All language subtitles for If.... (1968) (1080p BluRay x265 10bit Tigole)

(4 Organ plays intro to school song)

♪ Stand up, stand up for College

♪ Each manly voice upraise

♪ Clasp each the hand in brotherhood

♪ And raise the roof with praise

♪ And when these days of school
are past

♪ Though near we be or far

♪ We'll stand again for College

♪ Who made us what we are ♪

(Boys' voices fill corridor)

(Boys laughing)

Get that trunk out of the way!

Machin, you bloody shag.

Where's my hockey stick?

Wallace, where's my hockey stick?

Run in the corridor! Run!

Come on, Geoffrey, where are you?

Excuse me, I can't see my name.
I'm new.

You don't speak to us.

- You're a scum, aren't you?
- 1 don't know.

Of course he's a scum.

You're blocking my view, scum.

(Rowntree) Scum!

Biles. Markland.

Biles, take these to my study. And this.

And watch those eggs.

Markland, warm a lavatory seat for me.
I'll be ready in three minutes.

- And who are you?
- Please, sir, I'm Jute.

Are you indeed?

Brunning!

This is Jute.

You're Jute's bumf tutor,
take him to the sweat room.

And, Jute, you don't call me sir.

Run! Run in the corridor!

(Brunning) Jute!

Here, Jute.

This is your place.

Books and magazines here,
food in the locker.

Pinups over here. Okay?

Silence in the sweat room.

I would like to remind the sweat room

that no tinned
or potted foods are allowed,

except tinned fruit
and baked beans without meat.

(All booing)

Shut up.

Duty scumming list now up.

Junior table and exercise list
up in five minutes.

Get on with it.

- Come on up, Bobby.
- We want to stroke you.

You two, get upstairs
and behave yourselves.

- And you, Philips, stop tarting.
- I'm not tarting.

You need a haircut.

Right, get a move on.

You've got 30 minutes to get out
and get your trunks up into the loft.

God.
It's Guy Fawkes back again.

- Hello, Michael.
- Hello, Mick.

You've got 29 minutes left.

Oh, can it, bog-face.

Lay off it, Stephans,
you're monotonous already.

Being lippy, Knightly?

Tidy this disgusting mess.

What the hell's that?

Hey, Peanuts has come back
with a bloody ray gun.

It's a bloody ray gun.

God, Stephans, you're so ignorant.
anyone can see it's a shag spot burner.

Clear your face up
in a couple of seconds.

Actually, it's a 6-inch
standard reflecting telescope.

Well, get it out of here.

Knightly, stop preening yourself
in that mirror.

Preen, preen, preen and pride.

Travis, you're in the house.
Take that crap off.

(All shouting)

(Stephans) Go on. Catch him.

- Travis.
- Sorry, Denson.

God, you're ugly.

- You look evil.
- (Travis) Yeah.

My face is a never-failing source
of wonder to me.

- What did you grow it for?
- To hide my sins.

What do you think of him?

Fantastic.

Put him right in the middle.

Fantastic.

Do you know
what I did this summer?

Built a hut in the woods.

Lived there for three weeks, by myself,
till I ran out of food.

It was an experiment in asceticism.

Penetrating the inner core of my being.

- You do anything good?
- I, er...

I met this fantastic bird in the East End,
went round all the pubs.

You ever been to those pubs?

You should see those old loves dancing,
showing their knickers.

Take them off near the end.

She had a weird religion,
only kiss on Thursdays.

Took me home
to meet her mum and dad.

Well, that finished it.

Practically married us off, they did,
over the Sunday joint.

(Hand bell ringing)

When do we live?
That's what I want to know.

(Boys chattering)

Wally.

Hey, Wallace.
Wally-Bum, come with us.

Come on, we're gonna have
our tiny parts inspected.

He's not wearing a vest already, is he?

Pass the message down to Biles.
Biles, why are you a freak?

Biles, why are you a freak?

Biles, why are you a freak?

Shag off, you creeps.

Now, listen, you've got to know
all the seniors' names.

Ask me who someone is.

Brunning, damn you, stop talking.

(Clears throat)

This term.
I've just one thing to say to you...

one rule.

Follow it and you won't go wrong.

And it is this:

work, play -

but don't mix the two.

Perhaps some of you new boys are

a little bewildered
by the rapid succession of events

which has overtaken you
since your arrival,

but you'll soon find your way about.

Just remember that life here
is a matter of give and take.

We are your new family and you must
expect the rough and tumble

that goes with any family life.

We're all here to help each other.

You will find here in College House

a discipline, not only to help others,
but also to help yourselves.

Help the house
and you will be helped by the house.

Now I'd like to extend a warm welcome
to our new under master, Mr Thomas.

I'm sure you will all help him
to find his feet.

Last summer,

this house got itself a reputation
for being disgustingly slack.

This term,
things are going to be different.

If there's any repetition
of that deplorable lack of spirit,

I shall come crashing down
on offenders.

We don't intend to carry passengers.

I'd like to remind the house
that it's winter term

and that lock-up is at 5:00pm.

Anyone leaving the house
after that time

must have a leave signed by a whip.

The town, of course, is out of bounds.

Line up in the usual way
for medical inspection.

- (Ringing bell) Line up here.
- Alphabetical order.

- Stop talking.
- Be quiet.

Health certificate.

- Ringworm?
- No.

- Eye disease?
- No.

- VD?
- No.

- Confirmation class?
- No.

- Next.
- Next.

Next.

Confirmation class?

- Ringworm?
- No.

- Eye disease?
- No.

- VD? Confirmation class?
- No. No.

- Confirmation class.
- Wake up, you.

- Next.
- Certificate.

(Denson) Ringworm?
(Boy) No.

(Denson) Eye disease?
(Fortinbras) Ringworm?

(Fortinbras) Eye disease?
(Denson) Confirmation class?

(Fortinbras) VD?
(Boy) No.

(Denson) Ringworm?
(Fortinbras) Right, next.

(4 All singing parody of school anthem:
"Sit down, sit down for Jesus")

Quiet in the dormitory!

(Singing continues)

QUIET!

Look at fatso's blubber.

It's disgusting, it's a disease.

(Boys laughing)

Christ, I'm infected.

I've got elephantitis.
My legs have swollen up.

(Jeering and shouting)

Get out of it. Get out. Go.

Come on, move it.

Come on, Keating, get out of there.

Fatso hasn't got elephantitis,
he's just a fat Jew.

Watch it, spotty.

You're not a whip yet.

Look, any more lip from you two,
you'll be down for a cold shower.

(Both)
Dormitory inspection in three minutes!

The central heating
doesn't come this far, I'm afraid.

But the room itself is quite warm.

It's a little bare,
but Mr Britton made it very snug.

The marvellous thing is
you're completely quiet up here.

You can see the chapel spire
when the leaves fall.

Have you a shilling?

Yes.

Do come down and see us
if you're at all lonely.

Thank you so much, Mrs Kemp.

(Denson and Fortinbras)
Junior dormitory inspection now!

(Door opens)

- What's this?
- My diary.

Well, keep it downstairs
in the sweat room.

All right. Good standard, Machin.
Keep it up.

Good night.

(All) Good night.

(Gargling)

(Stephans) Come on, Travis,
stop showing off.

(Denson and Fortinbras)
Senior dormitory inspection now!

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Your hair's still long. Get it cut.

Otherwise, very good, Stephans.

Lights out in 30 seconds.

Good night.

No talking.

Silence.

(Door closing)

Jolly, jolly good, Stephans.

(Slow clapping continues)

Jolly, jolly good, Stephans.
Jolly, jolly good.

Oh, jolly, jolly good, Stephans.
Jolly, jolly good.

You three had better watch it.

Don't push us, Stephans,
the day is coming.

What day?

One night we're going
to massacre you, Stephans.

I'll do you for free.

(Denson) Town-side windows
and skylights open tonight.

(Whips) Lights out!

(Travis) Stephans,
whatever you're doing now...

don't.

(Stephans) Quiet.

(Wallace) Hey, Peanuts.

Peanuts, is it true
you've become a Buddhist?

(Peanuts) What?

(Jackson) Christ.

Don't you know Buddhists
believe in being immoral?

They worship sex.

(Peanuts) You mean Hindus.
The Hindus worship sex.

(Stephans) Shut up. Go to sleep.

(Peanuts) Paradise is for the blessed,
not for the sex-obsessed.

(J Congregation sings hymn)

♪ Who would true valour see

♪ Let him come hither

♪ One here will constant be

♪ Come wind, come weather

♪ There's no discouragement

♪ Shall make him once relent

♪ His first avowed intent

♪ To be a pilgrim

♪ Since, Lord, Thou dost defend us
with Thy Spirit

♪ We know we at the end

♪ Shall life inherit

♪ Then fancies flee away

♪ I'll fear not what men say

♪ I'll labour night and day

♪ To be a pilgrim ♪

(Reverend) Let us pray.

(J Toccata from Widor's
"Organ Symphony No. 5")

I can't promise anything, but I'll see
if there's a space for him.

Ah, Rowntree.

That'll be all.
Thank you, Finchley.

I want to see all whips
in my study after break.

Right, sir.

Oh, how was India? Enjoy it?
Jolly good.

Bridges.

Bridges, I shall be taking
the modern sixth

for business management this term.
I hope you don't mind.

Yes. Yes, of course, Headmaster.

- Headmaster...
- Just a moment, Kemp.

I made it late school Thursdays, okay?

Yes, Kemp, sorry.

Headmaster,
may the dramatic society

use your study
for their Monday readings?

Oh, well. I'll have to come back
to you on that one, Kemp.

Padre, that was a super voluntary
you gave us this morning.

- What was it, 18th century?
- Buxtehude, Headmaster.

Really? Well, it was lovely.

Here, you've heard what's happened
to the orchestra this term?

No girls from Springfield,
complete ban.

That's unfair. Why?

Oh, their breasts were getting too big,
temptations of the devil.

How will we survive?

Excuse me, do you mind not picking
your shag spots in here?

(All laugh)

I think it best
if we ignore each other this term.

How the hell can we
with you spewing pus all over the room?

- You drips.
- Shut up.

Shut up, Travis.

(Stewart singing)

♪ I'll fear not what men say

♪ I'll labour night and day

♪ To be a pilgrim ♪

(Hums tune)

Your holiday essays.

Graves, charming.

Keating, good,
making an effort at last.

Denson, bad.

Cox, Stephans, distribute.

I'm afraid, Michael Travis,
I lost your essay

somewhere in the Mont Blanc tunnel,
but I'm sure it was good.

Right.

Europe in the 19th century
and the growth of nationalism.

In studying the 19th century,
one thing will be clear,

that the growth of technology, telegraph,
cheap newspapers, railways, transport,

is matched by a failure
of imagination, Denson.

A fatal inability to understand
the meaning and consequences

of all these levers
and wires and railways,

climaxing in 1914,

when the German Kaiser
is told by his generals

that he cannot stop the war
he has started because

it would spoil the railway timetables
upon which victory depended.

Or perhaps you fashionably
and happily believe

that it's all a simple matter
of evil dictators

rather than whole populations
of evil people like...

...ourselves?

Do you disagree?

Don't you find this view
of history facile?

No?

Do you have a view?

Well, if you insist on staring at me
like a load of Christmas puddings,

you can at least write.

Perhaps you'll allow me to teach you,
Travis, to make drudgery divine.

It has been said of George lll

that he was a mollusc
who never found his rock.

Said by whom? Travis?

Plumb. JH Plumb?

Possibly.

What were the failures
of the British Constitution

and the political parties that prevented
the mollusc king from finding his rock?

A 20-minute essay and without notes.

What's a mollusc for God's sake?

(Reverend) Two triangles
are congruent

when one fits exactly over the other.

The sides of the one
equal the sides of the other.

The angles of the one
equal the angles of the other.

- Understand, Brunning?
- Yes, sir.

Good.

Sine A equals BC over AB

equals the perpendicular
over the hypotenuse.

- Right, Jute?
- Yes, sir.

(Headmaster) College is a symbol
of many things:

scholarship,

integrity in public office,

high standards in the television
and entertainment worlds,

huge sacrifice in Britain's wars.

(Drill sergeant) Eyes left.

Of course,
some of our customs are silly.

You could say we were middle class.

But a large part of the population is in
the process of becoming middle class,

and many
of the middle class's moral values

are values that the country
cannot do without.

We must not expect to be thanked.

Education in Britain
is a nubile Cinderella -

sparsely clad and much interfered with.

(All laugh)

Britain today is a powerhouse
of ideas, experiment, imagination,

on everything from pop music
to pig breeding,

from atom power stations to miniskirts.

And that's the challenge
we've got to meet.

There are boys in College in whom
the muscles of creativeness are flexing,

the pinions of imagination twitching.

That's what makes my job worth doing.

That's what makes College
an exciting place.

(Brunning) John Thomas?
(Jute) Tom Thomas.

- The headmaster?
- Flossie.

- The chaplain?
- Um, Chippy Wood.

- No, itisn't "Um" Chippy Wood.
- It's Chippy Wood.

When Rowntree tests you,
you've got to be word perfect.

Any um-ing and er-ing
and you're done for.

Now the town and no mistakes.

- (Markland) Town girls?
- Town tarts.

- (Brunning) Grammar school?
- Smudges.

- All others?
- Bloody oiks.

Oiks. Listen.

You do realise it's not just a matter
of knowing the answers,

it's how you say it.

One word wrong
and you fail the whole test.

(Brunning) And we get beaten.

And you have to take the test
all over again.

Right. Raising boaters?

Boaters must be raised to masters,
wives and friends of College.

No! Masters, their wives
and the friends of College.

Masters, their wives
and the friends of College.

I'm sorry, Brunning.

(4 Choir performs Sanctus
from "Missa Luba")

(4 Singing in Latin, accompanied by
traditional African drumming)

(Music stops)

(Music resumes from start)

(All shouting)

(Keating) Get him. Shakedown.

String him up.

Ready? Up.

(All shouting)

(Keating) You love this. You love it.
(Biles) You shits.

(Keating) All right,
now you can get his trousers.

(Graves) Get his trousers.

(Keating) I'm eating him.
I'm eating him.

I'm eating him.

Oh, dirty,
you've been learning dirty habits.

- (Keating) Let's wash him.
- Wash him.

Look, turn it up.

Damn it, Biles.

(Graves) We're gonna clean him up.

How do you like that, Biles?

(Keating) There we are.

Come on. Come on.

It's lovely.

(All laughing)

(Keating) You're loving this, aren't you?
Love it, Biles, you love it.

Shut up!

Don't you?

(Graves) Enjoy this.
Stop moving around, Biles.

Still.

- Like that?
- (Biles) No, no. No!

(Boys laughing)

Come on, let's go.

For God's sake, Biles.

Excuse me, please,
you're standing on my clothes.

(Music Master) Stand up.

Fortissimo. All together.

One. Two. Three.

♪ Stand up, stand up for College

♪ Each manly voice upraise... ♪

(Stephans) I keep having them, sir,
these thoughts.

What kind of thoughts?

Dirty thoughts.

We all have temptations to withstand.

It's too strong for me, sir.

Fight the good fight, Stephans.

Yes, sir.

- Run.
- Run.

(Thomas) Run, run, run, run.
Feet. Feet. Feet.

Pull. Pull, Jute.

Run, run, run, run. Feet. Feet.

Come on, get it out, lads.
Get it out, lads.

Throw the ball.

Throw it farther.

Follow! Follow! Follow! Follow!

Follow!

(Laughing)

Travis, Cox, Graves,

Jackson, Pearce and Keating.

I've told all the boys
it's going to be a white Christmas

and I'm always right.

It's my seaweed.

Fisher.

Page.

(Rowntree) Bit closer.

(Cutlery clattering)

Thank you, Philips.

- What are these?
- Muffins.

But I specifically
ordered crumpets.

I couldn't get any,
I thought these would do.

- It's not up to you to think.
- Sorry, Rowntree.

Oh, go away.

Lazy sod.

He gets a little lovelier each day.

- He's a lazy little bugger.
- I'll swap you.

Oh, muffins. I like muffins.

You and your wholesome
Bobby Philips,

you're driving us all mad with jealousy.

Do you know what Partridge
in Haig House said to me?

He said,

"Why don't you send Bobby Philips
on a scum call to us one night

"and we'll send you our Taylor."

- Which one's Taylor?
- You know, that little blond.

Oh, don't be disgusting.

What's the matter, Denson,
aren't you keen?

Denson's not like
the rest of us, he's got standards.

Purity, Denson.

It's just a matter of setting an example.

If we can't set an example, who can?

That's why we're given our privileges.

Admirable sentiments.

Anyway, this homosexual flirtatiousness
is so adolescent.

Let's just see.

Philips!

Oh, for God's sake, Rowntree.

(Boys laughing)

(Brunning) Come on, Machin.
We're waiting.

(Machin) Right, Biles' is ready, here.

Both sides done. Okay?
Okay, freak?

Mmm. Lovely.

- Hey, what's mine?
- Big one in the middle.

Egg?

Philips. Philips, you're wanted.
Rowntree.

- Here.
- Can I have some more, then?

(Rowntree) Come in.

Well?

You'll be scumming for Denson
from now on.

All right with you, Richard?

Very well, you may go.

Say thank you.

Aries, that's Mick.

"No matter how strong the urge,

"resist any temptation
to go into battle this month.

"Otherwise you run the risk
of not only being on the wrong side,

"but possibly in the wrong war."

So now you know.

The whole world will end very soon,

black, brittle bodies peeling into ash.

I'm going bald.

It must be something
they put in the soup.

I'll look senile
before I even leave this dump.

"My husband seems to feel it's all right
to make love anywhere in the house.

"I cannot agree.

"Surely the bedroom
is the right and only place

"for this very private happening."

Hey, have I got bad breath?

(Travis) There's no such thing
as a wrong war.

Violence and revolution
are the only pure acts.

Do you know, in Calcutta, somebody
dies of starvation every eight minutes?

Eight minutes is a long time.

Every morning I wake up dreaming
I've got bad breath.

My whole body's rotting.

(Travis) War is the last possible
creative act.

Isn't she beautiful?

Hello, sweetheart.

There's only one thing you can do
with a girl like this.

Walk naked into the sea together
as the sun sets,

make love once...

...then die.

Fantastic.

What makes me nervous about girls
is you never know what they're thinking.

Well, I don't think they do think.

Hey. Quick.

- You've been drinking alcohol.
- No, we haven't.

- Where's the bottle?
- What bottle?

Breathe.

Stand up when a whip's in your study.

Get your hands out of your pockets.

Your hair's too long, all of you.

You'll have a two-minute
cold shower tomorrow morning.

What in hell are those?

They're my teeth,
they're my good luck.

There's still blood on them.

They're a breeding ground
for bacteria.

I'm confiscating them.

You're a degenerate, Travis.

(Hand bell ringing)

(Indistinct chatter and singing)

Right, Knightly out.
Wallace get under.

Right, Wallace out.
Travis get in.

Go on, in the middle.

Back a bit.

Forward a bit.

My time's up, you bastard.

Stay there till I get back.

♪ Glory be to the Father

♪ And to the Son

♪ And to the Holy Ghost

♪ As it was in the beginning

♪ Is now and ever shall be

♪ World without end

♪ Amen ♪

(Rowntree) The book of Deuteronomy,
chapter four, the first verse.

Now therefore hearken, O Israel,

unto the statutes and unto
the judgements, which I teach you,

that ye may live, and go in
and possess the land

which the Lord God of your fathers
giveth unto you.

Ye shall not add unto the word
which I command you,

neither shall ye diminish aught from it,

that ye keep the commandments of the
Lord your God which I command you.

Behold, I have taught you
statutes and judgements.

even as the Lord my God
commanded me.

Keep therefore and do them,

for this is your wisdom
and your understanding

in the sight of the nations,

which shall hear all these statutes,
and say,

"Surely this nation is a wise
and understanding people."

Here endeth the lesson.

(Whistle blowing)

Right, through vault, Biles.

Feet together.

Right. Good. Good.

It's a through vault, Machin.

Right.

Come on, keep your head up. Head up.

Come on, more effort.
More effort, Philips. Come on.

Need more push up. Good.

Jute, come on.

(Clapping) Come on, Jute.

Jute. Come on.

All right. Right, all of you on your toes.
Get your sweaters.

(Blows whistle)

Get your sweaters.

Back to the house. Hup. Hup.
On you go. Hup, hup, hup.

Come on, Philips.

Hup. Hup. Hup...

(Shouts) War!

"War, even to the knife!"

"England, awake!"

(Grunting)

"Give me another horse."

"We are not cotton spinners all, but some
love England and her honour yet."

"Doomsday is near; die all, die merrily."

(All shouting)

"Death to tyrants."

"What stands if Freedom falls?
Who dies if England lives?"

Blood.

Real blood.

Water, Mrs Kemp?

Lovely day, Mrs Kemp.

Salt, Mrs Kemp?
Spring greens, Mrs Kemp?

Dead man's leg, today, Mrs Kemp.

Do you need this, Mrs Kemp?

No, thank you.

(Bell dings)

(Rowntree) Quiet.

Cheering at College matches
has degenerated completely.

This will cease.

The house will attend
the match this afternoon and cheer.

Loudly.

(All cheering)

Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight, College.
Fight. Fight.

(Tyres screech)

(Engine revving)

(Man) Stop! Bring that back!

Stop!

(Whistles)

- Yes?
- Two coffees, please.

- Black or white?
- White.

Black.

Sugar.

(J African choral music playing)

Goon,

look at me.

I'll kill you.

Look at my eyes.

Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror

and my eyes get bigger and bigger,

and I'm like a tiger.

I like tigers.

(Growls)

(African drumming grows stronger)

(Growling)

(Drumming crescendos)

(Music stops)

I like Johnny.

Scissors.

Stone.

Paper.

Scissors.

Stone.

Paper.

Anything wrong?

No, it's all right, sir, just duty rounds.

You won't be long, will you, sir?

Sorry, Denson,
I didn't know it was so late.

- Good night, sir.
- Good night, Denson.

(Philips)
You know, if I pass all the tests,

I'm definitely going to California.

I'm going to be a criminal lawyer.

Of course, it all takes about 20 years.

We'll all be dead by then.

Well, I believe in having a goal,
that way you succeed.

Actually, that's your trouble,
you have no ambition.

Oh, I know.

Is your mum coming for Founder's Day?

Yes. She's bringing her new husband,
my new dad.

- What's he like?
- Actually, I don't think they're married.

I don't care.

I don't mind at all
about that sort of thing.

- I shouldn't mind, should I?
- No.

Hell, I don't know.

(Footsteps approaching)

Quickly. Out the back.

Can you explain yourself?
What are you up to?

Nothing.

Who was with you?

No one.

- What did it feel like?
- Like drowning.

What's the most horrible way to die?

Getting a moth caught
in your eardrum -

you hear it as it eats into your brain.

Being flayed alive.

That's what the crusaders
did to their enemies.

Used to send the neatly-folded skins
back to their victims' wives.

Cancer's worse.

My mother took six months.

The night's dead.

You can hardly breathe outside.

The thing I'd really hate is to have a nail
banged through the back of my neck.

Slowly.

I don't see
what difference the speed makes.

The speed of the nail.

The nail's speed.

(Knightly) Shit.

Thank you, my dear.

Of course,
there's always a lunatic fringe.

There's a certain hard core
in the studies.

- Oh, dear.
- Yes.

We'll have to deal firmly with it
in certain instances.

It may be necessary
to make a few examples.

The headmaster
doesn't like too much thrashing.

He wouldn't like College
to get a reputation for decadence.

- (Denson) Hear, hear.
- Of course. Of course.

- And the juniors, how are the juniors?
- On the whole, dull.

Oh, dear.

Of course,
it's just a matter of proportion.

Unruly elements threaten
the stability of the house.

It's best to nip them in the bud.

Yes.

Well, you must do what you think best.

- (Whips) Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.

(Boys singing)

♪ Love, so amazing

♪ So divine

♪ Demands my heart

♪ My life, my all

The grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

the love of God
and the fellowship of the Holy Ghost

be with us all evermore. Amen.

(Man) Senior table.

(Bell rings)

Quiet.

As soon as you've finished,

juniors to the sweat room
and seniors to their studies.

And wait in silence.

Carry on.

Fisher. That's your second bun.
I saw you, put it back.

(Distant shouting) Travis!

Wallace!

Knightly!

Comeiin.

Good evening.

I imagine you know
why you're here.

No.

For being a nuisance,
a general nuisance in the house.

What do you mean, being a nuisance?
What have we done?

Done? It's your general attitude.

- You know exactly what I mean.
- Attitude?

And we've decided to beat you for it.

Stand up properly when
the head of house addresses you.

There's something indecent
about you, Travis.

The way you slouch about.

You think we don't notice you
with your hands in your pockets.

The way you just sit there
looking at everyone.

You three have become a danger
to the morale of the whole house.

You can take that
cheap little grin off your mouth.

"I serve the nation."

You haven't the slightest idea
what it means, have you?

To you, it's just one bloody joke.

You mean that bit of wool on your tit?

- Christ.
- You're in the sixth form now.

You should be prepared
to set an example of responsibility.

- You're a nuisance.
- You're pathetic.

And as such you must be punished.

Well, have you anything to say?
Any of you?

Yes, I have.

The thing I hate about you, Rowntree,

is the way you give Coca-Cola
to your scum

and your best teddy bear to Oxfam.

And expect us to lick your frigid fingers
for the rest of your frigid life.

Go down to the gym.

Wait outside.

(Denson) Wallace!

(Cane lashing)

(Rowntree) Get up.

(Wallace) Thank you, Rowntree.

Only four.

(Denson) Knightly!

(Cane lashing)

Christ, that was a bit low.

Hey, Mick.

- Blood?
- Yeah, blood.

(Knightly) Thank you, Rowntree.

(Denson) Travis!

Get your coat off.

Go to the bars.

Bend over.

(Cane lashing)

Wait till you're told.

Get down.

(Cane lashing)

Get up.

- Thank you, Rowntree.
- Thank you.

(J Distant singing,
"Stand up, stand up for College")

(Fortinbras reading in Latin)

Thank you, Fortinbras.
Translate, please.

(Fortinbras)
"And do you not remember, I said,

"that we also said that we must conduct
the children to war on horseback

"to be spectators and,
wherever it may be safe,

"bring them to the front
and give them a taste of blood

"as we do with...

(Reads Latin word)

"As we do with horses."

A creditable guess, but no.

Anyone else?

A young she-goat?

Look it up, Rowntree.

(Reading in Latin)

"A young dog. A whelp, puppy."

(Air gun shot)

For the first time in 13 years,

College House has won
the Bigley Memorial Marathon Chalice.

(All) Hurray!

This house has seen great days,

it's going to see them again.

We're back on the right track at last.

But I don't want you to think
you can relax.

It's up to everyone to pull together.

I want to see each one of you
going all out.

I know you've got it in you.

So let's see College House back on top.

All right.

Right. House thump.

(All) College House. College House.

College House. College House.

(All cheering)

We're on our own now.

What are we going to do?

- Trust me?
- Of course.

When are we going to do it?

When I say.

Death to the oppressor.

The Resistance.

Liberty.

One man can change the world
with a bullet in the right place.

Real bullets.

(J Kemp sings gruffly)

♪ Fairest isle, all isles excelling

♪ Seat of pleasure

♪ And of love

♪ Venus here
shall choose her dwelling

♪ And forsake her Cyprian grove ♪

(4 Singing fades into ethereal music)

Space, you see, Michael,
is all expanding at the speed of light.

It's a mathematical certainty
that somewhere,

among all those millions of stars,

there's another planet
where they speak English.

Have a look.

(Reverend) "The Son of God goes forth
to war, a kingly crown to gain."

We are all corrupt.

We are all sinful.

We are all meet to be punished.

If a soldier doesn't do his duty,
he expects to be punished.

There are failures, great and small,

and there are punishments,
great and small.

But there is one failure,
one crime, one betrayal

that can never be forgiven.

And that betrayal is called desertion.

The deserter in the face of the enemy
must expect to be shot.

Jesus Christ is our commanding officer,

and if we desert him,

we can expect no mercy.

And we are all deserters.

(J Marching band playing)

(Guns firing)

(Whistle)

Now, come over here.

Now, that's our objective,
where that tree is, right?

Now, listen, D section.
Come on, listen.

Hedge junction, four o'clock,
bushy top tree.

We will attack and destroy that tree.

Right, Bren gun left. Go on. Move.

(Guns firing)

(Whistling)

(Whip) Single file!

Single file!

(Whip) Come on. Keep it, keep it up.

Well done that man on the Bren.

(Whip) Rabbit crawl
all the way back to base.

Rabbit crawl, man.

(Peanuts yelling)

Stop. What are you doing? It's awful.

You forgot to yell, the yell of hate.

(Yells)

It's the yell that counts. Everybody back.

At the double.

Ready? Charge.

(All yelling)

(Guns firing)

Charge!

(Whistle pips)

(Reverend) Stop there.

Get down. Get down. Get down.

You're all dead. I've won.

(Whip) Get into line. Come on, move.

(Whistle)

(Reverend) All right, Denson,
bring your men over here. Hurry up.

Don't dawdle. Now march properly.

That's right. Pick up your steps.

(Whip) At the double.

(Reverend) Get a move on.
Don't hang around.

(Whip) Hurry up.

(Reverend) Who left his rifle here?

Right, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

D section over here, this is an order.

(Whip) Well, put your rifles down
and get over to the tea queue.

- Go on, you. Go on, move.
- Hey, Adrian.

All right, boys. You keep going.

(Gun firing)

(Bullets ricocheting)

Take cover.

Take cover.

Who's there?

Who's there?

Show yourself, whoever you are.

Come out of there.

Empty those rifles at once.

Hand over those rifles instantly.

Come on, hand them over.

For the love of God, don't shoot.

(Reverend gasping)

No, no, no.

(Yells)

I take this seriously...

very seriously indeed.

The Reverend Woods
might have been quite badly hurt.

Do you realise that?

Now, I want you to apologise to him.
Is that clear?

Now, you mustn't think
that I don't understand.

It's a natural characteristic
of adolescence

to want to proclaim individuality.

There's nothing unhealthy about that.

It's a quite blameless form
of existentialism.

This, for instance, is what lies
at the heart of the great hair problem.

I think you boys know that I keep
an open mind on most things.

And of one thing I am certain,

short hair is no indication of merit.

So often I have noticed
that it's the hair rebels

who step into the breach
when there's a crisis,

whether it be a fire in the house,
or to sacrifice a week's holiday

in order to give a party of slum children
seven days in the country.

But, of course, there are limits.

Scruffiness of any kind is deplorable.

I think you'd go that far with me?

Now, the fees here are,
at present, £643 per annum,

which works out
at about 15 guineas a week.

This is no mean sum.

It is the salary, for instance,

of the average trainee
supermarket manager.

But on the other hand,
it's no more than the cost

of keeping a juvenile delinquent
in borstal.

However, this is merely to look
at the matter in terms of hard cash,

which is not the only consideration.

There is, above all
the question of service.

Those who are given most
also have most to give.

Now, you boys are intelligent.

You're too intelligent to be rebels.
That's too easy.

And it would be easy to punish you
in the normal way.

But I'm going to give you a privilege.

Work. Real work.

And I want you to think of this
not as a punishment,

but as an opportunity to give,
to serve.

(Denson) Guard of honour, shun.

(Bell tolls)

Guard, shoulder arms.

Guard, present arms.

Guard, shoulder arms.

Guard, shoulder arms.

- Bishop.
- General, how very nice to see you.

Nice to see you after all this time.

- Twenty-seven years?
- Twenty-seven years it is.

Yes, right.

♪ Each manly voice upraise

♪ Clasp each the hand in brotherhood

♪ And raise the roof with praise

♪ And when these days of school
are past

♪ Though near we be or far

♪ We'll cherish still her memory

♪ 'Gainst fire and flood and foe

♪ We'll serve her still

♪ Through good and ill

♪ As through the world we'll go

♪ And when these days of school
are past

♪ Though near we be or far

♪ We'll stand again for College

♪ Who made us what we are ♪

(Speaking in Latin,
with heavy English accent)

(All chanting in Latin)

Your Royal Highness, my Lord Bishop.

General Denson, my lords,
ladies and gentlemen.

Today is a day for the future

and also a day for the past.

Any institution which has
half a thousand years,

one quarter of the Christian era
stretching behind it,

is bound to have a sense of the past.

But in point of fact, there can be few
places where tradition is examined

with such a critical eye as this college.

A constant self-appraisal is going on.

And, indeed,
changes are happening so fast

that even as I speak,
these words are out of date.

(Polite laughter)

But first I want to introduce
General Denson,

who, of course, needs no introduction
either as a national hero

or as an old boy, General Denson.

(General)
Thank you, Headmaster.

Your Royal Highness, my Lord Bishop,
my lords, ladies and gentlemen,

men of College.

Now, you chaps
are probably thinking

there's nothing much an old soldier
like me can teach you.

Well, you may be right.

All the same,
I'm going to have a shot at it.

First thing... you're lucky.

Yes, a lot of men
would give their eye teeth

to be sitting
where you're sitting now.

You are privileged.

Now, for heaven's sake,
don't get me wrong.

There is nothing the matter
with privilege

as long as we're ready to pay for it.

It's a very sad thing, but today
it is fashionable to belittle tradition.

The old orders
that made our nation a living force

are, for the most part,
scorned by modern psychiatrists,

priests, pundits of all sorts.

But what have they got
to put in their place? Hm?

Oh, politicians talk a lot about freedom.

Well, freedom is the heritage
of every Englishman

who speaks with the tongue
that Shakespeare spoke.

But, you know, we won't stay free
unless we're ready to fight.

And you won't be any good as fighters

unless you know something
about discipline.

The habit of obedience,

how to give orders
and how to take them.

Never mind the sneers of the cynics.

Let us just be true
to honour, duty, national pride.

We still need loyalty,
we still need tradition.

(People coughing)

If we look around us at the world today,
what do we see?

We see bloodshed, confusion, decay.

I know the world has changed
a great deal in the past 50 years.

But England, our England,
doesn't change so easily.

And back here in College today,
I feel, and it makes me jolly proud,

that there is still a tradition here
which has not changed.

And, by God, it isn't going to change.

(Applause)

It's up to all of you chaps
to give the world a lead.

It is Britain's tradition
that you have learnt here.

Self-reliance, service, self-sacrifice,
the tradition of College.

And it's up to all of us
to reassure the world

by our unquestioning obedience
that we still hold...

My God, we're on fire.

Don't panic. Don't panic.
Women first.

Break open the windows.
Don't panic.

Don't shove.
Don't panic. Don't panic.

- Women and children...
- Don't panic.

Oh, my God.

Come on, stand up.
Stand up, stand up for College.

Each manly voice upraise.

(All coughing)

Break open the armoury.
Every man a rifle. Keep low.

Keep low. Rabbit crawl.

Infiltrate their flank. Get a Bren gun
on their flank. Now, come on, jump to it.

Bastards! Bastards!

Bastards!

(Headmaster) Stop! Stop!

Stop firing!

Cease fire! Cease firing!

Boys! Boys, I understand you!

Listen to reason and trust me!

Trust me!

(J Organ plays
"Stand up, stand up for College")

(4 Sanctus from the "Missa Luba" sung by
Les Troubadours du Roi Baudouin)