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1
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[ Trilling shout]
2
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,500
Yep. This is where I live.
3
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,640
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!
4
00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:11,500
Hey.
5
00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:12,840
Sabrina. You're home.
6
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,400
Just in time for our
cinco De mayocelebration.
7
00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:17,980
Cinco De Mayo? It
was just El new year's.
8
00:00:18,020 --> 00:00:20,220
We know, but while
the rest of new england
9
00:00:20,260 --> 00:00:21,810
is complaining about the weather
10
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,050
we are turning up the heat
11
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with a little "south
of the border" fiesta.
12
00:00:26,290 --> 00:00:27,460
Crispy flauta?
13
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,050
No. Gracias.
14
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:30,220
You guys are weird.
15
00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:32,220
Well, excuse us for having fun.
16
00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:34,050
We were going to
ask you to join us...
17
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:35,020
But if you're uptight...
18
00:00:35,050 --> 00:00:37,050
Don't say that.
There's nothing worse
19
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,840
than when your
parents call you "uptight."
20
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,530
Come on, loosen up.
21
00:00:41,570 --> 00:00:42,570
You know you want to wear
22
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,330
a sombrero.
23
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,710
Now try an "ole."
24
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Ole.
25
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:51,770
Hey, that was sort of fun.
26
00:00:51,810 --> 00:00:53,430
All right, I'm in.
27
00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:54,640
Where's the salsa?
28
00:00:54,670 --> 00:00:56,740
Over here, but
it's kind of spicy.
29
00:00:56,770 --> 00:00:58,600
I think I can handle it, cat.
30
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:01,220
[ Screaming]
31
00:01:01,260 --> 00:01:03,770
Hot, hot, hot, hot!
32
00:01:03,810 --> 00:01:05,530
Feels warmer in here already.
33
00:01:23,710 --> 00:01:27,020
We'll be back in... mintues
34
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so, "r" = 7 + 11
over 2, or... 9.
35
00:01:34,190 --> 00:01:35,500
[ Teacher sneezes]
36
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And "r" = 7 - 11 over 2, or -2.
37
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,640
[ Sneezes]
38
00:01:41,670 --> 00:01:42,530
That's it.
39
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,500
I've reached my
chalk limit for the day.
40
00:01:46,950 --> 00:01:47,840
What is it, Sabrina?
41
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:48,770
I have a question.
42
00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:49,670
I know that.
43
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:51,670
That's why I said
"what is it, Sabrina?"
44
00:01:51,710 --> 00:01:53,460
Well, in that problem, the roots
45
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:54,510
turn out to be round numbers.
46
00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:56,670
But what if the roots
turn out to be irrational?
47
00:01:56,710 --> 00:01:59,740
Irrational? You mean,
like teenage girls?
48
00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:00,640
Just express
49
00:02:00,670 --> 00:02:02,740
those roots in radical form.
50
00:02:02,770 --> 00:02:04,400
You mean, as a fraction?
51
00:02:04,430 --> 00:02:05,810
Didn't you read the textbook?
52
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,100
Yeah, but it's
kind of confusing.
53
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,770
Well, let's find out who's
confused and who isn't
54
00:02:09,810 --> 00:02:11,640
by having a little
test tomorrow.
55
00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:13,430
[ All groaning]
56
00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:15,600
And you can all
thank Sabrina for it.
57
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,810
I was just trying to learn.
58
00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:22,290
Hello.
59
00:02:22,330 --> 00:02:23,120
Is Salem there?
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00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:23,880
Speaking.
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00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:24,880
It's shelley.
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00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:26,020
Shelley?!
63
00:02:26,050 --> 00:02:27,670
Zelda, you'll never
guess who called.
64
00:02:27,710 --> 00:02:29,430
I'll give you a hint: Shelley.
65
00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:31,600
Shelley? Your ex-girlfriend?
66
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:32,570
The one who left you?
67
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,670
She didn't leave me.
68
00:02:33,710 --> 00:02:34,840
She just needed some time
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00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:35,880
by herself.
70
00:02:35,910 --> 00:02:37,050
Two decades?
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00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:39,190
Three, but... I repeat, but...
72
00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:40,120
From the sound of her voice
73
00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:42,530
I'd say she has crawling
back on her mind.
74
00:02:42,570 --> 00:02:46,640
I see. Did you happen to
mention that you're a cat now?
75
00:02:46,670 --> 00:02:48,050
Is it that noticeable?
76
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,600
Oh, not again.
77
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,290
Hilda! Stop that!
78
00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:54,950
It wasn't me.
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00:02:57,740 --> 00:02:58,670
Sabrina?
80
00:02:58,710 --> 00:02:59,770
What's wrong?
81
00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:01,980
Mr. Rothwell is giving us
a huge math test tomorrow.
82
00:03:02,020 --> 00:03:05,290
So now I have to go memorize
formulas, like "x" = why me?
83
00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:08,600
You watch that
finger, young lady.
84
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:15,020
-B + or - the square root of
"b" squared - 4ac over 2A.
85
00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:19,260
♪ Shake your whammy
Fanny, funky song, funky song ♪
86
00:03:19,290 --> 00:03:20,260
♪ shake your wham...
87
00:03:20,290 --> 00:03:21,670
Harvey!
88
00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:22,910
What?
89
00:03:22,950 --> 00:03:24,820
You're singing the "funky
song". Now, it's going to be stuck
90
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,100
in my head during
the whole test.
91
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,460
Sorry. I didn't even
know I was doing it.
92
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,530
Well, I'm really nervous,
so please don't sing.
93
00:03:30,570 --> 00:03:32,050
Okay.
94
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,020
-B + or -
95
00:03:34,050 --> 00:03:35,980
the square root of "b"...
96
00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:37,570
I hearyou thinking it.
97
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,600
I can't thinkit?
98
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,330
Not while I'm studying.
99
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,710
Can I at least
finish this verse?
100
00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:43,050
Yeah, but hurry.
101
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:47,710
[ No audio]
102
00:03:47,740 --> 00:03:49,740
Okay. Done. Good.
103
00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:50,500
[ Sighs]
104
00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:53,120
-B + or - the square root of...
105
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,360
I hate rothwell.
106
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,740
Look, Sabrina,
you know this stuff.
107
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:57,810
You know you know it.
108
00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,260
You just have to relax.
109
00:03:59,290 --> 00:04:00,570
I can't. Do you see this?
110
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,980
This is me freaking out.
111
00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:05,120
Okay, now please,
can I just study?
112
00:04:05,150 --> 00:04:07,460
I promise I won't make a noise.
113
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:15,910
You can turn the page.
114
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:19,810
Gordie, hurry.
115
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,220
Wait. How do I find
the slope of a line?
116
00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:24,400
Oh, that's easy. You just...
117
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,500
I lost it.
118
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:26,400
The slope slipped!
119
00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:28,050
If only we had more time.
120
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,910
Much better.
121
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:41,050
M = ...Dah, da-da,
da-da, da-da...
122
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,080
I knew that.
123
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,360
♪ Shake your whammy Fanny
124
00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:54,050
okay, it's "m" =
"y" sub 2 - "y" sub 1
125
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,980
over "x" sub 2 - "x" sub 1.
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00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:56,950
You saved my life.
127
00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:58,260
Thank me later. Right now, move!
128
00:04:58,290 --> 00:04:59,600
Move, move, move!
129
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:04,600
Five... four... Three... two...
130
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,740
"F"!
131
00:05:05,770 --> 00:05:06,810
Poor Emma.
132
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:07,850
I think she stopped to help
133
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,600
that girl in the wheelchair.
134
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,640
[ Speaking in falsetto]:
Too late. Bye-bye.
135
00:05:13,050 --> 00:05:13,500
All right
136
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,050
let's get started.
137
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,260
The test consists
of fifteen questions
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00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:19,600
for a possible 100 points.
139
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,050
The first five are
worth nine points
140
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:22,220
next five eight points.
141
00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,400
The last five are
three-pointers.
142
00:05:24,430 --> 00:05:25,430
You may begin.
143
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:32,740
What was that?
144
00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:34,260
I dropped my pencil.
145
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:35,790
Oh, please. I know
what's going on here.
146
00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:37,790
You're leaning over to
look at your neighbor's test.
147
00:05:37,810 --> 00:05:38,670
No, I...
148
00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:40,460
That's it, come sit at my desk.
149
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,330
You'll take the test there.
150
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,810
Then I won't have to
worry about you cheating.
151
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,980
But I've never cheated
on a test in my life.
152
00:05:47,020 --> 00:05:48,710
Then there should be no problem.
153
00:05:51,670 --> 00:05:55,710
Ok get to work...
- B + or -...
154
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:57,770
[ Harvey's voice]: ♪
funky song, funky song... ♪
155
00:05:57,810 --> 00:06:01,190
Harvey! Why did I
study with Harvey?
156
00:06:01,220 --> 00:06:03,150
Because he's cute.
157
00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:04,950
I wonder if we'll get married.
158
00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:07,050
No, no, pay attention.
159
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,260
-B + or -...
160
00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:11,740
I hate rothwell,
I hate rothwell.
161
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,120
Oh, no.
162
00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:15,670
Can he hear me think?
163
00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,430
I've got to relax.
164
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,600
Can't tense up.
165
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,400
[ Loud scratching]
166
00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:26,150
Why is everyone writing so loud?
167
00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:28,050
Why did Napoleon
want to rule by himself?
168
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,400
No, math. Stick to math.
169
00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:35,360
You know this stuff.
170
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,080
You can do this.
171
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,460
-B...
172
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:40,570
What?
173
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,570
Pencils down.
174
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:42,740
Time's up.
175
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,460
"Then add one macadamia nut
176
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:49,020
and he will have
an expanding butt."
177
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,530
Hilda: What's going on?!
178
00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:53,430
I heard an explosion.
179
00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:55,710
Oh. You're just making soup.
180
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:58,430
No, I'm stirring up a little
revenge for Mr. Rothwell.
181
00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,600
What happened?
182
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:00,770
It was so humiliating.
183
00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:02,850
He made me take the test
in front of the whole class.
184
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,640
Like some sort of zoo monkey?
185
00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:06,910
Yeah. Koko hate teacher man.
186
00:07:06,950 --> 00:07:08,220
Anyway, I know I flunked
187
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:10,050
so I'm giving him
an expanding butt
188
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,260
until I can find the
perfect revenge spell.
189
00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:14,770
Well, you know,
nothing says "payback"
190
00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:17,220
like "just desserts."
191
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:19,840
"It's the spell that guarantees
he'll get what's coming to him."
192
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,020
But it's only to be
used as a last resort.
193
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,570
You might want to try to deal
with him the mortal way first.
194
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:25,770
You mean, t.P. His house?
195
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:27,880
No, talk to him.
196
00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:29,020
I don't want to.
197
00:07:29,050 --> 00:07:30,980
You talk to him.
198
00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:32,220
Mr. Rothwell?
199
00:07:32,260 --> 00:07:33,120
Yes.
200
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:36,430
Hi. I'm hilda spellman,
Sabrina's aunt.
201
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:37,360
I wanted to talk to you
202
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:38,880
about the test
that she took today.
203
00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:41,220
Excellent timing. I just
finished correcting them.
204
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,050
I'll find hers.
205
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,710
Oh thanks, see she's upset.
206
00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:45,120
Because she thinks she failed.
207
00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:47,440
I know she didn't because she's
very bright and she studied so hard.
208
00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:48,570
She got an "f."
209
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,950
That's impossible.
210
00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:52,270
Are you sure you
added it up right?
211
00:07:52,290 --> 00:07:53,810
Ms. Spellman, I'm a math teacher
212
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,670
but feel free to double check.
213
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,220
There were 15 questions
214
00:07:58,260 --> 00:07:59,810
the first five were
worth 40 points
215
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,710
the next five were worth 45.
216
00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,840
The last five were worth 15.
217
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,220
Sabrina got two of the biggies
218
00:08:05,260 --> 00:08:07,570
three of the middies and one
of the babies, for grand total
219
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,330
of 45 points of what
percent of a hundred?
220
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,260
Oh, I, uh... 15 questions
221
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,050
100 points... Carry the two...
222
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,260
I have no idea!
223
00:08:14,290 --> 00:08:15,190
Forty-five percent!
224
00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:16,770
Geez, no wonder she failed.
225
00:08:16,810 --> 00:08:20,500
But I didn't have a chance
to study for this meeting.
226
00:08:20,530 --> 00:08:23,500
More lizard's leg, and don't
skimp on the howlet's wing.
227
00:08:23,530 --> 00:08:26,910
Let's put in this jar of cocktail
onions that's been in the fridge forever.
228
00:08:26,950 --> 00:08:27,770
Yeah!
229
00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,020
What smells so sweet?
230
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,460
Revenge.
231
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,880
It's time to teach
Mr. Rothwell a lesson.
232
00:08:32,910 --> 00:08:34,530
With a number two cauldron?
233
00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:35,810
It can't be that serious.
234
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,570
It is. Keep stirring.
235
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,260
Wait. There's been
236
00:08:38,290 --> 00:08:39,640
a breakdown in communication.
237
00:08:39,670 --> 00:08:41,460
I will go talk to him
238
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:43,430
as physicist to algebra teacher
239
00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:46,290
and we will work
this out logically.
240
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:49,460
And no one seeks
vengeance until I get back.
241
00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:53,300
Can we at least make
his butt a little bigger?
242
00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:56,640
As big as you want it to be!
243
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,600
I wanted to discuss
this rationally
244
00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,910
but you're making it hard.
245
00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:02,120
Hey, she failed the test.
246
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,470
What do you want
me to do about it?
247
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:05,500
But the circumstances
were unfair.
248
00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:07,950
Look, if it makes you feel
better, you can blame this on me
249
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:10,570
but I think we both know
these problems start at home.
250
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,770
What problems?
251
00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:14,120
Hey, if a kid can't master
the quadratic equation
252
00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:17,500
that says to me
dysfunctional family.
253
00:09:17,530 --> 00:09:19,880
We function just fine.
254
00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:21,670
Tell it to a social worker.
255
00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:23,770
Now, if you'll excuse me
256
00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:25,640
I haveto get to the gym.
257
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,640
This is so great.
258
00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:33,260
Thank you so much
for backing me up.
259
00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:36,050
Well, you were 100%
right about this guy.
260
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,530
Please, no percentages.
261
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,080
Is it revenge yet?
262
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,050
Mm, it's really spiteful.
263
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,570
Let's finish the spell.
264
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,600
Hilda, you do the honors.
265
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,640
Adder's fork and
blind-worm's sting
266
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,600
lizard's leg and howlet's wing
267
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,220
for a charm of powerful trouble
268
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,910
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
269
00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:57,220
Take it away, Sabrina.
270
00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:59,910
Fair is foul and foul is fair
271
00:09:59,950 --> 00:10:02,600
hover through
fog and filthy air.
272
00:10:04,910 --> 00:10:05,740
Now what?
273
00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:08,020
Wait and see.
274
00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:09,880
[ Cackling]
275
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:12,460
You cackled.
276
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,430
This is going to be so cool.
277
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:20,050
Weird. Rothwell is never late.
278
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,120
Maybe he called in sick
279
00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:23,640
or maybe he had car trouble.
280
00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:25,880
Or maybe the earth yawned
and swallowed him up.
281
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,430
It could happen.
282
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:32,260
Oh, toothpicks.
283
00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:34,840
I am late for the
first time in my life
284
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,670
because I've been the
victim of a great injustice.
285
00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:38,570
Yes!
286
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,910
I got a speeding ticket.
287
00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:42,400
Speeding ticket?
288
00:10:42,430 --> 00:10:44,120
Three witches and a
number ten cauldron
289
00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:46,330
and the best we could do
was a stupid speeding ticket?
290
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,190
Maybe the lizard's
leg wasn't fresh.
291
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:49,460
I thought it smelled funny.
292
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,570
Great.
293
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,440
Rothwell will just go to
court and weasel out of it.
294
00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:54,330
Court? The spell is working.
295
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,120
He'll find his just
desserts there.
296
00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:57,600
Let's go early and
get good seats.
297
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:58,600
And don't worry.
298
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,150
Justice will be served.
299
00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:00,880
Oh, yeah?
300
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,020
Then how come his butt deflated?
301
00:11:03,050 --> 00:11:03,600
What do you think?
302
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:04,840
Red lamborghini.
303
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,150
This has to impress
my ex-girlfriend, shelley.
304
00:11:07,190 --> 00:11:08,600
Sure. Now all you have to do
305
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,500
is lose the paws,
whiskers and fur.
306
00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:11,740
Hey, so what if I'm a cat?
307
00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:13,880
This car says I got it going on!
308
00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:16,840
[ Laughs]
309
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:17,500
Man: It's a travesty
310
00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:18,500
of justice, sir.
311
00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:19,840
I mean, I know red.
312
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,910
Red is the color of rage
313
00:11:21,950 --> 00:11:23,710
and that light was not red.
314
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:24,670
It was yellow...
315
00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:26,910
Yellow as the sunshine.
316
00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,840
Well, in light of
your flowery prose
317
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,050
and the fact that the
arresting officer didn't show
318
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,190
I'll cut your fine in half.
319
00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:34,150
Half?!
320
00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:37,150
Sir, half an injustice
is still an injustice.
321
00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:38,120
Case closed.
322
00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:41,880
This court is in recess.
323
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:42,950
Wait. Come back here.
324
00:11:42,980 --> 00:11:43,740
I want that judge.
325
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:44,810
He was easy.
326
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,430
Mr. Rothwell?
327
00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:47,360
Do I know you?
328
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,120
Well of course, you
wouldn't recognize me.
329
00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:51,290
Not without tears
streaming down my face
330
00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:53,570
like a harsh, unforgiving rain.
331
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,980
I'm Clifford Weaver...
Your former algebra student.
332
00:11:56,020 --> 00:11:57,220
Wait. You're a novelist now.
333
00:11:57,260 --> 00:11:58,580
You wrote rage
against the system.
334
00:11:58,600 --> 00:11:59,150
I loved that book.
335
00:11:59,190 --> 00:12:00,840
It was full of hate.
336
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:04,810
There's Mr. Rothwell.
337
00:12:06,710 --> 00:12:09,880
Ooh, I think that's for us.
338
00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:11,500
Either that's part of the spell
339
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:12,710
or the bailiff keeps steaks.
340
00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:14,500
I bet that's our judge.
341
00:12:14,530 --> 00:12:15,740
In the refrigerator?
342
00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:18,290
Yes. Witch judges take
turns in the deep freeze
343
00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:19,740
to prevent media bias.
344
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:21,050
For example
345
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,670
judge Samuels has
been in here since 1956.
346
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:26,290
Wow. A man untouched by CNN.
347
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,980
Now, that's a
good night's sleep.
348
00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:32,190
Hi, judge Samuels.
349
00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:33,950
Here's the deal.
350
00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:34,950
We are...
351
00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:36,710
Shh! Not a word.
352
00:12:36,740 --> 00:12:39,150
I must stay pure for the law.
353
00:12:39,190 --> 00:12:41,910
Just a cup of cocoa,
and I'm in business.
354
00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:50,710
Guilty!
355
00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:51,600
Order!
356
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,260
One more outburst
like that, and I'll...
357
00:12:54,290 --> 00:12:55,670
All right.
358
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:57,360
I'm ready.
359
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,770
Court is in session.
360
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:02,430
Jeremy rothwell
361
00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:03,460
you are charged
362
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,910
with violating vehicular
code section 16-4:
363
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:07,400
Driving at an unsafe speed.
364
00:13:07,430 --> 00:13:08,400
How do you plead?
365
00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:09,290
Not guilty.
366
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,330
You're also charged
367
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,770
with violation of
the existential code
368
00:13:12,810 --> 00:13:14,360
section 63-b:
369
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,400
Multiple counts
370
00:13:15,430 --> 00:13:16,600
of being mean and unfair.
371
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:17,710
How do you plead?
372
00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:18,570
What is this?
373
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,710
I never heard of
an existential code.
374
00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:22,950
You have to read the fine print.
375
00:13:22,980 --> 00:13:25,190
How do you plead?
376
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:25,880
Not guilty.
377
00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:27,050
Ha!
378
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:27,670
Plea entered.
379
00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:29,220
Strike the "ha."
380
00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:31,050
Prosecution may
present its case.
381
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,290
Are the people present?
382
00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:33,150
We're the people.
383
00:13:33,190 --> 00:13:34,400
We are? Cool.
384
00:13:34,430 --> 00:13:35,880
Sabrina, what are
you doing here?
385
00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:38,710
Didn't you hear?
We're the people.
386
00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:39,500
Proceed.
387
00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:41,330
Thank you, your honor.
388
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,670
The people would like to call
389
00:13:42,710 --> 00:13:44,400
as their first witness...
390
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,290
Clifford Weaver.
391
00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,430
[ People gasping]
392
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,500
[ Gargling]
393
00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:59,050
Mmm. Minty fresh for milady.
394
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:03,880
I'd be more nervous if I
weren't so good-looking.
395
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,980
And yes, he failed me.
396
00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:07,740
But, I mean, listen
to those words.
397
00:14:07,770 --> 00:14:10,050
He... failed... me.
398
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,360
Throw the book at him, judge.
399
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,570
Thank you, Clifford.
400
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,710
Your honor, I'd like to
cross-examine this witness.
401
00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:19,950
Well then, proceed.
402
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:21,260
Clifford...
403
00:14:21,290 --> 00:14:22,290
You wrote the book
404
00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:23,710
rage against the
system, correct?
405
00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:24,710
Correct.
406
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,300
And isn't it true that
the New York times
407
00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:27,980
picked you as the
best of the new breed
408
00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:29,530
of angry young writers?
409
00:14:29,570 --> 00:14:31,260
I resent that moniker, but yes.
410
00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:33,640
Well, what made
you angry, Clifford?
411
00:14:33,670 --> 00:14:35,360
Was it your mother
holding your hand?
412
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,460
Was it the librarian
patting your head?
413
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:38,640
Or was it me?!
414
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,080
I gave you that anger.
415
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,430
I spoon-fed you that rage.
416
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:42,540
I made you what you are today.
417
00:14:42,570 --> 00:14:44,330
You should thank me!
418
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,360
You never helped me.
419
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,190
That's a lie!
420
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,460
No further questions.
421
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:52,120
I've never been
so angry in my life.
422
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,740
That's my second novel.
423
00:14:55,670 --> 00:14:58,260
Quick, call another witness.
424
00:14:58,290 --> 00:14:59,810
The people call...
425
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,770
The arresting officer.
426
00:15:03,810 --> 00:15:06,840
[ Gasping]
427
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,330
So, he was speeding?
428
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,330
Definitely.
429
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:10,400
And was he mean?
430
00:15:10,430 --> 00:15:11,050
Mean?
431
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,050
Mean, disagreeable
432
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,740
unkind, knavish. Mean.
433
00:15:13,770 --> 00:15:16,150
Well, he threw his
registration at me.
434
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:17,770
Then he muttered
under his breath
435
00:15:17,810 --> 00:15:18,670
"what a jerk"
436
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:19,530
but I heard him.
437
00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,640
I have really good ears.
438
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:24,330
And lovely eyes.
439
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,740
Thank you.
440
00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:27,670
No further questions.
441
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,020
The people call
our next witness.
442
00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:37,840
Sabrina spellman.
443
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,980
Normally, I don't like to
say bad things about people
444
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:43,020
but as I am under oath...
445
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:44,640
Mr. Rothwell's
completely unfair.
446
00:15:44,670 --> 00:15:46,330
He doesn't like kids,
he doesn't like math
447
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,050
he doesn't like teaching
and he doesn't like chalk.
448
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,500
These are very serious charges.
449
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,120
Have you any proof?
450
00:15:53,150 --> 00:15:54,880
I could call my friend gordie.
451
00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:56,400
Proof, proof, any proof?
452
00:15:56,430 --> 00:15:57,600
It doesn't exist.
453
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,950
Mr. Rothwell's unfairness lies
454
00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,500
only in the hearts
of those students
455
00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:02,810
whose love of math
he has destroyed.
456
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,710
Including yours, Sabrina?
457
00:16:04,740 --> 00:16:06,670
It's too early to tell, but...
458
00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:07,330
There is a chance
459
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,910
that for the rest of my life
460
00:16:08,950 --> 00:16:10,400
I will fear math.
461
00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:11,080
I will sweat every time
462
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,570
I have to calculate a tip.
463
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,150
I will put off balancing
my checkbook.
464
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:14,980
I will play Blackjack,
465
00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:17,290
but I will not understand it.
466
00:16:17,330 --> 00:16:20,880
If you understood it,
you wouldn't play it.
467
00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:21,770
Thank you.
468
00:16:21,810 --> 00:16:23,600
You may step down.
469
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,460
Counselor, are there
any other witnesses?
470
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,880
The people rest.
471
00:16:28,910 --> 00:16:31,710
Would the defendant like
to make a closing statement?
472
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,980
Yes, I would.
473
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:36,430
Your honor, I'm
not a baby-sitter.
474
00:16:36,460 --> 00:16:39,050
I'm paid to teach math,
and that is what I do.
475
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,290
Yes, I could be more
sensitive, but let's face it.
476
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:43,980
The world is full
of people like me...
477
00:16:44,020 --> 00:16:47,120
People who choose favorites,
people who don't accept excuses
478
00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:50,020
people who are unfair.
479
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:51,120
Well, life is unfair
480
00:16:51,150 --> 00:16:54,810
and I'm just helping my
students to get used to that.
481
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,460
Mr. Rothwell, just
one last question.
482
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,080
Do you intend to
teach high school
483
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,460
for the rest of your life?
484
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,460
Are you kidding?
485
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:02,790
I'm just doing this
till I can start on
486
00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:04,810
my own software company.
487
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,460
Oh. Thank you.
488
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:09,020
Well, I shall return
with my decision
489
00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:11,500
and a fresh cup of cocoa.
490
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,430
Salem: Flowers, soft lights...
491
00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:15,290
What's missing?
492
00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:18,220
Oops. Almost forgot.
493
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:21,880
[ Soft music plays]
494
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,400
Oh, yeah.
495
00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:25,950
I've reached my decision.
496
00:17:27,710 --> 00:17:30,330
With respect to the
existential code violation
497
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:34,810
this court finds you not guilty
due to insufficient evidence.
498
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:35,670
With respect
499
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,770
to the vehicular code violation
500
00:17:37,810 --> 00:17:40,220
the court finds you
guilty as charged.
501
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,460
Aw, nuts.
502
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:45,290
But we'll waive
the usual $40 fine
503
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,500
and instead
504
00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:48,570
sentence you to a lifetime
505
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,050
of teaching high school algebra.
506
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,190
What?! That's not fair!
507
00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:54,530
Case closed.
508
00:17:54,570 --> 00:17:56,530
No!
509
00:17:56,570 --> 00:18:00,400
No...!
510
00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:01,840
No!!
511
00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:08,330
This trial shall be stricken
from all mortal memory.
512
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,880
Court is adjourned.
513
00:18:10,910 --> 00:18:11,910
Wait a second.
514
00:18:11,950 --> 00:18:14,360
How can being sentenced
to teaching high school
515
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,740
be sufficient punishment?
516
00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:17,190
Because it's the worst thing
517
00:18:17,220 --> 00:18:19,080
Mr. Rothwell can imagine.
518
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:20,340
But now kids are going
to be stuck with him
519
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,810
year after year.
520
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,260
Well, whether he means to or not
521
00:18:23,290 --> 00:18:25,120
he teaches a valuable lesson.
522
00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:26,880
Some people are just jerks?
523
00:18:26,910 --> 00:18:29,120
Yes, but if you study hard
524
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,410
and you don't let him get to you
525
00:18:30,430 --> 00:18:33,710
you'll pass algebra,
and then you can forget it
526
00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:35,500
but he's trapped
in math forever.
527
00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:37,360
So, he did get
his just desserts.
528
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,360
Mm-hmm.
529
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,200
And now I think we
should get frozen desserts.
530
00:18:46,260 --> 00:18:47,080
[ Doorbell rings]
531
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,190
The door's open.
532
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:52,360
Salem?
533
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,190
I don't believe it.
534
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:54,640
You look even more stunning
535
00:18:54,670 --> 00:18:55,460
than the last time
536
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:56,460
I saw you.
537
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,120
It's so good to see you, too.
538
00:18:59,150 --> 00:19:00,640
No! Stay back!
539
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:01,460
Why?
540
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:02,740
You said you wanted to talk
541
00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:04,120
so let's talk.
542
00:19:04,150 --> 00:19:06,810
Youwant to talk?
543
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,430
You have changed.
544
00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:09,910
You could say that.
545
00:19:09,950 --> 00:19:11,260
Is that your cat?
546
00:19:11,290 --> 00:19:13,710
Huh? Uh, y-yes.
547
00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:16,670
They make incredible
companions, you know.
548
00:19:16,710 --> 00:19:19,460
So, what's on your mind?
549
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,080
Us. And how we broke up.
550
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,570
See, at the time,
I felt shut out.
551
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,050
You were so consumed
with global conquest
552
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,640
and I resented taking a backseat
553
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:30,290
to world domination.
554
00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:34,260
But here it is 30
years later, and...
555
00:19:34,290 --> 00:19:36,430
Now I realize that
you were the best thing
556
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:38,330
that ever happened to me.
557
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,570
Go on.
558
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,050
I know it's kind
of sudden, but...
559
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,770
I think we should
give it another try.
560
00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:44,770
I don't see why not.
561
00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:46,710
I care about you,
you care about me...
562
00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:48,220
Enough words!
563
00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:50,020
Salem, hold me.
564
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,220
Oh, shelley!
565
00:19:51,260 --> 00:19:52,710
Oh! Your cat!
566
00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:55,020
Get off me!
567
00:19:55,050 --> 00:19:55,740
Salem...
568
00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:57,360
Salem: I can explain.
569
00:19:59,710 --> 00:20:00,810
Salem...
570
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,050
Is that you?
571
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:02,740
Yes.
572
00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:04,600
You're a cat?
573
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:05,640
Technically.
574
00:20:05,670 --> 00:20:08,050
Who's your friend?
575
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,220
A mannequin?!
576
00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:12,840
How long were you
expecting this to fool me?
577
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,190
Another 30 seconds?
578
00:20:14,220 --> 00:20:15,770
Well, all right. Look
579
00:20:15,810 --> 00:20:16,740
I got caught
580
00:20:16,770 --> 00:20:19,810
and they sentenced
me to 100 years as this.
581
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,080
This is not what I had in mind.
582
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,220
We can work it out.
583
00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:26,910
Sorry, cat, this is good-bye.
584
00:20:26,950 --> 00:20:28,460
I loved you.
585
00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:30,050
But I'm better now.
586
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,050
I like to snuggle
587
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,150
I have great night vision
588
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:35,430
and I'm super, super clean.
589
00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:38,670
It's so unfair.
590
00:20:38,710 --> 00:20:41,670
[ Sobbing]
591
00:20:41,710 --> 00:20:43,020
Which equals the square root
592
00:20:43,050 --> 00:20:45,190
of negative four or two "I."
593
00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:46,840
Got it. Perfect.
594
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,810
You seem a lot
more relaxed today.
595
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,430
Yeah, well, I decided I'm not
going to let rothwell get to me.
596
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,710
And you know, I'm even
feeling a little sorry for him.
597
00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:55,230
Did you hear the
financing fell through
598
00:20:55,260 --> 00:20:56,330
on his software company?
599
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:59,910
And have you noticed
how big his butt's gotten?
600
00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:00,710
No.
601
00:21:00,740 --> 00:21:01,740
Okay, last problem.
602
00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:07,910
♪ Shake your whammy
Fanny, funky song, funky song ♪
603
00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:11,710
♪ shake your whammy
Fanny, funky song... ♪
604
00:21:11,740 --> 00:21:12,950
All: Shh!
605
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:14,050
Sorry.
606
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,460
[ No audio]
607
00:21:22,050 --> 00:21:23,020
[ Sighing]
608
00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:24,670
Poor Salem.
609
00:21:24,710 --> 00:21:26,500
Are you going to be okay?
610
00:21:26,530 --> 00:21:28,020
I guess.
611
00:21:28,050 --> 00:21:29,640
With time.
612
00:21:29,670 --> 00:21:30,980
No.
613
00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:32,710
Don't worry, you'll
be happy again soon.
614
00:21:32,740 --> 00:21:35,150
Please. Shelley was
the love of my life.
615
00:21:35,190 --> 00:21:37,770
What would ever
replace her in my heart?
616
00:21:37,810 --> 00:21:39,670
Maybe this'll help.
617
00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:41,770
A giant ball of yarn?!
618
00:21:41,810 --> 00:21:43,770
This is the best ever!
619
00:21:43,810 --> 00:21:44,740
I thought you'd like it.
620
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:47,840
Like it? I don't even
remember her name!
40875
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