All language subtitles for S07E06 - For Love or Money

Hi, guys.

Hey, buddy.

My goodness, don't you look sharp.

Oh, well, I've had this for years.

There was a time I thought I was the
Duke of Windsor's rumba coach.

But it turns out it's perfect for my new
job.

You got a job? Where?

Fish and chips place around the corner.

The schooner?

Neato. It's one of the few places you
can go at two in the morning for a good

bucket of carp.

Right. I'm the new fry captain.

I thought this uniform would impress my
boss, Commander Ricky.

Did it work?

He wasn't even there. His class was
taking a field trip.

Well, congratulations, matey. What do
you landlubbers say we start session,

huh?

Wait a minute. Where's Dan?

Oh, you might check the paramedic
station. The CPR dummies just arrived.

The new ones have tongues.

Huh?

Is your husband's home?

Boss, it's four o'clock. They're ready
to start session.

What? Right now, Walt.

You're supposed to wake me up two hours
ago. Sorry.

I got dragged to Penn Station by a
street sweeper.

sleep all night.

Cleaning crew kept me up. You know, when
I did sleep, I had this horrible dream

that I was being chased by a big fat
woman with a floor buffer.

Why don't you lodge a complaint?

Let me explain it to you one more time.

I don't want anybody to know I'm living
in my office!

It's embarrassing enough that I lost my
shirt and a land deal, not to mention my

apartment and my car.

Now, I've been reduced.

To washing out my shorts in the drinking
fountain.

It's the kind of failure I can only
dream about.

At least I've still got my pride.

Oh, hey,

boss. Don't you want to freshen up
before court?

Yeah, right. Hit me.

All right, Mackie, let the good times
roll. Yes, sir. Call People vs.

Randolph, assault with a motor vehicle.

Rich people. They think they can get
away with anything.

Mr. Prosecutor? Yes, sir.

Mr. Poblinski operates a chestnut cart
at Columbus Circle. Mr. Randolph's

limousine failed to negotiate a turn,
jumped the curb, and scattered Mr.

Poblinski's nuts all over Broadway.

It's not so bad.

He could always adopt.

me, Your Honor, it was really all my
fault.

And you are?

Amanda Caswell.

I was late for a charity event, and I
asked Devin if he would please go a

little faster.

Not often you hear that from a woman,
huh?

Now, I'm perfectly happy to pay for
everything.

Would $5,000 be sufficient?

Well, that's fine with me if the
plaintiff is willing to forget about the

accident.

What accident?

Looks like you're off the hook, lady.
Case dismissed.

Thank you, Judge.

Dan?

Did you sleep all right last night?

Why wouldn't I?

I don't know. You seem a little stiff.

Oh, my own fault.

Last time I dated synchronized swimmers,
you know.

You know, Dan, I can get rid of those
kinks.

All you have to know is the proper
pressure point. Oh, that's fine, thanks.

I'll take... Of course, if you miss this
spot by a quarter inch either way, you

can render a man blind or impotent.

Oh, my God, Dan, are you all right?

I can see.

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

I'm terribly sorry, Buffy.

Yes, please extend my apologies to the
committee.

Thank you, Buffy.

Dear, what a day.

Problems? Well, yes.

I'm going to miss my charity event.

Oh, I know how you feel. I once missed
an entire decade.

If you'd like to sit down, these are the
best seats in the house.

Really? You must come here often.

You bet. To see my son, Judge Stone.

Oh, you must be very proud.

Proud as a pigeon.

You know, my late husband was a
yachtsman. How big is your boat?

The schooner?

Well, to give you an idea, we can seat
140 for lunch.

Oh, my word.

Come on down sometime. I'll give you the
grand tour. Oh, thank you. But whenever

I'm near a boat, I get a little queasy.

Oh, we get that problem a lot. That's
why I carry these things. Oh, seasick

pills. No, finger puppets.

Nothing like a little Rumpelstiltskin to
take your mind off your trouble.

Well, I'll remember that.

My name is Amanda.

Everybody calls me Buddy.

Oh, what's your real name?

Buddy.

The car is ready. Oh, thank you, Devin.
And thank you, Buddy, for cheering me

up. We'll have to meet again sometime.

How about tomorrow at 8?

The seal pond in Central Park is
especially nice in the morning.

You must be daft. You're not the first
to say so.

All right, why not? The seal pond it is.
Great.

Goodbye. Bye.

I like what you've done to the place,
Dan.

You've caught me right in the middle of
a workout.

Oh, it burns. Oh, make it burn.

So,

what can I do for you? I ran into Mr.

Crumrine, the building manager.

Yeah. He said there's a rumor somebody's
living in their office.

What?

Listen, if I see anything, I'll let you
know. But, excuse me. Sorry about this,

boss. I guess the wife got mixed in with
your red devil suit.

Oops.

Max.

I am at the nadir of my life.

I did what, bottom man?

But I just need a little time.

Two more paychecks, I'm out of here. Oh,
it'll be sooner than that.

Mr. Crumline's checking every office,
and when he sees this, you'll be out of

here faster than great nuts through a
goose.

Well, thank you so much for your
tasteful and compassion.

Gee, uh, boss, you're always welcome to
move in with me.

That has always been a dream of mine, to
live in a bus station locker.

Quarter a night, he can't beat it.

That's funny.

I have not been able to reach Buddy for
over two days.

Well, maybe he's working overtime at the
schooner.

Aren't they introducing their new
seafood slurpee?

Tell me when you will be mine.

Wando, Wando, Wando, Wando.

Hiya, Harry.

You remember Mrs. Caswell, don't you?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.

Your father talked me into taking a
mambo class at the Y. We worked up quite

a sweat, didn't we, Captain?

Nothing that a run through the fountain
at Lincoln Center couldn't cure.

Harry, we got busted.

Oh, Mrs. Caswell, if my father's getting
you in some kind of trouble... He is.

And I'd love... every minute of it.

Buddy is the first man I ever met who
didn't need to squander a lot of money

in order to have a good time.

You've obviously never met the man I
date.

Now, where do I pay these silly
trespassing fines?

That's on the third floor, but I do
insist on paying my father's. Oh,

nonsense. I know he's good for it.

My late husband was the same way about
cash.

The more money he made, the less he
carried.

Let me dance you to the elevator.

So my dad's dating.

Ain't that great?

Great? Sir, maybe it's none of my
business, but that woman obviously

thinks that your father's some kind of
tycoon.

Oh, come on. They're just a couple of
friends having fun. What possible harm

could there be in that?

Harriet, I forgot to tell you. We're
getting married.

What? Well, now, don't worry.

It's not because we have to.

Of course, we'd like you to marry us,
Harry.

Buddy, when exactly were you expecting
this wedding to take place?

Well, of course, these things take time
to organize, so, uh... How's tomorrow

sound?

Tomorrow?

Isn't that a little sudden?

Terrific! But sudden.

Yeah, don't you think you two ought to
spend some time getting to know each

other better?

No.

Once you've ridden a wild mouse with a
woman, you know all you need to know.

Hi, yeah, I'm calling about the
apartment.

Uh-huh. It's still for rent?

Right. And you rent month to month?

Let me ask you a question. How's the
neighborhood?

Where can I see it?

Come on.

Feel me.

It's crumb ride. Open up. Oh, my God.

Well, what have we got here?

Don't touch anything.

This is all evidence from our big
burglary case.

Oatmeal? This particular gang strikes at
dawn.

They're desperate, hungry men.

I haven't had time to tag at all. You
know how it is. No, here's how it is. If

you don't get your crap out of here by
six o'clock tomorrow, your new office

will be between the boiler room and the
morgue.

You wouldn't dare.

Hey, it's not so bad. The smell of the
formaldehyde will take your mind off the

heat.

It's got to get better.

I mean, it's bound to get better.

Sir, if they're going to get married,
Amanda should know that Buddy is more

than just a man with an active
imagination.

Oh, I know.

I haven't seen Buddy this happy since
the Brady Bunch Christmas special.

Well, how's Buddy going to feel if she
finds out and leaves him?

You're right. I should tell her, but I
wouldn't even know where to start.

How about the six years you thought he
was an Apache?

Hi, kids.

Amanda. I just thought I'd drop off a
copy of our vows.

Now, you don't think anybody will be
offended if we say to love, honor, and

mumbo?

I'll just leave you two to work out the
details.

Would you take a seat, please?

Thank you.

Is that a rose?

Yes, Buddy cut it out of a magazine for
me.

He says they last longer, and frankly,
he prefers the fragrance.

Honestly, where does he get these ideas?

They're all his own.

Amanda, since you did drop by, there's
something about the wedding that...

been bothering me.

Oh, Harry, I think I know exactly what's
on your mind.

You do? Oh, of course. This has all
happened so fast.

For all you know, I could be a gold
digger or a drunk or, worse yet, some

raving lunatic.

No, I never thought that. Oh, I'm glad.

Now, what is your concern?

Well, oh, Amanda, this is very
difficult.

Did Buddy ever happen to mention the
time that he spent in the hospital?

As a matter of fact, he did.

He did?

Mm-hmm.

And you're okay with that?

Well, he's fine now, and as far as I'm
concerned, that's ancient history.

Exactly. I feel exactly the same way. I
don't even know why I brought it up. Oh,

good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have
to go meet the captain.

He's down at the ice rink auditioning an
organist.

Hey, Dan!

I've been looking all over for you.

Nice stud.

Marty Allen have a garage sale?

Don't I wish.

Anyway, it occurred to me that since I'm
going to be moving into Amanda's

apartment after the ceremony, I might
have something that you could use.

What?

You'll give me your rent-controlled Park
Avenue apartment?

Actually, I was thinking of my corn
holders, but since you seem to prefer

the apartment, Why don't you take them
both?

I brought the key by after the ceremony.

All right.

You hear that? Park Avenue.

Say, boss, you think I could borrow
those corn holders?

I don't like to touch most of the stuff
I eat.

Friends of the bride?

Right this way.

Boss, it's going to be a small wedding.

You don't have to pack them in so tight.

Okay.

You folks can start a new row.

Oh, I really had to push the floor so
you get these boutonnieres done in time.

Here you go, Bull.

Smells pretty fragrant. What is it?

Broccoli.

It was Buddy's idea.

I skipped lunch.

You got anything in there with meat?

In just a few minutes, your rowdy
bachelor days are over.

Are you maybe just a little nervous
about the honeymoon night?

Oh, no.

It's just like riding a bicycle.

As long as you wear reflectors, nobody
gets hurt.

Oh, Amanda, you look like a blushing
bride of 20.

Thank you for lying, dear.

I just hope that this dress doesn't
clash with that bouquet.

I wouldn't worry. Everything goes with
kelp.

Buddy, isn't he a nut?

Yes, he is.

But we love him. That's why we were so
happy to hear that his time in the

hospital wasn't an issue for you.

Oh, goodness, dear. Lots of people have
their tonsils out.

Wish me luck.

Always cry at weddings.

No, but I can never get through a good
skater's wall.

Friends, we are gathered here on a most
joyous and sacred occasion.

You're back.

Gee, Mrs. Goofy, yet?

Gee, Dan, it's not often I see you this
sentimental.

I've got my sensitive side. I've also
got a moving truck waiting outside. Soon

as these two yahoos tie the knot, I'm
moving to punk ever do.

And so if anyone here has any reason why
these two should not be joined in

marriage... I do.

What? Ignore the woman? She's bitter
because she doesn't have a husband?

That's not true.

Sir, he told her he was in the hospital
to have his tonsils out.

That's all, buddy?

Well, yeah.

I had the warts burned off in a medivan.

Harry, Harry, what are we wasting time
for? It's always missing a little

tissue. These knuckleheads were made for
each other.

Amanda, buddy, I'd like to talk to you
in my office.

If this is going to take a while, I
could go for another boutonniere.

I'm sorry that I interrupted the
ceremony, but...

I couldn't go through with that charade.

Harry, don't tell me you're not a judge.

Buddy, isn't there something you should
tell Amanda that might affect your

marriage?

Well, there is a secret I have been
keeping.

Come on, buddy. She should know.

Amanda?

I want a dog.

No, buddy.

Tell Amanda about the other hospital.

Oh, that?

Sure.

I spent 25 years in and out of a WAC
award.

I see.

Buddy's not a wealthy yachtsman, Amanda.

He works in a fish and chips restaurant.

That salty sea breeze he loves so much
comes from the vent over the deep fat

fryer.

Boy, that's for sure. You get too close,
it'll suck your hat off.

I'm sorry.

I just want you two to be happy.

But I didn't think it was right to start
a marriage without all your cards being

on the table.

Gee, Amanda.

I would have mentioned the hospital
thing earlier if I thought it would have

made a difference.

It doesn't, Captain.

It doesn't?

Well, it's not like it's a total
surprise.

I had my suspicions when he said the
America's Cup comes in both 8 and 12

-ounce sizes.

Confidentially, the smaller one's a
better deal.

And frankly...

I didn't want to ask Buddy about his
past for fear it might ruin all the fun

we were having.

You see, Harry, my late husband was very
rich and very

powerful and the coldest man you'd ever
want to meet.

And they called him sane.

Sure, Lewis gave me a comfortable
living, but Buddy can give me a life.

I love your father very much.

He would have liked you, too.

Harry, I will give him my tonsils. Would
you just get him back out here, please?

Well, you heard the man. They have folks
out there waiting to see a wedding.

Thank you, Harry.

Okay,

Harry, what's the verdict?

Do I get the dog or not?

Dear, what happened to Rumpelstiltskin?

Uh-oh.

I thought that rose was a little chewy.

I'm real happy for you, buddy. I hope
you and Amanda have many wonderful years

together. Thanks, Harry.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, guys. Hi, Norby.

Congratulations, buddy.

You got yourself a beautiful bride
there.

No, no, no. This is my son.

Sir, you guys missed the wedding. Yeah,
we are, too.

The dodgeball game went into overtime.

Nobody could hit Stumpy.

So, Daniel, you have an apartment on
Park Avenue?

Mm-hmm.

Why don't you drop by around 11? By
then, I should have unpacked the party

supplies.

Sounds interesting.

You're not allergic to scented oils, are
you? We'll find out, won't we?

Dan? Not now, buddy.

I know you're busy, but I thought you
might like to meet your new roomies.

Roomies?

Welcome aboard.

You're it.