All language subtitles for [SubtitleTools.com] [English (auto-generated)] Is It Shocking (1973) Made for TV Alan Alda Edmund Orien [DownSub

Remember

your love

my

son

of love.

Remember,

remember

we

never

Change

that you

forget me not

for

to

Heat.

Heat.

Heat. Heat.

Heat. Heat.

What is it?

>> I got a customer

>> at this hour.

>> It's $8.

>> $8.

>> It's $5 a.m.

>> Of course.

>> Glad like that, you ought to get $10.

>> Yeah. Well,

if you'd quit your job and marry me and

move in here, you wouldn't have to go

home at 5:00 a.m. and I could get some

sleep

and the kids would like it if you did.

I said the wrong thing. I do do that,

don't I?

Perfect.

>> Good evening or good morning or

whatever.

>> It's morning, ma'am. It's another day.

Do you have a room?

>> Do I ever? Please come in.

Just fill this out, please. Is it for

the night?

>> No, I'll be here sometime. I have a lot

of business in the area.

>> Oh, good. Well, um, glad to have you.

Hope you enjoy your stay. Yeah, I have a

lot of business in this area.

>> Well, there's a coffee shop about half a

mile down the road. They open at 6:00

and their food's quite good.

>> Mhm.

>> What kind of business are you in, Mr.

Oats?

>> Uh, I'm self-employed. Self-employed,

ma'am.

Thank you.

>> I've got to come back to Horse Creek

later. The mayor wants to see me.

>> What does he want?

>> Uh, the sheriff's retiring. I think

they're thinking of offering me the job.

Maybe. Maybe we could have dinner later.

>> Yeah, you can.

>> Great. The kids love to eat out.

Heat.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Heat. Heat.

Heat. Heat.

You're up early, Mr. Brooks. Morning,

Chief.

Hello lover.

Has a pleasant evening?

>> Nobody likes his smile. Ali Blanchch.

>> Gee, what did she do? Pose again?

>> Some privacy.

Cross over the village line and the

voodoo drums start up. And you know

where I was.

>> Jesse called you this morning. You

weren't home. Where else would you be?

6:00 mass. So he called me. knees that

cover me. So, here I am.

>> Where's Jesse?

>> I don't know. Said he'd be here.

>> There was a belted king fisher on the

feeder this morning.

>> Male or female?

>> Male.

>> I've never seen a belted king fisher.

>> Well, I looked it up in your book.

That's what it looked like.

>> They feed over the water. They don't

They don't What would What would they be

doing around here? Well, I don't know. I

didn't invite the dumb thing here.

>> They eat fish. They don't eat seeds.

>> That's certainly interesting.

>> Folks, hello.

>> Hello, Jesse. George,

>> police department.

>> No, the library's closed today.

>> Yeah, the librarian was throwing up all

night.

>> No, George.

>> Right.

>> Yes, privately.

>> You don't want it?

>> Okay, fine.

I said, "Don't want it."

>> I called you. You weren't home.

>> I was out.

>> I'll say he was out.

>> Uh, knock it off, Blanch.

What was it, Jesse?

>> Janet Bob is dead. Heart attack. I went

to school with Janet and with her

husband, Ralph. Ralphson Boston on that

VFW convention. We'll have to find him.

It's going to kill him.

>> What happened?

>> Well, her neighbor, Mrs. Appleton, found

her. She called me. I called you. You

were out. So, I called Dr. Levelvel.

>> Well, he's retired.

>> Yeah, but you see, his kid came back

from the city and is taking over his

practice. So, the kid came over, said it

was obviously a heart attack, and the

kid seems very efficient. grass probably

at the Rosevelt.

>> Well, what happened? When did she die?

>> Doc says about 5 in the morning in her

sleep.

Uh

>> what?

>> Uh it's nothing.

>> Jesse, what?

>> What?

>> Well, it was just that uh

she didn't have a night gown on. That's

all. She was sleeping in the raw.

Well, so what? I sleep in the room.

>> Swell.

>> Well, where is she now?

>> Rosie took her over to Whitman's funeral

parlor.

>> Rosie in her taxi.

>> Why couldn't Whitman pick her up? Well,

her hearse isn't running. You know, it's

that old 54 Packard, remember?

>> What a town. Y.

Well, I think I better run over to the

bobbers, make a routine check.

>> Bye.

>> See you later, alligator.

Where's your night gown, Janet?

>> Let's swell that so many of Ralph's

friends come down here to greet him.

He's really going to miss Jonathan. Oh,

thanks.

>> Hey, D. I understand they offered you

the job of sheriff at Horse Creek. Is

that right?

>> Yeah.

Their sheriff's getting married. That's

why. Does she hate Horse Creek?

They're moving to Florida.

She's young, you know.

>> He's 53.

>> How old is she?

>> She's 20. Watty. Good lord. Is she a

local girl?

>> There is no such thing as a local

20year-old girl around here. Where have

you been? They're all 47. That's a rule

in this city. They've all been 47 while

I grew up. They were 47 when I was born,

47 when I was 20. Well, there was one

time there when I was 47. They didn't

look too bad. But by that time, I didn't

look too good. So they wouldn't have

nothing to do with me.

>> Well, they got young women in Horse

Creek. Well, you go ahead. You take the

job. Get rich. Who cares?

>> Ralph, how are you?

>> Pal.

Thank you. Yes.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, and dust

to dust. The Lord giveth, and the Lord

taketh away. God is our refuge and

strength, a very present help in

trouble.

Therefore will not we fear. The Lord is

my shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh

me to lie down in green pastures. He

leadeth me beside the still waters. He

restoreth my soul. He leadeth me in the

paths of righteousness for his name's

sake. Yay, though I walk through the

valley of the shadow of death, I will

fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy

rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou

preparest a table before me in the

presence of mine enemies. Thou anointest

my head with oil. My cup runth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow

me all the days of my life. And I shall

dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

>> Give me.

>> All right. Sim. Come on. Come on. Come

on.

>> Sit down.

>> Sit down. Sit down. What do you want?

Fijuada.

>> What?

>> Fijia.

>> Beijuada.

>> Yeah,

>> he wants beijuada.

>> He always ordered.

>> Well, does he get it?

>> Oh,

>> they don't have any. Calvin,

>> how do you know?

>> It's not on the menu.

>> Water's not on the menu. They got water.

>> Right. One fijuada. What do you want,

Cyrus?

>> All New York cut, please. Medium rare

with fine potatoes, fresh squash, and a

salad cheese.

Swell.

>> What do you want?

>> Let me have some cold baked beans on

wait and hold me mail.

>> I need you. Sorry. Excuse me. I'll be

right back. Maybe.

>> I'm sorry. Don't you believe? What?

>> It's Ralph Barber. He's dead. He died.

>> Who found him? Where's his pajama top?

It

>> was Mrs. Appleton. She brought him some

supper. Pot roast. That's good. Well,

where's his pajama top?

>> You think something's wrong because he

ain't wearing a pajama top?

>> No.

I don't know. Uh, did you did you call

Whitman's funeral home?

>> Yeah, they're sending Rosie and one of

their guys over.

>> Chief Barnes?

>> Uh, oh, hello, Doc. Thanks for coming

over.

>> Hi, Jesse.

I can't get in.

>> Oh.

Well, that's not 47.

>> No, that's from Horse Creek, not Mount

Angel.

>> Uh, your um pot roast is getting stale.

>> Yeah, but you're not.

>> Well, I don't see anything, Chief.

No surface abrasions or bruises, no

punctures, no needle marks, myioardial

inffection. His heart stopped and he

died.

>> It happens with couples who are close.

First one goes and then the other and

quickly.

>> Okay.

>> Do you have reason to believe it might

be something else?

>> No, not really.

No,

I don't know. Uh,

no.

No, of course not. That's That's stupid,

isn't it?

Who made this phone call to Taunt?

Dollar 20 to Taton. What is that? You

got a sailor up there?

Well, you're the only one who's here all

day long. Who comes in here and makes

all these phone calls? We got a $30

phone bill this month. Have to take it

out of maintenance.

>> Maintenance? I'm the maintenance.

>> Oh, no. We got our maintenance

allocation here. Where is it? Here. $15.

$15. Is that all?

>> That was last year. They didn't give us

any this year. This town is dying and

we're the proof.

>> You're getting out just in time, big

fella.

>> How do you know about that?

Everybody knows about that.

>> Uh, see you, Prince.

>> Oh, by the way, what's that bird that

has like a grayish brownish cap like

thing that comes right

>> with a white spot on the neck?

>> White spot on the neck.

>> And a very It's a very tiny bird.

>> Very tiny bird.

>> That's a pygmy nuthatch.

>> Right. Pygmy nuthatch.

>> You didn't see one of those.

>> No. What makes you think I saw it?

>> Hello, Jeffrey.

You say

>> thought you were going to Ralph's

funeral.

>> Me? No. It's too much all at once. You

know, the both of them my same age.

Makes me think too much of my own

vulnerability.

Besides, the whole town's out there. Oh,

yeah. I better get over there and play

Traffic Wars.

>> Hey, D.

You moving the horse quick?

I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

>> Sure. Hey, you want to take over here?

Become chief of police?

>> No.

>> You know, you can come with me.

>> Not me.

>> Why?

>> I live in Mount Angel.

>> Well, you can still live in Mount Angel.

They don't care.

>> Yeah.

You want to know what's going on at

Horse Creek?

Rules of the town government. Horse

Creek. Yeah.

Now, here's a list of some of the

appointed officers of Horse Creek.

Appointed, you know, I like that chief

of police. You ready? Dog officer,

sealer of weights and measures, three

fence viewers. Three. Three fence

viewers. Four field drivers. And oh,

this my favorite. A job I'd surely like

of it. Moth superintendent.

are your peers right here. Rules of the

town government now, not just 160 blah,

but now today

a more superintendent. That town is

rooted like a turnip in the 17th

century. Horse Creek, you're welcome to

it, chief.

Heat.

Heat.

There you go, Ruth.

>> Thank you. You'll put that on my

account.

>> I'll do that.

>> Bye.

>> Have a good day now.

>> Thank you.

>> Wash that leg.

>> We'll do. We'll do.

>> You mean sunflower seeds, Myin?

>> Nope. Got some pumpkin seeds back there

someplace. I think they're somewhere

back there in the gourmet section next

to the galashes.

>> You weren't over at Ralph's funeral.

Ralph Barber.

>> Yeah, Ralph Barber.

>> Oh, I I passed on that crowd back in

high school.

>> Wasn't much of a crowd, huh?

>> Oh, well, you know, they all thought

they were something special, but I had a

work after school right here every day.

But they go out to Lake Wapawiga and

smoke the cigarettes and fumble around

with each other.

You know, they Here we are.

Ah, pumpkin seeds.

Says parrots love them. You got a

parrot?

>> No, I feed him the blanch.

>> This price tag thing is blank here. Oh,

well.

79.

>> That sounds good.

>> Right. I give you a bag,

Daniel. It's already in the bag.

That's fine, Myin.

>> Yep. Big deal. Fumbling around little

Margie Savage out by the lake.

>> You fumbled with one, you fumbled with

them all.

>> I don't know about that, my Margie

Savage. You mean is that crazy Marge

lives out on the woods road up in that

old house?

>> Well, was she attractive?

>> Oh, yes, she was attractive.

And look at her now.

Well, look at me now.

Hey, Jesse.

Hey, Jesse.

Jesse.

Jesse.

How old was he?

63.

>> Same age as Mr. Barber.

Mrs. Barber, too, for that matter.

>> I know. Heart attack, right?

>> About 1:00, give or take.

>> Yeah. But Jesse didn't have high blood

pressure. He didn't

He didn't even smoke.

Didn't do anything except live in that

angel.

Hello, Whitman's. Yeah. Uh, who is this,

please?

Hello, Moose. This is uh this is Daniel

Bonds. I I got another one for you.

Oh, it's over here at the station house.

It's Jesse.

It's Jesse Chapen.

Oh, yeah.

How they do, huh?

Okay.

Mrs. Whitman says they come in threes.

Says everybody knows that.

Hey, is it Jesse today?

>> Yes.

Wait a minute.

Walk with me. Huh?

Who? Who are you? Uh, I I work with

Jesse Savage.

>> A blunch.

>> Yes, ma'am.

>> Oh,

they're dropping like flies. Huh?

Fantastic.

I had to come out for Big Jesse. I

didn't bother with Ralph and Janet. I

didn't get their message if they had

one. She used to wear his letter

sweater. He probably wore her daughter

belt. They could poo.

I had a lot of laughs those two.

But Jesse Chase,

he didn't take it from anybody.

Oh, my do with us, huh? Our

father in heaven, we thank thee for all

who have walked in thy light and

especially for those near to us, dear

>> in whose lives we have seen.

>> Where's George? Where's his dog? Glory.

>> Where's his dog? Where's George?

>> Where is he? Where's George? We know

that out of the body as in the body,

>> good,

>> they are good,

>> with thee, and that when these earthly

days come to an end,

George.

George.

George,

George,

>> you find George?

>> No. Look, if a man died of a heart

attack, would an autopsy show it? Would

it Would it confirm it?

>> Not necessarily. It depends. You talking

about a moardial inffection?

>> Talking about Jesse and the barbers.

Well, if there was no heart damage and

if the infaction caused death fast, no,

the heart stops and he dies.

>> Well, is that what happened? I mean,

could did he did his heart just stopped?

Is that it? Can can can you guarantee

that?

>> Daniel, he just died. He sat down and he

died.

>> Look, aren't there ways of killing

people without it showing?

>> Well, there are certain drugs that are

very hard to detect.

>> Well, what do you do? You just inject

them with a needle?

>> Yes.

>> And then you see needle punctures.

>> Yeah.

>> Well, then you could find that.

>> Well, I suppose so. Well, I guess the

best place for that would be the time.

>> Good lord. Jesse died. He'd lost two old

friends. You're leaving. The town is

dying. He had nothing except George. So,

he sat down and he died.

>> No, he did not sit down and die. Not

Jesse. No, I don't believe it. I don't

buy that.

What are we supposed to do? Keep burying

them as they drop?

That's Jesse they put away there.

Something's wrong about that. Something

big is wrong about that. I don't know

what it is, but I'm going to find out.

You're going to find out. We're going to

find out.

>> We are.

>> Yeah, you are.

>> I am.

>> Yeah, you.

>> I'm going to dig up Jesse and then we're

going to find out what what killed him.

>> Autopsy?

I can't do that.

>> You can't?

>> No, the the county medical officer does

all the autopsy.

>> Who's he?

>> My father.

>> Your father? Your father's retired.

>> Well, yeah, but now he's the corner.

>> But will he do it?

>> Of course.

>> Where?

>> In our office. Okay, that's good. That's

a start. Rosie will get the body and

meet you over there. And I'll meet you

there, too.

>> You will?

>> Yes, I will. I'm going to go into

Greenfield and get a court order, and

then I'll meet you at your father's

house in uh about 2 hours. And then

we'll do it.

>> We will?

>> Yes, we will. We'll do it.

>> Tell me something, Doc.

Have you ever done it in a doctor's

office?

You got a cigarette?

>> An unfiltered one?

>> No. Sorry.

It's how I trip at my age.

>> Cancer's bad for you.

>> As a rat, I'd be dead by now. All right,

young fella. We've sent some stuff off

to Greenfield, but they're not going to

find anything. My daughter's packing it

right now. Now, tell me, what do you

think happened to Jesse?

Well, sir, I think three debts in one

week is more than coincidence. And I I

don't understand why why two of them

should be found with no with practically

no clothes on. Old people get cold

quick. They don't go to bed nude. And

then Jesse's dog, George, he's vanished.

He was in the police station with the

with Jesse, right there in the building.

And a half an hour later, Jesse was dead

and George was gone. Well, look, what

did you what do you think about Jesse?

Did you did you find anything?

>> Well, I think she thinks we both think

Jesse died of myocardial inffection.

heart attack.

>> Well, we did notice one thing. A kind of

uh odor on the chest.

>> Tarpentine.

>> Tarpentine.

>> That's what he thought.

>> She thought nutmeg.

>> Nutmeg and tarpentine don't smell alike.

>> Well, we're sending off a piece of skin

and we'll see.

>> What do we see?

>> We'll see whether it's tarpentine or

nutmeg.

>> Then what? What will that tell us?

>> I have the faintest idea.

Daniel,

>> what you doing in the bushes? Blank.

>> No, no, look. Come here. Come here. It's

George.

I put him bird seed out. You know, like

I always put the bird seat on him. I

found him out here.

Menthol,

>> camper

>> and turpentine.

>> And nutmeg.

>> Menthol, camper, tarpentine, and nutmeg.

>> Nutmeg? What do they call it?

>> What's what called?

>> Oh, that stuff. What do they call I

can't think of what they call it. It's

uh it's for congestion. A vaporizing

compound.

>> That's right. An external application

for local congestion.

>> Due to cold.

Did

>> the dog have a cold?

That's the same order we snuggled on

Jesse.

>> That's true. That there are no apparent

signs. Well, daughter, we best get to

work.

>> Can we please do it now?

>> Why not? Oh, I see. You've got a date.

>> Believe it or not, Chief Barnes, I do

have a private life.

>> It's not so private.

>> Say that again.

>> You going to stay and watch the autopsy?

Daniel,

>> are you crazy?

>> All right, daughter. Let's go for the

heart.

Have you got a cigarette?

Now, what I'm about to say is merely my

opinion because there's no real way of

knowing. At least I know of no way to

know. The dog

>> George. George Wright did not die of

natural causes. There were burn marks.

He was murdered.

>> I don't know who he is, but some madman

is wandering around Mount Angel, killing

people in some extraordinary way we

can't deduce. I don't even know if it's

a what? Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. I I

don't even know if it's a he. I don't

know if it's some local guy, some

stranger.

>> I don't know why he's doing it. I don't

know how he's doing it. Well, Mount

Angel's never had this kind of thing

before.

>> Well, listen. I've never had anything

like this before either. Some of the

older residents are beginning to look at

me sideways like it was my fault.

>> Well, everybody who died is in their

early 60s. What does that mean?

>> Well, it means something to people in

their early 60s. I'll tell you,

we must have a bunch of people in town

that age. So, I guess we ought to make a

list.

>> I'm way ahead of you. I have here

everybody in Mountain Angel between the

ages of 60 and 65. Work most of the

night on it. What do you do most of the

night, boss?

>> See, that's broken down into three

lists. This is South to Horse Creek,

North to Vermont,

and the village itself, plus crazy March

Savage.

>> Hey, how crazy is she? Bad.

>> I like her. I'll do March Savage. Okay.

So, here is your list.

Here is Michael's list. And we'll do the

rest.

>> We will.

>> Yes.

>> We

>> We,

you, me, us.

>> Morning, Daniel.

>> Morning, Freda.

>> Who's going to get it today, Daniel?

>> Oh, neat. Freda, do you think it's your

turn?

>> It's no joke, Blanch.

>> Don't worry, Freda. He won't touch you.

You're too old.

>> Miss, I'd like these two, please.

You mind? I don't know who it is, but

somebody's going around killing all the

old people. Well,

>> it's about time. That's all I can say.

>> If you want to get rid of some old

people, just stand there and let them

work like this.

>> Let me help you.

>> Get this bloody.

>> Hello. I don't know if you remember me.

I'm bland.

>> Blanch. Sure.

>> Yes. I I I came to uh warn you. I don't

mean to alarm you.

>> That's what you have to watch out for.

So, just take care of yourselves.

Do that.

like that.

>> All right. Now, when the cops get here

from Horse Creek, we'll we'll divide the

town into, say, quarters, you know, like

uh both sides of West Church and and uh

and both sides of Main Street. And then

we'll just keep we'll we'll keep

patrolling it all night. You know what I

mean?

>> What is that?

Hold it. Hold it.

>> What's all this with the Batmobiles? We

got speed limits and noise laws around

here. I just asked for the loan of a

couple of men from your mayor. I don't

need all the rasmats.

>> Well, Mr. Parent said you wanted a show

of force. Well, you certainly did that

part. Come in here and blitz the town.

Three old people are liable to kick off

from fright alone. Now, come on aside. I

want to tell you about some preventive

police work we're going to do. It's a

dying concept.

Where do you get a hat like that?

No way.

Oh, perfect.

>> Yeah. What?

>> Man, she It's 4:30 in the morning.

>> Yeah, I know you. A Bolivian fish hog

just landed in your bathtub. Huh?

>> Daniel, would you listen to me? Okay. It

just occurred to me. I was talking to

old Marge. She was in the same class as

Jesse.

>> Wow.

>> And Jesse was in the same class as Ralph

Barber.

>> Wow.

>> Daniel Ralph was in the same class as

Janet, his future wife.

>> Don't you see? Everybody was in the same

class.

Everybody who died was in the class of

28.

>> Daniel,

are you there? Can you hear me?

>> Yes, I hear you. Why didn't I think of

that?

>> Oh, boy. Men,

>> listen. Who else was in that class

besides Marge?

>> How should I know?

>> You don't know?

>> No, I don't know. You're the cop. You

find out

>> women.

Who is this?

>> I'm sorry.

You're astonishing.

You'd make a fantastic cup.

I don't want to be a fantastic cup.

Gotcha. Huh?

One of the barbers have got to have one

here somewhere.

I got it.

>> Do y

>> as I slide down the banner store of

life, you will always be one of the

splinters.

Your buddy Jesse Chaper.

>> You want to know what they wrote in my

yearbook?

>> No. Let us eat of the honey and drink of

the wine. When next we're together, I

will be thine. Love Janet. That's Janet

Harris.

>> Janet Harris. Barber. Right.

>> Here it is. Here's a class list. 1928.

Good.

>> We're all in alphabetical order, I

think.

>> Yeah. Okay. Number one, Ralph Barber.

>> Should I write these down?

>> Yeah.

>> I don't have a pencil.

>> Thanks.

>> Okay. Number one, Ralph. You got a piece

of paper?

>> No.

>> Okay. Thanks.

>> Barber. Number two, Jesse Chapen.

>> Number three, May Frell. Whoever that

is, must have moved or something. Uh,

number four, Myron Flag. He's all right.

But I talked to him earlier.

>> Oh.

>> Uh, number five, Janet Harris.

>> Janet Harris, Barber.

>> Yeah, right. Number six, Frank Nolton. I

don't know who that is.

>> And Noel.

>> Ka Noel.

>> Kel.

>> Got to find these people. Uh, number

seven, Jess. Uh, no. Jenny Lazarus.

Number eight, Mary Ellen McElwi. I guess

Mckeli, I guess. I don't know who that

is. Do

>> you suppose some of these people were

already dead? Already killed?

>> I don't know. Number nine, Marjorie

Savage.

>> Oh, look how young she looks.

>> Yeah. Well, she wasn't old then. Uh,

number 10, Edgar Wheeler.

>> Whoever that is.

>> We e

>> wh Okay. Number 11. It's the last one.

Abel Yeda.

>> Good lord.

>> What? What?

>> The Yetis.

They live right over the line. Right up

Route Five in Vermont. Nobody's warned

them yet. Nobody's warned him or his

wife Jenny.

>> Jenny? Jenny Lazerus. Number seven,

right?

>> Yeah. It could be. They're the same age.

No service. I'm going to drive up there.

You find a phone, get Michael, have him

meet me at the edit, and then get the

new centurions from Horse Creek and have

him watch Marge.

>> I'll go to Marges myself.

>> Blanch,

>> I know. I suppose you're going to tell

me to be careful, huh?

>> No, I'm going to compliment you on your

donuts.

>> You ought to see my jelly roll.

>> Oh.

Heat

up

here.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat. Heat.

Hey,

Jenny.

Hey, Jenny.

Hang on. Daddy,

you here?

Well, just six to go. Five down, six to

go. That should take him about a week.

Then this will all be over and you can

leave.

>> It's not six.

>> Huh? That's uh Frank Nolton who was dead

in World War II. Mary Ellen Mackway who

died in a car crash in 1929. So that's

uh four to go. Two of them are natural

causes.

>> War in cars. That's certainly natural.

>> Uh there's two living somewhere else.

There's an Edgar Wheeler and May Frell.

And then the two still here. Of course,

Myra and Crazy Marge.

>> Yeah. Well, let's get all this cleaned

up. Then you we can get back into town.

It's where the murderers head. Well,

there's nothing to worry about in there.

Russell and Mallerie, I sent him over to

watch over Crazy Marge, and I just saw

Myron opening up his store when I was on

my way out here, so he's okay. Oh, yeah.

>> What uh what about the thing out here?

Same MO?

>> Uh no. Uh

yeah,

I don't know. You tell me.

>> All right, I'm going over to the levels.

I'll see you later.

>> Okay, I'll hold down the fort.

>> Yeah. And watch the radio. Yeah, I'll

give you a call if I need you. Yeah, you

do that.

Just

approach spending.

Get somebody to help you get him in your

taxi and get him over to Doc Levels,

will you, Rosie?

>> Okay, stop it.

>> Knock it off.

>> Sarah Cyrus,

>> it gets

you pick up every single one of those

potato chips before I get back in the

car.

>> Calvin, stop it.

>> You get it.

And I see over the levels.

>> Hi. You were due for dinner last night.

It was Calvin's birthday. He missed you.

>> You'll come tonight.

>> I saved you a piece of cake. Carrot

cake.

>> Listen, M. I don't know where I'm going

to be tonight.

>> I see.

>> No, you don't see. I don't think you do

see.

>> That's right.

>> I don't see how you could see.

>> Okay, Rosie, you take it to the dark

level.

>> Myron's dead.

No time for any carrot cake.

Everything's okay.

>> The yeters had the same burns, only not

on their heads.

What is it?

What is it?

Don't you see?

He must have run out of ointment. Both

Yet and poor Me here at the point of

contact is no GOP. He's used that same

sort of ointment. What he smelled? But

by the time he got to the Yeters, he

must have left behind and forgotten it

or whatever. At any rate, he used the

machine without any insulator.

What machine?

>> What machine? There isn't any machine

like that. How should I know? I don't

know.

>> Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let's

start again.

>> The murderer is using the machine, you

say?

>> That's right.

>> Only there is no such machine like

whatever he's using.

>> Exactly.

>> Perfect. I love it.

>> Like an Energizer.

>> Yes. He must have invented some sort of

machine to cause the heart to stop short

with the shock. Only without insulated

it causes burns. He must have induced my

to hold on to something. A conductor

without any insulation.

>> An energizer. A battery.

>> Don't you see? An electrical power

source.

>> Power source? Why Why doesn't he just

use a gun? There's your power source.

Wait, what's wrong with this guy?

>> What's wrong with him? He's nuts. That's

what's wrong with him.

I use the phone.

>> Hello, Mr. Slate. This is Daniel Barnes.

Can I have Roger Savage's number?

Thanks.

Guy was waiting.

I'm I'm sorry. I I came back to

apologize in case I was rough on you in

town there. Hello, Blanch. How's

everything going?

Yeah. Well, all right. She's uh she's

the only one left now.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. All right. I'm coming. All right.

Just keep cool.

I'm understaffed and I'm I'm baffled and

I'm uh

I'm middle-aged and selfish and

self-centered. I'm sorry.

>> Has five checked out?

>> The candy eater.

>> Oh, five. Mr. Justin Oats. Yeah, he

settled up last night. Said he had to

leave early this morning.

>> Oh, Daniel,

I got to go.

You always say that the same four words.

You get up and you say, "I got to go."

Every time, every single time. Sometimes

you don't even get up before you say it.

You just lay there and say, "I got to

go." And then you get up and you get

dressed and you go.

So go.

Everything Okay, Russell.

>> All secure. What happened to Mr. Flag?

>> He was murdered. It's a man walking

around town with a machine.

>> A portable murder machine. So if you see

him, Russell, don't shake hands.

Uh, savage.

A blank.

and Justin and I were going to have our

engagement party in Boston at the Coffee

Garden. They have a bar there that turns

uh very slowly around and around and

it's decorated like a tent. Uh anyway,

anyway, uh I had a new kneelength

geette dress from George Marsh with

ballet and no baz.

We didn't wear them then. And they don't

wear them anymore now, I hear. Do you do

Oh, yeah. Uh yes, I do. Um it's not that

I'm that heavy up there. I feel I need

the support, you know. Yeah. Oh, I never

wore one. I had a perfect figure.

Certainly Justin thought so.

>> Mr. Justin Oaks, the candy eater.

>> I was telling you about the engagement

trip to Boston.

>> You and Justin.

>> Uh, no. All of us. Who are you?

>> Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Savage. That's my

fiance. Oh,

>> does he always follow you around?

>> Yes, ma'am. Always. Like Justin said he

had to leave early this morning.

>> Uh, you were telling us about uh Justin,

man. When you and he were making that

trip to Boston,

>> there was six of us in the class going

to be married after graduation.

Ralph and Janet, Abel, and Jenny and

Justin and me. Oh, we're still going to

do it. It's still our plan. I don't see

any reason to change it. As soon as he

comes back, we'll do it.

>> You and Justin,

>> who are we talking about, President

Hoover?

>> Has Justin been away long?

>> Uh, yes. Well, he had to go, but he is

coming back. Then we're all going to be

married and have our honeymoon at the

Copic Plaza.

Yeah. Yeah.

>> Room number five. Justin Oaks. Did you

clean the room?

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> What did you find in there?

>> Well, I don't know. I dumped it in the

waste. Yeah, sure.

>> Everything in here you found?

>> Yeah.

>> I want to know everything you found in

>> Oh, some candy wrappers. I don't know.

>> All right. You said he ate candy. What

else did he do?

>> Well, I don't know.

>> Never mind. I got it right here.

>> Yeah, it is empty.

Active ingredients. Camper, menthol,

spirits of tarpentine, cedar leaf,

nutmeg.

Quote, rub it on. Close quote. That from

room number five.

>> Yeah.

you.

>> Oh. Uh, what did he look like?

>> Fats, grayhaired.

Kind of cheesy clothes, kind of like

yours. You know, a salesman.

>> A salesman? You mean he had like a

sample case? Like a big suitcase?

>> Yeah. How did you know?

>> Oh, I'm infallible. Unless somebody

tells me where to go and what to look

for. That'd make a great law enforcement

officer.

>> Yes, sir. As a kid, Oakson was booted

out of high school before graduation.

some sort of a big scandal. I don't

remember what it was all about, but it

sure caused a commotion.

>> What happens to a man that makes him

come back after all those years and kill

his peers?

>> Well, they don't kill their peers

usually. That only happens when the kid

has had a pretty rough time of it and

somehow becomes embittered by what he

considers a betrayal of his childhood.

And he's apt to blame the failures of

the rest of his life on the people that

he knew as a kid. And the only solution

for him appears to be to

take them out as he checks out. Bang.

Bang. Usually no. Oaks could be 6 hours

away from here by now.

>> If he left.

>> Yeah, if he left.

>> Well, he isn't finished.

No, Michael. Mar went to bed at 7:30.

Now I haven't even seen her. No, I think

Justin's out there in the woods

somewhere. He's

He's waiting. He's eating his candy

bars.

>> Tell him March is dead.

>> And no, Russell and Mallerie are out

there, too. The house lit up like a

Christmas tree. He's not going to hit

tonight.

>> Tell him I'm dead.

>> Yeah. Tomorrow, we're going to go out

and get him in the light. All right.

>> Tell him you're dead.

>> Okay. Yeah. Good night.

Here you go, big boy. Get off on that.

What is it? Cat food.

>> What about you?

>> Well, I wouldn't eat that, John.

>> It's just tuna fish. It's tuna fish.

Tuna fish. Look,

>> it is catchy.

>> No, it's not that. It's not. It's tuna

fish. Just eat it, will you? Wow.

Want

something to drink?

>> What do you got? Evaporated milk.

Some

>> beer.

Crazy. M drinks beer.

>> She's a swinger.

>> Nobody who goes to bed at 7:30 is a

swinger.

>> Oh, gross.

>> Russell, there's some tuna fish in there

in case you get hungry.

>> That's cat food. Blanch. I wouldn't eat

that stuff.

>> Did you eat yet, Russell?

>> No, not yet.

>> I'll take you on to town and eat. Take

Mallerie with you and then stay there.

You're off duty.

>> I thought we were

>> Good night, Russell.

Heat. Heat.

Hey.

Hey.

Oh, you said we were alone. It's just

like last time.

>> What happened last time?

>> Well, when they caught us that night

when they turned the lights on, we

thought we were all alone. We thought

the house was empty. So, we were playing

strip poker, then strip tag. So then we

were running, even Adam, through the

house, but they were all in the parlor.

And when I ran in, they threw on all the

lights and the big studia was right

behind me. So there we both were in our

birthday suits in front of everybody.

>> It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I was back

in the parlor with the rest of them. It

was a surprise birthday party for It was

her 17th birthday. It was my idea. We

were engaged.

We were engaged and there she was

stalked naked with that awful, awful,

awful, awful. They left me out of town.

Got them. I got them all. And I got him.

I got him.

I even got that awful little dog of his.

And now

you're going to get

grandma.

Stop it. Get out of here. Get out of

here.

>> Hey, what are you guys doing? What kind

of a party is this? Oh, there's no drunk

mousing around here. You know that

you lose Buckley, get yourself another

girl.

Do you suppose that Jesse went out to

Marges all those years?

>> Yeah.

I don't even think Justin will go to

trial.

I'll probably stick him away in a state

hospital and forget it.

>> Well, this town will never forget it. To

think anything like this could happen

here. Wow. Can you imagine what it's

like in a big town? I mean, imagine what

it's like in Boston or Chicago

or even Horse Creek. What's going on

there?

>> Hey, I got some messages.

Um,

one, uh, Mrs. Tate, of course. Two, Doc

Levelville, the, uh, junior partner.

Three, the Horse Creek Town Board. Are

you coming to Horse Creek today? Four is

essentially the same message. Five, same

message. Where are you? When are you

coming?

>> There was an ivory build woodpecker in

the theater this morning.

The ivorybuild woodpecker is practically

extinct. There were only a dozen or so

isolated specimens still existing and

most of those are considered to be in

Louisiana or southeastern Texas.

What you saw was a piated woodpecker.

The ivorybuild woodpecker has a white

bill and some white on the back. Whereas

the piated woodpecker, which is what you

saw,

has a slate colored bill and a black

back.

Ah,

huh?

Why don't you go if you're going?

>> I'm not going. I'm staying here.

>> You staying?

>> Yeah, I'm content here.

>> How old are you?

>> 71.

>> Well, I mean it. How old are you?

>> 29.

>> I'm 37.

>> That's wonderful.

When you're 98, I'll be 106.

>> That's really funny.

>> When was it you first figured out you

were going to marry me?

>> Where'd you get that idea? You had

thought dinner. Maybe, you know, going

to marry me.

What are you laughing at?

>> Is this it? Like this these positions

for the rest of my life?

>> I can drink my coffee now.