All language subtitles for S04E11 - Exit Laughing [1080p AIUs] [EN]

How you doing over there?

Okay. Yeah?

You know, it's going to be a pretty long
flight. Would you like a corner book?

Got one right here?

No, thanks. I'm fine.

You don't?

Boy, flying a plane is really neat, you
know?

It's almost like we're a great big bird.

Well, actually, sir, it couldn't be more
different.

Whereas... Birds move the airfoil of
their wings to soothe the atmosphere to

achieve lift. A plane uses a stationary
airfoil. In forward movement or thrust,

you would see the same effect.

It's all just rudimentary physics and
simple aerodynamics.

Tell you what.

You fly, and I'll color.

Coffee, please, Helen, and keep it
coming.

Oh, God, Antonio, you look exhausted.

I am.

I haven't slept all week. At 5 a.m.
every morning, I wake up to the piercing

sound of my neighbor's leaf blower.

Does it sound like... Or does it sound
more like...

The second one.

Oh, that would be the Yard Demon 742.

Known in the trade as the big bad wolf.

You're up against the best.

Leaf blower, huh? That's not a problem.

If it's gas power, you put sugar in the
fuel tank. If it's electric, you snip

the cord.

Then you simply pour kerosene on the
guy's lawn and light it.

Listen, if you're having problems with
the guy, why don't you just talk to him?

I'm not good at face-to-face
confrontations.

I know.

I could send him a politely worded note
along with a box of scented soaps.

You sure you don't want to go over and
draw his bath?

I just hope I'm not forced to call my
uncle Carmine.

He knows people who know people.

Wait, Antonio, do you really think
that's necessary?

Yes. One of those people must have a
place I could sleep.

Helen, do you see that young man over at
the Sandpiper desk?

See him?

I'm trying to decide what to buy him for
our 25th wedding anniversary.

Well, I don't like the way he's snooping
around.

Watch it. I like the way he's doing it.

Never mind.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Are you looking for
something?

No, actually someone.

Is this where Joe Hackett works?

Oh, yes, but he's not here now.

Oh. Well, look, I'm Connor McDowell, and
I'm a friend of his from college, and I

didn't want to be on Nantucket without
stopping by to say hello. Oh, how nice.

Well, Joe should be back soon.

If you'd like to have a cup of coffee,
I'm sure that that blonde, perky, and

conveniently unattached waitress would
be happy to serve you.

Thanks.

Look, I'm telling you, you want to set
that neighbor of yours straight, borrow

my chainsaw and do a little creative
tree trimming.

I don't see myself as a chainsaw kind of
guy.

Okay, we'll move on.

Does he have any pets or loved ones
living in the house with him?

Oh, come on, you're handcuffing me here.

So, after college, did you become a
pilot, too?

No, actually, I'm an oceanographer.

Really? I've always found it so
fascinating.

You know, I never miss a Jacques
Cousteau special.

Yeah, I've been out with him a few times
on the Calypso.

You're kidding. You know Jacques
Cousteau?

Yeah. We once spent eight hours in a
decompression chamber and passed the

time playing charades. What I thought
was an elaborate clue just turned out to

be a case of the Benz.

Morning, Helen.

Morning, Joe.

Joe. Connor.

Connor McDevitt.

My God, it's been ages. How you doing?

I'm great, I'm great. What brings you to
Nantucket? Work. We're studying the

whale feeding grounds off Stillwagon
Bank. Huh. So Connor said you two went

to school together?

Yeah, that's right. We were in the same
fraternity. Oh.

In fact, one night we were in the same
sorority.

Anybody still call you Skirt?

I, uh, don't think anyone really wants
to hear about that. I think someone

wants to hear about that. Go right
ahead, Skirt. Well, one night we were

all sitting around trying to come up
with a way to sneak into a sorority

house, and Joe had this idea. Yeah, it
would have worked, too, if I hadn't

broken a high heel on the stairs. Come
on.

I'll show you around before we dredge up
any more memories. Okay. I'll talk to

you later, Helen. Okay.

Whew! That guy's incredible.

You know, not many men have it all.

Oh, I know. So many of them just work
the upper body. So few have the legs to

go with it.

And that brings us back to the hangar.
And that's about it.

Oh, and this is my number one mechanic,
Lowell Mather.

Wait a minute, Joe.

Number one mechanic?

You mean there's a number two?

There's a new guy?

I'm supposed to take him under my wing,
teach him everything I know, and then

just sit idly by while he squeezes me
out.

Lois, this is Connor McDevitt. He's an
old fraternity brother of mine. Oh,

great. Nepotism.

Lois, he isn't even a mechanic.

He's just visiting. Oh, nice to meet
you.

Well, that was interesting.

What can I tell you? He came with a
hanger.

So... How's your social life? Are you
dating anyone special?

I'm not even dating anyone ordinary.

What about you?

That depends.

What's the story with that Helen? Is she
seeing anyone?

Uh, no.

No, not really. But, you know, I really
wouldn't get involved there. I know both

of you, and to be perfectly honest, I
just don't think it would work.

Why not?

Well, you just wouldn't mix. You'd be
like oil and water.

Although oil and water don't technically
mix.

Seen up close, their union creates a
rainbow of ethereal beauty.

Anyone who's been face down in a gutter
on a rainy night will back me up on that

one.

He must be a really good mechanic.

Time for a break, guys.

How about some iced tea?

You know, these boys work so hard. I'd
like to bring them something cool and

refreshing to help them through the day.
Since when? Oh, just drink it, Joe.

Well... Thanks anyways, but I gotta get
going.

Oh, already?

You just got here. Yeah, I'm afraid so.
I've got people waiting for me.

Talk to you later, Joe. Yeah, so long,
Connor. Good to see you. Helen? Yes?

Lowell, nice meeting you.

Bye.

Whew!

You never told me you went to college
with a babe like that.

Connor? Oh, yeah, he's okay, I guess.

Okay? No, Joe. You're okay.

Do you think you can put in a good word
for me?

Well, I guess I could.

You'll have to do a lot better than you
did.

What did he say?

Well, if memory serves, he pretty much
told that guy that dating you would be a

big mistake.

Now, Joe, maybe in your own subtle way,
you're trying to bring these two kids

together.

Learn it sometimes.

You just got to come right out and say
what you mean. Get out, Lowell.

See? There you go.

What did you tell Connor about me?
Nothing, nothing. He just sort of asked

about you, and I sort of told him that
you might not be good together.

Well, you have your nerve.

Where the hell do you get off? Helen,
listen, trust me. I know this guy. Well,

you obviously don't know me.

See, I don't need you screening my
dates.

How arrogant can you be?

I can't believe that... Ah, wait a

minute.

What are you laughing at? Oh, Joe, Joe,
Joe. Poor, warped, lonely little Joe.

I know what this is all about.

Oh, stop that.

You don't want me to go out with Connor
because you can't bear to see me with

another man.

Oh, please.

Admit it, Joe, you're still not over me
yet. I'm not over you, Helen.

I've taken more time getting over speed
bumps.

Joe!

Read my lips.

We're not getting back together.

Oh, yeah, read my lips.

Oh, well, that was attractive.

Helen, look, I don't care who you go out
with. Okay, well, if that's true, then

stop meddling. You know, I can take care
of my own social life, thank you very

much, so just butt out.

You know, I don't need you to speak to
any man on my behalf. Is that clear?

Perfectly. Good. Now get in there on the
phone to your friend Connor and pick me

up.

What a pleasant surprise you called.

I didn't know you had my number.

Joe gave it to me. Oh, that Joe.

I sure hope you like Jerry Lewis movies.
Oh, actually, I've never seen one.

Well, I love the guy.

I know. I know. A lot of people are
afraid to admit that, but I think he's

funny. Actually, it was Jacques Cousteau
who helped me come out of the closet

with Jerry.

Jacques Cousteau is a Jerry Lewis fan?

Well, you should see him walking around
the boat on the inside edges of a swim

fin.

Hey, lady.

Watch. I love the way this movie ends.

I spoke to him about the leaf blower, as
you advised, and we came to an

understanding.

Now I understand his passion for
gardening, and he understands my

inability to bob or move to my right.

For God's sake, what a wimp. I told you
you should have listened to me. The only

way to handle a bully is to be a bully.

I'll take care of it for you.

Well, Roy, you really don't... Don't
worry.

I can handle it.

Before all my neighbors moved away, I
used to do this kind of thing all the

time.

Tony, do you really think you should let
Roy handle this?

Brian, I called my neighbor. I sent him
a nice note.

I tried to reason with him. He hit me in
my face.

Now, it is time to unleash the dogs of
hell.

McDevitt, you mean that guy from your
frat house? The one with the... That's

the one. Oh, man, that guy's laugh could
set off a car alarm.

That guy's laugh could be a car alarm.

It is her own fault. I tried to warn her
about this guy, but then she starts in

with this stuff about me being jealous.
So I figure, fine, go out with him and

find out for yourself. Whoa, she's
coming.

Morning, Helen.

Good morning.

I think she's going to come here last
night. You guys have a lot of laughs?

Oh, movies. Hey, see, aren't they
showing that Jerry Lewis film festival,

Joe? I believe they are, Brian. I
understand it's hysterical. Really?

They must have laughed their heads off.

Helen, did you notice anything odd at
all about Connor? Oh, Joe, quit trying

to run him down. I told you it's over
between you and me.

She says that just to annoy me.

Well, what else would anyone want to
talk to you about?

and I'm talking about the guy's laugh,
and you know it. He laughs like a pack

mule after a double espresso.

Okay, okay, yes, I notice his laugh, and
yes, it's a little bit unusual, but

certainly nothing that would turn me
off.

Oh, come on, you're lying. It drove you
nuts. It had to. She's lying.

Joe, look, maybe when you go out with a
girl, all you care about is what's on

the surface. Is her butt firm enough?
Are her legs long enough? Are her

breasts... Big enough. Well, you know,
if the breasts and legs are there, I'm

willing to cut some slack on the butt.

Shut up.

But I, on the other hand, am only
concerned with what's on the inside of a

person. And the way they laugh, it just
doesn't matter.

It matters.

Helen, it sounds as if you had a
wonderful time with that Connor fella.

Is that what it sounds like?

Well, you just told Joe you had a great
time. That's what I heard. Oh, don't you

people have anything better to do than
to listen to my conversations?

It's either that or have one of our own.

All right, the truth of the matter is,
most of the night was perfect.

I mean, he's intelligent, he's fun, and
charming.

But? But it was his laugh.

Oh, it was like fingernails on a
chalkboard.

I mean, if I could have ripped the
cushion from my theater seat, I would

have smothered him with it.

You had a good time.

Oh, there's no way I'm going to give him
the satisfaction of knowing he was

right. Hell, I'd marry the jackal before
I do that.

Now, Helen, if that's the only negative,
then maybe you should find a way to live

with it.

Well, for instance, my second husband,
George, had this annoying habit of

flicking his cigar ashes wherever he
happened to be.

I kept telling him, George, use an
ashtray.

But he would just smile and go ahead and
flick them right on the carpet.

Well, it wasn't easy.

But I got to the point where I was able
to ignore that. Faye, I think this is a

little different than that.

Of course, when he died, I had him
cremated.

He's using an ashtray now.

Well, I'm with Helen.

Sometimes a person just has annoying
habits you can't overlook.

Now, Bunny had one.

She used to drum her fingers on the
table when she would read the morning

paper. That drove me crazy.

That's what broke up our marriage.

Lowell, I thought it was because Bunny
slept with other men.

Oh, right.

I'll make that two annoying habits.

You know, I suppose it would be foolish
to just overlook all his good qualities

over one little quirk. Oh, I think
that's very wise, dear. Big mistake. My

philosophy is if a relationship isn't
good from the get-go, get going.

Whenever I have a blind date, I ask him
to wait for me on the curb.

That way I can drive by, check out the
goods.

I don't like what I see, I leave him in
a cloud of tire dust.

Well, I understand as a child he ate a
lot of paint.

Hey, boys.

Good news, Topwajijo, you can sleep in
tomorrow morning.

Your neighbor and his leaf blower will
not be bothering you again.

What exactly did you do?

I dry iced his ground cover, hit the
trees with a high-grade chemical

defoliant, and for the icing on the
cake, released locusts in his rose

garden.

Locusts? That's inventive. Hey, hey, it
pays to read your Bible.

I had a couple of cherry bombs left over
from last Halloween, so I took care of

that weenie little trellis on his porch,
too.

Weenie little trellis? What weenie
little trellis?

Not the one with the morning glories?

I don't know. They were little purple
things.

Now they're toast.

Oh, no.

My neighbor doesn't have a trellis, Roy.
That was my house. You blew up Antonio's

porch.

This is what I get for letting you do
this. These are the fruits of revenge.

Oh, that reminds me.

Don't count on that apple tree in the
front yard being a big producer this

year.

Hello. You're still here. I thought you
were going out with Connor.

I am. He's on his way over.

Faye, you've got to help me. I don't
want to go.

You've been out with him every night
this week. I thought you two were

getting along great.

It's that laugh, Faye.

That chilling laugh.

I've tried and I've tried, but I just
can't get past it. The hell with what

Joe thinks. I just can't take it
anymore.

Now, look, wouldn't you solve all your
problems if you just told Connor the

truth? Faye, how do you politely tell
someone that they're perfect in every

way, except when they laugh? It's like a
cold steel shaft being driven through my

head. Afraid it might sound petty.

Well, my grandmother used to tell me,
honesty is the best policy.

Actually, she wasn't my grandmother. She
was just some broad my grandfather was

shacked up with.

But the words still ring true.

Oh, God, Faye.

I guess you're right.

Hey, Helen. Hi, Connor.

Don't forget what I told you.

Ready to go?

Uh, almost.

Um, listen, can I talk to you a sec
first?

Sure, what's up?

Listen, I've been trying to think of a
way to tell you this for a week now, and

I know this may sound direct, but I've
had

this feeling every time that I'm with
you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I better stop you because I think I can
see where you're going.

Look, I was going to tell you this at
dinner, but now I don't think it can

wait.

Helen.

I think we should stop seeing each
other.

What?

You're a terrific person.

You're everything I've been looking for
in a woman, and I really tried to get

past this problem I'm having, but I
can't.

It's your accent.

My accent?

You're dumping me because of my accent?

I'm sorry. It just gets on my nerves.

I'm sure a lot of people might think a
southern accent is very charming.

Unfortunately, I'm not one of them.

I don't believe this.

You're dumping me?

Helen, please don't say it like that.
Well, that's what it is, isn't it? No,

don't say it like that. It's your drawl.
It drives me nuts.

You know, I can't believe how shallow
you're being.

I mean, here I am, an intelligent, fun,
attractive woman, and you're just

willing to throw all that away because
of...

something so insignificant?

Oh, God.

Now that the words are out of my mouth,
it does sound shallow. Sure, it does.

We have had a lot of laughs.

Maybe we should get another... No, no,
no, no.

You said what you meant, and, uh...
Frankly, I don't think I'll ever get

over it.

No, once them bullets are out the gun...
You can't suck them back in, can you?

Nah, just hang heavy over our
relationship.

Like the dew on a snake's belly.

Like mud on a pig's snout. Oh, I'm
sorry.

But I was right the first time. I can't
listen to this. Goodbye, Helen.

Write if you feel like it, but whatever
you do, don't call.

Salted. He has his nerve. I was supposed
to dump him.

I thought I heard Connor out here. He's
gone.

What? Didn't you two have plans? No, not
anymore.

What happened? Oh, you want to know what
happened? Your friend Connor came in

here and I dumped him.

Why? The laugh, Joe. The laugh.

Dad, you pegged. You were just as
shallow as I thought you were. Well, go

ahead and gloat, Joe. You have every
right. See, if you had listened to me in

the first place, you never would have
had to go through all this. I just hope

you had the decency to let him down
easy. Oh, no, don't you worry. I let him

down in that gentle, soft way we seven
girls have.

I bet if you asked him, he'd probably
tell you it was all his idea.

Well, at least that's something. You
know, let's face it, Helen. I know you

better than you know yourself.

Oh, yeah, you do.