Original subtitles

Dad? What are you doing here?

I'm dying.

Bullshit.

Nah, I'm not dying. But I sorta missed ya.

So, guess what. My dad's in town.

Yeah, I know.

I may have told him that you were at the church.

Why would you do that?

You know he's one of my triggers.

No. No. Come on! Not here!

sleeping on the couch. Sorry, but, someone's

Dad, please! Oh, yeah.

I'd let you sleep on my couch, Loudermilk,

but... my couch is, like, three-feet long.

Okay. Couch is good.

How's Ben doing?

You know, being Ben. Uh, he's good.

Why?

Look what I found hiding under the couch.

Bullshit. That's not mine.

Who's is it then?

♪ Before we go any further ♪

♪ I know you said, but you won't go into my bed ♪

♪ You never cared what I was doin' ♪

Hey.

Hey!

What time is it?

Uhh...

5:55.

A.M. or P.M.?

P.M.

Mm...

♪ If you need love, then I'm yours ♪

♪ But if you trip, I ain' wit you ♪

♪ I ain't go no time ♪

♪ I ain't got no time ♪

Uh, thanks for meeting me, man.

Sure. Yeah, no problem.

What... Everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah.

a, you know, couple things I just had

I want to

talk about.

Excuse me, um...

Sir, would you mind just moving over a seat

so we can sit together?

Yeah, sure.

for the day. My good deed

Really? Yeah?

That's it?

You... you move over a seat to the right,

and that's your good-deed quota for the day,

so you're done now.

do something better. Well, no, I'll probably

I... No, no, no, no, no.

You've done enough.

You're like, a diner Gandhi, really.

I mean, think...

your shining example, if everybody followed

what a world it would be.

I mean, it'd be the same shit-hole it is now,

but we'd all be sitting two feet to the right.

You know what?

Fuck you.

you want to talk about? So what was this big thing

Yeah, um, listen...

Lately, I've been, um...

Eh, you know what? It's not important.

"Stand on the Horizon" plays ] [ Franz Ferdinand's

"Won't you come to me, baby?" ♪ ♪ The North Sea sings,

♪ "Won't you come to me?" ♪

Yeah, what's up?

Question...

when's the last time you got laid?

Answer... six minutes from now,

then make it eight. unless you're into foreplay,

What are you talking about?

I'm on my way over.

Got two frisky doves and I need a wingman pronto.

Nope. No. Not tonight.

I... I got to finish these Voluptuous pitches.

is on Monday. My presentation

Uh, you're not hearing me.

These girls are primed and ready.

I got 'em both sitting on a roll of Brawny

to keep my feet dry.

Geez.

I... I'm getting another call. Uh... uh, ho... hold on.

- Hello. - Hey.

Just wanted to see how you were doing.

Big day today.

That step 8's a doozy, right?

Certainly unexpected.

So everything cool?

Yep, everything good.

I'm at home working on my computer.

I'm feeling strong, so...

So you want to do a midnight meeting?

No. I'm on a deadline. Nope.

Like I said, lots of work to do.

Good work today on the healing, man.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

Hey, Donny?

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Donny:

My brotha from anotha mothafucka!

Kristy and, uh, uh, Jill...

...this is Tom.

Hi.

Do you got some tequila?

I'm all over it! Ahhh!

What are you doing?

I'm getting us laid!

What are you drinking?

Sprite.

I'm working.

in your drink Let me put a lime

so it looks like you're drinking something real.

Drunk chicks don't like

to be around guys who aren't drinking.

They feel judged.

Mm.

working, huh, Tom? Yeah, that's what you call

Okay.

All right!

Here's your gin-and-tonic, Tomassio.

A double, as requested,

in some parts of Texas. and as required by law

Son of a bitch!

Oh God, it's you.

I thought maybe David Gilmour was having a stroke.

rolled-up balls of rage You know those

at the end of your arms?

You could use those to knock on doors.

Who are you?

Who am I? Who are you?

This is Lizzy. Carl's niece.

for the weekend. She's visiting

He's at the hospital. Oh. Where's Carl?

That's classic Uncle Carl, huh?

'Cause he's never there for anybody.

Only his suffering patients.

were having a jam sesh. Lizzy and I

Lizzy, this is Loudermilk.

Wow. What a horrible name.

Wow. What a horrible kid.

Okay. So, go on, Loudermilk.

How do we sound?

Give us your professional "rock critic" opinion.

Uh... Well...

Okay.

Over here, you got musicians who are good.

They sound good.

who sound bad, Here you got musicians

and they're bad,

but they, you know, they've got potential.

So we have potential.

Let me finish.

Over here you have some musicians

that are just completely hopeless.

That's you guys.

He's just joking, honey.

What do I care?

He thinks R.E.M.'s "Monster" album

was an outrage.

"Noise" is what he called it.

I called it noise?

You said it was clunky.

It is clunky. Well, yeah. It is...

Especially it's clunky

if you compare it to the previous two albums,

which are both masterpieces, right?

You gonna explain the distortion to me?

Which I get, for a song,

but it's there for the whole damn album?

And the lyrics are Hollywood as shit,

'cause it sounds like Stipe had just...

Hey, ho... how do you know what I said about that?

I read your book.

Uh...

What's your name?

Lizzy.

Lizzy.

You read my book?

Yes. Do I have to repeat everything twice to you?

Okay, well, uh, it looks like we have some practicing to do,

so... see ya.

All right, hey, listen.

Forget what I said earlier, okay?

You... you keep it up.

Uh, you know,

when George Harrison was your age, he...

a virtuoso guitarist. Actually, he was already

Never mind.

And when John Lennon was your age,

he was already dead.

Yeah...

Yeah.

All right.

You seem sad.

Did your girlfriend just dump you

and you got fired or something?

No. No... I'm not sad.

Seriously, hon?

Nothing horrible happened?

No. Did your mom die?

Dad? No!

Do you have cancer? No. No.

I-I I'm fine, okay?

I... I've just been working all night.

That's it.

This is me happy.

You wanna fuck? Oh.

Yeah. O... okay.

Um...

There's only one bedroom, though,

and they're in it.

Hold this.

♪ Nonstop ♪

♪ Where you at, who you with, where you from ♪

♪ We get it poppin' nonstop ♪

Oh.

♪ We get it poppin' nonstop ♪

♪ Where you at, who you with, where you from ♪

♪ Hey ♪ ♪ Let's go ♪

This isn't what it looks like.

So you're not holding two drinks in your hand

and getting a BJ?

what it looks like, Okay, it's mostly

been drinking. but I have not Right.

Like you're gonna bang this coke-whore sober.

Hey! Hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait.

Hey! Hey, wait, wait, wait!

D... did you just break my door down?

Jesus. This is pure petrol.

I hope you're cool having blood on your hands

when this guy pulls a Buddy Holly

and drowns in his own puke!

You know, I'm just gonna go

in the other room with my friends.

You don't... ♪ We get it poppin' nonstop ♪

♪ Where you at, who you with, where you from ♪

♪ We get it poppin' ♪

Come on, Cutter! I have not had a drink!

Stop the lies!

Okay. Oh yeah, go ahead.

Go ahead. You wanna breathalyze me?

Hey, thanks for the lift.

I'll see you tonight.

I'm gonna come in with you.

You're going to my meeting? Yeah.

checking up on me? What are you,

No, I mean, you know.

I know that your dad was just here,

so that's a bit of a trigger.

Plus, I...

I work, uh, you know, ...wanted to make sure

work on my sobriety muscles.

I don't want them to atrophy like my calves.

Look at these. Look at these things.

These... used to be something.

Look. What is that? Now they're sticks.

Looks pretty good to me.

Eh, not what it used to be.

So, here's what's bugging me about these meetings.

I feel like none of you guys ever talks about

the good part of drinking.

of drinking. There is no good part

It always ends badly.

Yeah, I know, dude,

but... it's not all bad...

or else we wouldn't have done it in the first place.

Young blood's got a point.

- any more of this. - I don't want to hear

Who you working for, Seagram's?

No, no. Somebody else talk.

I wan... let's her Cisco out, okay?

I think there might be something in this.

I don't know.

It just feels like,

if we act like the good part of drinking

completely doesn't exist,

it's just, like, we're kind of...

Living in denial?

Well, Cisco's right.

good parts of drinking. There are some

Name one.

Okay.

When you're having a few beers

at the footy with your dad,

and he smiles. and he turns around

He's had a hard life, you know, your dad.

But today...

Today's all good.

Okay, okay. Well, that's one thing.

There's more.

on a Tuesday, 10:00 in the morning

and you open up that first beer, the sound it makes.

I really miss having, uh, wine with my pasta.

and reading some Tolkien. Mmm. Or eating 'shrooms

Waking up in the morning in a whorehouse.

There's beauty in that.

You know what I miss? Drunk driving.

I do. You don't miss that.

the early years. Especially the, uh...

High school.

When it wasn't about the booze.

It was about the... freedom.

You know, it was so new.

Remember that 6:00 feeling?

It's daylight out, and you're going out.

Anything is possible.

Yeah, you're like Jack Kerouac,

attacking the night.

Yeah.

And you and your friends,

you all have a six-pack of beer,

you have a half a pint of blackberry brandy,

the tunes are crankin',

you're passing the bones around.

You d... you don't know where you're going,

but you know it's gonna be great.

Okay. Yeah, sure.

And...

And, we have to remember

that Kerouac died at age 47, okay,

when his stomach burst.

'Cause he was drinking all that whisky

at 11:00 in the morning.

Where'd Ben go?

♪ They call me a little grown up ♪

♪ See, I'm upset because I've always been stuck ♪

♪ But I don't know what it is I'm without ♪

♪ Guess I'm in love with ♪

Oh, my God, are you okay?!

Yeah, yeah, I'm good, uh, just a little shaken up.

that was a close one, huh? Oh, geez,

Yeah. You're not kidding.

Okay.

Whew.

All right.

Wow. I am really sorry about that.

You got everything? Boy, oh, boy.

Okay. You take it easy.

Here, look. I'll tell you what.

Let me give you a...

for your trouble. ...a little something

I-I think we should exchange information.

Hm?

I... I'd like to see your license?

Proof of insurance?

Are you serious?

burned before, sir. Sorry, but I have been

If I don't have your information,

then my insurance company

Cover what? might not cover this.

I mean, y... you know, you're fine.

are fine. Your bottles and cans

Can't we just say no harm, no foul?

What about my vehicle?

What vehicle? I mean, this is a...

It's a shopping cart. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ok... okay, sir,

a great ordeal here, I know we've both been through

but I need you to keep the tone down.

Okay. Tell you what.

How about, uh...

40 bucks and we'll call it a day?

discussing money There's no point

until we've done a thorough walk-around

and assessed the damage.

I don't remember seeing What are you talking about? that dent there before.

Look. This thing's covered in rust.

for years. The dent's probably been there

Have you been drinking, sir?

What?

No.

No. Of course not.

A hundred bucks.

we should call the police. I think

Let them sort this out.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what?

Let's call the police. We'll get them out here.

We'll... we'll sort you out.

Let me just, uh...

Oh, rats. You know what?

I don't have my cellphone on me, so...

Oh, for fucks sake.

No, Siri, don't. Siri, call the police.

Give me this. Calling emergency services...

...in five seconds. Hey.

Okay. There.

Wow, that is a sticky phone.

Look, look, look.

to get rich here. I'm not trying

I just want my property repaired.

All right, well, you know what?

This isn't your property.

It belongs to Safeway, so... Oh, oh.

Again, sir... tone.

All right, you know what?

How about I give you a ride over to Whole Foods,

we'll trade this model in.

We'll get you a fancy new cart.

What do you say?

with you. I'm not getting in a car

You have been drinking.

Now, I'd like to see your papers.

Okay.

I'm just gonna... go into my glove compartment

and get them for you.

Hey! Hey! You!

What the fuck?

No, no, no.

Hello?

Help me!

Please!

Oh, my God.

Somebody help me!

Hey, hey, pork-snout!

You okay? You don't look so good.

Ha! Ha! No, no, I'm great.

That's the attitude.

I thought you were gonna be upset.

About what?

I mean, look at me.

I've got trees and all this mist and...

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Let's go back inside.

We got some things to figure out.

Why the hell'd you do that?

Son of a bi...

Aah! Aah!

Get in there. Ow.

Geez, wait!

What's this?

my stuff? You been snooping through

No.

No, I was just looking for a pen.

Did you see a picture of the dead guy?

No. No, just pictures of living people.

Don't lie to me!

That's your disease talking.

Okay, maybe I saw that.

Is that Ollie? No.

The guy in the picture is me.

Mm-hmm.

But your throat is completely cut open.

Special-effects makeup.

I was undercover a couple years. in a biker gang for

When it came time for me to get out,

I had to fake my death.

It looks real. Thanks.

I did my own makeup.

Um...

So...

Why did you handcuff me in a trailer against my will?

I didn't want you to wake up half-cocked

and run out there into the jungle.

you die. You get lost out there,

Who's that guy back there?

That guy is my mom.

Mom, wake up!

We got company.

Are you sure she's okay?

Oh, yeah.

real deep REM sleepers. She's one of those

Ma! Come on, wake up!

Ow!

What the fuck?

Oh, yeah.

You banged your head pretty good when I zapped ya.

to stop the bleeding. I had to sew you up

Is this dental floss?

Mint flavor.

Acts like a natural antiseptic.

Don't worry, wasn't used.

Um...

Cutter, I don't know how to say this,

but your mom is dead.

Hey, would you stop it?

I told you she's a deep sleeper.

Why isn't she breathing?

Aah!

Ohh, I'm so sorry! What the fuck?!

my mom? Why'd you sucker punch

I-I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to!

She snuck up on me, she scared the crap out of me!

Easy, easy.

I'm so sorry, ma'am.

I would never... Ma'am, I would...

Okay.

Easy.

I got you.

I got you.

Are you okay, mama?

my damn rib. I... I think he cracked

You gotta get control of your demons, man!

Hitting a woman?

What happened to that dental floss

on the antlers? I was drying out

Hmm.

Maybe it was used.

♪ ...many of them... ♪

I have a question.

Shoot.

What's the point of critics?

♪ All that turning on ♪

Well, the point of critics

is that in the pure diarrhea that is pop culture,

you need somebody who's gonna be able

the hidden gems. to find and curate

And that's my job.

Well, that was my job.

I got to figure out and understand

what that artist is trying to do

and then inform others.

Of your opinion.

Well... ♪ So many things... ♪

Yeah.

I... I don't understand how that's a career.

The true value of art lies in the artist,

not the guy who judges them.

Your whole job is superfluous,

and it's based on your own interpretation.

It's a little more complicated than that, though.

Really? It doesn't sound that complicated to me.

Here, let me critique you. I'll show you how easy it is.

Oh, yeah. Go for it.

You think you're so cool because you got to hang out

with rock stars in their prime.

But the truth is,

make you happy... that didn't even

nothing did.

You probably don't even like being a critic.

And secretly, you wanted to be a rock star,

but you didn't have the balls and/or confidence

to go for it.

your whole life And now you're living

the exact same way...

waiting for your dreams to come to you

instead of going and getting them yourself.

♪ Surrounded by the night ♪

You'd make a terrific critic. ♪ You had a lot of love left ♪

I need a muffin. ♪ So much we all felt it inside ♪

♪ What goes missing in the sky ♪

She's just a kid.

She's a smart little fucker.

♪ Shadows will move on ♪

Yeah. ♪ Without you moving them ♪

What? ♪ Moonlight will guide you ♪

♪ Back into your heart again ♪

No, I'm on my way.

Ben got arrested. I'm sorry, I got to go.

For what? He didn't say.

I bet it's a DUI.

No. Ben doesn't drink.

Yeah, right.

I think I would know if Ben was drinking.

He's my sponsor.

I live with the guy. That's why

Well, sponsee,

I think you might want to open your eyes a little wider.

Are we not closing the door anymore?

What the fuck?

Idiot.

What are you doing?

dancing slow in turning light ♪ ♪ Last night,

♪ With you caught in my eye ♪

♪ Well, twist your ankle, leave my side ♪

Why would you go to Memphis

for a wedding in New Orleans?

♪ Goodnight ♪

♪ I'm tossing in the towel again ♪

♪ Go laugh with all your friends ♪

DUI and a hit-and-run?

I'm surprised they let you out on bail, actually.

you were having problems? Why didn't you tell me

I could've helped you.

Well, I tried to talk to you the other day at the diner,

but you started picking a fight with the pie guy.

I didn't pick a fight with the pie guy.

that moving down one seat I pointed out

didn't make him Mother Theresa.

Okay, well, I wanted to talk,

but then I couldn't, so whatever.

Oh, okay, so it's my fault? That's good.

Okay. Okay.

Why do you always do that?

Why do you always make it a "you" thing?

This is...

This is about me, Sam. No one else.

I don't know, I think, uh,

go far away for a while. maybe I should just

Definitely.

I'll call Action-House in the morning,

No, I can't... see if they have any beds.

I can't afford rehab right now.

they'll cut us a deal. I'll bet

No, I don't want to go to rehab,

I just want to go away and clear my head.

You know, I was thinking...

I don't know, maybe some place hot,

New Orleans maybe. or, I don't know,

Something like that.

New Orleans?

Aren't they doing Mardi Gras right around now?

Maybe. I don't know, I'm not sure.

really do that anymore. Well, I don't think they

They don't make it a big deal

since, you know, Katrina.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, no, no. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

I just wanted to make sure you're not going for that.

Where did you get this? What?

In the safe under your bed.

What the fuck were you doing in my safe?!

What the fuck are you doing

not telling me my ex-wife's getting married?!

Well, look at you!

to freak out! Because I didn't want you

Why would you think I would freak out?!

Huh?!

And why did she even invite you?

You hardly know her.

We're friends on Facebook.

What?

Sin... what?

Since when?

Since she started checking up on you

like a year ago.

Wait a minute.

Mem... Memphis checks up on me?

Yeah, a lot.

She always want to make sure you're doing okay.

Why would you not tell me that, Ben?

Well...

She told me not to,

and I didn't want to betray that, you know?

Hey! Asshole! She's my friend, so...

I'm your friend!!

She's your friend's ex-wife!

Friend... Friend's ex-wife!

Friend!

Friend's ex-wife!

about Memphis so much? Since when do you give a shit

A minute ago, you were trying to fuck Allison.

You remember her?

Well, maybe I'm trying to... ...fuck Allison

...so I can get over Memphis!

anything about love? Don't you know

Please listen to me, Cutter.

I have an important meeting and I...

What is that baby-powder smell?

You shit yourself when I tased you,

but I cleaned you up.

You're welcome.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry for not thanking you

for making me shit myself!

I had to do something

to get you away from that temptation.

will clear your head. A few days out here

A few days? No, no, no.

You don't understand.

I have waited my whole career for this.

This is my big break.

No, this...

right now... What happens right here,

this is your big break.

Besides, I took care of work.

What?

I called Reardon at home

a major meltdown. and told him you were having

Wh... wh... wh... why?

Why did you do that?!

I also called your boss at the vodka company.

Are you crazy?

I don't...

at the vodka company! I don't work

Ah!

That's why she seemed a little weirded out.

Fuck this shit!

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey. No! No, no!

Look! No, no.

You're either gonna fall in line with the program

or I'm going to cuff you to the toilet.

Your choice!

I'm not gonna lose you like I lost Ollie. One thing's for sure,

You don't understand, man.

I'm not an alcoholic.

Stop it!!

Stop it right now for your own good.

No, you stop it.

Listen, I've tried to explain this, okay?

who got the DUI, not me... My asshole boss is the one

Aah! Shh.

- Shh. - Ahh!

Gah! Ah! Shhh, shh, shh, shh.

It's all going to be okay, baby-bird.

Aah! It's all going to be okay.

.srt Extracted, Synced and Corrected by Dan4Jem, AD.XII.MMXVII