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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,211 --> 00:00:03,171 - Okay, so I call it booze chess. 2 00:00:03,296 --> 00:00:05,340 I got the Cognac Royal as your King. 3 00:00:05,465 --> 00:00:07,926 Queensland vodka, obviously, that's the Queen. 4 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,011 Uh, Old Steed Whiskey, 5 00:00:10,136 --> 00:00:15,975 that's the horse/centaur guy. 6 00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:17,936 - Oh. 7 00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:19,312 Chessmate. 8 00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:21,147 - Let's just drink. 9 00:00:21,272 --> 00:00:23,066 Whoa! Check out this guy. 10 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,567 - I didn't do it. Don't arrest me. 11 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,319 - Can I help you, occifer? 12 00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,164 - It's my costume for the pole-dancing class 13 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,476 I'm taking up at the rec center. 14 00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:31,366 - Good way to meet babes. - Yeah. 15 00:00:31,491 --> 00:00:33,409 - It's a good way to keep the body in shape. 16 00:00:33,535 --> 00:00:36,120 And, yes, I have met some friends-who are ladies. 17 00:00:36,246 --> 00:00:38,081 Cheryl, Penny, Lori. 18 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:39,886 We're all gonna make homemade pizzas later. 19 00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:41,251 - Sounds good. 20 00:00:41,376 --> 00:00:43,136 So wait, everyone wears a cop outfit or what? 21 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:45,211 - Oh, no, no, no, this is just, uh, something fresh 22 00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:46,506 I'm bringing to the table. 23 00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:48,271 Thinking it might change the game, though, 24 00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:49,926 after they see this little routine. 25 00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:52,387 Check it out. Buckle up. 26 00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:56,558 Freeze! 27 00:00:56,683 --> 00:01:00,311 I'm gonna need you to spread 'em. 28 00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:01,312 - I like it so far. - Yeah. 29 00:01:01,437 --> 00:01:03,106 [rock music starts] 30 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:06,484 - Oh! - Hello. Whoa. 31 00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,528 - Yo! - Yah. 32 00:01:08,653 --> 00:01:09,653 - Oh. - Wait a second. 33 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,058 Where'd I put my- Oh, there it is. 34 00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,783 Eyes down here, fellas. Eyes down here. 35 00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:16,327 - Seriously, dude, you got a pretty good dick. 36 00:01:16,452 --> 00:01:18,121 - ♪ S-s-stop, c-come alive ♪ 37 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,886 ♪ It's beat like this that make me smile ♪ 38 00:01:19,998 --> 00:01:21,624 - Oh, got me. - Oh! 39 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,376 - Oh, yeah. No, you don't need to... 40 00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:24,752 - All right. - He did. 41 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:28,339 - Oh, yeah, I don't know what that's all about. 42 00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:31,342 Officer! You're under arrest! 43 00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:32,969 - Hey, whoa! This is a chessboard! 44 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:34,455 Hey, we're in the middle of a game! 45 00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:36,222 - Ah! - ♪ Put your hands up ♪ 46 00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:38,099 - My teacher says if you don't have sweat in your crack, 47 00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:39,264 you're not doing it right. 48 00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:43,313 [hip-hop music] 49 00:01:43,438 --> 00:01:44,438 - ♪ I'm fresh ♪ 50 00:01:44,439 --> 00:01:45,940 ♪♪ 51 00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,984 - ♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta ♪ 52 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,611 - ♪ You gotta be fresh ♪ 53 00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:53,114 - So you really wouldn't bang Tyra Banks 54 00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:54,519 'cause she's wearing a fat suit? 55 00:01:54,616 --> 00:01:55,700 That is fatism, dude. 56 00:01:55,825 --> 00:01:56,825 - That's not a fat suit. 57 00:01:56,826 --> 00:01:58,536 I'm looking at her FUPA. 58 00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:01,372 - No, that is a faux FUPA. Totally prosthetic. 59 00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:04,876 I wish it was real, 'cause fat girls get me going. 60 00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:07,587 - FUPA... what is- I don't know what that means. 61 00:02:07,712 --> 00:02:08,712 I like saying it, though. 62 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:11,966 - It's a "Fat Upper Pussy Area." 63 00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:15,845 Hi, I'm Bradley, the ISP supervisor. 64 00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,472 - ISP supervisor? 65 00:02:17,597 --> 00:02:19,223 - I monitor your web activity. 66 00:02:19,349 --> 00:02:22,352 A lot of pornography, gentlemen. 67 00:02:22,477 --> 00:02:24,896 - What's your job? What do you do? 68 00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:28,358 - What? You don't think I can be an ISP supervisor? 69 00:02:28,483 --> 00:02:29,734 All: No, no. 70 00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:31,903 - You can totally be that. You can be whatever you want. 71 00:02:32,028 --> 00:02:33,863 - You can do whatever you want to do. Yeah. 72 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:36,532 - What we're saying is, um, we don't look at pornography. 73 00:02:36,658 --> 00:02:38,868 - I don't even know what porn is, truthfully. 74 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,411 - I think it's sexier when a woman 75 00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:41,746 wears all of her clothes. 76 00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:42,872 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 77 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,874 - You know what I love? The slope of a neck. 78 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:47,919 Oh. The soft voice of a woman. 79 00:02:48,044 --> 00:02:50,213 Even a laugh. - Oh, laughs? 80 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,048 - Cut the crap, jag holes. 81 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:56,010 I can look the other way for a fee. 82 00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:57,220 - Ugh, thank God, 83 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,764 'cause we actually watch a ton 0' porn. 84 00:02:59,889 --> 00:03:03,267 Mostly weird stuff- DPs, 3Ps, golden showers. 85 00:03:03,393 --> 00:03:04,435 Whatever. - Give me that. 86 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,560 - I'm into byoo-cake. 87 00:03:05,645 --> 00:03:07,063 - And I love little Asians. 88 00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,023 - Yeah, we've all got our own things, so... 89 00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:11,275 - Oh, and that is a pass to the wax museum. 90 00:03:11,401 --> 00:03:12,401 Really good one. 91 00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:14,070 You should see their Jackie Chan. 92 00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:15,955 - Bradley Cooper's new. That's a new exhibit. 93 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,031 - Hey, what's going on? 94 00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:18,741 - Nothing. Just met Brad, new ISP supe. 95 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,026 - Call him B-Rad. - Cool dude. 96 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,077 - Good hire. 97 00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:23,287 - Yeah, uh, this is my brother Bradley. 98 00:03:23,413 --> 00:03:24,914 Let me guess. He scammed you out of money. 99 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:27,917 - Wait, so you are not an ISP supervisor? 100 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:30,962 - That's not even a real thing. - [laughs] 101 00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:32,797 - I knew that. - I didn't. I didn't. 102 00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:34,090 Okay, you are good. 103 00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:35,495 We got to watch out for this guy. 104 00:03:35,550 --> 00:03:37,552 - That's what I'm talking, B-Rad. 105 00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:39,429 Real Danny Blaine. Is it Danny? David? 106 00:03:39,554 --> 00:03:40,763 - It's David. - David Blaine? 107 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,640 - It's David. - David. 108 00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:44,726 - Yeah, just give them their money back, please. 109 00:03:44,851 --> 00:03:46,477 - Give me that. - Thanks, man. 110 00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,896 - Anyway, uh, sweetie, I'm gonna be working late tonight. 111 00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:52,066 I have an international conference call. Brussels. 112 00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:54,527 - Oh, home of Jean-Claude Van Damme. 113 00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:56,529 Muscles from Brussels. - Shut up. 114 00:03:56,654 --> 00:03:57,780 - That's what they call him. 115 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,949 - So there are some frozen calzones in the freezer. 116 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,451 And, um, I'll be home later. 117 00:04:01,576 --> 00:04:03,119 - Ugh, I'm tired of being cooped up 118 00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,829 in your stupid widow pad! 119 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:06,873 - [snickers] 120 00:04:06,998 --> 00:04:09,959 - Bradley, I told you I am not a widow, okay? 121 00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:11,294 I am divorced. 122 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,880 I am an independent woman in the prime of my life. 123 00:04:14,005 --> 00:04:18,468 - You're 35 and alone. I run train on chicks like you. 124 00:04:18,593 --> 00:04:19,594 - [whispers] Oh, my God. 125 00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:21,179 - Why don't I hang with these nerds? 126 00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,473 - What? Okay, no. 127 00:04:23,598 --> 00:04:25,433 No, Bradley, you do not want to hang out with them, okay? 128 00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:26,601 They are total losers. 129 00:04:26,726 --> 00:04:28,436 - [scoffs] Real losers? Come on. 130 00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:29,771 We have a swimming pool. 131 00:04:29,896 --> 00:04:32,106 We-we all have our own rooms. 132 00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:34,108 - We have an aquarium, a very small one. 133 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:36,152 We have two working toilets. 134 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,654 - That's not very loser, is it? 135 00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:39,822 - It's settled then. 136 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,032 - Yeah, B-Rad. 137 00:04:41,157 --> 00:04:42,157 - All right. - Whoo-hoo! 138 00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:43,534 - [whistles] 139 00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:46,037 - I'll be right back. 140 00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:48,706 That dude definitely looks at porn. 141 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,034 - It's funny 'cause it's true. 142 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,212 He does. I've caught him. 143 00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:55,880 - Okay, listen to me. 144 00:04:56,005 --> 00:04:57,590 Bradley is my brother 145 00:04:57,715 --> 00:05:00,218 and the only thing in the world that I love. 146 00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:02,220 He's like the child I will never have. 147 00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,305 So I want you to go against every instinct 148 00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:07,141 you may have tonight and not do anything stupid. 149 00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:08,684 - No. - Roger that. 150 00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:11,187 - Yeah, because if you don't bring him back safe and sound, 151 00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:13,189 I'm gonna eat your balls for breakfast tomorrow 152 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,857 with my Grape-aw units. 153 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,526 Then I'm gonna murder you. 154 00:05:16,651 --> 00:05:18,027 Then I'm gonna fire you. 155 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,696 Okay. Have fun. 156 00:05:23,533 --> 00:05:26,244 - [whispers] She just put the fear of God into my boner. 157 00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:27,995 - Fear-ection. 158 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,332 So I'm thinking we could do a little, uh, 159 00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:32,737 taste of Italy night for Bradley. 160 00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:34,034 I'll get out the panini press. 161 00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:35,378 - Yeah, maybe if our grandmothers 162 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,338 were visiting from the old country. 163 00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:40,591 We're playing Mario Kart, and I choose Bowser. 164 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,552 See you on Rainbow Road. 165 00:05:42,677 --> 00:05:45,221 - I'm gonna shove a red shell so far up your ass, 166 00:05:45,346 --> 00:05:47,106 a turtle head is gonna pop out of your mouth. 167 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,308 - But I'm saying later, when we get hungry- 168 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,978 - We'll get pizza. Nobody wants the panini press. 169 00:05:52,103 --> 00:05:53,103 What's a panini? 170 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,605 - It just sits there, you know? 171 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,732 I'm trying to show you guys about cultures. 172 00:05:56,858 --> 00:05:58,901 - We told you to get the snow cone machine, man. 173 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,906 - Fine. Live in ignorance. Be typical Americans. 174 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,308 We'll do whatever you want to do. 175 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:05,283 - Yeah, inhale pepperoni pizza and chug Mountain Dew. 176 00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:07,243 - Yes. That's a good idea. 177 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,579 Oh. Oh. Oh! 178 00:06:09,704 --> 00:06:10,872 How does that sound, dude? 179 00:06:10,997 --> 00:06:12,707 - Oh, that sounds like it would be fun... 180 00:06:12,832 --> 00:06:14,876 if I were ten! 181 00:06:15,001 --> 00:06:16,460 - Well, what do you want to do? 182 00:06:16,586 --> 00:06:20,339 Oh, no. We're drunk again. [laughs] 183 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:22,174 - You're kicked out! - Dude, don't. 184 00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,801 - Nice work in there, B-Rad. 185 00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:24,927 [bottle breaks] 186 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,554 - Whoa-ho-ho-ho! - Whoa! 187 00:06:26,679 --> 00:06:28,399 - This totally beats hanging out with Alice. 188 00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:29,599 - Yes, it does. 189 00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:32,351 - Did you know she wears a kimono around the house? 190 00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:34,937 - What? Is it silk? Does she wear a bra underneath? 191 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:39,275 Oh-ho! My nuts! He hit my nuts! 192 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,110 - Yeah, speaking of our boss, 193 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,820 we should probably, uh, call a cab, 194 00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:45,031 get this dude back to her place, and, uh... 195 00:06:45,156 --> 00:06:46,156 - A cab? - Yeah. 196 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,841 We'll come back tomorrow and get the car. 197 00:06:47,909 --> 00:06:49,619 - You've had two beers, dude. Suck it up. 198 00:06:49,744 --> 00:06:51,454 The legal limit's seven or eight, okay? 199 00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:52,622 I should know. 200 00:06:52,747 --> 00:06:55,291 I've gotten plenty of DUls, right? 201 00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:56,696 - I'm not risking it, all right? 202 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:59,033 What if I want to, like, run for city councilman someday? 203 00:06:59,045 --> 00:07:02,089 - City councilman, dude? Suck it up! 204 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,758 Where's your self-worth? 205 00:07:03,883 --> 00:07:06,177 At least run for the governator. 206 00:07:06,302 --> 00:07:09,472 - Guys, I'm not going home. It's Tuesday night. 207 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,558 It's the classic party night. 208 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,226 - Ho-ho! - Ha-ha! Party night! 209 00:07:14,352 --> 00:07:15,519 - Shake it. Shake it. - All right. 210 00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:18,481 - I love this guy's fresh take on weekdays. 211 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,816 - You-you guys have beers at your place, right? 212 00:07:20,942 --> 00:07:22,777 - Bought a 12'er yesterday. 213 00:07:22,902 --> 00:07:24,362 - No, we don't have beers 214 00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,656 because I beer-battered some brats 215 00:07:26,781 --> 00:07:29,992 and then drank 11 beers. 216 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,661 - Rude! 217 00:07:31,786 --> 00:07:32,995 - Here's the deal. 218 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,921 You guys go get the booze. We'll call the cab. 219 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,708 - Let's go! " The guy gets it. 220 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:40,920 - I'm not paying for a cab, man. 221 00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:43,881 - One case of delicious beer. 222 00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:47,510 - Sorry, buddy. It's 2:02. 223 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:50,346 - [chuckles] 224 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:53,516 You're kidding, right? 225 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,102 - No. 226 00:07:56,227 --> 00:07:57,561 - Wow. 227 00:07:57,687 --> 00:07:59,814 You'd think he'd have a giant heart under there, 228 00:07:59,939 --> 00:08:01,065 wouldn't ya? 229 00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,359 Looks like it's the end of the road for us, bud. 230 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:07,196 - Before we go, maybe we should grab you a vaginal douche, 231 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,864 you giant pussy. 232 00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:12,827 Watch and learn. 233 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,081 - The old switcheroo. 234 00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:19,917 We got ourselves a regular beer MacGruber here. 235 00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:21,711 - This is day one stuff, dude. 236 00:08:21,836 --> 00:08:22,878 - You are the master. 237 00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:24,380 - That's right. 238 00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,632 - I know I'm always talking about getting out of this town. 239 00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:29,010 But, uh, if I don't get out of here, 240 00:08:29,135 --> 00:08:31,178 I think city councilman is something I could do. 241 00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:34,223 - I think you'd make an amazing city councilman, dude. 242 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:35,725 - Thank you. We're always kidding. 243 00:08:35,850 --> 00:08:37,560 Like, I'm always kidding, and you'll kid right back at me. 244 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:38,686 - I don't want to do that anymore. 245 00:08:38,811 --> 00:08:39,811 - No more jokes. 246 00:08:39,854 --> 00:08:40,813 - You're one of my best friends. 247 00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,299 I just want the best for you, dude. 248 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,754 - Yeah, me too. - Let's take a photo. 249 00:08:43,858 --> 00:08:45,401 This is some real friendship stuff. 250 00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,236 We need to commemorate this right here. 251 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,738 - Go ahead. ♪ Aaah ♪ 252 00:08:48,863 --> 00:08:51,407 - Ah, best friends! - Ha-ha! 253 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,616 - Ah. - Let me see it. 254 00:08:52,742 --> 00:08:54,382 - Think you're gonna make the city council 255 00:08:54,452 --> 00:08:55,786 after I leak this photo? 256 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,580 - I don't see why not. 257 00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:00,332 - 'Cause my balls are hanging out. 258 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,422 No. 259 00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,174 - Fuck this. Let's party. 260 00:09:08,299 --> 00:09:10,217 - [laughs] 261 00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:14,263 [whistles] 262 00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:18,476 And one case of nonalcoholic sodas, please. 263 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,644 Tuesday night. Decided to get wild. 264 00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:22,605 Drink some sodas with my buddies. 265 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,316 Great store here. Lot of cool sunglasses. 266 00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:28,235 [whispers] We got this. 267 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,947 Hey, thanks a lot. Cool. Have a good one. 268 00:09:32,073 --> 00:09:33,407 [clicks tongue] 269 00:09:37,036 --> 00:09:39,121 - Oh, hell, no! 270 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,998 - Well, that's not a soda, now, is it? 271 00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:43,876 - You're dead! - Let's go! 272 00:09:48,798 --> 00:09:50,841 [hip-hop music] 273 00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:53,219 - We got to go. Why are your nuts out? 274 00:09:53,344 --> 00:09:55,096 - Where's your nuts? Why aren't they hanging out? 275 00:09:55,221 --> 00:09:56,764 - What are you guys doing? The cab's on the way. 276 00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,349 Oh, my God. - Come on. We got to go. Drive! 277 00:09:58,474 --> 00:10:00,392 - Go around. Go around. - What's going on? 278 00:10:00,518 --> 00:10:03,437 - Shit! Is he in? - Pop the trunk! 279 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,981 - Go, go, go! - Oh 280 00:10:06,107 --> 00:10:07,483 - Did B-Rad just jump in the trunk 281 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:08,984 with a case of Diet Shasta? 282 00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:12,947 - No, no, no. We pulled a little switched-a-dooza-roozle. 283 00:10:13,072 --> 00:10:15,116 Hey, B-Rad, we're gonna get you out of there, okay? 284 00:10:15,241 --> 00:10:16,325 As soon as we stop. 285 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,160 - I'm fine. I'm okay. 286 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,537 I'm not dead. 287 00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,372 - Hey, farmer Ders, this isn't a tractor, okay? 288 00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:23,658 We're not plowing a field. We're fleeing a crime scene. 289 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:24,708 Let's go! Pick it up! 290 00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:26,085 - Adam, I am not going any faster, okay'? 291 00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,169 I'm drunk driving. - Two beers. 292 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,574 - We robbed a convenience store. 293 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:29,630 - You've had two beers. 294 00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:31,215 - They probably got my license plate number! 295 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,466 - Two beers! - Guys! Come on! 296 00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:33,831 Let's go home, drink some beer, 297 00:10:33,843 --> 00:10:35,164 and eat a handful of those penises 298 00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:36,303 you're always talking about. 299 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,948 - They're not penises! They're paninis! 300 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,533 And if you think you're getting one now 301 00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:42,101 after this whole hullabaloo, you are dead w- 302 00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:43,769 Who's smoking weed? I smell weed. 303 00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:45,563 Who's smoking it? - I'm smoking a joint. 304 00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:47,523 I'm hotboxing with God! 305 00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:52,528 - "Hotboxing with God"? B-Rad is rad! 306 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:55,531 - Yeah, and you are looking good in my cop uniform. 307 00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:57,867 That's actually the uniform I wear to stripping class. 308 00:10:57,992 --> 00:10:59,535 Which reminds me, I have a 5k run/walk 309 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:00,744 with the gals later. 310 00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:02,913 - I think you might be gay, dude! 311 00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,791 - It's actually not as gay as-okay. 312 00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,126 - That's it. 313 00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:09,251 No more hotboxing of any kind in my car, all right? 314 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,505 Do you understand? This is my Volvo. My rules. 315 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:14,049 Why aren't we moving? - Chill out, Ders. 316 00:11:14,175 --> 00:11:16,135 - What's a "duah" checkpoint? 317 00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,012 - Oh, no, that is a DUI checkpoint. 318 00:11:18,137 --> 00:11:19,137 - What? - We're cool. 319 00:11:19,138 --> 00:11:21,056 Just eat a penny. Suck on a penny. 320 00:11:21,182 --> 00:11:23,184 - [panting] 321 00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:27,122 - This isn't cool. They don't like this. 322 00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:28,689 I'll tell you that. 323 00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:30,983 - Wait. Bradley. 324 00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:36,071 - Oh, jeez! - What the heck? 325 00:11:36,197 --> 00:11:37,531 Bradley's in the trunk. 326 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,242 - I don't know what happened. Everything turned white. 327 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,578 [police radio chatter] 328 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:46,040 - Oh, man, Alice is gonna murder/fire us. 329 00:11:46,165 --> 00:11:48,334 - Not unless we murder/suicide each other first. 330 00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:49,752 Let's murder/suicide each other. 331 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,037 - What? - No, I can't do that. 332 00:11:51,045 --> 00:11:52,171 We've discussed this. 333 00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:53,923 I can't kill you guys. I love you way too much. 334 00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:55,328 - Guys, I'm going to get arrested 335 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,703 when they find a body in my trunk. 336 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,052 - Body and drugs. 337 00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,012 - Seriously, man, thank you for taking the rap for us. 338 00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:01,597 We're gonna conjugally visit you in prison. 339 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:03,724 - No, no, no. Nobody's going to jail. 340 00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:05,142 Whenever I'm in a bad situation, 341 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:06,936 I call the smartest guy I know... 342 00:12:07,061 --> 00:12:08,103 Karl. 343 00:12:08,229 --> 00:12:10,856 - The drug dealer. - The human genius. 344 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,942 - He's the smartest guy ever. - Yeah. 345 00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:15,194 - Eccentrically he wears two different colored shoes. 346 00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:16,445 - Socks. - Really'? 347 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,948 - Yeah. - That's smart. 348 00:12:19,073 --> 00:12:21,158 - All right, soldiers, here's how it's gonna go down. 349 00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:23,035 Two-man teams of two. 350 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,996 Blake, you and Ders are our men inside, infiltrating. 351 00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:28,999 Me and DeMamp, we'll hang back here in HQ acting as backup. 352 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,502 - Yeah, HQ! Team HQ. 353 00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:32,753 - HQ, "headquarters"? 354 00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:34,588 This is a filthy, creepy van 355 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:37,466 that someone wrote "rape" on the side of. 356 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:38,591 - I wrote that. 357 00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:39,843 The van doesn't have anylocks 358 00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:42,009 and the word "rape" keeps all the weirdos away, bro. 359 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:44,473 - Oh, good idea. - The human genius. 360 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,141 - It's not genius. It isn't genius. 361 00:12:46,267 --> 00:12:47,810 You don't have any formal education. 362 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,478 - At least I'm wearing camel flage. 363 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,981 - "Camel flage"? - Camel flage. 364 00:12:52,106 --> 00:12:54,400 - The only reason I'm not totally on board right now 365 00:12:54,525 --> 00:12:55,985 is that Ders is breaking and entering 366 00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:57,236 when I should be doing that, 367 00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:58,881 'cause I have- I'm the most courageous. 368 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,072 I'm like the Cowardly Lion. 369 00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:01,907 - He had a lot of courage. - But opposite of that. 370 00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:04,112 - He's right. I'm not the breaking-and-entering type. 371 00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,412 - Ders, look into my eye. 372 00:13:06,537 --> 00:13:07,663 My good eye. - Which- 373 00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:08,831 I don't know which one's the good eye. 374 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,374 - This one, bro. The wonky one. 375 00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:11,959 - It makes its own rules, dude. 376 00:13:12,084 --> 00:13:14,169 Look how wonky it is! It's wonky! 377 00:13:14,295 --> 00:13:16,547 - I'm running this mission, and I need you in there. 378 00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:17,673 - Give me this. 379 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,159 - Now, we're gonna be on Channel 7, 380 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,735 so please keep the chatter to a minimum. 381 00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,178 - Okay, we get it. - Do you get it, bro? 382 00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:24,888 Me and Blake were in Iraq. 383 00:13:25,014 --> 00:13:26,557 - That was Quebec, dude. 384 00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:28,392 - Was it? - Okay. 385 00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:30,078 I'm gonna go get my car back. Thank you. 386 00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:31,582 - It's all right. We got this handled. 387 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,603 - Yeah. - Come on, Ders! 388 00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:34,690 - Quebec, Iraq, it's all the same thing. 389 00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,442 Have fun, guys! Be safe! 390 00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,694 Oh, man, what are we gonna do for backup? 391 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,863 Surveillance? Little recon action? 392 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,866 - No, dude, backup vocals. 393 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,784 - Oh. ♪ Duh-duh-duh! ♪ 394 00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,369 - I hope you realize by cutting that lock, 395 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,134 you're adding eight years to our sentence. 396 00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,457 - Where would they put a super-old Volvo? 397 00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:52,875 - They'd probably put it by the front 398 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,240 because it'd get them business. 399 00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:57,421 It's a classic. - Come on. 400 00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:58,630 [dog barking] 401 00:13:58,756 --> 00:14:02,134 Um, Ders, there's a dog. There's a dog. 402 00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:04,011 - Adam, we got a dog. There's a dog problem. 403 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,013 Adam? Adam, are you there? 404 00:14:06,138 --> 00:14:07,806 Adam, come in! 405 00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:10,225 - It's a concept album about a dude who goes to space 406 00:14:10,351 --> 00:14:11,393 and bangs an alien. 407 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,979 - [Coughs] Oh. 408 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,230 It's beautiful, dude. 409 00:14:15,356 --> 00:14:17,232 [dog barking] 410 00:14:17,358 --> 00:14:20,736 - Hey, give me one of those LUNA Bars that you always have. 411 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,321 Come on. I know you have one. 412 00:14:22,446 --> 00:14:24,907 - I don't always have one. 413 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:28,744 [dog barking] 414 00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:32,873 - Go. Go. - [whimpering] 415 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,131 [whispers] B-Rad, it's us, dude. 416 00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:42,800 Um, this seems bad. 417 00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,551 - No, it doesn't. 418 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:45,761 - What? How? 419 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:46,929 - Oh, you said "bad." 420 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,534 I thought you said, "This seems Brad." 421 00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,474 - No. Bad. 422 00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:51,767 - Yeah. This is bad. 423 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,852 [hip-hop music] 424 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,776 [hip-hop music] 425 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:04,738 - ♪ We're banging aliens tonight ♪ 426 00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:08,534 ♪ 'Cause we're sad and lonely, yeah ♪ 427 00:15:08,659 --> 00:15:12,621 Both: ♪ We're banging aliens tonight ♪ 428 00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:16,250 ♪ 'Cause I'm a little bit horny ♪ 429 00:15:16,375 --> 00:15:20,129 - Ow! God damn it! 430 00:15:20,254 --> 00:15:23,465 - You guys realize you parked in a clearly marked 431 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:27,511 tow-away zone outside of a tow yard? 432 00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:29,930 - Yeah, we know that, dude, 'cause we're crazy like that. 433 00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:32,349 We're a couple of crazies. It's two versus one. 434 00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:35,602 You want some of this, bro? Karl, get him! 435 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,479 - I'm sorry, Adam. - He's running. 436 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,440 He's just hoof in' it. That's cool. 437 00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:41,233 Good friend of mine. Real close buddy of mine. 438 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:45,237 - [radio] Adam. Adam. - Oh, yeah. Cool. 439 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:46,780 What is this made of? Dirt? 440 00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:49,533 [laughs] Just joshin' ya. 441 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,118 It's not made- it's denim. 442 00:15:51,243 --> 00:15:54,496 And, quite frankly, it looks good on you. 443 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,665 Yeah. Okay. - Let's go for a walk. 444 00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:57,958 - Okeydoke. 445 00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,626 - Hey. Hello. 446 00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,295 - Where are you? 447 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:02,963 - We're in the car. 448 00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,465 - Which car? 449 00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:06,550 - What? We're in the Volvo! 450 00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:09,052 Are you high? - Oh, man, I bet they are. 451 00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:10,471 HQ sounds so fun. 452 00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:13,849 [whining] I want to be there so bad. 453 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,727 [knocks on window] 454 00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:19,188 - Y'all broke in here to steal this turd? 455 00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:20,647 - "Turd"? 456 00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,232 With regularly scheduled maintenance, 457 00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,067 this Volvo will run forever. 458 00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:25,861 - Hew 459 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:28,197 You're in my world now. 460 00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:30,532 - And it is just such a lovely world you got here. 461 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,377 - Now, see, you think you can break in here, 462 00:16:32,493 --> 00:16:34,453 and there's no consequences, right? 463 00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:36,830 - Yeah, that's what we were going for. 464 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:40,375 - You know, if this were actually a free country... 465 00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:43,045 [whispers] I'd be getting real weird with you right now. 466 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,380 - It's already very weird, sir. 467 00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:47,549 - But because of Obama, 468 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,802 I can't even shoot your ass without getting arrested. 469 00:16:50,928 --> 00:16:52,679 Well, bust this. Barn. 470 00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:57,768 Obama can't take away my lightsaber. 471 00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:00,229 - [whisper] Why does everybody have one of those except me? 472 00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:05,234 - This is going inside your tight, 473 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:09,446 moist, little doo-doo puss. 474 00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,240 - Hold it right there! 475 00:17:11,365 --> 00:17:14,368 This vehicle is part of a police investigation! 476 00:17:14,493 --> 00:17:15,869 - Whoa, wait. You're a cop? 477 00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:18,247 - What, you don't think I could be a cop? 478 00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:21,625 - No, no, no. You see, that's not what I meant. 479 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,794 - Good! I'll be taking the car with me 480 00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:25,462 and these gentlemen. 481 00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,089 - You do that. - Okay, sir. 482 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,550 - Thank you. Thank you, officer. 483 00:17:29,675 --> 00:17:31,510 - Don't make me come back here! 484 00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:33,554 - Now, you see, I would never do some shit like that. 485 00:17:33,679 --> 00:17:35,180 You're my homeboy, man. 486 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,849 - I'm getting ready to shoot up this bitch. 487 00:17:37,975 --> 00:17:41,562 - I could feel that. 488 00:17:41,687 --> 00:17:44,898 - Oh, crap. Go! Go! Go! 489 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,233 - Go! Go! Go! Go! 490 00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:47,484 - I will find you! 491 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:50,654 I promise I will find you, bitches! 492 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:53,574 [cheers and laughter] 493 00:17:53,699 --> 00:17:54,741 - Man! - Oh, my God. 494 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:56,146 - You totally had that guy fooled 495 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,829 until, you know, the pants got all sexy on you. 496 00:17:58,954 --> 00:18:01,039 - B-Rad, you literally saved my butthole's life, man. 497 00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:03,041 And it's never gonna forget that, dude. 498 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:04,727 - Guys, it's, like, 4:00 in the morning. 499 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:06,253 Alice is probably sitting at home right now 500 00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:07,898 thinking of how she's going to fire us. 501 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:08,964 - Oh, yeah. 502 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:11,550 She's probably hanging out on the couch 503 00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:13,051 in the kimono, thinking about me, 504 00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,511 doing some power squats. 505 00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,263 - Dude, I'm right here. 506 00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:18,307 And I just got a text from her. 507 00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:21,184 She's leaving the office now. 508 00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:23,604 - All right, boys, it's time to put it into hyperdrive. 509 00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:25,022 - Let's do this! - Yeah! 510 00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:26,148 - Yeah! - Come on! 511 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,553 - Come on, Anders! Move your ass! 512 00:18:27,608 --> 00:18:29,484 - Whoo! 513 00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:30,986 - It's a light. - Yeah. 514 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,472 - Soon as we're through this light. 515 00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:33,488 - Sure. 516 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,328 [hip-hop music] 517 00:18:39,453 --> 00:18:40,579 - ♪ Fresh, fresh, fresh ♪ 518 00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:43,790 [elevator bell dings] 519 00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,584 [car alarm beeps off] 520 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,007 - I know a shortcut. 521 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,676 Left here! Right at the light! 522 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:55,801 - Let's go. - Go, go. 523 00:18:55,886 --> 00:18:58,055 [car horn blares] 524 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,895 - Play artist Norah Jones. 525 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:08,190 - Please repeat. 526 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:11,860 - Play artist Norah Jones. 527 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,278 - Please repeat. 528 00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:16,114 - Okay, I pl-l play the same fucking song every night. 529 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,367 Norah fucking Jones. 530 00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:21,036 - Norah Jones. 531 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,372 - Thank you. 532 00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:26,041 - Turn by the sign. Now left. 533 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,542 We're almost there! 534 00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,127 - Yeah, baby! 535 00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:32,881 [tires screeching] 536 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,637 - ♪ I love the strokes of love ♪ 537 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,139 ♪ Painted up on your face ♪ 538 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:42,265 - Move it, man. 539 00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,976 - ♪ Aye-ya h-ya h-ya h-yah r 540 00:19:45,102 --> 00:19:46,395 ♪ Aye-ya h-ya h-ya h-yah r 541 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,605 [car alarm beeps on] 542 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:52,150 - Pull over! Pull over! 543 00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:53,318 We made it! 544 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,987 - We thought you were taking us to your house. 545 00:19:56,113 --> 00:20:00,200 - Yeah. My house of pancakes. I'm starving. 546 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,045 - Yeah, let's go inside. Let's get pancakes. 547 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,204 And while we're in there, let's get some job applications 548 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,609 because we're going to be fired. 549 00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:07,124 - I'm an adult. 550 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,876 I can stay out as late as I want. 551 00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:12,921 I will talk to Alice and tell her the truth. 552 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,924 You guys showed me a great time. 553 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,135 She won't be mad. Trust me. 554 00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,470 Let's destroy some short stacks! 555 00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:21,930 All: Yeah! 556 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,099 - And fuck chicks! 557 00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,392 - Yeah, we'll do our best. We'll try. 558 00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:27,060 - Yeah, definitely. - It's difficult. 559 00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,231 It's harder than you think. - B-Rad in the house. 560 00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:33,608 In the house of pancakes. - Oh, yeah. 561 00:20:33,734 --> 00:20:36,862 This is a good idea. - Starving. 562 00:20:36,987 --> 00:20:38,530 - This guy's gonna have some sausage. 563 00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:40,323 Loan tell. 564 00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:46,580 - Nice. 565 00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:48,707 [dog snorting, party horn blows] 40737

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