All language subtitles for AMZN En SDH

[melodious instrumental music]

[melodious instrumental music]

[door opens]

[letters screaming]

[snaps photo]

- [Letters] Aw.

- My job sucks.

Got no future, got no benefits.

[pounding on door]

I'm here to play.

- [Bouncer] Oh,
yeah, who are you?

- Who am I?

I'm on the list, show me
the list, I'll point me out.

- Yeah.

There is no list.

- Charles Lazaro invited me.

- Oh, so what you're telling me

is that you're a friend
of Fat Charlie's?

- Well, I'm not a friend
like the donut guy.

But, yeah, we're friends.

- Well, we got a little
problem here, pal.

Fat Charlie has no friends.

- You know what?

I think we got off on
the wrong foot here.

Thug?

[knocks]

Mister Thug?

[breaks glass]

Shit.

Going down.

[loud thud]

Jimmy, you crafty
son of a bitch.

You really think you were
gonna get away with this?

- Huh?

- Step back a couple
feet, will you?

My name's Bond.

Barry Bond.

- Huh?

- You got a little something...

[elevator rings]

Right in the...

♪ While he was scheming

♪ I was beaming in the
Beamer, just beaming ♪

♪ Can't believe that I
caught my man cheating ♪

♪ So I found another way to
make him pay for it all ♪

♪ Hey ladies

Play the paper.

- Sir, there is a $100 minimum.

- Right, of course.

How embarrassing.

There we go.

There's, there's 21.

And that's, uh, yeah.

Hi.

- Hi.

♪ Hey ladies

♪ When your man
wanna get buck-wild ♪

♪ Just go back and
hit 'em up style ♪

♪ Put your hands on his cash
and spend it to the last dime ♪

♪ For all the hard times

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you doing
there, Polyester Paul?

- Excuse me, sir?

- You're dealing from
the bottom of the deck.

This man is dealing from
the bottom of the deck!

[people murmuring]

Did you see that?

- See what?

- Okay.

We all caught you.

- Is there a problem, sir?

- Yes, there's a problem.

Three Card Monty here

is dealing from the
bottom of the deck.

- I assure you, sir,
that's impossible.

- Oh, really?

If it's impossible,

then how come he dealt
himself a perfect, 13?

- [Crowd] Ohh.

- [Pit Boss] Sir, why
don't you step this way?

We'll sort this out.

- Don't you know who I am?

- No, I don't know who you are.

- Okay, well, why don't
you find somebody who does.

All right, Zorro?

[door opening]

- Well, looks like
today's your lucky day.

I know who you are.

- See?

He knows who I am.

- Oh yeah.

You're the guy that's
leaving here tonight

in the trunk of my car.

- Let me guess,
Fat Charlie, right?

- That's right, moron.

Now listen to me.

Nobody accuses my joint
of cheating, you got that?

- Yeah, well, I do, and I
got the pictures to prove it.

See for yourself.

[crowd gasps]

- [Fat Charlie] There
ain't no pictures here.

- Charles Lazaro,
you're hereby served

to appear as a witness
in the racketeering trial

of Freddy Marcuso.

[camera clicks]

- What are you, some
kind of a wacko?

Serving me papers
in my own joint?

Rip his jugular vein out.

- Okay, Lieutenant.

If I'm not out in 60
seconds, send in your boys.

- [Radio] Okay Joe, roger that.

- Charles, it's a
pleasure serving you.

And you, eat something.

- [Thug] What?

- You don't fit in.

Nice work, kiddo.

- Next time, you hurry up.

I'm freezing my
ass off out here.

- There you go.

And hey, don't spend
all that on candy.

Son of a bitch.

- It took you six days
to serve this guy.

Six freaking days!

- Hey, he disappeared on me.

- A guy named Fat Charlie,
disappeared on you?

Poof, Puff the Magic Dragon.

Just gone, poof, bye-bye.

And I guess you mean to tell me

you ain't see the
Chrysler Building

on your way over here, either.

If you want to spend
your life chasing

nickel-and-dime papers,
you go right ahead.

- Ray, the guy was a difficult
mark, and I served him clean.

What else do you want?

[finger snapping]

- You know what I want?

I want you to be
more like Tony here.

- Well, that's impossible,
I walk upright.

- What are you saying, I
don't have good posture?

- [Joe] I'm saying
you're a Neanderthal.

- And I'm saying kiss my ass.

- My mouth's not big enough.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Look.

You see this?

I gave Tony this
file two hours ago.

It's done.

What's going on with you, Joe?

You used to be my
money guy, my assassin.

Now, in the time it
takes you to do one job,

Wop-Along-Cassidy here
serves seven papers.

- It would've been eight,

but I let Joe have
that one in Miami.

- The only reason that is that
the Mook can't take Miami.

- It's too damn hot down there.

Miami's not a city, it's a
steam room with mosquitoes.

- That's great, Tony,

you're a regular
process-serving savant.

- What'd you call me?

- Savant.

That's somebody who's
really good at something.

- Oh, thanks, Joe.

While being a complete idiot.

[thud]

- Hey!

- Ladies, please.

- Yeah.

You really did serve
these really fast.

In fact, you served
them yesterday.

- What?

What are you talking about?

- What's the date today?

- It's the, the 10th.

- It's the 11th, numb nuts.

- Give me that.

- God damn it, Tony!

- Relax, Ray, relax.

I'll go back to the
courthouse, I'll refile it.

- It's the big white building

with the pillars in front of it.

- Hey, screw you, Joe!

I'm tired of you
calling me stupid.

I'm not the one growing a
grape vine in my living room.

This loser thinks he's going be

Ernest and Julio freaking Gallo.

- Ray, do you have
a job for me or not?

- Look, I got one job right now.

It's an important
job out of Texas.

It pays five grand.

- Well, I was gonna
give it to Tony,

seeing he's been so hot lately.

But now that we know he can't
read a goddamn calendar,

makes me a little edgy.

So here.

- What?

You're gonna give it to Joe?

After two months of screw-ups?

It's gonna take him
10 weeks to serve it.

- Well, thanks for the
prediction, Nostra-dumb ass.

Don't you have a
courthouse to find?

- Eat me.

- Eat you?

I've never been that
hungry in my life.

- Listen, Joe.

This is the Texas branch

of my biggest account
here in New York.

This file could open up

a lot of out-of-state business
for me, you understand?

It's an easy job.

All you gotta do is do it fast.

None of that lollygagging
six-day crap on this.

I'm serious!

- You got it, boss.

And let me just say from
the bottom of my heart,

that suit is kicking.

- Get out!

- I'm gonna go.

- [Ray] You better go!

This suit kicking.

Shit, this suit cost me $300.

♪ Adios, goodbye amigo

- Say, what time's your
flight again, sweetheart?

- It's 11:20.

- Well, looky there,
perfect timing.

I am the king.

- Well done, Mr. Cowboy.

- That's right, Mama.

But I tell you what,

you're my darling, dearest,
deary, darling gal,

and I'll tell you what.

Any of them New York boys
got their hands on you,

and ooh, I wouldn't
know what to do.

[giggles]

Well, here we are.

Now, hey, you'll call
me when you get there?

- I will.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I love you, girl.

- I love you, too.

Okay.

- You get that all right?

Well, go on.

Have a good time.

- Okay.

Bye.

[chuckles, blows kiss]

♪ I used to crank and drank
until my back was to the floor ♪

♪ I take it to the limit

♪ And I try to get some more

[laughs]

- Hey, you!

Hey, darling!

- Hey, how are you?

- Good.

Huh?

What I tell you, perfect timing.

- You're the king.

- Thank you very much.

- I missed you.

- Hey.

[car horns honking]

All right, all right, we're
gone, quick as a hiccup.

- Hey, Joe.

No hard feelings
about before, Joe?

Really.

Good luck.

- Yeah, blow me.

- Yeah, keep dreaming, Joe.

- He gets me with
that every time.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello?

- [TONY] Sara Moore?

- Yeah.

- Listen up.

If I were you,

I'd get the hell out of
your apartment right now.

- Who is this?

- Let's just say, uh, a friend.

Look, some asshole is
on his way up there

to serve you papers.

He's gonna say he's
delivering flowers.

- Papers?

What, is this about
my parking tickets?

- No, no, no, no.

It's a lot bigger than that.

- Look, I really
don't have any idea

what you're talking about, so--

- Hey, lady.

When is getting served
papers ever good, huh?

Don't be stupid,
hang up and get out.

[hangs telephone]

[elevator dings]

- Oh, um.

- Sara Moore?

- Um, no.

She lives there in 7E.

- Thanks.

[knocks]

You know, once that little
light goes on, you're good.

- Yeah.

[knocks]

[elevator dings]

- Sara, welcome home!

- [Sara] Why are
you calling me Sara?

- Hey!

Sara!

Merry Christmas.

Shit.

- Taxi!

Taxi!

Oh.

- Excuse me.

Ahh.

Oh.

Whoa!

- Mrs. Moore.

Do you have an appointment?

- I just need to
get away for a sec.

- [Receptionist]
Okay, have a nice day.

[groans]

- I'd like to request...

- Sir, can I help you?

Sir, this is a woman's spa, sir.

- Cool.

[women screaming]

[Joe groaning]

Either of you two
creatures seen Sara Moore?

- Get out!

- Hey, you are wrapped
too tight, lady.

- [Attendant] Excuse
me, sir, you cannot...

- [Attendant] Hey,
Sara, welcome back!

- [Sara] Why do people keep
calling me Sara, I'm not.

- [Clerk] Can I help you?

Hello?

- Man, slow down.

- Whoa.

- Oh.

- I can't believe
you messed this up.

- I did not mess it up.

- I told you he'd mess it up.

- It's a goddamn cakewalk, Joe.

- Look, I chased her all through

Midtown Manhattan for two hours.

I froze my dick off.

- Boo-hyphen-hoo.

- Ha!

- Has anybody informed
you this job is not easy?

- I'm gonna find her, it's
not gonna be a problem.

- Well, it already is a problem.

I'm giving the file to Tony.

- What?

- Come on, give me the papers.

You know what?

I don't know what the
hell I was thinking

giving you this job
in the first place.

- Look, you are
making a mistake, Ray.

I know exactly where she is.

- Good!

Tell it to Tony.

- Thanks, boss.

- She's up Ray's ass.

You should know your way around.

[chuckles]

[melodious instrumental music]

[man yelling]

[beeping]

- [Himey] Hey, Joe.

- Hey, Himey.

Santa, you're supposed to
give the gifts, not take them.

- I've got a present for you.

- Milty, I need a favor.

- Yeah, and I need
a smaller prostate.

I need the file on 4983!

That's a small Uzi and
two vials of crack.

- Milt, Milt.

Look, can you get
me the addresses

on these speed-dial
phone numbers please?

- Uh, I don't know
if you noticed here,

but the in is winning
by a landslide.

- Yeah, okay.

Maybe this'll help.

- Oh, no.

I think my eyes are going
because I only see 20 bucks.

- [Joe] How about now?

- Oh, there we go.

20/20.

- 20/20.

- Come back at seven.

- Seven?

That's the best you can do?

- Oh, now my hearing's off.

- I'll see you at seven.

[phone beeping]

[phone ringing]

- Miami Marriott.

- Uh, yes, I'd like to
make a reservation, please.

Under the name Sara Moore,

for a check-in early
tomorrow morning.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

Now, let's see how we did today.

Careful.

Oh yeah.

Nice nose.

[spitting]

Better than yesterday.

- Oh.

Yeah, I'm the idiot.

Nice place.

It's good.

[speed dialing beep]

- [Receptionist] Miami Marriott.

- Uh, Sara Moore, please.

- One moment please.

Sir, I'm sorry, but Miss
Moore won't be checking in

until tomorrow morning.

- Tomorrow morning.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

I gotcha.

[knocks]

[spitting]

- May I help you?

- You got gas.

- Excuse me?

- You got leakage.

- Excuse me?

- Not you lady, your house.

[spitting]

- But we have electric.

- Yeah, I know, that's
why it's kind of a pickle.

Can I sniff around?

- Actually, no.

- Thanks.

I'm not sniffing any gas,

but I do detect the
smell of coffee.

- You know, I think
you should just leave.

- Yo, why don't you
run in the kitchen

and grab me a cup of
coffee, all right, cupcake?

Nice place you got
here, it's real rustic.

- Amanda?

Hey, are you okay?

What's going on?

I heard all that
shouting down there.

[gasps]

Oh, no.

- Sara Moore, you're
hereby served for divorce.

- Divorce?

What?

- Smile.

- No, hang on.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

You must have the wrong person.

Um, you must be looking
for a different Sara Moore.

- That's what they all say.

- But I'm happily married.

- Not anymore.

Could I get that
coffee to go or...

[telephone ringing]

- [Ray] This is Ray,
who the hell is this?

- Hey, Ray!

I'll tell you who
the hell this is.

It's Joe.

So why don't you put that
donut down for a second

and listen to me?

Guess who I just served?

Sara Moore.

That's right.

So, get your checkbook out,

and since you took
me off this gig

and I had to do
it on my own time,

you better pay me double, okay?

Say good night, sweet prince.

Oh, no.

Look, if you wanna use
the phone, just ask.

- You serve Fat Charlie, and
now Fat Charlie serves you!

- And I say we served
him pretty good, too.

- So, Brooklyn's in the house?

[passes gas]

- Hey.

- Oh my God.

Sara, Sara!

Oh my God, you've
got to see this.

- What?

- Huh, huh?

What about this?

Now do I fit in?

How does that feel, huh?

- I'm glad.

- Aldo, you know, I've been
doing some thinking lately.

I'm getting kind of
tired of carpooling.

How about you?

- I could use a
little room myself,

you don't mind there, Petey.

There's a car right here.

I could just take this car, no?

- Why not?

- You're not taking my car.

That was nothing, come on!

- Whoa.

- Is that all you got?

- Get over here!

What are you, some
kind of machinist?

- Are you trying
to say masochist?

What a meathead.

- Whoa.

- Hold on, hold on a
second, your diaper's loose.

Ugh!

[car engine starts]

[car pulls away]

That's it?

That's all you girls got?

That was nothing!

Nothing!

Baby's gonna take nappy.

[brake screeches]

Ohh.

- Sorry.

Wretched bag.

- Ohh.

- Well, well, there is a God.

- Actually, it was two Italians.

- Do you have any feelings?

Do you have any shred of
humanity or compassion?

- Well, little sick dogs
pull at my heartstrings,

but certainly not trophy
wives from Australia.

- Australia?

Look, first of all,
I'm English, you twit.

And second of all,

we've had our ups and
downs, but I stuck it out,

and trophy wives don't do that.

You know what?

The guy on the phone was right.

You are an asshole.

- Hey, I was just doing my j...

What guy on the phone?

- The guy that called
up to my apartment

to say you were on your way
up with those lovely papers.

- Somebody tipped you off?

Who?

- Yeah, like I know
everyone in New York

with a Brooklyn accent.

- Tony.

It's got to be Tony.

The son of a bitch.

He's been tipping off
my marks for two months,

that's why it's been so hard.

- Well, my heart bleeds for you.

- I'm gonna kill
that son of a bitch!

Mind your own
business, pork chop.

[horns honking]

[fly buzzes]

- Goddamn bug!

Hey, Chico, make it cooler.

Cooler!

- Cooler, you like it cooler.

- Not louder, cooler!

- Gringo.

- No gringo, Italiano.

- [Driver] Mambo Italiano.

- No mambo Italiano, mambo king!

Armand Assante.

- Mambo king...

- Hey, Chico, just drop
me off in America, okay?

[driver speaking in
foreign language]

- Hey.

Hey, I've got another question.

How do people do it?

I know you're awake, so stop
pretending to be asleep.

- Actually, I was
pretending to be dead,

but can't fool you.

- How can someone end
a marriage like that?

Just pow!

- Look, are you telling me
you didn't see this coming?

Let me guess, a lot
of trips out of town.

Go ahead, honey, go ahead.

Don't worry your
pretty little head,

I'll take care of the homestead.

Not to mention those extra
poker nights with the boys.

- Gordon doesn't play poker.

- Missing my point.

Look, I've served
thousands of subpoenas.

Granted, never one to
somebody as hot as you.

I don't know your husband,

but I do have a great
deal of insight into men,

and we are mean,
hurtful, and despicable.

Male headquarters would kill me

if they knew I was
telling you this.

- Yeah, well, despicable
is putting it mildly.

And then, you complain that
we get half of everything.

Believe me, for this
type of treatment,

half is the very
least we should get.

- The only thing you're
gonna get half of, honey,

is screwed.

- What do you mean?

- He served you
first, he's in Texas,

and he's got home
court advantage.

- Wait, served me first?

What is this, third grade?

- Yeah, sometimes.

Texas has the most conservative
divorce laws in the country.

Not to mention those
good ole' boy judges.

I'm sure most of them aren't
married to their first wives.

- Believe me, if I had
known this was coming,

I'd have been the one
doing the serving.

- Yeah.

- How about that, huh?

- Whatever.

- No, seriously, what
would've happened

if I'd served him first?

- Okay, if you had
served him first,

the trial would've been
in New York, not in Texas,

where you would have
fared a lot better.

50% better, actually.

- Hey, I have a
proposition for you.

You tear up the papers on me,

and I'll hire you
to serve my husband.

I'll pay you twice what
you're getting now.

- Look, here's what
you don't understand.

I've already told them
that I served you, okay?

So if I flip it and
tag your husband,

my reputation will be shot.

I'll never work again.

- I'll give you 10% of
my divorce settlement.

[scoffs]

We own a cattle ranch,
it's worth $20 million.

- $20 million?

- Mm-hmm.

- [Joe] 10% percent of half.

- Mm-hmm.

- You're willing to pay
me a million dollars?

- Well, that still
leaves nine for me,

versus next to nothing.

It's kind of a no-brainer.

- You're really serious?

- I think we should
draw up a contract.

Let's see.

I'm not going to
be needing this.

- One.

- [Both] Million.

- Dollars.

Great, let's go.

- Thanks a lot.

[telephone rings]

- Miami Marriott.

- If anybody calls
for Miss Sara Moore,

tell them she's relocated

to one of your hotels
in Bangor, Maine.

- Bangor, Maine.

- That's right.

Bangor, Maine, that's
where she'll be.

- I thought we were
going to Dallas?

- We are, just playing a
little game of hide and seek.

Now break out your credit
cards, we got tickets to buy.

♪ Well I'm packing up my game
and I'mma head out west ♪

♪ Where real women
come equipped ♪

♪ With scripts
and fake breasts ♪

♪ Kid Rock and I'm
the real McCoy ♪

♪ And I'm headed out west
sucker because I wanna be a ♪

♪ Cowboy baby

♪ With the top let back
and the sunshine shining ♪

♪ Cowboy baby

♪ West Coast chilling
with the Boone's wine ♪

♪ I wanna be a Cowboy baby

♪ Riding at night
'cause I sleep all day ♪

♪ Cowboy

All right, got my papers,

and you know your way
around this place, right?

- Actually, I've never
been inside before.

But Gordon always said it was
his place to come and "focus."

- All you have to
do is point him out

and then stay out of sight,

because if he sees
you, we're done.

- Is it okay if I
strangle him from behind?

[chuckles]

- Yes, you can do
whatever you want,

but wait until I serve him.

- Okay.

[sighs]

- Let me see that scarf.

- Okay, all set.

If you have a moment,

I'd like to take you two

on a little tour
here of our facility.

- Why, that would be lovely.

- Great.

So, what part of
London are you from?

- Hampstead.

- Hmm, I'm sorry, I'm
not familiar with it.

- Well, it's on the corner
of Penny Lane and Abbey Road.

- Hmm, very interesting.

How many pounds were
you looking at losing?

- Well, I don't think it's
important to talk about money

at this point, do you?

You see, pounds, money--

- Be quiet.

[clears throat]

- How exactly did you hear
about us, Mr. and Mrs. Poppins?

- Well, we have an
acquaintance here at the club,

a Gordon Moore.

- Solid, solid, solid fellow.

- Absolutely.

As a matter of fact,
I believe Mr. Moore

is working out
here this morning.

Perhaps we'll run into him.

- Perhaps.

- I'll just show you
the men's area now.

- Jolly good.

- Mrs. Poppins, if you'll
wait here for just a moment,

we'll be back in a
jiffy, as you say.

- Oh.

Okay, thanks.

I know.

- I should tell you I
don't like to lift things.

- I'm sweating and
you're glowing, darling.

Hey, how's my form?

Yours is pretty good.

- Keep it up, Gordon.

- Oh, it's up.

It's up.

- Focusing, asshole!

- Sara!

- Yeah?

Joe, quick, it's him, quick!

- Where?

Where?

- You stop him, Allison.

- Look.

Lady, I'm not gonna
hit a girl, okay?

- You go, girl!

- Come on, Joe!

- Well, I guess there's a
first time for everything.

Nice.

- Take that!

- Quick, he's getting away!

- Remind me to give you a raise.

- Oh, for Christ's sake.

- Look, babe, can
we talk about this?

Ohh!

[bell dings]

Way to lay low back there.

- Well, you said
to point him out.

I just pointed him out.

- Hey, you're gonna
have to get in control

of your anger, okay?

Made us look like
fools in there.

- I did?

Well, hey, at least I
wasn't beaten up by a girl.

- Hey, that was not a girl.

- I distinctly saw
an Adam's apple

and a bulge that I was
not comfortable with.

The only thing we
had going for us

was the element of
surprise, and you blew that.

- Look, I know Gordon's habits,

I can easily find him again.

- Oh, what do you think,

he's just gonna sit around,
waiting for us to serve him?

No.

He's history.

All he has to do is jump on
the first international flight,

and then we're done, all right?

Even if I find him,

I can't serve him outside
the United States.

- I don't like your tone.

- Oh, you don't like
my tone, Your Highness?

Don't forget, whenever I want,

I can serve your papers again.

- Look, you can stand
there and threaten me,

or we can just get in the
car and go and find Gordon.

- Oh, yeah?

Okay, where do you wanna go?

Boss.

- Well, as your boss, I'd be
interested in your suggestions.

- This is crazy.

You're crazy.

And I quit.

- Hey, I thought
you were quitting.

- Who the hell am
I gonna quit to?

I gave up half my
life for this crap.

- So, what are we
gonna do first?

- Well, I think we,
uh, and when I say we,

I mean you, should find a
mute button for yourself.

[engine starts]

[gasps]

[speaking in foreign language]

- Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Yo!

- Hello.

Can I help you?

- Yeah, you can help me.

I got an important business
meeting with a Sara Moore.

- Sara Moore?

- Sara Moore, Moore.

M-O-O-O-R-E.

Here.

- You're sure about that?

- Yeah, I'm sure about that.

What's the matter?

I don't look like a
goddamn businessman to you?

- No, no, no, sir.

It's just that her
reservation's been canceled.

- Canceled?

What the--

- I do have a forwarding
address, if that
would be helpful.

- Yeah, that would be helpful.

Can you throw in a little
breeze while you're at it?

Hey, cutie, how you doing?

[kissing noise]

She's nice.

Who's that, your sister?

- Okay, Warren, earn your money.

- You want to tell me
what the hell's going on?

- Sure.

Everything is beautiful.

My best guy served her this
morning up in Westchester.

All I'm doing is
waiting on the papers.

- Oh, really?

Well, maybe you can
explain how that's possible

when she's in Dallas, moron.

- Dallas?

Dallas, Texas?

- That's right, she's
not alone either.

She's down here with some
goddamn process server

trying to serve my client.

Who's this Joe, anyway?

Is he one of yours?

- Joe?

Who, Joe the singer?

No, I, I don't know a Joe.

I can't say I know a Joe.

[muttering]

[clears throat]

Look here.

Uh, Mr. Moore, don't
worry about a thing, okay?

All right?

Just give me a little more time,

and as God is my witness,
I will nail this bitch.

I will chase her down
like a German Shepherd,

like she owed me money!

- Hey!

My wife you're talking
about there, putz!

- Of course, sir.

My apologies.

- This better get done.

- Or I'm gonna hang your ass
out to dry, you understand?

[beep]

- This better get done.

Otherwise, I'm gonna
hang your ass out to dry.

Jesus.

A redneck telling a black
man he gonna hang him.

It's the new millennium.

Page Tony!

And get Farrakhan and
them on the phone.

I think they might
want a trip down there.

[beep]

- Doris, could you send
Vernon in here, please?

- Now Gordon, as your attorney,

I would advise you not to
get your personal security

involved in the matter.

- Mm-hmm.

Well, as my attorney, you
screwed this up, dickweed.

- Now.

Let's go over this
one more time.

- I'm telling you, I
don't know where it is.

- You're telling me you
don't know where it is?

- No, I swear to God.

[telephone rings]

- Yeah.

Tell Mr. Moore I'll
be there momentarily.

Listen to me, you little punk.

You're not going anywhere
until we find the stapler.

- It was Tommy, in
accounting, he took it!

I use paperclips!

[elevator dings]

- [Woman] Ooh, oh, my word.

- Excuse me, please.

[indistinct chatter]

- I'm just getting
the brake off.

- You're aware of my current
personal situation, right?

- As much as you
told me, yes, sir.

- See, I got my tail
in a crack here,

and I want you to do
whatever you need to do

to keep this lowlife
server away from me, okay?

Now my overpaid lawyer here

will fill you in on his
description and whereabouts.

Now, he's with my wife,

so let's not let
anything happen to her.

But now that guy.

Oh, well, [laughs],

I could give a rat's ass.

- Oh, I'll take care of it, sir.

- [Secretary] Got
Tony on line two,

he says there's a problem.

- No kidding.

Where the hell are you?

- [Tony] I'm in Maine!

- Maine?

What the hell you
doing in Maine?

- I'm freezing my
balls off, that's what.

- The bitch is in
Dallas, you idiot.

- Dallas?

I think Joe set me up.

- Oh, there's a newsflash.

Di di di di di di di.

Look.

He's down there with her
trying to serve her husband.

He flipped on us.

He flipped his mark.

Now, you go stick your
balls in a cup of hot cocoa,

click your heels
three times, Dorothy,

and get down to Dallas.

You nail her first,
or we are done!

It's over, you understand?

Ooh.

You know, I need
to call Miss Cleo.

Psychics, psychics,
is that P or S?

- Let me guess,
employees of the month?

- Ha ha.

- So I just, I just don't
know what's normal anymore.

- Hi, Doris.

What's going on?

- I would love to
tell you, but I can't.

Mr. Moore had his lawyer
make all of us sign

affidavits this morning saying

we wouldn't divulge
his whereabouts.

- Hmm, nice.

Well, you've been
completely useless, Doris.

I really wish I hadn't been
so nice to you over the years.

- Let's go, let's go.

So, what's in Durango?

- Oh, we just bought
a cattle ranch there.

I haven't been there
myself yet, though.

It's Gordon's
little pet project.

- How do you feel
about walking faster?

- Good, good.

Two tickets on the next
flight to Durango, please.

- Okie-dokie.

I just need your credit card

and some ID please.

- Sure.

There you go.

Oh.

Well, at least
those two are happy.

- Oh, please.

That has affair
written all over it.

- Why do you say that?

- Who makes out with their wife?

See, ring.

No ring.

- I bet Gordon's
having an affair.

- You think?

- Yeah.

You know what, I really do.

- Um, I'm sorry, Miss,

but my computer shows that your

credit card's been canceled.

- Canceled?

- Gordon virus.

Goddamn it!

- No.

No, no, no, look.

I know he wants to divorce me,

but believe me, he would
not want me to be penniless.

Excuse me, could
you try this card?

- Honey, if he
canceled that card,

he canceled all the cards.

- Excuse me one sec.

- Uh, hey.

Denise.

Hi.

[sobbing]

- It's not fair.

Oh no!

[barking]

- I just landed.

I'll take care of business.

I'm here at the airport.

All right, bye.

- Ow!

Hey, fat boy, you need to
watch where you're going.

- These tickets say Durango.

We need to go to Amarillo.

- This is gonna take
me another minute.

- Hey, Joe.

What a nice surprise.

- Oh nice look, Don Ho.

So, racking up those
frequent flyer miles?

- Yeah, thanks for the
world tour, ass wipe.

- Well, you've been
tipping off my marks

for about a month,

so I figured it
was payback time.

- You figured that out, huh?

- Yeah, using my brain and all.

- Yeah, well the way I see it,

all those jobs were mine
before you came along.

So I was just taking back
what already belonged to me.

- You grew up around a lot
of lead paint, didn't you?

- Enough of the chit chat.

Where's the girl?

- What girl?

- The girl!

- Oh, Sara?

- Yeah.

- Oh, I think she's
in Copenhagen.

Right, Copenhagen.

- Yeah.

- [Tony] Really?

- [Joe] Yeah, the luge finals.

- Oh, well that wouldn't be her

walking out of the bathroom
over there now, would it?

[barking]
- [Joe] Yo, Tony!

- What?

[Tony yelling]

[dog growling]

- Hey, look, that man--

- He's trying to serve you!

- What?

- Come on, come on, go!

Go, go, go, go!

- Here, look!

- Uh.

- Aah!

Aah!

Oh, no!

[yells]

Ohh.

- Oh, uh.

[screaming]

You okay?

- No!

Oh God!

Can we stop, please?

Oh!

Oh!

My pant leg is stuck!

- Okay!

Okay, uh, here.

- What are you doing?

Ow!

- Okay.

- Jesus Christ, I said
help me, not undress me!

- Oh I'm sorry.

I didn't hear you
over the big machine

that was gonna rip you
into little pieces.

Come on.

- Well, I only have
half a pair of pants on,

if you hadn't noticed.

- Well I for one,
think you look great.

- Find me something to wear.

- Okay.

- No, not this one!

Look there!

- Here.

- No.

I'll do it.

♪ American woman

- Huh.

Which Judd sister are you?

- Hey, it's the only
thing that fitted.

- That fits?

- Yes.

- Yee-haw.

[bell rings]

- I ain't cleaning it up.

- Excuse me, cowboy.

Miss, I'm looking for my friend.

You know, the guy I
was talking to before.

- You mean that guy who
threw the dog at you?

- Yeah, what a kidder,
always playing jokes.

Can you tell me
where he's going?

- Amarillo.

- Amarillo?

- Amarillo, yeah.

But our last flight just left,

and he didn't even
get his tickets.

- This his wallet?

- [Clerk] Yeah.

- Good.

I'll make sure he gets it back.

- Oh, no.

Sir.

- Watch it, man!
- Amarillo.

What the hell is in Amarillo?

- Asshole.

- [Announcer] The
Pepsi Monster Smash

comes to Dallas this
Friday, Friday, Friday!

And two shows Saturday
at the Union Arena!

[advertisement
continues indistinctly]

Go head to head
for big bad prices.

Cross motorbike
racing at its finest.

Tickets on sale now.

[cow mooing]

♪ Baby I was down
for the dance ♪

♪ Swimming around
about to drown in my ♪

- I think we should
find a hotel.

- What?

We're making great time.

You said we're like,
three hours away.

- All I know is that if you
sneak onto a cattle ranch

in the middle of the night,

two things are
guaranteed to happen.

One.

You're gonna tread in cow shit.

And two, you're gonna get shot.

- So, you want to get a hotel?

♪ I'm a living proof

♪ I can't forget your face

♪ It's not impossible

- Come and get him, Joe.

I'll be waiting.

Oh, your sister's ass.

[gunshot]

Oh!

Don't shoot!

Don't shoot!

Hold up!

I'm no thief!

I'm just a process server!

[gunshot]

[gunshot]

Ow!

- Let me get this straight.

You're telling me you're here

from the motel's parent company

doing spot inspections,

and I should give
you a room for free

so you can see how it is.

- That's correct, sir.

And let me just say that the
degree of professionalism

that you are
exhibiting here today

will undoubtedly
go in my report.

- Well, let me just say that
either you fork over $34.95,

or you are plum out
of luck, mister.

You got me?

- We're sleeping in the car.

- Let me have a go.

Sir, we've been robbed,
please take pity on us.

- Lady, there ain't
no way in hell

I'm gonna give you a
room here for free.

[gasps]

That's, uh, room 17.

- Thank you.

- Oh, and we do have
suites available as well.

And let me know if
you need any ice.

I love you.

- Bummer.

Hey.

How was your bath?

- You mean shower.

There's no tub in here.

- Oh, well.

I'll call the concierge.

Oh no, wait a minute.

You got us a free
room in a dump.

- Tease me all you like,

I just don't feel right
if I don't have a bath.

I don't get you Americans
with your two-minute showers.

- Well, it could be worse,

we could be French and
skip the whole thing.

- You must admit, though,

it's pretty cool the way
I got us our free room.

- [Joe] Oh yeah.

- What are you doing?

- Well, I've gotten into bed,

and now I'm going to sleep.

- No.

I am the girl, I get the bed.

- All right, I'll tell you what.

Why don't you draw
an imaginary line,

and I will promise
not to cross it, okay?

- Okay.

My line goes all the
way around the bed.

- I knew you were
gonna say that.

- Thank you!

- Oh yeah.

- Ah.

Mmm.

- Comfy?

- Yeah.

Lights out?

- No, you know what,
I'm just going to, uh,

stay up and read the
Bible for a while.

- Good night.

- Yeah, I guess I
got the gist of it.

- You know, assuming you
serve Gordon tomorrow,

what are you gonna
do with the money?

- Why do girls always have

another question
after good night?

- Come on, I'm just curious.

- Well, if you must know,

I was kind of hoping to
have my own vineyard.

In Napa Valley or somewhere.

- Come on, I'm being serious.

- Oh, seriously.

Well...

A while back, I was
this hot-shot attorney.

You know, I had all
the attachments that
go with that gig.

You know, a big house, nice car.

Beautiful girlfriend.

Fiancee, actually.

- Oh, that sounds terrible.

I can see why you
turned your back on it.

- Well, anyway, I was given
this high-profile case

to defend this guy in
the cement business.

In other words, the mob.

- Really?

How did you know that?

- I have an eye for
that kind of stuff.

And he told me he
was in the mob.

[laughs]

Then I realized I'd
just become this cliche.

You know, some sleazy
defense attorney,

and at that moment, boom.

I got out.

- I don't blame you.

- Well the beautiful
fiancee did.

Soon as the money
ran out, so did she.

- Ow.

- Yeah, ow.

- You know, all kidding aside.

After you quit, didn't
you miss the money?

- Well, being successful
isn't all about money.

- No?

So your girlfriend ditched you

because you didn't
have enough money,

and my husband's ditching
me to get it all.

All right, good night then.

- Good night then.

- Oh, all right.

- All right what?

- I moved the line.

- Oh.

- It's still there.

I just moved it a little.

- [Joe] Oh.

- Come on.

- Thanks.

Thank you.

Oh, sorry.

- That's okay, just don't
let it happen again.

- Okay.

- Gentlemen, I'd like to
welcome you to my ranch.

Now I know in your country,

it's polite to remove your
shoes when you're visiting

someone's humble abode--

- Who are all those
Japanese guys around Gordon?

- I have no idea.

- You do that around
here, those white socks--

- Go on, go and serve him.

- Okay.

- Oh no, wait!

- What, what, what?

Who's that?

- That is trouble.

- [Gordon] Well these
here are getting

their daily massages.

- Wyatt Earp looks pissed.

- Quick, let's get out of here.

- Hey, Vernon!

I need you for a minute!

[sighs]

- Whoa!

- Boy, am I glad to see you two.

- Really?

- Of course he is.

- Follow me.

- Okay.

- Well you sure
made it fast enough.

Now we're just having
the damnedest old time

milking that old boy today.

- Well that's the problem.

See, if you want to get milk,

you need to use a girl cow.

[laughs]

- Um, you are the vet, right?

- Yes, I am the vet.

- And I'm the vet's nurse.

Um, it's casual Friday.

- Well Ol' Tornado over there,

he's normally our
feistiest bull,

good for at least
a quart a week.

- But today, hell, we
can't get his pump primed.

- Would you all
excuse me please?

I need to talk with my nurse.

Excuse me.

Tell me they are
not talking about

what I think they're
talking about.

- What do you think
they're talking about?

- Masturbating an impotent bull.

- Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!

- So what do you think, doc?

- Well you know what,

we just got a page
telling us that a sheep

has fallen into a lake and is
shrinking at an amazing rate.

Just getting
smaller and smaller.

- Go look over there!

- Yes, sir!

- Better find somebody
or it's your ass!

- How small can a
sheep get, I guess?

So, um, how do you
get things started?

What do you do to
get the bulls ready?

- You know, the regular way,

but we've been trying
that for over an hour.

Poor ol' Mickey there can't
even lift his arms up no more.

- Well, maybe it's a
question of inspiration.

I mean, that is a
very attractive rump,

but maybe Tornado needs
a little more oomph.

- Like what?

- Have you tried
a Barry White CD?

[laughing]

- Why don't you just do
what the other doc did

when this happened to Attila?

You know, relieve the
pressure on the prostate?

- A prostate pressure?

Right.

Nurse, did you bring the tools?

- Um, no, I'm afraid
I forgot them.

- She forgot the tools.

- Ha, can't really do
anything without the tools.

- That's all right, doc.

We got everything you need.

- Oh dear God.

[groaning]

- Here, let me help.

Let's get you nice
and lubricated.

- How far up is the prostate?

- When you think you've
got there, keep going.

- [Cowhand] We're ready
when you are, doc.

- You fellas haven't
been feeding Tornado

any Mexican food, have you?

[bellows]

[passes gas]

- Aah, whoa.

- [Vernon] Get your
dumb ass over here!

- [Man] Yes, Mr. Vernon.

- Keep looking.

- I'm sorry.

- Go on, doc.

He ain't gonna give
you an invitation.

- Especially not from this end.

Oh.

[bellows]

- How's it feel in there, doc?

- Compared to what?

- Better go a
little further, doc,

there ain't nothing
happening yet.

- Let me help you, doc.

- That's the spot,
doc, you got it.

[mooing]

- Damn, that thing filled
up like a fire hose.

[mooing]

- I'm uncomfortable.

Help.

- Sure wish you folks could've
been here a little earlier.

Mr. Moore came by and
had a bunch of those

corporate fellas with him.

And it damn embarrassing.

Ol' Tornado couldn't
put on his usual show.

Look at him go.

- [Joe] Oh great,
I've lost my ring.

- What, was he giving them
a special tour or something?

- Ah, I think it was a little
more than a little tour.

I hear he's trying to sell
the whole damn company.

- Hey, you hear that, doc?

Mr. Moore is trying to sell
the whole damn company.

- That's fascinating.

- I can't believe that Gordon

is trying to sell this company!

Mind you, I have to say, I
think it's good news for us.

Well you know, if he's in the
middle of a big sales pitch,

he can hardly skip town.

You don't seem very excited.

- Did you see what
I just did in there?

I'm gonna need a minute, okay?

A bull is lighting a cigarette
in there because of me.

- Oh.

- There goes my mark.

- Hey, come on, let's
go back to Dallas.

Oh my God, quick!

- No, no, no, no, no.

[crash]

[horn honking]

Oh, come on, come on.

[gunshot]

- Oh!

[gunshots]

- The guy must
hate veterinarians.

[gunshot]

- No.

No, Mr. Cebron, everything's
under control, okay?

I just need a little more time.

- If everything's so
goddamn under control,

tell me what that process server

was doing snooping
around Gordon's ranch up

in Durango this morning?

- What?

- Listen, dirt bag.

By tomorrow morning,

I'm gonna have these papers
out to three other firms.

That means you better get her
served by the end of the day,

or you're off the case.

You understand?

- Yeah, yeah.

Page Tony!

- [Secretary] Tony's
holding on line two.

- How'd he do that?

Where the hell are you?

- Don't give me any lip, Ray.

I got shot.

- What?

- Some nurse is about to
pick pellets out of my back

with a pair of
needle-nose pliers,

so just chill, all right?

Ah!

[whistles]

- Lucky for you, these
wounds are only superficial.

First we gotta mow that lawn.

- I've been meaning to
get that done anyway.

- Mm-hmm.

- Tony, where are you now?

- Amarillo.

I found out Joe and the girl

were gonna serve Mr. Moore
at his ranch in Amarillo,

so I figured I'd ambush them.

- Amarillo?

Father, help me.

They are in Durango.

- Durango?

What the...

You know, that Joe's getting
to be one big pain in my...

Aah!

- Sorry.

Must've snagged a weed.

- I got a goddamn butcher here!

- Durango.

Durango!

Yeah.

Oh man.

- Whoa, nice house.

- Thanks.

You know what?

I can't wait to
check Gordon's files

to see just who he thinks
he's selling my company to.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

What if somebody's home?

- It's only Maria,
my housekeeper.

- All right, at least
do me a favor, okay?

You go through the
back and get the files,

and I'll distract
the housekeeper.

- All right, but be nice, okay?

I really like her.

- I think I can handle that.

[knocks]

- Hi!

- Holy...

- Can I help you?

- Are you Maria?

- No, I'm Kate.

Do you know Maria?

- Do I know Maria?

Do I know, yes, Maria's my
second cousin twice removed.

- Oh my.

Well let me get her
for you, she's--

- Oh, no, no, don't do that.

If I know Maria, and I do,

she's not gonna want
to come downstairs

until she looks
like Salma Hayek,

if you know what I'm saying.

- Oh, okay.

- Do you have a
bathroom or something?

Because when you say Big
Gulp up here in Texas,

you're not kidding around.

- Oh, of course!

Come on in!

- Oh, gracias.

Don't worry, it's
just number one.

- Let me show you where it is.

So, are you from El Salvador?

- What?

- Well, Maria's from El
Salvador, so I figured.

- Oh that's right,
El Salvador High.

Go Iguanas!

Cha-cha-cha!

- Your English is very good.

- Well, we had cable.

- Oh.

All right, if you just look--

- Is that all wine?

- Yeah.

My boyfriend has
quite the collection.

- Well, he is a lucky man,
you pink goddess of love.

- No more callers,
we've got a winner.

- Wow!

- I take it y'all don't
have a lot of wine

down in El Salvador?

- What?

Oh, yes.

No, where I'm from,
it's mostly margaritas.

- Ole!

- Yeah.

Have you ever had a Cabernet
blend that is so good,

you drink it and drink it,

and then you pour it
all over your privates?

- I'm sorry, I'm not
all that into wines.

But my Gordy sure is!

- [Sara] My Gordy?

- Oh boy.

- Who the hell are you?

- Oh, you must be Sara.

- And you must be
banging my husband!

- I am truly sorry, Sara.

- Mrs. Moore to you, okay?

- Look, things happen, you
shouldn't blame yourself.

- Blame myself?

Are you insane?

I'm blaming you, you Twinkie,

and that asshole of
a husband of mine!

So!

Come on, you!

- Well, you just got a quick
glimpse into your future.

When it happens to you, page me.

Adios, Twinkie.

Whoa.

- Let's take the Jag.

- Yeah, let's take the Jag.

- I'd give my life
for a hot bath.

- [Joe] What?

- A hot bath...

Are we suddenly deaf?

- No, I just like
hearing you say hot bath.

- Oh, well, I'd really like one.

- I think I saw a Motel
6 around here somewhere.

- Wouldn't you prefer
a five-star hotel?

- Sara, your breasts
are great, but...

- Joe?

- I don't think they're gonna
get us into a five-star hotel.

- Do you think cash would?

Oh yeah.

[gasps]

Oh.

Hello, marble bathtub.

Yes!

- Do you mind if I have
a $9 bottle of water?

- Coming up.

- Thanks.

So it says here that Gordon's
going to sell all his assets

to some company, Kobe-West?

- Yeah, and let's not
forget, behind my back.

Music?

- Yeah.

So, quick divorce, then
he makes the deal, huh?

Nice.

- Yeah, I know.

Seems like Gordon cares about
the money more than anything.

Unbelievable.

- Yeah, unbelievable.

- I have something
else to show you.

I did a bit more
stealing from Gordon.

In fact, I got his passport,
so he can't flee the country.

- Nice work, 99.

- Thank you.

Hey, you know what,

he went to St. Bart's
twice in the last month.

And hey, look at this.

Acapulco on the 17th?

That was our
wedding anniversary.

I distinctly remember him saying

he had to do business in Omaha.

Instead he was, um,
doing Kate in Mexico.

- Look, Sara, if
Gordon can't tell

how beautiful and sexy
and intelligent you are,

then he is an idiot.

And now I'm an idiot
for saying way too much.

- Didn't sound like
too much to me.

♪ 'Cause when we're torn apart

♪ Shattered and scarred

♪ Love has the
grace to save us ♪

♪ We're just two
tarnished hearts ♪

[water running]

- Am I hearing waves?

- Don't you mean fireworks?

- No, waves.

[gasps]

- Bugger!

Oh!

Oh God!

Sorry about that.

- No, no, that's, that's okay.

- Well I think
I'll just go ahead

and get in the bath.

- Great idea, I got some
Mr. Bubbles in my bag.

- Alone.

You know, I think our priority
has to be to find Gordon.

Business first.

- Right.

Yeah, business first.

You know I was just about
to say the same thing, so.

- Okay.

- Okay.

[clears throat]

Well, I'm gonna go out
and get some fresh air.

Alone!

Hi.

- Hi.

[pager beeping]

- I'm a veterinarian.

A cow just beeped me.

♪ My ship came and she sunk it

♪ I was the toast of the
town and she drunk it ♪

♪ I had a run of good
luck and she ran it ♪

- [Crowd] Ohh!

[wolf whistle]

- Hey, how's Maria?

- Very funny.

- Can I get you
something, honey?

- I would really love
a Miller Longneck.

- You got it.

- Let's get down to
business, shall we?

- Okay.

- Look.

Gordon is a complete jerk.

- This much we agree on.

- And believe me,

I didn't need his
ex-wife to tell me that.

I'm in it for the money.

- Really?

- Yeah.

And I know how this works.

If you serve Gordon first,
then he's going to New York,

and Sara gets half of
a whole lot of money.

But to serve him,
you have to find him.

[crowd cheering]

- And you know where he is?

- Look.

There's no way that
Gordon's marrying me

without a prenup.

So, if I wanna be a really
rich lady, and I do,

I have got to wait
on him hand and foot

for the next 20 years.

Thank you!

- Thank you.

- Or, I can serve him
up to you for let's say,

a million dollars?

And I'll never have
to see him again.

Everybody wins.

- Except for Gordo.

- Exactly.

- Just one snag though,
none of the money is mine.

I'd have to talk to Sara first.

- So talk.

[door opens]

- Hey!

- Hey, nice robe.

- Thank you.

Where'd you get to?

- You'll see.

- Hmm?

What the hell is she doing here?

- She paged me.

- Why?

- Look, before you
get all in a tizzy,

hear her out, okay?

She's got a great plan.

[elevator ding]

- Look, before we
get into all that,

I just wanted to say, Sara,

I feel really badly about
stealing your husband.

So badly in fact, that there's
a guy I'd like you to meet.

- Sara Moore, you are
hereby served for divorce

under the laws governing
the Great State of Texas.

- Joe, do something!

- Take another one
for my buddy Joe here

just to bust his balls.

- Cheese!

- Beautiful,
beautiful, thank you.

Mmm.

Classic honey trap.

Oldest trick in the book.

You should read it sometime.

Oh, and I'll see
you back in New York

when you come to clean
out your desk, ass-wipe.

Haha, look what I got!

- Hmm!

He is cute.

It's too bad he's
just a process server.

- Oh.

- So, one look at a girl in
tight pants and big tits,

and suddenly you're stupid?

- It's not the way this
was supposed to go down.

- How could you blow this?

- It seemed like a
good idea at the time.

Look Sara, can we just focus
on what we have to do now?

- Yes, we can.

You can focus on getting the
hell out of this hotel room.

Go, get out of here, leave!

Goodbye!

- Goodbye?

That's it?

- Yeah.

Go on, there's
nothing else to say.

[laughs]

- You're a genius, you hear me?

A goddamn genius!

That's all right!

You know what?

There's only been three
wop geniuses ever!

- [Tony] Oh yeah!

- da Vinci, Stallone
in the first Rocky,

and now you, Tony!

- [Tony] Thank you, Ray!
- I swear.

I love you for this, boy!

I love you for this.

You know what?

I need you to fax me
a copy of the papers,

take the originals
down to the courthouse,

and get your butt back here.

I'm gonna buy you the
biggest steak in Manhattan,

you hear me?

- [Tony] On my way, on
my way, as fast as I can.

- Okay, look here,
you know what?

It's okay, fly first class.

- [Tony] First class?

- First class, all right!

- [Tony] Good!

- Whoa, wait a minute.

- [Tony] What?

- Make that business class.

- [Tony] Business.

- Mm-hmm.

- [Tony] Okay.

♪ I gotcha, uh huh, huh

♪ You thought I didn't see ya
now, didn't ya, uh huh, huh ♪

♪ Now gimme what you
promised me, give it here ♪

- Ooh, ooh!

You're outta here!

[wheezing]

I wore myself out.

[chuckles]

- Did he?

Wait a minute, I need a phone.

I need a phone!

- [Secretary] Ray,
Joe's on line one.

- Hello, loser.

You little dirty...

You tried to double-cross
me, didn't you?

You know what, I got
something for you.

It's over.

- Yeah, I guess you
really got me, Ray.

- That's right.

Who's my bitch, huh?

♪ Who's my bitch

- Yeah, I'm your bitch.

So, did Tony make
the plane okay?

- You know what, he sure did,

and he's flying first class too.

- Ugh!

See, I was really hoping
that he didn't drop

the papers off at City Hall.

- Well you can hope all
you want to, Gladis,

'cause he did, it's over.

- Now, you probably
have a copy of that file

lying around somewhere.

Would you mind telling me

what time my career
officially ended?

I'd love to know that.

- 7:04.

You hear that?

Remember it, write it
down, paint a picture,

I don't care what you do.

Seven, zero, and then there's
a big four after that!

It's over!

- Yeah, that's so
funny, you know,

because my watch
here says it's 6:15.

- Looks like Retardo Montalban
forgot to set his watch back.

With the time difference
between here and New York,

I can still serve Gordon.

I've still got 49 minutes.

49.

You know that number.

Your IQ.

[disconnects phone]

[dialing]

[ringing]

- Hello?

- Gordon Moore, Milt.

What do you got?

- You want to hear what's great?

Your guy's got LoJack.

For a very reasonable
$50 surcharge,

I can tell you exactly
where he is right now.

- Milt, you are a
beautiful, beautiful man.

- All right, he's at
the southwest corner

of Lakeville and Beverly.

I looked it up, it's
some fancy steakhouse.

- You got it.

And you just made five grand.

- Sure.

But after taxes...

- [Flight Attendant] On
the screens ahead of you,

we will run our safety
video, but first...

[pager beeps]

[humming]

Please remain seated as we
back away from the gate.

- Sir, please take your seat.

- Excuse me.

I'm a heart surgeon,

and I got a patient that
needs an emergency, heart.

What's the matter?

I don't look like a goddamn
heart surgeon to you?

- Get in.

- Are you high?

- This is better.

Look, we don't
have time for this.

- It's over, you idiot.

You've blown it.

- We have another
hour to get Gordon.

- An hour?

- Yeah, Mr. Cebron?

Yeah, good news.

Yeah, we got her.

Uh-huh, yeah, we did.

Listen, there is just
one tiny little thing.

We didn't get her,
get her, though.

[thundering]

I mean, in a way, we got her,

but not like if
you get somebody.

You know how you say like

if you was playing
hide-and-go-get-it,

and you get it, but you
don't really get nothing,

but you get it?

That's kind of the
way that we got her.

She's got, but not really got,

if you know what I'm saying.

It's kind of an enigma.

- Now to us, beef
might be a big deal,

but to a cow, it's
just an udder day.

You know what to do.

Keep them boys tethered!

- Sit.

Shh.

- Oh, and I got a
belly full of steer.

- Gordon Moore!

I am hereby here to serve you!

[dialing]

[ringing]

Gordo!

- [Warren] This is Warren.

- Hey, Warren!

- Gordon, finally, damn.

Look, Sara's been served,
but there's been a problem.

- Yeah, you're telling
me there's a problem!

She and that process server

are crawling all over
my ass right now!

- [Joe] I got you, Gordo!

- Damn longhorns.

- [Warren] Uh, Gordon--

- Ooh!

Hang on.

Aww.

- [Joe] Gordo!

- Okay, go ahead.

Yeah!

- Gordon, this whole thing's

a little difficult
to explain right now.

They can still
serve you, Gordon,

so you can't let them catch
you or you're screwed.

Just stay away from them
for the next 22 minutes.

That'll be till 7:04.

Can you do that, do you think?

- Uh.

Yeah.

Now I can.

Season ticket-holder.

[cellphone rings]

- Yeah.

- Look, I just talked to Warren.

Get your ass down
to Union Arena.

You gotta keep Joe
off Gordon until 7:04.

- Got it.

Hey, Ray.

- [Ray] Yeah.

- Where the hell's
the Union Arena?

- I don't know!

You're the one in Texas!

[thundering]

- [Announcer] Time for
the beasties to battle!

It's been building all
afternoon, and here we have...

[engines revving]

[announcer speaking
indistinctly]

[engines revving]

- I have an idea.

- What?

- Just come on.

- Hey, you can't come in here.

- Does this phone work?

- [Sara] What are you doing?

- Damn it, Cheryl, you
know as well as I do

in about 30 minutes, 20,000
of those church-going fans

are gonna be puking
up their vital organs,

and it's not gonna be pretty.

- Whoa.

Who are you guys?

- Center for Disease Control.

You see, this man most recently

was bitten by a monkey
at our facility.

- My God, I wish there
was some way we could warn

these poor, innocent people!

- What's your name, son?

- Rusty.

- Rusty, have you ever
dreamed of being a hero?

Have you, Rusty?

[engines revving]

- [Joe] Ladies and gentlemen,

may I have your
attention please?

- Joe?

- There is no need for alarm,

but if the individual pictured
on the screen above you...

- Oh, mmm.

- Nice job, Rusty.

Is sitting anywhere near you,

please get up and
walk away from him

in a calm, orderly fashion.

He may be a carrier of
the deadly Ebola virus!

- Goddamn you, Joe!

[screams]

- My God, it's the Ebola guy!

- Hey, I'm clean!

- That's him!

- Shoot him!

- No, no, wait!

Don't, don't shoot him!

Don't shoot him!

I need to serve him!

I need to serve him!

[people screaming]

[gasps]

- [Man] Somebody shoot him!

- Hold it!

- Oh!

[motorcycles engines revving]

Oh!

[grunts]

[engine starts]

[engine revving]

- I'm gonna get you, Joe!

- Oh boy.

- How do you do this?

[laughs]

- Oh, this is gonna be ugly.

- Whoa!

- Oh!

- Aah!

- Mommy!

- Oh!

- Get this damn truck off me!

- Eat me.

- My dog ain't in that fight.

Whoa, ding-ding.

[laughing]

Adios, amigos!

- Last call, Gordy.

- Oof!

Oh!

- Yes!

- Gordon Moore, you are
hereby served for divorce,

under the laws governing
the state of New York.

Here you go, Hopalong.

You know, Cassidy.

Say, half.

- Hang on.

- Ahh!

[laughs]

- Yes!

- [CDC] Rock and roll!

This Gordon guy's going
to have to be quarantined

for about a year.

- Excuse me, sir.

- Joe!

Hey!

We did it.

- Yeah, I guess so.

- Mmm.

- Ah.

Business first.

- Oh.

[chuckles]

- You'll get your
money, don't worry.

First you're gonna get this.

- Hey, you mother.

- Hey, nice driving back there.

- You're finished, Joe.

You flipped your
mark, you're finished.

- Oh, I don't believe
you two have met.

Guy who got run over,
guy who ran you over.

- Ran me over, asshole!

- Screw you, cowboy.

Oh!

- Oh!

[groaning]

- So, where were we?

- We were just getting
down to business.

- Oh right.

So, 14 months and a
million dollars later,

I got my vineyard.

Growing grapes isn't easy,

but at least it's
got its benefits.

- Joe?

I thought I'd serve
you for a change.

- The first bottle.

Cheers.

- Good luck.

[spitting]

- Better than yesterday.

- Yeah.

Do you want to have sex again?

- Yeah.

["Someone Else's
Mess" by Abra Moore]

♪ If I loved you

♪ Would you like that

♪ Would you have me on
my front or on my back ♪

♪ I used to like that

♪ If I trust you

♪ Would it matter

♪ Would you care more

♪ If I showed you what I hide

♪ And let you inside

♪ Please don't ask me
cause it's not you ♪

♪ The careless
things I say and do ♪

♪ That cause this stress

♪ But this is
someone else's mess ♪

♪ Can I kiss you

♪ Can I try to make you laugh

♪ Can I have you

♪ On my floor or in my bath

♪ I used to like that

♪ But please don't ask
me cause it's not you ♪

♪ The careless
things I say and do ♪

♪ That cause this stress

♪ But this is
someone else's mess ♪

♪ Someone else's mess

♪ Please don't ask me
cause it's not you ♪

♪ The careless
things I say and do ♪

♪ That cause this stress

♪ But this is
someone else's mess ♪

♪ Someone else's mess

♪ Someone else's,
someone else's ♪

♪ Someone else's mess

♪ If I loved you

♪ Would you like that

♪ Would you have me

♪ On my front or on my back

♪ I used to like that, yeah

♪ I used to like that, yeah

♪ Ohh

♪ Please don't ask me
cause it's not you ♪

♪ The careless
things I say and do ♪

♪ That cause this stress

♪ But this is
someone else's mess ♪

♪ Someone else's mess

♪ Someone else's mess

♪ Someone else's mess

♪ Someone else's mess

♪ Someone else's mess

♪ Someone else's mess

[melodious instrumental music]

[mellow instrumental music]

[upbeat instrumental music]