All language subtitles for Nip Tuck - 5x05 - Chaz Darling.en

Previously on Nip/Tuck...

- God!
- I'm not here because you're perfect.

I'm here because you're you.

I think we should get married.

- How do you know that girl?
- She's Olivia's daughter.

What's your real fear, Sean,

that I'll corrupt Annie
or that I'll corrupt you?

I've left Kimber, dad.
I've taken the baby.

- Did you get it?
- 300$,

courtesy of my two dads.

Olivia said that the only way
I'd get you out

of my system was to sleep with you.

I guess she was right.

This L.A. traffic, I tell you.

I'm sorry, I'm late, mister Darling.

Call me Chaz and...

You have nothing to apologize for,
doctor.

You did not tell me he was
bringing sexy back that hard.

Eden, it's a surprise.

Well I know, it's Chaz's consult.

But, I have to come
and support my B.G.F.

- Best Gay Friend.
- Yeah. Well, every girl needs one.

Of course, I sort out as her stylist,

and fashion consultant.

Does Sean know you're here?

Well I thought we can keep
this our little secret.

So, McDreamy, why we came today ?

The left one

was normal until I was like 15.

Now, it's like it got all Britney on me.

*** can

affect nipple growth,
causin' to enlarge. It's not uncommon.

In my world, it is. I mean, I...

I don't want go to the beach or...

sit by the pool or...
***

- Not even after my checkups.
- That's where you come in.

I'd be happy to help.

Dr Hecky is

an excellent plastic surgeon.
Down aside in Monica.

Good luck.

I show you my shame
and you're kicking me out.

Go get me a Perrier,
while I look this, OK?

You're a mean one, Mr Grinch.

I know all about you.

And just because my partner
is a pushover,

when it comes to cock teaser like
yourself, doesn't mean that I am.

So take your spoiled little rich girl
attitude and you're best gay freak,

and go to somebody who cares.

You'll kick me out just based
on what Sean says?

You two must be good friends to
share that kind of loyalty.

No wonder he'd be devastated to
find out you slept with julia.

I know about your little tryst
with Julia, Dr. Troy.

The thing about living with
dykes, they're always sharing

their emotions where us spoiled,
little rich kids can overhear.

Personally, I'm disappointed.

See, I thought all it would take
was some good dick

to pull her back to
the hetero side, but...

I guess you fell short in that regard.

You don't want to play this
game with me.

I don't play by the same rules as Sean.
You're going to get yourself hurt.

Oh, like a spanking?

Look, we both want the same
thing, right?

To help our friends.

All you have to do
is one little surgery,

free of charge.
Say, tomorrow morning?

Otherwise,

I will tell Sean everything,

and then we'll see
what kind of pushover he really is.

Transcript: swsub.com

Synchro :
_/Yellow Sub\_

Season 5 Episode 5
Chaz Darling

You say we cooked it all.

We did.

I was trying to visualize
our next score.

It's "The secret."

It's this book. I read it, like,
three times when you were out.

It's... it's... the universe works
through laws of attraction.

When you put it out to the world,

something you want,
instead of focusing on what you don't,

then it comes to you.
It's like a magnet.

Do you want to try it?

I told you. It works. It worked.

Did you feel the universe
calling you like a magnet just now?

Yeah, she means did you
bring the meth?

- The money first, remember?
- Right, um...

- We don't have it.
- That sucks for you.

Wait, no! Wait a second.

Maybe you and I could work out
some kind of payment plan.

The world is infinitely abundant,

and maybe you could just
visualize something that you want?

Yeah, I know what I want.

I want some of that back-door
action like I seen in your movies.

You give me that,
I give you the whole rock.

Ass for cash.

Well, do you want straight sex,
or do you want anal?

Here's your back door, asshole.

You are not screwing him for money!

- Jesus, baby!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Honey, we're so much more than that.

I'm sorry. I know.

I think I know where we can get
some real cash.

Do you realize what this is doing to us?

You've put Julia and in a
very uncomfortable position.

Maybe you're just using the
wrong dildo, mom.

Besides, you're the one that taught me
to use my brain to get what I want.

blackmail is not using your brain, Eden.
It is a criminal act.

You say tomato.

You're going to apologize tochristian,
and then you're gonna promise me

you're never gonna make
a threat like that again.

I'm 18. I make my own decisions.

There's nothing you can do about that.

I don't know what else I can do.

I mean, the more interfere,
the worse she seems to behave,

or maybe we should just tell
sean ourselves.

You know he's getting re-married.

Doesn't care about me anymore.

This isn't about you, Julia.
This is about me and Sean.

Our friendship barely survived
the last time he found out.

He'll never forgive me now.

If you tell Sean,
I'll never forgive you.

Fine, I won't say a word...

If you dump the witch of eastwick.

Is that what this is about?

It's either you or Julia?

She's not even gay, mom.

How can you stand to be with
someone who's living a lie?

Nice try, guys. Didn't work.

Come on, all this estrogen,
you can't control one little teenager?

I just don't know where
I went wrong with her,

where all this venom came from.

Sean's the innocent in all this.

What's she look like?

What?

The woman you were fantasizing about,

because you definitely
weren't with me just then.

Of course I was.

If you're going to fantasize
about somebody else,

at least have the balls to admit it.
I'm not stupid.

Kate, what the...

I'm sorry. You were amazing. I just...

had this image in my head.

My wife and I were married almost
20 years. The last 10 years, the sex...

You know what? I'm not Julia, OK?

I'm not interested in
having mutual masturbation

sessions for the rest of our lives.

You know what dooms relationships?
It is not money. It is not sex.

It is secrets, and you of all
people should know that.

Look, if I'm gonna marry you,

I want to know everything
that turns you on.

It's that honesty that's gonna keep us
together. It's not gonna pull us apart.

I was thinking about a schoolgirl.

She's wearing this little uniform,

no panties,

and she's such a bad little whore,
she needs a spanking.

- Is it too much?
- No! No, no, no, it's...

- Well, you said...
- No, it's good. I know, I know.

It's good.
I... I feel closer, don't you?

- I do, OK.
- Definitely.

You know, I've got, like,
a 3:00 am call, so I'm gonna...

I'm gonna go to sleep, OK?

- Oh, yeah. Me, too.
- Now.

Hi, daddy.

What are you doing here?

Just watching your friend, my doctor.

What the hell is wrong with you?

You know how I feel about her,
and you still went behind my back?

I'm assuming you're talking about Eden.

Who the hell else
would I be talking about?

And don't tell me you slept with her,

because that would end this
partnership right here, right now.

What exactly did she tell you?

That you agreed to fix
her friend for free?

Chaz is a stylist to the stars, OK?

He's got a huge client list, and he's
gonna send referrals our way, all right?

Look, you've got this great
gig with the tv show.

I'm just trying to do the most
with my opportunities.

OK?

Is that why you're really angry?

I mean, you're acting like a
jealous boyfriend right now.

If I'm surfing your turf...

Don't be ridiculous,

and don't ever lie
to me like that again.

Best girl-on-girl of 2005,
"Lady and the tramps."

Weren't you up for that one?

God, those were the days.

Somebody in this room call
for a plumber?

Why, yes, I did.

Are you here to fix my pipes?

I don't know. I might have to just probe
around a little bit first, miss.

See what I can find.

- Probe away.
- My pleasure.

- Remember that shoot?
- Yes, I remember that shoot.

"Plumbers and dykes", still our number
one seller of all time.

- Is it really?
- Yes, it is. Hand to god.

Doesn't surprise me.

- Ram, this is my husband Matt.
- Yeah, hi. And her manager.

Hey, nice to meet you.

Yeah, nice to meet you, too.
Here, why don't you sit down?

- Take a load off. Who's that?
- This is jenna.

I was really happy
when you called me, Kimmy.

So how you been? Where you been?
What's -- What's been going on?

What is the matter with her?
Why is she doing this?

I think she might need a new diaper.

- I don't have a diaper.
- We don't have any.

Let me help.

Hey, baby!

Come on in here.
I've got a live one for you.

My wife runs a daycare center.

You have a daycare center here?

We're very, very family-friendly
these days.

Busty, my old friend Kimmy

and her husband Matt.

My god!

Kimber Henry!

You are, like, an idol of mine.

I think the little girl needs
a diaper change.

You mind seeing if you could handle
that while we talk shop?

Sweetie. Ok, ok.

So where were we, huh?

How would you like to double
your sales this quarter?

I want back in the business.

You know, just a few choice titles,
nothing too raunchy,

Provided there's an advance involved.

That's a very tempting offer, really.

It really is,

but I don't think you're ready.

Are you kidding?

Ram, I could saddle up this afternoon.

You need to kick the meth, hon.

I can see the signs,
the weight loss, the bad skin.

All that stuff shows up on camera.

It's very, very bad
for my company's image.

Last time I saw this young lady,
she was on top of the world.

What the hell happened to her?

I got mixed up in a church, Ram,

and they took all of our money,

and I'm not proud of it.

You know I've always been
that kind of person

who was on a search for something
that makes me feel special

and complete.

The church didn't make
those feelings go away,

and then I got pregnant,
and I got so fat.

So a friend of mine said,

"Kimber, do meth for a couple weeks."

"I lost 20 pounds," so I did,

and I lost the weight,

but when it was time to quit,

I didn't want to.

I finally found something

to take the pain away.

Look, man,

we just really need
a break right now, ok?

I mean, can you help a friend out?

Kimmy, I'll tell you what.

What do you say we give
your hubby there a shot?

I saw the pregnancy video you guys
did online. It was very, very good.

You got talent, and besides,
you're packing a firehose down

There, and that's marketable.

Matt making adult films makes
absolutely no sense.

You know that.
There's no money in it for men.

Only women make money.

Tell you what.

You are talking about straight porn.

"First time fairies" is a very,
very hot title for us.

We just lost one of our leads,
got sidelined with syphilis.

You'd be on the bottom,
and that twink chic look works very,

Very well for this genre.

Shoots tomorrow,
pays five grand, you interested?

Mr. Forrest, tell us
what you don't like about yourself.

I really don't do the self-hate thing.

You know, my calves too small,
my nose too big?

No, it's not my nature.

I have legitimate medical issues.

That's why I'm here.

Probably better
if I just show you, right?

What did that? A tiger?

Mrs. Decker's certainly a wild animal
in the sack.

I'm guessing Mr. Decker doesn't know
what Mrs. Decker's

Been doing with her fingernails lately.

Chuck was there when it happened.
He watched the whole thing.

Swingers' party.

And I have a party coming up next week.

I was hoping I'd be mostly back
to form by then.

So this is a weekly thing then?

About two, three times a month, yeah.

I'm sort of like the host.

How long have you and your wife
been involved with the lifestyle?

No, no. I'm not married.

Well, from my experience
swingers' clubs are couples only.

Well, ours is a little different.

We mix couples, singles,

mostly white, middle-aged moms
and their husbands

with other young,
successful black men, like myself.

So these couples come just
so you and your friends can --

Be exploited?

Balding white males paying young black
studs to bang their wives.

Doesn't that sound
like exploitation to you?

Nobody said anything
about getting paid.

I mean, we all pay dues
to belong to the club,

white and black.

I don't get it.

You're young, successful.
You could have any woman you want.

I'm a lawyer.

Most women I meet in this town,
all they see is a wallet.

Then you try to have sex
with them, and...

You get a hold of those

40-year-old soccer moms, though.

'Cause they've got that baby weight
on them from having three kids.

Best part is, when it's all over,

she and her husband can't
thank you enough.

Then I think about it.

You love your lady. You want to see her
happy, and I just gave her five orgasms.

Doesn't everybody win?

Yeah, she must be going
through a growth spurt.

She's getting so irritable.
What are you doing?

I found loose change.
Will you help me?

When I walk,

I can feel it. There's like three
or four quarters right under here.

It's, like, right here.

Help me.

I'm -- I'm gonna feed Jenna first.

Where's the Baby Formula, Kimber?

Did I not ask you to go to the store?

What -- What did you do
with the cash that I gave you?

Hey, here. No, let me see your eyes.

Great. You smoked it.

You smoked it.

I'm sorry. I-- I needed a little bit
to get me through.

I'd have saved it for you,
but the shit burns fast.

Damn it, Matt!
Don't make me feel bad!

Just help me!
Help me pull up the carpet.

There's money under here.

Please.

Come on!

Why are you sitting there? Help me!

There's money here!

God.

If you had a job, then we'd have money,
wouldn't we?

Stupid change!

Hey, where you going?

Ram said they have a daycare.
They can watch Jenna while I work.

Kate's not here, mr. Mcnamara.

Look. I'm the only girl
in detention today.

I see.

You must've been a very bad girl
to have to stay after school.

I was, mr. Mcnamara.

I was very bad.

And...

what is it you did?

I forgot to wear panties.

Are you gonna spank me now?

You've got a really great ass.

It's too bad I can't see more of it
when we're having sex,

but I guess that would be
mechanically impossible?

Oh, I don't know.

A few more twists
on those positions we did earlier,

it might be possible.

God, that was the most fun
I've had in years.

I'm a little surprised though.

I thought hearing that fantasy
the other day turned you off?

Well, hmm, I was
a little intimidated. Then,

I thought, Kate, you brought it up,

so put your money
where your mouth is, right?

I mean, it's not like you wanted
to have sex with an

- albino amputee or anything, right?
- well,

what if I did want to have sex with an
albino amputee? Then what would you do?

Whatever I could to make you happy,

because I love you.

Want to hear something really wild?

This guy

came into the office,

a very good-looking guy,
thirties, African-American.

He, uh, need to get these scratches
on his back fixed.

Turns out he throws interracial parties.

This is where white couples go

so the wives can have sex with young
black men while the husbands watch.

- That's insane, right?
- Yeah.

I mean, can you imagine
anybody wanting to do that?

- You can?
- Well,

I don't know. Watching you
watch me get off?

That's kind of hot, don't you think?

- Yeah.
- Wait, wait. Hey, Sean.

I thought we were gonna be honest with
each other about this kind of stuff?

- Yeah.
- Well, I mean,

I can't help it if my fantasy
happens to have a

handsome black guy in it.

Makes me hot. What can I say?

These burgers are so good.

Really, they're amazing.

OK, are your eyes closed?

Yes, and the suspense is killing me.

OK, imagine you're
the doorman at Teddy's,

and this walks up.

I hope you didn't valet already.
What size is that again?

it's a zero. You picked it out.

Yeah, see, the new size to be seen in

is a negative two.

You're busting out
at the seams, sweetie.

Sorry, am interrupting
"Extreme Makeover: horror edition"?

OK, let's see what you got.

Sutures look good.

No sign of infection.

I think we're all good.

OK, so, we made a deal.

- You can leave now.
- You're right, we made a deal.

You do one surgery,
and I keep my mouth shut,

but that's not the surgery
I had in mind.

Lunchtime lipo is a
fairly easy procedure.

I need a little done around the waist.

It's the only way, sweetie.

You're joking, right?

Yeah, you want to see the punchline?

Truth be told,
when I overheard the skank

tell my mom about your
little one-night stand,

it wasn't so much me eavesdropping
as it was checking the tape

and the camera I hid in their bedroom

What is this?

A download I know
you're just dying to see.

The whole video's
about 20 minutes long,

but I think i'll only post
the last five.

It's the part where mom
gets Julia to come

Here it is. Watch.

Well, better than Christian?

Much better, honey.

The new deal is lipo,

or this gets posted on the web
where Sean can see it,

Annie can see it, and your
pasty little Julia can --

You stupid little shit!

I bruise easy, doctor,

so take a deep breath and think
about what your options here really are.

A local anesthetic in your back
will numb the pain,

but if you feel discomfort,

Liz can always give you
a bullet to bite down on.

Or use my mallet
and knock you unconscious.

Whatever floats your boat.

Fingernail tip.

It still has some polish on it!

We'll have to pass
a new rule for the club.

No press-on nails at parties.

It's too dangerous.

You might want to get
a blood panel, too.

I've already done that.

Every member of the club
has to submit an STD test.

- You make it sound so--
- Insane?

- Sorry about that.
- It's OK. I'm not ashamed of it.

How did you get involved with this world
to begin with, if I can ask?

Well, I was at a bar

and got picked up by this hot,
older woman,

and we get to her house,
she introduces me to her husband.

A little weird at first,
but we go there.

Then one day, she asked me
if I had any friends

who'd be interested,
and things took off from there.

The other couples that--

Yeah?

The other couples who show up now,

say someone didn't want to actually
have relations with someone.

You mean, if they could just watch?

Like, out of curiosity, yeah.

Well, we get that all the time.

All newcomers just want to check out
the scene before they commit anyhow.

Mostly, they're looking
to recharge their sex life.

Recharge, huh?

How long have you been with your woman?

How's the pain level, Mr. Forrest?

Um, fine, thanks.

The pain level's great. We're good, Liz.

Hey, Matt, everything
come out all right?

Yeah, I guess. I have never done
one of those enema things before.

They're a pain in the ass, but you get
used to them. Let me show you the set.

Get a chance to look at the script?
You know the set-up, right?

Yeah. My name's Ricki Boi.
I'm here for stealing a car, and,

there's a strip search involved.

Johnny!

you should meet your co-star,
great guy, very professional.

Uh, hey. I'm, uh, Matt.
Nice to meet you.

Am I gonna break this guy or what?

I'm a little worried about this.

Matt! Get over here.

What are you doing here? I told you
Jenna's with Busty. She's fine.

- Ram, I need a minute with him.
Yeah, hang on. Look,

you got 10 minutes. I booked
a foot-fetish shoot on this stage

from 3:00 to 6:00,
All right? 10 minutes.

Remember, we've got to swap these sets
out as soon as little Mattie's done.

Get dressed now.

I am not letting you do this.

Oh, so it's OK for you, but not for me?

I was a queen in this business.

I made seven figures a year.
What are you making?

Five grand to be a sloppy bottom?

There's nothing worse than that.

No, I'll tell you what's worse.
No money

and a rent that is way past due. What
other choice do we have at this point?

I called the church.

Now, they have offered
to take care of us again,

and if we agree to a purification
rundown and go to narcon,

they're willing to reinstate us.

Now, I told them we'd swing
by first thing in the morning.

I just want to be a good father and
a good husband, Kimber. That's all.

But you are, you are. Come here.

God.

Come on, can we get out of here?
This place is disgusting.

You need to peel this like prosciutto.
Take an inch off each side,

and then, then you'll be runway ready.

What do you think about my boobs?

I was thinking about
going up a cup size, like,

You know, just to make myself better,
like all the other girls.

Fake tits are so '97.

All guys want are abs and hips.

A sense of humor and good
family genes don't hurt, either,

but I can't help you there.

I need a moment
with my patient, hubcap nip.

Shouldn't you be in scrubs? We have to
get this done before Sean gets here.

We'll be done long before that.

- What's this?
- Phentermine. Heard of it?

The prescription diet pill?

Any tweenie with an internet connection
and their mother's credit card

can get a month's supply from Canada.

Not this kind.
It's compounded with zonegran.

Much more effective
and completely unavailable

without a doctor's prescription.

It'll make you lose weight faster,
feel better,

and it's got a hip factor of ten.

- Are you trying to buy me off, doctor?
- No, this is trying to buy you off.

Xanax for the anxiety
that you clearly have

and percoset to bring you down after
a good night's clubbing, all right?

Each with one free refill.

You don't need lipo, all right?
The ounces you want to lose?

These pills are going to do the job, OK?

Quite frankly, Sean is getting
a little suspicious,

so we're going to have to compromise.

Two free refills.

And I never see you
around this office again?

My own Dr. Feelgood. I like it.

You sure you want to do this?

We're only here to watch anyway, right?

OK, you really think no one's going
to recognize me from the show?

'Cause I'll put this on.

I was told there's a code of silence
at these things.

- Yeah.
- I think it's OK.

Let's do this. Let's go.

Hey, you know what?

- We should have a safe word.
- A what?

You know, a word in case one of us
gets uncomfortable and wants to go.

We'll say something, like, big wheel.

That's a word that a
dominatrix would use,

with their clients so nobody gets hurt.

- How do you know that?
- Is "big wheel" OK with you?

- Sure.
- OK.

I'm really excited. Aren't you?

- Oh, definitely.
- OK, um,

let's -- OK.

Oh, Dr. Mcnamara. I'm glad you came.

- Is this the lovely fiance?
- Hi, I'm Kate. Nice to meet you.

Well, come on in.
We're just getting started.

Don't be shy.

No one else here is.

Oh, the house rules.

First, no cell phones
and no cameras of any kind.

This is a private club.
We'd like to keep it that way.

Second, women make the invitations,
and women can say "no" at any time.

Third, clean up after yourself.
I'm the host, not the maid.

Finally, most important,

have fun!

You want to explore?

- I'm going to get us some drinks first.
- OK.

You like that?

She yours?

No, mine's, uh...

Come on, Lois.
Show him what you're working with.

Let's go find a safer place
to sit down.

You guys mind if we use the bed?
Everywhere else is full.

No, go ahead, go ahead.

Thank you.

Come on, big boy.

You guys are welcome
to stay if you like.

Come on. I'm ready for you.

This is what we came to see, right?

You want to go next?
She'll be done in a minute.

Big wheel.

Yeah, baby. Go for it.

That's good.

Big wheel.

I think i'm gonna...

Big wheel!

You hesitated.

He asked you if you wanted to go next,
and you hesitated.

That's why you wouldn't say
anything the whole way home?

You're really reading into this.

You didn't think what was going on
in there was sick?

No. Consenting adults having fun? No.

What is wrong with you?

Ok, I see. So wanting to have sex
with the schoolgirl is normal to you?

All you had to do is put on a dress.

But it was still your fantasy, Sean,

- and I followed through, no judgment.
- I never should have told you.

You certainly liked the result,

and don't criticize me
for having my fantasy, Sean.

We said no more secrets.
Do you rember that?

No, you said that. I think it's better
to keep some things to ourselves.

Why?

Is there something else
you're keeping from me?

Go on. Say it.

Really. What do you have to lose?
You already think i'm a whore now.

All right, you want the whole truth?

I only liked the idea of going
there because i hoped it

might spice up our sex life.

I never thought you were
very good in bed.

That's because i never got over you
shitting in the hot tub.

I still think about it.

That's why i have to fantasize
every time we have sex.

I think your ass is flat.

I think you're going to get fat again.

I think your ex-wife became a lesbian
because you made her

feel so horrible
that she hates men now.

I only asked you to marry me
because I was scared,

not Because i really loved you.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't, don't, don't touch me.

Say surprise to daddy.

- You did all this while I was gone?
- We both did.

I wanted a clean start.

Go look at the kitchen.

I found $100 under the carpet,

and then I went into the garbage.
I pulled out some bottles,

- and voil�.
- Baby Formula.

Do you know how amazing you are?

But it's like I told you.

if you visualize what you want,

the universe will supply it.

Where'd you go?

I just had the most amazing
vision of what

it was going to be like
when we got clean tomorrow.

- Did I look like a movie star?
- Yes.

I'm so glad you didn't do
that degrading movie.

Me, too, babe.

So how did you get this from Rob

if we didn't have any money left
to pay for it?

I told him he could crash here.

He got kicked out of
his apartment again.

I need to check on him.

Yes, and I'm totally in
for saturday night.

I got us a V.I.P. booth.
Ok, see you then.

Mom, are you ok? What's going on?

You and Julia finally broke up.
Thank you, god.

They're your clothes, Eden.

what's going on here?

I saw the signs.
I just didn't want to believe it.

- What? What are you talking about?
- We found these in your bedroom.

You were snooping in my stuff?

After Christian called and said you
came by the office and stole them

earlier that day, I--

Stole them? What?
No, he gave them to me.

Stop pretending.

You're a drug addict,
and the drugs make you lie

and hurt people.

You need professional help.

You're good.

i'll give you that.

So, you're kicking me to the curb,
mom?

Eden, I'm Mrs. Feeney.

I'm from the Shelter drug
rehabilitation center.

Rehab.

There's been a bed reserved for you.
You'll be there for six weeks.

and if you don't stay the entire time,
Christian will press charges.

And I support him.

If you don't cooperate,
you'll go to jail.

We just want to get you better.

You son of a bitch!
You can't do this to me!

You think you're going
to get away with this?

This is classic addict behavior.

Denial, rage, unwilling
to take responsibility.

I hope you all enjoy
the next six weeks,

because when I come back,

Sean is going to know everything.

That's a promise.

Sweetheart,
I think we did the right thing.

What are you doing here?

I came to tell you I won't be needing
you as my best man anymore,

at least not in the foreseeable future.

Something happened with Kate?

You were married 20 years.

Maybe you just don't know
how to be alone anymore.

It's more than that.

I think I never got over Julia.

I'm still in love with her.

Really.

I think I'll get me one of those.

_/Yellow Sub\_
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