo)

♪ It jives
(Woo woo)

♪ It shakes all over like a jellyfish

♪ I kinda like it

♪ Crazy little thing called love

♪ There goes my baby

♪ She knows how to rock 'n' roll

♪ She drives me crazy

♪ She gives me hot and cold fever

♪ She leaves me in a cold, cold sweat

[MOBILE RINGING]

♪ I gotta be cool, relax, get hip

♪ Get on my tracks

♪ Take a back seat, hitchhike

♪ Take a long ride on my motorbike
until I'm ready

♪ Crazy little thing called love

No. Hey?

When?

♪ Yeah!

♪ I gotta be cool, relax, get hip

♪ Get on my tracks

♪ Take a back seat, hitchhike

♪ Take a long ride on my motorbike

♪ Until I'm ready
(Ready, Freddie)

♪ Crazy little thing called love

Oh!

♪ This thing called love

♪ I just can't handle it

♪ This thing called love

♪ I must get 'round to it

♪ I ain't ready

♪ Crazy little thing called love

♪ Crazy little thing called love
(Yeah, yeah)

♪ Crazy little thing called love
(Yeah, yeah)

♪ Crazy little thing called love
(Yeah, yeah)

(Crazy little thing called love)

God bless you.
Thank you so much.

No! Thank you for giving me
the privilege of blessing your love.

Hey, good lad. Bless you.
Peace be with you.

Thank you, Father.
Oh, no, just Reverend.

Not "Father." Hey, unless you
know something I don't.

I did use to plough the fields

and scatter a fair bit
before I was saved.

Your intended's cutting it
a bit fine, isn't he, love?

Elvis theme, wasn't it?
(AMERICAN ACCENT) Country and western.

What, no guests?
Oh, he's English blue blood.

His family don't approve.
Well, he'd better look sharp.

I've got a pair of lesbian bikers
getting hitched at 12:30.

You don't want
that lot turning ugly.

And let's face it, honey,
they got a head start on the rest of us.

That's right.

Well, are you sure you didn't arrange
to meet him outside?

I checked.
He said he'd be early this time.

This time?

Well, we had a bit of a
misunderstanding last July.

He wasn't quite as divorced
as he made out.

You know, it's always the red tape
that trips you up in this country.

They always turn up in the end though,
don't they?

He'd be a fool not to, wouldn't he?

I mean, look at you.
You're a walking temptation, hmm?

They should write a commandment
just about you.

How's my little Freya?

I'll get this to the bank
before they close.

Oh, the Lord provides top dollar
for the righteous, eh, love?

That's me daughter, Shyanne.
Very money-minded.

Tight as a fat girl's shoe,
to be honest.

She gets it from my ex-wife.

I'm not fussy about cast-offs
if Ripley's bagsied you first 'round.

I didn't get any of that, I'm afraid.

Oh, take no notice of Billy, love.
He's not right in the head.

As a small child he had an unfortunate
accident with a stylophone.

But the good Lord saw fit
to give him the gift of music

by way of compensation, didn't he?
Here you are, Billy, eh?

Why don't you go and buy yourself
some sweets?

Didn't know they had places
like this in England.

Oh, just the one.

I can provide everything
from the chapel to the rose corsage.

Every last detail,
even down to the bride's garter.

It's just about perfect.

I saw the light
when I was out in Vegas.

Where God rewards the rich
and the rich reward God.

Now, that's a religion
I can understand.

Oh, well, there you are, you see,
we were both wrong.

Oh, well, he's no oil painting,
but each to his own.

This is not him.

Very funny, Ripley.
Bad timing, Tommy. I've got company.

Now, this is my good friend,
Thomas Vesty. And this is...

Miss Kitty De-Luxe.

American Beast Car Emporium,
Blackpool's number one SUV outlet.

Let's not dribble all over the seat,
shall we?

Let's aim straight for the pan.
Where is it?

I'm hardly going to pick it up
on the day of the funeral, am I?

You're always telling me
you're a man of razor-sharp decision,

one of nature's natural thrusters.

Well, let's just say that Miss De-Luxe
has got a competitive advantage.

I'm after a woman too, Rev.

A woman as capricious and elusive
as any of the great beauties.

Helen of Troy, Marilyn Monroe,
Moira Stewart.

They only barbecued him this morning.
Have a bit of respect, will you?

Is this you asking for a deposit?
Well, it wouldn't hurt.

I'll see you at the Emporium,
tomorrow, 1 p.m.

What it is to be popular, eh?
I wouldn't exactly know right now.

Oh, eh, I didn't
mean it like that.

Look, I'll tell you what.

I'll rattle through the nuptials
of dykes on bikes,

then I'll take you for a drink, eh?
Help soften the blow.

Strange we never bumped
into each other in Vegas.

I was in Fairy Tale Follies on Ice
at the Flamingo Showroom for two years.

Oh, you're an ice-skater?
Ice-dancer.

Though I like to think of it
as the people's ballet.

Oh, thank you.
Okay.

Nice fella that. He saw the buttonholes,
thought that we'd got hitched.

Oh, I'm sorry. I've done it
again, haven't I?

You know, I've got a gob
like a monk's Y-fronts.

It's okay. It's not just the wedding,
it's all my plans.

I guess Paradise Lost on Ice
will just have to wait.

What's that?
My ice show.

The first half is all about sin,

and in the second half,
everyone gets saved.

It's got sex, it's got religion,
it's got skating.

I figure I've pretty much
got all the bases covered.

Hey, I'll tell you what,
I'll buy a ticket right now, eh?

Oh, that's real sweet of you, honey,
but it isn't gonna happen.

My husband-to-be was gonna bankroll it,
that's how he persuaded me over here,

but I would have come anyway.
I have a weakness for English men.

(LAUGHING)
Well, that's a happy coincidence.

Why? Have you got a weakness
for English men, too?

Oh, hey, come on.
Do I look like I'm good with colours?

Well, you never can tell these days.
I mean, you being in the church and all.

And when I think a guy's hot,
he usually turns out to be gay.

Yeah.

That's him over there.

For your trouble.
Thanks.

So, did you keep any of your
ice-dancing outfits?

Oh, just Little Bo Peep
from Fairy Tale Follies,

and I kept my nurse's outfit from
ER Winter Wonderland.

Nurse's outfit?
Oh, it's not a real nurse's outfit.

It's PVC and it's got a detachable skirt
for the resus finale.

Well...
Right.

This better be very good, mate.

Steve Pollard, AAA Sport,
management, representation, publicity.

Reverend Ripley Holden, Little Bisman
Chapel of Christ the Economist.

A.k.a. the Chapel of Love.
Yeah, I know who you are.

Tommy the Motor has been shooting
his mouth off again.

He tells me that you know
the whereabouts of a certain item.

Well, Tommy the Motor's
already got there before your mate.

I've accepted his offer, all right?

Steve Pollard does not take no
for an answer.

Do you know what "no" is?
"No" is a door begging to be pushed.

Well, in this case,
it's a door marked "exit".

I'm sorry, but I've got very
old-fashioned values. Me and Moses.

Hmm. Fair play.
Enough said. Respect.

But what the good Reverend
is trying to say

is that he's already accepted
a cash deposit from Tommy Motor.

Hey, hang on.
How much?

$5,000.

Well, I could bend...ten grand
your way right now, no problem.

Well, business is business, isn't it?

Don't want to get too sentimental
over a handshake

with a second-hand car salesman.

There's another 100 grand, cash,

if you can get said item to me
by midnight tonight.

No, can't be done, I'm afraid.
Take it or leave it.

Come here a minute.

Listen, I've got a woman
cooking on a low light here,

you know what I'm saying?
Phone, text, email before 12:00.

All the same to me, hmm?
I'm BlackBerried up.

I know what you're thinking.
What am I thinking?

You're thinking no woman
can be worth $100,000.

But I'm thinking if any woman is,
it's probably you.

You might just be right there, honey.

I've got an American luxury travel
trailer parked up behind the chapel.

You get your things
and you make yourself at home.

I'll see you there
in a couple of hours, eh?

Why should I miss out on my honeymoon
just 'cause my groom never showed?

I'll give you a seeing-to
that'll have you speaking in tongues.

You'd better, Reverend.

Mrs. Berry. How are you doing?

I'm Ripley Holden.
We met at your Patrick's funeral.

Patrick never mentioned that he had
a friend who was a man of the cloth.

Oh.

Well, I wasn't a man of the cloth then.
In fact, I'd be the first to admit

I could have taught Satan
a thing or two about sin.

That explains how you knew Patrick.

Me and him, we ran a Blackpool-style
arcade together in Vegas, you know.

Little corner of England, it was.
That sounds lovely.

In fact, that's what they called us,
"The Little Englanders".

Barry Manilow first thought that up
when he was playing Caesars Palace.

You were friends with Barry Manilow?

Well, I wouldn't say "friend" exactly.

Patrick, he took more of a shine to.

I don't know why he had to come back
and end up...

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

A man's life story can't be told
by a list of the mistakes he made

and the pain he suffered,
and I should know.

I've had more pain in my life
than a cobbler with Parkinson's.

You know what?

I'd like you to
have some of his things.

Take something to remind you of him,
a little keepsake.

You know, it's funny
you should mention that

because there was something
he said I'd appreciate.

Everything he had is under this roof
and you're welcome to it.

Don't hold back if there's
anything you fancy.

I won't.

It's like he's left a little part
of himself behind, isn't it?

Yeah, it certainly is.

Would you like to see him now?

Who?
Patrick.

The Golden Lady.
That's what he used to call it, too.

It was always one of his favourites.

So I thought it would be nice
if they were together for all eternity.

How do you mean?

Are you sure this is all of him?
Because he was a big lad, wasn't he?

No, no. I took a flask of
him down to Wembley

and sprinkled him in a cement mixer.

That's what he would have wanted.

Supernatural
traction on this damsel.

Designed for the Gulf War,
so you need a bit of purchase

when you've got a dozen angry
Arabs on your tail.

Took her for a test drive on
Southport Sands last week, came home,

found three kiddies
stuck to the bull bar.

Didn't even know I'd hit them.

Got a bit of a Wonderbra situation,
Tommy.

What?

Seems I had more on display
than I can deliver.

Don't tell me it's gone.
No, worse than that.

His mother has put his ashes in it.

Does the phrase "once in a lifetime"
mean nothing to you, Ripley?

Yeah, I usually use it
when I'm about to lie to somebody.

I'm going to show you something
nobody has ever seen before.

Not even the wife.

Last time a bloke said that to me
was in a public toilet in Cleveleys.

[GIRLS SCREAMING]

England, 1966.

We are the proud hosts of the World Cup.
But we invented It's a Knockout.

We're never happier than when we're
making ourselves a laughing stock.

The priceless World Cup trophy
was put on display in Westminster Hall.

And stolen.

Only to be mysteriously found
seven days later

under a bush by Pickles the dog.

Why go to the trouble of stealing
the World Cup and then dumping it?

Answer. It never happened.
Look, is this gonna take long?

The FA panicked when the trophy was
stolen and cast a replica straightaway.

It was hidden under a bush and unearthed
by our intrepid border collie,

who, for all we know,
was in on the scam.

Yeah. I've heard they're a very
intelligent breed.

Nobby Stiles dancing.

And what is he clutching?

The Jules Rimet Trophy.

Behold her magnificent bosom, Reverend.

In 1966 they match,
front and back.

A D-cup, wouldn't you say?
Yes, she's stacked, no doubt about it.

Now, I've got a flesh and blood pair
waiting for my attention

back at the trailer so...

Yet four years earlier, in 1962
in Chile, we have the real World Cup.

D-cup at the front.
A-cup at the back.

Hey, like Jordan and Kate Moss
standing back to back, eh?

TOMMY: Rubbed flat by generations
of international footballers.

The real World Cup was never found.

It has been circulating for 40 years

amongst the cognoscenti
of football memorabilia.

And somehow it came into the legal
possession of a friend of yours.

I don't know about legal.
He won it cheating at cards in Vegas.

The finest collection of World Cup
memorabilia anywhere in the world.

[RIPLEY EXCLAIMING]

Don't tell me that's Pickles.

Fully certified.
What, you or the dog?

How long have you had all this stuff?
Built it, piece by piece.

And when I get that trophy,
I will have completion.

You wouldn't deny a man completion,
would you, Ripley?

No. Not unless I
had a better offer.

Better offer? Since when?
I thought we shook hands on $100,000.

A bloke called Pollard's
come in with a very attractive bid.

Pollard! How does he know about it?

How do you think? You've been
shooting your mouth off

when you're drunk again, haven't you?
Like you always do.

I thought we were friends.
We are. But I'll get over it.

All right, all right.
Let's not tiptoe through the tulips.

$120,000 on completion.
125.

What makes you think I'll go that high?

Well, you've just showed me
what it means to you.

You strike a hard bargain
for a man of God.

They don't let just anyone graduate

from the Las Vegas Church
of Christ the Economist, you know.

♪ I'm on my way
from misery to happiness today

♪ Uh-huh ♪ Ah-ha

♪ Uh-huh ♪ Ah-ha

♪ I'm on my way
from misery to happiness today

♪ Oh-ho ♪ Uh-huh

♪ Oh-ho ♪ Uh-huh

♪ I'm on my way
to what I want from this world

♪ And years from now
you'll make it to the next world

♪ And everything that you receive
up yonder

♪ Is what you gave to me
the day I wandered

♪ I took a right, I took a right
turning yesterday

♪ Uh-huh ♪ Ah-ha

♪ Uh-huh ♪ Ah-ha

♪ I took a right, I took a right
turning yesterday

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ I took the road that brought me
to your hometown

♪ I took the bus to streets that I
could walk down

♪ I walked the streets
to find the one I'd looked for

♪ I climbed the stair
that led me to your front door

♪ And now that I don't want
for anything

♪ I'd have Al Jolson sing
"I'm Sitting on Top of the World"

♪ I'll do my best, I'll do my best
to do the best I can

♪ Uh-huh ♪ Ah-ha

♪ Uh-huh ♪ Ah-ha

♪ I'll do my best, I'll do my best
to do the best I can

♪ Ah-ha-ha!

♪ To keep my feet from jumping
from the ground, dear

♪ To keep my heart from jumping
through my mouth, dear

♪ To keep the past,
the past and not the present

♪ To try and learn
when you teach me a lesson

♪ And now that I don't want
for anything

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ I'd have Al Jolson sing
"I'm Sitting on Top of the World"

♪ I'm on my way
from misery to happiness today

♪ Uh-huh ♪ Ah-ha

♪ Uh-huh ♪ Ah-ha

♪ I'm on my way
from misery to happiness today

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ I'm on my way
to what I want from this world

♪ And years from now
you'll make it to the next world

♪ And everything that you receive
up yonder

♪ Is what you gave
to me the day I wandered

(I'm on my way
to what I want from this world)

(And years from now
you'll make it to the next world)

(And everything that you receive
up yonder)

(Is what you gave
to me the day I wandered)

(I'm on my way)

(I'm on my way)

(I'm on my way)

(I'm on my way)

Oh!

I've seen it, Shyanne.
I have seen the World Cup.

Is that some sexual slang
I don't know about?

No. The Jules Rimet Trophy,
just like Patrick said.

You know, I don't think
I ever really believed he had it.

And I've got two buyers
rubbing up against each other.

It's like watching Dolly Parton
trying on T-shirts.

Oh, we are out of this place, love.

So you get choosing
a slide and a swing for Freya

'cause you're going to have
a big garden to fill.

I like what we've got already.

I didn't come back from Vegas
to live in a caravan in a car park.

I came back to climb that slag heap
we call success.

A string of Vegas-style wedding chapels
across the country.

Helicopter weddings, outdoor gazebos,
love at Lake Windermere.

And I want that, too, Dad.

But not through some back-door deals
and dodgy World Cups.

This time next week,
we'll have 125 grand.

We can open another chapel
in Manchester and then one in Leeds.

'Til that cupid sign
is like McDonald's golden arches.

That was always the plan, Shyanne,
and you know it.

Don't bail out on me now.
And where does she fit into the plan?

Oh, I see.

That's why you're sitting there
with a face like Yorkshire, is it?

'Cause I got lucky?

It's not that you got lucky,
it's who you got lucky with.

I mean, she's so obvious.

I've lived a good life
since I got back, Shyanne.

But I feel like I've done my 40 days
in the wilderness and then some.

Judging by what I've just experienced.
Ho-ho!

I think somebody up there
might just agree with me.

You talking about God or the bloke
who works the lift in Blackpool Tower?

Ooh!

[CANS RATTLING]

Oi!

Come here! Who are you working for?

It's not Pollard
if that's what you think.

I didn't mention Pollard.
Oh, didn't you?

No harm befalls the righteous,

but the wicked shall have their
fill of troubles!

Yeah, that's what I'm always saying
as well.

Go on, on your way.

What you looking at me like that for?
Just a coincidence, was it?

You start going dodgy, now we've got
heavies hanging 'round outside.

Heavies? I don't think we've got
anything to worry about with that bloke.

I've had curries that are more
dangerous.

[FREYA BABBLING]

You don't want your toast?
No. No.

Does she go to school at all?

She's only two, so I thought it
might be a bit early.

You got any children yourself, Kitty?
Me? Hell, no.

In my line of work, I need to keep
my pelvic floor right where it is.

What line of work would that be?
Ho-ho!

There will be no sharing tea bags when
I get my hands on that World Cup, eh?

Have you thought what
you're gonna do with his ashes?

Tip them into the nearest ashtray?

You know, I hadn't thought
that far ahead.

Maybe it just wasn't supposed
to happen, Dad.

Patrick was a 60-a-day man, but
I don't think he wants to spend eternity

with the tab ends
and the spent matches.

Oh, you're a good man,
anybody can see that.

I'm a lucky man, I can see that.

Grandad's a lucky man,
isn't he, sweetheart, eh?

Yeah, he's got you for a start,
hasn't he?

And I'll bet your best friend Patrick
thought you were a good man, too.

Aw, poor you, baby.

I can see it's a real
heart-churner for you.

It is. I don't mind telling you.

Business is booming.

It's like I keep saying,
we don't need anything crooked.

Then again, the mother's an old lady.
How fast can she be on her feet?

I thought you were the
soft-hearted type.

A woman's allowed to cry when
she gets ditched at the altar, darling.

That's about the only time.

You've not forgotten our 10:30,
have you? Blue Hawaii.

You know, the real business
where people pay us real money

and nobody gets hurt.

No, no, of course.
Give us five minutes, will you?

Come on. Leave grandad to it.

I'll see you later.
Maybe we can go out somewhere.

Yeah, yeah, we can. We can go anywhere.
Go anywhere at all, eh?

This isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Aw.

Hey-up.
Ripley Holden as I live and breathe!

Crazy Eddie. A walking advert
for care in the community.

You don't change.
Well, neither do you.

Oh, how's the wife?
Never better.

Once you've dated blow-up,
you never go back. Why would you?

So what are you after?
Matching wedding thongs?

Novelty willy-warmers?

Well, actually, I was wondering
what you had on a World Cup theme.

It couldn't be simpler.

You go in, you distract her,
you make the switch.

Mrs. Berry's got the replica,
you've got the real World Cup.

We're rich.

And our souls are hanging
over the fiery pits of hell.

You are doing her a favour, Ripley.
God would understand that.

Would he?

Because I'm not familiar with
the parable of fleecing the old lady.

Do you trust me, baby?
Of course I trust you.

I wouldn't be sitting here outside her
house if I didn't trust you, would I?

Trust me on this. Sooner or later,
somebody with a harder heart than yours

is gonna track down the real World Cup.

When they do,
Mrs. Berry's gonna get hurt.

Seems to me like God is telling
you to do it.

How come you always know
the right thing to say?

Think about what you'll get
when you come out.

Hey, come on.
I can hardly walk as it is.

It's like a diamond cutter down there.

He's gone out.

Oh.

It's got a special glow, hasn't it?
It has indeed.

It's as though Patrick was inside,
smiling down at us.

Laughing, even.

The reason I came to see you,
Mrs. Berry...

You don't need a reason to come here.
I feel like you're part of the family.

That's great, isn't it?

It's just, the thing is, there was
something Patrick had that I thought...

It wasn't those girlie magazines,
was it, Reverend?

Because I've given them
to the Oxfam shop.

No, no. It wasn't the girlie magazines.

It's just the thing is...
Oh, what am I thinking of?

What?
I haven't offered you a cup of tea!

Oh, that's all right.
No, it's not!

Oh, it's so lovely to have a man
about the place again.

Let me just put the kettle on.

I've got three iced buns I've been
keeping for a special occasion.

It's funny you mentioning our Patrick
getting on with Barry Manilow.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like brothers they were, him and Bazzer.

Because he had a guinea pig
called Mandy when he was a lad.

Yeah. Yeah, I think he mentioned that.

Do you take sugar?
I can't remember.

I just wanted to give him
a last hug goodbye.

They broke the mould
when they made you, Reverend.

Give me your mobile number and I'll ring
you when he comes back if you like.

You taking the mickey?
Duh.

You're the missus, then?
I'm the daughter.

That's why we're
in separate caravans.

Oh, right.

Between you and me,
I'm not really cut out for this.

You don't say?

Mr. Pollard says he could swing me
a trial with Stockport County.

I'm supposed to keep in with him,
run errands and that.

Spy on my dad.

Do you think I've blown my cover?

Lovely little girl.
Yeah, yeah, she is.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Come on, then.

Is your mum still alive, Reverend?

No, no, no.
She passed away a long time ago.

Oh.

She never really recovered
from Elvis' death, to be honest.

Well, who has?

Maybe you came into my life
for a reason, Reverend.

You know, I'm sure I did.

And I was thinking...
Yeah.

Would it be...

Would you do me the honour of
praying with me?

Praying?

Ready when you are, Reverend.

I...

I'd like to start with a period
of hushed contemplation, you know.

Oh, yes, of course.

Lord,

let us be thankful

for the little things in life,

for the chances that you send our way.

For wasn't it you who said,

"A good tree cannot bear bad fruit"?

And thank you, Lord,

for sending the Reverend Ripley Holden
into my life.

I lost one son, but in your wisdom,

you have sent me another.

And he's a blessing,
a real blessing.

Amen to that.

I'm sorry. I couldn't make the switch.

Oh, fine.

Hey, you can't walk in those heels.
I'll take my chances!

Well, I'll see you later, then, eh?

Steve Pollard can't play football,

but he'll walk through brick walls
for anybody who does.

I expect the same prerogatives,
so to speak,

to be expressed by and from my client.

I can progress his career in such a way
that it will only move forward,

not in reverse, only move...
Oi, I need a word. Now!

Excuse me.

Deal's off.
How much is Tommy the Motor offering?

[MOBILE RINGING]

Gary! 25% of Netto.
Won't budge, my friend.

I've just left Tommy in floods of tears
clutching a KFC family bucket.

And I told him what I'm telling you,
it can't be done.

[MOBILE RINGING]

I'll cut you in on a slice
of this young man, hmm?

50% of image rights and merchandising.
Now, is that a square ball?

What, with a face like that?
He's hardly David Beckham.

I've had an approach from Nike.

What, to sponsor the bag
to go over his head?

[MOBILE RINGING]

Gary? Yeah. I've never seen a kid
this good, this age.

A shot on him like a German porn star.

How much has Vesty offered you?
I can't get you the World Cup.

150,000, is it?
150K, hmm? The full Rio?

Gary, look I've got OK! magazine
chasing after me. I'll call you back.

I don't want anything.
You can offer me what you like,

it doesn't make any difference.

Why do you think they want me
as their agent, eh?

Because Steve Pollard, he can squeeze
the impossible out of the end of a tube.

Jules Rimet in my safe,
that's my calling card.

That says the impossible
is something that I do.

That says that every kid with talent
is gonna sign with me.

That says I can do anything that I want
and whatever I want...

You can squeeze out
the bottom of a tube, you told me.

So exactly 200K it is then.
Look, I haven't got it!

200K says you have.

Here you are.
Sean. Yeah, how do you fancy opening a
topless sushi bar?

It's over!

Over? That's when Steve Pollard
opens negotiations.

Sean, I'll call you back.
Bonsai trees, Japanese...

I couldn't do it.
She trusted me.

I thought we were going on an adventure

and take all the ups and down
that came our way.

You make it sound like Alton Towers.
This was robbing an old lady.

It would have been like
robbing me own mum,

and I never used to like to do that
at the best of times.

The trophy is yours. Patrick Berry
said it was yours when he died.

It's not what he said
word for word exactly, you know.

I thought we understood each other.

We do.
No, we don't.

And the best thing for both of us is
if I go and you stay here in a trailer.

That might be fine for you,

but I've seen the inside of enough
trailers growing up in Nebraska.

You can't go.
Oh, yeah?

Give me one good reason why not.

What about the ice show?
There isn't gonna be any ice show.

But I've found you an ice rink.

What?

I've found you an ice rink.

You bought me an ice rink?
I've made enquiries.

You'd buy me an ice rink?

Oh, Ripley. Ripley,
I can't believe I ever doubted you.

Ta-da!

Wow, Ripley.

Do you like it?
I love it.

Are you sure you can afford this?

Oh, well, you know, if Paradise Lost
on Ice is half as good as it sounds,

I'll be making it back ten-fold,
won't I?

Oh, you're gonna love it, baby.

When all the sinners get saved,
but, and this is the best bit,

not by one faith,
but by all the faiths, you know.

Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewishism,

that one with the wristbands
that Madonna does.

Brilliant. You know, it's classy,
but it's not too classy.

It's so multicultural you're probably
entitled to a grant.

Thank you.

Well, like I said, I'm only doing it
'cause it's a good investment, you know.

That's right.
Even after you've paid for the lights

and the costumes and the choreography.
Even then, yeah.

[RIPLEY GULPS]

Are you sure you
know what you're doing?

I only have to look at you and I'm sure.

♪ I don't know what it is
that makes me love you so

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go

♪ 'Cause you've started something
Oh, can't you see?

♪ That ever since we met
you've had a hold on me

♪ It happens to be true

♪ I only wanna be with you

♪ It doesn't matter where you go
or what you do

♪ I wanna spend each moment
of the day with you

♪ Oh, look what has happened
with just one kiss

♪ I never knew that
I could be in love like this

♪ It's crazy but it's true

♪ I only wanna be with you

♪ You stopped and smiled at me

♪ Asked if I'd care to dance

♪ I fell into your open arms

♪ And I didn't stand a chance

♪ Now listen, honey
I just wanna be beside you everywhere

♪ As long as we're together, honey
I don't care

♪ 'Cause you've started something
Oh, can't you see?

♪ That ever since we met
you've had a hold on me

♪ No matter what you do

♪ I only wanna be with you

[RIPLEY CHEERING]

(You stopped and you smiled at me)

(Asked if I'd care to dance)

♪ I fell into your open arms

♪ And I didn't stand a chance

♪ Now hear me tell you
I just wanna be beside you everywhere

♪ As long as we're together, honey
I don't care

♪ 'Cause you've started something
Oh, can't you see?

♪ That ever since we met
you've had a hold on me

♪ No matter what you do

♪ I only wanna be with you

♪ I said no matter,
no matter what you do

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

[CROWD CHEERING]

An ice rink! How are we gonna
pay for an ice rink?

Oh, there's loads of ways of raising
money for a show, isn't there?

Your father's very inventive, honey.
I can testify to that.

Too much information, thanks.
Can we stick to the subject?

Every now and again, a business
opportunity comes along, doesn't it?

The World Wide Web, Dyson vacuums.

Oh, those little tea towel holders
that look like cats' arses.

And grubby little ice shows
with dancing girls.

Yeah, I think I'm seeing it now.

Nothing grubby about my ice
show, Shyanne.

More class than an English tearoom.
Yeah?

The kind of tearoom that tries to pass
a stale muffin off as fresh-baked?

I take it stealing the World Cup's back
on the agenda to pay for it, then?

Hey, who's talking about stealing
the World Cup? I know I'm not.

You can get that thought
out of your head for a start.

Oh...

What do you want from him, eh?

The same as he wants from me.
Some good times and some good loving.

What do you want from him?
He's my dad.

So that gives you the right to question

every little bit of happiness
he gets for himself, huh?

Ooh! Look at you!

Don't you just look like
Lord Charles Dickens?

So cute.

If you're looking for the donkey rides,
they lock them up for winter.

Save it for the end of the pier.

See this smile on my face, Shyanne?
She put it there.

Did she put the ring
through your nose as well?

She makes me happy.
So can you just try and be nice to her?

Like you would if the boot was
on the other foot?

That's right.
Oh, yeah. I'd like to see that.

Shyanne, if a lad came into your life
and made you this happy,

I'd shake his hand, I really would.

Well, there is someone I've met.
Good. Anyone I know?

Sort of. It's that Vibe lad.

You know, the one you were throttling
the other night.

What? Pollard's gofer?

That's just a temporary job
until he gets signed up.

Oh, you are joking?
He makes me happy.

He's got a very refreshing take on life.

I bet he has. You're just doing this
to wind me up, aren't you?

No. He's a breath of fresh air.

I know why you're doing this
and I'm not falling for it.

He makes me happy!
Why? Eh? 'Cause he makes me unhappy?

No, that's not it.

That's always been it with you, Shyanne.

[PLAYING GREENSLEEVES ON ORGAN]

Oi!

What are you doing dressed like that?
Camelot theme at 5:30.

I thought it was Victorian. White lace
and promises with a Dickensian twist.

Don't look at me.
You took the booking.

No, I remember because the groom
is actually called Arthur in real life.

You think they'll notice?
Well, it doesn't say Merlin to me,

but then I have worked
with Rick Wakeman.

I hate to say this, but she's got
you not knowing what day it is.

Or century for that matter.

Here, go and slip the best man a
fiver, will you?

Tell him we'll give him
pageants of ages.

Have you got a woman on the go
at the moment, Tommy?

Not really. Just the wife.

What's the secret of a long
and happy marriage, then, eh?

I'm sexually adventurous.

What, with the missus?
Sometimes.

You have to be careful, though.

Spring a surprise and she starts
wondering where you learnt it.

How did you know she was the one...
She started finishing my sentences.

You know something's meant to be then.
That was the clincher, was it?

That and the fact that she went down
faster than Emile Heskey.

Do you ever find yourself wanting to
stay in bed with a woman even after sex?

That doesn't sound like you.
Find yourself

telling her things that you'd
never talk to anybody else about.

Find yourself laughing at her jokes
because they're properly funny.

You know, not like
women's jokes at all.

Ah, well, you're talking about
perfection there, aren't you?

You're not gonna get that
in this lifetime.

That's it, I think I have.
I've found the perfect woman.

And would the object of your affections
be the woman I met?

Miss Kitty De-Luxe.
You remember her.

What man could forget a woman
prettier than David Beckham,

with legs like Teddy Sheringham?

Thing is I promised her a rink.

What?
A rink. An ice rink.

Thank God for that.
I thought you said "ring".

I haven't got the money
to pay for it, Tommy.

If I let her down again, she'll go.
I know she will.

Well, my 125,000
is still on the table.

All you gotta do is pick up the
World Cup.

I've bottled it twice already,
haven't I?

Well, it takes a brave man
to face his nightmares

and a braver man
to face his dreams.

Did you make that up?

Russell Grant, actually,
but it doesn't make it any less true.

I can't go back into that house

and look Mrs. Berry in the eye when
I know I'm about to take that trophy.

Then don't look her in the eye.

You think that's yoga?

Been a while since
I shinnied up a drainpipe.

[GRUNTING]

♪ Love is a burning thing

♪ And it makes a fiery ring

♪ Bound by a wild desire

(I fell into a ring of fire)

♪ I fell into a
burning ring of fire

♪ I went down, down, down
and the flames went higher

♪ And it burns, burns, burns

♪ The ring of fire
The ring of fire

♪ I fell into a
burning ring of fire

♪ I went down, down, down
and the flames went higher

♪ And it burns, burns, burns

♪ The ring of fire
The ring of fire

POLLARD: Hello.

♪ The taste of love is sweet

♪ When hearts like ours meet

♪ I fell for you like a child

♪ Oh

(But the fire went wild)

♪ I fell into a
burning ring of fire

♪ I went down, down, down
and the flames went higher

♪ And it burns, burns, burns

♪ The ring of fire
The ring of fire

♪ I fell into a
burning ring of fire

♪ I went down, down, down
and the flames went higher

♪ And it burns, burns, burns

♪ The ring of fire
♪ The ring of fire

♪ And it burns, burns, burns

♪ The ring of fire
The ring of fire

♪ The ring of fire ♪

Are you happy with your solicitor,
Reverend Holden?

Fine. Can you see over that desk,
DS Coogan?

Just yes or no for the tape.

(IMITATING ELVIS) Well, maybe.
Thank you very much.

People like you turn my stomach.
Men, you mean.

Men who steal the urn
an old lady keeps her son's ashes in

and then go back to see
what else they can rip off.

What, she's had it stolen?

Yes, she has. But then you'd know
that already because you stole it.

I'm not a thief.
So what were you doing in her house?

Delivering meals on wheels?

Look, I can see how this looks,
but I was...

You went to visit Mrs. Berry
earlier in the week

disguised as a vicar to case the joint.

To pay my respects and offer
spiritual comfort. I am a vicar.

This doesn't really seem your style.

So did she put you up to it?

Who?
Miss Kitty De-Luxe.

Don't you say it like that.
Like you're better than her.

Kitty De-Luxe.

You'd think she could have tried
a bit harder than that, wouldn't you?

Well, it's a stage name, I know that.
Do you think I'm stupid or something?

Sadie Ward, a table dancer from Hull.

Also known as Sympathy Grace,

Elouise Hope, Charity Walker,

and, finally, Kitty De-Luxe.

So I'll ask you again.

Did she put you up to it?

Nobody ever made me
do anything I didn't want to.

Ripley Holden, I am charging you
with fraudulent representation,

trespassing, criminal damage, obtaining
property by deception and burglary.

(I must caution you...)

Game not going to plan?

You're telling me.
I keep looking out for Jeremy Beadle.

Yeah, I blame myself.

Intervention should have been
early doors

as soon as I set
eyes on Miss De-Luxe.

Hey, you don't know this
has got anything to do with her.

Someone has set you up for this,
and it's not me.

Too clever for Vesty, so...
Why would she want to set me up?

So she can waltz
away with the trophy.

You don't know that she's taken
the trophy.

Can you head back to the police
station, please, mate?

Ripley appears to have forgotten
to pick up his brain on the way out.

If you knew her, you'd know that
she wouldn't want to do this to me.

Well, you don't know her, do you?

A moment of weakness a long time ago.

She could make me flap like
David James coming for a cross.

Why didn't you say anything
the first time you saw me with her, eh?

Because I knew that if Kitty
had you in her clutches,

then the trophy was never
gonna be too far away.

Oh, well, that plan's worked out for
you, hasn't it?

Because if she took it,
her and that trophy will be long gone.

Well, I suggest you find her.

I've no chance of finding her now,
have I?

I do not pay a man's bail
and expect no return on said investment.

Honour your debts.
That is the first rule of business.

Honour your debts.

Ripley.

Kitty.

What are you doing here?

I was just remembering
where we first met, you know.

What is it?
Where have you been all night?

You don't know?

No, how could I?
I've been going mad with worry.

I got arrested for
stealing the World Cup.

You didn't!

Yeah, I got arrested.
But no, I didn't steal it.

Well, who did?
Don't you know?

No. How could I?

Well, you don't seem that bothered
that someone's got the trophy.

What I care about
is that we found each other.

Isn't that what really matters?

Yeah.

Yes, it is.

'Cause I love you, Ripley Holden.
Oh, God.

By the look of horror on your face,
I shouldn't have said that.

No, it's just that you were marrying
another fella

right here less than a week ago.

There's only ever been you.

I only ever loved you.
I just hadn't met you yet.

Kitty.

♪ It's not unusual
to be loved by anyone

♪ It's not unusual
to have fun with anyone

♪ But when I see you
hanging about with anyone

♪ It's not unusual to see me cry

I wanna die

♪ It's not unusual
to go out at any time

♪ But when I see you out and about
it's such a crime

♪ If you should ever want
to be loved by anyone

♪ It's not unusual
It happens every day

♪ No matter what you say

♪ You find it happens all the time

♪ Love will never do
what you want it to

♪ Why can't this crazy love be mine?

♪ It's not unusual
to be mad with anyone

♪ It's not unusual
to be sad with anyone

♪ But if I ever find
that you've changed at any time

♪ It's not unusual to find that
I'm in love with you

♪ Whoa

♪ Whoa

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

She's stolen the World Cup and
the police have thrown the book at me.

You should have heard
the list of charges.

I thought they were
going to run out of tape.

You sure Kitty stole it?
I even know where she's hidden it.

You know where it is?
Well, what are we waiting for?

She's not even
who she says she is.

If you don't want to nick it
back off her,

then tell me where it is
and I'll do it.

If she's lied about the World Cup
and she's lied about who she is,

then she lied about everything else.

There's 125 grand sitting in my safe
and it's yours

if you just tell me where
the World Cup is.

I mean, if she's got it,
what's she doing hanging 'round, eh?

There's time for all this afterwards.
So, where's she hidden it?

Maybe she can't bear to leave me.

First you wouldn't nick it because
it's got your mate's ashes in it.

Then you didn't want to cheat Mrs. Berry.
Now you don't want to piss Kitty off.

Now, I'm a patient man, Ripley,
but how can I put this?

Make a bloody move!

Go. Oh! And again.
Quick, get the ball. Right, ready.

Gonna try and catch it.
You think you can catch it? Yeah?

One, two, three. Yeah!

Oh, that's good. High five on that
one, definitely.

Oi, what do you think you're doing?

Hello, Mr. Holden.
Don't you "Mr. Holden" me.

You don't touch my grandchild.
You understand?

No, I was just looking after...
Dad, what are you doing?

Doing what you should've been doing,
looking after your daughter.

It's all right, love.

Vibe was just playing with her
while I got ready.

What?
Just put her down.

I said, put her down.

All right.

He's honest, he's funny.

He listens to me.
Treats me like a grown-up.

Oh, and he pays attention to Freya
without being asked.

What, you think he's fit enough
to bring up my grandchild, do you?

Oh, so she's your grandchild
all of a sudden, is she?

What do you mean by that?
You've hardly wanted to look at her

since Kitty got on the scene.

I got the impression
she was cramping your style

with the original holiday on ice.
What have you got against her, eh?

She has been nothing but trouble
since she got here.

No, you've been nothing
but trouble since she got here.

[MOBILE RINGING]

What?

You're joking?
I'll be right over.

Well, this is turning into the perfect
day, isn't it? We've had a break-in.

Oh, there's no need to kneel, Officer.
It's not that type of chapel.

It appears you've had a break-in.

Sanctify me. What is the world
coming to

when someone breaks into
the house of God?

It's enough to have you questioning
your faith, isn't it, Billy?

Did you have anything of
particular value on the premises?

Can't you feel the love?
Not personally. No.

Anything earthly
that might have been lifted?

Whoever broke in seemed to be
looking for something specific.

Oh, let's think. I've got the Turin Shroud
underneath the floorboards.

Oh, and a piece of toast that's
a dead ringer for John the Baptist.

Usually an inside job,
something like this.

Oh, there's a younger lad
you should be looking at, not Billy.

Oh, yes?
Dad.

What's his tag, lover, eh?
Vibe, Rive. Name escapes me.

Vibe didn't break in.
Vibe, eh?

What are you gonna do?
They spray graffiti, get told it's art.

Swear and get told it's poetry.

Is there any wonder that there's
no respect for law and order these days?

Don't listen to him.
He's got no idea.

I know. I found that out
when I arrested him last night.

Hey, DC Krankie, that's enough.

You were arrested?
Sorry, Ripley.

I didn't realise you were
the kind of family that had secrets.

Is everything all right?
Oh, this?

This is all part of the service, mate.
In these security-conscious times,

I like to take extra care
with each individual service.

Especially the
Deluxe Cinderella Package.

Could you get a move on?
The bride's started her contractions.

Well, I didn't like to spoil
their day of days.

I'm a romantic at heart.
Yeah. Me, too.

All right, boys. Let's leave it.

By the way, you've got a date
for your court case,

so we'll be seeing
a lot more of each other.

What court case?

Oh! Oops.

Hey.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON ORGAN]

It's about time.
These pants are chafing.

[WOMAN GROANING]

No, no. Technically, Wayne,
it's not a tax-deductible item, no.

No. Not even the condoms.

I've got something
that you want very badly.

I don't think I concur.

But I need a cash deposit
before I can deal with you direct.

Do you think I'm stupid?

Ask me a difficult question.
I'm getting bored with the easy ones.

He's on 20K a week
and a share of the merchandising.

Yeah, well, you'd better hurry up
because I can smell roubles.

I deal with the Reverend Ripley Holden.

As I understand it,
he is the trophy's sole representative.

Now why would you do that
when you could deal with me direct?

Because the last time
I dealt with you directly,

it led to shirt loss and face loss.

Aw, come on. We had some
good times, didn't we, Stevie?

Once I got used to that
frantic lovemaking style of yours,

like being ravaged
by a nervous breakdown.

Right, that's it. Meeting's over.

In the words of the great
Gianfranco Zola, finito and good night.

Now you really are being stupid.

Stupidity is no longer a part of my
portfolio, hmm?

Once bitten, fingers burnt.

[MOBILE RINGING]

Hello. Steve Pollard.

I got the World Cup, Stevie.

You sure you're ready to
kiss it goodbye?

No, no. No, no!

No, do not take a urine test
until I get there. São Paulo. Yep.

Okay, well, if you're bursting,
then try to miss the target.

Which, judging by the way
you're playing recently,

shouldn't be too difficult, should it?
Now, then.

Are you gonna carry on not talking

or are you gonna tell me
what you got arrested for?

As if I haven't guessed already.

Haven't you got other things
to be worrying about, eh?

Like the fact that your boyfriend
broke into my chapel.

Vibe didn't break in.
Of course he did.

Pollard would have told him to.

He thought I was hiding
the World Cup in there.

He didn't break in.

You keep saying that, Shyanne,
you might end up believing it.

He didn't break in because
he was with me last night.

All night.

Oh, great. Perfect.

Why don't you just have done with it, eh,

and start writing to blokes
on death row?

God, you've always been
a magnet for losers, Shyanne,

but this fella takes
the custard cream, he really does.

You just can't accept
I might be right about someone

and you might be wrong, can you?

How do you think you got yourself
into this mess in the first place, eh?

What mess would that be?

What, single mum living in a camper van
with spectacular sea views?

Is that the big dream
for A-stream pupils nowadays?

I know I'm a terrible
disappointment to you.

No, you're not.
You're not a disappointment.

I just thought things
would turn out better, that's all.

And now they just might.

But not if you wanna blow it all
by wasting yourself on this bloke.

Like I've wasted myself
on you for the past year?

What is it?

Just, you know, family stuff
chasing 'round my head.

I'm sorry.

It's me, isn't it?

I've come between you and Shyanne.
Listen, it's not you.

My daddy brought a different
woman home every six months,

I didn't like it one bit.

Where was that, then?
Ohio.

Is that where you grew up?
Because, you know...

You said Nebraska.

Well, we moved around a lot, you know.

I guess that's why
a trailer's on wheels.

I think I'm more trouble
than I'm worth, baby.

You're not.

I've left men on Thanksgiving that
were still crying on New Year's Eve.

I don't want to hurt you like that.

So what are you talking
about leaving for, then, eh?

You're happy with the ice rink,
aren't you?

Happy, yeah, I...
It's a dream come true. It's just...

I don't deserve it.

How do you mean?

There are things I've done.

Things that you don't know about.
Kitty.

There's nothing that you could tell me
that would stop me loving you.

You know that, don't you?
'Cause the way I see it,

you and me have gotta be brave.

Because it takes a brave man
to face his nightmares,

but a braver man
to face his dreams.

That's so beautiful.

Well, I have my moments.

Come here.

Kitty?

Kitty!

No.

Shyanne!

Did you see her go?
Who?

You know damn well who!

So, she's finally come good for you,
has she?

All her stuff's gone. Everything.

It was bound to happen.
I did try and tell you.

Last night. She said...

There's no way...
She told me...

Dad, she'd tell you anything.
I don't think she was American.

Oh, I know she's not American.
What?

How long have you known?
Since the police told me.

And what did she say when you told her?
Nothing, 'cause I haven't.

Why not?
'Cause I don't care.

The way I feel about her,
that doesn't matter.

Don't you think it'd be better
to face the truth?

Oh, you'd know all about that,
wouldn't you?

Kitty De-Luxe was a fantasy.

She was just using you.
Deep down, you knew she was.

I don't have a deep down, remember.

I don't believe in anything except
getting a little bit of happiness.

If it's not perfect, so what?

It's the only happiness
on offer right now.

Before she came, we had a good business
and a bit of money in the bank.

Now you've got a prison sentence
hanging over your head,

an ice rink you can't pay for

and a woman who took you
for every penny you've got left.

And I'd give her more.

If I had it.

I just don't understand
the hold she's got on you.

Come on.

Now, you've seen me do it
a thousand times.

You just talk about love, the Lord,
more love, more Lord and then out.

I don't know, Ripley.
This is the Harry Potter Package.

So, you know, just throw in
a few references to Dumbledore,

Hogwarts, cribbage.

I haven't got your gift.
Hey, come on.

You've played bigger crowds than this,
haven't you?

What about when you were in Dire
Straits at Wembley?

The Stones at Knebworth.
Well, that's just it.

I never was.
I was making that up.

Don't you think I know that?
I know that.

We're all liars, Billy.

Lying is what separates us
from the beasts.

You won't let me down. I know it.

[HARRY POTTER THEME PLAYING]

Where's Pollard? In here?

Tommy!

Tommy!

Tommy!

She's gone. She's done a runner.
That's terrible, Ripley.

Still, that's women for you. A shard of
glass where their heart should be.

Well, didn't you hear me?
She's gone, and so has Pollard.

You lied to me.
I only lied very recently, Ripley.

If you hadn't turned up,
I'd have barely lied at all.

So how long have you
all been in it together, then, eh?

Since Kitty gave us her price
for the trophy.

She strikes a harder bargain than you.
We had to club together.

Pooled our collective resources,
so to speak.

Oh, well, I'm glad I wasn't
double-crossed on the cheap, then.

I took it because I knew you were too
soft-hearted to ever go through with it.

I couldn't bear to see
that chance slip through my fingers.

Oh, but you were happy to see me
go down for your crime, eh?

It wasn't personal, Ripley.

I could have just been anyone, could I?

I've got a prison sentence
hanging over my head.

It's all here. All 300,000.

After all I said to you last night,
you still go and walk out on me.

It's because of what you said last night
that I had to leave.

About facing our dreams.
That broke my heart.

I couldn't stand lying to you
a moment longer.

Well, then why run away?
Why didn't you just tell me the truth?

We could have done this together.

It's a fake.
What?

It's a ringer. That's all the
facts you need to know.

It's real. I know it's real.
TOMMY: Matching bosoms.

It's a dead giveaway.
No. Big at the front, flat at the back.

KITTY: No.

I put this in your locker
and I took the real one.

You know, the one that
you nicked from Mrs. Berry's?

When?

I went through your make-up bag
and I found a key.

You went into my bag?
Whatever happened to trust?

It left through the back door
when you came in through the front.

You kept the key in your make-up bag?
That's a poor idea,

even by the impoverished standards
of your imagination.

Bloody hell!

So, why didn't you just bring
the trophy straight to me?

I was waiting for her to come clean.

That's all I was waiting for.

I swear I was gonna cut you in on this.

Oh...
I just wanted to do the deal first.

Well, you're a good liar
and you're a good lay,

but let's just cut the playacting, shall
we, and get down to business, Sadie?

Oh, baby.

And will you stop talking in
that stupid accent?

It's bad enough when Americans use it,
but at least they can't help it.

I wasn't faking it when I told you
how happy you made me.

I really wasn't.

I dare say you'll get over it.

You're not leaving her in here with me,
are you? She's barely house-trained.

Do you want this World Cup or not?

I'm motivated in that direction,
no doubt about it.

Right, well, I'll see you both
down the chapel in two hours' time.

What about me?

You've played your hand all wrong.
You're not even in the game any more.

Ripley!

Please.

I did grow up in a caravan park.

Oh, yeah, but not in Ohio
or Texas or Nevada.

Bridlington!
But Kitty De-Luxe is who I am.

I tried out a lot of lives
before I got to her.

But she is who I am.

What, you ran all this way
to tell me that, did you?

I made up stuff all my life
just to get by.

Yeah, well, that's hardly news.

Don't talk to me like
you're any better!

At least I didn't pretend
to fall for someone

just so I could get
my hands on their money.

Didn't you? Well, how come
you didn't tell me

that you knew I'd
stolen the World Cup?

How come you didn't tell me
that you knew who I really was?

'Cause you were frightened I'd disappear
and the money would disappear with me.

So we're both liars. So what?
That's just it. We're the same.

We think the same way,
we act the same way. We're a great team.

Why do you think we couldn't con
each other, huh?

Because we know each other already.

Don't do this, Kitty.

What was that you said
about a clean slate?

How do I know you're not
conning me now, eh?

You don't, and that's what
you love about me, isn't it?

Why do you think I'm finding it so hard
to give you your marching orders?

But it's what you hate about me, too.

That's right. That's right.

Tommy, how's the nose?

Throbbing like Rudolph's.
What's that lunatic woman doing here?

She's with me.
We've reached an understanding.

Hmm, there's no circumventing
an engorged man.

What's this, then? You trying
to cut Pollard out of the deal?

I think suggestions like that
are beneath you, Reverend.

What, like breaking into my chapel
is beneath you, eh?

Me and Steve Pollard are like
two threads snagged on the same hook.

What, he's bringing the rest of the money
'cause he doesn't trust you?

Correct.

Okay, let's seal this, deal-wise.
What's she doing here? What's occurring?

She made such a good job
of polishing Ripley's trophy,

he's decided to keep her on.

All right, gentlemen, let's cut the
foreplay

and get down to the shang-a-lang.

[PLAYING DRAMATIC MUSIC ON ORGAN]

Well, well, well. Vibe, welcome
back to the squad, son.

Why don't you just sit down
over there, lad, eh?

How long has this...
Truth, hmm, decency, loyalty?

Hmm? I'm in bits. Bits.
You're a football agent

and you're the most honest person
in the room.

I'd enjoy the novelty if I were you.

[NESSUN DORMA PLAYING ON ORGAN]

Gentlemen, I give you

the genuine

Jules Rimet Trophy.

Well, that's 150,000 for us.

And 150,000 for you.
You know what to do with it.

I can't take your money, Dad.
Not after what I said.

Why not? It didn't stop you
for the first 20 years of your life.

The girl feels guilty, Ripley.
You got to respect that.

It's about me being a dad.

About me being a grandad.

I know you'll look after it. You've
always been tighter than a worm's belt.

And look, keep this safe for us.

Don't go blowing it
on reading lessons for Vibe.

My name's Darrell.
Is it really?

I think I prefer Vibe.

Go on, get it in the bank
before the interest rates drop.

Hey, come on, cheer up. We did it.

Don't you feel just a little bit
excited?

I feel flatter than a kipper's dick,
to be honest.

Oh, that's understandable.
You had a tough day.

It's not because of what happened today,
it's because of what's gonna happen.

Huh?

I'm sorry, Kitty.

What for?

Someone's gonna have to go down

for stealing that World Cup
from Mrs. Berry's.

And it isn't gonna be me.

[SIRENS WAILING]

The trophy she stole
is currently in the possession

of Mr. Steven Pollard
and Mr. Thomas Vesty.

This is the money they gave to Kit...

To Sadie in exchange for the trophy.

Now, there's $50,000 there.

You might want to treat yourself
to a pair of platform shoes.

How could you do this to me, Ripley?

If you'd told me the truth,
I would have done time for you.

You're different to all the other guys
I cheated on.

You're the only one
who understands why I do it.

I can't stay with a woman
that makes me want to check

that my nadgers are still there
every morning.

I love you.

And I never thought
I'd ever love anyone again.

You're everything I ever wanted
in a woman.

You're gorgeous, you're funny.
You're as filthy as a miner's face.

Thanks.

Will you wait for me?

You still want me,
even after I've turned you in?

I want you
because you turned me in.

You got the better of me, Ripley.
No man ever did that before.

♪ Stars shining bright above you

♪ Night breezes seem to whisper,
"I love you"

♪ Birds singing in the sycamore tree

♪ Dream a little dream of me

♪ Say "nighty-night" and kiss me

♪ Just hold me tight
and tell me you'll miss me

♪ While I'm alone
and blue as can be

♪ Dream a little dream of me

♪ Stars fading but I linger on, dear

♪ Still craving your kiss

♪ I'm longing to linger 'til dawn, dear

♪ Just saying this

♪ Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you

♪ Sweet dreams that leave
all worries behind you

♪ But in your dreams whatever they be

♪ Dream a little dream of me

♪ Ba-ba-ba

♪ Stars fading but I linger on, dear

♪ Still craving your kiss

♪ I'm longing to linger 'til dawn, dear

♪ Just saying this

♪ Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you

♪ Sweet dreams that leave
all worries far behind you

♪ But in your dreams whatever they be

♪ Dream a little dream of me

[ALL HUMMING]

♪ Sweet dreams

('Til sunbeams find you)

(Sweet dreams,
all worries behind you)

(But in your dreams
whatever they be)

♪ Dream a little dream of me

(Sweet dreams)

(Sweet dreams)

(Sweet dreams)

(Sweet dreams)

(Sweet dreams)

(Sweet dreams)