Original subtitles

So that's, you know, coming along.

l'm working with a vocal coach,

strengthening the...

A lot guys ignore the laugh.

And that's about standards.

l mean, if you're gonna get into the Evil League of Evil,

you have to have a memorable laugh.

What? Do you think Bad Horse didn't work on his whinny?

His terrible death-whinny.

No response, BTW, from the League yet,

but my application is strong this year.

A letter of condemnation from the Deputy Mayor.

That's gotta have some weight,

so...

fingers crossed.

Emails.

"2sly4u" writes--

"Hey, genius--"

Wow, sarcasm! That's original.

"Where are the gold bars you were supposed

"to pull out of that bank vault with your Transmatter Ray?

Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers."

Well, no,

they're not gonna say anything in the press.

But behold.

Transported from there,

to here!

The molecules tend to...

shift during the transmatter...

event.

But...

they were transported in bar form,

and they clearly were--

And by the way, it's not about making money.

lt's about taking money.

Destroying the status quo,

because the status is not quo.

This world is a mess, and l just...

need to rule it.

l'm gonna--

Smells like cumin.

So Transmatter is 75%

and more importantly,

the Freeze Ray is almost up.

This is the one.

Stops time. Freeze Ray.

Tell your friends.

We have...

Here's one from our good friend Johnny Snow--

"Dr. Horrible,

"l see you are once again afraid to do battle

"with your nemesis.

l waited at Dooley Park for 45 minutes."

Okay. Dude.

You're not my nemesis.

My nemesis...

is Captain Hammer.

Captain Hammer, corporate tool.

Dislocated my shoulder...

again, last week.

Look, l'm just trying to change the world, okay?

l don't have time for a grudge match

with every poser in a parka.

Besides, there's kids in that park.

So...

Here's one from "DeadNotSleeping"--

"Long time watcher, first time writing--"

"You always say in your blog

"that you will show her the way.

"Show her you are a true villain.

"Who is 'her'

and...does she even know that you're..."

Laundry day

See you there

Underthings

Tumbling

Wanna say

Love your hair

Here l go

Mumbling

With my Freeze Ray, l will stop

The world

With my Freeze Ray, l will

Find the time to find the words to

Tell you how

How you make

Make me feel

What's the phrase?

Like a fool

Kinda sick

Special needs

Anyways

With my Freeze Ray, l will stop

The pain

lt's not a Death Ray or an lce Beam

That's all Johnny Snow

l just think you need time to know

That l'm the guy to make it real

The feelings you don't dare to feel

l'll bend the world to our will

And we'll make time stand still

That's the plan

Rule the world

You and me

Any day

Love your hair

- What? - No.

l--l-- l love the air.

Anyway

With my Freeze Ray, l will stop--

Hey, Doc.

Moist! My evil, moisture buddy.

What's going on?

Life of crime. Got your mail.

Hey, didn't you, uh--

didn't you go on a date last night?

Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling

with Bait and Switch.

Yeah.

Yeah?

lt was all right.

l kinda thought l was supposed to end up with Bait, but--

l hear you.

l saw Penny today.

You talk to her?

So close.

l'm just a few weeks away

from a real, audible connection.

l'm-- l'm gonna ask--

Oh, my God.

ls that from the League?

lt's from him. That's his seal, isn't it?

The-- The leader? Oh, my God.

l got a letter from Bad Horse.

That's so hardcore. Bad Horse is legend.

He rules the League with an iron hoof.

Are you sure you wanna--

- Bad Horse - Bad Horse

Bad Horse, Bad Horse

He rides across the nation

The Thoroughbred of Sin

He got the application that you just sent in

lt needs evaluation, so let the games begin

A heinous crime, A show of force

A murder would be nice of course

Bad Horse, Bad Horse

Bad Horse, he's bad

The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware

The grade that you receive will be your last we swear

So make the Bad Horse gleeful

Or he'll make you his mare

You're saddled up, there's no recourse

- lt's - "Hi-Yo, Silver!"

Signed Bad Horse

lt's not a no.

Are you kidding?

This is great!

l am about to pull a major heist.

You know the wonderflonium that I need for the Freeze Ray?

lt's being transported tomorrow.

Armored car?

Courier van.

Candy from a baby.

You need anything dampened or made soggy?

Thanks, but...

the League is watching.

l gotta go this alone.

Will you lend a caring hand

To shelter those who need it?

Only have to sign your name

Don't even have to read it

Would you help?

No? How about you?

Will you lend a caring--

What?

l was wondering if l could just...

Hey. l know you.

Hello. You know me? Cool.

l mean...yeah, you do. Do you?

From the Laundromat.

Wednesdays and Saturdays.

Except twice last month you skipped the weekend.

Or if that was you. It could have been someone else.

l mean, l've seen you.

Billy, is my name.

l'm Penny.

What are you doing?

Texting.

lt's very important or l would stop.

What are you doing?

Actually, l'm out here volunteering

for The Caring Hands Homeless Shelter.

Can you spare a minute?

Okay, go.

Okay.

Um, we're hoping to open a new location soon--

expand our efforts.

There's this great building nearby

that the city is just going to demolish

and turn into a parking lot.

But if we get enough signatures--

Signatures?

Yeah.

l'm sorry, go on.

l was saying, maybe we could get

the city to donate the building to our cause.

We would be able to provide 250 new beds--

Get people off the streets and into job training

so they can buy rocket packs and go to the moon

and become florists.

You're not really interested in the homeless, are you?

No, l am.

But they're a symptom.

You're treating a symptom.

And the disease rages on,

consumes the human race.

The fish rots from the head, as they say,

so my thinking is why not cut off the head.

Of the human race?

lt's not a perfect metaphor.

But l'm talking about an overhaul of the system.

Putting the power in...

different hands.

l'm all for that.

This petition is about the building.

l'd love to sign it.

Thank you.

l'm sorry, l-- l come on strong.

But you signed.

Well, wouldn't want to turn my back

on a fellow... laundry...person.

Well, if we can't stick together, l don't--

l'll probably see you there.

No, l will. l'll--

She talked to me.

Why did she talk to me now?

Maybe l should...

A man's gotta do

What a man's gotta do

Don't plan the plan

lf you can't follow through

All that matters

Taking matters into your own hands

Soon l'll control everything

Stop! Hey! Hey!

My wish is your command

Stand back everyone

Nothing here to see

Just imminent danger

ln the middle of it, me

Yes, Captain Hammer's here

Hair blowing in the breeze

The day needs my saving expertise

A man's gotta do

What a man's gotta do

Seems destiny

Ends with me saving you

The only doom that's looming

ls you loving me to death

So l'll give you a sec to catch your breath

You idiot!

Dr. Horrible. l should have known you were behind this.

- You almost killed her! - I remember it differently.

ls she--

lt's curtains for you, Dr. Horrible.

Lacy, gently wafting curtains.

Thank you, Hammer man

l don't think l can

Explain how important it was

That you stopped the van

l would be splattered. I'd be crushed under debris

Thank you, sir, for saving me

Don't worry about it.

A man's gotta do

-What a man's gotta do -You came from above

-Are you kidding? -Seems destiny ends

-What heist were you watching? -With me saving you

-l wonder what you're captain of -Stop looking at her like that!

When you're the best

Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?

My heart is beating like a drum

His ass needs kicking

-Some ticking bomb to diffuse -I stopped the van

The remote control was in my hand

-The only doom that's looming -Assuming I'm not

-Whatever -Loving you to death

So please give me a sec to catch my breath

Balls.

Any dolt with half a brain

Can see that humankind has gone insane

To the point where l don't know

lf l'll upset the status quo

lf l throw poison in the water main

Listen close to everybody's heart

And hear that breaking sound

Hopes and dreams are shattering apart

And crashing to the ground

l cannot believe my eyes

How the world's filled with filth and lies

But it's plain to see

Evil inside of me

ls on the rise

Look around

We're living with the lost and found

Just when you feel you've almost drowned

You find yourself on solid ground

And you believe there's good in everybody's heart

Keep it safe and sound

With hope, you can do your part

To turn a life around

l cannot believe my eyes

ls the world finally growing wise

'Cause it seems to me

Some kind of harmony

ls on the rise

- Anyone with half a brain - Take it slow

- He looks at me - Could spend their whole life

- And seems to know - Howling in pain

- The things that l'm afraid to show - 'Cause the dark is everywhere

And Penny doesn't seem to care

- And suddenly l feel this glow - That soon the dark in me

ls all that will remain

- And l believe there's good in - Listen close to

Everybody's heart

- Keep it safe and - Hear that breaking

Sound

- With hope, you can do - Hopes and dreams are shattering

- Your part - Apart

- To turn a life around - And crashing to the ground

l cannot believe my eyes

How the world's

- Finally growing wise - Filled with filth and lies

- But it's plain to see - And it's plain to see

Evil inside of me

Rapture inside of me

ls on the rise

lt is so dumb that we've been coming here so long and never spoke.

l know.

All those months doing a stunningly boring chore.

l'm a fan of laundry.

Psych! l love it.

-The smell of fabric softener. -Mmm.

-The feel of warm clothes in your hands. -So good.

Hey, this is weird.

l ordered one frozen yogurt, and they gave me two.

You don't happen to like frozen yogurt do you?

-l love it. -You're kidding.

What a crazy, random happenstance.

-Here. -Thank you.

So, how was your weekend?

Did you spend the whole time hunting wild signatures?

Um, actually, l went on a date.

Get right outta town. How was that?

Unexpected.

He's a really good-looking guy,

and l thought he was kind of cheesy at first--

Trust your instincts.

But he turned out to be totally sweet.

Sometimes people are layered like that.

There's something totally different underneath

than what's on the surface.

And sometimes there's a third,

even deeper level.

And that one is the same as the top, surface one.

Huh?

Like with pie. So you gonna see him again?

l think l will.

Ohh.

-Billy? -Yeah?

You're driving the spork into your leg.

So l am.

Hilarious!

All right. The wait is over.

This, my friends, is my Freeze Ray.

Which, with the addition of the wonderflonium,

l obtained at my famously successful heist last week.

l say successful in that I achieved my objective.

lt was less successful

in that l inadvertently introduced my arch-nemesis

to the girl of my dreams,

and now he's taking her out on dates,

and they're probably going to French kiss or something.

She called him sweet.

How is he sweet?

Right! Freeze Ray.

So, as of tonight,

l am in the Evil League of Evil

if all goes according to plan, which it will,

because l hold a Ph.D. in Horribleness.

See you at the aftermath.

Peace.

But not literally.

The Freeze Ray needs work.

l also need to be a little bit more careful

about what l say on this blog.

Apparently the L.A.P.D. and Captain Hammer

are among our viewers.

They were waiting for me

at the Mayor's dedication of the Superhero Memorial Bridge.

The Freeze Ray takes a few seconds to warm up,

and l wasn't--

Captain Hammer threw a car at my head.

Not to worry, though, because l'm--

Oh, one sec.

He saw the operation

You tried to pull today

But your humiliation

Means he still votes nay

And now assassination is just the only way

There will be blood, it might be yours

So go kill someone, signed Bad Horse

Kill someone?

Would you do it?

To get into the Evil League of Evil?

Look at me, man. l'm Moist.

At my most badass,

l make people feel like they want to take a shower.

l'm not E.L.E. material.

Killing's not elegant or creative.

lt's not my style.

You've got more than enough evil hours to get into the Henchman's Union.

l'm not a henchman.

l'm Dr. Horrible.

l've got a Ph.D. in Horribleness.

ls that the new catch-phrase?

l deserve to get in.

You know l do.

But killing? Really?

Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa

who grows up to become president.

That'd be big.

l'm not gonna kill a little kid.

Smother an old lady?

Do l even know you?

l just, you know, really think

l'm qualified for this-- this job,

and l just can't get my foot in the door.

l'm sure you will.

l wanna do great things, you know?

l wanna be an achiever, like Bad Horse.

The Thoroughbred of Sin?

l meant Gandhi.

Well, l've gotten turned down from plenty ofjobs.

Even fired a few times.

l can't imagine anybody firing you.

Neither could l.

Now l can visualize it really well.

But you know, everything happens--

Don't say "for a reason."

No, l'm just saying that everything happens.

Not to me.

Here's a story of a girl

Who grew up lost and lonely

Thinking love was fairytale

And trouble was made only for me

Even in the darkness

Every color can be found

And every day of rain

Brings water flowing to things

Growing in the ground

Grief replaced with pity

For a city barely coping

Dreams are easy to achieve

lf hope is all l'm hoping to be

Anytime you're hurt there's one

Who has it worse around

And every drop of rain

Will keep you growing

Seeds you're sowing in the ground

So keep your head up, Billy, buddy

lt's like Captain Hammer is always saying--

Right, him.

How are things with cheesy-on-the-outside?

Good. They're good.

He's nice.

l'll be interested to know what you think of him.

He said he might stop by.

Stop by here?

Yeah.

Oh, goodness. Look at my wrist.

l gotta go.

But--

But, what about your clothes?

l don't love these. See ya!

Oh, pardon.

Pardon.

Billy, this is Captain Hammer.

Oh, Billy, the laundry buddy.

Well it is very nice to meet you.

We're meeting now for the first time.

You look horribly familiar.

One of those faces, l guess.

Have l seen you at the gym?

At the gym.

l don't go to the gym.

l'm just naturally like this.

Oh, well.

Who wants to know what the Mayor is doing

behind closed doors?

He is signing over a certain building

to a Caring Hands group as a new homeless shelter.

Oh, my God!

Yep. Apparently the only signature

he needed was my fist.

But with a pen in it.

That l was signing with.

l-- l can't believe it.

Congratulations.

Thank-- Thank you. Thank you!

Well, this is great.

l wish l could stay and chit-chat.

Well, it sure was nice to meet you...Doctor.

You got a little crush, don't you, Doc?

Well, that's going to make this hard to hear.

See, later, l'm going to take little Penny back to my place,

show her the command center, the Hammer cycle.

Maybe even the Ham-jet.

You think she likes me now?

l'm gonna give Penny the night of her life

just because you want her.

And l get...what you want.

See, Penny's giving it up.

She's giving it up hard

because she's with Captain Hammer.

And these...

are not the hammer.

The hammer is my penis.

This appeared as a moral dilemma

'Cause at first it was weird though I swore to eliminate

The worst of the plague that devoured humanity

lt's true l was vague on the "how", so how can it be that you

Have shown me the light?

lt's a brand new day

And the sun is high

All the birds are singing

That you're gonna die

How l hesitated

Now l wonder why

lt's a brand new day

All the times that you beat me unconscious, I forgive

All the crimes incomplete, listen, honestly I'll live

Mr. Cool, Mr. Right, Mr. Know-it-all is through

Now the future's so bright and I owe it all to you

Who showed me the light

lt's a brand new me

l got no remorse

Now the water's rising

But l know the course

l'm gonna shock the world

Gonna show Bad Horse

lt's a brand new day

And Penny will see the evil me

Not a joke, not a dork, not a failure

And she may cry, but her tears will dry

When l hand her the keys to a shiny new Australia

lt's a brand new day

Yeah, the sun is high

All the angels sing

Because you're gonna die

Go ahead and laugh

Yeah, l'm a funny guy

Tell everyone goodbye

lt's a brand new day

looks like we're finding out what a true hero is.

The Mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate

the new homeless shelter

and unveil the statue of Captain Hammer.

It's a good day to be homeless.

It certainly is.

So they say Captain Hammer's become a crusader

Political-- He's cleanin' up the streets

About time.

So they say that it's real love

So romantic

He signed this

So they say we'll have blankets and beds

We can open by Monday

Thanks to you

Thanks to me

lt's the perfect story

So they say

A hero leading the way

Hammer's call to glory

Let's all be our best

Next up-- who's gay?

So they say he saved her life

They say she works with the homeless

And doesn't eat meat

- We have - A problem with her

This is his hair

This is so nice

l just might sleep with the same girl twice

They say it's better the second time

They say you get to do the weird stuff

We'd do the weird stuff

This is perfect for me

So they say

l guess he's pretty okay

After years of stormy sailing

Have l finally found the bay?

He's still not picking up.

There's no happy ending

So they say

Not for me anyway

Should l stop pretending

- Take the chance to build - Or is this

A brand new day

This is his dry cleaning bill

Four sweater vests

And in just a few minutes,

we'll unveil the statue of the man himself.

Thank you. Thank you.

Justice has a name.

And the name that it has-- besides "Justice"--

is Captain Hammer.

Ladies and gentlemen, your hero.

Thank you.

Thank you, Mayor, for those kind words.

l hate the homeless...

--ness problem that plagues our city.

Everyone should have the basic--

You know what, I don't need tiny cue-cards.

When l fell deeply in love

with my serious long-term girlfriend Penny--

Wave your hand, Penny.

There she is.

Cute, huh?

Sort of a quiet, nerdy thing.

Not my usual, but nice.

Anyway...

she turned me on to this whole homeless thing,

which is terrible.

And l realized-- I'm not the only hero

in the room tonight.

l'm not the only one who's fighting.

lt may not feel too classy

Begging just to eat

But you know who does that?

Lassie

And she always gets a treat

So you wonder what your part is

'Cause you're homeless and depressed

But home is where the heart is

So your real home's in your chest

Everyone's a hero in their own way

Everyone's got villains they must face

They're not as cool as mine

But folks, you know it's fine

To know your place

Everyone's a hero in their own way

ln their own not-that-heroic way

So l thank my girlfriend Penny

Yeah, we totally had sex.

She showed me there's so many

Different muscles l can flex

There's the deltoids of compassion

There's the abs of being kind

lt's not enough to bash in heads

You've got to bash in minds

Everyone's a hero in their own way

Everyone's got something they can do

Get up, go out, and fly

Especially that guy

He smells like poo

Everyone's a hero in their own way

You and you and mostly me and you

l'm poverty's new sheriff

And l'm bashing in the slums

A hero doesn't care if you're a bunch of

Scary alcoholic bums

Everybody!

Everyone's a hero in their own way

We're heroes too

Everyone can blaze a hero's trail

We're just like you

Don't worry if it's hard

lf you're not a friggin' 'tard

You will prevail

Everyone's a hero in their own way

We're heroes too

Everyone's a hero in their--

Look at these people

Amazing how sheep'll show up

For the slaughter

No one condemning you

Lined up like lemmings, you led to the water

Why can't they see what l see?

Why can't they hear the lies?

Maybe the fee's too pricey

For them to realize

Your disguise is slipping

l think you're slipping

Now that your savior is still as the grave

You're beginning to fear me

Like cavemen fear thunder

l still have to wonder

Can you really hear me?

l bring you pain

The kind you can't suffer quietly

Fire up your brain, remind you

lnside you're rioting, society is slipping

Everything's slipping away

So, go ahead, run away

Say it was horrible

Spread the word, tell a friend. Tell them the tale

Get a pic, do a blog. Heroes are over with

Look at him, not a word

Hammer, meet nail

Then l win, then l get

Everything l ever

All the cash, all the fame

And social change

Anarchy, that l run

lt's Dr. Horrible's turn

You people all have to learn

This world is going to burn

Burn

Yeah, it's two "R"s. H-O-R-R. Right.

Burn

No sign of Penny, good

l would give anything not to have her see

lt's gonna be bloody, head up Billy, buddy

There's no time for mercy

Here goes no mercy

That's not a good sound.

...way

A Death Ray?

Looks like Dr. Horrible's moving up.

Let's see if this one works any better than your others.

- Don't-- - I don't have time for your warnings.

You give my regards to St. Peter.

Or, whoever has his job, but in hell.

Oh, l'm in pain!

l think this is what pain feels like!

Oh, Mama!

Someone maternal!

Get out of my way! l gotta get out.

Penny.

Penny!

Billy? ls that you?

Penny, hold on.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Are you all right?

Hold on.

lt's okay. lt's okay.

Captain Hammer will save us.

Penn--

Dr. Horrible, why'd you kill her?

Dr. Horrible!

Dr. Horrible--

...part of your plan, Dr. Horrible?

Here lies everything

The world l wanted at my feet

My victory's complete

So hail to the king

Everything you ever

Arise and sing

So your world's benign

So you think justice has a voice

And we all have a choice

Well now your world is mine

Everything you ever

And l am fine

Now the nightmare's real

Now Dr. Horrible is here

To make you quake with fear

To make the whole world kneel

Everything you ever

And l won't feel

A thing

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