All language subtitles for Taskmaster (NZ) - s06e01 - Its Like A Make A Wish

- Paul!

[Theme music playing]

- Yes!

- Oh man.

- Au revoir!

- Yeah!

- Oh!
- No!

- Ah!

- And welcome to a brand new season

of Taskmaster New Zealand.

My name is Jeremy Wells,

and every year, as
part of my charity work

in the Big Buddy,
Little Buddy program,

I arrange for five
comedians to spend time

with my little buddy, Paul, here,

completing a series of tasks

that feel surprisingly high stakes,

considering the fact
that none of this matters

in the slightest.

These comedians aren't just here

out of the goodness of their hearts.

They're here for this.

My golden head.

So, let's introduce the five comedians

who for the next 10
weeks will be gaining points

and losing dignity.

Please put your hands
together for Alice Snedden.

Bree Tomasel

Jack Ansett

Jackie van Beek

and Pax Assadi.

And joining me as always

is the man who calls me
his best friend for life

and who I'm proud to call

an occasional colleague.

It's my assistant,
ladies and gentlemen

Paul Williams.

How's it going Paul?

" Paul has taken a two
-month vow of silence."

So how long has he got to go?

- I'm good.

Okay.

Thank you, Lachlan.

Wow.
- Good to be back.

- That monk's name is Lachlan?

- Yeah.

- Wow.

- First up, as always,

we'll be beginning
with the prize task.

Tonight, we've asked our
contestants to bring in

the thing that gives
them the most street cred.

And whoever wins tonight's episode

will take home all five things

and the respect of the streets.

- What did you bring in, Alice?

- There's nothing that gives you

more street cred than drugs.

I wasn't allowed to
bring in any of those,

so I thought, what's second best?

and that is a list of
people who both do drugs

and are successful.

But what's incredible about
the list is the company I'm in.

Up the top, Elon Musk.

So obviously this list
was created a while ago

where that was actually a bigger get.

Number four, Barack Obama,

and then coming in at
number three, Alice Snedden.

- How did you end up on this list?

- Have you openly been a weed smoker?

- Yeah.

- Have you openly been successful?

- Oh, Pax.

- That's actually something
I prefer to keep private.

- Bree, what did you bring in?

- Look, Jeremy, I thought,

what gives me the most street cred?

It's my personalised number plates.

- Oh.

- Oh my God.
-Leshgo.

- I wish I was joking.

- Yeah.

- So you do realise that if
you don't win this prize task,

those number plates go to the
person who wins the episode.

- And that's why I think
everyone will let me win tonight.

And I would actually like to
withdraw from competition.

- Jack, what did you bring in?

- I emailed New
Zealand's longest running

soap opera, Shortland Street,

and I asked if I
could be on an episode,

and they said yes, and I
got an actual street cred.

There we are.

Thank you, yeah.

- Congratulations.
- Very impressive.

- I also have been on the Street.

- I've also been on the Street.

- Oh, for f***'s sake.

- Has anyone not been
on Shortland Street?

- Everyone's been, everyone
here's probably been on Shortland.

- Anyone in the audience
been on Shortland Street?

- Yeah, there's a
few there too.

- Jackie, what did you
bring in for the prize task?

- So I freaked and I
went to the internet

and I just typed in like, you know,

what could give me street cred?

It said there are a few
ways you can get street cred

without being in a gang.

So I thought, great.

Always be honest in your
business interactions.

No one wants to buy molly from a guy

who's known to cut it with meth.

So, that's good.

This is my research.

But, but, but, but,
but, but, here we go.

A better idea is not
trying to get street cred.

It doesn't really get you
anywhere later in life.

I'm 49.

It's way safer, more profitable,

and ultimately more respectable

to stay on the
straight-ish and narrow-ish.

So I actually, yeah, I
chose to put up reading glasses

to kind of go against the street cred.

- Weirdly, I still think
this is better than Jack's.

- Oh, 100%, 100%.

- Pax, what did you bring in?

- Something that I think
gives you a lot of street cred

is breaking and entering.

Um, and I've stolen
something that you may recognise.

Oh.

Oh.
Oh.

*laughs*

Oh.
- Oh is right.

Oh.

What happened to the bat?

*laughs*

Where's the...

You broke it.
- Where's the bat gone?

You broke it.

There's only two
hundred of those that exist.

Well, there were when they were made.

Yeah, uh, it was already like that.

I also have footage
of me stealing it, if

you'd like to see that.

Could've you not at least
stole the Mike Hosking puppet?

No, I found that terrifying.

I feel really guilty
and I have to show...

I did more.

- Oh, you are.

Oh my.

Oh, that's what he's doing.

- I just couldn't resist.

I couldn't resist.

It's gonna be hard
for me to judge this.

Who do I give one point to?

It's hard to know who
not to give one point to.

I think I'm gonna go

Jackie's glasses one, two points
for Bree and the number plates.

That's fair.

God, help me, three points for Jack.

Easy tiger.

I'm gonna go four points for Alice.

And it was an
impressive effort from you, Pax,

despite the fact that you've stolen

one of my most treasured positions.

Five points for Pax.

Okay, enough admin.

I'm ready for the first
proper task of the show, Paul.

Sure thing, Jeremy.

Oh my God, I'm so nervous.

In a Taskmaster New Zealand First,

this season, our contestants
completed some of their tasks

at a new location.

That location, Rainbow's End.

New Zealand's best
and only theme park.

Here is one of those tasks,

and this one has our
contestants bouncing off the walls.

- Oh, is that you, Paul?

- Yeah.

- Hello, Paul.

- Hello, Bree.

- Hello, Alice.

- Hello, Paul.

- Hello, Jackie.

- I just wanted to
keep it traditional.

- Alrighty, here we go.

- With one roll, bounce
this ball off the walls

as many times as possible

before knocking over
the toilet paper tower.

- You may not touch
the ball in any manner

once you have rolled it.

- Most times the ball hits a wall

before it knocks over the tower wins.

- You have 18 minutes to prepare

and then one official attempt.

- To signal your official attempt,

say the phrase, "Let
the good times roll,"

before rolling your ball.

- Your time starts now.

Okay, that's a piece of piss.

- You can practice, but
you have one official roll.

and I can use these.
- Mm-hmm.

- That is what they're for.
- Okay.

- All right, thank you, Paul.

- Seems pretty simple.

I guess we need to
address a couple of things.

Firstly, Jack.
- Yeah.

- Any reason why you're
dressed like David Bain

representing Dunedin
in "Top Town" 1986?

- Wow, wow.

Jeremy, I'd argue I'm
always dressed like David Bain.

- Yeah, I actually
dressed as a runner.

Did that not come across?

- He used to do a paper run.

- I actually auditioned
to be a young David Bain

in the David Bain TV show, yeah.

I don't know if you've
ever been in a waiting room

full of David Bain lookalikes before.

Yeah, there haven't been
that many Bains in one room

since 1994, but anyway.

Sorry, okay.

Okay Paul, who's loo roll
bowling are we going to see first?

What do Mad Men, Scream 4 and
The Lego Movie all have in common?

It's Alison Brie.

Woo!

Well I'm just going to give it a go.

I just want to give it a f***ing
hone and not touch any of this stuff.

No that's not going to work, okay.

Well that was shit.

No, okay.

Do I have to get that ball?

Ideally.

Oh shit.

I'm going to make like a
tunnel and then just whip it.

- Paul, if ever my ass doesn't
look good, you tell me, okay?

- Okay.

- This is what tradies
must feel like on the job.

- Yeah.
-Hard day's work.

- You've been going
for about seven minutes.

- Okay, what do you reckon?

That looks pretty good.

I could have a practice right now.
- Yes.

- This is a practice.

- Oh, you little shit.

What am I missing?

- On that time, you missed the tower.

- Well, that wasn't good, was it?

- There's quite a lot of wall touches.

- Yeah, okay, cool.

- Great, we'll do one.

- What's the phrase?

Let the good times roll!

That's one, that's two, that's three,

that's four, that's five, that's six.

Let the good times roll.

- Okay, so task number one,

how many tasks are we
going to expect you

to be starting with the words,

Let's give this a f***ing hone.

I'm afraid too many.

I can't tell you how
confident I was going into this

and how already that
confidence is shattered.

Wow.

Bree, seven minutes doing a task

and you're talking
about a hard day's work.

I've got asthma, but I
was genuinely puffed

and I was like, how can I
stop from running as many times?

And I just thought,
make it more narrow

and hopefully get more bounces,

obviously plan didn't turn out.

You know, that's life.

- That's actually beautiful.

- Yeah, thank you.

- I like that.

- That's an inspiration to
all kids out there with asthma.

- Yeah.

- So Bree obviously built walls.

Thoughts on that?

- I think that's fine.
- Okay.

- I felt like that was okay.

So just to clarify, Paul,

how many wall touches have
we got for Alice and Bree?

- Bree, four.

Alice...
- Four?

Yes.

- Are you sure?

- Yes.

- Fair enough.

- Wow, back down quickly there.

- Alice eight.

- Wow.

- Up next, it's time
for a PB&J sandwich.

Pax, Ball, and Jackie.

- So you're gonna move the tower?

- Yeah.

- Where are you moving it to?

Don't talk to me right now, Paul.

- I feel like I need
probably about 200 more of these.

Is that a possibility?

- No.

- You're not a yes guy.

- Oh, sorry.

But I would argue, yes, I am.

- So you're building your own walls?

- Yeah.

My therapist told me that I
need to stop building walls

or else my marriage
is destined to fail.

- So you're still building walls?

- Yeah.

- My marriage?

Oh, it's going well, actually.

- Okay.

- We did it recently, my wife and I.

- Did what?

- Sex, Paul.

We did sex.

- Wow.

- What are you doing?

- I'm frozen in panic.

- Okay, how to let the good times...

- What?

- Gotta let the good times?

I don't know sayings.

I don't know white people sayings.

Oh, just let the good times roll.

- Let the good times roll.

Got that one.

Kind of touching it
-oh, two, three, four!

Come on, you ripper!

Bang!

There is a rage within me,
Paul, that is a torrent right now.

- Alice and Bree, you must
be feeling a lot better

about your attempts now.

- Oh my God, I feel so smug.

- My marriage has
gotten worse since then.

- I mean, Pax.

- I know.

- I mean, I didn't
think that you were smart,

but I didn't think
you were that stupid.

- I panicked, I
didn't think it through.

I was thinking about sex and my wife.

It distracted me.

- My memory is so shot that
I, just watching that now,

I was like, "This is going so well."

I was like, "Oh my God,
I could be the winner."

And I'd forgotten that I didn't
get any of the toilet paper roll.

That was like a live
experience for me just then.

That was heartbreaking.

The good news for everybody
is there's one more attempt.

Oh shit.

All he has to do is knock over
the tower for a podium finish.

It's Jack Ansett.

Hi mum.

Is your mum going to watch this?

No, she hates this show.

Oh god.

Oh god.

- What?

- Is that the no vaping sign?

- Where's that ball?

Oh God.

Where did I put the ball?

Have you hidden the ball?

Where's the ball?

I've lost the ball.

No!

I've lost the ball!

- You've got five minutes.

- This is part of it.

This is your little,
these are your little tricks.

You've hidden it.

- Where would they
have hidden the ball?

You, where is the ball?

Hey, hey, hey, where's the ball?

$300.

- You got 93 seconds.

- 93.

Oh, we'll reimburse this.

- That might damage
someone's drink bottle.

- These people don't care.

I offer that guy $300.

They honestly couldn't care less.

He might wanna get
out of the way, Paul.

Let the good times roll.

- You took the ball!

I looked there.

- He did not, he did not.

- Hey Jeremy, what were you saying

about me being not that bright?

- I have been
thinking about this so much,

whether you took the ball

or whether you didn't take the ball.

I looked everywhere.

I looked in the bushes.

- I think it's clear there's
one place you didn't look.

- Yeah.

- I will also say,

Zayn, our crew member's
drink bottle costs $79.90.

- Whoa.

- Jack never reimbursed.

- Oh!

- Jack.

- So this is pretty clear to me.

Jack gets zero because he
didn't even roll a ball.

- The fact that Jackie and Pax
didn't knock over the tower.

- But I hit those concrete walls.

- Well, Jackie also did hit the tower.

- She hit the tower,
but it didn't knock over.

So I think Pax should get one.

- Okay.

- I think Jackie
should probably get two.

- Okay.
- Happy with that.

- And then we go up a lot to
Bree, who should get four.

- Yep.

- And then I think it's fair to say

that Alice should definitely get five.

- Wow.
- Wow.

- That makes sense.

So Paul, where does that leave
the points for this episode so far?

Out in front with nine
points, Alice Snedden.

Let's get to the next task.

Let me address the elephant in the
room and stop beating around the bush.

Once in a blue moon, a task
comes along that is truly

not a piece of cake.

Will our contestants hit the
ground running, pass with flying

colours and end up on cloud nine?

Or will they drop the ball,
bark up the wrong tree, shoot

themselves in the foot,

throw the towel in and watch
five points go up in smoke.

Here it is.

- Hey, Paul.

- Hello, Alice.

- Paul.

- Hello, Bree.

- Oh, dear, this is a mess.

- Oh, no.

- Don't get upset.

- Hmm.

- Okay, here we go.

- Film an origin story
for your favorite idiom.

- You have 40 minutes.

- Your time starts now.

Idiom, what is an idiom?

- Like a saying.

- Mm-hmm.

- Like, don't go
crying over spilt milk.

- Are there any that you use a lot?

- Kick it in the dick,
have you heard of that one?

- No.

- Can you just type in like
examples of idioms, please?

- Okay, break a leg,
beat around the bush.

- Cut somebody some
slack, cutting corners.

Just slow down.

Easy does it.

- You could have said easy does it.

None of these are working for me.
- Okay.

- I want you to Google
random idiom generator.

- Okay.

- Generate me a random idiom.

That's the one we're doing.

Go.

- Flea market.

- I was interested that two
contestants first instincts

when they see spilt milk on
a table is to table suck.

- And I'm lactose intolerant.

- Yeah.

Also, also that was PVA glue.

- I was quite relieved.

- I am ready for some
idiom origins, Paul.

Who is going to start us off?

- Alice in the hand is
worth sneddin' the bush.

It's Alice Snedden.

- All right, lads, big day today.

Okay, you know we're T minus
15 seconds away from launch.

Here we go.

- Sir, there's a problem.

- What?

Williams.

- Houston, we have a problem.

- Williams, speak to me.

- I'm sorry, sir.

I'm really struggling here.

I just can't get my sock on.

- Well, get it on now.

What's wrong? Come on, hurry up.

- I know it sounds
crazy, but it's really hard.

Like, I'm not very flexible
and I'm like lying in my back

and I'm all strapped in.

- We're T minus five seconds.

- It's really tough.

Dammit, boy, it's not rocket science!

It's true.

We lost 'em all.

So you lost Paul in an
unfortunate incident,

and then your first thought
was, "I'm going on smoko."

Yeah, I was smoking the whole
time, but back in the day at

NASA, they encouraged that.
- Yeah.

'Cause smoking
actually helped you fly.

Yeah.

Interesting bit for me was, you
had issues with your sock, but...

I couldn't get my sock on.

You already seemed to have a sock on.

Yes, that is correct.

I mean, that was mainly, I just
didn't want people to see my feet.

Yeah, that was a creative
difference that Paul and I had.

I really wanted him to get
his feet out, and he declined.

Uh, currently on WikiFeet, my feet are
at a 3.5, so if you're at home, if

you could help get those numbers up.

I can think of one way,
mate, that you would have really

driven that score up.

Okay, who's idiom are
we going to see next?

She has an amazing
birds-kill-to -stones-thrown ratio.

It's Jackie Van Beek.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Hello, Barry.

Oh, hi, Cheryl.

Well, what's this
poor sod done, then, eh?

- Well, you know, technically nothing.

But you know, I've just
got so much frustration

'cause basically I'm
addicted to killing

and I can't sleep
unless I kill somebody.

I've not slept in a week.

- But it's not fair.

Like, what have you done?

Nothing, it's just a
poor innocent bloke.

- Yeah, but you're not hearing me.

I can't sleep, Cheryl.

- Yeah, I'm hearing you.

- I'll tell you what.

- I want you to stop killing people,

stop killing innocents.

And I want you to give
my sack a nice big hit.

- You want me to hit the sack?

- Yeah.

Three times, that's it.

How do you feel?

Oh my gosh.

He's falling asleep.

Look at this, would you?

I think you're gonna be free.

I think everything's gonna be okay.

Ooh, okay.

And that, my friends, is the
origin story of Hit The Sack.

Thank you.

- Really good, Jackie,
really good, really good.

Beautiful.

- Some fascinating
character development there.

Just give us the origin stories of,

is it Barry and Cheryl?

- Yes.
- Is that right?

- Yeah, so Cheryl was an old wise hag

that lived in the woodlands,

and Barry was a very
aggressive executioner.

- I feel like there
was chemistry there.

- I think so too, yeah.
- I felt it.

- I felt like Paul fell
asleep in quite a horny way.

- Wow.

I was disappointed at the end that
Cheryl broke the fourth wall because

how obvious did you need to make it?

It's educational, so of course the
audience need it, as I'm doing right

now, you know, you speak to them,
there's a rapport, so it's like, we

put on a brilliant piece of
cinema, but we also educate.

It's a relationship.

Up next, proving that the
apple doesn't fall far from the

Bree, it's Bree Tomasel.

Come on, Tenzing. We've done it.

The summit of Everest.

- And look, I just got 10,000 steps.

- Congrats.

- Only one thing left to do.

Yes, Tenzing!

I've done it!

My greatest achievement ever!

Yes!

Let's go!

- You kicked me in the dick.

- You're right! You're right, Tenzing!

I indeed kicked it in the dick!

Me, Sir Edmund Hillary, Dick Kicker!

- Firstly, I'd like to say
what a beautiful tribute

to the great Sir Edmund Hillary

and the great Tenzing Norgay.

- The first thing I
did, and I'm not joking,

is got back to the room and Googled

whether Sir Edmund was dead or not,

'cause I was so
worried about him seeing it.

Did she actually kick you in the
private parts? It was good acting.

It was a bit of movie magic, yeah.

He shoved a pillow down his pants.

Oh, so you committed to that?

Yeah. It was a small
pillow, but there was a pillow.

Yeah.

Some pretty brave casting, I'd
say, of Tenzing there, you know?

I would have thought that you'd
get a Nepalese actor in for that.

I can famously do any
accent and people say,

"Paul, you can't do
a Japanese accent."

And I'm like, "You don't
believe I'm that capable?"

- Invercargill accent, go.

Purple.

- Bang on, it's actually bang on.

- Pretty good.

- That was really good.

- You nailed it.

- Whose idiom origin story
are we seeing next, Paul?

- It's raining Pax and dogs.

It's Pax Assadi.

- Oh, my favorite place in the world,

the Avondale markets.

- Well, well, well, my old nemesis.

- You know that this
used to be my table

when I would deal fleas
and sell fleas to people.

- The flea industry collapsed.

Why would I ever want a flea?
- I don't know.

You want to make your dog thinner?

You cover it in fleas.

It'll lose a bunch of blood

and it'll be a thinner, sexier dog.

- Oh, okay.

I do want my dog to be sexy.

- I'm gonna start my own market

and we're gonna deal in all
types of very small insects.

What are you going to call this thing?

I guess I'm just going to call it...

a flea market.

That'll make sense...

by...

2003.

OK, so plenty to unpack there.

Can you explain the glasses?

Uh, not really, no.

I found them on my way to
shoot the scene and I put them on.

I thought they were meant to
indicate that you were a flea.

Yeah.

They were meant to
indicate that I was a flea.

Flea market is not an idiom.

We're all ignoring the
elephant in the room.

That's a good idiom.

I didn't want to say it but I agree.
- I asked you!

I agree with you.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah.

I just cursed all of you, okay?

And all your children.

It's my daughter's birthday.

I'm so sorry.

It's my daughter's 18th
birthday, and I am here...

I can't take it back!

So, it is technically a noun.

Well, you've made an incredible
film for the origin of a noun.

Yeah.

I reckon you'd win if
it was that category.

Makes sense.

We've still got Jack to go.

Yes, he's a Jack of all
trades, master of all trades.

It's Jack Ansett.

Okay, Paul, I've got an idea.

Let's go for a walk.

Go for a walk?

Yeah.

- You've only got 26 minutes.
-Well, hurry up, come on.

- Okay.
-Yeah, come on, let's go.

- So do you have an idea?
-An idea?

- Yeah.
-Yeah, I've got an idea, Paul.

- Yeah.
-Well, we're just enjoying

a nice walk together right now.

- What was that?
-I don't know,

just the kind of thing friends do.

Okay, take a step back, Paul.

Woo!

Wow.

- I really think we
should get back on task.

- Get back on task?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Okay, yep, I give in.

- I really feel like we
should get back on task.

- Yeah, okay, let's talk.

- Sorry about that.

- Yeah.

- You're almost out of time

to do the task.

- Hey, Paul, look at me.

Slow and steady wins the race.

- Beautiful.

- What a twist at
the end, what a twist.

- So what we had there
was a romantic walk,

you played some golf, you
had a shirtless wrestle.

- Yes, I like that.

- Then you had a
romantic meal for two.

- Yes, correct.

That's the origin of "Slow
and Steady Wins the Race"?

- You don't know that?

- So, I did look up the origin,

and it's from a pretty famous race

between a tortoise and a hare.

- Yep.
- Oh.

- Didn't think this
was gonna go this way.

- Out of interest, which
way did you see it going?

- Everyone would applaud and...

- Standing ovation.
-Standing ovation.

Five points, to be
honest with you, Alice.

- So, in terms of marking,

I'm gonna give one point to Pax.

It wasn't even an idiom.

Two points to you, Jack,
for the shirtless wrestling,

'cause I thought that was quite good.
- I did love that, yeah.

- Bree, I'll give you three points

because, unfortunately, you
besmirched a national icon.

Four points for Jackie, great
character development there,

and Alice, that gives you
five points at the end.

- Well-deserved well-deserved.
- Incredible.

- Now, it's time for
another task, Paul, I believe?

- It sure is, Jeremy, and
this one's a whole lot of fun.

Oh, hello Jackie.
- Hello.

- Hi Paul.
- Hello Bree.

Hello Pax.
- I need to fart.

Don't.

Get this balloon through
the hole and into the jar.

You may not touch the

balloon in any way other than popping
it with the pin.

You may not touch the

string or the tissues in
any way other than cutting

the tissues with the scissors.

You may not touch the
whole wall the whole wall, oh

the hole wall...
- Mm-hmm

.. in any way, gosh.

So this is the hole wall.
- Yeah.

I'll move.
-I assumed that.

Fastest wins.
- Your time starts now.

Far out this is a bit of fun, isn't
it.

What's happening here? So
it's so it's helium.

Mm-hmm.
- So it'll go up to the sky.

- If the tissues are lighter.

- Got it.

- Have you got it, Alice?

There's quite a lot in this task.
- Yeah.

- It's one of the more
confusing ones that we've done.

Balloons, gaps through holes.

- A lot going on, yeah.

- Yeah, tissues on the bottom.

- Yeah, it's also one I had
no idea if it's possible.

- I mean, the word that
really kind of springs out to me

when I re-watch that is fastest.

That's the word that
sticks with me, just to say.

- That's beautiful.

- And does it stick with you
in a positive or negative way?

- Incredibly
positive, but just that word.

- All right, should
we see the first one?

- It's the three contestants

who don't have Jack in their name.

Bree, Alice, and Pax.

- Who comes up with this shit, Paul?

- It's not shit.

Come on.

- Is this what you wanted?

me down on all fours
cutting tissue like this?

[fart noise]

- I told you you needed to fart.

- Okay, come on.

Oh, oh, oh.

- No, no, come back to me.

- It's too heavy again.

- I know, Paul.

- Yes!

- Yes, okay.

- Okay, it went through the hole.

- It did.

- It's through the hole.

Oh no! Oh no, what do I do now?

I think the tissue's got quite heavy.

Yeah, no shit Paul.

No! How does science work?

If I had a baby this
is what I'd sound like.

Go in the jar?

Is it in the jar?

No.

- Did anyone actually get
the balloon in the jar?

- Out of those three, no.
- Okay.

- Alice, you grabbing
the jar was brilliant.

- Yeah, unfortunately it
didn't lead to success.

- Yeah.

- 'Cause I'm actually quite afraid of,

well, I don't like loud
noises that catch me off guard.

So...

Ah!

- She's not lying.

- Sorry.

- I mean, it was you that popped it.

- Yeah, I got a big fright.

Yeah, as I popped him I think
I actually moved the jar away.

Whose attempt are we
going to see next, Paul?

In this task, the jar is key.

It's Jar-Key Van Beek.

- Stop the clock.

Maybe not the most entertaining,

but certainly fastest, I would guess.

- Clinical, you would
describe that as clinical.

- You know what I
thought, to be entirely honest,

- I did think, I bet
everyone else's videos

are gonna be fun and
entertaining and crazy and zany.

Mine's gonna win, you know, I mean.

- Mine wasn't any of that
anyway and it's still lost.

- I would trade what I did
for what you did any day.

- I think I've
fallen in love with you.

Okay, how long did that take, Jackie?

- It was very fast, two
minutes and eight seconds.

- Wow.
-Unbelievable.

- Who have we got left, Paul?

- Continuing his trend
of always going last,

- It's Jack Ansett.

- Okay.

- Oh.

Oh my God.

- Ah!

- Wow.

- Was that supposed to happen?

- Is what supposed to happen?

- Was that supposed to pop?

- I mean, you were the one doing it.

- Oh, it's in the water.

Oh, great.

- Oh.

Look at that.

Paul can you hold this while
I come round the corner.

Thanks.

It's amazing how things like
this just work out sometimes, eh?

Wow.

Stop the clock.

Pretty good.

You're happy?

You're smiling.

It's pretty good.

You seen genuinely surprised
that a helium balloon when you cut

the string goes up to the ceiling?

I was worried for a moment that
you were going to lose the balloon.

I genuinely thought, "Oh no, he's
going to..." but no, but you got it.

No, no, no. Just a fate from
some fate of the gods that landed

in the fishbowl and voila.

And, um, yeah.

Wow, this is like a make-a-wish.

Okay, so, uh, Jackie's time was
two minutes and eight seconds.

Incredible.

Jack, one minute forty-nine.

Wow.

Yeah, but still, it's
not everything, is it?

Was "fastest" not the key word?

"Fastest" wins.
- Yeah, "fastest" wins.

But also, can...

I'm sorry, but can I just say...

Horrific.

This one's not too hard
to judge, to be honest,

because I think
there's two categories.

There's the people who
got the balloon in the jar,

and there's the people who didn't.

So, zero points for those guys.

Okay.

Okay, so that's four
points for Jackie,

and five points for Jack.

- Okay.
-Wow.

- How good does that feel?

You've been there, you've been there.

- Yeah, I've been there.

- It feels good, it feels good.

Now we've just got
one live task to go,

but before we get there,

Paul, can I have a
scoreboard update, please?

- Leading the pack with
14 points, Alice Snedden.

- All right, you guys,

if you can please now
head up to the stage

for your first live
task of the season.

- All right, Paul, who's
gonna read out the task?

- Pax Assadi.

- Throw fish into the barrel.

Most fish successfully
thrown into the barrel wins.

You have 30 seconds,

minus the number of
fish you wish to throw.

You may throw the same
fish more than once.

You must throw from the spot

and must not move the spot or barrel.

- Okay, from the top?

- I can't understand
anything you've just said.

- Yeah.

- I'm starting to see
how you couldn't find the ball.

Please pick up your
blackboards, write the

amount of fish and then minus

that number from 30 and that's your
time.

Oh no.
- So 10 fish, 10 seconds.

- No, 10 fish, 20 seconds.
- 10 fish would be 20 seconds.

Stop! Stop that!
- Yeah.

Stay in school kids.

So if I'm going 4 fish, no chips.
- No chips?

If I go 4 fish, no
chips, how many seconds?

26 seconds.

On the count of three,
reveal your fish.

One, two,
three.

I love how Paul's entered
angry teacher phase.

We're going to throw in order of the
scoreboard.

Everyone except Alice,
please take a seat on the bench.

Alice selected
15 fish in 15 seconds. Begin.

- 10 seconds.

Eight seconds.

Six seconds.

Four seconds.

- Oh no!

Oh no.

- Alice scored two fish.

Up next, Jackie Van Beek.

Are you gonna do a back flip?

- Yeah.

- Four fish, 26 seconds.

- This is her Olympics.

- Three, two, one, fish.

- Oh!

I forgot she can run.

- No, no, no!

- Do I have to come back up here?

- You gotta throw from there, yes.

- Oh, I didn't know that!

I didn't know that!

- Oh, Jackie!

- 10 seconds.

Seven, six.

- Oh.

- Go get them, go get them!

- Go Jackie, go Jackie!

- Jackie scored zero fish.

Up next, Jack Ansett.

- Yeah.
- Five fish, 25 seconds.

Three.
-Let's do it.

- Two.

One.

Fish.

- Yay!

- Oh!

- Pop 'em in, pop 'em in!

Just pop 'em in!

Pop 'em in!

- You've got 10 seconds.

- Thank you.

- Don't panic!

Don't panic!

- Two seconds.

- Yo, chill.

- Nice chilling, nice chilling.

Jack scored two fish.

Up next, Bree Tomasel.

- Go Bree.

- Bree selected 15
seconds and 15 fish.

Three, two, one, begin.

- A lot of gusto.

- To the left, to the left.

- To the right.

- Three seconds.

Bree scored two fish last up Pax
Assadi.

Pax selected 15 fish in 15
seconds. Three, two, one, fish.

LeBron!

Oh no!

Kobe!

Yes Pax!

Wow!

What an arsehole!

Alright everyone, come on
down and we'll see how that's

affected the scores.

Alright Paul, I am ready to
find out who won the live task

and who won the episode.

Okay, so in terms of fish,
Jackie zero fish, Alice, Bree and

Jack all two fish each.

And the winner, with three fish,
out of three throws, Pax Assadi.

Incredible.

Thank you.

He can't be stopped.

One point for Jackie.

Okay.

points for Jack, Bree and
Alice and five points for Pax.

- Okay.

- Thank you Taskmaster.

- Yeah.

- Can I get that footage of
me throwing fish, by the way?

- It's gonna go on TV.

- Oh yeah, cool.

- All right.

- Oh yeah, sick, sick, sick.

- That means the winner of episode one

with 17 points is Alice Snedden.

- Congratulations, Alice.

Please head up to the stage and enjoy

your newfound street credentials.

We are already 10% through the series,

but what have we
learned from episode one?

Well, we learned that Alice Snedden

is one better than Barack Obama.

If you can't find a ball,
then we haven't hidden it.

Most importantly,

we've learned that the
winner of episode one

is Alice Snedden!

We'll see you next time.

- Leshgo!

- You cannot get
through this without crying.

- Oh, g'day guys, g'day.

Paul, how's things?

- I miss my kids.

I'm sorry about what happened.