All language subtitles for S05E05 - Safe

Be careful now.

A little more to the right. All right,
now let it down nice and easy.

Is that about where you want it, sir?

Well, how about an inch and a half to
the left?

Well, you guys aren't much on whimsy,
are you?

Ah, this is new, isn't it? Well, you
certainly are observant, Miss Sullivan.

I've got to hand it to you.

It's Halloween again, isn't it, sir?

Yes. You coming to my party?

Oh, you know, actually, I feel like I'm
coming down with something. I'm a little

stuffy. Yeah, but that's half your
charm.

Look at this. See that, safe? This is
going to be the centerpiece of my magic

act. I'm going to do a trick so
incredible, so amazing, it will boggle

the human mind.

Can we get the... Don't tell me that
melonhead is going to do the old escape

from the safe trick.

The produce in question is right here.

Oh, you mean you're going to be inside
the safe?

Oh, and it's going to be locked and
everything.

Thrilling, sir.

This party you guys are talking about, I
guess my invitation must have got lost

in the mail.

You can have mine.

There's only one thing, though. I don't
have a costume or anything.

Why don't you just have somebody carve
open your head and put a candle in it?

Very funny.

Now, what kind of a moron would do
something like that?

Could somebody carve me some eyes?

First case, sir.

People versus Cowan, disturbing the
peace and assault.

I can't be held accountable.

An ethereal force violently expelled the
essence from my body.

You tried to fake fajitas, huh?

Your Honor, Ms. Cowan was arrested for
pummeling Mr. Gintz at the New Age Expo.

parties are trance handlers your honor
they claim that spiritual entities speak

through them from another realm you
believe all this higher consciousness

stuff huh so if i'm following this you
two

are kind of like mouthpieces for uh

alien tap dancers

nothing of her own will.

It is my doing.

Will the mystery guest sign in, please?

I am Darby, spirit teacher and seer from
the fourth astral plane.

I demand punishment for this man who
mocks the entire spirit world.

Hey, Mr. Gantz, what did you do that
ticked these two off so much?

It's not my fault. When you're a
trans-channeler, you can't choose who

your entity will be.

If I did, it sure wouldn't have been
him.

Wouldn't have been whom?

Oh.

Well,

thank you and good evening.

Welcome to our show.

Sullivan speak through you?

Well, I'm not Topo Gigio.

Permission to smack the witness, Your
Honor?

Please say we hold this one over until
we can get a cosmic reading from the

guys in the Bellevue Zone.

Box them up.

So ordered.

Let there be lunch.

Hi, Mr. Sullivan.

It's Sullivan's dead.

His show's been off the air for years.

Boy, timing is everything in this
business.

How'd you like to make a hundred
dollars?

I'd rather sit on a blender.

All you gotta do is sign this.

Listen, buddy, I don't know who you are,
but why don't I take you and your stuff

and get... Oh, I'm known by many names.

Lucifer, Beelzebub, Satan.

Although it says Sue Bloomberg on my
license.

Enough about me. Let's talk about you
and what you could do with one of these.

Get four of those.

You want to give me this?

Well, not exactly give.

There is a formality. I need you to sign
this first.

I, Dan Peeling, for the sum of $100, do
hereby pledge my soul to eternal

damnation.

Sounds good to me.

Some guy gave me $100 for my soul.

Good idea.

It was just taking up space anyway.

How to perform the amazing escape from a
safe trick.

Step one, stuff yourself in a safe.

Make sense?

Although I think a roommate is
definitely out of the question.

Hey, Rod, take a look at this.

You know, a little water might help that
grow.

I gotta go show the judge.

like this, we really understand how
truly helpless we are and how much we

need the assistance of someone greater
than ourselves. So, please, send Geraldo

Rivera.

Okay,

Harry, you're trapped in a small safe.

Wait a minute, I got a flashlight in my
pocket. I'm a key ring, yeah.

If I can...

If I can just get my hand in the pocket.

Okay. There's my flashlight.

Okay,

now if I can get my hand out of my
pocket.

And there.

Boy, I got to get some odor either.

There, that's better.

That's a hell of a lot better.

Okay.

Okay now, stupid.

You know, work on this safe.

You gotta get your hands free.

gonna be pretty.

That's right.

Drink now.

Then you won't be getting much cold
water where you're going.

Of course, the heat might not bother
you, having grown up in bayou country.

How did you know that?

Oh, I know everything about you. You're
something of a minor celebrity where I

come from. Oh, yeah?

You know, the one that really had us
going was the time you stole the necktie

or... the corpse in the morgue?

What with my suit?

Nobody saw me do that. Oh, just like
nobody saw that little escapade with you

and the meth ball girl in the bullpen?

I was just showing him my slider.

The stadium was empty.

Nobody... How the... Hey, hey, hey.

I'm looking for a guy in red satin with
horns and a big tail.

Give me five minutes.

Knock, knock, sir.

Huh, not here.

Well, I'm sure he said to meet him here
and we'll all go to lunch together.

Then where the heck is he?

So now you are trapped.

Even if you were stupid enough to get
trapped in the safe, don't worry.

You have an ample supply of air as long
as you don't panic.

Help!

Help!

Wait,

I could write a note.

Yeah, I got a pen.

And some...

I'm beginning to feel... I'm beginning
to feel starved.

Why couldn't he have left us a message?

Let's just send out the sandwiches.

I'll take the orders.

Shoot. I'll have a chili dog.

Chicken salad.

Right. And I'll have the tongue and
jelly.

Okay, that's a chili dog, chicken salad,
tongue and jelly, and help, I'm trapped

in the safe, love, Harry Stone.

Anyone want fries?

Help, I'm trapped in the safe, love,
Harry's in the safe!

Harry! Can you hear me?

It's okay, sir, we're here!

Harry!

What do you want for lunch?

What kind of safe company are you,
anyway?

You already said he'd be down here, and
it's been 20 minutes already.

I got an idea.

Why don't we drop the safe out the
window?

I bet when that thing hits the sidewalk,
it'll break wide open.

Bull, so would Harry.

Okay, it's got some flaws.

I gotta rest.

fall asleep i'm gonna die i got too much
to live for too much to accomplish

mainly i don't want to become famous for
the stupid way i die

for it, huh?

Waterford dribble glasses.

And a drawer full of chattering pee.

Well, my life's not a joke!

I help people.

I've helped quite a few people.

I make my mistakes, sure, but when they
come into my court, you bet they get a

fair shake. And they know that there is
a human being across the bench from

them.

And I can say, honestly, that I have no

regrets.

Except maybe that last cup of coffee.

All right, Prince of Darkness, out where
I can see you. You rang?

What do you know about this phone
message?

While you were out, Uncle Luddy called
and said, welcome aboard.

So? My Uncle Luddy died 30 years ago in
a restaurant.

31 years ago.

In a brothel.

Lucifer. Oh, pal.

Buddy, come here. Listen, we've had a
lark, haven't we? But, you know, in good

conscience, I really can't keep this
money, so why don't I just give it back

to you and call the whole thing off?

No way, Fielding. Didn't you read the
fine print?

Our deal is forever.

Here, try my deviled egg.

All set.

I'm getting drowsy.

That's a lack of oxygen to the brain.

So this is how Bull feels.

Somebody call for a safe technician?

Well, it's about time.

Relax, relax. I'll have them on two
shakes.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh what?

Well, this is an R-426. You gotta have a
carbon steel drill to get through that,

baby. You do have one, don't you?

Sure, at the shop.

There is a human being trapped inside
here.

So you're saying you want me to drive
back to the shop?

Wait a second. I think I got a carbon
steel drill downstairs. Let me go check.

Isn't there anything else you can do?

Well, I suppose we could blast the thing
open, but... But what?

It'll be real loud.

Blow this sucker!

Knock, knock.

Who's that?

Harry.

Hurry up and get me out of here.

Who are you?

Your conscience.

I'm the one who keeps you out of
trouble.

Where were you about an hour ago?

So I took a nap. I never thought you'd
be stupid enough to try this.

Fool you.

How long do you think we got?

Let me put it this way.

I wouldn't start any Russian novels if I
were you.

All right, I sell that card and spit.

What is the heck of a time for everybody
to take a lunch break?

Oh, well.

Yes!

Who the heck left a silly party late
around here?

Some people are so stupid.

So the frog says, I don't know. It
started off as a small wart on my fanny.

That's good.

I got one.

Rabbi.

And a goat.

And a banana.

That reminds me.

I got a dental appointment on Tuesday.

This isn't exactly child's play, you
know.

One for the money.

Two for the show.

Three to beat your face into a pasty
dough.

That's right.

Wait!

I've got to warn you, this could be
messy.

Is anyone wearing open-toed shoes?

Usually there's a few scraps left.

You're doing just fine, sir.

You're doing just fine.

That's it. Keep walking those kids out.

You want to try it on your own now?

Still got that old fence at you, don't
you, sir?

Hey, everybody, it's Harry.

He wasn't even in there. Oh, it was just
another one of his stupid practical

jokes.

impressions either.

Do you realize the hell you put us
through, you toad eating mutant?

Sir?

I was real worried about you.

Now you better worry about you.

My dummy's not allowed to play at your
house anymore.

I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.

He knew every sleazy, disgusting,
degrading thing I've ever done in my

entire life.

Who else would know all that stuff?

Me?

You must have been going about 70 when
you hit.

Hi.

This has all been some sort of lesson,
hasn't it?

Well, how about next week? time you just
send me a stone tablet, huh?

I mean, I get the message. Believe me, I
get the message.

Thou shalt not be a weenie and thou
shalt live long and prosper.

You have my word.

I swear.

No more crazy stunts for Harry T. Stone.

Well, that's a really, really big safe.

That reminds me of a trick done once on
our show by that fine, fine master

illusionist, Rory Caputo.

Oh, yeah, I remember him. He was the guy
who escaped from the safe when it was

down in a shark tank.

That must have been incredible.

Well, not if you know how it was done.

He told you how he did it?

I promised Rory I would take that secret
to my grave.

And I did.

Stop by sometime. I'll show you how it's
done.

Oh, come on, just one more, huh?

Hey, let your conscience be your guide.

Gotcha.