Original subtitles

[ANNOUNCER] INTRODUCING OUR NEXT DISTRICT ATTORNEY!

[MAN] ¶ FRIENDS, I WANNA TALK ABOUT POLITICS ¶

¶ NOW LET ME MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR ¶ ¶ UH-HUH ¶

¶ I'M GONNA THROW OUT ALL THOSE SHABBY OLD TRICKS ¶

¶ FOR THIS ELECTION YEAR ¶ ¶ ABOUT TIME ¶

¶ NOW I'M THE ONE WHO'LL SET YOU STRAIGHT ¶

¶ LET THE PAST BE WATER THROUGH THE GATE ¶

¶ JUST AN UP-AND-COMIN' GRASSROOTS CANDIDATE ¶

¶ AND I'M RUNNIN' FOR THE SHAGGY D.A. ¶

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

¶ NOW YOU ALL KNOW WE GOT PROBLEMS HERE ¶

¶ AND I WANNA BE THE ONE TO SAY ¶ ¶ GO AHEAD ¶

¶ NOT ONE OF THEM'S JUST GONNA DISAPPEAR ¶

¶ COME NEXT ELECTION DAY ¶ ¶ RIGHT ¶

¶ UNLESS YOU HELP ME ENFORCE OUR LAWS ¶

¶ KISS THOSE BABIES AND SHAKE THOSE PAWS ¶

¶ I'M THE SHAGGIEST CANDIDATE YOU EVER SAW ¶

¶ AND I'M RUNNIN' FOR THE SHAGGY D.A. ¶

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

[CHORUS] ¶ SO LET'S ALL STAND TOGETHER PUT OUR HOMETOWN ON THE MEND ¶

¶ BUDDY, CAN'T YOU SEE HERE'S A CHANCE TO BE MAN'S BEST FRIEND ¶

¶ HE'S JUST WHO WE NEED ¶

¶ LET'S HELP HIM LEAD THE WAY ¶

¶ SO COME ON AND ELECT HIM ¶

¶ OUR SHAGGY D.A. ¶

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

¶ LET'S TALK ABOUT THE CANDIDATES' ATTRIBUTES ¶

¶ I'M A GENTLEMAN THROUGH AND THROUGH ¶ ¶ SO TRUE ¶

¶ THERE'S NOTHIN' ABOUT MYSELF THAT'S SLICK OR CUTE ¶

¶ MY INTERESTS LIE WITH YOU ¶ ¶ ALL RIGHT ¶

¶ I'M THE KIND OF POLITICIAN THAT YOU CAN TRUST ¶

¶ LET'S SWEEP OUT CITY HALL'S OLD DUST ¶

¶ IF YOU WANT CLEAN GOVERNMENT I'M A MUST ¶

¶ AND I'M RUNNIN' FOR THE SHAGGY D.A. ¶

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

¶ NOW I DON'T WANNA GET LONG-WINDED HERE ¶

¶ I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD MY SAY ¶ ¶ GOOD ENOUGH ¶

¶ AND EVERY ONE OF YOU IS GONNA GET HIS CHANCE ¶

¶ AT THE POLLS ON ELECTION DAY RIGHT ON ¶

¶ I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU WITH THIS FINAL WORD ¶

¶ CONSIDERIN' THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU'VE INCURRED ¶

¶ I'M COUNTIN' ON YOUR VOTE NOW THAT YOU'VE HEARD ¶

¶ I'M RUNNIN' FOR THE SHAGGY D.A. ¶

¶¶

¶¶

¶ SO LET'S ALL STAND TOGETHER PUT OUR HOMETOWN ON THE MEND ¶

¶ BUDDY, CAN'T YOU SEE HERE'S A CHANCE TO BE MAN'S BEST FRIEND ¶

¶ HE'S JUST WHO WE NEED ¶

¶ LET'S HELP HIM LEAD THE WAY ¶

¶ SO COME ON AND ELECT HIM OUR SHAGGY ¶

¶ WE GOTTA ELECT HIM OUR SHAGGY ¶

¶ COME ON AND ELECT HIM OUR SHAGGY D.A. ¶¶

UH, IN THE CORNER.

YEAH. THAT ABOUT IT?

IT'S GONNA HAVE TO BE. OKAY, LET'S GO.

AVAST THERE! LAY TO FOR A WHILE, MEN, AND HOIST ONE.

OH, UH-- OH, THANKS, CAPTAIN.

ADMIRAL GORDON C. BRENNER, RETIRED. [CHUCKLES]

DON'T MAKE A PRACTICE OF DRINKING WITH DOCK WALLOPERS,

BUT YOU'VE BEEN DRY-PULLING HERE FOR SIX HOURS NOW.

YOU'VE EARNED IT. YEAH.

SO THE DANIELS ARE REALLY WEIGHING ANCHOR...

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. I GUESS SO, YEAH.

BEEN FINE NEIGHBORS. NICE PEOPLE TO LAY ALONGSIDE OF.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S TIME TO GET ROLLIN', HUH, FREDDIE?

YEAH. THANKS FOR THE BEER, ADMIRAL.

I'LL ESCORT YOU OUT.

BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES.

PREPARE TO GET UNDER WAY!

ALL STOP THERE! WEIGH ANCHOR!

[ENGINE STARTS]

¶¶ [MUSIC FROM HEADPHONES]

BRIAN, SHUT THAT THING OFF BEFORE YOU DEAFEN YOURSELF. WHAT?

SHUT THAT THING OFF! [MUSIC STOPS]

NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

JUST SIT THERE. WE'RE ALMOST HOME.

POP, BET YOU A QUARTER YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MANY EYES A FLY HAS.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I DON'T. I'M A LAWYER, NOT AN ENTOMOLOGIST.

JUST GUESS. TWO.

WRONG. THEY HAVE THOUSANDS OF SIX-SIDED FACETS, EACH AN EYE IN ITSELF.

YOU OWE ME A QUARTER. [CHUCKLING]

WELL, THANK YOU FOR THE COAT.

THANK YOU FOR THE GOLF.

MOM, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK THE LONGEST APPLE PEEL IN THE WORLD WAS?

OH, BRIAN, PLEASE. JUST GUESS.

FIVE FEET. WRONG. POP?

HOW COULD I KNOW, BRIAN? HOW COULD I POSSIBLY KNOW?

WELL, SAY SOMETHING, POP!

WE'VE BEEN ROBBED.

HELLO, WILBY.

ADMIRAL, CAN I USE YOUR TELEPHONE? WE'VE BEEN ROBBED.

IS THAT SO? WELL, I HOPE YOU'LL HAVE SMOOTH SAILING ON YOUR NEW JOB, WILBY.

ROBBED?

WIPED OUT. CLEANED. DIDN'T YOU SEE ANYBODY?

WELL, JUST THE MOVERS. THIS IS WILBY DANIELS--

D-DANIELS. MY HOUSE HAS BEEN ROBBED.

I'M WORKING ONE CALL NOW AND THERE'S TWO ON HOLD.

CAN YOU CALL BACK WHEN WE'RE NOT SO BUSY?

CALL BACK? MY HOUSE HAS BEEN ROBBED!

DON'T ACT LIKE THE SKY'S FALLEN IN ON YOU.

THOSE THINGS HAPPEN. UH, HOLD THE LINE.

MOVERS, HUH? THEY SEEMED LIKE NICE FELLAS.

I EVEN GAVE 'EM A BEER.

MEDFIELD'S BEING SYSTEMATICALLY RIPPED OFF. YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE WHEN ONE OF THESE THIEVES IS CAUGHT,

HE'S BACK ON THE STREET THE NEXT DAY DOING BUSINESS AS USUAL.

YOU KNOW WHOSE DOORSTEP I LAY THAT AT? NO.

HONEST JOHN SLADE, OUR DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

IF I WERE DISTRICT ATTORNEY, I WOULD PROSECUTE EVERY INDICTED CRIMINAL...

TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE LAW, AND I WOULD GET CONVICTIONS!

[CLAPPING]

[SIGH] AND I WILL NOW COME DOWN OFF MY SOAPBOX.

NO, DON'T!

WHY DON'T YOU RUN FOR DISTRICT ATTORNEY? YEAH!

- NO, I'M SERIOUS, WILBY. - GOOD IDEA.

WELL, IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY LAW PRACTICE, I JUST MIGHT.

OH, YOUR PARTNER CAN KEEP IT GOING, AND I'LL BE YOUR CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

YOU'D BE MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER, HUH? WELL, SURE.

MY TALENTS ARE NOT JUST LIMITED TO EGGS OVER EASY, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, AND I'LL PASTE YOUR FACE ALL OVER TOWN, DAD.

AND I'LL BE YOUR FUND-RAISING CHAIRMAN.

YOU CAN'T FIGHT A CAMPAIGN WITHOUT MONEY, YOU KNOW.

AND I'LL START THE BALL ROLLING RIGHT NOW WITH A QUARTER.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. I APPRECIATE YOUR GOOD INTENTIONS AND YOUR GENEROSITY,

BUT LET'S GET SERIOUS AND SEE WHAT THEY LEFT, OKAY?

THEY LEFT ONE OF MY GYM SOCKS. YEAH.

WELL, IF YOU WOULD RATHER CURSE THE DARKNESS THAN LIGHT ONE LITTLE CANDLE,

OF COURSE THAT'S UP TO YOU.

[CAR DOOR SHUTTING, ENGINE REVVING]

[DOG BARKING]

THEY HIT US AGAIN!

THEY'VE STRIPPED US RIGHT DOWN TO THE BONE!

OH.

BELAY THAT!

WILBY! WHAT ON EARTH HAS HAPPENED?

THIS IS WILBY DANIELS, 152 HADLEY DRIVE.

MY HOUSE HAS BEEN ROBBED AGAIN!

WILBY DANIELS! I HAVE AN ACCOUNT THERE!

D-A-N-I-E-L-S.

REMEMBER THAT NAME. IT'S THE NAME OF YOUR NEXT DISTRICT ATTORNEY!

GO GET 'EM, POP! WELL!

HEY! WIN WITH WILBY!

THAT CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION WILL BE GRATEFULLY ACCEPTED, ADMIRAL.

DAMN THE TORPEDOES! FULL SPEED AHEAD!

THOSE DOCK PIRATES GOT ME TOO!

I'VE BEEN ROBBED!

¶¶ [MARCHING MUSIC]

¶¶

¶¶

GOOD AFTERNOON, MADAM. MY NAME IS WILBY DANIELS...

AND I'D LIKE TO SOLICIT YOUR VOTE FOR DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

DANIELS FOR D.A. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HELLO. I'D LIKE TO SOLICIT YOUR VOTE FOR DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

DANIELS FOR D.A. HI. COULD I INTEREST YOU IN ONE OF THESE?

VOTE FOR DANIELS. HI, HONEY.

HI. HERE ARE SOME MORE HANDOUTS.

HOW'S IT GOIN'? MY NAME IS WILBY DANIELS.

MY HAND IS SORE AND MY SMILE IS PERMANENT-PRESSED. HI.

WELL, I THINK WE'VE MET BEFORE. MADAM, DANIELS FOR D.A.

THAT'S GOOD, HONEY. KEEP IT CHARMING AND SINCERE.

THAT'S THE TECHNIQUE THAT WON ME. I REMEMBER. WHAT'S THIS?

THAT'S A SYMBOL. IT'S A NEW BROOM.

IT MEANS YOU'RE GONNA SWEEP THE TOWN CLEAN. VOTE FOR DANIELS, MADAM.

NOW THERE'S A GOOD CUSTOMER.

AND DON'T FORGET TO KISS THE BABY. THAT'S A GOOD VOTE-GETTER, YOU KNOW?

NOTHING OVER 16, THOUGH. THAT'S A GOOD SMACK-IN-THE-HEAD GETTER.

GOOD AFTERNOON, MADAM. MY NAME IS WILBY DANIELS...

AND I'M RUNNING FOR DISTRICT ATTORNEY. I HOPE I CAN COUNT ON YOUR SUPPORT.

MY, THAT'S A--

A BEAUTIFUL CHILD. HELLO.

OH! YOU SEE, JOEY LIKES YOU.

LET GO, HONEY.

OH, NO, JOEY. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THIS NICE MAN'S SUIT.

OH, I'M SO SORRY. THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MADAM.

LOVELY CHILD. LOVELY CHILD.

THIS WAY, MR. DANIELS.

[MAN] "LOCAL ATTORNEY PROMISES TO CLEAN UP CITY IF ELECTED."

HE MIGHT DO WELL TO START WITH HIMSELF.

HA-HA-HA-HA! HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HIS CHARGES...

THAT YOU'RE DERELICT IN PROSECUTING CRIMINALS?

TYPICAL SENSATIONALISM DESIGNED TO GRAB SPACE IN THE MEDIA.

BUT I REALIZE THAT YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ARE MUCH TOO SMART TO FALL FOR THAT.

[CLEARS THROAT] THERE ARE REFRESHMENTS IN THE NEXT ROOM.

THAT'S ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT MR. SLADE HAS TIME FOR RIGHT NOW.

THANK YOU, MR. SLADE.

YEAH, EDDIE?

I'VE GOT IT IN FRONT OF ME. IT'S NOTHIN' TO WORRY ABOUT.

WELL, I JUST DON'T LIKE THESE... ENTHUSIASTIC AMATEURS.

WILL YOU BELIEVE ME? HE'S GONNA FADE IN THE STRETCH. HE'S A LIGHTWEIGHT.

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

HAVEN'T I ALWAYS BEEN SO FAR?

LOOK, YOU TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING OVER THERE,

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS END, OKAY?

WE COME NOW TO OUR ALWAYS-POPULAR BORGIA EXHIBIT.

YOU REMEMBER THAT THE BORGIAS...

DEALT IN A MOST UNCOMPROMISING WAY WITH THEIR ENEMIES,

FREQUENTLY LACING THEIR WINE WITH POISON,

AS WE SEE HERE IN THIS CHARMING LITTLE DINNER PARTY.

HOWEVER, ON OCCASION, THEY RESORTED TO EVEN MORE...

DRASTIC METHODS OF DISPATCHING A VICTIM.

THIS PAINTING ILLUSTRATES A LEGEND THAT LUCREZIA BORGIA...

ONCE TRANSFORMED AN UNFAITHFUL SUITOR INTO A DOG.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT, UH, WHAT'S THIS RING...

WITH, UH, IT LOOKS LIKE A BUG OR SOMETHIN' ON IT?

THAT'S A SCARAB.

THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS EMPLOYED IT OFTEN AS A TALISMAN.

IF YOU'LL NOTICE IN THE PAINTING, LUCRETIA'S WEARING THE IDENTICAL RING,

AND ACCORDING TO THE LEGEND, HER POWERS OF TRANSMUTATION...

STEMMED DIRECTLY FROM IT.

THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE, BUT THE MUSEUM HAS SEEN FIT...

TO PUT FURTHER SAFEGUARDS ON IT.

THE LAST CURATOR OF THE MUSEUM, DR. PLUMCOTT,

TOLD ME OF AN INCIDENT YOU WOULD FIND HARD TO ACCEPT...

SINCE IT DEFIES SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION.

UH, UH, IS THIS, UH, VALUABLE?

IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO ESTIMATE ITS VALUE.

THE RING IS PRICELESS.

WE'D BEST BE MOVING ALONG IF WE'RE TO FINISH THE TOUR BEFORE CLOSING.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

IT'S A PIECE OF JUNK. JUNK? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, JUNK?

THE CURATOR AT THE MUSEUM SAID THIS WAS PRICELESS.

AND PRICELESS IS A LOT OF LOOT.

THIS DAME, LUCY, UH, "BORGERIA,"

USED TO DOLL UP WITH ALL THIS GARBAGE.

BORGIA. HER TOO.

THIS WAS ONE OF HER PRIZED POSSESSIONS, MR. ROSCHAK,

AND SHE WORE THIS ONLY ON STATE OCCASIONS.

WHO AM I GONNA SELL IT TO? ANOTHER MUSEUM?

DIAMOND RINGS, EMERALD RINGS-- THOSE THINGS I CAN MOVE.

WELL, MAKE US AN OFFER, MR. ROSCHAK. A GRAND!

YEAH. GET OUTTA HERE!

ANYTHING, MR. ROSCHAK, BUT WE GOTTA MAKE A LIVIN' SAME AS THE NEXT GUY.

I TOLD YOU, THERE IS NO MARKET FOR BEETLE RINGS. GET LOST!

OH, BOY, UH-- GINGERBREAD ROCKY ROAD SLUSH.

UH, KUMQUAT BAVARIAN CHOCOLATE WITH LIME MINT...

AND, UH-- OH, BOY.

DON'T TELL ME. DON'T TELL ME. UH--

- PINE-SCENTED GOOSEBERRY. - THAT'S ONLY 43.

- YOU SURE? - I WAS COUNTING.

WELL, WHAT'D I LEAVE OUT? OH, DON'T TELL ME. DON'T TELL ME.

I KNOW, I KNOW. OH, BOY, UH-- UH--

OH, LET'S SEE NOW. IF I HAD--

AVOCADO SURPRISE! WELL, WHAT'LL IT BE?

VANILLA.

VANILLA. [CLEARS THROAT]

I RUN THROUGH 44 FLAVORS, YOU COME UP WITH VANILLA.

WHAT AN IMAGINATION.

YOU DON'T WANT ANY MARSHMALLOW ON THAT OR ANYTHING? CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES?

ANY GUM BALLS OR ANYTHING IN THERE?

JUST THE VANILLA.

VANILLA. HERE YOU GO. FIFTEEN CENTS.

PENNIES. SWELL.

MY DAD'S GONNA BE ON TV TONIGHT. DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR HIM.

SWELL.

YOU KNOW WHAT A DIME LOOKS LIKE?

A LITTLE SILVER THING YOU CAN CARRY AROUND.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHIN', ELWOOD.

IF I HAVE TO RUN THROUGH THESE 44 FLAVORS FOR THAT KID AGAIN, I'M GONNA GO BANANA-NUT.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? LOOK AT THAT. ONLY GAVE ME 14.

[BARKING] AH, LET HIM GO.

WHERE DO YOU WANT THESE? PUT 'EM BACK IN THE TRUCK.

THEY WANT THE PLACE TO HAVE THAT BARREN, STARK LOOK, SHOWING THE RAVAGES OF CRIME.

COULD HAVE SOME IMPACT.

OH, BY THE WAY, HIS WIFE IS ALSO HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER,

SO TRY TO KEEP THE LID ON HER. CAMPAIGN MANAGER?

SHE ACTS MORE LIKE SARAH BERNHARDT STARRING IN HOUSEKEEPING CAN BE FUN.

WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT IS THAT? OH, THAT'S DANIELS' KID.

TRY TO WORK HIM IN SOME WAY. WE'D LIKE TO SHOW THE FAMILY SCENE.

SAY, JOE. YEAH?

MY HUSBAND HAS ALWAYS BEEN CIVIC-MINDED. THAT'S TRUE.

BUT WHEN I POINTED OUT THE CHALLENGES THAT LAY AHEAD, HE--

HI! OH, HI, DARLING. [CHUCKLING]

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE SARAH BERNHARDT STARRING IN...

HOUSEKEEPING CAN BE FUN. [LAUGHING]

WE DO NOT EAT JUNK FOODS IN THIS HOUSE BETWEEN MEALS.

SINCE WHEN? SINCE WE'RE GONNA BE ON TELEVISION.

WHICH OF THE ADMIRAL'S TIES DO YOU LIKE BEST? THE NAVY BLUE OR THE NAVY BLUE?

THE NAVY BLUE. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA WEAR THAT SHIRT ON THE SHOW.

BRIAN, CHANGE YOUR SHIRT.

CHANGE YOUR SHIRT. [FROM RADIO] ...PRESCOTT MUSEUM ROBBERY.

THE EXACT VALUE OF THE RING HAS NOT BEEN DETERMINED.

YOU COULD USE THAT IN YOUR-- SHH! SHH!

IT WAS ONE OF THE MUSEUM'S MOST VALUABLE PIECES. AAH!

[BRIAN] IF I GET CAULIFLOWER EAR, IT'S GONNA BE YOUR FAULT!

- WILBY, WHAT'S WRONG? - THAT COULD BE THE BORGIA RING THEY STOLE.

- THE BORGIA RING? - IT'S THE ONE THAT--

BRIAN, WHY AREN'T YOU IN SCHOOL? BECAUSE IT'S SUMMER VACATION.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO STRAIGHTEN YOUR ROOM UP, OKAY?

BECAUSE I STRAIGHTENED IT UP LAST MONTH.

WHY DON'T CHANGE YOUR SHIRT LIKE YOUR MOTHER-- BECAUSE--

BECAUSE I SAID SO!

REJECTIONS WILL MAKE ME GROW UP TO BE INHIBITED...

AND A NON-ACHIEVER, AND IT'LL BE HIS FAULT!

WILBY, JUST SAY IT. I'M NOT SURE YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

I'LL UNDERSTAND. I'M REALLY NOT SO SURE--

I WILL UNDERSTAND.

YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER,

I ACCIDENTALLY TOOK AN OLD RING FROM THE PRESCOTT MUSEUM.

THERE WAS A STRANGE LATIN INSCRIPTION ON IT.

- LIKE WHAT? - I'D RATHER NOT SAY.

ANYWAY, WHEN I FOUND THE RING AT HOME, I--

- I READ THE INSCRIPTION A COUPLE OF TIMES. - AND?

AND I TURNED INTO A DOG.

OH, WILBY!

THERE WAS A BIG SHAGGY DOG NEXT DOOR, AND I BECAME THAT DOG!

WILBY, UH,

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE FEELING ALL RIGHT?

I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU!

NO, HONEY, YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD YOU DID BECAUSE SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW,

WE LET THESE LITTLE THINGS NAG AT US WHEN IT'S REALLY NOTHING.

DO YOU REALIZE IF SOMEBODY READS THAT INSCRIPTION I COULD TURN INTO A DOG?

YOU KNOW, I LOVE THAT TIE ON YOU.

IT JUST BRINGS OUT THE COLOR IN YOUR EYES.

DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? YES, I DID.

AND WE'RE JUST GOING TO PRETEND THAT YOU NEVER SAID IT.

- EXCUSE ME, SIR. - ME?

FORGIVE ME, PLEASE, BUT MIGHT I HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?

WELL, I'M A LITTLE BUSY. ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M DR. STURDIVANT, ON SABBATICAL FROM THE SORBONNE.

OH, UH, I'M TIM, THE ICE CREAM MAN FROM DOLLY DIXON'S.

I SEEM TO HAVE OVEREXTENDED MYSELF IN MY TRAVELS...

AND I FIND THAT I'M TEMPORARILY FINANCIALLY... EMBARRASSED,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. NO.

THEREFORE I AM FORCED TO PART WITH THIS FAMILY HEIRLOOM...

AT A FRACTION OF ITS REAL VALUE.

OH, UH, IT'S A RING.

THAT'S VERY DISCERNING OF YOU, SIR.

IT'S ALSO A PRINCELY RELIC OF ANTIQUITY.

YEAH. IS IT?

- GEE, I WONDER IF KATRINKA'D LIKE THAT. - KATRINKA?

UH, KATRINKA MUGGELBERG. SHE'S IN PIES DOWN AT DOLLY DIXON'S.

OH, UH, THIS IS HER RIGHT HERE.

SHE'S ALSO THE CAPTAIN OF THE SOUTHSIDE STEAMROLLERS.

- CUTE LITTLE THING, ISN'T SHE? - ISN'T SHE, THOUGH?

YES, I'M SURE A LADY LIKE HER

WOULD BE SIMPLY ENCHANTED BY THAT RING.

YOU THINK SO? IN FACT,

HER GRATITUDE WOULD BE... UNBOUNDED.

UNBOUNDED? WH-- YEAH.

GEE, UH, HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR THAT THING?

WELL, CIRCUMSTANCES FORCE ME...

TO SACRIFICE IT FOR $500.

FIVE HUNDRED... DOLLARS.

- DOLLARS? - YES.

UH, WH-- OH.

WELL, UH, I WAS LOOKIN' FOR A BLUE ONE.

FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS? UH, WOULD YOU SPRING FOR FIVE BUCKS, MAC?

FIVE BUCKS? AHEM. OH.

IT DOES HAVE A LITTLE BLUE IN IT, DOESN'T IT?

SAY, UM, YOU TAKE PENNIES? [CLICKING]

TWENTY-FIVE--

NOW, YOU JUST BE YOURSELF THERE, MR. DANIELS.

I'M GONNA ASK YOUR WIFE A FEW QUESTIONS,

THEN WE'RE GONNA BRING THE CAMERAS RIGHT IN HERE TO THE DEN,

SORT OF SURPRISE YOU AT YOUR WORK. ALL RIGHT, PLACES, PLEASE.

[CLEARS THROAT]

FIVE, FOUR,

THREE, TWO, ONE.

YOU'RE ON THE AIR. WELCOME TO ANOTHER ISSUE OF MEET YOUR CANDIDATE.

THIS MORNING WE'RE GOING TO MEET WILBY DANIELS AND HIS FAMILY.

MR. DANIELS IS THE MAN WHO, MANY PEOPLE FEEL...

IS UNDERTAKING THE IMPOSSIBLE TASK OF TRYING TO UNSEAT...

LONG-ESTABLISHED DISTRICT ATTORNEY JOHN SLADE. HI.

MY NAME IS WILBY DANIELS, AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO--

BRIAN, DON'T STARE AT ME, ALL RIGHT? I WASN'T STARING.

HELLO. I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

MY NAME IS WI--

[HOST] BUT THE NAME JOHN SLADE IS A FAMILIAR ONE IN THIS TOWN,

AND IT MAY BE DIFFICULT FOR THE MAN AT THE POLLS...

TO SWITCH FROM LONG-ESTABLISHED VOTING HABITS...

TO PUT AN UNKNOWN MAN IN THIS RESPONSIBLE OFFICE.

OH, HERE'S MRS. DANIELS NOW.

HOW DO YOU DO, MRS. DANIELS? HOW DO YOU DO?

WE UNDERSTAND YOU'RE MR. DANIELS' CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

YES.

I FELT IT INCUMBENT UPON MYSELF,

AS A WIFE AND AS A WOMAN,

TO PLACE MY SHOULDER TO THE WHEEL ALONGSIDE MY HUSBAND,

AND I URGED HIM TO PICK UP THE GAUNTLET...

THAT LAY BEFORE HIM.

AND I ASSURED HIM THAT...

AS HIS WIFE AND AS HIS COUNSELOR,

I WOULD BE BY HIS SIDE...

DOWN THE LONG, DARK CORRIDOR...

THAT LAY AHEAD.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME WHEN YOU'RE NOT RUNNING HIS CAMPAIGN?

I LOVE TO PAINT AND I READ.

I, UH--

I FIND THE LAKE POETS VERY, UH, SCINTILLATING.

I WONDER WHAT THAT GUY MEANT:

"HER GRATITUDE WILL BE UNBOUNDED."

HUH? PRETTY SHARP, HUH? WH-- HEY, LOOK.

THERE'S SOME WRITING ON THE BACK.

"IN CANIS CORPORE...

TRANSMUTO."

WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS.

I'LL JUST TELL KATRINKA IT MEANS "I LOVE YOU" IN SWAHILI. WHAT DOES SHE KNOW?

[CLEARS THROAT]

FELLOW CITIZENS, FOR MANY YEARS NOW--

YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE GRAY, DAD.

YEAH. FELLOW CITIZENS--

NO!

- YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ELWOOD! - I AM ELWOOD.

ELWOOD? ELWOOD!

WHERE-- ELWOOD!

AND NOW I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET-- STAY, POP.

BRIAN, WHERE'S YOUR FATHER?

UH, HE HAD TO GO.

GO GET DANIELS. YES, SIR.

WELL, WE'LL MEET MR. DANIELS LATER.

THIS, I PRESUME, IS YOUR SON BRIAN AND THE FAMILY DOG.

MRS. DANIELS? HUH?

UH--

WHAT'S THE DOG'S NAME?

UH, BOWSER. ELWOOD.

HOW'S THAT?

UH, ELWOOD. BOWSER.

WELL, HE'LL ANSWER TO ALMOST ANYTHING. WON'T YOU, OLD BOY?

- DOES YOUR DOG DO ANY TRICKS? - WELL, I-- I GUESS SO.

- SURE. - [WHISPERING] NO!

WHO SAID "NO"? WE'RE PICKING UP A GHOST SOMEWHERE.

SEEMS TO BE SEVERAL OPINIONS HERE.

DOES HE OR DOESN'T HE DO TRICKS?

[WILBY WHISPERING] NO TRICKS!

THERE IT IS AGAIN. [BRIAN] COME ON, BOY, SPEAK!

SPEAK, BOY. COME ON, BOY, SPEAK!

SPEAK, BOY! COME ON! SPEAK!

SPEAK, BOY! COME ON! WOOF.

- "WOOF"? - "WOOF"?

THIS HAS GOTTA BE COSTING DANIELS VOTES.

LONNIE, GET DANIELS OR WE'LL HAVE TO LEAVE THE AIR.

YES, SIR.

ELWOOD?

[WHISTLING]

ELWOOD?

AH. HEY, ELWOOD!

HEY!

ELWOOD, THAT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE!

- I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! - ELWOOD!

HEY, WATCH OUT!

[EQUIPMENT CLATTERING]

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!

AAH!

ELWOOD! ELWOOD! I-- OH! UH--

OH, I'M SORRY, ADMIRAL. I WAS JUST CHASING ELWOOD.

LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU STOP BY THE TRUCK, I'LL GET YOU A FREE RUM BABA.

[TIM] ELWOOD! ELWOOD!

OUT OF MY FLOWERS, YOU MOLTING RUG! AND THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO!

HOLD IT, ELWOOD! ELWOOD, HOLD IT.

JUST LEAVING PORT, ADMIRAL.

IF I CATCH YOU IN MY FLOWERS AGAIN,

I'LL PUT YOU BOTH IN DRY DOCK FOR A MONTH!

GET IN THERE, ELWOOD. GET IN THERE, ELWOOD. ELWOOD, GET IN THERE.

BOY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU, ELWOOD. YOU REALLY MADE THE ADMIRAL MAD.

YOU KNOW, YOU RUINED HIS FLOWERS AND EVERYTHING? NOW I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T SPANK YOU. LOOK, PAL, STOP THIS TRUCK.

LET ME OUT OF HERE OR I'M GONNA DECK YA!

ELWOOD, AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU, IS THAT ANY WAY TO TALK?

YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE TALKIN' TO ME LIKE--

[TIRES SCREECHING]

ELWOOD, HOW'D YOU LEARN HOW TO TALK?

I STARTED OUT WITH "GA-GA" AND WORKED MY UP TO "DIN-DIN."

HE CAN TALK.

- DO THAT AGAIN. SAY "GA-GA." - GA-GA.

- SAY "DIN-DIN." - DIN-DIN!

AH, WHAT'S THE USE? I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. WAIT A MINUTE.

ELWOOD, LISTEN. IF YOU CAN TALK LIKE THAT, WE CAN GET INTO SHOW BUSINESS.

WE CAN MAKE A FORTUNE! WE CAN GET ON TV, TOO.

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN TALK SHOW. "HERE'S ELWOOD!"

WE CAN MAKE MILLIONS! OF COURSE, I WANT TO BE PERFECTLY FAIR ABOUT THIS,

SO I FIGURE I'LL GIVE YOU 10%.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? ELWOOD!

HEY, ELWOOD! WAIT A MINUTE! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT!

I'LL GIVE YOU 20%! YOU CAN HAVE STEAK EVERY NIGHT! WAIT A MINUTE!

HEY, ELWOOD! [BREATHING HEAVILY]

ELWOOD! ELWOOD!

AAH! ELWOOD!

[WOMAN] AAH! SORRY, MA'AM. ELWOOD!

ELWOOD? YOU HEAR ME? ELWOOD!

[PANTING] [DOG BARKING]

[WILBY] OH, NO!

- STAY! STAY, BOY! - [BARKING]

NICE DOG. NICE DOGGIE.

[BARKING]

OH! WATCH OUT! NOW WAIT A MINUTE! HEY!

[GROWLING] THAT SMARTS! OH, DON'T DO THAT!

[SNARLING] OH, THAT SMARTS!

NICE DOG. YOU CAN HAVE YOUR--

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR HOUSE BACK NOW.

[GROWLING, SNARLING] NICE DOGGIE. JUST RELAX NOW.

[BARKING LOUDLY] AAH!

WELL, I'M SURE HE'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE. CAN'T YOU RUN ANOTHER COMMERCIAL?

WE'VE ALREADY RAN EIGHT COMMERCIALS, TWO STANDBYS AND A TEST PATTERN.

- THERE'S POP NOW! - [BARKING, GROWLING]

PLACES, EVERYBODY! PLACES! PLACES, EVERYONE!

CAMERAS ON THE DOOR HERE. ON THE DOOR.

- FASTER, POP. FASTER! - [BARKING, GROWLING]

WHOA!

[PANTING]

HI, THERE.

MY NAME IS WILBY DANIELS AND...

IF I'M ELECTED YOUR DISTRICT ATTORNEY,

I PROMISE TO BRING ORDER OUT OF CHAOS.

AND I FURTHER PROMISE THAT IF ELECTED,

I WILL CALL FOR AN IMMEDIATE GRAND JURY INVESTIGATION...

INTO LINKS BETWEEN A KNOWN FELON, EDDIE ROSCHAK,

AND THE INCUMBENT DISTRICT ATTORNEY, JOHN SLADE.

[CLICKS TV OFF]

THERE HAS BEEN A DRAMATIC INCREASE...

IN THE CRIME RATE. MY FIRST--

[CLICKS TV OFF]

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY, EDDIE, AND I KEEP TELLIN' YOU,

YOU GOT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

YOU SAY! HE'S COMIN' ON AWFUL STRONG.

HE'S NAMING NAMES. I DON'T LIKE IT, SLADE. TALK'S CHEAP.

HE CAN MAKE CHARGES ALL DAY, BUT HE'S GOTTA PROVE 'EM.

IF HE GETS ELECTED, WE ARE IN TROUBLE.

BOTH OF US. HE'S NOT GONNA GET ELECTED, EDDIE.

TAKE MY WORD.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE DANIELS COULD USE A LITTLE MUD ON HIM, JUST AS A PRECAUTION.

MUD? ON DANIELS? SURE.

EVERYBODY'S GOT A SKELETON IN THEIR CLOSET. EVERYBODY.

GET SOMETHIN' ON HIM,

SOMETHIN' THAT'LL CHOP HIM OFF RIGHT AT THE KNEES.

[TIM] NOW LOOK, ELWOOD. I DON'T WANT YOU RUNNIN' AWAY AGAIN...

BECAUSE WE GOT TOO MUCH AT STAKE HERE.

I THOUGHT WE'D START YOUR CAREER BY GOIN' OVER TO HARRY'S BAR AND PICKIN' UP A LITTLE CHANGE.

ARE YOU STILL MAD OVER THE PERCENTAGE SPLIT? ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL MAKE IT 50-50. THIS BETTER BE A GOOD SHOW.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, HARRY, OLD BUDDY? HEY, NO DOGS.

JUST A MINUTE, HARRY. THIS IS NO DOG. YEAH?

WELL, WHAT IS IT? HARRY, THIS HAPPENS TO BE THE WORLD'S ONLY TALKING DOG.

PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME. NO DOGS.

JUST A MINUTE, HARRY. I'M TELLING YOU, THIS DOG IS AS SMART AS ANYBODY IN THIS PLACE.

- OUT! - WE'RE MARCHING TO DIFFERENT DRUMS, HARRY.

JUST A MINUTE. ELWOOD, COME ON. FOLKS!

[CLEARS THROAT] I HAVE WITH ME HERE TODAY...

ELWOOD THE TALKING DOG.

NOW, UH, I GOT FIVE BUCKS THAT SAYS THAT THIS DOG CAN TALK AS WELL AS ANYBODY IN THIS ROOM.

NOW, DO I HAVE ANY TAKERS?

EVERYBODY IN HERE'S A CHICKEN, HUH?

OH, YEAH? MAKE IT 20, BUSTER.

TWENTY, HUH? YOU HEAR THAT, ELWOOD? HE SAID 20. OH.

OKAY, HARRY, HERE YOU GO. YOU'RE COVERED ON THAT.

OKAY, ELWOOD, COME ON. COME ON, BOY, PUT 'EM UP.

GET 'EM UP. RIGHT UP THERE.

FOLKS, THIS IS ELWOOD THE TALKING DOG.

HE WILL NOW GIVE HIS RENDITION OF "MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB."

ELWOOD, TAKE IT AWAY.

[PANTING] WHAT'S THAT? A LITTLE LOUDER.

I'LL JUST GET HIM STARTED. UH, MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB.

ITS FL-- MARY--

LOOK, ELWOOD, UH, SEE, WE GOT 20 BUCKS RIDIN' HERE,

SO, UH, COULD YA JUST KINDA COME UP WITH IT, BECAUSE WE, UH--

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. JUST TELL THE FOLKS HOW YOU ASK FOR YOUR DINNER.

- SAY "DIN-DIN." - [LAUGHING]

I TELL YOU WHAT. TELL HARRY "GA-GA."

JUST TELL HARRY "GA-GA." "GA-GA."

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWN TO THE DOG'S BAR...

AND SEE IF HE CAN GET YOU TO BARK?

J-JUST A MINUTE NOW, HARRY. LOOK.

TELL YOU WHAT, ELWOOD. YOU MOVE YOUR LIPS AND I'LL TALK FOR YOU.

JUST WATCH THIS. MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB.

ITS FLEECE WAS WHITE AS SNOW.

EVERYWHERE THAT MARY--

THEY'RE NOT BUYIN' IT, ELWOOD. [WHINES]

UH--

[CLEARS THROAT] TWENTY BUCKS. [WHINES]

HMM.

[SIGHS]

THIS IS SERIOUS. NOW, LOOK.

THAT RING IS FLOATING AROUND SOMEPLACE...

AND IF SOMEBODY READS THE INSCRIPTION, I'M A SHAGGY DOG AGAIN.

WHO KNOWS WHEN THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN?

MAYBE WHEN YOU'RE TAKING THE OATH OF OFFICE. THAT'D BE A CRACK UP.

[GIGGLES] VERY FUNNY.

THE PROSPECT OF MY TAKING AN OATH OF OFFICE SEEMS HIGHLY UNLIKELY.

WELL, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT GO THROUGH LIFE NEVER KNOWING WHEN YOU'RE GONNA TURN INTO A DOG.

- RIGHT? - RIGHT!

SO WE'VE GOT TO FIND THAT RING. AND FIND IT FAST.

WHERE DO YOU START LOOKING FOR A HOT RING, POP?

OH, PAWNSHOPS, SWAP MEETS, PLACES LIKE THAT.

ADMIRAL, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU NOW.

I HAVE SOME VERY IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.

YOU'RE GUEST SPEAKER AT THE DAISIES AT EIGHT BELLS...

AND I AM HERE TO SEE THAT THIS TIME YOU'RE ON TIME.

I'M SORRY. I FORGOT.

[MRS. DANIELS] AND I AM ESPECIALLY HONORED TO INTRODUCE...

OUR GUEST SPEAKER THIS AFTERNOON,

OUR DAISY OF THE DAY.

[LAUGHING]

BECAUSE OF THE SPECIAL ATTACHMENT I'VE HAD WITH THIS GENTLEMAN...

OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS. [LAUGHS]

AS YOU'RE ALL WELL AWARE, MR. DANIELS IS RUNNING FOR THE OFFICE OF DISTRICT ATTORNEY,

AND I KNOW WHEREOF I SPEAK WHEN I TELL YOU...

THAT HE IS A MAN OF THE HIGHEST MORAL FIBER,

A MAN OF UNQUESTIONED INTEGRITY...

AND A MAN DEDICATED TO THE TASK THAT LIES BEFORE HIM.

MR. DANIELS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HOW'S IT GOIN', ELWOOD? HI, KATRINKA.

WE'RE OUT OF KUMQUAT AND GUAVA SHERBET, BUT THE REST IS ALL HERE.

OH, FINE. UH, SAY, KATRINKA, I, UH--

I HAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

IF IT'S ANOTHER SOUVENIR PILLOW FROM GRAND RAPIDS, FORGET IT.

ACTUALLY, IT'S A RING. OH, LOOK, JIM--

IT'S, UH, TIM, TIM. YEAH. TIM.

NOW, JUST 'CAUSE I WAVED AT YOU ONE NIGHT AT THE ROLLER GAMES--

YOU KNOW SOMETHING'? I'VE BEEN MEANIN' TO TELL YOU.

YOU'RE THE BEST DARN SKATER THAT THE SOUTHSIDE STEAMROLLERS HAS.

YEAH. I KNOW. YEAH.

WELL, LIKE I SAY, JUST 'CAUSE I WAVED BACK AT YOU DON'T MEAN IT'S RING TIME.

RIGHT. WELL, IT'S NOT A RING, ACTUALLY. IT'S JUST, UH--

IT'S JUST A PRESENT, THAT'S ALL.

HERE.

GEE, JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED: A BUG RING.

WHERE'S THE CRACKER JACK? HEY, WHAT'S THIS WRITING IN HERE MEAN?

I'M NOT SURE.

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

NOW, WHAT CAN YOU THE VOTERS DO...

ABOUT THIS DEPLORABLE STATE OF AFFAIRS?

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU. COME ELECTION DAY, YOU CAN VOTE THOSE PEOPLE OUT OF OFFICE...

- AND BRING BACK RESPECTABILITY TO THIS COMMUNITY. - OH, THANK YOU, MR. DANIELS.

AND NOW, THE SONG CHAIRMAN WILL LEAD US IN A CHORUS OF "THE DAISY HYMN."

ALL RIGHT, LADIES.

I'M NOT THROUGH YET. YES, YOU ARE, ELWOOD.

¶ DAISIES, DAISIES SIDE BY SIDE ¶ OHH!

¶ SYMBOL OF OUR CITY'S PRIDE ¶

¶ WE ARE THE DAISIES ¶

¶ TOGETHER WE WILL STAND ¶

¶ THE DAISIES ARE THE GUARDIANS ¶

¶ OF BEAUTY IN THE LAND ¶

¶ WE NURTURE-- ¶¶ [SCREAMING]

DON'T PANIC, LADIES! KEEP CALM!

- [SCREAMING CONTINUES] - AAH!

[DOOR SLAMS]

WHERE TO? 152 HADLEY DRIVE.

ELWOOD!

ELWOOD!

ELWOOD?

EL-- ELWOOD.

ELWOOD!

[WHISTLES] ELWOOD?

ELWOOD!

HEY, ELWOOD, WAIT A MINUTE! SO WHO DO YOU LIKE IN THE ELECTION?

ELWOOD! HOLD IT! DANIELS.

I'M WITH YOU, BUT HE AIN'T GOT A CHANCE AGAINST SLADE'S MACHINE.

BELIEVE ME, DANIELS CAN DO IT.

ELWOOD, COME ON. DID YOU THINK YOU COULD FOOL ME WITH THOSE GLASSES ON? HUH?

[WILBY] I WASN'T TRYING TO FOOL ANYONE! THOSE ARE MY READING GLASSES!

STOP PULLING ON ME THAT WAY! YOU COULD SERIOUSLY INJURE MY WINDPIPE!

- [CRASHING] - [RADIATOR HISSING]

WILL YOU TAKE ME HOME?

I'LL TAKE YOU ANYWHERE, BUT YOU GOTTA PROMISE ME SOMETHING.

- ANYTHING. - GOOD.

BECAUSE I'M GONNA GO DOWN AND BLOW HARRY'S MIND.

THIS IS THE BIG ONE, ELWOOD. NOW, LOOK. I GOT A LITTLE ROUTINE WORKED OUT.

HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.

OKAY NOW, LOOK, ELWOOD. YOU'RE NOT GONNA CLAM UP AGAIN LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME, ARE YOU?

DON'T WORRY. I'LL KEEP MY END OF THE DEAL. YOU JUST KEEP YOURS.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL GO IN AND SET IT UP REAL COOL-LIKE, OKAY?

[WILBY] HOW LONG'LL THAT TAKE?

NEVER MIND ABOUT THAT. I TOLD YOU TO WORK ON THAT ROUTINE.

HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO GET ANYWHERE IN SHOW BUSINESS IF YOU DON'T REHEARSE?

ANOTHER DEAN MARTIN.

¶ DOWN BY THE OLD MILL STREAM ¶

[WILBY] HE SURE PICKED A DUMB SONG.

¶ WHERE I FIRST MET YOU ¶

¶ WITH YOUR EYES-- ¶¶

MOVE ON! MOVE ON! YOU NEVER SEEN A DOG SING BEFORE?

- THAT'S SINGING? - GROWR! ROWR! RUFF!

OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, THEN, HARRY. LOOK.

HERE'S 40 BUCKS THAT SAYS ELWOOD CAN SING "DOWN BY THE OLD MILL STREAM."

WORDS AND MUSIC.

LISTEN, SHERBET HEAD, YOU'RE STARTIN' TO STEAM ME.

EVIDENTLY YOU'VE LOST ALL YOUR MARBLES.

WELL, NOW I'M GONNA START ON YOUR TEETH.

¶¶ [HUMMING]

[WILBY] ELWOOD.

COME ON BACK, ELWOOD. ATTABOY.

[PANTING]

HELLO, ELWOOD. IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU FACE-TO-FACE.

WE'VE BEEN SO CLOSE THESE LAST FEW DAYS.

LOOK, TELL TIM THAT, UH--

GUESS THERE'S NOT REALLY ANYTHING YOU CAN TELL TIM, IS THERE?

GOOD LUCK, OLD BUDDY.

[CLEARS THROAT] GO GET THAT SINGING FUR BALL.

NAME IS ELWOOD.

IT'S ALL SET, ELWOOD.

HEY, YOU GOT YOUR COLLAR OFF ALREADY. GOOD. OKAY, COME ON, BOY.

YEAH, I GOT HIM ALL WORKED UP.

I TOLD HIM YOU WERE GONNA OPEN WITH "DOWN BY THE OLD MILL STREAM." COME ON, BOY.

[TIM] ALL RIGHT, HERE HE IS, ELWOOD THE TALKING DOG.

I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF TELLING THESE FOLKS...

THAT YOU'D DO A COUPLE OF NUMBERS FOR THEM.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET RIGHT UP HERE?

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR HIS FIRST SELECTION, HE WOULD LIKE TO DO...

"DOWN BY THE OLD MILL STREAM."

TAKE IT AWAY, ELWOOD. [PANTING]

HE'S JUST WARMING UP.

TAKE IT AWAY, ELWOOD.

UH, I'LL GET HIM STARTED ON THIS ONE. UH--

¶ DOWN-- ¶ ¶ DOWN BY THE OLD-- ¶

¶ DOWN-- ¶ IS IT TOO HIGH? [LOWER PITCH] ¶ DOWN-- ¶

[HIGHER PITCH] ¶ DOWN BY THE OLD-- ¶

¶ DOWN BY THE OLD MILL STREAM ¶ EVERYBODY.

¶ WHERE I FIRST MET YOU ¶¶

YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'D BE KINDA NICE IF I HELPED YOU AND THIS ALBINO FOOTSTOOL...

TO YOUR TRUCK, OKAY? [WHINES]

[TIM] LET'S TALK THIS OVER-- OH! HEY!

[CUSTOMERS LAUGHING]

I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHIN', ELWOOD. [WHINING]

THAT 40 BUCKS IS COMIN' OUT OF YOUR FIRST MILLION. COME ON.

MAYBE NEXT TIME I SHOULD WEAR A DISGUISE.

MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD TRY COMBING YOUR HAIR.

I THINK THAT WOULD BE DISGUISE ENOUGH.

HEY, DID YOU FIND OUT HOW MUCH THEY WANTED FOR THE BROOCH?

WE'RE NOT SHOPPING FOR A BROOCH, BETTY! I'VE GOTTA FIND THAT RING BEFORE--

OKAY, SHH. BEFORE I TURN INTO A DOG AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT, HONEY. I'M SORRY.

DAD, IF YOU DO TURN INTO A DOG AGAIN, CAN WE GO HUNTING TOGETHER?

NO, WE CANNOT GO HUNTING TOGETHER.

WILL YOU CHASE MRS. METZLER'S CAT?

BRIAN! BRIAN.

I DON'T GET MUCH CALL FOR... TOMATO LICORICE.

AH.

I'M GONNA LET THIS ONE GO TO YOU FOR JUST A NICKEL. HUH? [LAUGHS]

FIVE PENNIES. WHAT FLAVORS YOU GOT, MISTER?

OH, BOY. FLAVORS. YOU GOT YOUR VANILLA, YOU GOT YOUR CHOCOLATE,

YOU GOT YOUR STRAWBERRY, YOU GOT YOUR MAPLE DRIBBLE, YOU GOT--

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' AROUND HERE?

I'M LOOKING FOR A RING WITH A BEETLE ON IT. SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET.

OH, YEAH? A RING WITH A BEETLE ON IT?

- GEE, I GAVE ONE LIKE THAT TO MY GIRLFRIEND THE OTHER DAY. - YOU DID?

WELL, SHE'S NOT EXACTLY MY GIRLFRIEND. YOU SEE-- HEY, POP! POP!

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPREAD IT AROUND. TATTLETALE.

THIS GENTLEMAN UNKNOWINGLY GAVE YOU A RING THAT BELONGS TO ME.

THAT IS, I'M NOT THE LEGAL OWNER,

BUT I NEED IT. TOUGH.

THIS IS A PERSONAL MATTER. IT'LL HAVE TO WAIT TILL AFTER WORKING HOURS ARE OVER.

I'M PREPARED TO OFFER A REWARD.

LIKE HOW MUCH?

I GET A QUARTER FOR CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE.

THAT OUGHTA GIVE YOU AN IDEA-- A THOUSAND DOLLARS.

A THOUSAND DOLLARS? FOR THAT RING?

OKAY, $2,000! IT DOESN'T MATTER!

I JUST HAVE TO HAVE THAT-- HAVE TO HAVE THAT RING BACK.

HO-HO! YOU JUST GOT YOURSELF A RING, BUSTER.

TRY THE OTHER HAND.

OH, I KNOW I HAD IT WHEN I FINISHED THE LEMON MERINGUES.

AND, WELL, THEN I, UH--

THINK, THINK, THINK, THINK, THINK, THINK.

THINK, THINK, THINK, THINK $2,000.

IF I FIND IT, MISTER, CAN I HAVE THE REWARD?

I DON'T CARE WHO GETS THE REWARD! I JUST HAVE TO HAVE THAT RING BACK!

WELL, LET ME SEE. I REMEMBER I PUT THE RING ON THIS SHELF...

AFTER I FINISHED THE SPECIAL ORDER.

COULD'VE FALLEN INTO THE MIXING VAT.

[EXHALING]

WHAT SPECIAL ORDER? THE ONE FOR THE HOTEL. IT'S ALREADY GONE OUT.

THE HOTEL! OH!

HEY! TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS!

UH, HONEY, IF I FIND THE RING,

UH, COULD I KEEP THE $2,000?

NO! THIS WAY! [MUMBLING]

OHH! OW!

[SCREAMING, YELLING]

OH! OH, COME ON!

MADAM! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

LET ME HAVE THAT PIE!

WHOA! HEY! HUH?

LADIES, PLEASE. STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!

HIT MY GIRL WITH A PIE, WILL YA?

SOLD FOR $100! THANKS, KIDS!

AND REMEMBER, ALL PROCEEDS GO TO JOHN SLADE'S WAR CHEST.

SO LET'S ALL GIVE BIG FOR HONEST JOHN. RIGHT?

WHAT AM I OFFERED FOR THIS GORGEOUS PIE? IT'S GOING VERY WELL.

OF COURSE IT'S GOING VERY WELL! ANYONE ELSE? $120. THANK YOU, SIR.

ANYONE ELSE? TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!

[SCREAMING] STOP, LADIES! STOP!

HA-HA!

HEY!

LADIES! LADIES!

HOLD IT! HOLD IT!

- OH, SHUT UP! - YOU WON'T FIND THE RING THIS WAY!

- THAT'S MY POP! - AAH!

YOU MONSTER!

HEY.

[SCREAMING]

HEY, LOOK AT THIS. WHAT?

HEY. HEY, THAT'S THE SAME RING YOU GOT IN THE MUSEUM, AIN'T IT?

YEAH. I WONDER HOW IT GOT IN THIS CHERRY PIE.

WELL, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

YOU SOLD IT ONCE, SELL IT AGAIN.

YEAH.

SORRY ABOUT THE NOISE OUT THERE, BUT I'LL--

I'LL HANDLE IT MYSELF. DO I HEAR $250?

TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY! I GOT 250!

TWO SIXTY! I HAVE 260! ANY MORE?

[SCREAMING] SOMETIMES PEOPLE FORGET THEIR POSITION.

MR. SLADE, THINGS GOT A LITTLE OUT OF HAND. WE WERE JUST LOOKING FOR--

IT WAS CERTAINLY NOT OUR INTENTION TO--

DANIELS, THIS TIME YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!

YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO YOUR PROFESSION AND THE ENTIRE CITY!

YOU SHOULD BE RUN OUT OF TOWN!

[TAPPING] EXCUSE ME, SIR,

BUT MIGHT I HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M DR. STURDIVANT, ON SABBATICAL FROM THE SORBONNE.

SINCE I FIND MYSELF TEMPORARILY OUT OF FUNDS,

I'M FORCED TO PART WITH THIS FAMILY HEIRLOOM...

AT A FRACTION OF ITS REAL VALUE.

I WONDER IF YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN THIS PRINCELY RELIC OF ANTIQUITY.

I'M SURE I WOULD BE.

AHH.

COME ON! COME ON! OKAY.

I HEARD ON THE NEWS YOU RECOVERED THE RING FROM THE PRESCOTT MUSEUM.

WHAT DO YOU GOT TO DO WITH IT? WELL, IT'S A PERSONAL THING, BUT I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

THE LIEUTENANT WILL BE OUT IN A MINUTE. THEY'RE MAKING THE IDENTIFICATION BACK THERE NOW.

WELL, THAT'S JUST THE POINT. I CAN'T TAKE A CHANCE-- UH, WAIT OVER THERE.

OH, THIS IS THE RING, ALL RIGHT. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

AND I'M RATHER RELIEVED JUST TO GET IT OUT OF CIRCULATION.

IT'S REPUTED TO HAVE RATHER SUPERNATURAL POWERS.

YOU SEE THIS INSCRIPTION,

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO"? [COP] WHAT'S IT ALL MEAN?

THERE GOES POP AGAIN. OH, WILBY, NO.

[COP] SOME KIND OF SPELL, HUH? [CURATOR] EXACTLY.

THE RENAISSANCE ARISTOCRATS WERE VERY PARTIAL TO SPELLS.

THEY'RE AS GOOD AS POISON ANY DAY.

ALL RIGHT, BOY. HEEL.

[CURATOR] YOU REMEMBER MY PREDECESSOR, DR. PLUMCOTT? [COP] OF COURSE.

WELL, DR. PLUMCOTT WAS MOST INTERESTED IN THIS RING.

HE TOLD ME OF AN INCIDENT SOME YEARS AGO

OF A YOUNG MAN WHO WAS ACTUALLY TURNED INTO A DOG...

THROUGH THE STRANGE POWERS OF THIS RING.

YOU DON'T REALLY BELIEVE THAT?

NOT REALLY, BUT STILL I'M CAREFUL.

I DON'T LIKE TO REPEAT IT TOO OFTEN LEST I BECOME SENSITIZED...

AND TURN INTO A DOG MYSELF.

DANIELS IS A DOG, HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT. SOMETIMES DANIELS IS A REAL LIVE DOG.

AND LOOK. THIS RING DOES IT.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE TV SHOW OF HIS, THE ONE THAT WE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND?

THAT DOG WAS DANIELS.

AND IT HAPPENED TWO OTHER TIMES.

AT THE DAISIES, DANIELS DISAPPEARS...

AND THAT SAME SHAGGY DOG SHOWS UP?

AND THEN THE SAME THING HAPPENS TODAY AT THE POLICE STATION?

DANIELS DISAPPEARS, AND THERE'S THAT SAME SHAGGY DOG?

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, GET DANIELS OVER HERE AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!

DANIELS, I WANT YOU TO DROP OUT OF THE RACE. USE ANY EXCUSE YOU WANT.

NO WAY, MR. DISTRICT ATTORNEY. I'M IN THIS THING TO THE FINISH. I DON'T MAKE DEALS.

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE: I'M GONNA WIN THIS ELECTION.

AND MY FIRST OFFICIAL ACT WILL BE TO CALL A GRAND JURY INVESTIGATION...

INTO YOUR CRIMINAL CONNECTIONS IN THIS TOWN.

IF THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT, I GUESS OUR DISCUSSION IS CLOSED.

IS THIS THE RING YOU WERE LOOKING FOR AT MY PIE AUCTION?

YEAH, THAT LOOKS LIKE IT.

YOU'RE CERTAIN? IT HAS AN INSCRIPTION ON THE BACK.

- IT SAYS, "IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO." - GIVE ME THAT!

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

WOOF! WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!

[GROWLING]

HEY! WOOF! [LAUGHING] OH.

OH, HO. AHEM. COME IN HERE, PLEASE.

RAYMOND, THIS DOG HAS NO LICENSE...

AND IS CLEARLY IN VIOLATION OF THE LEASH LAW. CALL THE POUND.

I ALREADY DID, SIR. THE TRUCK IS WAITING OUTSIDE.

GET OUT OF MY WAY! OOF!

- GRAB THAT DOG! - EXCUSE ME, MA'AM!

- AAH! AAH! - WATCH OUT!

OHH!

HO! OH, BOY.

YOU! FOLLOW THAT DOG!

OH, UH, RIGHT, MR. SLADE! GET GOING!

IF HE GETS AWAY, IT'S BACK TO THE COMPLAINT DESK FOR YOU!

[ENGINE REVVING]

IT'S THE DOG!

THANKS, PAL.

[PANTING]

THOSE IDIOTS AT THE POUND DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS,

BUT I'LL TELL YOU THIS, CHIEF: THAT BRUTE IS MAD AND VICIOUS.

I'M GOING TO NEED THE HELP OF EVERY SQUAD CAR THAT'S AVAILABLE TO FIND HIM.

COULD I ASK YOU SOMETHING, SIR? YES.

WHY DON'T WE JUST MAKE A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT...

SAYING THAT SOMETIMES DANIELS IS A DOG?

YOU KNOW WHO THEY'D PUT AWAY, DON'T YOU? WHO?

US! [PHONE BLARING]

SLADE HERE!

MR. SLADE, UNIT TWO HAS LOCATED THE SUSPECT.

- HE'S HEADING WEST ON CRESCENT. - CLOSE IN ON HIM! SURROUND HIM!

[PANTING]

[SIREN BLARING]

[PANTING]

THERE HE IS!

- UH-OH. - WE'VE GOT HIM!

COME ON!

WHAT IS THAT NOISE? JUST A-A LITTLE MIX-UP, SIR.

UNIT TWO WILL TAKE OVER FOR US.

I HAVE HIM IN VIEW. ALL UNITS CONCENTRATE IN THE AREA OF ROLLERDROME.

ELWOOD, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? ELWOOD?

LATER! CAN'T TALK NOW. COME HERE!

[CHEERING]

HEY!

WHOA! HOLD IT! YOU GOT A TICKET? I'M JUST GOING TO GET MY DOG.

NO, YOU CAN'T GET IN WITHOUT A TICKET. BUT I-I--

RIGHT UP FRONT. TICKET.

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

JOHN SLADE. OFFICIAL BUSINESS. I'M SORRY, MR. SLADE.

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.

[ANNOUNCER] THE STEAMROLLER GIRLS ARE ON ATTACK AGAINST THE JUGGERNAUTS.

[WHISTLE BLOWS] THERE'S THE REFEREE'S WHISTLE-- INDICATES A JAM.

THAT MEANS WE'LL SEE SOME ACTION...

AS CAPTAIN KATRINKA MUGGELBERG WILL TRY TO SEND ONE OF HER TEAMMATES...

CRASHING THROUGH THAT JUGGERNAUT MOB IN FRONT.

THERE THEY GO. HOLD IT. OUT SHE GOES!

WHOA, NELLIE! LOOK AT HER GET OUT OF THERE. HAH!

PARDON ME. I'M LOOKING FOR A DOG HERE.

[CROWD GRUMBLING] PARDON ME. PARDON ME.

[CROWD YELLING]

THERE'S NO SIGN OF HIM ON MY SIDE.

[ANNOUNCER] THE STEAMROLLERS HAVE BEEN SIDELINED WITH INJURY.

SEARCH THE DRESSING ROOMS.

HI. PARDON ME, MISS.

[ANNOUNCER] THE STEAMROLLERS HAVE FIELDED A NEW MYSTERY SKATER.

DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!

YOU MISSED HIM! OOH!

HERE SHE COMES.

ELWOOD!

- WHOA! - ELWOOD.

ELWOOD!

HEY, ELWOOD. LET ME IN THERE.

ELWOOD? [ENGINE STARTING]

ELWOOD! HEY, ELWOOD, WAIT A MINUTE.

I GOTTA TALK TO YA.

ELWOOD, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU COULD SKATE?

THIS IS A REAL SHOWSTOPPER: A DOG THAT TALKS AND SINGS, SKATES, DRIVES.

BOY, THEY OUGHT-- DRIVE?

[DISTRESSED MOAN]

- [SIRENS BLARING] - HEY, ELWOOD!

YOU BETTER SLOW DOWN, OR YOU'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE. "TROUBLE"?

I'M ALREADY IN TROUBLE-- BIG TROUBLE.

START THROWING THAT STUFF OUT THE BACK-- PIES, SYRUP, ICE CREAM.

EVERYTHING. NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. I CAN'T DO THAT.

I HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT STUFF. DO AS I TELL YOU!

I'M HAVIN' A BAD WEEK.

OH!

LOOK OUT!

[GRUNTING]

- DID WE LOSE 'EM? - "LOSE EM"? WE CREAMED 'EM.

ELWOOD! AGH!

[PANTING]

[GROANS]

ELWOOD!

YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUN AWAY AGAIN, ARE YA?

SORRY, TIM. I'VE GOT A BETTER CHANCE ON PAW.

ELWOOD!

HOW LONG DID THAT PROFESSOR SAY THE SPELL WOULD LAST? I DIDN'T ASK.

YOU WOULDN'T! WELL, I'M NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES.

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO." I'LL DO THAT, SIR.

NEVER MIND! I'LL DO IT MYSELF. SORRY, SIR.

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

[PHONE RINGING] I'LL TAKE THAT.

YES. SLADE HERE.

IT'S HOWIE, SIR. WE'VE GOT HIM SURROUNDED IN VISTA GROVE!

AND ABOUT TIME! WELL, HOLD HIM TILL WE GET THERE.

GET YOUR OWN DOOR! I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS DOOR. AND START THE CAR.

[WOMAN ON POLICE RADIO] 305, STAND BY.

THERE YOU ARE, SIR.

IT'S THE TRANQUILIZER GUN, SIR.

YOU BE READY WITH IT. UH, YES, SIR.

DANIELS, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.

WITHDRAW FROM THE RACE... OR ELSE.

I'M IN THIS RACE TO THE END.

WELL, THAT'S RIGHT NOW.

SHOOT HIM DOWN!

WELL, COME ON. HURRY UP!

I THINK YOU HAVE TO RELEASE THIS FIRST.

[YELLS]

YOU NUMBSKULL! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?

OH, VERY SORRY, SIR. QUITE ACCIDENTAL. REALLY, IT WAS.

OHH!

[THUD]

[DOG #1] HEY, HE LOOKS LIKE A FIRST-TIMER.

I WONDER WHAT HE'S IN FOR.

[DOG #2] VAGRANCY. WHAT ELSE?

[DOG #3] AH. LOOKS LIKE THE PADDY WAGON BOYS SLIPPED HIM A MICKEY.

[DOG #1] EASY, YOU GUYS. CURLY'S COMING AROUND.

AND DUMMY UP ON OUR PLAN. WE DON'T KNOW THIS TURKEY.

OH, HIYA, TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME.

WELCOME TO ONE-WAY ROW, PAL.

"ONE-WAY ROW"? WHERE IS THIS?

CURLY, MY BOY, IT'S THE SLAMMER.

I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.

[RATTLING]

YOU WILL, SWEETHEART, IN THREE DAYS.

[RATTLING CONTINUES] FEET FIRST.

¶ SWING LOW ¶

¶ SWEET CHARIOT ¶

¶ COMIN' FOR TO CARRY ME HOME ¶ OH. IT'S FOR HIM.

- HE GOES NEXT. - HMM?

¶ SWING LOW ¶

¶ SWEET CHARIOT ¶

¶ COMIN' FOR TO CARRY ME HOME ¶¶

SING IT AGAIN, SAM.

AND YOUR... RECEIPT FOR THE BAIL.

THANK YOU.

THERE WE ARE.

NICE TALKIN' TO YOU.

OH, I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS, BUT ELWOOD WAS DRIVING.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA TELL THE JUDGE?

I GOTTA TELL HIM THE TRUTH.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. HE WAS DRIVING?

RIGHT! THEN HE SMASHED UP THE TRUCK?

RIGHT! THEN HE JUMPED OVER THE MOON!

NOW YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE.

OH...

[HUMMING "OH, WHERE HAS MY LITTLE DOG DONE?"]

WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP HUMMING THAT SONG?

[RINGS]

ANIMAL SHELTER.

OH, HELLO. THIS IS MRS. DANIELS.

I SEEM TO HAVE LOST MY DOG, AND I WAS WONDERING IF, BY ANY CHANCE--

UH, CAN YOU DESCRIBE THE ANIMAL, MA'AM?

WELL, YES, HE'S TALL AND, UH, HE HAS...

A CHARMING DISPOSITION.

HE'S VERY HANDSOME AND, UH, WELL,

I THINK HE'S GOT WARM BROWN EYES.

SOUNDS MORE LIKE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR CARY GRANT.

JUST GIVE ME THE BREED AND COLOR, AND WE'LL START FROM THERE.

OH. UH, WELL, I THINK HE'S SOME KIND OF A SHEEPDOG.

AND HE'S WHITE AND HE'S GRAY.

OH, WE GOT A LONG-HAIRED DOG IN TODAY, BUT THIS ONE'S A REAL KILLER.

THAT COULDN'T BE MY WILBY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

DON'T WORRY, MOM. POP CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF.

[SIGHING]

HE'S IN THE POUND, ALL RIGHT, MR. SLADE.

I SAW THEM CART HIM AWAY. I'M SORRY. [GRUNTS]

HE'LL BE A GONER IN 72 HOURS.

WILL YOU GET THE GOVERNOR ON THE TELEPHONE?

I'M NOT WAITING AROUND ANY 72 HOURS. WELL, GO ON!

YES, MR. SLADE. I'LL GET THE GOVERNOR RIGHT NOW.

HURRY UP, PAL. WE DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT.

I'M DIGGING! I'M DIGGING! IT'S ROUGH GOING DOWN HERE.

NOW, WE'RE BUSTIN' OUTTA HERE. ARE YOU WITH US OR NOT?

I CAN'T DO THAT! I'M RUNNING FOR DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY? OH, THAT MICKEY WENT TO HIS HEAD.

ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS. CURLY'S OUT.

WE MAKE THE BREAK WITHOUT HIM, SEE?

[PHONE RINGS] ANIMAL SHELTER.

THE WHO? THE GOVERNOR!

THIS IS HOWIE, SIR.

YES, SIR. I KNOW THE ONE.

OH... WELL, YES, SIR.

IF YOU SAY SO, SIR.

RIGHT AWAY.

- WE'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT. - [DOOR OPENING]

QUICK! HE'S COMIN'!

- CLOSE IT UP! - HURRY! HE'LL CATCH US ALL!

WELL, SO LONG, BOYS.

I GUESS THIS IS IT.

COME ALONG, BOY.

OH.

¶ SWING LOW ¶

¶ SWEET CHARIOT ¶

POOR GUY. HE DIDN'T LAST LONG.

[ELECTRICITY SURGES]

SORRY, BOY. IT'S THE GOVERNOR'S ORDERS.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T! SIT! STAY!

OKAY, I'M WITH YOU GUYS! WE'RE BREAKIN' OUTTA HERE!

COME ON, GORGEOUS.

THANKS, BIG BOY.

- LET'S GO, BROTHER. - WE'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT.

MAKE IT FLY, PAL.

DON'T CROWD ME. I'M ALMOST THROUGH.

MR. HOWIE, YOUR COFFEE'S GETTIN' COLD.

MR. HOWIE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE, MR. HOWIE?

THAT BIG DOG TOLD ME TO STAY.

I'M THROUGH! I'M THROUGH!

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY UNDER THE WALL.

MOVE IT, SHORTY.

AND I'M SURE THE BIG DOG IS IN THE KENNEL...

WHERE HE BELONGS.

THERE'S OUR GETAWAY TRUCK! FOLLOW ME!

EVERYBODY IN. I'M DRIVING.

HURRY UP! MOVE! MOVE!

- [CAR ENGINE STARTING] - [TIRES SQUEALING]

[PHONE RINGS]

- UH, ANIMAL SHELTER. - YOU RECEIVED THE GOVERNOR'S ORDERS.

UH, YES, SIR. AND YOU CARRIED THEM OUT.

WELL, UM, UH--

DID YOU, OR DIDN'T YOU? WE'VE, UH--

WE'VE HAD A-- HAD A BREAKOUT, SIR.

"A BREAKOUT"? YES, SIR.

ALL THE DOGS DROVE OFF IN OUR TRUCK.

[UNINTELLIGIBLE YELLING]

[YELLING CONTINUES]

WELL, NOW, THIS IS MORE LIKE IT, SEE.

OH, IT'S SURE GREAT TO BE OUT AGAIN. RIGHT, CURLY?

YEAH, I GUESS SO. WHAT'S THE MATTER, SWEETHEART?

YOU SOUND A LITTLE DOWN IN THE CHOPS.

- THERE'S A RING I NEED. - YEAH? WHAT KIND OF RING?

WELL, IT'S VERY OLD AND HAS A BEETLE ON IT,

AND MY OPPONENT HAS IT, AND I'VE GOT TO GET IT.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO CALL OUT THE NATIONAL GUARD.

JUST FIND THAT DOG!

SO LONG, GANG. YOU GOT A BETTER CHANCE WITHOUT ME.

THANKS, CURLY. WE WON'T FORGET WHAT YOU DONE FOR US, SEE.

AW, TAIL UP, PAL.

[BLOODHOUND] SAY, GUYS.

-THAT KID'S REALLY GOT PROBLEMS. -THEN WE GIVE HIM A LIFT, SEE.

- AFTER ALL, HE GAVE US A LEG UP. YOU KNOW? - YEAH.

[ADMIRAL] HEY, YOU THERE! OUT OF MY FLOWERS!

HEAVE TO, OR I'LL FIRE!

IT SOUNDED LIKE THE ADMIRAL'S SHOTGUN.

YES, IT'S THE SAME WOOLY MAMMOTH, I TELL YOU.

YES, WHITE AND SHAGGY WITH BLACK MARKINGS.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHAT COLOR IT IS?

[KNOCKING]

BRIAN, OPEN UP! LET ME IN!

LOOK! IT'S POP!

HURRY UP. GIVE ME A HAND. OH, DARLING. [GRUNTS]

OKAY, PULL. WATCH OUT. WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

- WHAT'S HAPPENING, HUH? - SLADE'S GOT THE RING.

UNLESS I CAN GET IT BACK, HE'S GONNA RUB ME OUT.

OH, NO! [SIRENS APPROACHING]

THERE'S POLICE! LOTS OF 'EM!

[INAUDIBLE RADIO CHATTER]

THERE'S A VAN. LOOKS LIKE THE SWAT TEAM!

I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW, BUT I'M GONNA NAIL SLADE.

ATTAWAY TO GO, POP. LASSIE AND RIN TIN TIN WOULDN'T GIVE UP.

[WOMAN ON RADIO] 13-L-21. 13-L-21, COME IN.

THERE'S A POLICEMAN COMING!

I'M ON MY WAY. GOOD-BYE, HONEY. GOOD LUCK.

- HURRY, POP. HE'S HERE! - [KNOCKING]

TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOTHER, SON. OKAY, POP.

GOOD EVENING, MA'AM. THERE'S A MAD DOG IN THE AREA.

OH, A MAD DOG? I LOVE DOGS, YOU KNOW.

BIG DOGS, SMALL DOGS, MEDIUM DOGS. EVEN MAD DOGS. [CHUCKLES]

SOMETIMES, THEY'RE NOT MAD. THEY'RE JUST CRANKY.

BUT I REALLY LOVE DOGS. ANY KIND OF DOG.

I THINK I PROBABLY LOVE DOGS MORE THAN PEOPLE.

ELWOOD? [MUFFLED CHATTER]

NOT A PEEP OUT OF YOU! NO, NOT A PEEP.

YOU CAN HAVE MY WALLET. I HAVEN'T GOT MUCH MONEY.

YOU CAN TAKE MY CREDIT CARDS AND YOU CAN--

ELWOOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' IN THE PARK MUGGIN' PEOPLE?

I AM NOT MUGGING ANYBODY AND I AM NOT ELWOOD.

NOW, I MAY LOOK LIKE ELWOOD, BUT I AM ACTUALLY WILBY DANIELS. IS THAT CLEAR?

DANIELS? UH-HUH. SURE. GOTCHA.

OKAY, NOW I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS FROM THE TOP.

THERE'S THIS BORGIA RING, SEE.

A RING? YEAH. SURE. OKAY.

I GOTCHA, ELWOOD. SHH!

[WHISPERS] DANIELS. OKAY.

NOT MANY YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS STILL A KID--

WHEN YOU WERE STILL A... A KID.

MM-HMM.

SO SLADE GOT HOLD OF THE RING, SEE.

NOW HE'S TRYING TO WIN THIS RACE BY ELIMINATION-- MY ELIMINATION.

YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS? QUESTIONS.

A FEW CROSSED MY MIND.

ELWOOD-- UH, MR. DANIELS--

COULDN'T WE GO BACK TO SELLING ICE CREAM?

LATER! I HAVE GOT TO GET SLADE AND ROSCHAK BEFORE THEY GET ME!

CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME.

RIGHT. ME? ME?

AHH!

SO FAR, SO GOOD. QUIT TRYING TO STEER!

SWELL. I'LL GET OFF AT THE NEXT CORNER. YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

I NEED YOU AS A WITNESS.

HOW ABOUT LETTIN' ME SIT ON THE SEAT FOR AWHILE?

AHH!

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO HELP YOU?

IF I DON'T GET EIGHT HOURS' SLEEP--

THERE IS NO ONE ELSE AND THERE'S NO TIME.

WELL, WHERE ARE WE GOING ANYWAY? NOT US, PAL. YOU.

- YOU'RE GONNA BEARD THE LION IN HIS DEN. - ME? [GROANS]

WANNA WATCH THE RUTS?

[SLADE] "IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

[RASPY VOICE] WHOA! UH, YOU SLADE?

- YES. WHO ARE YOU? - DON'T MATTER.

LISTEN, I GOT A MESSAGE FOR YOU FROM FAST EDDIE.

HE SAYS, "YOU'RE OFF THE GRAVY TRAIN."

NO MORE GRAVY. YOU GOT IT?

NO MORE GRAVY.

[GROANS]

DID HE BUY IT? [RASPY VOICE] I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT? [REGULAR VOICE] I DON'T KNOW.

IF I GOT SLADE PEGGED RIGHT, HIS NEXT STOP IS ROSCHAK'S WAREHOUSE.

OH, GOOD. AND WE'RE GONNA BE THERE.

WE ARE?

I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP.

DO YOU WANT TO PUT BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL?

WE CAN GET IN THROUGH THAT WINDOW ON THE ROOF.

WE CAN?

- ELWOOD, WHY DON'T I STAY HERE AND KEEP A LOOKOUT? - COME ON.

[MOANS] COME ON!

SEE, I'M ALLERGIC TO HEIGHT. I CAN'T--

MOVE IT! [MOANS]

[MOANING]

[CLATTERING]

HERE, POP! HERE, POP!

HERE, POP!

[MOANS]

IT'S BETTER IF YOU DON'T LOOK DOWN.

HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT IS.

[MOANING]

YOU ALL RIGHT? I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE ALMOST THERE. KEEP COMING!

SHH!

FOLLOW ME.

[WHISTLES]

OH, NO. ISN'T THAT YOUR KID? SHH! DON'T MAKE ANY NOISE.

BRIAN, LOOK OUT!

I TOLD YOU TO STAY HOME. SHOULD HAVE SENT ME TO OBEDIENCE SCHOOL WHEN I WAS TWO.

WHAT ARE WE DOING UP HERE? I THINK THIS IS THE CENTER OF ROSCHAK'S THEFT RING.

WE GOTTA PROVE THAT SLADE'S IN ON IT.

EXCUSE ME. NOW THAT THE KID'S HERE, WHY DON'T I SPLIT? STAY HERE!

RIGHT. UH-HUH. FOLLOW ME.

SPENDIN' MOST OF MY LIFE ON ALL FOURS.

BE QUIET!

- [MUFFLED GRUNT] - SHH!

THESE MEN ARE KILLERS.

ISN'T THAT OUR TV SET?

THAT'S IT. BET THEY GOT ALL OUR OTHER STUFF HERE TOO.

IS OUR CAR HERE, POP? PROBABLY SOLD IT DAYS AGO.

WE LIFTED THAT VETTE BEFORE. PAINT IT AGAIN AND CHANGE THE SERIAL NUMBER.

JOE, KEEP YOUR EYE OUT FOR SOME PORSCHES. WE GOT SOME SPOTTED.

GOOD NIGHT, MR. ROSCHAK. GOOD NIGHT.

HEAR THAT, POP? WE COULD BUST 'EM EASY WITH THAT.

THAT STILL DOESN'T PROVE SLADE'S INVOLVED.

BUT THAT COULD.

HEY, I WONDER HOW THESE THINGS WORK.

["STARS AND STRIPS FOREVER" PLAYING LOUDLY]

TURN IT OFF! ¶¶ [CONTINUES]

[MUSIC STOPS] [DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES] WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH THAT TAPE RECORDER, POP?

GET IT IN ROSCHAK'S OFFICE.

[DOOR OPENS]

TIM, YOU GOTTA GET HIM AWAY FROM THERE. RIGHT, ELWOOD.

NOW, WHAT I'LL DO-- ME? SHH!

SHH!

ME? RIGHT NOW.

[PANTING MOAN]

GO BACK! GO BACK!

BUT HE'S GOT A KNIFE! HE COULD--

HEY, UH, YOUR SHANASFRANAS DOWN THERE AT THE RICKTOFRASEN IS CONDENSING.

THE WHAT?

YOUR SHANASFRANAS DOWN THERE AT THE RICKTOFRASEN'S GOT A BIG GNARL IN THE TUBE, THERE.

- COULD BACK UP ON YA. - WHO ARE YOU?

ME? I'M, UM-- I'M, UH, ROSCHAK'S NEW MAN DOWN HERE. I JUST CAME ON. YEAH.

IF YOU DON'T GAFFENHAUSEN THAT ALTERNATOR, IT'S GONNA GET ALL OVER THE FLOOR.

YOU EVER HAVE CREOBLUSTATE ON YOUR SHOES? WHEW! YOU GOTTA BURN 'EM.

I SAW IT EAT A SADDLE RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER A JOCKEY ONE TIME.

GOES LIKE THAT. TURNS IT BLUE.

SO, YOU WANNA COME DOWN THERE AND TAKE A LOOK AT IT?

WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE THAT KNIFE HERE?

UH, IT'S RIGHT DOWN HERE.

HERE'S THAT GLUTENHAUSER I WANTED YOU TO LOOK AT.

YOU COME RIGHT THERE. DON'T GET TOO CLOSE.

LIKE I TOLD YA, I DON'T WANT TO GET CREOBLUSTATE ON YOUR SHOES.

JUST LOOK IN THERE AND GIVE IT A LITTLE--

WE GOT HIM, POP!

YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT COLD IN THE FREIDENGLAR.

"IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

I WOULDN'T SAY THAT TOO OFTEN, CHIEF.

WHY NOT? THE PROFESSOR SAID HE WAS ALWAYS CAREFUL.

HE WAS AFRAID HE MIGHT BECOME SENSITIZED AND TURN INTO A DOG HIMSELF.

OH, RUBBISH! "IN CANIS CORPORE TRANSMUTO."

[BEEPING]

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE? OPEN UP.

ALL RIGHT.

[GULPS HARD]

UH-OH. POP'S STUCK IN THERE.

I WANT A WORD WITH YOU. THIS ISN'T VERY SMART OF YOU COMIN' DOWN HERE.

IF YOU'VE GOT SOME IDEA OF CUTTING ME OUT, I WANNA HEAR IT FROM YOU...

AND NOT FROM ONE OF YOUR MESSENGER BOYS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

ONE OF YOUR PUNKS CAME TO MY HOUSE.

HE STARTED TO LEAN ON ME AND TELL ME-- AND I QUOTE--

[RASPY VOICE] "YOU'RE OFF THE GRAVY TRAIN."

OH, JOHN, JOHN, JOHN. RELAX.

IT'S BUSINESS AS USUAL.

WELL, IF YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM, WHO DID?

BEATS ME, BUT IF I FIND OUT, I'M GONNA SCRATCH HIM PERMANENTLY.

COULD HAVE BEEN THAT DANIELS GUY.

BUT HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE PROOF IN COURT, RIGHT?

WHY AM I TELLING YOU? YOU'RE A LAWYER. RIGHT.

JOHN, I'VE GOT A BOTTLE IN THE OTHER ROOM. LET'S HAVE A DRINK.

TO ANOTHER GOOD YEAR.

HOW'D THAT DOG GET IN HERE? DOG?

THAT'S HIM! THAT'S DANIELS!

STOP HIM! HE'S GOT EVERYTHING ON TAPE! THAT'S DANIELS?

SHOOT HIM! [GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOT]

[SLURRING] TAKE THIS. TAKE IT.

GRAB ONE OF THOSE CARS. I'LL DRAW THEM OFF.

THEY'RE COMING.

SHH.

WOLF! WOLF!

"WOLF, WOLF"? AFTER HIM!

COME ON. POP TOLD US TO GET A CAR.

ALL RIGHT, DANIELS! COME ON OUT!

GET IT OVER WITH! YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CHANCE!

I'VE GOT THE RING!

YOU'VE GOT NOTHING!

[DOGS BARKING]

WHOA! WHOA!

HEY! THIS WHAT YOU LOOKIN' FOR, PAL?

THAT'S IT! THANKS! HEY, YOU HAVE NO IDEA--

FORGET IT. IT'S ON US, SWEETHEART.

WE TAKE CARE OF OUR OWN, SEE.

- SO LONG, PAL. - [BARKING]

[GUNSHOT]

OH, YEAH! NOW HURRY!

[GUNSHOTS]

LOOK OUT!

HEY! GET US OUTTA HERE!

STEP ON IT! FAST!

S-STEADY.

WHAT WAS THAT? YOU NINNY! AFTER HIM!

YOU GOT THE TAPE RECORDER? GOT THE RING?

AND IT'S GOING TO BE PUT AWAY WHERE NOBODY WILL EVER GET AHOLD OF IT AGAIN.

FASTER. FASTER! THERE'S A RED LIGHT COMING UP.

I DO NOT CARE WHAT'S COMING UP. JUST KEEP ON GOING.

[SIREN WAILING]

TELL THEM WHO I AM. SAY IT'S OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

CAN I SEE YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE, SIR?

OFFICER, DISTRICT ATTORNEY JOHN SLADE IS BACK THERE.

WE'RE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

[CLEARS THROAT]

HE IS?

[CLEARS THROAT]

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU STARIN' AT?

HANG ON TO THAT. DON'T LET ANYBODY TOUCH IT TILL THE GRAND JURY HEARS IT.

YES, SIR.

MOM, WE'RE HOME, AND DAD'S NOT A DOG ANYMORE!

OH!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

"THREE LOAVES OF RYE BREAD, COLD CUTS, THE DIP,

A CHERRY PIE, SOME PAPER PLATES AND CUPS, NAPKINS."

- HI! - HOW YA DOIN', PARTNER?

OH, HI, ELWOOD... UH, MR. DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

WE'RE SHOPPING FOR OUR ANNOUNCEMENT PARTY.

WELL, WE'LL BE THERE. AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY BUDDIES.

ANYTHING THEY WANT. BYE.

OKAY.

I GUESS YOU BETTER MAKE THAT 16 PORTERHOUSE STEAKS. OKAY.

COME ON.