All language subtitles for Mount.Pleasant.S01E03_English

(gentle music)

(upbeat music)

(relaxed music)

- [Lisa] Huh?

Up.

Yeah.

(Dan groans)

Okay, steady.

Right, watch it.

Careful.

- We really ought to
get him something, Jim.

A little prezzie, Jim.

What did I get you when we
had your percy fiddled with?

Can you remember?

You had to stay in for
four days, didn't you, Jim?

And that surgeon.

Remember him?

Dr. Ashdale. (sighs)

- Hmm!

What about Jamaica?

- How much is that gonna cost?

- Oh, we've saved
five grand, Greg.

Come on, I wanna splash out.

- It's only a holiday.

- A second honeymoon
is not only a holiday.

- You know what I mean.

- And it's our new start.

Now you're stopping all that
nonsense with the gee-gees.

Oh, come on, shows
some enthusiasm.

Most men would give
their right arm

for a fortnight with me in
nothing but a Top Shop thong.

(relaxed music)

- Mom, it's just a
hernia, not paralysis.

He'll be fine.

I'll see you later, bye.

Guess who's panicking?

- Sue, by any chance?

Planning me funeral?

- Ah, don't say that.

- Did you put the kettle on?

- Oh, shit, sorry.

- Lisa?

Pass us the clicker, will you?

Where's the paper?

- Oh, one sec.

Anything else?

- Is that kettle boiled yet?

I'm proper parched.

(relaxed music)

- Oh, what about your tablets?

Is it sore?

- Agony.

- Wait there.

- Thanks.

- What?

- Kettle.

- Oh, sorry.

- Lisa?

I'm Starvin' Marvin.

- Aw, are you?

- Dead horse jobby.

Serious.

- What do you fancy?

- Sausage, beans, double
egg, bacon, two toast?

Have we got any mushrooms?
- Yes.

(TV chattering)

(phone tapping)

- Tidy desk, empty mind.

- Big arse, ugly face.

- Fergus, I'm good, you?

Today?

What time?

If you say so, of course.

Talk later.

Where is everyone?

- It's a full moon, Shelley.

They've Probably not had time
to shrink back to normal yet.

Enough of the lip, Talia.

Call Denise now,
see where she is.

- Only five past.

- Only?

That was Fergus
from head office.

He's in town.

He wants to come
in this afternoon.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

- Are you okay now?

- Can I go to work yet?

Any chance of another brew?

- If I must.

Anything else?

- Tiny favor.

- Go on.
- Any chance

you could nip to the shop?

Get me a vanilla
slice for later.

- You're taking the piss now.

(doorbell rings)

- Heya.
- Hello.

- Bianca mentioned Dan's
had a spot of bother.

- Did she now?

- Thought he might
like some male company.

- Very kind of you.

"Amelie".
- French.

- Bon lovely.

It's not full of
bare boobs, is it?

Or full-on knobbing?

- Not that I'm aware of, no.

- He can't be getting excited.

His stitches haven't
dissolved yet.

And I don't think so neither.

- Not for now, for later.

- Not now, not later.

Let's get him better first
and then we can go wild.

- Can we?

Promise?

Tease.

Hi.
- all right?

(relaxed music)

- The bus driver
had a heart attack.

I had to give him
mouth to mouth.

- Don't bullshit me, Denise.

- On my nana's life, Shelley.

- But your nana's dead.

- (sighs) On my
nana's grave, then.

It's a good job I did that
NVQ in health and safety.

A life could have been
lost this morning.

Needless waste or what?

- And where's Lisa?

We've got head office
in this afternoon.

The boss, Denise.

- That idiot she calls her boyf.

- Pardon?

- Hasn't she got work
she could be doing?

- Well, what's her excuse?

Oh, don't tell me,
she's broken a nail.

She's stubbed her toe.

Her vagina's fallen out.

- Shelley!

It's Dan, remember?

She picked him up first
thing this morning

from the hospital.

His hernia op yesterday.

- Yeah, forgot.

Yeah, well, she's not gonna
be much longer, is she?

I mean, it's his op, not hers.

- Yeah, but you'd stop
and look after Greg

if he were poorly, wouldn't you?

- It's a minor procedure,
it's not an illness.

Print off this week's
figures so far, will you?

Denise, coffee, please.

Plenty of it, strong, thank you.

- She's right, really.

Even me mom keeps saying men
are much weaker these days.

Fellas used to extract their
own teeth, in the trenches

in World War One, you know.

They didn't even
have paracetamol.

(phone ringing)

- Suicide helpline.

Sorry, can you just hold?

- Thanks for coming, Jack,
it's really kind of you.

- Oh, hello, Jack.

- Hiya, lads.

- Are you not going, are you?

- Afraid so, Sue.

See you soon, then.

Sorry.

- (puffing air) Eyes that
would melt stone that one,

hasn't he?

- He's not really my type, Mum.

- Oh, yeah?

He's not my type either.

But I wouldn't kick
him out of bed.

- He wouldn't look
twice at you, Sue.

- Dad, don't be tight.

- Closet woofter.

Mark my words, I can
spot them anywhere.

Where's the patient?

For you.

Hey, dude.
- All right, Bazza?

- Plea, Vladimir, if he, I
dunno, if he wants to do it.

* Sometimes I feel like throwing
my hands up in the air *

* I know I can count on you

* Sometimes I feel like saying
Lord, I just don't care *

* You've got the love I
need to see me through *

* You've got the love
- Oh baby, ow!

* You've got the love
- Come on!

* You've got the love I
need to see me through *

- Oh baby!
- Hey, hey, hey.

- Sorry.

- Haven't you got a job to do?

(doorbell ringing)
- Yeah.

Boom, chicka boom,
chicka boom, beatbox!

- He's doing your
kitchen window.

- What's wrong with
the kitchen window?

- The magpies have
been at it again.

- It's Bianca.

- Hello, Bianca.

- I am sorry, I'm
not intruding, am I?

- Are you bollocks.

- Oh, you talk like a real
man you do, doesn't he, Sue?

- What have you got there, then?

- Oh, it's for you, love.

I got it, Jim, when
he had his vasectomy.

- What is it?

- A foot spa.

- Oh, just what you've
always wanted, eh, Dan?

- We used to let the old people
use them when I was a nurse.

- [Dan] Thanks a lot.

- You were a nurse, Bianca?

Sort of, I used to work
in an old people's home

a few years back.

They had hernias coming
out of their ears.

(doorbell ringing)

- Pauline.
- Where is he?

Where's my son?

(relaxed music)

Hiya.

- Oh, hello, Pauline.

- Pauline.

- Don't get up on my account.

Son.

- All right, Mom?

- Hello, Pauline.

- Let me see ya.

You could do with a shave.

- Mmm, nice to see you too.

- What's this shite?

Does nout but rot
your teeth, that yolk.

Oh, get the poor lad a
fizzy Vimto, someone.

- Think I'd best be off.

- I'll walk you out, shall I?

- Right, son.

Drop your kecks.

- What?
- Drop your kecks, son.

Let's have a shufties
at your scar.

Like friggin' butchers,
them surgeons.

Come on.

Nowt I've not seen before.

I was wiping his arse
till he was gone seven.

- [Barry] Well, we'd
best be off and all.

- Oh, not on my account, I hope.

- No, no, no, not at all.

I promised Sue a
cappuccino and a cupcake.

- Yeah, turrah.

- (sniggers) Cappuccino
and a cupcake?

Bloody swingers.
(Barry chuckles)

Right, kecks, offski, now.

- Oh, thank God
for spell checker.

I've never understood why
there's a D in Wednesday.

I mean, who says Wednesday?

It's Wednesday, int it?

- You done something
to yourself?

- Yes, I've changed my--
- As in self-harmed?

Attempted suicide?

Might be an option.

You know, if you're
stuck for something to do

when the dark nights close in.

- You're so smart,
aren't you, Talia?

It must be amazing
being so clever.

- It's got its down sides.

Difficulty in putting up

with all the idiots in the
world being one of them.

- I'm off, Dan.

Jeepers, she's a
nightmare, int she?

No wonder your dad left her.

Sorry.

- For your information, lady,

he didn't leave me,
as you damn well know.

I divorced him on the grounds
of unreasonable behavior.

Something you must
know all about.

I'm late.

(front door clunking)

- What's happened?

Where's Lisa?

- Back to work already,
with you laid up like this.

Proper little career
woman, int she?

When are they going to
learn, these feminists?

Well, you know my
thoughts on it, son.

Learn how to make a
proper sarnie first,

then conquer the world.

What do you fancy?

Beef paste?

Dairylea.

(door clunks)

- Oh, hello, how is he?

- He's fine, thank
you very much.

- [Denise] Everything okay?

- (sighs) Do yourself
a favor, Denise.

Never get married.

People come with
too much baggage.

Mothers, for a friggin' start.

- Jobs in today.
- Ta.

- Lisa, impromptus sales meeting

courtesy of Fergus and
his ever expanding ego.

Copies of next month's
targets, please,

and a list of our
top 20 clients.

With gross billings for each.

Quick as you can.

- He's fine, thanks
very much, Shelley.

A bit weak and very sore, but
generally doing really well.

* If I can't have you

* I don't want nobody baby

* If I can't have you

* Ah, oh

- Yes, love?

- Corned beef, cock.

Shove us a bit of
piccalilli on it, will you?

On a white barm,
if you've got one.

- Barm?

You must be Lancashire.

- Salford, love.

- Oh, my dad was from
Salford, he said barm.

I say roll.

Me mom said bap.

Me grandmother said stotty.

And me French teacher
said baguette. (laughs)

- I'm not sure about
the French, are you?

They don't shave their
armpits, do they?

It's plain lazy, is that.

- So what brings you round here?

- Aw, me son's just had
an operation, hernia.

I'm looking after him.
- Really?

Friend of mine's
just had one of them.

- Small world.

He's my youngest, Dan.

- Dan?

- Yeah, bless him.

He needs feeding up.

- How come you're doing it?

Has he not got a wife?

- Lisa? (scoffs)

Well, she's his
wife in name, maybe.

But you can forget the
sickness and health bit.

She's gone back
to work, the cow.

He's practically paraplegic.

I'm off to get some mince in.

Gonna make him a shepherd's
pie, it's his favorite.

- Really?

- Yeah, man of simple
tastes, my son.

Home-made shepherd's
pie and a bottle of beer

and he'll love you forever.

- Little tip, stew your mince
the night before you eat it.

Leave overnight, then
add the potato on top.

Delicious.

- Really?

Yeah, you should try
the butchers next door.

I use him.

I made a vat of
chili this morning.

- Ooh, my favorite.

Do you fancy some?

I'll do you a cuppa.

We can sit down, have a
little natter, if you like.

(keyboard tapping)

- I need to make a
call, do you mind?

- Not at all.

Do you mind, Shelley, if
I go for an early lunch?

There's a jam doughnut calling
my name and I feel dead tight

just ignoring it like this.

(phone ringing)

- What the fuck have
you done with it, Greg?

Our money!

- What?

- Don't mess me about,
I'm not in the mood.

- Shell, I dunno what you're
talking about, honest.

- Our holiday money.

There was five grand
in that account.

- Five grand still is
in the account, babes.

No, no, it isn't,
I've just checked.

Oh, my God.

You've chucked it on
an horse, haven't you?

- [Greg] No way have I!

- (groans) What, a
dead cert, was it?

My God, Greg, I cannot believe!

- It'll be a mistake.

I've not had it, Shelley,
you've got to believe me.

- Well, I want to.

- It happened to Lloyd this.

Three grand taken from
his bank by some yardies.

Didn't it, mate?

Tell her.

- It's true, Shelley, they
cleaned me out, the bastards.

- He got it back though,
tell her, Lloydy.

- Every penny, Shelley.

- I'll call the bank as
soon as I'm home, babes

You just concentrate
on your day.

You've got enough on your
plate there have you.

- Are you sure?

- 100% positive.

- Oh, God, I'm such a cow.

- Hey, worry not,
Sir Lancelot is here

and he's gonna fix it for you.

Ciao.

(relaxed music)

- [Lisa] Oh! (sighs)

- Bad day at the office?

- That obvious?

- If you're looking for another
job, then yeah. (laughs)

- It's tempting
sometimes, trust me.

- Wanna to talk about it?

- Not really.

- Come on, over lunch, my treat.

- Don't be silly.

- I'm not being silly.

Come on, just a pizza.

- I can't.
- You can.

- Well, I shouldn't, really.

- Why not?

We're just friendly
neighbors, aren't we?

That's what friendly
neighbors do, isn't it?

And I'll be offended if you
don't, properly offended.

Come on.

- This is so naughty.

- What's naughty about it?

It feels just right to me.

- Wine at lunch?

Head Office meeting
at three o'clock?

You do the math, honey. (laughs)

What?

- I thought you meant having
lunch just you and me.

It's naughty.

- Friendly neighbors, mister.

You said it.

- Yeah, course.

It's just me buying you lunch,

trying to persuade you to
change jobs, that's all.

- Oh, I forgot about
that for a moment.

Do you really think
I should do it, Jack?

- Totally, you'd be brilliant.

You are brilliant.

- I don't know about brilliant.

- And smart and funny.

And beautiful.

Shall I go on?

- Can you just excuse
me for a second?

I'm dying for a wee.

(relaxed music)

(Lisa sighs)

- You were on fire
last night, sugar tits.

Coffee, Denise,
if you don't mind.

Shelley's office.

- Oh, three more sleeps
then I'm off for four days.

- Lovely.

- It's gonna piss it down
at the weekend, you know.

Need your brolly if you're out
on the razz Saturday night.

- I'll be staying in all
weekend, unfortunately.

- Aww, poor cow.

- Not on me own.

My hubby's had a
little operation.

- Oh, shit, sorry.

- He's fine.

He just needs some
TLC, that's all.

(upbeat music)

- You're seeing him
again, aren't you?

- No.

- Sugar tits?

Is that 'cause he's
been shagging you

since you were sweet 16?

- He loves me, Lisa.

Know what he said
to me last night?

- No, but I can guess.

- He said sometimes he
looks up to the stars

and matches each one with
a reason why he loves me.

That's romance, Lisa.

- Not when it's cloudy it's not.

- Stop it!

Stop being so mean.

Can't you see he makes me happy?

He buys me credit for me phone,

he says he's gonna
take me to Scarborough.

He even likes my bingo wings.

Well, when I have a
jumper on, anyway.

- I just don't want you
to get hurt, Denise.

And what if Shelley
finds out, eh?

I care about you, you
daft cow, that's all.

(pot sizzling)

- [Man] So how do you
suggest we keep it then?

- [Man] Well, in my
opinion you need to...

- Would you like me
to come in, Shelley?

Extra pair of hands?

- It's good of you to offer
but we've got all we need.

Thank you very much.

(computer mouse tapping)

- [Denise] Where are you going?

- To see a man about a dog.

And no, before you
ask, not a chihuahua

and not a labradoodle.

(upbeat music)

- Go on, get in.
- What now?

- [Pauline] Need a bath!

I told you.

- [Dan] Does it
need to be that hot?

Make my tea that.

I'll go to bed, yeah.

I'm fine.
(water sloshing)

- I've seen it all now.

(bath water sloshing)

- She helped me get in.

- It's a hernia, not
a hip replacement.

- It's major surgery,
I'll have you know.

Imagine if he slips.
(Lisa chuckles)

At least someone's
looking out for him.

Make sure he washes his willy,
Pauline, whatever you do.

(TV chattering)

- [Man] Run Betty, run!

(door clunks)

- Well, then, then?

Hold on.

Right, okay, well
it better had be.

And you'll call me
Monday to confirm?

Great.

Cheers, then.

Bye.

Someone's cloned the
card and took the lot.

- Oh, my God, who?

- Just some gang.

Operating all over the
north-west or something.

The swiper at the
garage on Fortune Road

where you get your
petrol, they reckon.

- Really?

- Anyway, they're well on
to it and we're covered.

- So we get it back?

- Course we do.

I'm really sorry that--

- And we get it all
back, every pound.

- It's so amazing that
you got them to sort it.

- Well, you know what these
office tarts are like.

They just need putting in their
place every once in a while.

- Hmm, don't they just.

(relaxed music)

- Mom.

- Hello, poppet.

- Why haven't you been round?

There's a big pile
of ironing here.

- Sorry, been busy.

- Busy, on a Tuesday?

Doing what exactly?

- I've come to town
to pick up Neil.

- Neil?

- I told you, I won him on eBay.

God, Lise, I've
lost your father.

- So you're replacing him

with a big picture
of Neil Diamond?

- Oh, there he is.

Oh, flump.

- [Lisa] It's not
'cause of her, is it?

- What?

- Why you've not been round.

It's not 'cause
of Pauline, is it?

- Is it heck.

- 'Cause you know
you're welcome.

- I've just been
busy, chock-a-block.

Barry!

Look I've got to go now, love.

See you soon.

- How much do you
charge, darling? (laughs)

- You're not funny, Barry.

Never have been, never will be.

- Where's this one gonna live?

- Oh, I'll find somewhere.

- [Sue] He's not
going in the bedroom.

- Hey, he's going
wherever I want him to go.

- I said, Sue, he's not
going in the bedroom.

(relaxed music)

- Would you mind, chick,

if he goes in the utility
room next to Elvis?

- All right, love.

He can go in the utility
room next to Elvis.

(Pauline sighs)

- Feeling better?

- Well, the dark cloud
has lifted, yeah,

but me brain still feels
like it's been steamrollered.

- Aww, Mom, sit down.

(salt grinder grinding)

- Whoa.

Whoa, steady on.

That much salt after a migraine?

What you trying to do, kill me?

- Don't be silly, Pauline.

- Where's me fags?

- What?

- I don't need a lesson in
seasoning, Dan, not from anyone.

- She's only trying to help.

- She was the one who
was supposed to be

cooking in the first place.

- She can't help it if
she's had an headache.

- Like I didn't know she'd
worm her way out of it.

- You're reading
too much into it.

- Any more of her nit-picking,

I swear, I'll just leave.

- It's not nit-picking,
it's just her way.

- Thanks, Dan.

Thanks a lot.

- [Dan] What?

- I might have known
you'd take her side.

(door clunking)

- Hey, I've just been
thinking, cocker.

You could borrow
one of my cookbooks.

I've got that Delia
one from the '70s.

(gasps) Teach a halfwit
to slice bread, she could.

(Fergus groaning)
(Denise moaning)

(Fergus puffs air)

(Fergus laughs)

(Fergus sighs)
(both panting)

- Oh please, I'm starving.

You can choose.

I'll do Chinese,
if you prefer it.

Or that Japanese place
you keep telling me about.

They will cook the sushi,
though, won't they,

if I tell them about my phobia?

Oh, just an hour.

- I told you, I can't
do tonight, sugar tits.

- Do you have to call me that?

- You love it.

- Used to, Fergus.

I just think maybe it's time
you called me something else.

Something a bit more.

Oh, I don't know.

Something that makes me sound
less like your shag piece.

- But you are my shag piece.

- Fergus.

- I'm just winding you up.

Come here.

Tomorrow night, then, dinner.

Just you and me.

Candles and wine and fellatio.

Here.

Get yourself some new lingerie.

Anything you like.

Make it lace and black.

You know the score, gorgeous.

Oh, don't forget to lock up.

This place gets turned over,

you will be out of a
job. (clicking tongue)

(Denise sighs)

- What's up with you?

- I'm not that hungry,
I've had a big lunch.

- [Dan] How come?

- I just did, you know.

- [Dan] Did you
go out somewhere?

Yeah.

- You never said.
- Didn't I?

- No, where did you go?

- Nowhere special.

- Where?
- Just a cafe.

- Kate's?

- Bloody hell,
Dan, what is this?

The Spanish Inquisition?

- No, it's just a conversation.

You usually tell me
about your lunch.

What did you have?

- Are we really that boring
that all we've got to talk about

is what we had for lunch?

Whatever next?

Who won "Countdown"?

Whether we've had a poo today?

- Kate's Cafe on
the high street?

- Correct.

- I went in there today.

We made friends, you know.

Had a right good chinwag.

What time did you go in?

- Lunch time-ish.

- She's smashing
that one, int she?

Yeah, she's all right.

A bit dull, you know?

Twee.

Plain.

- She's not that bad.

- Who asked you?

- Me, as a matter of fact.

- She's harmless is
Kate, that's all.

- Precisely, dull.

Not exactly what you've want
written on your headstone,

is it?

"Here lies Kate, sadly missed,
greatly loved, harmless."

- You shouldn't speak
ill of the dead, Lisa.

- She's not dead.

- Well, not now she int,
but she will be one day.

I happen to like her.

And she's a great cook.

- Is she now?

- Did you hear about her hubby?

Did you hear about it, Dan?

Snuffed it, poor bastard.

- Yeah, I know.

- (gasps) Shocking.

She's been through
the mill, han't she?

One hell of a woman, that
one, Dan, let me tell you.

- And why is that, Pauline?

'Cause she's a widow
and a good cook?

Don't you think women
have a little bit more

to offer than that?

- Oh here we, I was
wondering when Germaine Greer

was gonna come into it.

Shall I tell you
something about her, Lisa?

Something that
might make you stop

and think for a
minute, just for once?

- Go on then,
Pauline, enlighten me.

- Being a lesbian int
biological, it's a choice.

And a bloody shellfish
one at that, okay?

- I'm going for a bath.

- Oh, I think I've insulted
her, son, suggesting Delia.

She probably prefers
Gino D'Acampo, don't she?

I can't stand them Italians.

They talk too fast
and they eat raw meat.

Animals!

Mind you, I'd make an exception

for that Russell Crowe. (sighs)

(upbeat music)

(Dan snoring)

There you go, son.

- Pauline, where's mine?

- Oh.

My son is ill.

You can make own, let's face it.

- Let's face it?

Did you hear that?

- Give it a rest, you
two, I've just woken up.

- Did he hear what?

- Pauline, this is my
house and he is my husband.

And if you are a guest here,

you will treat me
with some respect

and next time make me a
friggin' brew, all right?

- Oh, wind your neck in,
Lisa, me crumpets'll burn!

(door slams)

- Nice one, Lisa.

- Did you see that?

- See what?

You losing your fucking mind

over my bleeding
mother, as per usual.

- Excuse me?

- Don't you think,
just for once,

you could try and
make an effort.

Eh, put up with her.

She's only tryna
do what's right.

She's not murdered
anyone, has she?

You can't just for one minute

back down and let her do her
bit, can you, you potty cow?

- Why can't you
stick up for me, Dan?

Can't you see what she's doing,
the interfering old trout?

- She is my mother.

- And I am your wife.

- I'll be the one
that slags her off.

I'll be the one that tells
her if she's out of order.

And it's a bit rich of
you to start moaning

about interfering old trouts
with a mother like yours.

- Meaning?

- Got a key to get
in, has she, my mom?

Decides when to
chuck out me socks

'cause they've got
imaginary holes in 'em,

does she, my mom?

Drags me to fucking
Cleethorpes every year

for a wet weekend in a bastard
caravan, does she, my mom?

Does she?

Does she, Lisa?

Does she bollocks!

- I thought you
liked Cleethorpes.

- Oh, do me a favor, will you?

Who in their right
mind likes Cleethorpes?

- Well, maybe we should
just call it a day.

- What?
- This, us.

Maybe we should just finish.

- What do you mean finish?

- Separate.

Divorce.

- Oh, stop being so dramatic.

- I'm not being
dramatic. (sobbing)

- Stop blubbering,
you mentalist, and
pass me me T-shirt.

- You think, after all this?

Get it yourself,
you fucking cripple.

(Dan yelping)

(Dan moaning)

- Oh, my God.

Oh, Dan.

Pauline!

Pauline!

Call an ambulance.

Why did I do it?

Why didn't I just shut up
and leave him alone for once?

- Don't torture yourself, love.

- Pecking his head like that.

Like he needs that
after an operation.

- He knows you didn't mean it.

- I do love him, you know.

Nobody knows how much. (sobbing)

- Yes, they do, poppet.

- It's funny but there's nowt
like a hospital corridor,

it makes you realize how
much you love someone.

Your mother were the same
when they had to drain her--

- Button it, Barry.

- He's a good lad is my Dan.

- The best, love.

- But what if he'd died?

- Oh, but hasn't, treasure.

- Who'd dance for me, Dad?

When I'm drunk.

- I would, kid.

- I said button it, Barry.

That's the last
thing anybody needs

is you prancing around
like a pissed pigeon.

- Dan! (sobbing)

- What's up, you soft git?

- Nothing.

- We've dressed the wound.

might seep for few more days,

but he just needs
rest, that's all.

- Shall we just go home?

Big brew, vanilla slice?

- Rock 'n' roll.

- Thank you.

You're angels, you lot.

(upbeat music)

Wow, super chic.

- (giggles) Watched this
program the other night.

How to look good for
your significant other.

- Go on.

- First base, take
time over your hair.

If you've got a
heart-shaped face,

get it all back in a bun.

It shows strength
and intelligence.

- Blimey, all this for Fergus.

- He's taking me out.

Proper this time, for tea.

White linen tablecloths,
bottle of wine.

We're having starters
and everything.

- Where is it
leading to, Denise?

- Who knows where
anything leads to?

- Filed for divorce
then, has he?

- Not yet, but he will do

when he sees the
knickers I've got on.

- Lisa.

I've just had a call from
the job you applied for.

- Oh, right.

- You don't really
want leave, do you?

- Do you know how
you made me feel?

- When?
- Yesterday.

- What about yesterday?

- Let's get Lisa to do
everything, shall we?

And let's not even say please.

- I always say please.

- And let's not
even acknowledge it

when she just goes
ahead and does it.

A little gesture, that's
all, would have been nice.

- I didn't even realize.

- And I even don't care

if you give me a bad
reference, seriously.

After the week I'd had!

- Why am I gonna give
you a bad reference?

- I don't know?

Just cos you could.

- But, Lisa, you're brilliant!

You're best that we've got here.

Half of them out there,

they don't know shit
from toothpaste.

The whole place would
come to a standstill

if I didn't have you.

- You really think that?

- I really think that.

Look, I'm sorry that
I didn't ask you in.

I'm sorry that I
take you for granted.

I had a bad day.

I know it's no
excuse or anything,

but I'm a bit worried
about Greg at the moment.

- Why, what's the matter?

- We lost a load of money.

I thought it was him,
you know, the horses.

- Shit, no way.

He's not--
- Oh, no, no.

It was the bank.

Card's been copied.

They're sorting it.

- No, I didn't
realize, I'm sorry.

- I shouldn't have
been so short with you.

It was out of line.

You don't really
want leave, do you?

- All right, It was a bit
of a dig at you, I admit it.

But I was tempted.

- Lisa, don't leave.

You're due a promotion.

- Really?

- Definitely.

More responsibility.

- I'd love that.

- And more money.

- That's brilliant.

- It's yours, if you want it.

- Well, I need a couple of days

to recover from all this upset.

- Please say you want it.

We need you here.

I need you here.

We're best mates, aren't we?

- How long have I got
to think about it?

- Take the rest of the day off.

Go home, put your feet up.

Eat a bag of Doritos,
watch a chick flick.

Go on, you know the drill.

- Yes, boss.

I sure do.

What you doing?

- Going for a piss.

- Oh no, you don't.

Where is she?

Hey, you should be helping
him, he needs a wee.

I hope you didn't leave
a dimp on my patio.

- Hello to you too.

You've changed your
tune, haven't you?

What's that, sweet smell
of a guilty conscience?

- [Dan] Zip it, Mom.

- Pardon me, this is your
mother you're talking to.

- Just leave her alone.

I've had enough.

I think you should go.

Lisa can sort me out.

She spends her whole life
sorting me out and you know it.

Pack your bags, Mom.

We just need some peace.

(relaxed music)

Cheers, mom.

No hard feelings either.

Course not, son, you're
in good enough hands.

- Thanks, Pauline.

- Just for the record,
love, you were quite right.

He did leave me.

Broke my bloody
heart, if I'm honest.

Did the one thing I know
you'll never do to my son.

- Aw, Pauline.

- Oh, Boxing Day at mine
this year, if you fancy it.

Karaoke, Aftershocks
and a finger buffet.

- Sounds smashing.

- Don't decide now, but you
know you're both very welcome.

Turrah.

- Turrah, Mom.

(upbeat music)

* I love you so
much that it hurts *

- Hiya.
- All right, love.

* Well we were lonesome

* But baby there's no
lonesome left in late *

* And I think lately you got
the devil's arm around me girl *

- [Man] Alright,
darling? (laughs)

* You wonder where we started

* This isn't where we started
(doorbell ringing)

* I call it overtime when
I'm hanging on the middle *

* And it's overtime
when I can't see you *

- It's Kate.

What does she want?

- No more visitors.

(Lisa screeches)

(Dan chuckling)

- [Lisa] Come here.

What's funny?

* And it's stuck
up in the middle *

* And it's stuck
up in the middle *

(upbeat music)