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00:00:02,679 --> 00:00:03,760
Oh, that's terrible.
2
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What is it, Bull?
3
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A biker was beaten badly by a rival gang
member over at the Central Park Tennis
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Court. In straight sets?
5
00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:14,700
Hi, guys!
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00:00:15,020 --> 00:00:17,620
Hey, Miss Sullivan. Guess who just got
into town?
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Skipper Alan Hale?
8
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I can dream, can't I?
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00:00:23,470 --> 00:00:26,090
Noble, it's Heather, my roommate from
college.
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Hey, so what brings old Heather by?
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Well, she just flew in to host a seminar
upstate on motifs of death in Russian
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literature.
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00:00:33,390 --> 00:00:35,350
Sounds like a real party animal.
14
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No, you are really going to like her.
She's so sweet and she has a wonderful
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personality.
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She's a schnauzer.
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Oh, here she comes. Now, please, guys,
please be nice to her.
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It's not like I'm asking you to fall at
her feet.
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00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:51,510
Christine, hi!
20
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:52,790
Whoops!
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00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:42,140
Anna Karenina says 20 locals famous in
Kiev.
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That's a little wacky muscovite.
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00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:50,760
Heather, I want to thank you for a
really fabulous lunch. I had a wonderful
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time. I paid for it.
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120 bucks. Yeah, thanks, babe. Hot dogs
with me next time. Okay, good.
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Well, I guess we better get the session
started.
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Yeah, it's about time I went in there
and made the streets safer for our
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children. Speaking of which, if you ever
decide to have any on a wedlock.
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I'm scoring.
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00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:19,040
Miss Sullivan, why don't you take
Heather around the courtroom and make
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sure that she takes you up and shows you
the back of my bench because a tour is
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simply not a tour unless you've had a
good look at my seat.
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I'll see you later.
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Oh,
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they are so charming.
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So were Leopold and Loeb.
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This may be a little bit impetuous, but
I was thinking of asking one of the guys
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to come upstate with me this weekend.
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Harry or Dan?
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00:02:48,140 --> 00:02:49,140
Yeah.
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00:02:49,340 --> 00:02:53,400
Heather, that's not a little impetuous.
That's naughty.
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00:02:55,700 --> 00:03:00,320
Come on, Christine, this is the 80s. But
you don't even know them.
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Did I tell you that Dan is a sex maniac?
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Christine, you have always thought that
every guy was a sex maniac.
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00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:09,600
Okay.
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00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,900
Remember our sophomore year in college
when you got so upset because that guy
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asked to paint you naked?
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He was a house painter.
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All rise. This court is now in session.
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The Honorable and Sexy.
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Earl Keystone presiding.
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Objection. Overruled.
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Okay, take a seat and sit upon it.
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00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:47,810
What do you got, Macaroni? First case,
sir. People versus Sheena.
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She's charged with prostitution.
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No.
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00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:56,390
Okay,
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you don't think that Dan is a sex
maniac?
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00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:00,410
You watch this.
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00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:06,360
Ready, Your Honor? Ms. Prosecutor. Yes,
sir. The defendant was arrested in Times
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Square. She has eight priors.
Prosecution recommends the maximum.
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00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:10,660
Defense?
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00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:12,580
That's it?
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Don't you have anything else to say?
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00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:18,240
About what?
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00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,820
About what? Oh, come on. Her chest, her
bust, her zoomers.
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00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:27,960
What did I say?
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00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:31,940
Oh, come on. Her chest, her bust, her
zoomers.
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00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:37,010
Thank you.
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00:04:37,690 --> 00:04:39,430
Miss Sullivan, the plea.
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Uh, yeah, Your Honor, my client pleads
guilty.
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Fine, $50 fine and time served.
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00:04:44,390 --> 00:04:45,390
Ross?
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00:04:46,130 --> 00:04:47,370
Come on, honey, let's go.
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Zoom, zoom, zoom.
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00:04:51,270 --> 00:04:52,270
Hey, you guys.
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00:04:52,930 --> 00:04:56,750
I have thoroughly enjoyed watching you
in action, but I have to go.
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00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:59,790
Can't you stick around a little while
longer? We got a window washer charged
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with streaking.
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00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,620
really have to go. I have to get ready
for tonight.
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00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,060
Oh, actually... Yes?
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00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:20,340
I've been invited to Roland Jeffries'
party in Soho tonight. Why don't you
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guys come along?
84
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,720
Roland Jeffries, the artist?
85
00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:27,140
Yeah. Sure, yeah. Great. Well, what time
do you finish here? About ten.
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00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,660
Perfect. I'll pick you up later,
Christine.
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See you guys.
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00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:32,660
Bye.
89
00:05:34,940 --> 00:05:37,200
Look at the way she walks.
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00:05:38,740 --> 00:05:42,000
Yeah, kind of takes the wrinkles out of
the old robe, you know?
91
00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:52,500
Are you two done mentally undressing my
friend?
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00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:53,860
Hold it a sec.
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00:05:57,220 --> 00:06:00,480
All right, I admit, she's very
attractive, but Heather has flaws and
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00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,960
imperfections just like everyone else.
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00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:03,260
Name one.
96
00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:07,560
Well, she can be quite messy in the
kitchen.
97
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,750
Maybe we should just have her put to
sleep.
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00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:20,090
Then the actual truth of it is she can
be more than a little bit flighty. Do I
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00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:21,170
detect a note of jealousy?
100
00:06:21,530 --> 00:06:25,170
No, no, it's true. You know what she
even said to me about you two?
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00:06:25,670 --> 00:06:29,250
She said that she might consider taking
one of you two guys upstate with her for
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00:06:29,250 --> 00:06:30,189
the weekend.
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00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,470
Is that flighty or what?
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00:06:45,550 --> 00:06:47,830
I'd give the prosecution a chance to
hose down.
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I am ashamed of you acting like a
rutting pig.
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I gotta be me.
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00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:02,690
You don't see Judge Stone behaving that
way, do you?
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00:07:11,810 --> 00:07:14,590
When there's a shot on your shoot,
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There's a melody in your heart. Hey,
it's wonderful.
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Yeah.
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00:07:21,970 --> 00:07:23,170
So you finished the Morris file?
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00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,890
No, but the execution's not till
tomorrow night. We've got plenty of
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time. Bye.
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00:07:27,330 --> 00:07:30,490
Dan. Just kidding. There's no death
penalty in New York.
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00:07:30,790 --> 00:07:31,870
Yeah, I'm well aware of that.
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00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:35,210
Dan, I want you to look over these
probation files before you leave.
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You must be kidding.
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00:07:41,350 --> 00:07:42,350
No, I'm not.
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How is it? It'll take at least an hour.
What about the party?
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A job worth doing is worth doing well.
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That's sick.
122
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,260
You got a problem, Fielding?
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00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,700
I don't have a problem.
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Because you're a judge and I'm an
attorney working in your court. So?
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So I can't very well sit here and tell
you that I think you're a sneaky, skinny
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little twerp, can I?
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I see your dilemma.
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Dan, what the hell is bugging you?
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You'll find me in contempt and throw me
in jail. Oh, come on.
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00:08:37,039 --> 00:08:38,039
Okay, okay.
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00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:43,340
I think you're abusing your authority
over me because you're afraid of a
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little man-to-man competition for...
133
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:51,160
You're right.
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00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:53,660
I am? Yeah, I'm going to throw you in
jail.
135
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,140
Dan, I think an apology is in order.
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00:08:58,580 --> 00:08:59,780
Never. Dan.
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00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,140
Very well.
138
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:02,720
Dan.
139
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,520
I mean that I should apologize to you.
140
00:09:09,380 --> 00:09:11,160
Dan, well, you should.
141
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,500
This is an outbreak. Don't push it,
Fielding. Right.
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00:09:19,470 --> 00:09:23,390
Maybe I did let competition color my
actions a little bit. Okay, forget the
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files, forget the robe.
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Forget that I'm a judge and that you're
just a lowly subordinate whose very fate
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hangs on my whim.
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00:09:33,930 --> 00:09:35,410
You make it so easy, sir.
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00:09:36,110 --> 00:09:37,330
I'm serious, Dan, okay?
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Okay.
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00:09:41,650 --> 00:09:44,770
You know, it's really funny, isn't it? I
mean, here we are. We're acting like a
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00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:47,470
couple of high school kids fighting over
the same girl.
151
00:09:48,449 --> 00:09:49,449
Oh, yeah.
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00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:51,330
Drop her, bozo. Not for a geek like you.
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00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:54,590
Well, all right, then.
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May the best man win.
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00:09:57,750 --> 00:09:58,750
Right.
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00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:00,170
May the best man win.
157
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,980
telling who could be here. Rock stars,
politicians, novelists.
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00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:45,440
Hi, guys.
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00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,180
The cast from Motel Hell.
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00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:52,740
Heather, darling.
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00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:54,180
Roland, hello.
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00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,240
More friends.
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00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,080
I've barely gotten over the first batch.
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00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,580
They're so amusing.
165
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:05,440
This one keeps asking me when we're
going to bob for things.
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00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,820
I keep telling him we don't bob for
things.
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00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:10,180
at my parties.
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00:11:10,740 --> 00:11:12,020
Mr. Jeffries? Yes.
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00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:18,340
This is such a bold piece. I love it.
This far exceeds any pre-Columbian art I
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00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:19,340
have ever seen.
171
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,560
What a silly goose I am.
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00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,460
A manly silly goose.
173
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:38,260
I've seen you before in my life, okay?
174
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:39,520
Yeah, but I'm positive.
175
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,880
Mac, what's the problem? Oh, this guy
swears he's met me before.
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00:11:43,140 --> 00:11:44,960
So? In a former life.
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00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:49,360
Aha. He was the king of Mesopotamia.
178
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,380
I swear, I never forget a face.
179
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,940
Say, isn't that Shirley MacLaine
hovering over the cheese dip?
180
00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:02,740
Well, I guess I better be going.
181
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,260
Enjoy the shindig. Yeah.
182
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:07,870
Loved your sweater vest.
183
00:12:08,910 --> 00:12:10,490
I knew that you would.
184
00:12:14,090 --> 00:12:16,590
Roland, this looks like a wonderful
party.
185
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:19,770
Yes, there is a little magic in the air
tonight.
186
00:12:20,170 --> 00:12:24,410
Well, speaking of magic, what's that
behind your ears?
187
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,000
ever do that again.
188
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,460
So the slide between the legs is out
then, huh?
189
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,040
If I go down, I'm taking you with me.
190
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,880
Is anyone hungry? I'll go to some
appetizers. Well, I'll come with you.
191
00:13:01,060 --> 00:13:03,560
Maybe we can both find something to
nibble on.
192
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,600
Christine, why don't you show Harry your
new dress?
193
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:11,520
So you got a new dress?
194
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:12,960
Yep. So let's see it.
195
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:24,120
You don't like it.
196
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,580
Well, it's just not really you.
197
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:28,600
Yes, it is.
198
00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:36,660
That part is, but the whole thing is
kind of, I don't know, it's kind of
199
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:37,960
daring, isn't it?
200
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:43,640
Listen, I will have you know, that I'm
not the prude everyone thinks I am. Hey,
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00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:44,820
I know you.
202
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:47,440
Pompeii, 79 A.D.
203
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:52,520
You know, not many women would jump into
a live volcano rather than lose their
204
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,520
virginity.
205
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,560
Old habits die hard, huh?
206
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:06,360
So the doctor says, oh, that's my
thermometer, so where did I leave my
207
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:07,360
pen?
208
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,800
Do you recognize that song?
209
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,820
Oh, it's Time Goes By from Casablanca.
That's my favorite movie.
210
00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:25,519
Mine, too.
211
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:26,520
Yeah?
212
00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:29,080
I'm waiting till they colorize it.
213
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:35,400
Dan doesn't see many movies that don't
have the word cheerleader in the title.
214
00:14:36,940 --> 00:14:37,739
He does.
215
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,580
I think they're playing our song.
216
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,440
So, uh, those are new, aren't they?
217
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:03,820
Yeah, I guess I've always felt like I
belonged in the 40s. It was a simpler
218
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,600
time with simpler taste, simpler values.
219
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,120
I guess that sort of makes me a...
Simpleton.
220
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,040
I never maimed anybody with that trick
before.
221
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,040
Where was I?
222
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,520
The 40s.
223
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,300
The 40s.
224
00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:27,240
That was another era. It was an age of
innocence. It was a time when any...
225
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:34,380
Wacky, crazy guy and gal could find each
other on a crowded dance floor.
226
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:44,160
Bad example.
227
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:49,020
So tell me about yourself, Harry Stone.
228
00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:51,740
Who am I, Heather?
229
00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:54,520
Well, I guess...
230
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:59,900
I'm the kind of guy that has a shoebox
full of file cards with all the
231
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:02,400
information on every member of the Tommy
Dorsey Orchestra.
232
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,900
Date of birth, favorite foods, hobbies,
you name it.
233
00:16:06,740 --> 00:16:07,740
Me?
234
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:14,160
I'm the kind of guy that goes to the
supermarket and hears a delightful
235
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:18,680
little ditty on the Muzak and I just
click my heels together right there in
236
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,320
the produce section and I don't care who
sees me.
237
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:24,180
Me?
238
00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:35,080
I'm the sort of Joe that likes to get up
real early on a Sunday and go down to
239
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,380
the dock to watch him unload the fish.
240
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:41,880
You get the picture?
241
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:43,920
Oh, yeah.
242
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:52,200
Oh, God, she's so exciting.
243
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:53,800
Yeah, right.
244
00:16:55,019 --> 00:16:56,019
Exciting, bold.
245
00:16:56,660 --> 00:17:01,080
You know, I have always felt like I'm in
that woman's shadow.
246
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:06,480
I know it's ridiculous, but there have
been times when I felt completely
247
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,200
ignored when I was around her.
248
00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:11,720
I'm going to go break in on them right
now.
249
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,200
Yeah, that's the feeling.
250
00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:18,140
May I cut in?
251
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,640
Why, certainly.
252
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,260
I should warn you, I was...
253
00:17:23,579 --> 00:17:24,579
Pretty charming.
254
00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:26,740
Yeah, well, two can play at that game.
255
00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:29,740
Heather?
256
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:32,740
Yes, Dan?
257
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:36,880
I haven't worn underwear since 1968.
258
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,820
I must show them to you. They're right
over here.
259
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,200
Oh, my God, they're gone.
260
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:46,999
What's gone?
261
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,060
My priceless collection of antique
porcelain eggs.
262
00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:08,650
She picked me. She picked me.
263
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:13,810
What? Heather picked me to go away with
her this weekend.
264
00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:18,790
No! Lord, I was waiting for someone to
stop the shrieking.
265
00:18:20,450 --> 00:18:22,510
You picked him over me.
266
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:24,150
What?
267
00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:35,810
Could you show me to the powder room?
Yes, we are beating up a bit, aren't we?
268
00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:41,250
Now, I'm going to go get something for
us to toast with. Don't you go anywhere,
269
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:43,010
my little love monkey.
270
00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:50,570
I cannot believe that you would reject
me for someone like
271
00:18:50,570 --> 00:18:51,610
Dan Fielding.
272
00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:55,290
Worse, you rejected me for Dan Fielding.
273
00:18:55,550 --> 00:18:57,970
Is that what you like?
274
00:18:58,410 --> 00:19:01,110
A man who is disgusting and sleazy?
275
00:19:01,630 --> 00:19:02,630
Well, listen.
276
00:19:03,590 --> 00:19:05,770
I can be disgusting and sleazy.
277
00:19:07,930 --> 00:19:08,930
Harry,
278
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,930
please don't feel badly. I think you're
adorable.
279
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:18,290
It's just that I find myself more in
sync with Dave. Yeah, well, a sync is
280
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:20,590
only one of the places you'll find
yourself in sync.
281
00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:35,020
Hey, I... Dan is just more my type. I
don't know how to describe it. He's just
282
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:36,220
more contemporary.
283
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,080
Hey, I'm contemporary?
284
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,680
Yes, you are in a time warp sort of way.
285
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,440
Well, I'm sure you mean that in the
really nicest sense.
286
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:48,960
Oh, absolutely.
287
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:53,700
You are the sweetest, most sentimental,
terrific guy.
288
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,580
It's just that you're not right for me.
289
00:19:59,630 --> 00:20:00,630
No hard feelings?
290
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:06,690
No, no hard feelings.
291
00:20:07,210 --> 00:20:08,210
Good.
292
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:10,670
Because, Harry, you're a very special
guy.
293
00:20:10,890 --> 00:20:12,990
And you need someone very special.
294
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:16,610
And you never know when that right
person may come along.
295
00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:29,010
Want to dance?
296
00:21:12,970 --> 00:21:13,970
I mean it.
297
00:21:14,330 --> 00:21:17,690
I'm glad things worked out this way,
because now you and I have some time
298
00:21:17,690 --> 00:21:22,110
together to talk, find out about each
other, you know?
299
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:28,350
I mean, let's face it. Are these really
the kind of people that we would want as
300
00:21:28,350 --> 00:21:29,350
friends?
301
00:21:29,730 --> 00:21:31,130
Excuse me, is anybody sitting here?
302
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,220
Yes, I am. Hi, I'm Christine Sullivan.
303
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:46,520
Nice to meet you.
304
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:49,280
Who's the geek?
305
00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:51,940
Oh, you'll have to forgive him. He's a
little dazed.
306
00:21:52,140 --> 00:21:55,460
I see. Well, is anybody sitting here?
No.
307
00:21:56,280 --> 00:22:00,640
Great, because I want to take this chair
over there. Hey, that Dan Fielding, I
308
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:05,260
tell you, I can't remember when I've met
a more fun, interesting guy my entire
309
00:22:05,260 --> 00:22:07,320
life. He's terrific. Well, bye.
310
00:22:16,330 --> 00:22:17,690
I know just how you must feel.
311
00:22:19,370 --> 00:22:20,370
Well,
312
00:22:21,330 --> 00:22:22,950
look at the bright side.
313
00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:24,830
Things couldn't get worse.
22377
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