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1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:04,206
[birds twittering]
2
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,380
[car alarm chirps]
3
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,509
[dog barking]
4
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,806
- Oh...good morning.
5
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:27,309
[dog barking]
6
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:28,525
[glass shatters]
7
00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:30,020
- [groans]
8
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:42,198
[door creaks]
9
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,720
- [exhales sharply]
10
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:06,852
Oh!
11
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:10,318
- Oh, my brain is [bleep].
12
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,902
- Look at this dude.
13
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:15,899
- Oh, Blake, how long
have you been up, man?
14
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,117
- Blake!
Blake!
15
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:23,081
- I'm up. I'm up.
16
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:26,792
I'm up.
17
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:27,910
Good morning.
18
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:31,960
[hip-hop music]
19
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:32,957
- ♪ I'm fresh ♪
20
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,584
♪♪
21
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,632
- ♪ You gotta, you gotta,
you gotta ♪
22
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,254
- ♪ You gotta be fresh ♪
23
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,257
- Ugh...
24
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:44,101
our house smells like
sweaty taint.
25
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,595
Smells exactly
like sweaty taint.
26
00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,688
- That might be
your upper lip, man.
27
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:50,024
- Good one. Burn!
You're burnin' me.
28
00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,142
- Uh-uh. Seriously.
29
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,940
Like, do you not remember
30
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:54,653
smearing the poo moustache
31
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,317
and calling yourself
Adolf Shitler?
32
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,816
- I remember that.
That was-
33
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,534
That was weirdly early
in the night, actually.
34
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:01,948
That was-that was fun.
35
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,992
- I mean, what time
did everything even end?
36
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,286
- Who said it ended?
37
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,293
Hey, what's up, fellas?
38
00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:13,210
Now, I know your bellies ready
for some of this Eggs Tyrone.
39
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:16,005
It's off the chain, baby!
40
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,173
You ready to fill
them stomachs up
41
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,719
with some hot cheese
and eggs?
42
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:22,840
- What up?
43
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,183
- Oh, man,
this is cold-blooded.
44
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,392
Y'all changed overnight.
45
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,931
- That's what we do.
We change. Okay.
46
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:30,853
- Oh, hello.
Don't slam it, dude.
47
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,691
- I'm never drinking again.
48
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,481
- We said the same thing
last week.
49
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:37,856
- I want to die.
- No, you don't.
50
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,277
That's just the hangover
talking.
51
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,526
We should just drink more.
It'll make us feel better.
52
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,871
- No, I'm not 16.
I can't drink like that anymore.
53
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,910
- Oh, come on,
Blakeypoo.
54
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,749
Have a beer for Mama.
Have a beer for-
55
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,834
- No, get that away.
I'll puke if I smell it.
56
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:53,045
- Guys, I have a headache,
so quiet.
57
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:57,213
- Whoa-ho-ho!
Blon-ders in the building!
58
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,835
Oh.
[laughs]
59
00:02:58,970 --> 00:02:59,881
- What-ders?
60
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,347
- Take a peeksy.
61
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,842
- Oh, my-
Aah!
62
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,388
Oh, my God, is that real?
63
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,682
Did you do this to me?
- No.
64
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:09,679
Oh, now I remember.
65
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:10,726
Remember last night,
66
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,395
he kept talking about Jared Leto
from Fight Club?
67
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,018
- Oh, yeah!
68
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,394
- And here we are.
69
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,395
- My God, I was. Okay.
70
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,612
All right, all right.
That's it. That's it.
71
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,107
I've put my career in jeopardy
for the last time.
72
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,779
We've got to stop drinking.
73
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,368
- What?
- Yeah.
74
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:25,907
You know what?
You're right.
75
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,905
Let's do it.
Let's-let's do it.
76
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,875
Let's make sure we don't have
one of those weird problems.
77
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,789
- Yeah.
- Quit drinking?
78
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,834
Wha-
I-I-I don't-
79
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,127
I can't even-
I'm-
80
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,215
- I'm sorry.
81
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,130
If you probably couldn't
handle it, then we'll do it.
82
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,218
That's fine.
83
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,258
- No, I could han-
I can quit.
84
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,972
I'm not drinking
right now.
85
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,717
Fully in control
of my addiction, so...
86
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,765
- Cool.
How long are we thinking?
87
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:50,886
Maybe, like...
88
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,229
- A month?
- Like, two days.
89
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,768
- Two days?
90
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,688
- If I wasn't so drunk
right now, I'd smack you.
91
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:59,437
- A week.
- A week.
92
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,656
- Totally sober for a week.
What do you guys say?
93
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,319
- This is me saying yes.
94
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:04,943
- All right. Deal?
- Deal.
95
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,660
- Yeah.
- Okay.
96
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,778
Let's do it, then.
97
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,906
Let's make a pinkie promise,
make this official.
98
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,078
- All right.
- Do we have to?
99
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,746
- Come on, now.
Get in here, you two.
100
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:14,960
- Get up in the mix.
101
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,295
- I actually like it.
102
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,962
all:
Mmmmmmwah!
103
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,334
- I don't think this
is gonna be that hard, right?
104
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,632
We just do what we do...
whenever we do what we do
105
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:24,925
but without drinking.
106
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,298
- ♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
107
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,925
- Think about it.
108
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,471
That's someone's child,
109
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,687
a father's daughter.
110
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,271
- Judging
from the C-section scar,
111
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,640
I'd say
she's a mother herself.
112
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,733
Sweetie,
have you had lunch today?
113
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:41,104
- $9 for a ginger ale?
114
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:46,196
[jackhammer pounding]
115
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,695
Haven't they heard
of night construction?
116
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:52,540
Like, they're being
so rude out there.
117
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,499
- No, sir, I'm not
a country music fan either.
118
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,539
Just personally...
119
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,002
- [making flatulence noises]
120
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,712
- This is Reba,
and these are her hits.
121
00:04:58,840 --> 00:04:59,921
- [making flatulence noises]
122
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,461
- Hello.
123
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,300
Can you stop?
I just lost a sale.
124
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,339
What are you even doing?
125
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,507
- I'm making an app
126
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,847
that translates farts
into English.
127
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,182
- That's great.
So what's your business model?
128
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,551
Are you gonna program it?
129
00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,393
Do you even have a target demo
that you're thinking of?
130
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:16,230
- Well, I don't think
that Fartsi needs one of those
131
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:20,443
once the blog buzzes
gets to it.
132
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,186
[making flatulence noises]
133
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,029
Canoe, or small boat.
134
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,364
- I'm friends
with a nine-year-old boy.
135
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,528
This is great.
136
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,526
- And I'm, like, great friends,
apparently,
137
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,153
with Ric Flair,
so that's cool too.
138
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:31,529
Whoo!
139
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,156
- Guys, I know
that we're all struggling
140
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,498
with our sobriety right now.
141
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,288
I really feel
we should go cold turkey.
142
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:39,036
- I don't think
that's what they mean by that.
143
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,538
- No.
- No, what do you mean?
144
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:41,710
That's exactly what it means.
145
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,378
Dr. Drew said the best way
to quit drinking
146
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:44,796
is by going cold turkey.
147
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:48,512
And he's a doctor, so why
would you question...doctors?
148
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,882
- So true.
- What's up with your headset?
149
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:55,136
- What's up, uh,
with your old face, Anders?
150
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,979
- No...
- Or should I say "Blon-ders"?
151
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,723
That's funny. Why don't you
go back in your area?
152
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,475
- I just saw you lick
your microphone.
153
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,646
- No, you didn't.
- What is that?
154
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,064
- This is my office space!
- Is that-
155
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,062
- You're intruding
my office space right now.
156
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,780
- Oh, my God, that's booze!
- Get out of here!
157
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,399
- No, that's booze.
- Stop it!
158
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,071
- Oh, lookee here.
159
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,446
Mr. Cold Turkey put a mini
booze bottle in his headset?
160
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,416
- I really like
your ingenuity, but...
161
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,829
destroy ze prototype.
162
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,247
- Gladly.
- No, that's my-
163
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,462
You know how many minutes
of tinkering that took me?
164
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,377
It took me, like,
seven minutes to make.
165
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,715
- We took an oath,
all right?
166
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,254
- Yeah.
You're not special.
167
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,342
- I am special.
168
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,631
That's why I took
all those special classes
169
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:29,674
in high school.
170
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,263
Why do you think you can
boss me around, huh...
171
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,178
Slim Shady?
172
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,643
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- I'm a big boy, Slim Shady.
173
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:36,806
- I'm not Slim Shady.
- That's a trigger word.
174
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,145
That's a trigger.
175
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,263
- I'm Marshall Mathers
or something even cooler.
176
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,890
- You know what?
I don't give a shoot.
177
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:43,609
I'm gonna go back to work,
eat my cold turkey,
178
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:47,902
and beat this addiction
like the boss that I am.
179
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,449
Psych!
180
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,193
Oh!
What?
181
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,319
There's a boss move!
182
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:54,912
- That's it!
- Hey, hey!
183
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,247
- I'm the boss!
- Okay, look.
184
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,331
All right, I know this
is really tough for us-
185
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,167
like, bizarrely tough
for us-
186
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,582
but I know something
that can cool us out.
187
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,206
Check it out.
I got some Dank William Juniors.
188
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,298
Got it from Karl.
189
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,463
Two nugs for my two best buds.
Let's-
190
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,631
- Sober means sober, okay?
191
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,720
No weed, no booze,
no nothing.
192
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,805
- Yeah, if I can't drink,
you can't smoke weed.
193
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,095
- Right.
- What?
194
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,467
- Unless we want
to smoke weed.
195
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,060
We should smoke weed,
I feel.
196
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,349
- No!
- Let's smoke some weed.
197
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:22,474
- I'm so sorry,
but we're not doing this!
198
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,066
We took an oath!
Just go back to work.
199
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,401
- You destroy
something of mine,
200
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,144
I destroy something
of yours.
201
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,148
- Oh-ho! Guess what.
I also destroy your stuff.
202
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,320
- Yep. That's right.
- I'm gonna destroy-
203
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,988
Oh, that's my stuff.
- I'm gonna take this.
204
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,201
And I'm gonna just...
205
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:38,289
get rid of your stuff,
you stupid dummy!
206
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:44,795
- Hi.
207
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,501
- Before you can say anything,
you should know
208
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,673
that we're in the process
of going sober right now,
209
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,764
so that's why we're, "Aah."
210
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,757
- I didn't realize that.
211
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,509
How long has it been
since your last drink?
212
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,355
- Um, it's going on,
like, 20 hours.
213
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,189
- Good job.
- Well, I can, um...
214
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,354
I can understand
what you guys are going through.
215
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,979
I'm actually
two years sober myself.
216
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,823
- Whoa.
- Whoa! Ugh! Wow.
217
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,988
Wow, sounds like
you had a real problem.
218
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,486
- We're not trying
to go sober sober.
219
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:17,702
We're just trying to-
220
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,288
- We're just kind of
pumping the brakes,
221
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,873
you know,
doing the Hollywood cleanse.
222
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:21,991
- Yeah.
Yeah, we are.
223
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,334
- We drank, like,
a weird amount,
224
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,702
but, like,
it'd be weirder to stop.
225
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:25,874
- Yeah, that would be weird.
226
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,588
- Straight-edge people
are weird.
227
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,082
- Okay, here's the deal.
228
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:30,298
You're gonna clock out,
229
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,259
and you're gonna go see Eric
in HR.
230
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,219
Then you're gonna take
a substance-abuse course
231
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,883
before you can start
working again.
232
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,257
- I don't know
if we necessarily need
233
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,473
to take a substance-abuse
course-
234
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:39,933
- Or I can fire you.
235
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,802
- Wow, we just dodged
a bullet.
236
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:45,056
- She definitely could have axed
the Brothers McMuffins.
237
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,898
That's us.
- Oh, cool.
238
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,643
- We don't have
a substance-abuse problem.
239
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,440
If anything, we have
a Subway abuse problem.
240
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,939
We destroy $5 foot-longs.
- Yeah, we do.
241
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,064
- I don't know, man.
242
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,907
Maybe we do have
a substance-abuse problem.
243
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,743
- Yeah, well, I don't know.
Maybe we do.
244
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,237
Maybe we don't.
I don't know.
245
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,115
You know? I'm not the king
of substance abuse.
246
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,412
All I do know is, I got
to go pinch out a growler,
247
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,955
and it's a furious beast.
248
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,498
So I'm gonna go do that...
- Okay.
249
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,166
- And I'll see you guys
at the headshrinker's office.
250
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,586
- Dude, hurry up.
We're supposed to be there now.
251
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,710
- Yeah, I'm gonna go
hurry up my bowel movement
252
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,053
so I'm not two minutes late
for some fake-ass class.
253
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,797
Yeah!
254
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:21,096
Yeah, Blon-ders,
that's a good idea.
255
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:23,594
That's a good-
That's a good idea.
256
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,096
[hip-hop music]
257
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,267
- ♪ You gotta ♪
- ♪ You gotta be fresh ♪
258
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:29,308
- ♪ He's insane ♪
259
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,064
- [making flatulence noises]
260
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,655
[recorded sound plays]
261
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,115
- Dude, Adam better hurry up.
262
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,656
It's like,
the guy never listens to me.
263
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,825
- [making flatulence noises]
ChapStick.
264
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,993
- Okay, I'm going
to sock you in the mouth
265
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,616
if you don't cut it out
with that crap!
266
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,961
- It's not crap. It's farts.
- Whoa! TMI.
267
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,705
That stands
for too much information.
268
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,627
- Oh, we weren't even-that's-
- Oh, I don't care.
269
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,295
Come on, have a seat.
Not this one.
270
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,963
[chuckles]
- Okay.
271
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,214
- A little BG on me:
I do HR-
272
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:02,183
means human resources-
here at TAC.
273
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,472
My name is Eric Rossdale.
274
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,266
Some people call me
"Cool Eric."
275
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,104
They called me that once.
Some young people too.
276
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,475
Some young-some-
One young person did that.
277
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,817
I love people.
278
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,186
To say that another way,
279
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,688
I love people!
280
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,611
That one's got a little more fun
to it, doesn't it?
281
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,325
Okay, we are here today...
282
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,661
- Uh...
- Why are you pointing at him?
283
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,246
- Help out
with substance abuse-
284
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,660
Well, I'm just trying
to bring everybody into it.
285
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,499
Help out with substance abuse.
286
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,243
Okay?
And how do I do that?
287
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,995
Well, one way is to work
through this workbook,
288
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,087
start to finish.
289
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:34,298
We do every single drill
in this thing.
290
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,838
I sign a piece of paper saying
you've cleaned up your act,
291
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,802
but more importantly,
we have dug out
292
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,671
the roots
of your addiction.
293
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,844
And you're looking at me like,
"What happened to that guy
294
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,638
we called cool
two seconds ago?"
295
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,852
He's right here.
How 'bout this instead?
296
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,269
How 'bout we fire up some
Step Brothers on the Blu-ray,
297
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,356
We chill out a little bit-
298
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,520
How does that sound to you?
299
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,985
- Yeah, that sounds...awesome.
- Yeah.
300
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,445
- Okay, great.
301
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:59,065
Before we start, let me do
some attendance, if that's okay.
302
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,566
Uh, Black Anderson.
303
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,864
- Uh, I-I think that's me.
304
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:03,986
- Oh, terrific.
305
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,533
Oh, 'cause of the curly hair,
like a black man.
306
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,906
That's fun.
307
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,157
Anders Holmvik.
308
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,909
- Yeah, right here.
- Yeah, Norwegian.
309
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,831
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Hvordan går det?
310
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,750
- Oh, is that-
No, I don't speak...
311
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,215
- Hvordan går det?
- Much of the language.
312
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,208
- Oh. Oh, you should.
313
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,801
Oh, no,
it's a beautiful country.
314
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,261
And Adam Demamp.
315
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,506
- Actually,
Adam's running a little-
316
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,007
- Uh, I am Adam.
317
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,064
- Well, I hope you like
sandwiches, Adam,
318
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,854
'cause I got a backpack
full of 'em.
319
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,398
Well, they're kind of hot
'cause they were in my backpack.
320
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,148
This is a tuna.
That's made out of tuna.
321
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,650
This is
a slightly hotter tuna.
322
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:43,901
- What is that?
Oh.
323
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,700
- And I've got a hot, hot tuna
coming through.
324
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:50,495
Okay.
And I'll turn off the lights.
325
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,084
- Dude, where's Adam?
326
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,703
- I don't know,
but he's gonna be pissed.
327
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:54,749
He loves this movie.
328
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,464
[men shouting]
329
00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:59,504
- Oh, oh, oh, oh.
330
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,502
Oh, oh!
331
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,300
all:
Oh!
332
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:07,721
- Goooooal!
333
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:11,220
- [laughing]
334
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,188
Pendejos.
335
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,773
- Adam gets it.
336
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,018
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
337
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,485
[all cheering]
338
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,229
Thank you, thank you.
339
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:21,572
You guys deserve
some of the credit.
340
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:23,907
I deserve a little bit more,
but thank you very much.
341
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,617
- Hey, nice shot, buddy.
Have a beer.
342
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,156
Hello. No. I'm good.
343
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,621
I'm in a sober pact
with my buddies.
344
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,116
It's pretty dumb. I hate it.
But I can't.
345
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,993
However you say no
in Spanish,
346
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:37,337
that is what I'm saying to you,
my Mexican friend.
347
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,206
- What, you one of them
straight-edge weirdos?
348
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,800
- No.
349
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,966
Maybe just a little sip,
right?
350
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:45,963
Maybe.
351
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,089
- [laughing]
- Go!
352
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,557
- Well, we all have-
Whoa. Everything-
353
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,267
What's happening?
Should I pause it?
354
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,557
Ooh, must have been
the bad tuna.
355
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,146
- I am Adam.
356
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,482
- You hold it right there,
bud.
357
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,942
- Well, well, look who's
too good for his friends.
358
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,527
Buddy, if you want
to ditch on the class,
359
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,897
I get that,
but we took an oath!
360
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,739
- Yeah, we did our
secret pinkie promise.
361
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,824
You had your finger
in my mouth.
362
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,660
- No, I know that.
Slow your mouth down, okay?
363
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:09,699
I didn't break any oath.
364
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,197
So don't even go there,
okay?
365
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,573
- No, you're the one
who's going there.
366
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:13,825
We're here.
You're there.
367
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,667
- No, I'm here.
You're there.
368
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,161
You've been up there
the whole time.
369
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,458
You don't know
what's going on out here.
370
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:19,625
I didn't drink anything.
- Well, we're here now!
371
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,248
- Oh, you didn't drink anything?
- No! He handed-
372
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:22,340
He passed me the beer.
I didn't drink-
373
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,425
- What about that little thing
you had on your head, huh?
374
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,170
I feel like I'm at the doors
of the labyrinth
375
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,922
and everything he's saying
is a lie.
376
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,173
- Yeah.
- Is that how we're gonna do?
377
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,016
Guess what.
I'm gonna do this right now.
378
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,430
- No, you put it down.
Adam, give me that beer.
379
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,678
- I'm just gonna shoot him
with this nail gun.
380
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,896
Is there a safety on this?
- Hey, put it down.
381
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:37,686
- I'm not gonna kill him,
just in the knee.
382
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,104
- Oh, and it's gonna be
so good too.
383
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,772
This is such a dumb plan!
384
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,361
- Get down right now!
385
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,071
- Hey, you put that beer down.
- I'm drinking it now.
386
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:46,406
- Drop the beer, man!
- Don't-
387
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,696
- We're doing this for you,
you moron!
388
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,694
I'm doing this for your-
389
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,366
- Oh, we got it.
- I'm trying to help you.
390
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,206
- You see, Adam,
the thing about this stuff is...
391
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,291
it's poison.
392
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:57,284
It really is.
393
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,331
- No. What are you doing?
394
00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,874
God, don't you guys
have any restraint?
395
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,998
You should see yourselves.
It's pathetic.
396
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:05,342
Okay? We're done with this beer.
Let's go back to work.
397
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,721
- Drop that.
398
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,056
- Agh!
399
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,894
- Oh, great.
400
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,264
You guys want it,
you got it.
401
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,476
- Oh, funky butt-lovin'!
402
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,399
- Did he just say,
"Funky butt-lovin'"?
403
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,566
- Yeah.
404
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,452
- I've gotta be honest
with you guys.
405
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,116
I'm a little confused
right now, okay?
406
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,580
'Cause one minute,
we're having fun,
407
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,745
and the next minute
I got a cerveza in the face.
408
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,209
Do you not like Step Brothers?
409
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,124
- No, it's great. Funny movie.
- It's awesome.
410
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:43,121
- You guys and Diego
got to watch Step Brothers?
411
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,373
- Yeah.
But guess what. It's off.
412
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,341
And you can forget
about the deleted scenes too,
413
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:47,755
because we're going back
to the workbook.
414
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,924
- Oh.
- Come on, don't be bogus.
415
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,422
- And you don't
clock back in to work
416
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:52,968
until you've gone through
every exercise.
417
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,091
And that means
you're not gonna get paid
418
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,138
until you do this right.
419
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,682
Okay, so exercise one.
420
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,555
Oh, art therapy.
This'll be fun.
421
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:05,736
All right, I want you to draw
a picture of your addiction.
422
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,604
Okay, so what does addiction
look like to you?
423
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,948
- Addiction.
Get it?
424
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,113
A dick shin.
425
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,407
Next-level Far Side stuff,
dude.
426
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,615
- Keep it up, funny guys.
427
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,582
But I'm not going anywhere!
428
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,954
Next exercise is to write
a letter to yourself
429
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,580
five years from today.
430
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,298
- And once all 25
of the Demamp spawn
431
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,419
have grown up and graduated
from sculpture school...
432
00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:30,840
- Not a real thing.
- It is.
433
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,635
We'll pick the best one
to make a statue of our body,
434
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,973
and then Nike
will probably buy it...
435
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,091
- Probably not.
436
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,093
- And make all their mannequins
exact replicas of it,
437
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,765
because our body
is the perfect human form-
438
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,308
- You're fat.
439
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,683
- Yeah, you guys are as funny as
the step brothers, aren't you?
440
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,025
Except guess what.
441
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,611
The step brothers
don't have a drinking problem.
442
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:51,573
Okay, so next exercise,
number 11,
443
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:52,987
finish my sentences.
444
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,781
This one is pretty...
- Self-explanatory.
445
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:55,823
- Yes, but I haven't actually-
446
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,821
- You haven't actually
had sex with an animal? Okay.
447
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:58,947
- Yeah, but we got to stick-
448
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,040
- Our butt cheeks together
and clap our hands?
449
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:02,831
- All right, you know what?
I don't want to-
450
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:03,873
- Do this exercise?
451
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:04,995
- Yeah, neither do I.
Let's not do it.
452
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,088
- Okay. You're welcome.
453
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:08,582
- And the last one
is sock puppets.
454
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,209
I know.
I know it sounds ridiculous.
455
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:12,051
But you're not getting paid
until you do it.
456
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:13,421
Plus, it says
it's a lot of fun.
457
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,639
On the other hand,
it is a sock puppet saying that.
458
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,598
I don't know if you can
really take his word for it.
459
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,595
[ethereal music]
460
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:24,019
♪♪
461
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,188
Okay, those are...
great, actually.
462
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,813
So let's use 'em.
- This is so dumb.
463
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,280
I'm not gonna do this.
464
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,570
- Dude, it's not about you.
Okay? Sock up.
465
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:35,692
- Use the puppet.
466
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:39,117
- Fine. This is dumb.
467
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,535
Almost as dumb as not drinking
for an entire week.
468
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,455
- Everything
you don't want to do is dumb.
469
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,954
- And Fartsi's
a genius idea!
470
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,832
- Yeah.
For once, Adam's right, Blake.
471
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,799
It's time you grew up
and put your time towards
472
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,965
something that's worth something
to somebody
473
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,177
anywhere on this planet.
474
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,422
- Get him!
475
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,347
- Don't tell me what to do.
476
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:05,439
You're not the boss of me,
you fake-ass grown-up.
477
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,727
- Ooh!
478
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,725
- Oh, I'm sorry, maybe
if you weren't so immature,
479
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,068
I wouldn't have
to hold your hand
480
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,312
and wipe your ass for you.
481
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,359
- Okay, that was one time.
482
00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:16,108
And I told you,
I've never been camping before.
483
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,282
- Hey, guys, why don't we
talk about me now?
484
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,075
- Oh, of course.
Who could forget you?
485
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,743
I love how it takes us
to quit drinking
486
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,116
to remember how selfish
487
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,995
Adam "The Main Attraction"
Demamp really is.
488
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,587
- Oh, I like how you're using
that nickname
489
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,502
to hurt my feelings,
but guess what, Anders.
490
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,125
- Yeah?
- I love it.
491
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,924
And I'm gonna use it
all the time now.
492
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,217
- Do you ever stop talking?
493
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,760
- Yeah, Blake, I'll agree.
494
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:40,882
But at least he knows
495
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,351
how to write a rent check
on time, like an adult.
496
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:46,017
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh. You want me to grow up?
497
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,606
Yeah, I'm immature.
I'm real immature.
498
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:53,479
But I'm immature because I know,
when I grow up,
499
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,321
it means I'm gonna be
that much closer
500
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,985
to moving away from you guys
501
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:59,201
and marrying girls and stuff.
502
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:02,196
- Come on, man,
don't say that.
503
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,744
- No.
504
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:06,867
He's right.
505
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,336
[voice breaking]
I'm sorry too.
506
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:13,798
I know I can be
self-centered sometimes, but...
507
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,542
I never heard "no" growing up.
508
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:18,967
Now that I've logged
10,000 hours of being a brat,
509
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,431
I'm just a total
self-serving outlier,
510
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:24,427
and that's not how Adam
"The Main Attraction" Demamp
511
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:25,723
wants to live!
512
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,721
- Oh, man. Adam, look.
[sniffles]
513
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,519
It's hard to say no
to that face.
514
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:30,936
It's a cute one.
- It is.
515
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,229
- Thank you.
516
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,273
- I know I can be
controlling sometimes,
517
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,943
but it's just because
I care about you,
518
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,191
and I want the best
for you.
519
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,159
But sometimes
I don't know what's best.
520
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,825
And that-
that scares me.
521
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,199
- Life...is...scary.
522
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:49,372
- I know that I can
tell you guys this
523
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,667
and you won't judge me.
524
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:57,589
I...like...you guys!
525
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,006
- [crying]
I like you too, man!
526
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,551
I like you.
Let's stop fighting.
527
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,969
- Let's stop fighting.
I like you guys!
528
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,434
I like you guys!
529
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:09,100
- Wow.
That was intense.
530
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,268
This book works.
531
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,063
I mean, you guys made
actual progress today.
532
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,606
And it was because of...
533
00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,320
- Us.
- Me!
534
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:20,191
I got to-
Congratulations. You pass.
535
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,612
- Really?
- Cool. Thank you so much.
536
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:22,734
- Thanks, Cool Eric.
537
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,236
- Yeah, just leave your puppets
at the door,
538
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,488
and here's your release form.
539
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:26,704
- You are cool.
- Thanks.
540
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,370
Um, actually,
is it cool if I keep mine?
541
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,538
- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah.
542
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,662
- I keep all puppets.
543
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:42,592
- That was, uh...weird.
544
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:44,555
- Yeah.
545
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,550
Being sober makes you
really see things
546
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:47,722
the way they really are.
547
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:51,597
- So...what now?
548
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:54,854
- Whoo!
- Whoa!
549
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:56,521
Drinks for my buddies!
550
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,190
- All right.
- Send 'em down.
551
00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,904
- Sendin' 'em down.
552
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,568
- [making flatulence noises]
553
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,488
That means "thank you"!
554
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,906
I'm making an app
that translates farts.
555
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,451
- Oh, baby,
that sounds amazing.
556
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,323
Now, give big mama
some money.
557
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,075
- All right, now,
you got to do it right, okay?
558
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,703
Let's graze the skin.
559
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,831
Then put it under the strap.
560
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:17,922
See the goose bumps?
561
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,916
- Oh, she's feeling you,
dude.
562
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,884
I don't even mind
the pregnancy scars.
563
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,674
- Hell, I like 'em.
- Those are cool!
564
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:26,549
- These chicks get it!
- Yeah!
565
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,768
- Let's hear it for Eunice.
566
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,761
And coming to the stage now,
567
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,604
the seductive Karen.
568
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,565
Get at it, boys.
569
00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:37,104
- That guy is awesome!
- Yeah.
570
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,274
- Take my money.
- What's he doing?
571
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:43,945
- Oh, dude!
Aah! You are awesome!
572
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,612
You should come to our house
and party,
573
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,407
and bring Eunice
and all these awesome chicks.
574
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,581
- [laughs]
Heil, Shitler!
575
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,120
- Cool, cool.
Definitely.
576
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,120
- Shitler party,
both: Shitler party, yeah.
577
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,293
- Wow, I don't know
what that means!
578
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,291
- Nice.
579
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,419
[dog snorting,
noisemaker toots]
580
00:21:04,419 --> 00:21:06,419
Retail subrip by jeem.
41838
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