Original subtitles

Previously on Nip/Tuck...

you turned an innocent encounter I had with an old friend

into a lurid, sexual tryst.

I know what I saw.

we should just hop into the empty bed right here

before he wakes up.

Barring anything unforeseen,

I think that we'd love to have you working with us.

I just got off the phone with Monica Wilder.

Just passed on the job.

Most couples have a hard time with a male nurse.

We've got to talk.

I think you pretty much made your point

when I was late for Connor's birth.

I'm a shallow, insensitive dickwad

and a disappointment as a friend.

- Christian-- - And you're probably right.

But this is called the break room.

As in, I need one.

I want to apologize for being a self-righteous hypocrite.

You were right about the nightmares.

I screwed her and I

gave her a gratis nose job so she wouldn't say anything to Julia.

After Megan, I swore I'd never cheat again.

Now I've done just that with someone I don't even like.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Julia's been closed for repairs lately, right?

It was a one-time thing. Cut yourself some slack.

- Just don't do it again. - I want to do it again.

Badly.

- What's her name? - Monica.

Monica.

Gone. The little slut's history.

Easy as popping a zit, huh?

The thing is, Sean,

some men can't handle temptation.

Some men can.

You know, it's just how I pictured it.

I assume that's a compliment.

Oh, before I forget,

I have a table at the philharmonic fundraiser on saturday.

Burt's not feeling up to it, so--

Maybe he should try prune juice.

I thought you might want to go with me.

I'll have my tux pressed.

2 settings?

I was under the impression Sean would be joining us.

Wasn't this supposed to be our bury-the-hatchet dinner?

He sends his regrets. Diaper rashes.

Try some beluga.

Nice and buttery.

Not too salty.

You know...

I don't think I ever told you...

I went to medical school.

I wanted to specialize in reconstructive surgery.

But you never finished.

In my second year, my mother was diagnosed with lymphoma.

And I had to go back and help with the family.

But I have no regrets.

I'm not exactly the surgeon I dreamt of becoming,

but I do own one of the top 10 plastic surgery practices in Miami.

I have big dreams for this business.

Let's make the most of this association.

Let's.

What are you doing, Christian?

I think Oscar Wilde said it best.

To get rid of temptation,

you need to...

give into it.

Just so you know, sweetie pie, I'm not into S & M.

And I'm not into you.

Who do you think you're kidding?

You and I both know you spent hours deliberating which dress

in your closet best displayed that world-class cleavage of yours.

Since you love being a business woman so much, Michelle,

let me give you the bottom line.

You either get real with me and give in to what we're both feeling,

or sell me my business back.

Although my nurses might enjoy it,

I don't like doing surgery with a hard-on.

If you're uncomfortable with the way I dress,

or, in fact, anything at all about me, Christian,

then you're the one who should consider leaving.

'Cause me and my world-class cleavage

ain't going nowhere.

It's the baby's position that's wrong.

Let's try the football position.

All right?

Just right under you there. Excellent.

All right, sweetie. Come on.

I feel like I'm running for a touchdown.

Gotta keep an open mind, honey.

Ok. On to plan "B". Any beer in the fridge, Dr. McNamara?

Beer?

Beer can be helpful with lactation promotion.

Uh, it relaxes the mommy so the milk can flow.

You know what, Mrs. Gunther? I don't feel like a beer.

I think we'll take it from here. So, thank you for your time.

If you continue to deny him the breast, he will lose interest.

You know what? I have nursed 2 babies

and I don't need these irritating clich�s.

I'm just gonna pump my milk and take a nap.

I wish you the best.

Thank you, Mrs. Gunther.

We need to think about his surgeries, honey.

His first one's in 3 months,

and breastfeeding helps him gain the weight he needs

so his immune system will be strong.

Skin-on-skin contact also makes him secure so he can handle the stress.

Yeah, all right, but what about my stress, Sean?

You know, the milk won't flow. I've tried everything.

I know you judge me and you think I'm a bad mother--

I'm not judging you, Julia. I'm just worried about Connor.

I think I have postpartum depression.

Maybe I should be on medication.

I kept telling the doctor in the E.R.

it has got to look like nothing happened.

Finally, he just said to me,

"lady, if you're that worried about it,

you need to see a plastic surgeon."

Do you mind?

Are you in...

pain, Mrs. Noble? This looks quite brutal.

Um, no. They gave me shots in the E.Rr. right here where it happened.

- Your dog did this to you? - Hhis name is Rojo.

He's a pit bull mix.

But truly, it wasn't his fault. He is an angel.

An angel who left you without a nipple.

Well, he didn't mean to attack me.

We were minding our own business in the dog park

when this psycho chow just attacked him.

how did your nipple find its way into a dog fight?

I was trying to separate them.

I was wearing a little tank t-shirt and umm...

his teeth just landed here.

Anyhow, it ripped right through the fabric.

I never should have tried to stop things.

I know that I used bad judgment.

The good news is you used excellent judgment in coming to us.

We can give you subcutaneous sutures

and you won't ever see the stitches.

But I need it to look like it never happened.

Ok.

My husband Mark is coming back from Iraq in a week

and he'll have the dog put down if he finds out.

See, he already thinks that Rojo is a problem dog.

But Mark's away a lot, and Rojo is my protector.

He makes me feel safe.

I would lose my mind if anything happened to him.

I mean, he was just doing his job.

I didn't see any papers of resignation on my desk.

So I'll assume we're back on track?

Your chocolate cupcakes are looking very tasty this morning, Michelle.

Oh, I get it.

If a straight man mentions sex,

it's not sexual harassment. It's foreplay.

Oh, by the way...

Burt's feeling better.

He's determined to take me to the fundraiser tonight.

Sorry, but I have to rescind my invitation.

I know how you feel, Christian.

I've had some extremely hot dreams about her myself.

Who?

Our lady of the low-cut camisole and vanilla-grapefruit musk.

You know, there's a price to be paid

for living in the fog of oblivion, Liz.

Look at this poor lady.

She thought her doggie was a pussycat, and she lost her nipple.

What makes you think you got a shot with her?

Michelle is the kind of woman who wants to feel like a spider,

and I'm a helpless little fly caught in her web.

Do you think that you could teach me

to be as full of shit as you are?

I thought lesbians didn't play games.

I thought it was all about cuddling and, uh,

sharing your depilatory cream.

Have you been to a lesbian bar lately?

There is more gaming going on than a Vegas casino.

And the girls, they're younger and they're hotter.

When was the last time you went on a date, Liz?

Really?

One and 1/2.

Hey. I have my rabbit vibrator.

Who needs a real, live girl, right?

Maybe you just need to get yourself a coach.

What are you doing saturday night?

Morning.

Son't you think that's a little inappropriate for a baby's room?

Well, I'm not finished.

When I'm done, it will be filled with magic and color.

And if you don't like it, I'll just paint over it.

- But you'll love it. - I hope so.

Maybe it's my mood, but...

lately, everything seems to unnerve me.

Yeah, you have seemed a little down lately.

I think I have postpartum.

I told Sean I was considering taking medication.

He's against it, of course.

Oh! I'm just...

tired of letting people down. I mean, especially Connor.

He'll be fine on formula. Millions of babies take it.

Julia, I've been around a lot of mothers with postpartum.

And you don't seem like someone whose hormones are running amok.

Can I make an observation?

Well, it just seems to me like you feel...

responsible for all of it.

For Connor's condition, everything he's gonna have to go through.

Who could sit and enjoy this simple act of nursing their baby

with all that weight on their shoulders?

I mean, don't get me wrong.

If you feel like you need to go on medication, you should.

That's fine but...

But what?

Well...

I know this one little trick. I think it might be worth trying.

- Heh heh. What's that? - Warm washcloth.

I'm just gonna move this.

It should help relax the milk ducts.

Help with the let down reflex.

What a crying shame.

All these magnificent vaginas wasted on other vaginas.

Focus, Christian.

This is about finding me the vagina of my dreams.

As if anyone here wants to go home with a geriatric butterball.

Tip number one: the self deprecation's gotta go. Ok?

What about her?

She's an 8. 8s go home with 8s or 9s. I'm a 6.

Is she looking at me?

She. Over there.

She can't be looking at me. She's a 10.

No offense, sweetheart, but I, uh...

I think she's looking at me.

Watch and learn, Dizzy Lizzie.

Here's something to think about

while you're nibbling on that swizzle stick.

I can munch, dive, and go fish better than any girl in this place.

Plus, I have in my possession a very lifelike dildo

just in case you decide to get kinky.

What do you say?

First of all...

I do the munching.

Second of all...

you're an asshole.

Goddamn dykes have no sense of humor.

More alcohol's not gonna make your number go up, Lizzie.

This is from your friend over there.

She says she wants to know how soon you could dump the fairy.

You're so beautiful.

You're a goddess.

Are you really here?

Or did I dream you up?

You're the dream.

Hello?

Don't move.

You were shot full of lidocaine,

so there shouldn't be any pain before the paramedics arrive.

They're on their way.

What's the matter with me?

Your kidney's been surgically removed.

Oh, don't worry, honey. You only need one to live.

How is she?

I'm Dr. McNamara. This is Dr. Troy. Dr. Cruz works for us.

Nice to meet you. Dr. Myra Muktar. I'm a nephrologist.

Please tell me she's going to be O.K.

She's actually in very good shape.

Whoever these organ thieves are, they do a clean, sterile nephrectomy.

Do you have any information on who these people are?

There have been 4 of these thefts in Miami since Christmas,

all similar-- a decoy in a bar, clean surgery,

and a polite phone call afterwards.

The investigating officers think an organized ring has moved into the area.

How much does a black market kidney go for?

$200,000 maybe more.

That's if you go through a new breed of broker.

They handle your flights to Shanghai, Brazil,

and a half dozen other countries where crime flies under the radar.

- Can we see her? - Yeah.

My first pick up in a gay bar. Ow.

Think God's trying to tell you something?

You're going to be ok, Liz.

I'm fine. These meds are fantastic.

What is it about a beautiful woman?

I'm so sorry, Liz.

They told me I'm going to be

out of commission for 4 to 6 weeks.

We'll get someone to cover for you.

That's not a problem. Take all the time you need.

That's not the problem.

I don't have anyone to take care of me.

I don't have anyone.

You're wrong, Liz.

You're not alone.

You always have us, Lizzy.

We're taking you back to McNamara Troy as soon as you pass gas.

Heh. ohh. ohh. Don't make me laugh.

Congratulations, darling.

You almost look respectable.

Who's this?

This is Annalise.

Annalise has been working for me--

for how long has it been?

2 years.

Annalise has been sloppy.

I'm afraid she's compromised a client.

Need to make some changes, don't we Annalise?

- Changes? - Yes.

Specifically a new nose and chin for our girl here.

And it needs to happen today.

I don't owe you this.

I owe you one last payment, and then we are finished.

I don't think you realize

what a boon your new business is, Pet...

for all of us.

What's good for me is always the best for you.

You're fine with this?

She says "frog," you jump?

James has always taken good care of me.

She knows what's best.

And what am I supposed to say to the doctors?

They'll take one look at her and say she doesn't need anything at all.

They will turn her down. I guarantee it.

Come here, darling.

Let's see if we at least have case for a chemical peal.

Does that solve your problem?

Put her on the books now.

Christian, she's been through a terrible head-on collision.

Let her have it the way she wants it.

I examined her. Her features have classical proportions.

Why would somebody who looks like a supermodel

want to change her face?

Our job is not to judge, Christian.

I have the patient's request in writing--

aquiline and enhanced chin.

Fine.

How long are the procedures?

Do you have time to do them both by yourself?

I might need some help.

- I'll pull Sean. - He's in a consult.

I'd like you to help me, Dr. Landau.

Linda, did I tell you that michelle went to medical school?

Scrub up, doc.

You know if somebody offered me my dream, I'd just say, "yes."

Would you like to make the first cut, doctor.

I'll be right behind you.

15 blade.

15 blade.

A month's severance, I think that's perfectly fair.

More than fair,

but I'm also entitled to a reasonable explanation.

You crossed the line, Marlo.

You fondled my wife's breast.

I was right in front of you, and you couldn't resist touching it.

Ha. I said reasonable explanation.

I was trying to help her milk let down.

Listen, I get it.

You're working around vulnerable women

in a state of semi-undress. It's got to be tempting,

especially when you might have some frustrations in that area.

Meaning I have problems attracting women.

Therefore, in my sex-starved state,

I couldn't help but cop a feel of your wife's breast...

Wow. Too bad.

I liked this job.

And, strangely enough, I thought you and I were on the same page.

About what?

About keeping Julia off of anti-depressants

so she could nurse Connor. He needs that from her.

But you know what? He's not my kid. He's yours.

And about me and the ladies--

between Gilda, she's a dancer with the miami ballet

and Rosie, buyer for saks, I get more...

Send Julia my regrets.

Wait a minute, so in your opinion

what are the chances we can keep her off the medication?

Personally,

I think the pills are just an excuse not to breast feed.

When she nurses,

his little hands on her skin make her anxious.

I've seen it firsthand.

So what's your solution, if you don't mind my asking?

She needs the space to express herself...

encouragement, not absolutes.

Anything more and you're going to have to pay me.

Hi.

Is this a bad time?

It's all clear up there, Monica.

I'm not sure why you're having trouble breathing.

It isn't swollen?

Nope.

Would you hate me if I told you

I wasn't really having trouble breathing?

What I'm having trouble with

is getting you out of my mind. How you touched me--

Monica, I'm not going to be with you again. I'm married.

We both made a mistake.

People say that eyes are the windows to a person's soul.

I say it's the hands.

I love your hands.

They're so sensitive and confident.

Come see me tonight.

You know where I live. You dropped me off.

You need to forget about me, Monica.

I can't.

I tried.

I can't.

I'll be at home tonight,

thinking of your hands on me.

When will I get my sensation back?

Should come back over the next few months.

Mark.

Hello, Sherri.

What-- I thought-- you thought what?

Excuse me, but we're in the middle of an exam.

You'll have to take a seat in the waiting room.

You said you weren't coming back until the 30th.

So you booked yourself a little plastic surgery

to make yourself look all pretty for me?

- How'd you know? - You weren't home.

I called your sister.

I'm sorry I didn't clean the house.

Guess what I saw.

Sir, the homecoming's going to have to wait

until your wife is discharged.

Did Rojo poop inside? I asked my sister to walk him--

I saw an open peanut butter jar by the god damn bed, Sherri.

I thought we agreed this wasn't going to happen again.

I told you I didn't clean up.

I didn't know that you were coming back.

So now you just keep it there by the bed

in case the spirit moves you.

How often? Every night?

Sergeant, if your wife's peanut butter addiction is a problem,

you'll have to deal with this at home.

I'll be done in 60 seconds.

You know on our very first date, Sherri,

as you sat there chattering away,

my mind ran through all the things about you

that could become a problem for me.

As you know, I like to anticipate--

You know what you failed to anticipate, Mark?

How lonely iwould get with you gone for months at a time.

And I also failed to anticipate

that you would turn into a faithless, demented whore,

who would use peanut butter to seduce your own dog!

What's in your duffle bag, Mark? What did you do?

What was I supposed to do?

What any man would do to his wife's lover.

Poor dog never even saw it coming.

Seduced by a weakness for peanut butter and a

blind trust in humans.

This way, boys. It's out the back entrance.

Liz, I'm so sorry about what happened to you.

If you ever need anything,

anything at all, don't hesitate to ask.

Careful, Christian,

based on recent events it should be crystal clear

that there is a reason that some fruit is forbidden.

I think you've had enough exercise for today, Lizzy.

Let's get you back to bed.

You're Michelle's friend.

Um, she'll be back in a minute.

She just went to take care of some business.

It's not a problem.

Who's that?

She's the one--you know, the one--

who very obviously was not fondling Michelle in the garage.

Hey.

- How was your day? - It was good.

- Better in fact. - Glad to hear that.

It's growing on me. What do you think?

I'm not sure, yet.

- Want a beer? - Heh heh. Sure.

Oh, my god. I'm so glad you came.

Come in.

I could use a drink.

I've got the ticket.

Actually I'd prefer a scotch.

They're hash brownies. I made them this afternoon.

There's nothing better than making love stoned.

Take off your tie, Sean.

Take your tie off, pussy.

I mean you can't take her ass with your tie on, right?

Mmm. This is some good shit.

What are you doing here?

Hell was full

so I came up to chaperone your ass.

You know how much I love a party, Sean.

What do you want?

No, my friend, I believe the question is

what do you want.

I believe you want this.

So take off your pants and be a man.

I think that's what I would do.

Don't turn out wild, my love.

Megan...

Oh, god.

Sometimes I miss you so much.

I'm always with you, Sean.

Hey, Sean,

screw this cancer bitch. She's a dead lady.

You got a live one here. Where you need to go?

She's not what you want.

I don't know what I want anymore.

Here's what you want.

It's called daddy's little helper

from the tree of knowledge.

Knowledge is power, Sean.

And power--

is taking that bitch's ass.

Come on.

That's right. That's my boy. You can do it. Bite it.

You're just afraid. Go home. They all need you now.

I can't keep being everything to everybody.

I can't take the pressure anymore.

Then bust a hard nut, Sean.

Relieve the pressure, man.

I don't want this.

I'm not you.

Uh, Sean, yes you are.

Is this what you want?

Is this who you want to be?

Sean, your baby's a freak.

Make her pay for what she did to you.

Make God pay for giving you a baby with lobster hands.

I love my baby.

I love him no matter what.

Do you still love me, Sean?

Or do you blame me for Connor?

Is that why you're doing this?

To make me pay? To hurt me?

I don't want to hurt you.

I love you.

I love you, too, Sean.

No.

You're lovely.

And I want you, but...

No.

I'm going to go home now.

- Hello, sweetheart. - Hello, darlin'.

Look who stopped by to check your old man's balls.

I guess you told him I wasn't feeling well, huh?

Is everything ok?

Just a small hematoma from the surgery--

nothing to worry about.

Oh, what's up, honey? You look like you had a long day.

- Oh, it's been a hard one. - Wasn't it?

We had an emergency facial reconstruction-- bad car crash.

Actually the patient, I believe, was a friend of your wife's.

You know the very stylish-looking woman

that Liz met in the parking garage a few weeks ago.

Maybe you just missed her.

Like I said, it's been a long day.

I'm going to take a shower.

Thanks for stopping by, Christian. I'll see you tomorrow.

Actually, Michelle, I'll be keeping you company all night.

Burt's asked me to stay for dinner.

So who's the mystery woman, Michelle?

She a lover?

Liz is a lonely woman with a vivid imagination.

See you at dinner...

Where, just so you know, I

plan on telling your husband-- my other boss--

that I went through the records today and realized

we operated on a person that didn't even exist,

a phantom patient, unbilled.

Burt would find that fascinating, don't you think?

Christian, I'm not having an affair with her.

- Leave it alone. - You talk or I will.

Lock the door.

Her name is James.

She runs a modeling agency, and I'm indebted to her.

So indebted you agreed to work on her little prot�g� for free? Hmm?

And you let her squeeze your tits.

So what's real, Michelle?

Is it all lies? Did you go to medical school?

Yes. I did. And James paid for it.

In exchange for what? A modeling contract?

In a way.

Give me a straight answer god damn it!

I was an escort.

I did it for a year and a half.

And then I couldn't take it anymore.

So I quit medical school and I quit working for her.

So when did you meet Burt?

Before or after you quit sucking dick for lunch money?

After.

You saw your out and you married him.

But now James wants a piece of the action. I get it.

I thought I made my final payment,

but now she won't let me go or let me forget where I came from.

She's a psychopath.

So you have a fatal attraction for the good life.

Just like you do.

Please. Please. Don't tell Burt.

He doesn't deserve to be hurt. He loves me.

I won't tell him your secret if you don't tell him mine.

What's your secret?

That I made love to his wife before dinner.

Should I be flattered or worried?

It's beautiful.

It's just perfect.

Can you feed him, please? I am so tired.

- Uh, Julia-- - Please.

I can't.

That's an interesting word you used to describe my work--

"perfect."

You don't say it out loud but sometimes you must think to yourself

that Connor is so imperfect.

It's not something I like to talk about.

You have a deformed child, Julia.

It's not going to go away just because you don't say it out loud.

Come on, sweety.

You-- I can't help thinking you can't feel all the loving,

tender things without feeling the painful things, too.

You can't have one thing without the other.

My mother told me once that she wished she had aborted me.

Naturally I was a pretty angry kid...

not unlike your son.

We were in an abortion clinic, Sean and I.

Connor was a mistake.

we were separated at the time, and, uh,

we just got lonely.

I never knew what happened, but we were sitting there, and then

we just got up and left.

We never said it each other but

we knew that

this baby was our last hope of making it together.

God forgive me. I should have gone through with it.

I wish I had.

Sean can't handle it either.

He acts like he can but he thinks the same way I do. I know it.

We blew it with our normal healthy child

what hope do we have of doing right by this one?

What did you do?

Some kind of magic spell on us.

I didn't do anything.

Hi.

Hey.

Can you believe it?

You do realize

you're not supposed to nurse if you're taking anti-despressants.

I filled the prescription but I ddn't take it yet.

The mural's beautiful.

A perfect world before the fall.

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