Original subtitles

Subtitles: JoyousGard Corvus edit

CARNIVAL NIGHT

Well now, let's try it!

It's wonderful! That's the way our guests will slide down on New Year Carnival.

- Thanks. Good morning, aunty Dusya. - I visited rehearsal, you were wonderful!

Thank you!

- Are these dresses from the theatre? - Yes, they've just been brought over here

Hello, girls! Remember, that the ballet rehearsal is at 1 p. m.

Hello, Grisha!

- How did you guess it's me? - Intuition.

Then hello. Lena, I've wanted to tell you that ...

- What? - Haven't congratulated you vet.

On a natural calamity. On a new chief.

Vladimir Vasilievich went on a business trip, and is replaced by comrade Ogurtsov.

- It's impossible! - But it is.

Lena, I've wanted to ask for a long time. Can we to talk seriously now?

- Grisha, I have a meeting now. - It's objective reason.

- Lena... - Grisha! - Lena... - Grisha!

Well, it's all right, I've found a true helper.

- Really? - Modern, technical equipment.

- 1 don't understand, Grisha. - You will understand when you hear it.

- Hello! - Hello, Lena!

- Have you brought sketches? - Sure, here they are.

Comrades, come in.

Come in, come in, comrades, come in. Take your seats, please!

Do you know comrade Telegin? He is a progressive-minded person, isn't he?

Member of a Trade Union Central Committee, deputy of the city Soviet...

and he will look like this at our New Year's celebration?

Why should our Soviet people hide their faces?

Why, comrades?

It's untypical.

But that's not the point, let's progress to the essence of the question.

Comrades! We've got the direction, to celebrate New Year's Eve merrily!

It commits us, so to speak, and at the same time it requires from us...

We must conduct this celebration so that nobody could say anything.

In order to make this celebration,

we must apply fantasy.

In accordance with our estimate.

On the highest level, comrades!

And this should be done seriously above all!

Well, comrade Krylova?

It's no joke to prepare a good celebration...

Don't worry, comrade Krylova, I don't like to joke and neither will anyone else.

Are you taking this down, Tosya?

Yes, Serafim Ivanovich, I'm taking down everything.

I've personally thought this over

and consider that our celebration should start in such a way:

On the stage - Tosya, take it down: in accordance with Russian fairy-tales

there is a little tower log-hut.

- Three cubic metres of timber... - Wait, Fyodor Petrovich.

The clock is striking what it should

and out of the tower log-hut comes... Who?

A bear!

No!

Father Frost!

- Snow Maiden? - No!

Comes out... the Lecturer

Lecturer?!

Yes!

And rather briefly, 40 minutes should be enough,

he will deliver his lecture.

What do you think, comrade Romashkina?

Well, it's both serious and at the same time it mobilizes the spectator somehow.

Exactly!

Well, but we are hard pressed for the estimate. - What is it?

Comrade Krylova planned: one Father Frost, thirty snowflakes,

then Baba-Yaga and some Pussies in Boots.

So I have Pussies in the estimate, but I'm short of money for the boots.

- So what do you suggest? - To cut down.

- What? - Pussies.

- Right! Cut down Pussies to the minimum. - And what about Baba-Yaga?

I don't have money for Baba-Yaga.

We won't take Baba-Yaga from elsewhere, we'll bring her from our own collective.

We'll try.

You've invented such interesting things, Serafim Ivanovich!

Yes, the working of your grey brain cells was not in vain.

My brain cells are not as grey as you think, comrade Ussikov.

So, comrades, that's all for now.

It's comrade Telegin.

Hello, comrade Telegin!

To the New Year's celebration?

Oh, you'll be with your wife! Of course, please, please come!

Comrades, Serafim Ivanovich will personally check the concert turns in an hour.

# Once in springtime, full of joy when a boy met a girl

Such a really, good boy as you've seen

He followed on her heels Nothing else could he see

But he couldn't tell her how he feels

And it really is a fact, that the words, they won't hatch...

No, I just can't find the words

And it really is a fact that his words, they won't hatch...

No, he just can't find the words

If you don't mind, excuse me but I'll give you some advice:

You don't get it There's no use to be sad

Gazing at her so gently It means you don't need to speak

Just three words will be more than enough.

- And it really... - is a fact, - that my words... - they won't hatch...

No, you just can't find the words

Gazing at her so gently It means you don't need to speak

Just three words will be more than enough

I love you!

- Well, it's a great turn, isn't it, aunty Dusya? - I like their singing!

- Just great, I can tell! - That's it!

Lena, come here.

A stranger came up to me today, asking: "Aunty Dusya, do you know me"?

I answered "yes". He said "So can I rely on you?"

"Please, give this envelope to Lena Krylova"

And didn't this well-known stranger say anything else? - No.

He sighed and went away.

- Kostya, can I listen to this recording on your equipment? - Sure you can.

My dear Lena! This time you will hear me out to the end.

The problem is this:

you're looking at this recording now and 1 see you all the time, your face, your eyes.

Understand, Lena, there is a moment in the life of every human being

when it is absolutely necessary to explain himself to another person.

Kostya! How do you turn this down?

It's stupid that I need a technical device, but it's easier for me.

Lena, you can interrupt me at any second

and I'll stumble and fall silent, but the recording won't.

Of course you can break it, but I hope you won't do that.

Lena, I'm going to tell you what I wanted to tell you for a long time...

I can't be silent anymore! Lena, I love you!

Yes, Yes, I love you!

I love, love you and I'm not afraid to tell this!

It's Shakespeare. Only I don't remember exactly which of his plays.

...I thought it over for a long time before I went and recorded all these words.

You can think it funny, that it's a joke,

but you have to know, Lena, that there is some truth in every joke.

- Well, it's well done, it's funny, my congratulations! - Why switch it off?

I can switch it on again, but you must realise, everyone knows.

The loudspeaker was on.

Oh, Grisha, it was an accident, my word of honor!

It's funny, very funny to broadcast somebody's feelings...

Will you answer by loudspeaker too?

And what should I answer?

You're silent again...

- You are so shy, so hesitant... - What?

You are shy, hesitant.

Am I wrong, Grisha?

Well, Lena... you see... when I for you... you remember... that's it.

- Is that all? - That's all.

It was a brilliant speech!

Yes.

Why was the broadcasting of Shakespeare's play stopped?

For technical reason.

Oh yes?

Tosya, we'll check the units.

Listen, Tosya, we have to send for a brigade of floor-polishers,

around five persons. - Of course, Serafim Ivanovich, we'll do that!

- The halls are well decorated, aren't they? - It's all right, but the piers are empty.

Too bad that we didn't accept paintings by transferring, "Bears at rest”.

Oh, but that's too...

wonderful, Serafim Ivanovich. - Really?

All right...

- Do you realize what you are doing? - I don't understand.

That's right, you don't understand.

Have you come to the beach? What's that? Tell me what's that?

- It's legs... - 1 know it's legs.

What's your job, generally speaking?

Generally speaking, economist.

Really? And how many economists having such an appearance did you see?

We have to educate our spectators.

We can't educate them with naked legs.

In short: dress must be replaced, legs must be isolated.

Now to the dance itself, what is it about?

About youth, about love, Serafim Ivanovich.

I understand, I'm married too.

You mean that if our young man falls in love with our young girl

he would play such tricks?

Serafim Ivanovich, it's an acrobatic waltz,

- Please understand that nature of the dance... Comrade Krylova!

We spend so much money educating our specialists

to not throw our economists this way.

But the dance goes this way...

Let it go another way. We go on, comrades.

"CHOIR GROUP"

# Three wise men They went to sea

Went to sea in a bowl

If the bowl had been stronger

My tale would have been longer.

If the bowl had been stronger

My tale would have been longer

Well, it's not bad, not bad, but I think this choir must be enlarged, so to speak.

- We've got a lot of amateur talent. - But it is quartet, Serafim Ivanovich.

And what if it's a quartet? Add more people and it will be a big, mass quartet.

What's in here?

- The rehearsal of our orchestra. - Wonderful.

Stop, stop! We didn't start together, the trumpets were late.

Sasha, how many times should I repeat that

we start from "E flat", not from "E", is that clear?

Once again.

Well, comrades, you are a big collective,

people are qualified, you've done a great work,

so there's no doubts that it won't do.

What do you mean?

That music of yours, does it give anything? It doesn't. Though it must!

- 1 don't understand. - Music must...

so to speak... take you.

It must, so to speak... lead you.

But at the same time it mustn't mislead.

And what are you doing? A and B play the trumpet!

Your repertoire should be serious.

But only two days are left!

- The concert program is ready! - We rehearsed so much!

- We can't do it this way! - No!

What's that?

This orchestra will not perform.

- Why not? - They are unreliable, like children.

Select other staff.

I heard The House of Theater Veterans has an amateur orchestra.

They are serious people...

Pensioners.

And are closely related to the art, by the way.

So contact them urgently and speak about cultural exchange.

Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.

- But comrade Ogurtsov! - That's all, working day's over,

it's time to go to bed, so to speak!

I've reread Turgenev's "Vernal Floods" on your advice.

A marvelous thing.

It really is! I was so much impressed by it.

Love. Power of feeling. Poetry...

There is such a turmoil with this New Year's Carnival!

And I, the sinner that I am, prefer peace and quiet.

There's that in your accounts department.

Not really, beset by young people.

There's such a crowd all day: sign it, transfer it, pay it, and everything's urgent.

And I'm an easy-tempered person.

I'm a widower.

Please understand me rightly, Adelaida Kuzminichna,

my soul's in peace in your company.

You're such an earnest person.

I'm of such an age already, Fyodor Petrovich, that I have to be earnest.

It's a long time since I was 25.

And I'm not 38, frankly speaking.

Please play something for me and I will go home.

Well, what should I play for you?

# There's such a bright moon shining down

The light it bathes us with, so gentle

And I stand

Completely alone

With all my gentle dreams

and each hope

Are you singing? Having a cultural rest, so to speak?

Well, this is not bad, comrades.

Do you hear, Serafim Ivanovich, what a pleasant voice has Adelaida Kuzminichna?

Of course, of course.

It would not be bad, Adelaida Kuzminichna, if you would display

your brilliant art at our Celebration.

Me? What's that, and what should [ sing?

- Sing this very song. - What a wonderful idea!

By the way, Fyodor Petrovich, it would be advisable for you

to show yourself on stage. Read a poem or something.

In fact, the last time I was on stage was not so long ago.

I read one of Krylov's fables at my school party 40 years ago.

Well, a fable is good!

A fable is satire, and we need Gogols and Schedrins.

So you will read a fable.

And you, Adelaida Kuzminichna, will sing your song.

What is it about?

"And I stand completely alone"?

"With all my gentle dreams and each hope"

It's good, very good, but I would like you to reformulate the end of the song.

I don't understand.

Well, you see... "And I stand completely alone?

...with my sound collective body"!

This would be... typical!

No, we can't bear it anymore! The stars are not suitable in his opinion, the moon smiles.

- The curtain's wrong. - The Orchestra doesn't fit.

- Tower Log-hut is all he likes! - And you suggest?

- Let him do it all himself, let him draw, play! - Let him dance? - Let him sing!

Joking apart, we must do something.

- We should all go to Telegin. - No, that won't do!

- Why? - Well, are we kids to complain?

- We must find our own way out. - But what kind of the way out?!

We'll agree with him completely, say everything's wonderful,

- but do everything our way. - Right.

And when Telegin comes to the Carnival he'll see everything.

Wait, but what about our orchestra?

- You're right, we've got to think something up. -Good afternoon!

Good afternoon! Excuse me for disturbing you.

I'm from the House of Theater Veterans.

Comrade Ogurtsov phoned us about the orchestra.

You can talk with Ogurtsov, second door to the left.

With Ogurtsov, thank you!

And I was afraid that I'd have to talk to... what's her name... Frolova?

- Krylova, maybe? - Exactly. - And why not talk to her?

I heard she's a dried-up and indifferent person.

Who told you that? Ogurtsov?

Can you tell me? Krylova is my surname.

Oh, I feel so awkward, please forgive me.

Wait, mister, can you answer me who told you that?

Not while strangers are listening.

- You're welcome, I can go out to smoke. - Excuse me!

Comrade Krylova, I'm grandfather of Grisha Koltsov.

Did he tell you that?

Of course not! My grandson loves you. Doesn't sleep at night, thinking of you.

He's a kind chap, if he fell in love, he would love you for life. So why torture my boy?

Oh, mister... What's that?

- I must talk to comrade Ogurtsov... - Wait!

Must dash!

What's happened to you, mister?!

- Did an old man run in here? - He dashed in here like a madman!

- Where? - Here, then there. - Grisha!

- Have you seen your grandfather? - Grandfather?

- Yes, really. - And what about him?

- Sergei, look at these boots... - I'm looking.

- The same? - The same!

I think he and his grandfather share just one pair of boots.

- No, just the same size. - Oh, beards are the same too!

It's all the same.

And what should I tell my grandson?

Personal talk shouldn't take place, this year at least.

- Maybe next year? - Yes?

If he doesn't help us arrange our celebration properly.

I won't talk to him at all.

All right. I'll tell him.

Listen, Sergei, this old man suggested one very interesting idea to me.

Well, now we'll listen to the clowns. Go ahead, comrades.

Hello, Top!

Hello, Tip!

- Top, where are you, Top? - I'm here!

- Oh, hello! - Hello!

- But tell me, Top, why are you crying? - Listen Tip, I'm going to get married.

Congratulations! Congratulations!

- I wish you and your bride... - Shh, hush, hush, hush!

- Please don't tell her anything! - But why?!

- Because she doesn't know about it yet! - But how? Why?

Because I'm going to marry absolutely another woman!

Stop, comrades, just a minute.

That won't do. What's wrong with you:

You're going to marry and you cry. It's untypical.

And what water is pouring out of your handkerchief?

- These are his tears. - It's the result of emotions.

Comrades, how long do you have to cry to pour water out a handkerchief!

And one more thing... don't kiss him. It produces a very bad impression.

- But, comrade director, you don't seem to understand... - I understand!

You say your bride doesn't know you'll marry another woman.

That's too bad. She must be in the know, you must inform her.

Do you think so?

- But that's the point, the humor... - The story's salt.

What salt? And one thing more: what strange names you use?

- Usual clown names: Tip, Top. - Yes, it's tradition.

- Comrades, you are grown-ups! Do you have surnames? - Yes.

That's it! Start with your surnames; tears should be removed,

and show more cheerfulness. Come on!

- Comrade director, you know... - Kolya, don't.

- Hello, Sidorov! - Hello, Nikolayev!

- Tell me, Sidorov, why so jolly today? - Because I'm going to get married!

Congratulations to you and your bride!

I'll break the good news to her that I'm going to marry another woman!

Marussia!

Just a minute, just a minute, comrades.

That's nonsense!

If he has a bride, why marry another woman?

- That's the main element of our satire! - The whole point. - What point?

That he, being a flippant person, betrayed his bride.

- Who, Sidorov? - Yes.

So he's morally decayed? So why congratulate him?

- But can't you understand... - Kolya, don't.

If someone is morally decayed you should tell this straight forwardly,

without laughing.

Besides you look somewhat silly.

So, comrades, go onto the stage and raise a question straight,

seriously, as solid people do.

As it is. Well, come on, comrades, I'm short of time.

Kolya, Kolya, don't.

Elena Ivanovna, can you help me?

I must read a fable at the celebration but don't know which one to chose.

- What fable? - Serafim Ivanovich asked me to perform.

- Oh, Serafim Ivanovich? - Yes.

- I'll chose a fable for you! - I'd be very grateful to you!

- I'll call on you, all right? - All right!

Comrades!

Amidst us, unfortunately, there takes place

- a light-minded attitude... - To marriage and family life.

- And we say with all sharpness... - And straightforwardly

we announce that it's absolutely intolerable!

That's it! Now you're talking sense! Wonderful, comrades.

- Comrade Krylova, what else are we to see? - That's all, Serafim Ivanovich.

Why haven't I seen our new orchestra yet?

- It's rehearsing right now. - Where?

- On the fourth floor. - Really?

I'll go and personally check it out.

Well, there will be momentum musicale and that will be the end.

How can you say this so calmly?!

- Well, Lena, so what?... - Can't you do anything?!

What can I do?

If you do nothing right now, I don't know what I'll do!

- And if I do, will you know? - Go, go!

- No, tell me first. - Then I'll kiss you.

- Really? - Really! Go!

Hello! Hello! Is anybody there?

- Will anybody come here or not? - Why, what's happened?

- I'm at your service, ! - Send for the mechanic urgently!

He's gone downtown for some lamps, he'll be back in about 3 hours.

When he returns he'll get a good rap over the knuckles!

What are you waiting for? Call someone!

- Well? - He's stranded!

Ogurtsov's stranded between the 2nd and the 3rd floor,

the elevator's kaput!

Well done! But we'll get it?

1 don't know about us, but I hope that I will!

- What? - You've promised!

Close your eyes. Don't spy!

I won't, word of honour!

Close your eyes.

Well, kiss me...

We're rehearsing.

A man of talent!

- Hello, comrade director! - Hello.

- Happy New Year, Serafim Ivanovich! - Best regards.

Hey, will anybody come up here at last?!

How are you, Serafim Ivanovich? I've brought you some food.

I thought of a cheese sandwich but it won't go through.

So I took some sausages. The garnish was cabbage, but I asked for macaroni.

Will you taste a sausage?

What sausage?! How long am I to sit here?!

Where are you going, Serafim Ivanovich?

"HAPPY NEW YEAR"

Take a mask, take a mask, they're the best masks of our carnival! Good evening!

Balloons, balloons, wonderful balloons, don't snatch them all!

- So you've set the ice-slide all the same? - But you see how people enjoy it!

A solid person won't slide like that. A solid person is displeased.

Why am I displeased? I like this piece of fun!

- Comrade Telegin! - Hello!

Happy New Year! And your wife, will she also... slide?

Of course! Lisa, pluck up your courage! So how you slid?

Wonderful, everything's so perfectly done!

We do our best! We see our service is done on a high cultural level!

What's this, are you crazy? It's simply a disgrace!

Attention, friends and comrades here! Our celebration will bring good cheer!

Believe me, you won't make an error if tonight you're late to bed!

Long live cheery smiles, Let your mood be laughter led!

Lads, everything's fine, if only the lecturer doesn't come!

- Well, is the microphone switched off? - It is.

There'll be some changes to the program. The lecturer won't come.

He went out to celebrate New Year's Eve.

But it's all right, we will manage without him.

Hurray! That's right, Serafim Ivanovich! It's a wise decision!

I will deliver a lecture myself.

What?

A second problem is no announcer either, he doesn't fit our estimate.

Choose someone who will conduct the celebration.

Am ll in the right place or not?

Yes, yes, it's the right place! Hi!

Comrades, it's Comrade Nikodilov, the lecturer.

The theme of Comrade Nikodilov's lecture will be...

Is there life on Mars.

That's right. Comrade Nikodilov, just a minute.

So you will come out and shortly, for about 40 minutes, will deliver

your lecture to the audience.

- We're done for! - I'll take care of the lecturer.

- And the announcer? - Grisha will be the announcer.

- Me?! No, I can't. - Why?

I will come... and go away at once.

All right, how will we cope with the lecturer?

Comrades, let's begin.

So remember: I'm the first, then you go. Let's go!

Grisha, don't be nervous!

Comrade lecturer!

Here you are, professor!

Please, visit our buffet, make acquaintance with the way it's decorated.

- It's lovely, very lovely. - Shall we drink something refreshing?

In view of New Year's Eve we could take a wineglass?

But my dear friend? I must deliver a lecture!

- It will put you in high spirits. - No, I can't, I've got a lecture.

To your lecture! And astronomy in general!

- Of course we can't help drinking to that... - Of course! Cheers!

Katya, the same once again.

We haven't got to know each other yet: I'm Ussikov, a painter.

Nice to meet you, very nice, I'm Nikodilov, the lecturer.

- One more for our acquaintance. - No, friend, I've got my lecture.

Excuse me, I'm very fond of astronomy,

can you tell me what cosmos is?

Cosmos is...

- My dear friend, I've got a lecture... - Cheers!

Pardon me, pardon me.

Oh, that's a trick! Comrades, watch this mask!

This is the exact copy of Ogurtsov!

What trick, what copy? I am Ogurtsov.

A wonderful actor, he even imitates Ogurtsov's voice!

I don't imitate anything, I act for the chief.

I know you, mask!

A nose just like Ogurtsov's, so true to life, look, comrades!

Enough, comrades, let me get to the stage, I must deliver a report.

Report?! Even Ogurtsov couldn't make up such a thing!

Stop it, comrades, stop it! I won't let you do this!

Stop this at once! I officially demand it, stop!

- What about Ogurtsov? - Grisha went on to reconnoitre.

Do you hear what's going on there?

Don't worry, you can start. Ogurtsov's flying in the foyer.

Our lads are lifting him up.

- Won't he tear himself from them? - What? 10 minutes guaranteed.

- In time? - In time.

- I'm going to change. - Be quick. Lads, to your places!

# The song I sing will last just five minutes

And as I sing you must join in too

Let it fly everywhere I wish this song to share

Here's what you can do in five minutes

Five minutes, five minutes

The clock will soon be striking!

Five minutes, five minutes

Reconcile all you who've quarreled

Five minutes, five minutes!

If you think that this is over, then you should understand

that you can do so much in

Five minutes!

The clock will soon be striking! Reconcile all you who've quarreled

The fingers now they point at five to twelve

The New Year will very soon be here

The second hand is rushing Celebrations will be gushing

In five minutes Just you wait and see

The New Year is at our door And it won't wait one moment

Five minutes, five minutes will fly away so quickly!

My dear friend, hurry up, Don't you waste your time

Say what you want to say Don't put it off a whole year

My dear friend, hurry up Say what you want to say

And don't put it off a whole year

Five minutes is enough and it's a fact To decide to never marry just like that

But it can happen in one minute That an is becomes an isn't

And everything changes, front to back

New Year's now almost here!

I'd like to wish you happiness!

And the boy sitting here In his job he'll be a master!

Five minutes - Five minutes - Also means "very soon"

This boy's is on his way Just you see, tomorrow

Five minutes mean "very soon"

This boy's is on his way Just you see, tomorrow

Let everyone sing this song about

All the things that you can do in five minutes

But while this song I'm singing The hour will be ringing!

It's New Year! Now clock strike twelve!

New Year's here, here at last! Happy New Year and New Fortune!

But time rushes on

The Old Year now is powerless

Faces break into a smile Let everybody sing

We'll be jolly with the force of the joy this year will bring

New Year's here, here at last! Happy New Year and New Fortune!

Happy New Year and New Fortune!

It's all over! Ogurtsov has broken out the encirclement, he'll be here any second!

Only a miracle can save us now. Comrade conjurer! Can you help us?

He'll deliver a report on the New Year's Eve!

- And this report is in his pocket. - Please do something!

That's him!

My dear comrade Ogurtsov!

Let me greet you on behalf of the eccentric genre workers.

- Hello, hello. - Happy New Year!

- What? - Happy good fortune!

- Happy new fortune! - What's that?! Are you crazy?

He's a madman!

Well, so what?

Sleight of hand and there's no longer any report.

Everybody's crazy!

Curtains!

Comrades, first of all let me congratulate you on the coming New Year,

I'd like to wish you all the best, so to speak.

And let me demonstrate some statistics

of our Palace of Culture.

I have prepared some theses and...

What's that? What is that?

- Good heavens, he's a true actor, could you imagine! - Talent!

Take into account, comrades, take into account...

The breakdown of the report!

You were a great success! Comrade Telegin applauded to you so much!

Applauded? Have you seen it with your own eyes?

- Everybody's seen it. - I saw it too.

We do our best! We try for high spirits! But now something serious.

Where's the lecturer? Is the lecturer ready?

- He's ready, he has been ready for a long time. - Let him go on.

People! Halloo!

Comrades!

Comrades!

Everyone is eager to know if there is any life on Mars.

Please watch the sky.

Looking from below the stars are tiny, very tiny,

but if we take a telescope and watch

the stars with an armed eye

we begin to see two stars, three stars, four stars...

The best variant is five stars, of course.

Is there life on Mars, or not any life on Mars?

Our science has no idea of that, our science is not in the know yet.

What's that?! What is that, I'm asking you?

In our little garden, in our little garden

a little rose was in bloom...

Farewell, comrades, I'm going to the stage.

- Grisha, don't be nervous! - I'm not nervous at all.

Drink it.

If you want to know, I'm absolutely calm

I see.

Lena, I'm going.

- Ah?

- Oh yes, Lena... - Yes, Grisha?

Well, yeah...

Good evening, comrades!

Hello!

We've heard that already.

You're laughing for nothing.

It's my stage debut and you could encourage me:

"Come on, comrade Koltsov, act!" But you laugh instead.

Come on, Koltsov, act! Don't lose your presence of mind!

You all know how hard it is to do something for the first time.

To sing a song for the first time. Fly to the North Pole for the first time.

And it's incredibly hard to say "1 love you"” for the first time!

And to hear the answer "I don't love you".

There are victims in the audience, right? Well, it's all right,

But don't lose your nerve or presence of mind. But more of that later.

And now let me introduce a musical collective of pensioners.

Ensemble of singing and pension!

Sorry, of singing and dancing!

They will play a little known cantata of composer Cruccini,

conducted by Vassily Benedictovich Sverestinski-Shmygailo.

So you've made a laughing-stock of the authorities!

Comrades, I announce flatly and officially

that all these numbers are...

Comrades! Comrades!

So we saw that jolly art turns

old people into young, and shy ones into brave.

Look in the hall.

Here are our waitresses: Vera, Nadya and Lyuda.

You may think that they only serve people ice-cream,

but they also give great hopes!

They are modest girls, but tonight they'll show themselves.

# Tanya, Tanya, Tanechka I'll tell you about this girl

She was the factory waitress and serving was her toil

There is little Tanya In her uniform

Poor Tanechka, but no one Noticed her at all

It's impossible! Nobody! Noticed her at all

One night her very factory club It held a carnival

The audience admired one princess Who cast a magic spell

And several heroes who were there Fought for the chance to dance

Fanfan la Tulipe and Onegin Romeo, a musketeer

Damn it! It's scandalous! A blow to my prestige!

Making a farce, to hell with it!

And then the following morning After the masquerade

All talked about this beauty Who'd put all the rest to shame

But she had disappeared as if only a dream

Hey, Tanya, Tanya, Tanechka bring us our cheese and bread!

But what? This very princess brings them their cheese and bread!

Impossible! This princess brings them their cheese and bread!

- Is it this chest? - Think so. Hell, it's heavy.

- Grisha! I take back all my words about you. - Which words?

Well, shyness, hesitation and so on...

- Lena, how many times I was going to tell you... - Well?

That I'm going to introduce the conjurer Nikiforov.

Conjurer-illusionist Eduard Nikiforov is on stage!

I'd like to invite two volunteers from the public. Please, comrades, don't hesitate.

Give me your tie, please, take it off. Your watch.

Don't worry, most probably it will be all right.

Put here your tie.

Your watch.

It's scandalous!

I'll make a complaint to the All-Union Central Council of Trade Unions!

- How did he get there? - I haven't got the slightest idea.

- Comrade Ogurtsov, how did you get there? - That's none of your business!

1 will fire you all, all of you! I will put an end to this outrage!

- Comrade conjurer, where's my watch? - And my tie?

What watch, what tie? Oh yes, here is your tie, here is your watch

We all know our respected accountant Fyodor Petrovich Mironov very well.

Everyone's heard his historic phrase:

"Call later, the cashier has left for the Bank".

But tonight you will hear quite different words from him.

The fable "The Bear at the ball". Fyodor Petrovich Mironov!

Once under the great pine-tree A ball was held

Raccoon and hedgehog, deer and doe

together danced the Pas d'Espagne.

See the rabbit with the hare as they dance the Boston waltz.

Squirrels and frogs also capered. Glasses clink with honeydew.

A pair of cuckoos then dueted with different songs they serenaded

A jolly party in the wood!

But then the bear it showed its face... And poked his nose in every place.

Why badger sat upon this bough?

Why sat the polecat on the plough?

And why do raccoon, mole and stoat dance the tango and foxtrot?

And all became quite upset then About all these "what", "whys" and "when".

And dark depression came to pass In place of forest fun and laughs

The moral here is plain to all:

Why did the bear come to the ball?

Great! The fable's good, sharp-tongued, and he read it rather well.

We encourage amateur talent activities.

We offer all necessary facilities.

And who is the bear, ah?

We'll clear up the question, Fyodor Petrovich, just a minute!

Here you are:

The fable's good, sharp-tongued, and you read it rather well.

- So I justified your trust? - You did.

But it's not clear who exactly is the bear.

That's an allegory.

- Really? - Really.

Here, Fyodor Petrovich, take into account

that next time you will read the fable, read it without any of these...

just give the surname and place of work.

That's right! That's right!

Comrades, wait a moment! Attention please!

...of course it depends on where the arrow of satire is aimed...

Vassily Pavlovich, it's time to put the bottle down.

Comrades, let's create a serious atmosphere.

We have with us now

our well-known librarian who will sing on our stage,

Adelaida Kuzminichna Romashkina!

# Faraway years My faraway memories

Sleeping forever What can revive them?

I remember so freshly my first date

Secret garden paths and shade from the old trees

A night full of stars such a glittering festival

Waltz on the wind Promising the best of all

Waltz of Expectation Waltz full of Promise

Gentle and despondent waltz of good-bye

These familiar sounds now live once more

All that was dead revives once again

The human heart can't experience coldness

The human heart always anxious and young

A night full of stars such a glittering festival

Waltz on the wind Promising the best of all

Waltz of Expectation Waltz full of Promise

Gentle and despondent waltz of good-bye

Waltz of Expectation Waltz full of Promise

Gentle and despondent waltz of good-bye

Marvelous waltz

from the first date of one's life

- Why didn't we discern her earlier? - Exactly. And in charge of our library!

- You don't like her? - What?! And do you like her?!

And the way I flew in the chest, you liked that?!

So much for Serafim Ivanovich! Stop that!

I'll bring all of you to your senses!

- Oh, what will he do? And what should we do? - Don't worry.

- Lena, it's your turn, on stage, quick! - Go change, don't worry.

- Your performing was so marvelous! - Thank you.

You... but I imagined you a bit differently.

- Are you disappointed? - Oh, no! On the contrary!

# If you come out this morning And your face is frowning

If looking around you the sun won't make you glad

Then let the first comer gaily smile upon you

His expression tells you now that you're his dearest friend

We all love a face that's smiling

And that smile will find you too

And your mood will change now in high spirits

And your smile will take you far

If sometime you quarrel with the woman you love

Those who love each other often have a row

Look into each other's eyes This provides the answer

It will be far better than whatever you can say

We all love a face that's smiling And that smile will find you too

And your mood will change now in high spirits

And your smile will take you far

If someone betrays you and your heart seems broken

And it hurts so very much Tears will surely flow

Remember what I tell you and so please remember

There's many more kind people than bad in the street

We all love a face that's smiling And that smile will find you too

And your mood will change now in high spirits

And your smile will take you far

We all love a face that's smiling And that smile will find you too

And your mood will change now in high spirits

And your smile will take you far

Secretary Tosya Burygina, to come to the carnival headquarters urgently.

- What's the hell, we've just begun dancing. - 1 wonder who needs me so urgently?

Excuse me.

I repeat, secretary Tosya Burygina, come to carnival headquarters immediately.

Dismissed.

Sit and write down.

To the All-Union Central Council of Trade Unions from

the acting chief of House of Culture Ogurtsov S. I.

Written request!

While we must fulfil our main task of involving working people

in different cultural activities,

some of our officials turn the House of Culture into

a fun house!

Full-stop.

Comrade Krylova, comrade Koltsov, comrade Ussikov and other

irresponsible persons supported by some participants

of the amateur talent activities

turned our New Year's Celebration

into a pretty mess!

They knew that I wanted

this celebration to be a serious affair,

so they ventured to undermine my authority

by means of pushing a bird into my pocket and so on!

But they thought that not enough,

and so used my direct falling into a chest,

Right!

And carried me under the guise of an illusion inside the chest by air,

so exposing to danger me personally,

as well as many front-rank workers present.

And this caused much morbid laughter in the audience...

Guys, it was me who left the microphone on!

Informing you of these things,

I ask to take certain disciplinary measures against the aforesaid comrades

who think rather naively to have found in my person

such a fool.

- Where was I? - To have found in your person such a fool.

Exactly. Full stop.

- It's bitter! It's bitter! - What?

It's bitter to realize, that we've all became a year older.

But we're still young, so we must not waste our time!

- Let's have a dance? - Of course we will.

May I?

No, I don't dance.

- Grisha, maybe we can dance too? - Why "maybe"?

Why are you shy and hesitant? Of course we will.

And right now. Here, we're dancing already.

Happy New Year!

What are you doing. Everybody's watching, shame on you!

Happy New Year!

- Grisha! - Lena!

Grisha... all right, close your eyes.

You'll trick me again?

Close. You won't spy, will you? Word of honor?

Close your eyes. Happy New Year!

And it will be happy!

Comrades, just a minute!

I announce officially that I'm not responsible for

anything that has happened here!