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1
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,308
You should get one of these.
2
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,851
No, thank you.
3
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,103
Do you even know what this is?
4
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,941
It is a fitness orb and it has
completely changed my life.
5
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:29,112
Forget everything you thought
you knew about ab workouts.
6
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,197
Done.
7
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:34,409
This ab workout is specifically
designed to strengthen your core.
8
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,079
Sorry. It's all right.
9
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,790
Numerous health benefits,
10
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,127
strengthens your back,
11
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,255
better performance in sports,
12
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,715
more enjoyable sex.
13
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,384
You're not having sex.
14
00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:55,556
Plus, improves yourreflexes.
15
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:57,933
See, I would have caught that.
16
00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,561
Okay, you know what,
how much is that?
17
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,020
It's only 25 bucks.
18
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,272
Wow.
19
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,440
Okay.
20
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,402
Pam, can I see you in my office?
21
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,489
Pam: It's performance
review day, company-wide.
22
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,618
Last year, my performance
review started
23
00:01:57,701 --> 00:02:01,163
with Michael asking me
what my hopes and dreams were
24
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:05,667
and it ended with him telling me
he could bench press 190 pounds.
25
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,962
So, I don't really know
what to expect.
26
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,089
Pam, you're trustworthy.
Thank you.
27
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,466
Oh, no. And a woman.
28
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:16,178
And I want you to listen
to a voicemail from my boss.
29
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,182
Jan: Michael, it's jan.
I guess I missed you.
30
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:23,685
I 'ii be there this afternoon
for performance reviews.
31
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:27,564
I hope it's understood that that
will be our only topic of discussion.
32
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,774
See you soon.
33
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,525
First impressions?
34
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,987
Just off the top,
35
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,698
I think she'll be here
this afternoon.
36
00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,200
Michael: My boss is
coming in today.
37
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:39,951
The lovely jan Levinson-gould.
38
00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,788
Well, no gould,
the gould has been...
39
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,122
Divorce.
40
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:49,920
The awkward part is that this is the first
time we'll be seeing each other since...
41
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,339
Well...
42
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,383
Michael: It was really nothing.
43
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:57,135
We just sort of
got caught up in the moment.
44
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,137
The vulnerable divorcée
45
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:04,226
gives herself to the "understanding
with rugged good looks" office manager.
46
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:08,313
Just, she didn't want it
to continue for some reason.
47
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,316
We both didn't.
I didn't want it.
48
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,153
We both didn't want it to
continue. It was not professional.
49
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,533
When people say
something's mutual, it never is.
50
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,451
But this was mutual.
51
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,995
Jan: I guess I missed you.
52
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,581
"I guess I missed you."
53
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,667
So she misses me?
54
00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:30,794
She missed you.
55
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:36,633
But then she goes on to say, "that
will be our only topic of discussion."
56
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,052
That doesn't mean anything.
Those are just words.
57
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,512
I have one idea
of what it means.
58
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:41,930
Okay, yeah. What? What?
59
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:44,307
Well, I don't think you're
gonna be very happy with this.
60
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,017
Oh, great.
61
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:49,896
All right, well,
now I'm in a terrible mood.
62
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,566
Let's do your
performance review.
63
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,651
Because she's conflicted.
64
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:58,864
She has to be professional,
but she's fighting feelings for you.
65
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,118
Why... that's great news. That_
66
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,370
Why would I not like that?
67
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:09,583
Just 'cause that you work
together and it might be awkward.
68
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,084
Wow, wow.
69
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,545
All right, let's listen
to that again.
70
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,381
Jan: Michael, it's jan.
I guess I missed you.
71
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,633
Oh, hey.
72
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,761
Listen, Jim,
73
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,054
here's a little tip
for your performance review.
74
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,348
Okay. Tell Michael that
75
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:29,394
we should be stocking more of
the double-tabbed Manila file folders.
76
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,038
We don't have double-tabbed
Manila file folders.
77
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,165
Oh, yes, we do. No, we don't.
78
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,749
Yeah, it's a new product. So,
you should just suggest that to him
79
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,610
and then he'll be sure
to give you a raise.
80
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,028
All right.
81
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,238
Well, I'm not asking
for a raise.
82
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:43,200
I'm gonna actually be asking
for a pay decrease.
83
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,703
That is so stupid.
What if he gives it to you?
84
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,039
Then iwin.
85
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,334
You know what? I am going to
zone you out for the rest of today.
86
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,169
Okay. I need to stay focused.
87
00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,338
And I don't have to
see you tomorrow or Sunday,
88
00:04:56,421 --> 00:05:00,217
and please don't call me, and
we'll see how things go Monday.
89
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,761
Stupid.
90
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,388
Wait, wait, one thing.
91
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,017
By tomorrow,
you mean Saturday, right?
92
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:11,102
Duh. Duh!
93
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,898
Today is Thursday, but
Dwight thinks that it's Friday.
94
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,610
And that's what I'll be
working on this afternoon.
95
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:22,405
Sometimes women say more in their
pauses than they say in their words.
96
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,366
Really? Oh, yes.
97
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:28,870
Let's listen to it again, and this
time, really listen to the pauses.
98
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:32,082
God, Stanley. That's freaking
brilliant. How do you know that?
99
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,042
Did you learn that
on the streets?
100
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:37,921
I'm sorry. Oh, it's okay. I
did learn it on the streets.
101
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,923
On the ghetto, in fact.
102
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,716
No kidding.
103
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,386
It's all about my bonus.
104
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,973
Michael and jan
definitely made out.
105
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,975
Oh! Maybe more.
106
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,812
Oh, also it is Thursday,
but Dwight thinks it's Friday.
107
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,397
So, keep that going.
108
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,815
Oh, yay!
109
00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:03,697
Good work, Stanley.
Great performance review!
110
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,407
Stanley in the house, everybody!
111
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,326
Angela, your turn.
112
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:10,954
Angela: I actually look
forward to performance reviews.
113
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:15,375
I did the youth beauty pageant
circuit and I enjoyed that quite a bit.
114
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,086
I really enjoy being judged.
115
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:22,924
I believe I hold up very well
to even severe scrutiny.
116
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,301
Michael? Yeah?
117
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,802
Jan's on the phone for you.
118
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,056
Angela, you were totally
satisfactory this year.
119
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:35,312
Interesting. Jan is calling me.
Maybe itwasn't so mutual after all.
120
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,938
Yeah?
121
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,440
Jan: Michael...
122
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,692
Hello. To what do I
owe this pleasure?
123
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:44,571
I'm returning your many calls.
Well, hello to you, too.
124
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,073
Yeah, I was just...
125
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,451
I just wanted to
get some closure
126
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:53,038
on what transpired
between us at the meeting
127
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,957
we had in the parking lot
of the chili's.
128
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,630
No, we won't be
discussing that, Michael.
129
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:04,466
The only things I wanna talk about
during your performance review
130
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:07,594
are your concrete ideas
to improve your branch.
131
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:11,973
Well, surely,
this review is a formality
132
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:16,853
because of what happened at our
meeting in the parking lot of the chili's.
133
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,981
The review is anything
but a formality, Michael.
134
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,359
And I expect you
to forget anything
135
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,236
that you think may have
happened between us
136
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,239
and exhibit completely
professional behavior.
137
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,407
Been thinking about you.
138
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:33,286
Okay, that is an example of
completely unprofessional behavior.
139
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,622
I don't see how
that's unprofessional.
140
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:36,957
Michael? Yeah?
141
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,292
Are the cameras in there
with you, in your office?
142
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,044
No. They are not.
143
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:44,881
Yes, they are.
144
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,135
That's my girlfriend.
145
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,973
I heard they made out
and had sex.
146
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,433
I heard they just
made out. That's it.
147
00:07:56,977 --> 00:08:01,648
Well, I heard they made out
and had sex.
148
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,566
Don't talk about it.
149
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:08,154
Office romances are nobody's
business but the people involved.
150
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,283
Romances?
151
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:16,788
Pam, I have ideas
on a daily basis, I know I do.
152
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,417
I have a clear memory
of telling people my ideas.
153
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:25,296
Is there any chance that you wrote
any of my ideas down in a folder,
154
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,715
like an idea folder?
155
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:27,799
Sorry.
156
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:28,883
That's unfortunate.
157
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,847
How about the suggestion box?
There's tons of ideas in there.
158
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:34,973
What suggestion box?
159
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,100
The suggestion box
that I put out.
160
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,686
And people could put in
suggestions anonymously.
161
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,187
Maybe there's prizes.
162
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:44,649
Oh, yeah, I think I remember
that from back when I first started.
163
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:47,694
Why don't you find it and
then tell people to get their...
164
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,005
No, never mind. I'll tell them.
165
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:52,157
Hello? Everybody?
Yeah, attention, please.
166
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,409
Jan Levinson's coming very soon
167
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:58,371
and so we're gonna have our
weekly suggestion box meeting.
168
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:02,250
So you can all get in your
constructive compliments asap.
169
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,127
Don't you mean
constructive criticism?
170
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,211
What did I say?
171
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,732
You said constructive compliments.
That doesn't make any sense.
172
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,216
Well, Kelly, that was neither
constructive nor a compliment,
173
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,136
so maybe you should
stop criticizing my English
174
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:16,222
and start making some
suggesfions, okay?
175
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,726
Hey, Dan, this is Jim.
It is about 11:15
176
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:22,020
and I wanted to know
what you were up to tomorrow,
177
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:25,899
which is the 15th,
and that is a...
178
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,650
Saturday. Saturday.
179
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,503
So just let me know
what you're doing tomorrow,
180
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,862
Saturday, for lunch.
181
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,822
Okay, talk to you soon.
182
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:38,119
Jan: Address this
when we meet again.
183
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,914
Okay. Okay, bye-bye.
184
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,392
Would you please tell
Michael that I'm here?
185
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,459
Pam: Sure.
186
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,045
Hi, jan. How are you? Hi,
Michael. I'm good. How are you?
187
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,129
Good to see you.
188
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,090
Nice to see you. Okay.
189
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:53,259
Okay, why don't we just
step to my office?
190
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,096
We're gonna go in here. Could
we please go into your office?
191
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,098
Yeah, right after you.
192
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,182
Apre's vous.
193
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,266
No calls.
194
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,652
I'll get that. Oh, thank you.
195
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,196
It's nice to see you. Nice
to see you, too, Michael.
196
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,782
Really? Not like that.
197
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:16,866
Oh, well...
198
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:21,079
You know, Michael, I think I need to
make something clear right off the top.
199
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:24,958
I'm not going to discuss anything with
you other than dunder Mifflin business.
200
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,668
Ahrqht penod.
201
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,003
Do we understand
each other? Absolutely.
202
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,756
I'm a little confused because
first it's, like, all kissy-kissy
203
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,926
and then it's, like, all regret
because, "oh, I regret that.
204
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,720
"But, wait, I'm still
gonna call you.
205
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,473
"But we're just
gonna talk business,
206
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,560
"and I may come down there and
fire you if you don't do your job."
207
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,771
But what were we talking about
when we first kissed?
208
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:47,856
Business.
209
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,567
So, are you still in the middle of
the performance reviews then?
210
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,279
No, no, no. Ifinished all that.
I'm very fast. I'm not too fast.
211
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,990
Not like, "wham, bam,
thank you, ma'am."
212
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,449
But I do say,
"thank you, ma'am."
213
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:01,202
But I'm not like, "wham bam."
214
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:05,790
Not that there's anything wrong
with "wham bam," if it's consensual.
215
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:09,127
We're talking
about office stuff.
216
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,673
Can I ask you a question? No.
217
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:17,093
This is a business question.
It's nothing personal, I promise.
218
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,720
Fine.
219
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,890
Are you wearing
a new perfume today?
220
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,475
How is that a business question?
221
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,520
Well, you're wearing it
at the office, and...
222
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:31,232
It... I'm sorry, no offense,
but it's really sexy.
223
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,817
Please don't smell me, Michael.
224
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,282
Hey, Jim. Hey. How's it going?
225
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,325
Oh, my god, did you see
the apprentice last night?
226
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:44,287
Of course. It's on every Thursday
night, so how could I miss it?
227
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,599
Can you believe who trump
fired? No, that was unbelievable.
228
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,458
Who? Who was it?
Who did he fire?
229
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,293
You didn't see it?
230
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,671
I went out and got drunk with
my laser tag team last night. Crap!
231
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:58,009
Never go out on a Thursday
night. What the hell was I thinking?
232
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,136
I don't understand...
233
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,722
Hold on. Sorry.
234
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,265
Yes, Pam.
235
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,726
Pam: Michael, it's time for
the suggestion box meeting.
236
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,812
I'm kind of in the middle of
something. Lwish you wouldn't interrupt.
237
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:10,939
You told me to buzz you
238
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,107
about the suggestion box
meeting when jan was here.
239
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,443
I did not, not,
not use those words.
240
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:18,196
I'd like to sit in on that meeting.
Is it happening right now?
241
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,423
No, it's in, like, 10 minutes.
242
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,574
E veryone's waiting
in the conference room.
243
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,326
Great. Very good.
244
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:32,543
Michael: Why are we here?
Because I value your opinions.
245
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:36,297
Now, I know a lot of you don't think
that I read your suggestions, but I do.
246
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:38,716
I just sift through them
every week
247
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:43,304
and I really look and scrutinize
to see what you guys are writing.
248
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:47,517
So, let's just read
some of these suckers, okay?
249
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,352
All right. Number one.
250
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,521
"What should we do
to prepare for y2k?"
251
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,690
"What should we do
to prepare for y2k?"
252
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,167
I thought you read these
every week?
253
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,568
Well, obviously, this
one got stuck in the box.
254
00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,487
That happens occasionally.
255
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,198
Dwight: It happens
occaflonahy and, so...
256
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:04,909
One down! Next suggestion.
257
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:09,831
"We need better outreach for
employees fighting depression."
258
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,583
Okay. All right,
enough with the jokes.
259
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,669
Nobody in here is suffering
from depression.
260
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,629
That sounds serious, Michael.
261
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:19,048
Oh, okay. Well, yeah?
Who wrote it?
262
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,258
Tom? Tom.
263
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:22,760
Then, it is a joke because
there's nobody in here named Tom.
264
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:26,347
Tom? He worked in accounting
up until about a year ago.
265
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,392
Tom.
266
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,397
Oh, that guy?
That guy was weird.
267
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,233
Lmlnght, nextsuggesfion.
Nextsuggesfion.
268
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:41,404
"You need to do
something about your b.O."
269
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,614
"You need to do
something about your b.O."
270
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:47,368
Okay. Now, I don't know who
this suggestion is meant for,
271
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,704
but it's more of
a personal suggestion.
272
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,497
And it's not an
office suggestion.
273
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:54,292
Far be it from me to use this as
a platform to embarrass anybody.
274
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,670
Aren't the suggestions
meant for you?
275
00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,840
Well, Toby, if by me
276
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:04,177
you are inferring
that I have b.O.,
277
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:08,139
then I would say that that is
a very poor choice of words.
278
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:11,851
Michael, he wasn't inferring, he
was implying. You were inferring.
279
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,353
Was I, creed?
280
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:16,814
Okay, well, you know
what I am implying
281
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:21,194
is that when we're on an elevator
together, I should maybe take the stairs.
282
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,279
Because talk about stank.
283
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,823
Not that I would ever say
something like that in public,
284
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,658
and I never have,
and I never will.
285
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:31,746
I just think it's something that
we should all be aware of, okay?
286
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,999
Now that we've learned this,
let's continue.
287
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,084
See, this is good.
288
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,045
We're learning and we're
figuring some stuff out.
289
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,568
"You need to do something
about your coffee breath." Okay, no!
290
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,109
"You need to do something..." Shut
up, shut up, shut up, Dwight. Okay.
291
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:48,554
I don't think you people are grasping
the concept of the suggestion box.
292
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:51,599
Somefimesyou talk
to us real close. Yeah?
293
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,352
Is that hard for you?
All right. Well...
294
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,579
Well, when you have
coffee breath it's hard...
295
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,604
I'll work on that.
296
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,980
Okay, let's keep going.
297
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,232
Dwight: Just keep it going.
298
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:05,405
Yup. What do we have here?
We have somebody's piece of gum.
299
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:09,700
Somebody put a piece of gum in
there. This is not a garbage can.
300
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:13,746
This is the future of our company.
This is not a place for gum, okay?
301
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,249
I don't want to have
to read these tomorrow.
302
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,584
Yeah. Who wants to
come in on a Saturday?
303
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:21,754
Yeah... what?
All right. Next suggestion.
304
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,506
"Next suggestion."
305
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,927
"Don't..." okay, that's blank.
Don't... just...
306
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,763
Put it...
"Don't sleep with your boss."
307
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,642
Do you think this is
referring to you boning jan?
308
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:37,579
I can't... I don't understand
why you're so upset.
309
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:38,664
I can't... all right,
please sit down.
310
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,290
I'm going to sit over here,
you're gonna sit over there.
311
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,542
Why are you...
Let me ask you this.
312
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,502
Please sit yourself down.
Let me ask you something.
313
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,945
What, Michael? Where
did you get your outfit?
314
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:53,035
You're gonna give me this
raise. I deserve this raise.
315
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,873
Yes! Yes! Yes!
316
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:02,503
The least you can do is keep
my salary consistent with inflation.
317
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,924
Yes! Why are you gonna
give me this raise?
318
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,388
Because I'm awesome!
319
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,599
I am awesome!
320
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:19,687
I just don't understand why you
have to pretend like nothing happened.
321
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,856
Because nothing did, Michael.
322
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:26,986
I'm not gonna say anything more about it
and I would advise that you do the same.
323
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,446
Look_. Michael.
324
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,823
Oh, my god. I'm sorry.
I'm interrupting. Oh, god.
325
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,701
Were you guys making out?
No, Dwight. Come in.
326
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,286
Great. What do you want, Dwight?
327
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,455
I am ready for my
performance review.
328
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,664
Okay, great.
329
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:42,752
Your performance has been
adequate. You may leave. Goodbye.
330
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,881
Is this how you've been
conducting all the reviews, Michael?
331
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:49,133
Do you want to talk now? Good.
Okay, Dwight, leave.
332
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,427
Wait, I would like to
discuss my raise.
333
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,013
Why on earth would
we give you a raise?
334
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:57,391
That is an excellent question.
Thank you for asking it.
335
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:02,480
Let me bring up one word.
Dedication.
336
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,400
I have never been late.
337
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:10,821
Also, I have never
missed a day due to illness,
338
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,282
even when I had
walking pneumonia.
339
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,785
I even come in on holidays.
340
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,828
You do? How do you get in?
341
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,539
I have a copy of your key.
342
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:22,208
That's a serious offense.
That is a serious offense.
343
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,793
Very serious.
344
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,920
As is toying with a man's heart.
345
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,588
Oh, Michael, for god's sakes.
346
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:30,675
I'd also further like to talk
about my merits in the workplace.
347
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,344
Okay, third wheel, why don't
you do that? For instance,
348
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,507
the time I brought in
deerjerky for the whole office.
349
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,683
That was deer? Gross. Oh,
god! Dwight: You liked it.
350
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,643
Did not.
Jan, have you ever had deer?
351
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,186
It's a delicacy. No.
352
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,021
And, you know what?
It's an aphrodisiac.
353
00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,189
So when we're done here,
354
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,917
you guys could go over
to the antler lodge,
355
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,734
sample some deer,
and talk about my raise.
356
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,069
What do you say, jan?
357
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,696
Okay, here's what I'm gonna do.
358
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,614
I'm gonna step outside,
collect my thoughts,
359
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,449
and I will return
in about 10 minutes.
360
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:58,869
Okay, you just clear your
head. Thank you, Dwight.
361
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,956
Look, I know it's your job,
I know you have to ask,
362
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,709
but I promise you I'm not
gonna discuss it with him,
363
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,128
I'm certainly not gonna
discuss it with you.
364
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,879
Do you have alight?
365
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:12,717
And in conclusion, I think Lex
Luther said it best when he said,
366
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,469
"dad, you have no idea
367
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,847
"what I'm capable of."
368
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,016
That's from Superman?
Smallville.
369
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:24,937
And that is why I feel
I deserve this raise.
370
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:31,402
Pam: Do you think Michael
and jan actually...
371
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:35,239
I don't really wanna picture
it. But thank you, Pam.
372
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,116
How do you come back from that?
373
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,410
You don't,
374
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,621
I don't think, come
all the way back, you know.
375
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,247
Especially working together.
376
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,333
No, I mean doing that
with Michael.
377
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:48,252
How do you come back from that
as a human being?
378
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,671
Yeah. No, I don't think you can.
379
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,132
I'm heading back to New York.
380
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,801
Alan and I will conduct
your performance review
381
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:56,927
over the phone tomorrow.
382
00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:58,572
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Okay? Good.
383
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:01,599
No, no, no, come...
I just want to know why.
384
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,809
Michael, now is
not the time or the place.
385
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,829
Okay, so you're saying that
there is a different time or place
386
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:06,913
that we could have
this discussion?
387
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,398
No. I am saying we are never
gonna have this conversation.
388
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,568
Well, okay. What? Never?
As in never, ever, ever?
389
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,904
Or never as in
there's still a chance?
390
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,156
Never for me always means
never, ever, ever.
391
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:21,369
I just want to know, from the
horse's mouth, what is the dealio?
392
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:22,846
You know, Michael...
Am I too short?
393
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,640
Michael, it has nothing to do
with your looks, okay?
394
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:28,417
It's your personality. I mean,
you're obnoxious, and rude,
395
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:33,673
and stupid, and you do have
coffee breath, by the way.
396
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:36,509
And I don't agree
about the b.O.,
397
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,595
but you are very,
very inconsiderate.
398
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,556
Really? Really.Youte_.
399
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,392
You're a great guy, okay?
400
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,102
I appreciate that, thank you.
401
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,603
And you were very sweet.
402
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,564
And you stayed up with me
and talked to me
403
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,817
and cried with me,
and I appreciate that.
404
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,527
No, I didn't. I was...
I don't cry.
405
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:58,072
But I just am not in a place right now
where I'm looking for a relationship.
406
00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:02,368
So, we can still work together,
we can still be friends, but...
407
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:05,871
Okay?
408
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,750
So my looks have
nothing to do with it?
409
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,585
Oh, god.
410
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:19,635
Jan is not in a place where she feels
she can have a relationship right now,
411
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,680
and it doesn't matter
how great a guy I am.
412
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,015
And that is all I needed.
413
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,727
I'm good. I can go home now.
414
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,449
Hey, it's 12:20.
Where the hell's Dwight?
415
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:43,826
Noidea.
416
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,036
"Never missed a day," my ass.
417
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,466
I'm here! I'm here!
418
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,553
I'm here. It's okay!
31359
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