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1
00:00:26,678 --> 00:00:29,377
1, 2, 3.
2
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:33,555
Turn it up.
3
00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:49,223
Hi, Grandpa!
4
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:51,007
Hey!
5
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,054
♪ Big wheels keep on turning
6
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:55,403
♪ Carry me home to my kin
7
00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:56,491
Ah!
8
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:57,579
Grandpa,
over here!
9
00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:58,884
Oh!
10
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:01,104
♪ Singing songs
about the southland ♪
11
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,627
Hey, hey, hey!
12
00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:05,674
Everybody now,
happy Fourth of July!
13
00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:06,892
Thanks, Grandpa!
14
00:01:06,936 --> 00:01:09,025
That's it, go ahead, kids.
15
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,332
Dig in.
I made 'em myself.
16
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:12,463
Bleh!
17
00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:14,074
Blech!
18
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,684
Pretty good.
How's that taste there, Timmy?
19
00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:17,729
Uh, Grandpa, I'm not
really hungry right now.
20
00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,601
Why don't you tell us
a story?
21
00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:21,646
Yeah, one of
your great stories!
22
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,257
Yeah, one
of your stories!
23
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,868
All right, how about the one
that you kids always love?
24
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:28,044
The, uh,
the story of Scrooge.
25
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,089
Scrooge?!
26
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:30,873
The guy who hated Christmas?
27
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:32,048
That's dumb.
28
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,354
Well, uh, sort of,
29
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:36,313
but this Scrooge
hated the Fourth of July.
30
00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:38,663
Why does he hate
the Fourth of July?
31
00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:42,276
Well, uh, the story begins
high on a mountaintop,
32
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:45,235
far away in Afghanistan.
33
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:55,637
Mohammed?
34
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:56,725
Yes, sir?
35
00:01:56,768 --> 00:01:58,944
Quiet! Calm down!
36
00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:00,642
They're all named
Mohammed, sir.
37
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:01,991
Yes, of course.
38
00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,906
I must remember
to use last names.
39
00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:04,950
Hussein!
40
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:06,082
Yes, sir?
41
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,912
For God's sake, you!
42
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,962
Isn't that
your brother?
Hussein?
43
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,747
Why is your brother
voting?
44
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:21,315
It's not his fault, my leader.
He is the campaign manager.
45
00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:22,751
What? For who?
46
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:23,839
Mohammed Hussein.
47
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:24,883
Yes, sir!
48
00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:27,321
Quiet!
49
00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:28,539
All right, everyone.
50
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:32,021
Well, who's going
to be the first?
51
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:34,458
I am.
52
00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:36,068
Ah, very good. Very good.
53
00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:37,853
And what is your name,
young man?
54
00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:40,072
Forget it. Mount up.
55
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:41,161
Allahu Akbar.
56
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,859
What exactly
did I volunteer for?
57
00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:47,602
Messenger duty.
Excellent pay.
58
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,343
But, sir, this bicycle...
59
00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:50,518
What's wrong?
60
00:02:50,561 --> 00:02:51,997
Well, it's kind of rickety.
61
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,217
I don't know if it can
get back up the hill.
62
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,524
I wouldn't worry
about that.
63
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:57,916
Maybe if I take
some of these
bombs off...
64
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,091
No, no, no.
65
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:01,224
It is a part
of the uniform.
66
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,357
Ah.
67
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,621
And it doesn't seem
to have any brakes.
68
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:10,233
It's OK.
Allah will stop you.
69
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:12,279
Of course.
70
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:20,504
Oh, yeah,
Allah will stop me.
71
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:23,725
Aah!
72
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:28,208
Aah!
73
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:30,688
Oh!
74
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:31,776
Jesus!
75
00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:34,431
You! Go get him.
76
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:41,090
I found the problem,
sir!
77
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,353
This idiot forgot to
pull the firing...
78
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,231
Don't you see?
79
00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:53,581
We have at least
destroyed
an infidel's car.
80
00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:56,236
That was my car.
81
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:09,901
What's going on here? Huh?
82
00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:11,947
What are you people doing?
83
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,515
Why are you voting
in this infidel election?
84
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:16,081
Because we want
democracy,
85
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:19,346
freedom, elect a president
who will be accountable.
86
00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:21,478
Enough! Mohammed,
take care of him!
87
00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:24,481
Mohammed, what in the name
of Allah are you doing?
88
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,353
Don't worry. I'm not
voting for president.
89
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,442
But I do feel strongly
about Proposition 12.
90
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:31,967
A marriage should
be between a man
and a woman.
91
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:35,057
Or between a man
and a really good-looking man.
92
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,580
Shut up.
93
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:39,191
This is what
you vote for?
94
00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:42,064
For that and immigration.
We need a guest worker program
95
00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:45,154
so that the Mexicans can do
the job the Taliban won't.
96
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:55,512
These Western ideas
are dangerous.
97
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,253
We must resist them
at every turn.
98
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,821
Leader, we're not
strong anymore.
99
00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:01,910
Ever since
the Americans came,
people have hope now.
100
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:04,391
They are voting,
woman own businesses.
101
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,306
Yes, it is getting harder
and harder
102
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:07,481
to find suicide bombers,
103
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,047
and all the really good ones
are gone.
104
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:12,660
Sir, I think
we might need a new
recruitment video.
105
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,444
Look, ours...
106
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:17,404
it looks,
you know, cheap.
107
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:22,104
This training video
will teach you.
108
00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:24,454
Here are Ahmed and Ahman.
109
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,716
They may be brothers,
110
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,370
but they couldn't be
more different.
111
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:30,112
Ahmed knows punctuality
is important.
112
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:31,505
He made sure to leave
plenty of time
113
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,333
to get to his bombing site.
114
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:39,643
Ahman leaves
everything to the last minute.
115
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,602
Oh, shit!
116
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,387
Ahmed double checks
the address of the bombing site
117
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,258
so there are no mistakes.
118
00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:47,999
Ahman doesn't.
119
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:49,784
2518, 2519...
120
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,394
Shit!
121
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:53,265
Ahmed dresses properly for work,
122
00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:56,965
wearing clothing that is loose
enough to hide his explosives.
123
00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:59,837
Ahman dresses inappropriately.
124
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:05,277
Oh. You are right.
It is awful.
125
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:07,323
If I may suggest, sir,
126
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,805
what we need is
a real Hollywood
director to help us.
127
00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:14,635
But he must hate America.
128
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,376
This will not be hard
to find in Hollywood.
129
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:17,986
They all hate America.
130
00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:20,989
Yes, but your average,
girly-man Hollywood
director
131
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,338
won't be enough.
132
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,992
What we need is someone
133
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:29,345
who really, really hates
America.
134
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,348
Ok, is the camera on?
OK, action. Ahem.
135
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,350
Here I am on the island
paradise, Cuba,
136
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,483
where there's a hospital
on every block.
137
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:40,182
As we can clearly see,
Cubans have the very best
health care in the world.
138
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:42,358
Not like in America,
where it can kill you.
139
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,187
I've got two Americans here,
Bob and Joan Friedman,
140
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:48,408
who were injured
during Hurricane Katrina,
caused by you know who.
141
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:51,498
But still haven't been able
to get an American doctor
142
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:53,282
to pay a simple house call
to their gated community
143
00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:54,283
in Shaker Heights.
144
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:55,806
Another mojito!
145
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,417
Why? Because we're
spending all the money
146
00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,420
on the military buildup
for this phony war on terror.
147
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:03,858
Doctor,
we just want the same care
you give your own people.
148
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:05,425
OK, then get in line.
149
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,513
Oh, oh! Comrades!
150
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:08,123
End of the line,
gringo!
151
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,603
No skipping!
152
00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:12,040
Cuba is famous for its
free prescription drug plan.
153
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,258
What do you have for me?
154
00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:14,434
Take these.
155
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,479
OK. Hey, these
are breath mints.
156
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:19,003
Sí, señor. Take two.
157
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,309
Huh?
158
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:22,267
OK, pal, there ya go.
159
00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:24,400
Free. That'll make
you feel better, huh?
160
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,271
There you go.
161
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:28,926
Free. You know, in America,
that'd cost an arm and a leg.
162
00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:30,928
Aw, jeez. Dude.
163
00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:32,103
Sorry.
164
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:33,453
That's OK, Paco,
165
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:34,932
you'll be back on your feet
in no time.
166
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:37,892
Cuba. So much more than
the jewel of the Caribbean.
167
00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:39,284
Aim, fire!
168
00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:40,634
A country that truly cares
for its citizens.
169
00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,026
Finally, we can
move up in line.
170
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:43,463
God! This is paradise!
171
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,855
Well, I gotta get back,
172
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:47,249
but I can rest assured
that my American friends
173
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:50,252
are in good hands
in the Cuban health care system.
174
00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:52,428
MALONE, ON BULLHORN: And now
it's time for me to leave
175
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:56,214
and say good-bye
to all my little brown friends.
176
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:57,477
And it's off to America.
177
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,739
America!
178
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:00,088
He's going
to America!
179
00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:03,047
He said America!
180
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:05,441
Take me!
Take me!
181
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,009
I do want to say...
182
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,968
Whoa! Get out! Get out!
183
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:14,058
Obviously so many people
wanted to thank me,
184
00:08:14,102 --> 00:08:16,234
they rushed the boat.
185
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:20,282
These people know how bad
it's gotten in America.
186
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:22,110
Well, I guess they wanted me
to spread the word
187
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,504
about what a paradise Cuba is.
188
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,507
Aah! Off my boat!
189
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,073
Yeah!
190
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,901
He thought
everybody loved his movies.
191
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,337
Did they?
192
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,165
No!
Nobody loves documentaries.
193
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:36,385
But many people
do find them restful.
194
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:39,910
Thank you! Thank you!
195
00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:41,346
Thank you!
196
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:44,654
Thank you for that
great New York reception.
197
00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:47,048
But as important
as this movie is,
198
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:50,878
even more important is
the largest peace demonstration
199
00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:52,575
the world has ever known.
200
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:56,057
This Sunday,
we're gonna abolish July 4th.
201
00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:59,364
Why did he hate
the Fourth of July?
202
00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:00,757
'Cause it was
America's birthday party
203
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,411
and he wasn't invited.
204
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:05,066
Grandpa,
get back to the story!
205
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:08,199
We're sending packages
to the soldiers for
the Fourth of July.
206
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:11,376
They're far from
their home, away
from their families.
207
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:13,161
Well, they shouldn't be.
208
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,989
Shouldn't you all be in a tent
somewhere, tyin' knots?
209
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,166
Oh, ho, now,
this is more like it!
210
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:19,820
There ya go.
211
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:24,476
I'll take
three chocolate
mints, three fudge...
212
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,914
Oh, merit badges.
What are those for?
213
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:29,873
Oh. Well, this
is for making
a safety display.
214
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,788
This one's
for camping,
215
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,616
and this is
a good manners badge.
216
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:34,965
Oh!
217
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:37,577
For being respectful
to a fat, ignorant,
218
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,361
traitorous sack of shit.
219
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,711
Grandpa!
220
00:09:41,755 --> 00:09:42,712
Grandpa!
221
00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:43,974
I heard you!
222
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,236
Oh, what?
I didn't say that.
223
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,455
I said, uh...
224
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:49,197
Fat, ignorant,
America-hating traitor.
225
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,198
You did say that.
226
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,416
No, I didn't.
227
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:53,549
Ha ha!
The spirit is back.
228
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:57,205
We are on a roll, people.
This rally will be historic.
229
00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:59,686
Most important since Nixon.
230
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:01,209
Nixon?
231
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:02,993
Like total dork president
from around the Civil War.
232
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:05,430
All the most important
progressive organizations
233
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:06,649
will be represented. Jane?
234
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:10,653
So far, People For
The Anti-American Way,
235
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:14,309
Vegans Against Fur,
Man-boy Love Boat,
236
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:17,486
Potawamie Casino,
Church of Entitlement,
237
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:18,661
and, um...
238
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,445
And?
239
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:21,621
And...it's still early.
240
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:23,448
The rally's Sunday!
241
00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:25,102
Don't worry, Michael,
we'll get more organizations.
242
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,278
We're not shaving 'til
they bring the troops home.
243
00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:28,671
Thank you, boys.
244
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,499
They're women.
245
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,069
Right.
Like all of us.
246
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:38,115
We have to ban
military recruiters
from college campuses.
247
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,640
They interfere...
248
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:42,032
Uh, excuse me.
249
00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:44,644
Oh. Are you here to join
Sailors Against War?
250
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:47,429
No, uh, I think all sailors
are against war,
251
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,039
but sometimes
we have to fight.
252
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,519
Soldiers Against Guns?
253
00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:53,696
No. Those guns come in handy
when we do fight.
254
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,351
The Don't Ask,
Don't Tell Brigade?
255
00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:58,614
No, uh, please.
256
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,443
I'm just here
looking for my uncle.
His name is--Oh.
257
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,620
Uncle Michael, hey.
258
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,274
Huh? Josh?
259
00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:12,062
Hey.
This is my...nephew.
260
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:15,762
Josh. He's, uh...
261
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,546
What are you doin' here?
262
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:21,028
I came here to invite you
to our Fourth of July barbecue,
263
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,507
like I do every year.
264
00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:24,379
Well, that's very nice
of you...again,
265
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,294
but I'm a little busy
here.
266
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:28,818
"Abolish July 4th."
Are you kidding?
267
00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:32,169
This is no joke.
Why should I celebrate
a country
268
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:35,651
that's caused
oppression and terror
all over the world?
269
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,696
Is that how he felt?
270
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:39,742
He was a war hero.
P. T. 109.
271
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:42,353
He would've come around.
If he were alive today,
272
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,528
this Sunday,
he'd be marchin'
273
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:44,921
arm in arm
with us in solidarity.
274
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:48,098
Uncle Michael, I realize
how strongly you feel,
275
00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:49,883
but Lily and I just...
276
00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:53,582
We won't be going too late.
277
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:56,672
A lot of our guests are going
to the Trace Adkins concert.
278
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,197
Who's Trace Adkins?
279
00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:01,459
I'm good.
280
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,548
He's a big
country music star.
281
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:06,247
Maybe not here in New York,
but in the rest of the country.
282
00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:07,944
Country music
doesn't speak to me.
283
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:10,077
And it's not
just because
the music's awful
284
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,513
or the lyrics
are stupid,
285
00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:13,515
or everybody dresses
like that cowboy
286
00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:14,690
from the Village People.
Know what I'm
talking about?
287
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,431
How's little Billy?
288
00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:18,346
Timmy.
289
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:21,131
Not very well, I'm afraid,
but he's got great spirit.
290
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,742
He'd love to see you.
291
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:24,308
Well, maybe I'll
stop by next week.
292
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:26,484
It'll probably be too late.
293
00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:28,791
Oh, little Jimmy.
294
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,488
Timmy.
295
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:33,970
No. He'll probably
still be around, but...
296
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:36,494
I'm shipping out to
the Persian Gulf Sunday night.
297
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,845
Well, can't you
get out of it?
298
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:41,935
I want to go.
It's my duty.
299
00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:45,155
I don't get it.
How can you be
related to me?
300
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:46,461
Mr. Malone,
your 1:00 is here
301
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:49,464
with people from
Abolish The Military.
302
00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:53,163
Well, I guess I got
some work to do.
303
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:55,949
Well, you know
you're invited in case
you change your mind.
304
00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:57,602
Right. Sure.
305
00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,387
Uncle Michael, I came
here in good spirits,
306
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:02,738
and I don't want to let
anything change that.
307
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,872
Happy Fourth of July,
everyone, and God
bless America!
308
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:08,788
♪ My country, 'tis of thee
309
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,702
♪ Sweet land of...
310
00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:12,182
♪ Liberty
311
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,445
♪ Lighted up by the rockets
in the air ♪
312
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:17,709
Grandpa, get back
to the story!
313
00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:18,928
I've never left it.
314
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:33,290
I'm meeting my agent,
Todd Grosslight.
315
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:35,031
Oh, yes.
316
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,991
I'm sorry, sir, but gentlemen
are required to wear a jacket.
317
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:40,080
Look, don't you
know who I am?
318
00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:41,298
I'm Michael Malone.
319
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:44,693
Well, then perhaps
a shower as well.
320
00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:49,002
What the hell?
I didn't make
the top 10?
321
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,655
That's impossible!
322
00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:52,222
Apparently, Michael,
the people who like
your movies
323
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:54,224
don't actually go to movies.
324
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:57,532
No one wants to see
Americans screwed by
foreigners, except in porn.
325
00:13:57,575 --> 00:13:59,664
Porn? I haven't
done porn in years!
326
00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:05,235
Anyway, I'm
an Oscar-winning
director.
327
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:07,542
For a documentary.
Come on.
328
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,413
I know that.
329
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:11,763
I gotta do a feature
like John Ford.
330
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:14,636
That man was
a true filmmaker.
331
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:18,466
The sweeping vision,
the amazing panoramas
of Monument Valley.
332
00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:20,381
And the soldiers
were the good guys.
333
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:23,340
But you, Michael, are
leading a demonstration
against our troops.
334
00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:25,777
Oh, right,
on the Fourth of July.
335
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:27,344
It's not against
the troops.
336
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,042
Oh, save it
for your crazies.
337
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:32,959
Look, Mikey,
338
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:35,613
this is a fickle town.
339
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:37,746
See the maitre d'
over there, huh?
340
00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:41,054
Used to be recurring on
"Seinfeld."
341
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:44,231
Hey, call me.
Ha ha!
342
00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:45,972
Now, what is this feature
you have in mind?
343
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:49,236
Well,
it's a powerful drama
about oppressed people
344
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:50,367
adrift in a world
gone mad.
345
00:14:50,411 --> 00:14:51,716
Hmm!
346
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,675
It's anti-everything-
America-stands-for
347
00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:55,068
without technically
being anti-American.
348
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:56,199
Hmm...
349
00:14:56,243 --> 00:15:01,291
Fascist America?
Comedy, right?
350
00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:03,293
Wow.
Did you bathe today?
351
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,295
No.
352
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:11,693
And now,
live from New York City,
353
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,956
it's the MooveAlong.Org
Film Awards,
354
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,568
hosted by Paris Hilton
and Simon Rex.
355
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:21,485
And now, here are your hosts,
Paris Hilton and Simon Rex.
356
00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:24,793
We are gathered here
tonight because we all
share the same goals:
357
00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:26,055
Redistribution
of wealth,
358
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:28,623
freedom from the chains
of materialism,
359
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:31,147
and, of course,
ending world hunger.
360
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,934
Finally. I'm starving.
361
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:37,327
Now it's our great pleasure
362
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:38,763
to present the most
prestigious honor
363
00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:41,114
in documentary film,
the Leni Riefenstahl Award.
364
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,988
As Germany's
most famous documentary
filmmaker,
365
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,643
Leni Riefenstahl
celebrated the
incredible rise
366
00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:50,906
of Nazi dictator
Adolf Hitler,
367
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,214
becoming a tireless
promoter of his
campaign for change.
368
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:57,260
Her pioneering use
of the wide-angle lens
369
00:15:57,304 --> 00:16:00,002
to capture the scope
of massive formations
370
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,483
paved the way for succeeding
generations of filmmakers.
371
00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:05,529
Through the creative
manipulation of truth,
372
00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:07,140
she was able
to influence history,
373
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:09,751
demonstrating the power of film.
374
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,318
Although
unfortunately resulting
in the death
375
00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:13,973
of over
60 million people
in World War II,
376
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:17,367
her place in any cinematic
hall of fame is secure.
377
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:21,241
And this year's award
for best documentary
director goes to...
378
00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:25,201
Michael Malone for "Die,
You American Pigs."
379
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,508
This is Michael Malone's
380
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,379
third Moove Along award.
381
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:32,687
He previously won
for his documentaries
"Shame On You, America,"
382
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:34,602
and "America Sucks A Big One."
383
00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,082
Oh, OK.
384
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:38,475
Hey. I try to tell the truth
in my films,
385
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:39,999
and I get attacked...
386
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:43,132
But I'm gonna continue--
Oh. Ha.
387
00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:47,136
Oh. What is that?
388
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:48,790
Ooh! Ooh!
389
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:54,883
Get my good side.
390
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,624
That concludes
the non-televised
portion of the show.
391
00:16:57,886 --> 00:16:59,148
Huh?
392
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:01,585
And now the highlight
of the evening:
393
00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:03,761
Best Feature Film Director.
394
00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:05,372
And the award goes to...
395
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,549
George Mulrooney!
396
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,594
For "That McCarthy
Sure Was Bad."
397
00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:12,248
The heroic story
of fearless newscaster
398
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:14,685
Edward R. Murrow,
who half a century ago
399
00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:16,861
took on a drunken U.S. Senator
from Wisconsin
400
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:19,429
who had accused people
of being communists.
401
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:22,128
This is Mulrooney's
19th Moove Along Award
402
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:24,217
to go with his 11 Oscars,
9 Emmys,
403
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:25,566
and two Super Bowl rings.
404
00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:28,917
Thank you. I...
I dedicate this award
405
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,921
to all the courageous filmmakers
who take on tough issues
406
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,924
like, well, McCarthyism,
even though it no longer exists,
407
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:39,275
or like slavery or Nazism,
even though they ended, too.
408
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,277
But you know, evil exists today.
409
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:42,844
Oh, yeah,
like, well, Islamic terrorism.
410
00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:46,021
But like I'm gonna
make that movie, right?
411
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,805
Like I want to get beheaded.
412
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:53,681
Thank you!
Thank you!
413
00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:54,899
George!
Over here!
414
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:57,076
Aah!
415
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,426
Ooh! Mom?
416
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,877
Huh!
417
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,793
Oh!
418
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:21,361
Wow.
Mulrooney's so hot.
419
00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:25,104
Huh? Huh?
420
00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:26,844
Excuse us, Mister director
Michael Malone.
421
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:29,108
I am Ahmed, and this is
my comrade Mohammed.
422
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:30,457
Nice to meet you.
423
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,720
Wait, no. We want you
to direct a movie
424
00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:34,678
to inspire
the final jihad.
425
00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:36,724
Oh, thanks, fellas,
great idea,
426
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:37,855
but I'm only doin'
427
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,335
big-budget features.
428
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:41,381
How big of a budget
would you need?
429
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:43,905
A feature?
10 million minimum.
430
00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:45,776
Call me when you sold enough
falafel.
431
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,434
Ahmed, Mohammed.
432
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:52,609
Who are you?
Who are you?
433
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:56,613
It's me.
434
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:57,745
Aziz!
435
00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,442
Shh!
436
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:00,748
What are you doing here?
437
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:02,445
We now have
a more important mission.
438
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,751
But the movie.
439
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,318
It can wait.
440
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,189
This operation will be
the most spectacular attack
441
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,756
on the infidels ever.
442
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,323
But we need to find
someone important
443
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,976
with the right connections.
444
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:14,196
I'm directing
Mulrooney's next picture.
445
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,632
Someone like that.
446
00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:17,243
Director Akbar?
447
00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:19,375
Yes. What will it take
to get him to cooperate with us?
448
00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:20,855
$10 million.
$10 million.
449
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:23,771
Well, the opium crop
is very good this year.
450
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,642
Money will be no problem.
451
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:28,123
Allahu Akbar.
452
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,821
So I said to Spielberg,
Steve, you can't...
453
00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,041
Ooh, crab cakes.
454
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:35,174
Say, want to go to
Clint's birthday party
with me?
455
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,610
Director Akbar!
456
00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:37,611
We have wonderful
and glorious
news for you...
457
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:40,135
George! George!
458
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,180
We have
the 10 million.
459
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:42,572
10 million?
460
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:43,573
Must have been a good opium
crop this year.
461
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,009
George, over here.
462
00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:46,620
10 million America
U.S. Dollars, cash.
463
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:47,969
Cash? Right!
464
00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:49,188
Good!
So you'll do it.
465
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,537
Yeah, right.
466
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:54,062
Have your people
contact my people.
467
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:57,065
I bet she would
look great in a burka.
468
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:06,814
And now "Entertainment Tonight"
469
00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:10,383
takes you behind the scenes
to discover where are they now?
470
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:14,387
We're going to find out
whatever happened to
Michael Malone,
471
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,736
the beefy filmmaker
who's trying to get
472
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:19,174
a new movie off the ground,
a feature. Ha!
473
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,655
After the news today
that his latest movie tanked...
474
00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:23,222
What?!
475
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:24,832
Who in their right mind
is gonna bankroll that?
476
00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:27,269
This past Tuesday,
we finally tracked down
477
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:29,184
Clyde the orangutan...
478
00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:35,234
Are you sure you have
$10 million?
479
00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:36,452
Absolutely.
480
00:20:36,496 --> 00:20:38,324
Then why'd
you come to me?
481
00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:41,457
Because we heard
you're a big, fat
liar. Aah!
482
00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:44,895
Sorry. My friend is not
detonating on all cylinders.
483
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:47,637
He meant, we heard your movies
are filled with big, fat lies.
484
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:48,899
But it's OK.
They're documentaries.
485
00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:50,161
They don't have to be true.
486
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:52,294
Look, I love America.
487
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,209
That's why it needs
to be destroyed,
488
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,689
so it'll come
to its senses.
489
00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:58,257
Right. Well, anyway,
we need your help.
490
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,346
No matter how many
innocent people we kill,
491
00:21:00,389 --> 00:21:01,738
we cannot get rid
of the Americans.
492
00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:04,088
We need a movie that shows
that we are winning.
493
00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:06,308
Even though
we're not. Aah!
494
00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,005
Director Akbar,
we already have an idea.
495
00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:10,791
It's a traditional
Taliban love story.
496
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,837
Boy meets girl,
boy falls in love with girl,
497
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:14,882
boy cuts girl's head off.
498
00:21:14,925 --> 00:21:15,883
What?
499
00:21:15,926 --> 00:21:17,188
It's a happy ending.
500
00:21:17,232 --> 00:21:18,842
He preserves
his honor.
501
00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:21,497
Look, guys, I'm not
gonna do a movie
502
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:23,934
about homicidal psychopaths
who cut people's heads off.
503
00:21:23,978 --> 00:21:26,763
I'll do it, but it's
gonna be my script.
504
00:21:26,807 --> 00:21:29,026
Dramatic story about
how one courageous man
505
00:21:29,070 --> 00:21:31,986
took on the system
and exposed America's evil.
506
00:21:32,029 --> 00:21:34,728
Like Hannah Montana.
Wait!
507
00:21:34,771 --> 00:21:37,339
Thank you. Oh!
508
00:21:39,123 --> 00:21:41,212
You gonna finish that?
509
00:21:41,256 --> 00:21:43,127
Wait. He's going to work
for terrorists?
510
00:21:43,171 --> 00:21:45,042
It's looking that way,
isn't it?
511
00:21:45,086 --> 00:21:47,306
Doesn't that
make him a
terrorist, too?
512
00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:49,873
No, silly.
That just makes him
a total idiot.
513
00:21:52,093 --> 00:21:54,356
...first-place tie.
514
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:56,924
John F. Kennedy,
515
00:21:56,967 --> 00:21:59,274
35th president
of the United States,
516
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,494
cut down
by an assassin's bullet.
517
00:22:01,537 --> 00:22:03,844
But tears that day were not only
for a president,
518
00:22:03,887 --> 00:22:08,022
but for what he stood for,
the causes he held dear.
519
00:22:08,065 --> 00:22:10,285
Let us never
negotiate out of fear,
520
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:13,723
but let us never fear
to negotiate.
521
00:22:13,767 --> 00:22:16,987
My hero.
A man of peace.
522
00:22:17,031 --> 00:22:19,163
If only you were president now.
523
00:22:20,991 --> 00:22:22,297
Wait.
524
00:22:26,432 --> 00:22:30,305
If I were president, what?
525
00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:35,354
You said that I was a hero,
a true peacemaker.
526
00:22:38,705 --> 00:22:40,054
You can't be here!
527
00:22:40,097 --> 00:22:41,838
You're dead!
528
00:22:41,882 --> 00:22:44,580
You must
redeem yourself.
529
00:22:44,624 --> 00:22:45,842
How'd you do that?
530
00:22:45,886 --> 00:22:47,061
This is
the greatest country
531
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:48,541
in the history
of the world.
532
00:22:48,584 --> 00:22:50,934
and you have
slandered it
all over the globe.
533
00:22:50,978 --> 00:22:52,283
Hey, I was just tryin'
to be like you.
534
00:22:52,327 --> 00:22:53,894
You wouldn't have gone
into Vietnam.
535
00:22:53,937 --> 00:22:55,199
Who told you that?
536
00:22:55,243 --> 00:22:57,027
Oliver Stone.
It was in his movie.
537
00:22:57,071 --> 00:22:59,943
Oh, brother!
Did you ever read
my inaugural address?
538
00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:03,425
Of course! "Ask not what
your country can do for you.
539
00:23:03,469 --> 00:23:05,427
Ask what--" Aah!
540
00:23:05,471 --> 00:23:08,169
Not that part.
The part about
going to war.
541
00:23:08,212 --> 00:23:09,562
There was a war part?
542
00:23:09,605 --> 00:23:10,824
Oh, brother.
543
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:17,091
Let every nation know,
544
00:23:17,134 --> 00:23:19,485
whether they wish us well
or ill,
545
00:23:19,528 --> 00:23:22,270
that we shall pay any price,
546
00:23:22,313 --> 00:23:24,228
bear any burden...
547
00:23:25,621 --> 00:23:28,711
Meet any hardship,
support any friend,
548
00:23:28,755 --> 00:23:33,455
oppose any foe
to assure the survival
549
00:23:33,499 --> 00:23:35,762
and the success of liberty.
550
00:23:35,805 --> 00:23:38,025
Uh, thanks, folks.
551
00:23:38,068 --> 00:23:41,855
Oh! I didn't know
about the war part.
552
00:23:41,898 --> 00:23:43,030
What do you think
that meant?
553
00:23:43,073 --> 00:23:44,684
Draft another
8 U.N. Resolutions?
554
00:23:44,727 --> 00:23:46,599
You sound like
Ronald Reagan.
555
00:23:46,642 --> 00:23:48,731
Thank you.
You're not gonna eat
that, are you?
556
00:23:48,775 --> 00:23:52,387
OK, look, you will be
visited by three spirits.
557
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:54,433
Listen to them.
Learn from them.
558
00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:56,043
Oh, yeah.
559
00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:58,132
The spirits are gonna
come scare the shit out of me,
560
00:23:58,175 --> 00:24:02,049
and then I'm gonna
be born again, right?
561
00:24:02,092 --> 00:24:04,268
What a douche bag.
562
00:24:06,096 --> 00:24:07,446
Hey, wait!
563
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:08,795
Hey, when are these
spirits gonna--Aah!
564
00:24:08,838 --> 00:24:10,971
Oh...
565
00:24:20,415 --> 00:24:22,983
Oh!
566
00:24:23,026 --> 00:24:25,246
What a nightmare.
567
00:24:26,377 --> 00:24:28,031
I'm gonna be late!
568
00:24:29,772 --> 00:24:31,165
Ooh!
569
00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,254
So he rushed
to Columbia University
570
00:24:33,297 --> 00:24:36,213
to lead a demonstration
against the troops.
571
00:24:36,257 --> 00:24:37,954
What's
a demonstration?
572
00:24:37,998 --> 00:24:39,652
Well, in this case,
573
00:24:39,695 --> 00:24:41,784
it's when students show
how much they don't know
574
00:24:41,828 --> 00:24:43,394
by repeating it loudly.
575
00:24:43,438 --> 00:24:45,571
Peace, yes! Recruiters, no!
576
00:24:45,614 --> 00:24:49,270
Peace, yes! Recruiters, no!
Peace, yes! Recruiters, no!
577
00:24:49,313 --> 00:24:51,098
Peace, yes! Recruiters, no!
578
00:24:51,141 --> 00:24:53,100
Peace, yes!
Recruiters, no!
579
00:24:53,143 --> 00:24:54,710
Peace, yes, recruiters, no!
580
00:24:54,754 --> 00:24:58,366
There is nothing more
important than stopping war!
581
00:24:58,409 --> 00:25:00,934
No more wars!
No more wars!
582
00:25:00,977 --> 00:25:04,590
Because instead of fighting,
we should talk to our enemies!
583
00:25:04,633 --> 00:25:06,548
Talk, don't fight!
Talk, don't fight!
584
00:25:06,592 --> 00:25:11,292
Right! Right! Don't believe
the government lies!
585
00:25:11,335 --> 00:25:13,468
Don't believe lies!
Don't believe lies!
586
00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:17,167
Good...good.
That's good chanting. Good.
587
00:25:17,211 --> 00:25:21,128
There is no terrorist threat!
The government just wants to...
588
00:25:21,171 --> 00:25:22,433
The government
just wants!
589
00:25:22,477 --> 00:25:23,739
The government
just wants!
590
00:25:23,783 --> 00:25:25,741
That doesn't make any sense.
591
00:25:25,785 --> 00:25:28,788
Please hang on a second.
Please, OK?
592
00:25:28,831 --> 00:25:31,181
The government is exaggerating
the terrorist threat
593
00:25:31,225 --> 00:25:33,706
for its own nefarious purposes!
594
00:25:33,749 --> 00:25:34,707
What does
nefarious mean?
595
00:25:34,750 --> 00:25:37,013
What does
nefarious mean?
596
00:25:37,057 --> 00:25:40,582
Well, you know, it means...
just hang on a second.
597
00:25:40,626 --> 00:25:43,585
Can we just stop chanting,
please?
598
00:25:43,629 --> 00:25:45,195
Stop, don't chant!
Stop, don't...
599
00:25:45,239 --> 00:25:46,283
Will you shut up?!
600
00:25:46,327 --> 00:25:48,938
Just shut up for a second!
601
00:25:48,982 --> 00:25:53,595
OK, uh...can we just try
to listen for a minute
602
00:25:53,639 --> 00:25:55,336
without the chanting?
603
00:25:55,379 --> 00:25:58,252
OK, we have to stop...
604
00:25:58,295 --> 00:26:00,210
Hey! Free history
term papers!
605
00:26:00,254 --> 00:26:03,257
Whoa! Oh!
606
00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:04,737
Ooh!
607
00:26:06,477 --> 00:26:08,697
Oh! Ah!
608
00:26:11,134 --> 00:26:13,746
Ah! Ooh,
thanks a lot.
609
00:26:13,789 --> 00:26:17,314
That got a little wild.
610
00:26:17,358 --> 00:26:19,186
Hey, who are you?
611
00:26:19,229 --> 00:26:21,362
Army so desperate
they're recruitin'
senior citizens?
612
00:26:21,405 --> 00:26:22,842
Aah! Hey!
613
00:26:22,885 --> 00:26:24,974
That's "Hey, sir", maggot.
614
00:26:25,018 --> 00:26:28,282
I am General
George S. Patton.
615
00:26:28,325 --> 00:26:29,892
That would explain
the slapping.
616
00:26:29,936 --> 00:26:32,634
You're General
George Patton,
from the movie?
617
00:26:32,678 --> 00:26:35,681
No. From
the United States Army,
618
00:26:35,724 --> 00:26:38,597
back when this country
was in the business
of winning wars.
619
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,338
Oh, my God, JFK.
620
00:26:41,382 --> 00:26:43,645
"You will be visited
by three..."
621
00:26:43,689 --> 00:26:44,994
Aah! Hey!
622
00:26:45,038 --> 00:26:46,517
What's with all
the slapping?
623
00:26:46,561 --> 00:26:48,998
It's my trademark.
624
00:26:49,042 --> 00:26:52,088
Well, maybe you ought
to try a baseball cap.
625
00:26:52,132 --> 00:26:53,655
No more war!
626
00:26:53,699 --> 00:26:55,439
No more war!
627
00:26:55,483 --> 00:26:56,702
No more war!
628
00:26:56,745 --> 00:26:58,007
Hey, where am I?
629
00:26:58,051 --> 00:26:59,618
No more war!
630
00:26:59,661 --> 00:27:01,707
We pledge ourselves!
631
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:05,711
We will not support
the United States in any war!
632
00:27:05,754 --> 00:27:08,322
Right on, sister.
633
00:27:08,365 --> 00:27:09,671
So, what's
goin' on here?
634
00:27:09,715 --> 00:27:11,368
Damn peace demonstration.
635
00:27:11,412 --> 00:27:13,414
Just like yours,
only this is 1940.
636
00:27:13,457 --> 00:27:15,416
They don't want us
to fight Hitler.
637
00:27:15,459 --> 00:27:17,548
So let me get this
straight, they can't
see us.
638
00:27:17,592 --> 00:27:18,637
Right.
639
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,812
Hmm. Aah!
640
00:27:19,855 --> 00:27:21,640
This is gonna be
harder than I thought.
641
00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:23,859
I'm startin' to notice
a pattern here.
642
00:27:23,903 --> 00:27:25,252
Anyway, this
never happened!
643
00:27:25,295 --> 00:27:27,384
This absolutely happened.
644
00:27:27,428 --> 00:27:29,038
Well, theses students
are pacifists.
645
00:27:29,082 --> 00:27:31,562
They understand
that war doesn't
solve problems.
646
00:27:31,606 --> 00:27:34,435
The only way is to talk
and sign agreements
like civilized people,
647
00:27:34,478 --> 00:27:36,437
not like sadistic
movie generals.
648
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,744
That general you saw
was an actor!
649
00:27:38,787 --> 00:27:41,442
I'll show you what
the real Patton was up against!
650
00:27:44,663 --> 00:27:47,840
OK, where are we now?
Who's the guy dressed
as a butler?
651
00:27:47,883 --> 00:27:49,929
Germany, September, 1938.
652
00:27:49,972 --> 00:27:53,628
That's Neville Chamberlain,
weak-assed prime minister
of England.
653
00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:56,370
Shh. He's gettin'
a signed agreement.
654
00:27:56,413 --> 00:27:59,721
Right. This gives you
all the Sudetenland,
655
00:27:59,765 --> 00:28:02,811
Austria, and a couple of other
countries I can't pronounce.
656
00:28:02,855 --> 00:28:05,031
And we'll throw in
Czechoslovakia.
657
00:28:05,074 --> 00:28:08,338
So that's C-a--
No. T-z--Oh!
658
00:28:08,382 --> 00:28:09,731
Let's make it Poland.
659
00:28:09,775 --> 00:28:12,603
The important thing is
we now have hope.
660
00:28:12,647 --> 00:28:15,519
See? He stands
for what's important.
661
00:28:15,563 --> 00:28:17,739
Does that look like
standing to you?
662
00:28:17,783 --> 00:28:19,741
There. How's that?
663
00:28:19,785 --> 00:28:21,177
You missed a spot.
664
00:28:21,221 --> 00:28:22,875
Hey!
665
00:28:22,918 --> 00:28:24,354
Don't you see these guys
are playin' you for a fool?
666
00:28:26,487 --> 00:28:27,967
War is not the answer.
667
00:28:28,010 --> 00:28:30,012
You wimpy little bastard!
668
00:28:30,056 --> 00:28:31,710
You're givin' this Nazi
son of a bitch everything
669
00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:33,015
and gettin' nothin'
in return!
670
00:28:33,059 --> 00:28:35,539
Not nothing.
We get peace.
671
00:28:35,583 --> 00:28:38,629
♪ Kumbaya, my lord
672
00:28:38,673 --> 00:28:39,935
♪ Kumbaya
673
00:28:39,979 --> 00:28:42,982
And a damn fine
cup of tea.
674
00:28:43,025 --> 00:28:45,854
Und we'll name
a concentration camp after you.
675
00:28:45,898 --> 00:28:48,857
Think of it...
Camp Auschwitz Chamberlain.
676
00:28:48,901 --> 00:28:50,903
Lovely.
677
00:28:50,946 --> 00:28:52,905
Hang on.
I'm good at this.
678
00:28:52,948 --> 00:28:54,950
Mr. Herr President,
679
00:28:54,994 --> 00:28:57,561
obviously America's done
something grievously wrong
to Germany
680
00:28:57,605 --> 00:28:59,563
to make you want to
invade all these countries
681
00:28:59,607 --> 00:29:01,130
and kill so many
innocent people.
682
00:29:01,174 --> 00:29:03,176
Look, fellas, I'm just
as frustrated as you.
683
00:29:03,219 --> 00:29:04,699
Excuse me, Fuhrer...
684
00:29:04,743 --> 00:29:06,048
♪ You're a grand old flag...
685
00:29:06,092 --> 00:29:07,136
Malone, may I have
a word with you?
686
00:29:07,180 --> 00:29:08,921
Hang on a second.
687
00:29:08,964 --> 00:29:10,836
America keeps doing things
to piss off the rest
of the world.
688
00:29:10,879 --> 00:29:12,446
We bring it on ourselves.
689
00:29:12,489 --> 00:29:13,752
I mean, what do
we have to do
690
00:29:13,795 --> 00:29:15,579
to address your
understandable grievances?
691
00:29:15,623 --> 00:29:17,146
How about some
carbon emission credits?
692
00:29:17,190 --> 00:29:19,148
That'll offset your need
to invade France in case--
693
00:29:19,192 --> 00:29:21,411
Aah!
694
00:29:21,455 --> 00:29:23,587
I don't know,
but I been told,
695
00:29:23,631 --> 00:29:24,850
kill some Jews
and take their gold.
696
00:29:24,893 --> 00:29:29,071
Third floor.
Right. Sorry.
697
00:29:29,115 --> 00:29:32,379
You know, they really
should add flying to
the things we can do.
698
00:29:32,422 --> 00:29:36,731
My point is talking
to evil dictators
gets you nothing.
699
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,689
You know one thing
they do understand?
700
00:29:38,733 --> 00:29:41,214
I'm guessing some sort
of physical violence.
701
00:29:41,257 --> 00:29:43,172
Strength.
That's the only thing.
702
00:29:43,216 --> 00:29:44,957
Right.
I'll remember that.
703
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,394
Is there anything you think
is worth fighting for?
704
00:29:47,437 --> 00:29:49,178
Well, I'd kill
to do a feature.
705
00:29:49,222 --> 00:29:51,224
Now, can we please
just go home?
706
00:29:51,267 --> 00:29:54,836
Sure thing.
Right home. Cigar?
707
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,578
And support the
imperialist big
business tobacco lobby?
708
00:29:57,621 --> 00:29:58,622
Never.
709
00:29:58,666 --> 00:29:59,972
It's Cuban.
710
00:30:00,015 --> 00:30:03,758
Hmm...I guess I can
make an exception.
711
00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:07,196
Ah! Takes me back.
712
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:08,937
What the hell is this?
713
00:30:08,981 --> 00:30:10,983
Your home.
Maloneville, Alabama.
714
00:30:11,026 --> 00:30:12,636
I live in Alabama?
715
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,203
Didn't you hear?
716
00:30:14,247 --> 00:30:16,205
Around 1860,
all the good jobs
started to move south.
717
00:30:16,249 --> 00:30:17,206
After the Civil War?
718
00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:18,642
There was
no Civil War.
719
00:30:18,686 --> 00:30:20,819
Lincoln agreed with you.
War was not the answer.
720
00:30:20,862 --> 00:30:21,950
Saved 600,000
721
00:30:21,994 --> 00:30:22,951
American lives.
722
00:30:22,995 --> 00:30:24,431
Well, that's good.
723
00:30:24,474 --> 00:30:25,432
Good move for the
economy here, too.
724
00:30:25,475 --> 00:30:26,433
What? Why?
725
00:30:26,476 --> 00:30:28,827
Cheap labor.
726
00:30:28,870 --> 00:30:31,612
Mass'a Malone!
Mass'a Malone!
727
00:30:31,655 --> 00:30:34,397
I had the boys
polish up your trophies
like you told us.
728
00:30:34,441 --> 00:30:35,877
Polish my trophies?
729
00:30:35,921 --> 00:30:37,009
You know, I ain't know
they gave away awards
730
00:30:37,052 --> 00:30:38,140
for a documentary.
731
00:30:38,184 --> 00:30:39,881
You know, for
your information...
732
00:30:39,925 --> 00:30:41,840
Wait a minute.
Who are these people?
733
00:30:41,883 --> 00:30:44,277
You're the biggest
slave owner in the state.
734
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:46,235
Mass'a Malone,
you ain't recognized me?
735
00:30:46,279 --> 00:30:47,671
I's Rastus.
736
00:30:47,715 --> 00:30:51,675
What? Oh, this can't
be happening.
737
00:30:51,719 --> 00:30:54,504
Hey, isn't that...
738
00:30:54,548 --> 00:30:55,897
Yeah, that's him,
all right.
739
00:30:55,941 --> 00:30:58,857
Don't you worry,
Mass'a Malone.
740
00:30:58,900 --> 00:31:01,250
We got them bacon stains
out of the upholstery.
741
00:31:01,294 --> 00:31:04,645
It's a good thing
ol' Mr. Lincoln
never fought no wars.
742
00:31:04,688 --> 00:31:09,824
Oh...look, uh, Rastus,
you know this isn't real, right?
743
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:11,347
Whatever you say, mass'a.
744
00:31:11,391 --> 00:31:13,741
Whatever you say,
I guess this old ni--
745
00:31:13,784 --> 00:31:15,221
No! Don't! Stop!
Don't say that.
746
00:31:15,264 --> 00:31:16,265
Mass'a Malone!
747
00:31:16,309 --> 00:31:17,397
Mass'a Malone!
Good news!
748
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:18,920
Productivity is
through the roof
749
00:31:18,964 --> 00:31:21,270
since you sold Daddy
and them old folks!
750
00:31:21,314 --> 00:31:23,664
I figure now we can buy us
about 20 new bucks
751
00:31:23,707 --> 00:31:26,362
and start pickin'
some cotton, Sir.
752
00:31:26,406 --> 00:31:28,234
♪ The trouble I've seen
753
00:31:28,277 --> 00:31:31,715
Rastus, tell me, how does old
mass'a Malone treat his slaves?
754
00:31:31,759 --> 00:31:34,588
Mass'a Malone
is the bestest,
755
00:31:34,631 --> 00:31:37,634
most kindliest mass'a
a slave could have.
756
00:31:37,678 --> 00:31:40,246
Oh, he don't beat us
unless we awful bad.
757
00:31:40,289 --> 00:31:43,553
And he don't sell
the little children
until they 6 months old.
758
00:31:43,597 --> 00:31:45,860
No, no, no! I...
759
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:47,166
Oh, Mass'a,
don't beat me today!
760
00:31:47,209 --> 00:31:49,516
I ain't healed up
from the beatin'
761
00:31:49,559 --> 00:31:51,083
you done gave me
yesterday!
762
00:31:51,126 --> 00:31:53,172
No, I wasn't gonna be...
Can you make them stop?
763
00:31:53,215 --> 00:31:55,087
Look, here, y'all!
764
00:31:55,130 --> 00:31:56,523
Mass'a don't want to
hear none of that
slave shit!
765
00:31:56,566 --> 00:31:58,786
Why don't you
kick somethin' into 4/4!
766
00:31:58,829 --> 00:31:59,918
1, 2, 3, 4.
767
00:31:59,961 --> 00:32:02,355
♪ Hava nagila, hava nagila
768
00:32:02,398 --> 00:32:05,532
♪ Hava nagila ve nis'mech
769
00:32:05,575 --> 00:32:08,317
♪ Hava nagila, we are so happy
770
00:32:08,361 --> 00:32:11,799
♪ That mass'a owns us,
he is the best, yeah ♪
771
00:32:11,842 --> 00:32:13,670
I gotta get
out of here!
772
00:32:13,714 --> 00:32:15,542
All right, everybody,
mass'a leavin'.
773
00:32:15,585 --> 00:32:16,891
Everybody wave good-bye.
774
00:32:16,935 --> 00:32:18,240
Hope you can buy
some more of us.
775
00:32:18,284 --> 00:32:20,242
We sure could use
a baritone.
776
00:32:20,286 --> 00:32:21,940
- Huh?
- Bye, Daddy.
777
00:32:21,983 --> 00:32:23,071
Aah
778
00:32:23,115 --> 00:32:24,072
Bye, Daddy!
779
00:32:24,116 --> 00:32:25,117
Bye, Daddy!
780
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:26,335
Bye, Daddy!
781
00:32:27,728 --> 00:32:28,947
Aw, that was sick.
782
00:32:28,990 --> 00:32:31,993
Not as sick as slavery.
783
00:32:32,037 --> 00:32:37,085
Lincoln is revered now
for fighting that war.
784
00:32:37,129 --> 00:32:39,653
Hey, you would know.
785
00:32:39,696 --> 00:32:41,829
Those rumors about
Lincoln bein' gay.
786
00:32:43,265 --> 00:32:45,050
Why don't I just
shoot you now?
787
00:32:45,093 --> 00:32:46,616
Well, maybe he just had
a wide stance.
788
00:32:46,660 --> 00:32:48,531
Oh, hang on. I gotta
take this. Hello!
789
00:32:48,575 --> 00:32:50,229
Michael? Where are you?
790
00:32:50,272 --> 00:32:52,753
Oh, I'm in, uh, D.C.
791
00:32:52,796 --> 00:32:54,581
Yeah, right.
Well, wherever you are,
792
00:32:54,624 --> 00:32:56,670
you know you're supposed to be
at Columbia in the morning.
793
00:32:56,713 --> 00:32:58,150
I know. Of course.
794
00:32:59,412 --> 00:33:00,543
Jane...Hello?
Hello? Jane?
795
00:33:03,024 --> 00:33:04,808
Damn cell phones.
796
00:33:04,852 --> 00:33:06,288
Here. Use mine.
797
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,597
But do your minutes
roll over to
the next month?
798
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,033
Course they do.
799
00:33:12,077 --> 00:33:13,774
Yeah, but do you get
unlimited texting?
800
00:33:13,817 --> 00:33:15,602
You think I was born
yesterday?
801
00:33:18,126 --> 00:33:19,780
Your people.
802
00:33:19,823 --> 00:33:21,173
Yep, the students
love me.
803
00:33:21,216 --> 00:33:22,957
Love you?
They don't even know you.
804
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:24,611
You're unique.
805
00:33:24,654 --> 00:33:26,178
A liberal film director
who can't even get laid
806
00:33:26,221 --> 00:33:28,702
at the Columbia University
Peace Studies Department.
807
00:33:28,745 --> 00:33:30,617
They flock to my movies.
808
00:33:30,660 --> 00:33:32,619
They flock to
slasher movies.
809
00:33:32,662 --> 00:33:33,968
They go to your movies
810
00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:35,404
'cause their professors
tell them to.
811
00:33:35,448 --> 00:33:36,536
This is where they get
the history
812
00:33:36,579 --> 00:33:37,841
and the information
813
00:33:37,885 --> 00:33:39,017
to support
the peace movement.
814
00:33:39,060 --> 00:33:40,192
It's called education.
815
00:33:40,235 --> 00:33:42,281
It's called indoctrination.
816
00:33:42,324 --> 00:33:43,847
The American flag is
a symbol of oppression
817
00:33:43,891 --> 00:33:45,153
all over the world.
818
00:33:45,197 --> 00:33:48,417
July 4th is
a despicable
celebration.
819
00:33:48,461 --> 00:33:49,853
I know that look.
820
00:33:49,897 --> 00:33:51,203
You're gonna try to
teach me somethin'.
821
00:33:51,246 --> 00:33:53,292
Where we gonna go
now, back in time?
822
00:33:53,335 --> 00:33:56,295
We don't have to.
We're at a university.
823
00:33:57,513 --> 00:34:00,212
♪ Nothing has changed
824
00:34:00,255 --> 00:34:03,867
♪ We still think the same way
825
00:34:03,911 --> 00:34:07,088
♪ And if you think
the way we do ♪
826
00:34:07,132 --> 00:34:10,135
♪ We'll give you an A
827
00:34:10,178 --> 00:34:12,528
♪ And you get extra credit
828
00:34:12,572 --> 00:34:16,445
♪ If you're poor, black,
or gay ♪
829
00:34:16,489 --> 00:34:20,754
♪ Just be sure not to pray
830
00:34:20,797 --> 00:34:23,887
♪ Yes, everything's the same
831
00:34:23,931 --> 00:34:25,237
Mmm!
832
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:26,673
Aah!
833
00:34:26,716 --> 00:34:28,631
Two, three, four.
834
00:34:28,675 --> 00:34:31,112
♪ The president's stupid,
our soldiers are thugs ♪
835
00:34:31,156 --> 00:34:33,114
♪ The government's dirty
836
00:34:33,158 --> 00:34:34,898
♪ Our cops are on drugs
837
00:34:34,942 --> 00:34:37,771
♪ But we still like our co-eds
with blond hair and jugs ♪
838
00:34:37,814 --> 00:34:41,079
♪ And America's to blame
839
00:34:41,122 --> 00:34:44,343
♪ Just like in 1968
840
00:34:44,386 --> 00:34:46,084
Are you kidding?
A musical number?
841
00:34:46,127 --> 00:34:47,085
♪ 1968
842
00:34:47,128 --> 00:34:48,695
Just a little
entertainment.
843
00:34:48,738 --> 00:34:51,001
♪ We were smart
when we had something to part ♪
844
00:34:51,045 --> 00:34:53,265
What kind of a
soldier are you?
845
00:34:53,308 --> 00:34:55,484
Startin' to understand
the boots and the whip.
846
00:34:55,528 --> 00:34:58,966
♪ 1968, things
were really great ♪
847
00:34:59,009 --> 00:35:00,794
♪ I used to ovulate
848
00:35:00,837 --> 00:35:03,013
♪ You gotta love 1968
849
00:35:03,057 --> 00:35:06,321
Hey, what are you doin'
with our kids?
850
00:35:06,365 --> 00:35:08,280
♪ ...in the moon
851
00:35:08,323 --> 00:35:10,499
♪ And so what if there are facts
that we forget to include? ♪
852
00:35:10,543 --> 00:35:13,937
♪ We've already got tenure,
so your children are screwed ♪
853
00:35:13,981 --> 00:35:16,723
♪ To a college
with half a brain ♪
854
00:35:16,766 --> 00:35:18,420
♪ Nothin's changed
855
00:35:18,464 --> 00:35:19,943
What do your parents
think you're doin' here?
856
00:35:19,987 --> 00:35:21,510
They're just happy to
have us out of the house.
857
00:35:21,554 --> 00:35:23,295
Moms and dads,
858
00:35:23,338 --> 00:35:25,079
you wanna hear what you're
spending your life savings on?
859
00:35:25,123 --> 00:35:26,298
I gave up an ass lift
for this?
860
00:35:26,341 --> 00:35:28,082
Take a look!
861
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:30,824
♪ America's evil,
it's a fascist regime ♪
862
00:35:30,867 --> 00:35:34,219
♪ Take over the world,
it's the American dream ♪
863
00:35:34,262 --> 00:35:37,265
♪ And pay no attention
to the being supreme ♪
864
00:35:37,309 --> 00:35:45,143
♪ He doesn't matter anymore
865
00:35:45,186 --> 00:35:46,144
Oh.
866
00:35:46,187 --> 00:35:50,191
♪ Just like in 1968
867
00:35:50,235 --> 00:35:53,368
♪ 1968
868
00:35:53,412 --> 00:35:56,502
♪ 1968
869
00:35:56,545 --> 00:35:58,591
♪ 1968
870
00:35:58,634 --> 00:35:59,983
♪ Come on to 19
871
00:36:00,027 --> 00:36:01,681
♪ 1968
872
00:36:01,724 --> 00:36:03,030
♪ Let's keep singin' it
873
00:36:03,073 --> 00:36:05,467
♪ 1968
874
00:36:05,511 --> 00:36:07,165
So, what do you
think now?
875
00:36:07,208 --> 00:36:08,731
I'm still against torture.
876
00:36:08,775 --> 00:36:11,821
OK, OK, so they're
a little behind the times.
877
00:36:11,865 --> 00:36:13,171
It doesn't make it
OK for you
878
00:36:13,214 --> 00:36:14,781
to embarrass all
those great professors.
879
00:36:14,824 --> 00:36:16,565
Doin' a good job
of that themselves.
880
00:36:16,609 --> 00:36:18,176
They're only tryin'
to bring peace.
881
00:36:18,219 --> 00:36:20,047
By indoctrinating
an entire generation
882
00:36:20,090 --> 00:36:21,788
to hate
its own country.
883
00:36:21,831 --> 00:36:24,747
Well, they teach math,
too.
884
00:36:24,791 --> 00:36:26,184
When was it
in your life
885
00:36:26,227 --> 00:36:28,708
that you went
so completely wrong?
886
00:36:28,751 --> 00:36:31,276
Was it in college?
Before that?
887
00:36:31,319 --> 00:36:34,670
Was it a girl?
888
00:36:36,716 --> 00:36:38,152
Michael!
889
00:36:38,196 --> 00:36:39,806
Molly!
890
00:36:42,635 --> 00:36:46,682
Molly, I'm off
to save the world,
but I'll be back.
891
00:36:46,726 --> 00:36:49,381
Oh, Michael, war is
such a terrible thing.
892
00:36:49,424 --> 00:36:51,034
I know, Molly.
893
00:36:51,078 --> 00:36:53,254
That's why I'm going off
to film school.
894
00:36:53,298 --> 00:36:55,909
Film school?
895
00:36:55,952 --> 00:36:57,954
Yes. No sacrifice
too great.
896
00:36:57,998 --> 00:36:59,695
You'll wait for me
of course?
897
00:36:59,739 --> 00:37:01,784
Sure. Or course.
898
00:37:01,828 --> 00:37:03,569
Take your time.
899
00:37:09,357 --> 00:37:11,054
But she didn't wait,
did she?
900
00:37:11,098 --> 00:37:14,406
She tried, but I was
gone so long.
901
00:37:14,449 --> 00:37:17,235
Long? You were
kicked out in
the first semester.
902
00:37:18,801 --> 00:37:20,586
Coming!
903
00:37:24,851 --> 00:37:26,156
Molly.
904
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:27,680
Marty!
905
00:37:32,511 --> 00:37:35,035
Oh, my God!
906
00:37:35,078 --> 00:37:37,429
This can't be happening!
907
00:37:37,472 --> 00:37:38,995
My best friend?
908
00:37:39,039 --> 00:37:42,216
We fell in love
while you were gone.
909
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,436
No! I mean,
he's in the army!
910
00:37:44,479 --> 00:37:47,308
How terrible!
You got drafted!
911
00:37:47,352 --> 00:37:48,962
No, Michael. I enlisted.
912
00:37:49,005 --> 00:37:50,659
I want to serve
my country.
913
00:37:50,703 --> 00:37:51,834
But how could
you want to serve
914
00:37:51,878 --> 00:37:54,054
the corrupt
American war machine?
915
00:37:54,097 --> 00:37:55,273
Molly.
916
00:37:55,316 --> 00:37:56,665
Marty.
917
00:37:56,709 --> 00:38:00,016
I just love men
in uniform.
918
00:38:00,060 --> 00:38:02,410
Oh, shoot.
919
00:38:05,935 --> 00:38:08,155
You know, that uniform
always worked for me, too.
920
00:38:09,678 --> 00:38:12,246
So, you remember
what happened next.
921
00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:15,118
Yeah, my first film.
A daring expose
on something...
922
00:38:15,162 --> 00:38:16,903
She did
the astronaut, too?
923
00:38:16,946 --> 00:38:19,035
And the entire crew
of the shuttle.
924
00:38:31,483 --> 00:38:34,703
Well, general, enjoyed this
cruel little side trip,
thank you,
925
00:38:34,747 --> 00:38:36,618
but I have an interview
in 20 minutes.
926
00:38:36,662 --> 00:38:38,228
Don't worry, kid.
927
00:38:38,272 --> 00:38:41,101
Things are gonna get
a lot worse.
928
00:38:46,672 --> 00:38:50,240
The demonstration is outside
the Madison Square Garden.
929
00:38:50,284 --> 00:38:52,808
We need to get
into artists' entrance here
930
00:38:52,852 --> 00:38:54,854
where there are
no metal detectors.
931
00:38:54,897 --> 00:38:57,335
Well, for that,
we will need
all-access media passes.
932
00:38:57,378 --> 00:38:59,162
Exactly.
933
00:38:59,206 --> 00:39:01,600
You must get these
from director Malone.
934
00:39:01,643 --> 00:39:03,645
Oh, he can get them.
He's a documentary filmmaker.
935
00:39:03,689 --> 00:39:08,911
Wait. You got us
a documentary filmmaker?
936
00:39:08,955 --> 00:39:12,132
Yes, but, leader,
he gets to go everywhere
937
00:39:12,175 --> 00:39:14,264
so he can document
his hate of America.
938
00:39:14,308 --> 00:39:17,398
Why would they give all-access
passes to someone like that?
939
00:39:17,442 --> 00:39:18,747
America!
America!
940
00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:23,622
Ahmed? Mohammed?
941
00:39:23,665 --> 00:39:25,406
Oh, uh, director Akbar.
942
00:39:25,450 --> 00:39:27,582
What are you
doin' here?
943
00:39:27,626 --> 00:39:29,758
We are here to watch
your interview.
944
00:39:29,802 --> 00:39:30,846
And to talk
to you about the movie.
945
00:39:30,890 --> 00:39:32,674
Oh, yeah.
946
00:39:32,718 --> 00:39:34,502
Who's Mister Happy?
947
00:39:34,546 --> 00:39:37,592
Oh, him? Aziz
is an actor.
948
00:39:37,636 --> 00:39:41,901
Well, he's also our contact
to the foreign investors.
949
00:39:41,944 --> 00:39:43,206
Oh, ha ha!
950
00:39:43,250 --> 00:39:45,513
Aziz, my man.
Wonderful to meet you.
951
00:39:45,557 --> 00:39:46,993
You know, for financing
a movie,
952
00:39:47,036 --> 00:39:50,083
you can get
an associate producer
credit. Huh?
953
00:39:50,126 --> 00:39:52,564
Oh, holdin' out for
executive producer.
954
00:39:52,607 --> 00:39:53,956
Too clever for me.
955
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,176
You must have been
killer sellin' rugs.
956
00:39:56,219 --> 00:39:57,569
OK, we'll negotiate.
957
00:39:57,612 --> 00:39:59,832
Hey, how about joinin' me
for the interview?
958
00:39:59,875 --> 00:40:02,269
No, no, no,
he can't be on TV.
959
00:40:02,312 --> 00:40:04,227
I am here illegally.
960
00:40:04,271 --> 00:40:06,404
Mohammed and Ahmed have visas,
but I could not.
961
00:40:06,447 --> 00:40:09,407
Yes, he was on
some kind of list.
962
00:40:11,147 --> 00:40:13,802
I came through Mexico...
with some friends.
963
00:40:13,846 --> 00:40:15,717
Great, great.
964
00:40:15,761 --> 00:40:17,632
Good thing that fence
isn't up yet.
965
00:40:17,676 --> 00:40:20,113
This country was built
by immigrants.
966
00:40:20,156 --> 00:40:22,594
No matter. We'll get you
a nice cameo in the movie.
967
00:40:22,637 --> 00:40:24,987
Have to shave
that beard, though.
968
00:40:25,031 --> 00:40:26,336
You look like a terrorist.
969
00:40:33,039 --> 00:40:35,171
Aah! Help me!
I'm on fire!
970
00:40:35,215 --> 00:40:36,695
Aah! Bam!
971
00:40:36,738 --> 00:40:38,131
Hey, a bomb went off!
972
00:40:40,873 --> 00:40:43,484
So what's the next step?
Financing in place?
973
00:40:43,528 --> 00:40:45,312
Yes.
974
00:40:45,355 --> 00:40:47,401
But before the money
is committed,
975
00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:49,272
I'll need media passes
to your demonstration.
976
00:40:49,316 --> 00:40:50,926
Media passes?
977
00:40:50,970 --> 00:40:54,408
Well, uh, he wants
to hear the great
director speak.
978
00:40:54,452 --> 00:40:58,281
Oh, yes, all right.
We can arrange that.
979
00:40:58,325 --> 00:41:01,502
Be good to have you there,
show that everybody's
against violence.
980
00:41:01,546 --> 00:41:03,722
Especially jihadists.
981
00:41:06,681 --> 00:41:08,335
What?
982
00:41:08,378 --> 00:41:10,555
We need to treat
all cultures equally.
983
00:41:10,598 --> 00:41:13,166
Everyone is equal.
984
00:41:13,209 --> 00:41:16,822
Oh, damn. A thread.
Right before the interview.
985
00:41:16,865 --> 00:41:18,563
Allow me.
986
00:41:21,827 --> 00:41:25,047
Oh, thanks there,
Ali Baba.
987
00:41:26,745 --> 00:41:29,356
Hi. I'm Bill O'Reilly.
Thanks for watching.
988
00:41:29,399 --> 00:41:32,185
Tonight's special segment
is July 4th.
989
00:41:32,228 --> 00:41:33,839
Now, most folks will be
celebrating
990
00:41:33,882 --> 00:41:35,580
by going to a family barbecue,
991
00:41:35,623 --> 00:41:37,277
a parade,
or here in New York City,
992
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:40,541
to a Madison Square Garden
country music concert
993
00:41:40,585 --> 00:41:42,108
for the troops.
994
00:41:42,151 --> 00:41:45,067
But my guests tonight
have different plans.
995
00:41:45,111 --> 00:41:47,200
Michael Malone is
planning a demonstration
996
00:41:47,243 --> 00:41:49,594
to abolish
the Fourth of July.
997
00:41:49,637 --> 00:41:50,943
Hi, Bill.
998
00:41:50,986 --> 00:41:52,597
And there are
always fireworks
999
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:54,599
with actress
and TV personality
Rosie O'Connell.
1000
00:41:54,642 --> 00:41:56,470
Good to be here,
Bill.
1001
00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:58,994
Now, Rosie's gonna show us
a clip from her new documentary,
1002
00:41:59,038 --> 00:42:00,692
but first, Mr. Malone,
1003
00:42:00,735 --> 00:42:02,258
you're actually demonstrating
against the troops
1004
00:42:02,302 --> 00:42:03,956
on Independence Day?
1005
00:42:03,999 --> 00:42:05,392
Come on.
1006
00:42:05,435 --> 00:42:06,915
Well, it's not
against the troops.
1007
00:42:06,959 --> 00:42:08,134
It's against...
1008
00:42:08,177 --> 00:42:09,527
Look, we support
the troops, Bill.
1009
00:42:09,570 --> 00:42:11,050
We just don't want
them to kill anyone.
1010
00:42:11,093 --> 00:42:13,574
What? Don't you realize
that these troops
1011
00:42:13,618 --> 00:42:16,359
are the only ones standing
between radical Islam
1012
00:42:16,403 --> 00:42:17,839
and innocent people?
1013
00:42:17,883 --> 00:42:19,537
Bill, there you go.
1014
00:42:19,580 --> 00:42:21,277
You think all terrorists
are radical Islamists.
1015
00:42:21,321 --> 00:42:23,628
That's profiling.
1016
00:42:23,671 --> 00:42:25,934
Radical Christianity
is just as threatening
as radical Islam.
1017
00:42:25,978 --> 00:42:28,154
I don't think
she quite means...
1018
00:42:28,197 --> 00:42:29,285
It's exactly
what I mean!
1019
00:42:29,329 --> 00:42:30,373
You can't be serious.
1020
00:42:30,417 --> 00:42:31,505
Of course I'm serious,
1021
00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:32,898
and Michael Malone
agrees with me.
1022
00:42:32,941 --> 00:42:33,942
Now let's roll the clip.
1023
00:42:33,986 --> 00:42:35,988
All right, roll it.
1024
00:42:36,031 --> 00:42:38,904
A civilized
world braces itself
1025
00:42:38,947 --> 00:42:41,602
for an onslaught of
death and destruction
1026
00:42:41,646 --> 00:42:43,604
brought on by radical Christians
1027
00:42:43,648 --> 00:42:45,911
as they attempt
to spread their ideology
1028
00:42:45,954 --> 00:42:48,130
through terror
throughout the world.
1029
00:42:56,399 --> 00:42:57,575
Praise Jesus!
1030
00:42:58,924 --> 00:43:01,622
Hail Mary full of grace!
1031
00:43:01,666 --> 00:43:04,407
Look out!
It's those Christians!
1032
00:43:04,451 --> 00:43:07,410
72 virgins, here I come!
1033
00:43:07,454 --> 00:43:08,977
We all pay the price
1034
00:43:09,021 --> 00:43:12,067
for the increased security needs
caused by the actions
1035
00:43:12,111 --> 00:43:13,678
of radical Christians.
1036
00:43:13,721 --> 00:43:16,550
I hate having to take these off
every single time.
1037
00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:18,596
Yeah, yeah. Ever since
that Christian hid explosives
1038
00:43:18,639 --> 00:43:20,641
in the bottom of his shoes.
1039
00:43:20,685 --> 00:43:21,990
Sorry. You can't take
this on the plane.
1040
00:43:22,034 --> 00:43:23,035
I'll have to
confiscate it.
1041
00:43:23,078 --> 00:43:25,385
A tube of
toothpaste?
Yep.
1042
00:43:25,428 --> 00:43:26,908
No liquids ever since
the Christians tried
to bomb that plane
1043
00:43:26,952 --> 00:43:28,736
with smuggled nitroglycerine.
1044
00:43:28,780 --> 00:43:29,998
And let me take this
as well. Thank you.
1045
00:43:31,696 --> 00:43:34,220
Please remove all articles
of underclothing.
1046
00:43:34,263 --> 00:43:35,351
Oh, brother.
1047
00:43:35,395 --> 00:43:36,788
Ever since
the underwear bomber.
1048
00:43:36,831 --> 00:43:38,703
The radical Christian
underwear bomber.
1049
00:43:38,746 --> 00:43:40,095
MAN, OVER P.A.
All items of underclothing
1050
00:43:40,139 --> 00:43:42,315
must be placed flat
in the trays.
1051
00:43:42,358 --> 00:43:43,795
Damn those Christians.
1052
00:43:43,838 --> 00:43:46,232
Yipes! My God!
1053
00:43:46,275 --> 00:43:48,016
Ma'am, If you add
extra bleach,
1054
00:43:48,060 --> 00:43:49,452
you might have a shot of
getting those stains out.
1055
00:43:49,496 --> 00:43:51,019
Hey!
1056
00:43:51,063 --> 00:43:52,934
Have you considered
a change in diet?What?
1057
00:43:52,978 --> 00:43:53,935
Honey? Wouldn't hurt.
1058
00:43:56,546 --> 00:43:59,332
Ever since the
suppository bomber...
1059
00:43:59,375 --> 00:44:01,421
The Episcopal
suppository bomber.
1060
00:44:04,076 --> 00:44:06,818
So, O'Connell,
That's not a documentary.
That's "The Flintstones."
1061
00:44:06,861 --> 00:44:09,298
Bill,
using reenactments
to prove points
1062
00:44:09,342 --> 00:44:11,039
is a sign of
a great documentary.
1063
00:44:11,083 --> 00:44:12,606
That's what we do.
Right, Michael?
1064
00:44:12,650 --> 00:44:14,608
But you know, Bill,
you wouldn't get that,
1065
00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:16,697
because you're
a close-minded bigot!
1066
00:44:16,741 --> 00:44:18,568
Actually, Rosie,
I'm thinkin' your masterpiece
1067
00:44:18,612 --> 00:44:19,874
may win some awards.
1068
00:44:19,918 --> 00:44:21,659
Let's start it off
with enshrining you
1069
00:44:21,702 --> 00:44:22,877
in the Pinhead
Hall of Fame.
1070
00:44:22,921 --> 00:44:24,662
Keep it up, Bill.
1071
00:44:24,705 --> 00:44:27,099
We wouldn't be
at war at all if
we didn't overreact
1072
00:44:27,142 --> 00:44:28,840
to that phony
9/11 attack.
1073
00:44:28,883 --> 00:44:31,712
You can't be serious.
Malone, I rest my case.
1074
00:44:31,756 --> 00:44:33,279
Can we please talk about
the Anti-War demonstration?
1075
00:44:33,322 --> 00:44:34,846
Don't patronize me.
1076
00:44:34,889 --> 00:44:36,848
You think those towers
were brought down
by planes?
1077
00:44:36,891 --> 00:44:38,197
No, hidden
explosives.
1078
00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:39,459
Malone.
1079
00:44:39,502 --> 00:44:40,503
That's simply idiotic.
1080
00:44:40,547 --> 00:44:42,288
No sane human being--
1081
00:44:42,331 --> 00:44:43,593
It's the first time
in history fire
ever melted steel!
1082
00:44:43,637 --> 00:44:45,508
Rosie, please,
I've heard that claim.
1083
00:44:45,552 --> 00:44:47,336
It's only been made
by complete morons.
1084
00:44:47,380 --> 00:44:48,903
Now, Bill,
our peace demonstration...
1085
00:44:48,947 --> 00:44:50,470
Don't call me names.
1086
00:44:50,513 --> 00:44:52,167
We weren't even
invaded by a nation!
1087
00:44:52,211 --> 00:44:53,865
She's a little far out.
1088
00:44:53,908 --> 00:44:55,518
Here's a news flash
for you, Malone.
1089
00:44:55,562 --> 00:44:58,260
Your movies may not be
as crazy as Rosie's,
1090
00:44:58,304 --> 00:44:59,871
but yours are
more dangerous
1091
00:44:59,914 --> 00:45:02,525
because there are some idiots
who believe what you say.
1092
00:45:02,569 --> 00:45:04,223
Because I tell the truth!
1093
00:45:04,266 --> 00:45:06,573
No, because you tell
the audience what
it wants to hear.
1094
00:45:06,616 --> 00:45:08,706
At least nobody
believes Rosie.
1095
00:45:08,749 --> 00:45:09,881
Yeah, well, your people
didn't even believe
1096
00:45:09,924 --> 00:45:11,621
that Elvis
is still alive.
1097
00:45:11,665 --> 00:45:13,667
They didn't believe
that we never landed
on the Moon.
1098
00:45:13,711 --> 00:45:15,538
I'm gonna take both
of those subjects
1099
00:45:15,582 --> 00:45:17,236
and put 'em into my
next documentary.
1100
00:45:17,279 --> 00:45:20,718
Well, that concludes this
look at the moderate left.
1101
00:45:20,761 --> 00:45:25,113
Next week, we'll be looking
at the crazies who populate
the fringe.
1102
00:45:27,768 --> 00:45:29,683
Mr. Malone?
1103
00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:32,207
Mr. Malone?
1104
00:45:32,251 --> 00:45:33,339
Mr. Malone?
1105
00:45:33,382 --> 00:45:34,993
Grandpa?
Grandpa!
1106
00:45:35,036 --> 00:45:36,081
What?
1107
00:45:36,124 --> 00:45:37,647
A Mr. Mohammed
called.
1108
00:45:37,691 --> 00:45:39,954
Something about
not being late
for rehearsal?
1109
00:45:39,998 --> 00:45:41,347
Heather, I still have
plenty of...
1110
00:45:41,390 --> 00:45:43,131
A rehearsal?!
1111
00:45:43,175 --> 00:45:45,743
Debbie, how could you be
part of the evil American
military
1112
00:45:45,786 --> 00:45:48,267
and kill my brothers and sisters
who are just defending
their country?
1113
00:45:48,310 --> 00:45:51,052
Yusef, there are
no straight men left
in America.
1114
00:45:51,096 --> 00:45:53,141
Poor girls like me
have to join the army.
1115
00:45:53,185 --> 00:45:55,187
Yes, that's why I joined.
1116
00:45:55,230 --> 00:45:57,319
She reads the lines
with such conviction.
1117
00:45:57,363 --> 00:46:01,062
Yes. This is so much
better than building
pipe bombs.
1118
00:46:01,106 --> 00:46:02,716
What are you doing?
1119
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:03,761
We had to
start rehearsals.
1120
00:46:03,804 --> 00:46:05,153
We have no time
to waste.
1121
00:46:05,197 --> 00:46:06,241
But we
haven't even...
1122
00:46:06,285 --> 00:46:07,416
Shh!
1123
00:46:07,460 --> 00:46:08,766
Couldn't you say no
to the army,
1124
00:46:08,809 --> 00:46:10,158
run away to France
where they have real men.
1125
00:46:10,202 --> 00:46:12,508
No. The recruiters
kidnap us off
the street,
1126
00:46:12,552 --> 00:46:16,034
talk to us for hours
until we finally
agree to sign up.
1127
00:46:16,077 --> 00:46:17,600
Ah, like Scientology.
1128
00:46:17,644 --> 00:46:19,080
I'll ask permission
of the great leader Osama
1129
00:46:19,124 --> 00:46:20,386
for us to stay together.
1130
00:46:20,429 --> 00:46:22,083
I didn't write that.
1131
00:46:22,127 --> 00:46:23,389
To stay together.
1132
00:46:23,432 --> 00:46:25,130
Please.
Director Akbar!
Huh?
1133
00:46:25,173 --> 00:46:27,219
For us to stay together...
1134
00:46:27,262 --> 00:46:28,960
Is this
a real sword?
1135
00:46:29,003 --> 00:46:29,961
Yes. Be careful.
1136
00:46:31,005 --> 00:46:32,398
Oh, my God.
1137
00:46:32,441 --> 00:46:34,748
I will ask permission
of the great leader Osama.
1138
00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:37,577
She's an infidel.
Cut off her head.
1139
00:46:38,752 --> 00:46:40,623
And cut off
her balls, too!
1140
00:46:40,667 --> 00:46:41,624
Yaah!
Come back here!
1141
00:46:41,668 --> 00:46:42,625
No! Not me! Kill her!
1142
00:46:42,669 --> 00:46:44,192
Death to
the uncircumcised!
1143
00:46:44,236 --> 00:46:45,193
Asshole!
1144
00:46:45,237 --> 00:46:46,194
This sword is heavy!
1145
00:46:46,238 --> 00:46:47,805
Just one second.
1146
00:46:47,848 --> 00:46:49,067
We should
give him more lines.
1147
00:46:49,110 --> 00:46:50,677
Hey, isn't that...
1148
00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:51,852
Yes, actor Akbar.
1149
00:46:51,896 --> 00:46:53,375
Revered by
all Americans.
1150
00:46:53,419 --> 00:46:54,942
This isn't
that kind of movie.
1151
00:46:54,986 --> 00:46:56,944
This is serious,
for adults, women
over 60,
1152
00:46:56,988 --> 00:46:58,250
not entertainment.
1153
00:46:58,293 --> 00:46:59,773
He will be hard
to replace.
1154
00:46:59,817 --> 00:47:01,079
There is no replacing!
1155
00:47:01,122 --> 00:47:02,515
This is a script
about militants
1156
00:47:02,558 --> 00:47:04,299
being held at Guantanamo
without a lawyer!
1157
00:47:04,343 --> 00:47:07,041
Meryl Streep already
did that!
1158
00:47:07,085 --> 00:47:10,044
What about the Marine
who rapes and murders
an Iraqi family?
1159
00:47:10,088 --> 00:47:12,220
Brian De Palma,
straight to video.
1160
00:47:12,264 --> 00:47:14,657
The ACLU lawyer
who fights against
government wiretapping.
1161
00:47:14,701 --> 00:47:16,224
Robert Redford.
1162
00:47:16,268 --> 00:47:17,747
The soldier who's forced
to go back to Iraq!
1163
00:47:17,791 --> 00:47:18,748
Already has
an Oscar buzz.
1164
00:47:18,792 --> 00:47:19,837
I want to see
that movie!
1165
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:20,838
We'll see it
this Friday.
1166
00:47:20,881 --> 00:47:21,882
It's a date.
1167
00:47:23,057 --> 00:47:24,885
I know.
1168
00:47:24,929 --> 00:47:26,844
All the really great
anti-American films
have been done.
1169
00:47:26,887 --> 00:47:29,716
No way we can compete
with Hollywood studios.
1170
00:47:29,759 --> 00:47:32,588
Michael Malone?
What are you doing here?
1171
00:47:32,632 --> 00:47:34,503
I'm directing
this picture.
1172
00:47:34,547 --> 00:47:36,114
What? I don't
do documentaries.
1173
00:47:36,157 --> 00:47:38,768
Malone!
We're under attack!
1174
00:47:38,812 --> 00:47:40,553
Now what?
1175
00:47:46,907 --> 00:47:47,865
Come on!
1176
00:47:47,908 --> 00:47:48,909
Aah!
1177
00:47:50,128 --> 00:47:51,303
I don't see
an attack.
1178
00:47:51,346 --> 00:47:53,000
A gun? I don't...
1179
00:47:53,044 --> 00:47:54,349
Fine. I know.
Talk, don't shoot.
1180
00:47:54,393 --> 00:47:56,047
Think of that as
a talkin' stick.
1181
00:47:56,090 --> 00:47:57,309
Let's move out!
1182
00:47:57,352 --> 00:47:58,788
What?
Where are we going?!
1183
00:47:58,832 --> 00:48:00,660
Don't step in that!
1184
00:48:04,142 --> 00:48:06,231
What's going on?!
1185
00:48:06,274 --> 00:48:08,494
Sons of bitches!
Get the hell out
of this courtroom!
1186
00:48:08,537 --> 00:48:10,583
Stop! You can't
just shoot people!
1187
00:48:10,626 --> 00:48:12,237
They're not people!
They're the ACLU!
1188
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:15,631
What?! You still can't just--
Oh! Aah!
1189
00:48:15,675 --> 00:48:18,069
Aah! Aah!
1190
00:48:21,289 --> 00:48:22,900
Fire at will, boys!
1191
00:48:26,555 --> 00:48:27,905
What's goin' on here?
1192
00:48:27,948 --> 00:48:30,429
ACLU. They come around
every now and then.
1193
00:48:30,472 --> 00:48:32,866
No listenin' in on
terrorists' calls.
1194
00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:35,303
Be nice to Al Qaeda.
Read 'em their rights.
1195
00:48:36,565 --> 00:48:38,306
Separation of
church and state.
1196
00:48:38,350 --> 00:48:40,178
Aah!
1197
00:48:40,221 --> 00:48:42,267
I'll tell you one thing
about the undead.
1198
00:48:42,310 --> 00:48:44,051
They are relentless.
1199
00:48:44,095 --> 00:48:45,270
Aah!
1200
00:48:45,313 --> 00:48:46,924
Gun control.
1201
00:48:46,967 --> 00:48:48,534
That gets 'em
a little riled up,
too.
1202
00:48:48,577 --> 00:48:50,057
Aah!
1203
00:48:50,101 --> 00:48:51,319
I think we could use
1204
00:48:51,363 --> 00:48:52,799
a little gun control
right about now!
1205
00:48:52,842 --> 00:48:54,366
Tell it to them.
1206
00:48:54,409 --> 00:48:55,497
Aah!
1207
00:48:55,541 --> 00:48:57,717
Aah!
1208
00:48:57,760 --> 00:48:59,501
Try it. It's fun.
1209
00:48:59,545 --> 00:49:00,807
Whoa!
1210
00:49:00,850 --> 00:49:03,331
Try not to lead 'em
so much next time.
1211
00:49:03,375 --> 00:49:04,550
Aah!
1212
00:49:06,639 --> 00:49:08,597
What we're tryin'
to do here, son,
1213
00:49:08,641 --> 00:49:10,948
is protect the
Ten Commandments.
1214
00:49:10,991 --> 00:49:12,558
There's still five left.
1215
00:49:12,601 --> 00:49:16,301
Hey, judge!
Is the "not killing"
still up there?
1216
00:49:16,344 --> 00:49:17,650
Aw, screw it!
1217
00:49:17,693 --> 00:49:19,652
Aah!
1218
00:49:19,695 --> 00:49:21,262
Dammit, guns are not
the answer!
1219
00:49:22,394 --> 00:49:23,830
Aah!
1220
00:49:23,873 --> 00:49:25,310
Nice shot.
1221
00:49:25,353 --> 00:49:27,138
Oh, my God,
what have I done?
1222
00:49:27,181 --> 00:49:30,619
The first one's
always the best.
1223
00:49:37,191 --> 00:49:39,019
OK, OK,
give me that thing.
1224
00:49:39,063 --> 00:49:41,108
Aah!
1225
00:49:41,152 --> 00:49:42,327
Ooh!
1226
00:49:42,370 --> 00:49:43,806
I bet they heard that.
1227
00:49:43,850 --> 00:49:46,026
Come on!
They're on the subway!
1228
00:49:46,070 --> 00:49:48,550
Godspeed, General!
1229
00:49:57,995 --> 00:49:59,953
I'll need to see your bag,
please.
1230
00:50:07,091 --> 00:50:09,658
This says we can't
search their bags.
1231
00:50:14,141 --> 00:50:17,014
Thank Allah for the ACLU.
1232
00:50:17,057 --> 00:50:20,539
Now you are going to
see the glory of jihad.
1233
00:50:20,582 --> 00:50:22,976
They're going to fly
a subway into a building?
1234
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:30,114
Subway into
a building, hmm.
1235
00:50:30,157 --> 00:50:32,029
Well, now you've
gone too far!
1236
00:50:32,072 --> 00:50:33,987
You're against
privacy rights, too?
1237
00:50:34,031 --> 00:50:35,945
Only when they interfere
with survival rights.
1238
00:50:41,951 --> 00:50:45,607
Enjoy your privacy rights
in hell.
1239
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:51,396
The Patriot Act is
spoiling everything.
1240
00:50:51,439 --> 00:50:53,659
I can't believe
I lent Fayed my backpack.
1241
00:50:53,702 --> 00:50:55,008
Aah!
1242
00:50:58,446 --> 00:51:00,709
Sir, we are ready
to do our duty.
1243
00:51:00,753 --> 00:51:03,538
Your job is to pick up
the 3 all-access media passes
1244
00:51:03,582 --> 00:51:06,019
from
the infidel director.
1245
00:51:06,063 --> 00:51:09,066
As America watches
that concert on TV,
1246
00:51:09,109 --> 00:51:12,112
they will see
the power of jihad.
1247
00:51:12,156 --> 00:51:14,549
You are going to blow up
Madison Square Garden?
1248
00:51:14,593 --> 00:51:16,029
When that roof collapses
1249
00:51:16,073 --> 00:51:19,119
on 20,000 American soldiers
and their families,
1250
00:51:19,163 --> 00:51:22,470
we will be held as martyrs
throughout the Arab world.
1251
00:51:22,514 --> 00:51:24,907
But we will be dead.
1252
00:51:24,951 --> 00:51:28,041
Yes.
1253
00:51:28,085 --> 00:51:32,350
Isn't there, like,
a remote control
or a button or something?
1254
00:51:32,393 --> 00:51:33,742
Leader, we get
the passes for it
1255
00:51:33,786 --> 00:51:35,614
from the director
Akbar.
1256
00:51:35,657 --> 00:51:37,006
Very good.
1257
00:51:37,050 --> 00:51:39,313
I'm gonna grab a knish.
1258
00:51:39,357 --> 00:51:41,098
Your families
will be proud.
1259
00:51:44,449 --> 00:51:46,407
Is there nothing
we can do?
1260
00:51:46,451 --> 00:51:49,323
Nothing. The plan
is foolproof.
1261
00:51:58,724 --> 00:52:00,682
All right,
enough already.
1262
00:52:00,726 --> 00:52:04,469
It's not as if
I'm against Santa Claus
or the Boy Scouts.
1263
00:52:04,512 --> 00:52:05,513
Little tip for you.
1264
00:52:05,557 --> 00:52:07,559
Fascist uniforms,
not cool.
1265
00:52:07,602 --> 00:52:08,603
Or religion.
1266
00:52:08,647 --> 00:52:10,301
Or the Fourth of July?
1267
00:52:10,344 --> 00:52:11,737
Fourth of July?
That reminds me.
1268
00:52:11,780 --> 00:52:13,782
I got a demonstration
to plan. I'll see ya.
1269
00:52:13,826 --> 00:52:15,567
You're leavin'?
1270
00:52:15,610 --> 00:52:18,352
Yep. End of the line
for me, so conjure
up some fog
1271
00:52:18,396 --> 00:52:19,745
and get me the hell
out of here.
1272
00:52:19,788 --> 00:52:22,051
Just go. This is real.
1273
00:52:22,095 --> 00:52:23,183
Are you sure?
1274
00:52:23,227 --> 00:52:24,706
That subway station
was too clean.
1275
00:52:24,750 --> 00:52:27,318
Oh...unh!
1276
00:52:35,804 --> 00:52:38,242
That's
the real America.
1277
00:52:38,285 --> 00:52:40,374
Proud to celebrate
the Fourth of July,
1278
00:52:40,418 --> 00:52:42,115
just like
your own family.
1279
00:52:42,159 --> 00:52:44,204
This is my own family.
1280
00:52:44,248 --> 00:52:46,641
Huh? Oh, right.
So it is.
1281
00:52:46,685 --> 00:52:50,079
Hey, do I smell burgers?
1282
00:52:50,123 --> 00:52:52,517
I made your favorite,
sweet potatoes.
1283
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:54,214
Aw, honey, you know,
1284
00:52:54,258 --> 00:52:56,521
what I think I'm
gonna miss most
is your cooking.
1285
00:52:56,564 --> 00:52:57,870
Not my kisses?
1286
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,266
So, should I set a place
for Uncle Michael?
1287
00:53:02,309 --> 00:53:05,573
Oh, no, honey.
Uncle Michael's
still very busy.
1288
00:53:05,617 --> 00:53:07,749
I just feel bad he keeps
disappointing you.
1289
00:53:07,793 --> 00:53:10,926
Well,
he'll come around.
1290
00:53:10,970 --> 00:53:12,841
God bless us, everyone.
1291
00:53:12,885 --> 00:53:14,582
There he is, my
gentle little Timmy.
1292
00:53:14,626 --> 00:53:17,324
What a beautiful day
for a family picnic.
1293
00:53:17,368 --> 00:53:19,587
Hey, Timmy,
ready for dessert?
1294
00:53:19,631 --> 00:53:23,025
Daddy, is your asshole
uncle coming tonight?
1295
00:53:23,069 --> 00:53:24,331
Uh, well...
1296
00:53:24,375 --> 00:53:27,291
Now, Timmy, you know
Uncle Michael loves you.
1297
00:53:27,334 --> 00:53:29,684
That lard ass
only loves himself.
1298
00:53:29,728 --> 00:53:31,904
Did he
come up with money
for my operation?
1299
00:53:31,947 --> 00:53:33,384
Uh, well, uh...
1300
00:53:33,427 --> 00:53:36,604
Documentaries don't actually
pay enough to, uh...
1301
00:53:36,648 --> 00:53:37,605
Daddy!
1302
00:53:37,649 --> 00:53:40,304
Beckah.
Hi, sweetheart.
1303
00:53:40,347 --> 00:53:44,569
I see that Michael
"I'm gonna get you a
cornea transplant" Malone
1304
00:53:44,612 --> 00:53:46,048
stiffed you again.
1305
00:53:46,092 --> 00:53:48,877
Uh, honey, he's doin'
everything he can.
1306
00:53:48,921 --> 00:53:51,271
I bet he spent a lot of time
in the cornea market
1307
00:53:51,315 --> 00:53:52,838
at the Cannes
Film Festival.
1308
00:53:52,881 --> 00:53:54,013
Oh, good!
1309
00:53:54,056 --> 00:53:56,407
The boys have brought out
Tiny Tina.
1310
00:53:56,450 --> 00:53:58,844
She's doing so much better
on that new dialysis machine.
1311
00:53:58,887 --> 00:54:00,585
Hey, kids!
1312
00:54:00,628 --> 00:54:04,241
I don't suppose Uncle Jerkwad
has showed up with the kidney.
1313
00:54:04,284 --> 00:54:08,854
I'm running a little short
on time here.
1314
00:54:08,897 --> 00:54:09,985
Ow!
1315
00:54:11,117 --> 00:54:12,640
Oh! Come on!
1316
00:54:12,684 --> 00:54:14,294
Now, can't we go on
to some other awful place?
1317
00:54:14,338 --> 00:54:15,426
Where the hell are we?
1318
00:54:15,469 --> 00:54:16,818
Kandahar, Afghanistan.
1319
00:54:16,862 --> 00:54:18,820
But there's a shooting
war going on here!
1320
00:54:18,864 --> 00:54:20,082
Since 9/11!
1321
00:54:20,126 --> 00:54:21,432
Down! Down!
1322
00:54:21,475 --> 00:54:22,694
Hey, they shouldn't
be blindfolded.
1323
00:54:22,737 --> 00:54:23,825
It's against
the Geneva Convention.
1324
00:54:23,869 --> 00:54:25,218
They're the enemy.
1325
00:54:25,262 --> 00:54:27,307
They're innocent
'til proven guilty.
1326
00:54:27,351 --> 00:54:29,483
Let me tell you something
about war.
1327
00:54:29,527 --> 00:54:31,746
If they're on the battlefield
and they're shooting at you,
1328
00:54:31,790 --> 00:54:33,052
they're guilty!
1329
00:54:33,095 --> 00:54:34,619
That's not the point.
1330
00:54:34,662 --> 00:54:36,664
There's no reason
to blindfold prisoners.
1331
00:54:36,708 --> 00:54:39,885
Fine.
Take 'em off.
1332
00:54:43,105 --> 00:54:45,499
Michael Malone!
Michael Malone!
1333
00:54:45,543 --> 00:54:47,806
Die You American Pigs!
1334
00:54:47,849 --> 00:54:49,373
You know, he's much
fatter in person.
1335
00:54:49,416 --> 00:54:50,504
OK, OK.
1336
00:54:50,548 --> 00:54:52,071
Let's see how fat I look
1337
00:54:52,114 --> 00:54:53,812
with one of these
blindfolds back on.
1338
00:54:54,856 --> 00:54:56,293
Oh!
1339
00:54:56,336 --> 00:54:58,773
...for my God
is with me wherever I go.
1340
00:54:58,817 --> 00:55:01,167
Have mercy upon me, O God,
1341
00:55:01,210 --> 00:55:03,212
for it is an unfailing love.
1342
00:55:03,256 --> 00:55:05,650
Praise be to the Lord, my rock,
1343
00:55:05,693 --> 00:55:08,348
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
1344
00:55:08,392 --> 00:55:10,872
We're taking fire!
1345
00:55:19,446 --> 00:55:22,971
Aah! They're using
real bullets!
1346
00:55:23,015 --> 00:55:25,365
Aah! Oh!
1347
00:55:25,409 --> 00:55:27,324
Oh!
1348
00:55:31,893 --> 00:55:35,810
Honestly, I swear,
I've tried to show him,
1349
00:55:35,854 --> 00:55:38,160
but this one is
just too bullheaded.
1350
00:55:38,204 --> 00:55:40,424
Father, please forgive me.
1351
00:55:40,467 --> 00:55:42,251
I have done my best.
1352
00:55:42,295 --> 00:55:44,732
This challenge was
just too much.
1353
00:55:44,776 --> 00:55:49,476
I fear this battle
is lost.
1354
00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:53,480
Oh, so now you're
telling God?
1355
00:55:53,524 --> 00:55:55,961
Not that father.
1356
00:55:56,004 --> 00:56:00,444
You know, JFK was right.
You are hopeless.
1357
00:56:04,578 --> 00:56:08,756
What?!
Oh, George Washington.
1358
00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:12,325
Been dead for 200 years,
not that that matters anymore.
1359
00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:15,415
It does matter,
citizen Malone.
1360
00:56:15,459 --> 00:56:17,374
Nice costume.
1361
00:56:17,417 --> 00:56:19,332
You here for
the Halloween parade?
1362
00:56:19,376 --> 00:56:23,641
I'm here to talk
to you about freedom.
1363
00:56:23,684 --> 00:56:25,643
The greatest gift man has.
1364
00:56:25,686 --> 00:56:27,209
Freedom?
1365
00:56:27,253 --> 00:56:29,690
Very precarious gift,
easily misused.
1366
00:56:29,734 --> 00:56:34,347
And when it is misused,
easily lost.
1367
00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:37,176
Like freedom
from pompous spirits.
1368
00:56:37,219 --> 00:56:39,961
Like freedom of speech,
which you abuse.
1369
00:56:40,005 --> 00:56:42,007
Like freedom of religion.
1370
00:56:42,050 --> 00:56:44,226
This is St. Paul's Chapel,
where I worshipped
every Sunday...
1371
00:56:45,619 --> 00:56:47,839
...when New York
was the capital.
1372
00:56:47,882 --> 00:56:51,495
I sat right here
on the morning of my inaugural
1373
00:56:51,538 --> 00:56:55,412
to pray for guidance
in leading this nation.
1374
00:56:55,455 --> 00:56:57,501
If this place is so important,
1375
00:56:57,544 --> 00:56:59,285
why don't they clean it
once in a while?
1376
00:57:00,678 --> 00:57:01,853
It's full of...
1377
00:57:01,896 --> 00:57:03,507
Dust.
1378
00:57:05,378 --> 00:57:07,424
From across the street.
1379
00:57:11,863 --> 00:57:13,299
Oh, my God.
1380
00:57:13,342 --> 00:57:16,128
It was
the World Trade Center,
1381
00:57:16,171 --> 00:57:19,784
and this is the dust
of 3,000 innocent human beings
1382
00:57:19,827 --> 00:57:21,873
and the great heroes
who perished trying
to save them.
1383
00:57:21,916 --> 00:57:24,441
Why'd you bring me here?
1384
00:57:24,484 --> 00:57:26,268
I'm not responsible
for this.
1385
00:57:26,312 --> 00:57:28,009
It was
our foreign policy.
1386
00:57:28,053 --> 00:57:29,968
It's our military
bases overseas.
1387
00:57:30,011 --> 00:57:32,361
It's globalization.
It's the CIA!
1388
00:57:32,405 --> 00:57:35,843
Is that what you're
gonna say on judgment day?
1389
00:57:35,887 --> 00:57:38,106
Well, I've
already been judged,
and I won an Oscar.
1390
00:57:38,150 --> 00:57:40,369
For a documentary.
1391
00:57:43,068 --> 00:57:45,374
When you meet
the Almighty, Michael,
1392
00:57:45,418 --> 00:57:49,596
I'm afraid that won't do.
1393
00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:53,470
Only the truth will do.
1394
00:57:53,513 --> 00:57:55,602
I gotta get out of here.
1395
00:57:56,821 --> 00:57:59,650
Ooh! Ow! Ooh!
1396
00:58:08,093 --> 00:58:11,357
No! No!
1397
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:13,141
No! No!
1398
00:58:16,231 --> 00:58:17,276
Aah!
1399
00:58:17,319 --> 00:58:18,538
Don't hurt me!
1400
00:58:18,582 --> 00:58:20,105
I've always stood up
for gay rights.
1401
00:58:20,148 --> 00:58:24,413
I'm the Angel of freakin'
Death, you turdhead.
1402
00:58:24,457 --> 00:58:29,070
Boy, you do not wanna mess
with the Angel of Death.
1403
00:58:29,114 --> 00:58:32,813
Listen, punk,
there are consequences
for what you do.
1404
00:58:32,857 --> 00:58:35,163
Let's go.
1405
00:58:35,207 --> 00:58:37,209
Oh, good, we get
another field trip.
1406
00:58:37,252 --> 00:58:40,386
Can we go someplace
cool this time,
like Paris or Hollywood?
1407
00:58:40,429 --> 00:58:42,257
Now, that's a good idea.
1408
00:58:44,172 --> 00:58:46,218
What's goin' on here?
Where are we?
1409
00:58:46,261 --> 00:58:48,350
Hollywood,
just like you wanted,
1410
00:58:48,394 --> 00:58:50,309
only now it's called
Bin Laden City.
1411
00:58:50,352 --> 00:58:52,180
Oh, my God.
1412
00:58:52,224 --> 00:58:54,618
Yeah,
they kept the buildings.
Just changed the signs.
1413
00:58:54,661 --> 00:58:57,490
Oh, no!
This isn't happening!
1414
00:58:57,534 --> 00:58:59,884
We lost the war
on terror. Nice work.
1415
00:58:59,927 --> 00:59:03,583
Great bunch of movies
you made for
the other side.
1416
00:59:03,627 --> 00:59:05,454
Oh, shit.
1417
00:59:05,498 --> 00:59:08,196
Yeah. Terrorists really
appreciated your work.
1418
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:12,461
Oh! Take me home.
1419
00:59:12,505 --> 00:59:14,159
My real home.
1420
00:59:14,202 --> 00:59:17,336
That's where we're goin'.
Back to Michigan.
1421
00:59:21,862 --> 00:59:23,385
Ah, home.
1422
00:59:24,430 --> 00:59:25,910
Detroit!
1423
00:59:30,479 --> 00:59:32,003
This is all
that's left?
1424
00:59:32,046 --> 00:59:33,613
And there's not much
to work with,
1425
00:59:33,657 --> 00:59:35,397
but if we put our heads
together...
1426
00:59:35,441 --> 00:59:37,399
We'll never be able
to identify this victim.
1427
00:59:37,443 --> 00:59:38,575
Why even bother?
1428
00:59:38,618 --> 00:59:40,751
I mean, it's one
of 100,000.
1429
00:59:40,794 --> 00:59:42,143
What happened here?
100,000 people dead?
1430
00:59:42,187 --> 00:59:43,580
Listen.
1431
00:59:43,623 --> 00:59:45,190
You know,
the strange thing is
1432
00:59:45,233 --> 00:59:47,322
the blast only killed
a few hundred.
1433
00:59:47,366 --> 00:59:49,150
Radiation got the rest.
1434
00:59:49,194 --> 00:59:52,153
Nuclear attack
on Detroit?
1435
00:59:52,197 --> 00:59:53,938
Oh, my God.
1436
00:59:53,981 --> 00:59:55,940
We found this
in the wreckage
1437
00:59:55,983 --> 00:59:57,594
of a television
interview show.
1438
00:59:57,637 --> 00:59:59,291
Some big-ass celebrity.
1439
00:59:59,334 --> 01:00:01,119
You got that right.
1440
01:00:01,162 --> 01:00:03,469
This was near it.
1441
01:00:04,818 --> 01:00:07,429
Hey, that's Michael
Malone's cap.
1442
01:00:07,473 --> 01:00:08,605
That explains
the fat ass.
1443
01:00:08,648 --> 01:00:10,041
Check this out.
1444
01:00:10,084 --> 01:00:12,783
There is
no terrorist threat.
1445
01:00:14,132 --> 01:00:15,786
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I just forgot to sign
1446
01:00:15,829 --> 01:00:18,092
the please don't shoot
my ass off agreement.
1447
01:00:20,704 --> 01:00:22,706
Do I look more like
Michael Malone now?
1448
01:00:22,749 --> 01:00:26,579
Hey, spank
my know-it-all ass.
1449
01:00:26,623 --> 01:00:28,668
I know!
1450
01:00:28,712 --> 01:00:32,498
Least everyone will be happy
now that I've been nuked!
1451
01:00:34,065 --> 01:00:35,632
Please don't let me die!
And all those people!
1452
01:00:35,675 --> 01:00:39,548
I don't wanna die!
Please, I don't
wanna die!
1453
01:00:39,592 --> 01:00:41,855
♪ Yankee doodle went
to town riding on a big ass ♪
1454
01:00:41,899 --> 01:00:44,684
I don't wanna die!
Please! I don't wanna die!
1455
01:00:44,728 --> 01:00:46,686
Please! I don't wanna die.
1456
01:00:46,730 --> 01:00:48,340
I don't wanna die.
I don't wanna die.
1457
01:00:50,298 --> 01:00:53,737
I don't wanna die. I don't
wanna die. I don't wanna die.
1458
01:00:53,780 --> 01:00:56,217
I didn't die. I'm alive!
1459
01:00:56,261 --> 01:00:58,045
I'm here
at Madison Square Garden
1460
01:00:58,089 --> 01:01:01,701
where Moovealong.Org is holding
their Anti-Fourth-of-July rally.
1461
01:01:01,745 --> 01:01:03,442
I didn't miss it!
1462
01:01:03,485 --> 01:01:05,487
It wasn't a nightmare!
1463
01:01:05,531 --> 01:01:08,273
Except for that creepy
George Washington guy.
1464
01:01:08,316 --> 01:01:10,275
It's a beautiful day!
1465
01:01:10,318 --> 01:01:14,235
They're all waiting
for their leader,
Michael Malone.
1466
01:01:14,279 --> 01:01:17,021
That's right,
Michael Malone.
1467
01:01:17,064 --> 01:01:18,675
I'm so f...
1468
01:01:23,157 --> 01:01:24,289
Time to go.
1469
01:01:24,332 --> 01:01:26,291
I can't. I'm...sick.
1470
01:01:26,334 --> 01:01:28,206
Oh. You look terrible.
1471
01:01:28,249 --> 01:01:29,860
But you always
look terrible.
1472
01:01:29,903 --> 01:01:31,122
Now come on.
1473
01:01:31,165 --> 01:01:32,906
Millions of people
are counting on you.
1474
01:01:32,950 --> 01:01:34,908
We love Michael Malone!
1475
01:01:34,952 --> 01:01:36,301
We love Michael Malone!
1476
01:01:36,344 --> 01:01:37,519
You gotta do
the right thing.
1477
01:01:37,563 --> 01:01:41,262
Huh?
1478
01:01:41,306 --> 01:01:44,178
We don't care how!
Leave now! We don't care how!
1479
01:01:44,222 --> 01:01:46,093
Leave now! We don't care how!
1480
01:01:54,275 --> 01:01:57,670
Director Akbar!
1481
01:01:57,714 --> 01:02:00,934
Director Akbar, our
all-access media passes,
1482
01:02:00,978 --> 01:02:02,457
you have them?
1483
01:02:02,501 --> 01:02:04,895
Oh, yeah, uh,
enjoy the, uh, demonstration.
1484
01:02:04,938 --> 01:02:06,113
Thank you.
1485
01:02:06,157 --> 01:02:07,332
Mr. Malone, Mr. Malone!
1486
01:02:07,375 --> 01:02:08,899
What is your message
to the troops
1487
01:02:08,942 --> 01:02:11,162
who have come for
the Fourth of July concert?
1488
01:02:11,205 --> 01:02:13,338
Uh...uh...uh...
1489
01:02:13,381 --> 01:02:14,818
Give me that!
1490
01:02:14,861 --> 01:02:16,036
We're not gonna celebrate
a country
1491
01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:17,777
that sends its soldiers
to fight wars.
1492
01:02:17,821 --> 01:02:19,692
That's what Michael
is here to say.
1493
01:02:19,736 --> 01:02:21,476
Come on, hurry.
Everyone's waiting.
1494
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:23,914
Gotta introduce
Jimmy Carter and
make a speech.
1495
01:02:23,957 --> 01:02:25,350
Bring troops home!
1496
01:02:25,393 --> 01:02:28,745
Michael Malone is going
to be here soon!
1497
01:02:28,788 --> 01:02:30,355
That's right,
feel free to just
wander on up here.
1498
01:02:30,398 --> 01:02:32,052
And here's former
President Jimmy Carter!
1499
01:02:32,096 --> 01:02:34,272
Israel is
an apartheid state.
1500
01:02:34,315 --> 01:02:37,144
Uh, high taxes are good for you.
1501
01:02:37,188 --> 01:02:40,017
And after him,
Michael Malone is gonna be here!
1502
01:02:40,060 --> 01:02:42,236
Uh, I gotta go
to the bathroom.
1503
01:02:49,113 --> 01:02:51,463
Aah!
1504
01:02:51,506 --> 01:02:54,466
What am I gonna do?
They're gonna kill me!
1505
01:02:54,509 --> 01:02:55,859
Aah!
1506
01:02:55,902 --> 01:02:58,209
You spineless bastard,
act like a man.
1507
01:02:58,252 --> 01:03:01,952
Why'd you do that?
I was gonna do
something.
1508
01:03:01,995 --> 01:03:03,214
I just don't know
what. Aah!
1509
01:03:03,257 --> 01:03:05,216
You can't sit here
on the sidelines.
1510
01:03:05,259 --> 01:03:06,826
It's time for you
to take action.
1511
01:03:06,870 --> 01:03:08,610
I'm seriously considering
getting another hero.
1512
01:03:08,654 --> 01:03:10,395
Aah!
1513
01:03:10,438 --> 01:03:12,310
Hey!
What are you doin' here?
1514
01:03:12,353 --> 01:03:14,138
You're not a spirit.
1515
01:03:14,181 --> 01:03:16,836
I know. I just
enjoy slapping you.
1516
01:03:16,880 --> 01:03:18,446
Listen to yourself!
1517
01:03:18,490 --> 01:03:20,100
The time has come
to forget about
the consequences
1518
01:03:20,144 --> 01:03:22,146
and show courage!
1519
01:03:22,189 --> 01:03:23,756
You know what courage is,
don't you?
1520
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:26,150
You mean, like the lion
in "The Wizard Of Oz"?
1521
01:03:26,193 --> 01:03:28,630
I had a more heroic
reference in mind,
1522
01:03:28,674 --> 01:03:31,677
but if "The Wizard Of Oz"
works for you, well, OK.
1523
01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:33,200
You know,
is it possible
1524
01:03:33,244 --> 01:03:35,637
for me to get
a little privacy
in here?
1525
01:03:35,681 --> 01:03:38,466
We are facing the greatest
evil since Nazism.
1526
01:03:38,510 --> 01:03:41,469
What are you
talking about?
1527
01:03:41,513 --> 01:03:42,470
To assure
there will be no more war,
1528
01:03:42,514 --> 01:03:43,820
I've taken the liberty
1529
01:03:43,863 --> 01:03:46,170
of arranging
a formal surrender ceremony
1530
01:03:46,213 --> 01:03:48,607
on the "U.S.S. Missouri."
1531
01:04:00,837 --> 01:04:03,927
OK, stop! I'll do it.
1532
01:04:05,929 --> 01:04:07,669
Thank you, thank you.
1533
01:04:07,713 --> 01:04:10,585
Oh, look,
here he is now,
1534
01:04:10,629 --> 01:04:12,761
a true heavyweight
of the movement,
1535
01:04:12,805 --> 01:04:15,416
our brother, Michael Malone!
1536
01:04:15,460 --> 01:04:17,766
Ah...whoo.
1537
01:04:17,810 --> 01:04:20,204
Ah, thank you. Thank you.
1538
01:04:20,247 --> 01:04:24,034
Uh, I know what you all
think is important.
1539
01:04:24,077 --> 01:04:26,950
Government-run health care.
1540
01:04:26,993 --> 01:04:30,127
Global warming.
1541
01:04:30,170 --> 01:04:34,044
No handguns allowed
in your home.
1542
01:04:34,087 --> 01:04:38,048
And these things are all vital.
1543
01:04:38,091 --> 01:04:42,966
But they all come second
to the most important
thing of all.
1544
01:04:43,009 --> 01:04:44,750
We're in a real war, people.
1545
01:04:44,793 --> 01:04:46,926
These terrorists
want to kill us all,
1546
01:04:46,970 --> 01:04:49,537
and you guys are acting
like it's September 10.
1547
01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:55,152
Traitor!
1548
01:05:03,856 --> 01:05:05,249
Where'd you get that?!
1549
01:05:05,292 --> 01:05:07,338
Aah!
1550
01:05:10,776 --> 01:05:12,299
Aah!
1551
01:05:12,343 --> 01:05:16,825
Hang on a second!
Thanks, guys. Aah!
1552
01:05:16,869 --> 01:05:19,393
Oh, please! I don't blame you
for wantin' to waterboard me
1553
01:05:19,437 --> 01:05:21,918
in one of your secret CIA
prisons, but I've changed!
1554
01:05:21,961 --> 01:05:23,789
We're trying
to protect you.
1555
01:05:23,832 --> 01:05:25,965
You are?
Well, thank you for bein' here.
1556
01:05:26,009 --> 01:05:27,097
Don't thank us.
Thank the recruiter
1557
01:05:27,140 --> 01:05:28,794
that came to
our college campus.
1558
01:05:28,837 --> 01:05:31,623
What? You guys
went to college?
1559
01:05:31,666 --> 01:05:34,017
And now, folks,
1560
01:05:34,060 --> 01:05:38,151
give a big New York City
welcome to...
1561
01:05:38,195 --> 01:05:40,937
Whiskey Falls!
1562
01:05:44,201 --> 01:05:46,681
Poor Aziz.
1563
01:05:46,725 --> 01:05:49,336
He was supposed to wait
to detonate his bombs.
1564
01:05:49,380 --> 01:05:50,859
What a wanker.
1565
01:05:50,903 --> 01:05:52,818
Hey, let's get hot dogs
and go see the show.
1566
01:05:52,861 --> 01:05:53,950
Ah!
1567
01:05:55,255 --> 01:05:57,388
After we blow
ourselves up.
1568
01:05:57,431 --> 01:06:01,044
After the bombs go off,
I will personally kill you.
1569
01:06:01,087 --> 01:06:03,481
I can live with that.
1570
01:06:12,098 --> 01:06:14,666
Hey! Hey, it's that
Michael Malone!
1571
01:06:14,709 --> 01:06:16,276
Oh, hey!
1572
01:06:16,320 --> 01:06:18,887
This concert is for people
who support our troops.
1573
01:06:18,931 --> 01:06:20,454
I thought you hated
country music.
1574
01:06:20,498 --> 01:06:21,760
What are you doin'
in here?
1575
01:06:21,803 --> 01:06:23,370
I had no choice.
1576
01:06:23,414 --> 01:06:27,113
I was about to be beaten
senseless by peace marchers!
1577
01:06:27,157 --> 01:06:29,986
And now,
on the birthday of our nation,
1578
01:06:30,029 --> 01:06:31,813
we're proud to introduce a man
1579
01:06:31,857 --> 01:06:34,425
who has entertained troops
all over the world.
1580
01:06:34,468 --> 01:06:40,039
Please welcome country music
superstar Trace Adkins!
1581
01:06:41,606 --> 01:06:45,044
The Angel of Death
is headlining?
1582
01:06:45,088 --> 01:06:47,003
Hello, New York City!
1583
01:06:47,046 --> 01:06:49,005
Director Akbar!
1584
01:06:49,048 --> 01:06:51,224
Director Akbar!
Back here!
1585
01:06:51,268 --> 01:06:52,878
Shh! I'm gonna
get killed.
1586
01:06:52,921 --> 01:06:54,575
I know. We all are.
1587
01:06:54,619 --> 01:06:58,057
We have to
tell you something.
Aziz is not an actor.
1588
01:06:58,101 --> 01:06:59,058
He's not?
1589
01:06:59,102 --> 01:07:00,494
He's something
else.
1590
01:07:00,538 --> 01:07:02,409
Think back.
1591
01:07:04,933 --> 01:07:06,413
You look like a terrorist.
1592
01:07:09,155 --> 01:07:11,723
You are going to blow up
Madison Square Garden?
1593
01:07:13,072 --> 01:07:14,204
Bawk, bawk, bawk!
1594
01:07:14,247 --> 01:07:15,553
Bawk, bawk, bawk!
1595
01:07:17,250 --> 01:07:18,860
Bawk, bawk, bawk!
1596
01:07:18,904 --> 01:07:25,041
Wait! So you're saying
he's a terrorist?
1597
01:07:25,084 --> 01:07:26,868
And that
would make you...
1598
01:07:26,912 --> 01:07:27,869
Filmmakers.
Filmmakers.
1599
01:07:27,913 --> 01:07:29,262
Right!
1600
01:07:29,306 --> 01:07:32,439
The "film" is set
to go off at 7:00.
1601
01:07:38,750 --> 01:07:39,968
We have to stop him.
1602
01:07:40,012 --> 01:07:42,928
We'll never find him
in this crowd.
1603
01:07:42,971 --> 01:07:45,191
There's only one place
I can see everything.
1604
01:07:45,235 --> 01:07:47,237
The stage.
1605
01:07:47,280 --> 01:07:48,412
They hate you.
1606
01:07:48,455 --> 01:07:50,457
They hated Stalin, too.
1607
01:07:50,501 --> 01:07:51,980
You guys look for him
out in the house.
1608
01:07:52,024 --> 01:07:52,981
Stalin?
1609
01:07:53,025 --> 01:07:54,592
The mentor of Oprah.
1610
01:07:54,635 --> 01:07:56,420
I wouldn't want
to be anywhere else.
1611
01:07:56,463 --> 01:07:59,249
So come on, let's not waste
any more time.
1612
01:07:59,292 --> 01:08:00,685
Let me hear you.
1613
01:08:00,728 --> 01:08:02,730
Hey, Malone,
get off the stage!
1614
01:08:04,819 --> 01:08:06,691
Get off the stage!
1615
01:08:06,734 --> 01:08:07,866
Well, uh...
1616
01:08:07,909 --> 01:08:09,520
What are
you doin' here?!
1617
01:08:09,563 --> 01:08:11,913
Damn it, where is he?
1618
01:08:11,957 --> 01:08:15,308
Uh, you probably all hate me,
and I don't blame you.
1619
01:08:15,352 --> 01:08:17,397
I said a lot of bad things.
1620
01:08:17,441 --> 01:08:20,531
Uh, over the last few days,
I learned a lot of lessons.
1621
01:08:20,574 --> 01:08:23,273
And now I know that terrorism
is not our fault!
1622
01:08:24,752 --> 01:08:27,059
He's got to be
out there somewhere.
1623
01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:31,585
And that we may not be perfect,
but we're the good guys!
1624
01:08:31,629 --> 01:08:33,152
Yeah!Yeah!
1625
01:08:33,196 --> 01:08:35,198
I'm sorry about what I said
about country music,
1626
01:08:35,241 --> 01:08:37,156
NASCAR, and stupid Americans.
1627
01:08:37,200 --> 01:08:39,985
Hey, if you want to listen
to dumb songs
1628
01:08:40,028 --> 01:08:41,465
about cowboys and trucks
1629
01:08:41,508 --> 01:08:43,510
and watch cars endlessly
go around in circles.
1630
01:08:43,554 --> 01:08:47,035
Hey, what...Hey, this is
the United States of America!
1631
01:08:47,079 --> 01:08:50,082
We're free to do what we want!
1632
01:08:50,126 --> 01:08:52,911
So if those of you
who agree with me
1633
01:08:52,954 --> 01:08:57,785
that America should be
destroyed, stand up now!
1634
01:08:57,829 --> 01:09:01,267
Yes!
Die, you American pigs!
1635
01:09:01,311 --> 01:09:02,442
What?!
1636
01:09:02,486 --> 01:09:04,879
There he is! The terrorist!
Get him!
1637
01:09:07,055 --> 01:09:08,448
We'll get him,
director Akbar!
1638
01:09:10,581 --> 01:09:12,191
Get him! Get him!
1639
01:09:22,636 --> 01:09:23,942
Aziz, don't do it!
1640
01:09:23,985 --> 01:09:25,161
Allahu Akbar.
1641
01:09:25,204 --> 01:09:26,292
Wait!
1642
01:09:28,076 --> 01:09:29,774
Oh!
1643
01:09:29,817 --> 01:09:31,776
OK, now we must
disarm the bomb.
1644
01:09:31,819 --> 01:09:33,778
Then it's a good thing
we're completely alert.
1645
01:09:36,737 --> 01:09:37,999
The red one!
1646
01:09:38,043 --> 01:09:39,349
Which one's red?
I'm color blind.
1647
01:09:39,392 --> 01:09:41,002
We don't have time.
1648
01:09:41,046 --> 01:09:42,917
I've never done this
in a restroom.
1649
01:09:42,961 --> 01:09:46,007
Don't worry about it.
Just relax and pull it gently.
1650
01:09:46,051 --> 01:09:47,183
Like that?
1651
01:09:47,226 --> 01:09:48,184
Ooh!
1652
01:09:48,227 --> 01:09:49,185
Ooh!
1653
01:09:49,228 --> 01:09:50,229
Sailors.
1654
01:09:53,537 --> 01:09:55,713
Not that one!
Don't pull that one!
1655
01:09:55,756 --> 01:09:58,542
Push harder!
Put it in here.
1656
01:09:58,585 --> 01:10:00,021
Oh!
1657
01:10:00,065 --> 01:10:01,458
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
He's waking up!
1658
01:10:01,501 --> 01:10:03,503
Do something!
1659
01:10:03,547 --> 01:10:04,809
Huh?
1660
01:10:04,852 --> 01:10:06,071
Look!
1661
01:10:06,114 --> 01:10:07,203
Aah ha ha ha!
1662
01:10:07,246 --> 01:10:09,117
That was amazing.
1663
01:10:09,161 --> 01:10:10,249
You were incredible.
1664
01:10:10,293 --> 01:10:12,338
Marines.
1665
01:10:23,784 --> 01:10:26,570
Director Akbar!
Director Akbar!
1666
01:10:26,613 --> 01:10:27,614
Look! Look!
1667
01:10:28,659 --> 01:10:29,616
Ooh!
1668
01:10:34,621 --> 01:10:37,450
Got anything else
to say, son?
1669
01:10:37,494 --> 01:10:39,452
Yeah!
How about you rednecks
1670
01:10:39,496 --> 01:10:41,802
play some of that
awful country music!
1671
01:10:45,893 --> 01:10:49,462
Welcome to the
real America.
1672
01:10:49,506 --> 01:10:52,204
You know, you look
much slimmer in person.
1673
01:10:54,902 --> 01:10:59,385
♪ This is the greatest country
in the whole wide world ♪
1674
01:10:59,429 --> 01:11:01,605
♪ The fastest horses,
the prettiest girls ♪
1675
01:11:01,648 --> 01:11:05,261
♪ We got the Army, the Navy,
Air Force, and Marines ♪
1676
01:11:05,304 --> 01:11:08,655
♪ The finest fightin' force
the world's ever seen ♪
1677
01:11:08,699 --> 01:11:11,615
♪ We're the kind of people
that get things done ♪
1678
01:11:11,658 --> 01:11:15,314
♪ No doubt about it, folks,
we're still number one ♪
1679
01:11:15,358 --> 01:11:17,011
♪ We got the nerve ♪ We got the nerve
1680
01:11:17,055 --> 01:11:18,578
♪ We got the will ♪ We got the will
1681
01:11:18,622 --> 01:11:20,014
♪ We are all together
1682
01:11:20,058 --> 01:11:22,843
♪ And you know
that we are still America ♪
1683
01:11:22,887 --> 01:11:24,541
♪ America
1684
01:11:24,584 --> 01:11:27,979
♪ Yeah, I know the sun
is risin' on a better day ♪
1685
01:11:28,022 --> 01:11:31,199
♪ America, America
1686
01:11:41,122 --> 01:11:44,256
♪ America, America
1687
01:11:44,300 --> 01:11:49,217
♪ Yeah, I believe in you
1688
01:11:49,261 --> 01:11:51,959
New York City!
1689
01:11:52,003 --> 01:11:53,483
Whoo!
1690
01:11:53,526 --> 01:11:54,484
There is mosh pit?
1691
01:11:54,527 --> 01:11:55,702
Not in country music.
1692
01:11:55,746 --> 01:11:58,749
Aah! Oh!
1693
01:11:58,792 --> 01:12:00,664
Oh!
1694
01:12:00,707 --> 01:12:03,928
♪ America, America
1695
01:12:03,971 --> 01:12:05,669
♪ Ooh, ooh...
1696
01:12:05,712 --> 01:12:08,672
Josh.
1697
01:12:23,991 --> 01:12:25,341
Josh! Josh!
1698
01:12:25,384 --> 01:12:26,646
Huh?
1699
01:12:28,561 --> 01:12:29,910
Josh, Josh!
1700
01:12:31,434 --> 01:12:32,826
Josh, Josh!
1701
01:12:32,870 --> 01:12:33,958
Carry on.
1702
01:12:34,001 --> 01:12:36,221
Daddy, look who's here.
1703
01:12:36,264 --> 01:12:38,179
Uncle Asshole!
1704
01:12:38,223 --> 01:12:39,311
Josh!
1705
01:12:39,355 --> 01:12:40,965
Josh!
1706
01:12:48,799 --> 01:12:50,757
Can you forgive
your stupid uncle
1707
01:12:50,801 --> 01:12:52,542
for being
too blind to see
1708
01:12:52,585 --> 01:12:55,196
what's been
right in front of him
this whole time?
1709
01:12:55,240 --> 01:12:57,111
Oh, nice! Blind jokes!
1710
01:12:57,155 --> 01:12:59,592
Uncle Michael,
it's OK.
1711
01:12:59,636 --> 01:13:00,724
Well, I just
want you to know
1712
01:13:00,767 --> 01:13:03,204
that I care
about you, and...
1713
01:13:03,248 --> 01:13:05,119
I'm proud of
what you're doin'.
1714
01:13:05,163 --> 01:13:08,514
I always knew that,
Uncle Michael.
1715
01:13:08,558 --> 01:13:10,124
I always knew it.
1716
01:13:10,168 --> 01:13:13,040
Well, now you take care
of yourself,
1717
01:13:13,084 --> 01:13:16,130
'cause there's a lot
of bad people out there.
1718
01:13:16,174 --> 01:13:20,221
It's OK. As long as there's
a lot of good people here.
1719
01:13:20,265 --> 01:13:24,748
Well,
if there's anything
I can do...
1720
01:13:24,791 --> 01:13:27,272
Maybe I can send
some DVDs of my movies.
1721
01:13:27,315 --> 01:13:29,143
That's all right.
1722
01:13:29,187 --> 01:13:33,234
We captured a lot of them
when we took Saddam's palace.
1723
01:13:33,278 --> 01:13:36,281
Besides, I think most
of the guys prefer features.
1724
01:13:36,324 --> 01:13:39,850
But I'd really
appreciate it
1725
01:13:39,893 --> 01:13:41,895
if you could check in on Lily
and the kids while I'm gone.
1726
01:13:41,939 --> 01:13:44,855
Yeah, I will.
No problem.
1727
01:13:44,898 --> 01:13:48,075
You've made Josh
so happy.
1728
01:13:48,119 --> 01:13:49,381
Thanks, Jilly.
1729
01:13:49,425 --> 01:13:50,513
Lily.
1730
01:13:53,864 --> 01:13:55,779
Welcome to the fight,
Uncle Michael.
1731
01:13:55,822 --> 01:13:57,563
This time I know
our side will win.
1732
01:14:30,466 --> 01:14:31,467
Ow!
1733
01:14:31,510 --> 01:14:32,468
Ow!
1734
01:14:32,511 --> 01:14:34,557
Aah!
1735
01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:35,993
Aah!
1736
01:14:36,036 --> 01:14:37,255
Aah!
1737
01:14:38,865 --> 01:14:42,956
Ow!
1738
01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:44,784
Help!
1739
01:14:44,828 --> 01:14:46,220
Aah!
1740
01:14:46,264 --> 01:14:47,918
Don't worry, Josh!
1741
01:14:47,961 --> 01:14:49,833
I'll take care of the family!
1742
01:14:58,363 --> 01:15:01,148
Thought I'd
find you here.
1743
01:15:01,192 --> 01:15:05,849
He's a good kid.
Persian Gulf, volunteered.
1744
01:15:05,892 --> 01:15:08,329
I feel so useless.
What can I do?
1745
01:15:08,373 --> 01:15:10,375
Well, you could
start by being
1746
01:15:10,418 --> 01:15:11,898
as big a pain in the
ass to the terrorists
1747
01:15:11,942 --> 01:15:14,074
as you've been to us.
1748
01:15:14,118 --> 01:15:16,163
Like makin' a movie
of the good things
about America.
1749
01:15:16,207 --> 01:15:18,601
In Hollywood?
Fat chance.
1750
01:15:18,644 --> 01:15:20,603
Sorry for bein'
such a jerk.
1751
01:15:20,646 --> 01:15:22,561
I'm sorry I made you
listen to country music.
1752
01:15:22,605 --> 01:15:23,910
Ah, forget it.
1753
01:15:23,954 --> 01:15:25,695
Hey, you want to
grab a sandwich?
1754
01:15:25,738 --> 01:15:27,131
I'd love to.
Used to get
a good pastrami
1755
01:15:27,174 --> 01:15:28,349
back in Manhattan.
1756
01:15:28,393 --> 01:15:29,916
Before you got
t-boned by that car.
1757
01:15:29,960 --> 01:15:31,831
It was a spinal cord
injury, right?
1758
01:15:31,875 --> 01:15:33,746
Boy that was a tough day.
Didn't see that comin'.
1759
01:15:33,790 --> 01:15:37,445
What do you think
about stem cell
research now?
1760
01:15:37,489 --> 01:15:39,230
Now, let's not go there.
A broken neck is
a broken neck...
1761
01:15:39,273 --> 01:15:40,927
From then on,
1762
01:15:40,971 --> 01:15:43,800
he always remembered to
celebrate the Fourth of July,
1763
01:15:43,843 --> 01:15:46,542
and he did what he could
to help out the soldiers.
1764
01:15:46,585 --> 01:15:49,109
But most important,
he devoted himself
1765
01:15:49,153 --> 01:15:51,895
to spreading a message
of his hero.
1766
01:15:51,938 --> 01:15:54,288
My fellow Americans,
1767
01:15:54,332 --> 01:15:56,726
ask not what your country
can do for you,
1768
01:15:56,769 --> 01:16:00,643
but rather, ask, uh...
Uh...line!
1769
01:16:00,686 --> 01:16:03,559
You know, I don't think JFK
would say this like that.
1770
01:16:03,602 --> 01:16:04,821
It's become such a...
1771
01:16:04,864 --> 01:16:07,824
"What you can do
for your country!"
1772
01:16:07,867 --> 01:16:12,045
Oh, cut!
What are we gonna do?
1773
01:16:12,089 --> 01:16:13,569
Fire his ass.
1774
01:16:13,612 --> 01:16:15,527
That's my boy.
1775
01:16:15,571 --> 01:16:17,355
God bless us, everyone.
1776
01:16:17,398 --> 01:16:19,575
And God bless America!
1777
01:16:19,618 --> 01:16:22,708
And it turned out
people actually wanted
to see movies
1778
01:16:22,752 --> 01:16:24,580
that showed good things
about America.
1779
01:16:24,623 --> 01:16:25,668
Grandpa!
1780
01:16:25,711 --> 01:16:28,105
Oh, Grandpa,
come on.
1781
01:16:28,148 --> 01:16:31,978
Hey. It's just a story.
1782
01:16:32,022 --> 01:16:33,589
My fellow Americans,
1783
01:16:33,632 --> 01:16:36,374
ask not what your country
can do for you,
1784
01:16:36,417 --> 01:16:40,291
but rather ask what you can do
for your country.
1785
01:16:40,334 --> 01:16:42,380
Cut! Print!
1786
01:16:56,046 --> 01:16:57,569
♪ This here
is the greatest country ♪
1787
01:16:57,613 --> 01:17:00,006
♪ In the whole wide world
1788
01:17:00,050 --> 01:17:02,618
♪ The fastest horses,
the prettiest girls ♪
1789
01:17:02,661 --> 01:17:05,969
♪ We got the army, the navy,
air force, and marines ♪
1790
01:17:06,012 --> 01:17:09,015
♪ The finest fighting force
the world's ever seen ♪
1791
01:17:09,059 --> 01:17:12,279
♪ We're the kind of people
that get things done ♪
1792
01:17:12,323 --> 01:17:16,066
♪ No doubt about it, folks,
we're still number one ♪
1793
01:17:16,109 --> 01:17:17,763
♪ We got the nerve ♪ We got the nerve
1794
01:17:17,807 --> 01:17:19,330
♪ We got the will ♪ We got the will
1795
01:17:19,373 --> 01:17:20,810
♪ We are all together
1796
01:17:20,853 --> 01:17:23,900
♪ And you know
that we are still America ♪
1797
01:17:23,943 --> 01:17:25,641
♪ America
1798
01:17:25,684 --> 01:17:28,731
♪ Yeah, I know the sun
is risin' on a better day ♪
1799
01:17:28,774 --> 01:17:31,734
♪ America, America
1800
01:17:31,777 --> 01:17:35,259
♪ Yeah, we got the power
and we know the way ♪
1801
01:17:35,302 --> 01:17:38,218
♪ America, America
1802
01:17:38,262 --> 01:17:42,048
♪ Let me say a few words
about the red, white, and blue ♪
1803
01:17:42,092 --> 01:17:44,877
♪ America, America
1804
01:17:44,921 --> 01:17:48,707
♪ Yeah, I believe in you
1805
01:17:48,751 --> 01:17:53,799
♪ America, America
1806
01:18:01,415 --> 01:18:03,591
♪ Hey, all,
crank that fiddle ♪
1807
01:18:03,635 --> 01:18:06,203
♪ Tear the bass drum up,
let's meet in the middle ♪
1808
01:18:06,246 --> 01:18:08,640
♪ At the honky tonk
way down by the river ♪
1809
01:18:08,684 --> 01:18:15,081
♪ 'Cause we're loud, proud,
redneck raising hellbillies ♪
1810
01:18:15,125 --> 01:18:20,913
♪ We're raising hellbillies,
yeah ♪
1811
01:18:20,957 --> 01:18:22,523
♪ Whether you were born
in the boondocks ♪
1812
01:18:22,567 --> 01:18:24,090
♪ Or down in the holler
1813
01:18:24,134 --> 01:18:26,397
♪ Everybody here got to work
for the dollar ♪
1814
01:18:26,440 --> 01:18:28,704
♪ Tooling around
in our jacked-up trucks ♪
1815
01:18:28,747 --> 01:18:31,228
♪ Pedal to steel,
trying to light it up ♪
1816
01:18:31,271 --> 01:18:33,926
♪ Girls in the back
with the flatbed shaking ♪
1817
01:18:33,970 --> 01:18:36,363
♪ Little tank tops
with the ducky-ducks breaking ♪
1818
01:18:36,407 --> 01:18:38,670
♪ Catfish frying
jumping out of the pan ♪
1819
01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:41,151
♪ With the cold beer chilling
in the garbage can ♪
1820
01:18:41,194 --> 01:18:43,980
♪ And the ribs in the flour
and the corn cakes flipping ♪
1821
01:18:44,023 --> 01:18:47,548
♪ Moonshine buzz
and a little skinny dipping ♪
1822
01:18:47,592 --> 01:18:49,637
♪ Hey, all, crank that fiddle
1823
01:18:49,681 --> 01:18:52,379
♪ Tear the bass drum up,
let's meet in the middle ♪
1824
01:18:52,423 --> 01:18:54,860
♪ At the honky tonk
way down by the river ♪
1825
01:18:54,904 --> 01:18:57,471
♪ Where the party never ends
1826
01:18:57,515 --> 01:19:00,561
♪ Hey, fish are jumping
1827
01:19:00,605 --> 01:19:02,563
♪ Bodies getting close
and the party is pumping ♪
1828
01:19:02,607 --> 01:19:04,827
♪ Lighting it up,
getting stone cold silly ♪
1829
01:19:04,870 --> 01:19:11,181
♪ 'Cause we're loud, proud,
redneck raising hellbillies ♪
1830
01:19:11,224 --> 01:19:17,317
♪ We're raising hellbillies,
yeah ♪
1831
01:19:17,361 --> 01:19:20,103
♪ Tearing it up
as the dirt goes flying ♪
1832
01:19:20,146 --> 01:19:22,496
♪ Mud on the tires
of a 4-wheel riding ♪
1833
01:19:22,540 --> 01:19:25,021
♪ Son of a guns breaking hell
with guns ♪
1834
01:19:25,064 --> 01:19:27,371
♪ Just to have a little fun
1835
01:19:27,414 --> 01:19:29,895
♪ While the girls in the short
shorts turning your head ♪
1836
01:19:29,939 --> 01:19:32,593
♪ And the paintball shots
blowing by your head ♪
1837
01:19:32,637 --> 01:19:35,118
♪ At a rough neck, redneck,
backwoods party ♪
1838
01:19:35,161 --> 01:19:37,555
♪ Boys in the trucks
and the girls showing body ♪
1839
01:19:37,598 --> 01:19:40,297
♪ Long legs hotter
than a hot-buttered biscuit ♪
1840
01:19:40,340 --> 01:19:42,821
♪ Y'all come along 'cause
you don't want to miss it ♪
1841
01:19:42,865 --> 01:19:44,780
♪ Hey, all, crank that fiddle
1842
01:19:44,823 --> 01:19:47,217
♪ Turn the bass drum up,
let's meet in the middle ♪
1843
01:19:47,260 --> 01:19:49,872
♪ At the honky tonk
way down by the river ♪
1844
01:19:49,915 --> 01:19:52,439
♪ Where the party never ends
1845
01:19:52,483 --> 01:19:54,790
♪ Hey, fish are jumping
1846
01:19:54,833 --> 01:19:57,401
♪ Bodies getting close
and the party's pumping ♪
1847
01:19:57,444 --> 01:19:59,795
♪ Lighting it up,
getting stone cold silly ♪
1848
01:19:59,838 --> 01:20:02,710
♪ 'Cause we're loud, proud,
redneck raising ♪
1849
01:20:02,754 --> 01:20:04,887
♪ Hey, all, crank that fiddle
1850
01:20:04,930 --> 01:20:07,280
♪ Turn the bass drum up,
let's meet in the middle ♪
1851
01:20:07,324 --> 01:20:09,674
♪ At the honky tonk
way down by the river ♪
1852
01:20:09,717 --> 01:20:12,677
♪ Where the party never ends
1853
01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:14,853
♪ Hey, fish are jumping
1854
01:20:14,897 --> 01:20:17,508
♪ Bodies getting close
and the party's pumping ♪
1855
01:20:17,551 --> 01:20:19,815
♪ Lighting it up,
getting stone cold silly ♪
1856
01:20:19,858 --> 01:20:24,994
♪ 'Cause we're loud, proud,
redneck raising ♪
1857
01:20:25,037 --> 01:20:28,258
♪ Hellbillies
1858
01:20:28,301 --> 01:20:34,873
♪ We're raising hellbillies,
yeah ♪
1859
01:20:34,917 --> 01:20:36,179
♪ Come on
1860
01:20:42,968 --> 01:20:46,102
♪ Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
1861
01:20:46,145 --> 01:20:48,452
♪ Ha ha, yeah
1862
01:20:50,889 --> 01:20:54,066
♪ Can you feel the spirit
of America ♪
1863
01:20:54,110 --> 01:20:57,853
♪ From your hand to your heart
to your soul? ♪
1864
01:20:57,896 --> 01:21:02,074
♪ With the stars and the stripes
and the colors so bright ♪
1865
01:21:02,118 --> 01:21:05,425
♪ From the mountains
to our heavenly shores ♪
1866
01:21:05,469 --> 01:21:08,907
♪ As we the people
come together ♪
1867
01:21:08,951 --> 01:21:12,650
♪ To share with all of those
in need ♪
1868
01:21:12,693 --> 01:21:16,654
♪ To lend a helping hand
to every woman and man ♪
1869
01:21:16,697 --> 01:21:20,092
♪ So we can live and love
in harmony ♪
1870
01:21:20,136 --> 01:21:24,227
♪ Can you feel the spirit
of America ♪
1871
01:21:24,270 --> 01:21:27,795
♪ From your hand to your heart
to your soul? ♪
1872
01:21:27,839 --> 01:21:31,451
♪ With the stars and the stripes
and the colors so bright ♪
1873
01:21:31,495 --> 01:21:35,238
♪ From the mountains
to the heavenly shores ♪
1874
01:21:35,281 --> 01:21:39,111
♪ And when the storms of life
are raging ♪
1875
01:21:39,155 --> 01:21:43,072
♪ Just like that
old ship out at sea ♪
1876
01:21:43,115 --> 01:21:46,379
♪ It's that familiar song
all for one, one for all ♪
1877
01:21:46,423 --> 01:21:49,992
♪ That holds the spirit
of America's dream ♪
1878
01:21:50,035 --> 01:21:53,386
♪ Can you feel the spirit
of America ♪
1879
01:21:53,430 --> 01:21:57,651
♪ From your hand to your heart
to you soul? ♪
1880
01:21:57,695 --> 01:22:01,220
♪ With the stars and the stripes
and the colors so bright ♪
1881
01:22:01,264 --> 01:22:04,702
♪ From the mountains
to our heavenly shores ♪
1882
01:22:04,745 --> 01:22:08,662
♪ Can you feel
the spirit of America ♪
1883
01:22:08,706 --> 01:22:12,362
♪ From your hand to your heart
to your soul? ♪
1884
01:22:12,405 --> 01:22:15,931
♪ With the stars and the stripes
and the colors so bright ♪
135195
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