Original subtitles

[gunfire, helicopter whirring over stereo]

Harry, can you shut that shit off?

No problem, boss.

[stereo turns off]

I don't know why he does that.

- [country music playing] - Yeah, seems like an odd thing

to play in a bar full of veterans.

No matter how many times I ask him to just play music,

he always tries to find a way to slip in machine gun fire.

There's music in the guns, boys.

You just have to listen.

You know what else there's music in, Harry?

Music.

What's the matter?

You find it "triggering"? [laughs]

[groans]

Get it? It's a homonym.

You're a homonym.

- [Harry] Another one? - Yeah, this is really good.

It is good.

And it's also veteran owned and made in the USA.

- Wow, that's amazing. - Yeah.

Yeah, and we should probably change the topic

- 'cause it's starting to feel like an ad. - [chime sounds]

You know, what you're experiencing is no different

than what every veteran goes through.

You've turned in the uniform,

but you're still carrying around that invisible rucksack.

You're never gonna be happy until you take that off too.

That's pretty deep, man.

Cheesy as hell, but it's deep.

Yeah, you've turned in your fatigues,

but you're still camouflaging yourself in the world.

Do you just have an endless supply of these, or...?

All jokes aside, you're a jumper in the door of a C-130, baby,

and that mission's coming. You understand me?

Ready!

Door opens, and the wind is blowing, and your knees are shaking,

and you're holding on to that static line, and your sweat's coming down your face,

and there's no mommy to save you now, baby!

Ten minutes!

The call's coming, and you know it's time. If you jump, you might die.

But if you don't jump, they might fucking die.

You got it? You know what you got to do?

There's only one mission that you got to do.

Thirty seconds!

Are you ready? You got to be ready.

You got to be so fucking ready. When I say go, you go.

You understand me?

[yelling] Go, go, go!

[gunfire, helicopter whirring over speakers]

Harry, for the last time!

[theme music playing]

[tow winch whirring]

Hey. Hey, that's my car!

Hey, wait!

Wait!

Bollocks! My car!

Hey, wait! What are you doing? That's my car. Wait!

[laughing] Hey, top of the morning to you, wee Karen!

First, that's Irish, and I'm English, you pillock.

Second, what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?

Yeah, scones and colonialism, whatever.

Obviously, you missed the building association meeting.

We voted unanimously.

All front row parking spots now cost a thousand dollars a month.

Unanimously? You own all the units!

When did this happen?

I mean, I do own them all.

Uh, the meeting was held this morning.

The policy is effective immediately, Karen.

This is ridiculous. You're not gonna get away with this.

Listen, Kar Bear, if you want your parking spot back,

all you got to do is pay us a thousand dollars a month.

I'm gonna make you a real sweetheart deal.

I'll actually lend you the money each month.

I have many thousands of dollars.

Okay, you are not gonna get away with this,

and I don't want your money.

[groans]

[Stewart laughing]

Stewmeister, thank you for the 411.

It looks like old Gasoline Dog is really circling the drain.

It's survival of the fittest, Lucius, and we're the fit.

[both laughing]

[Lucius] Let's take it away.

Look, Aunt Karen hasn't been getting it done.

We need money.

And when I'm teeing up multinational ambulance companies

and she's saying:

[in high-pitched voice] "No, they're too mean, Stewie,"

[in normal voice] I know she's not gonna get on my level.

The Gasoline Dog ship is sinking, and I am not going down with it.

So it's time to find a new captain,

and I, the first mate.

Hey, guys.

Weren't you wearing that yesterday, Chaz?

You guys locked me in last night. Again.

Oh. My bad, dude.

Hey, Ash.

Hey, Joe.

So, uh... how was the date with Michael?

Oh, it was amazing.

He took me to this fancy restaurant and let me drive his Range Ro...

That's not important right now.

What's important is something really bad is going down.

What's up?

I overheard Stewie talking to Lucius.

He's giving him insider information about Gasoline Dog.

That son of a mutt.

That's low, even for him.

That guy just has no, no, no...

scruples.

I'm sorry I said that.

We have to tell Karen, right?

Unlike you, I don't like to report people to my boss.

But this one's different.

It gets worse, guys. I knew we were in trouble financially,

but I didn't know we were in this much trouble.

My God, are we gonna lose our jobs?

I don't wanna spend time having to make friends again like I have here.

Okay, look. Let's not freak out, all right?

First things first, like Jocelyn, I'm not a fan of tattletaling.

But...

this is a Benedict Arnold.

Brutus stabbing Caesar.

"Saruman is actually working with Sauron" situation.

[mimics explosion]

- We've got to tell Karen. - Tell Karen what?

Stewie has been plotting against us.

Wait, listen.

Listen, I know Stewie can be a bit abrasive,

but he's my nephew.

Well, you know, step-nephew.

He's planning to take you down, with Lucius.

With Lucius? This can't be true.

[Ashleigh] It is true, Karen. I saw it with my own eyes.

Well...

Well, that's incredibly disappointing.

But you know, this is a good time to remember the third L of leadership,

which is "love."

And we've got to love our coworkers and support them to help them thrive

to reach their full potential, and then...

Karen!

He said you were a bad leader.

- [dramatic music plays] - Oh.

Did he now?

It's okay, love. It's really okay.

I'll handle this.

[exhales sharply]

[Joe] Dang it.

What the hell happened to you?

Los Reyes de los Lobos happened.

[dramatic Latin music plays]

What?

They lease the printing company across the way.

- They're real jokesters. - [Chaz] Jokesters?

They're the devil. Let's not forget they stole Bessie.

Okay, hold on. Let me get this straight.

It sounds like a printing company shot you up with paintballs

and kidnapped some girl?

Specifically, they shot me up with paintballs

when I went to pick up our order.

And Bessie isn't just some girl.

She's our special girl.

What does that even mean, dude?

Bessie is a stuffed raccoon.

She was our mascot.

I still think about her sometimes.

Why do you still pick up from them?

Because they have the best printing in town.

- That can't be a good enough reason. - No, they're good.

No fraying, no ink bleed.

And when you want a binder done right...

[all] There's nobody better.

They had a stuffed raccoon, and it was stolen.

And the nerds who stole the raccoon print paper for a living

and call themselves the "Kings of the Wolves."

Okay. Yeah. Totally normal.

Unacceptable! You will rue the day, Aunt Karen. You will rue the day.

[yelling] Vengeance will be mine!

Why don't you run back to your turtleneck wearing,

sit-up-making new best friend!

You make dooders look good, you gormless git!

Now get out!

Good riddance!

- Karen, you okay? - Oh, I'm great. I'm great.

Now, today's a good lesson for the eighth L of leadership,

which is "liberate."

And I just liberated that two-faced tosser from his employment.

[all cheering]

[Ashleigh] Go, girl!

- Karen, that was awesome. - Boss bitch!

Putting drill sergeants to shame.

Oh, I just hope he finds peace with his new life.

[Chaz] Huh?

Oh, what am I saying? Fuck that guy!

Yeah!

[all cheering]

Okay, guys, I think we deserve a celebration.

Let's go!

- Yes! - [Carter] That's what I'm talking about!

Karen!

[all chanting] Karen! Karen!

Karen! Karen! Karen!

? Karen! Karen! Karen! ?

? Karen! Karen! Karen! ?

? Karen! Karen! Karen! ?

Joseph, I need to speak to you in my office for just a brief moment.

Okay.

I have something that I need to get off my chest.

? Karen! Karen! Karen! ?

What's up, Princess Kar-Kar?

What the hell?

I'm just out here enjoying my new space.

I've got so much room to explore out here.

It really gives me an opportunity to let my legs roam,

if you know what I'm saying.

Oh, God, okay. That's a sex crime. Don't ever do that again.

- [laughing] - And you know what, Lucius?

I'm going to win.

Gasoline Dog is gonna grow and thrive, and I will have my spot back

by the time we have our Christmas party.

You know, by the sounds of it, Karen,

you're not even gonna have a business by then.

Oh, my God, I've had enough of you. By the power of Freya, I smite you!

[screaming]

Karen, Karen. We have celebrating to go do.

Forget him.

I don't wanna celebrate anymore.

- I'm going home. - Well, sayonara, Karen-san.

- [barks] - [chuckling] Okay.

[growls]

Hey!

That wasn't cool, man.

- [shouts] - [screams]

[cackling]

To the new alpha dog.

- I hope you're not talking about yourself. - I think we both know I meant Jocelyn.

My reign will be hard, but fair.

I'll drink to that.

Boss bitch.

[dramatic Latin music playing]

[Jocelyn] Pretty good.

- [music continues] - [indistinct chatter]

Avert your gazes, desgraciados.

For you are in the presence of Los Reyes de los Lobos.

[all howling]

�C�mo est�s? Douchebags.

- Stewie! - [laughing]

How was that print you picked up today, Carter?

You know how it was.

I wanna hear you say it.

It was perfect.

I know.

[Chaz] Look, you guys print great, okay?

- Everyone knows it. - Oh, yeah.

Stewie, we're glad you found a new job.

Now, how about we stay on our side of the bar

and you guys stay on yours?

Hey! Hey! First off, it's not Stewie anymore.

It's El Prostituto, okay?

And second, this whole bar is ours.

This is Lobo territory.

And when we get back,

maybe I'll spend a little time with Bessie, Raf.

Oh, you wouldn't.

- Oh, wouldn't I? - No.

Cerveza, girl.

Uh-uh.

[groaning]

Come on, man!

What are you gonna do about it, ese?

[speaking Spanish]

[spits] Puta.

�D�nde est� la biblioteca?

None of you are even Hispanic.

This is your last warning.

We don't wanna see you in here again.

[dramatic Latin music playing]

Vamos, Lobos.

[Chaz] You leave her alone.

What did I miss?

Well, Stewie's a Lobo.

The Lobos poured beer on us,

and they're gonna do something to Bessie.

- [sobbing] - What took you so long to get here?

That is not important right now.

What is important right now is that you're not gonna take it anymore.

We are not gonna take it anymore, all right?

It's time we fight back, all right?

Against Lucius, against the Lobos.

For Gasoline Dog.

For Gasoline Dog!

[all] For Gasoline Dog!

[all shouting]

- [Ashleigh] I'm so excited. - But how?

How?

I'll show you how.

[tense music playing]

[Joe] For God's sakes, Carter, can we just turn on the lights?

Fine. Lights!

[Joe] All right, listen up.

The main objective is the HQ of Los Reyes de los Lobos.

We know their main avenue of approach is here.

Now, they arrive to the front parking lot each morning at 0800.

Chazzy Boy is going to block that access point here,

forcing them down the alleyway,

or as I like to call it, "the Fatal Funnel,"

into the rear of the building, where they will land on the X.

The X?

The X is the place in the ambush where we can deliver the most kills.

I'm assuming we're looking for an L-shaped ambush here, Joe?

- Well, yeah, but... - Once the Lobos are on this spot,

our support-by-fire position will open up with our most damage-producing weapons.

- The paint balloon. - Correct.

As they're being bombarded with the paint balloons,

we'll open up with the paint guns.

Then, as their back is broken,

we send in the assault element and finish the job.

What are your questions?

Can I shoot them in the face?

Yes.

- Is that when I get Bessie? - [Carter] Correct.

- Do you like my outfit? - Adorable.

Thanks.

What is happening right now?

I play a lot of Call of Duty.

We're just talking a basic L here, no bigs.

I just hope this team of noobs can handle the chaos at the kill site.

I remember my first time. I didn't know which way was up.

Luckily, my squad leader, FingerBlaster69, got me through it.

That was leadership.

Is Joe the next FingerBlaster69?

Time will tell.

Time will tell.

[elevator bell chimes]

[automated voice] Third floor. Going up.

[gas hissing]

[muzak playing over speakers]

[inaudible dialogue]

[ominous music playing]

[Lucius panting]

Where am I? Who's doing this to me?

Why...? Why do I feel so greasy?

Did you oil me up?

[spitting] It's in my mouth. [groans]

You're in purgatory.

And whether or not you have a chance to go to heaven

or I send you straight to hell is entirely up to you.

[Lucius] Do you know who I am, buddy? You're in deep shit!

I know who you are.

You're the seven deadly sins all rolled up into one man, Lucius.

[Lucius] I mean, I'll take six out of seven, but gluttony?

Come on, man. I mean, look at me.

I do Pilates three times a week. I train capoeira with Russell Brand.

I got 7% body fat, baby. [chuckles]

Gluttony isn't about food.

It's about excess.

Hoarding.

You hoard office buildings.

You hoard cars.

You hoard...

parking spaces.

[Lucius] Parks... Okay.

Did you kidnap me over a parking spot? You're insane!

You must be one of Karen's employees.

I swear, when I get out of here, I'm gonna find out who you are!

[groaning]

What makes you think you're gonna get out of here?

Jesus Christ, you can't be serious.

Is it serious to cut a man into a million pieces

and serve him to a pig?

Take what's left over and put it in a bag of lye and lime

and drop it into the ocean?

Please! I'm begging you, I'll give her the spot back!

[groaning]

Lucius. Lucius.

Lucius.

I know you'll give her the spot back.

She knows you'll give her the spot back.

Your mom and dad at 1327 Briar Grove Lane knows she'll get her spot back.

And I know their deepest REM sleep is between 0300 and 0500,

and they'll never see me coming.

[whimpering, blowing]

[Kevin] And they'll never see me coming!

[cackling]

And they'll never see me coming.

[intriguing music playing]

[upbeat music playing]

[playing dramatic Latin music]

[suspenseful music playing]

Go, go, go!

For Bessie!

Come on, you apes! You wanna live forever?

[all shouting]

[dramatic music playing]

[inaudible dialogue]

[inaudible dialogue]

[pensive music playing]

Did someone yell "Wolverines"?

Guilty as charged!

I was in the dumpster.

That was awesome, guys.

- [Carter] Yeah. - [Ashleigh] You were awesome.

I've never done anything like that before.

Yeah, well, you know they say, "Ambushes are a lot like camping."

How?

Because they're "in-tents."

- Sorry. It's bad. - You're so funny.

- Is Michael still coming, Ash? - Oh, no, he had to work again.

- [Jocelyn] Oh. - That's too bad.

Uh, I'm gonna hit the restroom real quick. I will be right back, y'all.

What's going on with that?

- What are you talking about? - No, don't give me those doe eyes.

That only works on them.

- I don't know what you're talking about. - Uh-huh.

[playing dramatic Latin music]

We want the raccoon back, or else...

Yeah, and you guys can't come to this bar anymore.

I am not giving Bessie back.

I think you'll find you don't have a choice, little man.

Guys, come on, are we really gonna do this?

Oh, we're doing this, cabron.

- You think you're a big man? - Oh, he surely does.

Let's teach this guy a lesson, boss.

Yeah, one that they'll never forget.

Guys, let's calm down.

Or what, ese?

You are not Hispanic.

All right, this is over.

Nothing is over.

What are you gonna do about it, GI Joe?

Well, if you take one more step forward,

I'm gonna make you taste your orbital bone, so...

Oh, big man gonna hit a girl?

Maybe we should all calm down.

No, maybe they should make like a tree and get the fuck out of here.

[dramatic music playing]

- [all shouting] - Oh, shit.

[Ashleigh] Oh, my God!

Get him, Joe.

Get him.

Yeah, come on.

No. That's a child.

Yeah!

You know what? This is part-time. I make $11 an hour.

[dramatic music playing]

- Kick his ass, Joe! - Do it!

Yeah! Yeah!

If any of y'all so much as look at us the wrong way again,

I'm not gonna be so nice next time.

[all chanting] Joe! Joe! Joe!

Yeah!

You did it, bro!

[Chaz] Well, shit.

I mean, holy shit.

A woman? Children?

The Army's a strange place, man.

He won, though.

I mean, he did that.

I think I could see the post-traumatic stress

seeping out of him.

I hope Joe is getting therapy.

Sometimes the lion needs to show the jackals who he is.

[man] Isn't that from Cool Little Junkies?

[scoffs]

Maybe.

Hot.

I mean, this might make me sound like a bad person, but seriously...

hot.

[in Spanish] They're assholes! They're fucking crazy!

They always say things like: "Ese, ese." That group...

can go fuck themselves.

They're not fucking Latinos. Fuck!

[in English] That? Oh, that was a normal Friday night off base with the boys.

They're acting like it was some sort of big deal.

Just a fight.

- [dramatic Latin music playing] - Los Lobos will ride again.

Mark my words.

Los Lobos will ride again.

- Good night, Joe. - [Joe] Raf, Bessie.

- Yep. - Be gentle.

- Bring it in, buddy. Great job today. - Hey.

- Thank you, man. You too. - Have a good one.

- Really. You killed it. - Yeah.

- Chazzy boy. - My man.

- Yes, sir. - Hey, have a good night, bud.

All right, man. See you. Take it easy.

- Hey, Ash. - [Ashleigh] Hey.

Do you need a ride home or anything?

- Um, actually... - She's riding with me.

All right. Well, you ladies have a good evening.

Mm-hm.

- Good night, Joe. - [Joe] See you.

- [Jocelyn] You're drunk, honey. [laughs] - [Ashleigh] No, I'm not drunk.

I'm not drunk. I'm not that drunk.

[phone ringing]

- [soft jazz music playing] - Hey, Joe.

I didn't think you were gonna answer.

How's it going?

Sir, I think I just had the best day I've had on the job.

That's great, Joe.

It sounds like you're finally adapting to civilian life.

What happened?

Oh, it was great, sir.

First, we set up an L-shaped ambush to hit a rival company and steal their raccoon.

Well, technically, it was our raccoon that they stole, but we stole it back.

And then the worst guy here, he got fired. And I banged the HR rep again.

And then the double amputee female gang leader we stole the raccoon from,

she bowed up to me at the bar, and I fucked her and her entire gang up.

Every one of them is eating bloody chiclets right now.

Sounds like you're really taking my mentorship to heart, Joe.

- Every word, sir. - Do me a favor.

Just be careful not to fall into the seductive nature of the easy path.

What about anything I just told you sounded easy?

Oh, I don't know. Just shooting from the hip here.

You just knocked out a female double amputee

instead of walking away from a fight.

And if my math checks out, carry the two, you're sleeping with the HR rep

instead of going after the girl that you actually like.

She's with a better man than I, sir. Not gonna mess that up for her.

- Gotta go. - [call disconnects]

- [jazz music playing over speakers] - [sighs]

He never listens, Mr. Ducklesworth.

But do you know who he might listen to?

George Washingduck.

[ominous music playing]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[footsteps approaching]

? He stands strong ?

What?

"Parking reserved for Karen Underhill. Violators will be towed."

Uh, okay, what's going on? Why do I have my spot back?

Karico, listen, uh...

You know, the building committee met and we've reversed the decision.

But you are the committee, so...?

Karen, I'm not here to argue semantics, okay?

It's bad enough you've got to work in this tiny office,

driving a crossover, which is gross.

You know, somewhat related, Fuel has doubled its revenues this year.

I mean, I got so much money, I don't even know what to do with it all.

I might just dig a hole

and fill it back in just for the fun of it. [laughs]

Okay, okay, you know, I thought we were having a moment,

but obviously not.

Yeah. No, listen, have fun going back to being poor

and playing whatever games you call running a business.

Okay, you know, I've got a great game for you.

It's called "hide and go fuck yourself."

[Lucius] You know, you're turning into a real Karenzilla.

Am I afraid of being sunk to the bottom of the ocean?

[scoffs] No. Hell no!

And why? Because Fuel always floats to the top.

And baby, when I get there, I'm gonna set your whole damn world on fire.

[theme music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0