Original subtitles

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Clock ticking ]

LISA: I'm in the bath.

Why is the door locked?

Why is the door locked, Lisa?

I'm in the bath.

How much longer are you gonna keep this up?

What?

You're not in the bath.

What did you just say?

I said how much longer are you going to keep punishing me?

Well? Do you not think I'm doing enough of that meself?

Do you not think it's the first thing I think of when I wake up,

the last thing on me mind before I go to bed,

24 hours a day?

So that's it, then?

You say you're sorry and all's forgiven?

Well, it doesn't work like that, Dan.

Did for me.

What?

I forgave you.

I can't believe you're going there.

Why shouldn't I?

It's true, isn't it? We both know it.

Neither of us are saying it, but we both know it.

We promised that we would never mention his name again.

Yeah.

Well, we promised a lot of things over the years

we haven't exactly stuck to, have we?

So I'm saying it because it needs saying.

Jack!

-Jack! Jack! Jack! -[ Screams ]

-Lisa. -[ Lock clicks ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Vehicle approaching ]

[ Indistinct talking on television ]

Hi.

-All right. -Oh!

"Hi, Mum and Dad. Did you have a nice time?"

Sorry. Have you been away, then?

[ Chuckles ] She's funny, isn't she?

She gets that from you.

-How was the party? -What party?

Seventeen-year-old girl with her parents away for a few days?

Telling me you didn't have a party?

I didn't.

Convincing liar as well.

Wonder which one of us she gets that from.

I see you two all are happy-families again, then.

When were we not?

Stags and hens tonight.

I know.

I know you know.

You've written it on the calendar.

In bright red pen, with three exclamation marks

and stars all around it.

So?

So how come the wedding itself is in pencil,

half the size, and battling for space with "gas due"?

Oh, God. Is the gas due next week?

Oh, don't be so soft.

A party's a party, and wedding's a wedding,

no matter how big the print.

Like I told you first time 'round,

size is not everything.

You were talking about the cake, right?

[ Laughs ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Sizzling ]

DAN: [ Clears throat ]

All right, Dan?

Hey.

Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom- chicka-boom-chi--

Do the Harlem Shake.

Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom -- Come on.

I'm not in the mood, Baz.

Because you can't.

I can do it.

Well, come on, then.

No. I'm not in the mood.

Full of the joys, you are.

I hope this stag party that you've sorted is a bit livelier.

It's all in hand.

Have you got a stripper?

Charlie will be expecting a stripper.

I can't hire me own dad a stripper!

People'll think I've gone barmy!

Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom, boom.

-Lower end of barmy, anyway. -Eh?

Nothing.

-Morning, flower. -Morning, Dad. I'm off out.

Dan has not ordered a stripper for the stag party.

Well, that's because he has such a strong moral core.

See you later.

You must be looking forward to tonight, though.

Chance to let your hair down.

I don't care if it's up, down, or shaved off completely.

As long as I get plastered.

Promise me something, Denise.

Promise me you'll never get married.

Uh, I don't think we're there yet.

Good.

'Cause I'm telling you, if he gets down on one knee,

you just make sure that he's tying his shoelaces.

And if he's not, run.

You and Dan?

I don't know what to do.

Well, tonight, we can forget about him.

-We can forget about all fellas. -FERGUS: Now then, Lisa.

Clear off out of it, you. Girl talk.

Girl talk? Oh, God.

Doilies, periods, and "All men are pricks"?

One out of three. Well done.

Ugh. Which one?

The third one.

Or the second one if it gets rid of you.

Go on. Out. Shoo.

Are you absolutely sure you don't want me to marry him?

He really is quite a catch.

[ Door closes ]

-All right? -Yeah. Check this.

-Where'd you find that? -Alex sent me it.

Who?

Oh, my best friend from back home.

-Do you miss her? -Him. And yeah, I do.

What, so Alex is, um...

A-A boy? Yeah.

[ Chuckles ]

But I won't have to miss him soon.

He's applied to Manchester Uni. Sport studies.

And he's coming over this afternoon

for an open day tomorrow!

What? So he's staying at yours?

Your mum and dad okay with that?

Don't know. I haven't told them.

You should come over. I reckon you two would get on.

-Does he like football? -Rugby.

-Watching or... -Playing.

MAN: We're having lemon yellows rather than hard yellows,

mauves and lilacs.

I'll just see the end of this, and then I'll head off

and make sure everything's sorted at the venue.

Where are we going, Dan? Come on.

You can tell me. I won't breathe a word.

Can't take the risk, Barry.

Dad'll break you, spoil the surprise.

-PAULINE: Dan? -In here, Mum.

[ Door closes ]

MAN: Make it up as you go along.

-Where's Lisa? -Don't know.

But I want to talk to her.

I can't help you.

What, you don't know where she is?

No, Mum.

Well, you're an idiot, then, aren't you?

What do you think?

What you doing, Dad? I said I was sorting the hats.

Yeah. But I'm the man of honor, aren't I?

My hat's got to be better than yours or it wouldn't be right.

Know who once wore this hat, Barry?

No.

Elvis Presley...

impersonator from Kent.

Oh.

So come on.

What you got sorted for me later, then, eh?

Where are you taking us?

I'm not telling you.

Fair enough.

But just so as you know,

I'm not legally allowed to enter the U.S. anymore.

Sorted a stripper?

No!

-I told you. -Why not?

Because you're me dad...Dad.

-It'd be weird. -Get away.

I got you one for your 18th.

You did not.

Didn't I?

Who the bloody hell's 18th did I go to, then?

[ Snaps fingers ] It were your schoolmate's.

Um...Nige.

Nige? You went --

Even I didn't go to that.

Well, you should have done. It were a right laugh.

They had a stripper.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

ROGER: Morning. [ Chuckles ]

I just popped by to get this for Bianca.

She talked one of the congregation into making it

for Charlie's stag do.

You're coming, aren't you?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I was just on my way to a job.

Thought I'd call in, see how it's looking.

Well, it's almost done now. It's very impressive.

-Come. I'll show you. -No, no. You -- You get off.

I'm only gonna give it the quick once-over,

make sure they're not cutting any corners.

Why? Why? Do you think they are?

[ Cellphone ringing ]

I'm sure they're not. Just like to be thorough.

[ Ringing continues ]

It's not mine.

Yeah.

Oh, it's -- It'll be the girlfriend.

She's after me meeting the parents at the moment.

Running out of excuses.

Feign a bereavement.

My dead Aunt Cheryl has got me out of morning service

more times than I'd care to remember.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

I'd better shoot off. He's probably gone by now.

Safe to head home.

You can't live like that, avoiding each other.

I just want to get through this wedding.

And after that...

What are you wearing tonight?

School uniform, isn't it?

What? It is, isn't it?

Oh, that St. Trinian's thing? Oh, no. That was Pauline's idea.

We sharp-knocked that on the head.

No. It's Pink Ladies theme now.

You didn't tell me you changed it.

Oh, sorry, Fergus.

I know how much you were looking forward to it.

No, I wasn't.

I wasn't.

What are going on about? Shut up.

LISA: Oh, my God.

Remember what I told you.

One knee. If it's not shoelaces, run.

Shoelaces?

Very into pumps, our Lisa.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

You made me look an idiot.

I couldn't just magic it out of there, could I?

I'm sorry.

Here.

I've lined up an alternative buyer.

It's less money.

The difference will come out of your cut.

-I don't want a cut. -You what?

What's this?

This is me saying I'm out.

Just like that?

Just like that.

[ Music continues ]

Put it up. Put it up.

Ta-da! What do you think?

I still say it'll attract the wrong crowd.

Shush it, you.

She did it in that Old West typeface, like you said.

It's brilliant, Bianca.

Dad likes to think he's a cowboy.

I don't know why. He's never even been on a horse.

Though he did punch a cow once.

Oh, yeah, and, um, this is for you.

Ah! Yes. Very hoedown.

Mm.

But you brought this with you.

How did you know I was going to be here?

I'm not always in here, am I?

Bianca, am I always in here?

Mm. [ Chuckles ]

Seriously?

Oh, God. That's so depressing.

Well, I might as well have another drink now.

Charlie still doesn't know that you're bringing him here?

I know it just seems like a night down the local,

but I've got a few surprises in store.

Oh! Are you getting a stripper?

No, I am not.

Why does everyone keep asking me that?

He's like 106 years old or something.

Plus he's me dad.

Yes, I know, but... you've got to get a stripper.

Roger!

Doesn't the Bible frown upon that sort of thing?

Who knows? Have you read it?

It's gibberish, most of it.

Although I do seem to remember there being a bit

about not punching cows.

The way Dad tells it, the cow started it.

That's probably all right, then.

Right. We'll be here for 7:00.

Thanks again, Bianca.

My pleasure. I'll see you later.

If you think about it, I suppose,

Adam and Eve were the first strippers, weren't they?

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

You.

You're the reason I spent half last week on the toilet.

Excuse me?

I got food poisoning

off those chicken bits you were handing out.

I think you've got the wrong woman, love.

Come on.

No. No, I haven't.

I remember her face.

It was you -- outside the supermarket,

handing out chicken bits dressed up like Humpty bloody Dumpty.

You want to lower your voice in front of me kid?

You've got the wrong woman.

So if I were you, I'd do one before I lose me temper.

Oh, yeah? Fancy repeating that for my husband?

If I have to.

Denise has not been standing outside supermarkets

handing out chicken bits, all right?

No. And it wasn't a Humpty-Dumpty costume neither.

It was just a big egg. So you can f--

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Door opens ]

I've always suited hats, haven't I, Lisa?

Yes, Dad.

-Dan home? -He's gone out.

Here. Take photo of us.

Oh, can I do it later?

No, now. I want to put it on Twitter.

Twitter? You still on that thing?

How many followers have you got now?

Four.

There's your mum, Auntie Pam,

Peter with the foot, someone called Nosh43.

How many have you got?

I'm not on it.

You should be. It's a cultural revolution.

Here. Take a picture of me with this 'nana.

[ Shutter clicks ]

-Can I put me shopping away now? -Yes, love.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Lisa?

I'm still here.

How much longer is Dan gonna be kipping on the sofa?

I don't know, Dad.

Are things bad?

They've been better.

Do you want a hug?

Yeah, I do.

I'd love a hug.

Hey. I could find a hotel.

Stop in the Travelodge or something till I go back.

Give you and Dan a bit of time.

No. I won't hear of it.

We don't need time.

We'll sort this thing out one way or another.

What do you mean -- "or another"?

I mean...

I mean it's not something I want to worry about today.

It's Pauline's hen night, and I just want to go out

and get smashed and have a good time.

You must be looking forward to a night out with the lads, eh?

Yeah. Should be fun.

Well, there you go. Don't worry yourself.

[ Cellphone chirps ]

Oh. Your mother's retweeted us.

Oh! How many followers has she got?

Just me.

So all this time, all these big shoots,

it was all just you standing 'round dressed like an egg?

It wasn't always an egg.

Sometimes I was a sausage.

Denise, why didn't you just tell me?

'Cause I felt stupid and embarrassed.

I was gonna tell you straightaway,

but you kept going on at me

like this whole modeling thing was some silly dream.

-No, I never. -You did at first.

Maybe.

And then... then you changed your mind.

Then you started telling me how proud you were.

That made it even worse. How could I tell you then?

Why? What did you think I'd do?

Laugh at me.

I would never laugh at you.

Not even if I'm dressed up as an egg?

Not even then.

I'd be proud whatever you're doing.

Because you're Denise.

And I don't deserve you. I never have.

You're perfect.

Perfect mum, perfect girlfriend...

...perfect egg.

Next Wednesday I'm gonna be a big bottle of ketchup.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

It's done. I'm out.

What did he say?

Not a lot.

So what now?

I guess things go back to normal.

How do you feel about normal?

Compared to what?

Constantly worrying that the next time I see you

you'll be in handcuffs?

Normal's sounding pretty fucking good to me.

[ Music continues ]

BRADLEY: Dan.

Oh, all right.

Not really, no.

Bradley, I-I don't know what to say.

I absolutely swear nothing happened.

I can't tell you how sor--

You think I care how sorry you are?

-I-It was a mistake. -Yeah. It was.

Two reasons you're not picking yourself up the floor right now.

One, I believe her when she tells me how far it went.

And two, I like it 'round here.

I don't fancy upping sticks again

when you put a restraining order on me.

-I-I wouldn't. -Yeah. You would.

If I'd done what I wanted to a few days ago, you'd have to.

Trust me on that.

But as I say... I like it 'round here.

So I reckon we just put it behind us.

You think we can do that?

A-Absolutely.

We're gonna skip the parties tonight.

Probably best, all things considered.

Um...yeah. Course.

Best to your mum and dad, though, yeah?

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Horn honks ]

ELLA: [ Laughs ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Horn honks ]

-Wow. -LISA: Yeah?

Do you think so? N-Not too much?

You look incredible.

Thank you.

Well, my carriage awaits.

Don't wait up.

And best behavior, you.

I'm skyping Mum tomorrow, and she'll want a full report.

[ Door closes ]

BARRY: They've ordered a Hummer.

Have we got a Hummer?

No, Barry.

Do you really want to go on a stag do

in a great big pink car?

I wouldn't mind.

So, what have you got planned, then?

Are we going to a casino?

I've never been to a proper casino.

Do they have them things there like at the seaside

where you've got to get the two P's to fall?

We are not going to a casino, Barry.

And that's all you're getting from me.

Just -- Just trust me.

It's Dad's night,

and he's got a big surprise in store.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Engine starts ]

BRADLEY: I'm not saying it's a problem.

I'm just saying she should have told us.

She doesn't have to tell us.

She knows Alex is welcome here any time he likes.

How are your parents, Alex?

Oh, they're well, thanks, Mrs. Dawson.

I keep telling you -- You can call me Tanya.

-Where's he gonna stay? -Uh, well, in my bed,

where, of course, we'll both be naked.

TANYA: [ Laughs ] ELLA: Spare room, Dad. Hello?

Uh, yeah. Well, uh, I'm sorry, Alex.

She just sprung it on us. That's all.

But, uh, like Mrs. Dawson says,

you're welcome here any time you like.

Up the stairs, first door on the left.

Thanks. I'll, uh, just take my stuff up, then.

Hey. I've always liked that one.

How come you and him have never hooked up?

Who says we haven't?

[ Both laugh ]

Kidding, Dad.

Oh, look. She's just messing with you.

No one's supposed to know we're here.

What was she supposed to do, Bradley?

They've been best friends since she was 6.

Alex and his family have got nothing to do with it, anyway.

Stop worrying about it.

I spoke to Dan.

He's still in one piece.

I'm not being sent down by that tool.

So what do you want to do now?

Now we do what you said. We put it behind us.

Do you mean that?

Yeah. Sure.

This lot, this place, it's good for us.

But we've got to start blending in,

which means you've got to stop pissing around,

playing your silly games.

Can you do that?

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Laughs ]

Bloody hell.

Wa-hey!

[ Both laugh ]

I don't think I want to tell anybody else --

you know, about how I dress up as an egg.

Yeah. It's probably a good idea.

But if you do, just make sure you put it into context, eh?

Thank you for being so ace.

LISA: Ooh! Get a room.

Come on, Denise. Put him down. Tonight's all about girl power!

[ Screams, laughs ]

Hey. Bit of class, this, isn't it?

We should get one for the business.

[ Laughs ] Good idea. Yeah.

No. I'm serious. We'll discuss it Monday.

[ Engine starts ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

I can't believe we're getting turfed out our own house

-on a Saturday. -Give them some space.

They haven't seen each other for weeks.

-Hi. -[ Gasps ] Oh.

[ Laughing ] Gary, you almost gave me a heart attack.

Ella? Ella, you've got another one.

[ Mid-tempo music playing ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Both laughing ]

-All right? -Oh! Gary.

Alex, this is Gary. He lives across the road.

Hello, mate.

[ Laughing ] Oh. Check you with your handshake.

You can tell he went to public school.

Beer?

Yeah. Sure.

Gary's not usually a big drinker.

Are you, Gary?

Yeah, I am.

Remember that time me and you raided

your dad's drinks cabinet?

[ Both laughing ]

We were like 12 or something.

We didn't really know what we were doing.

We were pouring loads of different things

into a pint glass.

You had one sip, spat it out, and dropped it right on the rug.

We thought we'd just get away with turning it over!

ALEX: Then topping all the bottles up with apple juice.

ELLA: [ Laughing ] That's so funny!

[ Both laughing ]

Bleeding hell. Like being back in the womb.

[ Laughs ]

I don't remember them having this on tap last I were there.

[ Up-tempo music playing ]

[ Engine idling ]

Didn't you get me text?

What text?

[ Laughter ]

Funny bloody place to meet, this.

-A car park? -I know.

It feels like we're gonna do some dodgy deal or something.

I wish you'd all just trust me.

I've got something in store for me dad

that will literally blow his mind.

-Is it a -- -No, it's not a stripper.

Not a stripper? I don't understand.

I thought this was a stag do.

Ah! Here's the boss man himself.

All will become clear.

[ Engine idling ]

-Hey! -Hey!

Now, then! What we all doing here?

Are we getting the minibus?

We don't need roads where we're going, Dad.

Well, uh, where are we going?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-Yee-ha! -Yee-ha!

[ Door closes ]

Oh.

A banner.

DAN: Hundred-quid tab at the bar, too, Dad.

Right. Nice one, son.

[ Chuckles ]

He doesn't suspect a thing.

I'm not sure I do, mate.

So, Charlie, I bet you weren't expecting, um...

...all this.

No. No, I wasn't.

Three pints, please, Bianca.

Hey. Better pace yourself, Dad.

The night's still young.

Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Right.

[ Door opens ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Actually, I should come down to the uni too.

I was thinking of applying there.

You should come too.

I-I can't. Footie practice first thing.

I'm in a local league.

Oh, Alex is in Barnet Reserves.

ALEX: Yeah, though you wouldn't catch me training

first thing in the morning, I can tell you.

I suppose it's not much training in rugby.

-It's more about... -Brute strength?

No. I was gonna say...

[ Music continues ]

I don't know what I was gonna say.

Oh, come on. Let's all go out somewhere.

There's this local 'round the corner.

It's tragic. You've got to see it.

We can't go there. My stepmum works there.

She knows how old we are.

Chill out.

Alex is 18.

Minors...accompanied by an adult.

Yeah. No problem, mate. I'll sort you out.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hi.

-Hi, Dan. -Hey.

Didn't know the stag do was in here.

Oh, aye.

All go.

Been away. Got back early this morning.

Sorry we had to bow out.

Neither of us got much kip last night.

So we just popped in for a couple and then we're off home.

Surely you can stay for a bit.

Oh, no. I wouldn't make much of a stag, I'm afraid.

ROGER: Nonsense. I'll make you an honorary member.

You can even where my hat if you like.

Uh, well, I suppose we could.

All right, isn't it, Dan?

Course it is.

Well, I'll get a round in, then. [ Chuckles ]

TERRY: Good Lad. Come on. Budge up.

Let the lady in.

-You come and sit with us, lass. -Thanks.

There you go.

Scratch yourself, spit, and belch every once in a while,

and no one will know any difference.

WOMEN: * Ooh, ooh, ooh *

* You're the one that I want *

* You are the one I want *

* Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey *

* The one that I want *

* You are the one I want *

* Ooh, ooh, ooh *

-* The one I need * -* The one I need *

* Oh, yes, indeed *

[ Rattling, women screaming ]

It's all right, Auntie Margaret! It's all right.

Oh, dear!

Hello? Hello? Well, what's happened?

It's like one of those horrible films

where the car breaks down on the country road

and the driver vanishes.

Oh, don't be daft.

[ Screams ]

Will you shut up?

Sorry, ladies. Engine's blown.

[ Door closes ]

Oh.

[ Laughter, indistinct conversations ]

Charlie seems to be enjoying himself now he's had a few.

Wait until you see him in five minutes' time.

[ Mid-tempo music playing ]

So, uh...you and Tanya.

There is no me and Tanya.

It's sorted. Bradley knows.

We've -- We've talked it out.

He knows?

Came 'round to see me.

Bloody hell. I bet you shit yourself.

I did not shit meself.

Nothing happened. He knows nothing happened.

It's fine.

And Lisa?

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry about the other day.

I know your head was all over the place,

and then you ring me, and all I do is brush you off.

Forget it. You were busy.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I shouldn't have been.

And I'm done with that shit now.

It's not worth it. Got too much to lose.

My mates. The business.

Amber.

You know, I reckon she could be the one.

Ah. Good for you.

They're here!

-What? -Quick! Back to the table!

You all doubted me, didn't you?

Dad, did you seriously think

all I was gonna do for your stag night was bring you down here?

-[ Gasps ] -You know what I mean.

I was the one who said not to bring him here.

And I was the one that said you should get a stripper.

Oh. I said that too.

-Have you ordered a stripper? -Shut up about strippers!

Dad...I want you to look over towards that door,

because this is what tonight has really all been about!

-[ Billiards clacking ] -Oh.

-You invited Gary and Ella. -No. No. Not them.

CHARLIE: That other lad, then?

-I hope he's not the stripper. -Just watch!

[ Door opens ]

Hey!

Hey!

[ Laughs ]

Hey, Stevie! Lads!

-Come here! -Who are they?

Dad's old band.

[ Laughter, indistinct conversations ]

No good. It's shagged.

I'm gonna have to call a breakdown.

How long is that gonna take?

[ Exhales sharply ] No idea. I'm sorry.

Bugger this for a game of soldiers.

Come on. Pub's only down the road.

Pauline. What about the wine bar?

All your mates are gonna be there.

Long as I end the night pissed,

who cares where I am or who I'm with?

Come on!

[ Mid-tempo music playing ]

Your round, I think, mate.

-Here he comes. -Thank you.

You all right, cock?

Can I have three bottles of beer, please, Bianca?

I'm with him over there. He's 18.

Is he?

He looks about 20.

He does not.

He should really come and order them himself.

I don't want to get into trouble.

Look. Here.

Is he a friend of yours, is he?

Ella's. From back home.

Oh. I see.

Yeah. Not really her type.

I wouldn't worry about it.

What makes you think he's not her type?

Because I've met a lot of Ellas in my time.

And I'm telling you now

that they don't go for the meat-headed jock type.

Girls picks brains and sensitivity over brawn

any day of the week, and boys think they don't

because they expect them to be as shallow as us.

How do you know?

Because the blubbering little shits

are always coming to me after service

like I'm some sort of bloody relationship counselor.

And because, believe it or not, I was young once, too.

-Right. -Right.

So you were fighting them off at my age, were you?

Oh, quite the contrary.

I just told you -- They picked brains over brawn.

Curse this physique of mine.

It's always been my cross to bear.

Thanks.

Are we okay?

I don't want things to be awkward.

Neither do I.

I just want to forget the whole thing.

So it's forgotten.

Not that easy, is it?

Maybe for you two it is.

But for me and Lisa...

She knows?

[ Door opens, women laughing ]

PAULINE: Oh, my God!

The gang's all here.

Oh! Come here. Give us a big kiss!

Duck, I'm so surprised!

All right, Lisa?

I, uh, thought you lot were off to a wine bar.

The car broke down.

I'm tired. We did say that we'd just stay for a few.

Yeah. Uh, we might just head off.

Thanks, Dan.

Lisa.

TANYA: See you later.

PAULINE: What are you doing here?!

Having a fun night with the boys, was she?

-You two off, then? -Early start.

You've got that lovely Bimmer, haven't you?

Hmm?

Oh, uh, yes. I bought it for Tanya.

Piggin' hell.

You landed on your feet with this one.

About to marry mine for the second time in 40 years.

He's never once bought us a car.

I'm lucky if I can get bus fare off him.

-You can't drive. -I can drive.

Not legally.

Hey, if we only did what was legal,

we wouldn't have much fun, would we?

He knows.

He what?

She told him, just like I told you.

Because we both knew the whole thing was just a stupid mistake.

And he's willing to put it behind him.

I doubt it's his first time.

Please, Lisa.

Whatever you need me to say, whatever you need me to do,

just tell me.

Tell me how to make this right.

Whatever you need.

Time, Dan.

Come on, hens. Paws off your stags.

It's still our night, you know. Come on.

And you, Bianca. Let's be having you.

-Come on. -Can I?

Go on, then. Yes.

I'm so glad I wore pink!

[ Laughs ] Oh, sorry.

This is Terry, Roger, Badger Man, Greg, and Phil.

Boys...this is Mumblehedge.

Mumblehedge?

[ Laughing ]

[ Chuckles, clears throat ]

Something wrong with the name?

Uh, no.

Better than Phil.

Is everything all right, Dan?

I hope so, Baz.

Listen, mate. I'm gonna scoot off.

I'm driving, so...

-Oh, cheers for coming. -No worries.

Give us a bell tomorrow if you fancy a lunch-timer.

I will. Ta.

Must have taken some sorting, that.

Oh, you have no idea.

Only had me dad's badly scrawled address book to go on.

Scattered up and down the country, this lot.

I reckon there's someone who can fix that.

He can fix anything.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Engines start ]

So, when was the last time you actually all got together?

Week last Tuesday, wasn't it?

-Last Tuesday? -A week last Tuesday.

We usually meet up every few months.

But I-I thought you hadn't seen each other for years.

What made you think that?

Because...Because this was meant to be your big surprise!

Oh.

Ah. Surprises mean naught.

All me best mates down the local, having a drink.

What more could a man want?

Hey. Best stag do ever, son.

Cheers.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

Cheers. [ Laughs ]

What's going on there?

[ Mid-tempo music plays, women screaming ]

DENISE: What's this?!

-[ Laughter ] -Oh, my God!

Oh, you -- Have you done this?

[ Music continues ]

Oh!

Oh, my -- [ Laughs ]

Hey! How come they get a stripper?

PAULINE: It's a policeman!

[ Laughs ]

First time I've ever been pleased to see one of them.

[ Laughter, women screaming ]

Oh, don't mind me.

Go get a ringside seat if you like.

-Nah. -[ Music continues ]

-[ Women cheering ] -Maybe a quick look.

PAULINE: Don't give me that. Don't be shy now, you.

[ Laughter, applause ]

You mean he's...

Oh. Did I forget to mention that?

Not a problem, is it?

No. No. Of course not.

[ Women laughing, cheering ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Screams ]

[ Music continues ]

Oh, my God!

Oh!

[ Women screaming, applauding ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

MAN: Come on, lads.

I've had a word with the gaffer. We're on.

On?

You didn't think we brought these for decoration, did you?

[ Laughing ] Oh.

[ Laughter ]

Mumblehedge ride again!

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Static crackling, feedback squealing ]

[ Guitars tuning ]

[ Amplifiers humming ]

Two, three, four.

[ Up-tempo introduction plays, crowd cheering ]

Baby, baby, baby.

-Hey! -Yeah!

* So you think I've got an evil mind *

* Well, I'll tell you honey *

Bianca!

Come and have a dance! Come on!

* And I don't know why *

Come on. Let's have a dance, love, eh?

* So you think my singing's out of time *

* Well, it makes me money *

* And I don't know why *

* And I don't know why *

* Anymore *

* Oh, no *

* So come on feel the noise *

* Girls, grab the boys *

* We'll get wild, wild, wild *

* We'll get wild, wild, wild *

* So come on feel the noise *

* Girls, grab the boys *

* We'll get wild, wild, wild *

* At your door *

[ Music fades ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]