Original subtitles

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ZOEY: Normally, I'd have something

really poetic and clever to say.

But since Nomi's pregnancy bomb had left us all speechless

and in a situation that was anything but normal,

there were no words.

- At least, no eloquent ones. - [Music stops]

Your pregnant ass is pregnant?

[Laughing] Um, actually,

what I think Sky really meant to say was...

how'd you get...

??

...you know, a-all that?

- Mm. - Isn't it obvious?

She didn't just slip and fall on the "D."

Thank you, Jazz, for that.

Uh, anyway, okay, I know I was gonna have to do this at some point,

so... here it goes.

Remember the day that I ended things with Paige?

Who the hell is Paige?

The old lady teacher

who looked like she was tweaking on meth?

She was a professor of a class you were in,

but she doesn't work at the school anymore,

so it doesn't even matter.

- Because of the drugs? - Okay, dudes,

can you just let Nomi continue?

Anyway...

after I ended things with Paige...

I can't do this.

...I met up with Zoey for margaritas.

So many margaritas.

And after she left, I stayed and kinda met a guy,

and then I kinda went home with him.

And then I kinda slipped and...

you know, fell on the "D."

??

[Ding!]

??

And that concludes

the informational portion of this meeting.

So, bingo bango, I'm having me a baby.

??

Mazel tov.

? Watch out, world, I'm grown now ?

? I'm grown ?

? Learn something new every day ?

? I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ?

? Got the weight of the world on me ?

? But no regrets, this is what I say ?

? Watch out, world, I'm grown now ?

- ? I'm grown ? - ? You can tell me ?

? My heart beating so loud ?

? Mama, look, I'm grown now ?

? I'm grown ?

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com

- We're having a house baby! - NOMI: Yep.

[Sighs] We're hugging.

- Yay. - Yay.

[Chuckles]

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Now, obviously, having a baby in college

is, like, a very complicated situation.

Um... then, you know,

- I just have to ask the hard question. - Mm-hmm.

Why didn't you uncomplicate...

the situation?

Because she decided to do the brave and moral thing

and keep it.

I knew you'd come to my side.

You're gonna love Jesus.

Okay, slow up, Ana Coulter. Still pro-choice.

- Just chose what was right for me. - Right.

- And we fully support you, obviously. - Mm-hmm.

You're just choosing to take on such

a-a huge responsibility at 20.

Last semester, you couldn't even keep your aloe plant alive.

And now you're gonna need that for all those stretch marks.

All right, you guys, women our age have children all the time, okay?

Solange did it, Kylie Jenner did it,

and [chuckles] my personal hero, Whoopi Goldberg.

I mean, she did it.

Okay, well, do you plan on making it work under this roof?

Because we just blew

our entire athletic housing stipend on this house,

and we were really planning to rock out with our...

Pause.

Baby in the womb.

All right, y-you guys can rage here every day, okay?

- I mean, nothing's gonna change. - ANA: Oh, no, no.

But to be fair, a lot of things probably should change.

No, look. Oh, gosh.

This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you guys,

because I knew you were gonna get really weird,

and I just... you know, I want everything to be normal.

But you're normally not pregnant.

Then pretend I'm not pregnant.

[Chuckles] Okay? Just treat me like normal Nomi.

SKY: Fine, normal Nomi.

Since you're the last one to arrive to the house,

you get the haunted room

with the creepy, little ghost girl.

Yeah, she just sits at the foot of the bed

on her squeaky, little tricycle,

beckoning you to Hell.

Bright side...

she and her little house baby might be friends.

??

Guys, I cannot stop thinking about this Nomi mess, you know?

I... Having a kid with somebody I barely even know...

it's... it's my worst nightmare.

I try to stay safe, but after a super-turnt night,

there's definitely been a few times

where, you know, I've...

Raw-dogged it with some randos

because you don't love yourself?

- Oh. - That's beside the point.

What I'm trying to say is that

Nomi's baby daddy's out there in the world somewhere

minding his own business, then... bam...

finds out he has a little seed running around.

That's...

That's terrifying, you know?

It could be any one of us.

Mnh-mnh. Couldn't be me, fam.

I stay strapped. All times.

- Every single time? - Yes, sir.

??

[Sighs] Thank God I have a natural glow.

Could not sleep at all last night thinking about Nomi.

There's just so much I am dying to ask her,

but I feel like I can't,

with this whole "treat her normal" thing.

- No? - Ooh.

No.

This is for Nomi.

Folic acid for the baby's brain,

calcium for strong bones...

oh, and if it's a boy,

plantains so his pinga can grow.

Cuban legend.

This little prenatal spread

is treating her anything but normal.

Well, a normal breakfast for Nomi

is a Diet Coke with a side of wake and bake.

You're not wrong, but look,

as her ladies, we have to respect her wishes,

no matter how absurd they may seem, okay?

- Hi, there, Mommy. - Hey.

How... Oh. How was your night?

Did you see the little dead girl at the edge of your bed?

- I did not. No. - Oh.

??

I did.

??

Seriously? Where's my soda?

Well, uh, when, uh, you showed up in...

your condition, I tossed what we had.

Ana...

I did, however, make you this.

It may or may not have to do

with providing your baby

the necessary nutritional values it needs

- to grow an adequate brain stem. - Hmm?

That's cool.

Well, if Nomi's cool with Ana's prenatal buffet,

I'm sure she's open to a couple questions, right?

Right.

I'm going in.

So, cute wittle mommy-to-be,

do you have an OB-GYN out here yet?

- 'Cause, like, if not... - Mm-hmm.

...my mom could totally refer you to one.

Yeah, sure. I'm open to that.

??

She's open. That's great.

Time to turn up the heat.

So [chuckles] you know, now that I'm thinking about it,

you never really told us

how your parents feel about everything.

NOMI: Mm. Right.

Well, their only child

who they sent across the country to get a mediocre education

is returning with their bastard grandchild.

So... they're not, like... mm, you know, thrilled.

[Chuckles]

But your baby doesn't have to be a bastard.

It has a father.

Which... You know, now that you bring that up,

you never exactly told us his name.

It's Phil.

- Phil? - Phil?

- Phil. - And where's Phil from?

Yeah, does Phil go to school here?

- What's his political affiliation? - Mm.

All right, I love you both very much,

but I see what you're doing here.

So, I'm gonna take my baby brain-stem breakfast

and go to my room.

Looks great. Thank you.

We turned up the heat too high.

Shit! I forgot about Yolanda.

Dude, what are you doing?

He's Insta-stalking girls he's had one-night stands with

to see if he has an unclaimed baby out there.

Nomi's got your boy shook.

Gross.

I dodged a bullet with you.

I'm sorry that I've actually lived a life, Ana.

I seriously hope you make some changes, man.

Hey, guys, where's Nomi?

I only keep up with Blac Chyna and the Lord.

Okay, did you guys have a falling out or something?

Uh, no. What would make you say that?

I mean, 'cause girls are usually open books.

I mean, your girl rolls in five months pregnant

without any of you knowing?

That's weird.

Even I tell my boys everything.

- Aaron, what day do I blast my quads? - Tuesday.

Doug, what's my least favorite vegetable?

I don't keep up with your food pyramid.

- Broccoli. - Broccoli. Ah.

Okay, well, I know that Nomi hates working out, asparagus,

and Ariana Grande's speaking voice,

which means I know everything there is to know

about my best friend, too.

Yeah, except the most important thing that's ever happened to her.

- 'Sup, freaks? - Hey.

- Yo. - [Chuckles] Hey.

The only thing worse than a breakup

is that awkward phase with your ex after the breakup.

You know the one.

The one where it's like, "I'm cool, you're cool,

but we've both seen each other naked" phase.

Hey.

How you do... H-How you... livin'?

Uh, just leaving philosophy.

Was just gonna post up until the Intro to Beekeeping.

[Sighs] We've got to save those bees.

True. Respect.

Uh, what's going on here?

Well, I'm... not really much of a gossip, so...

If that's your truth.

Well, actually, you know what?

I realize it doesn't even count as gossip,

'cause you're gonna figure it out as soon as you see her.

Get this... Nomi showed up yesterday...

five months pregnant.

Shocking, right?

Uh... not really. I knew months ago.

??

How?

She told me.

??

With her mouth?

??

??

? Unh ?

So, just a few days into Junior year,

everything I had envisioned for it was off.

Titanium looked different,

I had a tricycle-riding ghost girl living in my room,

and my best friend had told my ex-boyfriend

the news about her pregnancy before me.

??

Guys, doesn't any of this feel wrong to you?

I actually like it. It's super-sexy.

The couches are comfy.

Oh, and the bathroom has mints.

Correction... had mints.

Yo, I'm talking about the fact

that Nomi told Luca she was pregnant

and not any of us.

Zoey, come on. It's her life, her business.

Who cares who she told first?

What she said.

Sure, but, Jazz, really think about it...

How would you feel if one of us confided in Doug

after you broke up?

See, this year, I'm really trying to refrain

from having thoughts of throwing these hands.

Do not send me down that dark path, Zoey.

All I'm saying is, if I'm being completely honest,

it kind of feels personal.

Like, did I do something wrong?

I'm just really trying to wrap my head around

why she wouldn't tell me something this major first.

- Well, now's your chance to ask her. - Great.

Oof. Pregnant lady at the bar?

Not a good look.

Oh, wait, she still has to buy those rounds, though, right?

Uh-huh.

Yo, yo, yo, yo. Look at this.

This is a post from four years ago.

On this day in 2016,

I hooked up with a girl named Sheraya.

- Sheriya? - 'Kay.

I forget how to pronounce it fully.

Damn. I would raw-dog that.

My point... someone did raw-dog this,

'cause, look, she has a baby.

This kid looks like he's three years old.

Do you get where I'm going here? Do the math.

"Am I a father?" is what I'm asking you guys.

Oh, you're not a father.

- Oh, he could be the father. - I could be.

If I am, which it looks like I might be,

I'm just gonna have to own up to my responsibilities, you know?

Like Furious Styles did when he had Tre at 17.

Wait, who's Furious Styles?

Who's Furious Sty... He's kidding, right?

Furious Styles, from "Boyz n the Hood."

Probably, in my opinion, the greatest portrayal of a black father

in cinematic history. He was firm, yet loving.

He also worked his ass off

to become a vessel of change in the black community,

and when Tre was acting weird, hitting the air like that,

he didn't treat him bad.

When he knew he lost his virginity,

he didn't treat him bad.

- He loved him. - Yeah.

Spoiler alert.

I got to do the right thing.

Bro, I respect what you're saying,

but she didn't reach out to you

to say that you have a kid.

So why open up Pandora's box for that?

Well, because, Doug,

Furious Styles would have opened that box.

- No questions asked. - Okay. All right.

Rip the paper off, open the box, baby.

My baby. I'm gonna find you.

? Always gonna need one more ?

? Always gonna need one more ?

So, for the past 10 minutes,

Nomi's been making small talk

about how different Titanium is,

and despite feeling like our friendship is a fractured mess,

I'm just trying to keep it cool.

??

NOMI: Zo, you good?

Y-You're, uh, being awfully quiet.

I'm really well. Thank you.

I'm taking the high road.

So... you told Luca.

I failed.

Yeah. I did. And it's not a big deal, okay?

I just figured if anyone was gonna understand, it would be him,

and I knew he was gonna be really chill about it.

Like, no judgment.

And when do I judge?

What you're doing feels wrong.

No, actually, it... it feels very wrong.

Posts like these just seem so... basic,

and I'm here trying to make art.

You're a shady piece of backstabbing trash.

Just own it, Zoey.

We love you, but you're a teeny...

lots-y bit judgmental,

and everyone knows that you can never be chill or normal

- about anything. - NOMI: Nope.

[Chuckles] I am... I'm super-chill

and, quite honestly, abnormally normal.

I'm "Fifth Harmony Normani at Norms Diner with Norman Reedus

serving up hot, fresh normal...

...24 hours, seven days a week" type normal.

[Chuckles]

Yeah, nothing about what you just said was normal.

Mm.

And nothing about this entire situation is normal.

You show up five months pregnant

with... with no type of heads-up,

and the only person you chose to tell was my ex.

Do you know how that makes me feel?

Because we are supposed to be best friends,

not you and him.

And so, I-I really do apologize

if I am not being normal,

but the entire thing is nuts.

??

Do you want to know what's weirder

than a pregnant lady in a bar?

What?

Someone yelling at the pregnant lady in the bar.

Now you get why I told Luca, not you?

Hmm?

And why I'm never telling you anything ever again?

[Scoffs] What?

??

??

With everything about the past few days

being anything but normal,

I was trying to make sense of it all,

which led me back to the one thing

that still felt sort of familiar.

??

Hey.

Hey, uh, sorry for the drop-in.

I just...

I have a quick question.

Okay.

Am I a bad friend?

- I don't know. I'm not on Facebook. - Dude, come on.

I need someone who really knows me to answer honestly.

Like, am I a bad friend?

Where's all this coming from?

From Nomi telling you she was pregnant and not me.

And something's obviously wrong, right?

I mean, to be honest with you,

she told me 'cause she knew I'd just listen

and not be all in her shit.

W... And I would?

You wouldn't not.

But what if that's what she needs?

[Sighs] It doesn't matter what you think Nomi needs

if that's not what she's telling you she wants.

??

You might be right.

??

[Clears throat]

??

Well, thank you for your honesty,

and I should be going now.

Cool place, by the way.

[Clears throat]

??

??

Hey.

You good?

I'm great.

??

[Children laughing, screaming]

DOUG: I don't see it.

If anything,

he looks like a young Mahershala Ali.

Mahershala Ali has never looked young.

Nah, I definitely see it.

He's got Aaron's eyes

and the same little pointy elbows.

Listen, if he is my kid,

why would Sheraya try and hide him from me?

Bro, why are you so pressed to be this kid's father?

The reality is,

she would have hit you if he was yours.

You're right. I'm trippin'. I'm trippin'.

If he was my kid, I'd know it.

Come on.

??

Hey, buddy. Here you go.

??

[Ding!]

??

Now what do you have to say?

Nothing. That's him.

That's Aaron Jr.

[Clears throat]

Here's some diet soda deliciousness,

A.K.A. three sips that I diluted with water,

and I may or may not have dissolved

a multivitamin in there.

It was both disgusting

and also delightfully refreshing.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

[Clears throat]

Um... w-w-w-what's all this?

Just hand-me-down baby clothes

from Jazz and Sky's cousin.

They dropped them off on their way to practice.

It turns out they actually have feelings.

Oh.

Look, Nomi, I'm so sorry

that I made you feel like you couldn't share

one of the biggest things that's ever happened to you with me.

Look, I wanted to tell you, okay?

Just... you know you.

I do.

I've also heard I can be a little judgmental...

Mm-hmm.

...and opinionated at times,

so... I-I get why you went to Luca.

- Well, thank you for understanding. - Of course.

I understand that Luca

never gives an opinion about anything

and that he's a safe bet,

but I-I guess what I'm trying to say is

I'm not here to be that, you know?

I'm really trying to be a re... a real friend to you,

which means giving it to you straight 100% of the time,

and I know I could have handled things so much better,

but do you want a safe bet

or do you want someone that's here to help you through this

very real, very hard situation?

Zoey, you think I don't know this is a hard situation?

I don't know what you think,

because you haven't opened up about anything.

Okay, you want to know what I think?

I think I may have made, like, a really big mistake.

??

Nomi, it's a mistake

that could have happened to any of us, though.

No, it couldn't have, 'cause [clears throat]

at every point when I had the choice

to stop this from happening...

I didn't.

I knew what I was doing with that guy.

S-So, you wanted a baby?

I didn't, like, not want it.

[Voice breaking] I just didn't care.

And I know that I was really reckless.

I was just in such an emotionally messed-up place

after the breakup,

and then when I actually found out I was pregnant,

I thought, like,

"You know, would it be the worst thing in the world

to have a little someone

who would love me unconditionally?"

And now I'm just worried that... [breathes shakily]

that I made a mistake, but it's too late now.

[Sniffles]

[Crying] I'm really, really scared.

- [Sniffles] - Nomi.

[Crying]

In any other instance,

I would have chimed in with a million opinions

and possibly a few harsh judgments,

but this time was different.

And even though I wasn't going to back down

from being an honest friend,

I decided that the best thing for Nomi in that moment...

??

...was to say absolutely nothing at all.

[The Five Stairsteps' "O-o-h Child" plays]

Hey, son.

??

Uh... I see you playing with your car.

You know, I liked cars, too, when I was your age.

- Is that your favorite toy? - ? Ooh-oo child ?

- ? Things are gonna get easier ? - I was a late talker, too.

Wow. This is surreal, you know?

- ? Ooh-oo child, things'll get brighter ? - Look, I-I know that this is awkward

for the both of us.

- ? Ooh-oo child ? - I lost a lot of time in your life,

and I'm sorry for that.

- ? Things are gonna get easier ? - But I'm here now.

I'm gonna make things right.

Starting with this. You want some candy?

? Things'll get brighter ?

You understood that, didn't you?

- ? Someday, yeah ? - JONATHON: Hey!

The hell you doing with my son?!

? We'll get it together and we'll get it all done ?

Your son?

? Someday, when your head is much lighter ?

But he has my...

- ? Someday, yeah ? - Take care of him, man.

? We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun ?

Raise him right.

? Someday, when the world is much brighter ?