Original subtitles

VERA: Are you liking the thin menu?

I am loving it.

Six almonds keeps me full for hours.

‐ Sometimes when I have six almonds,

I feel like I had 12 almonds.

‐ You're cool with going out the back again, right?

‐ Um...yeah.

[grunts] ‐ You know what?

I was just trying to help you, you fat bitch.

‐ Annie, please go away. You're a vital and tiny cog.

‐ Men do not tell me what to do.

‐ 'Cause I'm the one with the fat ass

and the big titties, so I get to decide what we do.

‐ I want you to be my girlfriend.

‐ Okay.

I don't know. I feel

very fucking powerful right now.

At that even today, there were so many people

living in their bodies and enjoying their life,

and that shit was un‐fuckin'‐believable.

You cheat on every woman you date.

‐ [laughs] ‐ You're basically

the female Ryan.

Well, maybe just take care of yourself.

‐ Hello?

Hey, Vera.

Vancouver?

GABE: What do you think you're doing?

Seems like you think this is your paper.

ANNIE: I don't really get what you're upset about.

‐ You know, I think this is gonna end badly

unless you just walk away right now.

‐ I'm serious. I quit.

19,000 people clicked on it.

Holy hell.

You've found the location of my troll.

‐ What are you doing here? ‐ You're the monster

who's been torturing me every day.

‐ Fuck you! ‐ Fuck you!

‐ Hey, get the fuck out of here!

Fuck you! [alarm blaring]

You better run, you fat bitch!

[panting]

[exhales]

["Girlfriend" playing]

‐ What button do I press to make the dinosaur

eat your head? ‐ Fuck you,

I'm not telling you that.

‐ [coughs]

‐ Would you go in your fucking room?

You're gonna get us all sick. ‐ No.

My window's stuck open, and bugs are rushing in.

‐ I'm a fucking bitch, and I love it.

[screams]

TY: ♪ 'Cause she don't mind ♪

♪ Nothin', nothin' ♪

‐ What happened? Are you okay?

‐ Yeah, I'm good. I'm really fuckin' good.

I'm maybe the best I've ever been in my life.

I found the guy who's been trolling me online,

and I told him to fuck off.

And then I threw a cement flower pot

right through his car window,

and he was so fucking mad!

‐ [sneezes] ‐ [screams]

‐ Ah! ‐ Shut the fuck up, Mike!

Go ahead, Annie. ‐ And then I was running

and he was chasing me and he was screaming

and I ran all the way from the fancy neighborhood here,

and I never run.

But I ran for so long.

And right now, honestly,

I feel like I could fucking run forever.

Like, I feel insane and amazing right now.

Fuck...yeah!

‐ That is the coolest thing I have ever heard anybody do.

‐ [sneezes]

‐ Shut the fuck up! ‐ I can't help it!

‐ Hey, do not hold back a sneeze

That is how my uncle lost his eye.

‐ Wait, wait, did you‐‐ you're bleeding?

Like, are you having your period?

‐ No, no. I cut my hand

when I smashed that fucking flower pot.

‐ That means you left your DNA at the scene.

‐ Yeah, but he already knows who I am.

‐ Then he might be after you.

‐ I mean, maybe.

I think I lost him when I was running,

but I mean, I did smash his car and‐‐

and he did threaten to kill me

like, a thousand times online.

TY: ♪ Nothin', nothin' ♪

Fuck.

I kinda think we should leave town.

‐ Fuckin' definitely, yes. ‐ Yeah.

‐ I packed a go bag for just this occasion.

ANNIE: Shit!

‐ And finally, it's time for this.

ANNIE: [screams] MIKE: What the fuck?

‐ Fuck! Do you even know how to use that?

‐ No, but if I need to,

my animal instincts will kick in.

We gotta go!

Aw, fuck!

I don't have my mom's car.

‐ Wait...

I have my mom's car.

TY: ♪ Nothin', nothin ♪

‐ This place is perfect. It's real remote.

We used to go there when I was in the Scouts,

and there was never anybody there.

‐ I mean, we're doing the right thing right?

Like, leaving town?

I just‐‐ you know, I quit my job

and now we're going camping.

Is this insane? ‐ No, it's not insane.

No, no, no. We're doing the right thing, okay?

You're not running away from anything.

You're running towards yourself.

‐ Yeah, exactly. I mean, it actually feels,

like, very, very good to be, you know,

a little bit fuckin' bad. ‐ Yes! That's what I'm saying.

‐ Wait a minute. ‐ What?

‐ Oh, my God. The ultimate.

‐ Oh. ‐ Hold on.

["It's All Coming Back to Me Now" playing]

‐ Oh, perfect.

CELINE: ♪ There were moments of gold ♪

♪ And there were flashes of light ♪

‐ ♪ There were things I'd never do again ♪

♪ But then they'd always seem right ♪

♪ There were nights of endless pleasure ♪

♪ It was more than any laws allow ♪

Yes!

[together] ♪ Baby, baby ♪

♪ If I kiss you like this ♪

♪ And if you whisper like that ♪

♪ It was lost long ago ♪

♪ But it's all coming back to me ♪

‐ ♪ I can barely resist ♪ ‐ ♪ Resist ♪

♪ But it's all coming back to me ♪

♪ I can barely recall ♪

♪ But it's all coming back ♪

♪ To me now ♪

♪ ♪

‐ Pete's mom had all this stuff in the car.

You think it's okay if I wear it, right?

‐ Yeah. You look way better than Mrs. Liu.

‐ Aw, I love a compliment that's mean to a mom.

[both chuckle]

‐ All right, there you go.

Welcome to your new home.

‐ Wow. So this is where we're gonna sleep.

But then, does a tent go around this?

‐ Uh, no. No tents when you're camping.

That's why when you lie down, you can see the stars.

‐ Oh, that's actually a really good answer.

[chuckles] ‐ All right,

let's see what we got here. ‐ Mm.

‐ Wait a second.

I thought I packed more food than this.

I can use the gun and go shoot a raccoon.

‐ Oh, no, I'm‐‐ I'm actually very content.

So‐‐but is there, like, a bathroom

or an outhouse or something?

‐ Yeah, there's an outhouse.

All of this. Nature.

Just go out in the woods a little bit.

‐ Oh, I don't know.

It looks kinda scary.

Um, can I just go right here?

I don't think that's a good idea.

It's the middle of our new home.

‐ Yeah, I'm‐‐

I'm not going out in those woods alone, so‐‐

I, uh, I don't think I can pee with you this close to me.

I can go back. ‐ No, no.

Don't‐‐don't go. Just stay here.

‐ What if I just pee here with you?

‐ Ew.

[urinating]

[urinating] It's working.

[light music]

[Annie chuckles]

♪ ♪

‐ [exhales]

Where the fuck is she?

[typing] [dog whines]

‐ I never thought I'd be with someone like you.

‐ Thank you?

I think.

‐ I mean someone who speaks their mind.

Like, my dad could be such a dick.

Especially to my mom.

And she never said anything.

But you're not like that.

You push back.

‐ Yeah, but pushing back is really hard.

I mean, I never used to do it.

But then, I guess I just got to a point where, like,

it was harder not to say something.

You know? Like, even with you.

‐ Hm.

‐ But then you got a lot better at appreciating me,

which is a big deal.

‐ I always appreciated you.

I was just too much of a dumbass to say it.

But it wasn't just you, it was...

everyone.

I guess that's why I never had a real girlfriend before you.

‐ What? I don't believe that.

‐ [scoffs]

‐ I feel like when I met you, your whole deal was like

you might fuck anyone at any time.

‐ Well, I did drop a lot of dick around town.

‐ Oh, my God. ‐ But I've never, like,

gone all of the way in‐‐

like, emotions and stuff.

Yeah, you're my first real girlfriend.

‐ Okay.

Can I tell you something honestly?

‐ Mm.

‐ You're my first real boyfriend.

‐ No fuckin' way. ‐ Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I would hook up with people

and have big,

debilitatingly painful crushes on people, but...

never anything else. ‐ Hm.

I mean, I‐‐ I didn't wanna get rejected,

so I just took what I could get.

‐ Oh, Annie.

[light music]

♪ ♪

‐ [groans]

Morning. ‐ Hi.

‐ Mm.

Hm.

Let me go down on you. ‐ What?

No. Oh, my God.

I slept in my clothes, I haven't showered.

I have, like, a full, two‐day pussy right now.

Like, I feel like I won't be able to enjoy it.

Like, I'll be in my head.

‐ I have, like, a four‐day dick right now.

‐ [laughs] ‐ I honestly don't care.

I'd just really, really appreciate it

if you'd let me. ‐ Okay,

out here in the open? ‐ Yeah.

Definitely.

‐ Okay.

Yeah. ‐ Mm.

You sure? ‐ Yeah.

‐ Mm.

‐ Mm.

RYAN: Ohh.

‐ [exhales sharply]

[both moan]

‐ [panting] ‐ [singing voices approaching]

[Ryan moans]

‐ Wait. Ryan. Someone's coming.

‐ You are? ‐ No, no, no.

Look, kids. ‐ Oh, fuck!

SCOUTS: ♪ Like apple pie ♪

‐ Oh, my God. [singing continues]

RYAN: Come on! ‐ I'm going.

[singing] RYAN: Oh, my God.

GABE: Hey, before we wrap up, I'd like to say something.

I know many of you witnessed the scene yesterday

when Annie stormed out of here

like she was my hormonal teenage daughter.

‐ But she's not. That's me.

‐ May I remind you that despite the fracture that occurred,

that we remain a team here at "The Thorn."

‐ Yes, and that is why I have decided

to quit too, Gabe.

Out of solidarity with Annie,

I feel that I cannot stand idly by.

Sorry. I'm stupid. I'm bad.

‐ As I was saying, this kind of entitled,

narcissistic me, me, me, behavior

will not be tolerated here anymore.

‐ Okay, well, I think that that might've been

a little bit of a breakdown in communication.

Nobody was really innocent‐‐ GABE: I‐‐

I don't think I finished.

There's no excuse for this kind of outburst,

for the kind that Annie perpetrated

upon our safe, nurturing workplace, okay?

From now on, no more dramatic exits.

‐ Cool.

Lovin' this new supportive work environment, right?

‐ Uh, yeah, I think it is kinda cool.

‐ Were you at that fuckin' meeting?

‐ Uh, yeah, man. It was great.

Uh, you know, I loved Annie, but you know, she was cliquey.

Man, you know what?

She's gone right now, so it's cool.

Maybe that means that you and I can get closer.

So, uh...

wanna grab a bite later?

‐ I wish I could, but I gotta‐‐

‐ Ohh. ‐ Which way you heading?

‐ Well, I'm‐‐

‐ You heading that way? ‐ Yeah.

‐ I gotta go this way. ‐ So you're gonna‐‐

I'll cross. ‐ I wish I could, though.

‐ Right.

[light music]

ANNIE: Hey. Thanks again

for letting me use your charger, Stephanie.

This is very cool of you.

‐ You didn't really give me much of a choice.

‐ Yeah, I know that, but I'm thanking you now, so...

kinda evens out, right?

‐ Man, I hope I didn't leave that gun at the campsite.

Kids might take it.

No, no, no.

Hey, I don't have my gun. [phone chimes]

‐ Wait, shh. BILL: Hey, honey. It's Dad.

So weird turn of events here.

Mom went to Vancouver,

and she didn't tell me why.

Just wondering if you'd talked to her.

‐ Vancouver.

BILL: Honey, it's been a couple hours.

I still haven't heard from her or you.

I get a little worried when I can't find my girls.

Call me back.

‐ Oh, my God. Okay.

We have to leave right now.

Um, I'm very sorry.

I'm normally a clean woman, okay?

But, um, sir, and ma'am, and small sir and Stephanie,

my boyfriend and I are gonna leave right now.

‐ He's your boyfriend?

‐ Her very first boyfriend.

‐ Yeah, but Stephanie, I've‐‐I've dated before.

Ad‐‐additionally, I've also had sex.

Bye.

Excuse me.

‐ Oh, there it is.

‐ God damn it.

Why is my dad not picking up?

‐ It's gonna be okay, Annie.

‐ I‐‐I feel like I caused this

because I told my mom to take care of herself

or whatever, and all I meant was just take a bath.

‐ No, look, we're gonna be home in, like an hour.

We'll figure it out. [phone chimes]

Ooh, I got a voicemail.

BOSS: Hey Ryan, you're a total fuckhead idiot.

You missed another shift. You're fucking fired.

‐ Oh, shit. ‐ Oh, no. I'm sorry.

See, like, I feel like this is all my fault.

‐ No, it's okay. We're gonna be unemployed together,

which is romantic.

‐ God, why is this guy going 20 in a 40 zone?

Fucking go, you big white bus piece of shit!

I will ram you down to fucking hell! Fuck!

‐ [blows] ‐ Oh, Jesus.

‐ Hi, Amadi.

Uh, I was thinking now that Annie's gone

that you probably need a new work wife now.

‐ Mm‐‐ ‐ Uh, and I was thinking

that maybe that could be me.

‐ What? ‐ Come on,

we could do really fun work wife stuff together.

Like, we could throw a pigskin around.

Or we could talk crap.

Or, um, I could get you porn.

Or you could help me ride a bike.

‐ Okay, that sounds awesome, all of that.

But I got a wife right now. I'm pretty wifed up.

‐ Then‐‐well, it's not up to you.

'Cause I'm your work wife now. Fuck.

‐ Then why'd you even ask? ‐ Because I'm polite.

And just so you know, Gabe asked me

to send you to his office, like, 20 minutes ago.

He's been waiting this whole time.

He's gonna be so, so, so pissed

when he sees you. ‐ Okay, thanks, Ruthie.

‐ Yeah, it's nice to be married in the office now.

Right, Daddy? Yeah, you're my dad.

'Cause I view husbands as dads. Mm.

‐ That's nasty.

‐ Hey, Gabe. Um, I wanted to say that I'm sorry

for leaving when Annie quit.

‐ Relax, Amadi. That's not what this is about.

‐ Oh. What's up

‐ Amadi...do people like me?

‐ What‐‐what people? ‐ People in the office.

‐ Am I liked?

‐ Yeah. ‐ What?

‐ Yes. Yes, you are. ‐ I don't believe you.

‐ It's true. ‐ You're lying.

There's a change.

People are very cold to me right now.

You know, this morning I asked Angus

if he wanted to jam on the bass,

and you know what he did?

He was like‐‐

‐ yeah, well, people are still freaked out

about the whole Annie thing.

‐ When did this job get so hard?

I used to be Annie. I used to be the disruptor.

And now what am I? The big, gay money man,

you know, bulldozing the community center

for his personal golf course?

‐ Well, that's being the boss.

You gotta be the good cop and the bad cop.

‐ I don't wanna‐‐

I don't wanna be bad cop.

‐ Mm.

‐ What?

‐ I have just decided to promote you.

‐ Wh‐‐really? To what?

‐ To managing executive director of whatever.

It doesn't matter. ‐ Is this real?

‐ This is real. I'm gonna give you a raise,

and you're gonna spend it on your loud, blonde wife

and beautiful sons. ‐ Daughters.

‐ Congratulations. And you are going to be

day‐to‐day management.

You're gonna handle hiring and firing,

nickeling and fuckin' diming.

Freeing me up for my natural role

as creative iconoclast dreamer.

‐ Shit, I‐‐ I don't know what to say, Gabe.

I‐‐thank you ‐ You know they used to call me

the Original Prince of the Gutter Punks.

‐ I didn't know that, but yeah,

that‐‐that‐‐that feels real.

‐ Yeah! ‐ Yeah. This is sick.

Uh, shit, we're gonna make a great team.

‐ All right. ‐ All right.

‐ All right! ‐ Paper, I win.

Look at that. ‐ Paper over rock.

‐ Yeah. [laughs] ‐ You win. You're the man now.

‐ I hate that term, but I love money, baby.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

‐ Ron? ‐ Annie!

‐ What the shit? ‐ [laughs]

‐ Mr. Easton, I'm a huge fan of your daughter.

‐ No, this is not my dad.

This is Ron, my dad's jazz friend.

‐ Where is my dad? ‐ Hey, Annie,

long time, no see.

Hey, wait, wait. Can I hug you,

or are you gonna Me Too me?

‐ Oh. Yeah. ‐ [laughs] Come on,

let's hook up the hog. ‐ Okay. Okay.

‐ Hey, I'm heating up some thin menus,

you guys hungry? ‐ No, no.

I just‐‐I'm looking for my dad. ‐ All right.

‐ Dad? ‐ [laughs] Here.

‐ Dad, what is happening? ‐ Holy shit. Annie.

Finally.

I called you over and over. ‐ I‐‐I know.

I'm sorry, and I did get your messages.

And I tried to call you. ‐ Well, not hard enough.

Jesus Christ. You've scared the shit out of me.

‐ Okay, I'm sorry.

So Mom went to Vancouver? Did she say why?

‐ No, she just‐‐ she just said she's gone.

‐ That's insane. I don't‐‐

And why is Ron here?

‐ Well, Ron is here because Ron answers his telephone.

‐ Okay. ‐ Oh, my God.

‐ Fran? ‐ Yeah, we got Fran

hangin' with us. ‐ Oh, yeah, Fran's hanging

because your dad called me and didn't know where you were

and we thought you were murdered,

but thank God you're alive and just inconsiderate.

‐ I'm sorry. We didn't have any service.

‐ We. ‐ Yeah‐‐

‐ Who are you? Am I completely out of the loop

on every God damn thing in this family?

‐ Well, okay, this isn't how I imagined this moment,

but Dad, this is my boyfriend, Ryan.

BILL: Your boyfriend.

Jeez, okay.

‐ I know this isn't, like, a good time,

um, uh, but I just wanna say

Annie is such a good woman.

‐ Ryan, you're a very, very lucky guy.

‐ I can't believe I didn't know this.

‐ Very. ‐ Fran, do you know

this Ryan?

‐ No. Are you the guy

who was cutting women's pony tails off on the bus?

‐ No. ‐ My God.

[smoke alarm beeping]

‐ Grub's on! BILL: Oh, jeez.

ANNIE: What?

Did you put the boxes in at 500 degrees?

RON: I am not a chef. [laughs]

‐ Fine, but, Dad, no, no.

You're gonna hurt yourself. ‐ Calm down.

I'm not a hundred years old.

‐ Yeah, okay, but you've been sick, you know.

‐ You're overreacting. It's‐‐ ‐ Fine‐‐

‐ Whoa! ‐ Oh!

‐ Don't shoot, you fuck! ‐ All right,

everybody take it slow.

‐ [grunts] ‐ [Annie yelps]

‐ Yeah, man! That is what I'm talking about!

Whoo! ‐ What the fuck?

‐ I needed something metal to bash the fucker.

‐ Annie, your boyfriend has a gun?

‐ Only because we were camping. It's fine.

Everybody just calm down. ‐ Well, it doesn't seem fine!

Fuck. Is that blood on your dress?

‐ Yes.

But it's...

Because I got my period.

‐ Yes, and that's how periods work.

So we should get you changed. ‐ Yes.

‐ And can I talk to you for a sec?

ANNIE: Yeah.

‐ This is psychotic. My mom just up and left?

Truly, is everyone off the rails?

‐ What's going on?

Why did you have blood on yourself?

‐ Well, I went last night

to confront my troll at his house.

‐ When? Alone?

That's fucking scary and stupid.

Honestly, it sounds like you're the one

who's off the rails. ‐ What?

I'm not off the rails.

I am the rails. ‐ Okay, slow down.

You did something dangerous,

and then you and Ryan just ran away from it all.

I had to come all the way here

and miss a hair appointment today.

You couldn't even text me or your dad.

Think about that. ‐ Yeah, I mean,

I went to Ryan because he's my boyfriend

and he actually supports me about the stuff

that I care about in my life.

‐ Yeah, or you knew he was the only person

who wouldn't question you.

‐ I mean...maybe. Yes.

But Fran, I'm‐‐ I'm really sorry.

Like, I know that I've been a piece of shit

and a really bad friend.

‐ I don't wanna fight with you, Annie,

but you can't just disappear and then leave me

to clear up all your mess.

You have to be my friend, too.

‐ I know, I know. I'm just‐‐

I'm trying to be the person that I actually wanna be.

‐ And is this who you wanna be? ‐ [laughs]

Absolutely not. ‐ [laughs]

‐ This is a nightmare.

Not at all.

‐ Oh, you smell horrible.

‐ Yeah, I really do. ‐ [laughs] Yeah.

‐ Ryan went down on my two‐day puss in the woods.

‐ That's good, but call me when he eats your ass.

[both laugh] [door opens]

‐ Hey, your mom's on the phone.

‐ Oh, shit.

‐ Okay. Good.

They actually let you pet them. Well, wow.

‐ Wh‐‐when's she coming back? ‐ Good.

Okay.

Yeah, we'll see you soon.

I love you, too.

Okay, well, I feel better.

‐ What happened?

‐ She's in Vancouver.

She said she needed a break from the stress

She wanted to recharge her batteries.

‐ That's it? You didn't get anything else?

‐ I don't know. That's all she said.

It's fine.

It's between her and me.

The family drama's over, okay?

Everybody can head on out.

I'm gonna hang out with Ron,

and you can go back to work.

‐ Yeah, I'll stay awake if you need me.

‐ Um, actually, I quit my job.

‐ Annie, you didn't. ‐ What?

‐ Yes, I did. ‐ Cool, right?

‐ Well, this is exactly the kind of stress

I don't need.

I don't understand. What happened?

‐ Well, my boss‐‐ he‐‐he wasn't letting me do,

you know, what I wanna do.

‐ Which is every boss on earth

in every job on earth.

What is going on with you?

‐ Look, Dad, you know, this is a good thing.

I'm shaking my shit up a little bit.

You know, taking a chance on myself.

I think I'm actually figuring things out.

‐ That was a great job, Annie.

And you were doing so well.

What are you gonna do now?

‐ Listen, Bill,

when you're young you take risks

and do crazy shit.

Once, on a dare, I kissed a dead dog on the road.

And look at me now.

I got this.

Your daughter's got it, too. Right, Annie?

‐ Yeah. I got this.

I got this.

I‐‐I got this.

["Bad Dance" playing]

CORIN: ♪ And if the world is ending now ♪

♪ Then let's dance the bad dance ♪

♪ We've been rehearsing our whole lives ♪

♪ Well, don't just stand there ♪

♪ Why don't you follow me around ♪

♪ My truth is slack and loose ♪

♪ My morals are unsound ♪

♪ Well, I'm amusing, I'm amazing ♪

♪ I'm impure ♪

♪ Dip your toes into the chaos ♪

♪ It'll feel just like a cure ♪

♪ And if the world is ending now ♪

♪ We've been rehearsing our whole lives ♪

♪ And if we're all going down in flames ♪

♪ Then let's scream then let's scream ♪

♪ We've been rehearsing our whole lives ♪