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1
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,050
Where is my desk?
2
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,053
That is weird.
3
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,431
This is not funny. This
is totally unprofessional.
4
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,117
Okay, well, you're the one
who lost the desk.
5
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,392
I didn't lose my desk.
6
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:20,103
Hey, calm down. Where
was the last place you saw it?
7
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,356
Okay, who moved my desk?
8
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:23,875
Jim: I think you should
retrace your steps.
9
00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,818
Okay, I am going to tell Michael
10
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:29,863
and this entire office
will be punished.
11
00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:31,865
Colder.
12
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:35,661
Warmer.
13
00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,455
A little warmer.
14
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,250
There you go. Warmer.
15
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,126
Warmer.
16
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,337
Warmer. Warmer. Warmer.
17
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,630
Cold. Cold. Cold.
18
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:47,839
Back up.
19
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,679
Warmer. Hot. Red hot.
20
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,098
Hot. Very hot.
21
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,488
Dwight schrute. Hi, Dwight.
22
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,158
What sort of discounts are we
giving on the 20-lb. White bond?
23
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,452
Jim, I've given you this
information, like, 20 times.
24
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:18,787
Jim: Lknow.
25
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,834
It's by the ream?
26
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:24,918
Yeah. Ream...
27
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,962
It is now $9.78,
28
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,755
so it's a discount of 7%.
29
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,508
Okay, thank you.
Got to get back to work.
30
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,848
Wash your hands, Kevin.
31
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:12,966
Right.
32
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,903
Oh, let me just check the
pricing list. Hold on one second.
33
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,847
Sensei, hello, it's sempai.
34
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,391
Dwight.
35
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,411
You know what, let me
give you a call right back.
36
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:26,396
I'm gonna find it and then
I'll call you back. Thanks.
37
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:30,067
Yes, I just had a question...
Yes, sensei.
38
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,116
Was that your mom?
39
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,826
No, that was my sensei.
40
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,204
Oh, I thought it was your mom.
41
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:46,249
I am now sempai,
which is assistant sensei.
42
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,353
Assistant to the sensei,
that's pretty cool.
43
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,419
Assistant sensei.
44
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,504
Okay.
45
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,924
I am a practitioner
of goju-ryu karate
46
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:55,759
here in Scranton.
47
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,095
Sensei: Two!
48
00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,638
Dwight, snap your kick back.
49
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:00,722
Three!
50
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:05,644
Dwight: My sensei, ira,
recently promoted me to purple belt.
51
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,772
And gave me the duties
of a sempai.
52
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,567
Not that a lot of people here in
america know what a sempai is.
53
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,779
But it's equally
as respected as a sensei.
54
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,203
I don't wanna stay
until 7:00 again this year.
55
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,456
I don't really have any
control over that, Stanley.
56
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:35,424
Michael tends to procrastinate a
bit whenever he has to do work.
57
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:40,429
Time cards, he has to
sign these every Friday.
58
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,306
Purchase orders have to be
approved at the end of every month.
59
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,308
And expense reports,
60
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:49,187
all he has to do is initial these
at the end of every quarter.
61
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:53,024
But once a year it all falls on
the same Friday. That's today.
62
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,694
I call it the perfect storm.
63
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,071
I don't wanna work
64
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,699
I just wanna bang
on this mug all day
65
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,909
did you ask me here
for any specific reason?
66
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:04,786
Yes, I did.
67
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,496
Here's the dizzle.
68
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:10,500
I have a very top-secret
mission for you.
69
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,879
I want you to update all the
emergency contact information.
70
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,714
Why is that secret?
71
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:19,384
Hello. Oh, god. Busywork.
Oh, get away, cretin.
72
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,470
Pam: I put stickers,
so you know where to sign.
73
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,096
Yes, thanks,
I know where to sign.
74
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,222
Itsjustthat lastyearyou_.
75
00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:27,350
Yeah, well, last year they were
out of order, weren't they, Pam?
76
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:31,313
Well, the last pick-up for
overnight deliveries is at 7:00.
77
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,483
So you need to have them
signed by then, or much earlier.
78
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,485
Chillax, Pam.
79
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:39,654
Stop Pam-ms-ing.
That's pretty good.
80
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,908
Actually I'm sending Ryan
on a top-secret mission.
81
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,659
Tell her what it is.
82
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,870
Updating emergency contacts.
83
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,332
Well, is that really a priority?
84
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,542
Is it a priority?
Oh, I don't know.
85
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,920
What if there's a tornado, Pam?
86
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,088
People's legs
are crushed under rubble?
87
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,674
Please, would you be so kind
as to call my wife?
88
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:03,512
No, I can't, because we don't have
any emergency contact information,
89
00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:05,764
because Pam said
it wasn't a priority.
90
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,349
Think. Think with
your head, Pam.
91
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,518
Okay, well, she walks out.
92
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,228
That's the problem
with being a boss,
93
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,897
is that when you are tough
they resent you
94
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,566
and when you are cool
they walk all over you.
95
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:18,235
Catch-22.
96
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,238
Catch-22. Yes.
97
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,993
Why don't you give me your
contact information to start with?
98
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,703
Okay, what's your cell?
99
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,122
Larissa Halpert.
100
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:32,916
What's her address?
101
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,417
117 Von Bergen street.
102
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:36,878
Hello?
103
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,402
Michael: Hey, Ryan!
104
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,926
This is Michael Jackson
105
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,886
calling from wonderland.
106
00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:47,597
You mean neverland?
107
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,141
This is tito.
108
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,021
What?
109
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,275
Calling from...
110
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:02,404
Your major and minor lines
cross at a Ridge.
111
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,489
That sucks.
112
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,741
You're making this up as
you go along, aren't you?
113
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,577
I am just following the website.
114
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,121
Well, at least
I don't have cavities.
115
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,415
Yes, you have very nice teeth.
116
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,583
Thanks.
117
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,002
Who's your emergency contact?
118
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,337
Stacey.
119
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,218
Pick up!
120
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,014
Hello?
121
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,100
This is Mike Tyson.
122
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,521
Hey, Dwight?
123
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,734
As sempai, do you ever think
that there's gonna be a day
124
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:44,154
where humans and robots
can peacefully coexist?
125
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,782
Impossible.
The way they're programmed...
126
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:51,870
You're mocking me. No, I'm not.
127
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,664
Well, let me offer you
a little piece of advice.
128
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,084
I am not afraid
to make an example out of you.
129
00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,920
Well, that's not advice.
130
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,088
What advice sounds like is this:
131
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,884
Don't ever bring
your purple belt to work
132
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,136
because someone might steal it.
133
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,280
Okay, give that back to me.
134
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,430
Okay. Say "please."
135
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,098
No. That is not a toy.
136
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:13,350
Please? Please!
137
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,644
Good. And it absolutely
is a toy.
138
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:16,770
Arigato.
139
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,438
Arigato. This is not a toy.
140
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:22,025
This is a message
for the entire office.
141
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:26,112
So that everyone can see that I am
capable of physically dominating them.
142
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,785
And this is more of a
ying-Yang thing.
143
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,871
The "Michael" is all cursives,
"Scott" all caps.
144
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:38,792
Left brain, right brain,
or duality of man.
145
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,045
Could you practice on the forms?
146
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,652
No women or children,
unless provoked.
147
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:48,677
Okay.
148
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,886
Roy.
149
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,304
Warehouse guy, doesn't count.
150
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,389
Okay.
151
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,557
Michael. Could you
beat up Michael?
152
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,993
Yeah, I don't think
that would happen.
153
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,060
Because we're friends.
154
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,187
Because I would kick his ass.
155
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,481
Well, Dwight's
a purple belt, so...
156
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,901
I've beat up black belts. Yeah.
157
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,028
And how did you know
they were black belts?
158
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,571
They told me after.
159
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:13,118
See, I used to run with a very
tough crowd, street fighter types.
160
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:17,789
Real, real bad people.
I'm just lucky I got out.
161
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,583
Is your wife still your contact?
162
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,752
Ex-wife. Yeah.
163
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,463
Her last name's Becker now.
164
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,383
Okay.
165
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,552
You don't need to write "ex."
166
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:35,265
And after that, nobody ever messed
with the damn rascals ever again.
167
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,225
Sounds tough.
168
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,769
When you're a jet, you're
a jet all the way, right?
169
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,895
You're a jet?
170
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,373
Have you signed
the expense reports yet?
171
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:43,982
Yes, in theory I have.
172
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,693
I just need to cross
some t's and dot some I's.
173
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:49,529
All right.
174
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:53,992
I am going to be in my office,
if anybody needs me.
175
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,162
Michael! Oh, wow!
176
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,581
Sleeper hold! Bedtime for bonzo.
177
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,586
You are the weakest link!
178
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,298
I'm friends with everybody
in this office.
179
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,217
We're all best friends.
I love everybody here.
180
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:16,473
But sometimes your best
friends start coming into work late,
181
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,934
and start having dentist appointments
that aren't dentist appointments,
182
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:24,189
and that is when it's nice to let them
know that you could beat them up.
183
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,066
Just hit me, you'll see.
184
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,610
I can't, 'cause
I just got a manicure, so...
185
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,695
Oh, queer! Eye...
186
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:33,698
Queer eye, that's a good show.
Important show.
187
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,200
Go ahead. Do it.
188
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,535
Just have Dwight punch you.
Oh, yeah.
189
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,659
Well, that would be kind
of worthless because I know
190
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,664
a ton of 14-year-old girls
who could kick his ass.
191
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,541
You know a ton
of 14-year-old girls?
192
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,918
What belt are they?
193
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,003
Look, Dwight is a wuss.
194
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,671
When we rented armageddon... no.
195
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,191
He cried at the end of it.
He did.
196
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,359
Dwight: Michael, I told you. That
was because it was new year's Eve
197
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,803
and it started to snow
at exactly midnight.
198
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:57,514
"Bruce Willis, they're gonna
leave him on the asteroid."
199
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,765
Okay, I'll punch you.
200
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,016
Oh, okay, here we go.
201
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,559
All right, come on.
202
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:11,152
Did I want to harm Michael? The
one man I've been hired to protect?
203
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,570
No, I did not.
204
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,114
Are you okay? Yes.
205
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,866
Are you sure you're
all right? Yep, yep.
206
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,285
Thank you.
207
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,126
I come from a long line
of fighters.
208
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:29,504
My maternal grandfather was
the toughest guy I ever knew.
209
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,423
World war ii veteran,
killed 20 men,
210
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:35,635
then spent the rest of the war
in an allied prison camp.
211
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:40,890
My father battled blood
pressure and obesity all his life.
212
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,643
Different kind of fight.
213
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,771
Okay, he has to be stopped.
214
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,774
Please, please, please,
please, just ask Michael.
215
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,027
I don't know.
216
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,366
Okay, I'll buy you
a bag of chips.
217
00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,701
French onion?
218
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,911
Obviously. Why are
you spinning around?
219
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,329
Okay. Yes.
220
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,082
Take this pen, okay,
221
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,042
stab me with it.
222
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,460
Michael: Go away.
223
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:10,837
I just have a quick question.
224
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,797
I haven't signed them, okay?
225
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,841
No, it's not that.
226
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,970
I was just wondering, since I'm
probably gonna have to stay late,
227
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:22,974
could you ask Dwight to stay late,
too, so he can walk me to my car?
228
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:26,853
Come in.
229
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,232
Pam, I hate to
break this to you,
230
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,610
but Dwight can't stop you
from being mugged.
231
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,403
He's just not tough enough.
232
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,964
He's a purple belt,
that's really high.
233
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,656
Oh, god, I could beat up Dwight.
234
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,366
That's ridiculous.
I can murder him.
235
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,035
It's just that out there you...
236
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,387
Oh, is that what they're saying?
237
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,412
Yeah, kind of.
238
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,331
Okay, all right.
239
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,833
Where's Dwight? Jim: Kitchen.
240
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,001
Okay.
241
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,705
Dwight: All right. Here we go.
242
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,718
Good. Wow, that's
actually pretty cool, Dwight.
243
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,529
Excellent. Now, watch.
Let me take you from behind.
244
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,822
What? Michael: Watch out, Kelly,
245
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,223
he might sucker punch you.
246
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,617
I didn't sucker punch you,
Michael.
247
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:05,642
No, really?
248
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,894
In case you'd remember,
I was defending my honor.
249
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,145
H, is fltatit? Lmeasamumi
250
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,314
yeah. Really? Well,
the offer, Dwight,
251
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,234
was for one punch,
which I absorbed.
252
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,736
I had no idea that there
would be a second punch.
253
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,613
So, catch-22.
254
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,739
Dwight: Okay, fine.
255
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,785
Tit for tit. Give it your best
shot. Two punches. Go!
256
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:27,580
Look, if we were in a bar right
now, there would be two punches.
257
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,304
Me punching you
and you hitting the floor.
258
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,833
No, I'd block
yourfhstpunch_. Yeah?
259
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:31,977
Rendering you ineffective.
Oh, really?
260
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,002
Yeah. You know what,
261
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,730
you're just lucky
that we're at work right now.
262
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,464
What about, uh, Dwight's dojo?
263
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,049
No, they just have classes.
264
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,968
Nojtsfieedunngtheday
itsfine. Look_.
265
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,261
I got the key.
266
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,637
Hey, Michael. Hey, Toby.
267
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,240
Any word on those time cards?
I have an idea.
268
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,848
Why don't you leave right now?
269
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,476
Why don't you walk away
from the room, okay?
270
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,938
Fine. We'll go at lunch.
271
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,942
Pam, make an announcement.
272
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,319
Figure out car pools.
273
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,033
Jim: Well, we're all getting
excited to see this fight.
274
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,704
The Albany branch is working right
through lunch to prevent downsizing,
275
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:11,374
but Michael, he decided
to extend our lunch by an hour
276
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:15,169
so that we could all go down to
the dojo and watch him fight Dwight.
277
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,881
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
278
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,134
I'm coming. Fight!
279
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,514
Sorry.
280
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,733
I recognize that.
281
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,485
That is Japanese
for California roll.
282
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:40,737
No, it's not.
283
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,131
I think it is,
a guy told me about that.
284
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,955
Actually it's a symbol for
eternal discipline.
285
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,701
Wow. That is really interesting.
286
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,036
What?
287
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,621
Your love line... I'm just
kidding. I can't see anything.
288
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,914
Look closer.
289
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,584
Oh, okay. One point for me.
290
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,835
Tied up. Oh, you're dead.
291
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,254
What? What are you gonna do?
Bring it, beesley, bring it.
292
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,798
Oh, yeah. Good move.
293
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,633
Not such an ultimate
fighter now, huh?
294
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:05,303
Hey, put me down. Put me down!
295
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:08,014
Oh, my god!
Hey, put me down! Hey!
296
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,104
Ira: Okay, gentlemen, listen up.
297
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:18,983
After a clean strike to the
chest, stomach or kidneys,
298
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,110
I will separate you
and award a point.
299
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,404
The first person to three
wins, all right? Yes, sensei.
300
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,614
Lot of rules, lot of rules.
301
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,200
On the street, we didn't
have any rules. Maybe one.
302
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,619
No kicks to the groin,
home for dinner.
303
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,289
Hey, what the hell was that?
304
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,374
Yes!
305
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,768
Ira: Dwight, one point.
No way! Okay!
306
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:36,793
Eat it!
307
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,187
All right, that's the way
you wanna do it?
308
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,797
You wanna play dirty, huh?
Okay, game on, man!
309
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,006
Sweep the leg.
310
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,570
Michael: Yeah, I'm coming
at you, man!
311
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,141
Okay, purple belt, okay.
312
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,559
I got it. No.
313
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,728
I got his pants.
That was my pants.
314
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,480
No points for pants.
315
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:01,818
Dwight, you have... no, look. No,
you have something, you have some...
316
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,320
God, you look like
such an idiot!
317
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,224
Clean technique, gentlemen.
Come on, do that again!
318
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,958
Do that again, I dare you.
319
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,003
Okay, break. Break!
No holding! Break.
320
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,881
Oh, you can't see!
You can't see!
321
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,634
One point, two points,
three points!
322
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,324
Ira: Break!
How many points was that?
323
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,179
Iwin! Iwin!
324
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,308
No, you didn't! No, you...
325
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,019
Eight points, nine points.
326
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,564
Stop it! No!
327
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,482
Come on, Michael!
328
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,526
Open your mouth! No, Michael!
329
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,710
You talking to me?
330
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,670
You talking to me?
331
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,631
Raging bull. Pacino.
332
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,384
Oh, I want that footage,
I want it. I need it.
333
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,929
Oh, I have to get back to
work. I have lots of work to...
334
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,806
Check this out. Come here.
335
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,266
There he is.
336
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:19,228
Mr. Temp having lunch
by the car.
337
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:23,191
Let us play with him.
This is going to be hilarious.
338
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,950
Oh, we're playing phone tag.
339
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,578
Woman on phone:
Seven new messages.
340
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,163
First new message:
341
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:40,333
Michael: Hi, Ryan.
This is Saddam Hussein.
342
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,001
Next message:
343
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,378
Hey, Ryan,
this is your girlfriend
344
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,589
and I'm mad.
345
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,781
My emergency contact
is Todd packer.
346
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,408
Todd f. Packer.
347
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,994
Know what the "f" stands for?
Fudge?
348
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,414
Yeah. Come in.
349
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,416
Oh, hey, karate kid.
350
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,377
The hilary swank version.
351
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,087
Hi. How are you?
352
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:29,131
I need to change my
emergency contact information
353
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,883
from Michael Scott.
354
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,051
Okay, to what?
355
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,261
Just put
356
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,180
"the hospital."
357
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,350
Contact number, just put 911.
358
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,062
He is such a sore loser.
359
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:47,066
You heard, obviously, that I mopped
the floor with him this afternoon.
360
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,152
You know what,
361
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,822
do yourself a favor.
Just leave me as his contact
362
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,740
and I will call the hospital.
363
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,450
Cut out the middleman.
364
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,212
Later, Jim. Later, kev.
365
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,470
Have a good weekend.
366
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:17,805
Yeah, you, too.
367
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:30,943
Yeah?
368
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,653
I have the emergency contacts.
369
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:35,239
Just lay them on a chair.
I'll take it from here.
370
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,950
So, what you up to this weekend?
371
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,096
Hanging out
with some friends, probably.
372
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,289
Well, if you do anything
crazy, give me a shout.
373
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,291
Yeah. All right,
I will see you Monday.
374
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,417
All right.
375
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,386
Dwight?
376
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,472
Michael, did you finish yet?
This close.
377
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:00,824
Dwight, may I speak
with you for a minute?
378
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:01,932
I'm busy.
379
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:04,268
Well, busier,
but I'm making the time.
380
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,562
Michael, can't your
conversation wait till Monday?
381
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,730
We wanna go home.
382
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,167
Well, you don't even have
anybody to go home to, Toby, so...
383
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,791
The shipping place
closes in a half hour.
384
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:12,902
I know,
385
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,530
but I have been carrying
the load on my back all day.
386
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,992
And if everyone would
just chip in a little bit,
387
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:22,119
it might help me out.
388
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,164
What do you say? Let's
gang-bang this thing and go home.
389
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,874
Good? Dwight.
390
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,467
This is illegal. I don't care.
391
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:43,224
I have been testing you the
entire day. Did you know that?
392
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,019
Of course.
393
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,480
And I'm happy to say
that you passed.
394
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,983
So, effective immediately,
I am promoting you
395
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:57,279
from assistant to the regional
manager, to assistant regional manager.
396
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,576
Michael, I don't know...
397
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,703
I know,
398
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,496
I know, I know, I know.
399
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,124
I wouldn't be offering it if I
didn't think you could handle it.
400
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,417
I can handle it. I can.
401
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,668
I know. Okay.
402
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:17,049
So, I guess,
this will just be my office.
403
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:20,052
No, no, title change only.
404
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,263
I'll have Pam send
out a memo. No, no.
405
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,764
Three month probationary period.
406
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,684
Let's just not tell anybody
about this right now.
407
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,770
Just a formality.
Absolutely. But not really.
408
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,564
Michael,
409
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:38,779
I have so much
to learn from you.
410
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:40,448
Yes, you do.
411
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,911
Thank you,
412
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,456
sensei
413
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,753
and, ditto.
414
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:58,215
I told Dwight
that there is honor in losing,
415
00:20:58,299 --> 00:21:01,051
which, as we all know,
is completely ridiculous.
416
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:04,764
But there is, however, honor
in making a loser feel better,
417
00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:07,057
which is what
I just did for Dwight.
418
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,394
Would I rather be feared
or loved?
419
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,813
Easy. Both.
420
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:16,192
I want people to be afraid
of how much they love me,
421
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:19,612
and I think I proved that
today at the dojo.
422
00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:21,405
Typemnnertoflure! Senseh
423
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,073
typewriter torture! Stop!
424
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,492
Typewriter!
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