All language subtitles for S05E21 - Macs Millions

Where is he?

I can't take it anymore.

How long does it take to read a will?

Kwan Lee, just try to relax, huh?

Sit down. Mac will be back any minute.

I can't relax.

How can anyone relax at a time like
this?

Well, one sure way involves a pound of
Velveeta and a copy of True Detective

magazine.

Hi, Kwan Lee.

I thought you were at the reading of
Grandpa Robinson's will.

I chickened out.

Why? The guy was a millionaire.

Don't you want to know what you're
getting?

I know what we're getting.

Diddly-squat.

Wow, how much?

You see, Roz, Grandpa Robinson never
really got over the money he lost in Mac

and Quanley's restaurant.

That is so unfair. A millionaire being
upset about a few dollars.

Yeah, a measly 110,000 bucks.

110,000?

How could you ever go through that much
money?

Well, we tried a lot of different
promotions, but none of them ever worked

out. You know what my favorite was? Make
your own change night.

Grandpa said that before he'd give us
another cent, he'd rather fall out of an

airplane into the mating fit of an
alligator farm.

Little did he know.

Just the same quantity. I'm sure that
Mac will get a little tiny something as

a memento.

I quit

Boy, this place sure has changed since
Mac left.

Yeah, it's the first time in my life I
ever had paper cuts on my ankles.

I found tonight's docket, Judge.

That's swell, Eddie, and only four and a
half hours after we started.

Here, sign this. What is it?

It's a stay of execution.

What?

Well, you remember that little old lady
we had in here for loitering? Yeah.

I kind of put her on the wrong bus.

You sent Mrs.

Turley to death wrong?

Well, the funny part about it is that
her lawyer thinks that you're the one

that did it.

Eddie, what does this phone message say?
I can't read your writing.

Oh, some guy called. He wanted to know
if you were naked.

He said he wanted to call you later, but
don't worry about it. I gave him your

home phone.

Sir, the holding cells are all full and
we've got about 30 defendants waiting on

the hallway.

You just left them there unsupervised?

Yes, sir. They're on the horror system.

You mean the honor system.

Courtney was in this place.

I miss Mac. I miss Mac. I miss Mac.

Hey, oh, blah-dee, oh, blah-da, babe.
Life goes on.

How can you be so cavalier? Don't you
miss him?

No, I don't miss him. There's no skin
off my nose. Listen, I don't care if I

have to work with a guy who cleans his
ears with my fountain pen.

Give me that, you frog.

Let me tell you something to keep your
stubby little fingers off my stuff.

Gee, is it okay if I breathe?

Judge, I want to take an early lunch.

Eddie, don't you think it'd be a real
nifty idea if we got through at least

one case first?

Why don't you just drop a yoke on my
back and start plowing?

I got one here for Jones.

Ross, we got a Jones over there?

We have two Joneses, sir.

Orville. and Flamona.

Okay, Eddie, which one is it? Well,
geez, I don't know. I kind of got the

files a little mixed up here. I mean,
what are the odds of two people being

named Jones?

If you get down here, we'll try to sort
through this thing.

Mr. Prosecutor.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Jones here owns a tenement building
that's been cited for numerous

violations and at a meeting of the...

Housing department, he stripped down to
a lace camisole and pranced around the

room like a show pony.

Slut.

I think I am the show pony in question.

Yeah, I'm no pervert.

I'm a slumlord.

Mr. Honor, this is hopeless.

We will get through it, Miss Sullivan.

I don't care if we stay here all night.
Nothing is going to stop us from

finishing this case.

Fire!

This wouldn't happen if you had some
ashtrays around here.

Okay, that's it.

Court's adjourned.

Well, Eddie, you've done it. You've done
what entire armies and foreign

potentates couldn't do. You have brought
the American... judicial system down to

its knees.

It's a towering achievement, Eddie, and
you did it with nothing but your own

incredible incompetence.

You are the Mount Everest of stupidity!

Is that some kind of a crack?

Eddie! You know, because I'm with the
union, you know, and I don't have to

take cracks.

How about...

Fielding. Your wife's flying. I don't
even own a saddle.

Mac.

Oh, my God.

You look so rich.

Mac, Kwame, you guys look great.

How was your trip? Yeah, what exotic
place did you finally end up going to?

The Poconos.

sorry, but see, I gotta concentrate on
my new career.

What's that?

Mack Robinson Enterprises.

I'm vice president in charge of parking
my butt in a Barco lounger.

Oh.

Oh, hey!

Cheer up! Hey, look, let's go to the
cafeteria.

Lunch is on me.

Oh, oh, oh, Mack.

You inherit two million dollars and you
treat us to lunch in the cafeteria.

My thimble runneth over.

Wow.

Look at this plate.

You like it? I had Mason Maurice to come
in and cater.

You're looking loose.

Get out of this instant.

We have important snooty people coming.

Be cool, Maurice. These are my friends.

Mr. Robinson.

Oh. Oh.

My humiliation is exploding in my face.

If you wish, I will cut my vein with a
snail fork.

Oh, that's okay.

I'll just knock a few hundred off your
tip.

Oh, merci, monsieur, merci.

He has made me as happy as a rotting
pig.

How many of us can truly say that?

Hello, mesdames et messieurs, s'il vous
plaît.

Merci beaucoup, garçon, très bon.

All right,

everybody, let's get started.

Maurice, read him the spread.

Today, you will be intimidated by...
Does

this mean we can't order the tuna log?

What's this?

Those are your presents.

Oh, come on, guys. You've gone way too
far.

Come on, open them. You first, Bull.

Oh, wow.

Where'd you find one in my size?

What is it?

It's a yo-yo.

Bull, that's got $25,000 worth of
diamonds in it.

With an extra string.

No, you get to fight Mike Tyson at
Madison State.

We got him to give you a three-round
exhibition match.

Oh, this is the loveliest, sweetest,
most thoughtful... I'll rip his freaking

head off.

Oh, Mac, I love caviar. That's not just
caviar, Christine.

That's Romanovski Royale. There's only
two fish in the whole world that make

that.

Edna and Bernice.

Okay, Dan, it's your turn.

My God.

It's a Rolex.

Read the inscription.

Dear Dan, whether you believe it or not,
I think of you as a friend.

It's real.

Okay, Harry, you're the last one.

And I hope you like it, because I can't
return it.

Dear Harry, stand up and count to four.

I don't get it.

Just do it.

One, two, three, four.

That's Hoop Shuffleman and the Dixie
Daredevil!

Yes, and you've got them for the whole
night. You call the tune and they will

play it.

Mac, I don't know what to say.

Admiration feeds my body and emerges
from my sphincter with joyous

celebration.

Yeah, me too.

Come on, Maurice. Let's break open a
bottle of that 29 Rothschild.

29 Rothschild. It's worth about 950
bucks a bottle.

I'll need a doggy glass.

Yeah. Don't you think you're being kind
of extravagant here? You know, for once,

I want to be extravagant, Harry.

Hey, look, don't worry. I got it all
figured out. After spending all this,

I'll still have 1,900,000 in the bank.

Not enough. Huh?

Consider yourself served. What's this?

A summon.

You're being sued for four and a half
million dollars.

Okay,

Mr. Clemmer, would you please tell me
what this is all about? I represent the

owner of the office building where you
two operated your cafe.

kind of misunderstanding.

That's hardly how I would characterize
destroying the contents of a 30-story

building.

You got you too, huh?

Matt, Juan Lee, look, don't talk to this
man. You're not lawyers. I am. Let me

take care of this.

Mr. Klimmer, may I see a copy of the
alleged complaint, please? Sure.

You can't sue for four and a half
million because the stove explodes and

starts a fire, activating the sprinkler
system, creating a flood, lasting three

stories.

Well, I'll leave you to your future of
destitute squalor.

I hate to say this, Mac, but it looks
pretty bad.

How bad?

You're mad at me, aren't you?

No.

I'm not mad.

Mac, if you're mad, you should be open
about it. Cornley, I'm not really mad.

Of course you are.

I'm the one that wanted to open the
restaurant.

It was my idea to save some money on a
used stove.

I'm the one that canceled our liability
insurance.

If you're mad, say so.

Go with your feelings.

I want you drawn and quartered.

I want you dropped into an active
volcano.

I want you shot out of a cannon onto a
cactus.

I want you flung into a pit with every
carnivorous member of the reptile

family.

I gotta take a walk.

I feel better.

Court's going to have to wait a few
minutes, Judge. I've got to hit the

head. You hold on, Eddie.

You don't come waltzing in here and tell
me that I have to wait.

You see, I'm the judge, and I tell you
when court is in session.

Don't argue with me. Argue with the pork
lasagna I ate.

Vaya carnitas.

Oh, how I wish we could get Mac his job
back.

Well, me too, but the problem is that
once you've handed in your resignation,

then you go right to the bottom of the
waiting list.

Poor guy.

I feel awful about him having to take
that other job.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Mac. Hi, Mac.

So, uh, how are things down at Wally's
Weenie Wonderland?

Oh, oh, great.

Uh, Mac?

Yeah? About those presents that you gave
us?

I know that you wouldn't want us to
return them. Well, yeah, I want you to

return them.

I need the money.

Max, they wouldn't take the caviar back
because it's a food item.

And they also said it would hurt Edna's
feelings.

And I can't even give away my fight with
Tyson.

I mean, here's a chance to let a
heavyweight champion boxer pummel you

for nine full minutes.

Who wouldn't pay for that?

But I bet Bull did real well with the
yo-yo.

I'm back.

Bull, how much did you get?

Well, I was on my way to return it, and
it was so pretty, it just seemed like it

was begging me, Bull, play with me,

just once.

So I tried it, and...

I told you about listening to inanimate
objects.

Well, I guess that just leaves Dan's
watch.

Hi, guys.

Dan, you know the watch that Matt gave
you?

Watch?

Yeah, the $5,000 Rolex that he gave you
about two days ago, and you already

hocked it, didn't you?

It was mine.

Besides, I only got three grand for it.
Three?

Yeah, you know what, too? I had to pay
to get that engraving buffed off the

back of it.

Oh, no.

Dan?

Nobody gets my money.

Dan?

Stop it. Stop that. Do not look at me
with those hound dog eyes. Stop it.

kidney while you're at it.

Oh, thanks, Dad.

Now all I gotta do to pay off the debt
is to liquidate everything I own, work

three jobs, sell two pints of blood
before I start my paper route.

Oh, Lord, I'm so poor.

Oh, now, come on, big guy.

My great-grandchildren are gonna be
wearing this sweater.

Well, you know, the classics never
really go out of style.

Sorry.

Oh, I feel so bad.

I feel like that yellow stuff that
floats on top of the chili.

Matt, come on. You shouldn't be... What
the heck is that stuff?

Come on, Matt.

Money's not so important. It's not just
the money.

And it's not that I feel like such a
failure.

It's those terrible things I said to
Kwan Lee.

Yep. They were pretty bad.

Kwan Lee!

Hi, Mac. I have to tell you something.

No, you listen to me first.

I don't give a damn about being poor as
long as I have you with me.

Mac. And I want you to know that I love
you more than anything in the whole

world.

I love you too, Mac.

And you were right.

The whole thing was my fault.

It doesn't matter.

That's why I decided to do something.

Uh-oh.

I talked to the owner of the building.

Uh-oh.

I suggest Ecuador.

Juan Lee, I don't mean to be harsh, but
are you nuts?

I settled for $1,950,000.

There. Now, you see, you may not be able
to back out of that.

You should... Did you say $1,950,000?
Yep. I told him if he settled for the

actual damages, I'd write him a check
tomorrow.

Otherwise, we'd tie it up in court till
he was too old to spend it on anything

but denture cream and Preparation 8.

That's my girl.

Hey, man.

$1,950,000. Isn't that about exactly
what you've got?

Wait a minute.

A million nine, plus the stuff I return,
plus the 3,000 from Dan, 150

for selling the pinto.

Oh, my God, baby!

We're worth nothing!

Yeah! Excuse me. Yeah.

You're rejoicing about being worth
nothing?

Yeah, we were a thousand bucks in the
hole before this all started.

Hey, Judge, we gotta talk.

About what, Eddie?

I'm quitting.

You're what? Listen, I can't take this
badgering. Do this.

File that.

Wake up.

You people are just relentless.

You can have this job back if you want
it.

I wish I could, but I already handed in
my resignation.

To Eddie.

That's right.

Eddie, if you were in charge of it, then
you must have lost it, right?

Hell no.

I know exactly where it is.

It's right in the top drawer.

I don't see it.

It's stuck to my hanky.

Here it is.

Well, rip it up.

I don't know if I want to touch it.

You want to spend the rest of your life
in that hat?

As a token of our appreciation, we'd
like you to have this.

What is it?

A fight ticket.

Yep. You just show them that at the gate
and they'll take care of you.

Mike Tyson.

Is this ringside?

Better.