All language subtitles for s07e04_-_come_bak_to_the_five_and_dime

Trick or treat!

Well, what have we here?

It's a bunch of scary witches and
hobgoblins from the Children's Center.

Oh, yeah, they're pretty spooky. I
better give them my best dust.

Hope you guys like vegetable.

I guess it's going to have to be candy.

But the management assumes no
responsibility for a cavity.

You have a rib roast in your bag.

I picked that up at the slaughterhouse.

They gave the kids cutlets.

Okay, gang, let's hustle.

The coroner's got bit of honey.

Look at them. Aren't they the cutest?

Yeah, that's what I love about
Halloween. It brings out the kid in all

of us.

Some of us more than others.

What, you're saying I'm obsessive about
Halloween?

You carved the Marx Brothers.

All right, all right, what do you say,
huh? Let's get this judicial show on the

road, okay?

Let's hurry, Dan. You got a party
tonight?

More like a seminar of sin.

Everyone's showing up dressed as a
sexual legend, you know?

Casanova, Cleopatra. I, of course, will
be going as myself.

He's a candy little girl?

Oh. No, thank you, sir. My teeth are my
temple.

Come on, it's Halloween.

Oh, all right.

Oh, you got me that time, sir. Will that
be all?

That's it?

We're trying not to encourage you this
year.

Oh, well, if that's your attitude, then
I guess there's no point in showing you

this.

Oh, eek, eek, a spooky spider.

I knew I should have gotten that
spitting skull.

The stuff you wanted, Your Honor.

Tastes pretty good. What is it?

Dried bugs.

It's a snack for my new pet bat, Tito!

Oh, wow!

An invisible bat!

He's not there.

How can you tell? He's not invisible!

He escaped!

Whoa! No, no, it's all right, Art. It's
all right. As long as we find him

before...

Come on now, Roz.

I know that bats make some people
queasy, but you haven't met my Tito.

He's a cute little fella.

He's a rat with wings.

The warrior, Rana, will find him. Right.
Now, when you think you're in Tito's

vicinity, you just blow on this
high-frequency whistle like this.

Boy, I sure hope you didn't pay much for
that.

All right, and emit the sound that only
an animal can hear.

What's up, Paul?

I don't know.

Suddenly I started salivating and had an
overpowering urge to run in this

direction.

Let's be grateful these house broke.

Here's another piece of gum for you, Mr.
Shannon.

Will you, Timmy? We'll go for the world
record later.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hi, sir.

The kids' bus was late, so is it okay if
they hang out here for a while?

Fine, as long as you behave yourselves.
Remember, a courtroom is a very solemn

and serious place.

Oh, real good, sir. Why don't you just
decapitate Big Bird for them?

The kids love that scary stuff.

Maybe so, but you just made Davy
Crockett wet his buckskins.

I'll go scout out a spare pair of pants.

Hey, mister, trick or treat?

Grow up.

So, what have you got for me, Matt?
Well, we have a real Halloween treat,

sir. Disturbing the peace. People versus
Rochelle Gumberg.

Also known as the affordable exorcist?

You got a spirit, I'll disappear it.

Yes, sir. Mrs. Gomberg was dining at
Leo's Bagel Bistro when she disrupted

business by claiming her soup was
haunted.

A ghost on Halloween. I knew you'd come
through for me, Mac.

That's what I live for, sir.

Your Honor, Mrs. Gomberg is a mother of
five. She has no priors, and she merely

exhibits a very strong belief in the
occult.

Is this a smart one?

Pretty, too.

Although, sweetheart, you could go easy
on the mascara.

We'll speed things up here, make a
ruling on the demented yenta here, sir.

Demented? I got occult power.

I found a poltergeist in a muscle ball.

Same little R&R at the Who Who Hotel.
Maybe an autograph.

Mrs. Gomberg, to be on the safe side, I
am going to ask you to speak to the good

folks at Bellevue, but I want to thank
you for bringing a little bit of that

Halloween spirit into the court tonight.

We do what we can.

Next case.

We have a slight delay, sir.

Apparently the guys in booking are
bobbing for apples.

No. Yeah. That is so unprofessional.

And they didn't invite me.

I've got to knock off the back patrol
and get home.

I hate to leave Ma home alone on
Halloween.

That's a fine sentiment, Art. She's
getting a little spacey. Last year she

did the trick-or-treaties clothespins.

I think her heart's in the right place.

I can never tell when you're in a shape
like mine.

How about you, Roz? How are you doing
with that bat whistle?

Well, I got eight rats, six mice, and
bull showed up again.

You know, here's something that
sometimes works for me. I say, Keto,

here, boy. Here, boy.

Maybe it's time you got a steady
girlfriend.

Sir, would you happen to have a spare
tissue in your drawer?

Oh, I don't know. Let's see.

trick and you fell for it. Oh, we got
you good, didn't we?

That was your idea, Ms. Sullivan?

Well, a couple of us kicked around the
idea.

Okay, I bought the snakes.

I've never been so proud of you.

Hey, hey, what's this?

It's an old case file.

From 1939.

It must have been behind that drawer for
50 years.

Ray Heston, charged with vandalism.

There's no verdict.

This is weird. Check this out, would
you, Matt?

Do I have to?

Humor me, Matt.

Lately, that's become my job
description.

Sorry it took me so long, sir. I had to
get Davey a spare pair of my pants.

kid gonna have nightmares tonight?

Okay, kids, your bus is here.

Now remember, on the ride home, if you
think you're gonna get sick, make sure

to take your masks off first.

Hi, Dan.

That is some costume.

Did you make that yourself?

Yes. Does it make you think of Egypt?

Certainly the pyramid.

You're coming to the party, aren't you,
Dan?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I'll meet you under the coats in
the master bedroom.

Oh, better hurry, or I'll have to find a
new galley slave.

Hurry! What do you say we call it a
night, huh?

How come?

It's Halloween.

I can go get lucky. You can go make
caramel apples.

Ray Heston was brought to trial 50 years
ago tonight.

A verdict wasn't reached because he died
in this very courtroom.

What up, boredom?

Hey, that was a good trick.

How did you do that?

That wasn't mine.

That was no trick.

You've awakened a spirit from the other
side.

It's him, I tell you, it's him.

It's who?

The yutz who kicked the bucket.

You know what? I think for the safety of
all concerned, we should go to our

respective parties right now.

If I'm going to be possessed, I want it
to be by somebody in a halter top, okay?

Dan, as much as I would like to believe
that we have a spiritual visitor here, I

can't have the record show that we
adjourned court on account of a

boogeyman. Sir, we're ready for the next
case. Okay, then let's do it.

Fine. Ignore the phantom.

But don't come crying to me when the
walls start dripping.

People versus Dumphy and Mancuso.

Wild guess.

Food fight?

Actually, salt with a deadly sausage.

Anyway, sir, the munchies in question
here were attending a loft party on

Heston Street.

Hear that?

Heston Street.

in there, do you? Oh, yeah? When was the
last time you saw an indoor tornado?

Don't you got a freak of nature?
Something harmless, like that hole in

the ozone thing.

Your Honor?

Aha, there he is. Good old dependable
Mac.

Solid as a rock. Mac, go ahead. You tell
him that everything is back to normal in

there. It's weird.

The lights are on everywhere except in
our courtroom.

A fluke, just a fluke.

And the temperature has dropped 20
degrees just in there.

A cold fluke?

Judge, sweetheart.

For 80 bucks, I can rid that room of
evil. Three rooms, 129.50, huh?

Well, if I'll take custody of Mrs.
Gombert, maybe we can use a little

expert advice.

You expect to get expert advice from the
swap-meet-swami here?

No expert, huh?

Then how would I know that as a child
you were called Potato Face?

How do you know that?

Who told you that?

I have no idea what she's talking about.

Mrs. Converse, do you really think that
you could conjure up the spirit of Ray

Heston? Piece of cake. How about my
seance exorcism combo?

Come on, come on, let's sit around the
table.

good at this.

I tried a Ouija board once to find out
the name of a boy who liked me.

The answer came out bliff.

All right, now quickly, quickly. We need
darkness.

Darkness, we got.

Now, everyone hold hands and not a peep.

It is Halloween, the night where the
veil is thin.

between this world and the next.

It's just my trick.

What?

I forgot. See, I rigged it so that it
would pop up when somebody kicked the

table leg. I'm sorry.

Tell that to my bladder.

Silence!

I feel a presence.

An entity who dwells where the dead
walk.

Must work at the DMV.

Oh, spirit of discontent, let us know of
your travail.

Is it the

ghost? Oh, please let him be like
Casper.

Madame Rochelle?

Is Ray Heston here?

Yes, I am.

Woo! That ghost needs a throat lozenge.

Hey, Ray.

What brings you around?

I want... I want...

What is it? What does he want?

Just ice?

Just ice.

Is that it, babe, so we can't get you a
blend of little margarita mix?

Oh, no, wait a minute.

It's not just ice. It's justice.

Of course Ray wants justice.

Why couldn't he want blood or revenge,
something that wouldn't take so damn

long?

Don't you guys get it? If we want to
reclaim our court, if we want to get rid

of the ghost, we've got to reopen that
trial.

We're going to try a ghost?

Next Halloween, I'm calling in sick.

Come on. What do you say?

Okay. But if I see anything that
resembles pea soup or mucus, I'm out of

here.

Bye, Roy.

You should be able to come up here and
get a bite, too.

Don't say a word. Don't move a muscle.

There's the B-A-T.

The bat?

Oh,

we're all ready, sir.

Did you find enough information in the
record vault? Oh, yeah, it was a jolly

frolic through the dust balls of time.

Then let's go.

Yeah.

What are we waiting for?

It's foul.

It's unholy.

It's me.

Garlic! I'm not a superstitious guy, but
I like to cover my butt just in case.

Hi, sir.

I got all the kids safely tucked away in
the bus.

Good.

We think there's a ghost in the
courtroom.

Wow, he smells just like a pizza.

I don't know where this ghost comes
from, but I wish I had this breeze in my

apartment.

It's a bit chilly in here.

Not to me.

And you laugh about my sweater.

Call the case, Mac.

Yes, sir.

People versus the late Ray Heston.

Mr. Prosecutor.

Yes, sir.

Mr.

Heston is charged with vandalism. On
Halloween night, 1939, he set fire to

the entranceway of a local grocer's.

Your Honor, the fire was a Halloween
trick.

It was nothing more than a burning bag
of... stuff.

Stuff? It was a sack of dog-eat
doughnuts.

That burned without causing any
serious... damage, in light of which,

Your Honor, I ask that you consider it a
harmless prank and dismiss the charges.

Oh, man, you mean this guy's been
agonizing 50 years over a pile of puppy

poop?

Ray, get an afterlife.

The offense is not the issue here. It's
justice. And justice transcends

all bounds of time and space.

Even the astral plane.

I rode one of those at a carnival once.

Blew my lunch all over the sideshow.

In light of this evidence, I believe we
can dismiss the charges and relieve the

spirit of his guilt.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the
phone.

If I have to suffer an evening of
Cleopatra interruptus for this farce,

we're going to do it right.

Ray Heston had a list of priors a mile
long.

He had 40 arrests between 1934 and 1938.

He soaked entire skyscrapers. He called
Mayor LaGuardia hundreds of times asking

him if he had Prince Albert in a can.

In 1938, he tried to teepee the Brooklyn
Bridge.

Ray Heston was a menace to...

But a real fun guy.

Ray Heston, I gotta say, you got more
Halloween spirit than the rest of these

stiffs put together.

But this court has no choice but to find
you guilty as charged.

Fine will be $50.

which in 1939 terms comes to about
$2.50.

Mostly, it's just I fell on my hammer.

Jeez, I was stuck in there for hours.
Didn't anybody hear me yelling?

All right, what in the world were you
doing up in the ceiling?

I was leaving when I saw that stupid bat
flying to the air vent, so I crawled in

after it and I got stuck.

Did you by any chance do a lot of
pounding?

What, are you kidding? I was practically
playing Babaloo on those pipes.

I think I even short-circuited the
lights.

All right.

Did that have affected the air
conditioning?

You know it.

The cold air for this entire floor is
being forced in here, not to mention up

my pants.

I got goosebumps in places I never even
knew I had.

So, I guess this whole thing was just a
manifestation of our collective self

-induced paranoia.

Well, I didn't buy it for a minute.

Hey, Dan.

Harry!

Listen, I just wanted to thank you for
ruining yet another Halloween for me.

Oh, you're not going to the party, huh?

Ah, no, it's too late.

By now, the only sexual legend left will
be Oscar Wilde.

Tito's all safe and tucked in, sir.

That's swell, Riles. How'd you do it?

He slowed down after nibbling some food
in the cafeteria.

He's in his cage, hunched over his water
dish.

I thought you'd like to know Rochelle's
son and daughter came and picked her up.

Oh, that's good.

It was nice of you to release her into
their custody.

Well, Mac, she's no more crazy than you
are.

I'm not crazy, Mac. I'm just a little
disappointed.

Seems like ghosts only appear to guys
who live in swamps or trailer parks in

Indiana.

I think maybe just once a ghost would
appear to a judge.

Well, it's always next Halloween.

Night, sir.

Night, man.

Ah, what the hell.

I still believe in you, Ray.

Guess it's something left over from my
childhood.

I never stopped believing in
possibilities.

And, you know, I think the world might
be a sweeter place if we all believed.

A little.

The fine was 250, Ray.