All language subtitles for South Park - S02E06.eng

Ooh, can't wait
to touch your body.

Ooh, girl,
make sweet love to you.

All night long.

Yeah, your butt is so fine.

Want to use it like a pillow
all the time.

Oh. Well, that episode was
a hoot and a holler, wasn't it?

That is a great episode,

but this next episode
is our favorite episode.

It's called "The Mexican
Staring Frog

of Southern Sri Lanka."

That's right,
and it's all about this army

of futuristic vehicles
which can drop out of planes

and then run in silent mode,
and they actually

use the silent mode to sneak up
behind their enemies,

and they don't even know
they're there.

And the leader,
who wears this big silver suit,

he's almost late,
but then he uses a flying mode

to get in the back
of this plane...

Dude. Dude.

- That's not this episode.
- It's not?

No, dude, that's
that movie "Megaforce."

- We didn't do that?
- No, dude, that came out

when we were, like,
12 years old.

Oh, dude,
we should have done that.

That was a sweet movie.

Well, yeah, but this is
the episode where it has...

You know, where it has Jesus,
and he gets his own talk show,

and they're... they're after that
Mexican staring frog and stuff.

Oh, we should have done
"Megaforce."

That was a sweet movie.
We should have done that.

Well, enjoy
"The Mexican Staring Frog

of Southern Sri Lanka."

- Say hey-oh.
- Hey-oh.

- Say whoa.
- Whoa.

I'm going down
to South Park.

Gonna have
myself a time.

Friendly faces
everywhere.

Humble folks
without temptation.

Going down
to South Park.

Gonna leave my
woes behind.

Ample parking
day or night.

People spouting:
"Howdy neighbor!"

Headed on up
to South Park.

Gonna see if
I can't unwind.

So come on down
to South Park.

And meet some
friends of mine.

And now back to
"Huntin' and Killin'"

with South Park's favorite
hunters Jimbo and Ned.

I'm Jimbo Kern,
and this here is Ned.

- Say hi, Ned.
- Hi, Ned.

Now isn't that great?

We have a terrific
show for you today.

We're gonna
kill some elk

and we're gonna kill
some mountain goats.

Now, the new law passed
by Colorado legislature,

which Ned and I call
Pussy Law #4, states

that we can no longer
kill animals in defense.

In other words, our old line

of "It's comin'
right for us"...

- "It's comin' right for us!"
- No longer works.

So now we only
kill animals to...

If we don't hunt,
then these animals

will grow too big
in number

and they won't
have enough food.

So you see,
we have to kill animals

or else they'll die.

Uh, so roll the tape.

Here we are up
at Shaffers Crossing

looking for
some animals.

Lookee, Ned,
there's some deers.

Quick, Ned,
thin out their numbers.

Thin out
their numbers.

Good work, Ned,
now they won't starve.

That sure was
a great hunting trip.

We saved those deer
from extinction.

We're environmentalists.

Coming up next,

we're gonna
drop some napalm

on an unsuspecting
family of beavers,

and also try to
thin out the numbers

of some
endangered species.

Mr. Garrison,
what's Vietnam?

What's Vietnam?

A question a
child might ask

but not a
childish question.

Children, for
the next few days

we'll be learning
all about Vietnam.

Chances are that somebody
in your own lives

was affected by
this incredible war.

That's right,
Mr. Garrison,

the Vietnam War
was sticky and icky.

Mr. Garrison, were
you in Vietnam?

Come on, man,
let's go!

Jump out of
the chopper!

Who's next
to take a shower?

Me, I am!

You just took one
last time, silly.

Oh, where can I hide
this big pipe?

No, I wasn't
in Vietnam.

But sometimes I like
to pretend I was.

Anyway, children, I'm going to
assign you all a paper.

I want you all to find
somebody in your own life

who was in Vietnam
and interview them about it.

What if we don't know
anybody who was in Vietnam?

Then you get an F,
fail the third grade

and have to get a job cleaning
septic tanks

to support your drug habit.

Dude, my uncle Jimbo
was in Vietnam.

Hey, yeah, he and Ned do
that stupid TV show.

And now time for...

One of our loyal viewers
from South Park

sent us some
8-millimeter film

of what he claims
to be the Mexican staring frog

of southern
Sri Lanka.

Now, as you all know,

the Mexican staring frog
of southern Sri Lanka

can supposedly kill you
with one horrid gaze.

If a person even so much
as looks into the frog's eyes,

they can be paralyzed
or even die.

And this film proves
that that frog

may very well exist.

Now watch carefully.

You're gonna see
the Mexican staring frog.

There! There,
did you see it?

Roll that back again.

Now freeze it.

Well, I'd like
to know what

all you skeptics
have to say now.

- What do you think, Ned?
- I'm scared.

Well, be sure to
join us next time.

Until then...

We're so glad you
spent a time with us.

While we slaughtered our way
through nature's guts.

Come again
and stay a while.

We'll kill a lot
more living things.

And make them bleed.

Good night.

And we're cut,
great show, guys.

Oh, lookee
who's here.

My little
nephew, Stanley.

So you're interested
in your Uncle Jimbo's

big TV show, huh?

No, we have to do
a stupid report on Vietnam.

You and Ned are the only
guys we know who were there.

- Oh, yeah, we sure were.
- Was it fun?

Cartman, what kind of
stupid-ass question is that?

Of course it was fun.

Well, sure, Vietnam was fun.

But not like going
to the circus fun

or fly fishing in Montana fun.

No, Vietnam was more like

shoving shards of broken glass
up your ass

and then sitting in a tub
of Tabasco sauce fun!

Yepper, that's where
me and Ned met.

I remember I had just
gotten off the Ferris wheel.

Oh, boy, what a gorgeous day.

Kern, get over here.

The new privates are here.

I'm assigning one of them
to you as a trainee.

Ned Gerblansky.

Ned Gerblansky reporting,
sir.

Thanks, Ned.

Now, the bad guys
have been spotted

about ten clicks north of here.

I know that you and Kern are
best suited to take them out.

- Are you up for it?
- Sir, yes, sir.

Soon it was
all on just me and Ned

to win the war for America.

Pass me some more cocoa,
will you, Ned?

Certainly, and would you like
another muffin as well?

Why the hell not?
We're at war.

Hey, you know those things are
bad for your throat.

No, that's all lies.
I'll be fine.

Charlies at two o'clock!

I see 'em, drop the bomb!

The bomb's not releasing!

- Oh, no!
- It won't budge.

Then we only have one option.

What are you doing, man?

We have to take 'em out, Ned,
at all costs!

Die, you red commie bastards!

Oh, no, out of ammo!

We did it, Ned.

We killed the entire
Viet Cong army.

Whoopee!

Let's get back to base camp.

We can ride the log ride
before it closes.

And that's the way
it happened, boys.

- Wow!
- Man, Vietnam was sweet.

Great news, guys, your
TV show ratings

have doubled!

They've gone from
six people to twelve.

Holy smokes,
we could get an Emmy.

We've got to do it, J...
Your rating are being killed

by the Jimbo and Ned
hunting show.

But I don't really
care about that.

Well, you better care,
Mr. Smarty Pants.

No ratings means no show.

If you want to keep
reaching out to people,

you have to keep up
with the times.

Oh, all right.

All right,
we're 10 seconds to air, guys.

Remember, big, big, big.

And five, four, three...

It's your hour of power

on midday mountain
cable access.

Put your hands together
and welcome

the only man in town

who always has a fully
stocked wine cellar.

Jesus Christ!

Uhh... Hi.

Uh, y-yeah, okay.

Beginning today,
we're taking the show

in a new direction.

We've got some very
interesting people

coming on the show this week
for you, our viewers.

Today's guest is TV's
Gilligan, Mr. Bob Denver.

Here's Bob Denver!

Hi, Bob Denver.

Hi, Jesus, great to be here.

So, Bob, so you
just get in town?

Yep, just got in.

So, um, so what have
you been up to?

Nothing, nothing
really at all.

Nothing from nothing
leaves nothing.

You gotta have something...

Oh, boy.

And after killing
the entire Viet Cong army,

they returned to base camp.

Once there they rode
the devil's drop roller coaster

and ate cotton candy
and ultimately,

Ned got the Purple Heart
for his courageous defense

of the log ride.

So was the horror
of Vietnam. The end.

The end.

Are there any questions?

Yes, Mr. Garrison.

Yes, where the

did you hear this ridiculous
load of bullshit?

From Vietnam veterans.

Well, boys, it's obvious
to me

that you didn't do your work

and then you stayed up
all night making up

some ridiculous lie.

No, no, we didn't.

You all receive an F-minus.

F-minus? Can he do that?

But we're not making it up.

Stanley, the Vietnam War
was war.

There weren't galloping steeds

or singing birds or log rides.

How do you know?
You weren't even there.

Well, that's it!

All of you have detention
for the rest of the week!

Sweet.

Welcome to detention, mm-kay.

Mr. Garrison told me
about your little joke.

It's important for
you all to know why

you're in detention

for you to obtain
the full benefits from it.

You're here because
you're inferior, okay,

you're here because
you're awkward, okay?

Well, Stan, thanks a lot
for having such a cool uncle

that got us all
detention for a week.

Yeah, dude, your
uncle Jimbo sucks ass.

Shh, okay.

Why would he just
invent a story

instead of telling
us the truth?

Well, let' see. Maybe 'cause

he's an old drunk
hillbilly dick.

Shh, okay.

We got to get him back,
dude.

- Totally.
- How?

Well, he screwed us
by making something up.

I say we do the same thing.

What do you mean?

Did you guys ever see
that one "Brady Bunch"

where the guy...

Oh, yeah, sweet.

Super sweet.
Yes!

And now back to
"Huntin' and Killin'"

with South Park's
favorite hunters,

Jimbo and Ned.

Welcome, hunters.

Boy, have we got
a show for you today.

We have just received
a tape from another viewer

who filmed the Mexican
staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka
right here in South Park.

Yes, now we're
about to roll the film,

but remember, if you look
the Mexican staring frog

in the eyes,
you can go catatonic.

We don't know if this
applies to pictures

of the frog or not,

but who wants to take chances?

So when we roll this film,
be sure to look away.

Okay, roll the film, Tom.

Is it over?

Okay, it's over.

Well, there you have it.

Undeniable proof that
the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka exists.

And you saw it here on
the Jimbo and Ned show.

Dude, I can't believe
they fell for it.

Yeah, what a couple
of dumbasses.

Yeah.

Come on, we gotta
go make another one.

Lying kicks ass.

- Jesus!
- Yeah?

We're in trouble.

The Jimbo and Ned show
made up some ridiculous

staring frog story
and jumped another

- two points in the ratings.
- Uh-oh. So what are we

- supposed to do?
- I don't know.

We'll have to continue
with the changes we've made

and then go even further.

And we're back in
five, four, three...

Remember, big, big, big.

If you're just joining us,

we've been listening
to Michelle's incredible story

of survival.
Go on, Michelle.

Well, as I was saying,
I tried and tried

but my overturned car
just wouldn't budge.

My husband was trapped
for 12 hours.

And yet somehow
he managed to survive.

That's right.

He's a very brave man,
and I love him very much.

I love you, too.

Well, let's see
if the audience

has any questions.

Yes, you over there.

I think she needs to kick him
to the curb, baby.

- Kick who to the curb?
- Her no-good husband.

She's got to lose that zero
and get herself a hero.

But...

He wants to have
his cake and eat it too.

He's got to dump
that trash, girlfriend.

It's all about respect.

You gotta have
respect for yourself.

I think we've somewhat
missed the point here.

Let's go to somebody else.

Yes, your comments.

Montel, I think we're
forgetting something

very important in all this.

Okay, sure, he touched
some children

but the man is a great singer

and he's entertained
us for so many years.

- What are you talking about?
- Michael Jackson.

All this badmouthing,
putting the man down.

Maybe he did touch some
children now and then.

But come on,
it's Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson!

Uh, we'll be back right
after these messages.

Ready, you guys?

Ready!

Okay, action.

I am the deadly
Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka.

- It's supposed to be a frog.
- I know that.

Since when do
frogs talk, Cartman?

It's a Sri Lanka frog.

- Der, Cartman!
- Der yourself, hippy.

Just do it again, Cartman,
and don't make it talk.

Okay, here we go, ready?

- Are you ready, Cartman?
- I'm ready, Steven Spielberg!

Action!

Screw you guys.

Wait, why do I have to
dress up like an old lady?

'Cause old ladies are
fat and you are too.

Come on, Cartman,
the way we're shooting this,

nobody will even know it's you.

- They better not.
- Okay, when I yell action,

you start to walk this way,

then Kenny's gonna pull the
plastic frog in front of you

and you have to be scared.

Scared of a plastic frog?

It's acting, Cartman.

You have to pretend
you're really scared,

then the Mexican staring frog
will look you in the eyes,

then you fall down like you're
dead, okay, ready?

This is stupid.

Good, and action!

Well, it appears as though
a lot of you skeptics

thought that the film we showed
of the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka
was a fake.

They say it didn't
harm anybody.

Well, it just so happens that

we just received another film

from another anonymous viewer.

Roll it.

There you go.

Proof that not only
is this frog real,

but it is doing harm
to the people of South Park

as we speak.

- Damn that frog.
- Well, that does it.

All this week,
Ned and I will be

risking life and limb
as we go on location

to hunt the Mexican
staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka.

Join us, won't you?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

This is the biggest publicity
stunt I've ever seen.

- Damn, those hunters are clever.
- Uh, clever?

It's genius, it really is.

Hell, I even want
to watch them hunt

the Mexican staring frog.

- Unless.
- Unless what?

Unless we can
prove to the world

that the whole thing is a sham.

If we prove that
the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka

is just something
made up by Jimbo and Ned,

we can have them
taken off the air,

perhaps even killed.

Look, why don't we just
stick to our own show?

People will watch again.

Oh, J, you are so omnipotent,

and yet so naive.

We'll launch a full
investigation

and in the meantime
we can cash in

on the videotapes.

What videotapes?

Yea, my children, I am
the way and the light...

You've seen
"Jesus and Pals."

Now you've got
to get the video.

"Jesus and Pals
Too Hot for TV."

Things get a little
out of control.

You won't believe your eyes.

Order now, only $19.95.

Remember, this is stuff
you can't see on TV.

Anonymous tip?

Yeah, it was left on
our answering machine.

All it said was that they
saw the Mexican staring frog

just south of Stark's Pond
this morning.

Hey Ned, remember
that time we got

that anonymous tip back in Nam?

You were in Nam?
Where were you stationed?

- Da Nang.
- With the log ride?

- Yup.
- Man, I was in Tet.

We had a badass rollercoaster

but all we ever
wanted was a log ride.

We waited and we waited
but they never built us one.

I think Danforth
wanted a log ride

more than anybody
but he had to settle

with that lame dinosaur
water adventure ride.

That war was hell on everybody.

Good, okay, okay bye.
Great news, everybody.

This week's ratings
are through the roof.

We're up to 20 people.

- Wow, do we get more money?
- No, but I do.

We're now the
highest rated show

on mountain cable access.

God bless the Mexican
staring frog.

Dude, they're gonna
look so stupid.

Totally.

They deserve it
for lying to us, dude.

Revenge is
so very, very sweet.

They're here, hurry and hide.

Let's hunt.

We'll start with a
two-shot of you and Ned

getting your equipment
together and...

Jimbo, look!

- Hit the deck!
- What is it?

It's him,
the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka.

He's right over
there on that rock.

- He is?
- Dumbass!

You've gotta
keep your eyes away from him.

Stay down.

Ned, you take flank position.

I'll try and keep it
turned away from you.

Roger that.

Hello, fellow hunters.

Have we got a show
for you today.

The Mexican staring frog
is sunning itself

on a rock directly behind us.

We've got to take
the frog by surprise.

I'm gonna create a diversion
using this incendiary device,

while Ned will ambush
him from the rear.

Now, Ned, he's not looking!

Quick, Ned!
Hit him with the shotgun!

Now, Ned!

Ned, Ned?

Oh, no!

Come on, Ned, buddy,
snap out of it.

Come back to me, buddy.

Are you getting all this?

Hold on to your butts.

Take that, you demon frog!

Ned, Ned, can you hear me?

Quick, somebody
call an ambulance!

This man is catatonic!

Get the Flight
for Life helicopter.

Holy crap, dude.

"But pony boy was
beat up pretty bad.

He kept saying, 'Stay gold."'

Oh, Ned, if you can hear me,

you gotta snap out of it.

'Cause if you don't,
I'll never forgive myself.

Oh, Stanley, he's gone!

My only friend in
the world is gone.

Dude, he's okay.
That frog wasn't even real.

Look.

Oh, what the hell
are you doing?

I almost looked right at it.

Dude, it's just a plastic
frog. It's not real.

- Check it out.
- What?

We shot all those videos
and sent them in.

Yeah, we made
the whole thing up.

It was all just a really,
really funny joke.

You sent in those videos?

Oh, this is not good.

My best friend is
a vegetable,

and I'm gonna be the
laughingstock of South Park.

Oh, come on, Ned's faking it.

That frog was just
a piece of plastic.

Yeah, come on,
Ned, quit faking.

You boys don't understand.

Ned was so freaked out
by the idea

of the Mexican staring frog

that he must have sent
himself into a deep coma.

It's a psychosomatic
response.

I couldn't help overhearing

- your conversation just now.
- Who are you?

I produce a little TV show
called "Jesus and Pals."

You might have heard of it.

Your story's amazing,
full of jealousy,

duplicity, backstabbing,
and bitterness.

Uh, thanks?

How would you like to share
your remarkable story

with us on tomorrow's show?

We're back with Jimbo
and his nephew, Stan.

These kids can't
stop lying, can they?

That's right, Jesus.

No respect for their elders.

As some of you may know,

I host a local show on hunting.

Thanks. We've been hunting
the Mexican staring frog

for a week based on
some video footage

we received from a viewer.

Well, it turns out
that these kids

faked the footage.

- Is that true, Stan?
- It was just a joke.

We didn't think
it would hurt anybody.

We'll find out more
about this debauchery

when we return.

And we're out.

You're corpses up here.

We need a lot more
action from everybody.

Like what?

Like go ahead and tell
how your nephew Stan

- takes drugs and worships Satan.
- Satan, got it.

Whoa, I don't take drugs and
worship Satan. That's lying.

Give you a taste of your own
medicine, you little fibber!

You kids, I didn't bring you
on this show to be boring.

Somebody get pissed off and
throw a chair at Ned here.

- Dibs!
- Remember...

you all start to fight
after the chair is thrown.

- That's your cue.
- Right.

Welcome back to
"Jesus and Pals."

Jimbo, why do you think
little Stanley lies?

I'll tell you why.

Because he's on drugs and
he worships the devil.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

Wow. Now, Stanley,
it sounds like

your uncle's really
worried about you.

Well, I only did it
'cause... he molested me.

- Why you little piece of crap!
- You big piece of crap!

That's it, now
I'm all pissed off.

- Take that, hippy.
- Hey!

Jesus, Jesus!

Okay, okay, that's enough.

Take that, you asshole.

What the was that?

Let's watch
the language, people.

Bring it on, you bitch.

Hey, get off of him
you nut-sack!

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

Let's all just make our
way back to our seats.

Oh, my God,
they killed Kenny!

You bastards!

Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!

Let's all just make
our way back to our seats.

Shut the up!

Jesus, what is wrong
with you people?

Look around you, Stanley.

Look at the all
the pain and suffering

your lie has caused.

We only did it because
Jimbo lied to us first.

We had this report on
the Vietnam War for school

and we interviewed
Jimbo about it.

And he made up all this stuff
about Vietnam,

and he got us in trouble.

Hey now, everything
I told you boys

about the war
actually happened.

Mr. Garrison said there was
no way that you could've

defeated the entire Viet Cong
army by yourself.

The entire Viet Cong army?

I... well, okay, I might
have embellished the truth

a little but that's different.

- Is it?
- Well, sure, I mean...

- Well, no, I guess not.
- And as for you, Stan...

I think you need to
kick your drug habit.

Wait a second, I don't take
drugs. That was a lie.

- Wait, Jimbo made that up?
- No, your producer did.

She made Jimbo tell
everybody that I did drugs.

What?

During the break your
producer came over

and told Jimbo what
to say about me.

She told him to lie.

It's true, she did.

- I'm such a tool.
- Oh, really?

Yeah, then she told us
to throw a chair at Ned.

Yeah, I didn't
want to do it, Jesus.

They made me do that.

Screw this show, I thought
this was all real!

Wait, everybody, come back.

Don't feel too bad, Montel,

we all wanna touch children
sometimes, it's only natural.

I'm sorry, Stan.

I was just trying
to tell a good story.

I never meant for you boys
to get in trouble.

We're sorry, too, Uncle Jimbo.

We're sorry for making
you look stupid

in front of the whole world.

Yeah, and we're sorry for
turning Ned into a vegetable.

He'll be fine,
I'll just take him home

and show him some
good hardcore porn.

He'll snap right out
of it, won't you, Ned?

I want to apologize to all of
you for what happened in there.

In our competition for ratings,

we all lost sight of
why we got into show business

in the first place.

Yeah, titties and beer.

Actually, I was referring
more

to the pursuit of truth, but...

Well, anyway, I can't wait to
get back to my old show

without all the glitz and
ratings and producers...

Wait a sec,
where is your producer?

- I sent her away.
- Sent her away where?

What is this?
What's happening?

Welcome to my dominion.

Hey, take a load off,
put your feet up.

Me and Satan were just
about to go shopping

for furniture.
Come on, Satan.

Okay, honey.

No!

War is hell.

My brother's dead
in my arms.

In war, war is hell.

It's hell for you and me