All language subtitles for S06E20 - Pen Pals

This little piggy went to market.

And this little piggy stayed home. Sir,
don't, please. I can't eat when you're

doing that.

Sorry. I thought you liked finger food.

Actually, Christine, I'm surprised you
can think of eating with that roach on

your bread.

Kill it! Kill it!

You got it!

No, that one was already there.

Where do all these roaches come from,
anyway?

From the 17th floor. All that
construction they're doing is driving

the roaches up here.

There's another one.

Don't move!

You're spraying poison all over our
food.

Oh, so now you're siding with the
roaches against me, sir?

It's only natural to root for the higher
life form.

Oh, I sure don't feel like eating now.

Me neither.

I'll save this for later.

Oh, there's another one.

Why does something like this always seem
to happen when I've got a guest coming?

A guest?

Two in one year. How do you juggle it
all?

Actually, it's really no big deal. He's
just my pen pal.

Pen pal? That is so cute.

Where's the little guy from?

Attica State Prison.

He's a convict?

Oh, he just got out.

I met him when my women-in-law group
visited the prison.

Must have been a disappointing field
trip. I hear a couple of years in the

stir, those guys lose their eyes for the
ladies.

Dan, give the guy a break.

James has paid his debts to society.

So he wrote a few bad checks.

We've all committed some transgression
at one time or another.

Even me.

You? Come on, what'd you do?

Well, I'm not proud of it, but once I...
stole some cookies from a rival Girl

Scout troop.

And you're still on the streets.

My point is, I think it's important to
help James make a smooth transition back

into society.

Well, count me out. I've got no time for
people who think they're too good for

the law.

I'm looking for Christine Sullivan.

James, we were just talking about you.

I'm only going to say this once.

Champagne's in the fridge. The address
is on the key.

Do you think a roach could get in one of
these?

Oh, come on, guys. It's no worse than
usual.

Oh, yeah?

Well, tell that to your donor.

Hey! Hey, you! Get back here!

This steroid use is really getting out
of hand.

Sir!

Oh, I know that look.

Yeah, they must have gotten a new speed
bag at Roz's gym.

Bull, I think Christine Medros is in
love.

Yeah, right.

So, how was your carriage ride through
Central Park?

Is that where we were?

Beats me.

All I know is, this is probably the most
romantic day I've spent in a long time.

It better be. You spent the last two
years in jail.

Well, baby, you gotta get ready for
work, and I got some phone calls to

make.

I'll catch you later.

You and James seem to be hitting it off.

He's okay.

Oh, come on. He's just okay?

It's been a week.

You can tell me.

Does James, um... Make me howl like a
coyote till the sun comes up?

Oh, I didn't really mean that.

Does he?

Let me put it this way. My neighbors
have started sleeping days.

Lots of you to take time out to talk to
our law class today.

It's my pleasure. You know, I always get
as much from it as the students.

More, if I'm lucky.

Coffee? Oh.

Oh, no, thanks. I'd better get to the
library before it closes, but thanks for

the tour.

You're very welcome. Listen, why don't
you come back later? We can compare

notes. I'll show you mine if you show me
yours.

That would be great.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Watch it, jerk.

You mean you're not going to kill me?

Actually, I should tighten your belt
until your eyes pop out.

But it's spring.

We'll make it $50.

I've been helping Art, and so far we
must have gotten at least 2,000.

Where do you want them?

Well, you can try to find them all
homes, or you can smash them silly.

I'll get right on the phone, sir.

Call the next case, Mac.

People versus the Willigers?

Prosecution. Yes, sir. They're charged
with unlawful display of affection.

It was my fault.

She's so beautiful, I lost my head.

No, it was mine.

One look in your eyes and the law
doesn't matter.

Get down!

All right, order!

Order!

Your Honor, the statute they violated is
now dated blue law.

I mean, what's the matter with
displaying a little affection?

Oh, for Pete's sake, cut that out!

I'm all for affection, but the, uh,
flirping Walenda's here.

We're displaying it on the counter at
Burger King.

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase,
hold the pickle.

I'm going to fine the defendant $50 and
a cold shower.

Court's adjourned.

Keep up the good work.

happy that you found somebody that you
care about, but this is a court of law,

and I'd appreciate it if you were a
little less enthusiastic.

You are so cute when you're stern.

I'll stop that.

I'm sorry, Harry.

I guess since I met James, the whole
world seems like a more beautiful,

caring place.

That's sweet.

Now, I gotta go kick some butt in
holding.

Oh, this is so great.

Have you ever seen anything more
thrilling than two people in love?

Not since they unplugged the chair at
Sing Sing.

Can we help you?

You got a Christine Sullivan here?

That's me.

Detective Francis Griffin, NYPD.

Francis? That was my grandmother's name.

Sure, and a manly woman she was.

I understand you're pen pals with a con
named James Morgan.

Yeah, we exchanged a few letters before
he was let out of prison.

He wasn't let out to it. He escaped.

And I want him back.

Frankly, I don't think he's your type.

There must be some mistake.

There's no mistake.

Morgan was on a two-day furlough and he
was due back a week ago.

No, this can't be.

James is a decent guy. He wrote to me
for two years and never, not once, was

there even postage due.

Your bleeding hearts amaze me.

Sure. Let's just send these creeps away
on a weekend retreat.

And when they come out, they'll steal
your car, they'll steal your girl,

they'll leave you on a corner with your
hands in your pockets, and you feel like

you've got a slug of hot lead in your
gut.

But I digress.

Now, where is Morgan?

He's not here. He left hours ago.

I gotta call Edwards.

I need to remember.

I got my eye on all of you.

I knew it. I knew it was something wrong
with that James the minute I met him. It

was those, those beady little eyes.

Yeah, never trust a man with a mustache.

That's new, isn't it?

Oh, God, how are we going to tell Roz?

Tell me what?

Well, what's the big secret?

That's a good question, Roz, and it
deserves a good answer.

Look, Roz, look.

The truth is, James is a liar.

He's not on parole. He escaped.

It's okay, Rosa. I mean, I know you're
upset.

But it was my favorite sweater.

You should have thought about that
before you lied about James.

James Morgan?

You know something about that lying
two-bit thief?

Who are you and what part of your
anatomy do you want me to plant my foot

in first?

I'll ask the questions here.

Now tell me what you know about this
Morgan.

She never even met him.

And they didn't spend the last week
exchanging hickeys at the bailiff's

lounge either.

So, Bob, what do you got out there? Just
a hamster and a wheel?

So, you do know him.

You better not hide anything.

Because I'll charge you with aiding and
abetting a fugitive.

So he really did escape?

I guess so.

You better tell this guy everything he
wants to know.

So?

What's to tell?

I thought he got paroled.

So I guess you're not the only one he
lied to.

Ross, I know how you feel. Excuse me,
Harry.

Where are you going?

Any place I don't have to watch Harry
give me that Phil Dunn of you look.

I just want to tell you how sorry I am
about this whole thing.

Christine. No, really, this is all my
fault. I should have seen it coming.

The evidence was right there in his
handwriting.

People who close their loops always have
something to hide.

If I hadn't written to him and I hadn't
invited him here, you never would have

met him. None of this ever would have
happened. I feel like I practically

manufactured this whole thing by myself.

I'm the one who fell for James.

It's not your fault.

James, you big, dumb son of a... Sorry.

But I don't get why I have to fall in
love with guys who are bad for me.

I mean, you make it easy for animals.

All a dog has to do is jump the fence.

Forgive me for having higher standards.

That to James was a bad idea.

You were cooking that day.

But next time, make him honest.

I didn't mean to hurt you, Ross.

Where'd you find him? Trying to skip
town?

Actually, he found me.

He was looking for you.

I need to talk to you, Ross.

Is there someplace quiet?

Doesn't get any quieter than up here.

Ah.

Well, I could leave you in the custody
of a fellow bailiff That

was stupid He knows he's not supposed

to leave you up here with me Because you
might let me go?

Because I might throw you off the roof
Boss, there's some things I have to tell

you Like the fact that you escaped from
prison and you've been lying to me since

the day we met

Uh, yeah.

Okay, okay, I admit it.

I didn't tell you I was going back to
prison.

But then you never asked.

Oh, like I always ask my dates, do we
have to get you back in time for lockup?

Roz, I can't go back to that cell for
another two years.

Now that I know what we have between us.

Like something out of a romance novel.

I hate romance novels.

Now, Roz, hear me out.

I was thinking that we'd go somewhere.

Someplace romantic.

Like... Juarez.

Juarez? Yeah.

What am I supposed to do in Juarez? Open
a topless nacho stand?

Right now, it's just a concept, but...
Guess I screwed up.

Not if you don't mind an extra three
years on the prison softball team.

Oh, no, Ross, I can't do that much time.

Maybe it's best that I just get the hell
out of your life.

So, did you find everything you needed
at the law library?

More than everything.

I saw a cockroach.

Oh, I hate those things.

Once I woke up and one was crawling on
me, I was grossed out for days. Oh, I,

uh... I know what you mean.

I've got a great idea. There's a little
club right around this corner here.

It's really nice.

Relaxed atmosphere.

Sit back.

Kick off your shoes.

And why stop there?

No, it's fine.

And I just have a few more questions to
ask you anyway.

Okay. Shoot.

You know, in class, we've been studying
Gideon versus Wainwright, and I wondered

what you thought of the ruling as a
prosecutor.

Uh-huh. Well, Gideon versus Wainwright.
You know, that's a fascinating case,

actually. I think that... You know what?
I just remembered.

I think I have some notes on that back
at my place.

Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but it's
my view that that ruling actually...

the prosecutors by making them rely more
on building a stronger case.

Oh, Sir Good Marshal, how you doing?

I didn't see him.

You just, uh, you just missed him. He's
looking great, though. Must be using

that exercise.

Don't drink that. Why not?

Uh, because, uh, this stuff will keep
you up all night.

And that's my job.

Hey, could you spare a few coins for a
cup of coffee?

Uh, here you go. It's your lucky day.

You have such a wonderful sense of
humor, and you're so knowledgeable.

Can I use you as a source for my term
paper?

Absolutely.

I'm out of legal pads.

Oh, wait. Aha.

Mon chiquito.

No problemo.

There you go.

And you wonder why people don't like you
guys.

Why can't things be simpler?

Why do they always have to get so damn
mixed up?

Rob, you're cutting off my circulation.

You're lucky that's all I'm cutting off.

Now, you're going back to jail even if I
have to drag you there.

Why?

Because it's my duty.

And because, after waiting all this time
to find somebody I care about, I'm not

letting him go that easy.

You'd really wait for me?

Maybe. Maybe?

Maybe's a lot better than you'll get if
you go through that door.

Are you saying I have a choice?

Or are you going to tackle me again?

I'm not saying anything.

But if you do go, I'm just a memory.

Okay. Go ahead, put the cups on me.

Just like last night.

Don't worry, Miss Sullivan. I'm sure Roz
is going to be just fine.

Your Honor, I've had it with these
roaches.

You're giving up?

Yep. They whipped me pretty good, Your
Honor.

Me, the same guy who beat back the
earwigs in 83.

I tried everything you had.

Nothing works.

Not even this.

Roach nuke?

I used three cans of that yesterday.

Zip.

Mark, it says here on the label it takes
24 hours to have any effect.

Really? Well, let me see.

I set the cans off about this time last
night, so that would make it 10 plus 2

plus 12.

All right!

Well, I guess they finally met their
equals.

Oh, God.

Please let that be a pebble in my shoe.

I'm warning you, pal.

Where is Morgan?

Uh, Harry Morgan?

Still on mash.

Detective, what's your problem?

One of my men saw your bailiff with a
man resembling James Morgan's

description. Is that true, Bo?

Uh, James Morgan?

Could you describe him again?

Black male, 6'4", 230 pounds.

And don't forget the killer bun.

Well, Morgan, you're gonna be away for a
long time.

I hope she was worth it.

She was worth it.

All right, let's go.

Harry, you gotta do something.

He wanted to come back, but I turned the
poor man to jelly.

Ross, they trusted him to return, and he
didn't. I know.

He brought this on himself.

I know. It's a very serious offense.

I know. Okay, I'll see what I can do.

Detective, I'm just hoping that James'
punishment doesn't

outweigh his crime.

Don't worry, Judge. You'll get the
maximum.

I go by the strict letter of the law.

So do I.

That's why I'm going to have to place
you under arrest.

What's the charge?

Donut theft.

These are mine.

And you ate three, no, four of them
without my permission.

Oh, come on.

What's it worth, about a dollar?

It's a misdemeanor punishable by one
year in jail and a thousand dollar fine,

and I go by the strict letter of the
law.

You're crazy.

That's what they tell me.

Roz, you want to cuff the good detective
here?

Sure. Don't go thinking this is going to
lead to anything.

I'll tell him the guy turned himself in.

And you'll probably only get a... A
couple of months and a slap on the

wrist.

Before I go, there's a certain young
lady I'd like to thank.

Oh, James, you don't have to thank me.

Oh, you meant... Do you see me when

I get out?

Yeah.

But I can't promise to be faithful.

I can.

Well, if you guys will excuse me, I'd
like a moment alone with Bull.

Sure. Oh, yeah.

I'd like to talk to you about what you
did up on the roof.

Oh, that's okay, Roz. You don't have
to... What the hell is the matter with

you? You knew how I felt about James.

You never leave a prisoner with someone
who might let him go.

You could have lost your job. And don't
you ever do anything like that again. Do

you hear me?

Yes, ma'am.

Good.

Now bend over.