All language subtitles for S09E22 - The 1992 Boat Show

Previously on Night Court. I don't know
what I've been doing right lately, but

in the last three days, I've been
offered a professorship at Columbia,

partnership in one of the most powerful
law firms in the country, a seat on the

Superior Court, and two dates.

Look, I've got to be frank with you.

I just think that Howard Ritter is the
kind of guy that this country needs.

He's smart.

So am I.

He's dedicated.

So am I.

He's my brother-in-law.

If the lazy bum lands that big job in
Washington, he moves out and I finally

get my den back.

I'm not here to talk about the past,
Dan.

I'm here to talk about my daughter.

Well, believe me, my feelings for Pamela
are very genuine.

Yes, I'm sure you are deeply in love
with her money and all the power and

prestige that go with it.

Dan Fielding, I will not allow you to do
to my daughter what you did to me.

Don't make her fall in love with you.

Give her a chance.

There they are!

The people who've been following me!

One of the art people!

They're aliens!

At the congressional races, a stunning
turnaround is taking place in the 13th

congressional district where Christine
Sullivan has pulled virtually even with

her opponent, Howard Ritter.

You mean I still have a chance?

The winner is public defender Christine
Sullivan.

More election returns after this.

I hope you're happy.

My life is ruined.

Well, Art, I'm sorry I beat your
brother-in-law, but I promise you I'll

make a great congresswoman.

Who cares about Congress?

I'll never get that chump out of my den.

Uh, would you two like to register for
my free drawing?

You can win a weekend in Cape Canaveral
where you glimpse the top secrets of the

U.S. space program.

I have some serious questions about zero
gravity and personal hygiene.

Well, NASA isn't going to let some
raffle winner snoop around their base.

I know that, and you know that, but I'm
hoping that they...

don't know that. It's a snare to catch
them and prove that they're aliens.

What are you going to do, beat the truth
out of them with their shuffleboard

sticks?

and they're all about to trick him into
a cat scan.

You wanted me, boss?

Take care of these things pronto.

Um, confirm reservations at Rudy's Stop
and Bop Motel.

Oil patties.

Rewind and return your cassette of
Throbbing Hood.

And I got a ten-minute window at lunch.
Go down to the steno pool. Book me a

blonde.

Now, nitwit!

Dan, you're a little tough on Will.

Could the Honorable Lady from New York
please shut up?

Sir, got a messenger for you. Yeah?

Well,

what's the good word now?

Unbelievable. I've just been offered an
endorsement contract with Nike.

Piva v.

Susan Landon, solicitation.

Mr. Prosecutor? Yes, the Central Park
Police arrested Ms. Landon and the

structure she had built in a large elm
for the purposes of solicitation.

Wow, a treehouse of ill repute. Oh,

shut your squeaky trap.

Must we forever endure your stupid
asides?

Lighten up, Counselor.

This is my court, and I will set the
tone here.

And at the tone, the time will be
recessed.

Dan, I know you're ticked off about this
Pamela thing, but you have no right to

take it out on everyone else.

How do you know about that?

I heard you talking to her mother.

I know why you broke up. Yeah, so what's
it to you?

You've already used up one whole
generation of women. Now you're working

on the second.

Just grow up, Dan.

Why don't you just butt the hell out of
my life?

Gladly.

And if you win, you could be off to the
NASA Space Center.

Hey, Dale, who cares about rocket ships?

Hey, can we win a nice space heater?

Space heater?

Yeah. My feet are always cold. I have
very thin blood.

Really?

The atmosphere is different here. Not
like it is back home.

I knew it!

You're not from here, are you?

Come on, let's see some ID.

7,000 Aurora Borealis Lane, Jupiter.

Jupiter? Florida, Jupiter, Florida. We
have a condo down there.

Great view.

Of the stars?

No.

Of the clothing optional beach.

Come on, we've got some great snapshots.
There's one in particular that I want

you to see.

You want it in court, Dan?

versus Daniel R.

Fielding.

What?

What are the charges?

Pick a file.

Any file.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is a
joke, right?

That's just what I was going to say
about you.

And to quote you, Mr.

Fielding, let the games begin!

Help me out here, Christine.

Well, I'll do the best I can, Dan, but
I'm having trouble finding any favorable

testimony from women.

Oh, please.

Couldn't you have at least been nice to
your own mother?

What? She doesn't count.

Look, deep down, I'm a sensitive,
romantic guy.

Oh, yeah, Mr.

Romance? How about that take-a-number
dispenser on your bedpost?

Certainly not for all the women jammed
into the gallery or the ones waiting in

the hallway.

Don't forget the others lined up around
the block.

Boy, I can draw them, can't I?

Yes, you're a human pet strip.

Why don't you just drop all this
man-hating stuff, you know?

You wouldn't be half bad if you lost
those glasses and your brother's suit.

Chief Bones.

But I always gave you dessert, Tammy.

Your Honor, this louse borrowed my
credit card to book two weeks in

Acapulco. I paid you back?

But you took Tammy.

Please proceed, Ms. Maddox. Your Honor,
every woman in this room has a complaint

about Mr.

Fielding's insensitive and selfish
behavior.

Your Honor, I object. That's purely
speculative.

I love it when you're passionate.

Remember me, Dan?

You said I'd win the pageant if I slept
with you.

You were Miss Congeniality?

Boy, was she ever.

Dan, you're not healthy.

Dan Fielding, you're a big fat liar!

I am not fat.

Think about it.

Did I ever really give you any reason to
complain?

Wasn't I always Dan the Man?

All right, so maybe I didn't pay enough
attention sometimes.

Occasionally, I used the wrong choice of
words.

Like, for instance, bop, bump, hump,
grind, pork, cork, and boink?

Shucking the corn.

Kissing the Blarney stone.

Doing the mattress mumbo.

Christine, just feel free to jump in
here any time now. How about hitting the

Grand Slam?

Hey, Christine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It
was just so easy.

At every turn, Mr. Fielding has used the
very spirit of female trust and

generosity. May I present Exhibit A.

His grandmother's wedding ring and
alleged family heirloom. Be very careful

with that. It is one of a kind.

That belonged to my dear departed
granny, the woman who taught me how to

treat and respect the gentle gender.

Nice try.

How many women here possess the
one-of-a-kind family heirloom?

I swear to you, each one of those

rings and women are very special to me.

Closing arguments, Counselor?

Danfield. The morning's day of reckoning
has come.

The testimony in this courtroom today
has sealed the fate of a man who has

spent his entire life thinking only of
himself at the expense of every woman he

has ever known.

Yes, I did!

Miss Sullivan?

Your Honor, how can all those accusers
be wrong?

Dan Fielding is a pathetic, boorish,
womanizing louse of a man, and he is

guilty. And don't sugarcoat it.

He's guilty of one thing.

Of loving women.

Maybe not in the way we like to be
loved, but he does the best he can.

And beneath that slimy exterior beats
the heart of a truly sensitive man.

I've seen Dan with women.

And even if it's only for five minutes,
for those five minutes, he's made them

the center of his universe.

Ladies, look into your hearts.

Wasn't that five minutes worth it?

Thank you, Christine.

You've saved me.

Not necessarily.

Dan Fielding, this court finds you
guilty on all charges of disrespect,

insensitivity, and overall crappy
behavior toward women.

Okay, I'm alive And

I've got the answer

All

right the moment of truth where will my
future

be Eeny meeny miny moe

Columbia University.

Unanimous folks.

Hey, good news, Mac.

I made my decision.

What is it?

Touring with Miltormia, becoming an
exotic dancer.

You know I chafe in hot pants.

I'm going to take the professorship at
Columbia University.

Well, good for you, sir.

What made you decide?

Well, it was a tough choice, but it's
like you always say. You gotta go with

your first instincts. Right you are. You
gotta reach for your dreams. Set your

marks high. Grab the brass ring. Go for
the gusto.

Quit law school.

What are you talking about? I haven't
even taken the job yet. No, no, me.

I'm quitting law school.

What do you mean?

Well, I've been accepted to film school,
Harry.

I want to make movies. I can't deny it.

Well, then you shouldn't.

Hey.

Well, I got to get back to work.

Mac? Yeah?

You're not going to forget me when you
become a famous director, are you?

Of course I will.

But it won't be any time soon.

Mac, Mac, Mac.

Bye, Christine.

I got some good news. Oh, good. I could
use some. My last night, you know. Yeah.

You're starting a new job. You must feel
great, huh?

I mean, excited and hopeful,
exhilarated.

Actually depressed.

What's the matter?

Well, Harry, everywhere I turn is a
reminder of what I'm leaving behind.

Such as?

The smell of the hallway floor cleaner.

The dingy green courtroom walls.

Well, let's not forget the musty scent
that wafts up from holding on the summer

night.

How could I?

Christine, I'm confused. I thought you
were happy.

Oh, no, I am happy about being elected.
It's just that I guess I never realized

how much I'd be giving up.

Hey, I'm sure Congress has dingy walls,
too.

No, no, it's not that. It's making a
mark.

It's really... Making a difference.

You mean keeping those wheels of justice
spinning?

Fifty-five dollars and time served.

Oh, Harry.

This whole building really means a lot
to me.

It's where I've done my best work.

It's where I've found my closest
friends.

It's where I've even had my baby.

Yeah.

I always thought we should have retired
that elevator car.

Well, if we were to start doing that,
every inch of this dumb old building

would be a sentimental landmark for me.

Well, I guess I'm just being silly, huh?

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to
go watch them scrape the gum off the

gallery benches one last time.

Oh, to hell with the gum. I'm going to
miss you the most.

$55 in time, sir.

Your Honor, you know those two people
who've been following me?

The Apple?

Good news. They're not aliens.

They're retired chestnut benders.

That's good news, though.

And they're my friends.

Good ball.

Last case of the night, sir.

Call it, Mac.

That's the last time I'll ever hear you
say call it, Mac.

People versus Burke and Merrill.

That's the last case I'll ever hear Mac
called.

Prosecutor.

Your Honor, officers arrested mentors
Burke and Merrill on the fire escape of

their brownstone office where a fight
ensued when Mr. Burke tried to push Mr.

Merrill's piano to the street below.

There. Burke and Merrill are songwriters
with a 40-year partnership, which

apparently they wish to dissolve.

Burke and Merrill?

I know your songs.

Gentlemen, let me shake your hands.

You really know our songs? Oh, yes, I
do.

You know, one of the earliest memories I
have of my mom is her singing me one of

your songs.

Let me guess.

Rockabye Baby Blues?

No, molasses pie and a coffee high.

One of my best lyrics.

One of my best melodies.

One of Burke and Merrill's best songs.

Hey, you've got a good memory, Judge.

Memories are all I have of my mom.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Once in a while we found something that
worked, I guess.

Yeah. Yeah, man.

I guess when it's gone, it's gone, huh?
So what do you say, why don't we try a

restraining order? That ought to settle
this.

Hey, wait a minute. Can't a couple of
guys have an innocent difference of

opinion? Well, sure you can, as long as
that doesn't include attempted murder

with a piano.

Hey, we're honest.

We're nuts.

We won't do it again.

Well, how would the councils feel about
moving to dismiss these charges, seeing

as harmony has been restored to this
partnership?

So moved.

Ditto. Take this, miss.

Christine?

Are you ready?

Isn't there anyone left in holding?

It's a wrap.

Court's adjourned.

To Christine Sullivan.

colleague and friend.

She belongs to the people now.

But she will always be here in our
hearts.

All right.

Thanks,

guys.

I... You have been...

You know... There she is.

The next Speaker of the House.

Hey, doesn't somebody else have a
decision to share with his friend?

Harry? You made a choice, Harry.

Where are you going?

The courtroom.

I'm going to stay.

You've got to be kidding.

No.

This is where I belong.

I do make a difference.

Look at Burke and Merrill. They left
together tonight because somehow I was

able to strike a chord with them.

This is my world.

The way I see it, some of us are...

meant for greatness, and others are
meant to hold down the fort.

Plus, you'd miss that musty smell that
walks up from holding on summer night.

Yeah.

Harry, can I talk to you in the hall a
second?

Sure.

If this is a chain letter, you're fired.

It is my letter of resignation.

What?

I have to follow my heart.

I'm leaving.

I'm on a mission.

I'm chasing the woman of my dreams.

Don't you always?

This is different.

It's been building up for years.

She's the only woman who's ever really
understood me.

You have to quit?

Yes, of course. I'm moving.

I'm going to dedicate all my time and
energy to winning her heart.

Winning her heart? You mean she doesn't
feel the same?

Oh, well, don't be silly. She doesn't
even know yet.

Listen, I got to go.

Bye, Harry.

Dan.

Who's the lucky girl?

Christine.

Good night, sir.

Hey, you're not going anywhere, are you?
Are you kidding? I just bought five new

sets of handcuffs.

Buy you a beer?

Sure.

Hey, Harry, you lucky dog. You won my...
drawing.

Hmm.

Hi, Norm. Hi, Angelo.

What's up?

Bull, we've decided to take you to
Jupiter.

Florida? No, no, Bull.

Jupiter, the planet.

But you said you weren't aliens.

We lied.

Bull, we need you.

You can help us solve our most pressing
problem.

Why, you'd be a hero.

You'd have a real purpose.

You mean I'd be somebody?

Yes.

You'd be the guy who would reach the
stuff on our top shelves.

So, will you come?

Okay.