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Last week on Wing. The Warth Playhouse
is putting on a production of Phantom of
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the Oprah. It's about a deranged
ex-producer of the Oprah Winfrey show.
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I wonder if they need a leading man.
Maybe they're parts for all of us.
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That string quartet gig, huh?
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I know I kept saying that music was out
of my system, but I was just kidding
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myself. I miss it so much, Brian.
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I think we should buy Helen a new cello.
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Where are we going to get $15,000?
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The real point is, how many chances do
we have to change a person's life?
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How could you guys do this to me?
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Well, wire it up, pop a pleated shade on
it, be a darn nice floor lamp.
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Okay, let's rehearse the opening number.
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Places, everyone.
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And five, six, seven, eight.
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Phantom, phantom, I don't believe in
phantom. I never have, I never shall,
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not I.
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I believe in me, and that's the thing
you see that gets me by.
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the first time we did that number. I was
a little skeptical, but now I'm sure.
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We stink on ice.
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Who's Helen?
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In her kitchen.
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Okay, everybody, remember, costume
fittings tomorrow morning at 10 a.m.
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Roy, wear underwear.
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Helen, come out here. Go away.
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Helen.
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Look, I don't want to talk about this.
Yeah, well, we're going to. What the
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hell just happened?
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I can't accept that cello.
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I don't mean to seem ungrateful. It's
just that the last thing I need is you
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two taking pity on me. We didn't give
any out of pity. We gave any out of
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friendship. You don't understand.
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It just sends a message to me that my
life is so pathetic that you two need to
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ride in on your white horses and save
me. It was just supposed to be a
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friendly gesture.
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A gesture?
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I saw that cello. That's a handcrafted
Ramadi. It'll kill for almost $12,000.
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You only went to one store, didn't you?
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Helen, Helen, Helen.
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You're taking this all wrong. Are you
listening to me?
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For 20 years, you were there for us.
Okay, when Joe crashed the plane, you
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were there for us.
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I was on the plane. I had no choice.
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Yeah, but afterwards, you did all those
nice things to cheer us up. You made
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those brownies. Not $12,000 worth of
brownies.
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Fifteen.
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God, did you only go to one store?
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It would make us happy to give you this.
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Let us be there for you, just this once.
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I could never pay you back.
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I'll tell you what.
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Go to that audition.
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Get the job.
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We'll call it even.
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This is probably the most wonderful
thing anybody's ever done for me.
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I love you guys.
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If you don't want to see me cry, just
leave it at that.
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You crying, Joe?
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Only if you are. No way.
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Very nice indeed.
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We'll call you.
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Don't wait by the phone.
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Are you here to audition?
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Yes, sir, I am.
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Come, come, come, come.
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Whoa, Babeler. I want her. Shut up,
Johnny.
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Allow me to introduce our quartet.
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I, of course, am Carl Stengler.
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Here, in black, she with the laughing
eyes, Miss Lydia Detmeyer.
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There, on violin, Mr. Johnny, no
relation to the electronics giant,
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Toshiba.
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Now, tell us a little something about
yourself.
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Oh, okay. Well,
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I'm originally from Texas.
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Too much!
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What is your musical background?
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Oh, I see.
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Being up here, I feel a little bit like
I'm on a talk show.
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Yeah, we're forced to share the theater
with a pathetic little acting troupe.
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putting on a production of Phantom of
the Opera.
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Have you ever heard of anything so
stupid?
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Yeah, actually, a few of my friends are
in it.
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Points off.
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Continue. Oh, well, I played in the
Sconset High School Chamber Orchestra,
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and then I didn't do much for the next
ten years, and
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finally I was offered second chair in
the Boston Philharmonic.
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I mean it, Carl. I really, really want
her. Shut up, Johnny!
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You're very pretty. Do you consider
yourself pretty?
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Oh, well... Oh, just play, for God's
sake. Play!
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Stop! Stop this audition! This is a
travesty!
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dare you try to replace me.
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Petro, we have been over this time and
time again. You were once a valued
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member of the quartet, but you are voted
out.
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Now, shoo, we have work to do. But I
founded this group.
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Yeah, and at our last performance, you
wore a tuxedo shirt and bicycle pants.
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We have work to do. Now get back down to
the beach with your metal detector and
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find yourself some change.
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Bengler, I promise you, if I am not in
this string quartet, There will be no
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string quartet.
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You know what, Mr. Spangler? Why don't I
just play for you some other time? This
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is your scheduled appointment.
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The fact that I am so angry, my brain is
about to explode out of my head and
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across the room should be of no concern
to you. Now, play.
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I have some news that will cheer you
right up.
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The woman who was supposed to play Oprah
Winfrey in the show slipped and sprained
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her ankle, so now they're giving me her
part.
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I didn't get picked for the string
quartet.
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Well, isn't this awkward?
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There she is. Oh, the newest member of
the Nantucket string quartet. Oh, well.
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Oh, come on, yeah.
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Now, now, I had a vision last night. I
just know they're going to call you up
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and offer you that quartet gig.
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Oh, well, you know, they did call.
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And they told me I lost the job to
someone else.
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Oh, honey, I'm really sorry.
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I know how much that's meant to you.
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There's got to be other groups you can
audition for.
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Oh, right.
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I didn't make it in the Nantucket String
Quartet.
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Where do you go from there?
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Down to the docks with a tin cup and a
monkey?
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Just take the cello and get your money
back.
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Well, no, Helen, we can't do that.
Absolutely not. We're not going to let
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you give up this easily.
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Well, no, I mean, we can't get our money
back. The music store has an exchange
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-only policy.
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What?
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You're telling me we have a $15,000
credit at a music store?
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Great, now we can start that marching
band we've always dreamed of.
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Mr. Temple!
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Mr. Spengler, what are you doing here?
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I have come here...
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to welcome you as the newest member of
the Nantucket String Quartet.
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When you are
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finished, we practice tonight, seven
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o'clock sharp.
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Oh, Mr. Springer, I'm a little confused.
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I thought you picked somebody else. We
did, but that fell through.
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The important thing is you not consider
yourself our second choice.
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Oh, no, I wouldn't. Good, because you're
our third choice.
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Lowell, Lowell, Lowell.
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I know you're playing the part of a
stagehand, but...
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Why do you have to rehearse hammering?
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Antonio, Antonio.
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You might as well ask, why did that
actor gain 60 pounds to play the role of
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Jake LaMotta in Raging Paul?
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De Niro?
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Of course it was for the money.
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Okay, kids, lots of work to do. Come on,
let's get off our duff and make some
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magic, shall we?
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All right.
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Now we're going to try and put it on its
feet and then pull it all together.
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I hate this man.
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All right, lighting. Let me see the
scary flickering.
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Thank you, lighting.
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Sound. And let me hear the phantom
laugh.
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Thank you, sound.
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All right, special effects. This is
where the hundred...
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more special.
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Let's move on, shall we?
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All right, Lowell, our Phantom had a
dental appointment this afternoon. How
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would you like to play the part?
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Would I?
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Yeah, I mean, the role I have now, a
chimp could play.
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What do you want me to do? Swing in on a
rope.
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All right, okay, okay.
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Now, Roy? Yeah. Roy? Yeah. Roy? Yeah.
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All right, Roy, this is where you, as
the producer, are counting us out of a
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commercial.
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you, Roy. Just something to remember.
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Theater is not down here.
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Theater is up here.
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Let's try it again.
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Okay.
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We're back in five, four, three, two...
Oh, yes. That's much better, isn't it?
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Let's jump ahead, shall we, to phase
line.
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Bernardo, when did you first realize...
Bernardo.
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When did you first realize that you were
only attracted to women who used to be
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men? Well, I was in a restaurant. I saw
this woman at another table.
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She was beautiful, but there was
something else.
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I'll say there was.
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Continue, thank you.
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Let's hear from the studio audience.
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Bernardo, did you ever think maybe that
you're confused about your own sexual
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identity?
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Well, I suppose that that's possible.
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Confused?
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Why am I so confused?
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Why can't I be like other men who have
no yen for women who used to
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be guys?
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00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:10,140
Why do I like gals who were previously
my pals?
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Why do I like them?
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Tell me why.
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And applause, applause, applause, and
action, Phantom!
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Hurtles have been going.
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00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,030
Oh, it keeps getting weirder and
weirder.
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00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:47,610
And that bald guy isn't yelling at me in
German.
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00:13:47,890 --> 00:13:51,330
That ghoulish Lydia keeps staring at me,
asking me if I think of myself as
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pretty.
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00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:54,770
Tell me if you're that unhappy, why
don't you just quit?
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00:13:54,990 --> 00:13:55,990
Oh, God, I'd love to.
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But I don't want to disappoint Joe and
Brian. I mean, they went into major debt
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to buy me that cello.
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00:14:01,290 --> 00:14:03,130
Oh, Helen, your friends are here. Oh,
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this must be important.
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00:14:05,150 --> 00:14:07,350
You're taking a hell of a chance coming
out in the daylight.
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Something to tell you. Yes?
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00:14:13,630 --> 00:14:14,790
Do you want to tell her?
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00:14:15,070 --> 00:14:17,170
No, you tell her. I'm much too excited.
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We are going on tour.
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What? We traveled by van.
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50 performances in 49 days.
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It is like a bookmobile.
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Only we bring classical music to those
who aren't usually exposed to it. Or
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want to be.
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00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:38,330
She has been like this all morning.
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I can't stop.
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and leave my lunch counter here.
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I mean, these people need me.
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Isn't that right?
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00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,000
No, not really.
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Go enjoy yourself. Send us a postcard.
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Listen to him, whoever he is.
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I'm sorry I didn't introduce you.
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Thank you.
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00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:06,600
Come, Popola. We must pack.
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We leave right after the concert.
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Nope,
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that's it. I've had it. I'm quitting the
string quartet.
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00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:18,930
I thought you said you couldn't. Because
Joe and Brian gave you that cello. They
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00:15:18,930 --> 00:15:23,670
could give me a cello, a Steinway, a
Stradivarius, and a diamond-studded
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music stand. I'm not spending the next
50 days in a van with the Addams family.
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00:15:29,810 --> 00:15:32,970
I'm telling you, Joe, just one of those
things where the minute I saw it, I just
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00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:34,090
knew I had to have it.
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00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:39,130
Oh, hey, that's beautiful. Helen's going
to love it.
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00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:40,430
Helen.
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Guys, there's something I have to tell
you. tell you. And there's something
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00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:46,820
that we have to tell you.
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00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,580
Well, why don't you go first? Your news
looks bigger.
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00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,720
Not much of a surprise now, but we got
you this dress for your debut
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00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:58,060
performance. Oh, God, you didn't have to
do that. Yes, we did. Helen, we're
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00:15:58,060 --> 00:16:00,560
enjoying this. We wanted to do it. I'm
telling you, ever since we bought you
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00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,520
that cello, it's like we've become, I
don't know, your sponsors.
243
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,780
Yeah, sort of like the way people must
feel when they own a racehorse, you
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00:16:06,780 --> 00:16:09,820
know? You get the excitement of going
out to the track, you bring your
245
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:12,840
friends, watch your horse run, you grab
some of the glory for yourself. Right,
246
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:15,840
right, right. So just think of this
dress as sort of a new saddle.
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00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,930
Helen. flattering as that is to be
compared to a horse. Oh, no, come on,
248
00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:24,850
come on. You know what we mean. Come on,
we're just, we're proud of you. That's
249
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,830
all. Now, come on, put it on. Straight
on. There you go. Straight on.
250
00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:28,110
Put your hands through.
251
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:29,730
And here we go.
252
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:34,710
Okay. Oh, there it is. Wow, this is so
strange, boy. I've never put a dress on
253
00:16:34,710 --> 00:16:35,710
a woman before.
254
00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:40,250
Listen, it's beautiful and everything as
this is. There's something that I have
255
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:41,850
to tell you. All right.
256
00:16:42,270 --> 00:16:43,710
Right after the concert tonight.
257
00:16:43,950 --> 00:16:44,950
Yeah.
258
00:16:49,450 --> 00:16:51,710
I'm going with the quartet on a 50-city
tour.
259
00:16:51,950 --> 00:16:56,810
All right! This is great! We did it! Oh,
we are so proud of you! Oh, you must
260
00:16:56,810 --> 00:17:03,750
feel fantastic. Oh, I do. I really do.
I'm just... Well, um, thank you, and
261
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:05,270
this is such a beautiful dress.
262
00:17:06,030 --> 00:17:08,109
And, uh, I'll see you after the concert
tonight.
263
00:17:08,710 --> 00:17:09,710
Bye, guys. Bye.
264
00:17:11,170 --> 00:17:12,170
Oh.
265
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:16,910
Oh, it's gonna be something, seeing her
up on that stage playing her music,
266
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:17,970
yeah?
267
00:17:18,569 --> 00:17:19,970
You bringing your Walkman? Absolutely.
268
00:17:20,450 --> 00:17:20,849
I
269
00:17:20,849 --> 00:17:31,510
just
270
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:35,290
think tomorrow night we're going to be
up on that very stage performing Phantom
271
00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:36,290
of the Opera.
272
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:38,330
I just hope we get this good a crowd.
273
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:41,330
I just hope they stay a crowd and don't
turn into an angry mob.
274
00:17:43,450 --> 00:17:45,110
Friends, I have a terrible news.
275
00:17:45,550 --> 00:17:46,850
I spoke to our director.
276
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:51,520
They have canceled Phantom of the Opera.
Thank God. What happened?
277
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:56,800
He said we lost our backers. How could
that be? They watched our rehearsals
278
00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:01,240
yesterday. And right after, they said
they refused to have the name of Leo's
279
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,860
sludge and septic associated with such
garbage.
280
00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:18,250
I'll never get a chance to play a part
like that again.
281
00:18:18,990 --> 00:18:22,430
I know how you must feel, Fay. There are
so few good parts for black women these
282
00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:23,430
days.
283
00:19:11,530 --> 00:19:12,950
Wasn't the end of the piece.
284
00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:14,810
If you don't back me up, it might have
been.
285
00:19:21,730 --> 00:19:22,730
What's going on?
286
00:19:23,050 --> 00:19:24,710
That's exactly what happens in our play.
287
00:19:27,930 --> 00:19:29,570
Who did this? Who's responsible?
288
00:19:31,830 --> 00:19:35,170
That happens in our play, too. I think
they're trying to rip us off.
289
00:19:35,890 --> 00:19:36,890
What's going on?
290
00:19:37,070 --> 00:19:39,810
What is the meaning of this?
291
00:19:42,670 --> 00:19:44,070
It's Winston Catlow.
292
00:19:44,310 --> 00:19:45,310
Who?
293
00:19:47,150 --> 00:19:50,770
Catlow, have you gone out of your mind?
I promised you this quartet would not
294
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:51,770
perform without me.
295
00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:53,170
This is outrageous.
296
00:19:53,890 --> 00:19:55,430
That's it. The performance is over.
297
00:19:56,130 --> 00:19:57,230
Everybody, go home.
298
00:19:58,450 --> 00:20:02,230
Giving orders again, I say. You are a
tyrant. I am not a tyrant. I am
299
00:20:02,230 --> 00:20:03,930
Austrian. Drop the curtain.
300
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:09,130
Well, that was nice. Shall we have a
bite to eat on the way home?
301
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,160
ends another chapter in my brilliant
career.
302
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,320
So what happened? What happened?
303
00:20:22,860 --> 00:20:24,980
Well, the quartet officially disbanded.
304
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:28,400
Spangler's out in the parking lot
mumbling something in German.
305
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,340
Little Johnny's grounded.
306
00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:35,560
And last I saw, Liddy was rifting
comfortably in my cello case.
307
00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:40,720
You can't feel too bad about getting
away from those people. I don't know how
308
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:41,780
you put up with them for so long.
309
00:20:43,180 --> 00:20:44,500
I had to.
310
00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:46,540
For you guys.
311
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:48,300
What?
312
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,820
Well, you know, all that stuff about how
proud you were of me and buying me this
313
00:20:51,820 --> 00:20:54,640
beautiful dress and telling me I was a
whore.
314
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:58,720
What else was I going to do?
315
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,940
I think maybe we just got too involved.
316
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,680
No, really. This show has brought you
nothing but trouble. No, it got me
317
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:06,680
playing again.
318
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:08,520
And I have you guys to thank for that.
319
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,560
You know, I feel bad, though.
320
00:21:11,950 --> 00:21:14,290
You were so excited about hearing me
play, and you didn't get to.
321
00:21:14,510 --> 00:21:17,790
Well, yeah, sure we did. Yeah, you were
great. Oh, no, no, no, that was nothing.
322
00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:20,410
Why don't you take a seat, and I'll give
you a private concert.
323
00:21:20,950 --> 00:21:22,510
Well, that won't be necessary.
324
00:21:22,730 --> 00:21:23,730
Oh, no, I'm good.
325
00:21:35,450 --> 00:21:36,950
Think she could see us from over there?
326
00:21:38,850 --> 00:21:39,910
It's pretty dark in here.
327
00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:42,120
So he looks at her fingers. Great.
25026
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