Original subtitles

[ Down-tempo rock music plays ]

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Sighs ]

Can I come in?

I'm on the loo. [ Sniffles ]

Lisa, what's up?

I'm fine.

That's not fine.

Just leave it, Dan. Honestly, just leave it.

I don't like seeing you upset, believe it or not.

It's nothing. It's just what you do

when your marriage is falling apart.

This marriage is not falling apart.

You're just tired and emotional.

It's inevitable on a day like today.

Thank you for that analysis.

I feel so much better now you've given me that guidance.

There's no need to be sarky.

We shouldn't be spoiling it for everyone

by constantly bickering, should we?

I've no intention of spoiling it.

And for your information,

It wasn't me who messed up in the first place, remember?

I think it's time for a glass of fizz, don't you?

Gary!

Have you not got anything stronger?

Gary!

-Morning. -Hiya, love.

Will you pour a shot of vodka for Pauline?

What, already?

Fancy some tonic to go with it?

Straight'll be fine, thanks, love.

Calm the nerves.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I mean, it's not like we've not been here before, is it?

I think it's 'cause we're doing it in a church.

Where did you get married last time?

Salford register office.

Just the two of us.

Charlie's family were not amused.

Bible bashers, believe it or not.

Really?

His dad didn't like me one bit.

Because you weren't religious?

No, actually. He was a bit of a groper.

Tried it on once at Charlie's uncle's funeral.

I kneed him in the nuts so hard

I don't think he ever got up again.

[ Both laugh ]

-Is that okay? -Oh, perfect. Thanks, love.

And he didn't drink.

Never trust someone who doesn't drink.

I know what you mean.

Will you get me a glass of fizz, cock?

Really? Now? You as well?

Gary love, it's a wedding.

It's the law to have a tipple first thing.

I know I took me eye off the ball.

And for the millionth time, I am truly sorry.

But we can't move on till you move on.

I just want to get on with me life --

our life, together.

What if I can't?

What do you mean, if you can't?

[ Knock on door ]

-CHARLIE: Can I come in? -BOTH: I'm on the loo.

Oh.

Sorry, kids. Just need me toothbrush.

I can use the bathroom in your bedroom if you're busy in here.

Could you cover yourself up?

Peace in the Middle East, kids.

* Boom chicka boom chicka *

* Who's getting married in the morning? *

* Pboo! Pboo! *

* Ding-dong, the bells are gonna chime! *

[ Beatboxing ]

LISA: All right, all right, all right.

Could you both cover yourselves up?

It's like a home for retired flashers here.

Thank you.

Right, you two.

Do you fancy a bacon butty? You've got a long day ahead.

You need all the energy you can get your hands on.

-Go on, then, love. -Yeah, thanks, Lisa.

Y-Yeah, me too, if there's any spare.

Seeing as though I went out and bought it in the first place.

Can I ask you a question, Dan?

Are you two, you know, sorted yet?

Pardon me?

We know you're on the sofa, me and him. Don't we, Charlie?

We saw you last night when we met up in the kitchen.

Romantic.

We thought you were having a good kip,

so we didn't want to disturb you.

Oh, very noble of you. Thank you.

You and Lisa, you're gonna sort it, aren't you?

Yes, Barry. We will sort it out.

But I'm afraid today

you and I have got to get this old codger to the church

in one piece first.

Oh, hi.

Who's coming to stay, then?

No one. Why?

Washing machine on by 8:30?

You've polished, you've ironed one of my shirts,

you've loaded the dishwasher,

and now you've been out shopping.

Something's going on. This isn't normal.

Okay.

[ Clears throat ]

I've had this idea this morning,

and it's making me really nervous.

Do you remember the other day

when Pauline was going on and on about how much she loved my car?

Uh, yeah.

I thought it might be a nice idea

to offer it to them to use for the wedding.

You know, a kind of peace offering, really.

And we could jazz it up a bit. We could put this on.

You know what Pauline's like. She'd love that, wouldn't she?

Who wouldn't?

So I thought I might nip 'round

and mention it to Dan and Lisa.

Whatever you think's best.

You think it's a crap idea, don't you?

What? I didn't say that.

TANYA: [ Sighs ] Oh, God.

What if she says no?

Then she says no. It's not the end of the world.

[ Exhales sharply ]

-O to the M to the G. -What?

Guess who I've been on the phone to.

-Who? -Carol from the agency.

Oh. What'd she want?

They've got a client in Manchester that liked me photos!

It's for a catalog campaign. This is big-time, Fergus.

It's a proper casting. They've got 40 models lined up.

40?

Carol says I'm in her top five,

and I'm going in first.

They liked me photos.

They just need to love me personality too.

Carol says if I go along and charm them,

this could be the thing that breaks me.

Makes you, even.

Are you okay, Fergus?

Aren't you pleased for me?

Course I'm pleased.

When is it, this casting, then?

-Today. -Today?

But you can't go today.

-You did tell them you can't go? -It's at 11:00.

I thought if we get a move on, you could drop me there first.

Couldn't she have given you a bit more notice?

It's cutting it a bit fine, don't you think?

It's only in town, and remember I'm one of the first in.

We can go to the church straight after if we both get ready now.

Will you take me?

Please?

[ Sizzling ]

Your dad knows I'm kipping on the sofa.

There's a spare quilt on it.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work that one out.

Dan, there's something I want to talk to you about.

What now?

-I've packed some stuff. -What stuff?

Just a few bits. For now. And what I was think--

Smile, comrades!

Dad! Will you put that thing away?

No. I promised your mum I'd tape everything.

When she said "everything,"

she meant the church and the first dance,

not breakfast, dinner. and every trip to the toilet.

No, she doesn't want to miss anything.

Well, strictly speaking she shouldn't put Auntie Pam

before family commitments, should she?

Message received. Loud and clear.

Strictly speaking, Auntie Pam is family.

And Auntie Pam is ill. Show some compassion.

I'm going to see to your mum.

Make sure these two are ready.

What did you mean, you've packed some stuff?

I'm sorry, Dan.

I just don't think I can do this anymore.

As soon as this wedding is done with...

...I'll be gone.

Greg, what are you doing?

Nothing.

Well, where are you going, then?

I've just got a few things to sort before this afternoon.

-What things? -Just a bit of business.

Business on a Saturday?

The world keeps revolving at the weekend, you know?

You said that was the last of Gerry.

GREG: It is.

Look.

One phone, one client to meet, two calls to make.

Shirt to pick up at the dry cleaner's.

A beautiful girlfriend to meet at the church

of the wedding of me best mate's mum and dad.

Okay. I think you've made your point.

-Do you trust me? -Of course I do.

Well, chill out, then. I'll see you later.

-Don't be late. -Yeah.

[ Engine starts ]

[ Engine starts ]

Lisa?

Lisa, please.

Not now, Tanya, if you don't mind.

But we need to talk.

I just want to talk to you, please.

Well, I don't want to talk to you.

Look, Tanya, we have got a really busy day,

and I really need to get to Bianca's.

I'm really sorry about what happened with Dan.

Nothing happened with Dan.

He told me everything.

I just meant I want to apologize to you

for all the trouble that I've caused.

When I heard --

when Dan told me

about you two and your little night out --

you know what I thought?

"Typical slapper," that's what.

And I wanted to punch your lights out.

I don't blame you. I'm not surprised.

I'd be exactly the same, Lisa. I mean, if Bradley...

Will you shut the fuck up for a minute and let me speak?

I didn't because I was too upset.

I thought I'd be first in the queue to deal out punches

if my man even looked at somebody else.

But the truth is I wasn't.

Because it hurt too much.

[ Sniffles ]

But if you really must know,

I'm over it now,

and I don't want to keep going on about it.

And what happens now is between me and him,

and it's nobody else's business.

-[ Door closes ] -Do you understand?

-TANYA: Yes. -BRADLEY: Everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine.

Well?

Well, what?

The car.

What car?

WOMAN: Hi. Can I help?

GREG: Hi, yeah. I've come to collect a ring.

Oh, of course. Mr. Porter, isn't it?

Thanks, yeah.

Happy?

-Delighted. Thanks. -Aw.

So am I allowed to ask

when you're picking your special moment?

Oh, this afternoon.

We're going to a friend's wedding.

Oh, wow! Lovely! Aw.

Well, I'm sure wherever you do it,

you'll get the answer you want.

I hope so.

[ Door opens, closes ]

You can just take a seat over there.

Hiya, Frankie! I didn't expect to see you.

It's a casting. Why wouldn't you see me?

Carol called us all.

She told me they loved me pictures.

Course they loved your pictures.

They want to see as many as they can

so they get the right person.

Did Carol love your pictures too, then?

Sure did.

Top five?

At last! She gets it.

This is showbiz, honey.

[ Sighs ]

[ Knock on door ]

Hello?

Only me.

BIANCA: Come in.

Oh, wow.

Bianca, you look fabulous.

Do you think so?

Oh, I really need to get a move on.

-Where's Pauline? -Upstairs.

She should be ready in a minute.

Drumroll!

LISA: Oh, my God.

Pauline, you look divine.

Do you think so?

Not that bad, surely?

Oh, I'm sorry.

What's up?

I'm just a bit emotional.

That's weddings for you.

I blubber at "Home and Away."

Imagine what I'm gonna be like when they say, "I do."

Right. I best get a move on.

Will you two be okay without me

whilst I sort the last-minute things at the pub?

Thanks, love. We'll be fine.

Gary!

-Do I have to wear this tie? -Of course you do.

Oh, take it off, love, if that's what makes you comfy.

I don't want anyone feeling uncomfy today.

LISA: [ Chuckles ]

Come here. [ Giggles ] See you later.

Ta-ra.

So, uh, what did they want? Over the road.

Oh, um, Bradley said

that he would drive you to the church in Tanya's car.

-Did he? -Yeah.

Oh, God. That's very kind of him.

Mm. I thought you'd be up for it.

Judging by the look you gave her

when she legged it over to you out there,

that wasn't all it was about, neither, was it?

No.

Something with her and our Dan?

It's nothing. Look, I've got to get dressed.

I'm not blind, Lisa.

I saw her with him on the drive a couple of weeks back.

Turned his head, didn't she?

Not really.

[ Exhales sharply ] I know her type.

Can spot them a mile off. She's no different than Babs.

And all the other women that make a play

for something that's not theirs.

She didn't get it, though, did she, what she wanted?

No.

So you've won. Haven't you?

I didn't see it as a race, to be honest.

She just tried to apologize.

And what did you say?

It's not as simple as that, Pauline.

Do you need me to have a chat with our Dan?

It's gone a bit further than that.

[ Sobs ] I've told him I can't carry on.

I've told him I don't trust him anymore.

Please don't hate me, Pauline. I've tried so hard.

Oh, why would I hate you?

Eh?

This is me you're talking to here.

And I've been through the mill

and beaten up and back again, lady.

I didn't want this to happen.

I just wanted you to have a good day.

That's all I've wanted all along.

I know, love. And I will.

Don't you worry about otherwise.

I better go and get dressed.

-Lisa love? -Yeah?

Will you give me away?

Me?!

Yeah, you.

But I thought you wanted Dan to do it.

But Dan's being best man.

Don't seem fair he gets to do everything.

What do you think?

[ Both laugh ]

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

-I'm Beryl Bennett. -Oh, hi.

I'm Denise Bradwell. How are you, Beryl?

You can call me Beryl.

Have a seat, Miss Bradwell.

Great pictures.

Thank you!

Oh, flippin' heck. I'm sorry.

I'm just dead nervous, and I get a bit tongue-tied

so I never know what's the right thing to say, Mrs. Barrett.

Bennett.

Mrs. Bennett.

So, tell me about yourself.

Um, I like Kylie.

I hate horror films.

I love cupcakes and Super Noodles,

but, um, sushi makes me vom.

Is that the kind of thing you're after?

Oh, you look lovely.

[ Doorbell rings ]

-Hi. -Hi.

Oh, wow, Mum.

You look really great.

Thanks, son.

There's been a slight change of plan.

What now?

Your mum has asked me to give her away,

so I'm gonna be going to the church with her.

What?

You can go with Charlie and me dad.

How come?

I just thought it'd be nice,

with you being best man and everything.

Is that okay?

This is another convenient way

to get at me again, isn't it?

No, actually. It isn't.

Your mum asked me,

and to be honest, I'm -- I'm really honored.

Afternoon, all.

-Your carriage awaits. -[ Chuckles ]

-What's he doing here? -Hiya, love.

[ Stammers ]

No offense, Bradley, but what's going on?

Bradley said we could use Tanya's car.

You're going in the taxi.

[ Horn honks ]

Go on, son. Get a move on.

We don't want to be late, do we?

[ Breathing heavily ]

Um, you all right, old boy?

Why do I feel faint?

It's not like I've not done it before.

You're on stage. I mean, it's normal to feel nervous.

Yeah, but I'm used to being on stage.

I never got this nervous for a gig.

ROGER: Your audience didn't quite carry the weight

of the Lord above, though.

Don't worry, Dad.

If you do pass out, at least I'm here to catch you.

And I'm here to film you.

So if he keels over, when we send it in,

we can share the 250 quid between us.

Do you want me to do it now or after we've said, "I do"?

[ Laughter ]

-Smells musty in here. -It's a church.

It's in the handbook to smell musty.

-Did you bring me inhaler? -No. Did you ask me to?

What if I get an attack?

[ Laughing ] Oh, God.

Look what happened to Renee at St. Paul's.

You're not laughing now, are you?

DENISE: We used to have a caravan in Fleetwood.

There's was a bowling alley and a fried-chicken hut.

And I've just got so many happy memories

from being a little girl,

just hanging out near the sand pit

or waiting on the caravan step

for me mum to make me a jam sandwich.

That's all I want for my Josh, really.

Long summers, happy parents.

Jam.

Well, thank you, Denise, for all this,

but I think we've run out of time.

Oh, God, have we?

Don't you need to know about my GCSEs?

Not really, no.

It's a good job, really,

'cause I've only got needlework.

I've never really seen the need for maths.

-Have you? -Well...

Our teacher had a wonky shoulder,

and it used to make me feel a bit queasy

when he wrote on the board.

And fractions. I've never used fractions.

Have you ever used fractions?

Two-fifths of a cake plus four-fifths of a cake,

how much cake have you got?

I used to think, "None, if you're 'round at my house."

Soon as it's out the wrapper, it just gets scoffed.

Bloody hell, Denise.

I am so sorry. She kept asking me questions.

You must have done okay, then.

Oh, no, have I heck. I've done terrible.

-Two hours isn't terrible. -I think I talked too much.

-I've definitely put her off. -Don't be so negative.

I'm not being negative, Fergus. I'm just being realistic.

All the girls were stunning.

So? You're stunning.

I'm talking Naomi Campbell's league.

I won't be offended if you don't think I'm in her league.

I'm not fishing for compliments or anything.

And I'm quite glad it's happened, if I'm honest.

Finally feel like I've got some closure.

What?

Nothing.

Well, get a move on, then. We're gonna be late.

[ Women laughing ]

PAULINE: I know.

This is the only way to travel, isn't it?

[ Indistinct conversation ]

-LISA: So excited! -Oh, thanks, love.

Oh, thank you! Oh, thank you, Bradley.

You've made her feel a million dollars doing this.

Oh, it wasn't my idea. It was Tanya's.

Oh. I thought it was yours.

Sorry. She doesn't explain herself very well.

She was nervous, in case you went mad at her.

Like you wanted to at Dan?

Look, Lisa, I know you don't like my wife,

but she knows she's fucked up this time.

I'm sure she does.

She never means for anything.

You know, she enjoys the chase,

and then it's over, and it's like nothing ever happened.

It's your marriage.

You don't need to explain yourself to me.

Yeah, I know I don't, but I'm the only one 'round here

that knows how you feel,

so anything that helps, I'm gonna say it.

-LISA: Are you ready?! -Ready as I'll ever be.

Thank you.

Sorry.

Ta.

-[ Exhales slowly ] -You look beautiful.

-Thanks. -So do you.

Glad to hear it. Thought I'd make an effort.

Wow. Look at you, girl.

-Do you like it? -I love it.

ROGER: Dear friends, we are gathered here to witness

and to celebrate the drawing together...

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

ROGER: ...of two very dear people,

Pauline and Charlie,

as they declare their love for one another

in joining together in holy matrimony.

Again.

[ Light laughter ]

Now, Pauline, if you could just step forward.

I, Charlie Johnson...

CHARLIE: I, Charlie Johnson...

...promise to try to remember to pick up my used towels

and replace the loo roll when it's empty.

And I promise to be faithful

and to love and honor you always,

till death do us part.

I promise to try to remember to pick up my used towels

and to change the loo roll when it's empty.

I also promise to be faithful,

to love and honor you always,

till death do us part.

I, Pauline Johnson...

I, Pauline Johnson...

ROGER: ...promise to try to remember

not to use all the hot water in one go

and to learn how to shut the fridge door properly.

And I promise to be faithful and to love and honor you always,

till death do us part.

I promise to try to remember

not to use all the hot water in one go

and to learn how to shut the fridge door properly.

And I promise to be faithful and love and honor you always,

till death do us part.

O Lord our God, we ask your blessing upon these rings

that they may be constant symbols

of unending love and devotion.

With this ring, I thee wed

and pledge my faithful love.

With this ring, I thee wed and pledge my faithful love.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

-Again. -[ Laughter ]

You may kiss your bride.

[ Cheering ]

[ Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" plays ]

Did you and Terry have a big wedding, Margaret?

Enormous.

A characteristic that's always dominated our relationship

in one way or another, if I do say so myself.

Eh, love?

A man after me own heart, eh, Terry?

[ Both laugh ]

Here they are!

[ Cheering ]

Bradley.

You were right.

You are the only one who knows how I feel.

It made me feel a lot better, that chat, so thank you.

Glad I could be of some use for once.

I'm actually glad that you and Tanya

are making a go of it, sticking around.

You can't just throw it all away when you've got a family.

No.

No, you can't.

I just wanted everything to be back to normal.

So did T.

So you make it work. You have to.

Is she coming here for drinks later?

Hadn't planned on it, no.

Maybe you should give her a call and ask.

-Thanks, Lisa. -[ Chuckles ]

What was all that about?

Nothing.

I was just thanking him for bringing your mum.

Least I can do.

Don't suppose you have, have you?

[ Car door closes ]

[ Car doors closing ]

[ Laughing ]

I want to talk to you a minute.

What have I done now?

Don't worry. It's all good.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Are you actually being serious?

-Course I'm being serious. -[ Gasps ]

Greg Porter?

Was it a gang, then?

No, Dad! Greg's not in a gang.

Gerry's not even in a gang.

-Who's Gerry? -He's just a dealer.

Greg was doing some to-ing and fro-ing for him.

It was just some spare money.

Amber, you better keep your mouth shut.

Yeah, we all best keep our mouths shut, really.

LISA: I don't need to keep my mouth shut.

Why should we worry about keeping our mouths shut?

We don't know anything about this.

Nor do I, but if we start speculating

we might get him in more shit than he actually is.

He's right. You don't know who's here.

Hey. Walls have ears.

But he hasn't done anything. He'd finished with it all!

[ Sighs ]

I am so sorry about all of this.

He didn't mean for this to happen.

Not at your wedding.

He didn't mean to ruin your wedding.

He hasn't, love.

What will ruin it is if everyone hangs around here

crying about it all day.

I can't tell you the amount of times Charlie's been lifted.

He'll be out in the morning.

They've probably got nothing on him anyway.

So, are we cutting this cake or what?

Come on.

I know a good brief.

Tell me what he's done, what you know, and I can help you.

You don't need to pack a bag.

I packed mine when I went back

to get your dad and my dad before.

Did you?

I don't see why you should go

when I'm the one that's fucked everything up.

I won't make it difficult for you, Lisa, I promise.

[ Feedback ]

Um, sorry about the drama, people.

We're pretty confident there's been a big mistake

and Greg's gonna be fine.

But if you'd all like to make your way up this end

because the bride and groom would like to cut the cake.

No! No!

[ Chuckles ] No, no!

No, you're not meant to cut the cake yet.

You're meant to cut it later on, after everyone's eaten.

But we're not opening the buffet till everyone's had a drink.

I thought we agreed.

Vows, drink, food, party, speeches, cake.

No, I thought we said vows, drinks, cake, food, speeches.

What we should've said was

drink, vows, drink, drink, party.

Cake and food just complicate matters.

How about speeches, then? Let's do that.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you sure you don't mind?

Let's not go over it again.

It's not my day. It's Pauline's.

Just get yourself a drink.

-[ Feedback ] -CHARLIE: One, two...

Excuse me.

[ Clears throat ] Excuse me, everybody.

-Oh, get on with it. -[ Cellphone rings ]

[ Gasps ] Oh, God.

I'm so sorry.

Right. This is it.

This is where she's getting dumped.

No more Carol. No more dodgy assignments.

Closure.

CHARLIE: Now, I-I know

I wasn't the perfect husband first time 'round.

-Right. -[ Light laughter ]

But I want to say something today

that I've never said before publicly.

And it's thank you, Pauline, my lovely new wife.

Hey! That makes me sound quite good, that -- "new."

[ Laughter ]

Thank you for putting up with me all these years

and for having the grace to forgive me

for all the things I did

that were downright wrong and stupid.

Now, that's the sign of a lady, you see?

The ability to listen and reason.

The ability to smack me over the chops when I've been an idiot,

tell me I've been an idiot,

but then to forgive me for being an idiot and take me back

so that we can get on with our lives

and do the things that make us smile,

like -- well, like all this.

Again.

-[ Laughter ] -Again.

Never mind that she can drink me under the table

and still roll a killer joint.

-[ Laughter ] -Hey!

She's still a lady.

She's my lady.

And I love her.

To Pauline.

-Pauline! -To Pauline.

Right, everybody, crowd 'round.

It's time for the first dance.

Music, maestro, please.

[ Mid-tempo pop music plays ]

I chose this.

Dan.

Can I have a word?

Not now, Lisa.

I'm just having another drink and then,

as soon as this dance is over,

I'm sneaking off and going.

What's up, babe? Is everything okay?

I've got the job.

The catalog lady, she loved me, apparently.

Only saw six more girls after me

and said she'd made her mind up the minute I started talking.

They want me as the face of the new campaign.

Four TV ads over the next six months,

and I'm gonna be on the back of every bus in Manchester, Fergus!

Brilliant, babe! Oh!

I think I took things

a little bit further than I probably needed to.

You had every right.

I don't blame you for this, Lisa.

I messed up, and it's my fault.

I'm the one that's chucked it all away, not you.

As long as we can stay friends, and, um...

...no more shouting,

I'll be fine.

You will be too.

But there's a little bit more to it than that, isn't there?

Is there?

I miss you, Dan.

I miss you too.

Do you remember when we talked about babies?

Yeah.

Well, you were right, really.

I was being selfish.

Going on about me all the time, all the M.D. stuff.

I mean, it's not like a woman can't have a career and a child.

I know.

I-I've been trying to tell you this

for the best part of the past four years.

Yeah, well, I shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss you.

Why are you telling me all this now?

That night after Tanya's party.

I thought you were right

when you said we should start trying for a baby.

-No, you didn't. -Yeah, I did.

I did. I just didn't want to admit it.

And after we'd got back

and you crashed out...

...well, I was a bit pissed, and, um...

...I went into the bathroom...

...and I threw all me pills down the sink.

What?

Please don't go mad at me.

I just didn't want to make a big deal of it.

I know it's really bad.

But I'm getting older.

And I know if we hadn't got pregnant straightaway,

I would've been really stressed.

Well...

It looks like I didn't need to worry about it after all.

What?

This morning...

...in the bathroom,

when you thought I wasn't listening,

I was upset.

I couldn't face the thought of doing it on my own.

I didn't like the idea of bringing a child into this world

when its mummy and daddy weren't even speaking.

What child?

Our child, Dan.

I'm pregnant.

I'd just done the test this morning,

in the bathroom, when you walked in.

You're actually really properly pregnant?

Yeah.

And I'm -- I'm sorry I said that I wanted you to leave.

I don't want that at all.

I-I want it to work.

Me and you.

And our own little family.

Actually fully pregnant?

Yes!

Oh, God, Lisa.

Do you want it to work?

Of course I do.

And you're not cross at me for not telling you?

I couldn't give a shit.

You've just made me the happiest man on the planet.

[ Laughs ]

And I won't mention the Tanya thing again ever.

I promise.

I love you, Lisa.

I love you too.

I'm gonna be a dad.

This is so bloody brilliant!

Come on!

Gary, could you, um...

-[ Feedback ] -[ Music stops ]

[ Clears throat ]

I thought we were saving the best man's speech

till after the buffet.

It's all right, Bianca. It doesn't matter.

It's not a speech, I don't think.

No, it is a speech but it's just a small one.

Mum and Dad, you look so great together.

-[ Applause ] -Congratulations.

And, Bianca, this is all fantastic.

Well done for sorting it all out. You've been brilliant.

Oh! Thank you, Dan.

Where's Barry?

What's crackalackin'?

Film this. You need to film this.

We've got some news.

Me and Lisa are gonna have a baby!

[ People gasping ]

PAULINE: Oh!

-Ohh! -Ohh. Aw.

PAULINE: Well, thanks a lot!

Trust her to piss on me chips. It's meant to be my big day!

And before you start, it's not calling me Granny!

It's Nan or Nana, thank you very much.

End of!

Ohh, you!

-Gary! -[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

* Knowing there's a day like this *

* When you need a four-leaf clover *

* Take a little advice from me *

* Got to start it over *

* Hey, hey *

* It's a brand-new day *

* Don't let it slip away *

* Right now let me show you how *

* You know it when I say *

* It's time to get away *

* Don't you know it's no-o-o-o-w *

* Or never *

* Yeah, babe, it's no-o-o-o-w *

* Or never *

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Oh!

-Ugh! -[ Coughs ]

Come on!

[ Laughing ]

* And I see you slipping under *

* Don't get what you're waiting for *

* And we'll get the rain and thunder *

* Hey, hey *

* It's a brand-new day *

* Don't let it slip away *

* Right now let me show you how *

* You know it when I say *