All language subtitles for Ted.Venus.1991

Tomorrow, we're going to pass a law
that'll make everything

all right.

With equal opportunities for everybody,

whether they're black or they're white.

Tomorrow, we're going to bring the boys
home to the end

of the war.

on his way tomorrow you'll even have
freedom

of speech just be careful of the things
you say

did not promise your forefathers

that we'd get to hate

They're going to take just a little more
time, time.

From the plantation field to a ghetto
slum, you move

in a steady pace.

Just remember, after all, if I ball and
you

just move.

I'm very proud to present this check for
$100 to the grand prize winner of our

1974 Summer Poetry in the Streets
contest, Mr. Ted Whitley.

Come on up here, Ted, and read your
poem.

I want a tube-topped Venus who undulates
my soul and my shorts.

I want a virgin whore who speaks perfect
Chinese and kisses French

fluidly. I want a stainless steel
boudoir with a velvety throne.

I want a golden parakeet to shit on her
soap. I want to loofah the pain and hurt

from her ivory shoulder blades.

I want a woman who's not afraid of
making a right turn in a left lane.

I want a pizza with all the trimmings, a
steak tartare, whole the onions.

Velvety images shrink with the rain.

I want a drip-dry cunt that can take it
again and again and again.

I want a mat.

Tedwood breath.

It's me.

Who screams out, pierce me, steal me.

Graveyard's wretch with a sting of one
trillion broken hearts.

Nobody gets out of here alive.

I'll break your neck before you castrate
me. Take this and scream out, pierce me,

steal me, seize me with your white heart
steel.

You live around here?

Yes.

That was quite delightful.

Though it certainly wasn't the pouring
we gave you the award for. You seem to

have added some. Well, you've taken some
left turns yourself.

It was really a very interesting job.

wonder, Lord, I know how much you need
the money. Thank God I have my alimony,

otherwise I could never survive as a
poet.

I'm also pleased to present this check
for $25 to the winner of our honorable

mention, the very talented and
up-and-coming Gloria.

Awesome, man.

That was so far out.

Yeah.

Rich.

No, and great, and sexy, and everything.
Chicken.

Tetracini. There was this chick at that
other table.

She was like twisting around in her
chair.

I thought she was going to lie right
down on the floor and do it under the

table. She was so fucking horny, man.
Where is she?

Oh, she left with her boyfriend. They're
probably home rattling the windows right

now. I'm not lying. I was so bitching. I
was a fucking turn on, man.

Oyster.

Rock.

Ocella. You didn't know he was a virgin,
would you? I mean, from looking at him

and shit.

I am not a virgin. Yeah, right.

Don't imply that I am.

Well, it's not a crime or nothing.

I happen to have had a very big, very
passionate affair in graduate school.

Come on, man.

Loosen up, dude.

Don't get rad on me now.

Did I say I didn't believe you? It's not
what you say. It's how you say it.

Yeah.

Your attitude.

Okay, shoot.

I'm listening.

Captive audience.

I was her first love.

We were mad about each other. For three
months, I gave her back ruffs. I

worshipped every inch and crease in her
body. I sucked her toes. I drank her

bath water.

And our old man... What, man?

I can't hear you, man. Her old man found
out about us and had me arrested.

No sense of humor, huh?

She was a junior.

Oh?

What was she saving it for?

In high school.

Ted, my man.

And does the dancing while the...

I think I'd get married again. No matter
what I do, women dump on me. Assuming,

of course, I found a girl that likes to
drink, too.

If there's anything I hate, it's the
goddamn photo work.

Doesn't matter what I say or how I act.
All up his head. Let's go dump on him.

Hey, Andy, I've been stopping to take a
wheel like every 30 minutes. Well, in my

opinion, most women don't really know
what they want anyway. I mean, what do

women want, really?

Did you ever used to have these
problems?

Boy, everybody has these problems.

Women dump on men.

Men dump on women.

That's how sex is related.

I don't want to relate. I want to get
laid. Everybody wants to get laid.

Max, hey, hey.

Jeez, what the heck are you doing down
there?

He's taking a little venison, my bad.

Lisa Lisa I'm not

Lisa Lisa I am not Lisa

I'm Lisa I don't know anything

My wife ran off with my girlfriend
before I got back. My life

ain't nothing but a blue pipe.

The substance to the American people,
they will prove these things without

question. One, that I had no knowledge
whatever of the Watergate break-in

before it occurred.

Two, bullshit.

Hey, so what do you want to do?

Do you want to see the Dodgers or not?

Linda?

Last night, I hope I've got a million
things to do.

What about dinner?

Dinner? You mean hot dogs.

They're Polish sausages.

Now, do you want to go or not?

Not for me.

Are you sure?

Herb, the city wants to cut our funding.

I have the woman's good newsletter
that's late again. I have my exercise

class. I'm a week behind with Larry's
reports. I'm going out of my mind.

Fine. I don't know why we bother joining
this food co-op anyway. It's such a

waste of money.

Hello.

Excuse me, but I was wondering if you
were okay. I saw your insignia the other

day and I figured that you were a war
veteran.

What if I am?

I was just wondering if you were okay.

Who is this? Just a Teresa?

No, I'm Linda. I'm the coordinator of
the community resource project.

I was just wondering if you had enough
food.

I got food.

There's a place I was going to tell you
about. It's mainly for Vietnam vets, and

it's also a place where you can get a
hot shower and some sleep.

I got a place to sleep.

Here? No.

Palm Springs. This is my summer home.

Isn't it cold at night?

What?

Well, I would love to chat right now,
but it's time for my nap.

I'm sorry.

Look at it this way. At least she got
something warm to sleep with at night.

Yeah. I wish she cared about something
other than sports.

So, what are you going to do about it?

What can I do? I don't believe I'm
hearing this.

You're the woman. You control the
relationship.

Since when?

Since the deal, right?

Gloria, I don't know what you're talking
about.

Oh, Lynn, you want a better relationship
with her? Yes.

Okay, so make him jealous.

Gloria, how do I make him jealous?
Linda, there are four billion people in

the world.

Half on their booze and the other half
has teenagers.

And if you can't find someone to go out
with, well, it's because you're not

looking.

Oh, Gloria, I have my dulcimer lesson
tomorrow.

No, no, no, no.

Do you think you can cover for me at the
office?

The Internationale.

On a dulcimer?

Well, my teacher is part of a music
collective, and she only teaches

socially responsible songs.

Sounds wonderful.

Hi. Excuse me.

I'm on disability and was wondering if
you had any low-rent housing available?

Well, the coordinator's out right now.

Just leave your name and number, and
I'll have her call you back.

Okay. My name is Ted with... Hey, wait a
second.

One of the tenants is moving out of the
building.

Would you like to see his room?

Sure.

Thank you.

to the first floor on the right.

Our coordinator will have to tell you
about other housing because, well, this

place rents mostly to painters, writers,
artists.

Well, I'm a writer.

A poet.

What's your name?

Ted Whitley.

Oh, Ted Whitley! Gosh, I'm such a flake.
I know you.

No, no, no. I know you. It's me.

Gloria. We read together at the
Nevermore, Willie. You know, you won

first place at Gordon Hall.

I did my poetry. Remember the food poem?

Yams, if I don't cut down cake, I got an
honorable mention. You won first prize.

Absolutely good.

You are going to love this place.

Oh, great numbers.

You went to neurology?

Oh, God. What's your sign?

9639.

Virgo. Virgo.

Right on. I got a little burg on my
chart, too.

My name is Ted Whitley.

I came by last week. I haven't heard
from anybody.

I thought somebody was going to call me
about the room.

Um, I see your name. Oh, okay, sure. Why
don't you come up second floor? It's

first door on the left.

Oh, hi. Come on in.

I have a million keys and none of them
fit.

Have a seat. I'm Linda.

Which room were you referring to?

Gloria showed me her.

I'm sorry, I don't know anything about
it.

I didn't know.

Gloria showed me a room. Oh, yes.

Yes.

Unfortunately, the owner lives in New
York and we haven't been able to reach

him.

However, through our community resource
project, we do have information on low

-rent housing.

Do you qualify for that?

No. No.

Not at all.

Why don't you give me your number again,
and as soon as I hear anything, I'll get

back to you, okay?

I'm sorry if we've inconvenienced you.

Anything else?

Would it be okay if I called you?

Sure.

Really?

Absolutely. I'm here most of the time.

Bye. Guess what?

I didn't know anyone was here.

Who's this guy?

Hey, Teddy, how's it going, man?

I could come back another time.

No, come on in. This is Colette.

How do you do? Ted's an old friend. Have
a seat.

How about a little hooter?

Not right now, thanks.

So what's happening, man?

I met an angel.

Oh, that's cool.

Who is she?

You know, the San Sebastian.

You mean the sea bass?

She runs a community service project out
of there.

All right.

Coordinator.

What's she like?

She is so amazing. I can't even describe
her. I couldn't believe it when I walked

in the room.

She has an intellectual forehead.

It's like she's from another century.
She has these vulnerable, soft ears,

fragile chin.

It was like there was a glow in the air
all around her. She's so perfect. I

can't believe she's here in Venice.

Well, Ted, that's terrific.

Excuse me, buddy.

little better for you? Oh, for crying
out loud. Can't you sit still?

No, he keeps leering at me.

Well, that's not a leer, honey. That's
the way he always looks.

Well, it's like he's trying to x-ray my
crotch.

Disgusting. Okay, that's it for today.

So, ma'am, what's her name? Linda.

I think she really likes me.

How long do you know her?

I think it's two o'clock.

Two o'clock?

I mean, it was so far out. It was just
electricity.

We just stared at each other, and what
was so fantastic about it was both of us

were too shy to acknowledge it, which
made it all the more poignant.

We just looked right into each other's
souls.

You got anything to drink?

Here, some good red wine.

The only thing is, I don't know how to
tell her how I feel about her. I mean,

should I stay shy, or should I just
blurt out how I feel and rely on her

sensitivity to recognize my honesty as
the most sincere form of, uh, of, uh,

art? So what are you saying?

He wants to know, should he tell her
that he loves her, or just look in her

eyes and pant?

Well, it doesn't hurt to be a little shy
as long as you're not too shy.

Shy?

Look, it doesn't matter what you say
particularly. The important thing is to

let her know you care.

That's what I think.

Well, don't look at me.

Hi, Ted.

Hi.

There's no word on the room yet, but
I'll let you know as soon as I hear

something. I was wondering.

Yes?

Would you like to come to a poetry
reading?

Um, sure, why not? That would be nice.
Great.

I mean, that's terrific.

How about tonight?

Um, okay. I have to check with my...
Linda,

what is your last name?

Turner.

Is it okay if I bring... Hey, bring
anybody you like.

Okay.

I'll be reading it, The Nevermore,
around 9.30.

Go down Washington, turn left... Gloria,
you know where the Nevermore is? Sure,

no problem.

We'll be there at 9.30.

Well, why don't you come a little
earlier? Maybe we could grab a bite to

eat. I'll be lucky to make the reading.

I'll see you.

Till tonight.

And I'm not saying that. Are you not?

This is history.

But I found that in this instance, it
was a Sony, a little Sony that they had.

And that what they had are these little
lapel mics.

I stand on the freeway.

I punch.

The wall.

I bloody your name.

I scratch your shadow.

I chisel your name.

I open a door.

I spray your name.

I kneel in church.

I blaspheme your name.

I touch your lips.

I feel your name.

Your name.

Your name!

What if I die taking the red eye to hell
and never ever learn your

name?

Ken Whitland!

Ken Whitland!

What a count!

I am a bottle of...

I am overwhelmed by your performance
tonight.

Listen to me. I have a small but very
tasteful publishing company in San

Francisco. I would like very much if you
would become a part of my little family.

Great. Ted, great job, man. That was
great.

Oh, Ted, that was great.

It was so passionate, so real.

It made me think of people and places
and feelings that I must have locked

away someplace.

Can we get out of here? I'm not a
smoker.

Maybe we can go for a walk on the beach?

Of course.

Ted! Hey, Ted, I want to see your
autograph.

Guess my parents were so strict with me
that I just became this perfect person.

But all this time I just wanted to smash
out and break out and be

wild like that person in your poem.

Oh, Ted, you really got me thinking.

I fell out of the moon.

Linda, would you like to come back to my
place and have a drink?

Ted, I'd love to, but not tonight. I'm
too...

Linda,

your sweater!

Gorge me.

Eat me.

Pierce me with your white heart and
tail.

Quiet out loud, Linda. Make up your
mind.

Hello?

I never believed it could happen this
way.

Who is this?

Oh, Ted.

Did you think about me?

Oh, well.

I haven't had time to think about
anything just yet.

I stayed up the entire night thinking
about you. You can't imagine what this

feeling is like.

You stayed up all night?

Yes, and the night wasn't long enough
either to think of all the things I

wanted to think about you. Are you free?
I can come over right now. What time is

it?

I could be there in ten minutes.

Ted, I'm still in bed.

I know.

Ted, this really isn't a good time.

Ted.

It will be for just a little while.

Ted, no.

Not today.

Listen, I have to go.

I'll talk to you later, okay?

You will.

Oh, she was definitely coming on to me,
speaking in this really sexy voice and

telling me that she was in bed.

Now, why would she have said something
like that unless she wanted to get me

hot? And then, all of a sudden, she says
I gotta go and she hangs up. I don't get

it. I mean, last night, after the
portrait video, she said to me I was a

better writer than Rod McEwen and
Cahill's brand put together.

It sounds like she's real confused to
me.

What should I do?

Give her a day to get adjusted to the
new situation.

Shit! And then write her a sexy,

sensual poem.

Tell her you love her.

Talk about magnetic attraction and the
color of her hair and the lust in your

loins and the garlic in your breath.

Garlic on my breath?

Jesus. Ted, you're the poet.

You know what to say.

You get paid for the chips.

a vision of you.

Yes, you.

Across a canyon full of rocks and shard,
cold, alien barren.

I made a silent vow as I rode my
stallion heart and leapt across a deadly

chasm. Linda, nothing ever will
interrupt our destiny.

My desire was proud as a redwood. Your
beauty was the moon.

Black fear tore us apart. The sun rose a
fiery orange ball over a red-hot burning

mesa. I fight for breath as I battle the
demon of self-doubt, a monstrous fiend

crushing any bone and corpse with sharp
fangs and an ungodly searing strength.

But the water is my ally. I shall have
you.

Clinging vines and long grasses clutch
at my thigh.

Brambles tear my skin.

But your memory carries me onward.

My desire is hard white granite.

Your love is warm, moist, and pink.

Linda.

Your father was one of the San Clemente
plumbers?

Yeah.

CIA and everything.

So I haven't seen him in 18 months.

Do you think he's going to go to jail?

He deserves to.

What is this country coming to?

Linda. Linda, hi.

Ted, I'm glad you came by. There's
something I need to tell you. There's

something I want to tell you too, but...

I put it into a poem. It's all about
you.

Ted, thanks for writing the poem.

I'm sure it's very good, and I'm
flattered.

I just wanted to tell you... I can see
that you're developing some kind of

feelings.

Tell him to go.

Linda, I understand. It's nothing to be
ashamed of. It's normal.

Ted, no.

What I'm trying to say... No!

Ted, look.

I'm really tied up here today.

Maybe we can talk later or something.

Of course we can.

There's no need to rush.

It's all here in the poem anyway.

Great, thanks.

I'll read it as soon as I can.

Okay.

Bye.

Community Resource Project.

Herb, I've been waiting for your call.
What are you doing later?

I'd love to go to an Italian restaurant.

I'm down to come here. I'm dying for
lasagna.

Lasagna? I thought you hated lasagna.

You'll never believe who was just here.

Who? Ted.

You mean the poet?

Yeah. It's gross.

What are you doing?

Can you come over right away?

Where? What are you talking about?

Herb, I don't want to... If he comes
back, you know, it'd be nice if you were

here.

Okay, I'll see you at 8.

Bye.

What are you reading?

News

magazine.

What's the story? 21 ways to step on a
guy's nuts?

I was speaking with somebody else.

Herb Holmberg. Would you like to speak
with Brad?

Thank you.

It's an article about free love between
friends.

Are they for or against it?

They say it depends.

I've always been in favor of balling my
friends.

Yes.

Herb Holmberg.

H-O-L-M-B-E-R.

Gee. Okay.

In my dreams, I see your starry dark
hair, your fragile lips, your

body is a perfect alphabet.

What does he mean your body is a perfect
alphabet?

That doesn't even make sense. Is this
guy Looney Tunes or what?

It's a metaphor. It's not meant to be
taken literally.

Brad! Yes?

I can have it for you by the middle of
the week.

Okay? Thank you. You're cool. Thank you,
Brad.

Bye.

I know what a metaphor is. You think I
don't know what a metaphor is? This

metaphor doesn't make sense.

I didn't write it. Ted did. Why don't
you ask him what it's supposed to mean?

Oh, so it's Ted now.

That's the way it is.

Well, don't you have anything better to
do?

Go buy some new running shoes or
something.

I got running shoes.

Fine. How about a new jockstrap?

Yeah, I'll do that.

And while I'm there, I'll get one in
leather for you.

There's something I think you should
know.

What?

I'm in love with you.

Nothing personal.

gonna get it on when we

were destined for each other can you
feel it

i'm flattered that you have these
feelings for me but this is too much for

one thing i'm not in love with you and
for another i have a boyfriend who i'm

very happy with but he's not right for
you you need someone who's

sensitive and artistic enough to
understand your soul why not let me

decide who understands my soul and who
doesn't linda you're not in love with

him i know you're not i'm the one who's
right for you i can make you happy i

knew from the very first moment that i
saw you coming out of the water on the

beach that morning that you were right
for me all it took was one glance

Glanson, I knew right then and there.

I fell in love with your pussy.

You what?

Linda. Linda, you have to let yourself
go.

Learn to trust your pussy. You have such
a beautiful pussy and you're not

trusting it. If you don't leave this
instant, I am going to call my boyfriend

and have him come and throw you out.

That's a perfectly normal reaction.

Now listen to me. You're fighting it.

What you have to do is learn to listen.
Listen to your pussy. Okay.

That's it.

Linda, come on.

Just give this thing of ours a chance.

Don't be so unfair.

This way.

You have to race!

He must have said it three times. That
he loved me. He was going to make love

to me.

And that I should forget my boyfriend.

And trust my...

Pussy. I think that's terrible.

I wish somebody would be that
passionately in love with me sometime.

This wasn't love.

It was scary.

I mean, he said he first saw me on the
beach.

Weird.

This guy's been following me. I think
you're taking this much too seriously.

Maybe when you first met him, without
realizing it, you did something to

encourage him. That was a really
insensitive thing you just said.

Hey, that's good. That's good. We're
here to express ourselves, to let it

out. Now, Linda, how do you feel about
what Sarah just said?

I feel like everything encourages him.
If I tell him to leave me alone, he

thinks it's because I don't want to get
hurt again. If I completely ignore him,

he thinks it's just because I'm too shy
to talk.

I don't think it has anything to do with
me, frankly.

This guy has a history.

He's been in and out of mental hospitals
all of his life.

He lives on disability.

He's not all there.

God. I think you need to get away from
him.

Want to know what I do?

I break his balls.

What you do is, you get yourself a sock,
put a couple of plums in it, tie it to

a doorknob.

Then you practice reaching out, grabbing
them, and pulling down on his balls

until they pop.

And what do you do with the smashed up
plums?

Used to use ping pong balls, but they
didn't have enough give.

But listen, now, the secret of this is
in that firm downward jerk.

Because, you know, if you miss that, all
you do is you piss the guy off. You know

what I'm saying?

I'd love to do it for you, but I think
you'd feel better about yourself if you

did it.

Hello, Community Resource Project.

I'm such a fool for talking the way I
did to you.

I had no right.

I'm so ashamed.

Dad?

I'm going out of my mind.

You don't deserve that.

Look, you don't have to apologize. It's
over and it's forgotten.

Oh, God.

Really, it's totally forgotten.

Because that's not the way I treat
people.

I won't be bothering you anymore.

But I just wanted you to know that.

Ted, go to bed and get some sleep.

Okay?

Okay.

Good night.

Community Resource Project.

I want to plank you till your teeth
hurt.

I want to eat your oyster.

I want to run my tongue through your
tuna.

Herb! Herb! What? It's him, he...

He's talking dirty again. Will you go
get him? Jesus, he's at the intercom.

When I think about them, I just get
covered with shivers.

I'll take care of it. Guys, go!

You have a super spine.

It's very important for sex.

Because you have to have a strong back.

I've been reading that Kama Sutra.

Oh, and your teeth.

I just love your teeth.

You have such strong white teeth.

Oh, I'd love to feel your teeth on my
rod.

What are you doing?

You had your tongue in the intercom.

I was talking to Linda.

You had your tongue right inside the
speaker.

I was just talking to Linda.

Linda doesn't want to see you.

Says who?

Says Linda.

Man. What is this, 20 questions?

She told me two minutes ago.

How was she? She was okay, wasn't she?

Would you shut up and listen for a
second?

Linda doesn't want to see you.

Is there something wrong with her? For
Christ's sake!

She's fine.

She just wants you to leave her alone.

I happen to be in love with her.

Oh, Jesus.

Look, here's five bucks.

Uh, just cool it.

Okay? I won't cool it. I haven't seen
Linda. Go!

I thought it right.

I thought about you today.

But the right words, they just would not
come down.

I think it's time for one of these.

I never liked the way you treated me.

It just dawned on me.

I've been giving you the wrong advice.

You've got to give this everything
you've got.

You've got to pursue this woman to the
ends of the earth and back.

Nothing is too treacherous or too
dangerous for you to pursue your vision.

A great work of art is always out of
reach.

And then one day, when you're ready to
give up, When you've given it every

ounce of your blood and your sweat, then
suddenly, there it is. It's real.

You can touch it. You can feel it.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Okay, great. I'll see you at Evelyn's
Tower.

Bye.

Excuse my appearance.

I arrived by the last thunderbolt. A
trifle singed as I came through the

ether. My eyes are full of stardust.
What do you want, Athol?

I want you to go out with me. Where do
you fucking get off? Get out of here.

Will you go out with me?

No, I will not go out with you.

I'm going to ask you one more time.

And if the answer is no again, I'm going
to start this thing and begin cutting my

fingers off.

You really are crazy.

Will you go out with me? Get out of
here.

Just get out of here. Please.

Okay. I warned you.

Ah, just sit.

Well,

can't you arrest him? Talk to him. Make
him quit bothering me.

Well, I recommend self-help.

Self-help? Self-help?

What are you talking about? Well, you
said you had a boyfriend, right?

No. So have your boyfriend punch him
out.

Hey, that hurt.

That's the point, dorkhead. It's
supposed to hurt.

Linda, honey, is that you?

You see, the thing about women is that
some of them are so incredibly hard

-headed that you just can't make any
headway with them. That may be the

problem with Linda.

You knock yourself out over and for
what?

You're probably rigid to begin with. I
don't care.

When you're planning on marrying
someone, you don't just throw in the

towel because a few problems come up.
Marriage? You're talking about marriage?

What is your story, man? What is my
story, man?

My story, man, is that I love her.

You don't love her. You don't even know
anything about her. You've got some kind

of a fixation thing, that's all.

I mean, what is it with you?

Huh? Do you know anything about her,
really, huh? Yeah, I know lots of

things. Well, what is her favorite
color?

Does she like raw fish? Has she ever
been to Europe?

Who is this woman to you anyway?

Could she represent your mother? Don't
bring my mother into this.

Dead buddy. Hey, you know, women are put
on this earth and you enjoy it and

you're not enjoying her.

When you love somebody, you take on a
responsibility to make that person

happy. And she's not happy. You're not
making her happy.

So...

You know, you've got to get your own
life in order. How are you going to

marry her anyway? You don't even have a
fucking job.

I've got money.

Oh, yeah, disability?

What's wrong with disability?

The bank cashes my checks. Women want
security, not a disability check once a

month. Linda doesn't care about money.
Oh, yeah, right.

And having sex gives you cancer.

Mmm, delicious.

Not as good as yours.

That's the sour cream.

I know.

I remember.

You know, honey, I think you're going to
have to get a restraining order.

How do I do that?

You just go in front of a judge, explain
your problem, and he issues an order.

Then this bastard can't bother you
anymore.

He can't talk to you. He can't come
within, I don't know, I think it's 15

yards of you or something.

I think you're going to have to do it.

Mom, I know I'm depressed about this.

You know...

It's also my job that's starting to get
to me.

Every day I have to deal with all of
these problems.

No housing, beach seals, beach seals.

Linda!

I don't believe this is happening. Did
you get my recent letters?

Were you pleased? Did you understand?

Linda?

No.

Well, how come?

And then that happens to be my daughter.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Well, of course,
I could see the resemblance. If

you so much as lay a finger on my
daughter, I'll have both of your legs

broken and your tongue removed with an
ice pick.

Do I make myself clear?

I want to give it up.

I want to fill up your cup. I'm
insatiable.

Hey, baby, get ready, but I'm never
getting up. I'm not getting up.

Tonight, I want to make it end up.

Mr.

Whitley you are are charged with a
violation of Section 653M of the Penal

Code, making an obscene phone call with
intent to harass. It's a misdemeanor.

How do you plead?

Not guilty.

I'd be inclined to grant bail if I have
your assurance that you won't be

bothering this young lady again.

Your Honor, we were once in love, and
for some reason it didn't work out.

But that's not an excuse.

I was out of line, and I know it.

It won't happen again. I care about her
much too much.

Well, I'm glad to hear you appreciate
the problem.

May I remind you that the court has
issued a restraining order.

You are not to contact the witness in
any way. That means no telephoning.

You're not even to come within 20 yards
of her. Is that clear?

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, Your Honor.

Yes, Your Honor.

Okay. And the bail is $100. The trial
will be in Judge Converse's...

court in two weeks.

Thank you, Your Honor.

I'd like to add you're much too pretty
to be a judge.

Bailiff will show you where to post
bail.

Oh, yuck. This tastes like dead flowers.
Jesus, Linda, don't you have one cube of

sugar now?

So, what's up?

Herb.

It's all over with him.

He was paranoid.

He refused to believe that I wasn't
seeing Ted.

And his male ego just couldn't take it.

That's too bad.

I always liked Herb.

He was such a hunk.

I could tell. I thought you were going
to jump in his lap at times.

I didn't do it. Maybe I should have,
because all those male hormones were

totally wasted on you. He's free now.
Why don't you give him a call?

Woman, please.

If I did that, you'd die.

Gloria, be my guest.

Because, truthfully, I don't feel a
thing for him.

Yes, Community Resource Project.

You got any glasses?

I brought some champagne.

Uh, what's the occasion?

Well, the sun went down.

Ooh.

Hey, man, I paid $5 a bottle for this.
Show a little respect.

Think he's doing any better with you and
Linda?

Not really.

You know what I think?

What?

You gotta find yourself a new girl.

Get yourself properly laid.

I don't want another girl.

I want Linda.

And that's what I'm gonna help you do.

Oh, really?

Now, what you need is to break the ice
with someone new.

You'll feel good about yourself.

And so will Linda. How am I... When you
meet a girl you want to sleep with, how

much do you offer her?

What are you talking about? I don't
offer her anything.

Ted, this is a capitalist country. You
get what you pay for.

Pay?

A whore?

No, no, no. Nobody calls them whores
anymore.

I'm talking about liberated women.

Working girls.

independent contractors.

Yeah, well, I can't afford a contractor
either.

Hi, sweetie.

Hi. Glad you could make it.

Hi.

Ted, this is Cookie.

Hi.

Hi.

Would you like some champagne?

Maybe this will be okay.

Didn't know I was so thirsty.

May I please have some more? Sure.

Thank you.

Can I talk to you for a second, please?
What about?

May I go in the bathroom, please?

Of course.

Right through the door.

Thank you.

She's the whore?

She's 11 years old.

Oh, no, no, no. She just looks it. But
she's great, isn't she?

And she knows it's me?

Yeah, she knows it's you. Be so uptight.
I think she likes you.

She does?

Well, couldn't you tell?

I think the next time she'd do it for
free.

How much is it?

75. Oh, no!

It's taken care of.

75 is a bad number. You'll have to tell
her to go.

What are you talking about? 75 is bad
luck. She can't stay here.

Are you crazy? I can't tell her to
leave.

I cannot go through with this.

Oh, for crying out loud. Look, I'll pay
her 85, okay?

No.

My house is such a mess, I haven't
changed the sheets in a month.

Teddy, don't be so goddamn uptight.
You're not doing it for yourself.

You're doing it for Linda.

Consider it a present for Linda.

Okay?

I guess.

Now get your clothes off.

Go on.

He's getting ready now, but he's a
little shy.

Oh, that's okay.

I like shy guys.

Thanks.

Bye,

Max. Bye, Max. Bye.

Don't be shy, little teddy.

I am here and you're ready.

If you're real nice to Cookie, you'll
get a real... Excuse me, would you mind

if I... I called you Linda.

No, Linda's nice. I like Linda. That's
sweet.

I like Linda.

Would you mind putting on this sweater?

Hey. Hey, that is a nice pattern. I'm a
woman. Hey, careful.

Watch it.

That's okay.

Don't be worried. It'll be just fine.

What do you want to do?

Would you talk to me like Linda?

Hmm, like Linda. This Linda must be some
hot chick, huh?

Linda is not a chick.

Oh, my darling boy.

What was your name again?

Ted. Ted. Right, Ted.

Ted, have another hit of this. It'll
mellow you out.

Did you make me feel all tingly?

No, no, no, no, no.

Ever since I first saw you... Ever since
I first saw you coming out of

the water, you were standing on the
pier.

Standing on the pier.

Son.

Shown like a beacon behind your noble
head.

The sun shone like a beak in the...
What?

Forget it. Forget it. No.

No.

Would you do me a favor?

Hand me that little book on the table
right there.

Isn't it dirty?

Thank you.

Linda.

My Linda.

Would you do me the great honor of

reading some of my poetry to me? My
Linda, I've always dreamed that one

day you would read my poetry to me.

My Linda.

It's your kid, my darling.

On a moon... Moonlight, moonlight.

It was on a moonlight... Moonlit night
down by

the... I can't read this writing.

It was on... What is that word?

Bitch?

Down the beach.

That's it.

Beach.

Hey!

Hey, you!

Hey! What am I, an English teacher?

I talked to the district attorney.

Doesn't sound good.

The judge went right out of her tree
when she heard that you'd broken the

restraining order.

And Linda is pressing charges on the
obscene phone call. She made a tape

recording of you talking over the phone.

And if they used that in court, you
could go to jail. Jail? What for?

Don't you remember?

I said I love her.

And I wanted to consummate our
relationship.

And that's all?

Well, there are a few other things.

Sweet nothings, pillow talk.

Ted, I can play the tape for you if you
want me to.

You said you wanted to feel her... Teeth
on your rod.

What's wrong with that? That's no big
deal. That's just the way lovers talk.

Besides, what business is it of the
district attorney what we do in our

bedroom? The point is, you weren't in
her bedroom. You are not her lover. She

had a restraining order against you, and
she could tape you any time she wanted.

You weren't supposed to contact her at
all for any purposes.

I didn't call her on the phone. It was
in an intercom.

Well, for the purposes of the law, an
intercom and a telephone are equivalent.

That's absurd.

Well, absurd or not, the district
attorney is probably going to play that

tape in court. And if he does, you could
do time.

What do we do?

Well, you don't have much choice.

You get to court nice and early.

You wear a suit and tie.

You act modest and respectful.

And you plead guilty.

And you just pray that the judge...

Sends you to a mental hospital instead
of the jail. I won't go to another

mental hospital.

Everyone there is zombied out on
downers. They slobber down their chins.

They pee in their pants. The whole place
stinks.

Pat, I don't think you have much choice
in the matter. Can't we fight this?

Can't we fight this?

Pat, I can tell you what you want to
hear.

Or I can tell you the truth.

Now, which do you want?

Please stand for the Honorable William
H. Converse.

Court's now in session.

Be seated.

Is the defense ready to proceed?

I don't see the defendant.

Well, I don't know what happened to him,
Your Honor. I thought he'd be here.

I really don't have an explanation.

Did he understand the consequences of
his not being here today?

Yes, sir. I was very explicit. I'm sure
he understood.

In that case, I'm going to have to issue
a warrant for his arrest.

Mr. Whitley.

Well, I'm so glad you could make it
today.

I'm terribly sorry, Your Honor. I went
to the wrong courtroom. I got here as

quick as I could.

Fine, yes, sir. Take this fan, please.

Mr. Whitley, you're charged with
violation of Section 166.4 of the Penal

Code. That's a violation of a
restraining order.

How do you plead?

My client pleads guilty, Your Honor.

In addition, you're charged with a
violation of Section 653M of the penal

code. That's making an obscene phone
call with the intent to harass.

How do you plead?

Again, my client pleads guilty, Your
Honor, with mitigating circumstances.

Proceed. Your Honor, my client has had
what you could call...

a hopeless romantic crush on Miss Turner
for several months now, Ted?

As a coordinator of the community
resource project, Miss Turner was

helping Mr. Whitley to locate low-income
housing, and they struck up an

acquaintance. Miss Turner became so
infatuated with Mr.

Whitley's... poetic prowess and his
local celebrity status that Miss Turner

went to see Mr. Whitley perform.

And afterwards, well, Miss Turner asked
him

to join her for a walk on the beach.

Your Honor, my client is a published
poet who's been known to live his life

on the beach.

Creative edge, as it were. He's a
passionate man.

And he was so taken with Miss Turner
that he was actually inspired to write

several poems attesting to her...
Objection, Your Honor.

The defendant has a history of mental
illness, institutionalization, and at

least two instances of criminal
molestation carried out...

while performing his duties as a public
school teacher.

I see no record of this.

It's news to me as well, Your Honor.

May I have a word with my client?

You may.

What are you trying to pull? I asked you
to level with me.

I can explain this, Your Honor. Your
Honor, I apologize.

My client is excited.

May we have a recess?

No, that's not true. I don't need a
recess.

He looks fine to me.

Let him continue.

Thank you, Your Honor.

You see, there were two little girls in
my English class, and they were both at

that magical age of 15 or 15 and a half,
where a young colt becomes a filly right

before your very eyes.

Anyway, I was reading Blake. I believe
it was the toast.

Wine comes in at the mouth, and love
comes in at the eye.

I raised the glass to my lips.

I look at you and I sigh.

So, the one, Tracy, started making eyes
at me and rolling her tongue around and

shivering. And, well, she got me so
excited, Your Honor, I kissed her. And I

swear, she kissed me back.

Mr. Whitney.

And it was the kiss of a woman, Your
Honor. He was also arrested for breaking

into the girl's locker room.

Oh, I can explain that too, Your Honor.

This was at a junior college, and it was
a very hot day out.

The water fountain outside my classroom
wasn't working, so I went for a walk. I

remembered there was one inside the
gymnasium, and I no sooner took a drink

when the girls' basketball team broke
from practice.

I'm basically a very shy person, Your
Honor, so I decided to wait inside the

locker until the room cleared.

Unfortunately, one woman opened her
locker door to get something for her

shower, and...

She happened to be undressed, and so
were several other young ladies. I tried

to explain, but they proceeded to
assault me.

My right eye and my lower back were
injured, and then they called the cops.

I was suspended from teaching for the
entire next year, and I had to receive

therapy on a continuing basis.

He means he was committed, Your Honor.

Now, now, please.

Order. Counsel, approach the bench.

Seems to me that Mr.

Whitley's been having a rough time of
it. I mean, I myself was president of my

poetry class in college, and I know
firsthand what it's like to be

considered artistic.

Now, it seems to me that we should take
a... Linda!

Linda!

Take me to your room!

Why'd you put that man out of here?

Let me point this out.

I have never profited from public
service. I've earned every cent.

And in all of my years of public life, I
have never obstructed justice.

And I think, too, that I can say that in
my years of public life, that I welcome

this kind of examination because people
have got to know whether or not their

president is a crook.

Well, I'm not a crook.

May I have your attention, please?

Athletics will begin outside in three
minutes.

Three minutes.

Bruno!

Robbie, I got it just for you. I hope
you like it. Oh, I love it. It came in

three colors.

I hope you like this one. Oh, pink's my
favorite color.

Can I watch the end to see what happens
to Nixon?

Now, would that be fair to the other
patients?

They don't care.

For crying out loud, let him watch TV.

The man served in Vietnam.

What did you say, Mr. Whitley?

Penis.

Mr. Whitley, have you taken your
testicle shrinker today?

Alright, knock it back. Here we go.

Heads up!

Good. Really good. Beautiful.

One more. Here it is.

Billy,

go get the ball.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'm on my way to being back with you for
a free, free dinner.

Going down the road, baby, save my soul.

Make me whole, save my soul.

Going down the road, baby, save my soul.

presidency effective at noon tomorrow.

Vice President Ford.

Are you sleeping?

Are you watching this shit? Can you
believe the fucking president is

resigning?

I know.

Hey,

can I call you back?

Hey, Teddy, man, what's happening?

God damn, when did you get out? I mean,
You should have called me. I'd have come

and got you. How'd you get here?

Oh, yeah, your apartment, man. I guess
you know. You know, they, like, put all

your shit out on the sidewalk.

Thank you, Max.

Max.

I need to borrow some money.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, me cost this, you cost it. You can
stay here as long as you want, man.

You know, more artists and poets have
slept on that fucking couch than the

Chateau Marmont.

Hey,

you hungry?

I'll make you a sandwich. I'll make you
a big sloppy sandwich.

No, that's okay.

Oh, man. Hey. Thank you.

Hey, man, you smell a little gamey. You
want to take a bath?

No, that's okay.

How about we smoke a commemorative
hooter in honor of the ex-president,

man? I gotta go.

Where are you going? You just got here.
Why don't you sit down on the couch,

have a drink, watch the president?

I gotta see somebody.

Well, not Linda.

Well, don't go see Linda, Ted.

She's the one that got you into this
mess in the first place. You go see her

and it just gets worse.

I gotta go.

Hey, man, that's not love. That's
stupidity.

Particularly at this time.

You fool!

Hey, give me my money back!

What are you gonna do?

I know what I'd do.

I'd get myself a gun.

Next time that little jerk-off tries to
pull anything, I'd blow his fucking

pecker off.

Are you asleep?

Linda, wake up. It's me, Ted.

I'm at the Ocean's Adult Motel.

Pacific and Westmoreland.

Please come right away.

I'm here, darling. I'm here for you.

Everything will be all right now.

I promise you.

Police, you're under arrest. Don't move.
Where's Linda?

Look, I'm Linda, okay? Watch it to you.

Is she waiting for me outside?

She's right behind you.

What's happening to my Linda?

I didn't mean to see my Linda.

Take me to my Venus.

Max Waters.

Reggie Springer.

Hey, kid.

Hey, how you doing?

Ted, how's it going, man?

I brought you candy.

Thanks, Max.

Well,

you don't look so good.

Are you okay?

I gotta get out of here.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

It's driving me crazy. I can't sleep.

They scream and play the television 24
hours a day. The air is half CO2. I

can't take it.

You've got to call someone.

Talk to Linda.

Tell her to write to the judge and make
him let me go.

I don't think that's the way it works,
man.

No, just tell Linda. The judge will
listen to her. Promise me you'll go see

Linda. Why would she want to get you
out? She doesn't know. I know she

doesn't know.

Just talk to her.

Please, talk to her.

You have to talk to her.

Ted, it's a waste of time, man.

Would you just do it?

Okay.

Okay.

Huh?

Huh?

Hey, don't be afraid.

I've been looking all over for you. We
have to talk.

Oh, really?

I'd have nothing to say to you. Ted.

You can't stay in my jail.

That's killing me. You know, these last
couple of months have been the only

piece I've had since I've met the guy.

These last couple of months, I can do my
community resource work.

I can go to a movie.

I don't have to worry every time I open
my door that this maniac is going to

jump on me.

Or worse.

What exactly do you want from me?

You want me to go to the judge and say
I'm sorry for the guy? I want you to let

him go? I've changed my mind?

I don't think so.

You've learned his lesson now.

Look, I'm the one who has to live with
this craziness. I'm not willing to take

the chance.

Okay?

See you later, big boy.

Have fun, girls.

Where is the candy?

I don't have any candy.

Sure you do.

What is this?

This is good candy.

Nice and creamy.

Have a piece.

No, thank you.

He said take it.

No, look, please.

I...

There are positive messages out there
for you.

You're just not tuning in.

I'm kind of hung up right now.

Check it out.

Go where you want to, Ted.

Go on.

Who

is

it? Who is it? Go away.

It's me.

Ted Whitley.

Ted Whitley?

Wait one minute. I'll be right there.

Ted, are you in jail? That's a shame. I
can't talk right now. I have a new stud

boyfriend. He hung like Elf. I have to
go. Take care, Ted.

Scared, Mom? I never stunk like that.
I'm going to have you made into a pack

of book.

You look familiar.

You live around here?

Once upon a time.

You're a writer.

What's your name?

I remember you used to read at the
Nevermore.

I was the famous one for about five
minutes.

I haven't seen you around in a long
time.

You were really wild.

What are you writing now?

Recharging those batteries?

Well, I didn't introduce myself.

My name is Marshal.

Well...

Are you busy later?

Kind of.

Well, I was just thinking that if you
weren't doing anything, you could drop

by my house for a little supper and a
drink.

I live right over on the canal.

Number 75.

730.

Maybe. By the way, I really like your

pose.

Oh, and, uh, Ted, don't forget to dress.

What's that?

I think it must be a singing telegram.
They're very in there.

Oh, we have some more fabulous
entertainment for our little talent

show. He's very happening. He's a poet.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's very late,
but Mr. Ted Whitley!

The Nevermore. This was a bad dream.
More like a nightmare. Yeah, there are

never any men in there anymore.

Nevermore, nevermore.

Poets in there anyway.

Very funny.

Poets don't count. I guess not. Anyway,
keep the mic there. I have to go. Bye

-bye. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Bye. Merry Christmas.

I'm breathing.

I want to be home now.

Call me this weekend because I want you
to meet my cousin Bruce. He's perfect

for you. Okay.

you in jail.

It was such a crazy time.

I didn't know what else to do.

I didn't want this to happen.

I had no choice.