All language subtitles for S09E04 - Puppy Love

I got an extra ticket here for the
Rangers-Bruins game tonight. You

interested?

Rats! That's the sixth person who turned
me down.

You know Art? Yeah. I've never been to a
hockey game. Oh, it's the best. A

regular guy's night out.

Sticks swinging, bodies crashing, crowds
cursing. And that's just on the subway.

Well, maybe there's somebody else around
here who would enjoy a guy's night out.

Of course, what was I thinking about?

Carlotta, you like ice hockey?

I'm stumped.

Oh, Tammy, it was a wonderful afternoon.

Oh, which part did you like best?

The rowboat in Central Park or tossing
daisy petals into the lily pod?

My favorite was the petting zoo.

I've never fed a koala before.

You're so cute.

Dan, you are the sweetest, most
sensitive man I've ever met.

Love you.

See you later.

Bye.

Well, that's a new approach.

What is? Your new seduction technique.

A spoonful of sugar helps the babe come
around.

Don't be so vulgar.

You know, this Phil Foundation
experience has given me a whole new

appreciation of affair or sex.

I look at women differently now. Kind of
like people.

Bad news for people.

Good news for slut.

Hey, Roz, guess what just came for you?

Flowers?

Who snitched?

as a secret admirer. I bet it was that
flasher you escorted down to holding.

He had a little thing for you.

He had a little thing for everybody.

I'll be damned.

Eugene Westfall.

Eugene Westfall. Impressive name.

Sounds like a professor.

Sounds like a banker.

Sounds like a husband.

Mine.

Like sand through an hourglass?

So are the days of our lives.

You think you know someone after all
these years?

When did you get married?

Prom night.

Eugene was lead singer of the
Expectations, the group that played the

dance.

Wow, you were lucky.

We got stuck with Frank Sinatra.

So you fell for a musician, huh, Ross?

Yeah. Eugene really hit a high note with
me.

So what broke you guys up?

Well, the day after our six-week
anniversary...

Eugene traded in our sleeper couch,
which was also our eater couch and our

watch TV-er couch, for a 67 Camaro.

He said he wanted to go to Detroit.

To fulfill his dream and sing in Motown?

No, it's easier to get Camaro parts
there.

I told him I wasn't leaving Brooklyn, so
he got mad and I got mad and

we went our separate ways.

And you never heard from him again?

Not till tonight.

But the card says he's in town and wants
to talk.

So what are you going to do?

I'm going to put these in water.

The people versus Sheena Easy.

Hi, Sheena.

Felicitation again?

It's my day off. Can't you tell?

These are my civvies.

The charge is disturbing the peace.

Your Honor.

The defendant was buying a pack of gum
when a fight broke out with the store

clerk.

My client says the store clerk started
it by overcharging her.

What did he charge you?

$3,100.

For a pack of gum?

Hey, it's not just gum. It also freshens
your breath.

Anyway, I don't make up the prices. I
just read the register.

Uh, wait a minute. Does your store by
any chance have one of those devices

that scans barcodes?

Well, what do you think we use? An
abacus?

Well, just maybe then, if Sheena leaned
over the counter, the register rang up

$3,100 for her.

I'm good, baby.

But I'm not that good.

How about a game of hockey tonight after
session?

Go ahead.

Maybe this would be a good time to take
lunch.

Someplace else.

Well,

you look more or less the same.

And you still look just as foxy as ever.

And you still know how to lay it on
thick.

You still singing?

Only in the shower.

I'm in the cardboard field now.

Cardboard? That's a field?

Hey, it's a darn good job where I make a
darn good living.

Well, I'll be darned.

So, what brings you to New York?

Cardboard convention?

Or did you just slither in on your belly
to beg my forgiveness, which I may be

willing to grant you under the proper
circumstances?

Actually, I came back to bring you
these.

Divorce papers.

Oh, you were having such a good time,
and now you want to ruin it by taking me

to court.

I just think it's time that we got on
with our lives.

Who is she?

Oh, you'd like a Rosie.

But I can't do right by until those are
signed.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't want our marriage
to ruin your honeymoon.

I'll tell you what. You take a couple
hours to look those over, and I'll come

back and pick them up later.

And, Rosie, think of being all right
with this.

You okay?

I don't know.

Oh, I know that feeling when you just
want to go up on a rooftop and scream. I

feel rejected. I feel hurt. I feel
angry.

I think I feel relieved.

Relieved? What kind of stupid feeling is
that?

Did you want to talk to me about
something, Your Honor?

Uh, yeah, Art. Did you find anyone to
give that extra hockey ticket to?

Nope, and it's a shame.

I'm just going to have to scalp it.

Whoops, you didn't hear that, Your
Honor.

You know, there is somebody around here
that you haven't thought to ask yet.

Roger's husband?

I thought he left.

No, Art.

Me.

Hogan Crow, sir.

It would be an honor to take you with
me.

I just never thought anybody I'd be fine
as a judge. You would enjoy something as

crude and undignified as hockey.

It's not undignified, Art.

See? Hockey combines the speed of horse
racing, the hand-eye coordination of

polo, and the grace of ballet.

Plus, it's a real bloodbath.

I'll probably read during the fights.

Yeah, it's going to be a real swell
evening.

Tammy and I, we just spent the most
incredible lunch hour

together. Oh, really?

What was the main course?

Tammy a la mattress?

No.

We went to an amusement park.

I held her hand the entire time.

Why'd you hold it?

On the Ferris wheel.

She's inviting me back to her place for
dinner tonight. Don't worry, I told her.

I have to be home at a respectable hour.

You think I should bring something? You
know, to sort of set the mood.

Oh, you could bring some wine.

Wine?

I was thinking something fun.

Like chutes and ladders.

Some women do get turned on by firefight
equipment.

No, Mac.

I meant the board game.

Well, I mean, Dan, I don't know. I mean,
she's an adult.

Maybe she doesn't want to play kids'
games.

Absolutely right.

Better bring my Mahjong tiles.

Ross, I can't let you sign these papers.
There's nothing in them about alimony.

I don't need Eugene's money.

Alimony isn't about need.

It's about revenge.

Well, good night, guys.

Art and I are off to see the Rangers
game.

Have a great time.

Oh, we will.

Two regular guys.

A hockey game.

French bread and brie.

But you promised to wash it down with a
brewski, Your Honor.

Sure. Unless they have a smart chablis.

Great. Section 229 will be ribbing me
for weeks.

Oh, hello, Rosie.

Had a chance to look over those papers?

Well, my lawyer has.

But I'm still going to sign them.

I'm Christine Sullivan. I'm acting as
Roger's attorney in this matter. Oh,

Jean Westfall.

And this is my fiancée, Gilda Fales.

My, what an interesting work
environment.

Yes, and the work is quite rewarding.

And you can dress casual.

Gilda Fales, Rosalind Russell.

Oh, it's such a pleasure to meet you,
despite the painful circumstance of your

divorce.

So, let's sign these papers, shall we?

My client still has a few outstanding
questions about the settlement.

No, I don't.

Eugene and I couldn't make a go of it.

I wish you all the best.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

No one would ever call you a sore loser.

Got a pen.

Eugene and I have an evening planned.

Oh, you want my client to rush her
divorce so that you can make dinner?

Oh, I never make dinner.

We're dining at Le Medu.

Dining at Le Medu?

You must be in Le Money.

And we're in La Rush.

Obviously, you've never tried to get
dinner reservations at this hour.

Obviously, she's never tried to get
dinner reconstruction at this hour.

Gilda, why not invite Rosie to dinner?
We can bring the papers with us.

What? Ah, thanks anyway, but I don't
think that's a good idea.

I have to agree with my client. Me too.

Oh, come on. We can talk about this over
dinner. You can even bring your lawyer.

We insist.

Oh, yes, we insist.

I'll bring the pen.

Eugene, I'll be waiting.

Does she come with an off switch?

She's not so bad.

She's only that way when her blood sugar
gets low.

I'd like to lower it a few pints.

Rosie, it would really mean a lot to me
if you'd join us.

Okay, we'll go.

Oh, great.

I'll go help us a cab.

Christine, what is your problem?

Roz, I don't like her.

I don't trust her, and I don't like her.

You said I don't like her twice.

Because I really don't like her.

Besides, I'm afraid you might lose your
temper and dropkick her over the dessert

cart.

Fine. Then you don't have to go.

Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss that
for the world.

Hmm. Some menu, huh?

There's something for everyone.

Ross, have you seen the salad selection?

She'd like to wear the salad selection.

Well, Christine, have you ever been
married?

Yes, but now I'm divorced.

Oh, then you and Rosie have something in
common.

Too bad.

It must be hard for single women over
40.

I guess we'll find out.

But she may not.

Well, are you ready to order?

Um, I'll have the bitch.

Me too.

Is that the bisque or the bitch?

Silly question.

I'll have the veal.

And I'll have... Chicken.

I'll have the chicken.

I was like when you first met her.

Reminiscing is so dull for those who
weren't there.

Don't you agree?

Absolutely.

Remember that gig the Expectations
played at Coney Island?

Oh, yeah. We opened up for the
impressions, and what a windfall. We

made 50 bucks each.

Then you and I celebrated on the
boardwalk.

Yeah, yeah. And I spent 49 of it trying
to win you a $2 Cupid doll.

It was a long walk home.

You walked home from Coney Island in the
middle of the night?

Actually, we waited till the next
morning.

We spent the night on the beach.

And what a night it was. Is it possible
to get some more bread over here?

You know, back then, music was
everything to you.

How could you just give it up? He
doesn't have the time.

I mean, playing in a band might be fine
for an adolescent, but it's hardly

fitting for an up-and-coming cardboard
executive.

And Eugene agrees completely.

How would you know? You never let him
talk.

I'm going to touch up my faith.

Want to borrow my shrimp fork?

Eugene, I need you to help me.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, come on, Rug. Let's sign these
papers.

I don't want to have to go to court.

We're not going to court.

We will if I kill her.

God, how does he let her push him around
like that?

I can't believe you were ever attracted
to him.

Christine, that's not the Eugene I
married.

My Eugene was self-confident, assertive,
stubborn.

What happened to him?

I don't know.

But I'm not leaving here till I find
out.

Good night, Christine.

Call me if you need bail.

Oh, I'm sorry, Rosie.

Gilda took a cab. She apologized.

She's feeling a little sick.

Guess it was all this bread and butter.

Yeah. Christine was feeling a little
sick, too.

Guess it was all that Gilda.

Okay, okay, I'll admit she's a little
difficult.

How about arrogant, manipulative,
tyrannical?

I'm really sorry you feel that way,
because your opinion means a lot to me.

Obviously, anybody's does but your own.

Eugene, where did you go?

There's no you there anymore.

I guess I have mellowed.

Mellowed? If you were any more mellow,
you'd be dead.

Look, I know I've made some compromises.

But a lot of time has gone by.

And I just don't want to end up alone,
Rosie.

It's rise now.

And if you run away from who you are,
then you really will be alone.

Gene, you're the one who taught me to...

Live for the moment.

So take control.

Hey, Harry, how was the hockey game?

Oh, it was great.

For your information, I was not hit with
a puck.

It was a left hook.

Harry, you got in a fight with a fan?

No, with a player.

See, the Rangers were ahead, and I got
kind of excited, and I was yelling,

we're number one, we're number one, and
I waved a finger in the air, and I guess

it was the wrong finger.

Everyone's goalie saw me. He came up in
the stands, he pulled me down, and he

started banging my head on the ice.

Hey, here you go, slugger.

Hey, by the way, did I mention I have
season tickets to the roller derby?

Hi,

pumpkin.

Don't pumpkin me, Dan Fielding. How dare
you treat me the way you did last night?

Dan, what did you do to this poor girl?

Nothing.

ever talked to me like this before?

Get used to it, jerk face.

Because no yuppie trash slimeball creep
walks out on me.

No, wait.

Slimeball.

Creep.

Here rings a bell, too.

You were saying?

The singing sensation on my cheek.

I remember that, too.

Once more, please.

Oh, yes.

It's all coming back to me.

Eugene and I had a nice talk, and I got
divorced.

You okay?

You want to talk?

Can't. I'm going to Coney Island.

For old time's sake.