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1
00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:04,613
Jamie needs a change. I want to do it!
2
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No way! We're supposed to take turns!
3
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:09,270
Mom told us Jamie swallowed one of her diamond earrings.
4
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:10,836
Whoever finds it when it comes out
5
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:11,881
gets a 20-buck reward.
6
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Let Reese change this one.
7
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He hasn't gotten to in a while.
8
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Oh, man.
9
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Somehow they never noticed
10
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that Mom doesn't own any diamond earrings.
11
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Smells like my ticket to Easy Street.
12
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♪ Yes, no, maybe
13
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♪ I don't know
14
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:32,423
♪ Can you repeat the question?
15
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♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪
16
00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:37,298
♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪
17
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:39,561
♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪
18
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,563
♪ And you're not so big
19
00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:44,218
♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪
20
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♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪
21
00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:48,700
♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪
22
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:51,442
♪ And you're not so big
23
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:56,143
♪ Life is unfair.
24
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Every year, for the last five years,
25
00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:04,934
we've spent a week in a cabin on a lake.
26
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,370
This year it got ruined,
27
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:08,198
and we had to come back three days early.
28
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:10,331
All I'm saying is I don't ask for much.
29
00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:13,682
Once a year I want to sit on a porch, stare at a bug zapper
30
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:15,510
and make s'mores over a trash can.
31
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,381
The problem is the boys have gotten soft.
32
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God forbid they should have a
little interaction with nature.
33
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ALL [screaming]: Leeches! Leeches! Leeches!
34
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[screaming]
35
00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:28,392
I blame video games.
36
00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:31,830
LOIS: What's going on?
37
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,532
Sorry, folks, street's closed.
38
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We live here. What is this?
39
00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:40,578
You live here and you don't know?
40
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:42,014
It's the annual block party.
41
00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:45,540
Annual? Every year for the last five years.
42
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:49,587
Oh, hey, Mort.
43
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,328
What's going on?
44
00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:52,721
Oh, Hal.
45
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,201
You're back early.
46
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:56,377
What is all this? Why didn't we know about it?
47
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:58,161
Well, we came out this morning,
48
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the sun was shining, people started talking.
49
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It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
50
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The banner says "5th annual."
51
00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:06,561
Huh.
52
00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:08,170
You guys throw a block party
53
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,651
every year when we go away?
54
00:02:09,693 --> 00:02:11,455
You know, I'm not consulted about the scheduling.
55
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:13,239
There's a whole committee that takes care of...
56
00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:14,656
Oh, but I'm boring you.
57
00:02:23,926 --> 00:02:26,058
Polly, yeah, we got home early.
58
00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,799
Listen, would it be okay if we walked over
59
00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,540
and dropped off Jamie for a couple hours?
60
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:32,413
There's a block party here, and we wanted to enjoy it.
61
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:34,197
Okay, great. Thanks.
62
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,981
Enjoy it?
63
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:38,288
Doesn't anyone besides me get it?
64
00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:39,612
The whole neighborhood hates us.
65
00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:41,683
So much that they throw a giant celebration
66
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:42,901
just because we're gone.
67
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,251
Malcolm, that's not news.
68
00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:46,078
I'm just surprised they're so organized.
69
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:48,298
It doesn't bother you that everyone despises us?
70
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,344
No. These people need somebody to be mad at.
71
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,302
Having us to hate gives the whole neighborhood
72
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something to bond over.
73
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,652
HAL: Your mother's right, son.
74
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,263
Communities seek out a common enemy.
75
00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:57,873
If it wasn't us,
76
00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,049
they'd all team up against someone else.
77
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,572
Probably a minority.
78
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,792
Malcolm, you can't spend your whole life worrying
79
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,620
about what people think about you.
80
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:07,361
They'll like you, they'll hate you,
81
00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:10,233
they'll think whatever they want
to think, and then you die.
82
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:11,471
Is that supposed to cheer me up?
83
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,367
I don't know why you need cheering up.
84
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,499
You are a teenage boy with a block party
85
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:16,674
right outside his door.
86
00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:18,391
Now, you can stay in here and sulk if you want to,
87
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,306
but your father and I are gonna go have a good time.
88
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:21,375
HAL: Come on, honey.
89
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:24,204
Oh, my God, it's a lawnmower parade.
90
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:27,859
Hey, Otto.
91
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,296
What's this?
92
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,080
It's called a mount.
93
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:33,474
It is an artificial cow's hindquarters.
94
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:35,171
This will allow us
95
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,739
to extract precious seed from Bruno.
96
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:41,873
He cost me a fortune,
97
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:44,528
but there is gold in those schlapels.
98
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:46,878
Can't we just let him go out and mount the heifers?
99
00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:49,272
No, Bruno is much too rough for my girls.
100
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,318
They have lived very sheltered lives.
101
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:55,322
Most of them are even embarrassed by the milking.
102
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:58,673
I'm gonna have to be the one to work this, aren't I?
103
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,283
It is not as bad as you think.
104
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:03,417
All you have to do is climb inside.
105
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,941
Bruno will mount you, offer his shwarzencaufin,
106
00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,334
you will extract the seed.
107
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:10,511
That's a million times worse than I thought!
108
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:11,686
Oh, now, Francis.
109
00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:14,079
There's nothing to be afraid of.
110
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:18,257
Hmm, I wonder why you have to wear goggles.
111
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,435
[upbeat music plays]
112
00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:23,306
[cheering]
113
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:27,005
Let's hear it for Ms. Michael son's class!
114
00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:30,748
I think I speak for all of us on Maple and Jefferson
115
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,881
when I say that the neighborhood gets a lot nicer
116
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,230
this time of year!
117
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,406
[cheering]
118
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:42,412
[kids laughing]
119
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:44,458
[chuckles]
120
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:46,242
[laughing]
121
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,380
No, no, go ahead. Keep going.
122
00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:55,556
We were done anyway.
123
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,514
Yeah.
124
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:02,345
You know, I never really thought about us
125
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:05,174
being the most hated people in the neighborhood.
126
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:08,133
Well, Dewey, most people go through life unnoticed.
127
00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,135
Their names are never in the paper,
128
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,224
they've got no laws named after them.
129
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,749
That's fine for most people, but I wanted more.
130
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:17,099
Hey![yell in fear]
131
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,407
It's not always easy.
132
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:23,453
You don't make a lot of friends being unpopular.
133
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:26,543
Someday we'll all get even with you, Reese!
134
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,720
Huh.
135
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,418
What is it?
136
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:34,943
That kid just gave me the best idea of my life.
137
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,858
You know, we don't do this often enough,
138
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,425
just walk around the neighborhood.
139
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:42,080
It's nice, isn't it?
140
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:44,387
Remind you of another fair 20 years ago?
141
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,041
[both chuckling]
142
00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:49,392
You spent $70 to win me a three-dollar stuffed animal.
143
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,438
Well, they make those hoops too small on purpose.
144
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:52,830
If I hadn't played till I won,
145
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,745
they never would've learned their lesson.
146
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:58,662
Besides, I wasn't trying to win the stuffed animal.
147
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:00,621
I was trying to win you.
148
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:01,970
Oh, Hal.
149
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:05,277
ED: I urge you all to stay calm
150
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:08,846
and try to enjoy the fair anyway.
151
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:13,329
Otherwise, they and their awful children will have won!
152
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,461
Daddy, let's go!
153
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,071
I'm coming, honey.
154
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:20,684
Oh. Let me help you. Oh, you don't have to do that.
155
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,207
I don't mind. I'm glad to do it.
156
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:23,513
Well, thanks.
157
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,210
That was very nice of you.
158
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:26,560
Really?
159
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:29,389
Is there anything else I can do for you?
160
00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:33,262
I'm just saying, kids should not be blamed
161
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,587
for how terrible their parents are.
162
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:36,613
I mean, if Saddam Hussein had a son...
163
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,485
Well, maybe that's not the best example,
164
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:39,442
but you know what I'm...
165
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:42,097
Son, I don't care what anybody says.
166
00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:45,143
You're a very nice and thoughtful young man.
167
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:47,232
Thanks.
168
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:50,410
I'm really glad I met you!
169
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,325
WOMAN: Hey!
170
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:54,588
What are you doing?
171
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,720
Huh? Who was that man?
172
00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:57,504
What do you mean?
173
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,549
Oh, my God! We've been robbed!
174
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:09,317
And you just stood there while he robbed us?
175
00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:10,604
I was walking past.
176
00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:11,605
He needed help.
177
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:12,519
You helped him?
178
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:13,737
He was sweating.
179
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:14,956
And you just believed him
180
00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:16,368
when he said that this was his house?
181
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:18,176
No! He didn't say that...
182
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,483
exactly. I mean, it was implied.
183
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:21,528
I have a lot on my mind.
184
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:22,703
Oh, you are from that family
185
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:23,965
in that house, aren't you?
186
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,488
Yes, but I'm not like them!
187
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,316
Do you even realize what you've done?
188
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:28,535
What were you thinking?
189
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:34,932
[crying]: I just wanted somebody to like me.
190
00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:39,371
[crying]
191
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:43,767
[man imitates songbird]
192
00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:46,640
[man imitates owl hooting]
193
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:49,120
[cheering]
194
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,427
Thank you, Jim.
195
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,124
Now, coming up in just a few minutes
196
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:55,649
we have our fifth annual kielbasa eating contest,
197
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,433
sponsored by Stavis Brothers,
198
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,783
the kielbasa that makes you go "Mmm!"
199
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:02,177
A kielbasa eating contest?
200
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:03,744
I remember a certain pigtailed girl
201
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,702
who could pack away a dozen king-sized.
202
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,791
That was a long time ago, Hal.
203
00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:10,141
Oh, come on, Lois.
204
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:11,969
A woman reaches her gastronomic peak
205
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,144
at about just your age.
206
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,798
I'll sign up with you.
207
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:17,671
Unless... you're afraid I'll beat you.
208
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:20,369
Hal, you're good at a lot of things,
209
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:21,892
but this is kielbasa.
210
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,503
Let's go.
211
00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:27,550
It's either a lizard or a baby alligator.
212
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,683
It's been in our cesspool for a month.
213
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:30,814
I think he lives on poo.
214
00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,599
Where is it?
215
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:33,556
Hello, everyone.
216
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,166
[all gasping]
217
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:36,708
Don't worry, if I wanted to beat you up,
218
00:08:36,732 --> 00:08:38,909
you'd all be hanging by your underpants by now.
219
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,346
I've gathered you here to make you an offer.
220
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:43,697
What kind of offer, Reese?
221
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:45,786
I'm glad you asked, Dewey.
222
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:47,657
It's no secret that I've tortured
223
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:48,789
all of you over the years.
224
00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:50,747
Some of you have scars
225
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,619
on the outside.
226
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:55,622
Some of you are damaged
227
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:56,797
in places we can't see.
228
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,146
[squeaky whimper]
229
00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,800
Each one of you wants revenge.
230
00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:01,062
And you know what?
231
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,803
You're entitled to it.
232
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,502
Gee, Reese, revenge sounds great.
233
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,591
But how could we accomplish that?
234
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:09,940
Another good question, Dewey.
235
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,376
For 20 bucks,
236
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,726
I'll let each one of you
237
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,598
beat the hell out of me for 30 seconds.
238
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,513
[murmuring]
239
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,297
Boy, Reese, this is tempting.
240
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:21,735
But how do we know you won't let us hit you today,
241
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,650
but then get even with us tomorrow?
242
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,390
That's the beauty part.
243
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,262
I'll be tied up and blindfolded
244
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:29,656
the whole time you're beating me.
245
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:30,744
Wow.
246
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:33,485
The line will form at the garage in one hour.
247
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,313
I'm not gonna tell you how to get the money.
248
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,533
Your mothers all have purses.
249
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,708
Except for you, Freddy.
250
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,623
Your mother wears a travel belt.
251
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:43,713
Ah.
252
00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:46,281
Is everything good to go?
253
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,543
I think so.
254
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,850
How do you plan to work her?
255
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,068
What do you mean, "work her"?
256
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,461
Well, you know,
257
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:53,767
you will sit there,
258
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,856
waiting for Bruno to become fersploten
259
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,554
and enter the artificial hoonincootz.
260
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,688
And then maybe you rock the hips a little bit.
261
00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:04,081
Maybe you tease him with the tail.
262
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,476
Gosh.
263
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:10,131
I hope this is sturdy enough
264
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:12,002
to take his weight.
265
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,700
You know, he weighs 4,000 pounds.
266
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,702
And when his passion is aroused,
267
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,791
he may come down
268
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:20,271
with crushing force![loud banging]
269
00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,274
I want a raise.
270
00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:25,668
Yeah.
271
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,931
All right.
272
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:29,716
[sobbing]
273
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,892
Would you try and calm down, please?
274
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,285
[crying]: It's not just the neighborhood.
275
00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:36,070
It's the whole world.
276
00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:37,071
And the way people
277
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:38,463
treat each other.
278
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,093
I mean, why does it have to be like this?
279
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:43,555
There's just so much hate.
280
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,734
What about pulling Reese's hair?
281
00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:49,561
No, his head will be covered.
282
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,346
Look, you're thinking too hard.
283
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,565
Just let your hatred tell your body what to do.
284
00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,829
How are we doing?
285
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:57,134
So far 23 kids have signed up.
286
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,702
We've taken in $460!
287
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,530
Oh, my God!
288
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:02,855
Just remember, we've gotta save 20 bucks
289
00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,074
for the cab ride to the hospital.
290
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:06,709
I'm gonna get the crap kicked out of me for money.
291
00:11:08,015 --> 00:11:11,671
This is the greatest nation on Earth.
292
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:15,215
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
293
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,372
as we begin our fifth annual.
294
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:19,983
Stavis Brothers kielbasa eating contest.
295
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,987
I try to line them up like one continuous dog.
296
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:27,208
It's the space between kielbasas
that tells your body it's full.
297
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:28,209
With us this year
298
00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:31,560
we have our old friends, Louie...
299
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:33,562
Gerry...
300
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:34,955
Jackson...
301
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:35,999
Lois and Hal...
302
00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:36,870
[no applause]
303
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,959
And last year's champion,
304
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:40,743
Big Tony.
305
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,919
[cheering]
306
00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:45,269
And eaters... take your marks.
307
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,883
[dings]
308
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,996
[crying]
309
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:21,958
Are you going to be okay?
310
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,354
He's going to be fine now.
311
00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:28,399
[dramatic sobbing]
312
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,797
Hey!
313
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:35,798
I'm in a hurry.
314
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,801
I'm getting a beating in 15 minutes.
315
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,803
What do you want for all of this?
316
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:41,630
What?
317
00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,806
I'll take every piece of candy
318
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,460
that you've got.
319
00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:48,724
Get out of the way!
320
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,900
Let me get you a bag for that.
321
00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:53,511
I don't need a bag.
322
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:59,648
But I would like
323
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:01,215
to hear you sing.
324
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:02,956
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
325
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:05,741
we've lost Gerry and Jackson.
326
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,873
Louie's put away six.
327
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,092
But he has a long way to go
328
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:11,051
to catch up with Hal and Big Tony,
329
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,488
who've eaten nine apiece.
330
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:15,751
Oh, just a minute.
331
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,536
Lois has eaten nine, too.
332
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,496
You're magnificent.
333
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,024
And we just lost Louie.
334
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,983
Looks like it's down to three.
335
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:31,767
Unbelievable. What is it?
336
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:35,510
Hal and Lois are matching Big Tony dog for dog.
337
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:39,775
ED: Oh, wait a minute.
338
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,559
Is this the end of the road for Lois?
339
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:47,870
Hmm? No, I just want more sauerkraut.
340
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,263
[cheering]
341
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,442
[sniffling]
342
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:55,593
Listen, kid, could you please just go home?
343
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,706
Is there a problem here?
344
00:13:57,749 --> 00:13:59,664
It's all right, officer. We can handle it.
345
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:01,884
There was a robbery, and I helped.
346
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,016
We're not pressing charges.
347
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,907
We'd just like to forget about the whole thing.
348
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,604
You still have to come down to the station
349
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:07,455
and fill out some forms.
350
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:08,938
You know, looking through the house,
351
00:14:08,978 --> 00:14:09,999
I don't think he got much.
352
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,304
Just a bunch of junk from the garage.
353
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:13,045
Yeah. It's pretty hard even to say what was taken.
354
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:14,679
I can tell you.
355
00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:15,787
I have a photographic memory.
356
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,354
I can picture everything I put in the car.
357
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,095
How would it be if we just phoned you later?
358
00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:21,948
There were nine boxes... 14 by 12 by 21.
359
00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:23,079
A computer
360
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:25,995
and two high-definition color printers.
361
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,389
A signature machine, an embossing machine,
362
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:29,607
two bottles
363
00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:31,522
of solvent-based ink eradicator.
364
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:32,915
Three reams of linen-textured
365
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:36,049
cotton paper with fluorescent security fibers,
366
00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:38,094
which you could use to counterfeit money,
367
00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:40,967
but for that you wouldn't need an embossing machine,
368
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:44,013
unless you were going to forge stock certificates.
369
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,931
Oh, my God, you're criminals!
370
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:51,281
[Richard and Dottie chuckling nervously]
371
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:54,067
And you know what the saddest part is?
372
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,373
I used to care what you thought about me.
373
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,159
Actually,
374
00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:00,987
I still do care a little.
375
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,990
[crowd chanting]: Go! Go! Go! Go!
376
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,209
ED: Ladies and gentlemen, this is astonishing.
377
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:08,081
Last year's record is shattered.
378
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,604
I can feel it.
379
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:11,321
I know there's a two-and-a-half-inch empty pocket
380
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:13,086
next to my right kidney. Whoo.
381
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:15,610
[crowd chanting]: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
382
00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:16,785
[sympathetic groans]
383
00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:21,833
Oh, my God, Big Tony's down for the count!
384
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:23,748
Well, it's down
385
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,967
to Hal and Lois now!
386
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:28,101
[cheering]
387
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:31,017
You are going down, honey.
388
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,975
We'll see, dear.
389
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:44,247
All right, you all know the rules.
390
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:45,901
You each get 30 seconds.
391
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,512
Absolutely no weapons of any kind.
392
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:56,303
All right, let me go see if he's ready.
393
00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:02,004
Reese, it's time to start.
394
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:05,268
Here's our first secret, anonymous customer.
395
00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:07,227
[whispering]: It's Bobby Marcovitch.
396
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,104
[grunting]
397
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,149
Not so hard!
398
00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,802
Don't hurt my brother!
399
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,152
[grunting]
400
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,937
Okay, you, your time is up.
401
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,287
Hey!
402
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:26,681
Reese, what are you doing up there?
403
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,030
Who's this?
404
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:29,268
Some kid I found on the street.
405
00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:30,424
I don't know his name.
406
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:31,903
Chad.Chad.
407
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,644
Sorry, man.
408
00:16:33,688 --> 00:16:35,298
How could you hit me like that?
409
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,170
You're my brother.
410
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:38,258
And my partner.
411
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,216
And you didn't pay!
412
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,656
[gears whirring]
413
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:54,056
[all gasping]
414
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,058
BOBBY: Let's get him!
415
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:59,018
[yelling]
416
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,067
No, wait, wait!
417
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,199
You guys are cheating!
418
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,156
Ow! Ow! Ow!
419
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:19,212
♪ Chances are
420
00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:23,433
♪ 'Cause I wear a silly grin
421
00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:28,786
♪ The moment you come into view ♪
422
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:38,970
♪ Chances are you'll think that I'm in love with you ♪
423
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,146
♪ In the magical...
424
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:41,321
It's been two hours.
425
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:42,670
This isn't happening.
426
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:43,888
[turns off music]
427
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:46,065
Send him out to graze.
428
00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,199
Hey, look at this.
429
00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:52,723
It says we're supposed to smear on cow pheromones.
430
00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:54,725
They're supposed to make him crazy.
431
00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:56,379
No wonder he isn't into it.
432
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:01,471
Did you see a bottle of pheromones?
433
00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:10,741
♪ The chances are your chances are ♪
434
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:14,310
♪ Awfully good
435
00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:17,008
[galloping hoofbeats]
436
00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,140
ED: It's been quite a day
437
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:19,924
in competitive sausage eating.
438
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:21,187
I think both Hal and Lois
439
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,276
are approaching the 21 mark.
440
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:26,366
[cheering]
441
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,977
It's an amazing spectacle.
442
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,370
Two great competitors
443
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:33,677
pushing each other to greater and greater heights.
444
00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:38,029
What's going on?
445
00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:39,205
Oh, my God!
446
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,294
They're cheering for my family.
447
00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:43,557
I mean, it's for a totally lame and ridiculous reason,
448
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,212
but they're cheering.
449
00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:56,526
This is unprecedented.
450
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:57,527
There's only one
451
00:18:57,571 --> 00:19:00,182
kielbasa left, and it's on Hal's plate.
452
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:03,098
The title is his if he can finish it.
453
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,840
[crowd chanting]: Hal! Hal! Hal! Hal!
454
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:12,281
[crowd gasping]
455
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:29,342
[crowd cheering]
456
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:33,868
[crowd chanting]: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois!
457
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:40,396
[crowd gasping]
458
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,443
[crowd cheering]
459
00:19:48,491 --> 00:19:50,885
[crowd groans sympathetically]
460
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:52,887
You know,
461
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:56,499
you think you've imagined every possible ending...
462
00:19:56,543 --> 00:19:57,892
[sobbing]
463
00:19:57,935 --> 00:20:01,112
How could we have been so wrong about them?
464
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:03,680
They're good, good people.
465
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:07,075
Do you feel strange not hating Hal and Lois anymore?
466
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:08,816
My God, I love living here.
467
00:20:08,859 --> 00:20:10,339
It's a great neighborhood. Yeah.
468
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,515
I'm sorry I wasn't able to help with that noise
469
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:13,516
Friday night.
470
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,301
Did that music ever stop?
471
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:16,302
Wait. You're the one
472
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,478
who called the police on my party?
473
00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:20,175
You had a party and you didn't invite me?
474
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,481
Oh, don't do that.
475
00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:23,526
Why are you such a big baby?
476
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:24,745
Don't you call him a baby.
477
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:26,529
At least I don't have to ask him
478
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,444
to mow his lawn every two weeks.
479
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:29,793
Well, from what I hear,
480
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,510
he's been mowing your lawn, if you get what...
481
00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:33,275
Don't you talk to her like that!
482
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,885
Hey, hey, hey... The hell with you!
483
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:36,496
The hell with you!
484
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,367
[everybody yelling]
485
00:20:57,952 --> 00:20:59,519
Honey, there's no line
486
00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:00,781
for the giant slide.
487
00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:01,999
Oh, that's okay, dear.
488
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:04,306
I'm just going to lie down here on the pavement.
489
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,526
Okay.[groaning]
490
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:07,701
Well, I guess Mom was right.
491
00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:08,571
We were serving a purpose
492
00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:10,181
in the neighborhood all these years.
493
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:12,227
DEWEY: Hey, Reese, want to help me
494
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,360
fill up the moon bounce with this?
495
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:16,536
Nah. I'm going to go put dogs on the Ferris wheel.
33894
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