All language subtitles for S04E17 - I Love Brian [1080p AIUs] [EN]

Good morning, Antonio.

Hello.

You're certainly in a good mood today. I
know, I know. Last night, I saw a very,

very funny program on the television.

They were playing them one after
another.

What was it? Well, I don't remember the
name, but it was all about this very

funny couple named Fred and Ethel.

Oh, you're talking about I Love Lucy.

Lucy. Oh, right, the neighbor.

Oh, that's right. There's a Lucy
marathon on this weekend. She is

hysterical. Oh, please. You know, I know
it's un-American, but I just think that

show is so stupid.

I do.

I do. I mean, one week, Lucy's stuck on
a ledge, dressed as Superman.

Ha-ha. Yeah, great. And then the next
week, she's posing as a hot dog vendor

trying to meet Bob Hope.

No one in their right mind would do
those things. Oh, come on. What are you

talking about? You do stupider stuff
than that every day of your life. Okay,

okay. I've been willing to push the
envelope, but I've never crawled inside,

stamped it, and mailed myself to John
Wayne.

Damn it.

Boy, you don't even look up anymore, do
you?

I'm talking about this.

Clint Black is performing tonight in
Boston, but it's sold out. Oh, really?

You're a fan?

I'm a huge fan.

Really? I'd still to see one of his
shows.

Make me mad.

You and me both. Can't believe that bum
is this close by. Hasn't even called me.

Who?

Clint.

Quack. We're old friends.

What are you doing?

Checking my driver's license. I want to
make sure I wasn't born yesterday.

Okay.

Yeah, you don't believe me. Don't
believe me.

You actually know Clint Black. The Clint
Black. Didn't I just say that?

How do you know him?

We used to hang out together. You know,
before he was anybody.

Well, Z, if you really do know him, you
think, you know, you could possibly

maybe... Get tickets?

Um, well, for you, uh... Okay, I'll see
what I can do.

Brian, if you can really pull this off,
I promise I won't forget it.

I can't believe you actually know Clint
Black.

Oh, cut. Will you relax? He's just
another guy.

Clint Black.

Who's Clint Black?

Look, it's one baggie, Joe, per
ticket-o.

Or no fly-o.

Pay extra-o. Oh, Roy, he obviously
doesn't understand you. Now, just so

happens that I know a little Spanish.
Allow me.

Señor, no es permito mas que... Pardon,
pardon, madame, je vous comprends pas.

You speak French.

Well, let's see.

Only one.

Le suitcase pour le passageur.

which comes back to you.

Hey, Alex.

Dawn, I've got to ask you something.

Yeah?

Does Brian know Clint Black?

Clint Black the singer?

Is that what he told you?

Well, I mean... And you believed him?

Well, I didn't say that. I just
thought... Okay, okay. Let's go for it.

I don't mean to laugh at you. It's just
that it's... Such vintage Brian.

Once he told this girl in high school
that he knew one of the Apollo

astronauts, and he even called her up on
the phone in this really nasally voice

and told him he was calling long
distance from the moon.

And she bought it? Well, he did sound
real, and I was kind of lonely.

He said he could get tickets to see
Clint Black. Hey, so let him. At least

we get to see the show.

No. If he doesn't know him, there's no
way. The concert's completely sold out.

Even better.

Watching Brian squirm out of a lie is
some of the best entertainment available

today.

Watch and learn.

Hey, Brian.

Thanks. Alex told me that you could get
us tickets to see Clint Black.

Us? Well, she told me that you knew him,
and so we figured, you know, it'd be

just as easy to get three as two.

Did you?

I hope that's not a problem. I mean, you
and Clint being friends and all, I

figured. No, no, no, no, no. No problem
at all.

You know Clint well enough to get two
tickets? You know him well enough to get

three?

You're good.

Well, once Brian starts tap dancing,
it's just a matter of knowing when to

roll the marbles across the floor.

Yes, hello.

Ticket office.

Yes. This is Monsignor Hackett. I'm
calling for the Cardinal about tickets

to the Clint Black concert.

Yes, I'm aware that the Cardinal already
has his tickets, but he also would like

the three seats behind him to be kept
vacant.

Yes. The Cardinal is a nut about wearing
his hat.

Hello.

What's going on?

Just trying to score a ticket to the
Clint Black concert for tonight.

Why? You don't even like country music.
Yeah, I know, but Alex does, and I

promised her seat, so... Oh, what's
that, Lucy? You say you're in a bit of a

pickle? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, oh, wait a minute. Don't tell me you
dusted off that old, uh, we're all

buddies routine.

Yes, I did. After all the stupid things
I pulled, I knew she'd never believe I'd

be stupid enough to pull that one. But I
fooled her. Yeah, I am.

Look, I just want you to know something.

Just because you and I have been
competing for Alex doesn't mean that I'm

secretly hoping this will blow up.

I can't answer that.

Brian,

listen, tell Joe I checked out those
cylinders in there, okay?

Yeah. Wait, whoa, whoa, come here, come
here, come here.

Oh, man. Would you by any chance know
anyone who's got three tickets to

see Clint Black tonight?

Three tickets to see Clint Black? Huh.

Three tickets.

Whoa.

Sorry, Brian, I can't help you out. I
had a heck of a time getting a hold of

these four tickets.

Wait, wait, wait.

You have four tickets to see him? I
didn't know you were a fan.

Well, actually, I've never seen him, uh,
dance?

Sing.

Rock and roll?

Country.

Rockabilly?

I have no idea. This is unbelievable.
You have four tickets to see this guy.

You don't even know who he is? Well, it
doesn't matter. I mean, Tucker, Tom,

Dewey, and I just go to the concerts to
find stuff under the bleachers.

Hey, I'm in the Rolling Stones. We're in
town. I got $13.50 and a glass eye.

I'll give you $200.

Gosh, I don't know, Brian.

I still get a lot of laughs when I pop
it out of my mouth at parties.

No, I'm talking about the ticket. I want
to buy them from you. Oh, no.

These guys are my friends. They've been
looking forward to this concert for a

long time.

I can't let them down. I'm sorry, Brian.
I can't help you.

300 bucks.

I didn't say they were good friends.

Hey, girls.

Hey, Brian.

Oh, by the way, I spoke to Clint, and
everything's set for tonight.

Wait, you actually got three tickets,
Brian?

Well, no, actually, four.

Lowell wants to go, too, you know.

Guy, Brian, I'm really impressed.

Well, maybe this will teach you both.
Never doubt me.

When I tell you I know somebody, I know
them.

So what do you say you guys meet me back
here at 6 o'clock? We'll go out, we'll

have something to eat, and then we'll be
on our way.

Great.

Can't wait to meet him.

Me too.

Well, Clint Black.

Oh, oh, Brian, you're not going to go
all that way to see your friend in

concert and then not go backstage, are
you? No, no, no. You know, I was.

There's not a problem, is there? No, no,
no.

Because you know him, right?

Absolutely. And you don't think he can
get backstage to see Clint merely by

slipping the security guy a $100 bill.

Do you?

No way. You'd have to know him. Right.

Lucky thing I know him.

He doesn't know him.

To get real, the closest you're going to
get to him.

Well, you've not been to any of the
concerts. What are you doing down there?

Well, let me answer that question with a
question, Helen.

The last 15 minutes, did either one of
you lose a retainer?

No. Oh, yes!

Brian, where have you been? You missed
the whole last set. Man, I was backstage

talking to Clint's manager. Bad news.

Right after the show, he's got to go
back to Nashville.

No, he doesn't.

Yeah, yeah, he does. He does. So I think
we might as well just... Clint's not

leaving. There's a party tonight at his
hotel.

Are you sure about that? Yeah, my
girlfriend's uncle is the bass player's

cousin.

Brian, I wonder why his manager would
tell you he's leaving.

Well, it's fairly obvious, isn't it? He
resents my friendship with Clint.

Where did you say the party was?

Clint's hotel.

Oh, no, not that... place. Gee, with
traffic and all, we'd have to really

make sure that we stay within the
crosswalk. We sure don't want to get

ourselves a jaywalking ticket. Now, do
we? Well, thank you very much, my dear,

and I'll see you across the street in
room, uh, the roomy penthouse. Yes, of

course. The one that, uh, Clint always
opts for when he plays, uh, the sports.

Lowell. Right here, Ellen.

Come on, let's go. Okay.

Okay. A wallet.

Oh, it's full of money.

Credit cards?

Pictures of my kids?

Let's go.

Stay tuned as the Lucy Marathon
continues.

Next, Lucy takes a job at a candy
factory.

Hey, how many of these shows can you
take?

It's like my mother's baked a ziti. One
bite and I can't stop.

Of course, Lucy doesn't make you feel
like you have a potato stuck in your

windpipe, but... There is something
about this show that bothers me. You

mean how come Ricky was in this country
all those years and never lost that

annoying accent?

What accent?

No, I mean what Brian said.

Maybe no person in real life would do
such crazy things.

We need to kill you to bribe a couple of
waiters our side.

I'll do the best I could.

Stop it. Just stick by me and blend in,
okay?

Okay, there he is. There's Quint.

Okay, all I have to do now is talk him
into meeting Alex and Helen and get the

hell out of here. Okay.

Well, you follow me.

Grab those hors d'oeuvres.

the train.

Right. I didn't want to seem greedy.

Excuse me.

Oh, thanks.

Sure. Really enjoyed the show tonight.

Thank you. Glad you could get off work
to come down.

Excuse me.

Can I have one of those?

What are you doing?

Well, I was trying to hide the ones I
already took a bite out of.

Please, please don't make the security
guy suspicious.

I said just try to blend in, okay? Blend
in, okay?

Oh, my God. Sorry.

That's all right.

Way to blend.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mr.
Black. I'm so sorry. It's okay. It's my

party. I guess the drink should be on
me.

You boys aren't really waiters now, are
you?

Gotta get back inside.

You know what you mean.

Those people are gonna be expecting
dessert.

Whoa.

What's the matter? You're not
acrophobic, are you?

No, I love spiders.

That's arachnophobic.

Acrophobic is a fear of height.

Right, right.

Joe, now that you mention it, I once had
a dream where I fell off a 30-story

spider, so I guess that would make me
arachno-acrophobic.

You know, come to think of it, I landed
in a small, dark, enclosed space.

So that would make me claustroarachno.

Give me your hand. Give me your hand.
Come on. Careful.

Give me your hand. Careful.

Has anyone ever told you that you have
soft hands?

Like a girl's?

Yeah.

Okay, look.

go and smooth things over with clint all
right and then listen to me listen to me

then take the elevator down to the lobby
you pick up alex and helen and bring

them up here okay okay uh except alex
and helen are already in the party so i

don't think they're going to want to go
down to the lobby with me and then come

back up to the party yeah all right well
that it changes our plans a little all

right follow me do what i do

Clint Black's hotel room.

I can't wait to rub Brian's nose in this
one.

We got in and they didn't.

Oh, but they're close.

Well, if it isn't Lucy and Ethel.

Hey, how'd you guys get up here? We met
a couple guys in the lobby and they

invited us up. What are you guys doing
out there?

Ah, well, you know, the party was
getting a little stuffy and a little

claustrophobic.

Brian, I... I thought I was telling you
that in confidence.

So, obviously, you guys met Clint
already and found out that he's a really

nice guy, so there's no sense in
sticking around here. No, actually, we

didn't. We waited because we knew that
you wanted to introduce him to us, so

there he is over there.

That so he is.

Listen, why don't you chat with the
ladies here, and I'll go get him.

Right.

Excuse me, Mr. Black.

Hey, watch that drink. This is my only
other jacket. All right. No, it's okay.

It's okay.

My shift is over, and I'm sorry. And I
just wanted to apologize for before.

That's okay. Don't worry about it. Just
enjoy the party. Okay.

Thanks. No, listen, Clint.

I'm sorry.

Clint.

No. But listen, listen. You know, you'd
really be helping me out.

You'd really be helping me out if you
just do me this favor. One little favor,

though. Hey, Clance, I got a phone. You
want to call him back?

No, I really need to talk to whoever
that is. I'll be right back.

You know, it'll just take a second.

It'll take less than a second. A
nanosecond.

Hey, I know what you think.

And why don't I just, you know, save you
the trouble?

What did you say your name was again?
Rebecca. Rebecca. How about, you know

what, Clint? You just call me Becky.
Becky, I'd love to help you, but I have

to leave town first thing in the
morning. Oh, that works for me. Could

you come with me right now? Could you
please? I told all my friends at the bar

that I know you real well.

I'm sorry. Maybe I can take a rain check
and do it next year. Next year? Well, we

don't know where any of us are going to
be next year.

I'm sorry. All right, fine, fine.

But let me tell you something. I'm not
calling you late at night anymore, and

no more banana bread. And who do you
think you are, you 18-year-old?

Well, the gift shop was out of
chocolates, and I hate coming to parties

empty-handed.

You really stink at this. You know that?

I don't know how you got the ticket, but
why don't you admit it? You don't know

Clint Black.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I think we saw Clint Black in
concert. I think we're in Clint Black's

hotel room right now. And, oh, lucky for
me, he's coming right here right now. So

why don't you just give me a minute with
him alone? No. Excuse me. Excuse me. Mr.

Black. Yes. You don't know me, but this
guy has been going on and on all day

about how you and he are best buddies.

Is that true?

No. I knew it.

I'm kidding.

Actually, how have you been, Brian?

Better.

Where have you been? Did you get the
tickets okay?

Yeah.

I can't believe this. You actually know
him?

I've known Brian for years.

Tell her about the first time we met.
No, no, no. You tell it better.

I was working at a club. Brian was
working there as a waiter. All right.

And he came over and spilled an entire
tray of drinks on me. Stop it. You're

embarrassing me.

This is so cool.

Listen, listen.

Clint,

I'd like you to meet Alex Lambert. She's
a big fan of yours.

Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you. Any
friend of Brian's?

This is so cool.

This is just really cool.

And y'all are going to stick around,
right? We've got a lot of catching up to

do. Heck, you know me, Clint. You've got
to throw me out of here.

Yeah, I know.

Brian, I'm sorry I doubted you. Hey,
sometimes I can't believe I know Clint

Black.

That was so cool.

Have you ever watched a heavyweight
fight where one guy's getting beat up so

badly that the referee has to come in
and stop it?

You set this up?

Hey, you provided me with a whole
evening of entertainment.

Thank you, thank you.

I guess this is what friends are for,
huh? Yep. Always there for each other?

Yep. Through thick and thin? Yep. You're
going to make me pay for this for the

rest of my life, aren't you? Yep.

I owe you. No, you don't. I do. I
definitely owe you for tonight.

And not just for the ticket.

I never should have doubted you.

But you have to admit, I mean, it did
sound like one of your scams. Yeah, I

suppose I'd feel the same way if I were
in your place.

Any chance of that, by the way? I always
carry my toothbrush.

But, you know, before, when I was sure
you didn't know Clint Black, I was

thinking that anyone who would go to all
that trouble and jump through all those

hoops just to impress me, well, you
can't help but be flattered and even a

little attracted to a guy like that.

Really?

Of course, when I found out that you
really did know him, I kind of took the

air out of it.