All language subtitles for S07E05 - Blue Suede Bull

I'm afraid tonight is out of the
question. How about Tuesday morning, 7

.45? For a date?

I'm not even up at that hour.

Perfect. See you then.

Sounds like the ladies love that new car
of yours, Dan.

What are you saying? That the woman
cares more for her shiny heap of metal

than she does for me?

That's him.

That's the Mercedes I was telling you
about.

I wonder if she knows how many miles
he's got on him.

Hi, guys. Hey.

Hi, Bull.

How's dental hygiene school coming,
Rhoda?

Great. Thanks to Bull.

He's been helping me study for my big
exam tomorrow.

With all the hours Rhoda's been
studying, it's about the only chance we

get to see each other.

Besides, you haven't lived till you've
been flossed by the one you love.

See you after work, Bull.

I need to review the chapter on bleeding
gums.

Count me in.

I better go get some lunch while I can
still eat solid food.

If you want solids, tell them to try the
Jell-O.

Hey, guys.

Look what I bought at an auction. 19
items found in the bathroom of Harry

Houdini after he died.

I cannot believe you spend your money on
that useless junk.

Useless junk.

Huh? You call this useless junk?

Guess it would depend on the
circumstances.

We're talking history here. Look at
that. That's the brush that Houdini used

to lather up for his last shave. And
this, this is his last bar of soap.

Now I see why they called him Harry.

I wanted to compliment you on your
beautiful automobile.

Thank you, Phil. It means a lot coming
from a man who sleeps in one.

She's fat, too.

I just saw Dan pulling out of the
parking lot a few minutes ago, and he's

already back.

Obviously, the sterno's been blurring
your vision lately. I've been here since

noon. Sorry.

I guess I should have known a classy guy
like you wouldn't have a license plate

that says hot to trot.

My car!

This is not just another stolen car. It
is a brand new Mercedes.

Oh, yeah? Well, how many have mirrored
ceilings?

Gila told me mine was the only one.

No luck with your car, huh, Dan? Stupid
police.

Probably too busy trying to decide
between jelly or glazed. Hey, Dan.

Found your car.

What? Oh, Matt, you're a gorgeous human
being. Where is it? Same place you

bought it.

He got repossessed.

What?

Missed a couple of payments. Those guys
turned into Nazis.

Sorry I'm late, sir.

I was at the airport picking up
Catherine Bell.

Really?

Never heard of her.

Judge Catherine Bell?

Kansas, the early 60s?

She was the legal secretary who was
fired for refusing to sleep with her

boss. I assume he wasn't talking PJs and
a teddy bear.

Hardly. She used the creep's own law
book to figure out how to sue him. And

yours truly has got her to speak at my
women-in-law group. Well, then yours

truly must just be thrilled.

I am. She's my idol.

Does Marie Asman know this?

No,

I understand. You're just doing your
job. Right. Thanks.

Got to come up with $1,000 by tomorrow
or they're going to sell my car.

Hey, guys.

Well, thank you. Whatever happened to
your charity, your spirit of helping

your fellow man?

Oh, excuse me. Would you care to donate
to the community of hope?

Get a telethon!

Phil, how many pints of blood would you
have to give to raise $1,000?

A grand?

That'd kill me.

Just answer the question.

Would you care to contribute to the
community of hope?

Sure.

Would a hundred be enough?

Oh, thank you.

Oh, buddy of mine, where you been? How
are the folks? See any good movies

lately? You're losing a little weight,
aren't you?

Not a dime, Dan.

Come on, Bo, I need it for my car. I
promise, I'll give it back to you next

week. Oh, give it up, Dan.

Bull only looks like he's brain dead.

Thanks, Ross.

All right.

If people leave me no choice, who'll
give me 500 for original snapshots by

Rob Lowe?

All right. 100 for a card that certifies
the bearer has had a vasectomy.

No, not this.

What's the Paragon Club?

That's a real exclusive pickup spot,
Bull.

It's where folks go looking for love.

No. Sounds like a nice idea.

No, Harry means when they're looking for
him.

You do that with someone you just met?

He'd do that with someone he just
embalmed.

I appreciate the fact that you take your
job as a clothing inspector very

seriously, but you've got to learn that
once the underwear leaves the factory,

you just have to let go.

$50 fine and let them down easy.

Let's go, number 12.

Christine. Judge Bell.

What are you doing here? Well, I
finished my other meeting ahead of

schedule, so I thought I would stop by
and see you in action.

You don't mind?

No, no, not at all.

It's just that the kind of cases we try
here, I'm sure it wouldn't interest you.

I'm interested every time a woman has
the courage to stand up and fight for

justice.

All right, Mr. Sulu, work nine.

You know her, you love her, and she's
backed by popular demand.

People versus Roxanne Reynolds.

Mr. Prosecutor.

Um, yes, sir. The defendant was arrested
on Broadway and 42nd for solicitation.

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Ah, Roxy, not again.

Hey, Your Honor, I swear, I was on my
way to church when they nabbed me.

Where do you worship, Our Lady of the
Edible Undergarments?

Your Honor, I move that we strike the
prejudicial and sexist remarks by the

district attorney.

Okay.

Which one?

All of them.

Your Honor, my client is yet another
victim of the male-dominated

socioeconomic system and of one man's
inability to control his savage

impulses. With all due respect, the
defendant has been fallen upon by

savages 23 times on the same street
corner.

fraction of what a man gets.

Ms. Sullivan.

I, uh, overdid it a little, didn't I,
sir?

Not if this were the Nuremberg trial.

Sorry.

Fence read.

All right.

Roxy, we find you guilty, as usual.
That's a hundred bucks for you and a

wrap for us.

I don't know what came over me.

I thought you did a magnificent job.

And I'd like to buy you dinner.

You would?

This is such an honor.

Miss Sullivan, could I see you in my
office? Oh, uh, Your Honor. This won't

take long. I have a surprise for you.

There's a little Italian restaurant
around the corner. Could I meet you

there in 20 minutes?

Of course.

Christine, it's none of my business,
but, uh, I've seen this before.

Pardon me?

I have a surprise for you.

Judd Stone?

Oh, no, no, no. Judd Stone is completely
harmless.

That's what I thought before my boss
locked the door and handed me a tic-tac.

Hey, Dan, here's your phone messages.

I'd say you better get those wheels back
quick.

The entire secretarial pool is standing
me up. Three said they had to work

overtime, two said they were sick, and
15 said they had to be home for their

cable repairman.

I hope this is good, sir.

Good? This is great.

Look what I found in that box of Houdini
stuff that I bought.

I'm keeping Judge Bell waiting for a
magic trick.

Not just a magic trick, no. A mystery
which has confounded zillions over the

centuries. Now, look.

The iron bracelets surround the wrists
of not only moi-self, but the lovely and

beguiling Christina.

And yet, with the simple alignment of
our cosmic parts, voila, we are

as one.

I am as late.

No problem. I simply reversed the
magical process.

I'll be damned.

Hi, Rhoda.

Oh, there you are, Bull.

I got a big treat waiting for you
tonight.

Corn on the cob from lunch.

Oh, that's sweet, Bull.

But I'm afraid I can't study with you
tonight. I'm pulling an all-nighter with

Earl. Hi, Earl Smith.

Rhoda and I met last month at the pyorea
workshop.

Funny, she didn't mention it.

I did too, silly.

Earl and I shared a spit sink.

Will you excuse us for a moment, Earl?

I thought we had a date.

We did, but Earl needs my help or he'll
never pass this test.

He's really weak on soft tissues.

Oh, sure, that's what they all say.

Who? Those smooth-talking dental types.

I had that guy pigged the minute I laid
eyes on him.

Are you saying there's more between Earl
and me than oral hygiene?

I'm saying that if you care about us,
you'll tell him to park his plaque

somewhere else.

I'm sorry, Paul. I can't do that.

Rhoda, I'm not asking you. I'm telling
you.

What gives you the right to order
anybody around?

going?

You're taking me to the Paragon Club.

I'd rather be the towel boy in a Turkish
prison.

I'll give you the money to get your car
back.

Meet you downstairs in five minutes.
Promise you won't do anything to

embarrass me. You got it!

Look out, ladies!

There's a bull on the...

Well, she probably thinks I forgot.

Wait a minute, that's it.

That's it.

This is an illusion.

Yeah, it's like the Chinese linking
rings. Except we're not rings.

And we're not Chinese.

Nobody asked me, but I could have you
out of those in about five seconds.

Roz, this kind of magic takes years and
years of diligent practice.

My kind takes bolt cutters.

You think I'm going to let you cut
through these priceless heirlooms?

What?

There's got to be another way to get out
of this.

How about using butter?

Butter! Butter!

Mac, you keep calling. Houdini and I
will be down in the cafeteria.

Dean Sullivan.

Oh, my gosh! It's Judge Bell!

Judge Bell!

Hi. We're closed.

Well, I'm looking for your public
defender.

I'm Judge Bell.

Yes.

Yes.

I've heard of you. It's a pleasure. She
went home.

On second thought, she's probably still
around here somewhere.

So, uh, what's the old girl look like
again?

Matt, forget about my dog.

Why don't you help Judge Bell here look
for Miss Sullivan?

Okay.

Come on.

So you're a judge.

That must be fascinating work.

was close. Boy, you're telling me.

I gotta find a new place to sleep.

Hey, Mr. Fielding, why are you flying
solo tonight, huh?

I wish.

Wow.

This is even keener than the club in
Star Wars.

All right, let's hustle up some honey.

Well, you don't expect to meet a girl
tonight.

And why not?

Well, the subtleties of seduction must
be learned over a lifetime.

Yo, this guy needs three to go.

You'll get your Mercedes when I get some
ladies.

Follow me and pay attention.

Now, the first thing you have to do is
establish a beachhead, preferably in an

area of maximum traffic flow.

Excuse me. Your lights are on.

All right. Now, suppose I spot some
sweet thing.

I make eye contact and wink.

What next?

Most likely, she goes off to call 911.

Dan? All right, all right, all right.
Look, it's basically pretty simple.

We're talking equal mixture.

of idle chatter and shameless flattery.

Watch. Excuse me. I'm sorry.

I just had to let you know that you are
the most ravishing thing I have ever

seen in my life.

If you would come home with me, I would
die a fulfilled man.

Okay.

By the way, my name's Sandy.

Dan Fielding. Fielding?

And just how are we supposed to get to
your place?

Walk?

Your turn.

Okay.

Did you know you have enough tissue
inside your lungs to wallpaper this

entire room?

I guess she's not the do-it-yourself
type.

Couldn't find the bow cutter, sir.

What are we going to do now?

Found something even better.

That'll shop. We're finally going to pay
off.

Hold on, Judge Bell. We haven't checked
the food handler's washing yet.

Stop it, Robinson.

Something's wrong here, and I intend to
get to the bottom of it. Wrong?

What could possibly be wrong?

What you... Think.

Mr. Fielding, that gentleman on the
dance floor is a guest of yours, right?

Vic,

I promise, this will be his last visit.

What do you mean, out of here? Vic, you
can't throw me out. I'm a member.

Not anymore.

socially inept geeks.

Of course you are.

Pull yourself together.

Listen, I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I had a coming.

I got you kicked out of your favorite
club.

I'll get over it.

If I kept coming here, I'd just wind up
sleeping with the same woman twice

anyway.

See? You have so many women, you can't
even remember them all.

Why can't I at least have loved her just
one?

I don't know.

Unless it's because you pushed her away.

She was making time with that Earl guy.

That hedgehog.

In case you haven't noticed, I know
bathing beauty myself.

That's exactly my point.

Look, if Rhoda could fall in love with
you, despite the fact that you're

hideous and annoying, what could
possibly change her mind?

Gee, I never looked at it like that.

See, we're always the last to see our
own merits.

My God, I sounded just like Harry.

But, Dan. What?

Aren't you forgetting something?

Um, Bull, I can't take your money.

Because now we're such good friends?

No, because I have to take the subway
home. Write me a check.

Well,

it didn't take you a little very long to
patch things up.

Lucky for me, I came to my senses before
it was too late.

And I found out Bully Boy was right
about Earl.

The creep made a pass at me while we
were going over the signs of abscess

flashcards.

I should have known. They broke the mold
after they made bullshit.

They broke the mold while they were
making bullshit.

How come you guys are all hanging out
around Harry's door?

Well, we want to see what he looks like
after being punched in the mouth last

night by Judge Bell.

Hey there, sir.

I hear you got punched.

Are you okay?

When I told Judge Bell what really
happened, she felt awful.

Wait a minute.

Mel Torme is a has-been.

I knew it. His jaw's been wired shut.

It is a wonderful time to be alive.

Sounds like you got your car back.

You've got a brand new alarm system to
go with it, too.

The Danny-mobile is ready to roll.

You know, Harry, I think it's about time
somebody told you. Your ventriloquism,

it stinks.

No, Dan, his jaw's wired shut. I think
he's trying to tell you something.

All right. A sheep and a rabbi go in a
bar.

Somebody's trying to take Dan's car.