Original subtitles

(pensive music)

(playful jazzy music)

(bacon sizzling) (upbeat rock music)

(knocking)

- Can you do me a favor?

- If it's sexual, definitely.

- Not in front of Alan.

- What not in front of Alan?

- [Lisa] Sex talk.

- Having a joke isn't sex talk?

(shushing) - He'll be scarred for life.

Can you nip into Tesco after work and pick this lot up?

Me mum's putting on one of her spreads on

for the match tomorrow.

- Smoked salmon?

- With cream cheese and mini bagels.

- Doesn't sound like one of your mum's spreads.

- She's been watching Nigella again.

- Can't she just do hotdogs or somethin'?

- Hotdogs?

- Or burgers?

Just easier, isn't it?

- She doesn't want easy.

She wants complicated.

She wants finicky.

She wants three hours in town looking for somewhere

that sells cocktail sticks,

and another four hours here spreadin' it all out.

- You should try her out for once.

She might just fancy a bit of easy.

Give the poor woman a break.

- She's not poor.

- I don't mean poor, poor.

- What the fuck's poor, poor?

Shut up and eat your sandwich.

You're going to be late.

(upbeat rock music)

- Jim?

- Yeah?

- Once the airshow's out of the way,

I thought it might be a nice idea

if we took a few days break?

- Right?

- nothin' too expensive.

Maybe a week in Puerto Calero?

- OK.

- Marjorie at Zumba says it's got a fabulous little harbor.

You could check out the boats

whilst I get myself a couple of new bags?

- Sounds like a smashing idea.

- Really?

- Really.

- Oi!

Argh.

He's had the other half of my sandwich!

- What have you done to him?

- Nothin'!

- You've done somethin'.

You've not walloped him have you?

- I didn't lay a finger on him!

He's eating the rest of my bacon butty

and I'm getting the bollocking?

- He's a dog!

He's biologically programmed to eat bacon.

You shouldn't have left it there.

- You left it there!

And he shouldn't be on the worktop.

- [Sue] Yoo-hoo!

Only me.

- Don't say a word.

She'll go mental if she knows you've had a go at him.

- But I haven't had a go at him!

- How's he been?

- Good as gold.

- Hello, treasure!

Aw, you missed your mummy?

Have you?

- What the hell is that?

- It's his new blower.

- What is it with this family?

There's a deficiency of some sort, somewhere, isn't there?

- Only cost me 40 quid.

- I'd have paid someone 40 quid to take it away.

- Em, what needs blowin'?

- Don't tempt me.

- It's not exactly autumn.

- They're not entirely just for leaves, strictly speakin'.

- What are they for, then?

- Blowin'.

- Blowin' what?

- No offense, Monty Don,

but since when have you given a donkey's dick

about what goes on in that garden?

- Dad!

- Since never, seeing as I've never had

a donkey's dick's chance

of actually gettin' in there, Barry.

Now you ask. - Hey, hey!

Simmer down, you two.

A bit early for donkeys' dicks, thank you very much.

- [Lisa] Mum?

- Yes, poppet?

- One word answer.

- Go on, then.

- Hotdogs or cream cheese bagels?

- Oh, that's a good one.

Hotdogs at the Tatton Car Show

and cream cheese bagels at Botany Bay.

- One word answer?

- Oh, sorry, love.

- Well?

- Yes, definitely.

- Come on.

- See you, Mum! - Bye, chick.

Hello!

(humming)

(knocking)

- Oh, hello, again.

- Hi.

(knocking)

- Look, love, I know you're in there.

(knocking)

- Open plan through lounge, 30 by 15.

Original architrave with multiple lighting points above.

Remote controlled minimalist fireplace.

- Are you all right to let yourself out?

- Yeah, great.

- And you are really sure

that you can have it on the market by tomorrow?

- I'm really sure it can be on the market

by this afternoon, if that's what you want.

- Definitely.

Brilliant, thank you.

- Shelley? - Yeah?

- I was just wonderin', and I know I shouldn't

'cause it's very unprofessional of me,

but I was just wonderin'

if you fancy going for a drink sometime?

(jazzy music)

(knocking)

- Well, hello.

- Mrs. Johnson?

- Who's asking?

- Braydon Hunt.

Barron Collections.

- She's not in.

- Don't tell me, you're her friend.

- None of your business who I am.

- What time will she be back?

- What's it got to do with you?

I'm not gonna to go away, you know.

- Oo, very good, Billy big bollocks.

Well I hope you're comfy out there.

'Cause that's where you're staying.

- Look.

Is it possible to come in?

Just for a little chat?

- Do you know, I've got a really sneaky feeling

that might be a right stupid question, love!

- We can obtain a warrant for entry.

- That's sexual harassment that is, kid,

taken in a different context.

- [Braydon] Listen, love.

If you're short of cash,

we can take down some details of the goods you own.

You just have to surrender somethin', Mrs. Johnson.

- I'm not Mrs. Johnson.

She's out.

I'm Margaret.

I'm the cleaner.

- [Braydon] Funny outfit for a cleaner.

- Funny face for a knob-head.

Listen, sunshine, I've got work to do.

And I'm not letting you in.

So piss off.

- Well, good morning, people!

- Morning.

- And what a beautiful morning it is, don't you agree?

- Come on, then.

Spill the beans.

You won the lottery

and Brad Pitt came over for a foot massage?

- Mm, nearly.

Guess who asked me out on a date this morning?

- The Hoff?

- Coffee, please, Talia.

If you don't mind.

- Who?

- Only James, the fittest estate agent in the country.

(jazzy music)

(baby cooing)

- So you've actually done it?

You've actually put your house on the market?

- I am moving on.

I'm freshening up.

I'm sorting my shit out, finally.

- So, where's he taking you?

- Well, that's where the story ends,

as far as James is concerned.

I said no.

- You said no?

- Mm, I just I think it's the wrong time.

- It's just a date.

- And I don't think that Greg would like it

if I was to find someone so quickly.

- Rubbish.

- What?

- You keep goin' on about what Greg would want.

What about what you want?

You'll be gray and senile before you know it, love.

- Steady on!

- And then there won't be anyone asking you out, will there?

- Jane Fonda doesn't do too badly.

- Jane Fonda is not gray and is not senile.

Seriously, I'd be taking it while I can if I were you.

(women awing)

- He's gorgeous!

- I've bought Mr. Iggily Wiggily Piggly in

to see Auntie Lisa Wisa, and Auntie Shelley Welly Nelly

and all the other lovely girlie wurlies.

Girlie wurlies!

Isn't that chocolate?

Get it?

(chuckling)

- Ah, look at him.

Hello, mister!

Oh, you, get our guest a drink, will you?

- Would Denise-y Weesey like a cup of tea-ey wee-ey woo?

- As long as it's strong with half a sugar,

yeah, would thanks.

- Morning, comrades!

Today, we shall be selling the crunch, as well as the apple!

- You said he was away!

- He was.

- Funny kind of away,

him walking through like he owns the joint.

- He does own the joint.

- You know what I meant.

- I didn't realize he was here.

He must've got back early.

- Did he see me?

- I don't think so.

- You don't think so?

- Denise!

Denise.

Denise!

Why don't you just let him see him?

- Not now, Lisa.

- It's going to be impossible, this, once you start back.

- No, it isn't.

It's just work in there.

It's different.

He knows the score.

He knows what we agreed.

It's a job.

I turn up, I go home.

Same as it used to be before he took advantage of me.

- Everybody messes up sometimes.

He really seems to have sorted himself out a bit recently.

- Oh, come on, Lisa.

You know as well as I do

he'll always be a wolf in cheap clothing.

Honestly, I know you care, but it's fine.

- Coffee, tea, me?

- Did I just see a baby out there?

- A baby, no.

- Wait a minute.

- Another new sales manual?

- Keep reaching for the stars, Talia.

Sit down.

Do you know what this is?

- Five asses and a rugby post?

- Quit the back chat.

Who, what, when, where, why, and how?

- Someone spiked your coffee this mornin'?

- It's a strategy to support sales.

You're right, as always, Talia.

It is a new book.

Pressie from the wife.

This, Talia, is what we call a reminder.

- For what? - What, a question.

Good.

A reminder to keep us asking questions, that's what this is.

We don't ask enough questions.

We're 15 grand behind monthly target

with 24 hours to go,

on the sales board and no-one knows why!

- Oh, right, I get it.

The fifth ass.

- Being facetious

won't get you that promotion you're lookin' for, remember.

And me pretendin' to think

another hair-brained sales manual is any good, well.

- Send in Lisa.

She's not here. - Where is she?

- Oh, yeah, she ran off after that baby.

Joshua, isn't it?

- You said there wasn't a baby.

- Did I, sorry.

I thought I said yes.

Not quite woken up yet.

(upbeat music)

- Hi, can I get a vodka, please?

- I think he was after you, that one.

- Who, Hulk Hogan?

Not really my type.

- Mine neither.

- Oh, but how I love the machismo.

- I think that's debatable.

- It's all part of the fun and games

in the quest for a beautiful body.

- Ha, ha, true!

Anyone for a doughnut?

See you, there love.

- Yeah, see ya!

(phone chiming)

- No.

We can't, you shit.

- [TV] Hi friends, welcome to your Fancy Friday One show

with whales.

Well done last weekend, Triple Crown.

- [Announcer] And poor old England, no grand-slam this year.

- [Announcer] Yeah, not much impact.

- Now half of our openin' duo--

(doorbell chiming) - Just a minute!

- [Announcer] Has previously been described

as the nicest man in the world.

- You sit down there, chicken fluff.

I'll get it.

- Thanks, Mum.

- Hello.

Is Lisa in?

- Yes, lovey.

Lisa!

- Hello!

- I'm so sorry!

I took the wrong bag.

You must've gone off with mine?

- Did I?

I didn't even notice!

- Too busy nattering.

- Yeah, she gets that from me.

I love a good natter.

- Oh!

This is my mum.

Mum, this is-- - Kim.

- Hello. - Hiya.

- I'm Lisa, by the way.

- Yeah, I know.

I had to look in your purse.

I hope you don't mind?

- No way do I mind!

I hope you didn't come out of your way?

- Oh, no, not really.

- Do you want to come in?

- Not if you've got visitors.

It's fine, honest.

- Oh, don't mind me.

I'm not a visitors,

I've just popped by to do a few jobs, didn't I, love?

- [Barry] Oh, that's better.

- Must be that pork crackling.

That's his fourth one today.

Mum.

Lynn, this is Barry.

- Well, we'd best be off.

- Yeah, we'll see you tomorrow, treasure.

- Yeah, see you, Mum.

- Ta-ra, love.

- Yeah, see you, Dad.

- Ta-ra, love. - Bye-bye, love.

- [Kim] Bye-bye.

- Kim, do you want to come in for a sec?

I'm having a glass of wine if you fancy it?

- Honestly, I can't.

I'm running late.

I'll see you around, probably.

At the gym, no doubt?

- Yeah, and thanks for dropping my bag off.

- No worries.

Bye. - Bye.

- [TV] I've walked it, I've cycled it, I've canoed it.

- Hello!

- Hello, love.

- Made friends with a travel agent in town.

Young thing.

Very handsome.

Got a discount code for me, amongst other things.

- Sounds wonderful.

- 10% off anywhere in the Canaries.

I can spend what we save on a new bikini.

Or a swimsuit?

What do you think?

- I'm easy.

- Right, well in that case, bikini it is, then.

- Smashing.

- Really?

You really think it's smashing?

- Who the heckers is that now?

Gary?

Hello.

- Hi, Bianca.

- Well, what a surprise.

How are you, cock?

- Really well, ta.

How are you?

- Great, thanks.

Really great.

- I need to ask my dad somethin'.

Is he in?

(contemplative music)

(knocking)

- Oh, just piss off, will you?

(knocking)

(upbeat music)

(distant knocking)

- Well, how long, exactly?

- She's only going for six months.

- Misuse of the word only there, son.

- Jim!

- Just till my exams are done.

- I think it's a great idea.

It's a very important year.

Isn't it, Jim?

- It certainly is.

- If it's too long, Dad,

then I was thinking maybe I could stay

at a hostel or somethin'?

- You're not staying in a ruddy hostel.

I stayed in a ruddy hostel when I was a Girl Guide.

I got chilblains and nits.

He can stay here.

- [Jim] You'll have to clear out the spare room.

- Well that'll take all of ten minutes.

Your bed's still made up from when you were here at Easter.

- I don't want to get in the way.

- You're not getting in the way.

Is he, Jim?

Tell him.

- You're not getting in the way, no.

I'll call your mother.

- I'll call his mother.

Now.

Do you fancy an ice cream?

I've got some hundreds and thousands in the cupboard.

- I'm 15.

- So, I'm 41 and I still like a finger of fudge.

Don't I, Jim?

(melancholy music)

- Hello! - Oh!

- Thought it was you!

I just noticed you and thought, that's definitely Lisa.

- Yeah, it's me all right

although I think I've gone instantly gray

'cause someone just gave me heart failure.

- Sorry!

Are you OK? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- Shame about this place, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- Sure you're OK?

- Yeah, course.

- Do you fancy a coffee?

Or perhaps somethin' stronger?

There's a new place in town sounds nice.

- Well, I've got to--

- Sorry, you're probably really busy.

It was just a thought.

- No, honestly.

It's a good thought.

Why not, be lovely.

- Yeah? - Yeah, great.

- Come on, then. (upbeat music)

- She picked me up, more like.

She just came over.

Even bought me a drink.

- Women know what they want these days.

- She knew what she wanted all right.

She was bouncing up and down on me till gone three.

- Lucky bastard.

- That was Lisa on the phone.

She's bumped into that nice lady from the gym,

and they're nipping for a drink and a natter.

- What nice lady?

- She'll only be gone an hour.

She's asked me to carry on with the food,

so I may as well get on with it.

You're having a hotdog, aren't you, Greg?

- Too right.

No spread, Sue?

- They're a bit last season, spreads, love.

Apparently.

- Looking forward to the game, Bazza?

- I can't bloody wait, lad.

I've even been to the bookies.

Had a cheeky tenner on a 3-1 result.

Oh, sorry, son.

- Do you know, if there was such a thing

as foot-in-mouth disease, Barry'd have it.

It's fine.

Honestly, it's fine.

It's in the past now.

History.

- He's four months clean.

- That's wonderful, chick.

- Cheers, Sue.

- Not even a scratch card?

- Not even a scratch card.

- Raffle tickets, do they count?

- Barry.

It's history.

(contemplative music)

- What did she say?

- You don't need to worry about a thing, cock.

You can stay here.

Your mum's fine.

Hello, Pauline!

- Hiya, love.

Hey, not bad.

- Thanks.

- For a blue.

- Obviously a red.

- Sharp.

- Hey, you watch your lip, mister.

- You watching the game?

At my son's.

- Lisa and Dan's house.

- Have they got it on?

- Come on in, you.

You need a sandwich or somethin'.

Can't be hanging about the street all day

just knocking a ball about.

- She thinks there's more to life than football.

- You can come and watch the match with us

if you like, love?

- Yeah?

- Oh I don't think so, Pauline.

- He's more than welcome.

You might have to take that off, though.

I'm not sure what the door policy is on pond life.

- Yeah.

Can I?

- Well, I suppose we'd better ask Lisa and Dan.

- Oh come on.

- Come on.

(contemplative music)

(phone trilling)

- [Recording] 'Hiya, you've reached Lisa Johnson.

Please leave me a message'.

- Come in.

Hey Greg, this is Gary.

- Hi, Sue!

Dan said it was OK for Gary to--

- Ooh, are you doing one of your spreads?

She's the only woman in England

knows how to do a decent spread, Bianca.

- I know, I've been very lucky

livin' round here with Sue and her spreads.

- It's just hotdogs.

- Ooh, you can't beat them.

I'm sick of all this foreign nonsense.

Dan's Uncle Ron's 50th at the Irish club in Charlton

last Friday?

Well, they had a few good butties,

I'll admit, but onion bhajis?

Oh, pass us a lager, will you?

- So, who's Gary?

- Oh do you know I've been thinking exactly the same.

Where did you pick him up from?

Cubs?

- He's Jim's son, actually.

- Jim's got a son?

- Blood and sand!

You wouldn't think he's got it in him would ya?

- I didn't mean that.

I just didn't know, that's all.

- Oh, we only see him twice a year.

Christmas and birthdays, you know how it is.

Actually, he's going to be staying with us for a bit.

His mum's got a secondment in Australia.

- Australia?

Oh, God, not Australia.

The water goes down the plughole

the wrong way round, apparently.

And don't get me wrong,

I like a pork chop like the next person,

but a barbecue for your tea every night?

Give me a fucking break.

- So how come he always weren't 'round, then?

- Well, he's a plumber

and she always had jobs for him to do.

And he's so sweet, he doesn't know how to say no.

- Nice fella, then?

- Yeah, he's lovely.

No, honest.

He's really lovely.

- Can't believe you didn't knock her block off.

- It's not my style.

And she's gone now.

It's history.

Anyway, enough about my fella.

What about yours?

What's his name?

What does he do?

What do you do?

- Me, I'm in finance.

- Sounds impressive.

- Not necessarily, trust me

and Bryan works for a logistics company in Liverpool.

- Ah, that's nice.

- Really it's very boring.

He hates it.

But money's good and we do OK, so--

- That's what it's all about, really, isn't it?

- Yeah, I suppose it is!

- Hello, ladies.

- Well, hello.

- Can I get you ladies somethin' else to drink?

Another glass, maybe?

- Shall we?

- Well, I'm supposed to be watchin' the match.

- Who with?

- Just my mum and dad and a couple of mates.

And my husband.

- Your lovely husband?

- Yeah, my lovely husband.

- He won't mind if you stay for another, then?

- I suppose, if you put it like that.

And they will be distracted, I suppose.

- Same again?

- Erm, do you fancy a bottle?

- Does a hobbyhorse have a wooden dick?

(laughing)

- Hiyah.

- Hey, Shelley.

- Ah, what have you been up to?

- We've been to the park to feed the ducks.

Haven't we, Mr. Iggly Piggly?

Right bruisers, some of those ducks these days.

Nearly decapitated my hand, one of them.

- Ouch.

Nightmare. - I know.

- Hey, what are you up to later?

- Later when?

- Well, tonight?

Do you fancy a night out?

Me and you?

Out on the razzle-dazzle, check out some talent?

- What about Josh?

Do they not have agencies?

- Shelley, he's not a dog.

- No I know he's not, I know he's not.

I didn't mean it like that.

- Hey, I've got an idea!

Why don't you come over to mine?

We could have some wine?

- Oh!

- X Factor's on.

I'm gettin' a Chinese.

Josh loves it.

Not the Chinese.

The X Factor.

Obviously.

- Ah thanks, love.

But I'm fine, honest.

I'll give a couple of the girls a ring, sort somethin' out.

No offense, yeah?

- Course.

- See you on Monday?

- See you Monday.

- Bye. - Bye.

(contemplative music)

- Must be nice, having him around,

if you don't see him very often?

- Timing could've been a bit better, if I'm honest.

- Is anything really ever good timing, though,

when you sit and think about it?

Life's supposed to be spontaneous.

- I've just got Jim to finally agree to take me on a jolly.

I've even been to town and got the brochures.

- Well you need to talk to Jim,

if you're not sure about him staying.

- Oh, it's not that I'm not sure.

Easier said than done, though, Sue, anyway.

Jim's not like your Barry or Dan.

He's not that type of fella.

He's not easy to talk to.

It's funny how things end up, isn't it, Sue?

When we got married, I told him I don't want children.

I didn't want to ruin my figure.

- You know, I've often wondered why you haven't had any,

to be honest.

- I know what people must think.

Selfish old trout.

- Oh, stuff what people think?

You not going to stop them thinking it,

so you might as well not waste your energy.

- She's right.

She's like me, is Sue.

Couldn't give a rat's fanny, could you, love?

When's she getting back?

- She said she won't be long.

- I'm wasting away here.

- Well grab yourself a handful of crisps

whilst you're waiting.

- No thanks, love.

They're cheese, aren't they?

You know what I'm like with cheese.

Migraine central.

Like being twatted with an iron bar, kid.

I'll wait.

I'll live, I'm sure.

- Come on! - Come on my boy!

- I'd have done it for him.

I'd have had a baby, if he hadn't have had Gary.

How could I not?

But he had Gary all along.

So I just didn't bother.

Do you think that's awful?

- No, I don't, love.

I admire your honesty, Bianca, if you want to know.

Takes a special kind of person to be that bold.

Good for you.

- It's kicked off, everyone's here.

You gonna be long?

Just, give us a bell back, babe.

Let me know where you're up to.

- Well?

- She'll call me back.

- She'll just be shopping or somethin'.

- Yeah, spending all my hard earned cash.

Out wide!

Put it out wide!

- What the hell was that?

- You great big stupid plonker!

- How's he allowed that?

- I could do better than that in my sandals.

- Free kick, free kick, he's given a free kick!

- Here we are! - Come on, lads!

- [Sue] There you are.

- Sue, shift!

Come on, England!

- Top left, come on, stick it top left.

- I can't watch this.

- [Announcer] In by--

(cheering)

- It's me!

Answer your phone!

We've scored!

(upbeat music)

- [Announcer] Well it really has given England

some degree of control. - She's still not answering.

- Where did she say she's gone?

- Just for a drink and a natter.

- You should've asked where.

- Who'd you say she's gone with?

- Lynn, isn't it?

- Who's Lynn?

- Her new friend from the gym, according to Sue.

- I don't understand the point of them gyms.

- Don't think gyms are that complicated, Pauline.

- It's just exercise, isn't it?

- I don't understand the point of exercising either.

- You're not worried, are you?

- Am I bollocks.

- Out wide, pass it wide!

- Don't speak with your mouth full please, Gary.

- I mean, it's just a license to print money,

if you think about it.

Come in and run four miles on the treadmill,

and I'll take 40 quid a month off you?

Can stuff it.

I'll keep my 40 quid, thank you very much.

I'll bugger off for a run round John Leigh Park,

if you don't mind.

That's for free.

Have I got mod tattooed across my forehead or what?

Yeah!

(all cheering)

- Hello, treasure, it's only me.

Do us a favor, will you, love, and give Dan a quick ring?

I think he's a bit worried.

Hope you're having a lovely time.

Bye, chick.

- Did you see, then?

- What?

- Tom.

Just then, outside.

- [Woman] Was it?

- Are we still on for having them round?

- Of course.

- I'll go and have a word, shall I?

- Yeah, definitely.

Oh, give him my love to Caroline, yeah?

- Denise!

- You look great.

- Thanks.

- I'm lookin' forward to having you around again on Monday.

- I'm lookin' forward to getting back to my work.

- Please just a little look?

- No, Fergus.

- I could call round?

You know just quietly.

Just for a chat.

- I don't want a chat.

- I just want to see him.

- Joshua.

- Sorry, Joshua.

Can't we at least discuss it?

- You know the score, Fergus.

There is no time with Joshua.

And there is nothin' to discuss.

End of story.

Finito.

Prosecco.

Goodbye.

- [Barry] Hello, love, it's your dad.

Listen, doll, can you do me a quick favor?

Can you give Dan a ring?

He's climbing the walls here with the football.

I think he just wants to let you how we're doing.

We're winning, by the way.

All right, love?

I'll see you later, bye.

- So that area there, that's the box, right?

- Right.

- And if that player there

tackles him whilst he's in the box, yeah?

- Him?

The one with the big arms?

Yes.

- It's pointless, that.

Honestly, pointless.

- Go on.

- Right.

So, if he brings him down--

- Down where? - Pointless.

- In the box.

If he brings him down in the box.

- That's when the referee blows the whistle

and so it's a penalty.

- Which one's the referee?

The one in black with the big thighs?

- [All] Yes!

- Oh, he's nice, isn't he?

Well, they're all nice, really.

- (shushing) Bianca.

This is where you've got to shush.

- [Announcer] With the man on this box.

Hold your breath.

- And where's the box again?

(shushing)

- You've confused her, son.

- Are you confused, Bianca?

- Yes, love.

- Pauline said it was pointless.

- Get in! (all cheering)

(phone ringing)

- Hello, madhouse.

Hello.

- [Announcer] So composed.

With the pressure on his shoulders,

he took on the pressure and beat Castillas.

- No, she's not, love, she's out.

- Is she with Dan?

- No, no, Dan's here watching the match.

- Do you think it might be all right if I was to bob round?

- I don't think that's such a good idea, love.

It's just that Greg's here, love.

That's all.

- Oh, yeah, thought as much.

- I mean, come over by all means, if you want to,

but you know, I just thought I should warn you.

- How is he?

- He's fine.

Oh he's fine.

I'll see you soon then, love.

- Yeah, see you soon.

- Bye.

- Hiya, love, it's only me.

Listen, do me a bleedin' favor will you and call someone?

Our Dan's about to have a thrombo here.

I mean, I don't give a shit

if you stay out shoppin' all day

but there's a game on here

and I'd like to watch it in peace.

Are you with me, kid?

Hey, we're winnin' by the way.

- So why haven't you gone with him to Morocco?

- I was with him in Marbella two weeks back.

If I went on every trip, I'd never be here.

Anyway, he takes up enough of my free time as it is!

- Ha!

Quite fancy a bit of Marbella myself.

- Have you been? - No.

- You'd like it. - You reckon?

- Love it, more like.

Some of the shops are amazing.

Lots of tanned young men.

- Ha, not that I need any of them in a hurry.

- Not that I notice, of course.

- Your cab is here, ladies.

- Oh, thanks, love.

- Right, come on, then.

- Right.

Are you sure it's not out of your way?

- No, it's fine, honestly.

- Oh, sorry.

I think I need some fresh air.

- [Announcer] Caused a massive problem.

He was man of the match 'cause he won the game for England

in that devastating first 25 minutes.

- Would anybody like another cuppa?

- No, you're all right.

- I'm good, thanks.

- [Announcer] The second goal

but on other occasions--

- Come on, Gary, we best be getting back.

- Thanks for having me.

- Anytime, mate.

- Dan?

Will you let me know when she gets back?

- Course I will.

- [Announcer] And done well so he is comfortable playing.

- I've had a really nice time.

- So have I, love.

Thanks.

- Thank you, more like.

I've had a right laugh.

I haven't had a right laugh in a while.

- We should do it again soon.

- [Kim] Yeah, we should.

Definitely.

- Oh, shit! - What?

11 missed calls.

(baby cooing)

- Hello, Mr. Iggly Piggly.

You're such a clever boy.

Aren't you?

Oh, was that a smile for your mummy?

(knocking)

(knocking)

- Go away.

I said leave us alone!

- [Shelly] Denise?

- Come in, you all right? - Yeah.

- Do you think we should phone the police?

- [Dan] Don't be stupid.

- She's not being stupid.

- I don't think he meant that kind of stupid.

- What other kind of stupid is there?

- I didn't mean any kind of stupid.

I'm sorry, Sue.

- It's all right, chick.

- Look, guys, she's only been out a couple of hours.

- Four hours, mate.

- It's still not that long.

- Yeah but said she were only gonna be an hour though,

didn't she?

- I should've got Lynn's number.

Then I could've rang her

and she could have put us through to Lisa.

- She's not 12, Sue.

- You should always have your loved ones' friends numbers.

- You can't keep tabs on people all the time.

- Barry's got all my friends' numbers.

- She went missing on the beach at Black Rock Sands once,

she was only about four.

- Don't Barry.

- 12 minutes she were gone, the worst 12 minutes of my life.

A nice lady found her

sitting round a rock pool looking for crabs.

We'd bought her a little net from a shop in Porthmadog.

- Leave it, Barry.

She's upset.

- She's probably just gone for more shopping.

- Yeah.

Or to get her nails done.

- She's not getting her nails done

and she went shopping this morning.

She's gone out for a glass of wine.

And now it's tea time.

This isn't like her.

- Call the gym.

They'll give you Lynn's number, surely?

- You're a friggin' genius, mate.

- Steady on.

Seriously, don't you think we should just leave it

another hour in case we're all just over-reacting?

- Thank God for that.

It's her.

- She's such a little sausage sometimes.

- Aren't they all, kid?

- I'll throttle her when I get hold of her.

- Leave it, Barry.

- I'm so sorry!

I had my phone on silent!

I've only just got all your messages.

Aren't you all dead sweet?

You were dead worried about me, weren't you?

- Were we bollocks!

- [Sue] I think you're a bit old for us

to be worrying about you, don't you?

- [Barry] How was Lynn, love?

Did you have a nice time with her?

That's all that counts.

- It's Kim, Dad.

Not Lynn.

And yes, I had a lovely time, thank you.

It's just nice to be home.

(upbeat music)

(engine rumbling)

- What if he answers?

* So cry yourself to sleep at night *

(laughing)

* Go find your smile

- Now that's racist. * Under the city light

* Just take my hand and we'll go far *

* We'll have the best time, wherever we are *

* So what are we gonna do

* Now that we're together

(laughing) * Together

- Hey, hey!

* You say you don't have a clue *

* But I know better

(jazzy music)