Original subtitles

[pop music]

* *

- * Where are you now that I need ya *

- I was alone, on the verge of bankruptcy,

with a daughter in college and a deadbeat husband

who I finally got the guts to throw out the door.

I worked at Random House right out of college

for three years before I quit to raise Caitlin,

My mom passed away that year,

and my daughter needed me.

- * Where are you now that I need you *

When I was ready to go back to work,

no one would give me a chance-- literally nobody.

Maggie had this crazy idea that I lie about my age

on my resume.

I was so desperate, I was ready to try anything.

- * Where are you that I need you *

There were so many times that I wanted to tell you,

but then we started Millennial,

and I knew you needed me to be the person

you believed I was.

Sometimes I believed it myself.

* *

I know it was selfish, but the longer it went on,

the harder it became to tell you the truth.

- Why even tell me now?

- Because I couldn't keep deceiving

the people I love most.

And, Kelsey, next to my own daughter,

and Maggie,

you're the most precious thing in the world to me.

- Wow!

I feel like I'm in

an episode of "Black Mirror" or something.

I think that's all I can deal with for one night.

We can talk more tomorrow. - Yeah. We can keep talking

for as long as you like.

Uh...take my room.

I'll sleep with Maggie.

- Thanks.

Good night. - Night.

- Good night.

"Black Mirror"?

- Beats me.

- [sighs]

- * I showed you the game * - Thank you.

- * Everybody else was playin' *

* That's for sure, that's for sure *

* Where are you now that I need ya *

* *

- They'll probably fire me.

I just hope they don't sue me.

You know what? Let 'em try.

It's not like I have anything to lose.

- You know, I don't know why you suddenly

feel the need to unburden yourself to everyone,

starting with Kelsey.

You're not doing her any favors. - I can't keep lying

to the people I love, even if it means

they're not gonna like me very much anymore.

- Sometimes lying to the people you love best

is the most loving thing you can do.

- You should like a twisted fortune cookie.

- I accept that. [phone chimes]

- I gotta get Kelsey up for work.

We're gonna be late for the morning meeting.

- Mmm.

- Kelsey, we should start thinking about

heading to the office.

Kelsey?

[pop music]

* *

Good morning. - Morning.

[phone chimes]

[rock music]

* *

- Oh, good, you're here.

- Of course. Where else would I be?

- Well, you kinda disappeared last night.

I was worried about you.

- What can I help you with?

- Kelsey, we have to talk.

I'm not gonna burden you with this secret.

- Right now, I'm more concerned

about how this happened.

You bought that stupid labradoodle book

behind my back.

- Emily Burns did some digging.

She found out about my real age,

threatened to write a story about me in "EW"

unless we published her book. - I begged you

not to buy that book. - I know.

I was just trying to protect--

- Yourself. - Oh, I'm so sorry

to interrupt your morning gossip,

but Marylynne Keller, the famous Washington spin doctor,

is waiting for us in the conference room

to pitch her new book. She has to leave in ten minutes

to be on "Hardball" with Chris Matthews, so let's move.

- The title of my book--

"It's True Because I'm Shouting It:

Confessions of a Washington Spin Doctor."

Because after 20 years behind the scenes

of shaping policy and perception,

I'm ready to take a good, long leak.

I'm ready to take you through the stories

of how I shaped the narrative, from making people believe

that George W. Bush just loved to

"clear brush on his ranch"

to the universal perception that Michelle Obama

is a down-to-earth fashion plate.

- Well, isn't she? - Well, if you think so,

then it must be true.

But how...did that happen?

- Because she managed to be

both down to earth and glamorous?

- And who would disagree with you?

Nobody. You say something loud,

you say it often, then when people contradict you,

they sound like defensive babies.

And bottom line: Truth...

is a four-letter word.

- Uh, actually, truth is a five-letter word.

- Not the way I spell it.

It's important not to confuse the truth

with the facts, and vice versa.

- I'm not sure I... see the difference.

[laughs] - Okay.

The reality is a fact is a factotum.

And according to Webster's,

a factotum is a "jack of all trades,"

certainly not something to trust or rely on.

- Those are two completely different words.

- You're a very attractive woman.

And I love that necklace.

And I don't care if you are transgender.

- Uh--I'm not, um...

- Either way, I don't care.

The fact of your gender identity

is irrelevant to me. - I'm a woman.

- And I applaud that.

- Marylynne, thank you so much for meeting with us.

- Oh, the pleasure was mine.

- Thank you. So much. - Thank you.

- Oh, you're welcome.

Thank you.

[light music]

* *

- Okay.

I, uh, hear the opening offer's 2 million.

- Assuming we want it.

- It's going to be

a big title for someone.

Thoughts? - Very enlightening.

- You can't be serious!

She is a one-woman reality distortion field!

- Liza?

- I think truth is more elastic than we can imagine.

But it still has value.

Because without it, there is no trust.

And without trust...

there is no love.

And that is why I have to confess

something extremely difficult

to a group of people that I have come to love very much...

and to whom I owe so much.

And whose forgiveness I wouldn't have the presumption

to ask for. - What? What is it?

[suspenseful music]

- I'm not-- - Going to marry...Josh.

Josh...he proposed, and...

Liza, I know that this has been

really hard for you. - Oh, for God's sake.

This is a business meeting!

We do not discuss our personal lives.

I apologize for that, Charles.

- It's fine. - Liza...

We need to talk. - Uh...

give us a moment first.

* *

Are you crazy?

- No. Yes. I don't know anymore.

Probably. - If you tell people

that you've been lying about your age,

what do you think is going to happen to Millennial?

Our credibility will be destroyed,

and every hater out there

who would just love to see us fail will get their wish.

- So I just keep lying? - No.

You...create your truth.

I Googled you earlier,

and the only thing I could find...

[chuckles]

Was this.

A prized pig in Iowa named Liza Miller.

- I actually hired someone

to make myself invisible online.

- That's where you went wrong.

You are who your last ten search results say you are.

We need to rewrite your narrative,

create some alternative facts.

- Oh, this is so sad.

No Twitter, no Tumblr, no Spotify playlists?

- I've always been a very private person.

- Um, privacy is just another word for low self-esteem,

okay, Liza? You don't value anything you say or do.

That's why you're still an assistant.

- Okay, all right, we're not here to criticize.

We're here to help her...

shout her truth. - Mm-hmm. Of course.

We need to build your social media profile--that's what I do.

When I first met Hector and Dorff, they thought Instagram

was something that went up your nose, okay?

Three million followers later, well...

- We need to give Liza an online identity.

All right? It's important for Millennial

that people have a strong sense of who she is.

- Okay. So who do you wanna be?

A bookworm with a slutty streak?

Workaholic hipster? Ooh, I know, I know, I know!

Maybe you're a feisty blonde who doesn't call her friends back.

Wait--No. That's Kelsey.

- Lauren, I'm sorry.

I had a rough week.

- Oh...

- Colin and I broke up.

- Oh. Okay, wait--and you were gonna tell me this when?

- Soon. - But you went to cry

on Liza's shoulder? - Actually, we've been crying

on each other's shoulders.

Josh and I broke up too.

- Ah, I see, I see. Okay, uh-huh.

So you've both been bonding over your mutual heartbreak,

and you feel like you have nothing in common

with a happy person? So, what--I'm odd woman out?

- No, of course not. - We love you.

- You know, it's not like my life is perfect, okay?

Max works ridiculous shifts. He comes home at crazy hours.

There's not even time for sex.

- I'm sorry. - Last night,

I sat on his nocturnal erection

while he was sleeping, okay?

In some cultures, that would be considered rape.

- Yeah, pretty much in every culture.

- Whoops.

[mellow music]

* *

- Liza.

I certainly hope that broken engagement

had nothing to do with me.

- No.

When we got down to it,

it wasn't what I wanted.

And I'm really focused on work right now.

- That's important.

- [laughs] Yeah.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- Uh, L-Liza?

Are you a Hemingway fan?

- I, uh, love "The Sun Also Rises"?

Not so much "The Old Man and the Sea,"

but "A Moveable Feast"--pretty much my bible in college.

I still have dreams of moving to Paris.

- Would you like to join me for something?

I think you might find this interesting.

- Okay.

[mellow music]

- Hemingway's original draft

of "Farewell to Arms"... - [gasps]

- With his handwritten notes.

- Wow!

- And, uh, that is

the original Three Mountains Press edition

of his first collection of short stories--

published in Paris in 1924.

- "The Moveable Feast" years.

Amazing!

Are you thinking of buying something?

- Uh, no, I'm selling.

- What? All this belongs to you?

- No, my parents. My dad loved Hemingway.

There's actually a picture of the two of them somewhere

together in Sun Valley.

And I wanted to come by and take one last look.

- That must be tough.

- Uh, not at all.

This is...history,

and I'm...more interested in the future.

- Wait--Hemingway wrote love letters

to Marlene Dietrich?

- Yeah. That's the 1950s version of sexting.

- I never knew they had a thing!

- They didn't, exactly, um...

Hemingway once called the two of them

"victims of unsynchronized passion."

[light music]

* *

Excuse me for one second.

Old friends of my parents.

* *

- This is the living room. We split the cable bill.

That's the kitchen. There's always Kombucha brewing,

so help yourself. - Oh!

- And the bedroom.

- Oh... [cats meows]

My bedroom? - No. It's a shared bed.

We could...make a pillow wall, if you want.

- * I thought I could be something special *

* And cozy for you *

* *

* A set of those diamonds *

* The diamonds that glare as you stare *

* *

* You're so coo coo *

* I'm so coo coo *

* You're so crazy * - Josh!

Hey!

Hey. I saw you see me.

- [sighs]

Look, I'm sorry. I just--

I need to make a clean break from Liza

and her entire world, okay?

I mean, I'm sure you know by now what's going on with us--

- Josh.

- Yeah.

- I know everything.

- You know everything?

What do you think you know?

- Everything.

[pop music plays]

[Josh laughs]

- Did you think it was funny,

both of you, just to pretend to be my good friend and be

just lying to me like that? - No. No!

I wanted to tell you, okay? Lisa wouldn't let me.

- God. Who is she?

Like, do I even know her at all?

- It's like you know her... and you don't.

I mean, the same thing happened to me, okay?

- So what really went on that night?

When you were planning to propose?

- No, look, um...

We can be friends.

Don't ask me about that night.

Ever again.

[electronic music]

* *

[knock at door] - Excuse me. Liza.

Emily Burns is in the conference room.

- What? What is she doing here? - I set it up.

Shit's about to go down.

- Excuse me?

- Emily, thanks for coming in.

- Anytime. I am so excited about my book!

- That's what I wanted to discuss with you.

According to Liza,

there was some kind of blackmail involved?

Now, I don't know what it's about,

nor do I care, but I can assure you

that once our lawyers are done with you,

you won't just be losing a book deal.

You'll be losing your job. - I can't believe

you're saying this after that nice article

I wrote about you guys in "EW."

- That article was mostly about Colin,

not Millennial. - And thanks to the publicity

the article generated, we're not even publishing his book.

- So thanks for nothing.

Oh, if you wanna play dirty,

the stakes are gonna have to go way up.

- What do you want? - Well...

Liza and I would like to be on "EW's"

29 under 29 Media List.

- Both of us? - Absolutely.

- [laughs] Okay. That is crazy. The party is tonight.

That list has been closed for weeks.

- Unclose it.

Or we're canceling your book.

- I guess you could tie for 29th with Tavi Gevinson.

- That would be fine.

- You do realize this is a press event.

I just wanna make sure you're both

prepared to be photographed.

- Absolutely.

- Then see you tonight!

And I hope you bitches know what you're doing.

- [inhales, exhales]

[dance music]

- We really staked out an important niche

in the marketplace.

- And of course, you can't run a publishing company

called Millennial unless you're a Millennial yourself.

* *

- Kelsey! - Aah!

- Oh, my God, Kelsey, you look amazing!

- Oh, thanks. - God, I'm so impressed!

Max has something he wants to say to you.

- Uh...we took the bench press out of your room,

and it's in the hallway now. - Please come back.

- Thank you, but no.

It was time for me to move out.

- What--Where are you living?

- I'll let you know.

Soon. I promise.

- No. What's wrong with right now?

- Mm-mm. Boundaries.

You wanna think of this as an exercise.

- Okay. Okay, fine.

Never mind. - Mm-hmm.

- You look nice.

- I've gotten so many offers on the book.

The tracking is incredible.

It already has more preorders than the last "Harry Potter."

- How is that possible? You don't have a publisher yet.

- Well, I can't do the math for you.

The point is, Empirical's offer was not the best.

But I do feel comfortable with you.

- Well, and...we will have a-a great team

working for you.

- Did you hear about the rumors on "Politico"

that we're having an affair? It's so weird.

- Really? Uh, t-that is strange.

- We should just go ahead and do it

and prove the naysayers wrong.

- Wouldn't that be... proving them right?

- I'm talking about the trolls out there

who are saying it isn't true.

Oh, by the way, according to my Twitter feed,

it says that I'm at a conference in Beijing.

So it's the perfect cover.

- If you are here,

how are you tweeting from Beijing?

- Oh, I have people. It's important to maintain

a Chinese presence.

- It would be great if we could, uh...

confine our conversation to the book.

- And kissing.

- Uh...no.

- Oh, I'm hearing yes.

- Uh, no, I'm... I'm saying no.

- Words. You're just saying words.

[upbeat music]

* *

- Okay, you are an evil genius.

You just got "EW" to put their reputation on the line.

They would rather die than admit they were wrong.

- Wrong about what?

- Nothing. We're all in this together now.

Hey... Isn't that your DILF boss?

- Oh, um, excuse me.

Hey. - Hi.

- I thought you had your dinner tonight.

- Uh, I did; I wanted to congratulate you on the honor.

Uh, though I feel like I'm the oldest person in the room.

Are you sure I'm allowed to be here if I'm over 29?

- [stammering]

Uh, so, did we get the book?

- Uh, no, because I don't want to publish it.

- Why not? - I don't want to contribute to

the idea that truth is whatever you're comfortable with.

Even if it means taking a hit to the bottom line.

- Right.

- Guess I'm just old-fashioned that way.

- Hey, uh, do you mind if I steal her?

"Vulture" has a few questions.

- Uh, no, no, go, go. Have fun.

And, Liza...

I'm proud of you.

* *

- Thank you. - Have fun.

- Wait, what's wrong? Liza, are you nervous?

- Uh, no, I'm great. I'm just great.

- Ahh! Okay! Oh, my gosh,

this list is being retweeted everywhere.

And your Twitter account is blowing up.

Hello, 1,235 new followers! You're welcome.

- Ugh, my phone just died. Will you please call me an Uber?

- Dude, no, this is your night. Okay, please, take mine.

Oh, in fact, there's Abdul arriving now in the black SUV.

- Good night. - I'll get us another car.

- Oh, hey, Kelsey.

I just-- I just want to thank you

for forgiving me and for understanding

that I'm still the same person that you've always known.

- That in there... was business.

I don't think that I can ever forgive you.

You...

You broke my heart.

[hip-hop music]

- * You can damn me to step over the edge *

- Hey, do you know where Kelsey is living?

- Uh, no. Do you? - Mm-mm, no, she won't tell me.

But now that she's in my Uber...

We're about to find out.

* *

- * There was a time I was afraid of *

* The dark and monsters living underneath my bed *

* And then I said enough is enough *

- Oh, my God.

- * The only monsters were the voices in my head *

[bell rings]

- * Dare me to run *

- Hey.

Got these made today.

- * Is that what you want? *

- Welcome, roomie.

- * I dare you to *

* *

* I dare, I dare, I dare *

* I dare you to *

* *

* I dare you to *