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1
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:03,731
- There's definitely
something in there.
2
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,423
- Okay, just
tell me what happened.
3
00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,634
- Well, I was watching
Hell Date as usual last night,
4
00:00:07,759 --> 00:00:10,595
and I was eating pretzel rods,
and I passed out.
5
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,305
So I think I, like,
rolled on one
6
00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:13,848
and it broke off
in my ear or something.
7
00:00:13,973 --> 00:00:14,973
- Or maybe I've just been
8
00:00:14,974 --> 00:00:16,254
punching you
in your sleep, dude.
9
00:00:16,309 --> 00:00:17,509
Did you think about that maybe?
10
00:00:17,519 --> 00:00:18,853
- That doesn't make any sense.
11
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,897
- Oh, it makes more sense
than you even know, Anders.
12
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,022
- Well, so have you then?
13
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,023
- Okay.
- Maybe.
14
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,184
- All right, just stay still,
15
00:00:24,234 --> 00:00:26,694
because I definitely
see something in there.
16
00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:28,321
- Well, get it out!
- Okay, okay.
17
00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:29,822
Just take some deep breaths.
18
00:00:29,948 --> 00:00:31,708
Adam, can you hand me
those tweezers, please?
19
00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:33,501
- What do you need
tweezers for, man? Just...
20
00:00:33,535 --> 00:00:35,078
- Tweeze me.
- Thank you.
21
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,413
All right now, just hold still.
22
00:00:37,539 --> 00:00:39,332
I don't wanna
rupture any vessels.
23
00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:40,458
- What?
24
00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:41,743
- [whispers] Oh, sweet Jesus.
25
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:42,919
- What?
What is it?
26
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,170
- [gasps]
- What's in there?
27
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:45,922
What is it?
What? What is it?
28
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:48,424
- It's a baby cockroach!
29
00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:51,511
[all screaming]
30
00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:55,598
[hip-hop music]
31
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:56,723
- ♪ I'm fresh ♪
32
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,184
♪♪
33
00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:00,103
- ♪ You gotta, you gotta,
you gotta ♪
34
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:01,938
- ♪ You gotta be fresh ♪
35
00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:05,316
- No, sir, it's not
just a washcloth.
36
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:07,235
This zips into
your utility belt.
37
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,572
And if you're on a boat,
it goes overboard, it floats.
38
00:01:10,697 --> 00:01:12,282
I know you're not a child, sir.
39
00:01:12,407 --> 00:01:14,158
Well, maybe we shouldn't
be doing business.
40
00:01:14,284 --> 00:01:15,868
Well, that's fine.
Fine.
41
00:01:15,994 --> 00:01:17,787
No, okay, well, I guess
we're not doing business.
42
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,080
- Check out our house,
43
00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:20,526
it looks like
a total circus tent.
44
00:01:20,540 --> 00:01:23,793
- Ugh, that looks like
a poisonous death trap, dude.
45
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:24,711
- How's that?
46
00:01:24,836 --> 00:01:26,462
- If I were a kid, that's
exactly where I would hide.
47
00:01:26,588 --> 00:01:28,348
Instead of, like,
making awesome circus tents
48
00:01:28,423 --> 00:01:29,757
that kids wanna hide in,
49
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,926
they should just write
"Homework Store" on it,
50
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:33,303
or "Homework Town."
51
00:01:33,428 --> 00:01:34,868
Kids don't wanna
go to Homework Town.
52
00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:36,514
Dead kid problem solved.
53
00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:40,435
- Yeah, or then we'd have
some dead, really smart kids.
54
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,645
- Well, maybe if you guys
didn't treat our house
55
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,355
like the piss ditch
at Burning Man,
56
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,065
we wouldn't have
to get it fumigated.
57
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:47,483
- Ders,
you're the bedtime maniac
58
00:01:47,609 --> 00:01:48,776
who passes out with pretzels
59
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,301
and wakes up
with little brain bugs.
60
00:01:50,361 --> 00:01:52,697
- Nevertheless, we have nowhere
to sleep for three days.
61
00:01:52,822 --> 00:01:54,449
- Come on, guys,
this is our chance
62
00:01:54,574 --> 00:01:56,743
to take that camping trip
we've never talked about.
63
00:01:56,868 --> 00:01:59,162
- Yeah, let's buckle up
for some high-speed bro bondage.
64
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,456
- Yeah, it's free, it's fun,
65
00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:03,249
and you just might
learn something.
66
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:04,774
- Excuse me,
could you move this box
67
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,294
so I can get to the outlet?
68
00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:08,546
- No prob, Bob.
69
00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:09,964
- It's Bret.
70
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,591
- No sweat, Bret.
71
00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:13,551
- Whoa.
- Whoa!
72
00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:15,595
- Look at this.
73
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,360
Finally found a T-shirt
that's gonna house
74
00:02:17,472 --> 00:02:19,557
those bodacious C cups
of yours, Ders.
75
00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:21,934
Come on, give me
a little shake, baby.
76
00:02:22,060 --> 00:02:24,145
Come on, mama.
Shake it for us.
77
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:26,105
Yeah!
- Shake it, shake it, shake it.
78
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,024
- Yeah.
- How does he do that?
79
00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:30,735
- Uh, magnificent.
- Whoa, whom!
80
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:33,071
- And let's give one
to Bret here.
81
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:34,557
It's a parting gift.
Thanks, buddy.
82
00:02:34,656 --> 00:02:36,699
- Thank you.
- You earned it.
83
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,535
- Oh, that's how
it's gonna be, huh?
84
00:02:39,661 --> 00:02:42,830
This nerd show up
for one day to do my job.
85
00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,999
I'm here every day.
86
00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,292
Y'all never
gave me a T-shirt.
87
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:48,297
- Montez, that's because
you're not an I.T. guy.
88
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,879
- Okay, I'm not an I.T. guy.
89
00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:52,423
All right, who took that
pornado off his computer, hmm?
90
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,217
Who sent y'all
all them dope web videos?
91
00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:55,677
Remember
that Chocolate Rain, huh?
92
00:02:55,802 --> 00:02:56,802
What about that G“:
93
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,364
where the penguin fell
through the ice?
94
00:02:58,388 --> 00:02:59,469
- Yeah.
- Remember that one?
95
00:02:59,514 --> 00:03:00,848
And that Leroy Jenkins joint?
96
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,392
That was next level.
97
00:03:02,517 --> 00:03:03,559
- Yeah, that was good,
98
00:03:03,685 --> 00:03:05,405
but it came out,
like, five years ago, so...
99
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,271
- You don't respect
the classics.
100
00:03:07,397 --> 00:03:09,941
What's next?
He gonna buttfuck Mozart?
101
00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:12,026
- Ew.
- Here you go.
102
00:03:15,655 --> 00:03:17,907
- I appreciate it.
103
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,534
Waymond, look what they gave me.
104
00:03:19,659 --> 00:03:21,369
Nuh, ah! That's not for you.
Come on.
105
00:03:21,494 --> 00:03:23,538
You always trying to
get stuff that's not yours.
106
00:03:23,663 --> 00:03:25,707
- That was nice of you.
- Thanks, buddy.
107
00:03:25,832 --> 00:03:28,376
- Good job.
- Oh!
108
00:03:28,501 --> 00:03:30,211
- You okay?
109
00:03:30,336 --> 00:03:31,546
- Here, spit it out.
110
00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:33,005
- [coughs, wheezes]
111
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,223
- Are you ready to go
camping tonight, brother?
112
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:39,637
- Roger that, Ranger Rick.
We are all set.
113
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:42,640
Got those 'shrooms from Karl
that he brought from Chico.
114
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:45,643
I'm talking brain melter.
115
00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:47,353
- I don't even know
if I wanna do any.
116
00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:50,273
- What?
- I'm scared.
117
00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:51,638
You know what?
I'll do a couple.
118
00:03:51,691 --> 00:03:52,900
- Ha-ha!
That's my guy.
119
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,402
- One or two.
Not too many, though.
120
00:03:54,527 --> 00:03:57,321
I wanna be appropriate
with those, for sure.
121
00:03:57,447 --> 00:04:00,241
- Wanna do some right now?
- Hey
122
00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:02,160
- Hey, dickholes.
- Alice, hey.
123
00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:03,965
- So I don't know
if you heard this or not,
124
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,747
but there's been
a series of burglaries
125
00:04:05,872 --> 00:04:07,290
in cars in the area.
126
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,167
Anyway, we're gonna be
beefing up security,
127
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:10,772
so I just wanted
to let you know that.
128
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,503
- I hope they don't put
any language alarms in,
129
00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:13,628
because you cuss a lot.
130
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:14,671
[laughing]
131
00:04:14,756 --> 00:04:16,382
- You won't need
too much extra security,
132
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:19,010
because we've already got
Sirs Vei and Lance right here.
133
00:04:19,135 --> 00:04:21,929
Surs... veillance, vey.
134
00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:23,473
- What the fuck does that mean?
135
00:04:23,598 --> 00:04:25,516
- Anyways, I could
walk you to your car tonight
136
00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,643
if you were worried
about the burglars.
137
00:04:27,769 --> 00:04:30,188
- Wow.
Adam, that would be-
138
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,315
actually, that
would be really great.
139
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,233
- Really'?
140
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,679
- No, you fuckhead.
Of course not.
141
00:04:35,777 --> 00:04:36,861
- Ah.
- [chuckles]
142
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:38,154
- You think walking to my car
143
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:39,405
with a four-foot
12-year-old
144
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,157
is really gonna
spook away any bad guys?
145
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:44,035
I don't think so.
- Four-foot-tall 12-year-old...
146
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,537
I can bench-press 220,
so whatever.
147
00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,372
- Just shut up, Adam.
- Right on.
148
00:04:48,498 --> 00:04:52,126
[electronic music]
149
00:04:52,251 --> 00:05:00,251
♪♪
150
00:05:12,647 --> 00:05:15,650
- Hey.
151
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:24,659
- And it turns out
the whole entire camp...
152
00:05:24,784 --> 00:05:26,410
[whispers] was haunted.
153
00:05:26,536 --> 00:05:28,538
[plays recorded shrieks
and screams]
154
00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:30,665
- Oh. [chuckles]
That was scary!
155
00:05:30,790 --> 00:05:33,209
Bro, you totally just
N. Mike Salomon-ed me.
156
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,419
- N. Mike.
Now he's a real storyteller.
157
00:05:35,545 --> 00:05:37,463
- Dude, tell that story again.
158
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:40,258
But this time...
159
00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:42,260
on 'shrooms.
160
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:43,553
- Ooh. Okeydoke.
161
00:05:43,678 --> 00:05:45,179
- Please don't;
I don't need to hear about
162
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,181
how some guy is getting raped
with a buzz saw again.
163
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,267
- Uh, it was a chainsaw, Ders.
164
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:51,312
How's a ghost gonna rape
someone with a buzz saw?
165
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:52,728
Idiot.
166
00:05:52,854 --> 00:05:55,356
- Either way, come get some
of Karl's grody toadstools.
167
00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:56,816
- Yum.
- Mmm.
168
00:05:56,941 --> 00:05:58,276
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
169
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,278
- Ders, you want in on this?
170
00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:03,072
- I think Ders should
maybe take a little naparoo,
171
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,575
let us wolves howl
at the moon like we do.
172
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:08,035
- A-ow!
173
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,745
I'm a coyote with sunglasses.
174
00:06:09,871 --> 00:06:11,163
- Yeah, you are.
Woof.
175
00:06:11,289 --> 00:06:13,249
- Okay, first of all, dickheads,
I'm not going to bed.
176
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,374
It's 7:45.
177
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:15,575
And secondly, why do you think
178
00:06:15,585 --> 00:06:16,794
I would let you drink
all my Kahlua
179
00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:17,920
and not expect me to want
180
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,922
some of your drug stuff
in return?
181
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,341
- This will make
your brain go all like...
182
00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:23,509
and you can't handle that.
183
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:24,969
- Adam, I can do a drug, okay?
184
00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:26,637
I can drop 'shrooms.
185
00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:28,603
Plus, I don't wanna
babysit you guys all night.
186
00:06:28,723 --> 00:06:30,850
- Hey, Adam...
Ders can have one.
187
00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:32,727
A little doggy, a little pup.
188
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:35,187
But, hey, don't you
flip out on me.
189
00:06:35,313 --> 00:06:38,149
I don't want you
just throwing 'bows, okay?
190
00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:39,483
Gotta be cool.
191
00:06:39,609 --> 00:06:42,820
- Blake, I'm a pretty cool guy.
192
00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:46,324
Get with the showgram.
193
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:50,411
- To me, they taste
like Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
194
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:51,579
Minus the cinnamon.
195
00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:53,372
And the crunch as well.
196
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:55,124
- Oh, my God,
you guys do these a lot?
197
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,584
'Cause they're gross.
198
00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:58,044
It tastes like what I think
199
00:06:58,169 --> 00:07:00,087
Rumpelstiltskin
might taste like.
200
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,423
- They're good, right?
- Oh, yeah.
201
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:04,383
Do your legs feel like puddings?
202
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:07,136
- Swimming in
the swimming pool of life.
203
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,013
- Imagine this is the nucleus,
204
00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:10,723
and we're all little neurons.
205
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:12,934
- Are we in the lighthouse?
206
00:07:16,771 --> 00:07:17,897
[babbling]
207
00:07:18,022 --> 00:07:21,776
- Will you take
this world by storm?
208
00:07:21,901 --> 00:07:24,028
[imitating monkey]
209
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:27,114
- Pretty boy.
- ♪ You are my star ♪
210
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:31,035
- ♪ I like spending the... ♪
211
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,703
[deep voice] ♪ Summers ♪
212
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:34,497
♪ In the mall ♪
213
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,302
[high-pitched voice]
♪ With my girlfriend ♪
214
00:07:36,374 --> 00:07:38,084
- A' Star A'
215
00:07:38,209 --> 00:07:42,630
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
[all laughing]
216
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:51,347
[ominous music]
217
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:58,312
♪♪
218
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:02,149
- This one goes out to
the late, great John Candy, mon!
219
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,068
- We are the bobsled team.
220
00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:07,738
- Mamasay, mamasah, macoosah.
221
00:08:09,073 --> 00:08:13,452
- Am I tripping, or did
I just see two dudes in there?
222
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,579
- We've got company.
223
00:08:24,797 --> 00:08:26,841
- Take it down.
Get it, get it, get it, get it.
224
00:08:26,966 --> 00:08:29,427
- Ow, who is that? Adam?
- That's okay.
225
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:30,678
- Go, go, go.
- Let it down easy.
226
00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:33,097
Let her down easy.
- Shh, quiet.
227
00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:35,057
- There are actual
robbers here right now!
228
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:36,809
Is anyone gonna
help me deflate this?
229
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:39,645
- Oh, so now you wanna go
on a magic carpet ride, huh?
230
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,313
- I just wanna have
a plan to get out of here.
231
00:08:41,439 --> 00:08:43,199
- We could start robbing
the place ourselves,
232
00:08:43,232 --> 00:08:44,942
and then when we see
the burglars we can be like,
233
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:47,427
'What are you guys doing here?
You guys are burglaring this?
234
00:08:47,445 --> 00:08:48,566
I thought
we had this today."
235
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,174
- Are you insane?
I'm calling the cops.
236
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,408
- Ugh.
Get over yourself.
237
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,286
- What the hell are you doing?
238
00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:56,954
- Okay, no.
All right?
239
00:08:57,079 --> 00:08:58,330
Because I'm pretty sure
240
00:08:58,456 --> 00:09:00,136
we have broken more laws
than the burglars.
241
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,333
We're trespassing.
242
00:09:01,459 --> 00:09:03,020
I did some things
in the girls' bathroom
243
00:09:03,044 --> 00:09:04,044
I shouldn't talk about,
244
00:09:04,045 --> 00:09:06,297
and we have a ton of drugs.
245
00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:08,799
- Do we?
I can take care of that for us.
246
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,426
Teamwork for my friends.
247
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:12,386
- Okay, is that the smartest
thing to do right now?
248
00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:14,346
Get more 'shroomed out?
- Mm-hmm.
249
00:09:14,472 --> 00:09:17,016
Ders, this is our night
at the museum, okay?
250
00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:20,394
And this exhibit,
he's coming to life.
251
00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,021
- How many 'shrooms
have you dropped?
252
00:09:22,146 --> 00:09:23,355
- A lot.
- How many?
253
00:09:23,481 --> 00:09:25,149
How many 'shrooms
have you dropped?
254
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,318
How many 'shrooms have
you dropped?
255
00:09:27,443 --> 00:09:30,154
- A lot.
- Hey, I've got it.
256
00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:32,448
It's so obvious.
It's so simple.
257
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:33,824
They'll never see it coming.
258
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:36,077
Let's walk right out
the front door.
259
00:09:36,202 --> 00:09:37,286
- Blake!
260
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:38,746
You're the smartest guy I know.
261
00:09:38,871 --> 00:09:40,664
You're like Bo Jackson.
- Adam...
262
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:42,583
[whispers] Inside voices.
263
00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:45,961
[elevator dings]
264
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,343
- Oh, my God, we're dead.
We're dead, we're dead.
265
00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:53,908
- We're not gonna
get murdered, Ders.
266
00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:55,471
We're not gonna
get stabbed repeatedly
267
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:56,972
in the face and body,
and left for dead.
268
00:09:57,098 --> 00:09:58,778
- Adam, the entire building
is locked down.
269
00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:00,170
The front door's
the only way out.
270
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:01,894
I think one of those guys
had a gun on his person.
271
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:03,813
- No, that's it.
It's so obvious; it's so simple.
272
00:10:03,938 --> 00:10:05,481
They'll never see it coming.
273
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:08,150
We go through the biggest
front door of them all...
274
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,693
the roof.
275
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,370
Let's go.
276
00:10:19,495 --> 00:10:22,957
Shh.
277
00:10:23,082 --> 00:10:24,917
- Okay, cool,
where's the fire escape?
278
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:27,545
- Well, there is no fire escape,
279
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,797
but maybe you've heard
of the classic tale
280
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:31,757
by. . .who wrote Rapunzel?
281
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:33,092
- What are you talking about?
282
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:34,857
- Whatever, I'll jump.
I don't care, dude.
283
00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:36,288
- Please do.
- No, no, I'm serious.
284
00:10:36,387 --> 00:10:38,597
Like, we should ponytail
our clothes together,
285
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,057
and Rapunzel down.
286
00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:42,143
- You mean rappel.
- No, Rapunzel.
287
00:10:42,268 --> 00:10:43,435
Actually, curiously,
288
00:10:43,561 --> 00:10:45,201
that's where the word
"rappel" comes from.
289
00:10:45,271 --> 00:10:47,022
"Rapunzel."
- No, it's not.
290
00:10:47,148 --> 00:10:48,691
But that's not
a bad idea; I'm in.
291
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:51,819
- ORGY-
292
00:10:51,944 --> 00:10:54,488
- Are you guys cold?
293
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,073
What?
They're Spanx, all right?
294
00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:57,638
Haven't been
to the gym a lot lately,
295
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:58,658
and they keep me tight.
296
00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,902
- Is that why you're flexing?
297
00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:01,412
- I'm not flexing
right now, dude.
298
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:03,177
Are you flexing?
- Definitely not flexing.
299
00:11:03,247 --> 00:11:05,127
- You're flexing for sure.
- No, you're flexing.
300
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:07,209
- No, you're flexing, dude.
- I'm not flexing right now.
301
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,460
- I'm a stress eater.
302
00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:09,920
And I've been eating
a lot lately,
303
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:11,088
so I need Spanx.
304
00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:12,548
- Okay, yes.
- Are you okay with that?
305
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,514
- You're stress eating
some high-class boomers.
306
00:11:14,592 --> 00:11:15,592
I need you focused.
307
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,511
- Fine,
I'm the best thrower anyway.
308
00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:20,764
- No, no, no, no.
Don't, don't, don't!
309
00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:22,850
What are you doing?
- Stop!
310
00:11:22,975 --> 00:11:26,770
Stop!
Stop, Stop!
311
00:11:26,896 --> 00:11:30,316
Stop it, Adam!
Stop!
312
00:11:30,441 --> 00:11:32,568
Sto-you're
not listening!
313
00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:42,036
- We should start bringing
guns to work, man.
314
00:11:42,161 --> 00:11:44,163
Then we wouldn't have
this issue, like, ever.
315
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:45,968
We would just be like,
"You're robbing us?"
316
00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:47,541
- Yeah, absolutely.
317
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:51,086
Guns are at least,
or two-handed swords.
318
00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:52,338
- Sword?
Cut me, bro.
319
00:11:52,463 --> 00:11:54,089
Cut me-
bro.
320
00:11:54,215 --> 00:11:58,552
♪ 'Cause I'm a stabbin' dude
with raditude ♪
321
00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,387
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪
322
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:01,764
- Shut up.
323
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,515
Are you trying to get me killed?
324
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,476
- Are you flexing again?
- No.
325
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,061
- You look like you are.
326
00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:08,626
- I'm not flexing right now.
You are.
327
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:10,147
- Yeah, I always am.
328
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:11,857
And you need to take
some time out of your day
329
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,359
and work on your body,
330
00:12:13,484 --> 00:12:15,194
'cause it's
an embarrassment, bro.
331
00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:18,822
- Come on, let's go.
We're not safe here anymore.
332
00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:22,034
- Whoa.
I just got an awesome idea.
333
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,285
- Stop it.
334
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,650
Those 'shrooms you made me take
335
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:26,330
are making me
sick to my stomach.
336
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:27,665
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, brother.
337
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:29,151
Those 'shrooms
were all you, buddy.
338
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:31,168
- Ders, succumbing
to peer pressure.
339
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:33,212
What's new, Ders?
- I don't do that.
340
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:35,881
- What's new, Ders?
- We have to get out of here.
341
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,299
We have to go!
- Can fly in this thing.
342
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,801
- Adam, you can't fly.
343
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:42,054
- I'm like one of those dragons
from Avatar, remember?
344
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:43,579
They flew on them.
They were like...
345
00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:45,057
[high-pitched screeching]
346
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,934
- Shh!
Stop.
347
00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:48,978
Adam, stop.
348
00:12:49,103 --> 00:12:51,188
Adam, I cannot
handle this anymore.
349
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,634
I'm gonna go wait
in the bathroom.
350
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:53,731
- [screeches]
- Stop it.
351
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,442
I'm going to the bathroom.
352
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:58,570
- Bye-bye.
TTYL.
353
00:12:58,696 --> 00:12:59,989
LOL. JK.
354
00:13:00,114 --> 00:13:01,490
- Give me the stapler.
355
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:02,992
Not about to be
the only guy without it.
356
00:13:03,117 --> 00:13:05,953
- How many?
- Two.
357
00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:07,997
There you go again,
overachieving.
358
00:13:08,122 --> 00:13:09,707
Miss you, dude.
359
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:14,461
- Ahh.
360
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:17,464
Oh, man,
that's cool-looking.
361
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,592
- [whistling]
362
00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:40,904
God damn it.
363
00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:55,878
- I got you, baby.
364
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,546
[toilet flushes]
365
00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:02,051
[glass scratching]
366
00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:03,886
[phone vibrates]
367
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,387
- Whoa.
368
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,723
Dude, he just sent me
a picture of a knife.
369
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,328
I think he might
really be in trouble.
370
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:11,560
- Oh, my God,
a photo of a knife?
371
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:14,104
Terrifying.
372
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,564
I've got about
two more hours on this,
373
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,524
and then we'll get to go home.
374
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:19,276
Okay?
Believe in me.
375
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:22,780
- Adam, you know our motto.
376
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:26,158
No Ders left behind.
377
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:29,244
- The thing about Ders is...
378
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:32,456
he's supposed to die tonight.
379
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:36,085
I'm on a real spiritual high
right now, brother.
380
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:38,087
Real high.
381
00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:40,714
It's the prophecy.
382
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:45,094
It was foretold, like,
a 1,000 years before dinosaurs.
383
00:14:45,219 --> 00:14:48,389
- And as cool as that sounds,
384
00:14:48,514 --> 00:14:54,353
how awesome would it be
to deny the prophecy'?
385
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:01,235
- Let's do it for the dinosaurs.
386
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,780
- What does that mean?
387
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,323
- I think that means
let's go save Ders.
388
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,783
- All right.
- Okay.
389
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:18,293
- Well, well, well.
390
00:15:18,419 --> 00:15:21,088
The server room.
What are these guys up to?
391
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:27,136
- Jackpot.
392
00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:29,430
- This is bigger
than we thought.
393
00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:34,101
[door squeaks]
394
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,485
- [screams]
395
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,696
No, please don't cut me.
396
00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:47,823
You came back.
397
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:50,033
I almost just killed you.
398
00:15:50,159 --> 00:15:51,368
- Are you okay?
399
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:52,786
- I've been nothing but worried.
400
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:54,191
- I shouldn't
have left you guys.
401
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:55,539
You guys are my rocks.
402
00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:56,832
Thank you.
403
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,001
[sniffs]
Look, we are not safe here.
404
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:01,044
- No one's safe.
405
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:03,380
They got in the server room,
hacked into the networks.
406
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,716
- I know I'm really high
right now, guys,
407
00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:07,342
but I don't think
I'm exaggerating
408
00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:10,179
when I say this goes all
the way up to the vice president
409
00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:13,682
of the continental
United States of America.
410
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:14,892
- Biden.
411
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,518
How are we
gonna get out of here?
412
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,728
- We aren't.
413
00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:20,397
We've gotta
stand up for justice.
414
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,024
We're gonna protect what's ours
415
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,650
and take back what we never had,
416
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,111
because if the History Channel
taught us anything
417
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,322
besides the culture
of ice road trucking,
418
00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:33,076
it's that history defines men
by moments and shit.
419
00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:36,330
And gentledudes,
this is our moment.
420
00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:39,917
Because if we don't learn
from History Channel...
421
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:42,377
we're doomed to repeat
History Channel.
422
00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:44,671
- Let's go kill these dudes.
423
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,590
- I didn't cry for no reason.
424
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,050
[toilet flushes]
425
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:49,885
- Okay, so what are
we looking at here?
426
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,553
- This is the burglar buster.
427
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,473
It's basically the Eliminator
from American Gladiators,
428
00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:56,638
mixed with all the cool
laser parts from Entrapment-
429
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,894
you know, the
Catherine Zeta-Jones vehicle.
430
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:00,270
- Yeah, it's a classic.
431
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,105
But how do we know
this is going to work?
432
00:17:02,231 --> 00:17:06,360
- Because it was designed
by the best.
433
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:09,404
♪ Catherine Zeta-Jones ♪
434
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:12,282
♪ She dips beneath lasers ♪
435
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,910
♪ Ooh ♪
436
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,079
- I'll get on the P.A.
to get their attention.
437
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,580
Then using Adam as bait,
438
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,916
we lure them
through our gauntlet.
439
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:23,043
First up, the Lazer Jungle.
440
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,328
- What's that supposed to do?
441
00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:26,213
- Physically?
Nothing.
442
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:29,800
But mentally...
total destruction.
443
00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:33,428
- Ooh, I like that.
444
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:37,266
- Then Adam triggers the
Water Jug Pendulums of Death,
445
00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:39,434
driving them into...
446
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,228
our Ether-Net,
447
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:44,940
which, you guessed it,
is a net of ethernet cables.
448
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,317
And if these guys happen
to be super-shredder status
449
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:48,944
and get through all of that,
450
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,446
then I'll be there with
our Last Line of Defense:
451
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:54,116
just plain old
sharpened broomsticks,
452
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,617
just like that scene
in Braveheart.
453
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,745
[devilish laughter]
454
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:01,707
[hip-hop music]
455
00:18:17,306 --> 00:18:18,599
- All right, let's do this.
456
00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:20,058
- We're doing it.
457
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,351
[loud intercom beep]
458
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:22,769
- Warning.
459
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:25,564
You have activated
the laser alarm system.
460
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:27,899
These are not laser pointers.
461
00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:30,944
They're real lasers
that burn through human flesh.
462
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:34,489
You're probably like...
lasers in an office buil...
463
00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:36,255
Anyways, you should be
really freaked out.
464
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,493
Adam, that's your cue.
465
00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:44,875
- Leroy... Jenkins!
466
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,710
[both coughing]
467
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:47,836
- God damn it, Leroy.
468
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,963
- Sorry.
I had to do it.
469
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,381
I'm kind of a maverick,
470
00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:53,091
and I just don't
give a shoot, you know?
471
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,496
You guys feel me, though, right?
472
00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:57,846
- I feel you.
You're like my new hero.
473
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,171
- Maybe we should tie them up.
474
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:00,891
- Okay.
- Yeah.
475
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:02,601
- So you thought
you could just come in here
476
00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:04,019
and throw down on our turf?
477
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:05,979
On our turf?
That's what you thought?
478
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,465
- I guess you guys
forgot to expect
479
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,149
the unexpected!
480
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:11,234
- Like I said,
I'm with tech support.
481
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,862
I met you, like, six hours ago.
482
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,739
This is my part-
this is my partner, Corey.
483
00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,742
- Oh, very clever.
484
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,243
So you come in during the day
485
00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,245
hidden in plain sight
to case the joint.
486
00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:24,414
- You are not
gonna get the codes.
487
00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:27,250
But you will tell us
what Joe Biden's after.
488
00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:28,710
- What does Joe Biden want?
489
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,170
- Please, just don't hurt us.
490
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:31,922
- [laughing] Us hurt you?
491
00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:33,507
That's hilarious;
we're not the ones
492
00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:35,217
dropping knives in bathrooms.
493
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,719
That's right.
I was in there watching you.
494
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,472
- I carry a knife with me
because I was sexually assaulted
495
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:42,557
in a mall food court
last spring.
496
00:19:42,683 --> 00:19:43,923
Sorry I like to feel protected.
497
00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,352
- I'm sorry.
498
00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:46,997
- We're just here
to reboot the system.
499
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,542
We can't-we can't
do it during the day
500
00:19:48,647 --> 00:19:49,768
when the servers are in use.
501
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:51,316
- Right!
- Yeah.
502
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:54,403
Okay! Like I can't
test your little lie, buddy?
503
00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:56,154
I can just open up
a program right here-
504
00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:58,615
holy shit, this is fast.
505
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,535
Did you install
Snow Leopard for PC on this?
506
00:20:01,660 --> 00:20:03,245
- No way, let me see.
- This is good.
507
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,579
- Wow, look at all those tabs.
508
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:06,506
- Wait, are you printing
and watching a video?
509
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,333
- I don't know
what I'm doing right now.
510
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,127
- [chuckles] Um, so hey, um...
511
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,628
our collective bad.
512
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,463
I could've sworn you had a gun.
513
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,049
Nope, that's a pager.
You still got one of those.
514
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,176
- That's a common mistake.
515
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,932
So...
516
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,476
do you guys like 'shrooms?
517
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:27,936
Both: Yes, please.
518
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,647
- ♪ Catherine Zeta-Jones ♪
519
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,483
♪ She dips beneath the lasers ♪
520
00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:35,819
♪ Ooh ♪
521
00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:39,865
All:
♪ She has entrapped me ♪
522
00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:42,909
♪ And Sean Connery ♪
523
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:45,162
♪ Ooh ♪
524
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:48,498
♪ Catherine Zeta-Jones ♪
525
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:51,585
♪ She dips beneath lasers ♪
526
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:56,923
♪ Ooh, oh ♪
527
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:01,344
- Nice.
528
00:21:01,470 --> 00:21:03,472
[dog snorting, party horn blows]
37813
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