All language subtitles for S08E20 - With a little Help from my Friends

Mail, call.

More people asking for money from the
Fuel Foundation.

Gee, Dan, can I open some of those?

The only mail I get is from people
studying abnormal psychology.

How come there are so many problems in
the world?

Did you realize those people on the
street covered in blankets are actually

homeless?

Of course, Dan. What did you think? I
thought they were Indians.

Not very sensitive, Dan.

It was an honest mistake.

Sounds like the Phil Foundation is
opening your eyes to reality.

Oh, you bet it is. Never realized there
were so many losers out there before.

What are you doing?

Oh, just putting a little distance
between myself and the impending

lightning bolt.

Go read your book.

Hey, Jack.

I'm taking the news. Here's a box.

Uh, son, complete the transaction.

Sure, Pop.

Thank you for your patronage. Have a
nice day.

I'm afraid you made a small mistake.
This is only a quarter. You owe me 50

cents. Son.

Pop, I only did what you told me to do.
No, I told you the only one we

shortchange is Fielding.

This is Judge Stone.

Judge Stone, my son, Marty.

Nice to meet you, Marty. Likewise.

I'm bringing Marty into the family
business.

He's got a real knack for it.

Isn't he something?

Yeah, he's something.

Okay.

Hey, guys.

Hi, Eric.

Harry, did you have any idea that
they're cutting down the rainforest so

fast they're destroying the world's
ecological balance?

Yeah, I knew that.

Everyone knows that, right?

Yeah, of course.

What did somebody tell me?

Because the only balance you're ever
interested in is trying to stay on your

waterbed.

This is all so depressing.

Well, maybe this will cheer you up. You
got a phone call from someone named

Monique. Oh, jeez, I forgot. She's
flying in from Paris tomorrow.

Great. That gives me 24 hours to shelter
the homeless, feed the poor, fill my

bathtub with Jell-O.

You think this Monique is part of Dan's
charity stuff?

Not unless she's a representative of the
American Tart Association.

There you go again, Roz, radiating
negativity.

I think it's time for some
self-evaluation and self-realization.

We've been talking to our little support
group again, haven't we?

How'd you know?

Because it sounds like you just had your
brain washed and you can't do a thing

with it.

head make fun of me but happy alone
healthy adults really helped me work

through my divorce and i think some of
their methods would be good for you too

in fact the haha prep came out with a
new book i think would work wonders for

you channeling the negative how to
release your anger

got that area covered.

Christine, I couldn't help noticing your
hair.

Oh, thank you, Lisette.

But, you know, I've learned from my
group that a person who offers too many

compliments may be hiding a desperate
desire to be loved.

Oh, I didn't say I liked your hair.

I just noticed it.

You've got a spitball stuck in it.

Rough gallery, huh?

Let's cook it.

The Earth.

Have you ever heard of global warming?

Sure. That's what happens when I use my
head to test a barbecue.

What do you want?

Uh, can I have that British stamp when
you're done with it?

That'll complete my collection of stamps
from countries that call women birds.

Here's your stamp. Go away.

Yes, sir. People versus McCracken.

Shoplifting.

Prosecution. Have you ever heard of
global warming?

Yeah.

Proceed.

Uh,

yeah. Mr. McCracken was apprehended at a
convenience store on 9th Avenue.

Yellow?

Oh. What is it, Mac?

I'm sorry, sir, but it's a call from
Miss Sullivan.

Um, somebody named Barbara.

What's this all about?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but I'm on call with
my group crisis hotline. It could be a

matter of life or death.

All right, we will take a short pause
while Miss Sullivan administers phone-to

-phone resuscitation.

Great, I could use the free time to
shoulder more of the world's problems.

Okay, Barbara, calm down. Okay, what's
the matter?

You're at the supermarket, okay?

Oh, my.

The sweet potatoes remind you of your
ex-husband.

Well, just keep moving.

That's it.

Go ahead.

Go on.

Well, don't look at the end of it if
it's too painful.

Don't you just love a good vegetable
intervention?

Roz, please. I'm reaching out.

You made it to the frozen food.

Oh, good for you.

How do you feel?

Say it.

I'm happy, too.

Bye.

I think I really kept her from going
over the edge.

I think we'll all sleep a little better.

Just hope the tater tots don't remind
her of her children.

Roz, Roz, Roz. I hear those doors
slamming.

That's just my blood pressure slamming
against the top of my head.

Take a little break. Everyone go to a
neutral corner and come out litigating.

Too bad.

I love a good chick fight.

Hey, son, I gotta go mail these bills.
You think you could fly solo for a few

minutes?

Sure, no sweat.

Hey, Jack.

Hey, yourself.

Hey, Marty.

Hey, myself.

I'm never gonna get down this snappy
patter.

Thanks, Judge.

Just nerves, you know.

Flying solo, you know.

Everything okay, Marty?

Yeah, I mean, it couldn't be better.

Not really.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

It's personal.

Well, you're the guy that sells me my
odor eaters.

Nothing can be more personal than that.

Shoot. I don't think this line of work
is for me.

Speaking frankly, Marty, apart from
making change, this line of work ain't

that tough.

I'm not complaining.

I mean, it's just that I have this
incredible job offer. I mean, it's more

than just a job. It's a dream come true.

Really? What is it?

I'd rather not say until it's a sure
thing. You know, I don't want to jinx

it. Yeah, I understand that.

But I don't want to break Pop's heart.

Every Sunday when I was a boy, he'd sit
me on his knee and he'd read to me from

O. Henry.

Gift of the Magi.

No, the candy bar.

Read me the ingredients.

Wow. He must really love this business.
Exactly. I mean, how can I tell him that

I want to do something else?

Marty, you know, maybe you're
underestimating your dad.

He trusts you.

Maybe you should trust him.

Maybe I should.

Hey, Judge Harry, you still here? Yeah,
yeah, Marty and I were just chatting,

Jack.

You know, I think Marty has something to
tell you. He can tell me anything he

wants. I'm so happy he's here, I'm
walking on air.

Now I can go to the can in the middle of
a shift.

Suddenly the world is a very wonderful
place.

What is it you want to tell me?

Pop, I hated being in the Cub Scouts.

and time served.

And once again, the streets of Manhattan
are safe from crime, at least until

tomorrow.

Uh, Dan, Monique just called from Paris.
Says she'll pick you up tomorrow night

after session.

Yeah, well... Dan, that's Monique from
Paris.

Ooh la la.

Do you have any idea how many innocent
minks it takes to make a coat?

About 210, did it?

And he's been able to sleep at night
knowing that?

Christine?

Yes, Ross?

I wanted to apologize about that
brainwashing crack I made earlier.

Oh, that's okay. I know you didn't mean
it.

Oh, I meant it. I just shouldn't have
said it.

Apology accepted.

Ross, I see in front of me a person I
care about and I want to support.

I'm more of a take care of myself kind
of woman.

I know, Roz, but sometimes I feel like
you're an island.

You never open up to anyone, and it
manifests itself in aggression.

I think you could use a support group.

No way. You're not going to give me
yapping to a bunch of wannabe shrinks.

When I'm feeling low, I have my crossbow
class.

Okay, Roz, but will you do one thing for
me?

A mirror?

What do you want me to do, pluck my
eyebrows?

No, Roz.

Everyone in my group carries one of
these.

I will stop bugging you about coming to
a meeting if you could look in that

mirror and say, I am my own best friend.

Sure. No big deal.

I'm... I'm... What time does a meeting
start?

the people in this room surrounded me
with a giant hug.

You said no touching.

Don't worry, Roz. You're a spectator
this evening. You don't have to share if

you don't want to.

You're totally anonymous at this
meeting.

Hi, Roz.

What's your problem?

So, Dan, where are you going to take
Monique tonight?

Well, I was considering the restaurant.
on the top of the World Trade Center,

but the view of all that pollution would
be too much for me to handle.

How about a romantic stroll through
Central Park with a hot dog al fresco?

Are you kidding?

People, do you know what they put in hot
dogs?

Snouts and hooves and internal organs.

Gee, I better finish this quick before
that sinks in.

Can I let you in on a secret?

Sure, Jack.

I'm expanding.

I'm buying a newsstand in the IRS
building.

That sounds like a great idea. You'll
probably make your money back on Rolades

alone.

Marty, you'll love running it.

You're buying the newsstand for Marty?

Yeah, well, it'll eat up my retirement
savings. But it's worth every penny.

The kid's a natural salesman.

What the hell was that?

That was just Marty moving the
merchandise.

Unload.

Unload.

Christine, that's it exactly.

Abandoned. An orphan.

Jay Anthony, what do you think Spring
should do with those feelings?

I think she should face them, Marcus.

The words orphaned and abandoned clearly
reveal that she's feeling orphaned and

abandoned.

Thank you, Jay Anthony.

I'm happy.

Roz, isn't this uplifting?

I don't think so. My butt's falling
asleep.

Roz, you look anxious.

Is there something you'd like to share?

Just to carry a bride home.

Roz, it's your turn to cry.

You keep badgering me and your turn's
gonna come before mine.

Roz, if you have something to add,
perhaps you'd like to address the whole

group.

Well, if Spring is feeling so lonely in
that big old house, why don't you just

get a roommate?

Or a puppy?

Might not be the cure, but it couldn't
hurt.

Well, I think Roz has something there.

Please, Christine.

Roz is new.

She's not ready to interface yet.

In your face.

Why don't we do our happy exercise?

Good idea. All right.

Everybody up.

Okay. Now let's empty our minds.

Shouldn't be too tough for this group.

Okay. Now let's shake our bodies free
from stress.

I haven't felt this free since
Woodstock.

Now, let's all begin focusing on that
wall that

you've built in your life.

Christine, why don't we start with you?

Okay.

My wall is a symbol of all the

conflict in my life.

Get to the wall, Christine. Get to the
wall.

Oh, brother.

Okay, um, um, it's a stucco wall.

And I've painted it salmon.

sweating now.

Do you feel the cleansing process?

Do you feel the rush of relief?

Do you feel the urge to scream and run
into traffic?

Major negativity from our guest.

I'm getting a migraine from her vibes.

I'd like to hear about Roz's wall.

I don't have a damn wall.

But I do have a bulldozer and a man to
use it.

What a humorous observation. Thank you,
Roz.

Come on, Roz.

Describe your bulldozer.

Describe.

Describe. Describe.

It's big and it's bad, and I'm driving
it the hell out of here.

Roz, wait.

Please.

I'm sorry, Christine, but this mumbo
jumbo isn't for me. It's not mumbo.

Hey, it is mumbo-jumbo.

But it's good mumbo-jumbo.

Ross, when Tony left me, I hit rock
bottom. When I needed someone, these

people were there.

As stupid as it may seem to you, it
really worked for me.

Okay, I must admit that sometimes I do
get a little dependent on it, and I use

it for a crush.

Christine, why don't you stop looking at
the wall and try to hurdle it?

I'll know when it's time to break away.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to underestimate you.

See you at work.

Hi.

Christine.

We've made a decision.

Stay away from Roz.

Her negativity is destroying you.

But she's my best friend.

You're your own best friend.

It's time.

For what?

For you to blow it out your shorts.

Goodbye, everyone.

Oh, and by the way, I'm still happy.

I asked you two guys in here because you
need to talk to each other about Marty's

plans, his desires.

Desires? You're not gay, are you?

Yeah, that's it.

Let's go back to the stand.

Marty, what did you tell me about your
father's business?

I love Pop's business.

I wouldn't trade it for anything in the
world.

What about your dreams, Marty?

Dreams?

Marty, your father's about to spend his
life saving to buy you a newsstand.

Now tell him.

Oh, Pop, don't waste your money.

Uncle Leo called from Florida.

Cousin Nick's quitting the business.

There's finally an opening.

No.

But it's a dream job, Jack. A dream job.

No. But, Pop, five generations have
walked this road before me. That's no

way to make a living. No, absolutely
not. It's too shaky.

Five generations, Jack. How shaky can it
be?

How shaky can it be?

Kid wants to be a human cannonball.

You should support him in his dream. A
human cannonball!

You know how badly I've always wanted to
be in the family business? No, no,

that's your mother's family, not mine.

Those damn flying fanuchis.

You want to be shot out of a canner?
What the hell are you, nuts?

I know how important the stand is to
you, and if you want me to stay, I will.

But I need the bright lights. The smell
of the gunpowder.

The concussion under my feet.

Oh, man, this is weird.

Jack, I had no idea.

It's in my blood.

Yeah, which is going to be splattered
all over the ground.

Wait.

I understand.

I remember the day I met your mother.

She was traveling with the Ringling
brothers.

She shot out of that cannon, sailed
across the arena.

Missed the net and landed in my lap.

It was magic.

But I never wanted you mixing with those
circus people.

But it's all I ever wanted.

Please, Pop, give me your blessing.

Marty, Marty, Marty, listen to your
father. You want to have your face

slammed into the dirt from 300 feet?

Harry, Harry.

He's heard the calling. What can I do?

Come on, son.

I'll buy you a helmet.

Oh, I gotta stay out of these family
things.

That's it for tonight, folks.

But tune in tomorrow for our next
steaming episode of As the Gavel Pounds.

Somebody to see you, Dan.

Oh, please, no more.

I've got the rainforests here, the
endangered species here, the homeless

and the hungry here. I don't have room
for anything else.

Not even for me?

Oh, Monique.

Hello, Daniel. I'm here.

Shall we start with dinner at Elaine's?

Oh.

Monique, do you realize that the cost of
that expensive meal could feed an entire

village in Bangladesh?

And the cab right there would only add
to the pollution level that's choking

our atmosphere, depleting our ozone
layer. Not to mention the garbage that

the meal itself would create.

Bags and bags of non-biodegradable
plastic that'll exist in our landfills

for 50,000 years.

Not that the planet will be around that
long.

Wait, no, Monique, Monique, Monique. I'm
sorry, please, no.

It's not me.

Hey, Rod.

Busy? You want to hang out?

Don't you have other people to hang out
with?

No, I just hurtled my wall and I'm
heading in a new direction.

Oh. Which way are you headed?

I thought maybe that New Age pool hall
down on 14th Street.

I'll rack you break.