All language subtitles for s08e05_-_death_takes_a_halloween

You know, we really let Harry down last
year. It was the first time none of us

showed up to his Halloween party.

Well, my idea of a good time doesn't
include a midnight clam bake at a

crematorium.

Dad, Walt, come on.

Could we get this over with? I am
suffocating.

Come on, Dan.

You know that Harry's decorated his
office. You know we spend months coming

up with an outrageous costume. It's the
least we can do.

When will all this sucking up end?

I tell you, I wouldn't mind Halloween if
it weren't for those stupid, scary

stunts Harry pulls every year.

Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. Why are you making such
a big deal over a few harmless pranks?

Well, you would be scared, too, if he
put a laughing skull in your briefcase.

Dad, remember last year when you put
live worms in our pasta salad?

Yeah, it tasted so bad I almost didn't
finish it.

Did we just get this over with?

Okay, okay, everybody.

I'd like to keep things moving tonight.
I have a very special evening planned

with Margaret.

Wow, scary costume, sir.

Costume? Yeah, you're going
trick-or-treating as yuppie scum, right?

Trick-or-treating? Oh, Halloween.

Oh, I get it. That's why you're in the
crazy get-ups.

Real cute. Let's get to work.

Um, no decorations, no costume. What's
going on?

Well, come on, Christine.

Everyone outgrows that kind of
silliness.

Eventually.

I don't get it. Oh, I do.

I do.

This is how he gets us to lower our
guards. Then he sneaks up on us with one

of those screwball pranks where you can
bet I'm going to be watching my back.

I'm not nearly as dumb as I look.

At this exact moment.

Lizette, have you noticed we're dressed
exactly alike?

Gee, the guy in the costume store said
this is a one-of-a-kind outfit.

Costume store?

Yeah, I'm going to a Halloween party
after session.

Oh, and you're going as an upstanding
member of the legal profession.

Oh.

I'm going as a high-class call girl.

Okay, Matt, call the next case, huh?
Right.

The charge is assault.

People versus the spirit of death?

Death?

As in... death?

Yes, sir. You know, the deed of
departure, the prince of passing, the

goodbye guy.

you outdone yourself this time, sir.

I had nothing to do with this, Mac.
What's the story, Mr. Prosecutor? Well,

sir, it's pretty cut and dry. Mr. Death
here was arrested on the 57th Street bus

after allegedly approaching one Muriel
Brown.

That's me, Your Honor.

It was terrifying.

I was just nodding off when all of a
sudden I feel this strange hand right on

my bursitis.

Ah, there's a lovely image.

Ah, Your Honor, my client claims to be
in charge of... This is really yucky.

Taking away all the departed souls in
Lower Manhattan.

Yeah, I can clear this up in a second.

It was a clerical error.

I mistakenly thought it was her time to
expire.

What led you to believe that it was her
time to expire?

Because...

I'm the spirit of death.

What do you want, a picture ID?

That would help.

Well, I don't have one.

I'm death.

There we go.

Everybody's down on the spirit of death
again. What do we have to do to get some

respect around here?

We? You mean there are other spirits of
death?

Oh! Oh, sure. There's ten guys that just
handle goldfish alone.

You know, my neighbor has goldfish, and
they've been keeping me up all night.

Oh, you need a long vacation.

Counsel's approached the bed.

Sir, I think our friend here is ready
for some clay sculpting and papioca

pudding.

I tend to agree. I'd like to find out
who he is first, Christine.

Oh!

All right, all right. I'll do an ID and
record search.

Yes. See what you can dig up.

And cut it out.

Yes, master.

Sir, we're going to keep you around for
a bit till we get some more information.

Oh, gee, I wish you wouldn't. I got a
10.30 poison mushroom thing and an 11

freak bowling accident.

Happy Halloween, Bull.

How'd you know it was me, Jack?

The hot breath on the top of my head was
a dead giveaway.

Well, as usual, my eyes are bigger than
my stomach. Here, Mac. Want to finish my

salad?

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

What's in here?

Huh?

Rubber spider.

It's loading cucumber.

Max, there's nothing in there but some
lettuce and a few croutons.

Oh.

It's a decoy.

You put something in my sandwich.

Or my soda. Or my pie.

Ah, we're ahead of you this time, huh?

Guess what?

I'm not eating tonight.

I'll take your sandwich. Give it on the
back.

Thought it looked good to me.

Excuse me, could I borrow the ketchup?

A little jumpy, Christine?

Oh, I can't help it. That spirit of...
You know what, guys?

I'm getting a little creep.

Every time I think about him, I get
goosebumps all over my body.

Prove it.

Do you actually believe the Grim Reaper
is some dip in a bad tuck?

Why is it every Halloween you people
turn into a bunch of quivering children?

It is just another day in fruitcake
court.

I'm sorry, but I still think it's weird.

I'll tell you what's weird.

What's that, Art? The bugs.

They sprayed here an hour ago, and
they're still crawling around, mocking

my very existence.

And we're worried about the guy
downstairs.

Maybe you're using the wrong bug juice.

Same stuff that I always use.

They're just not dying, Your Honor.

They're just not dying.

Christine?

Boo!

Hey,

Your Honor, look what they gave me down
in the morgue.

Ladyfingers.

Cookies, Your Honor.

I'm going to go back after a session and
see if they have any leftovers.

Are you sure you should, Bull? They're
pretty busy down there. Not tonight.

The place is dead.

That's the kind of place it is, big guy.

No, Your Honor. I mean, it's real quiet.

The slowest night they've had all year.

They haven't had a customer for hours.

Trick or treat.

Trick baby.

But it's gonna cost you.

Yeah, Harry Stone.

Oh, hi, Margaret.

No. Now, why would they give you a story
at this hour?

Oh, what news?

Oh, come on. Guys jump off the World
Trade Center all the time.

He lived?

Guess that is news.

No, that's all right, sweetheart. I'll
call you tomorrow.

Yeah, happy Halloween to you, too.

All right, could you have... What's the
matter?

You're looking even squirrelier than
usual.

Okay, I know this sounds crazy, but hear
me out.

Art can't kill the bugs.

They're playing tiddlywinks down in the
morgue. And some guy just did a half

-gainer from a skyscraper, and he lived.

So? So.

what if no one's dying because our
friend Mr.

D can't get out and make his rounds?

Oh, Harry, just when I thought you were
getting a life.

You've got a girlfriend?

Your face is clearing up really nicely.

You're wearing dockers?

Now is not the time to go prancing off
into the Twilight Zone.

Okay, so how would you explain all this?

Coincidence. Believe me, nobody's not
dying because you locked up some

lunatic.

You better hope not, Dan, because your
obituary is in tomorrow's paper.

Uh-huh.

Oh.

Uh-huh. Okay, well, thank you.

Well, the guy who handles the old bits
went home.

We won't be able to find out anything
until morning.

Real convenient, huh, Harry?

Hey, don't look at me.

Oh, come on. This prank has Harry Stone
written all over it.

No, no, really. I've gone legit.

Daniel Reinhold Fielding, a low-level
employee with the Manhattan District

Attorney's Office, was found dead last
night.

Causes unknown.

Oh, my God. Oh, please.

This is not about me.

Right. I'm sure there are a million
Daniel Ryan Hull Fieldings in Manhattan.

Right.

Well, look at this thing. It's full of
inaccuracies.

The aging, little-known prosecutor was
discovered

in the lobby of the criminal courts
building.

Investigators said Fielding was found
with traces of clown makeup on his face

and a large ink stain on his body.

Oh, what luck.

The ink stain's only on your jacket.

Oh, my God. Oh.

My antique Jane Wyman disappearing
bikini pen must have leaked.

I'm stained.

Harry, you are behind this, aren't you?
This time it's not funny. I mean, at

least the exploding toilet seat had a
momentary thrill.

Pass up, sir.

I swear this is not one of my practical
jokes.

This is getting creepy.

Insects won't die, the morgue's a ghost
town, and Dan's obituary is in the

paper.

And it all started when you shackled the
spirit of death.

Or it could be one big wacky
coincidence.

Or, if that guy in holding is death and
you let him out tonight, Dan could die.

I've got the keys.

Come on, Roz, this is serious.

Oh, Christine, grow up.

You can't seriously buy that
morbid-the-geek thing, can you?

Can she, Harry?

I've always thought of death as
something incomprehensible, unbounded,

ethereal.

Not some groping tom with a bus pass.

We can't let a couple of coincidences
and our fear of the unknown shake our

sense of reason. Right, Dad?

Right. All right.

Let's you and me go down and talk to
that guy.

Not on your life.

Fine.

I'll go face death alone.

While you're down there, tell him to say
hello to Jimi Hendrix.

All right, death, or whatever the hell
your name is, I want some straight

answers out of you. Because, frankly,
this does not feel like a gag anymore.

Now, you can be a spirit, or you can be
a spook, or you can be the headless

horseman of Sleepy Hollow. But around
here, mister, I'm the law. And you're

going to stay in there as long as I want
you in there. So you give me a good

reason why I should let you go.

Simple. I'm part of nature.

The cycle of destruction and rebirth.

You have to let me out.

And if I don't? People will miss their
appointed times if they haven't already.

There'll be a terrible backlog.

So if I let you go, certain people go
with you. If it's their time.

If it's not, they stay.

Let's take you, for example.

When you had rheumatic fever as a child,
I didn't come.

Because I knew it wasn't your time.

You have to trust me, Harry.

So you really are deaf, huh?

Great. Could you zap this stick in my
hair?

You okay, Your Honor? You look like
you've had a close encounter.

Close enough.

Our friend downstairs knew that I almost
died of rheumatic fever when I was ten.

Now follow me on this. If...

He is who he says he is.

And if I'm keeping him from doing his
job, then when I let him go, Dan could

be done for.

Now, can I really take that chance?

Everybody takes that chance every day,
Harry.

When you're walking down the street or
driving in a car, flying in a plane or

changing the bulb in a light you forgot
to shut off.

When it's your time to go, it's your
time to go.

I guess so.

What would you do if this was your
obituary?

That man would stay locked up until he
was too old to recognize him.

Harry.

I've got nothing to hold him on, but I
can't let him get his hands on Dan.

Harry. Maybe I can hold him long enough
just to give Dan a head start. You know,

give him a fighting chance.

Or maybe he'll forget it. Maybe there's
a statute of limitations. Harry, that

won't be necessary. The man has a name.

Michael Thomas.

He's not deaf. He's a doctor.

At Westside Hospital.

That is until he disappeared.

No one knows why he left.

I think I might.

Dan!

What the hell are you doing?

Climb down to the street on that rope.

That way I never go through the lobby.
The prophecy can't be fulfilled. I won't

die.

Oh.

Well, not necessarily.

The, uh... Obit didn't say you died in
the lobby.

You were just found in the lobby.

What do you think happened to me?

I don't know.

Maybe they found you splattered in the
street and then carried your body into

the lobby.

I never thought of that.

All right, that's it. From now on,
nobody touches my body.

What's that?

Dan Fielding.

I'd like to apologize for my behavior
tonight.

You were very upset.

It's not every night you meet death.

Oh, don't worry. It's a natural
reaction.

Imagine if you woke up to see the tooth
fairy sticking a quarter under your

pillow. You never left me more than a
dime.

Oh, don't worry. I'll talk to her. We
have the same dry cleaner.

Thank you.

You know, it occurs to me that you and I
have something in common, too.

Yeah? Yeah, something about how we
affect the destiny of others.

I guess you're right.

Although you've got it easy. I mean,
when you put them in jail, they know

there's an out.

Where I take them, it's a one-way
ticket.

They never seem to understand that I'm
there to help.

Okay.

Why don't you explain it to me?

I'm there to let them know they're
headed in the right direction.

That things are as they should be.

I relieve pain and suffering.

Something wrong with that?

Not a thing.

Besides, if we all lived forever, where
would you park?

Good point.

You're very dedicated, aren't you?

I want to help.

So did Dr. Thomas.

You knew him?

Oh, man, what a loser.

Yeah, he tried and he tried, but he
couldn't get it through his head that he

couldn't stop me.

You know, I took quite a few of his
patients.

And they're in a better place now.

Wonder, uh, wonder what ever happened to
him.

My guess would be that he saw too much
pain and suffering and he couldn't take

it. Well, can you blame him?

I mean, what's the point, huh?

Years of education and, uh...

decades of practice and thousands of
dollars of equipment, and you know...

In the end, all he could do was postpone
the

inevitable.

Doctors and judges aren't gods.

Sometimes we want to help and we can't.
But I can.

I can let them know they're going to a
better place and that they're not going

alone.

No one should be alone.

I know a place full of people that need
help.

They're confused and frightened.

Some of them have suffered losses so
great that their sense of reality has

been thrown for a loop.

They're not sure who they are or what
they should be doing with their lives.

They must be very lonely.

Oh, yeah.

You think maybe I could spend some time
there?

I could help.

I bet you could.

You recognize my rheumatic fever.

Well, I could tell that from your
complexion.

I guess some things just stick with you,
huh?

I'm going to get the ball rolling.

Yeah.

You made it all much easier.

Hell, you made my Halloween.

Wow, Dan, Dan, you look happy for a man
who's at death's door.

Listen. Finally realized I have no
reason to worry. I am on my way to my

office. I'm going to lock the door. As
long as I stay in there, I'll never get

smeared with clown makeup.

Hey! Somebody stop that clown!

Dan,

you're covered in clown makeup.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just one thing before
you die.

I won't.

Gotcha!