Original subtitles

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Upbeat music plays ]

♪ Feels so good this morning ♪ ♪ I want to leap before I look

morning ♪ ♪ I want to leap before I look around ♪

♪ I want to leap before I look around ♪ ♪ I know that I'm falling

around ♪ ♪ I know that I'm falling ♪ I think it's what this life's

♪ I know that I'm falling ♪ I think it's what this life's about ♪

♪ I think it's what this life's about ♪ ♪ what you say is infatuation

about ♪ ♪ what you say is infatuation ♪ call it passion

♪ what you say is infatuation ♪ call it passion ♪ no sin, no crime

♪ call it passion ♪ no sin, no crime ♪ in fact, I'm truly grateful

♪ no sin, no crime ♪ in fact, I'm truly grateful ♪ promise of love seems so

♪ in fact, I'm truly grateful ♪ promise of love seems so alive ♪

♪ promise of love seems so alive ♪ ♪ let's see

alive ♪ ♪ let's see ♪ let's see

♪ let's see ♪ let's see ♪ take it outside

♪ let's see ♪ take it outside and kick the wheels ♪

♪ take it outside and kick the wheels ♪ ♪ I'm in

and kick the wheels ♪ ♪ I'm in ♪ for keeps

♪ I'm in ♪ for keeps ♪ I just don't fall this

♪ for keeps ♪ I just don't fall this easily ♪

♪ I just don't fall this easily ♪ ♪ just don't fall this easily

easily ♪ ♪ just don't fall this easily ♪ don't fall so hard

♪ just don't fall this easily ♪ don't fall so hard for everyone I meet ♪

♪ don't fall so hard for everyone I meet ♪ ♪ you say you're my teacher

for everyone I meet ♪ ♪ you say you're my teacher ♪ it must be time

♪ you say you're my teacher ♪ it must be time for my next lesson ♪

♪ it must be time for my next lesson ♪ ♪ I've been trying to reach

for my next lesson ♪ ♪ I've been trying to reach you ♪

♪ I've been trying to reach you ♪ ♪ you want to buy in to my

you ♪ ♪ you want to buy in to my obsession ♪

♪ you want to buy in to my obsession ♪ ♪ let's see

obsession ♪ ♪ let's see ♪ let's see

♪ let's see ♪ let's see ♪ take it outside

♪ let's see ♪ take it outside and kick the wheels ♪

♪ take it outside and kick the wheels ♪ ♪ I'm in

and kick the wheels ♪ ♪ I'm in ♪ for keeps

♪ I'm in ♪ for keeps ♪ I just don't fall this

♪ for keeps ♪ I just don't fall this easily ♪

♪ I just don't fall this easily ♪ ♪ just don't fall this easily

easily ♪ ♪ just don't fall this easily ♪ don't fall so hard

♪ just don't fall this easily ♪ don't fall so hard for everyone I meet ♪

♪ don't fall so hard for everyone I meet ♪ ♪ I meet

for everyone I meet ♪ ♪ I meet ♪ I'm so in love

♪ I meet ♪ I'm so in love ♪ being in love

♪ I'm so in love ♪ being in love ♪ I'm old enough

♪ being in love ♪ I'm old enough ♪ to know I'll be just fine

♪ I'm old enough ♪ to know I'll be just fine ♪ you called it off

♪ to know I'll be just fine ♪ you called it off ♪ don't have my life over

♪ you called it off ♪ don't have my life over ♪ give myself to walk a bit

♪ don't have my life over ♪ give myself to walk a bit ♪ I just last forever

♪ give myself to walk a bit ♪ I just last forever ♪ I know there's no way

♪ I just last forever ♪ I know there's no way to be free ♪

♪ I know there's no way to be free ♪ ♪ let's see

to be free ♪ ♪ let's see ♪ let's see

♪ let's see ♪ let's see ♪ take it outside

♪ let's see ♪ take it outside and kick the wheels ♪

♪ take it outside and kick the wheels ♪ ♪ I'm in

and kick the wheels ♪ ♪ I'm in ♪ for keeps

♪ I'm in ♪ for keeps ♪ I just don't fall this

♪ for keeps ♪ I just don't fall this easily ♪

♪ I just don't fall this easily ♪ ♪ just don't fall this easily

easily ♪ ♪ just don't fall this easily ♪ don't fall so hard

♪ just don't fall this easily ♪ don't fall so hard for everyone I meet ♪

♪ don't fall so hard for everyone I meet ♪ all righty.

For everyone I meet ♪ all righty. Two matzo balls just like you

all righty. Two matzo balls just like you like it.

Two matzo balls just like you like it. Always taking care of me.

Like it. Always taking care of me. You.

Always taking care of me. You. Hey, anything for my most

you. Hey, anything for my most beautiful customer, huh?

Hey, anything for my most beautiful customer, huh? [ tab clicking ]

Beautiful customer, huh? [ tab clicking ] I left you a nice tip today.

[ Tab clicking ] I left you a nice tip today. Oh, Leo, you don't have to do

I left you a nice tip today. Oh, Leo, you don't have to do that.

Oh, Leo, you don't have to do that. Thank you.

That. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you so much. My pleasure.

Thank you so much. My pleasure. See you later, buddy.

My pleasure. See you later, buddy. Thank you.

See you later, buddy. Thank you. Hold on one second.

Thank you. Hold on one second. Uh...

Hold on one second. Uh... Excuse me. One sec.

Uh... Excuse me. One sec. You know, aluminum is not good

excuse me. One sec. You know, aluminum is not good for you.

You know, aluminum is not good for you. Waiter?

For you. Waiter? Hey, excuse me, buddy.

Waiter? Hey, excuse me, buddy. Is there something wrong with

hey, excuse me, buddy. Is there something wrong with my fork?

Is there something wrong with my fork? No, just your stock choice's

my fork? No, just your stock choice's future.

No, just your stock choice's future. Oh. Well, your future

future. Oh. Well, your future involves topping off my coffee,

oh. Well, your future involves topping off my coffee, okay?

Involves topping off my coffee, okay? [ laughter ]

Okay? [ laughter ] [ chuckles ]

[ Laughter ] [ chuckles ] Aluminum's stable.

[ Chuckles ] Aluminum's stable. There's just no growth potential

aluminum's stable. There's just no growth potential in it.

There's just no growth potential in it. Wait, wait! Hold on a second.

In it. Wait, wait! Hold on a second. Hold on, hold on.

Wait, wait! Hold on a second. Hold on, hold on. Back it up.

Hold on, hold on. Back it up. Unbelievable.

Back it up. Unbelievable. That is exactly what my

unbelievable. That is exactly what my consultant said last night.

That is exactly what my consultant said last night. And I bet he charged you more

consultant said last night. And I bet he charged you more than the $6.95 lunch special for

and I bet he charged you more than the $6.95 lunch special for that.

Than the $6.95 lunch special for that. Yeah, he did.

That. Yeah, he did. Okay.

Yeah, he did. Okay. So, say you were her.

Okay. So, say you were her. What would you bet on?

So, say you were her. What would you bet on? I would go with...

What would you bet on? I would go with... That one.

I would go with... That one. [ chuckles ]

That one. [ chuckles ] You're kidding, right?

[ Chuckles ] You're kidding, right? That's nickel stuff.

You're kidding, right? That's nickel stuff. Simitek's about to shake

that's nickel stuff. Simitek's about to shake hands with them next week.

Simitek's about to shake hands with them next week. That means, by Friday, those

hands with them next week. That means, by Friday, those nickels are gonna be worth

that means, by Friday, those nickels are gonna be worth millions.

Nickels are gonna be worth millions. Can you send a waiter over?

Millions. Can you send a waiter over? Wow!

Can you send a waiter over? Wow! That's impressive.

Wow! That's impressive. You ain't seen nothing yet.

That's impressive. You ain't seen nothing yet. Mike, table 57 is yours.

You ain't seen nothing yet. Mike, table 57 is yours. They need something. Go.

Mike, table 57 is yours. They need something. Go. Wait, wait, wait.

They need something. Go. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. Um, so, um...

Hold on a second. Um, so, um... What are you doing later

um, so, um... What are you doing later tonight?

What are you doing later tonight? Maybe you want to show me

tonight? Maybe you want to show me something I haven't seen yet.

Maybe you want to show me something I haven't seen yet. Wow! Ha!

Something I haven't seen yet. Wow! Ha! Okay.

Wow! Ha! Okay. Um, I think I will be at home...

Okay. Um, I think I will be at home... With my girlfriend...

Um, I think I will be at home... With my girlfriend... Oh.

With my girlfriend... Oh. ...My very jealous, very --

oh. ...My very jealous, very -- hey, waiter dude.

...My very jealous, very -- hey, waiter dude. Yeah, casanova.

Hey, waiter dude. Yeah, casanova. It's "mike"!

Yeah, casanova. It's "mike"! Mike.

It's "mike"! Mike. Mike Christian, and he's very

Mike. Mike Christian, and he's very religious.

Mike Christian, and he's very religious. Yeah, well, I'd pray to that.

Religious. Yeah, well, I'd pray to that. [ laughter ]

Yeah, well, I'd pray to that. [ laughter ] And very busy, okay?

[ Laughter ] And very busy, okay? Still waiterless.

And very busy, okay? Still waiterless. Going, going, going.

Still waiterless. Going, going, going. Wait, Mike.

Going, going, going. Wait, Mike. This is ridiculous.

Wait, Mike. This is ridiculous. Unreal.

This is ridiculous. Unreal. No, no, no.

Unreal. No, no, no. Sir, I apologize.

No, no, no. Sir, I apologize. No, no, no.

Sir, I apologize. No, no, no. No, I'm sorry.

No, no, no. No, I'm sorry. I don't want your apology.

No, I'm sorry. I don't want your apology. We have a business meeting.

I don't want your apology. We have a business meeting. He's just a trainee, please.

We have a business meeting. He's just a trainee, please. I'll say he's a trainee.

He's just a trainee, please. I'll say he's a trainee. Please, let me take your

I'll say he's a trainee. Please, let me take your order. Gentlemen --

please, let me take your order. Gentlemen -- a trainee, really.

Order. Gentlemen -- a trainee, really. Wow.

A trainee, really. Wow. [ coughs ]

Wow. [ coughs ] You know what?

[ Coughs ] You know what? I don't feel so good.

You know what? I don't feel so good. I think I got to go.

I don't feel so good. I think I got to go. If you dare take that tie

I think I got to go. If you dare take that tie off, you're fired, okay?

If you dare take that tie off, you're fired, okay? Keep it on and clean the table!

Off, you're fired, okay? Keep it on and clean the table! What seems to be the problem?

Keep it on and clean the table! What seems to be the problem? He wants to get fired,

what seems to be the problem? He wants to get fired, Mr. lipnick.

He wants to get fired, Mr. lipnick. He's already chased out four of

Mr. lipnick. He's already chased out four of our regular customers.

He's already chased out four of our regular customers. I know -- four coffee-only

our regular customers. I know -- four coffee-only customers.

I know -- four coffee-only customers. Those people have been hogging

customers. Those people have been hogging that table every day now for a

those people have been hogging that table every day now for a week.

That table every day now for a week. I wondered who had the balls to

week. I wondered who had the balls to throw them out.

I wondered who had the balls to throw them out. Good business sense, Michael.

Throw them out. Good business sense, Michael. You're my man.

Good business sense, Michael. You're my man. Thank you.

You're my man. Thank you. Come here. Let's talk.

Thank you. Come here. Let's talk. Michael, my granddaughter

come here. Let's talk. Michael, my granddaughter delilah is at a conference at

Michael, my granddaughter delilah is at a conference at university hall.

Delilah is at a conference at university hall. Do you think you could pick her

university hall. Do you think you could pick her up for us?

Do you think you could pick her up for us? Absolutely.

Up for us? Absolutely. ♪ yeah, yeah

absolutely. ♪ yeah, yeah although it's rare, at the

♪ yeah, yeah although it's rare, at the turn of the last century, the

although it's rare, at the turn of the last century, the divorce rate grew for a number

turn of the last century, the divorce rate grew for a number of justifiable reasons.

Divorce rate grew for a number of justifiable reasons. People are alcoholics, drug

of justifiable reasons. People are alcoholics, drug addicts, physically abusive to

people are alcoholics, drug addicts, physically abusive to their spouse or children --

addicts, physically abusive to their spouse or children -- these are situations where

their spouse or children -- these are situations where separation is often best for all

these are situations where separation is often best for all involved.

Separation is often best for all involved. But divorce and its acceptance

involved. But divorce and its acceptance have changed with the times.

But divorce and its acceptance have changed with the times. On their wedding day, couples

have changed with the times. On their wedding day, couples often still say, "till death do

on their wedding day, couples often still say, "till death do us part," but after time passes,

often still say, "till death do us part," but after time passes, the initial attraction often

us part," but after time passes, the initial attraction often fades.

The initial attraction often fades. The perfect spouse all of a

fades. The perfect spouse all of a sudden is a normal person with

the perfect spouse all of a sudden is a normal person with human flaws.

Sudden is a normal person with human flaws. Recurring arguments, attraction

human flaws. Recurring arguments, attraction to a co-worker, or simple

recurring arguments, attraction to a co-worker, or simple boredom can lead to

to a co-worker, or simple boredom can lead to irreconcilable differences.

Boredom can lead to irreconcilable differences. Divorce is a lazy way out.

Irreconcilable differences. Divorce is a lazy way out. Divorce is a shortcut solution.

Divorce is a lazy way out. Divorce is a shortcut solution. Wake up, grandma.

Divorce is a shortcut solution. Wake up, grandma. It's the 21st century.

Wake up, grandma. It's the 21st century. That's the way it goes.

It's the 21st century. That's the way it goes. [ laughter ]

That's the way it goes. [ laughter ] What about children?

[ Laughter ] What about children? Doesn't our future depend on

what about children? Doesn't our future depend on them?

Doesn't our future depend on them? Divorce can have a devastating

them? Divorce can have a devastating effect on a child, as my case

divorce can have a devastating effect on a child, as my case studies attest.

Effect on a child, as my case studies attest. [ door opens ]

Studies attest. [ door opens ] I can also personally attest to

[ door opens ] I can also personally attest to this because I come from a

I can also personally attest to this because I come from a broken family.

This because I come from a broken family. I was raised by my grandparents,

broken family. I was raised by my grandparents, and not that they didn't take

I was raised by my grandparents, and not that they didn't take care of me, because they did,

and not that they didn't take care of me, because they did, but I still wish that my parents

care of me, because they did, but I still wish that my parents were there, too.

But I still wish that my parents were there, too. And your solution?

Take it seriously. Marriage is work. Marriage is for life.

Marriage is work. Marriage is for life. If you are willing to make the

marriage is for life. If you are willing to make the commitment, you have to be

if you are willing to make the commitment, you have to be prepared to go the distance.

Commitment, you have to be prepared to go the distance. Excuse me.

Prepared to go the distance. Excuse me. Um, did you major in sociology

excuse me. Um, did you major in sociology or did you major in fantasy?

Um, did you major in sociology or did you major in fantasy? [ laughter ]

Or did you major in fantasy? [ laughter ] You make it sound like a jail

[ laughter ] You make it sound like a jail sentence without the parole.

You make it sound like a jail sentence without the parole. [ laughter ]

Sentence without the parole. [ laughter ] Look, buddy, no need to

[ laughter ] Look, buddy, no need to worry.

Look, buddy, no need to worry. From the looks of it, the only

worry. From the looks of it, the only lifelong commitment you'll have

from the looks of it, the only lifelong commitment you'll have is with your right hand.

Lifelong commitment you'll have is with your right hand. Ohh!

Is with your right hand. Ohh! [ laughter ]

Ohh! [ laughter ] Shit.

[ Laughter ] Shit. Thank you.

Shit. Thank you. That's, uh -- that's it.

Thank you. That's, uh -- that's it. That's all.

That's, uh -- that's it. That's all. Thank God.

That's all. Thank God. [ clapping ]

[ Door opens ] Honey, slow down. I worked my butt off for

honey, slow down. I worked my butt off for three years on that thesis.

I worked my butt off for three years on that thesis. I interviewed hundreds of

three years on that thesis. I interviewed hundreds of couples, and all it takes is a

I interviewed hundreds of couples, and all it takes is a couple of idiots in the audience

couples, and all it takes is a couple of idiots in the audience to make it all seem like a joke!

Couple of idiots in the audience to make it all seem like a joke! And you seem to have no opinion

to make it all seem like a joke! And you seem to have no opinion about it.

And you seem to have no opinion about it. Well, if it's one thing I've

about it. Well, if it's one thing I've learned from you, it's when to

well, if it's one thing I've learned from you, it's when to keep my mouth shut.

Learned from you, it's when to keep my mouth shut. Okay, then.

Keep my mouth shut. Okay, then. Fine. Let's -- let's be honest.

Okay, then. Fine. Let's -- let's be honest. I can handle it.

Fine. Let's -- let's be honest. I can handle it. Tell me the truth.

I can handle it. Tell me the truth. The truth?

Tell me the truth. The truth? Yeah.

The truth? Yeah. Well, I think some of those

yeah. Well, I think some of those guys had some...

Well, I think some of those guys had some... Pretty valid points.

Guys had some... Pretty valid points. Why don't you just admit it?

Pretty valid points. Why don't you just admit it? You don't respect my academic

why don't you just admit it? You don't respect my academic research!

No! It's just thousands of theses sit in a library gathering dust.

Theses sit in a library gathering dust. You know, they change nothing.

Gathering dust. You know, they change nothing. The world goes on as if they

you know, they change nothing. The world goes on as if they were never even written.

The world goes on as if they were never even written. Yeah, but out of those

were never even written. Yeah, but out of those thousands, one of those papers

yeah, but out of those thousands, one of those papers had the formula for electricity

thousands, one of those papers had the formula for electricity on it.

Had the formula for electricity on it. It did?

On it. It did? So how do you know that mine

it did? So how do you know that mine won't be that one, huh?

So how do you know that mine won't be that one, huh? I mean, if it could just change

won't be that one, huh? I mean, if it could just change one mind, it would all be

I mean, if it could just change one mind, it would all be worth it.

One mind, it would all be worth it. [ scoffs ]

Worth it. [ scoffs ] Why am I wasting my time talking

[ scoffs ] Why am I wasting my time talking to you?

Why am I wasting my time talking to you? What would a college dropout

to you? What would a college dropout care about this stuff anyway?

What would a college dropout care about this stuff anyway? Hey, I am a proud dropout,

care about this stuff anyway? Hey, I am a proud dropout, okay?

Hey, I am a proud dropout, okay? College is a waste of time.

Okay? College is a waste of time. Four, five, six years of endless

college is a waste of time. Four, five, six years of endless side roads and pointless

four, five, six years of endless side roads and pointless detours.

Side roads and pointless detours. My theory for life is simple --

detours. My theory for life is simple -- shortcuts.

My theory for life is simple -- shortcuts. Shortcuts.

You know what? This has been too much academic debate for one day.

This has been too much academic debate for one day. I'm sorry, Mike, okay?

Debate for one day. I'm sorry, Mike, okay? I just had a really rough day.

I'm sorry, Mike, okay? I just had a really rough day. [ sighs ]

I just had a really rough day. [ sighs ] How about some margaritas at

[ sighs ] How about some margaritas at the deck bar?

How about some margaritas at the deck bar? [ sighs ]

The deck bar? [ sighs ] And then how about a massage

[ sighs ] And then how about a massage by the expert hands of a

and then how about a massage by the expert hands of a Kansas City farm boy?

By the expert hands of a Kansas City farm boy? If the client is not completely

Kansas City farm boy? If the client is not completely satisfied, she can return the

if the client is not completely satisfied, she can return the massage to the massager.

Satisfied, she can return the massage to the massager. Thank God.

Hey, babe. Hi, honey. How are you?

Hi, honey. How are you? [ sighs ] Tired.

How are you? [ sighs ] Tired. Mm.

[ Sighs ] Tired. Mm. Hi.

Mm. Hi. Mm. Hi.

Hi. Mm. Hi. Look what I brought you.

Mm. Hi. Look what I brought you. Oh, you're sweet, but I'm so

look what I brought you. Oh, you're sweet, but I'm so icky from the restaurant.

Oh, you're sweet, but I'm so icky from the restaurant. I just -- I really want to go in

icky from the restaurant. I just -- I really want to go in to take a shower.

I just -- I really want to go in to take a shower. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

To take a shower. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's the -- what's the rush,

wait, wait, wait, wait. What's the -- what's the rush, huh?

What's the -- what's the rush, huh? This is a gorgeous evening, huh?

Huh? This is a gorgeous evening, huh? Ha! It's L.A.

This is a gorgeous evening, huh? Ha! It's L.A. they are all gorgeous evenings.

Ha! It's L.A. they are all gorgeous evenings. Yeah, but, um, this is an

they are all gorgeous evenings. Yeah, but, um, this is an especially romantic evening,

yeah, but, um, this is an especially romantic evening, isn't it?

Especially romantic evening, isn't it? Clear --

isn't it? Clear -- not so much 'cause we're

clear -- not so much 'cause we're right by the dumpster, and the

not so much 'cause we're right by the dumpster, and the trash guy forgot to stop on our

right by the dumpster, and the trash guy forgot to stop on our street again.

Trash guy forgot to stop on our street again. So, listen, I'm gonna go in, I'm

street again. So, listen, I'm gonna go in, I'm gonna take a shower, and then

so, listen, I'm gonna go in, I'm gonna take a shower, and then maybe I can muster a little

gonna take a shower, and then maybe I can muster a little romance for you.

Maybe I can muster a little romance for you. Hold -- hold on.

Romance for you. Hold -- hold on. Okay.

Hold -- hold on. Okay. What's the rush?

Okay. What's the rush? I got to go!

What's the rush? I got to go! I'm gross.

I got to go! I'm gross. Crap.

I'm gross. Crap. Aah!

Crap. Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah! Ohh! Come on!

♪ Do, do do do, do do do ♪ do, do do, do do do dude, you don't have to leave,

♪ do, do do, do do do dude, you don't have to leave, all right?

Dude, you don't have to leave, all right? You just can't put me on watch

all right? You just can't put me on watch dog anymore, all right?

You just can't put me on watch dog anymore, all right? [ laughs ]

Dog anymore, all right? [ laughs ] Yeah. I mean, you are more than

[ laughs ] Yeah. I mean, you are more than welcome to stay with us whenever

yeah. I mean, you are more than welcome to stay with us whenever you want.

Welcome to stay with us whenever you want. You and Scotty have known each

you want. You and Scotty have known each other since birth.

You and Scotty have known each other since birth. I only barged into your lives

other since birth. I only barged into your lives about a year ago.

I only barged into your lives about a year ago. Barging in on me was not

about a year ago. Barging in on me was not cool.

Barging in on me was not cool. [ chuckles ]

Cool. [ chuckles ] I know.

[ Chuckles ] I know. I'm sorry, but, you know, you

I know. I'm sorry, but, you know, you can't barge in and expect to

I'm sorry, but, you know, you can't barge in and expect to become one of them in six

can't barge in and expect to become one of them in six months, either.

Become one of them in six months, either. "One of them"?

Months, either. "One of them"? "Them"?

"One of them"? "Them"? What -- what does that even

"them"? What -- what does that even mean?

What -- what does that even mean? Really?

Mean? Really? Dylan and I are in love.

Really? Dylan and I are in love. Okay?

Dylan and I are in love. Okay? Why you guys so worried about

okay? Why you guys so worried about this now?

Why you guys so worried about this now? Dude, she's the one who got

this now? Dude, she's the one who got you the lipnick job, remember?

Dude, she's the one who got you the lipnick job, remember? She just don't want to get fired

you the lipnick job, remember? She just don't want to get fired when the Christian shit hits the

she just don't want to get fired when the Christian shit hits the jewish fan.

When the Christian shit hits the jewish fan. No. No, I'm not worried about

jewish fan. No. No, I'm not worried about that.

No. No, I'm not worried about that. I am a phenomenal waitress, but

that. I am a phenomenal waitress, but I am worried about you.

I am a phenomenal waitress, but I am worried about you. I mean, if you're really

I am worried about you. I mean, if you're really considering marrying Dylan, I

I mean, if you're really considering marrying Dylan, I just might think again.

Considering marrying Dylan, I just might think again. Her grandparents are very

just might think again. Her grandparents are very old school.

Her grandparents are very old school. I mean, they are

old school. I mean, they are super-super-religious.

I mean, they are super-super-religious. So?

Super-super-religious. So? My parents are super-religious.

So? My parents are super-religious. They don't care if I marry a

my parents are super-religious. They don't care if I marry a jewish girl.

They don't care if I marry a jewish girl. Mike, are you sure? Huh?

Jewish girl. Mike, are you sure? Huh? 'Cause growing in punkton,

Mike, are you sure? Huh? 'Cause growing in punkton, Kansas, I doubt anybody could

'cause growing in punkton, Kansas, I doubt anybody could tell jewish from amish.

Kansas, I doubt anybody could tell jewish from amish. Remember facial hair?

Tell jewish from amish. Remember facial hair? If you had facial hair, you were

remember facial hair? If you had facial hair, you were an alien from outer space.

If you had facial hair, you were an alien from outer space. True story.

An alien from outer space. True story. Scotty, you can't change my

true story. Scotty, you can't change my mind on this, okay?

Scotty, you can't change my mind on this, okay? She's...

Mind on this, okay? She's... [ breathes deeply ]

She's... [ breathes deeply ] She's just made for me.

[ Breathes deeply ] She's just made for me. She's made for you.

She's just made for me. She's made for you. Hey, man, um, what happened to

she's made for you. Hey, man, um, what happened to the Mike I used to know, huh?

Hey, man, um, what happened to the Mike I used to know, huh? The one who would only take the

the Mike I used to know, huh? The one who would only take the richest dude's daughter to the

the one who would only take the richest dude's daughter to the prom?

Richest dude's daughter to the prom? Where's he at?

Prom? Where's he at? Can I see him?

Where's he at? Can I see him? Yeah.

Can I see him? Yeah. I miss him.

Yeah. I miss him. And what happened to the

I miss him. And what happened to the stock broker who wouldn't even

and what happened to the stock broker who wouldn't even take a woman out to coffee

stock broker who wouldn't even take a woman out to coffee without looking at her profile

take a woman out to coffee without looking at her profile first?

Without looking at her profile first? Ah.

First? Ah. Hmm?

Ah. Hmm? He grew up.

Hmm? He grew up. He fell in love.

He grew up. He fell in love. Besides, do not underestimate

he fell in love. Besides, do not underestimate the potential of this

besides, do not underestimate the potential of this restaurant.

The potential of this restaurant. We are really close to

restaurant. We are really close to franchising this.

We are really close to franchising this. Oh, oh, oh, okay, okay.

Franchising this. Oh, oh, oh, okay, okay. See, I thought -- I thought

oh, oh, oh, okay, okay. See, I thought -- I thought amigo was in love with señorita,

see, I thought -- I thought amigo was in love with señorita, not the restaurante.

Amigo was in love with señorita, not the restaurante. Amigo in love with señorita, not

not the restaurante. Amigo in love with señorita, not the restaurante.

Amigo in love with señorita, not the restaurante. ♪ boop ba-da-doop, ba-da-doop

the restaurante. ♪ boop ba-da-doop, ba-da-doop ♪ amigo in love with señorita

♪ boop ba-da-doop, ba-da-doop ♪ amigo in love with señorita ♪ not the restaurante

♪ amigo in love with señorita ♪ not the restaurante ♪ boop, ba-da-boop, ba-da-boop

♪ not the restaurante ♪ boop, ba-da-boop, ba-da-boop Scotty, don't be a schmuck!

♪ Boop, ba-da-boop, ba-da-boop Scotty, don't be a schmuck! Besides, I'm thinking about Paul

Scotty, don't be a schmuck! Besides, I'm thinking about Paul and Elaine in this whole thing.

Besides, I'm thinking about Paul and Elaine in this whole thing. I mean, how can they say no to a

and Elaine in this whole thing. I mean, how can they say no to a guy who is about to

I mean, how can they say no to a guy who is about to revolutionize their family

guy who is about to revolutionize their family business?

Revolutionize their family business? Family business?

Business? Family business? [ laughs ]

Family business? [ laughs ] You would have to die and be

[ laughs ] You would have to die and be reborn jewish for them to

you would have to die and be reborn jewish for them to consider you family.

Reborn jewish for them to consider you family. Oy! Please!

Consider you family. Oy! Please! I could be as jewish as they

oy! Please! I could be as jewish as they wanted me to be!

I could be as jewish as they wanted me to be! [ stomps foot ]

Wanted me to be! [ stomps foot ] [ chuckles ]

[ Stomps foot ] [ chuckles ] Just wait until you see

[ chuckles ] Just wait until you see Jeremy.

Just wait until you see Jeremy. Who?

Jeremy. Who? Who?

Who? Who? The bicycle guy?

Who? The bicycle guy? Yeah.

The bicycle guy? Yeah. The lipnicks totally drool over

yeah. The lipnicks totally drool over him.

The lipnicks totally drool over him. Okay? He's straight out of

him. Okay? He's straight out of frickin' "fiddler on the roof."

Okay? He's straight out of frickin' "fiddler on the roof." And now that he's back in town,

frickin' "fiddler on the roof." And now that he's back in town, they're gonna try to set Dylan

and now that he's back in town, they're gonna try to set Dylan up with him.

They're gonna try to set Dylan up with him. Just wait and see.

Up with him. Just wait and see. [ klezmer music playing ]

Sweetheart, we need to buy more sugar packets. I know.

More sugar packets. I know. And we're running out of baked

I know. And we're running out of baked apples.

And we're running out of baked apples. Oh, I thought we had so many.

Apples. Oh, I thought we had so many. No, we don't.

Oh, I thought we had so many. No, we don't. What about the halva?

No, we don't. What about the halva? The halva -- chocolate-covered

what about the halva? The halva -- chocolate-covered halva.

The halva -- chocolate-covered halva. Oh, I love it.

Halva. Oh, I love it. Yeah.

Oh, I love it. Yeah. A lot of people like it.

Yeah. A lot of people like it. Oh, I'm sorry.

A lot of people like it. Oh, I'm sorry. We're actually not open yet.

Oh, I'm sorry. We're actually not open yet. Oh, I'm not a customer.

We're actually not open yet. Oh, I'm not a customer. I'm family.

Oh, I'm not a customer. I'm family. Would you mind telling me who

I'm family. Would you mind telling me who you're related to?

Would you mind telling me who you're related to? Look who's here.

You're related to? Look who's here. Jeremy!

Look who's here. Jeremy! Bubala!

Jeremy! Bubala! Jeremy!

Bubala! Jeremy! Paul! Ooh!

Jeremy! Paul! Ooh! Bubbie Elaine.

Paul! Ooh! Bubbie Elaine. Good to see you.

Bubbie Elaine. Good to see you. Good to see you.

Good to see you. Good to see you. I brought you these -- to

good to see you. I brought you these -- to congratulate you on delilah's

I brought you these -- to congratulate you on delilah's graduation.

Congratulate you on delilah's graduation. How nice of you to remember.

Graduation. How nice of you to remember. Where is our beautiful

how nice of you to remember. Where is our beautiful delilah?

Where is our beautiful delilah? She's not here now.

Delilah? She's not here now. But you are -- join us for

she's not here now. But you are -- join us for lunch.

But you are -- join us for lunch. Oh, we have some delicious

lunch. Oh, we have some delicious food here.

Oh, we have some delicious food here. There is nothing I would love

food here. There is nothing I would love more than grandma's delicious

there is nothing I would love more than grandma's delicious tongue on rye.

More than grandma's delicious tongue on rye. Oh! [ laughing ]

Tongue on rye. Oh! [ laughing ] But, unfortunately, I have to

oh! [ laughing ] But, unfortunately, I have to run.

But, unfortunately, I have to run. I'll be back later, though, to

run. I'll be back later, though, to pick up delilah.

I'll be back later, though, to pick up delilah. She doesn't know it yet, but...

Pick up delilah. She doesn't know it yet, but... I got her tickets to see the

she doesn't know it yet, but... I got her tickets to see the symphony at the Hollywood bowl.

I got her tickets to see the symphony at the Hollywood bowl. Wonderful!

Symphony at the Hollywood bowl. Wonderful! Fabulous!

Wonderful! Fabulous! Michael, would you put these

fabulous! Michael, would you put these lovely flowers in some water,

Michael, would you put these lovely flowers in some water, please?

Lovely flowers in some water, please? He's our new assistant manager.

Please? He's our new assistant manager. [ sighs ]

He's our new assistant manager. [ sighs ] Hi. Mike.

[ Sighs ] Hi. Mike. Mike Christian.

Hi. Mike. Mike Christian. Jeremy.

Mike Christian. Jeremy. Jeremy jew.

Jeremy. Jeremy jew. Stop it.

Jeremy jew. Stop it. [ laughter ]

Stop it. [ laughter ] Yeah, that's funny.

[ Laughter ] Yeah, that's funny. Uh, Christian is my real last

yeah, that's funny. Uh, Christian is my real last name, actually.

Uh, Christian is my real last name, actually. Well, jew's mine, too.

Name, actually. Well, jew's mine, too. And if you believe that, I got a

well, jew's mine, too. And if you believe that, I got a bridge in Brooklyn I'd love to

and if you believe that, I got a bridge in Brooklyn I'd love to sell you.

Bridge in Brooklyn I'd love to sell you. [ laughter ]

Sell you. [ laughter ] Got it. Yeah.

[ Laughter ] Got it. Yeah. Uh, Dylan's at the dentist right

got it. Yeah. Uh, Dylan's at the dentist right now, and actually, you know, I

uh, Dylan's at the dentist right now, and actually, you know, I think she has plans later.

Now, and actually, you know, I think she has plans later. Really?

Think she has plans later. Really? I thought you were the assistant

really? I thought you were the assistant manager.

I thought you were the assistant manager. What, are you her personal

manager. What, are you her personal secretary, too?

What, are you her personal secretary, too? [ laughter ]

Secretary, too? [ laughter ] No, I'm her boyfriend.

[ Laughter ] No, I'm her boyfriend. What?

No, I'm her boyfriend. What? Wh-what did you say?

What? Wh-what did you say? Paul, Elaine, I didn't want

wh-what did you say? Paul, Elaine, I didn't want you guys to find out like this.

Paul, Elaine, I didn't want you guys to find out like this. I mean, you guys have taken me

you guys to find out like this. I mean, you guys have taken me in, and you've treated me like

I mean, you guys have taken me in, and you've treated me like family.

In, and you've treated me like family. But I guess now is as good a

family. But I guess now is as good a time as any.

But I guess now is as good a time as any. [ breathes deeply ]

Time as any. [ breathes deeply ] I'm in love with your

[ breathes deeply ] I'm in love with your granddaughter.

I'm in love with your granddaughter. In love?

Granddaughter. In love? [ speaking yiddish ]

In love? [ speaking yiddish ] You're fired! Get out!

[ Speaking yiddish ] You're fired! Get out! Paul, let me explain.

You're fired! Get out! Paul, let me explain. Out!

Paul, let me explain. Out! We don't want to see you. Go.

Out! We don't want to see you. Go. What's going on?

Um...There's just one question I need to ask you before I leave.

Question I need to ask you before I leave. Dylan lipnick, I want to spend

before I leave. Dylan lipnick, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Dylan lipnick, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?

The rest of my life with you. Will you marry me? No!

Will you marry me? No! No! No!

No! No! No! I'm serious.

No! No! I'm serious. I'm committed.

I'm serious. I'm committed. I need your answer -- yes or no?

[ Sighs ] Oh, my God. Yes!

Oh, my God. Yes! Yes?

Yes! Yes? Yes!

Yes? Yes! Are you serious?!

Yes! Are you serious?! Oh, but --

are you serious?! Oh, but -- no.

Oh, but -- no. This is a sham!

No. This is a sham! Those flowers Jeremy brought for

this is a sham! Those flowers Jeremy brought for you.

Those flowers Jeremy brought for you. Then that's what the invites

you. Then that's what the invites will say -- "flowers by

then that's what the invites will say -- "flowers by Jeremy -- Jeremy jew."

Will say -- "flowers by Jeremy -- Jeremy jew." You know what?

Jeremy -- Jeremy jew." You know what? Jeremy was even kind enough to

you know what? Jeremy was even kind enough to buy concert tickets.

Jeremy was even kind enough to buy concert tickets. Yes.

Buy concert tickets. Yes. For us.

Yes. For us. No!

For us. No! No?

No! No? Yes.

No? Yes. Delilah...

Yes. Delilah... Thank you.

Delilah... Thank you. ...I want to see you in my

thank you. ...I want to see you in my booth right now.

...I want to see you in my booth right now. Come on.

Oy.

You've known this man for only a few months, and now you're ready to marry him?

Only a few months, and now you're ready to marry him? What do you know about him?

You're ready to marry him? What do you know about him? I know he's a good man with a

what do you know about him? I know he's a good man with a brilliant head on his shoulders.

I know he's a good man with a brilliant head on his shoulders. He's a self-directed man with

brilliant head on his shoulders. He's a self-directed man with ambition and dreams.

He's a self-directed man with ambition and dreams. And he loves me to bits,

ambition and dreams. And he loves me to bits, grandpa.

And he loves me to bits, grandpa. What more can I ask for?

Grandpa. What more can I ask for? Jeremy waited years for you

what more can I ask for? Jeremy waited years for you to finish school.

Jeremy waited years for you to finish school. At least you could've given it a

to finish school. At least you could've given it a try, gone out with him,

at least you could've given it a try, gone out with him, something.

Try, gone out with him, something. He's not my type, grandma.

Something. He's not my type, grandma. He's too...

He's not my type, grandma. He's too... Too what?

He's too... Too what? I don't -- I don't know.

Too what? I don't -- I don't know. He's too...

I don't -- I don't know. He's too... Jewish?

He's too... Jewish? Too jewish?

Jewish? Too jewish? Like all those worthless people

too jewish? Like all those worthless people in our family?

Like all those worthless people in our family? Like all the generations who

in our family? Like all the generations who suffered so you could have a

like all the generations who suffered so you could have a better life?

Suffered so you could have a better life? Like us, I suppose?

Come here, sweetheart. Listen to me. I have never seen your grandpa

listen to me. I have never seen your grandpa this hurt.

I have never seen your grandpa this hurt. Please, just let it go for a

this hurt. Please, just let it go for a while.

Please, just let it go for a while. Let it be.

While. Let it be. All right?

They've given up so much to give me a better life. And what do I do in return?

Give me a better life. And what do I do in return? I crush them.

[ Exhaling sharply ] Okay, so, I want to go through an authentic conversion,

okay, so, I want to go through an authentic conversion, one that follows the most

through an authentic conversion, one that follows the most ancient of rituals.

One that follows the most ancient of rituals. You do understand that this

ancient of rituals. You do understand that this will require a circumcision,

you do understand that this will require a circumcision, yeah?

Will require a circumcision, yeah? Yes, I do.

Yeah? Yes, I do. And you're kidding me, right?

Yes, I do. And you're kidding me, right? It's a joke.

And you're kidding me, right? It's a joke. Oh, I get it.

It's a joke. Oh, I get it. This is an episode of a reality

oh, I get it. This is an episode of a reality show, and I'm in it.

This is an episode of a reality show, and I'm in it. And I bet you my Agent set it

show, and I'm in it. And I bet you my Agent set it up.

And I bet you my Agent set it up. Max?

Up. Max? Max, where are you, you little

Max? Max, where are you, you little rat?

Max, where are you, you little rat? Max?

Rat? Max? No?

Max? No? No.

No? No. You're serious.

No. You're serious. All right, I have to explain

you're serious. All right, I have to explain what it is.

All right, I have to explain what it is. We don't have to take off the

what it is. We don't have to take off the whole megillah.

We don't have to take off the whole megillah. We got to make a cut.

Whole megillah. We got to make a cut. But there's gonna be some blood,

we got to make a cut. But there's gonna be some blood, there's gonna be a scalpel,

but there's gonna be some blood, there's gonna be a scalpel, there's gonna be an owie on your

there's gonna be a scalpel, there's gonna be an owie on your pee-pee, all right?

There's gonna be an owie on your pee-pee, all right? I got a question to ask you.

Pee-pee, all right? I got a question to ask you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much

I got a question to ask you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much pain can you take it?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much pain can you take it? 8.5.

Pain can you take it? 8.5. No, no.

8.5. No, no. No, no, no.

No, no. No, no, no. Not 8.5.

No, no, no. Not 8.5. I'm -- I'm more of like a 2.1

not 8.5. I'm -- I'm more of like a 2.1 kind of guy.

I'm -- I'm more of like a 2.1 kind of guy. You said you were in love.

Kind of guy. You said you were in love. And this is your best friend,

you said you were in love. And this is your best friend, yeah?

And this is your best friend, yeah? 8.5.

Yeah? 8.5. Okay.

8.5. Okay. For love.

Okay. For love. Hey, kid.

For love. Hey, kid. 8.5.

Hey, kid. 8.5. Drink to that.

8.5. Drink to that. Under strict rabbinical law, I

drink to that. Under strict rabbinical law, I have to tell you, you've got to

under strict rabbinical law, I have to tell you, you've got to ask me three times so I can do

have to tell you, you've got to ask me three times so I can do it.

Ask me three times so I can do it. Please?

It. Please? No.

Please? No. Please?

No. Please? No.

Please? No. Please?

No. Please? Okay! That's all right.

Please? Okay! That's all right. We're gonna do it.

Okay! That's all right. We're gonna do it. All right.

We're gonna do it. All right. And I'm gonna sing to you like a

all right. And I'm gonna sing to you like a father would sing to his little

and I'm gonna sing to you like a father would sing to his little jewish boy.

Father would sing to his little jewish boy. [ singing in hebrew ]

Wow! [ chuckles ] I feel jewish already. Oh, look!

I feel jewish already. Oh, look! My foreskin just fell off!

Oh, look! My foreskin just fell off! Ha ha!

My foreskin just fell off! Ha ha! No, it -- it didn't.

Ha ha! No, it -- it didn't. You still have to cut it off.

No, it -- it didn't. You still have to cut it off. You look jewish a little bit.

Welcome, welcome, my dear friends. Good afternoon.

Friends. Good afternoon. Today, we're going to have a

good afternoon. Today, we're going to have a ceremony which you will never

today, we're going to have a ceremony which you will never forget the rest of your life, I

ceremony which you will never forget the rest of your life, I assure you.

Forget the rest of your life, I assure you. We have a young man outside of

assure you. We have a young man outside of our shul but with a great deal

we have a young man outside of our shul but with a great deal of love in his heart, who has

our shul but with a great deal of love in his heart, who has come here today to express his

of love in his heart, who has come here today to express his love and admiration for our

come here today to express his love and admiration for our religion.

Love and admiration for our religion. He wants to be converted in the

religion. He wants to be converted in the most traditional way -- with our

he wants to be converted in the most traditional way -- with our oldest ritual, the bris.

Rabbi.

Are you comfortable? Yeah. Are you comfortable?

Yeah. Are you comfortable? I make a living.

Are you comfortable? I make a living. Are you confident?

I make a living. Are you confident? Yeah.

Are you confident? Yeah. Are you confident?

Yeah. Are you confident? They're not gonna cut me.

Are you confident? They're not gonna cut me. [ chanting in hebrew ]

[ Singing in hebrew ]

Aaaaaaaah! Boychick, how you feeling? See?

Boychick, how you feeling? See? Wasn't so bad.

See? Wasn't so bad. Yeah.

Wasn't so bad. Yeah. Not so bad.

Yeah. Not so bad. Heimlich.

Not so bad. Heimlich. [ chuckles ]

Heimlich. [ chuckles ] So, we have some oils here

[ chuckles ] So, we have some oils here that'll make you feel better.

So, we have some oils here that'll make you feel better. We have everything from

that'll make you feel better. We have everything from something that's soothing and

we have everything from something that's soothing and gentle to healing and stinging.

Something that's soothing and gentle to healing and stinging. How about some wine?

Gentle to healing and stinging. How about some wine? [ sighs ]

How about some wine? [ sighs ] You're serious?

[ Sighs ] You're serious? All right.

You're serious? All right. He's chosen wine.

All right. He's chosen wine. Wine it is.

He's chosen wine. Wine it is. Don't worry.

Wine it is. Don't worry. You're a brave young man.

Don't worry. You're a brave young man. Oh, yes.

You're a brave young man. Oh, yes. Here we go.

Oh, yes. Here we go. Aaaaaah!

Here we go. Aaaaaah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

[ Applause ] Mazel tov. Thank you.

Mazel tov. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Mazel tov.

Thank you. Mazel tov. Oh. Oh, you came.

Mazel tov. Oh. Oh, you came. Oh, that means so much to me.

Oh. Oh, you came. Oh, that means so much to me. Dylan -- Dylan loves you so

oh, that means so much to me. Dylan -- Dylan loves you so much, and she was afraid you

Dylan -- Dylan loves you so much, and she was afraid you weren't gonna accept me and...

Much, and she was afraid you weren't gonna accept me and... Thank you.

Weren't gonna accept me and... Thank you. Who told you this

thank you. Who told you this Daniel nudnick was qualified to

who told you this Daniel nudnick was qualified to do this?

Daniel nudnick was qualified to do this? You need to study six mon--

do this? You need to study six mon-- yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

You need to study six mon-- yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I know. I am studying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I know. I am studying. I just couldn't stay away from

I know. I am studying. I just couldn't stay away from my Dylan that long.

I just couldn't stay away from my Dylan that long. Excuse me.

My Dylan that long. Excuse me. Oh, uh, Paul?

Excuse me. Oh, uh, Paul? Let's keep this a surprise,

oh, uh, Paul? Let's keep this a surprise, between us.

Careful. [ applause ]

Okay, I'll be right back with some pepper. Do you need anything else?

Some pepper. Do you need anything else? Just that.

Do you need anything else? Just that. Okay, all right, great.

Just that. Okay, all right, great. Hey. Where's Mike?

Okay, all right, great. Hey. Where's Mike? Oh, um, why don't you ask our

hey. Where's Mike? Oh, um, why don't you ask our new head manager?

Oh, um, why don't you ask our new head manager? Proudest jew on the block.

Why would you do that? Hire him as head manager? No matter what you say or do, I

hire him as head manager? No matter what you say or do, I am never going out with him.

No matter what you say or do, I am never going out with him. Well, sorry to hear that, but

am never going out with him. Well, sorry to hear that, but maybe you should tell him

well, sorry to hear that, but maybe you should tell him yourself.

Maybe you should tell him yourself. Go ahead. Tell him.

Look, I know that this might disappoint you, but will you please just leave me alone?

Disappoint you, but will you please just leave me alone? Oy!

Please just leave me alone? Oy! What am I, chopped liver?

Oy! What am I, chopped liver? Fine. I'm leaving.

What am I, chopped liver? Fine. I'm leaving. I don't need your tsuris.

Fine. I'm leaving. I don't need your tsuris. Mike?

I don't need your tsuris. Mike? What is this?

Mike? What is this? Yesterday was a surprise -- a

what is this? Yesterday was a surprise -- a profound surprise for us, as

yesterday was a surprise -- a profound surprise for us, as well.

Profound surprise for us, as well. He put himself through the whole

well. He put himself through the whole nine yards, including a

he put himself through the whole nine yards, including a traditional bris.

Nine yards, including a traditional bris. Who knew he was gonna be

traditional bris. Who knew he was gonna be studying hebrew?

Who knew he was gonna be studying hebrew? You didn't have to...

Studying hebrew? You didn't have to... I can't believe you did all

you didn't have to... I can't believe you did all this.

I can't believe you did all this. May I, with your permission?

This. May I, with your permission? Of course.

Oh. Oh, my God.

Aww. Mwah. Mwah!

Mwah. Mwah! Mazel tov.

Mwah! Mazel tov. Mazel tov.

Mazel tov. Mazel tov. [ laughter ]

Mazel tov. [ laughter ] Aww. Every happiness.

[ Laughter ] Aww. Every happiness. It's amazing.

Aww. Every happiness. It's amazing. You like --

it's amazing. You like -- oh, careful down there.

You like -- oh, careful down there. Oh, sorry.

Oh, careful down there. Oh, sorry. Whew. [ chuckles ]

[ Gasps ] Roger! What happened?

Roger! What happened? Come here!

What happened? Come here! Come on!

Come here! Come on! What? What?

Come on! What? What? Oh, my God.

What? What? Oh, my God. You have to see this.

Oh, my God. You have to see this. What?

You have to see this. What? Go ahead.

What? Go ahead. No, no, no, no!

Go ahead. No, no, no, no! You have to read it yourself!

No, no, no, no! You have to read it yourself! Hands are all wet.

You have to read it yourself! Hands are all wet. Oh, sweet Jesus.

Hands are all wet. Oh, sweet Jesus. Honey, Jesus was jewish.

Oh, sweet Jesus. Honey, Jesus was jewish. Gosh. Isn't she beautiful?

Honey, Jesus was jewish. Gosh. Isn't she beautiful? Well, yeah, but...

Gosh. Isn't she beautiful? Well, yeah, but... I wish he would've told us.

Well, yeah, but... I wish he would've told us. Honey, Mike has finally found

I wish he would've told us. Honey, Mike has finally found somebody he loves.

Honey, Mike has finally found somebody he loves. I'm going.

Somebody he loves. I'm going. Are you gonna join me?

I'm going. Are you gonna join me? Of course I'm gonna join you.

Are you gonna join me? Of course I'm gonna join you. But I'm not joining anything

of course I'm gonna join you. But I'm not joining anything else.

But I'm not joining anything else. [ laughs ]

Else. [ laughs ] So, how many guests so far?

[ Laughs ] So, how many guests so far? Our side, we're at 200, plus

so, how many guests so far? Our side, we're at 200, plus you added 49, including the

our side, we're at 200, plus you added 49, including the stock-market janitors?

You added 49, including the stock-market janitors? Oh, good! Yes!

Stock-market janitors? Oh, good! Yes! I love those guys.

Honey, it's getting late. Don't you have to go home? Yeah.

Don't you have to go home? Yeah. So, I don't want you to

yeah. So, I don't want you to misunderstand me.

So, I don't want you to misunderstand me. Feel free -- tell me what you

misunderstand me. Feel free -- tell me what you think.

Feel free -- tell me what you think. What's this?

Think. What's this? It's our prenup.

What's this? It's our prenup. No!

It's our prenup. No! Hey, guys! Scotty, come here!

No! Hey, guys! Scotty, come here! Yo!

Hey, guys! Scotty, come here! Yo! You guys, we are like real

yo! You guys, we are like real celebrities.

You guys, we are like real celebrities. We are like Brad pitt and

celebrities. We are like Brad pitt and Angelina jolie.

We are like Brad pitt and Angelina jolie. Ha!

Angelina jolie. Ha! We have got a prenup.

Ha! We have got a prenup. Yeah!

We have got a prenup. Yeah! This is a -- this is a

yeah! This is a -- this is a prenup?

This is a -- this is a prenup? Yeah.

Prenup? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Prenup.

Yeah. Prenup. This is more like a phone book.

Prenup. This is more like a phone book. Wow.

This is more like a phone book. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Okay. I know it's a bit long,

yeah. Okay. I know it's a bit long, but you understand why.

Okay. I know it's a bit long, but you understand why. Oh, I know! I know!

But you understand why. Oh, I know! I know! I know.

Oh, I know! I know! I know. Because in our jewish culture,

I know. Because in our jewish culture, before the wedding, we sign a

because in our jewish culture, before the wedding, we sign a thing called a "patuka."

Before the wedding, we sign a thing called a "patuka." A what?

Thing called a "patuka." A what? A what?

A what? A what? A "topanga."

A what? A "topanga." A...Bazooka.

A "topanga." A...Bazooka. Umbutcha.

A...Bazooka. Umbutcha. Tenduka, cambuna, hakuna --

umbutcha. Tenduka, cambuna, hakuna -- cadzuki, shiitake.

Tenduka, cambuna, hakuna -- cadzuki, shiitake. It's a ketubah...

Cadzuki, shiitake. It's a ketubah... Ketubah! Yes!

It's a ketubah... Ketubah! Yes! ...Mr. Jewish groom.

Ketubah! Yes! ...Mr. Jewish groom. And ketubah is just one page.

...Mr. jewish groom. And ketubah is just one page. This is way more than one

and ketubah is just one page. This is way more than one page.

This is way more than one page. This is...A lot of pages.

Page. This is...A lot of pages. Honey, yeah, this is a

this is...A lot of pages. Honey, yeah, this is a little...

Honey, yeah, this is a little... Are you sure this is our prenup?

Little... Are you sure this is our prenup? It looks more like your thesis.

Are you sure this is our prenup? It looks more like your thesis. Just read it and let me know

it looks more like your thesis. Just read it and let me know if you want to make any changes.

Just read it and let me know if you want to make any changes. Love you.

If you want to make any changes. Love you. I love you.

Love you. I love you. Bye.

I love you. Bye. I love our prenup!

Bye. I love our prenup! I'm glad.

Dude, what are you doing?! You got to read this shit. [ laughs ]

You got to read this shit. [ laughs ] Dude, how many credit cards do

[ laughs ] Dude, how many credit cards do you sign up for?

Dude, how many credit cards do you sign up for? You just sign "I agree" without

you sign up for? You just sign "I agree" without even reading it.

You just sign "I agree" without even reading it. Come on.

Even reading it. Come on. Dude, this is your life we're

come on. Dude, this is your life we're talking about here, not a credit

dude, this is your life we're talking about here, not a credit card, okay?

Talking about here, not a credit card, okay? Look, there's an attorney in my

card, okay? Look, there's an attorney in my cigar club.

Look, there's an attorney in my cigar club. He owes me a favor.

Cigar club. He owes me a favor. We'll let him read it first, all

he owes me a favor. We'll let him read it first, all right?

We'll let him read it first, all right? Just let him read it.

Right? Just let him read it. Dude, it's fine.

Just let him read it. Dude, it's fine. Look -- "sign here."

Dude, it's fine. Look -- "sign here." You're out of your mind.

Look -- "sign here." You're out of your mind. He's in love.

You're out of your mind. He's in love. I'm in love!

He's in love. I'm in love! Love makes you stupid.

I'm in love! Love makes you stupid. Like "wow! Stupid!"

Love makes you stupid. Like "wow! Stupid!" Love makes me stupid.

Like "wow! Stupid!" Love makes me stupid. Yeah.

Love makes me stupid. Yeah. ♪ ooh, ooh

yeah. ♪ ooh, ooh ♪ yeah, yeah

♪ ooh, ooh ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah, yeah

♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah, yeah

♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ picture you with no me

♪ yeah, yeah ♪ picture you with no me ♪ picture me without love

♪ picture you with no me ♪ picture me without love ♪ I just can't see you and I

♪ picture me without love ♪ I just can't see you and I getting old ♪

♪ I just can't see you and I getting old ♪ ♪ now picture us old

getting old ♪ ♪ now picture us old ♪ still so in love

♪ now picture us old ♪ still so in love ♪ that is the dream I can

♪ still so in love ♪ that is the dream I can picture for us ♪

♪ that is the dream I can picture for us ♪ ♪ I ain't goin' nowhere

picture for us ♪ ♪ I ain't goin' nowhere ♪ I ain't leavin'

♪ I ain't goin' nowhere ♪ I ain't leavin' for nothin' in the world ♪

♪ I ain't leavin' for nothin' in the world ♪ ♪ I ain't going nowhere

for nothin' in the world ♪ ♪ I ain't going nowhere ♪ I'm-a stay here

♪ I ain't going nowhere ♪ I'm-a stay here ♪ I'm stayin' with you

♪ I'm-a stay here ♪ I'm stayin' with you ♪ I want to be the one

♪ I'm stayin' with you ♪ I want to be the one here for the long run ♪

♪ I want to be the one here for the long run ♪ ♪ nothing can fade the love for

here for the long run ♪ ♪ nothing can fade the love for you ♪

♪ nothing can fade the love for you ♪ ♪ I use every single day

you ♪ ♪ I use every single day ♪ being your everything

♪ I use every single day ♪ being your everything ♪ coming with brand-new ways to

♪ being your everything ♪ coming with brand-new ways to show you ♪

♪ coming with brand-new ways to show you ♪ ♪ you say I'm headstrong

show you ♪ ♪ you say I'm headstrong ♪ you think I let go

♪ you say I'm headstrong ♪ you think I let go ♪ oh, baby, ain't enough

♪ you think I let go ♪ oh, baby, ain't enough forgiveness to make me say

♪ oh, baby, ain't enough forgiveness to make me say goodbye ♪

forgiveness to make me say goodbye ♪ ♪ no matter who's gone

goodbye ♪ ♪ no matter who's gone ♪ I always come home

♪ no matter who's gone ♪ I always come home ♪ 'cause you were made for

♪ I always come home ♪ 'cause you were made for me, and I'm staying with you ♪

♪ 'cause you were made for me, and I'm staying with you ♪ ♪ I ain't goin' nowhere

me, and I'm staying with you ♪ ♪ I ain't goin' nowhere ♪ I ain't leavin'

♪ I ain't goin' nowhere ♪ I ain't leavin' for nothin' in the world ♪

♪ I ain't leavin' for nothin' in the world ♪ ♪ I ain't going nowhere

for nothin' in the world ♪ ♪ I ain't going nowhere ♪ I'm-a stay here

♪ I ain't going nowhere ♪ I'm-a stay here ♪ I'm stayin' with you

♪ I'm-a stay here ♪ I'm stayin' with you ♪ ooh

♪ I'm stayin' with you ♪ ooh ♪ yeah

♪ ooh ♪ yeah ♪ yeah

♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ ooh

♪ yeah ♪ ooh ♪ yeah

♪ ooh ♪ yeah ♪ yeah

♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ I'm stayin' with you

♪ yeah ♪ I'm stayin' with you ♪ ooh

♪ I'm stayin' with you ♪ ooh ♪ yeah

♪ ooh ♪ yeah ♪ yeah

♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ yeah

♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ I'm stayin' with you

♪ yeah ♪ I'm stayin' with you ♪ ooh, ooh

♪ I'm stayin' with you ♪ ooh, ooh ♪ yeah, yeah

♪ ooh, ooh ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah, yeah

♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ ooh, ooh

♪ yeah, yeah ♪ ooh, ooh ♪ yeah, yeah

♪ ooh, ooh ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah, yeah

♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ ooh ooh

♪ yeah, yeah ♪ ooh ooh ♪ yeah, yeah

♪ ooh ooh ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah

♪ yeah, yeah ♪ yeah ♪ yeah

♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ oh

♪ yeah ♪ oh ♪ I'm stayin' with you

♪ I'm stayin' with you

♪ I'm stayin' with you

where are we going? What are we doing here? Don't worry about it.

What are we doing here? Don't worry about it. Thank you.

Don't worry about it. Thank you. Honey, what are we doing?

Thank you. Honey, what are we doing? Just get the bag.

Honey, what are we doing? Just get the bag. Come on.

Honey, whose house is this? Wow. God.

Wow. God. Wow.

God. Wow. Turn it on.

Welcome to your new home! Have a very happy married life, darlings!

Have a very happy married life, darlings! Have a blast!

Life, darlings! Have a blast! Both: Mwah! Mwah!

Have a blast! Both: Mwah! Mwah! No.

Both: Mwah! Mwah! No. Yeah.

No. Yeah. No!

Yeah. No! [ both laugh ]

No! [ both laugh ] Oh, my God!

[ Both laugh ] Oh, my God! I don't want them watching.

Oh, my God! I don't want them watching. [ laughs ]

Lipnick's. What the hell kind of name is that, anyway?

What the hell kind of name is that, anyway? It's the name that's gonna

that, anyway? It's the name that's gonna make you money, Rick.

It's the name that's gonna make you money, Rick. Okay, now, what's the plan of

make you money, Rick. Okay, now, what's the plan of attack?

Okay, now, what's the plan of attack? V.C.S or angels?

Attack? V.C.S or angels? No, no, no, no.

V.C.S or angels? No, no, no, no. I'd go big.

No, no, no, no. I'd go big. On that note, I know you guys

I'd go big. On that note, I know you guys can't afford a 15% finder's fee,

on that note, I know you guys can't afford a 15% finder's fee, so figured I'd make it 10%?

5% is industry standard. [ chuckles ] Come on, Scotty. 5.5%.

[ Chuckles ] Come on, Scotty. 5.5%. 8.5%.

5.5%. 8.5%. No!

8.5%. No! It hurts.

No! It hurts. Damn. Okay.

It hurts. Damn. Okay. Uh...5.5%. Fine.

Damn. Okay. Uh...5.5%. Fine. Not a cent less, not a cent

uh...5.5%. Fine. Not a cent less, not a cent more.

Gentlemen, our board of directors loves your plan. However, our c.E.O. Is leaving

directors loves your plan. However, our c.E.O. Is leaving town for two weeks, so we'd like

however, our c.E.O. Is leaving town for two weeks, so we'd like to ask you not to approach any

town for two weeks, so we'd like to ask you not to approach any other companies until she's

to ask you not to approach any other companies until she's back, and then we can finalize

other companies until she's back, and then we can finalize your contract.

Back, and then we can finalize your contract. Well, we have two other

your contract. Well, we have two other meetings set up.

Well, we have two other meetings set up. We do?

Meetings set up. We do? Oh.

We do? Oh. Yeah, we -- we do.

Oh. Yeah, we -- we do. Two weeks is a long time.

Yeah, we -- we do. Two weeks is a long time. Come on.

Two weeks is a long time. Come on. She knows the deal.

Come on. She knows the deal. Why not just give us the answer

she knows the deal. Why not just give us the answer right now.

Why not just give us the answer right now. I wish I could, but she's

right now. I wish I could, but she's heading to the airport right

I wish I could, but she's heading to the airport right now.

Heading to the airport right now. Is that your c.E.O. Right

now. Is that your c.E.O. Right there?

Is that your c.E.O. Right there? Yes.

There? Yes. And that's Ms. birch.

Yes. And that's Ms. birch. Come on.

And that's Ms. birch. Come on. Just let us talk to her for like

come on. Just let us talk to her for like one minute.

Just let us talk to her for like one minute. 'Fraid I can't.

One minute. 'Fraid I can't. Well, we're afraid we'll have

'fraid I can't. Well, we're afraid we'll have to pursue our other options,

well, we're afraid we'll have to pursue our other options, then.

To pursue our other options, then. Give me one minute.

Then. Give me one minute. The gentlemen from the

give me one minute. The gentlemen from the restaurant are here.

The gentlemen from the restaurant are here. They'd like to speak with you

restaurant are here. They'd like to speak with you just briefly.

They'd like to speak with you just briefly. I'm on my way to a business

just briefly. I'm on my way to a business and golf trip.

I'm on my way to a business and golf trip. I don't have time for this.

And golf trip. I don't have time for this. Please just reschedule.

I don't have time for this. Please just reschedule. Now is not a good time to

please just reschedule. Now is not a good time to talk to her.

Now is not a good time to talk to her. I'm afraid you're just going to

talk to her. I'm afraid you're just going to have to wait.

I'm afraid you're just going to have to wait. Did I hear her say something

have to wait. Did I hear her say something about a golf outing?

Did I hear her say something about a golf outing? Ms. birch is on her way to a

about a golf outing? Ms. birch is on her way to a financial summit in scottsdale,

Ms. birch is on her way to a financial summit in scottsdale, Arizona, but all the best deals

financial summit in scottsdale, Arizona, but all the best deals are done on the links.

Arizona, but all the best deals are done on the links. You know what?

Are done on the links. You know what? We might just have to go and

you know what? We might just have to go and play the back nine with her.

We might just have to go and play the back nine with her. [ chuckles ]

Play the back nine with her. [ chuckles ] I'll see you in a couple of

[ chuckles ] I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

You know, there actually are other places we can go. I think we should look into it.

Other places we can go. I think we should look into it. Okay.

I think we should look into it. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Grandmother's famous recipe

okay. Grandmother's famous recipe for tongue on rye.

It sounded like you said "tongue." [ chuckles ]

"Tongue." [ chuckles ] I did.

[ Chuckles ] I did. It's cow tongue.

I did. It's cow tongue. Oh, cow tongue.

It's cow tongue. Oh, cow tongue. Yeah, you know, I'm a diabetic,

oh, cow tongue. Yeah, you know, I'm a diabetic, so tongue, lips, face, all

yeah, you know, I'm a diabetic, so tongue, lips, face, all that's from the neck up, I'm not

so tongue, lips, face, all that's from the neck up, I'm not supposed to digest it.

That's from the neck up, I'm not supposed to digest it. Mm. Nice try.

Supposed to digest it. Mm. Nice try. I'm gonna track her down in

mm. Nice try. I'm gonna track her down in scottsdale, Arizona.

I'm gonna track her down in scottsdale, Arizona. I think her comment was a test.

Scottsdale, Arizona. I think her comment was a test. She purposely said it loud

I think her comment was a test. She purposely said it loud enough so that we would hear it.

She purposely said it loud enough so that we would hear it. No.

Enough so that we would hear it. No. Yeah.

No. Yeah. Look, these big-player types, to

yeah. Look, these big-player types, to them, this is all just a game.

Look, these big-player types, to them, this is all just a game. Why else would they go and do

them, this is all just a game. Why else would they go and do business on a golf course?

Why else would they go and do business on a golf course? Can you help me?

Business on a golf course? Can you help me? I'm at a loss.

Can you help me? I'm at a loss. So let's play it.

I'm at a loss. So let's play it. Let's play their game.

So let's play it. Let's play their game. I'm gonna go to the resort and

let's play their game. I'm gonna go to the resort and blend in with the millionaire

I'm gonna go to the resort and blend in with the millionaire crowd.

Blend in with the millionaire crowd. Uh, no offense, dude, but

crowd. Uh, no offense, dude, but that takes some major

uh, no offense, dude, but that takes some major camouflage.

That takes some major camouflage. Hey.

Camouflage. Hey. Just let me worry about that,

hey. Just let me worry about that, okay?

Just let me worry about that, okay? Okay, look, man.

Okay? Okay, look, man. A last-minute plane ticket,

okay, look, man. A last-minute plane ticket, though?

A last-minute plane ticket, though? A five-star executive suite?

Though? A five-star executive suite? Plus, your blending in would

a five-star executive suite? Plus, your blending in would cost more than we all can afford

plus, your blending in would cost more than we all can afford to put together.

Cost more than we all can afford to put together. So, sorry to be a prick, but we

to put together. So, sorry to be a prick, but we all know how your financial

so, sorry to be a prick, but we all know how your financial adventures turned out in the

all know how your financial adventures turned out in the past.

Adventures turned out in the past. Look, that was a long time

past. Look, that was a long time ago, okay?

Look, that was a long time ago, okay? I have learned from those

ago, okay? I have learned from those mistakes.

I have learned from those mistakes. I'm not so sure.

Mistakes. I'm not so sure. Okay. What have we got to

I'm not so sure. Okay. What have we got to lose, other than our own shirts?

Okay. What have we got to lose, other than our own shirts? Let's see if he can pull this

lose, other than our own shirts? Let's see if he can pull this off.

Let's see if he can pull this off. Where we gonna get the seed

off. Where we gonna get the seed money?

Where we gonna get the seed money? What, are we gonna ask the

money? What, are we gonna ask the lipnicks?

What, are we gonna ask the lipnicks? We can't gamble on their money.

Lipnicks? We can't gamble on their money. We haven't made them any money.

We can't gamble on their money. We haven't made them any money. It's ridiculous.

We haven't made them any money. It's ridiculous. Okay. You know what?

It's ridiculous. Okay. You know what? Let's just eat.

Okay. You know what? Let's just eat. Come on.

Let's just eat. Come on. I've been waiting all day to see

come on. I've been waiting all day to see you try this.

I've been waiting all day to see you try this. [ chuckles ]

You try this. [ chuckles ] Pickle first?

[ Chuckles ] Pickle first? Nope.

What's this? Open it.

It's our new visa. Might as well break it in. What if the deal doesn't go

might as well break it in. What if the deal doesn't go through?

What if the deal doesn't go through? At least I'll have a happy

through? At least I'll have a happy husband.

At least I'll have a happy husband. Happy he at least gave it a try.

Husband. Happy he at least gave it a try. I love you.

Happy he at least gave it a try. I love you. Mmm.

I love you. Mmm. Go get 'em, tiger.

Mmm. Go get 'em, tiger. Come here.

Go get 'em, tiger. Come here. ♪ ...Surely find a way

come here. ♪ ...Surely find a way ♪ working together day by day

here we go.

Thank you, my good man. And we never met. Fair enough.

You guys have room for one more?

Hi. [ golf clubs clattering ]

Sorry! Just a little -- little tournament stress. Uh...I'm just gonna -- I'm just

little tournament stress. Uh...I'm just gonna -- I'm just gonna go again.

Uh...I'm just gonna -- I'm just gonna go again. Yeah.

Relax. Relax. Eyes on the ball.

Relax. Eyes on the ball. Head down.

Eyes on the ball. Head down. Feet shoulder-width apart.

Head down. Feet shoulder-width apart. Eyes on the ball.

Feet shoulder-width apart. Eyes on the ball. Keep your head down.

Eyes on the ball. Keep your head down. Eyes on the ball.

Keep your head down. Eyes on the ball. Mind on the ball.

Wow. You are still the same lousy shooter after all this time.

You are still the same lousy shooter after all this time. Nothing's changed.

Shooter after all this time. Nothing's changed. What?

Nothing's changed. What? That's what my friends used to

what? That's what my friends used to call me back in high --

that's what my friends used to call me back in high -- I'm Alex birch.

Call me back in high -- I'm Alex birch. Nice to make your acquaintance

I'm Alex birch. Nice to make your acquaintance again.

Nice to make your acquaintance again. Ms. birch.

Again. Ms. birch. Nice to meet you.

Ms. birch. Nice to meet you. Again?

Nice to meet you. Again? Alex?

Again? Alex? Alex roverson?!

Alex? Alex roverson?! [ chuckles ]

Alex roverson?! [ chuckles ] It's Alex birch now -- my

[ chuckles ] It's Alex birch now -- my married name.

It's Alex birch now -- my married name. No way!

Married name. No way! [ laughs ]

No way! [ laughs ] Oh, my God!

[ Laughs ] Oh, my God! How are you?!

Oh, my God! How are you?! Oh!

How are you?! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Wow.

Oh! Wow. You haven't changed much.

Wow. You haven't changed much. Come on.

You haven't changed much. Come on. At least say I lost some of my

come on. At least say I lost some of my baby fat.

At least say I lost some of my baby fat. Well, yeah, of course.

Baby fat. Well, yeah, of course. I mean...

Well, yeah, of course. I mean... Y-you looked great in high

I mean... Y-you looked great in high school, but...

Y-you looked great in high school, but... You look even better now.

School, but... You look even better now. Thanks.

You look even better now. Thanks. You look good, too...

Thanks. You look good, too... Especially on that first tee.

You look good, too... Especially on that first tee. Wow.

Especially on that first tee. Wow. So, how is it that you ended up

wow. So, how is it that you ended up in L.A. franchising restaurants?

So, how is it that you ended up in L.A. franchising restaurants? Oh.

In L.A. franchising restaurants? Oh. Um...

Oh. Um... I was in New York for seven

um... I was in New York for seven years playing the market.

I was in New York for seven years playing the market. I did okay, but then, like

years playing the market. I did okay, but then, like everyone else, when the market

I did okay, but then, like everyone else, when the market crashed, I lost my shirt, so I

everyone else, when the market crashed, I lost my shirt, so I decided to move to L.A. and

crashed, I lost my shirt, so I decided to move to L.A. and start fresh.

Decided to move to L.A. and start fresh. My buddy Scott askey -- you

start fresh. My buddy Scott askey -- you remember Scotty?

My buddy Scott askey -- you remember Scotty? Mm-hmm.

Remember Scotty? Mm-hmm. Yeah, he -- he decided to put

mm-hmm. Yeah, he -- he decided to put me up until I could get back on

yeah, he -- he decided to put me up until I could get back on my feet.

Me up until I could get back on my feet. Mm. Guess Scotty and I share

my feet. Mm. Guess Scotty and I share something -- getting you back on

mm. Guess Scotty and I share something -- getting you back on your feet.

Something -- getting you back on your feet. It's funny how we ended up being

your feet. It's funny how we ended up being neighbors again.

It's funny how we ended up being neighbors again. Well, I live in the Fairfax

neighbors again. Well, I live in the Fairfax district.

Well, I live in the Fairfax district. I'm guessing you're more of a

district. I'm guessing you're more of a Beverly hills, malibu girl.

So, Alex birch now, huh? Wow. That is just... Is your husband here with you?

Wow. That is just... Is your husband here with you? My ex-husband.

Is your husband here with you? My ex-husband. Frankly, I don't know where

my ex-husband. Frankly, I don't know where he is.

Frankly, I don't know where he is. I don't like the word

he is. I don't like the word "divorcée," so I like to refer

I don't like the word "divorcée," so I like to refer to myself as a free bird.

"Divorcée," so I like to refer to myself as a free bird. And you?

To myself as a free bird. And you? Uh, married.

And you? Uh, married. Four months ago.

Uh, married. Four months ago. Congrats.

Four months ago. Congrats. Is she here?

Congrats. Is she here? I'd love to meet her.

Is she here? I'd love to meet her. No. I came alone.

I'd love to meet her. No. I came alone. This is a business trip, after

no. I came alone. This is a business trip, after all.

This is a business trip, after all. Though, given our history, I

all. Though, given our history, I don't know if this is such a

though, given our history, I don't know if this is such a good idea.

Don't know if this is such a good idea. You still haven't forgiven

good idea. You still haven't forgiven me.

You still haven't forgiven me. Look, um, maybe I can make it up

me. Look, um, maybe I can make it up to you now.

Look, um, maybe I can make it up to you now. Join me for dinner.

To you now. Join me for dinner. I will order something extra

join me for dinner. I will order something extra special -- corn dogs with a side

I will order something extra special -- corn dogs with a side of Mac and cheese.

Special -- corn dogs with a side of Mac and cheese. You remember that?

Of Mac and cheese. You remember that? You'd be surprised by what

you remember that? You'd be surprised by what else I remember.

You'd be surprised by what else I remember. Hey, um, I was gonna go to a

else I remember. Hey, um, I was gonna go to a club tonight to see some jazz.

Hey, um, I was gonna go to a club tonight to see some jazz. You want to come with me?

Club tonight to see some jazz. You want to come with me? Yes.

You want to come with me? Yes. Who says no to jazz?

[ Jazz music playing ]

[ Ringtone plays ]

[ Ringing stops ]

So... How many do you want? What?

How many do you want? What? How many franchise branches

what? How many franchise branches do you want?

How many franchise branches do you want? Oh. Um...

Do you want? Oh. Um... Well, our initial roll-out plan

oh. Um... Well, our initial roll-out plan was to have 25 in 5 years.

Well, our initial roll-out plan was to have 25 in 5 years. How about 50 in 3 years?

Was to have 25 in 5 years. How about 50 in 3 years? What would be the terms?

How about 50 in 3 years? What would be the terms? If you can stay, we can work

what would be the terms? If you can stay, we can work out the details over the next

if you can stay, we can work out the details over the next few days.

Out the details over the next few days. I don't know what to say.

Few days. I don't know what to say. You could say no.

[ Soft music playing ]

Who told you to change partners? Alex, you're supposed to be with

partners? Alex, you're supposed to be with Steve, Mike with Kimberly.

Alex, you're supposed to be with Steve, Mike with Kimberly. And no head on chest.

Steve, Mike with Kimberly. And no head on chest. But she asked my permission.

And no head on chest. But she asked my permission. You could say no.

But she asked my permission. You could say no. Why would I?

You could say no. Why would I? I love her.

Why would I? I love her. [ laughter ]

[ Jazz music playing ]

[ Ringtone playing ]

Hey, babe. Hi! What's going on? It's Scott and Dylan.

Hi! What's going on? It's Scott and Dylan. We've been trying to reach you.

It's Scott and Dylan. We've been trying to reach you. What's up, man?

We've been trying to reach you. What's up, man? Oh. Yeah.

What's up, man? Oh. Yeah. I'm good.

Oh. Yeah. I'm good. Everything's good here.

I'm good. Everything's good here. Just, uh...Working on the deal.

Everything's good here. Just, uh...Working on the deal. You sound awful.

Just, uh...Working on the deal. You sound awful. Are you getting enough sleep?

You sound awful. Are you getting enough sleep? Not really.

Are you getting enough sleep? Not really. Uh, wheelin' and dealin' is --

not really. Uh, wheelin' and dealin' is -- it is hard work.

Uh, wheelin' and dealin' is -- it is hard work. Okay. Wheelin' and dealin'.

It is hard work. Okay. Wheelin' and dealin'. Listen -- I got a couple

okay. Wheelin' and dealin'. Listen -- I got a couple questions, man, I wanted to go

listen -- I got a couple questions, man, I wanted to go over with you before the

questions, man, I wanted to go over with you before the meeting.

Over with you before the meeting. What time is the meeting?

Meeting. What time is the meeting? It's finished.

What time is the meeting? It's finished. Damn it!

It's finished. Damn it! Mike, why didn't you call me

damn it! Mike, why didn't you call me before you screwed everything

Mike, why didn't you call me before you screwed everything up, man?

Before you screwed everything up, man? Dude, chill out, okay?

Up, man? Dude, chill out, okay? [ breathes deeply ]

Dude, chill out, okay? [ breathes deeply ] I nailed it.

[ Breathes deeply ] I nailed it. Guess what -- we got

I nailed it. Guess what -- we got 50 branches.

Guess what -- we got 50 branches. We got 50 branches?

50 branches. We got 50 branches? All right, what's the catch,

we got 50 branches? All right, what's the catch, Mike?

All right, what's the catch, Mike? No catch.

Mike? No catch. I just got to stay here for a

no catch. I just got to stay here for a couple more days and finalize

I just got to stay here for a couple more days and finalize the details.

Couple more days and finalize the details. That's unbelievable!

The details. That's unbelievable! That's fanta--

that's unbelievable! That's fanta-- how did you talk her into that?

That's fanta-- how did you talk her into that? I will tell you all about

how did you talk her into that? I will tell you all about that when I get back.

I will tell you all about that when I get back. When are you back?

That when I get back. When are you back? When are you coming back?

When are you back? When are you coming back? I miss you.

When are you coming back? I miss you. Okay, yeah, I miss you, too.

I miss you. Okay, yeah, I miss you, too. Um, I got to go.

Okay, yeah, I miss you, too. Um, I got to go. There is a meeting.

Um, I got to go. There is a meeting. It is urgent, okay?

There is a meeting. It is urgent, okay? I'll talk to you later.

It is urgent, okay? I'll talk to you later. Bye.

I'll talk to you later. Bye. [ cellphone beeps ]

Bye. [ cellphone beeps ] Cheers.

[ Cellphone beeps ] Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers. We did it.

Cheers. We did it. Good morning, lazy bum.

We did it. Good morning, lazy bum. Morning.

Good morning, lazy bum. Morning. Who was that?

Morning. Who was that? The wife?

Who was that? The wife? No.

The wife? No. Yeah. It -- it was, and Scotty.

No. Yeah. It -- it was, and Scotty. Come on.

Yeah. It -- it was, and Scotty. Come on. Let's beat everyone to the

come on. Let's beat everyone to the links.

Let's beat everyone to the links. I'm not exactly a match for

links. I'm not exactly a match for you.

I'm not exactly a match for you. I mean, I'm a beginner at this.

You. I mean, I'm a beginner at this. Remember when you taught me

I mean, I'm a beginner at this. Remember when you taught me how to dance?

Remember when you taught me how to dance? I used to trip all over the

how to dance? I used to trip all over the floor?

I used to trip all over the floor? Well, it's payback time.

Floor? Well, it's payback time. Come on. Go -- get dressed.

Well, it's payback time. Come on. Go -- get dressed. [ rock music plays ]

Come on. Go -- get dressed. [ rock music plays ] ♪ I didn't see it

[ rock music plays ] ♪ I didn't see it ♪ I didn't see it coming

♪ I didn't see it ♪ I didn't see it coming ♪ I can't believe it

♪ I didn't see it coming ♪ I can't believe it ♪ it's really stunning

♪ I can't believe it ♪ it's really stunning ♪ and now I feel so strong

♪ it's really stunning ♪ and now I feel so strong ♪ it's been way too long

♪ and now I feel so strong ♪ it's been way too long ♪ I just remember that I forgot

♪ it's been way too long ♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪

♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot

about you ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪

♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪ ♪ oh, this feelin'

about you ♪ ♪ oh, this feelin' ♪ I've been rediscovered

♪ oh, this feelin' ♪ I've been rediscovered ♪ it's got me breathin'

♪ I've been rediscovered ♪ it's got me breathin' ♪ like a teenage lover

♪ it's got me breathin' ♪ like a teenage lover ♪ and it feels so right

♪ like a teenage lover ♪ and it feels so right ♪ better hold on,

♪ and it feels so right ♪ better hold on, hold on tight ♪

♪ better hold on, hold on tight ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot

hold on tight ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪

♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪ ♪ I just remembered

about you ♪ ♪ I just remembered ♪ oh, you'd come back to me

♪ I just remembered ♪ oh, you'd come back to me let's go drink.

♪ Oh, you'd come back to me let's go drink. [ cheers and applause ]

Let's go drink. [ cheers and applause ] Whoo!

[ Cheers and applause ] Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! Come on!

Whoo! Come on! Let's see what you've got.

Come on! Let's see what you've got. All right, here we go.

Let's see what you've got. All right, here we go. That's one. That's one!

All right, here we go. That's one. That's one! Yeah!

That's one. That's one! Yeah! Let's go! Come on!

Yeah! Let's go! Come on! Three.

Let's go! Come on! Three. Come on! You got it!

Three. Come on! You got it! Yeah!

Come on! You got it! Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah! Whoo! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Whoo! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Oh! In your face!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Oh! In your face! Come on. You ready?

Oh! In your face! Come on. You ready? Here we go.

Come on. You ready? Here we go. Whoo!

Here we go. Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! [ laughs ]

Whoo! [ laughs ] Whoo!

[ Laughs ] Whoo! Come on! You can do it!

Whoo! Come on! You can do it! Come on, baby!

Come on! You can do it! Come on, baby! Aah! Two!

Come on, baby! Aah! Two! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Aah! Two! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Whoo!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Whoo! Aah!

Whoo! Aah! One more! One more!

Aah! One more! One more! Aaaaaaah!

One more! One more! Aaaaaaah! Aah!

Aaaaaaah! Aah! Br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br!

Aah! Br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br! Here we go! Aah!

Br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br! Here we go! Aah! [ cheers and applause ]

Here we go! Aah! [ cheers and applause ] Whoo!

[ Cheers and applause ] Whoo! Yeah!

Whoo! Yeah! One more! One more!

Yeah! One more! One more! One more! One more!

One more! One more! One more! One more! All: Go, go, go, go, go, go,

one more! One more! All: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

All: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! [ cheers and applause ]

Go, go, go, go! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ I just remember that I

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ I just remember that I forget about you ♪

♪ I just remember that I forget about you ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot

forget about you ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪

♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot

about you ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪

♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot

about you ♪ ♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪

♪ I just remember that I forgot about you ♪ well, if your flight was at

about you ♪ well, if your flight was at 3:00, I could've dropped you off

well, if your flight was at 3:00, I could've dropped you off at the airport.

3:00, I could've dropped you off at the airport. I know, I know.

At the airport. I know, I know. You got to run.

I know, I know. You got to run. Tournament's about to start.

You got to run. Tournament's about to start. If you wait until Monday, we

tournament's about to start. If you wait until Monday, we could go together.

If you wait until Monday, we could go together. I have to report back to my

could go together. I have to report back to my boss before I get fired.

I have to report back to my boss before I get fired. I understand.

Boss before I get fired. I understand. I really enjoyed our time

I understand. I really enjoyed our time together.

I really enjoyed our time together. Me too.

Together. Me too. I'll see you in L.A.?

Mwah. [ engine turns over ]

Dude, you look like shit. Nice to see you, too. Did you get the l.O.I.

Nice to see you, too. Did you get the l.O.I. Signed?

Did you get the l.O.I. Signed? Not yet.

Signed? Not yet. Bro, you know how iffy these

not yet. Bro, you know how iffy these deals can be.

Bro, you know how iffy these deals can be. You said you had it in the bag.

Deals can be. You said you had it in the bag. Dude, relax.

You said you had it in the bag. Dude, relax. The deal is locked in.

Dude, relax. The deal is locked in. What makes you so sure?

The deal is locked in. What makes you so sure? I found a shortcut.

You know their c.E.O., Alex birch? Her maiden name is

Alex birch? Her maiden name is Alex roverson.

Her maiden name is Alex roverson. Alex...

Alex roverson. Alex... Alex roverson?

Alex... Alex roverson? The prom queen who went missing

Alex roverson? The prom queen who went missing Alex roverson?

The prom queen who went missing Alex roverson? Mm-hmm.

Alex roverson? Mm-hmm. You got to be kidding me.

Mm-hmm. You got to be kidding me. So, why didn't you get the

you got to be kidding me. So, why didn't you get the l.O.I. Signed again?

So, why didn't you get the l.O.I. Signed again? Alex is coming to the

l.O.I. Signed again? Alex is coming to the restaurant on Friday.

Alex is coming to the restaurant on Friday. I thought it'd be more official

restaurant on Friday. I thought it'd be more official that way.

I thought it'd be more official that way. Hmm.

That way. Hmm. So, if you weren't there closing

Hmm. So, if you weren't there closing the deal, what were you doing

so, if you weren't there closing the deal, what were you doing there the whole time?

The deal, what were you doing there the whole time? Hmm?

There the whole time? Hmm? We were just catching up on

Hmm? We were just catching up on things, you know, doing the

we were just catching up on things, you know, doing the whole p.R. Game with her,

things, you know, doing the whole p.R. Game with her, telling her what a great

whole p.R. Game with her, telling her what a great franchise lipnick's is gonna be.

Telling her what a great franchise lipnick's is gonna be. Five days is a long time to

franchise lipnick's is gonna be. Five days is a long time to talk.

Five days is a long time to talk. Did she tell you why she went

talk. Did she tell you why she went missing prom night?

Did she tell you why she went missing prom night? Oh. Okay.

Missing prom night? Oh. Okay. You know what?

Oh. Okay. You know what? Wait. What are you doing?

You know what? Wait. What are you doing? Rick.

Wait. What are you doing? Rick. Yeah, look, can you set up the

Rick. Yeah, look, can you set up the backup meetings for fresco and

yeah, look, can you set up the backup meetings for fresco and k.C. And company?

Backup meetings for fresco and k.C. And company? Really?

K.C. And company? Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Okay, thanks, man.

Yeah. Okay, thanks, man. What are you doing?

Okay, thanks, man. What are you doing? Yeah, I've been doing some

what are you doing? Yeah, I've been doing some talking, too, myself, all right?

Yeah, I've been doing some talking, too, myself, all right? Just in case.

Talking, too, myself, all right? Just in case. Dude, we have a deal.

Just in case. Dude, we have a deal. I don't want a deal.

Dude, we have a deal. I don't want a deal. I don't even think we should be

I don't want a deal. I don't even think we should be doing business with her in the

I don't even think we should be doing business with her in the first place.

Doing business with her in the first place. Scotty, you worry too much.

First place. Scotty, you worry too much. Yeah, yeah.

Scotty, you worry too much. Yeah, yeah. I'm the idiot.

Yeah, yeah. I'm the idiot. You're the optimist. I forgot.

Shit. Does Alex really live there? Dude, if I were you, I wouldn't

does Alex really live there? Dude, if I were you, I wouldn't dare go anywhere near her.

Dude, if I were you, I wouldn't dare go anywhere near her. Yeah, Mike, I think you

dare go anywhere near her. Yeah, Mike, I think you should really reconsider

yeah, Mike, I think you should really reconsider Kimberly.

Should really reconsider Kimberly. Dude, she probably thinks

Kimberly. Dude, she probably thinks you're some millionaire's son

dude, she probably thinks you're some millionaire's son with all those boss shirts

you're some millionaire's son with all those boss shirts you've been borrowing from

with all those boss shirts you've been borrowing from Scott.

You've been borrowing from Scott. Those boss shirts that I've been

Scott. Those boss shirts that I've been borrowing from Scott don't even

those boss shirts that I've been borrowing from Scott don't even make Scott look like a

borrowing from Scott don't even make Scott look like a millionaire, dude.

Make Scott look like a millionaire, dude. You guys are just jealous.

Millionaire, dude. You guys are just jealous. I'm an optimist, all right?

You guys are just jealous. I'm an optimist, all right? I look at the brighter side of

I'm an optimist, all right? I look at the brighter side of things.

I look at the brighter side of things. Okay?

Things. Okay? Bye-bye.

Okay? Bye-bye. You want us to wait?

Bye-bye. You want us to wait? No.

You want us to wait? No. Alex said we'll take her limo.

No. Alex said we'll take her limo. [ laughs ]

Alex said we'll take her limo. [ laughs ] Okay. Let's go.

[ Laughs ] Okay. Let's go. No, wait a sec.

I'm here to pick up Alex. She's expecting me. Tux, corsage, prom date.

She's expecting me. Tux, corsage, prom date. You're mistaken, young man.

Tux, corsage, prom date. You're mistaken, young man. Miss Alex has left for the

you're mistaken, young man. Miss Alex has left for the weekend.

Miss Alex has left for the weekend. Ho-ho.

Weekend. Ho-ho. Come on, big guy.

Ho-ho. Come on, big guy. No, we, uh -- we have a date.

Come on, big guy. No, we, uh -- we have a date. Sir, I mean, it's prom.

No, we, uh -- we have a date. Sir, I mean, it's prom. She -- she can't be gone.

Sir, I mean, it's prom. She -- she can't be gone. She has to be here.

She -- she can't be gone. She has to be here. So can you call her down here so

she has to be here. So can you call her down here so I can talk to her?

So can you call her down here so I can talk to her? Are you implying that I've

I can talk to her? Are you implying that I've lied to you?

Are you implying that I've lied to you? No. No, no, no.

Lied to you? No. No, no, no. Just -- just that there's

no. No, no, no. Just -- just that there's apparently a misunderstanding.

Just -- just that there's apparently a misunderstanding. Is there someone else that I can

apparently a misunderstanding. Is there someone else that I can talk to, like how about the

is there someone else that I can talk to, like how about the driver?

Talk to, like how about the driver? I mean, he must know her plans.

Driver? I mean, he must know her plans. I'm the limo driver.

I mean, he must know her plans. I'm the limo driver. What?

I'm the limo driver. What? How do you guard the house and

what? How do you guard the house and drive at the same --

how do you guard the house and drive at the same -- it's none of your business

drive at the same -- it's none of your business what I do.

It's none of your business what I do. Now you need to leave.

What I do. Now you need to leave. You can do that the easy or the

now you need to leave. You can do that the easy or the hard way.

You can do that the easy or the hard way. I strongly suggest the easy way.

Hard way. I strongly suggest the easy way. Up to you.

I strongly suggest the easy way. Up to you. [ gate rattling ]

[ Fingers click ] Where you going? Alex! Alex!

Where you going? Alex! Alex! Alex!

Alex! Alex! Alex! Give him to me.

Alex! Give him to me. Alex, come outside!

Give him to me. Alex, come outside! Come outside right now!

Alex, come outside! Come outside right now! I'm here to pick you up!

Come outside right now! I'm here to pick you up! Alex!

I'm here to pick you up! Alex! Unh!

Alex! Unh! Okay. All right.

Unh! Okay. All right. Alex!

Okay. All right. Alex! Ow! Aah!

Alex! Ow! Aah! Alex, come outside!

Ow! Aah! Alex, come outside! Alex, I'm here to pick you up!

Alex, come outside! Alex, I'm here to pick you up! I have your corsage!

Alex, I'm here to pick you up! I have your corsage! It's purple!

I have your corsage! It's purple! It matches my tie!

It's purple! It matches my tie! Alex!

It matches my tie! Alex! [ car door closes ]

Alex! [ car door closes ] You okay?

[ Car door closes ] You okay? Yeah.

No! Stop! What? Shit.

What? Shit. Sorry, honey.

Shit. Sorry, honey. I was just having a bad dream.

Sorry, honey. I was just having a bad dream. Hey, wifey.

I was just having a bad dream. Hey, wifey. Hi, hubby.

Hi. You're jet-lagged like you went to Europe or something.

Look at that picture there. Don't worry. One day, lipnick's is gonna have

don't worry. One day, lipnick's is gonna have all the magazine ads.

One day, lipnick's is gonna have all the magazine ads. I'm not talking about that

all the magazine ads. I'm not talking about that one.

I'm not talking about that one. The one to the right of it.

One. The one to the right of it. That magazine went out of

the one to the right of it. That magazine went out of business.

That magazine went out of business. They're gonna be gone within a

business. They're gonna be gone within a month.

They're gonna be gone within a month. Can you stop talking about

month. Can you stop talking about business?

Can you stop talking about business? I'm talking about family.

Business? I'm talking about family. Of course.

I'm talking about family. Of course. I'm talking about family, too.

Of course. I'm talking about family, too. I am talking about our

I'm talking about family, too. I am talking about our family's...Future.

I am talking about our family's...Future. Oh.

Family's...Future. Oh. I want to have twins just like

oh. I want to have twins just like that -- one that looks like you

I want to have twins just like that -- one that looks like you and one that looks like me.

That -- one that looks like you and one that looks like me. Identical twins are so boring.

I'm sorry. What do you mean? I kind of wasted your money,

what do you mean? I kind of wasted your money, I think.

I kind of wasted your money, I think. I don't think there's gonna be a

I think. I don't think there's gonna be a deal.

I don't think there's gonna be a deal. But there are other companies

deal. But there are other companies we're gonna go to.

But there are other companies we're gonna go to. I know a whole bunch of people

we're gonna go to. I know a whole bunch of people we can talk to.

I know a whole bunch of people we can talk to. Relax.

We can talk to. Relax. You don't have to.

Relax. You don't have to. Let's just be happy with what we

you don't have to. Let's just be happy with what we have.

Mm. I missed you. Yeah?

I missed you. Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. How much?

Yeah. How much? A lot.

How much? A lot. Really?

A lot. Really? Mm-hmm.

Hey.

Evening, madam. Welcome to lipnick's. Table for two?

Welcome to lipnick's. Table for two? Just one.

Table for two? Just one. Come with me.

Your waitress will be right with you. I suppose you're Dylan?

You. I suppose you're Dylan? Yeah.

I suppose you're Dylan? Yeah. Have we met before?

Yeah. Have we met before? Alex -- Alex birch.

Have we met before? Alex -- Alex birch. Oh. Hi.

Alex -- Alex birch. Oh. Hi. It's so nice to meet you.

Oh. Hi. It's so nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, as well.

It's so nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, as well. Hey, Alex.

Nice to meet you, as well. Hey, Alex. Hey.

Hey, Alex. Hey. Wow. What a surprise.

Hey. Wow. What a surprise. Uh, this is -- this is my wife,

wow. What a surprise. Uh, this is -- this is my wife, Dylan.

Uh, this is -- this is my wife, Dylan. Dylan, this is, uh...Alex birch.

Dylan. Dylan, this is, uh...Alex birch. I got it.

Dylan, this is, uh...Alex birch. I got it. She's the c.E.O. Of

I got it. She's the c.E.O. Of girthan's --

she's the c.E.O. Of girthan's -- I am just an old High School

girthan's -- I am just an old High School classmate.

I am just an old High School classmate. Mm-hmm.

Classmate. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mike told me.

Yeah. Mike told me. Um, please make yourself

Mike told me. Um, please make yourself comfortable, and welcome.

Um, please make yourself comfortable, and welcome. Thank you.

She's beautiful. [ breathes deeply ] Why'd you go to fresco?

[ Breathes deeply ] Why'd you go to fresco? They're my main competitors.

Why'd you go to fresco? They're my main competitors. Uh, I -- I talked to, um,

they're my main competitors. Uh, I -- I talked to, um, some of the -- some of the --

uh, I -- I talked to, um, some of the -- some of the -- some of my partners, and, um...

Some of the -- some of the -- some of my partners, and, um... Well, they were -- they were

some of my partners, and, um... Well, they were -- they were afraid of a conflict of

well, they were -- they were afraid of a conflict of interest.

Afraid of a conflict of interest. Mike, cut the bullshit.

Interest. Mike, cut the bullshit. You don't trust me, do you?

What's this? Proof of trust. Cash it anytime you see a red

proof of trust. Cash it anytime you see a red flag.

Cash it anytime you see a red flag. So come by my office, sign the

flag. So come by my office, sign the contract, and let's finalize

so come by my office, sign the contract, and let's finalize this deal once and for all.

[ Engine turns over ]

Would you put that back in our pocket, Mike? That's a lot of fucking money.

Our pocket, Mike? That's a lot of fucking money. By the way, I think I'm really

that's a lot of fucking money. By the way, I think I'm really starting to like Alex.

By the way, I think I'm really starting to like Alex. You can't get a better proof

starting to like Alex. You can't get a better proof of trust than that check.

You can't get a better proof of trust than that check. Okay. So what exactly do you

of trust than that check. Okay. So what exactly do you know about the divorce?

Okay. So what exactly do you know about the divorce? Nothing other than the fact

know about the divorce? Nothing other than the fact that she just had a rough time.

Nothing other than the fact that she just had a rough time. Okay, well, I heard

that she just had a rough time. Okay, well, I heard differently at the reunion last

okay, well, I heard differently at the reunion last year.

Differently at the reunion last year. Apparently, she dumped the guy

year. Apparently, she dumped the guy after one year and ended up with

apparently, she dumped the guy after one year and ended up with most of his money.

After one year and ended up with most of his money. You know what?

Most of his money. You know what? That's probably just a lot of

you know what? That's probably just a lot of people talking smack.

That's probably just a lot of people talking smack. You know, I don't really

people talking smack. You know, I don't really care, Mike.

You know, I don't really care, Mike. I just want to know.

Care, Mike. I just want to know. Is there anything between you

I just want to know. Is there anything between you two?

Is there anything between you two? Dude, we all worked hard on

two? Dude, we all worked hard on this.

Dude, we all worked hard on this. Damn it, Scott, are you not

this. Damn it, Scott, are you not seeing the frickin' value in a

damn it, Scott, are you not seeing the frickin' value in a million-dollar check?

Seeing the frickin' value in a million-dollar check? All those zer--

million-dollar check? All those zer-- are you kidding me? Really?

All those zer-- are you kidding me? Really? You know what?

Are you kidding me? Really? You know what? I'm not letting this come

you know what? I'm not letting this come between us.

I'm not letting this come between us. I'm just returning it.

Between us. I'm just returning it. What?

I'm just returning it. What? Can you -- can I...

What? Can you -- can I... Just hold it one last time?

Can you -- can I... Just hold it one last time? Hey.

Just hold it one last time? Hey. There will be plenty to hold in

hey. There will be plenty to hold in the future, buddy.

Fuck!

You. Who are you, sir? You look familiar.

Who are you, sir? You look familiar. Yeah, so do you.

You look familiar. Yeah, so do you. You remind me of some a-hole

yeah, so do you. You remind me of some a-hole back in punkton, Kansas, when I

you remind me of some a-hole back in punkton, Kansas, when I was a kid.

Back in punkton, Kansas, when I was a kid. Oh, yeah, I remember you.

Was a kid. Oh, yeah, I remember you. Sorry, kid.

Oh, yeah, I remember you. Sorry, kid. I mean "sir."

Sorry, kid. I mean "sir." I was just doing my job.

I mean "sir." I was just doing my job. Come on in.

I was just doing my job. Come on in. You still pissed at me?

You know, if you'd have been 4 inches shorter back then, I would have taught you some

4 inches shorter back then, I would have taught you some manners.

Would have taught you some manners. You know, she was home that

manners. You know, she was home that night.

You know, she was home that night. She lied to me?

Night. She lied to me? I lied.

She lied to me? I lied. She cried in her room for days,

I lied. She cried in her room for days, maybe weeks.

She cried in her room for days, maybe weeks. Baby girl was in some major

maybe weeks. Baby girl was in some major pain.

Baby girl was in some major pain. Seems boss man had some sort of

pain. Seems boss man had some sort of stick up his ass about your

seems boss man had some sort of stick up his ass about your family being too -- too common.

Stick up his ass about your family being too -- too common. She doesn't like to receive

family being too -- too common. She doesn't like to receive greetings on her birthday these

she doesn't like to receive greetings on her birthday these days.

Greetings on her birthday these days. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Days. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Today's her birthday?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Today's her birthday? You didn't know?

Today's her birthday? You didn't know? Then why are you here?

You didn't know? Then why are you here? Shit.

Then why are you here? Shit. I should've brought a gift.

Holy shit. I know. Who else lives here with her?

I know. Who else lives here with her? Just her.

Who else lives here with her? Just her. This way.

No hard feelings, sir? Carry on.

[ Soft music playing ] Hi. [ indistinct singing ]

Happy birthday. Thanks. Why don't you come down to

thanks. Why don't you come down to lipnick's?

Why don't you come down to lipnick's? We'll make you a nice birthday

lipnick's? We'll make you a nice birthday meal.

We'll make you a nice birthday meal. I want to be alone, Mike.

Meal. I want to be alone, Mike. I think I deserve that.

I want to be alone, Mike. I think I deserve that. Oh, come on.

I think I deserve that. Oh, come on. Don't be like that.

Oh, come on. Don't be like that. Can you...

Don't be like that. Can you... Never mind.

Can you... Never mind. What?

Never mind. What? Can you spare, like, three

what? Can you spare, like, three hours for me?

Can you spare, like, three hours for me? No one else?

Hours for me? No one else? I promise -- no business.

I didn't think so. Okay. What do you want to do?

Can you hear me?! Now can you hear me? Yes, I can.

Now can you hear me? Yes, I can. [ chuckles ]

Holy cow! Wow. This was your husband's?

Wow. This was your husband's? No. It was my family's.

This was your husband's? No. It was my family's. But it's mine now that my dad's

no. It was my family's. But it's mine now that my dad's passed away.

But it's mine now that my dad's passed away. Wow.

Passed away. Wow. Actually, I've got some

wow. Actually, I've got some clothes for you, if you want to

actually, I've got some clothes for you, if you want to change.

Clothes for you, if you want to change. [ chuckles ]

Change. [ chuckles ] Right through there.

[ Chuckles ] Right through there. [ chuckles ]

Hi.

Here you go. Is there anything else I can do for you, Ms. roverson?

Is there anything else I can do for you, Ms. roverson? No, thank you.

For you, Ms. roverson? No, thank you. You can go home for the rest of

no, thank you. You can go home for the rest of the night.

You can go home for the rest of the night. Happy birthday.

The night. Happy birthday. Thanks.

You know, there's a movie theater inside, and I have "superman" all cued up and ready

theater inside, and I have "superman" all cued up and ready to go.

"Superman" all cued up and ready to go. "Superman" -- wow.

To go. "Superman" -- wow. That brings back memories.

"Superman" -- wow. That brings back memories. I know.

That brings back memories. I know. You watched it two times in a

I know. You watched it two times in a row.

You watched it two times in a row. At the drive-in.

Row. At the drive-in. How did you know that?

At the drive-in. How did you know that? I was there...

How did you know that? I was there... In the last row...

I was there... In the last row... Watching you.

In the last row... Watching you. I came there because I wanted to

watching you. I came there because I wanted to say goodbye, and I wanted to

I came there because I wanted to say goodbye, and I wanted to apologize, but...

Say goodbye, and I wanted to apologize, but... I wasn't allowed to.

Apologize, but... I wasn't allowed to. I tried every excuse in the book

I wasn't allowed to. I tried every excuse in the book to sneak out of that car and

I tried every excuse in the book to sneak out of that car and come see you, but the driver

to sneak out of that car and come see you, but the driver wouldn't let me.

Come see you, but the driver wouldn't let me. My dad's orders.

To superman. Truth, justice, and the American way.

Truth, justice, and the American way. [ chuckles ]

American way. [ chuckles ] You remember that scene when

[ chuckles ] You remember that scene when he's able to spin the earth

you remember that scene when he's able to spin the earth backwards?

He's able to spin the earth backwards? Yeah.

Backwards? Yeah. Sometimes I wish I could spin

yeah. Sometimes I wish I could spin the world back 13 years, you

sometimes I wish I could spin the world back 13 years, you know?

The world back 13 years, you know? Me too.

I -- I can't.

I understand. I can't, but...

So, you gonna tell me where you disappeared to last night? Oh, um...

You disappeared to last night? Oh, um... I thought I told you.

Oh, um... I thought I told you. I went to Alex's office.

I thought I told you. I went to Alex's office. Yeah, Scott told me, but I

I went to Alex's office. Yeah, Scott told me, but I thought that was yesterday

yeah, Scott told me, but I thought that was yesterday afternoon.

Thought that was yesterday afternoon. Yeah.

Afternoon. Yeah. Yeah. You know what?

Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Yesterday was her birthday, and

yeah. You know what? Yesterday was her birthday, and I didn't even know.

Yesterday was her birthday, and I didn't even know. Yeah, they had a big beach party

I didn't even know. Yeah, they had a big beach party for her out at her house in

yeah, they had a big beach party for her out at her house in malibu.

For her out at her house in malibu. I couldn't say no.

Malibu. I couldn't say no. I was gonna call you, but --

I couldn't say no. I was gonna call you, but -- oh, that's fine.

I was gonna call you, but -- oh, that's fine. Just didn't want you to drink

oh, that's fine. Just didn't want you to drink and drive.

Just didn't want you to drink and drive. Just worried about you.

We had a very good meeting with fresco. You want to know the way I see

with fresco. You want to know the way I see it?

You want to know the way I see it? All right, look, fresco made a

it? All right, look, fresco made a valid point -- we should start

all right, look, fresco made a valid point -- we should start with five branches.

Valid point -- we should start with five branches. That way, we all get to bed on

with five branches. That way, we all get to bed on time, we still reach our goal.

That way, we all get to bed on time, we still reach our goal. Jesus, grandpa, what are you,

time, we still reach our goal. Jesus, grandpa, what are you, 80?

Jesus, grandpa, what are you, 80? We need to enter this thing with

80? We need to enter this thing with a big bang.

We need to enter this thing with a big bang. Can't leave room for lots of

a big bang. Can't leave room for lots of little copycat's to start

can't leave room for lots of little copycat's to start popping up.

Little copycat's to start popping up. Yeah, I don't even know why

popping up. Yeah, I don't even know why we took that meeting today.

Yeah, I don't even know why we took that meeting today. I mean, we have a better deal at

we took that meeting today. I mean, we have a better deal at girthan's.

I mean, we have a better deal at girthan's. Thank you.

Did you fuck her? Scotty. Just checking.

Scotty. Just checking. Ha!

Just checking. Ha! Ah.

Ha! Ah. Rick, could you give us a

ah. Rick, could you give us a minute?

Rick, could you give us a minute? Could you give us a minute,

minute? Could you give us a minute, please?

Could you give us a minute, please? Got it.

Please? Got it. Okay, look, I'm sorry.

Got it. Okay, look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

Okay, look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. But where were you last night,

I shouldn't have said that. But where were you last night, Mike?

But where were you last night, Mike? Huh?

Mike? Huh? Scotty, let's talk business,

huh? Scotty, let's talk business, okay?

Scotty, let's talk business, okay? No biases, no conflicts of

okay? No biases, no conflicts of interest.

No biases, no conflicts of interest. She is giving us the deal of a

interest. She is giving us the deal of a lifetime.

She is giving us the deal of a lifetime. I never disagreed with that.

Lifetime. I never disagreed with that. And for the record, she did

I never disagreed with that. And for the record, she did not stand me up at prom.

And for the record, she did not stand me up at prom. It was her dad, not her.

Not stand me up at prom. It was her dad, not her. Well, what happened to her

it was her dad, not her. Well, what happened to her check?

Well, what happened to her check? Did you return it?

Scott, Scotty, scottster... Do not fuck this up. Just let's look at it this way.

Do not fuck this up. Just let's look at it this way. As long as we're making a pile

just let's look at it this way. As long as we're making a pile of cash, who really cares who

as long as we're making a pile of cash, who really cares who fucks who?

Of cash, who really cares who fucks who? Yeah, uh...

Fucks who? Yeah, uh... Scotty...

Yeah, uh... Scotty... No goof-ups.

Scotty... No goof-ups. Trust me.

No goof-ups. Trust me. Yeah, I promise.

Trust me. Yeah, I promise. Well, I think the proposal is

yeah, I promise. Well, I think the proposal is perfect as is, so I'm signing

well, I think the proposal is perfect as is, so I'm signing off on it.

We have a deal. We have a deal. We have a deal.

♪ I think you know ♪ you know the truth ♪ you can see it in my eyes

♪ you know the truth ♪ you can see it in my eyes that's coming up.

♪ You can see it in my eyes that's coming up. That one.

That's coming up. That one. ♪ every time I look through

that one. ♪ every time I look through you ♪

♪ every time I look through you ♪ [ Both laugh ]

You ♪ [ Both laugh ] ♪ it won't be long

[ both laugh ] ♪ it won't be long ♪ a year, maybe two

♪ it won't be long ♪ a year, maybe two ♪ till I'm coming to you

♪ a year, maybe two ♪ till I'm coming to you ♪ coming home to you

♪ till I'm coming to you ♪ coming home to you ♪ there she is

♪ coming home to you ♪ there she is ♪ the woman of the hour

♪ there she is ♪ the woman of the hour ♪ so naive to all my scheming

♪ the woman of the hour ♪ so naive to all my scheming ♪ so unaware of my power

♪ so naive to all my scheming ♪ so unaware of my power ♪ she'll scratch and scream

♪ so unaware of my power ♪ she'll scratch and scream ♪ scratch and scream

♪ she'll scratch and scream ♪ scratch and scream ♪ to keep me at bay

♪ scratch and scream ♪ to keep me at bay ♪ oh, but she can't keep

♪ to keep me at bay ♪ oh, but she can't keep me away ♪

♪ oh, but she can't keep me away ♪ ♪ no, she can't keep me away

me away ♪ ♪ no, she can't keep me away ♪ you feel the spark

♪ no, she can't keep me away ♪ you feel the spark ♪ I know you do

♪ you feel the spark ♪ I know you do ♪ that embrace of one desire

♪ I know you do ♪ that embrace of one desire [ Both breathing heavily ]

♪ That embrace of one desire [ Both breathing heavily ] I love you.

[ Both breathing heavily ] I love you. I want to spend the rest of my

I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I feel like my life had passed

life with you. I feel like my life had passed me by until I saw you again.

I feel like my life had passed me by until I saw you again. I'm committed, Mike.

Me by until I saw you again. I'm committed, Mike. I'm willing to be in this for

I'm committed, Mike. I'm willing to be in this for the long haul.

I'm willing to be in this for the long haul. But it's up to you.

I'll wait until Christmas to hear your answer.

I fuckin' knew it. You playing with people's lives again?

You playing with people's lives again? You...

Again? You... You are a dangerous man to know,

you... You are a dangerous man to know, Mike.

You are a dangerous man to know, Mike. I know. I'm sorry.

Mike. I know. I'm sorry. [ sighs ]

I know. I'm sorry. [ sighs ] What do I tell Dylan?

[ Sighs ] What do I tell Dylan? I'm not a freakin' counselor,

what do I tell Dylan? I'm not a freakin' counselor, Mike.

I'm not a freakin' counselor, Mike. What kind of question is that?

Mike. What kind of question is that? "Do I dump my wife before I

what kind of question is that? "Do I dump my wife before I close the deal?

"Do I dump my wife before I close the deal? Or do I close the deal, then

close the deal? Or do I close the deal, then dump her?"

Or do I close the deal, then dump her?" Well, what would you do if

dump her?" Well, what would you do if you were me?

Well, what would you do if you were me? Me?

You were me? Me? I would've taken Kimberly to

me? I would've taken Kimberly to the prom 13 years ago, okay?

I would've taken Kimberly to the prom 13 years ago, okay? That's what I would've done.

The prom 13 years ago, okay? That's what I would've done. Dude, come on, like...

That's what I would've done. Dude, come on, like... I really need your help.

Dude, come on, like... I really need your help. You're my best friend.

I really need your help. You're my best friend. Why do you keep getting

you're my best friend. Why do you keep getting yourself in the same situations

why do you keep getting yourself in the same situations over and over?

Yourself in the same situations over and over? Hmm?

Over and over? Hmm? You got a rich girl on one side

Hmm? You got a rich girl on one side and a poor one on the other.

You calling me a gold digger? I'll answer that later. First, you tell me -- did you

I'll answer that later. First, you tell me -- did you sleep with her or not?

Oh, shit. Do you love her? Oh, shit!

Do you love her? Oh, shit! What do I do?

Oh, shit! What do I do? How am I supposed to know?!

What do I do? How am I supposed to know?! Remember, you're the one who

how am I supposed to know?! Remember, you're the one who looks at everything on the

remember, you're the one who looks at everything on the bright side.

Looks at everything on the bright side. [ scoffs ]

Bright side. [ scoffs ] Tell you what.

[ Scoffs ] Tell you what. Do both women. Hmm?

Tell you what. Do both women. Hmm? Do both women, keep the

do both women. Hmm? Do both women, keep the franchise, and two helicopters,

do both women, keep the franchise, and two helicopters, too, Hmm?

Franchise, and two helicopters, too, Hmm? And I'll stay quiet for life.

Too, Hmm? And I'll stay quiet for life. Know why?

And I'll stay quiet for life. Know why? 'Cause I'm your best -- I'm your

know why? 'Cause I'm your best -- I'm your best friend.

'Cause I'm your best -- I'm your best friend. You're drunk. Come on.

Best friend. You're drunk. Come on. Let me go.

You're drunk. Come on. Let me go. You're the one that needs a

let me go. You're the one that needs a hand.

You're the one that needs a hand. Finish that.

"Dearest Dylan. I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to tell you this in person.

I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to tell you this in person. I have so much gratitude for you

to tell you this in person. I have so much gratitude for you in my heart for all the love and

I have so much gratitude for you in my heart for all the love and everything you and your family

in my heart for all the love and everything you and your family have done for me.

Everything you and your family have done for me. But I haven't lived up to your

have done for me. But I haven't lived up to your love.

But I haven't lived up to your love. I have a confession.

Love. I have a confession. I have fallen in love with Alex.

I have a confession. I have fallen in love with Alex. Perhaps I've been in love with

I have fallen in love with Alex. Perhaps I've been in love with her my entire life.

Perhaps I've been in love with her my entire life. She was my childhood sweetheart.

Her my entire life. She was my childhood sweetheart. Until the past few months, to

she was my childhood sweetheart. Until the past few months, to me, she was a dream unfulfilled.

Until the past few months, to me, she was a dream unfulfilled. I recently found out that I was

me, she was a dream unfulfilled. I recently found out that I was her dream, too.

I recently found out that I was her dream, too. When we reconnected after such a

her dream, too. When we reconnected after such a long time, we instantly felt

when we reconnected after such a long time, we instantly felt that nothing between us has

long time, we instantly felt that nothing between us has changed with time.

That nothing between us has changed with time. In fact, our love has grown in

changed with time. In fact, our love has grown in the last few weeks.

In fact, our love has grown in the last few weeks. If I deny these feelings, I'll

the last few weeks. If I deny these feelings, I'll be a lousy husband cheating on a

if I deny these feelings, I'll be a lousy husband cheating on a loyal, wonderful wife like you.

Be a lousy husband cheating on a loyal, wonderful wife like you. You deserve more.

Loyal, wonderful wife like you. You deserve more. You deserve better.

You deserve more. You deserve better. It is with sorrow that I am

you deserve better. It is with sorrow that I am writing this to you to request a

it is with sorrow that I am writing this to you to request a divorce...Hopefully one without

writing this to you to request a divorce...Hopefully one without too much animosity."

[ Brakes squealing ]

Okay.

He's here, he's here. Mike's here. He's here.

Mike's here. He's here. Wait, wait, wait!

He's here. Wait, wait, wait! You can't escape that easily.

Wait, wait, wait! You can't escape that easily. Come on over here.

You can't escape that easily. Come on over here. Come.

Come on over here. Come. Come on.

Come in. Zits. Sit. So, now that we have our man,

sit. So, now that we have our man, let me say a few words.

So, now that we have our man, let me say a few words. As you all know, our beloved

let me say a few words. As you all know, our beloved Mike surprised us very much with

as you all know, our beloved Mike surprised us very much with his unexpected jewishness and

Mike surprised us very much with his unexpected jewishness and his total conversion.

His unexpected jewishness and his total conversion. And recently, he surprised us

his total conversion. And recently, he surprised us with his lipnick's franchise

and recently, he surprised us with his lipnick's franchise plan.

With his lipnick's franchise plan. He's a man of many surprises.

Plan. He's a man of many surprises. So now it's our turn.

He's a man of many surprises. So now it's our turn. Time to give Mike the surprise

so now it's our turn. Time to give Mike the surprise of his life, and when he hears

time to give Mike the surprise of his life, and when he hears this, believe me -- he won't

of his life, and when he hears this, believe me -- he won't forget this day so long as he

this, believe me -- he won't forget this day so long as he lives.

Forget this day so long as he lives. So, without further ado, I want

lives. So, without further ado, I want to announce today...

So, without further ado, I want to announce today... That...

To announce today... That... I'm gonna be a

that... I'm gonna be a great-grandfather!

I'm gonna be a great-grandfather! [ laughing ]

Great-grandfather! [ laughing ] A great-grandpa!

[ Laughing ] A great-grandpa! Mazel tov!

A great-grandpa! Mazel tov! And Mike's gonna be a father!

Mazel tov! And Mike's gonna be a father! Everybody, raise your glass.

And Mike's gonna be a father! Everybody, raise your glass. L'chaim! L'chaim.

Everybody, raise your glass. L'chaim! L'chaim. What a mitzvah.

L'chaim! L'chaim. What a mitzvah. Oh, look at them.

What a mitzvah. Oh, look at them. What a couple.

Oh, look at them. What a couple. Oh, they're so beautiful.

What a couple. Oh, they're so beautiful. Nice, beautiful jewish children

oh, they're so beautiful. Nice, beautiful jewish children they're going to have.

Nice, beautiful jewish children they're going to have. Oh, my.

They're going to have. Oh, my. Mazel tov.

Oh, my. Mazel tov. Oh, oh, it's so wonderful.

Mazel tov. Oh, oh, it's so wonderful. Thank you.

Oh, oh, it's so wonderful. Thank you. Oh, I'm so proud of you.

Thank you. Oh, I'm so proud of you. Oy. You'll have twins, maybe

oh, I'm so proud of you. Oy. You'll have twins, maybe quintuplets.

Oy. You'll have twins, maybe quintuplets. Oh, a bunch of little jewish

quintuplets. Oh, a bunch of little jewish babies running around!

Oh, a bunch of little jewish babies running around! Holy shit.

Babies running around! Holy shit. Holy shit.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Scotty.

Holy shit. Scotty. [ breathing heavily ]

Scotty. [ breathing heavily ] Scotty, pick up.

[ Breathing heavily ] Scotty, pick up. Pick up, pick up.

Scotty, pick up. Pick up, pick up. Hey, dude, what's up?

Pick up, pick up. Hey, dude, what's up? She's pregnant.

Hey, dude, what's up? She's pregnant. Who?

She's pregnant. Who? What?

Who? What? I'm sorry, but with you, I

what? I'm sorry, but with you, I need to ask who.

I'm sorry, but with you, I need to ask who. Dylan.

Need to ask who. Dylan. Holy shit.

Dylan. Holy shit. Exactly.

Holy shit. Exactly. There's more.

Exactly. There's more. Always.

There's more. Always. I sent an e-mail to her

always. I sent an e-mail to her telling her about Alex.

I sent an e-mail to her telling her about Alex. You sent an e-mail?

Telling her about Alex. You sent an e-mail? That's harsh.

You sent an e-mail? That's harsh. Scotty, focus, okay?

That's harsh. Scotty, focus, okay? Focus.

Scotty, focus, okay? Focus. Help now, judge later.

Focus. Help now, judge later. I need you to call your tech

help now, judge later. I need you to call your tech guys and ask them how to recover

I need you to call your tech guys and ask them how to recover an e-mail.

Guys and ask them how to recover an e-mail. Don't you know her password?

An e-mail. Don't you know her password? No!

Don't you know her password? No! Shit.

No! Shit. Mike, there's no way to recall

shit. Mike, there's no way to recall an e-mail.

Mike, there's no way to recall an e-mail. Trust me.

An e-mail. Trust me. Shit.

Trust me. Shit. Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Shit. Shit. Okay.

Shit. Okay. Okay, Mike.

Okay. Okay, Mike. Get it together.

Okay, Mike. Get it together. Get it together, Mike.

Get it together. Get it together, Mike. Get it together.

Get it together, Mike. Get it together. Aah.

Get it together. Aah. There's at least 50

aah. There's at least 50 restaurants here.

There's at least 50 restaurants here. I never, ever thought we'd be

restaurants here. I never, ever thought we'd be able to retire, but if this

I never, ever thought we'd be able to retire, but if this works out, maybe we can.

Able to retire, but if this works out, maybe we can. Or at least cut back on our

works out, maybe we can. Or at least cut back on our hours.

Or at least cut back on our hours. Retire?

Hours. Retire? Oh, sweetheart.

Retire? Oh, sweetheart. We're not gonna retire.

Oh, sweetheart. We're not gonna retire. We're just gonna begin to live.

We're not gonna retire. We're just gonna begin to live. I got to go.

We're just gonna begin to live. I got to go. Okay. I'll see you at home.

I'll show them the rest. All right, let's see. He did this all himself.

All right, let's see. He did this all himself. [ soft music playing ]

♪ You can say what you want about me ♪

♪ it doesn't really matter anyway ♪ ♪ all alone here with memories

anyway ♪ ♪ all alone here with memories ♪ I'm my own worst enemy

♪ all alone here with memories ♪ I'm my own worst enemy these days ♪

sorry. Didn't mean to wake you up. I wasn't sleeping.

Didn't mean to wake you up. I wasn't sleeping. I was at the office with

I wasn't sleeping. I was at the office with Scott, and then we went to

I was at the office with Scott, and then we went to dinner, and --

Scott, and then we went to dinner, and -- it's okay.

Dinner, and -- it's okay. Come on in.

It's okay. Come on in. I read your e-mail.

I'm sorry. Okay? I... I wouldn't have sent it if I had

okay? I... I wouldn't have sent it if I had known -- the news earlier.

I wouldn't have sent it if I had known -- the news earlier. So, you would have continued

known -- the news earlier. So, you would have continued to cheat on your wife?

So, you would have continued to cheat on your wife? For how long?

To cheat on your wife? For how long? No. No, no.

For how long? No. No, no. I -- I don't mean that.

No. No, no. I -- I don't mean that. I just mean I would've waited

I -- I don't mean that. I just mean I would've waited for the -- the right time.

I just mean I would've waited for the -- the right time. The right time.

For the -- the right time. The right time. And when would that be?

The right time. And when would that be? Dylan, I am sorry.

And when would that be? Dylan, I am sorry. Okay?

Dylan, I am sorry. Okay? It's just I'm kind of in a

okay? It's just I'm kind of in a corner right now.

It's just I'm kind of in a corner right now. She wants to leave by Christmas,

corner right now. She wants to leave by Christmas, and she wanted an answer before

she wants to leave by Christmas, and she wanted an answer before then.

And she wanted an answer before then. Oh.

Then. Oh. Oh, she does, does she?

Oh. Oh, she does, does she? [ scoffs ]

Oh, she does, does she? [ scoffs ] Okay.

[ Scoffs ] Okay. Well, at first, I was upset.

Okay. Well, at first, I was upset. After I calmed myself down a

well, at first, I was upset. After I calmed myself down a bit, I thought about it.

After I calmed myself down a bit, I thought about it. I tried to be objective...

Bit, I thought about it. I tried to be objective... Tried to understand where you

I tried to be objective... Tried to understand where you were coming from.

Tried to understand where you were coming from. Thank you.

Were coming from. Thank you. And I've come to a decision.

Thank you. And I've come to a decision. The answer is no.

And I've come to a decision. The answer is no. What?

The answer is no. What? You heard me.

What? You heard me. No.

You heard me. No. W-what do you mean "no"?

No. W-what do you mean "no"? No to what?

W-what do you mean "no"? No to what? To a divorce.

No to what? To a divorce. No.

To a divorce. No. I understand where you're

no. I understand where you're coming from.

I understand where you're coming from. Okay, knowing what we know now,

coming from. Okay, knowing what we know now, I'm not gonna insist on it right

okay, knowing what we know now, I'm not gonna insist on it right away, obviously.

I'm not gonna insist on it right away, obviously. No. Not by tomorrow, not by

away, obviously. No. Not by tomorrow, not by Christmas, not by any deadline

no. Not by tomorrow, not by Christmas, not by any deadline she may give you.

Christmas, not by any deadline she may give you. I'm not signing divorce papers

she may give you. I'm not signing divorce papers for you ever in my life, period.

I'm not signing divorce papers for you ever in my life, period. Good night.

So, you have to go by Christmas? Look, I understand your

Christmas? Look, I understand your dilemma, Mike.

Look, I understand your dilemma, Mike. Just let me go.

Dilemma, Mike. Just let me go. Be with her.

Just let me go. Be with her. I'm not gonna force you into

be with her. I'm not gonna force you into anything.

I'm not gonna force you into anything. And don't worry.

Anything. And don't worry. I'm not gonna back out of the

and don't worry. I'm not gonna back out of the franchise deal.

I'm not gonna back out of the franchise deal. That's not what I'm worried

franchise deal. That's not what I'm worried about.

That's not what I'm worried about. She's pregnant.

Wow. Congratulations. That's exciting.

Congratulations. That's exciting. You are gonna be a great dad.

That's exciting. You are gonna be a great dad. I hope your baby gets those

you are gonna be a great dad. I hope your baby gets those beautiful long eyelashes.

I hope your baby gets those beautiful long eyelashes. I wasn't ready for this.

Beautiful long eyelashes. I wasn't ready for this. I don't want to lose you again,

I wasn't ready for this. I don't want to lose you again, Alex.

I don't want to lose you again, Alex. Okay.

Alex. Okay. I can wait.

Okay. I can wait. How long do you think?

I can wait. How long do you think? I'm afraid it may never

how long do you think? I'm afraid it may never happen.

I'm afraid it may never happen. Okay.

Happen. Okay. Hey, it's all right, Mike.

Okay. Hey, it's all right, Mike. I just want you to be happy.

Hey, it's all right, Mike. I just want you to be happy. It's all right.

I just want you to be happy. It's all right. No, it's not me.

It's all right. No, it's not me. She said no -- no to the

no, it's not me. She said no -- no to the divorce -- not now, not ever.

She said no -- no to the divorce -- not now, not ever. Oh, my gosh.

Divorce -- not now, not ever. Oh, my gosh. She sounds like just like my

oh, my gosh. She sounds like just like my ex-husband.

She sounds like just like my ex-husband. He never wanted to let me go,

ex-husband. He never wanted to let me go, either.

He never wanted to let me go, either. That bloodsucking leech.

Either. That bloodsucking leech. Should've known better than to

that bloodsucking leech. Should've known better than to sign that prenup.

Should've known better than to sign that prenup. So stupid.

Sign that prenup. So stupid. Never sign a prenuptial

so stupid. Never sign a prenuptial agreement without reading it

never sign a prenuptial agreement without reading it carefully.

Agreement without reading it carefully. There are so many snakes to bite

carefully. There are so many snakes to bite you on the ass that the devil's

there are so many snakes to bite you on the ass that the devil's pitchfork up the wazoo is gonna

you on the ass that the devil's pitchfork up the wazoo is gonna come as a welcome relief by

pitchfork up the wazoo is gonna come as a welcome relief by comparison.

Come as a welcome relief by comparison. Scott, how could you not let me

comparison. Scott, how could you not let me read this fucking bible?

Scott, how could you not let me read this fucking bible? I would've done it for free!

Read this fucking bible? I would've done it for free! And you!

I would've done it for free! And you! You -- how do you sign this

and you! You -- how do you sign this thing without giving it to me

you -- how do you sign this thing without giving it to me first?!

Thing without giving it to me first?! All right. All right.

First?! All right. All right. Here we go.

All right. All right. Here we go. Here we go, okay.

Here we go. Here we go, okay. Here is the clause that's the

here we go, okay. Here is the clause that's the killer.

Here is the clause that's the killer. If you ask for a divorce, you

killer. If you ask for a divorce, you have to arrange a formal divorce

if you ask for a divorce, you have to arrange a formal divorce ceremony.

Have to arrange a formal divorce ceremony. Such ceremony must consist of

ceremony. Such ceremony must consist of the guests attended the wedding

such ceremony must consist of the guests attended the wedding in the first place.

The guests attended the wedding in the first place. It has to take place in the same

in the first place. It has to take place in the same wedding venue.

It has to take place in the same wedding venue. The couple will wear the same

wedding venue. The couple will wear the same attire from their wedding day,

the couple will wear the same attire from their wedding day, and only then is she legally

attire from their wedding day, and only then is she legally bound to sign your divorce

and only then is she legally bound to sign your divorce application.

Bound to sign your divorce application. On top of that, you also have

application. On top of that, you also have the burden of explaining your

on top of that, you also have the burden of explaining your reasons for your divorce.

The burden of explaining your reasons for your divorce. The ceremony will be followed by

reasons for your divorce. The ceremony will be followed by a lavish dinner and dancing,

the ceremony will be followed by a lavish dinner and dancing, which will be paid for...

A lavish dinner and dancing, which will be paid for... By you.

In short, she's a genius. [ laughing ] She's got you by the balls.

[ Laughing ] She's got you by the balls. You're fucked.

She's got you by the balls. You're fucked. [ laughing ]

You're fucked. [ laughing ] Welcome to the club.

[ Laughing ] Welcome to the club. Although I have some good news.

Welcome to the club. Although I have some good news. There's a 10% discount on the

although I have some good news. There's a 10% discount on the people attending.

There's a 10% discount on the people attending. [ laughing ]

People attending. [ laughing ] Good luck, buddy!

[ Laughing ] Good luck, buddy! [ laughing continue ]

Good luck, buddy! [ laughing continue ] Bastard.

[ Laughing continue ] Bastard. Con man.

Bastard. Con man. He pulled the "I'll be jewish"

con man. He pulled the "I'll be jewish" wool over our eyes.

He pulled the "I'll be jewish" wool over our eyes. You mean your eyes.

Wool over our eyes. You mean your eyes. I told you it wasn't a proper

you mean your eyes. I told you it wasn't a proper conversion.

I told you it wasn't a proper conversion. Why would you let that

conversion. Why would you let that bastard live in your place?

Why would you let that bastard live in your place? Why don't you kick him out?

Bastard live in your place? Why don't you kick him out? Grandpa!

Why don't you kick him out? Grandpa! How does that help me?

Grandpa! How does that help me? At least I'll have somebody to

how does that help me? At least I'll have somebody to call 911 in case, God forbid,

at least I'll have somebody to call 911 in case, God forbid, something happens to me in the

call 911 in case, God forbid, something happens to me in the middle of the night.

Something happens to me in the middle of the night. Well, you move in with us.

Middle of the night. Well, you move in with us. We'll take care of you.

Well, you move in with us. We'll take care of you. Why should you?

We'll take care of you. Why should you? It's his responsibility, too.

Why should you? It's his responsibility, too. Nowadays, they say, "we are

it's his responsibility, too. Nowadays, they say, "we are pregnant."

Nowadays, they say, "we are pregnant." Why should he have the easy way

pregnant." Why should he have the easy way out?

Why should he have the easy way out? Let him do his share.

Out? Let him do his share. Having a baby is a bliss.

Let him do his share. Having a baby is a bliss. He doesn't deserve to be any

having a baby is a bliss. He doesn't deserve to be any part of it.

He doesn't deserve to be any part of it. If I were you, I would kick him

part of it. If I were you, I would kick him so far away that even his shadow

if I were you, I would kick him so far away that even his shadow couldn't touch that baby.

So far away that even his shadow couldn't touch that baby. Enough!

Couldn't touch that baby. Enough! 25 years ago, you chased

enough! 25 years ago, you chased delilah's father away with the

25 years ago, you chased delilah's father away with the same attitude, and what was the

delilah's father away with the same attitude, and what was the result?

Same attitude, and what was the result? He never even showed up for

result? He never even showed up for rachel's funeral.

He never even showed up for rachel's funeral. And who suffered the most?

Rachel's funeral. And who suffered the most? Delilah.

And who suffered the most? Delilah. This child has never even seen

delilah. This child has never even seen her father in her entire life.

This child has never even seen her father in her entire life. I'm so sorry to bring this up

her father in her entire life. I'm so sorry to bring this up now, honey.

I'm so sorry to bring this up now, honey. This is not our decision to

now, honey. This is not our decision to make.

It's Mike. Wait, wait, please. Let me talk to him now.

Wait, wait, please. Let me talk to him now. [ doorbell rings ]

[ Door opens ] Hey, grandpa Paul. Hi.

[ Sighs ] I'm assuming Dylan told you. Yes, she told us.

I'm assuming Dylan told you. Yes, she told us. I just want to say I have the

yes, she told us. I just want to say I have the highest regard for you and

I just want to say I have the highest regard for you and elaine.

Highest regard for you and elaine. I think Dylan is a wonderful,

Elaine. I think Dylan is a wonderful, wonderful woman.

I think Dylan is a wonderful, wonderful woman. I truly love her.

Wonderful woman. I truly love her. I really do.

I truly love her. I really do. It's just, uh, you know,

i really do. It's just, uh, you know, sometimes fate kind of plays

it's just, uh, you know, sometimes fate kind of plays tricks on you, and...

Sometimes fate kind of plays tricks on you, and... I never thought I'd run into

tricks on you, and... I never thought I'd run into alex again in the rest of my

i never thought I'd run into alex again in the rest of my life, but...

Alex again in the rest of my life, but... I did, and, unfortunately, it

life, but... I did, and, unfortunately, it just kind of...

I did, and, unfortunately, it just kind of... Happened at the wrong time.

Just kind of... Happened at the wrong time. What do you want from me?

Happened at the wrong time. What do you want from me? Dylan is not really of a

what do you want from me? Dylan is not really of a sound mind to listen to me, so I

Dylan is not really of a sound mind to listen to me, so I was wondering if you could talk

sound mind to listen to me, so I was wondering if you could talk to her and get her to sign these

was wondering if you could talk to her and get her to sign these papers.

To her and get her to sign these papers. If you do, we can just avoid the

papers. If you do, we can just avoid the whole prenup and just...

If you do, we can just avoid the whole prenup and just... Move on.

Whole prenup and just... Move on. My granddaughter never cared

move on. My granddaughter never cared for my advice, even when she was

my granddaughter never cared for my advice, even when she was choosing a spouse.

For my advice, even when she was choosing a spouse. But don't be discouraged.

Choosing a spouse. But don't be discouraged. I'll do my very best to help you

but don't be discouraged. I'll do my very best to help you out with your divorce.

I'll do my very best to help you out with your divorce. Living together after this isn't

out with your divorce. Living together after this isn't good for anyone.

Living together after this isn't good for anyone. Wait.

Good for anyone. Wait. And, you know, I will do my

wait. And, you know, I will do my best to work on the franchise.

[ Door opens ]

Oh. Is this the prenup? I already have a copy. No, it's the guest list from

i already have a copy. No, it's the guest list from your wedding.

No, it's the guest list from your wedding. I thought you said you were

your wedding. I thought you said you were gonna help me.

I thought you said you were gonna help me. I just did.

Gonna help me. I just did. I'm now officially butting out

I just did. I'm now officially butting out of your lives.

I'm now officially butting out of your lives. Good luck.

Honey, you're going about this all the wrong way. Stop thinking of this as just

this all the wrong way. Stop thinking of this as just your divorce and start thinking

stop thinking of this as just your divorce and start thinking of this as a celebration of our

your divorce and start thinking of this as a celebration of our lives together.

Of this as a celebration of our lives together. Start having fun with it, and if

lives together. Start having fun with it, and if you do, then the guests will be

start having fun with it, and if you do, then the guests will be more likely to come.

You do, then the guests will be more likely to come. Just think about it.

More likely to come. Just think about it. How many divorceés will ever

just think about it. How many divorceés will ever have this kind of an

how many divorceés will ever have this kind of an opportunity?

Have this kind of an opportunity? [ upbeat music plays ]

♪ Free, free, love for sale ♪ I'm free, free ♪ out on bail

♪ I'm free, free ♪ out on bail ♪ I'm free, free

♪ out on bail ♪ I'm free, free ♪ out of jail

♪ I'm free, free ♪ out of jail ♪ and the grass grows greener

♪ out of jail ♪ and the grass grows greener way up the hill ♪

♪ and the grass grows greener way up the hill ♪ ♪ I'm free, free

way up the hill ♪ ♪ I'm free, free ♪ cheers to you

♪ I'm free, free ♪ cheers to you ♪ I'm free, free

♪ cheers to you ♪ I'm free, free ♪ so are you

♪ I'm free, free ♪ so are you good luck.

♪ So are you good luck. ♪ and I won't be coming home

good luck. ♪ and I won't be coming home anytime soon ♪

♪ and I won't be coming home anytime soon ♪ ♪ I'm free, free

anytime soon ♪ ♪ I'm free, free ♪ love for sale

♪ I'm free, free ♪ love for sale ♪ I'm free, free

♪ love for sale ♪ I'm free, free ♪ out on bail

♪ I'm free, free ♪ out on bail ♪ I'm free, free

♪ out on bail ♪ I'm free, free ♪ out of jail

♪ I'm free, free ♪ out of jail ♪ and the grass grows greener

♪ out of jail ♪ and the grass grows greener way up the hill ♪

♪ and the grass grows greener way up the hill ♪ every day, every hour you're

way up the hill ♪ every day, every hour you're on the road.

Every day, every hour you're on the road. It's a carmaggeddon for you,

on the road. It's a carmaggeddon for you, dick.

It's a carmaggeddon for you, dick. Don't call him that near my

dick. Don't call him that near my school, mom!

Don't call him that near my school, mom! Be quiet.

School, mom! Be quiet. Mommy and daddy are talking.

Be quiet. Mommy and daddy are talking. It doesn't mean you can take

mommy and daddy are talking. It doesn't mean you can take away my day with him.

It doesn't mean you can take away my day with him. No?

Away my day with him. No? No.

No? No. ♪ and I'm free, free, free

no. ♪ and I'm free, free, free ♪ love for sale

♪ and I'm free, free, free ♪ love for sale ♪ I'm free, free

♪ love for sale ♪ I'm free, free ♪ out on bail

♪ I'm free, free ♪ out on bail ♪ I'm free, free

♪ out on bail ♪ I'm free, free ♪ out of jail

♪ I'm free, free ♪ out of jail ♪ and the grass grows greener

♪ out of jail ♪ and the grass grows greener way up the hill ♪

♪ and the grass grows greener way up the hill ♪ ♪ I'm free, free

way up the hill ♪ ♪ I'm free, free ♪ cheers to you

♪ I'm free, free ♪ cheers to you ♪ I'm free, free

♪ cheers to you ♪ I'm free, free ♪ so are you

♪ I'm free, free ♪ so are you [ Laughing ]

♪ So are you [ Laughing ] This is hilarious!

[ Laughing ] This is hilarious! [ laughs ]

This is hilarious! [ laughs ] Oh, you got to accept this funny

[ laughs ] Oh, you got to accept this funny gift.

Oh, you got to accept this funny gift. Hi. Come to my divorce.

Gift. Hi. Come to my divorce. You are coming to my divorce.

Hi. Come to my divorce. You are coming to my divorce. Divorce ceremony.

You are coming to my divorce. Divorce ceremony. Henley's only, okay?

Divorce ceremony. Henley's only, okay? What the fuck?

Henley's only, okay? What the fuck? Who the fuck are you?

What the fuck? Who the fuck are you? Some high-school friend?

Who the fuck are you? Some high-school friend? Some college roommate?

Some high-school friend? Some college roommate? Who the fuck is this, Brad?

Some college roommate? Who the fuck is this, Brad? Honey, I have no idea.

Who the fuck is this, Brad? Honey, I have no idea. I swear to God, I don't even

honey, I have no idea. I swear to God, I don't even know who this idiot is.

I swear to God, I don't even know who this idiot is. Brad, it's me --

know who this idiot is. Brad, it's me -- mike Christian.

Brad, it's me -- mike Christian. I'm Dylan lipnick's husband.

Mike Christian. I'm Dylan lipnick's husband. Oh! Oh, yeah!

I'm Dylan lipnick's husband. Oh! Oh, yeah! So you do know him!

Oh! Oh, yeah! So you do know him! Did you just lie to me?

So you do know him! Did you just lie to me? I mean -- I don't exactly

did you just lie to me? I mean -- I don't exactly know --

I mean -- I don't exactly know -- fuck you!

Know -- fuck you! How dare you fucking lie to me

fuck you! How dare you fucking lie to me on my fucking wedding day before

how dare you fucking lie to me on my fucking wedding day before my fucking honeymoon?!

On my fucking wedding day before my fucking honeymoon?! Ohh!

My fucking honeymoon?! Ohh! Aah!

Ohh! Aah! So, a young jewish couple

aah! So, a young jewish couple gets successfully divorced, but

so, a young jewish couple gets successfully divorced, but the wife says to the judge, "now

gets successfully divorced, but the wife says to the judge, "now I have to apply for a get."

The wife says to the judge, "now I have to apply for a get." And the judge says, "get what?"

I have to apply for a get." And the judge says, "get what?" She says, "no, that's the name

and the judge says, "get what?" She says, "no, that's the name for a jewish ceremony which is

she says, "no, that's the name for a jewish ceremony which is for a divorce."

For a jewish ceremony which is for a divorce." And he says, "oh, I understand.

For a divorce." And he says, "oh, I understand. In other words, you mean like a

and he says, "oh, I understand. In other words, you mean like a bris."

In other words, you mean like a bris." She says, "yes, except that in a

bris." She says, "yes, except that in a bris, it's one thing.

She says, "yes, except that in a bris, it's one thing. In a get, you get to get rid of

bris, it's one thing. In a get, you get to get rid of the entire schmuck."

In a get, you get to get rid of the entire schmuck." [ laughter ]

The entire schmuck." [ laughter ] Hey, there.

[ Laughter ] Hey, there. You and me -- divorce ceremony.

Hey, there. You and me -- divorce ceremony. Thanks.

You and me -- divorce ceremony. Thanks. Come here.

Thanks. Come here. Look what he brings me -- a

come here. Look what he brings me -- a divorce invitation.

Look what he brings me -- a divorce invitation. ♪ I'm free, free

divorce invitation. ♪ I'm free, free ♪ cheers to you

♪ I'm free, free ♪ cheers to you ♪ I'm free, free

♪ cheers to you ♪ I'm free, free ♪ so are you

♪ I'm free, free ♪ so are you hi.

♪ So are you hi. I would like to invite you to my

hi. I would like to invite you to my divorce.

I would like to invite you to my divorce. Is it true you're actually

divorce. Is it true you're actually seeking a divorce from Dylan?

Is it true you're actually seeking a divorce from Dylan? Uh...No comment.

Seeking a divorce from Dylan? Uh...No comment. ♪ oh, I'm free

uh...No comment. ♪ oh, I'm free ♪ free

♪ oh, I'm free ♪ free ♪ free, free

♪ free ♪ free, free ♪ cheers to you

♪ free, free ♪ cheers to you ♪ I'm free, free

♪ cheers to you ♪ I'm free, free ♪ so are you

♪ I'm free, free ♪ so are you ♪ I'm free, free

♪ so are you ♪ I'm free, free ♪ skies are blue

♪ I'm free, free ♪ skies are blue ♪ and I won't be coming home

♪ skies are blue ♪ and I won't be coming home anytime soon ♪

♪ and I won't be coming home anytime soon ♪ you are coming to my divorce.

Anytime soon ♪ you are coming to my divorce. Be there.

You are coming to my divorce. Be there. Hey, Paul and Amber.

Be there. Hey, Paul and Amber. Divorce invitation.

Hey, Paul and Amber. Divorce invitation. I'll see you there, okay?

Oh, my God! It's Mike! Oh, my God! Mike! I'm so happy you're here!

Oh, my God! Mike! I'm so happy you're here! I was hoping that you were gonna

I'm so happy you're here! I was hoping that you were gonna come.

I was hoping that you were gonna come. I saw you on the cover of that

come. I saw you on the cover of that one magazine.

I saw you on the cover of that one magazine. Is this for me?

One magazine. Is this for me? You're coming to my divorce.

Is this for me? You're coming to my divorce. See you there.

You're coming to my divorce. See you there. Okay.

See you there. Okay. I actually think I'm gonna

okay. I actually think I'm gonna bring a plus-one because I

I actually think I'm gonna bring a plus-one because I didn't bring anyone the last

bring a plus-one because I didn't bring anyone the last time.

Didn't bring anyone the last time. Joseph Armstrong in the

time. Joseph Armstrong in the house!

Joseph Armstrong in the house! That's because there wasn't

house! That's because there wasn't an open bar, but this time, I

that's because there wasn't an open bar, but this time, I think there's going to be.

An open bar, but this time, I think there's going to be. You know what I mean?

Think there's going to be. You know what I mean? And I'm done!

You know what I mean? And I'm done! That's it!

According to the prenuptial agreement, it is incumbent upon the person who initiated the

agreement, it is incumbent upon the person who initiated the divorce to invite all of those

the person who initiated the divorce to invite all of those who attended the original

divorce to invite all of those who attended the original wedding -- minus 10%.

Who attended the original wedding -- minus 10%. Mr. Christian has done this

wedding -- minus 10%. Mr. Christian has done this successfully.

Mr. Christian has done this successfully. As decreed in the prenuptial

successfully. As decreed in the prenuptial agreement, Mrs. Christian must

as decreed in the prenuptial agreement, Mrs. Christian must sign the divorce petition.

Well... It feels weird to be offering congratulations to you, Mike.

It feels weird to be offering congratulations to you, Mike. I didn't think you could pull it

congratulations to you, Mike. I didn't think you could pull it off.

I didn't think you could pull it off. I have never had such a strong

off. I have never had such a strong bond with anyone as I have with

I have never had such a strong bond with anyone as I have with you.

Bond with anyone as I have with you. I have never been so in love.

You. I have never been so in love. And I thought you felt the same

I have never been so in love. And I thought you felt the same way.

And I thought you felt the same way. I guess I was wrong.

Way. I guess I was wrong. In the past few weeks, I've seen

I guess I was wrong. In the past few weeks, I've seen how much trouble Mike has gone

in the past few weeks, I've seen how much trouble Mike has gone through to get all of you here

how much trouble Mike has gone through to get all of you here today.

Through to get all of you here today. He has shown tremendous

today. He has shown tremendous persistence to end this marriage

he has shown tremendous persistence to end this marriage and unite with Alex.

Persistence to end this marriage and unite with Alex. Maybe that means she deserves

and unite with Alex. Maybe that means she deserves him more than I do.

And now, according to the prenuptial agreement... Mr. Christian will reveal his

prenuptial agreement... Mr. Christian will reveal his reasons for a divorce.

[ Clears throat ]

Thank you, Dylan. And thank you, all, for coming today and sparing your valuable

and thank you, all, for coming today and sparing your valuable time for me.

Today and sparing your valuable time for me. Getting all you here was no easy

time for me. Getting all you here was no easy task, I can assure you that.

Getting all you here was no easy task, I can assure you that. It was no fun having doors

task, I can assure you that. It was no fun having doors slammed in my face, getting the

it was no fun having doors slammed in my face, getting the evil eye on the street, being

slammed in my face, getting the evil eye on the street, being spat upon, punched in the face,

evil eye on the street, being spat upon, punched in the face, and told I am a horrible person

spat upon, punched in the face, and told I am a horrible person for deserting my pregnant wife.

And told I am a horrible person for deserting my pregnant wife. This little...Event was not my

for deserting my pregnant wife. This little...Event was not my idea.

This little...Event was not my idea. It all happened because Dylan

idea. It all happened because Dylan slipped a little clause in our

it all happened because Dylan slipped a little clause in our prenup...

Slipped a little clause in our prenup... A clause I never bothered to

prenup... A clause I never bothered to read.

A clause I never bothered to read. Otherwise, I never would have

read. Otherwise, I never would have had to face this shit storm and

otherwise, I never would have had to face this shit storm and see all of you, but I did.

Had to face this shit storm and see all of you, but I did. And today, I am a winner...

See all of you, but I did. And today, I am a winner... [ applause ]

And today, I am a winner... [ applause ] ...A winner not just because I

[ applause ] ...A winner not just because I got my way, but because I made

...a winner not just because I got my way, but because I made the journey.

Got my way, but because I made the journey. I followed through on this.

The journey. I followed through on this. It was a journey of meeting

I followed through on this. It was a journey of meeting people, talking with them,

it was a journey of meeting people, talking with them, reasoning with some, arguing

people, talking with them, reasoning with some, arguing with others, listening to their

reasoning with some, arguing with others, listening to their pains, their turmoils, their

with others, listening to their pains, their turmoils, their successes, their failures, their

pains, their turmoils, their successes, their failures, their mistakes and their regrets --

successes, their failures, their mistakes and their regrets -- their life lessons.

Mistakes and their regrets -- their life lessons. Now, I was mad at Dylan for

their life lessons. Now, I was mad at Dylan for making me come here today.

Now, I was mad at Dylan for making me come here today. I thought she was a selfish,

making me come here today. I thought she was a selfish, stubborn woman...

I thought she was a selfish, stubborn woman... Until I ran into a single mom

stubborn woman... Until I ran into a single mom with five kids who asked me a

until I ran into a single mom with five kids who asked me a question.

With five kids who asked me a question. She said, "what if Dylan had

question. She said, "what if Dylan had instigated the divorce?

She said, "what if Dylan had instigated the divorce? Would she have to go through the

instigated the divorce? Would she have to go through the same hell?"

Would she have to go through the same hell?" So, I read the prenup again,

same hell?" So, I read the prenup again, and, sure as shit, she'd have to

so, I read the prenup again, and, sure as shit, she'd have to go through the same hell I did.

And, sure as shit, she'd have to go through the same hell I did. That's when I realized that this

go through the same hell I did. That's when I realized that this clause wasn't evil after all.

That's when I realized that this clause wasn't evil after all. It was fair -- to both of us.

Clause wasn't evil after all. It was fair -- to both of us. And it was fair to our unborn

it was fair -- to both of us. And it was fair to our unborn child that the parents aren't

and it was fair to our unborn child that the parents aren't gonna just walk away from each

child that the parents aren't gonna just walk away from each other.

Gonna just walk away from each other. I realized that this -- this

other. I realized that this -- this long journey that I had to take

I realized that this -- this long journey that I had to take was the perfect counseling for a

long journey that I had to take was the perfect counseling for a torn, confused man like me.

Was the perfect counseling for a torn, confused man like me. When I put on this suit today, I

torn, confused man like me. When I put on this suit today, I was reminded how I felt on my

when I put on this suit today, I was reminded how I felt on my wedding day.

I've been thinking a lot about the word "love" lately. Love is a...

The word "love" lately. Love is a... Powerful emotion.

Love is a... Powerful emotion. Love is this...

Powerful emotion. Love is this... Indescribable feeling you get

love is this... Indescribable feeling you get when you see someone who you

indescribable feeling you get when you see someone who you know will do anything for you...

When you see someone who you know will do anything for you... When you see someone with a life

know will do anything for you... When you see someone with a life growing inside of them, a life

when you see someone with a life growing inside of them, a life you helped create.

Love is sticking it out. Living with someone day after day, waking up next to them

living with someone day after day, waking up next to them every morning with their bad

day, waking up next to them every morning with their bad breath and their hair matted to

every morning with their bad breath and their hair matted to one side of their head, and you

breath and their hair matted to one side of their head, and you just look at them and you think,

one side of their head, and you just look at them and you think, "god, she's beautiful."

Just look at them and you think, "god, she's beautiful." That's love.

"God, she's beautiful." That's love. Dylan, I've given you every

that's love. Dylan, I've given you every reason not to love me...

Dylan, I've given you every reason not to love me... And only one reason to.

Reason not to love me... And only one reason to. I love you.

And only one reason to. I love you. You once said to me, you said,

I love you. You once said to me, you said, if only your thesis could change

you once said to me, you said, if only your thesis could change one person...

If only your thesis could change one person... It did.

I'm sorry, Alex.

I have to do this.

So, in front of all of you... I am begging you, Dylan, to please forgive me for all the

I am begging you, Dylan, to please forgive me for all the pain that I have caused you.

Please forgive me for all the pain that I have caused you. Dylan, will you remarry me?

Pain that I have caused you. Dylan, will you remarry me? Both: Yes!

Dylan, will you remarry me? Both: Yes! Yes.

Both: Yes! Yes. Yes, but...

Yes. Yes, but... You're gonna have to work for

yes, but... You're gonna have to work for it.

You're gonna have to work for it. I promise.

It. I promise. [ chuckles ]

I promise. [ chuckles ] [ cheers and applause ]

[ Upbeat music plays ]

Mazel tov! ♪ feels so good this morning ♪

♪ feels so good this morning ♪ ♪ I want to leap before I look

morning ♪ ♪ I want to leap before I look around ♪

♪ I know that I'm falling ♪ I think it's what this life's about ♪

♪ I think it's what this life's about ♪ ♪ what you say is infatuation

about ♪ ♪ what you say is infatuation ♪ call it passion

♪ what you say is infatuation ♪ call it passion ♪ no sin, no crime

♪ call it passion ♪ no sin, no crime ♪ in fact, I'm truly grateful

♪ no sin, no crime ♪ in fact, I'm truly grateful ♪ promise of love seems so

♪ in fact, I'm truly grateful ♪ promise of love seems so alive ♪

♪ promise of love seems so alive ♪ ♪ let's see

alive ♪ ♪ let's see ♪ let's see

♪ let's see ♪ let's see ♪ take it outside

♪ let's see ♪ take it outside all right, now listen up!

♪ Take it outside all right, now listen up! Now, all of you who had sex last

all right, now listen up! Now, all of you who had sex last night...

Now, all of you who had sex last night... Yeah!

Night... Yeah! Let's go!

Yeah! Let's go! Step up!

Let's go! Step up! Get your picture ta-- oh!

Step up! Get your picture ta-- oh! All right!

Get your picture ta-- oh! All right! Couple late bloomers.

All right! Couple late bloomers. Couple late bloomers.

Couple late bloomers. Couple late bloomers. Okay, okay.

Couple late bloomers. Okay, okay. Uh-oh.

Okay, okay. Uh-oh. Oh!

Uh-oh. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! No kissing and telling, buddy.

Oh! No kissing and telling, buddy. All right, now...

No kissing and telling, buddy. All right, now... Those of you who had sex with

all right, now... Those of you who had sex with the groom!

Those of you who had sex with the groom! Somebody got to be in with the

the groom! Somebody got to be in with the groom!

Somebody got to be in with the groom! Sorry, Dylan.

Groom! Sorry, Dylan. Oh!

Sorry, Dylan. Oh! Okay, mama.

Oh! Okay, mama. Yeah, come here.

Okay, mama. Yeah, come here. Rrr!

Yeah, come here. Rrr! [ chuckles ]

Rrr! [ chuckles ] Thanks for playing.

[ Chuckles ] Thanks for playing. All right, now, those of you who

thanks for playing. All right, now, those of you who were screwed by the groom.

All right, now, those of you who were screwed by the groom. Yeah!

Were screwed by the groom. Yeah! [ crowd ohhs ]

Yeah! [ crowd ohhs ] Aww!

[ Crowd ohhs ] Aww! Pick your head up, buddy.

Aww! Pick your head up, buddy. Pick your head up, buddy.

Pick your head up, buddy. Pick your head up, buddy. Come on.

Pick your head up, buddy. Come on. Smile about it.

Come on. Smile about it. It's a celebration.

Smile about it. It's a celebration. All right. All right.

It's a celebration. All right. All right. A good sport.

All right. All right. A good sport. Now, those of you...

A good sport. Now, those of you... Who screwed the groom, big-time.

Now, those of you... Who screwed the groom, big-time. Somebody did.

Who screwed the groom, big-time. Somebody did. [ crowd "oohs" ]

Somebody did. [ crowd "oohs" ] [ laughter ]

[ Crowd "oohs" ] [ laughter ] Ohh! Ugh!

[ Laughter ] Ohh! Ugh! Hey! Oh!

Ohh! Ugh! Hey! Oh! Okay, all right, hey, um...

Hey! Oh! Okay, all right, hey, um... Hurted me more than it hurted

okay, all right, hey, um... Hurted me more than it hurted you.

Hurted me more than it hurted you. Might need some counseling

you. Might need some counseling on

might need some counseling on that one.

On that one. All right, now, those of you,

that one. All right, now, those of you, who, unfortunately...

All right, now, those of you, who, unfortunately... Saw the groom butt naked having

who, unfortunately... Saw the groom butt naked having sex.

Saw the groom butt naked having sex. That was us!

Sex. That was us! [ laughter ]

That was us! [ laughter ] That was us!

[ Laughter ] That was us! [ cheers and applause ]

That was us! [ cheers and applause ] Get in.

[ Cheers and applause ] Get in. You know what?

Get in. You know what? Michael --

you know what? Michael -- don't touch him.

Michael -- don't touch him. Stay away from him.

Don't touch him. Stay away from him. Stay away from him.

Stay away from him. Stay away from him. All right, now, those of you...

Stay away from him. All right, now, those of you... Who would like to go on a

all right, now, those of you... Who would like to go on a honeymoon with the groom,

who would like to go on a honeymoon with the groom, come on down!

Honeymoon with the groom, come on down! Yeah, see?

Come on down! Yeah, see? She wants to go.

Yeah, see? She wants to go. Here they --

she wants to go. Here they -- boy, they --

here they -- boy, they -- oh! [ laughs ]

Boy, they -- oh! [ laughs ] I'm starting to think something

oh! [ laughs ] I'm starting to think something here.

I'm starting to think something here. You love it.

Here. You love it. And once you go Mike, you don't

you love it. And once you go Mike, you don't go anywhere else.

And once you go Mike, you don't go anywhere else. There something you want to

go anywhere else. There something you want to tell me?

There something you want to tell me? No. No, there's nothing.

Tell me? No. No, there's nothing. There is nothing.

No. No, there's nothing. There is nothing. Okay, just making sure.

There is nothing. Okay, just making sure. Last but certainly not least --

okay, just making sure. Last but certainly not least -- I feel like we all want to do

last but certainly not least -- I feel like we all want to do this -- who wants to go on a

I feel like we all want to do this -- who wants to go on a honeymoon with the bride?

This -- who wants to go on a honeymoon with the bride? That's all of you!

Honeymoon with the bride? That's all of you! That's everybody!

That's all of you! That's everybody! That's all of you!

That's everybody! That's all of you! You're kidding me!

That's all of you! You're kidding me! No! She's mine!

You're kidding me! No! She's mine! Unh-unh! No!

No! She's mine! Unh-unh! No! Absolutely not!

Unh-unh! No! Absolutely not! [ laughing ]

Absolutely not! [ laughing ] Whoo!

[ Laughing ] Whoo! Get it, man!

Whoo! Get it, man! ♪ I'm staying with you