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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:13,806 - This is the story of my best friend. 2 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,375 That's him. 3 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:20,712 Not now. 4 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,849 That's him now. 5 00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:34,126 He has issues. 6 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,327 - Fuck off! 7 00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:38,330 Intimacy issues. 8 00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:39,264 - Nobody's home! 9 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,567 And anger issues. 10 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,738 And other stuff. 11 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,311 When you have a disability, 12 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,046 you're on display at all hours. 13 00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,221 Travis is a solo act. 14 00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:04,356 He lives alone 15 00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:07,025 and he works alone. 16 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:15,834 And nobody dreams of being alone forever. 17 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,377 - You're bent, you horn dog! 18 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,816 - Nice spasmobile! 19 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,218 Hey, now we know why he walks like that. 20 00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:34,119 - Yeah. 21 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,721 - He's got a permanent boner. 22 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,123 - I think he shat himself! 23 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,199 - Oh shit! 24 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:47,766 Shit! 25 00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,735 - Oh shit, run! 26 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:50,636 Run! 27 00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,838 - Who's shitting themself now? 28 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,539 - No! 29 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:54,339 Oh, he's coming! 30 00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:59,344 - You crazy fuck! 31 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,052 - Oh, shit. 32 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,353 - Up yours, loser! 33 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,489 - Oh, dear. 34 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,192 - Travis. 35 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,128 - Little shit! 36 00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:18,931 - Listen, 37 00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,866 what you have to understand 38 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,937 is that the kids in this college are assholes. 39 00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:27,172 But that doesn't mean you can just go 40 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:30,209 and run the little shitbags over. 41 00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:32,911 - Am I fired? 42 00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,816 - Travis, you have problem with your anger. 43 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,651 Now you need to go and talk to somebody. 44 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,320 You have to promise me. 45 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,354 - I don't have a problem. 46 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,489 It's not my fault the world's fucked. 47 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,292 - Promise me. 48 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:49,621 - Freeze, asshole! 49 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,358 - That's me... 50 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,126 meeting Travis. 51 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,162 - Ah! 52 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,230 Motherfucker! 53 00:04:58,232 --> 00:05:00,132 - Put your hands on your head! 54 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:02,534 Get on the couch and don't move! 55 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,869 - What couch? 56 00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:04,569 - That couch! 57 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:07,639 - I can't see any couch, I can't see anything. 58 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,540 I'm blind! 59 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,142 - Oh, shit. 60 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,109 Okay. 61 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,744 Here, just... 62 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:13,412 Sit there. 63 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,279 I'm calling an ambulance. 64 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,248 Can I get you anything? 65 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:16,815 - Oh. 66 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:17,683 A beer would be nice. 67 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,718 - I'm calling you an ambulance. 68 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:20,752 - What for? 69 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,220 - You said you can't see. 70 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,022 - I was blind already. 71 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,424 - What kind of burglar are you? 72 00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,659 - I'm not a burglar, I thought you were a burglar. 73 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,062 - I'm not a burglar, I live here. 74 00:05:30,064 --> 00:05:33,198 - Oh, well, that's a relief then. 75 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:33,999 No one's a burglar. 76 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:38,203 - I get it now, you're a little blind and... 77 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:42,074 you just stumbled into the wrong apartment. 78 00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:43,308 No harm done. 79 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,242 - Easy for you to say. 80 00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,844 You didn't get hit over the head with a frying pan. 81 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,846 - It was a freaking baseball bat. 82 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,749 - Oh, no wonder my freaking head hurts. 83 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,250 I need some medication. 84 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,486 Could you, in my bag there? 85 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,056 - Is this it? 86 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,025 - Yeah, that looks like it. 87 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,598 - Can I get you a glass of water? 88 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,266 - Beer would be better. 89 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:18,944 - Uh... 90 00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:21,012 I was thinking like asprin. 91 00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,647 - No, you can't smoke asprin. 92 00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,049 Are you freaking crazy? 93 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:25,550 Well, 94 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,551 I don't think you can, can you? 95 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,254 - You mind just telling me what's going on? 96 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:32,290 - You should've received one of these, didn't you? 97 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:36,495 - It's Braille. 98 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:37,162 What's it say? 99 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,464 - This is a subsidised apartment. 100 00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:40,399 - So? 101 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,100 - It has two bedrooms. 102 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:42,801 - So? 103 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:45,103 - Well, you can only sleep in one. 104 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:45,737 - No, no. 105 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,439 Nuh-uh, not happening. 106 00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:48,206 - It's official. 107 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,609 Either I move in or you pay rent on the extra room. 108 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,011 Like 130, 350. - Oh, God. 109 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,045 I can't afford that. 110 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:54,980 - Well it's settled then. 111 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,615 Oh man, we're gonna have a great time. 112 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,449 - No, we're not! 113 00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:58,917 - Yeah, sure we will, trust me. 114 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,018 I make the perfect roommate 115 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,186 because I got like 10 percent vision, 116 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:04,456 so you can like walk around with your hairy boys hanging out 117 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:05,223 and I'll never know. 118 00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:10,162 - No, I won't because you are not staying. 119 00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:11,196 Out! 120 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:15,667 - Are you pointing at a door right now? 121 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:18,937 - No. 122 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,072 - I'm blind. 123 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:23,875 And homeless 124 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,977 with a possible concussion. 125 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,979 What's your disability? 126 00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,948 Are you a heartless dick? 127 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,056 - Oh, oh, okay! 128 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,459 Okay, you can stay! 129 00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:41,960 Just till we get this sorted, okay? 130 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,396 And we need to set some boundaries. 131 00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:46,164 - Roomie! 132 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,666 - Boundaries! 133 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,368 When I am home, you stay in your room. 134 00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,637 - I've gotta unpack my stuff. 135 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,040 - Fine, you do that. 136 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,875 I'm going to the pub. 137 00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:57,909 - Oh, great idea! 138 00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,377 I'll come with you. 139 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,484 Are we walking or driving? 140 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,856 Oh shit, I guess we're walking. 141 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,491 Come on, take a hit. 142 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:15,494 Let's get to know each other, I'm Gordo. 143 00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,229 I'm 27. 144 00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:18,096 I'm an Aries. 145 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,064 I'm Samoan. 146 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,566 I'm single but looking. 147 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:24,769 I enjoy bubble baths and... 148 00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:27,105 Oh, British music of the '80s. 149 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,607 I play the ukulele. 150 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:29,441 - Give me that. 151 00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:31,610 - Ha. 152 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:33,478 Yes. 153 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,279 And I'm like, 154 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,581 come on, toaster, I want four toasts! 155 00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:39,518 Not three on one side and five on the other. 156 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,219 Just four all over! 157 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,556 You know what, this isn't what I signed up for. 158 00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:47,692 You made up the numbers, toaster, not me. 159 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,228 I think my kitchen appliances hate me. 160 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:53,498 - Lucky you're a barmaid not a cook then, eh. 161 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:56,201 - Sorry. 162 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:56,935 Sorry. 163 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:57,736 - Forget the toast, 164 00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:00,071 why won't you get me another beer, please? 165 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,073 - Sorry, what was your name? 166 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,308 - Derick. 167 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,276 - I'm sorry. 168 00:09:04,278 --> 00:09:06,711 - My name's Derick, Derick! 169 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,479 - No, I got that. 170 00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:09,548 I just, I feel sorry for you. 171 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,016 - Ah. 172 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,117 - Well, you'll feel sorry 173 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,452 if you don't go get me another beer 174 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:17,122 with a lot of head. 175 00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,156 Oi. 176 00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:22,127 - What an asshole. 177 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:22,827 - Ah! 178 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,629 Ha, ha, ha, ha. 179 00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:25,797 Clever, oh my God! 180 00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,499 Play on words, so clever. 181 00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:28,867 Asking for a foamy beverage 182 00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:32,571 while implying an invitation to suck your dick. 183 00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,072 You're a wit. 184 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,607 About your dick. 185 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,075 You're a dick wit. 186 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,911 - You wanna step outside and call me that? 187 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,279 - Yeah, sure. 188 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,148 It might take me a minute. 189 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:46,718 - Forget it, lucky you're a freaking retard, mate. 190 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:47,719 - This is your idea of lucky? 191 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:51,289 Shit, I'd hate to see someone you think is half bad run. 192 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:53,191 And retard? 193 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,026 Is that the best you can do? 194 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,428 - I don't know, what else you got? 195 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,763 - I don't know, how about spasmonaut? 196 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,065 Window-licker. 197 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:03,768 I get it, my appearance can be a bit off-putting. 198 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,071 You know what, when I meet a girl for the first time 199 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,472 I always get that same look. 200 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,475 And they always ask the same question. 201 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,511 How did you get into my room? 202 00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:19,551 - Get a light on him. 203 00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:22,520 - But for the record, I am not retarded. 204 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,723 I'm a spastic, there's a difference. 205 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:25,757 The body, 206 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:26,725 body's fucked. 207 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:29,194 The brain, the brain is fine. 208 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,729 Kind of the opposite of you. 209 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:41,906 What'd you think was gonna happen? 210 00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:45,176 You just come in here and see a beautiful girl on stage 211 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,478 and go, oh hey, here's the plan, 212 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,581 I'm gonna get shit-faced, sit in the dark 213 00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:51,683 and yell at her for a blowjob. 214 00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,685 'Cause how could that not work? 215 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,255 I'm the retard? 216 00:10:57,257 --> 00:11:00,291 There's a seat for you on the sunshine bus, my friend. 217 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,126 - Oh! 218 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,428 - You wanna step outside, be my guest. 219 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,363 If I'm not there in five minutes, 220 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,198 just start without me. 221 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:22,681 - Um. 222 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:25,417 Yeah, where was I? 223 00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:26,484 I was... 224 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,219 Toast. 225 00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,355 Four people at seven? 226 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,423 Yeah. 227 00:11:32,426 --> 00:11:34,125 Hey, thank you. 228 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,528 Yeah, no worries, we can do that. 229 00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,063 - Ah, gentlemen. 230 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,064 Nice work. 231 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:39,831 - Don't mention it. 232 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:40,999 - You got a real knack for the put downs. 233 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:41,833 - That's mentioning it. 234 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:42,734 - Hey, not so fast, hombre. 235 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:45,070 What would you say to a month of free beer? 236 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,404 - Hell yes! 237 00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:47,872 - What's the catch? 238 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,874 - Look, that's not the first time that's happened to Sunny. 239 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,543 How about you come in and give her some tips 240 00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:52,877 on how to repel people like that? 241 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:56,281 - No thanks, my repulsiveness is a natural gift. 242 00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:56,981 Can't be taught. 243 00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:58,149 - Bullshit, it's free beer! 244 00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:58,950 He'll do it. 245 00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:00,251 Introduce us. 246 00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:01,352 Has she got big titties? 247 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:02,253 - She's my girlfriend. 248 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,888 - Yeah, has she got big titties? 249 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,156 - Who's this guy? 250 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,692 - Some fucking freeloader I can't shake. 251 00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:08,560 - He's joking. 252 00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,495 I can tell by his facial expression. 253 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:11,763 I'm his wise mentor. 254 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,298 His magical negro. 255 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:14,265 - You're not black. 256 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,700 - Fuck off, are you sure? 257 00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:17,769 - Yeah. - I look black to me. 258 00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:18,903 - Everything looks black to you. 259 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:22,307 Look, you're the professional, why don't you do it? 260 00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:23,274 - Yeah, I'd just be better 261 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,477 if Sunny didn't know I was doing this. 262 00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:26,511 - Mmm, why? 263 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:27,479 - Trust issues? 264 00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:28,046 - Some. 265 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,314 - And you're gonna fix that by sneaking around 266 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:30,381 and doing shit behind her back? 267 00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,417 - Sometimes she doesn't know what's best for her. 268 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,386 - So I'm just supposed to casually bump into her 269 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:36,488 and offer some advice? 270 00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:37,455 - No, you take a job. 271 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,024 I'll make sure you're on the same shift as her. 272 00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:42,560 - Who's gonna hire an inexperienced spastic 273 00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:45,363 with anger issues to pick up glasses? 274 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,464 - Me, I own the joint. 275 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,966 Hey, Felicity, do me a solid. 276 00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,835 - Oh, see, to me that sounds like you mean a shit, 277 00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:51,836 doesn't it? 278 00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:52,403 - Kinda. 279 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,405 - Yeah, it sounds like you just asked her to do your shit. 280 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:55,540 - Oh, here she comes. 281 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:56,674 - I hope she doesn't. 282 00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,211 - Felicity, this is... 283 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,045 - Travis. 284 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:01,746 - And Gordo. 285 00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,181 - Yeah, put him on the she same shift as Sunny. 286 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:06,084 He's gonna help her get ready for the radio scouts. 287 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,418 - When can you start? 288 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,019 - Never. 289 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,387 I'm only here because this fat freak 290 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:10,321 is cluttering my apartment. 291 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:13,424 - Only till you earn extra to pay rent on the other room. 292 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:14,259 Which is? 293 00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,026 - 133.50. 294 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,595 - Yeah, plus tax, that's 200 even. 295 00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,531 Plus drink for the magical helper. 296 00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:20,765 Bottomless. 297 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:21,966 Deal? 298 00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,907 - You're with Mikey in the morning, 299 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,108 keeping it real. 300 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,309 Okay, let's take some calls. 301 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:36,047 Today I wanna hear about the weirdest job you've ever had. 302 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,148 - Hey, guys! 303 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,349 Such a big fan of the show. 304 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,251 I have the best story. 305 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,619 I can't believe... 306 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,325 - Pants! 307 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,828 For the love of God! 308 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:50,528 What time is it? 309 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:53,198 - Time for free beers, bro, come on! 310 00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:54,833 - Free for you. 311 00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:55,633 - How hard can it be? 312 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,468 You just pick up some glasses and talk to a pretty girl. 313 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,370 - How do you know she's pretty? 314 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:02,006 - Well, one, she's not that funny 315 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:02,707 and two, 316 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,542 her boyfriend's a celebrity dickhead. 317 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,144 - Oh, this is gonna suck. 318 00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,246 - It's just until you get the money. 319 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,647 Then you can kick me out and 320 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,749 grouch your way through life and such. 321 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:12,350 - Mmmmm. 322 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:15,820 But then what, what's gonna happen to you? 323 00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:17,222 - I'll be fine. 324 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,556 I'm like a cat. 325 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:20,592 I always land on my feet. 326 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,363 - Yeah, clearly. 327 00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,473 - Yeah, be cool. 328 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:38,810 - Hey! 329 00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:41,112 Didn't expect to see you here. 330 00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:43,681 Hello. - Hey. 331 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,650 - This is a stupid idea. 332 00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:47,785 - Hey, hey, hey. 333 00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:48,486 Come on. 334 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:49,687 It'll be fun. 335 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,125 - Thanks. 336 00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,395 - Cheers, mate. 337 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,098 - Excuse me. 338 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:02,667 Hey. 339 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,002 - Hey, what about this guy the other night? 340 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:04,802 Pretty funny, huh? 341 00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,905 - Yeah, you were, unlike me. 342 00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,373 - Nah, you were fine. 343 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:09,741 That guy was a real douche. 344 00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,509 - Ugh, yeah, men are sad. 345 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,445 Not you, though, you're special. 346 00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,283 I mean, lovely special. 347 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,117 Not... 348 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,287 I'm just, I'm gonna stop talking. 349 00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:24,255 - Hey, you should be mixing cocktails, mate. 350 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,657 You'd be a natural. 351 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:26,958 - Yeah. 352 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,026 - Do you need a hand with-- 353 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,694 - No, I got it. 354 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,904 - First day is going well. 355 00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,739 It's hard to pick my favourite moment 356 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,174 but I think I'm gonna have to go with 357 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:46,077 covering my vegan sister in beef gravy. 358 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:49,681 - I don't know why I took this stupid job. 359 00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:50,381 - Sure you do. 360 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,117 He took this stupid job so he could talk to you. 361 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,385 - Wow, player. 362 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,587 - No, not like that. 363 00:15:56,890 --> 00:16:00,124 I just wanted to see if you needed any help. 364 00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,727 With heckling. 365 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,497 - Did Mikey put you up to this? 366 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:07,265 - Why would he? 367 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:10,568 - He thinks I need to be better at staying on track. 368 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:15,406 I tend to get swept along a little bit. 369 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:18,176 Doesn't seem like an issue for you though. 370 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,978 - Never been swept. 371 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,413 - So, 372 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:23,648 how would this work? 373 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:27,685 You being my personal rage guru? 374 00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:29,787 - No idea, really. 375 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,725 - Wow, that sounds like a really well thought out plan. 376 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:37,028 Okay, you know what, fine. 377 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:37,729 Let's do it. 378 00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:41,332 See, that's me just getting swept along. 379 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,468 - Well, I'll leave you kids to it. 380 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,003 I gotta get to work. 381 00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,705 - You work? 382 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:48,706 - Sure do. 383 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,975 I'm in the music business. 384 00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,410 Yeah. 385 00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,881 ¶ Here I am sitting here 386 00:16:56,883 --> 00:17:00,985 ¶ Waiting for some loose change ¶ 387 00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:03,454 ¶ Here to remind you 388 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:06,991 ¶ That everyday is a good day 389 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:07,625 - Hi. 390 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:08,993 ¶ Let me here you smile 391 00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:09,927 Thank you. 392 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:12,130 - Stage, obviously. 393 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,664 Mic stand. 394 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,234 Control nook. 395 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,069 Dressing rooms. 396 00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:21,773 - Glamorous. 397 00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:24,242 - That's why I'm in it. 398 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,277 - Yeah, why are you in it? 399 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:27,879 For real. 400 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,848 - If we're doing for real questions... 401 00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:33,151 - Oh. 402 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,019 Cerebral Palsy. 403 00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:36,154 It's not contagious, 404 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:40,224 just neurological childhood stuff. 405 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:44,862 Shit happens and this is the shit that happened to me. 406 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:46,597 - Okay. 407 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:50,368 I'm doing it because Mikey has this whole grand master plan 408 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:54,072 of me breaking into breakfast radio, so... 409 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:55,940 - Swept along. 410 00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,608 - A little bit. 411 00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,812 - And you two? 412 00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:02,346 - Like rabbits. 413 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:03,748 - But it's not the dream? 414 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:07,418 - Fucking like rabbits or working in breakfast radio? 415 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,219 - Either. 416 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,554 - The money's good. 417 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:12,590 In radio but... 418 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,058 - But what? 419 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:18,896 - Do you know what it is to want something in your bones 420 00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:22,233 even if it doesn't make sense? 421 00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:25,837 - Maybe. 422 00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:29,440 - Come on. 423 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,576 I'll show you mine if you show me yours. 424 00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:57,969 Behold! 425 00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,070 The dream. 426 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,305 - My favourite apprentice. 427 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,940 Who's this, huh? 428 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:03,941 Finally come to your senses 429 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,377 and get rid of that little beardy finochio? 430 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,012 - No, Mario. - I'm just-- 431 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:08,946 - This is-- - Yeah. 432 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:09,881 - Travis. - I'm just-- 433 00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:11,516 - He's my friend. 434 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:12,717 - Yeah. 435 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,919 - What happened to your legs? 436 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:15,653 - Uh. 437 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,156 What happened to your teeth? 438 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,058 - You need something fixed? 439 00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,261 - Nah, I just, I came to show him around. 440 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,930 - You know, I actually, I do have a car. 441 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:26,998 - You do? 442 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,065 - Yeah. 443 00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:31,235 It's a '85 Nissan Skyline. 444 00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:33,638 - Oh, ironically hip. 445 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,405 - It's a shit box. 446 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,773 - Oh, don't say that. 447 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,241 Bring her in. 448 00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:37,842 - Uh. 449 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:42,613 I kinda don't have a licence and it's a little banged up. 450 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,115 Long story. 451 00:19:44,117 --> 00:19:45,316 - Shorten it. 452 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,219 - I may have allegedly intended to run 453 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:52,757 some kids over and kinda crashed into a flag pole. 454 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,026 - You brought down the flag? 455 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:57,094 You are a rebel. 456 00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:58,029 - Am I famous now? 457 00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:00,298 - No, it's just I go to-- 458 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,499 - You know, 459 00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:02,366 I hate 460 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:06,704 those little remedial learning shits, man. 461 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,339 Spawn of Satan. 462 00:20:09,475 --> 00:20:10,141 - Wow. 463 00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:12,276 You're really a pinata full of crazy, aren't you? 464 00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:16,681 Just crack you open and out it pours. 465 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,150 Come on. 466 00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:20,851 Now you show me yours. 467 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:26,390 One day I want a workshop just like that. 468 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:28,426 What's your dream? 469 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,627 - I don't dream. 470 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,363 - Bullshit, everyone has a dream. 471 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,098 Why don't you bring her in? 472 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:37,602 Mario and I will do her up like new, pro bono. 473 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,904 - Mario seems like a really cool guy. 474 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:40,972 - Yeah, beyond. 475 00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:43,341 I wanna be that guy when I grow up. 476 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:44,675 Only with teeth. 477 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:50,715 - So that's a pass on the radio and rabbits? 478 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:54,752 - Well, cushy life might be nice, you know? 479 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,021 But I don't always wanna be defined 480 00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:58,723 by my inability to make toast. 481 00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,124 Don't forget to tune in 482 00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:01,759 for "Mikey In the Morning." 483 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:02,660 7 A.M. weekdays! 484 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:03,794 Who says that men 485 00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:04,729 never help around the house? 486 00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:05,830 When my girlfriend's vacuuming-- 487 00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:06,864 - Is that him? 488 00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:07,732 - That's him. 489 00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:09,267 Is that not helping? 490 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,001 You tell me. 491 00:21:10,003 --> 00:21:11,769 - He has a catchphrase. 492 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,271 Really? 493 00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,572 Is that lame? 494 00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:15,506 You tell me. 495 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,109 - You don't think he's funny? 496 00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:20,378 - Uh, no. 497 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:24,815 - Okay. 498 00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:29,086 - Frankly, I could live without 499 00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,688 all the grease tracked into the house. 500 00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:31,889 - Yeah, I shower at the workshop. 501 00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:34,258 - Oh, I'm sure Mario would love that. 502 00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,727 - He is a hundred years old. 503 00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:37,528 - He's still a man. 504 00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:39,664 Oh God, listen to me, I sound like mom. 505 00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:41,599 - Mario's is part of my study 506 00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:44,001 and I have to come up with a major project 507 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:44,969 for Mechanics anyhow. 508 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,405 I don't have to do this comedy thing. 509 00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:48,406 - Yeah you do! - Yeah you do! 510 00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:51,375 - Darling, you could have a career in radio. 511 00:21:51,377 --> 00:21:53,477 It's perks a plenty, premium money. 512 00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:54,211 For what? 513 00:21:54,213 --> 00:21:55,446 I sit in a studio a couple hours a day 514 00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:56,547 and I make people laugh. 515 00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:58,616 - What's the worst that could happen? 516 00:21:58,618 --> 00:21:59,550 You buy me a house. 517 00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:01,719 - Yeah, how do you think I've afforded this place? 518 00:22:01,721 --> 00:22:03,988 - Fine, I'll do it until they see me. 519 00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:04,955 - That's my girl. 520 00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,957 - But as soon as they realise I suck, 521 00:22:06,959 --> 00:22:08,492 you'll both quit hassling me 522 00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,128 and I can just get on with my mechanic stuff. 523 00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:11,829 - Sure. 524 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:13,331 - Babe, you'd got a real shot here. 525 00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:16,100 - Don't I get to choose what I shoot at? 526 00:22:45,431 --> 00:22:48,499 Okay, so what do we do now? 527 00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:50,935 How do I learn to do what you did? 528 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:54,305 - I don't know. 529 00:22:54,607 --> 00:22:57,308 I just insulted myself, really, 530 00:22:57,310 --> 00:23:00,177 and I did it better than he did. 531 00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:02,847 - Yes, there's nothing funnier than a bit of 532 00:23:02,849 --> 00:23:05,449 good old fashion self-hate. 533 00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:06,016 - Well, 534 00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:07,985 you're shit out of luck then. 535 00:23:08,354 --> 00:23:10,121 - Are you saying that I'm not riddled 536 00:23:10,123 --> 00:23:12,456 with festering self-loathing? 537 00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:13,357 Moi? 538 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,226 - Well, what's to love? 539 00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:18,028 - Story time. 540 00:23:19,532 --> 00:23:22,666 Once upon a time, there was a little girl. 541 00:23:22,668 --> 00:23:26,237 Everyone said this little girl was very pretty. 542 00:23:26,239 --> 00:23:30,174 Especially Mr. Henry from over the back. 543 00:23:30,176 --> 00:23:33,310 When Mummy and Daddy were away, 544 00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:36,113 Mr. Henry would come and visit the little girl 545 00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:39,083 and he'd give her special treats. 546 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:41,452 Special secret treats. 547 00:23:41,454 --> 00:23:42,286 - Don't. 548 00:23:42,288 --> 00:23:43,053 - Fine. 549 00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,122 I got messed around with as a kid. 550 00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:46,924 My parents never figured it out, 551 00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:48,692 I fucking hated them for it. 552 00:23:48,694 --> 00:23:50,728 I made them pay. 553 00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:51,629 - Do they know now? 554 00:23:51,631 --> 00:23:53,798 - If I run into them, I'll ask. 555 00:23:56,102 --> 00:23:59,470 I've been living with my sister since I was 15. 556 00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:03,174 I guess they figured out something was wrong 557 00:24:03,176 --> 00:24:06,477 when I was hospitalised with bulimia. 558 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:08,112 - Bulimia? 559 00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:10,514 - Yeah, fun game, have you ever played? 560 00:24:10,516 --> 00:24:11,715 It's easy. 561 00:24:11,717 --> 00:24:14,452 You start by wanting to be loved 562 00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:17,621 and then you do something that makes you feel like 563 00:24:17,623 --> 00:24:18,956 you don't deserve that love, 564 00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:21,892 so you withhold reward from yourself. 565 00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:25,196 Till one day, something snaps. 566 00:24:25,198 --> 00:24:26,964 You can't live without love, right? 567 00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:31,769 Or in my case, you can't live without chocolate cheesecake. 568 00:24:31,771 --> 00:24:32,470 So you binge 569 00:24:32,472 --> 00:24:35,139 but it never fills that spot that's really empty 570 00:24:35,141 --> 00:24:37,575 and now you really fucking hate yourself, 571 00:24:37,577 --> 00:24:39,877 you must be punished and you've gotta offload 572 00:24:39,879 --> 00:24:41,846 all that undeserved love 573 00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:45,349 down the toilet. 574 00:24:46,953 --> 00:24:50,955 - Well now who's the pinata full of crazy? 575 00:24:52,024 --> 00:24:56,293 You game to take that up there and whack at it with a stick? 576 00:25:00,166 --> 00:25:02,900 - Food is important because it's the one thing 577 00:25:02,902 --> 00:25:05,002 that can take your mind off relationships. 578 00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:08,405 - Yeah, is that the whole horrible truth? 579 00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:09,907 - What do you mean? 580 00:25:09,909 --> 00:25:13,644 - What's really taking your mind off what? 581 00:25:14,247 --> 00:25:15,379 - Relationships. 582 00:25:15,381 --> 00:25:17,414 Relationships are incredibly important 583 00:25:17,416 --> 00:25:18,916 because they're the one thing in life 584 00:25:18,918 --> 00:25:21,685 that can stop you spending 24 hours a day 585 00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:22,887 thinking about food. 586 00:25:24,257 --> 00:25:25,089 - Yeah! 587 00:25:25,091 --> 00:25:25,689 Yeah. 588 00:25:25,691 --> 00:25:29,226 Therapy is basically paying someone to be your friend. 589 00:25:29,228 --> 00:25:30,995 It's one step away from 590 00:25:30,997 --> 00:25:33,163 having your mom hang a chop around your neck 591 00:25:33,165 --> 00:25:34,999 so the dog will play with you. 592 00:25:35,001 --> 00:25:37,668 - Except the chop doesn't cost 180 per hour 593 00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:41,772 and the therapist doesn't try to hump your leg after. 594 00:25:41,774 --> 00:25:42,339 Mostly. 595 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:46,777 - Whoa, what happened to the toaster bit? 596 00:25:47,046 --> 00:25:50,214 - I just, I feel like it's a little bit dated. 597 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:50,781 - Dated? 598 00:25:50,783 --> 00:25:51,782 I wrote that for you. 599 00:25:51,784 --> 00:25:53,183 You always burn the toast. 600 00:25:53,185 --> 00:25:54,118 It's your thing, Sunny. 601 00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:55,519 - Yeah, and it was really, it was funny at the time. 602 00:25:55,521 --> 00:25:57,021 - Is this your stuff? 603 00:25:57,023 --> 00:25:59,256 - I made some suggestions 604 00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:01,492 but Sunny has the final say. 605 00:26:01,494 --> 00:26:04,929 - Sunny has assertiveness issues, don't you, babe? 606 00:26:04,931 --> 00:26:05,930 - If you say so. 607 00:26:08,434 --> 00:26:09,500 - What? 608 00:26:12,104 --> 00:26:13,837 Mate, ditch the personal stuff. 609 00:26:13,839 --> 00:26:15,039 That's not what I'm paying you for. 610 00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:16,774 I've got radio execs coming to to the open mic night 611 00:26:16,776 --> 00:26:20,377 and that nihilistic shit is not breakfast radio. 612 00:26:20,379 --> 00:26:21,211 Capisce? 613 00:26:21,213 --> 00:26:22,046 - Yeah. 614 00:26:22,048 --> 00:26:23,113 - Good. 615 00:26:31,791 --> 00:26:34,091 - The toaster bit. 616 00:26:34,093 --> 00:26:35,559 Why? 617 00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:36,760 - It's good. 618 00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:37,661 It's you. 619 00:26:37,663 --> 00:26:38,729 It... 620 00:26:38,731 --> 00:26:40,297 And it's relatable. 621 00:26:40,299 --> 00:26:43,000 Everybody burns toast. 622 00:26:46,839 --> 00:26:47,771 - Bella? 623 00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:48,472 - Huh? 624 00:26:48,474 --> 00:26:50,641 - Can you get me a torque wrench? 625 00:26:53,479 --> 00:26:55,746 You come up with a project yet? 626 00:26:55,748 --> 00:26:56,814 - Mmmm. 627 00:26:57,550 --> 00:27:00,050 Do you think it would be possible to put 628 00:27:00,052 --> 00:27:02,186 training wheels on my scooter? 629 00:27:02,855 --> 00:27:03,921 - Why? 630 00:27:04,490 --> 00:27:06,490 - Bathroom, hang on one sec. 631 00:27:31,817 --> 00:27:33,117 - And so the terrorist says, 632 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,185 does my bomb look big in this? 633 00:27:37,356 --> 00:27:38,022 Okay. 634 00:27:38,024 --> 00:27:39,156 All right, next up, we've got a girl 635 00:27:39,158 --> 00:27:40,958 who's spent more time behind bars 636 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:45,029 than Schapelle Corby, our own Sunny O'Hara. 637 00:27:50,136 --> 00:27:51,101 Just remember what I told you. 638 00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:54,304 You'll be fine, you're adorable. 639 00:27:54,974 --> 00:27:56,140 - Is there anything funnier 640 00:27:56,142 --> 00:27:59,043 than a girl with an eating disorder? 641 00:27:59,045 --> 00:28:00,244 I don't think so. 642 00:28:01,814 --> 00:28:02,813 You know what's weird though? 643 00:28:02,815 --> 00:28:04,648 It's weird how proud some people are 644 00:28:04,650 --> 00:28:06,350 to tell you they're bulimic. 645 00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:07,785 Like it's a badge of courage. 646 00:28:07,787 --> 00:28:09,953 It's not, it's just a disgusting illness. 647 00:28:09,955 --> 00:28:13,524 I mean, who in their right mind goes around bragging, 648 00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:18,729 yep, yes, yes I do, I suffer from haemorrhoids. 649 00:28:18,731 --> 00:28:19,997 I blame the fashion industry. 650 00:28:19,999 --> 00:28:22,299 They're always always pushing the image 651 00:28:22,301 --> 00:28:23,901 that a woman is only attractive 652 00:28:23,903 --> 00:28:26,770 with enormous lumps bulging out of her anus. 653 00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:29,206 Ugh. 654 00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:32,342 I mean, fashion magazines, they made me bulimic. 655 00:28:32,344 --> 00:28:33,043 No they didn't. 656 00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,445 Stop kidding yourself. 657 00:28:34,447 --> 00:28:38,015 Vogue could fill its covers with fat chicks tomorrow, 658 00:28:38,017 --> 00:28:40,050 it's not gonna cure one binger. 659 00:28:40,052 --> 00:28:43,353 You wanna know how I became bulimic? 660 00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:44,421 Okay. 661 00:28:47,626 --> 00:28:48,692 Sorry. 662 00:28:52,064 --> 00:28:55,966 Sorry, I think I just swallowed a bug 663 00:28:55,968 --> 00:28:58,268 and what's really disturbing about that 664 00:28:58,270 --> 00:29:01,772 is that is the first time I've eaten in front of anyone 665 00:29:01,774 --> 00:29:02,940 in three years. 666 00:29:04,510 --> 00:29:06,009 - You could eat me! 667 00:29:08,414 --> 00:29:09,480 - Um... 668 00:29:10,116 --> 00:29:11,315 I could eat you, yes. 669 00:29:11,317 --> 00:29:13,951 Thank you, sir, I suppose I could. 670 00:29:13,953 --> 00:29:16,353 But I'd fucking just throw up afterwards. 671 00:29:20,493 --> 00:29:21,759 - It's good, it's well handled. 672 00:29:21,761 --> 00:29:23,093 - Not bad. 673 00:29:23,095 --> 00:29:23,994 - She's very good. 674 00:29:23,996 --> 00:29:25,462 - Does she write her own material? 675 00:29:25,464 --> 00:29:26,630 - No, I've been helping her. 676 00:29:26,632 --> 00:29:27,865 - I've spent years 677 00:29:27,867 --> 00:29:31,702 trying to make myself look like a Barbie doll 678 00:29:31,704 --> 00:29:33,370 until it hit me. 679 00:29:33,372 --> 00:29:35,606 The reason Barbie is so thin 680 00:29:35,608 --> 00:29:39,710 is because she can't bend her elbows. 681 00:29:40,012 --> 00:29:45,415 Have you ever tried to get food in your mouth like this? 682 00:29:46,418 --> 00:29:47,484 Here we go. 683 00:29:50,189 --> 00:29:51,221 Oh. 684 00:29:51,991 --> 00:29:53,056 And... 685 00:29:57,329 --> 00:29:58,562 - She's great. 686 00:30:00,232 --> 00:30:01,732 - It takes all kinds of dreams 687 00:30:01,734 --> 00:30:03,801 to make the world go round. 688 00:30:03,803 --> 00:30:07,171 Pipe dreams, heroic dreams, 689 00:30:07,173 --> 00:30:08,272 wet dreams. 690 00:30:08,274 --> 00:30:10,641 Travis had them all and he found a way 691 00:30:10,643 --> 00:30:12,009 to live them through someone else 692 00:30:12,011 --> 00:30:14,144 without ever showing his face. 693 00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:15,946 - Want to be your friend. 694 00:30:16,615 --> 00:30:19,950 - Mikey tells us radio's always been your dream. 695 00:30:19,952 --> 00:30:21,351 - That and the reoccurring one 696 00:30:21,353 --> 00:30:23,921 where I'm trapped in a sinking car. 697 00:30:24,623 --> 00:30:25,455 - That's funny. 698 00:30:25,457 --> 00:30:26,323 - See, told you. - You-- 699 00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:27,591 - Told you. - Don't need to joke with us. 700 00:30:27,593 --> 00:30:28,892 - What's she saying is, no pressure. 701 00:30:28,894 --> 00:30:31,562 All right, 'cause we've met all the great comedians, so-- 702 00:30:31,564 --> 00:30:33,564 - So nothing really makes us laughing. 703 00:30:33,566 --> 00:30:34,565 - Right. - Okay. 704 00:30:34,567 --> 00:30:35,465 - Look at me. 705 00:30:35,467 --> 00:30:36,233 - Loot at him. 706 00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:37,501 - Here's the 411. 707 00:30:38,704 --> 00:30:40,003 We love you. - We like you. 708 00:30:40,005 --> 00:30:41,638 - You've got the talent, right? 709 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:43,407 You've obviously got the looks. 710 00:30:43,409 --> 00:30:44,374 You've got the sincerity. 711 00:30:44,376 --> 00:30:45,642 - So important in radio. 712 00:30:45,644 --> 00:30:47,277 - Got terrific material. 713 00:30:47,279 --> 00:30:48,378 - The material was good. 714 00:30:48,380 --> 00:30:51,215 - So we're gonna have a talk about putting you on air now. 715 00:30:51,217 --> 00:30:54,685 - You could be the contemporary edge this show needs. 716 00:30:54,687 --> 00:30:56,386 - Between us, no one else, 717 00:30:56,388 --> 00:30:57,421 ratings are down. 718 00:30:57,423 --> 00:30:58,288 - They've dipped a bit. 719 00:30:58,290 --> 00:31:00,023 - A dip means its temporary. 720 00:31:00,025 --> 00:31:01,425 - Temporary. - Okay? 721 00:31:01,427 --> 00:31:04,728 And I, we, can sell the shit out of you. 722 00:31:04,730 --> 00:31:05,729 - Absolutely. 723 00:31:05,731 --> 00:31:06,697 - Yeah? 724 00:31:06,699 --> 00:31:07,831 - Yeah. 725 00:31:07,833 --> 00:31:09,666 - Because what I'm seeing 726 00:31:10,769 --> 00:31:12,536 is that face on a bus. 727 00:31:12,538 --> 00:31:13,637 - Wow. 728 00:31:14,974 --> 00:31:16,540 - That's my card. 729 00:31:16,542 --> 00:31:18,242 - Do you have a card? 730 00:31:18,244 --> 00:31:18,942 - No, I don't. 731 00:31:18,944 --> 00:31:20,110 I don't, I don't, what would I put on it? 732 00:31:20,112 --> 00:31:21,345 - You get on it-- - It's very important. 733 00:31:21,347 --> 00:31:22,346 - And get her a card! 734 00:31:22,348 --> 00:31:23,881 - Everyone in radio has a card. 735 00:31:23,883 --> 00:31:25,115 - You're on our shortlist. 736 00:31:25,117 --> 00:31:26,116 - You're on our list. 737 00:31:26,118 --> 00:31:27,284 - Well you won't be, dear, you're a star. 738 00:31:27,286 --> 00:31:29,319 - We'll see, we'll see. 739 00:31:30,556 --> 00:31:33,257 - What do you see in that guy? 740 00:31:33,259 --> 00:31:35,058 - Okay, rude. 741 00:31:35,327 --> 00:31:38,161 - I mean, you could just do so much better. 742 00:31:38,163 --> 00:31:38,795 - Right. 743 00:31:38,797 --> 00:31:42,032 He is funny, famous, good looking. 744 00:31:42,034 --> 00:31:43,800 Doesn't think I'm certifiable. 745 00:31:43,802 --> 00:31:46,737 I am totally lowering my standards. 746 00:31:47,039 --> 00:31:49,072 - And he's really shallow. 747 00:31:49,441 --> 00:31:50,774 - Only on the surface. 748 00:31:52,211 --> 00:31:54,378 You know what the radio guys really liked? 749 00:31:54,380 --> 00:31:56,813 It wasn't me, it was your jokes. 750 00:31:56,815 --> 00:31:57,481 - Your life. 751 00:31:57,483 --> 00:31:59,016 - That you made funny. 752 00:31:59,418 --> 00:32:01,151 You should be up there. 753 00:32:01,887 --> 00:32:02,653 - Oh, why not? 754 00:32:02,655 --> 00:32:05,756 You'd be fucking incendiary. 755 00:32:06,225 --> 00:32:08,358 - Some people are better behind-the-scenes. 756 00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,295 - You really have no idea, do you? 757 00:32:11,297 --> 00:32:13,797 - About what? 758 00:32:13,799 --> 00:32:15,432 - About you. 759 00:32:37,156 --> 00:32:37,955 - Pass me loofah? 760 00:32:37,957 --> 00:32:39,056 - What the hell? 761 00:32:39,058 --> 00:32:39,723 - The loofah. 762 00:32:39,725 --> 00:32:41,725 The big scrubby sponge thingy. 763 00:32:41,727 --> 00:32:42,826 You do have a loofah. 764 00:32:42,828 --> 00:32:44,928 - What are you doing in my bath? 765 00:32:44,930 --> 00:32:45,896 - Nothing nasty. 766 00:32:45,898 --> 00:32:47,998 I'm just having a spa. 767 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:48,966 With my friends. 768 00:32:48,968 --> 00:32:51,535 I needed to wash off the sticky residue. 769 00:32:51,537 --> 00:32:52,336 - Of what? 770 00:32:52,338 --> 00:32:55,005 - Of unrequited dreams. 771 00:32:55,007 --> 00:32:55,806 - In my tub? 772 00:32:55,808 --> 00:32:57,607 - Well, if there's one thing I learned from last night 773 00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,643 it's when you want something you don't have, 774 00:32:59,645 --> 00:33:01,278 you use someone else's. 775 00:33:02,014 --> 00:33:02,980 Hi, 776 00:33:02,982 --> 00:33:04,114 I'm Sunny. 777 00:33:04,116 --> 00:33:06,249 I'm cute and perky 778 00:33:06,552 --> 00:33:08,752 and I'll say all your funny shit for you 779 00:33:08,754 --> 00:33:09,753 so you don't have to show 780 00:33:09,755 --> 00:33:12,322 your hideously disfigured self in public. 781 00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:13,423 But what's in it for me? 782 00:33:13,425 --> 00:33:15,625 Other than your hand up my ass. 783 00:33:17,496 --> 00:33:19,429 - You think I'm using her? 784 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:23,767 - Did you ever stop to ask what I want? 785 00:33:25,537 --> 00:33:26,636 - Ugh. 786 00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:33,610 - All right, here's to the successful completion 787 00:33:33,612 --> 00:33:34,311 of stage one. 788 00:33:34,313 --> 00:33:35,212 - There are stages now? 789 00:33:35,214 --> 00:33:36,680 What am I, the moon landing? 790 00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:38,181 - Hey, mock not, we've piqued their interest. 791 00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:41,251 Now we just have to make it impossible for them to say no. 792 00:33:41,253 --> 00:33:42,019 - Say no to what? 793 00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:44,021 It's not like I'm asking them for anything. 794 00:33:44,023 --> 00:33:47,324 - That's exactly the attitude I'm looking for. 795 00:33:47,326 --> 00:33:50,127 - Is it what she's looking for? 796 00:33:50,129 --> 00:33:52,596 - Put a falafel in it, wobbly boy. 797 00:33:52,598 --> 00:33:55,265 - What're we talking about here, Mikey? 798 00:33:57,036 --> 00:33:57,934 - "Bring the Funny." 799 00:33:57,936 --> 00:33:59,870 The biggest comedy festival on the planet. 800 00:33:59,872 --> 00:34:03,673 We're gonna enter you into the unsigned open mic contest. 801 00:34:03,675 --> 00:34:06,176 You win this and you are breakfast radio. 802 00:34:06,178 --> 00:34:08,612 - Oh wow, you say it like it's such an easy thing. 803 00:34:08,614 --> 00:34:10,480 There's actually gonna be funny people doing this. 804 00:34:10,482 --> 00:34:12,416 - All you need is one good routine. 805 00:34:12,418 --> 00:34:13,250 It's three heats. 806 00:34:13,252 --> 00:34:15,619 The winner gets a slot in the closing night showcase. 807 00:34:15,621 --> 00:34:16,286 Televised live. 808 00:34:16,288 --> 00:34:18,688 - Shouldn't we ask if it's what she wants? 809 00:34:18,690 --> 00:34:20,323 - Celebrity judges. 810 00:34:20,325 --> 00:34:21,825 Rumour? 811 00:34:21,827 --> 00:34:23,427 Barry Humphries. 812 00:34:23,429 --> 00:34:24,394 - No way. 813 00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:24,995 - Who? 814 00:34:24,997 --> 00:34:26,863 - Only Dame Edna Everage. 815 00:34:26,865 --> 00:34:29,232 An Australian cultural icon. 816 00:34:29,635 --> 00:34:31,268 - Anyone in comedy knows who he is. 817 00:34:31,270 --> 00:34:31,835 - Yeah. 818 00:34:31,837 --> 00:34:32,702 Where did you hear this? 819 00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:33,937 - I move in circles. 820 00:34:33,939 --> 00:34:35,372 - Do you get dizzy? 821 00:34:36,041 --> 00:34:37,007 - So I want you guys together 822 00:34:37,009 --> 00:34:39,509 working on seven minutes of comedy gold. 823 00:34:39,511 --> 00:34:43,080 From now on, you two are inseparable. 824 00:34:43,082 --> 00:34:44,147 Okay? 825 00:34:46,385 --> 00:34:47,584 You were saying? 826 00:34:50,522 --> 00:34:51,388 - Nothing important. 827 00:34:59,198 --> 00:35:02,766 ¶ I can see that you are leading her on ¶ 828 00:35:02,768 --> 00:35:05,001 ¶ I think I know what you are 829 00:35:05,003 --> 00:35:06,169 - Thank you! 830 00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:07,070 - Thank you very much! 831 00:35:07,072 --> 00:35:09,673 ¶ I can see that you are leading her on ¶ 832 00:35:09,675 --> 00:35:12,809 ¶ Yeah, I know what you are 833 00:35:12,811 --> 00:35:16,213 ¶ You can't see that you're just the same ¶ 834 00:35:16,215 --> 00:35:19,983 ¶ As all the stupid people who you hate ¶ 835 00:35:19,985 --> 00:35:23,120 ¶ I'm not saying I'm free from blame ¶ 836 00:35:23,122 --> 00:35:26,223 ¶ Because I need all the friends I can get ¶ 837 00:35:26,225 --> 00:35:28,558 - Who needs 20 wheels? 838 00:35:29,027 --> 00:35:31,428 - I'm Evel fucking Knievel. 839 00:35:41,039 --> 00:35:41,605 Therapy. 840 00:35:41,607 --> 00:35:45,008 ¶ A long distance call to a mystery blond ¶ 841 00:35:45,010 --> 00:35:47,944 ¶ It wasn't good for business 842 00:35:47,946 --> 00:35:51,915 ¶ You say that she cried when she heard the bird's song ¶ 843 00:35:51,917 --> 00:35:53,216 - On thing in life that can stop you 844 00:35:53,218 --> 00:35:55,952 spending 24 hours a day thinking about food. 845 00:35:55,954 --> 00:35:59,022 Dieting, for a girl with body image issues, 846 00:35:59,024 --> 00:36:04,027 the ultimate aim is to end up looking like this. 847 00:36:04,029 --> 00:36:05,095 But with boobs. 848 00:36:05,097 --> 00:36:06,062 - Whoa, I thought we agreed 849 00:36:06,064 --> 00:36:07,531 to stay away from the personal stuff. 850 00:36:07,533 --> 00:36:09,966 - You agreed, Mikey, but if you want me to do this 851 00:36:09,968 --> 00:36:11,935 you have to at least let me do it as me. 852 00:36:11,937 --> 00:36:14,571 - Sweetie, bulimia is not funny. 853 00:36:14,573 --> 00:36:16,773 I'm just trying to tell you what works. 854 00:36:16,775 --> 00:36:18,141 - What works for you. 855 00:36:18,143 --> 00:36:20,110 You can get away the superficial chit chat 856 00:36:20,112 --> 00:36:23,613 and the cute catchphrases. - Hey, I'm not superficial. 857 00:36:23,615 --> 00:36:24,781 I do all the telethons. 858 00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:26,883 Those things go all night. 859 00:36:26,885 --> 00:36:27,784 Look, all I'm trying to do-- 860 00:36:27,786 --> 00:36:30,353 - Is mould me to fit your image. 861 00:36:32,324 --> 00:36:32,989 - Fine. 862 00:36:32,991 --> 00:36:34,791 Yeah, yeah, I should be at the studio. 863 00:36:34,793 --> 00:36:36,560 I've got stuff to do. 864 00:36:38,931 --> 00:36:41,698 You know, I didn't have to choose you. 865 00:36:43,635 --> 00:36:45,001 I mean, you know what I mean. 866 00:36:45,003 --> 00:36:47,103 - Yeah, you mean that you had better options 867 00:36:47,105 --> 00:36:49,172 and that I should feel lucky. 868 00:36:49,174 --> 00:36:49,806 - No. 869 00:36:49,808 --> 00:36:50,840 - And I do, Mikey. 870 00:36:50,842 --> 00:36:52,809 You make me feel lucky to be with you 871 00:36:52,811 --> 00:36:55,045 like I'm this broken thing 872 00:36:55,047 --> 00:36:58,715 and you're the only one on the planet that can fix me. 873 00:36:58,717 --> 00:37:01,351 Maybe if I'm lucky. 874 00:37:03,455 --> 00:37:04,854 - I don't need this. 875 00:37:13,465 --> 00:37:17,100 - "Charlotte and Davo forever." 876 00:37:17,102 --> 00:37:19,903 Sorry, kids, it was never gonna last. 877 00:37:19,905 --> 00:37:25,809 Davo is too fond of dope and Charlotte is a dope. 878 00:37:26,111 --> 00:37:27,911 Maybe they do have a chance. 879 00:37:30,749 --> 00:37:31,815 Hello? 880 00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:35,352 Campus is closed! 881 00:37:38,657 --> 00:37:40,223 - My secret's out. 882 00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:46,062 I'm one of the spawn of Satan. 883 00:37:46,598 --> 00:37:49,065 - How long have you been in there? 884 00:37:49,067 --> 00:37:50,433 - Since lunchtime. 885 00:37:52,170 --> 00:37:53,270 - Want a Tic Tac? 886 00:37:53,272 --> 00:37:55,672 - Why, does my breath, does it reek? 887 00:37:55,674 --> 00:37:56,339 - No. 888 00:37:56,341 --> 00:37:58,208 I just don't have a handkerchief. 889 00:38:03,248 --> 00:38:04,381 What's wrong? 890 00:38:06,184 --> 00:38:07,517 - Life. 891 00:38:08,086 --> 00:38:08,752 I decided I, 892 00:38:08,754 --> 00:38:13,690 I might as well stay in there and just die of misery. 893 00:38:13,692 --> 00:38:15,659 Or the stench, whichever got me first really 894 00:38:15,661 --> 00:38:19,763 and then you came along, you made me laugh and kinda, 895 00:38:19,765 --> 00:38:22,432 you spoiled my whole wallowing thing. 896 00:38:27,506 --> 00:38:31,374 Can you believe the sad shit that people write up here? 897 00:38:36,982 --> 00:38:39,149 - There's a spare roller here. 898 00:38:40,886 --> 00:38:42,018 - Thanks. 899 00:38:42,521 --> 00:38:45,121 - I'm about as socially desperate as it gets, 900 00:38:45,123 --> 00:38:48,325 but even I don't want my name in a heart 901 00:38:48,327 --> 00:38:49,993 on the back of a toilet door. 902 00:38:56,768 --> 00:38:59,669 - "Donna is a towel-head skank." 903 00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:01,071 Not anymore. 904 00:39:02,074 --> 00:39:04,441 - "Britney sucks dogs." 905 00:39:04,443 --> 00:39:05,775 No she does not. 906 00:39:05,777 --> 00:39:08,812 - Look at that, just wiping out racial disharmony 907 00:39:08,814 --> 00:39:12,982 and unsavoury bestial practises in one stroke! 908 00:39:13,418 --> 00:39:16,152 - And these are the normal people. 909 00:39:16,154 --> 00:39:16,986 - I know, right? 910 00:39:16,988 --> 00:39:20,223 How did we become the social outcasts? 911 00:39:20,225 --> 00:39:22,125 - It's not fair, is it? 912 00:39:23,161 --> 00:39:26,629 - If the world was fair, ice cream would be slimming. 913 00:39:26,631 --> 00:39:27,530 - If the world was fair, 914 00:39:27,532 --> 00:39:31,301 small furry animals would wear coats of super models. 915 00:39:31,303 --> 00:39:34,404 - And chocolate would cure pimples. 916 00:39:35,340 --> 00:39:37,073 - Beer would improve driving. 917 00:39:37,075 --> 00:39:40,477 - Neurosis would be irresistibly attractive. 918 00:39:40,479 --> 00:39:41,211 - Mmmm. 919 00:39:49,054 --> 00:39:50,220 I think I need training wheels. 920 00:39:50,222 --> 00:39:52,055 - No, you're fine. 921 00:39:52,457 --> 00:39:55,792 Hey, why don't you take her home? 922 00:39:56,395 --> 00:39:57,994 - You think? 923 00:39:57,996 --> 00:39:58,762 - Yeah. 924 00:39:58,764 --> 00:40:00,029 Live dangerously. 925 00:40:06,838 --> 00:40:07,904 - Um. 926 00:40:24,456 --> 00:40:26,022 - What the fuck are you doing? 927 00:40:26,024 --> 00:40:27,223 - I am peeing. 928 00:40:28,093 --> 00:40:29,092 - You just gonna be a smart ass 929 00:40:29,094 --> 00:40:30,093 little bitch your whole life? 930 00:40:30,095 --> 00:40:32,729 - Okay, this situation is a little vulnerable 931 00:40:32,731 --> 00:40:33,963 for this particular game. 932 00:40:33,965 --> 00:40:35,198 Can we just have a temporary delay in play? 933 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,033 - You expect me to be considerate of you 934 00:40:37,035 --> 00:40:38,368 but you don't think about the affect 935 00:40:38,370 --> 00:40:40,970 of your actions on anyone else. 936 00:40:40,972 --> 00:40:43,039 It feels good so you do it. 937 00:40:43,041 --> 00:40:44,641 - Okay, this is fun. 938 00:40:44,643 --> 00:40:46,876 - You've got a boyfriend who's kinda hot 939 00:40:46,878 --> 00:40:48,278 and kinda famous, but no, 940 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:49,646 you decided it would be a good idea 941 00:40:49,648 --> 00:40:52,048 to make out with the little spastic. 942 00:40:52,050 --> 00:40:53,750 - Good job, neighbourhood watch. 943 00:40:53,752 --> 00:40:55,685 - What're you thinking? 944 00:40:55,687 --> 00:40:57,287 - I don't know, maybe I... 945 00:40:57,289 --> 00:40:58,354 Maybe I made one mistake. 946 00:40:58,356 --> 00:41:00,323 Let's not turn this into something-- 947 00:41:00,325 --> 00:41:01,157 - One mistake? 948 00:41:01,159 --> 00:41:04,794 Sunny, this is your fucking life! 949 00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:08,465 You do these things because it feels, I don't know, 950 00:41:08,467 --> 00:41:10,500 exciting or naughty. 951 00:41:10,502 --> 00:41:13,169 You invite people to use you 952 00:41:13,171 --> 00:41:14,237 and when it all turns ugly, 953 00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:16,606 you expect someone else to come in and pick up 954 00:41:16,608 --> 00:41:17,941 all your broken little pieces. 955 00:41:17,943 --> 00:41:21,978 - If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, 956 00:41:22,681 --> 00:41:24,447 you can't blame me for what that man did. 957 00:41:24,449 --> 00:41:26,549 He was an adult and I was a child. 958 00:41:26,551 --> 00:41:28,351 - You could've done what I did. 959 00:41:28,353 --> 00:41:29,853 You could've said no. 960 00:41:30,388 --> 00:41:31,988 - He-- - Yeah, he tried. 961 00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,223 Before you. 962 00:41:33,225 --> 00:41:34,591 You're not so special. 963 00:41:34,593 --> 00:41:37,227 You just don't know how to say no. 964 00:41:37,229 --> 00:41:39,362 - I was 12, you cunt. 965 00:41:39,364 --> 00:41:40,563 - So was I. 966 00:42:06,224 --> 00:42:07,223 - This is it. 967 00:42:07,225 --> 00:42:09,058 Initiate launch procedure. 968 00:42:09,060 --> 00:42:11,060 - Ever heard of Apollo 13? 969 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:22,472 You okay in there? 970 00:42:22,474 --> 00:42:24,607 - Go away, please. 971 00:42:32,017 --> 00:42:34,117 - 'Cause I'm talking to an idiot-- 972 00:42:34,119 --> 00:42:34,884 - Oh shit. 973 00:42:34,886 --> 00:42:35,952 I took her to Chinese for lunch. 974 00:42:35,954 --> 00:42:38,488 For a girl who usually eats a fork-full of moo goo 975 00:42:38,490 --> 00:42:39,389 and half a fortune cookie, 976 00:42:39,391 --> 00:42:42,258 she made a pretty decent dent in the menu. 977 00:42:42,260 --> 00:42:43,960 It's the MSG I bet. 978 00:42:44,563 --> 00:42:47,130 Well, whatever it is, we're screwed. 979 00:42:47,132 --> 00:42:49,065 All that hard work for nothing. 980 00:42:49,067 --> 00:42:51,668 Guess she won't be needing you anymore. 981 00:43:04,215 --> 00:43:05,582 What're you doing? 982 00:43:05,584 --> 00:43:09,686 - Taking some advice I got from a bath mitt. 983 00:43:30,241 --> 00:43:31,407 Um. 984 00:43:37,349 --> 00:43:40,683 Believe it or not, I've been in therapy. 985 00:43:42,153 --> 00:43:43,019 Therapy, right? 986 00:43:43,021 --> 00:43:46,823 It's basically paying someone to be your friend. 987 00:43:46,825 --> 00:43:49,292 But with therapy, what you're really paying for 988 00:43:49,294 --> 00:43:52,428 is not for someone to listen to you problems. 989 00:43:52,430 --> 00:43:54,731 No, what you're paying for is so that 990 00:43:54,733 --> 00:43:57,467 you don't have to listen to their shitty problems. 991 00:44:01,272 --> 00:44:03,906 Yeah, I have issues. 992 00:44:04,476 --> 00:44:06,943 The paper bag gave it away, huh? 993 00:44:07,379 --> 00:44:08,745 I have cerebral palsy. 994 00:44:08,747 --> 00:44:12,415 Yeah, I'm a full-time spastic. 995 00:44:12,417 --> 00:44:13,383 Not just recreationally. 996 00:44:13,385 --> 00:44:15,385 I don't need beer to walk like this. 997 00:44:15,387 --> 00:44:16,953 This is all me. 998 00:44:18,590 --> 00:44:20,857 You know, when you got cerebral palsy, 999 00:44:20,859 --> 00:44:22,992 it's hard to pick up a girl. 1000 00:44:22,994 --> 00:44:25,228 It's hard to pick up a drink. 1001 00:44:26,598 --> 00:44:29,565 I mean, I met this girl, I like her, 1002 00:44:29,567 --> 00:44:31,501 but what do I say? 1003 00:44:31,503 --> 00:44:34,103 I promise I won't try to get in your pants. 1004 00:44:34,105 --> 00:44:37,407 I have enough trouble getting in my own. 1005 00:44:40,245 --> 00:44:42,712 But don't feel bad for me. 1006 00:44:42,714 --> 00:44:43,646 There is an upside. 1007 00:44:43,648 --> 00:44:46,916 Girls like guys they can fix, right? 1008 00:44:47,852 --> 00:44:48,785 So, right her, right? 1009 00:44:48,787 --> 00:44:51,254 This is catnip to the ladies. 1010 00:44:59,230 --> 00:44:59,996 My boss... 1011 00:44:59,998 --> 00:45:01,030 Thank you. 1012 00:45:01,032 --> 00:45:05,968 My boss tells me I also have anger issues. 1013 00:45:11,576 --> 00:45:12,775 - You went on? 1014 00:45:14,713 --> 00:45:15,511 - You don't mind? 1015 00:45:15,513 --> 00:45:17,413 - No, I couldn't be happier. 1016 00:45:17,415 --> 00:45:20,083 - Yeah, well hold that thought. 1017 00:45:20,085 --> 00:45:21,250 You're out. 1018 00:45:21,953 --> 00:45:23,152 He's in. 1019 00:45:23,154 --> 00:45:24,153 He won the heat. 1020 00:45:24,155 --> 00:45:26,055 He's through the next round. 1021 00:45:26,057 --> 00:45:26,956 Who freaking knew? 1022 00:45:26,958 --> 00:45:27,757 - I told you! 1023 00:45:27,759 --> 00:45:28,624 Did I tell you? 1024 00:45:28,626 --> 00:45:29,325 - I'm sorry. 1025 00:45:29,327 --> 00:45:30,259 - No, you did me a favour. 1026 00:45:30,261 --> 00:45:31,861 It was never me, it was you, you know that. 1027 00:45:31,863 --> 00:45:33,930 And now I can spend more time at Mario's. 1028 00:45:33,932 --> 00:45:35,498 - Great, more greasy fingernails. 1029 00:45:35,500 --> 00:45:36,399 Who doesn't find that hot? 1030 00:45:36,401 --> 00:45:38,267 - You're gonna keep going, right? 1031 00:45:38,269 --> 00:45:39,068 - I guess. 1032 00:45:39,070 --> 00:45:40,269 - Yes you are! 1033 00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:42,405 You've got two more rounds, you win those, 1034 00:45:42,407 --> 00:45:43,639 you're in the big show. 1035 00:45:43,641 --> 00:45:44,507 And Mikey will help you. 1036 00:45:44,509 --> 00:45:47,210 - Yeah because Mikey's a freaking prince. 1037 00:45:48,413 --> 00:45:49,879 - Yeah, I might, I might just-- 1038 00:45:49,881 --> 00:45:51,114 - Yeah, you do that, champ. 1039 00:45:51,116 --> 00:45:54,350 They want a photo before you go, poster shot. 1040 00:45:56,421 --> 00:45:57,954 - Just like that, perfect. 1041 00:45:58,923 --> 00:46:00,056 One more? 1042 00:46:00,992 --> 00:46:02,058 Okay. 1043 00:46:06,731 --> 00:46:08,264 - I feel rank. 1044 00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,266 - Oh, you feel bad now, 1045 00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,135 just try having a barium enema. 1046 00:46:12,137 --> 00:46:12,835 - Oh, retard. 1047 00:46:12,837 --> 00:46:15,571 - Oh, we're not gonna do this again, are we? 1048 00:46:15,573 --> 00:46:16,205 - What's up? 1049 00:46:16,207 --> 00:46:17,740 You run out of jokes, have you? 1050 00:46:17,742 --> 00:46:18,374 - No. 1051 00:46:18,376 --> 00:46:19,909 I just don't think it's fair to have a battle of wits 1052 00:46:19,911 --> 00:46:22,111 with an unarmed opponent. 1053 00:46:22,881 --> 00:46:25,481 What does that mean, huh? 1054 00:46:31,790 --> 00:46:32,355 Huh? 1055 00:46:32,357 --> 00:46:33,890 Now that's fucking funny! 1056 00:46:34,726 --> 00:46:35,358 Smartass! 1057 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:36,359 - Come on, let's not fight, okay? 1058 00:46:36,361 --> 00:46:39,462 - I'm not fighting, Mikey, I'm just not agreeing with you. 1059 00:46:39,464 --> 00:46:40,863 Don't... 1060 00:46:40,865 --> 00:46:41,931 Travis? 1061 00:46:43,501 --> 00:46:45,701 Oh my God, Travis, shit! 1062 00:46:45,703 --> 00:46:48,337 Are you, Travis, are you okay? 1063 00:46:48,339 --> 00:46:49,972 - Rough crowd. 1064 00:46:50,675 --> 00:46:53,209 - Jesus, nice face period, mate. 1065 00:46:53,211 --> 00:46:54,043 I'll call an ambulance. 1066 00:46:54,045 --> 00:46:55,978 - No, no, no, no, no. 1067 00:46:55,980 --> 00:46:56,612 I'm fine. 1068 00:46:56,614 --> 00:46:57,480 - Okay, come on. 1069 00:46:57,482 --> 00:47:00,917 I'm gonna, I'm gonna take you home, okay? 1070 00:47:00,919 --> 00:47:01,617 - You what? 1071 00:47:01,619 --> 00:47:03,920 - I'm gonna, Mikey, I'm gonna take him home. 1072 00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:04,954 Okay? 1073 00:47:04,956 --> 00:47:05,988 - Sunny. 1074 00:47:13,464 --> 00:47:14,831 - Oh. 1075 00:47:14,833 --> 00:47:16,866 - You know you don't have to do that. 1076 00:47:16,868 --> 00:47:18,935 - Well, you don't know me. 1077 00:47:19,704 --> 00:47:21,671 - I'm trying to. 1078 00:47:21,673 --> 00:47:22,538 - It's not that hard. 1079 00:47:22,540 --> 00:47:24,407 Some people would say the real challenge 1080 00:47:24,409 --> 00:47:25,975 is getting me to back off. 1081 00:47:25,977 --> 00:47:27,677 - Some people are fuckwads 1082 00:47:27,679 --> 00:47:33,082 and especially ones with tiny beards and catchphrases. 1083 00:47:33,885 --> 00:47:36,152 - Do you have anything to drink? 1084 00:47:37,755 --> 00:47:38,955 - Yeah. 1085 00:47:38,957 --> 00:47:40,323 Just cans. 1086 00:47:42,894 --> 00:47:46,629 You know, I get the shakes sometimes, 1087 00:47:48,433 --> 00:47:50,266 break bottles 1088 00:47:50,268 --> 00:47:52,602 and chipped a tooth. 1089 00:47:57,408 --> 00:47:58,241 - Well, 1090 00:47:58,243 --> 00:48:00,076 here is 1091 00:48:00,078 --> 00:48:01,944 to following your dreams. 1092 00:48:02,180 --> 00:48:04,313 - To knowing your limitations. 1093 00:48:08,486 --> 00:48:14,523 - Hey, did you mean what you said tonight on stage? 1094 00:48:14,926 --> 00:48:15,858 Uh-oh. 1095 00:48:15,860 --> 00:48:16,626 - No. 1096 00:48:16,628 --> 00:48:18,361 About needing therapy? 1097 00:48:18,363 --> 00:48:21,731 - No, about wanting to say something to a girl 1098 00:48:21,733 --> 00:48:23,232 and not knowing how. 1099 00:48:23,768 --> 00:48:26,502 - Yeah, I'll get over it. 1100 00:48:28,706 --> 00:48:29,772 - Don't. 1101 00:48:34,412 --> 00:48:37,813 - Why did you, why'd you do that? 1102 00:48:39,784 --> 00:48:40,917 - Why not? 1103 00:49:01,606 --> 00:49:03,506 ¶ Come 1104 00:49:03,508 --> 00:49:06,342 ¶ Husk your limbs 1105 00:49:06,344 --> 00:49:11,714 ¶ To my floor 1106 00:49:12,784 --> 00:49:14,817 ¶ Bones 1107 00:49:14,819 --> 00:49:17,720 ¶ Sucking stones 1108 00:49:17,722 --> 00:49:23,192 ¶ Her coming storm 1109 00:49:23,428 --> 00:49:26,195 ¶ Under the lights you went 1110 00:49:26,197 --> 00:49:31,767 ¶ Chemical ashes head down 1111 00:49:34,605 --> 00:49:37,340 ¶ Heart on a diamond thread 1112 00:49:37,342 --> 00:49:42,979 ¶ Fennel and lashes wet down 1113 00:49:46,584 --> 00:49:51,153 ¶ Young star, haunted lynx 1114 00:49:51,155 --> 00:49:56,559 ¶ Ring of sliver 1115 00:49:58,029 --> 00:50:02,064 ¶ I want your bones 1116 00:50:02,066 --> 00:50:07,570 ¶ Inside my bones 1117 00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:11,741 ¶ Ooo 1118 00:50:11,743 --> 00:50:14,810 ¶ Oooooo 1119 00:50:14,812 --> 00:50:17,179 ¶ Oooooo 1120 00:50:25,923 --> 00:50:26,989 - Mikey? 1121 00:50:28,059 --> 00:50:29,058 - Yep. 1122 00:50:32,296 --> 00:50:33,362 - So, 1123 00:50:33,965 --> 00:50:35,765 what're you gonna do now? 1124 00:50:37,835 --> 00:50:39,502 - I'm not exactly sure. 1125 00:50:41,272 --> 00:50:43,406 I'm gonna have to talk to him. 1126 00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:47,376 I need you to trust me. 1127 00:50:57,288 --> 00:50:58,487 Can you do that? 1128 00:51:16,841 --> 00:51:17,973 What's this? 1129 00:51:23,081 --> 00:51:24,313 - It's trust. 1130 00:51:31,122 --> 00:51:33,856 This is gotta be the best idea you ever had. 1131 00:51:37,261 --> 00:51:38,461 Left turn coming up. 1132 00:51:38,463 --> 00:51:40,863 In three, two, one, turn. 1133 00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:48,571 - So you're gonna be like famous now. 1134 00:51:48,573 --> 00:51:49,605 On TV? 1135 00:51:49,974 --> 00:51:52,308 You're gonna be like a poon tang magnet. 1136 00:51:52,310 --> 00:51:52,908 - No. 1137 00:51:52,910 --> 00:51:54,210 It's just a contest. 1138 00:51:54,212 --> 00:51:56,312 And there's two more heats. 1139 00:51:56,314 --> 00:51:57,179 - Which if you win. 1140 00:51:57,181 --> 00:51:59,482 - Then I'm in the showcase. 1141 00:51:59,484 --> 00:52:01,951 That, that's televised. 1142 00:52:01,953 --> 00:52:03,619 - And that's exciting, right? 1143 00:52:03,621 --> 00:52:04,420 For you? 1144 00:52:04,422 --> 00:52:05,454 - Yeah. 1145 00:52:05,456 --> 00:52:06,222 - I don't get TV. 1146 00:52:06,224 --> 00:52:08,958 To me it's just an expensive fucking radio. 1147 00:52:10,061 --> 00:52:10,960 But seriously though, 1148 00:52:10,962 --> 00:52:13,929 I can't focus on driving when I smell on you like.... 1149 00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,967 ripe peaches and, and... 1150 00:52:19,871 --> 00:52:20,836 fresh sex. 1151 00:52:20,838 --> 00:52:21,537 - Oh, God. 1152 00:52:21,539 --> 00:52:23,472 - Oh, someone should market that as a breakfast cereal. 1153 00:52:23,474 --> 00:52:26,709 Like, Snatch Krispies or... 1154 00:52:26,711 --> 00:52:27,443 Pussy Puffs! 1155 00:52:27,445 --> 00:52:29,512 - Dude, you're a bad person, you know that, right? 1156 00:52:29,514 --> 00:52:32,214 And, you just missed our turn. 1157 00:52:32,216 --> 00:52:33,282 - So what? 1158 00:52:33,284 --> 00:52:34,917 I'm not in control. 1159 00:52:34,919 --> 00:52:36,619 You're not in control. 1160 00:52:36,621 --> 00:52:37,553 No one is. 1161 00:52:37,555 --> 00:52:39,021 It's an illusion. 1162 00:52:39,023 --> 00:52:41,023 You have to learn to go with it. 1163 00:52:41,025 --> 00:52:42,625 But like I always say, 1164 00:52:42,627 --> 00:52:43,859 trust in the universe 1165 00:52:43,861 --> 00:52:45,694 and then the good things will happen. 1166 00:52:46,464 --> 00:52:49,598 - For the record, I never say that. 1167 00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,168 I'm blind, I'm not stupid. 1168 00:52:52,170 --> 00:52:53,936 I don't believe in happy endings. 1169 00:52:53,938 --> 00:52:57,206 - You're making the biggest mistake of your life. 1170 00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:58,040 This is so you. 1171 00:52:58,042 --> 00:52:59,275 - What does that supposed to mean? 1172 00:52:59,277 --> 00:53:01,810 - Oh look, a stray dog is so cute, can I keep it? 1173 00:53:01,812 --> 00:53:02,711 - How fucking dare you. 1174 00:53:02,713 --> 00:53:03,979 - No, how fucking dare you! 1175 00:53:03,981 --> 00:53:05,581 - Bella, you want me to do something? 1176 00:53:05,583 --> 00:53:07,816 - Hey, butt out, old man! 1177 00:53:08,819 --> 00:53:09,585 I'm not joking. 1178 00:53:09,587 --> 00:53:11,053 - Fine, Mario, I'm fine. 1179 00:53:11,055 --> 00:53:12,121 This is not the place, okay. 1180 00:53:12,123 --> 00:53:13,055 We can finish this-- 1181 00:53:13,057 --> 00:53:14,823 - No, we're finished! 1182 00:53:15,026 --> 00:53:16,492 I'll see you in a few days when you realise 1183 00:53:16,494 --> 00:53:19,428 what a massive fucking mistake you've made. 1184 00:53:19,430 --> 00:53:20,963 This is real life, 1185 00:53:20,965 --> 00:53:23,265 not some cutesy fairytale. 1186 00:53:23,534 --> 00:53:27,403 You kiss a frog, in the morning it's still gonna be a frog. 1187 00:53:47,592 --> 00:53:48,157 - Hey. 1188 00:53:48,159 --> 00:53:49,725 - You gonna invite us in? 1189 00:53:50,061 --> 00:53:52,528 - Why don't we take her for a spin? 1190 00:53:52,530 --> 00:53:53,229 - Like this? 1191 00:53:53,231 --> 00:53:56,232 - Yeah, I mean, she should run fine. 1192 00:53:57,702 --> 00:53:58,634 Let's go. 1193 00:53:58,636 --> 00:53:59,835 - Okay. 1194 00:54:03,174 --> 00:54:04,173 - Hey. 1195 00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:07,543 You look after her, okay? 1196 00:54:08,012 --> 00:54:09,411 - I'm not driving. 1197 00:54:09,413 --> 00:54:10,613 - Not the car. 1198 00:54:11,048 --> 00:54:12,548 Don't be an asshole. 1199 00:54:12,550 --> 00:54:14,850 She don't need another asshole. 1200 00:54:14,852 --> 00:54:16,885 - Okay. 1201 00:54:16,887 --> 00:54:18,520 - Okay. 1202 00:54:38,709 --> 00:54:40,943 - Trav, are you gonna rap or what? 1203 00:54:40,945 --> 00:54:42,244 Come on, Trav. 1204 00:54:42,246 --> 00:54:43,846 - This is everyday. 1205 00:54:51,922 --> 00:54:53,656 - Oh! 1206 00:54:53,658 --> 00:54:54,757 Queen! 1207 00:54:54,759 --> 00:54:56,792 - Here you go, bro. 1208 00:54:59,830 --> 00:55:03,732 - You're just going in circles! 1209 00:55:03,734 --> 00:55:05,034 - Yay! - Yeah! 1210 00:55:05,036 --> 00:55:06,669 - Yes! 1211 00:55:07,805 --> 00:55:11,206 - You look like a praying mantis on crack! 1212 00:55:57,655 --> 00:56:01,056 Oh my God, Mario, it's beautiful. 1213 00:56:01,058 --> 00:56:02,791 Let's put the windshield on. 1214 00:56:02,793 --> 00:56:04,626 Let's finish this. 1215 00:56:05,329 --> 00:56:06,795 Hey. 1216 00:56:06,797 --> 00:56:07,463 Mario. 1217 00:56:07,465 --> 00:56:10,699 Old man, it's a little early for a siesta, isn't it? 1218 00:56:10,701 --> 00:56:11,800 Mario? 1219 00:56:16,574 --> 00:56:17,639 Mario. 1220 00:56:18,442 --> 00:56:20,109 - Il mio cuore. 1221 00:56:35,559 --> 00:56:37,192 - You're gonna be okay. 1222 00:56:37,194 --> 00:56:37,960 - Sorry, Bella. 1223 00:56:37,962 --> 00:56:38,961 - No don't need to be. 1224 00:56:38,963 --> 00:56:41,063 - I'm just a useless old man 1225 00:56:42,867 --> 00:56:44,933 who can't look after you. 1226 00:56:54,645 --> 00:56:57,012 - Oh, come on, people. 1227 00:57:01,886 --> 00:57:05,487 - Hey, Travis, can you call me? 1228 00:57:06,590 --> 00:57:09,191 There's something I need to tell you. 1229 00:57:09,193 --> 00:57:11,360 Actually, don't call. 1230 00:57:11,362 --> 00:57:14,596 I should tell you in person. 1231 00:57:22,673 --> 00:57:23,739 - Hey. 1232 00:57:43,661 --> 00:57:45,194 - Oh. 1233 00:57:45,196 --> 00:57:46,228 You. 1234 00:57:46,230 --> 00:57:47,863 - Yep. 1235 00:57:48,165 --> 00:57:50,432 - You think I don't know what's going on? 1236 00:57:50,434 --> 00:57:52,701 - You think I care what you know? 1237 00:57:52,703 --> 00:57:53,469 - You should. 1238 00:57:53,471 --> 00:57:56,538 She's a student at the school where you work. 1239 00:57:58,209 --> 00:57:58,907 Oh, 1240 00:57:58,909 --> 00:58:00,476 so you do care. 1241 00:58:00,778 --> 00:58:02,711 - You know, I didn't come here to play games. 1242 00:58:02,713 --> 00:58:05,013 Sunny needs to tell me something. 1243 00:58:13,591 --> 00:58:16,191 - What did you think was gonna happen? 1244 00:58:17,361 --> 00:58:19,361 That she'd end up with you? 1245 00:58:22,900 --> 00:58:23,932 Oh. 1246 00:58:35,246 --> 00:58:36,678 Life tries to show us 1247 00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:38,313 what we need to see 1248 00:58:38,315 --> 00:58:40,682 but it's never completely clear. 1249 00:58:42,186 --> 00:58:45,220 It's hard to look at yourself objectively. 1250 00:58:49,093 --> 00:58:53,428 And what you see depends on what you're willing to believe. 1251 00:58:53,998 --> 00:58:55,097 - All right. 1252 00:58:55,099 --> 00:58:56,331 All right, all right, all right, all right. 1253 00:58:56,333 --> 00:58:59,735 This next guy is competing for a slot in the closing night 1254 00:58:59,737 --> 00:59:01,136 of the "Bring the Funny" showcase. 1255 00:59:01,138 --> 00:59:03,205 I want you to go absolutely nuts for our next contestant. 1256 00:59:03,207 --> 00:59:05,140 Give it up for a very funny guy, 1257 00:59:05,142 --> 00:59:06,375 Mysterious Bag Man. 1258 00:59:06,377 --> 00:59:07,809 Yes! 1259 00:59:08,612 --> 00:59:12,614 - You know, I had this girlfriend, it didn't work out. 1260 00:59:12,616 --> 00:59:13,382 She left me. 1261 00:59:14,752 --> 00:59:18,620 She said, I can never tell what you're thinking. 1262 00:59:18,622 --> 00:59:20,722 I'm like, what do you want? 1263 00:59:20,724 --> 00:59:22,991 This is the only expression I can draw. 1264 00:59:36,774 --> 00:59:42,177 I'd kiss her and she'd complain about paper cuts. 1265 00:59:42,179 --> 00:59:42,945 When we made love, 1266 00:59:42,947 --> 00:59:45,981 she said it was like humping a Happy Meal. 1267 00:59:58,495 --> 01:00:00,062 The whole time it's all about 1268 01:00:00,064 --> 01:00:02,464 what she wants, what she needs. 1269 01:00:02,466 --> 01:00:05,000 Banging on my door day and night. 1270 01:00:05,402 --> 01:00:07,803 Eventually, I had to let her out. 1271 01:00:33,397 --> 01:00:35,163 - Come back out here, dude, come on! 1272 01:00:35,165 --> 01:00:36,765 Very good, now... 1273 01:00:36,767 --> 01:00:38,266 So you just won your way through to the final round, 1274 01:00:38,268 --> 01:00:40,535 a shot at the big time, how's it feel? 1275 01:00:40,537 --> 01:00:41,737 How's it feel? 1276 01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:43,939 - Kinda dirty. 1277 01:00:43,941 --> 01:00:45,107 - Oh, okay. 1278 01:00:45,109 --> 01:00:47,676 Guys, give it up for this guy one more time. 1279 01:00:47,678 --> 01:00:49,611 Mysterious Bag Man. 1280 01:00:49,613 --> 01:00:50,212 Huh? 1281 01:00:50,214 --> 01:00:52,514 Thanks for coming out! 1282 01:01:45,536 --> 01:01:46,601 - Hey. 1283 01:01:48,372 --> 01:01:49,404 Busted. 1284 01:01:54,411 --> 01:01:55,877 - What're you doing here? 1285 01:01:55,879 --> 01:01:59,147 - I was just looking for some paper and... 1286 01:01:59,149 --> 01:01:59,881 I... 1287 01:01:59,883 --> 01:02:02,084 - Who said you could look at that? 1288 01:02:02,086 --> 01:02:04,519 - Travis, is this you? 1289 01:02:04,521 --> 01:02:07,355 - I said, that's private. 1290 01:02:08,358 --> 01:02:09,758 - Sorry, I just... 1291 01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:10,892 I wanted to pop-- 1292 01:02:10,894 --> 01:02:11,960 - You know, 1293 01:02:11,962 --> 01:02:12,828 you just... 1294 01:02:12,830 --> 01:02:15,163 you just can't barge in and out of people's lives 1295 01:02:15,165 --> 01:02:16,398 whenever you feel like it! 1296 01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:20,335 - Wow, okay, that's not what's happening here, Travis. 1297 01:02:20,938 --> 01:02:21,803 I tried to call you. 1298 01:02:21,805 --> 01:02:25,707 There's something I need to tell you. 1299 01:02:26,276 --> 01:02:28,009 - Yeah, I know. 1300 01:02:28,011 --> 01:02:30,812 What makes you think I fucking care? 1301 01:02:34,485 --> 01:02:38,720 - I don't know what happened to make you like this 1302 01:02:39,056 --> 01:02:40,255 but it wasn't me, okay? 1303 01:02:40,257 --> 01:02:42,057 I didn't do this! 1304 01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:43,892 - Get out! 1305 01:03:15,859 --> 01:03:19,828 ¶ Was our love 1306 01:03:19,830 --> 01:03:24,399 ¶ Just a song 1307 01:03:24,401 --> 01:03:27,402 ¶ I went to bed 1308 01:03:27,404 --> 01:03:32,140 ¶ Thinking everything was wrong ¶ 1309 01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:38,246 - Travis. 1310 01:03:38,248 --> 01:03:39,948 We need to talk. 1311 01:03:41,218 --> 01:03:42,250 Now! 1312 01:03:42,586 --> 01:03:45,387 Now you told me that you were gonna talk to somebody 1313 01:03:45,389 --> 01:03:47,088 about your issues. 1314 01:03:47,925 --> 01:03:48,990 - I've been talking 1315 01:03:48,992 --> 01:03:51,059 to a lot of people. - Well, we both know 1316 01:03:51,061 --> 01:03:53,862 that this is not what I meant. 1317 01:03:55,098 --> 01:03:58,600 How many second chances do you think I'm gonna give you? 1318 01:03:58,602 --> 01:03:59,835 - Technically just one. 1319 01:03:59,837 --> 01:04:02,604 After that would be a third and fourth and-- 1320 01:04:02,606 --> 01:04:05,941 - You have been accused of getting students drunk 1321 01:04:05,943 --> 01:04:08,643 in the toilets after hours. 1322 01:04:08,645 --> 01:04:10,445 - Student, just one. 1323 01:04:10,447 --> 01:04:11,847 I thought I'd start slow and work my way up. 1324 01:04:11,849 --> 01:04:14,382 - Of trying to run over a student? 1325 01:04:14,384 --> 01:04:19,387 Of making sexual advances with a student? 1326 01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:22,090 - They started it and she kissed me. 1327 01:04:22,092 --> 01:04:23,191 - The girl's sister told me 1328 01:04:23,193 --> 01:04:26,161 that she's been spending nights in your apartment. 1329 01:04:26,163 --> 01:04:27,362 Is that true? 1330 01:04:29,666 --> 01:04:31,066 - Well, not anymore. 1331 01:04:31,068 --> 01:04:32,934 So everybody happy now? 1332 01:04:41,511 --> 01:04:42,477 Gordo, can we talk? 1333 01:04:42,479 --> 01:04:44,946 - Hey, Trav, long time no see, man! 1334 01:04:44,948 --> 01:04:46,147 Oh, well, ever. 1335 01:04:46,149 --> 01:04:47,048 - Yeah, ha. - Really but-- 1336 01:04:47,050 --> 01:04:48,049 - Yo, can you stop playing that, 1337 01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:49,284 I need to tell you something. 1338 01:04:49,286 --> 01:04:50,285 - Yeah, so tell me. 1339 01:04:50,287 --> 01:04:53,088 - Not why you're playing that stupid goddamn song. 1340 01:04:53,090 --> 01:04:54,055 - Fine. 1341 01:04:54,791 --> 01:04:56,658 - I said stop it, all right! 1342 01:04:58,762 --> 01:04:59,561 - What the fuck? 1343 01:04:59,563 --> 01:05:02,030 What was that for? 1344 01:05:02,032 --> 01:05:03,899 - Shit, man, I... 1345 01:05:03,901 --> 01:05:05,433 Here, I'm sorry. 1346 01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,113 Just say something. 1347 01:05:18,115 --> 01:05:19,114 She went back to him. 1348 01:05:19,116 --> 01:05:22,050 - Well what did you expect, you asshole? 1349 01:05:22,052 --> 01:05:24,019 - What, because I'm like this? 1350 01:05:24,021 --> 01:05:24,819 - No. 1351 01:05:24,821 --> 01:05:27,722 Because you're such a fucking Nancy Hofstetter! 1352 01:05:27,724 --> 01:05:28,857 - A what? 1353 01:05:29,293 --> 01:05:30,325 - Nancy Hofstetter, man. 1354 01:05:30,327 --> 01:05:32,260 She's a girl I knew in high school. 1355 01:05:32,262 --> 01:05:36,231 She wanted me to fuck her but not put it in all the way. 1356 01:05:36,233 --> 01:05:37,565 Just the tip. 1357 01:05:37,567 --> 01:05:38,767 But that's you! 1358 01:05:39,069 --> 01:05:41,236 - I don't want you to fuck me with any-- 1359 01:05:41,238 --> 01:05:43,004 - Not me, fool! 1360 01:05:43,006 --> 01:05:44,072 Life! 1361 01:05:44,441 --> 01:05:46,608 You want life but you won't let it in 1362 01:05:46,610 --> 01:05:49,110 in all its throbbing, meaty glory. 1363 01:05:49,112 --> 01:05:52,047 You want life to fuck you but with just the tip 1364 01:05:52,049 --> 01:05:53,581 and that's bullshit, my friend. 1365 01:05:53,583 --> 01:05:58,086 You gotta let life stick it to you all the way, ball deep! 1366 01:05:58,088 --> 01:06:01,222 You gotta deep throat the whole fucking catastrophe, 1367 01:06:01,224 --> 01:06:02,057 swallow and smile, 1368 01:06:02,059 --> 01:06:05,460 because what's life without the fucking money shot? 1369 01:06:05,462 --> 01:06:07,262 It's all just meaningless foreplay 1370 01:06:07,264 --> 01:06:09,864 and you end up jacking off. 1371 01:06:09,866 --> 01:06:11,066 Alone. 1372 01:06:28,385 --> 01:06:29,551 When you hit that point 1373 01:06:29,553 --> 01:06:32,887 at which everything seems at its crappest... 1374 01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:34,522 - Sorry. - Sorry. 1375 01:06:34,524 --> 01:06:35,757 - You might just find that 1376 01:06:35,759 --> 01:06:38,226 breaking your ukulele can be the best thing 1377 01:06:38,228 --> 01:06:40,061 that ever happened to you. 1378 01:06:40,063 --> 01:06:40,929 - My fault. 1379 01:06:40,931 --> 01:06:42,263 - Oh no, my fault. 1380 01:06:42,265 --> 01:06:43,465 What was that? 1381 01:06:44,134 --> 01:06:45,433 - My ukulele. 1382 01:06:45,435 --> 01:06:47,035 It was shattered already. 1383 01:06:47,037 --> 01:06:47,869 - Aw. 1384 01:06:47,871 --> 01:06:48,937 - Yours? 1385 01:06:51,041 --> 01:06:52,407 - I'm all good. 1386 01:06:52,409 --> 01:06:54,175 - Well, sorry. 1387 01:06:54,177 --> 01:06:56,611 - Happens to me all the time. 1388 01:06:56,613 --> 01:06:58,346 - Yeah, same. 1389 01:07:05,522 --> 01:07:06,654 I'm Gordo. 1390 01:07:07,324 --> 01:07:08,723 - Eve. 1391 01:07:08,725 --> 01:07:11,192 - Nice to meet you, Eve. 1392 01:07:16,266 --> 01:07:19,367 - And you are listening to all the nonstop hits 1393 01:07:19,369 --> 01:07:20,268 with Mikey and Sunny 1394 01:07:20,270 --> 01:07:22,704 and when we're back we'll be taking some calls. 1395 01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:24,706 What's on the agenda today, Mikey? 1396 01:07:24,708 --> 01:07:26,441 - Well, girls, I wanna hear 1397 01:07:26,443 --> 01:07:29,544 about the wrongest guy you've ever dated. 1398 01:07:30,347 --> 01:07:31,546 Let's start with you, Sunny. 1399 01:07:31,548 --> 01:07:33,281 Who's your wrongest guy? 1400 01:07:34,084 --> 01:07:35,550 - Uh. 1401 01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:36,584 Em. 1402 01:07:36,953 --> 01:07:39,888 Why don't we go to a song while I think about that? 1403 01:07:54,571 --> 01:07:56,438 - Babe, this is what we signed on for. 1404 01:07:56,440 --> 01:07:58,239 You've got your face on a thousand buses. 1405 01:07:58,241 --> 01:08:01,209 - Oh wow, eat your heart out, Helen of Troy. 1406 01:08:01,211 --> 01:08:02,243 - What more do you want? 1407 01:08:02,245 --> 01:08:03,278 - I don't want that. 1408 01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:04,145 I don't want you to-- 1409 01:08:04,147 --> 01:08:05,480 - Oh, come on, don't flake out on me now. 1410 01:08:05,482 --> 01:08:06,881 Stick with the programme. 1411 01:08:06,883 --> 01:08:07,849 Smile in the voice. 1412 01:08:07,851 --> 01:08:09,517 They can hear it, okay? 1413 01:08:10,120 --> 01:08:14,889 And we are back with Mikey and Sunny in the morning. 1414 01:08:14,891 --> 01:08:15,690 Keeping it real. 1415 01:08:15,692 --> 01:08:18,393 First up, we have our next caller. 1416 01:08:26,837 --> 01:08:27,569 - Thank you. 1417 01:08:27,571 --> 01:08:30,638 When we return, the moment you've all been waiting for. 1418 01:08:30,640 --> 01:08:32,340 The "Hunger Games" of funny. 1419 01:08:32,342 --> 01:08:34,209 The final winner-takes-it-all round 1420 01:08:34,211 --> 01:08:37,145 of the BTF unsigned open mic competition. 1421 01:08:54,564 --> 01:08:56,131 - Travis. 1422 01:08:56,133 --> 01:08:57,398 Aren't you doing well? 1423 01:08:57,400 --> 01:08:58,733 It's great to see you, man. 1424 01:08:58,735 --> 01:09:00,201 It's great to see you. 1425 01:09:00,203 --> 01:09:02,237 - Mikey, on in five. 1426 01:09:02,539 --> 01:09:03,905 - All right, well I'll leave you kids to catch up. 1427 01:09:03,907 --> 01:09:06,808 You've got plenty to talk about, no doubt. 1428 01:09:10,580 --> 01:09:11,713 - Hey. 1429 01:09:15,986 --> 01:09:18,186 - I heard you on the radio. 1430 01:09:18,188 --> 01:09:19,754 - What did you think? 1431 01:09:21,258 --> 01:09:23,191 - You have to ask? 1432 01:09:25,262 --> 01:09:26,528 - Money's good. 1433 01:09:27,497 --> 01:09:28,696 - Yeah, I bet. 1434 01:09:29,733 --> 01:09:30,765 - Well, 1435 01:09:31,868 --> 01:09:34,502 good luck out there. 1436 01:09:40,310 --> 01:09:41,109 - So I've gotta go. 1437 01:09:41,111 --> 01:09:42,644 There's a girl waiting for me backstage 1438 01:09:42,646 --> 01:09:45,580 with a monkey wrench and a grease gun. 1439 01:09:45,582 --> 01:09:46,748 - Yeah! 1440 01:09:46,750 --> 01:09:51,119 The lesbolicious Rebecca Talay, ladies and gentlemen! 1441 01:09:51,121 --> 01:09:51,686 Yeah! 1442 01:09:51,688 --> 01:09:54,055 All right, our next contestant is also bent 1443 01:09:54,057 --> 01:09:56,391 but not sexually, he's just plain bent. 1444 01:09:56,393 --> 01:09:59,727 Welcome to the stage, the Mysterious Bag Man. 1445 01:10:02,999 --> 01:10:05,033 Now I love Bag Man, we've shared a lot, 1446 01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:07,669 but I should warn you, he's an angry young dude 1447 01:10:07,671 --> 01:10:08,469 and why shouldn't he be? 1448 01:10:08,471 --> 01:10:09,437 He's got cerebral palsy? 1449 01:10:09,439 --> 01:10:12,240 No, that's not just a bad hangover. 1450 01:10:12,642 --> 01:10:15,043 Now, he's just come here straight from therapy. 1451 01:10:15,045 --> 01:10:16,010 Therapy, what is that? 1452 01:10:16,012 --> 01:10:17,679 Is that just paying someone to be your friend? 1453 01:10:17,681 --> 01:10:18,713 With therapy, 1454 01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:19,847 what're you paying for, really? 1455 01:10:19,849 --> 01:10:22,383 Are you paying for someone to listen to your problems 1456 01:10:22,385 --> 01:10:25,553 or are you paying so you don't have to listen to theirs? 1457 01:10:25,555 --> 01:10:26,254 You tell me. 1458 01:10:27,123 --> 01:10:28,590 - What do you think you're doing? 1459 01:10:28,592 --> 01:10:30,358 - What, you don't like those jokes? 1460 01:10:30,360 --> 01:10:31,793 - Yeah, they're great. 1461 01:10:31,795 --> 01:10:33,661 I know because I wrote them. 1462 01:10:33,663 --> 01:10:36,264 - Yeah, for me, I paid you actually. 1463 01:10:36,266 --> 01:10:39,067 Awkward. 1464 01:10:39,069 --> 01:10:40,235 - Well then, 1465 01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:45,873 I guess I can't do this one or this one 1466 01:10:45,875 --> 01:10:47,141 or this one! 1467 01:10:47,143 --> 01:10:48,910 Or these! 1468 01:10:48,912 --> 01:10:49,978 Screw it! 1469 01:10:50,614 --> 01:10:52,714 You know, congratulations. 1470 01:10:53,617 --> 01:10:54,682 You win. 1471 01:10:55,285 --> 01:10:56,684 Don't you have enough already? 1472 01:10:56,686 --> 01:10:58,586 And now you want this too? 1473 01:10:58,588 --> 01:11:00,688 - Come on, man, surely you got something else. 1474 01:11:00,690 --> 01:11:02,357 What about one of those fun stories 1475 01:11:02,359 --> 01:11:05,260 about what an angry dude you are? 1476 01:11:05,262 --> 01:11:06,327 No? 1477 01:11:06,329 --> 01:11:07,028 Awkward. 1478 01:11:07,030 --> 01:11:09,330 Okay, folks, we might just take a little break. 1479 01:11:09,332 --> 01:11:11,599 - You know, wait, 1480 01:11:11,601 --> 01:11:12,667 sure. 1481 01:11:13,470 --> 01:11:14,602 All right. 1482 01:11:14,938 --> 01:11:17,605 Here's a story, just for you. 1483 01:11:18,541 --> 01:11:21,943 It's about a kid, three years old, 1484 01:11:21,945 --> 01:11:24,312 loved playing in the rain with his dog. 1485 01:11:24,314 --> 01:11:26,848 - I hope it's got a good punchline. 1486 01:11:28,385 --> 01:11:34,255 - So this kid is out playing in the rain, 1487 01:11:34,758 --> 01:11:37,392 jumping from puddle to puddle with his dog 1488 01:11:37,394 --> 01:11:38,726 and he lives in this old house 1489 01:11:38,728 --> 01:11:42,597 with like a million stairs going all the way up to the door. 1490 01:11:42,599 --> 01:11:45,266 And they run inside, dripping wet. 1491 01:11:45,635 --> 01:11:48,002 Puddles all over the floor. 1492 01:11:48,438 --> 01:11:50,571 The dog, he runs up to the kid's dad 1493 01:11:50,573 --> 01:11:54,809 sitting in his favourite chair watching TV. 1494 01:11:56,613 --> 01:11:58,613 And just shakes. 1495 01:12:01,017 --> 01:12:02,717 As dogs do. 1496 01:12:05,522 --> 01:12:06,220 And this dad, 1497 01:12:06,222 --> 01:12:09,057 he's got a bit of a temper. 1498 01:12:09,959 --> 01:12:11,859 Yeah, a bit of a temper. 1499 01:12:13,063 --> 01:12:14,862 And he grabs the dog 1500 01:12:15,665 --> 01:12:17,899 and he throws it out into the rain, 1501 01:12:17,901 --> 01:12:20,735 down the stairs. 1502 01:12:21,471 --> 01:12:24,272 The kid is upset. 1503 01:12:25,075 --> 01:12:26,974 Starts hitting the dad. 1504 01:12:27,277 --> 01:12:30,678 Maybe he's inherited a bit of his anger. 1505 01:12:32,349 --> 01:12:35,249 So the dad picks up the little boy, 1506 01:12:35,518 --> 01:12:38,953 he picks him up and he throws him out too. 1507 01:12:38,955 --> 01:12:41,289 Down the stairs, out into the rain. 1508 01:12:41,291 --> 01:12:44,292 Breaks his arm, bone sticking out. 1509 01:12:44,294 --> 01:12:46,294 Fractures his vertebrae, 1510 01:12:46,296 --> 01:12:47,695 cracks his skull. 1511 01:12:47,697 --> 01:12:49,697 The mom, the mom sees this, 1512 01:12:49,699 --> 01:12:53,501 she sees this and she tries to help the little boy. 1513 01:12:53,837 --> 01:12:55,837 But the dad, he stops her. 1514 01:12:55,839 --> 01:12:58,306 He makes her go back inside 1515 01:12:58,308 --> 01:13:01,109 because it's raining after all. 1516 01:13:03,980 --> 01:13:05,813 So here's this boy, 1517 01:13:06,349 --> 01:13:07,348 lying in the mud, 1518 01:13:07,350 --> 01:13:10,918 brain bleeding on the inside of his head, 1519 01:13:11,955 --> 01:13:13,187 he could die. 1520 01:13:14,758 --> 01:13:16,457 But he's not that lucky. 1521 01:13:16,860 --> 01:13:20,061 He gets to live with brain damage 1522 01:13:20,063 --> 01:13:21,963 in steel bolts and crews 1523 01:13:21,965 --> 01:13:27,101 and tests and scans and operations and... 1524 01:13:27,103 --> 01:13:28,436 and pain. 1525 01:13:30,673 --> 01:13:34,108 And nobody wanting to play with him 1526 01:13:34,110 --> 01:13:35,877 because he can't keep up 1527 01:13:37,514 --> 01:13:39,213 and he's a freak. 1528 01:13:43,153 --> 01:13:45,987 And he will spend the rest of his life 1529 01:13:45,989 --> 01:13:49,056 scaring off anybody who gets too close 1530 01:13:49,426 --> 01:13:53,461 so he can pretend that's what he wants. 1531 01:13:59,102 --> 01:14:01,569 - Okay, we might just leave it there. 1532 01:14:01,571 --> 01:14:02,403 - You know that saying, 1533 01:14:02,405 --> 01:14:04,272 when they made him they broke the mould? 1534 01:14:04,274 --> 01:14:08,876 Well I'm the guy they made after him with a broken mould. 1535 01:14:09,212 --> 01:14:14,315 And that's why I get to tell these jokes and you don't! 1536 01:14:14,717 --> 01:14:17,952 You know, yeah, I've been to therapy. 1537 01:14:17,954 --> 01:14:20,121 They say I have anger problems. 1538 01:14:20,123 --> 01:14:22,790 Well I don't actually think I have a problem. 1539 01:14:22,792 --> 01:14:24,358 I think it's this guy who's about to have 1540 01:14:24,360 --> 01:14:26,461 this microphone stand jammed up his ass 1541 01:14:26,463 --> 01:14:28,196 who's go the problem! 1542 01:14:28,465 --> 01:14:30,832 So is that enough of a punchline for you, fuck face? 1543 01:14:30,834 --> 01:14:31,999 You tell me! 1544 01:14:36,272 --> 01:14:36,904 Ugh, see? 1545 01:14:36,906 --> 01:14:39,140 I don't need a girl to knock me off my feet, 1546 01:14:39,142 --> 01:14:40,641 I can do it all by myself. 1547 01:14:40,643 --> 01:14:41,642 - Hey, come on. 1548 01:14:41,644 --> 01:14:42,543 - Fuck off! 1549 01:14:43,513 --> 01:14:44,445 Back off! 1550 01:14:44,447 --> 01:14:45,713 I don't need you! 1551 01:14:45,715 --> 01:14:47,081 I don't need anyone! 1552 01:15:13,309 --> 01:15:14,876 - Go have another beer, freak! 1553 01:15:14,878 --> 01:15:16,611 - This guy's off his tits. 1554 01:15:16,613 --> 01:15:17,912 - Ugh, he's trying to grope me! 1555 01:15:17,914 --> 01:15:21,816 - Hey, what're you doing grabbing her, buddy? 1556 01:15:21,818 --> 01:15:22,483 Woo! 1557 01:15:22,485 --> 01:15:23,918 Hit the pole. 1558 01:15:25,154 --> 01:15:27,021 Oi, he's taking a spill! 1559 01:15:27,023 --> 01:15:28,322 - Hey, stop it! 1560 01:15:28,324 --> 01:15:29,357 Piss off, you animals! 1561 01:15:29,359 --> 01:15:31,359 What're you staring at, leave him alone! 1562 01:15:31,361 --> 01:15:32,627 - All right, then. - Oh my God. 1563 01:15:32,629 --> 01:15:34,862 - Hey, Travis, it's Sunny. 1564 01:15:34,864 --> 01:15:36,130 It's okay, you're okay. 1565 01:15:36,132 --> 01:15:37,865 You're okay, you're okay. 1566 01:15:40,036 --> 01:15:40,968 Get off! 1567 01:15:40,970 --> 01:15:42,336 - I'm just calling an ambulance. 1568 01:15:42,338 --> 01:15:44,772 - Please, tell them to hurry. - Ambulance. 1569 01:15:44,774 --> 01:15:46,007 - Are you Dame Edna? 1570 01:15:46,009 --> 01:15:46,807 - Not at the moment. 1571 01:15:46,809 --> 01:15:48,442 We've got a crisis here. 1572 01:15:48,444 --> 01:15:50,611 - Give me that, give me it. 1573 01:15:50,613 --> 01:15:51,913 Yes. - Can I have your photo? 1574 01:15:51,915 --> 01:15:54,348 - We're on the corner of Bray and King's Street. 1575 01:15:54,350 --> 01:15:56,684 Please hurry. 1576 01:15:58,955 --> 01:16:00,054 - Is he okay? - He's calming down. 1577 01:16:00,056 --> 01:16:01,722 - I think so. 1578 01:16:01,724 --> 01:16:02,490 - Yeah, yeah. 1579 01:16:02,492 --> 01:16:06,727 - What that bastard did was unacceptable. 1580 01:16:34,190 --> 01:16:35,890 - Thanks for checking on me. 1581 01:16:35,892 --> 01:16:38,659 - Well, you gave us all quite a scare. 1582 01:16:38,661 --> 01:16:39,360 - Yeah. 1583 01:16:39,362 --> 01:16:41,963 - You know, I shouldn't have been so hard lined. 1584 01:16:41,965 --> 01:16:44,198 It's your life after all. 1585 01:16:44,901 --> 01:16:46,834 - Yeah, sad but true. 1586 01:16:46,836 --> 01:16:48,035 - What about last night? 1587 01:16:48,037 --> 01:16:49,804 How're you feeling? 1588 01:16:49,806 --> 01:16:52,173 - I don't know, I don't remember. 1589 01:16:52,475 --> 01:16:55,309 - You don't remember any of this? 1590 01:16:56,045 --> 01:16:57,878 - Last thing I remember, 1591 01:16:58,147 --> 01:17:00,781 I was on stage telling the world things 1592 01:17:00,783 --> 01:17:02,717 I never tell anybody. 1593 01:17:04,854 --> 01:17:09,790 - Well, there was a bit of a commotion after your seizure. 1594 01:17:10,627 --> 01:17:12,627 Sunny was there for you. 1595 01:17:14,297 --> 01:17:15,730 - Where is she now? 1596 01:17:17,800 --> 01:17:19,333 - I'm sorry, Travis. 1597 01:17:21,337 --> 01:17:22,336 - You said that already. 1598 01:17:22,338 --> 01:17:25,072 - No, about what happened to you as a kid. 1599 01:17:26,476 --> 01:17:28,943 It was a terrible thing. 1600 01:17:30,246 --> 01:17:32,713 - I'll be all right from here. 1601 01:17:46,195 --> 01:17:49,296 - Wondered when I'd see you again. 1602 01:17:49,298 --> 01:17:51,932 - Yeah, I've been staying at Mikey's. 1603 01:17:52,635 --> 01:17:54,602 - And how's that working out? 1604 01:17:54,604 --> 01:17:57,071 - Well, it's no party being in a relationship 1605 01:17:57,073 --> 01:18:00,374 with someone that wants you to be somebody else. 1606 01:18:01,044 --> 01:18:03,544 - I'll add that to the list. 1607 01:18:03,546 --> 01:18:04,211 - The list? 1608 01:18:04,213 --> 01:18:06,881 - Things I need to say sorry for. 1609 01:18:06,883 --> 01:18:09,550 - It's really not your fault. 1610 01:18:09,552 --> 01:18:10,751 - Are you sure? 1611 01:18:11,054 --> 01:18:13,220 I think I was the number one cheerleader 1612 01:18:13,222 --> 01:18:15,623 for team Mikey from the get-go. 1613 01:18:15,625 --> 01:18:16,791 - Well, as you said the other day, 1614 01:18:16,793 --> 01:18:18,793 I'm not your responsibility. 1615 01:18:19,095 --> 01:18:21,195 - I said a lot of shit that wasn't right. 1616 01:18:21,197 --> 01:18:23,030 - Yeah, so did I. 1617 01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:26,667 - I didn't warn you about that man 1618 01:18:27,303 --> 01:18:30,805 because I thought what he did to me was my fault. 1619 01:18:31,240 --> 01:18:33,874 Because I was a bad person. 1620 01:18:34,177 --> 01:18:40,281 I never thought it could happen to someone good, like you. 1621 01:18:41,517 --> 01:18:43,417 - You're not a bad person. 1622 01:18:44,487 --> 01:18:46,420 - When Mario died, 1623 01:18:46,422 --> 01:18:48,923 I let Travis see you with Mikey. 1624 01:18:50,526 --> 01:18:52,359 He took one look and bailed. 1625 01:18:53,362 --> 01:18:54,295 It was a shitty thing to do. 1626 01:18:54,297 --> 01:18:56,964 - Travis could've trusted me, he could've spoken to me. 1627 01:18:56,966 --> 01:18:59,166 - Do you think you could explain it? 1628 01:18:59,168 --> 01:19:00,701 Maybe you could still-- 1629 01:19:00,703 --> 01:19:01,335 - What? 1630 01:19:01,337 --> 01:19:04,905 Just delay the inevitable? 1631 01:19:04,907 --> 01:19:05,973 Flic... 1632 01:19:06,509 --> 01:19:07,675 I can't be in a relationship 1633 01:19:07,677 --> 01:19:09,376 with someone that doesn't trust me. 1634 01:19:09,378 --> 01:19:11,479 I think I'm done. 1635 01:20:04,600 --> 01:20:07,868 ¶ I know you're headed in the right direction ¶ 1636 01:20:07,870 --> 01:20:11,138 ¶ I gotta tell you I'm so proud of you ¶ 1637 01:20:11,140 --> 01:20:16,977 ¶ Found your demons and let them go ¶ 1638 01:20:17,313 --> 01:20:20,381 ¶ I hope you let it all rest in peace ¶ 1639 01:20:20,383 --> 01:20:23,617 ¶ 'Cause I still pass by your lonely home ¶ 1640 01:20:23,619 --> 01:20:28,322 ¶ You let it behind and hit the road ¶ 1641 01:20:55,084 --> 01:20:58,552 ¶ So are you happy with your reflection ¶ 1642 01:20:58,554 --> 01:21:01,789 ¶ Never wonder where you belong ¶ 1643 01:21:01,791 --> 01:21:07,528 ¶ Because the open road is your home ¶ 1644 01:21:07,897 --> 01:21:11,365 ¶ Even safe without my protection ¶ 1645 01:21:11,367 --> 01:21:14,201 ¶ I gotta tell you I feel alone ¶ 1646 01:21:14,203 --> 01:21:19,440 ¶ Even though you will never know ¶ 1647 01:21:24,947 --> 01:21:25,846 - Gordo! 1648 01:21:27,350 --> 01:21:29,850 - What the fuck? 1649 01:21:32,488 --> 01:21:34,488 Is this your idea of a joke? 1650 01:21:35,791 --> 01:21:38,659 It was supposed to be a gift to say I'm sorry. 1651 01:21:38,661 --> 01:21:42,863 - Who leaves a surprise gift on the doorstep of a blind man? 1652 01:21:43,199 --> 01:21:45,733 - Dude, I think I messed up. 1653 01:21:45,735 --> 01:21:46,367 - You think? 1654 01:21:46,369 --> 01:21:48,869 I'm wearing a freaking ukulele for a shoe. 1655 01:21:48,871 --> 01:21:50,638 - No, not that. 1656 01:21:50,640 --> 01:21:52,573 This is serious. 1657 01:21:54,277 --> 01:21:55,709 - What is it? 1658 01:21:55,711 --> 01:21:56,677 - Mario. 1659 01:21:56,679 --> 01:21:59,546 He's dead, that's what she wanted to tell me 1660 01:21:59,548 --> 01:22:04,752 and I saw her hugging Mikey and just assumed. 1661 01:22:05,554 --> 01:22:08,489 I gotta be the dumbest person on the planet. 1662 01:22:08,491 --> 01:22:09,757 - No. 1663 01:22:09,759 --> 01:22:11,825 But you are a spiky asshole. 1664 01:22:11,827 --> 01:22:13,260 - I don't think so. 1665 01:22:14,063 --> 01:22:15,562 - Hello? - Fuck off! 1666 01:22:15,831 --> 01:22:18,866 - Oh, I've obviously come to the right place. 1667 01:22:18,868 --> 01:22:21,001 Look, I believe these are yours. 1668 01:22:21,003 --> 01:22:22,803 - I don't need them anymore. 1669 01:22:22,805 --> 01:22:23,671 - You might. 1670 01:22:23,673 --> 01:22:24,538 - I won't. 1671 01:22:24,540 --> 01:22:25,439 - You might. - I won't. 1672 01:22:25,441 --> 01:22:26,206 - You might. 1673 01:22:26,208 --> 01:22:28,575 - Can somebody tell me what's going on here? 1674 01:22:28,577 --> 01:22:31,245 - The MC stole all his material. 1675 01:22:31,247 --> 01:22:32,546 - Mikey! 1676 01:22:32,548 --> 01:22:34,782 Oh that fucking cock. 1677 01:22:34,784 --> 01:22:37,084 - Well, you may say that. 1678 01:22:37,586 --> 01:22:39,019 I couldn't possibly comment. 1679 01:22:39,021 --> 01:22:40,421 - So what, is he the winner now? 1680 01:22:40,423 --> 01:22:45,092 - No, but the judges have agreed to give your friend here 1681 01:22:45,094 --> 01:22:48,562 a spot in the showcase as a wildcard. 1682 01:22:48,564 --> 01:22:49,229 - Awesome. 1683 01:22:49,231 --> 01:22:50,998 Ah, you are the man. 1684 01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:52,533 - I best be off. 1685 01:22:52,535 --> 01:22:54,401 See you at the theatre later. 1686 01:22:54,403 --> 01:22:55,469 Sorry about the short notice 1687 01:22:55,471 --> 01:22:58,973 but pulling strings takes a bit longer than I thought. 1688 01:23:00,142 --> 01:23:00,908 - Yes! 1689 01:23:00,910 --> 01:23:02,309 You hear that, bro? 1690 01:23:02,311 --> 01:23:03,644 That dude got you a wildcard. 1691 01:23:03,646 --> 01:23:05,679 You're back in the game! 1692 01:23:06,449 --> 01:23:07,314 - I don't care anymore. 1693 01:23:07,316 --> 01:23:09,683 - But you care about her, don't you? 1694 01:23:10,886 --> 01:23:11,852 Hey, numbnuts! 1695 01:23:11,854 --> 01:23:13,354 You want to talk to her? 1696 01:23:13,356 --> 01:23:15,489 This could be your last shot. 1697 01:23:59,235 --> 01:24:00,501 For Narnia! 1698 01:24:22,558 --> 01:24:23,257 - Tickets? 1699 01:24:23,259 --> 01:24:25,726 - We don't have any tickets, Scott. 1700 01:24:25,728 --> 01:24:27,027 - Oh, then I can't admit you. 1701 01:24:27,029 --> 01:24:30,230 - Oh, no, he's in the show, Scott. 1702 01:24:30,232 --> 01:24:31,031 - Really? 1703 01:24:31,033 --> 01:24:31,932 Congratulations. 1704 01:24:31,934 --> 01:24:32,599 - Thank you. 1705 01:24:32,601 --> 01:24:34,201 So you gonna let us in? 1706 01:24:34,203 --> 01:24:35,469 - No. 1707 01:24:35,471 --> 01:24:36,403 - But you just said. 1708 01:24:36,405 --> 01:24:38,972 - You can go to the stage door then onto the stage 1709 01:24:38,974 --> 01:24:42,242 but you cannot go into the auditorium. 1710 01:24:42,244 --> 01:24:43,310 - Where's the stage door? 1711 01:24:43,312 --> 01:24:44,945 - Back down the concourse, around the side, 1712 01:24:44,947 --> 01:24:47,247 around the back, down the stairs. 1713 01:24:47,983 --> 01:24:50,017 - Can't we just go through here, Scott? 1714 01:24:50,486 --> 01:24:52,719 - Do you have a ticket? 1715 01:24:52,721 --> 01:24:53,887 - Oh, Scott. 1716 01:24:56,092 --> 01:24:57,624 Trav? 1717 01:24:57,626 --> 01:24:58,926 Trav? 1718 01:24:58,928 --> 01:25:01,128 - Come on, come on. 1719 01:25:01,130 --> 01:25:02,496 Come on. 1720 01:25:02,498 --> 01:25:05,699 - Tickets. 1721 01:25:05,701 --> 01:25:06,834 - Sign in. 1722 01:25:10,239 --> 01:25:11,171 There's no plus ones. 1723 01:25:11,173 --> 01:25:12,339 Your friend can't come backstage. 1724 01:25:12,341 --> 01:25:14,675 - Oh, he's disabled, I'm his carer. 1725 01:25:14,677 --> 01:25:15,409 - You're blind. 1726 01:25:15,411 --> 01:25:17,945 He's an equal opportunity employer. 1727 01:25:22,351 --> 01:25:23,250 What're you gonna say? 1728 01:25:23,252 --> 01:25:25,185 - I have absolutely no clue. 1729 01:25:25,187 --> 01:25:27,087 - Cue the dancing girls. 1730 01:25:27,089 --> 01:25:28,655 - Oh, dancing girls. 1731 01:25:29,925 --> 01:25:30,858 - Who are you? 1732 01:25:30,860 --> 01:25:32,559 - Oh, he's the wildcard. 1733 01:25:32,561 --> 01:25:34,628 The judge personally came over to let him know 1734 01:25:34,630 --> 01:25:36,563 he had a slot on tonight's show. 1735 01:25:36,565 --> 01:25:38,031 Some unconscionable shit happen. 1736 01:25:38,033 --> 01:25:40,734 And bottom line, he was freaking sabotaged. 1737 01:25:40,736 --> 01:25:41,935 - Yeah, I heard about that. 1738 01:25:41,937 --> 01:25:43,070 I saw it on Twitter. 1739 01:25:43,072 --> 01:25:44,271 Man, that was so uncool. 1740 01:25:44,273 --> 01:25:46,707 - Yeah, that Mikey guy's a dick. 1741 01:25:46,709 --> 01:25:48,308 - And he's not good in bed. 1742 01:25:48,310 --> 01:25:49,143 Really bad. 1743 01:25:49,145 --> 01:25:50,377 - You're on here but you're late. 1744 01:25:50,379 --> 01:25:52,880 You missed your slot, you're cut. 1745 01:25:52,882 --> 01:25:53,981 - Come on, I just need like-- 1746 01:25:53,983 --> 01:25:54,848 - It's live television. 1747 01:25:54,850 --> 01:25:57,518 Everybody gets seven minutes, that's how it goes. 1748 01:25:57,520 --> 01:25:58,318 It's a tough break. 1749 01:25:58,320 --> 01:25:59,620 You gotta get here on time. 1750 01:25:59,622 --> 01:26:00,721 - Come on! 1751 01:26:00,723 --> 01:26:02,556 Where's your fucking heart? 1752 01:26:02,558 --> 01:26:03,490 Can't you see this guy's 1753 01:26:03,492 --> 01:26:06,527 all twisted up emotionally and physically? 1754 01:26:06,862 --> 01:26:11,198 He's in love and his girl is out there. 1755 01:26:11,200 --> 01:26:12,199 And... 1756 01:26:12,201 --> 01:26:13,333 And this is his last shot. 1757 01:26:13,335 --> 01:26:15,035 - I'm sorry, I can't just make time. 1758 01:26:15,037 --> 01:26:17,204 - Do you really love this girl, for real? 1759 01:26:17,206 --> 01:26:18,205 - Yes, for real. 1760 01:26:20,643 --> 01:26:21,175 - Well, 1761 01:26:21,177 --> 01:26:23,477 can he have two of my minutes? 1762 01:26:23,479 --> 01:26:24,077 - I guess. 1763 01:26:24,079 --> 01:26:26,113 - There you go, I'll do five. 1764 01:26:27,383 --> 01:26:29,116 - Fine, I'll do five minutes too. 1765 01:26:29,118 --> 01:26:30,217 You can have two of my minutes. 1766 01:26:30,219 --> 01:26:33,921 - All right, I guess I could cut alarm clock enema. 1767 01:26:34,323 --> 01:26:36,156 You can have two of my minutes too. 1768 01:26:36,158 --> 01:26:36,857 - Thank you! 1769 01:26:36,859 --> 01:26:39,526 Thank you so much! 1770 01:26:39,528 --> 01:26:40,394 - You good to go now? 1771 01:26:58,681 --> 01:27:01,114 - Hey man, where's your paper bag? 1772 01:27:01,383 --> 01:27:03,283 - I'm not doing that anymore. 1773 01:27:03,285 --> 01:27:04,251 - Our next act, 1774 01:27:04,253 --> 01:27:05,919 he's our wildcard surprise, 1775 01:27:05,921 --> 01:27:08,121 it's the Bag Man, himself! - Just get out there, man! 1776 01:27:08,123 --> 01:27:09,423 Kill it, you're gonna be so good! 1777 01:27:09,425 --> 01:27:10,591 - Yeah, you go get 'em, bud. 1778 01:27:10,593 --> 01:27:11,491 - It's a good audience, man. 1779 01:27:11,493 --> 01:27:12,693 - Yeah, it's great. 1780 01:27:12,695 --> 01:27:13,560 - You got this! 1781 01:27:19,735 --> 01:27:20,567 - What the fuck? 1782 01:27:20,569 --> 01:27:21,301 I thought he lost. 1783 01:27:21,303 --> 01:27:23,604 Some people just don't know when to quit. 1784 01:27:30,746 --> 01:27:31,345 - Um. 1785 01:27:33,882 --> 01:27:35,182 Could I... 1786 01:27:35,618 --> 01:27:39,853 - Somebody is about to eat a big shit sandwich. 1787 01:27:39,855 --> 01:27:41,054 - No, uh... 1788 01:27:41,323 --> 01:27:43,557 Do you mind raising your hands if you're cool 1789 01:27:43,559 --> 01:27:47,194 with me telling some jokes about disabled people? 1790 01:27:50,633 --> 01:27:54,468 All right, well that's fucking great, you sick bastards. 1791 01:27:58,340 --> 01:28:01,275 Why'd you all laugh at that? 1792 01:28:01,910 --> 01:28:05,646 People like to make fun of the disabled 1793 01:28:07,016 --> 01:28:08,115 and why not? 1794 01:28:08,117 --> 01:28:08,849 You know, right? 1795 01:28:08,851 --> 01:28:10,851 They say laughter is the best medicine. 1796 01:28:10,853 --> 01:28:12,419 Well, if that's the case, 1797 01:28:12,421 --> 01:28:13,754 the only reason why I'm still walking like this 1798 01:28:13,756 --> 01:28:17,024 is because you people aren't making fun of me enough. 1799 01:28:17,026 --> 01:28:18,992 You gotta lift up your game. 1800 01:28:22,798 --> 01:28:23,964 Why did God make spastics? 1801 01:28:23,966 --> 01:28:27,868 I mean, You're omnipotent, right? 1802 01:28:27,870 --> 01:28:29,569 And this is the best You can do? 1803 01:28:29,571 --> 01:28:34,541 This body is like a 1985 Nissan Skyline. 1804 01:28:34,910 --> 01:28:37,611 It'll get you to where you need to go 1805 01:28:37,846 --> 01:28:39,479 but you wouldn't recommend it to anyone 1806 01:28:39,481 --> 01:28:41,181 and you're not gonna get a lot of chicks 1807 01:28:41,183 --> 01:28:42,382 lining up for a ride. 1808 01:28:45,287 --> 01:28:46,053 You know? 1809 01:28:46,055 --> 01:28:48,255 When you've got Cerebral Palsy, 1810 01:28:48,257 --> 01:28:51,024 you know, it's hard to pick up a girl. 1811 01:28:51,260 --> 01:28:53,860 It's hard to pick up a glass. 1812 01:28:54,163 --> 01:28:56,863 You know, when I meet a girl for the first time 1813 01:28:56,865 --> 01:28:57,931 I always get the same look 1814 01:28:57,933 --> 01:29:00,634 and they always ask me that same question. 1815 01:29:00,636 --> 01:29:03,603 How did you get into my room? 1816 01:29:05,674 --> 01:29:06,640 So I met this girl. 1817 01:29:06,642 --> 01:29:09,109 Yeah, yeah. 1818 01:29:09,111 --> 01:29:10,877 That wasn't the joke. 1819 01:29:11,313 --> 01:29:15,315 But she was smart and beautiful 1820 01:29:15,317 --> 01:29:16,950 and funny and... 1821 01:29:16,952 --> 01:29:21,855 And smelled like the best breakfast cereal. 1822 01:29:22,858 --> 01:29:26,159 And she didn't look at me like everyone else. 1823 01:29:26,161 --> 01:29:29,062 In fact, she fell for me. 1824 01:29:30,165 --> 01:29:30,931 Which was new. 1825 01:29:30,933 --> 01:29:34,034 Usually I'm the one doing the falling. 1826 01:29:37,406 --> 01:29:38,772 I gotta confess, 1827 01:29:39,341 --> 01:29:41,842 I felt a little self-conscious. 1828 01:29:41,844 --> 01:29:45,379 So I started wearing a bag over my head, 1829 01:29:45,381 --> 01:29:47,381 which some of you saw that, huh? 1830 01:29:48,350 --> 01:29:52,586 I thought it might had the fact that I had problems. 1831 01:29:53,622 --> 01:29:56,056 Well, that was a mistake. 1832 01:29:56,058 --> 01:29:57,190 Who knew? 1833 01:29:57,860 --> 01:29:59,659 Oh yeah, you all did. 1834 01:30:01,330 --> 01:30:01,862 Yeah. 1835 01:30:01,864 --> 01:30:06,767 Is anyone in this room that's not self-conscious or insecure? 1836 01:30:07,469 --> 01:30:08,301 Oh. 1837 01:30:08,303 --> 01:30:09,936 This guy's got his hand up. 1838 01:30:09,938 --> 01:30:12,606 Sir, do you not own a mirror? 1839 01:30:14,676 --> 01:30:16,843 Like, I can talk. 1840 01:30:16,845 --> 01:30:18,145 When God made me He must've left 1841 01:30:18,147 --> 01:30:22,549 the instructions upside down going through his Ikea phase. 1842 01:30:23,819 --> 01:30:25,852 I got a spare nut in the drawer at home. 1843 01:30:25,854 --> 01:30:28,221 I don't know where that fucker goes. 1844 01:30:29,591 --> 01:30:31,091 - You can't beat a good ball joke. 1845 01:30:31,093 --> 01:30:32,726 - You sure can't, my friend. 1846 01:30:32,728 --> 01:30:33,293 - Yeah. 1847 01:30:33,295 --> 01:30:35,595 - But she picked right away 1848 01:30:35,597 --> 01:30:37,397 that I had a disability. 1849 01:30:37,399 --> 01:30:38,799 No, 1850 01:30:38,801 --> 01:30:39,766 not this. 1851 01:30:39,768 --> 01:30:43,870 I also suffer from a debilitating condition 1852 01:30:43,872 --> 01:30:47,240 called Premature Rejeculation. 1853 01:30:48,343 --> 01:30:52,112 You know how some men come too soon? 1854 01:30:52,114 --> 01:30:54,848 Well I leave too soon. 1855 01:30:54,850 --> 01:30:57,017 Stare at me, I leave. 1856 01:30:57,619 --> 01:30:59,352 Ignore me, I leave. 1857 01:30:59,354 --> 01:31:01,655 Rub me the wrong way, I leave. 1858 01:31:01,657 --> 01:31:05,492 You know, a typical relationship goes something like, 1859 01:31:05,494 --> 01:31:08,128 hello, lovely to meet you. 1860 01:31:08,130 --> 01:31:08,795 Fuck off! 1861 01:31:13,001 --> 01:31:14,067 So... 1862 01:31:14,803 --> 01:31:17,471 So I meet this girl and I think, 1863 01:31:18,307 --> 01:31:19,439 soulmate. 1864 01:31:19,708 --> 01:31:24,611 All my sins absolved, all my flaws redeemed. 1865 01:31:24,613 --> 01:31:27,080 You complete me, 1866 01:31:27,082 --> 01:31:28,515 right? 1867 01:31:29,518 --> 01:31:30,283 Wrong. 1868 01:31:32,788 --> 01:31:36,656 I was a spiky asshole before I met her, 1869 01:31:37,059 --> 01:31:40,060 I was a spiky asshole while I was with her 1870 01:31:40,395 --> 01:31:43,196 and after I lost her, 1871 01:31:43,799 --> 01:31:44,698 you got it, 1872 01:31:44,700 --> 01:31:46,600 I was a spiky asshole. 1873 01:31:48,504 --> 01:31:51,505 Falling in love is a lot of things 1874 01:31:51,507 --> 01:31:53,607 but there's no magic bullet. 1875 01:31:54,910 --> 01:31:57,878 No one can change who you are. 1876 01:32:00,983 --> 01:32:01,948 Maybe, 1877 01:32:01,950 --> 01:32:04,551 maybe I'll always walk funny. 1878 01:32:04,553 --> 01:32:06,553 Maybe I'll always talk funny. 1879 01:32:06,555 --> 01:32:09,556 Maybe my ass will always be spiky. 1880 01:32:11,660 --> 01:32:16,096 Maybe my hands will always shake when she touches me. 1881 01:32:16,832 --> 01:32:18,532 Maybe I'll always skate in circles 1882 01:32:18,534 --> 01:32:22,035 and dance like a praying mantis on crack. 1883 01:32:24,573 --> 01:32:29,442 Maybe I'll always be the wrongest guy 1884 01:32:29,444 --> 01:32:31,444 but if she's okay with that 1885 01:32:32,147 --> 01:32:34,381 and can love me anyway, 1886 01:32:36,785 --> 01:32:39,786 there's gotta be something wrong with her too. 1887 01:32:42,424 --> 01:32:44,758 Right? 1888 01:32:49,464 --> 01:32:50,597 Screw it. 1889 01:32:51,066 --> 01:32:52,666 There's something wrong with me 1890 01:32:52,668 --> 01:32:54,935 and there's something wrong with you. 1891 01:32:54,937 --> 01:32:55,802 And you. 1892 01:32:55,804 --> 01:32:58,138 And definitely something wrong with you. 1893 01:32:59,775 --> 01:33:02,542 There's something wrong with all of us. 1894 01:33:02,945 --> 01:33:06,146 We're all a bunch of emotional cripples. 1895 01:33:06,148 --> 01:33:08,448 Emotional spastics. 1896 01:33:08,784 --> 01:33:13,753 But if someone has the courage to love us anyways, 1897 01:33:15,724 --> 01:33:18,391 then what fucking excuse have we got? 1898 01:33:19,428 --> 01:33:20,694 So, 1899 01:33:20,696 --> 01:33:21,962 here's my tip, 1900 01:33:22,564 --> 01:33:25,932 whatever bag you have over your head, 1901 01:33:27,336 --> 01:33:28,435 lose it now. 1902 01:33:28,437 --> 01:33:30,904 Stop hiding who you are. 1903 01:33:31,573 --> 01:33:35,208 And find the courage to love yourself. 1904 01:33:35,811 --> 01:33:38,812 Spare nut, spiky ass and all. 1905 01:34:00,035 --> 01:34:01,534 - Woo! 1906 01:34:04,439 --> 01:34:07,040 So that's my friend 1907 01:34:07,042 --> 01:34:09,476 and that was his story. 1908 01:34:11,446 --> 01:34:12,679 - Good job! 1909 01:34:23,025 --> 01:34:26,026 - Sunny! - Sunny, just you! 1910 01:34:27,562 --> 01:34:29,863 Yeah, one more! - Aye. 1911 01:34:34,436 --> 01:34:35,902 - Oh! 1912 01:34:35,904 --> 01:34:36,970 Hey! 1913 01:34:38,473 --> 01:34:39,506 Hey. 1914 01:34:44,112 --> 01:34:48,048 Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 1915 01:34:48,383 --> 01:34:51,184 - Yeah, I think I got that. 1916 01:34:52,354 --> 01:34:53,420 And... 1917 01:34:54,089 --> 01:34:56,089 I just wanted to say... 1918 01:35:04,766 --> 01:35:05,999 - What the fuck? 1919 01:35:10,539 --> 01:35:11,571 - Yeah. 1920 01:35:11,573 --> 01:35:14,708 Remember I said I don't believe in happy endings? 1921 01:35:16,211 --> 01:35:18,745 But I do believe in happy beginnings. 1922 01:35:20,315 --> 01:35:24,651 ¶ My head is a box filled with nothing ¶ 1923 01:35:24,653 --> 01:35:27,921 ¶ That's the way I like it 1924 01:35:27,923 --> 01:35:29,255 Next time you feel 1925 01:35:29,257 --> 01:35:31,091 like you're doing it tough, 1926 01:35:31,093 --> 01:35:34,527 just remember your life is a joke. 1927 01:35:34,796 --> 01:35:36,863 So you better start laughing. 1928 01:35:37,132 --> 01:35:41,234 ¶ Your body's a dream that turns violent ¶ 1929 01:35:41,236 --> 01:35:43,369 ¶ That's the way I like it 1930 01:35:43,371 --> 01:35:45,338 ¶ That's the way I like it 1931 01:35:45,340 --> 01:35:47,140 ¶ She tells me she loves me 1932 01:35:47,142 --> 01:35:49,709 - You can bet your ass everybody else is. 1933 01:35:49,711 --> 01:35:52,412 ¶ That's the way I like it 1934 01:35:52,414 --> 01:35:56,549 ¶ So please 1935 01:35:56,551 --> 01:36:00,386 ¶ Baby, please 1936 01:36:00,388 --> 01:36:04,257 ¶ Open your eyes 1937 01:36:04,259 --> 01:36:09,028 ¶ Catch my disease 1938 01:36:09,030 --> 01:36:13,032 ¶ So please 1939 01:36:13,034 --> 01:36:17,270 ¶ Baby, please 1940 01:36:17,272 --> 01:36:20,740 ¶ Come on 1941 01:36:20,742 --> 01:36:23,610 ¶ Catch my disease 1942 01:36:30,685 --> 01:36:34,687 ¶ La, la, la, la, la, la 1943 01:36:43,265 --> 01:36:47,333 ¶ They play RY X on the radio 1944 01:36:47,335 --> 01:36:51,304 ¶ That's the way I like it 1945 01:36:51,306 --> 01:36:55,775 ¶ They play Heath Cullen on the radio ¶ 1946 01:36:55,777 --> 01:36:58,244 ¶ That's the way I like it 1947 01:36:58,246 --> 01:36:59,746 That's the way I like it. 1948 01:36:59,748 --> 01:37:03,516 ¶ I hear Hazel English on the radio ¶ 1949 01:37:03,518 --> 01:37:07,787 ¶ That's the way I like, that the way I like it ¶ 1950 01:37:07,789 --> 01:37:12,225 ¶ They play Camera Obscura on the radio ¶ 1951 01:37:12,227 --> 01:37:15,328 ¶ And that's the way I like it 1952 01:37:15,330 --> 01:37:19,232 ¶ So please 1953 01:37:19,234 --> 01:37:23,036 ¶ Baby please 1954 01:37:23,038 --> 01:37:27,173 ¶ Open your heart 1955 01:37:27,175 --> 01:37:30,543 ¶ Catch my disease 134069