All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls.S06E05.We`ve Got Magic to Do.720p.H265-Zero00

Previously on "Gilmore girls"...

This is an important family. Marrying
into it is important business.

A girl like Rory has no idea what
it takes to be in this family, Logan.

She wasn't bred for it.

I don't understand.

They treated her like trash.

I highly doubt that.

I have an internship
available if you're interested.

There's something wrong
with this internship.

My god, you're paranoid.

It's a tough business.

Definitely.

You don't got it.

- Rory's quitting Yale.
- What?

I thought between the three of us,
we could knock some sense into her.

But I really need the two
of you to back me up on this.

Of course we'll back you up.

Rory will be taking
some time off from Yale.

She will be moving into
the pool house here with us.

Have you talked to Rory
about this? Your great plan?

She told me what she
wanted in her own words.

Oh! Winded... too many steps.

I said I'd carry them.

Need water. Gunga din!

They're not that heavy.

You should take those steps
out. They get in the way.

First thing tomorrow. Man,
you bought a lot of stuff.

All stuff I need or want or think I

might some day need or want.

Okay, let's find your new wallet!

We can get it later.

No, it's buried in here somewhere.

Have I looked in this bag already?

You didn't have to buy me a new
wallet. My old wallet was fine.

Your old wallet has velcro.

It works.

It's disgusting.
Come on, let's find it.

Wait a second. What is this?

Your underwear.

Ah, thanks a lot.

I didn't see how big they were.
What are they doing in there?

Well, I guessing probably
hiding from their real owners,

'cause I would hate to be wrapped
around the woman who fit those.

You grabbed the wrong bag.

Poor thing, she's single.

It still applies.

Hello?

Sookie, slow down, I can't
understand a word you're saying.

She's got huge feet.

- The Inn's on fire?!
- What?

The stove is on fire?
Well, put it out.

It's out? So you're saying there
was a fire, but now it's out.

Good, what's the damage?

You had a fire?

Okay, okay, good.
I'll be right there.

The wall behind the stove caught

fire. There's damage,

but nothing major. Thank god.

Come on. I'll take you.

Oh, my god, another fire at the
Inn, like the Independence Inn.

Oh no. Am I a fire starter?
I'm a fire starter, aren't I?

You are not a fire starter.
Caesar, we'll be right back.

What about the bags?

Caesar will put the
bags away. Let's go.

Go first, in case things burst
into flames behind me as I walk.

Will do.

I saw my whole life pass before my
eyes... that's how traumatic it was!

She's been Scarlett
O'Hara for two hours.

It's sickening.

My whole life... flash...
I mean, that's upsetting!

You know, not that
it's been a bad life,

although I could have skipped
seeing "Mummenschanz."

Do you want to hand
me the screwdriver?

I would kind of need
a third hand to do that.

Why are the boys bickering?

There's something in the air today.

Could you not shine that in my face?

Just move your face.

You mean off of my head?

So, Mutt and Jeff, what's
the prognosis there?

When's the last time you
checked your ductwork?

Never.

Oh, boy, I shouldn't
be allowed in a kitchen!

My guess is that the
grease built up in the back,

and the ventilation's not great,

and the wall heated up,

and it burned.

So what do we do?

Don't tell me we're shut down!

Repair the wall before you put the

stove back, and you're gonna
have to clean your ductwork.

Which means closing
the kitchen till you do.

Well, then, fix it now.

You need a pro to do this.

If an insurance guy doesn't see
it before you fix it, he won't pay.

Well, I've already talked to
the insurance company.

They've never heard of us.

That's impossible...
we're customers.

We send them a check every month.

The people I talked to...
all very rude, by the way...

said they don't even cover
businesses such as ours.

Again. A mistake. I'll get the
policy out, I'll call them myself.

Thank you.

You really should get
a second screwdriver.

Nag, nag, nag.

- We should be flayed.
- Don't overreact, Nora.

We should never have let it get to
this point. We're all at fault here.

It's a humiliation.

Ladies, we know this.

No one is more embarrassed than
myself, but what are we going to do?

How many tables are still unsold?

- Over half.
- Oh! Unbelievable!

This is a function for our troops.

We'll be the
laughingstock of the D.A.R.

We'll lose our national

accreditation, and this
is a very weak drink.

It's just punch, Nora.

My point, dear.

I simply don't understand people.

This money was designated for

additional armor for
the boys at Fort Drum.

We've insulted the organization,
insulted our troops.

We might as well march to
Mount Vernon, drop our drawers,

and do something foul on
George Washington's grave.

Nora!

I'm sorry, but I'm
really upset about this,

and I'm far too sober to put
it in any sort of perspective.

But the function is still a week
away. There's time to fix this.

Rory, you're darling.

She's new, ladies.

A week is nothing.

Again, what do we do?

We should cancel the event.

This is a nightmare.

Is Constance not showing
her face on purpose?

Would you?

Why would Constance...?

She's running the event...
into the ground.

I blame myself.
I let her talk me into it.

She's never slipped
up like this before.

Is it definitely too
late to do something?

To do what?

I don't know. To publicize the
event more, get those tables sold?

We spent our budget for
publicity. We're wiped out.

A budget is just an estimation.

It's guesswork, fake numbers.

In any business endeavor,
sometimes it makes sense

to run a deficit in order to
achieve a bigger payoff later.

We're lunching with Grover Norquist.

Well, have we tried getting the word

out online? A lot
can be done that way.

And maybe we can add some
entertainment or a theme,

send out some e-mails.
E-mailing doesn't cost a thing.

We hadn't thought about e-mail.

I think there's a way to correct
this. A week is plenty of time.

Well, well, well, we
have a star amongst us.

- Who?
- You.

Me?

- Take it over.
- What?

I think that's a wonderful idea!

I don't know. We have
a mountain here, ladies.

We're screwing the pooch, Emily,
and we've got to go balls out.

I will not have those priggish twigs

from the New York chapters
lording this over us.

We need to take a swing here,
and babe Ruth sits before us.

You shouldn't feel pressured.

I know.

If Rory doesn't think she
can do it, she'll turn us down.

I suppose that's true.

What do you say, slugger?

- I'll do it.
- Yes!

Let's ring Constance.

We'll put you in touch with the
people at the venue immediately.

And you'll have an assistant,
Lacey. You'll love her.

I'd look at the menu.

And we'll set up a
discretionary fund.

This publicity idea you were
thinking of may be the key.

Dig in, everybody.

I'm past digging, I'm
burrowing. This is delicious.

Tri-tip on the barbecue
you can't beat it.

- Hey, you turn the barbecue off?
- The barbecue is off.

- Good stuff, huh?
- Really good.

Thanks. Excuse me. Davey,
turn the volume down!

The vegetables are good, Sookie.

Thanks, Luke. Davey, you heard
your father... turn it down!

- I'll turn it down.
- No, we want Davey to do it.

That's how he learns.

You heard me, son. Turn it down.

- Turn it down!
- Right now.

Ooh, I need a lemon slice.

So did anybody see that
new show on TV last night?

Where they were solving crimes by

cutting bodies open
and poking their organs?

No.

Where they're solving crimes from
30 years ago by going to graveyards

and cutting open bodies
and poking their organs?

No.

The one where people are missing,
and they find their bodies,

cut them open, and poke their organs,
and that's how they solve crimes?

No.

- What else is on?
- You gotta turn the TV down, son!

Are you sure you
don't want me to...

He's got to learn.

You heard me, son! Volume down!

- Volume down!
- Listen to your mother!

What's that show I'm thinking of?

I'm back.

You like the squash, Luke?

Oh, this is gonna bug me.

I'm not a big fan of the squash.

I forgot the pepper flakes.

Sookie, your food's getting cold.

I thought you liked squash.

Nope.

What's that vegetable
I thought you liked?

Hey Sookie, do you have a fork for

Paul Anka? He likes his own fork.

Plastic preferred.

Got one here.

Oh, now this is gonna bug
me! What is that vegetable?

The plastic's too high for
me to reach. It's up there.

I'll get it. You have to eat.

Jackson, what's that smell?

Oh, man, I left the barbecue on.

We cannot set this
place on fire, too.

I have had enough fires this week.

I'll get it.

Turn the volume down, Davey.
I'm not gonna tell you twice.

Here you go. It's nice and
lean, the way you like it.

Dog who doesn't like
fat is just weird.

He's not weird.

He's trying to maintain
his bathing-suit figure.

So, speaking of my least favorite
word in the world... fire...

where are we with
the insurance company?

Nowhere. I got the same
runaround they gave Michel.

Let's just do the work. Forget the
insurance. Give me back my kitchen.

Tom's all ready to jump in,

but we can't afford to do it
without the insurance money.

That's why we have insurance.

We have stupid insurance.

- Wasn't this policy
set up by your... - Yes.

- Does it mean that you
have to... - Yes. - Sorry.

I know. It seemed like
a good idea at the time.

I'll call him tomorrow.

Barbecue's off.

Martha's up.

I'm on it.

Turn the tv down, Davey.

Turn it down.
You heard us... turn it down.

I'm gonna count to 10,

Davey, then the TV is going
off for the rest of the week.

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

She threw out the menu.

Hmm?

Rory... she's changed
the entire menu.

What menu?

Richard, listen when I talk to you.

I'm sorry, Emily.

It takes a second to emerge from
Samuel Beckett. He's a strange man.

Go on.

Rory threw out the entire
menu for the Fort Drum event.

I mean granted, Constance was going

with cornish game hen... been there,

done that...

and her fetish for Brussels
sprouts is upsetting.

But to throw out the entire
menu so close to the event?

I can't say that I'm a big fan of D.

A.R. cuisine, so I may
not be of much help.

I'm trying not to butt in,
but how can I not worry?

By not thinking about it.

Is there still a U.S.O.?

I think so. Why?

That's the theme, the U.S.O...

Or that's where it's being held.

Oh, my god, she didn't change the

menu and the location?

Is that possible?

You should ask her.

I'm trying to keep out of it.

You're doing a terrific job.

She's not serving salmon puffs.

Good night, Mr. Beckett.

We've never not served salmon puffs.

Not in 25 years have we staged
an event without salmon puffs.

Emily, please.

It's Rory.

What she tackles, she conquers.

This girl could name
the state capitals at 3,

recite the periodic table at 4,

discuss Schopenhauer's influence
on Nietzsche when she was 10.

She's read every book by every
author with a russian surname

and had a 4.2 grade-point average at

one of the toughest
schools on the east coast.

If she's excluding salmon puffs,

she has a good reason
to exclude salmon puffs.

And I, for one, have complete

confidence in her
ability to tackle this job,

and so should you.

Fine, go back to your Beckett.

Thank you.

Salmon puffs.

We'll show 'em, huh, guys?!

We'll show 'em you don't need fancy

stuff like stoves in order
to make a delicious meal.

We've got salads...
lots and lots of salads...

caprese and endive and
arugula and... ooh!...

cold sandwiches and beef carpaccio

and tuna carpaccio and
vegetable carpaccio and...

oh, my god. Am I ever gonna get
the stove back? I'm dying here!

- Okay, hang in there, hon.
- Thanks.

Lorelai, I hope it's all
right walking in like this.

I knew where the kitchen was,
so I just figured I'd come back.

Sookie.

You're our knight in
shining armor, Mr. Gilmore.

This is Harris. He'll do the
inspection, get the lay of the land.

Shouldn't take long.

Go ahead and start.

I should apologize for
the red tape and the delay.

As a rule, we don't take
on small accounts like this,

except under
extraordinary circumstances.

Until the news reached my desk,
no one was sure of what to do.

Uh-huh.

I can write you a check today.

Figured that would please you.

Terrific.

I'm gonna go call Tom and see if he

can race right over
here and start the work.

Bless you, sir. You're my golden god.

So, um, how's your
big plan working out?

Excuse me?

Oh, your big plan for
Rory. How's that going, dad?

Let me know if you
need anything, Harris.

Is she back at Yale?

Lorelai...

Oh, I take it she's not.

No, she's not.

Huh. But it's in the works.

We'll be here 10 minutes.

Let me guess... you're gonna
trick her into going back, right?

You'll drive up and
drop her off at Yale,

then you'll drive away really

quickly before she catches on.

Is that one of the plans?

Is there anything I can do
to expedite this, Harris?

You see that family of Logan's
recently, the Hamburgers?

Huntzbergers.

Right, right. How are
the old Huntzbergers?

They behaving any better than that

night they humiliated
your granddaughter?

They did not humiliate her.

Rory said they did.

I know the Huntzbergers.
They're fine people.

What happened that night
was a misunderstanding,

- because they have
nothing against Rory. - No?

Why would they?

Ask them!

It's not true!

Well, then that granddaughter
of yours... what a liar.

Harris, take a couple
of pictures and we'll go.

We just need the quote from
your contractor in writing.

Send all his bills directly to me.

- Will do.
- Goodbye.

It's been lovely.

What about silverware?

I can get you 1940s, the real thing.

Plates are a toughie.

Plates break.

I can get you a couple of dozen,
hand-painted, not 100.

So, what's our best bet,

an off-white, new, but
made to look vintage?

Off-white would be super.

They should be heavy, right, solid?

My servers are gonna love that.

Then not too heavy. Lacey,
get me samples of all this?

Will do.

There must be a color photo
of the Hollywood canteen.

We've checked the
internet. The library?

The getty in California has one in

their collection, but they're
very flaky on the phone.

Oh, California.

I'm so over the west coast.

A bunch of granola heads.

Rory Gilmore's phone.

Who's calling?

One moment, please.

It's Logan Huntzberger.

I'll take that.

Hello?

Oh, my god. Who was that?

My assistant.
I forwarded my phone to hers.

You have an assistant?

Just for this D.A.R. thing.
I get a million calls.

I consider myself lucky
to be patched through.

You have priority clearance.

So, goos news. I got the P.A. system
you wanted at the price you wanted.

Really? Cool.

Lacey, P.A. system... done.

Excellent.

That's great.

This guy's done the sound at every

party I've ever thrown.

He's the best in the business.

And, oh, goody.

Paris is here. And she looks upset.

That and a bulldozer
would knock me over.

Excuse me? The door is locked.

Do you know her?

Let her in, then hide.

I'll call you later.

Bye.

"Do you know her?"

I'm only her best friend.
Who the hell are you?

Paris, come here. Calm down.

- What's wrong?
- I'm broke.

Broke? How?

My parents flipped the bird at
the I.R.S. one too many times.

They've frozen everything.

All I've got is my trust fund,

which doesn't kick in till I'm 25.

Unless you can whip out a magic wand
and age me four years, I'm a goner.

Sit down. Calm down.

My ATM refused me.

I thought it was just
that particular one.

So I went to another,
and it refused me, too.

So I went to the bank and
used a few choice expletives,

and a bunch of guys in suits
started closing in on me.

So I started pacing and
yelling, "Attica! Attica!"

Then the manager hit a little
red button under his desk,

so I ran out of there
and came right over here.

I'm a pauper. I'll be playing a
hurdy gurdy on street corners

and selling pencils out of a tin cup.

Slow down.

Yale's paid for through the
end of the year, thank god.

But what'll I do about everything
else I need? What'll I do?

You'll have to do what everyone
else who needs money has to do.

What's that?

What people do.

What am I, a mind reader?

Get a job.

A job?

I've never had a job. I don't know
the first thing about having a job.

All I've got on my r�sum�
is academic achievements,

which will mean doodly-squat when
I'm in line with 11,000 people

vying for an opening in the
garden department at wal-mart.

Paris, wait. As you said, Yale's
paid for. That's the bright side.

From now on, you'll just have
to keep your expenses low.

And I could get you some work
right away. How would that be?

- Really?
- Yes.

I know you'll be a hard
worker. That's a given.

I definitely would be.

And I speak chinese
and farsi. That'll help.

Well, I need servers for the
food. You could do that, right?

I think so.

See? You're on the road to recovery.

Oh, thanks.

And I'll work my
butt off, too, Glenda.

Oh, and I know a smattering of
ancient aramaic, if that helps.

- It could.
- If Christ shows up.

And who are you?

Go home, Paris.
You've had a rough day.

I guess.

I'll call you with the details.

Thanks.

Hey, uh, can you spot me a 20...

Sure.

5, 25?

Here you go.

Thanks.

I owe you more than
you currently realize.

Okay, where were we?

Mmm.

Pasta's almost done,
sauce is close, too.

We could have just used the
store-bought sauce I have.

That stuff is junk.

It's delicious italian sauce.

Okay, first off, it's not.

Second, all you had was four

already-opened jars,

two of which I couldn't
get the lids off of.

Somebody needs some gym time.

And one of them had a
layer of white fuzz on it.

That was a little gross.

- And the last one, green fuzz.
- Also gross.

I make better, just
like mama taught me.

I know you do.

- How's Paul Anka's dinner coming?
- His hamburger's close, too.

You're not overcooking it,
'cause he likes it rare plus...

you know, not too rare,
but not medium rare.

I'm cooking it to his
exacting specifications.

Miss Patty's having a recital?

Oh, yeah. It's her big annual show.

All her kids in all her
classes get to perform.

It's be there or be square,
best show in town.

This thursday?
This is a goood night.

I can have Caesar close for me.

Why?

So I can go with you.

Oh, no. You're not
going to this recital.

Why not?

Because it's a night of kids

dancing, singing, twirling
batons... you'll hate it.

No, I won't.

Yes, you will.

It's not my first choice in
entertainment, but I'll go.

Luke, no.

You have been sacrificing too much
of yourself these past few months.

You go with me to my movies,
you tag along when I go shopping.

And that dinner at Sookie and

Jackson's... how you kept from
killing us all, I'll never know.

I haven't been complaining
about any of this.

I know, and that has filled
me with no end of guilt.

You've been a saint, but you've
got to do your Luke stuff, too.

When was the last time
you went camping or fishing?

You don't like camping or fishing.

That shouldn't stop you
from camping or fishing.

I'd go if I felt like it.

Then go thursday while
I'm at the recital.

I'll go with Sookie.
It'll be fun with her.

You sure?

Yeah, go. You haven't
been camping in forever.

Be Grizzly Adams.

Okay, sure, I'll go camping.

Good.

Oh, that's officially it.

Oh, medium rare, not rare
plus. I'll get him another.

Well, I don't know why I bother.

The great books take practically
a lifetime to read as it is.

But if you heed the
word of Mortimer Adler,

one needs to read a classic three

times to fully
comprehend its meaning.

Yeah.

I wonder if Mortimer ever read
"Euclid's geometry" three times.

That's a fun read.

Have you read "Euclid's geometry"?

Me? No.

It doesn't get any drier.

What have you been reading
lately? I keep forgetting to ask.

Rory?

Sorry, guys. The event's
right around the corner,

and I just keep thinking
of things I have to do.

I'm just texting Lacey.

So how's that going?

Good, really good.

Good.

Did Lacey mention the partitions?

Partitions?

At Wafford Hall.

It's so big, and these partitions

can cut the room so
it won't look so empty.

They're not very
decorative, but they work.

Hold on just a second.

Partitions?

For the room.

But we won't have any
room... we're sold out.

Sold out?

That's not possible.

Oh, it's a fact. The theme
got people's attention.

Plus, the online campaign
went like gangbusters.

We're having to turn people away.

That's what I was
texting Lacey about.

I'm trying to squeeze in a few more,

but we're fighting the
fire department over it.

You're turning people away?

But still encouraging them to give
a sizable donation to our boys.

Brilliant.

Sold out!

I knew you could do it!

Good job!

Thank you.

- Continue texting.
- Thank you.

Oh, when the band gets here,

grab Jerry and get them
to do a sound check.

Make sure they're happy with the
sound. Not just Jerry, because...

Lacey? Where's my Lacey?

Here.

Come on, honey, keep up.

I spotted the security
guard, so I filled him in.

Excellent. Cross that off
the list. Servers are here?

- Got them all waiting in the back.
- Excellent.

Treat her gently there, boys.
Betty's life was tough enough.

Hey, Paris.

- Rory, I clocked in.
- Cool.

They gave me this card,
and it had my name on it.

And I shoved it in the clock
thing, and it made the punchy sound,

- and I'm officially on the job.
- Great.

And I'm prepared, too.

I was a little nervous last night

about making small
talk with co-workers,

so I went to the video store
and rented "Working girl"

and the first season
of "Just shoot me."

Got a couple of Wendie Malick bon
mots that have already come in handy.

- Very good. Welcome.
- Thanks, boss.

I'm gonna welcome
the whole group here.

No problem.

Hello. You must be my servers.

I'm Rory Gilmore. I'm
running this little shindig.

How are all of you today?

- Good.
- Great.

You all come highly recommended
by Glenda, our catering manager,

so I know you're all top notch.

Yeah, super.

Looks like a good group. Good group.

Um, you know, you should probably
be standing over with the others.

Oh, right. I'm one of
them. Got it. Sorry.

So it's going to be hard work

tonight. We have 100
people dining with us.

But I want you to have fun, too.

We have your outfits
on a rack over here.

Your name should be on them.

It's a good cause, so
let's get changed and go do.

So, working hard or hardly working?

Oh, my, oh, my.

I love it!

Thank you.

So where's Luke tonight?

As we speak, he's off
communing with nature.

- Oh, good for him.
- Yeah.

Ooh, the ballerinas
are doing "Swan lake."

That always makes me cry.

Oh, Patty's packed it all in. Baton
twirling, a modeling exhibition.

She's added a couple
new features, too.

What's krumping?

Um, like hip-hop dance,
I think, more herky-jerky.

And what is pubic speaking?

I'm hoping it's a misprint.

I hope so, too.

Welcome, everybody, to the

28th-annual miss Patty's
school grand recital.

Thank you. We have a lot
on the program tonight.

So, without further ado,

please welcome my intermediate
pupils as they welcome you.

Hit it, boys.

She always does a fun opening number.

- Isn't he cute?
- Darling.

Uh-oh, they're in the audience.

I hate it when they
come into the audience.

This is... this is not good.

Oh! Blowing stuff on us!

People seem hungry tonight. Tell...

Glenda to speed the trays up a bit.

Yeah, and let the sound guy know...

that the drums are a little loud.

- And it's a tad warm.
- Already had them adjust the A.C.

- Any incoming choppers, radar?
- Choppers? No.

- What do you mean?
- That was a joke, Lacey.

Oh. Sorry.

You're a doll. Remember to
have a little fun tonight, too.

Will do.
Radar... I get it now.

That was funny. I'll be back.

- Appetizers?
- Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

So how was that?

Mm, fine, very good.

I meant the transaction.

I'd love a performance review.
Come on. Be my Dave Navarro.

Um, you were fine.

I'm gonna need more.

It was T.S. Eliot who said criticism
is as inevitable as breathing

and said that we should be none the

worse for articulating
what passes in our mind

when we read a book,

see a play, or...
now I'm elaborating

pass a cheddar and olive ball.

I need some feedback.

Really, you offered it to me
well, and all seemed great,

and I don't want to
talk about this anymore.

Good. Thank you.
This has been a help.

Welcome to the Hollywood canteen.

Thank you. We're the Gilmores.

Richard, look at this place!

It's wonderful.

Here is your table number.

And take a pin, both of you.

Oh, thank you.

Yes, thank you.

Oh, I love this song.

And look at the band...
it's the Andrews Sisters.

They've kept in pretty good shape.

Hi, guys.

Looks like you've got
a hit on your hands.

So far, so good.

No one's dancing, though.

It's early. You'll see plenty
of dancing after dinner.

You'll see some dancing right now.

Richard, it's before dinner!
There's no dancing during appetizers.

Come on, let's show these
fuddy-duddies how it's done.

My father was a huge
benny goodman fan.

Hated Glenn Miller, hated him.

Always claimed it wasn't the enemy

who shot down that plane of his,

but music lovers.

Oh, Richard, that's a
horrible thing to say.

It was my father who said it.

But you just repeated it.

Here's the woman of the hour.

How's the food, everybody?

The macaroni and cheese
what an inspiration!

Rory, please accept my
profound thanks for serving food

at a D.A.R. event which
is remarkably edible.

Oh, Richard. We
always have good food.

You have fancy good food.

If I never look at another duck's

liver for the rest of my life,

I will be a happy man.

Rory, could I pull you
away for just a second?

Sure. Excuse me, everybody.

She's so poised...

like you, Emily.

A party's arrived.
I'm looking, looking.

They did not rsvp, but
they're expecting a table.

Oh, great. Where are they?

By the war bonds table.
It's Shira Huntzberger.

She waltzed in with a
group of ladies in tow

and made it clear she
expected to be accommodated.

- Dis she?
- And not very nicely either.

Oh, what a shock.

But you know her, right?
That's your boyfriend's mother.

Yeah, yeah, I know her.

I didn't mean to insult her
before. She was just very abrupt.

I'll take care of it.

- Here's the seating chart.
- Thanks.

Hey, boss.

It's interesting, you know.

Karl Marx has come
alive for me today.

I never undersod what he
was yammering about before.

Now it just seems so obviously
wrong that those who control capital

should make their fortunes off
the labor of the working class.

What's wrong with you?

Shira Huntzberger is here.

Logan's mom?

And she showed up with no warning,

no rsvp, no donation to
the cause that I know of.

Just sashayed in, expecting
everyone to fall at her feet.

- I hate that.
- I hate her.

Hate... strong,
unadulterated, blind... ah!

Wow. You're always so desmond
tutu-ey. This is refreshing.

I should tell her to leave.

I should march up to her and tell
her to grab those arrogance-dripping,

petulance-oozing, surgically

cosmeticized bims she brought
along and hit the bricks.

I bet they all have money, too...

every one of those
commodity fetishists.

How can she expect a table?

The tables are for the
people who are polite enough

to respond to an invitation
in the proper manner.

I bet you the Romanovs
never rsvp'd either.

They got theirs. Capitalist scum.

I hate her.

I hate the rich.

A hard rain is gonna fall,
you know what I'm saying?

I really hate her!

They should die.

I should probably give her a table.

What?

We have a spare table. We kept it
open in case of something like this.

I should give it to her.

But she doesn't deserve it.

I know, but this is business.

It's not personal.

I should give her that table.

Fine. Whatever you
think. You're the boss.

Hey, boss, how much are you
getting paid in this job of yours?

Mrs. Huntzberger.

Rory, hi! What are you doing here?

I'm running this event.

I didn't know.

Well, now you do.

I think I've been bad.

Oh, really? Why?

I just showed up without any warning.

I didn't think I could
come, so I didn't call.

Then I could, and the
group and I just came down.

It happens.

That's what I told that other girl.

She was a bit rude.

Lacey? I'll talk to her.

Could you get us a table?

Of course.

It's not a problem?

Not at all. Come with me.
It's all set up.

You are the best.

It's just my job.

So no Logan?

Not tonight.

Not his thing?

Oh, you know Logan.

Here we are.

Thank you so much.

And you look so pretty.

So do you. Have a good time.

I'm sure we will.

You've created a superstar here
tonight, Emily. I hope you know that.

Well, yes, I do.

There's already talk
of giving her the A.A.

An A.A.?

An Abigail Adams, for distinguished
service above and beyond.

She deserves it.

She's made this a must-be-at event.

I'm guessing that's
what brought Shira here.

Shira?

Shira Huntzberger's here?

Rumsfeld, himself,
would probably call her

and thank her for the donation
she made on the way in.

Hillbilly armor will
be a thing of the past.

Where is she sitting?

Up front... the table by the band.

Oh, my god.

What?

Oh, my god, excuse me.

Rory, where's the seating chart?

What? Why?

There's been a terrible mistake.

What mistake?

You sat Shira Huntzberger
at the slush table.

It was all that was available.

The slush table is the loser table.

But why would we have a loser table?

It's for people who
show up unannounced.

She was unannounced.

There's people, then there's the

Huntzbergers. They
cannot sit at the table.

This needs to be rectified.

I don't know what I can
do. Every table is taken.

I'll take care of it.
Give me the seating chart.

I'll find someone to bump.
There's always someone to bump.

Grandma, it doesn't seem
fair to bump someone.

It's not. But if we don't find

better seating for the Huntzbergers,

it'll be a major faux pas,

and it may be the only thing people

remember from this
otherwise wonderful event.

- Wow.
- Yes.

Well, thank you for helping.
And it's not the Huntzbergers.

What?

You keep saying "the Huntzbergers."
It's only Shira and some friends.

- And Mitchum.
- No.

Yes. He's right over there.

The Bettertons, perfect! We'll bump
Constance Betterton. It's a win/win.

- Paris?
- I'm just on my break.

You're white as a sheet.

I'm having trouble breathing.

You're having a panic attack.

I think so.

Don't worry. I have
these all the time.

- What do I do?
- Well, it depends.

There are different kinds.

Does it feel like an elephant
is sitting on your chest?

No.

Does your chest feel like an

overinflated balloon
with a slow leak?

Not really.

Sharp needles, intermittently
poking into your left ventricle?

I don't know from ventricles,
but there is a needle thing.

You need diazepam.

50... no, 100 milligrams.
I'll get my purse.

No, wait. I don't want any diazepam.

Well, what do you want?
Fluoxetine, protriptyline?

I have others floating
around the bottom of my purse.

I have no idea what they are,

but popping a few can't hurt.

Pretty hot grab bag.

These people... those
people, they didn't even rsvp.

That's not right. This is for our
boys. They need to make a donation.

Tough night for you, huh?

Shira's one thing. I can
deal with her. But Mitchum?

I can't see him. I can't face him.

It's too much, after what
he did, what he said to me.

What did he say to you?

If it weren't for
him, I wouldn't have...

You wouldn't have what?

Rory?

Nothing, nothing.

He's just...

they're just not the nicest people.

Well, the rich never are,
because they don't have to be.

When you control the means of

production, it reduces the
incentive to humanize workers.

- Capitalist system...
- I haven't eaten all day.

I think I should eat.
That's my problem.

Sure, boss, go eat.

There's probably somewhere
else where you eat, right?

Special room.

It's just so damn beautiful.

I know, honey.

The Patty ballerinas, everybody.

Now I would like to introduce a

special new segment
of my annual recital

entitled "it was 20 years ago today."

One of our local townsmen
is going to re-create an act

that he performed on this
very stage 20 years ago.

This young man was a talented pupil

of my wonderful dancing
skills and a genius tumbler.

He once did 98 somersaults
in a row without throwing up.

But that's nothing compared
with his talent for mime.

Here to present a piece of his own

creation entitled
"the journey of man"

exactly as he performed
it 20 years ago is...

Kirk!

It's moments like these
that make life worth living.

- Ew.
- Ew.

- Ew!
- Ew!

So it's the birth of Lucille Ball?

He's a parent now, I get that.

He's moving along at a nice clip.

I'll be right back.

I'll catch you up when you return.

Hey, Grizzly Adams.

Why are you back? The
woods closed or something?

No, they weren't closed. I was...

I don't know. It's... what it is.

- Nature.
- Nature?

Nature is...

You know, it's there, I saw
it... trees, leaves, whatever.

That's your second answer in the

form of a haiku. Let's get
beyond that. Why are you back?

Because I felt like coming back.
I can't do what I want to do?

- Of course you can.
- Good.

But camping is
something you want to do.

No, it's what you wanted me to do.

When did you turn against camping?

I didn't turn against camping.

I'm just trying to understand why

you were trying to
get rid of me tonight.

I wasn't doing that.

You sent me off to the woods.

What if I dot want to
go off to the woods?

You always want to go to the woods.

I don't like going to the woods
when I'm being banished to them.

- No one is banishing you.
- It felt like it.

Well, then, that's my fault.

Look... I like doing things with you.

Surprised I have to tell you that.

You don't have to tell me that.

I like going shopping with you,

I like having dinner
with Sookie and Jackson.

The actual shopping
seems a little pointless,

and Sookie's kids drive me up a

wall, but you're there,

and I like hanging with you.

I know that.

And I could have been
fun at this recital.

You're probably sitting
there mocking most of it.

I can mock stuff.

Oh, you're a great mocker.

I was only thinking of you
when I mentioned the camping.

You haven't been camping since we

got together, and I was
feeling weird about that.

You should do the things you like.

I do do the things I like.

I wasn't getting rid of you.

I want you to do whatever
you want to do with me.

I know that sounded dirty.

And dirty things count,

but I didn't mean the dirty things.

You and me can hang
whenever, wherever.

Yeah, well, maybe
I'm being sensitive.

I really wasn't getting rid of you.

I mean, I'm not dying
to see baton twirling.

I'm happy to be with a man who isn't.

Was there baton twirling?

Oh, yes, and it was no fun.
She didn't drop it once.

You want to come back
to the recital with me?

Kirk is doing something
strange and disturbing.

No, I think I might
go back out camping.

Wouldn't mind doing some fishing.

Good.

Yeah.

- Good.
- Okay.

Excuse me. Thank you.

Kirk's dying.

Oh.

Well, it's gonna happen
to all of us one day.

Just not so spazzy.

And that's our show, everybody,
and I think it was the best one ever!

From all of us at the miss
Patty school, we thank you.

They're back!

Okay. Oh, wow!

You'd think they would have
run out of glitter by now.

This is so stressful!

Richard.

Oh, Mitchum, old boy. I
didn't know you were out there.

Just got here. It's quite
the affair we got going here.

And for a wonderful cause.

Not stuffy like the others,
no smell of mothballs.

Oh you know, my granddaughter
is responsible for it.

Oh yeah?

Planned the whole thing.

That's nice. I didn't know
that. She's a sweet kid.

The sweetest.

Yeah. I wish Rory
nothing but the best.

I came straight from work
without looking in a mirror.

Wish I had.

Mitchum, just out of curiosity,
what happened with all of that?

All of what?

Uh, that paper of yours in Stanford

- - something apparently
got blown out of proportion.

There was some misunderstanding.

Oh, it was nothing
much. She's a great kid.

She is. Ana great journalist... I've

read things she's written.

She's a talent.

Maybe.

What do you mean "maybe"?

Well, I worked with her,
Richard. I read her stuff, too.

Meaning?

I've read great. I
know what great is.

When I said great, I didn't mean she

was Ben Bradley yet,

but she could be.

Anything's possible.

What exactly happened
at that paper, Mitchum?

It didn't work out, Richard.
It was just one of those things.

She's better off for what I did.

And what exactly did you do?

Nothing you wouldn't have done.

And what was that?

You're in the business world.
You have employees, yes?

Of course.

Say you got a guy working in
your office, you brought him in.

Nice guy, everybody loves him,
but he just doesn't have it.

He's a drain on the company.
What are you gonna do?

My granddaughter was not
a drain on your company.

My point is that I wasn't going to

put her in a position
to become a drain.

Now, Richard, really, we
should get back out there.

What did you say to her?

- Richard...
- What did you say to her, Mitchum?

I did what I do with everyone.
I called it like I saw it.

I was honest with her. I
don't pussyfoot. You know that.

You crushed her.

And if she's got what it
takes, she'll bounce back.

No one's every criticized you,
reprimanded you, critiqued you?

I find that hard to believe.

This is not about me.

She was in over her head.

She lacked maturity.

She's not even 21!

Look, just blame me, okay?

I felt bad that she had to sit

through that disastrous
dinner with Shira and pop

going on about marriage and how
she can't become a Huntzberger.

I don't care about any of that,

so I gave her a shot,

and she wasn't up to it.

You crushed that girl!

I did what I do.

We should have done
this on the phone.

Richard, there you are.

This is one of your favorites,

and you're missing it.

It's all true, all of it.

What's true?

Everything she told us. Everything.

- Everything who told us?
- Lorelai...

About what Mitchum did to
Rory, how he said things to her,

crushed her, about
Logan's whole family!

That can't be.

Mitchum just confirmed everything.

He told that girl
she wasn't good enough.

I ought to punch him!

Richard, calm down. People will hear.

They don't want her marrying into

their precious family.

They don't think she's good enough.

He told her that she didn't have it.

And you know she
does! I know she does!

Of course she does.

I can't stay in this
room with these people.

Richard, go outside, get some air.

We should go home.

- I'll catch up with you. Go outside.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Emily!
- Hello, Shira.

I'm here to rescue you.

I've got a table for you and
Mitchum right in the center.

Oh, bless you, Emily.
I'm undeserving.

Nonsense. It was a terrible
mistake, and it must be rectified.

Aren't they amazing?

The whole combo is
amazing. Follow me.

Me, I love the Beatles.

Mitchum took me to see Paul McCartney
last year, and I almost died.

So Richard tells me we
have a little problem.

Really? With what?

With the kids... Logan, Rory.

I understand you're not
exactly thrilled with the match,

that you let that be known to Rory
at the dinner she had at your house.

Oh, well, I wouldn't
say "not thrilled."

Then what would you say?

Oh, Emily, this is a party.

I'm just curious.

This may not be the
time and place, Emily.

Hello, you two, drop
by our table later.

Let's make it the time and place.

Consider the discrepancies, Emily.

That's what's confusing me.

They both come from good
families, both have good values.

Money doesn't seem to be
an issue. We all have money.

Frankly, Emily, there's your
money, then there's our money.

Oh?

And our family has a lot of
responsibilities that come with that,

an image to maintain.

Ah yes. Let me tell you this, Shira
we are just as good as you are.

You don't think Rory is good enough

for your son, as if we
don't know Logan's reputation.

We do. But he is welcome
in our home anytime,

and you should extend
the same courtesy to Rory.

- Emily...
- Now let's talk about your money.

You were a two-bit gold digger,
fresh off the bus from Hicksville

when you met Mitchum at whatever
bar you happened to stumble into.

And what made Mitchum
decide to choose you to marry

amongst the pack of women he was
bedding at the time, I'll never know.

But hats off to you for bagging him.

He's still a playboy, you know?

Of course you know.
That would explain

why your weight goes up and
down 30 pounds every other month.

But that's your cross to bear.

But these are ugly realities.
No one needs to talk about them.

Those kids are staying together
for as long as they like.

You won't stop them.

Now, enjoy the event.

Diane, hello.

The Swing Dolls, everybody.

I'm Rory Gilmore, the
architect of this event.

Thank you.

And I'd like to take this moment to

thank some others for the
outstanding success this evening.

To Lacey Boscombe, my right hand,

my girl friday, I could
not have done it without you.

To Glenda, Lance, the entire
serving crew, thank you...

Transcript: Raceman
- Synchro: Amariss

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