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1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:03,701
( Madonna's "Open Your Heart"
playing )
2
00:00:03,701 --> 00:00:05,601
CHRIS:
Out of all the girls
I liked growing up,
3
00:00:05,601 --> 00:00:07,067
the one that got to me
the most...
4
00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:09,000
( laughs )
...was Tasha.
5
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,534
Boy, you so crazy.
6
00:00:10,534 --> 00:00:12,667
She was cute,
she liked my jokes,
7
00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:14,634
but the most important thing
about her
8
00:00:14,634 --> 00:00:16,667
was that she was
the girl next door.
9
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:17,868
I'll see you later.
10
00:00:17,868 --> 00:00:19,400
Yeah, see you.
11
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,734
Like real estate,
Tasha's biggest selling point
12
00:00:21,734 --> 00:00:24,400
was location,
location, location.
13
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,934
I think I'm going to get Tasha
to be my girlfriend.
14
00:00:26,934 --> 00:00:28,434
Wow, what a coincidence.
15
00:00:28,434 --> 00:00:29,968
How's that?
I think I'm gonna get
16
00:00:29,968 --> 00:00:31,767
Janet Jackson
to be my girlfriend,
17
00:00:31,767 --> 00:00:33,467
and once we both achieve
the impossible,
18
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,901
we can go
on a double date.
19
00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:36,267
We'll go
to the Playboy Mansion.
20
00:00:36,267 --> 00:00:37,901
And the girls will leave
with Pauly Shore.
21
00:00:37,901 --> 00:00:39,634
I'm serious, man, I
don't care what it takes.
22
00:00:39,634 --> 00:00:40,767
I'm going to get her.
23
00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:42,767
That line was spoken
by many people,
24
00:00:42,767 --> 00:00:44,300
most notably O.J. Simpson.
25
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:46,634
I mean, I don't know why I've
been running all around town
26
00:00:46,634 --> 00:00:48,767
when there's a girl right
next door ready to be plucked.
27
00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:50,367
What if she doesn't want you
to pluck her?
28
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:51,634
Somebody's got
to pluck her.
29
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:53,334
What if somebody else
already plucked her?
30
00:00:53,334 --> 00:00:55,667
I don't care who's plucked her.
She's gonna get plucked by me.
31
00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:57,200
I wish there was
somebody I could pluck.
32
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,000
Thank goodness these guys
are good with enunciation.
33
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,634
I don't know why
I waited so long.
34
00:01:01,634 --> 00:01:03,033
I don't know,
maybe there's a reason
35
00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:04,267
you haven't gotten
with her.
36
00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:06,234
Maybe you're just
not supposed to be together.
37
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:07,234
That's impossible.
38
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,234
All right?
39
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,601
She kissed me
on New Year's Eve.
40
00:01:10,601 --> 00:01:11,767
We were together
for Easter.
41
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,667
She even got jealous
when I kissed that other girl
42
00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:16,033
while we were playing
spin the bottle.
43
00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:19,000
As far as I'm concerned,
all the signs are saying "go."
44
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,367
But they don't say where to.
45
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:21,601
What if she says no?
46
00:01:21,601 --> 00:01:23,334
Then I'll be
back here with you,
47
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:26,400
but I'm going to have her
in my life or out.
48
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,367
Oh, I can't imagine
how this might turn out.
49
00:01:42,901 --> 00:02:03,601
* Oh, make it funky now *
50
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:07,634
( The Police's "Every Little
Thing She Does Is Magic"
playing )
51
00:02:07,634 --> 00:02:09,334
Tasha, wait up.
52
00:02:09,334 --> 00:02:11,167
Since Tasha was
right next door,
53
00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:13,834
it was easy to find
the right time to make my move.
54
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:14,834
Hey, Chris.
55
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,267
Look at you,
looking all cute.
56
00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:18,934
What you got, some girl
you're trying to impress?
57
00:02:18,934 --> 00:02:20,601
Yeah... you.
58
00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:22,567
( laughing ):
Boy, you so crazy.
59
00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:24,267
Oh, I'm crazy all right.
60
00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:26,601
Tasha, I'm not crazy.
61
00:02:26,601 --> 00:02:28,934
I'm serious.
62
00:02:28,934 --> 00:02:30,367
* I just lose my nerve *
63
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:31,834
I want to say
something to you,
64
00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:33,501
but I want to make it
very, very clear.
65
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:34,534
Okay.
66
00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:35,701
What is it?
67
00:02:35,701 --> 00:02:37,133
I want you to be
my girlfriend.
68
00:02:37,133 --> 00:02:39,701
I'm already your
girl friend.
69
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:43,834
No, not in like a friend who
just so happens to be a girl
70
00:02:43,834 --> 00:02:45,834
or like "Hey, girlfriend."
71
00:02:45,834 --> 00:02:49,801
No, I want you
to be my girlfriend.
72
00:02:49,801 --> 00:02:51,367
One word,
not two.
73
00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:52,534
Girlfriend,
as in
74
00:02:52,534 --> 00:02:54,734
"Chris and Tasha
are boyfriend and girlfriend."
75
00:02:54,734 --> 00:02:57,534
You want me to be
your girlfriend?
76
00:02:57,534 --> 00:02:58,801
Exactly.
77
00:02:58,801 --> 00:03:01,100
Hmm...
78
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,901
Let me think about it.
79
00:03:02,901 --> 00:03:06,601
I'd have a much better chance
if she didn't think about it.
80
00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:08,868
Superior Court of New Jersey?
81
00:03:08,868 --> 00:03:10,801
While I was getting things
out in the open,
82
00:03:10,801 --> 00:03:14,901
my mother found a skeleton
in the closet.
83
00:03:14,901 --> 00:03:18,434
Julius... married...
Tawny... what?!
84
00:03:18,434 --> 00:03:19,934
Can't nobody stand you
85
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:21,667
'cause you're a liar
and you won't shut up.
86
00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,033
Shut don't go
up, prices do,
87
00:03:23,033 --> 00:03:24,534
so take my advice
and shut up, too.
88
00:03:24,534 --> 00:03:25,534
You shut up,
I grow up.
89
00:03:25,534 --> 00:03:27,000
Every time I see your face,
I throw up.
90
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,167
Shut up.
91
00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:29,567
The Junior Varsity
Sugar Hill Gang.
92
00:03:29,567 --> 00:03:30,767
Will both of
you shut up?
93
00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:31,934
I swear.
94
00:03:31,934 --> 00:03:33,367
That doesn't rhyme.
95
00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:36,200
Y'all couldn't be quiet
if somebody paid you.
96
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,634
I could.
No, you couldn't.
97
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,133
You couldn't shut up
to save your life.
98
00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:40,734
Quiet! Here.
99
00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:42,934
Here's your allowance
for this week.
100
00:03:42,934 --> 00:03:44,467
Okay?
101
00:03:44,467 --> 00:03:46,501
The next one that talks
loses theirs.
102
00:03:46,501 --> 00:03:47,567
Winner gets it all.
103
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:57,868
While Drew and Tonya
were keeping their mouths shut,
104
00:03:57,868 --> 00:04:00,467
back at school
I was waiting for the word.
105
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:03,300
And then I said that would
involve kissing and touching--
106
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:04,501
well, I ran it down.
107
00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:07,133
Oh, man, you are going
to be so in there.
108
00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:08,567
I can't believe
you ran it down.
109
00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:09,601
I would have just ran.
110
00:04:09,601 --> 00:04:11,334
What'd she say?
111
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,634
She said she'll think
about it.
112
00:04:12,634 --> 00:04:13,667
Well, what
does that mean?
113
00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:16,000
It means
"Let me check every option,
114
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,634
"see if I can get
someone I want,
115
00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:19,601
and if not,
I'll go out with you."
116
00:04:19,601 --> 00:04:23,334
And when she said every option,
she meant every option.
117
00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:25,267
She checked blind guys.
118
00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:26,834
Do you have
a girlfriend?
119
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:27,968
Yeah, girl.
120
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,000
What are you, blind?
121
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,234
She checked dangerous guys.
122
00:04:32,234 --> 00:04:33,567
Do you have
a girlfriend?
123
00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:34,634
Yeah, he does.
124
00:04:34,634 --> 00:04:36,634
Now, give me your money.
Don't move.
125
00:04:36,634 --> 00:04:38,367
She even checked guys
who were girls.
126
00:04:38,367 --> 00:04:40,701
Do you have a girlfriend?
127
00:04:40,701 --> 00:04:44,367
I'm my own girlfriend.
128
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,234
While I was waiting
to get my woman,
129
00:04:46,234 --> 00:04:48,367
my father's woman was waiting
to get him.
130
00:04:48,367 --> 00:04:49,801
Hey, baby.
131
00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:52,634
Why didn't you tell me you
were married to someone else?
132
00:04:55,801 --> 00:04:56,934
Huh?
133
00:04:56,934 --> 00:04:58,534
Now would be
a good time to run.
134
00:04:58,534 --> 00:05:01,267
Don't "huh?" me.
135
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:03,234
Tawny Reynolds?
136
00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:05,100
Does the name ring a bell?
137
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,701
You better say something.
138
00:05:06,701 --> 00:05:08,000
She might have a gun.
139
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,000
Yeah.
140
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,334
Um...
141
00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:14,734
It was a long time ago.
142
00:05:14,734 --> 00:05:17,067
It was a long time
before I even met you.
143
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,300
I was 17 in
Atlantic City,
144
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,501
and we were drunk.
145
00:05:22,501 --> 00:05:24,334
We got married.
146
00:05:24,334 --> 00:05:26,167
Four days later,
we were divorced.
147
00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:28,868
Story of Britney Spears' life.
148
00:05:28,868 --> 00:05:30,901
Well, not according to this.
149
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,467
"Complaint for divorce"?
150
00:05:35,467 --> 00:05:38,534
( laughing ):
That's crazy, huh?
151
00:05:38,534 --> 00:05:41,000
I mean, because how could
somebody divorce you
152
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,634
unless you're
married to them?
153
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,934
This has got to be a mistake.
154
00:05:45,934 --> 00:05:47,367
What marriage isn't?
155
00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:49,334
You know, Julius...
156
00:05:49,334 --> 00:05:52,200
you know how much
a lightbulb costs per watt.
157
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,601
How can you
not know
158
00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:57,701
that you have another wife?!
159
00:05:57,701 --> 00:05:59,834
Because those things
are less complicated.
160
00:05:59,834 --> 00:06:01,934
I do not have another wife.
161
00:06:01,934 --> 00:06:03,434
Yes, you do!
162
00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:06,567
Look, look, look, it
says so right there!
163
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,567
You know what?
164
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,200
What I want
to know is:
165
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,567
if she's your wife,
then what am I?
166
00:06:11,567 --> 00:06:12,567
You're my wife.
167
00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:14,767
No!
168
00:06:14,767 --> 00:06:17,167
I'm your concubine!
169
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,234
This is silly.
170
00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:19,234
( sighs )
171
00:06:19,234 --> 00:06:20,834
Is she white?
172
00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:21,868
What?
173
00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:22,868
No.
174
00:06:22,868 --> 00:06:23,868
Can she get
the house?
175
00:06:23,868 --> 00:06:25,767
Rochelle...
Is she white?
176
00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:26,767
Stop it.
177
00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:27,901
Do you have a
kid with her?
178
00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:28,901
Is she white?
179
00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:29,901
No.
180
00:06:29,901 --> 00:06:31,267
Is the kid
light-skinned?
181
00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:32,734
No.
Ha!
182
00:06:32,734 --> 00:06:35,434
So you admit that
you have a kid!
183
00:06:35,434 --> 00:06:37,834
Oh, God, I'm
going to be sick!
184
00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:39,434
There is no kid.
185
00:06:39,434 --> 00:06:41,467
How do you know, Julius?
186
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:43,968
You didn't even know
that you didn't have a divorce!
187
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,734
Oh, my God.
188
00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:48,767
W--W--W--W--W--What's going
to happen to this family
189
00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:52,100
if it turns out
there's another one?
190
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:56,734
Kids, I'd like to introduce you
to your new mother Tawny
191
00:06:56,734 --> 00:06:59,367
and your new brother Julian.
192
00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:02,667
Girl, you just wasted
$2.17 worth of white meat.
193
00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:04,467
JULIUS:
My boy.
194
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,834
What am I going to
say to my children?
195
00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,467
The kids are going
to be all right.
196
00:07:12,467 --> 00:07:13,467
Look, look...
197
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,801
Oh... don't touch me!
198
00:07:15,801 --> 00:07:17,834
We'll leave them
out of this.
199
00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:20,334
Listen, I-I'm gonna
sign these papers
200
00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:22,467
and take these to
the courtroom myself
201
00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:23,701
and get this
straightened out.
202
00:07:23,701 --> 00:07:25,434
You do that.
203
00:07:25,434 --> 00:07:26,834
Because if you don't
straighten out
204
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,601
what's going on
in these papers,
205
00:07:28,601 --> 00:07:30,267
you're going
to get a set of papers
206
00:07:30,267 --> 00:07:33,067
that look just like them.
207
00:07:36,567 --> 00:07:38,501
And she better
not be white.
208
00:07:41,767 --> 00:07:43,534
While my father tried
to explain
209
00:07:43,534 --> 00:07:44,868
why he had two women,
210
00:07:44,868 --> 00:07:47,767
I wanted to find out
if I had one.
211
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,267
Hey, Chris.
212
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:51,734
Oh, hey, Tasha, listen about
what I said yesterday...
213
00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:52,934
I thought about it.
214
00:07:52,934 --> 00:07:53,934
Yes.
215
00:07:53,934 --> 00:07:55,634
Yes, what?
Yes,
216
00:07:55,634 --> 00:07:56,834
I will be your girlfriend.
217
00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:59,701
And I get to touch you?
Yes.
218
00:07:59,701 --> 00:08:02,000
In an 8:00 p.m. sitcom
kind of way.
219
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,133
And I get to kiss you?
220
00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:06,300
Yes.
Ask for more, ask for more!
221
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:07,534
In front of other people--
222
00:08:07,534 --> 00:08:09,334
not just strangers,
even people we know?
223
00:08:09,334 --> 00:08:10,834
Yes.
And if anybody asks me,
224
00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:15,334
I can say, "Yes, Tasha
is my girlfriend"?
225
00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:16,834
Yes.
226
00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:19,100
All right.
227
00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:20,567
I need you
to sign this.
228
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,567
I need your
thumbprint there.
229
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,300
All right, now,
turn that around.
230
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:29,334
Smile.
231
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,667
Thank you.
232
00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:33,734
Who's this?
233
00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:35,534
She's notary public.
234
00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:38,167
There.
235
00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:39,167
Here you go.
236
00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:40,701
It's official, Chris.
237
00:08:40,701 --> 00:08:43,100
Tasha is your girlfriend.
238
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:47,267
Somebody record this
239
00:08:47,267 --> 00:08:49,634
so she can't lie
and say it didn't happen.
240
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,133
After years of walking
out my door feeling down,
241
00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:58,467
with Tasha right next door,
242
00:08:58,467 --> 00:09:00,100
I was walking out
and getting felt up.
243
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,100
Happy anniversary.
244
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,601
Anniversary?
245
00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:05,634
Yes, we've been
together a week.
246
00:09:05,634 --> 00:09:07,901
Here, I made you this bookmark
with our names on it.
247
00:09:07,901 --> 00:09:10,667
Oh... thanks.
248
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,367
( sighs nervously )
So what'd you get me?
249
00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:17,067
A big box of nothing.
250
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:18,701
Nothing.
251
00:09:18,701 --> 00:09:20,901
I didn't know we celebrated
one-week anniversaries.
252
00:09:20,901 --> 00:09:23,868
Oh... that's okay.
253
00:09:23,868 --> 00:09:25,501
What she really meant was...
254
00:09:25,501 --> 00:09:26,968
MAN:
Oh, my God.
255
00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:30,934
This is the worst catastrophe.
256
00:09:30,934 --> 00:09:33,567
CHRIS:
I found out pretty quickly
that getting a girlfriend
257
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:35,834
was a lot easier
than keeping her happy.
258
00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:38,534
Hey, you want to get together
later and watch some videos?
259
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:41,234
I loved watching videos
with Tasha.
260
00:09:41,234 --> 00:09:43,534
* I got a paper and pencil *
261
00:09:43,534 --> 00:09:46,434
* Thinking of rhymes
like mental... *
262
00:09:46,434 --> 00:09:48,334
Nah, that's okay.
263
00:09:48,334 --> 00:09:50,467
I also learned that before
we did what I liked to do,
264
00:09:50,467 --> 00:09:53,100
we had to something
she liked to do.
265
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,801
Come here, girl, you
know I'm just playing.
266
00:09:55,801 --> 00:09:57,234
I got a surprise
for you later.
267
00:09:57,234 --> 00:09:58,968
You do.
What is it?
268
00:09:58,968 --> 00:10:00,567
It's a surprise to me, too.
269
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,300
Well, I wanted to
wait until later,
270
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,601
but, you know, after I
get home from school,
271
00:10:04,601 --> 00:10:05,834
I wanted to
celebrate with you.
272
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:07,000
I'll bring your
present then.
273
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,100
Good one.
274
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:09,467
Ooh, and then we can go
to Mr. Woo's
275
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:10,901
and get some Chinese food.
276
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,334
Oh, and then I can tell you
277
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:14,400
all about what this crazy girl
said to me at school
278
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,934
and then we can talk
about what we're...
279
00:10:15,934 --> 00:10:17,501
Another thing I learned quickly
280
00:10:17,501 --> 00:10:21,000
is that, much like Bin Laden,
girlfriends like to make plans,
281
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,400
and those plans
did not include Greg.
282
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,901
Hey, what happened
to you yesterday?
283
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,501
We were supposed to
go see Lethal Weapon.
284
00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:30,133
Oh, I was out with Tasha.
285
00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,234
Oh.
286
00:10:31,234 --> 00:10:32,601
Well, do you want
to go see it today?
287
00:10:32,601 --> 00:10:33,834
I can't.
288
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,000
Why, you got
to go to work?
289
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,667
No, me and Tasha
are going down to Al B Square
290
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:37,901
to get matching
T-shirts made.
291
00:10:37,901 --> 00:10:39,234
More like matching blouses.
292
00:10:39,234 --> 00:10:41,200
Then we're going to the
photo booth to get pictures
293
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,834
and then we're gonna get
something to eat.
294
00:10:42,834 --> 00:10:44,601
I knew this was
going to happen.
295
00:10:44,601 --> 00:10:46,267
What?
Don't you see?
296
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:47,634
She's taking
over your life.
297
00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:49,634
She's got you running
around in matching clothes.
298
00:10:49,634 --> 00:10:51,300
It's like you're a
life-size Ken doll.
299
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,100
I have one thing Ken doesn't.
300
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:54,100
So what?
301
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,133
Okay, I got
a girlfriend.
302
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,167
What are you, jealous?
303
00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:57,400
Of course, I'm jealous.
304
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,067
But this isn't about
me; it's about you.
305
00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:00,734
I thought you were
gonna be so in there.
306
00:11:00,734 --> 00:11:02,133
Turns out you can't
get out of there.
307
00:11:02,133 --> 00:11:03,634
It's like you're a
puppet and she's got
308
00:11:03,634 --> 00:11:05,267
her hand stuck up your...
Hey.
309
00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:08,133
( indistinct whispering )
310
00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:11,701
She did?
311
00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:13,167
Yeah.
312
00:11:13,167 --> 00:11:14,868
Twice.
313
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:18,200
Meanwhile, Drew and Tonya
314
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,734
continued their war
of no words.
315
00:11:26,868 --> 00:11:29,934
Drew went to the Ike Turner
School of Sign Language.
316
00:11:29,934 --> 00:11:33,767
To save his marriage,
my father had to get a divorce.
317
00:11:35,334 --> 00:11:38,067
How could you not know
that you're not divorced?
318
00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:40,200
I signed the papers
and sent them back to her.
319
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,033
How was I supposed to know
she didn't file them?
320
00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:43,667
Because you didn't get
your final decree.
321
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:45,367
I didn't know I needed
a final decree.
322
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,033
Well, you
should have.
323
00:11:47,033 --> 00:11:48,334
Who knows what this woman
324
00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:49,767
might have been
doing in your name?
325
00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:51,267
She could have been
holding up banks,
326
00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:52,567
taking out loans.
327
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:53,601
Invading Iraq?
328
00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:54,601
Did you have
329
00:11:54,601 --> 00:11:56,000
any kids with her?
No.
330
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,601
Is she white?
331
00:11:57,601 --> 00:11:59,467
No, she is not white.
332
00:11:59,467 --> 00:12:01,434
Hmm.
Listen,
333
00:12:01,434 --> 00:12:04,033
let me throw a hypothetical
situation at you.
334
00:12:04,033 --> 00:12:05,367
This should be good.
335
00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:06,501
Say there
was a person
336
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:07,734
who thought he
was divorced...
337
00:12:07,734 --> 00:12:08,934
A person?
338
00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:11,467
A person...
and that person
339
00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:13,434
went and got married again
and had some kids.
340
00:12:13,434 --> 00:12:15,934
Then, he got some papers
that said he was still married
341
00:12:15,934 --> 00:12:17,701
to another person.
Hypothetically.
342
00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:19,701
Hypothetically.
Well,
343
00:12:19,701 --> 00:12:23,400
that person could be arrested
and hypothetically sent to jail
344
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,434
as a bigamist.
345
00:12:24,434 --> 00:12:25,968
Or just move to Utah.
346
00:12:25,968 --> 00:12:28,767
Does this mean that person's
current marriage is not valid?
347
00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:30,968
Hypothetically, no,
348
00:12:30,968 --> 00:12:34,300
but between you, me
and your hypothetical friend,
349
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,734
as long as he
files these papers
350
00:12:36,734 --> 00:12:38,167
and gets his final decree
351
00:12:38,167 --> 00:12:40,601
and everyone here stays lazy,
he'll be fine.
352
00:12:40,601 --> 00:12:42,634
( sighs )
That's good news.
353
00:12:42,634 --> 00:12:43,901
Hypothetically.
354
00:12:43,901 --> 00:12:45,934
Mm-hmm.
355
00:12:45,934 --> 00:12:48,167
Can I ask you
a hypothetical question?
356
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,267
Yeah.
357
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,300
Is she white?
358
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,234
No, she is not white.
359
00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:56,868
We'll mail the divorce decree
in a few days.
360
00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:02,634
When a guy has a girlfriend,
he wants to get her alone.
361
00:13:02,634 --> 00:13:03,901
You want to get
together tonight
362
00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:04,968
and watch some videos?
363
00:13:04,968 --> 00:13:06,467
But when a girl
has a boyfriend,
364
00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:07,801
she wants to show him around.
365
00:13:07,801 --> 00:13:09,033
Can we go
to Yvette's first?
366
00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:11,634
I want you to meet her
and Angela.
367
00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,133
When I got with Tasha,
368
00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:14,801
I thought I couldn't
get enough of her.
369
00:13:14,801 --> 00:13:16,334
So, we watching
videos tonight?
370
00:13:16,334 --> 00:13:17,801
Can I bring Rene
and Tina?
371
00:13:17,801 --> 00:13:21,200
What I found out
was I could barely get to her.
372
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,634
While my father was waiting
for his final decree,
373
00:13:24,634 --> 00:13:26,834
my mother was acting
like it was over.
374
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,100
Hey, baby.
375
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,300
Does your wife know
376
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,734
that you're hugging
up to another woman?
377
00:13:33,734 --> 00:13:35,267
( sighs )
378
00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:36,267
What are you doing?
379
00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:37,701
Looking for
apartments.
380
00:13:37,701 --> 00:13:40,400
The kids and I need a place
that we can call our own.
381
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,100
Rochelle, this
is your place.
382
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,367
Really?
383
00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,634
Well, how do I know that
if you die right now,
384
00:13:45,634 --> 00:13:47,133
some white woman
wouldn't come
385
00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:49,300
and take your Social
Security, the house,
386
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,601
the car, and me and the
kids be on the street?
387
00:13:51,601 --> 00:13:53,367
Who does she think he is,
James Brown?
388
00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:55,467
Look, I filed
the papers.
389
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:56,567
This should all be over soon.
390
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:57,567
Well, until then,
391
00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:58,701
you can sleep on the couch.
392
00:14:02,868 --> 00:14:05,334
After a few days of no luck
with getting it on,
393
00:14:05,334 --> 00:14:07,200
I decided to take a day off.
394
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,000
Hey, you want to go
see Lethal Weapon?
395
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,567
You're kidding me,
right?
396
00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:11,667
When?
397
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:12,834
Now.
398
00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:14,267
Don't you have
to go meet more
399
00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:15,334
of Tasha's girlfriends?
400
00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:17,634
Nah, man, I'm
done with that.
401
00:14:17,634 --> 00:14:20,834
So, uh, you guys
check out any videos?
402
00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:22,133
I wish.
403
00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:24,400
Look, until we start doing
something that I want to do,
404
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,267
I'm gonna do stuff
that I want to do.
405
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,000
I'm gonna call Doc
and tell him I'm gonna
406
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,367
come in tomorrow
instead of today.
407
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:31,667
Surprise!
408
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:32,834
Hey, honey.
409
00:14:32,834 --> 00:14:34,067
Hey, Greg.
410
00:14:34,067 --> 00:14:35,300
What are you doing here?
411
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,200
I was thinking we could go
to the movies, you know,
412
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,200
maybe see Fatal Attraction
with Yvette and Rhonda.
413
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,033
I got to work.
414
00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:42,234
No, you don't.
415
00:14:42,234 --> 00:14:43,701
I told Doc you weren't
coming in today
416
00:14:43,701 --> 00:14:44,934
because I had plans.
417
00:14:44,934 --> 00:14:46,567
What? You can't just go
to my job
418
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:47,968
and tell them I'm not coming in.
419
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:49,267
Why not?
420
00:14:49,267 --> 00:14:51,000
'Cause I can't just go
to your school
421
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,133
and say, "She's not coming in
because I got plans."
422
00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:54,634
What are you
trying to say?
423
00:14:54,634 --> 00:14:56,767
Why is it that whenever I want
to do something,
424
00:14:56,767 --> 00:14:58,834
it has to wait till tomorrow,
but whenever you want
425
00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:00,701
to do something,
it has to happen right now?
426
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:02,701
What does that have
to do with anything?
427
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,334
Welcome to Women's Logic 101.
428
00:15:05,334 --> 00:15:07,267
I just don't want you
running my life.
429
00:15:07,267 --> 00:15:08,734
You're the
one who said
430
00:15:08,734 --> 00:15:10,767
you wanted me to be
your girlfriend.
431
00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:12,300
Well, maybe I
was better off alone.
432
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:13,968
Are you saying you're
breaking up with me?
433
00:15:13,968 --> 00:15:16,033
Let me make this
perfectly clear.
434
00:15:16,033 --> 00:15:17,634
Yes.
435
00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:19,901
I want to break up with you.
436
00:15:19,901 --> 00:15:20,968
What?
437
00:15:20,968 --> 00:15:22,567
You think you can
just say good-bye,
438
00:15:22,567 --> 00:15:23,901
walk away and
it's over?
439
00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:25,100
Yeah.
440
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,467
Watch.
441
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,868
Bye.
442
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,567
The best thing
about the girl next door
443
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,000
is she's right next door.
444
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,834
And the worst thing
is that she's right next door.
445
00:15:39,834 --> 00:15:42,100
I will not be ignored, Chris.
446
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,801
I'm lucky I don't
have a pet rabbit.
447
00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:51,167
CHRIS:
Since I was playing
the game of love,
448
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,100
I decided to get advice
from a real player.
449
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:54,467
No, you got to move.
450
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:55,667
Why?
451
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:57,667
She lives
right next door, Chris.
452
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:58,868
Where are you gonna go?
453
00:15:58,868 --> 00:16:00,434
You'll never get
away from her.
454
00:16:00,434 --> 00:16:01,634
We broke up.
455
00:16:01,634 --> 00:16:03,033
You broke up.
456
00:16:03,033 --> 00:16:04,667
That's like
telling the IRS
457
00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:06,100
you don't owe them any money.
458
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:09,000
It ain't over
till they say it's over.
459
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,534
Ask Wesley Snipes.
460
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:11,934
I can't move.
461
00:16:11,934 --> 00:16:13,701
Well, you better
get back together.
462
00:16:13,701 --> 00:16:15,467
See, I don't
get this.
463
00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:17,000
How is it that she's
the one acting crazy
464
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,667
and I have to be the one
to work things out?
465
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:21,300
Because she started
acting crazy first.
466
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,534
She's using your
reason against you.
467
00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:25,701
You know that makes
no sense, right?
468
00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:28,567
Welcome to Women's Logic 201.
469
00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:31,167
Before I had a chance
to confront my problem,
470
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:33,200
my problem confronted me.
471
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,400
Hey, Chris.
472
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:35,634
ROCHELLE:
Where have you been?
473
00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:37,367
JULIUS:
You invited Tasha
over for dinner,
474
00:16:37,367 --> 00:16:38,934
and you got the girl
waiting on you?
475
00:16:38,934 --> 00:16:40,400
Well, if anybody
knows what it's like
476
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,267
to have a girl waiting
on them, you do.
477
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,701
Tasha, can I talk to you
for a minute?
478
00:16:43,701 --> 00:16:44,934
Sure, honey.
479
00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:48,234
And by "minute",
I mean "never again."
480
00:16:48,234 --> 00:16:50,067
Tasha, go home.
481
00:16:50,067 --> 00:16:51,267
It's over.
482
00:16:51,267 --> 00:16:54,033
I put the last few weeks
of my life into you,
483
00:16:54,033 --> 00:16:56,267
and I'm not gonna let you
throw it all away
484
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:57,367
over a little fight.
485
00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:59,267
I just said it's over.
486
00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:01,000
You wanted me, you got me.
487
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,601
You're my boyfriend
until I say you're not.
488
00:17:03,601 --> 00:17:04,734
Got that?
489
00:17:04,734 --> 00:17:07,367
And that is a love TKO.
490
00:17:08,934 --> 00:17:10,567
What's going on
with you and Tasha?
491
00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:12,000
I tried to break
up with her,
492
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,033
but she wouldn't
let me.
493
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,601
Well, there's
no such thing
494
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:16,200
as trying to break
up with somebody.
495
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,133
That's like being
a little pregnant.
496
00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:20,033
Either you're broken
up or you're not.
497
00:17:20,033 --> 00:17:22,267
But if you do want to
break up with her,
498
00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:23,400
let her know that.
499
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,033
If you don't, make
sure she knows that.
500
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:28,033
Don't have her
running around here
501
00:17:28,033 --> 00:17:30,067
thinking you're together
and you're not.
502
00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:32,434
One minute y'all having
a little fight,
503
00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:34,033
and the next thing you know,
504
00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:35,534
you're married with
a wife and kids
505
00:17:35,534 --> 00:17:36,901
and she's trying to
take your house.
506
00:17:38,968 --> 00:17:41,534
It seemed like my problems
were just beginning,
507
00:17:41,534 --> 00:17:44,067
but my father's
were finally ending.
508
00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:46,767
I got the final divorce papers.
509
00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:48,567
Really?
510
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,133
Baby, I'm sorry for putting you
through all of this.
511
00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:53,767
You're the only woman
in the world I want to be with.
512
00:17:53,767 --> 00:17:55,200
Mm-hmm.
513
00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:58,501
And I was wondering...
514
00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:00,300
will you marry me?
515
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:02,734
You're not married to
anyone else, are you?
516
00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:04,033
No, I'm not.
517
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:08,100
Then, yes, I'll
marry you.
518
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:11,501
* Glory halle-stupid! *
519
00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:14,567
Yeah, bobbas, uh, yeah.
520
00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:18,033
Now, do you, Julius,
take Rochelle
521
00:18:18,033 --> 00:18:20,701
to be your...
522
00:18:20,701 --> 00:18:22,767
rhinestone rock star monster
of a doll baby bobba?
523
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:24,801
I do.
524
00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:29,434
And Rochelle, do
you take Julius
525
00:18:29,434 --> 00:18:33,634
to be your rhinestone
rock star monster of a man?
526
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,167
I do.
527
00:18:35,167 --> 00:18:36,868
With all the powers
invested
528
00:18:36,868 --> 00:18:39,868
in me and the blasters
of the universe,
529
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,667
along with the mother ship
connection...
530
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,767
...I now pronounce you...
531
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:48,968
man...
532
00:18:48,968 --> 00:18:50,868
and wifey.
533
00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,167
Now...
534
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:53,734
go funk her up.
535
00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:56,701
He said "funk", kids,
with an "N."
536
00:18:56,701 --> 00:18:58,067
( sighs )
537
00:18:58,067 --> 00:18:59,400
Funk her up.
538
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,334
* Do you want
to get funked up? *
539
00:19:01,334 --> 00:19:04,334
* Funk, yeah, funk her up *
540
00:19:04,334 --> 00:19:06,667
* Don't you want
to get funked up? *
541
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:09,200
While Bootsy and my parents
got funky,
542
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,234
Drew decided to play dirty.
543
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,767
Oh, my God, Drew!
544
00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:14,901
What happened?
545
00:19:14,901 --> 00:19:16,901
"Oh, my God, Drew,
what happened!"
546
00:19:16,901 --> 00:19:19,000
( chuckles )
Ketchup-- I win.
547
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,234
Cheater!
548
00:19:21,234 --> 00:19:23,634
After everything
I'd been through with Tasha
549
00:19:23,634 --> 00:19:26,934
and as crazy as she acted,
she really did have a point.
550
00:19:26,934 --> 00:19:29,300
Breaking up over one fight
wasn't worth it.
551
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:32,767
And if she didn't think it
was over, then it wasn't over.
552
00:19:32,767 --> 00:19:35,067
Oh, Chris.
553
00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,334
Hey.
554
00:19:36,334 --> 00:19:38,334
I was mad earlier.
555
00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:39,501
I noticed.
556
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:41,634
It's not that I want
to break up with you.
557
00:19:41,634 --> 00:19:44,267
I just think we need
to get clear about some things.
558
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:45,767
Like what?
559
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,033
First of all,
560
00:19:47,033 --> 00:19:49,434
you cannot cancel my work
so we can go hang out.
561
00:19:49,434 --> 00:19:50,901
Okay.
562
00:19:50,901 --> 00:19:53,100
And I'm sorry
that I overreacted.
563
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:55,367
I'm new to this
relationship stuff.
564
00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,901
Okay.
565
00:19:57,901 --> 00:19:59,634
Good.
566
00:19:59,634 --> 00:20:01,367
What's wrong?
567
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:04,801
I am breaking up with you.
568
00:20:04,801 --> 00:20:07,801
I thought you said
that we were still together.
569
00:20:07,801 --> 00:20:10,167
Until I said we
were breaking up.
570
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,801
We're breaking up.
571
00:20:15,234 --> 00:20:18,167
See ya, wouldn't want to be ya.
572
00:20:18,167 --> 00:20:19,367
Me, either.
573
00:20:20,901 --> 00:20:23,501
* Everybody hates Chris *
574
00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,534
* Ah, make it funky now. *
39950
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