All language subtitles for Mount.Pleasant.S02E06_English

(gentle tinkling music)

("Mount Pleasant Theme Tune")

- So, give him two of
these in the morning,

and two around six o'clock.

- Greedy bleeder.

- Try not to give him
anything in between.

I mean, the odd slice of
pate on toast is all right.

but not much else.

- Pate on toast?

He'll be lucky to
get half a digestive.

That's the problem these days,
people think dogs are babies.

- Pauline, to my
mother, he is a baby.

- And don't forget
to let him out

straight after he's had a drink.

- Which is usually just
after he's had a bite to eat.

- Much else?

Will he want a
full body massage?

Pedicure, testicles tickling?

- Are you sure this
is a good idea?

Don't you think we should
just put him in the kennels?

- Kennels?

Alan, he'll die of fright,
the poor little sod.

I promised mom that
you don't mind.

You don't mind, do you, Pauline?

- Do I buggery mind.

Nice little earner,
a tenner a day.

You did say a tenner
a day, didn't you?

- Yes, Pauline.

I did say a tenner a day.

- Aw you and me are gonna get
on famously, aren't we, kid?

- A whole bloody week,
just me and thee.

(laughs)

- Are these me sarnies?

Better not be cheese, or
anything remotely vegetarian.

- Beef and onion, Charlie.

- Good girl.

Put hairs on my chest that will.

- Well, who'd believe it, eh?

They've finally got him up
off his arse and doing summat.

- Don't hold your breath.

It's only a bit of laboring.

- Only?

He's been moaning for
the past 20 minutes

and I only asked him to
put my tools in the van.

- You should feel
the weight of them.

- Hey, you're talking
yourself out of a job here,

I could get a local
lad from the college,

pay half the rate, and
get twice the stuff done.

And you can't wear that.

- What's wrong with it?

- What's right with it?

- I think he means
it's not quite

what a plumber's
mate should wear.

- I'm a plumber's dad.

Not a plumber's mate.

Look, do you want me
to help you or not?

- Come on.

- Do him good, a bit of graft.

- That's why I suggested
it in the first place.

He can't stop on
my sofa forever.

I thought he might
earn a bit of money

and get himself somewhere
else to live, eh?

Right, come on, you.

Let's go and find you a
Rottweiler to play with.

(whimsical music)

- Gary?

Gary!

- What?

- It's 10 to eight.

- Yeah, I know.

Five minutes after you
told me it was quarter to,

amazing that.

- You need to get a move on.

- All right, keep your hair on.

- Agh!

(whimsical music)

- Oh, ta, love.

Same time tomorrow?

- Yeah, OK, thanks.

- Come on, you.

- Oh, Denise, what
are you doing here?

- You do that every day, do you?

- It's perfectly normal
I'd want to see him.

He's a lot like Emily.

She's the image of me and all.

- It was chaos when
we were cavemen.

The fellas used to climb on
whichever girl took their fancy.

There was no way of anyone
knowing which baby was theirs.

Nowadays, we're supposed
to be civilized.

Nowadays, we get married and
stick to the one partner.

- You knew what you were
doing when we were at it.

- "At it".

Now, there's a title for a
love story if ever I heard one.

- You know what I meant.

- You don't even know
he's yours, not really.

I mean, what if I was
seeing someone else

whilst I was seeing you?

- What's that, a
desperate attempt

at your next move to ignore me?

- Your name's not on
the birth certificate.

What you gonna do?

Drag me on Jeremy
Kyle for a test?

In front of 50 million people?

Not sure your wife's
gonna like that.

- I've already told you,
haven't I, she knows everything.

- It's a lie.

- No, it's not.

Jane was the one who told me
to go to the solicitor, Denise.

I told her about you and me.

She forgave me.

We've worked it out, and
we're giving it another go.

I'm not the bastard
you think I am.

And the courts will see that,

when they've looked
at everything.

'Cause they will look
at everything, Denise.

Including the fact
that Jane is prepared

to help me when I get
joint custody of my son.

- Morning!

- Morning, mate.

- Morning, Denise.

Bright and early?

Ready to make a start?

- Ready as I'll ever be.

(upbeat music)

(doorbell ringing)

- Good morning, Reconnect
Recruitment, Denise speaking,

how may I be of assistance?

No, you can't.

Bye.

- That is no way to speak
to a potential customer.

- It was just a cold caller.

- How do you know that?

- They were asking for Shelley.

- Who was asking for Shelley?

- Just a cold caller.

- Did you get rid of them?

- Yes.
- Ah, good work.

- Kim!

- Hiya!

- I've just come from yours,

I thought you'd be
having breakfast!

Early birds in this
joint, aren't you?

- Kim, this is Shelley,
Shelley, this is Kim.

- Hi.

- Hi, Kim.

At last, I've heard
so much about you.

- Yeah, me too.

About you, I mean.

- So are you going
somewhere nice, are you?

- Oh, er I wish.

These are for you.

I hope it's OK me coming here?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

- Thought they'd come in
handy for your holiday.

I won them at work.

- What was it, a raffle?

- Er Colleague of the Month.

My boss is great.

He gets us prizes,
Spa days, nights away,

luggage, all sorts, really.

- What a great idea.

- They're a bit his and
hers-ey for my liking,

but I thought you and Dan
might like them for your trip?

- That's so kind of you.

Isn't that kind of her?

- Watch your back,
Mother Theresa.

- Thank you so much.

- You must be well excited?

- Oh, I can't wait!

Do you fancy coming round later?

I'm having a pina
colada and curry night.

To get us in the
holiday mode, eh, Shell?

- Yeah, come, it'd be lovely.

- Great, thanks,
I will, actually.

- All girls together,
it'll be great.

Won't it, Denise?

- What time?

- About seven?
- Perfect.

See you then.

- Bye!

- Tell you what would be
really nice round here.

Colleague of the Week prize.

That'd be ruddy marvelous,
never mind really nice.

- Is there a problem, Denise?

Denise?

- Shelley, I need you in here.

- All right, yeah,
just give us a second.

Well?

- I said I need you in here.

- Right, well Denise, a pot
of coffee if you don't mind.

Hot and strong, please.

- What the hell is
the matter with you?

- Nothing.
- Denise?

- I said nothing!

- Gary.

Gary!

What do you call these?

- Get in!

- Gary?

- What?

- What do you call these?

- Shin pads.

- And where do they belong?

- What are you doing?

- I'm getting your attention.

- They're shin pads and
they belong in the cupboard.

I was in a hurry, all right?

- There's no need to get lippy.

- Yeah well there's no
need for you to go on.

All you've done the past
two friggin' days is go on.

- Don't use the F word in here.

- Friggin isn't the F word.

- Oh, yes, it friggin' is.

(suspenseful music)

(knocking on door)

- Hello.

Hi, I'm Denise.

- Oh, 'em Hello, Denise.

- I hope I haven't
disturbed you.

I'm really sorry about all
the trouble I've caused you.

But as a mommy to a mommy,
can you please listen to me?

Don't let him take my baby away.

- What the hell are
you talking about?

- You've got your own,
you don't need mine.

- I don't want yours.

Why would I want yours?

- He wants to see my son.

He keeps asking to see him.

I told him to stay away.

- Listen, love, who are
you and what do you want?

I'm busy.

- Me and Fergus had an affair.

I had a baby too.

His baby.

He told me you knew.

I thought you knew!

I'm so sorry.

- Denise!

- Got to let the steam
out whilst it cooks.

James Martin said the pricks
are the most important bit.

God, he's a dish that one.

- Looks nice.

- Do you think so?

Thanks.

Have you done your room?

- Not yet, no.

- But it needs tidying.

- What, right now?

- Would you mind
doing it before tea?

- Bianca, you need
to get a life.

Get a hobby or something.

Like my dad did with the planes.

(somber music)

- And you bloody believed him?

- I was scared.

He frightened me.

You'll believe stuff
if you're scared,

if you think someone's
going to take your baby.

You would if it was you,
I promise you, you would.

- If you're lying to me...

- This is my boy.

I swear on his life,
I am not lying.

And this is a letter
from Fergus' solicitor.

That's why I came to see you.

To ask you to leave
me and my boy alone.

- Hello!

Are we packed then?

- Every last bit.

- No more work for a week,
no more work for a week.

- Oh good day?

- Oh, he's worked his little
nads off, haven't you, Dad?

I'm gonna run a bath.

- For me, thanks, son.

- For me, you wuss.

- Bet that feels good?

- He's killed me.

He's stripped me of my
manhood and dignity.

Ooh I like mine with chips.

Are you doing chips?

- Has he not mentioned?

I want you out
tonight, both of you.

The girls are round.

Dan's going to the pub,
why don't you go with him?

- I've had his face
in mine all day.

I was looking forward
to a bit of downtime

with my daughter-in-law
and some home cooked grub.

- Ahh!

Hey, why don't you
give Pauline a ring?

Ask her out on that date?

Now you've got the
money to do it.

What d'you reckon, eh?

(phone ringing)

Hello?

- You're gonna kill me.

- Oh, what's the matter love?

- I can't make it,
I'm really sorry.

- Oh, what a shame, are you OK?

- Yeah, I'm fine, I'm
just held up at work.

It's just gone mad here today.

- Nightmare.
- I know.

I'm sorry.

Listen, have an amazing time!

I want a postcard
and a sombrero, OK?

- More than OK!

- Text me when you land.

Have a great time, both of you.

You deserve it.

- Thanks, love.

See you next week!

(upbeat music)

(knocking on door)

- Hi, Bianca.

- Can I pester
you for something?

- Not sex, I hope?

- Erm No, not really.

- That's a shame.

I'm playing with you,
just teasing, Bianca.

- I know!

Although I can't be
responsible for my actions,

if you really do want
to pester me for that.

(Bianca laughs)

- Seriously, though?

- I'm all ears.

- I'm really
struggling with Gary.

- How do you mean?

- I know you don't want
to open any old wounds,

but you do have a teenage son

and no-one else round here does.

There isn't anyone
else I can ask.

I just don't know
what to do with him.

(phone ringing)

- What the frig do you want?

- Charming.

I've got a proposition for you.

- Well, hurry up, I'm busy.

And starving.

- Well, in that case, I reckon
your answer might be yes.

Fancy a bite to eat, my shout?

- Right.

- Every time I ask
him to do something,

he just pulls a face.

- Perfectly normal.

- Every time I try and
get him out of bed,

he just wants to sleep.

- Perfectly normal.

- Every time we
have a conversation,

it ends up in an argument.

- That's perfectly normal.

- How can I change him?

How can I make him
play by the rules?

- Do you really
want to change him?

- Maybe not change him.

But how can I make him do stuff?

- Do what?

- Tidy his room for a start?

- Do you really
need to be in there?

- It's a pigsty.

- And he is the pig.

Let him fester in it.

That's what I did with Jake.

Before I left.

- But you do still see him?

I mean, he's gonna
come and visit?

Oh, I'm so sorry, I
have no right to pry.

- You're not prying.

- But if it's raw, don't feel
like you have to share it.

- I will share it.

One day.

Just not at the moment,
if you don't mind.

- Of course.

I'm sorry, I best
be getting back.

I think I know what
I need to do now.

Gary was right.

I've just got to back off a bit.

- He's so lucky to have you.

- Thanks, cock, you've
been so helpful.

I'll see myself out.

- Anytime you want to
pester me, you just knock.

- I will do.
- Even for sex.

- You're having fun with
me again, aren't you?

- Indeed I am, Bianca.

- Oh!

- Indeed I am.

- Ta I've picked up the euros,

the factor 50's in the
case, the Sambuca's on ice

and we're ready to roll, baby.

- All right, all
right, don't rub it in.

I'm jealous enough as it is.

- You should get
away yourself mate.

What's the point of
earning all this dosh

if you don't splash out on
the odd jolly somewhere sunny?

- What, on my own, like
a right sad bastard?

- What about with Shelley?

Might do you both a bit
of good, a bit of a break?

- We're supposed
to be cooling off.

- Supposed to be?

- She came over again.

- What for this time?

- She forgot her brush.

- And how were
things between you?

- So-so.

- So-so?

- Awkward.
- Still?

- If I'm honest.

I don't know what's
the matter with him.

It's like he's lost
all sense of humor.

But, if he wants a battle,
he's got one, I tell you that.

- Ola!

- Hi, mom, hiya, Sue!

- Hello, Shelley!

- Hi, Auntie Pam!

- Hello, Missus
Sausage, all packed?

- Yes!

- I'm sending her off with
a couple of these, ladies.

- Well, you'll be in
good company round

this neck of the woods!

- How's Greg, Shelley?

- Touchy subject.

- If it's any consolation,

me and Colin had a two-year
separation in the 1990s.

We got back together
again after Diana died.

There's nothing like
a national tragedy

to put things into
perspective, is there, doll?

- No, no, Flossy.

(doorbell ringing)

I'll go.

- Right, mom, I'll
text you when we land

and I'll see you next
Monday night, then, yeah?

- Can't wait!

Bye, Auntie Pam!

- Bye!
- Adios!

- I'm really sorry about today.

I was totally out of order

and I promise it
won't happen again.

- Are you OK?

- I've done something.

- What?
- What?

- I went round to see his wife.

- [Both] What!

(doorbell ringing)

- Did it hurt?

- What?

- When you fell out of heaven?

Gets her every time.

- I don't think so.

You're gonna have to work
a lot harder than that

to get this old
bird's attention.

So, where you taking me?

- Harvey's.

They're doing a pie promotion.

Half-price steak and ale
and a free half of lager.

- Now that, on the
other hand, sunshine,

is talk that'll move mountains.

- Nothing?

- God's honest.

He told her absolutely nothing.

- He really is a
bastard, isn't he?

- Look, I know that
he's been a tosser

but I think you should be aware,

he is under a lot of
pressure at the moment.

- What pressure?

Somebody's been leaning on
his cock and he's gone lame?

- Seriously.

Don't say anything, I mean it.

- Why, what's up?

- We're waiting on a
decision for a big loan

to fund that new client.

- Hogans?
- Yeah.

And it's not looking good.

Fergus is feeling the pressure.

I even found myself feeling
sorry for him today.

- Don't tell me you've been
had over by him now, too?

- No, but everyone fucks
up in their private life,

sometimes, don't they?

- True.

- Oh my God.

He's really sucked
you in, hasn't he?

- No, no.

I just think you should
consider everything

that he's got on his plate
at the moment, that's all.

- So you're basically
on his side?

- Who said anything about sides?

- I'm really sorry.

But I've got to go.

- Denise, stop marching
off all the time will ya.

- Denise, you don't have to go.

- No.

I really do.

(dramatic music)

- Table for two?

- Yes, love.

- Do you want to
come through now

or would you like a
drink at the bar first?

- Did the bear shit on the Pope?

- Never let food get in
the way of a good drink.

- No, no, no.

(knocking on door)

Jane!

Jane!

Jane?

- [Both] Tres, dos, uno!

- Oh!

- Hey, guess who I saw at
the Dog and Dart last night?

- Who?

- Ratty Pete.

He's still got the
caravan in Rhyl.

- Has he?

- Yeah, I was
thinking, you and me,

maybe we could go there
for a long weekend?

- At this time of year, you'll
freeze your bollocks off.

- Not if I was under the covers,

with you keeping
them warm for me.

- Cheeky bleeder.

- Let me come back, Pauline.

I could stay on the sofa.

I don't expect you to let me
back in your bed straight away.

- It's gonna take a lot
more than a couple of pints

and a bag of dry roasted
to get any measure

of my affection, Casanova.

Now get me another
tequila, you old stud,

and I might let
you escort me home.

(laughs)

- Hey?
- What?

- What do you reckon?

For old time's sake?

Shall we do it?

Now.

- Now?

- Dare you.

- Dare you, more like.

- You're on.

Just up here on the
left, love, thanks.

- Bear with me, pal,
I just need to pop in

and get my cash stash.

How much do I owe you?

- A tenner, mate.

- The key!

You've got the wrong key!

Sorry, love, he's got
the wrong bloody key.

Senile bastard.

Two seconds, love.

(upbeat music)

(laughs)

- Bastards!

- Remember when we did
it in Whalley Range?

- That driver nearly
had a thrombo.

- And Withington.

- And Failsworth.

- Oh, and that
time in Blackpool?

- Oh, Easter?

- When we locked the eggs
in the boot of the car.

- Poor Dan, he was heartbroken.

- I'm heartbroken, Pauline.

- Are you buggery.

- I've never really known
how to live without you.

That's why I wanted to
take you out tonight.

I needed to tell you how I feel.

And that's why I've sorted out
those robbing little bastards

that keep knocking on your door,

trying to fleece you
for your last quid.

- You what?

- The bailiffs.

- I know who you mean.

- Yeah, well I've sorted it.

- What do you mean
you've sorted it?

- Paid them off.

Got rid of the bleeders.

- Paid them off, how
much did you give them?

- It doesn't matter,
I've sorted it.

- All of it?

- Every last bit.

I'm here to look after you.

I want to protect you, Pauline.

- You've really done that?

For me?

- You're my girl.

Always have been.

Always will be.

- Oh, Charlie.

(smooth music)

- Delicious!

- Morning, campers!

- Are you all set, then?

- Yeah, I think so!

- Well, before you go,

we've got something
important to tell you.

- Oh, shit this
sounds dodgy already.

- It looking dodgy now, too.

- We ended up copping
off last night.

- Copping off?

- Yeah, y'know had a
bit of a mattress mambo.

- Shizzle on the old nizzle.

- I know what it means!

- Well, that's fantastic.

- Don't get excited.

We're just taking it
one day at a time.

- It's absolutely wonderful!

We get our house back now.

- Well, I was
thinking actually...

- What were you thinking?

- Seeing as though you
want me to mind Alan.

- Yeah, and it's only five days.

- Yeah, we were going to suggest

that we just move in here
whilst you're on holiday?

Saves any upheaval for him.

Poor little mutt's been
dragged from pillar to post

these past couple of weeks.

Last thing anyone needs
is a doggie breakdown.

- And what the fuck
is a doggie breakdown?

- I think that's a great idea.

- Do you?

- As long as I have your word,

that the minute we get
back, you both go back home.

That's both of you?

The pair of you, all two of you?

- If she'll have me.

- Course I'll have you.

- Well, that's fantastic.

(smooth music)

- What's that for?

- For you.

- Thank you!

- I wanted to say sorry
for being a bit of a dick.

- Less of the D word, please.

- Sorry knob, I've
been a bit of a knob.

- No, you weren't.

I think it's me
that's been the knob.

- I mean, I just don't see the
point in tidying my bedroom.

- It's fine.

You're right, actually.

- I'm right?

- I've decided, if
you want to be a pig,

I'm going to let you
go ahead and be one.

Is that OK?

- That's top.

- I just want us to be friends.

What do you reckon?

- Ace.

- This is ace.

- Thanks, Bianca.

- Pleasure, treasure.

(upbeat jaunty music)

- Er what are you doing here?

- Nice to see you and all.

I'm driving them to the airport.

- No, you're not.

- I think you'll find I am.

- I'm taking them to the
airport, I sorted it with Lisa.

- Yeah, and I
sorted it with Dan.

(doorbell ringing)

- Not shoving, I'm walking
at a faster pace that's all.

- Listen, Shell, I don't
even care any more.

- Right, you said I could
drive you to the airport,

didn't you?
- Yes, love.

- Ha, see?

- I'm sure she did say that

but you asked me in
the pub, didn't you?

- Yes, mate.
- Ha, see?

- I'm sure there's no need
to fall out over it, kids.

- I've got the bigger car.

- Why don't we
just use that then?

- Because I wanted to take you.

- Why don't you just come along?

- We'll all go together.

- Well that seems a bit
pointless, don't it?

- Hey, love?

Guess who's pulled?

- For fuck's sake, Mother!

- Have you?
- We have!

- That's fantastic,
isn't that fantastic?

- You two should try it.

It's really no mither once
you're back on the horse.

- Horse?

(neighs)

- I'll load the car,
where are the cases?

- Front room.

- Keys!

- Call me if you need
anything, all right?

- I won't need anything,
and Alan will be fine.

Now, just go off and
enjoy the sunshine.

- Thank you.

- Bye, kid.
- See ya, love.

- See you later.

- Come on then.

- See ya.
- See ya.

Ta-ra.

Let the fun and games begin, eh?

- Hey-hey!

- Have a brilliant time.
- Thanks love.

- See you next week.
- See you later,

Have a good 'un.

- Cheers, mate!

- Go on, then, drive.

What's up?

- Those bags,
there, their cases.

I've seen them somewhere before.

- Her mate Kim gave her them.

- Kim?

- Yeah.

D'you know her?

- Sort of.

- Sort of?

- It doesn't matter.

- Obviously it does.

- It doesn't.

Why did she get
the cases off Kim?

- She won them at work.

Employee of the
Month or something.

- Lisa?

- No, Kim, Kim won them,
she gave them to Lisa.

- So, she gave them the
holiday and the cases?

- Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, she did.

- When I went to her office,

there were a few of
those cases there.

- You went to her office?

So you do know her then?

- I had a meeting at a
builder's in Trafford Park.

I got the wrong unit, I went
in and that's when I saw her.

She works there.

- What kind of unit?

- Over at the container base.

The prefabs, where she works.

- Prefab, she works
for a corporate bank.

- No, she doesn't.
- Yes, she does.

- No, she doesn't.

- Are you absolutely sure
your mom won't neglect Alan?

- Why would she do that?

- Because she's back with
your dad and she's distracted?

- Don't talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it.

I just want to get on that plane
and order a nice cold beer.

- So do I.

It's like a dream come
to true, isn't it?

- How well do you know her then?

- Not that well.

- How well?

- Quite well.

- Just tell me how well.

- Why is this of any relevance?

- Just tell me.

- OK.

We met in a bar a
couple of months back.

- What, you and Kim?

- There is no me and
Kim, we just met.

- Did you shag her?

- It's not relevant.

- It is relevant,
did you shag her?

- OK, we slept together.

- You slept with Kim?

- Just once.

Shelley, we weren't
together, remember.

We'd split up.

We are no longer a couple.

- But you've shagged her?

- You honestly think I've
been celibate since we split?

- We were in bed
together last week!

God, how many others
have you banged?

- None, not whilst
we got back together.

- Oh, right but you have
whilst we were apart?

- I don't know what
your problem is.

- Just tell me the truth, Greg.

Were we together
when you shagged Kim?

- No!

Do you have to keep
mentioning her like that?

- It's you that
keeps mentioning her.

It's you that's been
having the affair!

- It was not an affair.

And just stop making
this all about yourself

for a minute, will you?

Can't you see how
weird it all is?

That she gave them the holiday

and then she gave
them the cases?

Think about it.

- And she lied about her job.

- It's not right, is it?

- No.

- [Both] Oh, shit.

(dramatic music)

- Sorry, sorry

- All right, mate?

- What's up, what's the matter?

- I really need a word.

- What?
- Here?

- Well, over there, preferably.

- What's going on?

- If I promise you
this is serious,

but you've got to act
normal, would you trust me?

- No.

- Oh my God, is it my mother?

- No, no, Lisa.

- Is it Alan?

Has his bleedin' mother
murdered the dog already?

- It's got nothing
to do with Alan, OK.

Everybody's fine.

- Just come on.

- But we're going on holiday.

- Just come.

- If we lose our
place in the queue,

they won't let us on the plane.

- They'll bang you both
up before then, Lisa,

if you don't get
your arse moving now.

- Oh my God it's drugs.

- What kind of drugs?

- Put it this way, it's
not a stash of paracetamol.

- Oh my God.

What if we'd got on the plane?

- We didn't get on the plane.

- But what if we did?

- Who the hell are they for?

- How the hell do I know?

- She's obviously a supplier.

- Excuse me a minute Greg,

I think you've known
me long enough to know

I don't supply anything.

- Not you, you dick.

- Kim.

- Kim, don't be stupid.

- Free holiday,
here's your suitcases?

Think about it.

- It can't be.

- I hate to say it, but
that's how it looks, Lisa.

- With half a ton of
Columbian marching powder

stuffed in our bags,
I'm afraid to say

I think he's right, babes.

- I can't believe this.

I can't actually take it in.

- Nor can I.

What a total cow!

- Where is she?

Phone her, the bitch!

- And say what?

- Tell her we've not
got on the plane.

See what she says then, go on.

- Go on, Lise.
- Go on, just call her.

- Now?
- Now!

(phone ringing)

- Hiya!
- What's going on?

- Pardon?

- We haven't checked in
and we're not going to.

I think you should to tell
me what the hell is going on?

She cut me off!

(dramatic music)

What am I going
to tell everyone?

- Tell them nothing.

We'll just say you
had a dicky fit

and couldn't get on the plane.

- And what the fuck
is a dicky fit?

- Sudden-found phobia,
fear of flying.

You panicked, decided to stay.

- It's not a bad idea, Lise.

- And who's gonna believe that?

I've been talking about
getting on that flight

for the last two weeks!

- It was all
bullshit, wasn't it?

- What?

- Her husband leaving her.

- Her job.

- The restaurant, when
she started crying.

She knew exactly
what she was doing.

We must look a
right pair of mugs.

- Don't be stupid, mate.

Not mugs.

It's got fuck all to
do with being a mug.

- What a total bitch!

- What am I going
to tell my mom?

- I'll speak to your mom.

- We'll have to call the police.

- No, we won't.

- He's got a car
load of coke here.

- That I can just
chuck in the Mersey.

- But you love this car.

- The coke, you idiot,
not the fucking car.

- All right, no
need to get arsey.

- What if she comes after us?

We've ruined her plans.

What if she's the
mafia and she's fuming?

- She's not the bleedin' mafia.

- She'll be long gone by now.

It's the person that was gonna
meet you at the other end

that'll be fuming, and
it's Kim they'll be after.

You're well out of it.

You're best off just going home

and trying to forget about it.

- Forget about it?

I thought she was my friend.

(dramatic music)

- Don't ask.

- What's happened?

- I need you to do me a favor.

- What, son?

- Get your coats, ask no
questions, and just leave.

- What, now?

- That's a question.
- Yes, now.

- Are you all right, son?
- That's another question.

- We're fine, mom.

- We just didn't go on
holiday, that's all.

- Why not?
- We said no questions.

- Lisa had a dicky fit.

- What the fuck is a dicky fit?

- Mom, please!

We just want our house
back, is that OK?

- Course it is, kids, come on.

(somber music)

- I don't want any
more new best friends.

- And I don't want any
more stray parents.

- When are people gonna stop?

- Stop what?

- Taking advantage of us.

- Maybe we have got mug tattooed
on our foreheads after all.

- Yeah, magnets for waifs
and strays and weirdos.

- When all we really
want is a quiet life.

(doorbell ringing)

- Who's that?

- Just leave it.

- Leave it?
- Yeah bloody leave it.

I mean it, this is it.

No more Mr and Mrs Nice.

The doorbell can go swivel.

(doorbell ringing)

- What if they've
come to get us?

- Who?
- The mafia.

- Don't be so stupid.

- No I know, I'm sorry.

It's probably just
the window cleaner.

I'll tell him to piss off,
he can come back next week.

- Hiya, Lisa.

I've got so much to explain
to you, I really have.

But before I do, I just
wanted to say I'm sorry.

("Mount Pleasant Theme Tune")